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The things I struggle with most right now · SAY GRACE | Weight Loss + Health for Overwhelmed Women- Stress, Busy, Consistency, Realistic, Motivation, Starting Over, No Restrictions

• 0:40
  All right, y'all. We are back on the pod.
• 0:43
  Yes, we missed some time here.
• 0:46
  And y'all, it's just what happens when we have got a challenge enrollment.
• 0:50
  It's like all hands on deck.
• 0:52
  And my family had been on like a fall break vacation prior to that. So I was already behind.
• 0:58
  So anyway, I know y'all was missing me for a little bit, but we are back.
• 1:03
  And I will say we've got a really great lineup for the rest of the year.
• 1:06
  Like I've got some super fun topics and guests coming down the line.
• 1:12
  So I'm really excited about that. And so I did need something for today.
• 1:15
  And I will say, I just thought, okay, I'm just going to do this one.
• 1:20
  I was actually inspired by a business mentor of mine.
• 1:24
  She did one, she did an episode on her podcast that was very similar to this recently.
• 1:31
  And I loved it so much. And I appreciated it so much just as a working mom,
• 1:38
  a mom who owns her own business, a mom who experienced a lot of the same things
• 1:42
  that she described experiencing.
• 1:44
  And so also, I don't think it's any, you know, alarm to anyone,
• 1:49
  but like I am here because the Lord put me here.
• 1:52
  Like this is, this is my, my mission field, you know what I mean?
• 1:56
  And so he and I, we've had a lot of long conversations over the years.
• 2:00
  And one of my biggest commitments was.
• 2:04
  To this beautiful business that he has just unrolled for me over the years is to continue to.
• 2:12
  Speak in a way that helps other people,
• 2:15
  you know, so like, even if it is embarrassing or tender for me,
• 2:21
  I am determined to push past that so that I can, you know, help,
• 2:28
  help, like, so that I can be, do the kingdom work, right?
• 2:31
  So that I can help others because I believe that's what the Lord put me here for.
• 2:36
  And so this one is not my comfort zone, obviously, right? And you will see that as we get going here.
• 2:42
  I like to be the one that gets on here and tells you how it's done, right?
• 2:46
  I like to be the one that, you know, drives it home and all of that.
• 2:50
  And so today, I'm just going to share like some things that,
• 2:54
  you know, I struggle with.
• 2:56
  Like to this day, I think some of them will surprise you.
• 2:59
  I think some of them will not if you are an avid listener and even if you're a client.
• 3:05
  But I think it's just important to kind of lay it all out there because one
• 3:08
  thing, if there is one thing I have noticed about this day and age,
• 3:11
  y'all, it's that, yeah, we're more connected than ever, right?
• 3:14
  Like we've got the ability to see, like if you upload where you're at on vacation,
• 3:19
  baby, I can see it in one minute, you know, and it's like I'm there with you.
• 3:23
  Like we are so connected, but then we are also so far apart.
• 3:28
  Like no one is getting into the real stuff.
• 3:33
  And so it makes us feel so alone, you know, when in reality,
• 3:37
  because I work with so many women, y'all, it is wild. You can ask my PFM Plus ladies.
• 3:42
  I'm saying, they're saying, you know, unloading on me and telling me of all
• 3:47
  their struggles and they're like, something's wrong with me.
• 3:49
  I'm like, baby, I had five other ones talk the same way this week.
• 3:54
  You know, like we are all so much alike, but we are not slowing down and taking
• 4:00
  the time to hear the other person, you know, or the other person is not being
• 4:06
  bold enough to share, you know.
• 4:09
  So I think it's really important for us to just know that, that we are not alone.
• 4:13
  And also, it is not lost on me that people come to me for a goal, right?
• 4:20
  Like they got a goal in mind when they sign up and check out with Perfect Fit Nutrition, right?
• 4:24
  Like you listen to these podcasts usually with a goal in mind.
• 4:29
  And a lot of times we tell ourselves that when we reach said goal,
• 4:36
  then these specific problems, whatever they are, will go away, right?
• 4:42
  Like maybe the insecurity about your body or your lack of feeling worthy, right?
• 4:50
  Or your inability to, you know, put yourself out there and make friends and stuff like that.
• 4:56
  And so we tell ourselves that the world is going to magically change for us
• 5:00
  if we just reach that goal.
• 5:01
  And of course, in my space, it's usually weight loss, right?
• 5:04
  And part of it, this is, I believe this to my core, part of the reason that
• 5:10
  we see people like regain weight a lot in the weight loss space is because they get to that point.
• 5:17
  And yeah, they're proud and they have smaller clothes and it's something to, you know, holler about.
• 5:21
  But all those deep internal struggles did not change.
• 5:25
  You know, like nothing changed. You know, you still found yourself feeling a type of way.
• 5:32
  And so then it felt hopeless, right? Like we were so motivated,
• 5:35
  so driven because we thought, oh, this is going to solve all our problems.
• 5:40
  And so then when we don't, it's like, what do we do from here?
