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What happens when a narcissist gets comfortable with you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what happens when a narcissist or toxic person gets
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  comfortable with you? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  So welcome back, welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Calm down. I know my I know the new intro
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  is fire. I was just joking.
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  Preach as y'all being here. Seriously.
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  So what happens when a narcissist or toxic person gets
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  comfortable with you? And by comfortable I mean like
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  they get to be themselves. Like when the when they are
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  feeling like the it's time for the mask to come off.
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  Like when a narcissist gets comfortable with you.
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  Y'all you are typically you're either living with them, y'all
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  living together, y'all have exchanged.
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  I love yous. Y'all are engaged.
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  You're married really quickly. You just put down y'all bought
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  something together. You are doing something y'all
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  moving fast. Or they like say you don't have
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  to get pregnant or get pregnant by them or get them pregnant or
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  anything like that. You don't necessarily have to
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  buy a house or car. It's like when they feel like
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  they got you, you know? Sometimes you can just feel it.
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  You can feel it like when you know, you know, like you know
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  that this person cares for you. Like when you let them get away
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  with something. Sometimes that's when they know.
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  Sometimes that's when they know they got you.
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  When they do something heinous to you, they cheat on you.
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  They lie to you, You catch the red handed doing something like
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  stealing money or whatever it is they they say they stop
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  drinking, they say they stop smoking and you catch them
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  anyway and they like they forgive you in the narcissist
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  mind, like they feel like they got you so now they're
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  comfortable. Any of those situations can
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  bring a narcissistic person comfort, and when they get
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  comfortable, that's when they take the mask off.
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  When comfort arrives, the toxicity really starts to flow
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  in. The toxicity starts to starts to
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  fill the gaps they start to fill, starts to fill in the
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  holes and whatnot. The toxicity starts to run
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  rampant. In a lot of these situations and
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  a lot of these dynamics and a lot of these relationships, it
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  just does. When they get comfortable with
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  you or they feel comfortable with you, they start to take the
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  mask off. In a narcissistic parent
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  situation where you have a parent that's a narcissist, they
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  they might feel comfortable with you anyway because they feel
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  like you belong to them. And as long as they feel like
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  you live with them and like you, they pay your bills or whatever,
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  they feel like they own you. So there there's a level of
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  comfort that they're going to be displaying anyway from the jump.
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  But in a relationship, something has to happen.
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  They don't just feel comfortable with you from the the the jump
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  and comfort. For a narcissist, just speaking
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  from a narcissist's perspective, comfort is like this weird type
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  of trust. Like we trust.
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  We don't necessarily, we don't necessarily trust you.
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  We now have more, we have more trust for the situation.
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  You know, we don't necessarily trust you anymore.
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  We trust the situation. We trust the work that we've put
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  in. You know, it's like more trust
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  in ourselves, not in you, not in our partners, not in our spouses
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  and whatnot, not in the victim, whoever the victim is in his
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  face. We have more trust in ourselves
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  that we have done our job correctly.
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  You know what I mean? Like we've solidified ourselves
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  in this space. So that does happen right there.
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  So that can happen quite a bit in this relationship dynamic.
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  So that's why I tell people like when they get comfortable,
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  that's when the toxicity comes in the when the mask comes off,
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  that's when they start the the love bombing tends to if the
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  love bombing is a like if, let's say you turn the water hose on,
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  right? You know, you turn the water
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  hose on full blast, the water or sink or the faucet.
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  You turn on the spigot, the faucet in the bathroom or
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  whatever, You turn it on full blast, right.
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  And the water's coming out full blast.
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  That's love bombing right when the mask comes off.
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  And then just imagine them slowly or quickly turning it off
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  to a slow drip. So it went from a steady flow, a
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  steady hard flow of water to now a slow drip or sometimes to
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  nothingness. You know, slow flow, slow, real
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  slow drip, now to nothingness. Now it's nothing now there's no
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  now you're not getting anything from this person.
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  Now the relationship is pretty much over.
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  You see what I'm saying? You see how the dynamic has
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  almost instantly shifted. You know this.
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  These situations happen so much in a lot of these times.
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  Y'all. That's why I tell people you are
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  stronger than what you what you think you are.
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  You know, like once they turn the love bombing off, the
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  devaluation creeps in. They start to devalue you.
