Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 94: How to Embrace Anxiety to Work for You

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94: How to Embrace Anxiety to Work for You · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: After watching Inside Out 2, anxiety has been the Disney princess or prince that everyone can relate to in the summer of 2024.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, as a millennial, we grew up thinking we needed to be like Belle or Cinderella.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, only grew up like anxiety.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: But just like Inside Out twos anxiety, it's not a bad thing.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Just unfortunately, we live in a society that embraces toxic positivity.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Any anxiety or negative feeling we have, we are taught to ignore it, to stuff it down.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: For example, it's like picking up and scrolling on our phones when we're feeling bad, or putting our headphones on and listening to music or a podcast episode, or going out and doing an intense workout.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I'll be honest, these three things I've done: scrolling on my phone, putting my headphones, listening to a podcast or song, doing intense workout, all my coping mechanisms for anxiety, which is not negative, but the thing is, if I had to be really honest with myself, am I facing what anxiety is here to teach me?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Look like joy and inside out too.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was extreme joy, like delusional.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: But the reality of ignoring anxiety, it will blow up somewhere, somehow.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it's happened to me, and maybe you could relate.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: For me, it was not being able to get out of my bed one night because I was so stressed.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was just sleeping the whole day.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Or a few years ago, remember I remember going to my doctor and they were sharing that I was on the cusp of having high blood pressure or might have to take medication.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or they're just, you know, when you have to, you know, do life like work, you know, normal daily activities where you're just so exhausted that you just can't do anything.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I am so thankful for doing EMDR therapy with internal family systems therapy with my therapist.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And just a reminder, because I know this episode's about anxiety.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I am not a therapist.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are feeling really anxious and you need further support, go to psychologytoday.com and you could find a therapist in your state or country, and you could even identify what type of therapist you want.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's specific like gender identity or ethnicity and race or a neurodivergency.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And here's a reason why I decided to record this podcast episode.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's because I've noticed from past conversations in the past couple of weeks with my clients and friends lately, including myself, feeling anxious.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I figured, you know what?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about it.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: But also let's talk about how we can embrace anxiety to help us rather than fear it.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: So in this episode, I want to talk about how anxiety can be embraced.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, mind you, not all aspects of anxiety are great.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's when you seek a therapist, but let's see what we could do about it.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I have five tips, five questions you can do when anxiety creeps up, but you're gonna have to listen to the whole episode.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's drop the beat.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Elaine Lucartas.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a business and career coach for women of color and allies.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Elaine Weekly awarded me the number one thought leader, and Apple News named me one of the top five business coaches.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Done doing the most as a woman of color or ally, and you want to create your own definition of success and happiness?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, grab your coffee tea or boba and let's do some business and career real talk.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety can be both good and bad.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's a spectrum like joy is.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to remind you that anxiety wants to protect you.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: For example, maybe you smell fire.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: That creates anxiety and you realize you need to run.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you saved your own life.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety can be good.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety also comes up in our daily life.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: For example, maybe you did a mistake in work.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Whoopsie, your boss or coworker talks to you about it.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: You apologize, it makes you feel anxious.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you are used to wanting to talk about it right away, but you know, you know, and I relate to this, it comes with an attitude.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, well, I didn't, I, yeah, I'm so sorry about it, but I didn't have all the information.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then you regret things.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: So at the moment, it's important to ask when you're feeling anxious and you're triggered about it.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: What do you have control over?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And when you have a conversation with someone, you could tell the other party, hey, let me take a breather and walk and get back to you on how I can fix this and make sure it doesn't happen again and go take a walk.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I need to do whenever I have a difficult conversation with someone, whether it is work or personal.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: This just actually happened with a client I've been working with.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: So he's an executive for this big international company.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And one of his goals was to improve his relationship with his team.