• 5:43
  And even still, like I've done so much self-work over the past few years and
• 5:48
  my mentor has been on me, you know, constantly.
• 5:52
  He's like, Constance, just because we are getting off this call today does not
• 5:56
  mean that you have solved it.
• 5:58
  Like it doesn't mean that it's fixed you know because I'm
• 6:00
  constantly seeking the answer I want it to be fixed
• 6:03
  and so I want to you know do the work and and see that the effort pay off you
• 6:09
  know like that and then wipe that off my to-do list like you never have to think
• 6:13
  about that again and it's just not how it works y'all it's just not how self-work
• 6:16
  in general works right like I can't just like you can't you can't.
• 6:22
  The heart, hello, we talk about this all the time, you can't hardcore diet just
• 6:27
  to lose weight, reach your goal weight, and then be skinny the rest of your life, right?
• 6:33
  Without what that continuous work, you still have to pay attention to what you're
• 6:38
  eating day in and day out. You can't quit your exercise.
• 6:41
  You got, I mean, you know, you still got to do all the things.
• 6:43
  And so it's very much the same for a lot of people's struggles,
• 6:48
  you know, like, I think we all have different struggles for a reason.
• 6:51
  And, you know, it's like the thorn for each of us. And I believe,
• 6:55
  you know, it is meant to like draw us closer to the Lord and we can't just forget
• 7:00
  about them, you know, or else they come right back.
• 7:02
  So anyway, that was a little rant. I will say over.
• 7:06
  Over the past specifically just few years, you know, I believe these struggles
• 7:13
  that I'm about to lay out, they've been around. They've been around since.
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  They ain't nothing new, okay? But I will say the difference between now and
• 7:23
  just a few years ago is that I am learning how to not let them drive the bus, okay?
• 7:29
  I am learning how to not let these specific struggles make or break my day, okay?
• 7:37
  Control how I feel about the day, okay?
• 7:41
  Or I'm learning how to not let the thoughts about these certain struggles completely
• 7:46
  flood my brain, you know, and take over, okay?
• 7:49
  And I'm learning how to not let the emotions that are automatically going to
• 7:54
  come up about these struggles, right?
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  I'm learning how to not allow them to dictate my actions or my inactions.
• 8:04
  Especially in areas that they don't even apply, you know what I mean?
• 8:08
  And so that I think has been so beautiful for me.
• 8:12
  And I will tell you, again, Jess is going to come on here soon.
• 8:15
  We may have him here before Christmas, but I think if he was sitting right here with me, he would say,
• 8:21
  That is the biggest change he has seen in me is that, yeah, his wife still got anxiety.
• 8:28
  You know, his wife still struggles, right?
• 8:30
  But the fact that I don't let it consume me as deeply and for as long is the
• 8:40
  absolute game changer because obviously you talk about those things,
• 8:45
  but that it creates a sense of like chaos, you know, in the person, right?
• 8:51
  Like I'm sure you all have somebody in your life who's just constantly talking
• 8:55
  about all their problems, right?
• 8:56
  And it's like, you want to help them, you want to solve it, but my God,
• 8:59
  they just follow it up with another problem, you know?
• 9:01
  And so like, it's consuming them.
• 9:05
  And so that creates this vibe, this aura of like.
• 9:11
  You know, chaos. And so I think that's the one thing that he would say is that
• 9:17
  like my vibe is a little more peaceful, you know, not to say the struggles aren't
• 9:23
  still there, but my vibe is just a little more peaceful.
• 9:25
  And so I do, I want, I hope that's encouragement for you guys.
• 9:29
  If you are coming to my retreat in January, we are going to do some work in
• 9:33
  this area because if you are walking around as a total chaotic mess 24-7 because
• 9:39
  you can't manage your emotions,
• 9:41
  you can't control your thoughts or your thoughts are actually controlling you, right?
• 9:46
  Like if that is what is happening, obviously your health is not going to be top-notch.
• 9:52
  Obviously you're not going to be able to put the priority on certain things
• 9:56
  for your health that you otherwise, you know, might have the brain space for,
• 10:01
  the bandwidth for, right?
• 10:03
  So that was just my intro, but we are going to go ahead and get into it.
• 10:09
  So I'm just going to start listing them out. So some things that I still struggle
• 10:13
  with, y'all, that I am truly working on daily.
• 10:16
  And so the first one, this is one that I'm like, oh, that may be a surprise,
• 10:20
  I may not, is overstimulation and distraction.
• 10:24
  Y'all, I have, since I was young, I've prided myself in multitasking.
• 10:29
  Like to me, I'm an achiever, you know, it is in my bones.
• 10:33
  And so achievers, you know, multitasking sounds like achievement, right?
• 10:38
  Because it's like, oh, I got more done in less time and all,
• 10:41
  you know, all the things. Okay.
• 10:43
  But I also shut down when I'm multitasking.
• 10:47
  So it is, it is insane how I will like set myself up to multitask.