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  They start to treat you badly. They start to take subtle jabs
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  at you. They start to try to manipulate
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  you more. They start doing what if you If,
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  like, if they've already gotten away with something, they're
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  going to probably do that again. If you've forgiven them for
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  cheating, they're probably going to start trying to cheat again,
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  You know, if you've forgiven them for lying to you, they're
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  probably going to keep lying you whatever.
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  You've forgiven them for y'all. That's why I tell you, when the
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  red flags pop up at the beginning, y'all need to leave
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  early on. When the red flag.
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  If you see a red flag early on, y'all, y'all.
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  There's so much regret to be had in these types of relationships
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  when y'all see the red flags and you stay.
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  And I get it. I'm getting this is not me
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  trying to victim blame. This is me trying to empower you
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  to like if you've gotten out, if you've gotten free next time you
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  get into a relationship. If you see one of these y'all on
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  the podcast, I got a red flag. Wait, if you see one of these,
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  it's time to go. You know, don't let people.
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  Don't, don't ignore these right here.
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  Do not ignore these red flags. Don't just fold them up and put
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  them in the drawer. No.
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  Acknowledge that they exist. You know, because a narcissistic
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  person is going to take advantage of that when they show
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  you. When they show you one of these,
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  when they show you a red flag and you and you ignore it, or
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  you forgive them for their red flag or you bury it down.
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  That's when they feel like they got you.
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  And that's when the mask starts to come slowly off.
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  You know, they peek behind the mask and what not.
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  It's like just like this. They're like literally like
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  this. They peek behind the mask.
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  I'm like, oh, I might can beat me.
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  And they put the mask back up. Just be careful in these
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  situations. Y'all because they started to
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  devalue you. When they when they get
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  comfortable, that's when the love bombing stops.
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  This the flow, this, this faucet flow, that water hose flow.
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  That's when it starts to slow down to a, like I said, to a
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  trickle. Now it's trickling now.
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  Now they start to devalue you and you know the devaluation
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  phase leads to what? What comes out to the
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  devaluation? Y'all the discard phase, What
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  comes out to the discard phase? Y'all maybe Hoover, maybe not.
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  You know, when they get comfortable, that's when the
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  behaviours tend to escalate. That's when the toxicity tends
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  to increase exponentially. Sometimes, you know it's all
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  it's not always exponentially. The toxicity gradually tends to
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  increase once they get comfortable and the mask comes
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  off, right? But sometimes it sometimes it
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  shoots up. Sometimes it shoots up.
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  Like the night you get married. Boom, it shoots up the day you
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  sign on the House. Boom, it shoots up the day.
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  Y'all like I said, the day y'all you.
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  The pregnancy, The pregnancy test comes back positive.
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  Boom, it shoots up. The day the baby is born.
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  Boom. It shoots up.
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  When you get preyed or get pregnant about it, Boom, it
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  shoots up or get them pregnant, you know It shoots up when they
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  get comfortable, when they get to kick their feet up, when they
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  they get to kick their feet up. They're going to have dirty
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  shoes, you know they get to kick their feet up in your house and
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  have dirty shoes when you sign a 12 month lease.
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  They feel like that they got 12 months to lose their damn minds,
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  you know. And then like they thought I
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  could lose my mind for 11 1/2 months and I can put two weeks
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  in right before the lease ends and I can be good and I can
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  restart the clock. That's what I'm just saying.
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  Y'all just beat me up before I know the whirlwind romances
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  happened. I know y'all feel like when you
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  know, you know I get y'all I get all of it.
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  I promise you. I understand it.
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  This is not y'all know. I'm not trying to victim like
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  y'all know that's not me. You know that's not me.
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  That is not me at all. But I want y'all to win so
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  badly. I'll be I'll be I I want y'all
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  to win. Y'all know I'm like if y'all
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  been following me this this channel been around since 20,
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  late 2020. I really got serious in March of
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  March, May of 2021. I've been doing this for over
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  three years. Y'all know Y'all know my heart.
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  If you don't know my heart by now.
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  He's been following me for three years and you see how honest I
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  am with y'all and how much, how much I want y'all to win.
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  That's what I'm telling you. When they get comfortable is
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  when you see who they really are.
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  And yes, can they go back for a little brief periods of time?
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  Yeah. When you stand, like when they
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  when they get comfortable and they take the mask off and they
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  start treating you badly and then you leave.
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  Yeah, they might go back. They might revert back to their
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  normal, to the old behaviors, not the normal behaviors to the
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  old behaviors that they get that get you here in the 1st place.