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And what's interesting is he actually hits all his KPIs.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like he delivers results.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And if anything, he exceeds his results.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's just the soft skills, the communication.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And we identify that he needed to work on self-regulation.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: So whenever he receives an email or goes into meeting where he didn't receive good feedback, he actually now walks outside in his beautiful office that has a park to self-regulate and then goes back to work and has a conscious conversation.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe he received an email, even waiting a day to respond back.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So here's something I realize even myself that you can relate to.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, I am not a therapist and you might have a different experience, but unfortunately, how we grew up does affect how we communicate to others as an adult.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And when I was younger, see feedback got yelled at, there was always a feeling for me to be defensive.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that carried on as an adult for me.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's about retraining our brain on what to do in this, those situations.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, I'm mindful when I do get triggered, I work on these five powerful questions I ask myself when a trigger point or anxiety comes up.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: So you're gonna want to write down these five questions.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: If I go through it too quickly, go back and rewind, you know, the every 15 second button on your podcast.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you're driving, just quickly see where the timestamp is so you know exactly where to rewind it when you finally get home and you could write it down.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: So these are five questions to ask when anxiety shows up.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: One is, what can you learn from it?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what is it there to teach you?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: What have you been ignoring to ignore you?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: So that's number one.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Two, anxiety wants to protect you.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: So what are you feeling anxious about right now?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: See, the first step is awareness of what that anxiety is.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: So what are you feeling anxious about?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, at this moment, what do you have control over?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you're feeling anxious from this conversation you have with another individual.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, you cannot control that individual.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: You can control yourself, how you react, and what you can do.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, what can you do to calm yourself down?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: What's great is we've just had these Olympics, and you know, they're feeling anxious right before they perform.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: And we just saw Sunny Lee like having affirmations with herself.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like you could see her lips moving just before I was gonna hit record.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I am recording this on Sunday, and I was just watching the USA women's volleyball.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was like semi-quarters before quarters, and it was cute.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: They had a break, the two USA women partners like they were holding hands, they took a huge breath, they closed their eyes, they visualized.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know, like looking at the Olympics is just or watching the Olympics is just perfect to see how these high performing athletes deal with anxiety and what they do to calm themselves down.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, what can you do to calm yourself down?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: And number five, what's one baby step you can take to solve the problem?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think what makes us so anxious, like, oh, we need to solve this big mess.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: But like, okay, what is that one baby step you can do?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: So let's use this example with a client who I'm working with right now with these five questions I asked.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: I started working with a doctor who used to have a seven-figure practice.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And in the past two years, the revenue has decreased.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: They are scared to look at their numbers, which unfortunately happens with a lot of female business owners just because we weren't taught or educated and we didn't want to learn it, but they were scared to look at their numbers and they were getting anxiety about it.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I asked these five questions.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: I asked, I asked one of them, what can they learn from that, from the situation?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: They responded, I need to understand my numbers.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the second question I asked was, what anxiety wants to protect them from?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: They shared that they didn't want their numbers to show them that it is that they're failing.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I asked, what if numbers, just a follow-up in this specific situation, what if the numbers are there just to show you what you need to work on?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you'll learn what expenses to to delete.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Your numbers can show you where to focus on to do more revenue generating activities.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you get to go through each line in your line item for your PL report, do I need this or that?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Legacy leader.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I know what you're thinking.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Elaine, you have such good stuff here.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: I want more.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want more tips and advice for your business career in life, sign up for my gifts and gifts newsletter at elanelu.com forward slash join.