• 10:52
  And then when I'm mid-multitasked,
• 10:56
  I get so overstimulated, so overwhelmed. I like cannot handle it.
• 11:01
  You know, somebody usually gets snapped on and it's essentially something that
• 11:04
  I've created for myself, right?
• 11:06
  Like one, one thing I do, y'all, I will, I will try to cook dinner and try to
• 11:10
  help Sarah Mason with her homework. Okay.
• 11:13
  And if I'm lucky, I'll even be trying to have like a catch up.
• 11:16
  How was your day conversation with Jess?
• 11:19
  And it's like, why? Oh, and my phone is nearby. So I'm like answering people,
• 11:24
  you know? And so I, and then we wonder why I like explode, right?
• 11:30
  And so multitasking is something that I truly lately, I hate that I do.
• 11:36
  And, but it is just so second nature to me that it is really,
• 11:40
  really hard to stop. And so because of that, I get really overstimulated.
• 11:43
  Also, like, even if I'm not physically multitasking, I'm mentally multitasking.
• 11:48
  So like, we'll be in the car on the way to a soccer game.
• 11:52
  The music's on. The kids are playing in the back. Jess is talking to me.
• 11:57
  My phone is dinged, like whatever.
• 11:59
  And then, you know, I'll have to, somebody has to stop. You know,
• 12:03
  I'm like, okay, Jess, I didn't hear what you said. Or kids, can y'all please be quiet?
• 12:06
  You know, and it's like, there is so much noise inside my brain, right?
• 12:13
  And so there's noise outside my brain and inside my brain.
• 12:16
  And it's like, I can't handle it all. Now, I will say, I have put,
• 12:20
  my phone lives on silent and all my notifications are shut off and I love all
• 12:26
  my friends or the few clients that have my phone number that don't use it,
• 12:31
  you know, at inappropriate times.
• 12:32
  Like, I'm so thankful for you guys, but like, I do protect my time a lot more
• 12:36
  now, but now it's just me. I'm just like, why are you picking up your phone?
• 12:41
  Nothing, like, there's no sound on it. Nothing dings. So what makes you think
• 12:45
  you need to pick up your phone right now and see if you have a text message?
• 12:48
  You know, like it's a me thing.
• 12:49
  I actually just ordered something. It hasn't come in yet. It's called a brick.
• 12:52
  And I'm hoping this is actually going to help me a little bit with...
• 12:56
  Struggle. I think it is safe to say, though, that I think I've mentioned this
• 13:01
  here before, but I am diagnosed ADHD.
• 13:04
  I got diagnosed as a young adult, but I am unmedicated.
• 13:09
  So I do not like the way the medication feels.
• 13:13
  I have tried some natural stuff that has helped, you know, in the past,
• 13:16
  but I think that just comes with it, right?
• 13:19
  And, you know, I'm doing my best to kind of manage it. And I will say I've gotten
• 13:24
  so much better over the years. But yeah, I stay overstimulated.
• 13:27
  And with that comes distraction, right?
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  So like, I think they go hand in hand.
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  And so it is, it has never failed.
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  I will set out to do anything and everything else than that one top thing that's
• 13:41
  on my to-do list for the day.
• 13:42
  You know, like you have that one thing that's been working on you and you're
• 13:46
  like feeling kind of stressed because it's not done and it's at the top of your
• 13:49
  to-do list. And like, I will find everything else to do first,
• 13:54
  you know, and so that's purposeful distraction, right?
• 13:57
  But I can also do it, you know, just, we'll be out at lunch and Jess will be
• 14:01
  like, are you listening to me? Are you listening to those people behind you?
• 14:03
  You know, like I just, I get so easily distracted by other things,
• 14:08
  but that leads to the overstimulation, right?
• 14:11
  That leads to the overwhelm and the anxiety.
• 14:14
  And so again, it's something that I truly struggle with and I battle every single
• 14:18
  day. I will tell you, I've talked about my morning routine on here,
• 14:22
  and that has really helped.
• 14:25
  I just feel more grounded in my day. If I take a minute in the morning,
• 14:28
  obviously, and spend time with the Lord, I meditate, like I am purposely carving
• 14:34
  out that time for myself instead of waking up to all the chatter, right?
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  Like instead of waking up, looking at my phone, having my kids ask for breakfast,
• 14:44
  you know, just having the TV on, like I get up before everybody and it's early
• 14:48
  and sometimes I don't want to, you know, but I get up and I just take that time
• 14:53
  for myself to really get grounded.
• 14:55
  And usually I spend just a few minutes kind of like mentally saying,
• 14:59
  okay, what do I have down the line today?
• 15:01
  Like, what are the things coming
• 15:02
  today so that I can go ahead and start wrapping my head around that?
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  You know, what are my priorities? And I've got, I also, I also realize about
• 15:11
  myself that I'm much more productive in the morning.
• 15:14
  And so that's when I do try to, you know, do the things that I would otherwise avoid.
• 15:19
  Because if, if it's something I would avoid and I, and I don't get it done in
• 15:23
  the morning, oh baby, it ain't happening until tomorrow.
