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Amberly Lago: Turning Pain into Purpose by Helping Others Heal | E88 · In Search Of Excellence

• 0:00
  Amberly Lago: Yeah, I always make a joke my husband will say, and really, you're the one that says Get rid of the doggie downers and stick with the puppy uppers if he can tell like there's even somebody in the family. That's like bringing me down. But it's so true. Like, there is nothing more powerful than being surrounded by like minded people who are passionate, and they're go getters, and they're not gossiping, and they're focused on the good and they're focused on moving forward, and they're focused on solutions. And they're focused on collaborating, it's important to look at the people that you're surrounding yourself with. And that's not just the people that are in your life, but even the people on social media.
• 0:43
  Randall Kaplan: You're listening to part two of my amazing conversation with Amberley Lago if you haven't yet listened to part one, be sure to check that one out first. Without further ado, here's part two with the amazing Amberley Lago I had a medical scare, maybe a little over 10 years ago, I was sick, I wasn't feeling well. And it was more than the flu, just just on unable to get up. I was divorced, I didn't have a girlfriend, so I no one there to really be with me. And then on a Sunday morning, I felt that chest pressure that you hear about could be a heart attack.
• 1:16
  Randall Kaplan: And like I'm, there's no way it could be and you hear all the stories about people hearing the symptoms, and then they don't do anything. So I'd always balanced that out. And I was in phenomenal shape. I was going to SoulCycle three days a week I would right next to David Beckham every morning, which was very inspirational and motivating. For me. He's in great shape, obviously. And I tried to keep up with him. And I actually held my own with him.
• 1:43
  Randall Kaplan: And we had a mutual respect for one another, but I, I felt I could hardly breathe. So I called my ex wife who I'm very close to and I said, Yeah, I'm not feeling well, I think I need to go to the hospital. And I was embarrassed, right. And they because you know, I was 30 How old was I 43 at the time and in the best shape of my life. And the EMS calms, and I've made it downstairs, I hadn't been downstairs maybe three times in three days, and they give you this shot. That if you're having a heart attack that that makes you feel better, and that eases the tension. And so I said, Alright, guys, I feel great. I feel better. Thank you. I'll see you later. And they said, Oh, no, we're, we're going to the hospital. And you know, I'm in the ambulance. And you know, they're taking they're doing a EKG the entire time, checking my blood pressure. And you can see they were worried. I mean, it was all a blur, but you can kind of see what's going on. And then I get out and it's like you see on TV, there's a bunch of people waiting for you. Right? They take you onto the gurney and then and then the doctors had a heart attack. And I said, I said that's not possible. And he said, and he said, why not? So I I said don't say go to SoulCycle three days a week. So he said, Well, I'm the Chief of Cardiology here, and you're having a heart attack. So sign here and they started wheeling me away. And I thought, Oh, my God, like, This is crazy. I had my phone I called my ex wife, you know, my kids were yelling, they were in school. I call my mom, you know, she didn't answer and I call the doctor friend. I know, buddy. And it's like, you know, you go into that room and you think, gosh, you know, you may die. And I couldn't say goodbye to anyone. And so you're in that room, and I asked my doctor, whether I was going to say no. But you know, doctors fly all the time to make you feel better. Right? They want to give you hope. And if I was like How old were your kids at the time, it were maybe seven and five. And so as in the there's room and they they robotically, you know, they, they put a stent in and they said well I've good news and bad news. You're not having a heart attack, but what the symptoms you have present exactly the same and the 1% of 1% chance, whereas now you have something called myocarditis.
• 4:45
  Randall Kaplan: And I said, I said what's, what's that and it's an infection of the heart. And I said, Well, what's what's the bad news? And he said, well, the bad news is it could be fatal.
• 4:56
  Randall Kaplan: And so and there's no cure for it. Nothing you can Do your body rest, and it's going to make it or it's not going to make it. So I was in the ICU for a few days.
• 5:03
  Randall Kaplan: And, you know, I was the youngest person out there by at least 40 years. I mean, people were very old around me. And I, I made it and then the weirdest thing is, I started my career as a lawyer. And I was a second year lawyer. And when they heard the first year, you're no longer the the youngest person. So there's a woman named Christine, we became great friends, we would have lunch all the time.