• 9:58
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• 10:00
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• 10:04
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• 10:05
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• 10:07
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• 10:11
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• 10:14
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• 10:24
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• 10:32
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• 10:44
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• 10:57
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• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's get back to the episode.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: And when going through these questions, I've had clients share, oh, yeah, I do have control over this.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I could start doing.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: It can get easy to avoid anxiety by just doing more work.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, well, I just need to make more money and going this hamster wheel of busyness.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: But I will tell you that the hard work, when it creeps up, right, it's actually not doing the busy work.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: The hard work is looking at what you need to work on, understanding the situation, problems, what's in your control, and start creating baby steps of what you can do to shift and change.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so much it is about like educating yourself.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: So the fourth question I asked my client is what they could do to calm themselves down when it comes to their numbers.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And they shared it's like breathing, moving their body.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because we know how anxiety just feels in our bodies.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety, like I shared earlier, is what Olympians feel before they perform this big event.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just thinking about that beautiful picture of Simone Biles meditating, her legs crossed, closing her eyes, and meditating before doing the vault to win a gold.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, what can you do with your body to calm down?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: And the last question I ask my clients is what is one baby step they can do to start solving the problem?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: And for this specific client, it was, okay, I need to reach out to my bookkeeper, get the PL reports first and ask about it.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I also also share, I'm going to record another podcast episode, but I have told my clients when they are having anxiety about their numbers and money and scared to ask their bookkeeper tax account.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, look, if you don't feel safe talking about numbers, you're not getting the information you want, fire them.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Find someone who's better that you could talk to.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Money numbers is an intimate relationship.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And anyone that's in your team when it comes to that helps you with your money and numbers needs to make you feel safe.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't, let them go.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, I'm digressing and giving a sneak peek on the next podcast episode, but let me stick to anxiety right now.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: So, as a reminder, I am not a licensed therapist.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: So if anxiety is feeling really extreme for you, and I think about like if you need further support, please seek a therapist.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can go to psychologytoday.com to look for therapists in your state or country and look at the options and settings to find a therapist that you feel aligned with.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Interview as much as you want to, because it's like dating, it's about finding the right fit.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: So just a reminder on the five questions when anxiety comes up, because it can actually be a good thing to help you change something in your life.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: So one is what can you learn from it?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Two, anxiety wants to protect you.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: So what are you feeling anxious about right now?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Three, at this moment, what do you have control over?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Four, what can you do to calm yourself down?
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Five, what is one baby step you can do to solve the problem?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And to give you some hope of when you face the anxiety, anxiety just creeping up.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just want to give you some updates on what's happened on those two clients I was sharing.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: The client who wanted to improve his relationship with this company, he just realized that there's just a it's just a toxic work environment and culture.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: He decided to leave.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: So just knowing sometimes ending a relationship, whether it's like a romantic relationship or even work, is a good solution.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: It may and may not be the solution you thought was gonna happen.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I always tell my clients, be unattached to how you're going to get the solution or result.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: It might be something you may not have expected.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then the doctor who wants to learn more about their numbers, we're just starting.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: So now they are gaining clarity about their numbers or they know where to cut and focus on to get more clients and how to systemize things in their practice.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: So anxiety can be good.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: I remind people it's like when we were teenagers or kids, when we had a bad feeling about a friend or an ex, but we didn't listen to our guts.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety can be that intuitive sidekick telling you what you need to work on or let go of to help you be whole, to be yourself.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if you need further support to create a more sustainable business career in life, then schedule a complimentary coaching call with me to see if it's a good fit to work together at elanelu.com forward slash call.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's e-l-a-i-n-e l-o-.com forward slash call.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: I hope this episode has helped calm you down and embrace anxiety.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, anxiety helps us to see what we need to work on if we give ourselves time to listen to ourselves.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And if you need further support, please find a therapist that is aligned to you by going to psychologytoday.com.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if you found this episode helpful, here are four things you can do if you feel called to do them.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, if you could leave a five-star rating interview, that would mean a lot to me and my team.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: We create this podcast for accessible education for women of color and allies like you.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Each episode takes about four hours to create.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Takes me one hour to prep and another 30 minutes to one hour to record.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Then my team spends another two hours to edit and market.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: And number two, because I care about accessible education, share this with a friend who is just feeling anxious.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: This might help them embrace anxiety and get more calm.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Three, don't forget to hit that follow button and subscribe button because when you do, it lets the podcast platform you're listening to right now let other podcast listeners like you know about it.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you need support in your career or business and you're interested in working with me, then schedule an introductory legacy, business, and career review call with me.
• 17:04
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• 17:10
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• 17:19
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