• 15:25
  You know what I mean? So also giving up caffeine was super helpful with this.
• 15:30
  And I think that's just an anxiety thing, but somehow giving up caffeine has
• 15:35
  allowed me to be a little more mellow a little less like,
• 15:39
  jittery and so in turn it doesn't feel like everything is so urgent and demanding
• 15:45
  for my attention you know what I mean okay so I just realized that my mic was
• 15:52
  not hooked up correctly so if I sound different now that is because we got better
• 15:56
  sound quality amen all right so this next one,
• 16:00
  I think it might surprise some of you only because I am, I'm a very social person.
• 16:06
  Like I love, I love to talk to people. I love, you know, I love to help people.
• 16:12
  I love to interact with people.
• 16:14
  But, but one thing that I really struggle with at this specific point in my life is friendships.
• 16:21
  I think for a little while, I think there's actually like lots of reasons for
• 16:26
  the friendship struggle,
• 16:28
  I think for a little while, put my head down and was like way too,
• 16:34
  or I told myself I was way too busy to grow friendships, okay?
• 16:41
  And so I think that's actually just been over the past few years where I'm just
• 16:45
  like, I've got two kids, a business, like I don't have time to like pour into friendships.
• 16:52
  Relationships, right? And I think prior to that, I will be just totally honest.
• 17:01
  I am so envious of like people who post, you know, pictures with a group of
• 17:07
  girlfriends and they're like, you know, high school besties now celebrating
• 17:10
  our 40th birthdays together or whatever. Like I am so envious of that.
• 17:14
  But like who I was in high school is not who I am now.
• 17:19
  You know, I have changed so so radically and
• 17:23
  so those friendships not saying those
• 17:26
  people haven't changed you know for the better as well you know but like those
• 17:29
  friendships did not stick because I think we were just all on our own path to
• 17:36
  changing and and becoming different people right and so just the friendships
• 17:40
  drifted and so you know I used to have a really great close friendship group but like,
• 17:46
  distance change, like priorities change, like there just are things that cause us to drift apart.
• 17:55
  And so then I found myself in my 30s, like, wait a minute, you know,
• 17:59
  what kind of friends do I want?
• 18:01
  I want friends that are aligned. You know, I want friends that I feel comfortable.
• 18:06
  Going out to dinner with on a Friday without feeling like I have to have,
• 18:09
  you know, multiple dreams,
• 18:11
  but also friends that will like pray over me when I am able to be completely
• 18:18
  vulnerable and have that like express my struggles with them.
• 18:23
  Right. And so I've just kind of, I've kind of had a hard time like finding those people.
• 18:28
  I will say that I have a few really, really great friends. And one of them you've
• 18:32
  heard me talk about on this podcast often is my neighbor.
• 18:35
  Right. And I think God like put her as my neighbor for a reason,
• 18:40
  because I am very, I'm very good at like being too busy.
• 18:43
  You know, I'm like, oh, we can't make it. We're too busy. You know, I'm very good at that.
• 18:47
  And she's like, I'm your neighbor and you're coming over and we're having dinner.
• 18:51
  You know what I mean? She's always like, this is what we're going to do.
• 18:54
  You know, and so I'm so thankful for that. And she is like my best friend in
• 18:57
  the whole world because we have established that closeness that is just really,
• 19:03
  really hard to find if you're not working on it, right?
• 19:07
  Like if you're not, when you are a mom and a business owner and all these things,
• 19:11
  and I mean, I do, I really love my husband too, y'all. Like.
• 19:14
  And that's a struggle too. Like when we get, when Jess and I are like,
• 19:17
  let's go on a vacation or let's go, let's get a babysitter.
• 19:20
  We're like, let's just go by ourselves. Cause we just don't,
• 19:25
  we just like each other so much, you know, that we just, that is so funny, but like,
• 19:30
  you know, we, we just want to be together, you know, not necessarily like with a whole group.
• 19:35
  So anyway, I also feel like locally, you know, people do, you know,
• 19:41
  know me like as the weight loss coach. And sometimes I feel like that can make
• 19:46
  me like unapproachable, you know what I mean?
• 19:49
  And so, and also on that same flip of the coin, like because I am a weight loss coach,
• 19:55
  right, I do struggle to connect deeply with like random people because I do
• 20:00
  feel like I spend a lot of my days in these surface level connections.
• 20:05
  I feel like I am the one that is supposed to be solving the problems.
• 20:09
  I am the one that is here to help you.
• 20:12
  You know what I mean? And so for a long time, and this was even before the business,
• 20:16
  for a long, long time, people pleasing meant friendship to me.
• 20:22
  You know, like if everyone around me was happy and everyone felt served and
• 20:28
  everyone, you know, I felt like, oh, we're friends.
• 20:31
  You know what I mean? And so I'm still trying to navigate through that,
• 20:35
  like how to still feel confident in of friendship, even if I let that other person down, right?