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  Yes, they can do that for a little while, but it's always
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  temporary. It's not, it's rarely ever going
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  to be a permanent change. It's almost always temporary.
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  It's temporary changes. They're not going to put the
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  work in to change their behaviors for an extended period
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  of time because that doesn't benefit them.
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  How does that benefit them to change their behaviors for an
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  extended period of time if you, if you're going to come back off
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  of off of a little short, short burst of goodness, you know,
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  somebody asked me the other day, like Lee is, is it possible for
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  a narcissist to be nice? Sometimes, yes, absolutely.
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  Yes. It is absolutely possible that a
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  narcissist is going to be nice sometimes, because I me
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  personally, I don't think narcissists are toxic 100% of
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  the time. I know people are going to
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  disagree with me. That's fine because I can
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  understand the district. I can understand the angle of
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  your disagreement because I thought about it myself.
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  I just like, yeah, I don't think narcissists are toxic 100% of
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  the of the time. But I can understand when people
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  say, Lee, I disagree with you because if they're doing good
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  things to get you back to do bad things, that is still toxic.
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  And I I would agree with that. But sometimes they do.
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  They might generally do some good things, you know, That's my
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  thoughts. Like, they don't do things, but
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  you, you'll still be with them. Y'all won't be broken up.
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  You know, do something good for you, you know, will they use
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  that against you later on? You can't never say I did
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  nothing for you. Yeah, they might.
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  So that's what I'm just saying. I can understand the
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  disagreement as well because I I disagree with myself.
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  Y'all see, I mean, sometimes, yeah, I'll be battling with
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  myself sometimes on some of this stuff.
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  I'll be saying like, wait, I can see the disagreement right
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  there. You see how I just broke that
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  down myself on a fly. I can understand the
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  disagreement right there. So I get it.
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  But yeah, they can be nice to you sometimes.
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  Y'all they can. They can put the mask back on,
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  but it be it's shaking like, you know, they got mask, arthritis
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  them hands be shaking like they're like, oh goodness, hand
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  be rattling and shaking everywhere they they are.
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  They are. You know what I mean?
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  Hands be shaking everywhere. They are just out of control.
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  They are not happy. That's what I'm saying.
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  When they get comfortable with you, you'll see them for who
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  they really are. When they when they finally just
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  break down, it's like, OK, I'm comfortable.
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  You will see them for who they really are.
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  At the end of this story, at the end of this dynamic, at the end
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  of this space, you'll see them for who they really are.
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  And once you see them for who they really are, y'all you have
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  to press forward. You have to leave them be, you
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  know, if it's early on, if it's early on in the relationship.
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  I know I understand if y'all got kids already.
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  They all live together. I yeah, I know, I know.
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  Everybody's situation is different.
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  You know, everybody's situation is different.
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  But like, I'm a true believer that if you put your mind to to
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  it and you you decide that you want to leave, you can start
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  right now. Yeah.
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  Everybody can't leave tomorrow. I understand that dynamic.
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  Yeah. Some people like, well, one of
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  my friends, her name is Heather. Heather.
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  Heather Voss, she it took, she hurt herself, right.
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  She wanted to leave, but then she life happened and she got
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  hurt and she couldn't leave, right.
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  There's some things that happened to her that she
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  couldn't leave, so she was stuck for a little while.
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  But you know what? She got stuck.
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  It took her 18 months to leave. She made her, she, she stayed
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  for 18 more months to heal up. And then she ended up leaving.
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  You know, she took her time, made a plan, start saving up her
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  money, and then she, when she was done, she was done.
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  When she was done, she was done, you know.
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  But I'm thankful for y'all. When they get comfortable, the
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  mask comes off and slides off. When it comes off with like what
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  Maya Angelou say. When people show you who they
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  really are, believe them the first time.
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  When that mask slides off a little bit and they might catch
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  it and put it back on, They might catch it and put it back
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  on. But it's how it goes.
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  Y'all I'm super thankful for y'all.
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  Stay tuned for more. Makes you like and subscribe.
• 12:05
  Y'all be closing in on 400K. It's crazy. 400K Appreciate
• 12:08
  every single one of y'all mental illness is out peace.
• 12:11
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 12:16
  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 12:18
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 12:20
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 12:22
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• 12:25
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• 12:27
  fault on Amazon so check that out.
• 12:30
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
• 12:31
  video. Peace.