• 20:41
  Like even if I can't make it to the birthday party or whatever it is,
• 20:45
  like how to still feel like, okay, they don't hate me. You know what I mean?
• 20:48
  And so again, that's like some deep rooted stuff that I have definitely been working through.
• 20:52
  And it's definitely like a perfectionism type thing in me.
• 20:58
  But yeah, it is at, again, I am so blessed. And I think, I think part of it too is.
• 21:03
  When I was young, I thought the more friends, the better, right?
• 21:07
  Like I wanted to be surrounded by friends and have all these people.
• 21:11
  And like, if you have ever been that way, then you, then you know that like
• 21:16
  a huge friend group can usually mean a lot more drama.
• 21:20
  You know, like I have a client this week that is just dealing with so much drama from grown women.
• 21:26
  And I'm like, oh my gosh, you know and so that
• 21:30
  but that was my mentality about friendships for so
• 21:33
  long and now I do just have like such a
• 21:36
  small like close-knit like core
• 21:40
  group of friends that I am so
• 21:42
  lucky and I am so blessed but sometimes I'm like wait where's all my
• 21:45
  friends like where's all my people that I'm so used to
• 21:48
  having around me you know but again I could do
• 21:51
  a much better job of it's not
• 21:54
  like people are trying to be my friend and I'm like or it's not
• 21:56
  like I'm trying to be people's friend and you know they're like we don't like
• 21:59
  you you know it's it's me it's like will only allow myself
• 22:02
  to go so far before I start you know getting overstimulated honestly and overwhelmed
• 22:09
  with the friendship and then just kind of being like okay I got to take a break
• 22:12
  you know mentally and it has nothing to do with that person it's just again
• 22:15
  I feel like friendship equals helping people and pleasing people.
• 22:19
  And so if I don't have the capacity for that because I've got enough on my plate
• 22:25
  and in my life, it can just be a struggle for me.
• 22:28
  So that is one really big thing that I'm struggling with and just praying about
• 22:32
  and also trying to just find comfort and peace in that I am in a season of my
• 22:37
  life where it's not gonna look the way it looked when I was in college.
• 22:41
  It's not gonna look the way it looked when I was in high school.
• 22:43
  I got a lot of other things on my plate. You know what I mean? So then with that...
• 22:48
  One thing that I do still struggle with and I work on absolutely daily is insecurity.
• 22:53
  Y'all, and lately, this is kind of funny. And I don't know, you may understand,
• 22:58
  you know, but lately it's been around my age.
• 23:02
  Like I'm 38 and you would think that I'm 88. The way that I'm just like,
• 23:06
  oh my gosh, I'm getting older.
• 23:08
  And you know, how old is she? And how old do I look?
• 23:11
  You know, like it is so ridiculous.
• 23:14
  But it is. It's something that has really bubbled up for me lately.
• 23:17
  And I will say I am again like I said I love people
• 23:20
  I am so social like I love to be in a social
• 23:23
  setting for just a little while and then I love to come home just by myself
• 23:26
  with my husband and my kids but love to
• 23:30
  be around people right but even still sometimes I can walk in a room and immediately
• 23:34
  feel like insecure you know and I will say it's gotten that that piece has actually
• 23:39
  gotten a little worse as I have you know continued this business and and do
• 23:45
  feel like you know a lot of our local people have have done my program at one point or another.
• 23:50
  And so sometimes I feel like Pat, like people who have been past clients or,
• 23:56
  Or, you know, people that, you know, I used to talk to regularly as clients,
• 24:00
  you know, now they avoid me in public.
• 24:03
  And so I know deep down it's usually because, like, they've got their own shame
• 24:07
  because they, like, you know, may have regained their weight or they may have
• 24:11
  just, you know, hopped off the program or whatever.
• 24:14
  But I immediately think, like, oh, they don't like me or there's something wrong
• 24:19
  with the program or, you know, like, I immediately go there with this level of insecurity, right?
• 24:25
  And so that is something that, y'all, that is one of those things I was talking
• 24:29
  about at the beginning where like if we allow ourselves to just constantly dwell
• 24:32
  there and like let our brain keep telling us that story over and over again,
• 24:37
  well, we will believe it.
• 24:38
  You know, like we will become what we tell ourselves.
• 24:41
  And so it's really something that I have to come up against and be like,
• 24:44
  no, she just, you know, busy, didn't see me, like maybe feels like I'm unapproachable.
• 24:50
  You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. but like I know deep beyond there's
• 24:53
  no reason for for her to hate me you know what I mean so you have to come up
• 24:58
  against those lies with with the truths you know and so with that on that same
• 25:04
  insecurity line body confidence y'all is still one thing that I struggle with and again,
• 25:10
  As I age, I feel like it's just, you know, I'm like, oh, wait,
• 25:13
  is my butt getting saggy?
• 25:14
  You know, just like all the things that we all, I think all women do,
• 25:19
  you know, but it has become, you know, I will say I have come a very long way in this.
• 25:26
  I think I've talked about on this podcast before how I will stand in the mirror
• 25:29
  or I used to stand in the mirror and just like say horrible things about myself
• 25:33
  out loud to Jess, like just how fat I was and how, and again,
• 25:38
  here's the, here's the reminder.
• 25:39
  I have been the same, pretty much the same size my whole life other than being pregnant. Okay.
• 25:43
  And so I would just degrade myself, like looking at my body and pick my body apart. Right.
• 25:53
  But that I really, I started that whole, I've talked about here,
• 25:57
  like I started the, you know, changing the way I think, practice and really
• 26:01
  like stopping those negative thoughts inside my head.
• 26:03
  And so that has, that has radically changed my life over the past,
• 26:07
  probably 10 years. You know, that's when I when I really started working on
• 26:10
  the mindset piece was about 10 years ago.
• 26:12
  But even still, you know, I can still find myself looking in the mirror and
• 26:18
  finding something to speak negatively about. I'll tell you, the number one thing is my arms.
• 26:22
  I just do not like my arms. I feel like if my arms were skinnier,
• 26:25
  I would just look so much better in every single picture I take.
• 26:28
  You know, like I just my arms are one thing that I do not love. And I will say that.
• 26:33
  It's magnified during weeks that maybe I didn't get to the gym as much or during
• 26:38
  weeks that I let myself have two donuts instead of one or, you know what I mean?
• 26:42
  It's magnified in my brain there. And I noticed this in my clients too.
• 26:46
  Like my PFM Plus ladies, when they are verbally down on themselves and like saying it out loud to me,
• 26:54
  it's so aligned with they also were not able to be on their top-notch food and
• 26:59
  exercise game this week for whatever reason, you know?
• 27:03
  And so I just do I want to like say here though this is proof that no amount
• 27:07
  of weight loss is going to make you speak kindly to yourself right like I'm
• 27:10
  at my normal always forever,
• 27:15
  you know weight that I have been I have you know I have struggled with this when I was.
• 27:22
  Young and strong and had visible muscles and had not breastfed two kids like
• 27:27
  that's when I was saying these negative things about myself, right?
• 27:30
  And so now, I mean, my body is a lot softer.
• 27:33
  My boobs are not as, you know, beautiful and perky, right?
• 27:37
  And so I will say it's a lot better than it was back then.
• 27:41
  And so it's like, you just have to make up your mind to speak kindly to yourself,
• 27:46
  right? And you have to make up your mind to do it right now.
• 27:48
  Like you can't, you know, you can't say I'm gonna just, you know,
• 27:51
  dump on myself today, and then I'm gonna figure out my life tomorrow.
• 27:54
  Like, no, you change that thought right now, you know?
• 27:57
  And so another thing that I really struggle with is letting people down.
• 28:02
  And I think I kind of hit on this already with the people pleasing.
• 28:06
  Like y'all, it is just my knee jerk reaction to fix it. And if it,
• 28:12
  If you've ever spoken to me in person, you know that, or, you know,
• 28:15
  or if you've ever spoken to me over DMs, you know that I'm always like,
• 28:18
  okay, here's what we're going to do.
• 28:20
  You know what I mean? It is my knee jerk reaction to fix it.
• 28:23
  And so the deal is, is I encounter so many people each day and like,
• 28:28
  if I were going to fix everything for everyone, there would be no room left
• 28:31
  for me or my family and talk about the level of overstimulation and,
• 28:35
  you know, overwhelm that I would have.
• 28:37
  And so over time, as I have grown a family, right, and as I have had to run
• 28:45
  a home without my husband here sometimes because he's out of town.
• 28:49
  Right, as other things personally, like my parents and my sisters and a lot
• 28:56
  of my family members like do not live super close.
• 29:00
  And so sometimes like no we can't
• 29:03
  make the 40 minute drive to have dinner with
• 29:06
  you guys on a Wednesday night you know like there so just as
• 29:09
  I have evolved in life right I have
• 29:13
  had to learn how to be okay with letting people down but
• 29:17
  it still kills my soul so I'm
• 29:21
  okay on the forefront right like on the outside
• 29:24
  you think Constance does not care that she said no
• 29:27
  she can't do that right but inside I am absolutely dying
• 29:31
  because it is so against my
• 29:34
  nature of who I am and I think I'm the oldest of both
• 29:38
  my parents children I have an older half-sister but I'm the oldest of like my
• 29:42
  mom's kids and I'm the oldest of who was in our household my whole life and
• 29:46
  so I think that's part of it like as that's the older sibling thing where it's
• 29:50
  just like you you you you gotta you know because I see it in Sarah Maitland
• 29:54
  she cannot let people down she does not want to you know,
• 29:58
  she doesn't want anyone to like not have what they need and not be able to be
• 30:03
  helped and all the things and so I think you know she doesn't want anybody to
• 30:06
  be mad at her you know um and so this is something again that like I think I
• 30:12
  hit my breaking point when was this like hmm.
• 30:16
  Four or five years ago, maybe, I hit my absolute breaking point,
• 30:19
  just of trying to people please trying to do all the things trying to be everywhere.
• 30:24
  And it, it just wore me out.
• 30:27
  It wrecked me, you know, and so I just had to start doing this.
• 30:31
  I read books, I talked to my therapist, you know, and so it's still not easy.
• 30:36
  I will say we actually just came off of a school fundraiser,
• 30:40
  which I am usually very involved in very, very, very involved in y'all. I did not do a thing.
• 30:47
  Like I did not go to, I mean, I helped on the front end a little bit,
• 30:51
  but I did not go to one like decorating or set up or anything.
• 30:55
  And I felt so horrible about it. But I already, like I said,
• 30:57
  my plate was already full that week.
• 30:59
  Jess wasn't here, was getting ready for the challenge launch.
• 31:02
  Like I had no room for it. And so I had to make a choice not to absolutely gas
• 31:10
  myself just to people please, right?
• 31:13
  Just to not let, you know, other people down when they had help anyway, you know?
• 31:18
  Okay, another thing that I really struggle with is, this is nutrition-based,
• 31:25
  it is quickly grabbing non-nutritious foods.
• 31:30
  Okay, I know y'all are gasping right now.
• 31:32
  So I talk about it all the time.
• 31:36
  Don't leave, you know, cookies out on the counter. Don't leave candy where you can see it.
• 31:40
  Like don't leave food out that you can just easily go grab, you know,
• 31:44
  as you're walking by because that is not, you haven't thought that through.
• 31:49
  You haven't, you know...
• 31:52
  You aren't aware of what you're doing. And so I will tell you that even still
• 31:56
  do this, especially in the afternoon when I am hungry, y'all,
• 32:00
  I will, I will be hungry, like hungry, like I need a snack, like I need an apple with peanut butter.
• 32:05
  I need a protein shake. I need something that's going to keep me full, right?
• 32:09
  I will just like multiple times walk in the pantry, grab a handful of pretzels, walk out.
• 32:15
  Hungry 15 minutes later, walk in the pantry, grab a handful full of pretzels
• 32:19
  walk out instead of like sitting down and making a snack that actually like
• 32:24
  will fill me up. You know what I mean?
• 32:26
  Or sometimes it's something sweet. Right now we got this Halloween candy out
• 32:30
  and I'm like, oh my gosh, if I grab one more Twix, you know,
• 32:33
  when I'm hungry, you know, instead of grabbing something that's feeling and
• 32:38
  good and will hold me till dinner.
• 32:39
  No, I'm just grabbing little, little snacky things.
• 32:42
  And so I think that just has to do with lack of planning, right?
• 32:46
  Like I don't just have the things on hand that I probably need to have on hand lately.
• 32:50
  I'll blame HelloFresh for that because my grocery store game has been off because
• 32:55
  I have been counting on HelloFresh to send me my dinner ingredients,
• 32:59
  but also just busy, you know, busy.
• 33:02
  I don't have, I don't have things because I'm busy, you know what I mean?
• 33:05
  And so I do, I am bowing to myself though to get it together,
• 33:09
  to get some good snacks in here so that I will stop doing that,
• 33:12
  but that does come and go very, very periodically.
• 33:15
  And I definitely know that around the holiday time, it will rear its ugly head again.
• 33:21
  Another thing that I struggle with is the fear of the unknown.
• 33:25
  This one is probably, again, if you were to ask Jess, if he was to sit in here,
• 33:29
  he would say this is the one we as like a married couple struggle with the most
• 33:34
  because I sometimes will just be irrational.
• 33:37
  You know, I'm like, but what if the house catches on fire? And you know, whatever.
• 33:43
  And so I just, again, I like that control. I like to feel prepared.
• 33:49
  Don't like to feel blindsided. And so the reality is though, that like.
• 33:56
  I know nothing, you know, I know nothing about tomorrow.
• 34:00
  I know, I know nothing, you know, and so while I find peace in that as a believer,
• 34:08
  you know, because I thank goodness it's not me that's, that's knowing it all
• 34:12
  and doing it all. It's, it's, it's God.
• 34:15
  At the same time, there's like this little anxiety in me all the time.
• 34:18
  I'm like, God, you just don't want to let me know. Let me know now so I can
• 34:20
  make sure like my gas, my, my truck's got gas in it.
• 34:23
  You know, I got a pantry stock full of food, you know, let me know,
• 34:28
  do I need to plan to take off work that day? Like whatever it is, you know?
• 34:32
  And so I just sometimes really struggle with, I'll let my brain go to the worst.
• 34:36
  Like, well, what if, you know, just truly the worst things you can think of, that's where I go.
• 34:42
  And I can ruminate on them if I let myself. And so again, this is one of those
• 34:45
  things where I've really come a long way and that's surrender, right?
• 34:49
  Like the only way you can come out from that bondage is surrender,
• 34:52
  like full-on surrender.
• 34:54
  And so I'm so thankful for that. And I'm so thankful for the Lord,
• 34:57
  like working in me on that.
• 34:59
  But yeah, it still kind of bubbles up sometimes, especially at night, y'all.
• 35:02
  Like, gosh, if I wake up in the middle of the night, it's over.
• 35:05
  You're going to find me there thinking about who knows what, you know?
• 35:10
  I do think, you know, I always try to come back to reminding myself that like.
• 35:17
  Whatever it is, you know, whatever it is that happens, like the Lord will be there through it.
• 35:23
  And so I think there are so many times in my life that he has proven that to
• 35:28
  me, you know, like every hard, I told this to a friend the other day,
• 35:32
  you know, as hard as my miscarriage was before having glory and as hard as like,
• 35:41
  as how, as much fear as I had through like some of the complications when I
• 35:44
  was pregnant with glory.
• 35:45
  And then of course, just the fear of like, am I going to lose this baby too?
• 35:49
  You know, like all that fear.
• 35:52
  I look back on that time and all like now, of course, in hindsight,
• 35:56
  all I feel is peace because like God was so close to me during that time,
• 36:03
  right? Like, I mean, so close to me.
• 36:05
  And so I was telling a friend the other day, I'm like, sometimes I'm really
• 36:08
  jealous of that version of me, of that part of me that got that part of God
• 36:15
  in those times. You know what I mean?
• 36:17
  And so that is what I do. I find so much comfort in that, knowing that,
• 36:21
  okay, well, if something insane happened, I also know that the Lord would be
• 36:27
  insanely close to me, you know, through it.
• 36:29
  So that is very reassuring for my little worrying brain.
• 36:34
  And then my last, my last struggle I'm going to talk through today is also about
• 36:38
  worry. And y'all, it is worrying that I will have regrets.
• 36:41
  I just worry that I'm going to reflect back on my life and, you know,
• 36:46
  at whatever age and regret,
• 36:50
  you know, regret how I parented or regret that I worked full time or regret
• 36:57
  that, you know, what if we should have sent our kids to this school or what
• 37:02
  if we should have moved here or,
• 37:04
  you know, and so one of my mentors has told me a hundred times over.
• 37:09
  And I really appreciate it. Every time he does, he says, you know,
• 37:12
  everything that is supposed to happen is what is happening, right?
• 37:17
  Like, and like to really see, like, let that sink in.
• 37:20
  Cause you know, with me, with the, no, I'm like, no, I'm about to do,
• 37:24
  I'm going to help us with what's supposed to be happening. I'm going to do it for us.
• 37:27
  You know what I mean? But like that, like, regardless,
• 37:30
  like it's still going to work out the way that it's supposed to work out,
• 37:34
  you know and so we can try to
• 37:37
  manipulate the situation and control every single second of
• 37:40
  it but the reality is is you probably are just making it
• 37:43
  worse on yourself and the outcome is still going to
• 37:45
  be what it's supposed to be right and so as a believer I know this as well right
• 37:49
  but I do find peace in that that like I can worry about the future I can worry
• 37:55
  about the past but like it was supposed to be exactly how it is and how it was
• 38:00
  but yeah I can still find myself like in the day-to-day,
• 38:03
  especially when we're just in this hustle of like carpool, snack.
• 38:08
  Dance, soccer, come home, hurry up, hurry up, be quiet, hurry up,
• 38:12
  hurry up, eat your dinner, go to bed, take a bath, you know, like it's just...
• 38:16
  Mundane and so much hurry. And sometimes I just have this worry that like,
• 38:22
  I'm going to regret that, you know, that we live that life that way or that, you know,
• 38:29
  wasn't able to be more present or more intentional with them or,
• 38:32
  you know, and even in all other aspects of life too, you know.
• 38:35
  And so I know we talk about this here some, but like that is our brain,
• 38:39
  right? Like it's our brains designed to try to protect us from the unknown.
• 38:43
  Like that's, that's really like one of the main reasons it's here.
• 38:47
  And so that is what my brain is doing. It's trying to protect me from the unknown.
• 38:51
  And so how do you do that? Well, you stay in the known.
• 38:54
  Like you just, you know, you think about what you can, which is fear, right?
• 39:00
  So it's a constant battle for me though,
• 39:03
  to just worry that like, what if,
• 39:06
  what if I look back and, and so I constantly have
• 39:09
  to go back to the whole whatever is meant
• 39:12
  to be is will be and then whatever was
• 39:15
  meant to be has happened you know what I mean
• 39:18
  so I hope this one was I
• 39:21
  know it's a little different but a little fresh breath of fresh air as we are
• 39:25
  easing on into the fall y'all before we know it we'll be talking about how to
• 39:29
  navigate that Christmas you know spread and all the things so let me know if
• 39:35
  you enjoyed this one I would love to hear from you and if you have any other
• 39:39
  things that you guys want to hear about.
• 39:40
  You know, I'm always here, always, always willing to, you know,
• 39:44
  take suggestions. So as always, especially after I just poured my heart out
• 39:51
  on this about all my struggles, you know, I'm definitely going to be saying today.