• 5:38
  Randall Kaplan: And a week after I got out of the hospital, she she died. And I thought, gosh, you know, this is, you know, crazy. We, we were no longer good friends. You know, we started last touch, she married a friend of mine, and we see each other at Rashomon Yom Kippur, services, we belong to the same temple. And I went to the funeral, and I thought, Gosh, that could have been me in that casket, and I just was so grateful for life. And they, I learned later that she died of myocarditis. So just
• 6:15
  Amberly Lago: like, oh, how do you get that? Like, what is it caused from? Nobody
• 6:23
  Randall Kaplan: knows. There's, I know, there was an increase in myocarditis due to COVID. And it's interesting, I had all these doctors come into my room when I was sitting there. And they closed the door and said, Alright, how many? How much cocaine have you done? In the past month serious, and I, I've never done cocaine ever. Never done drugs with any kind of scared, ever, never, never, ever, ever. And just one doctor after the other, and, you know, they're, they're coming, it was rare, and you had all kinds of doctors coming in, and the students were, you know, we're coming in, you're kind of like that, that showpiece and you know, here's a patient that has myocarditis, but, you know, it's, I do attribute my ability to live based on the physical shape I was in and the fact that I was in very, very good shape.
• 7:20
  Randall Kaplan: But ultimately, the my friend, Christina, who died was a runner. I mean, she ran a lot.
• 7:29
  Randall Kaplan: She was in phenomenal shape, too. So some days, it's your turn. Some days, it's not your turn. But
• 7:36
  Amberly Lago: yeah, my husband always says, You know what?
• 7:39
  Amberly Lago: God's got your ticket. And he always tells me, he's like, You know what, God just keeps spitting you back out. He just keeps spitting it back out.
• 7:45
  Amberly Lago: Because I've been in ICU. So, so many times. And it's interesting that you had doctors come in and ask you, so how much cocaine have you done? It was? I had one of the first doctors that came in and talk to me when I woke up out of a coma, was like, Hey, he leaned over. And he said, Hey, this is a question is just between you and me. He said, But do you abuse drugs? Or do you regularly use drugs? And I said, No, sir. I said, I've never done drugs. I said, I never even take aspirin. And he goes, Well, he goes, Are you an athlete? And I kind of thought, well, can't you tell I'm an athlete, like, you know, and he said, he goes, we had a real hard time keeping you knocked out in a coma. He said, You have so many endorphins, we couldn't keep you down. And I was like, wow, that's interesting. I said, Oh, yeah, I ran 11 miles and my best time, the day of my accident, but that the power of endorphins are there like a drug but like a healthy drug? But yeah, that that doctor came up to me, Dr.
• 8:57
  Amberly Lago: Rasool, one of my favorite doctors, and he said that and we've had we've had an amazing relationship. He has recently passed away but good man, but you know, they assume, well, you must be doing drugs, or you must be doing this or that. And yeah, but it's, it's wild. Let's
• 9:18
  Randall Kaplan: talk about what it did to mentally as well as some of the side effects that it had and some of the behaviors that it led to, you're depressed. You became an alcoholic. You lost your home.
• 9:32
  Randall Kaplan: How out bad did it get? And did you ever think about killing yourself? Yeah,
• 9:41
  Amberly Lago: I did. You know, I was never I was never a partier.
• 9:45
  Amberly Lago: In fact, you know, I moved from Texas to California and thought I'm going to make something of myself I am so not like, a lot of the other people in my family that have problems with addiction. And you know, I I'm gonna make something of myself.
• 10:01
  Amberly Lago: And so I was always the go getter and high achiever and worked hard. And then when I could not get out of pain with all these treatments that I was doing, and I mean, we had $2.9 million worth of medical expenses. I had spent 1000s I think. I think $20,000 on ketamine infusions just to go get infused with ketamine to try to reboot your nervous system, like nothing was working. And I remember one day having a glass of wine, and how it kind of numbed out the pain, not just physically, but it helped me feel like I could stuff down some of the emotions. And I remember thinking, wow, why didn't the doctors just tell me to not back a glass of wine?
• 10:54
  Amberly Lago: Because this sure helps. And I remember thinking, well, this being in the fitness industry, and you know, I was sponsored by Nike and doing infomercials with body by Jake and fitness videos and on the cover of magazines and contributing to shape and Health magazine. And now I'm like, Well, this can't be the healthiest thing to do. But if it's what I have to do every day just to get through the pain, then I guess I'll have to do it.
• 11:23
  Amberly Lago: And that works until it didn't, until I realized I was physically, mentally and every way dependent upon alcohol just to get throughout the get through the day. And I remember going to my husband and saying, I think I have a problem. And him being a cop. He was like, no, no, no, you don't have a problem. I was like, No, I think I do. I think I need to go to AAA. And he has no, you don't want to be around those people.
• 11:55
  Amberly Lago: I mean, he was used to arresting people that had addicted, drunks and stuff. And he was like, How could I be married to an alcoholic, and he said, You know what anybody would drink if they had to deal with as much as you're going through. But I knew deep down that I had a problem.
• 12:10
  Amberly Lago: Like I knew, deep down, this was not right. And I needed help.
• 12:15
  Amberly Lago: And so I googled recovery programs. And I found a 12 step program, that when my husband was at work, and my daughter was at school, I could go to this recovery program, it was a scariest thing I'd done to admit that I had a problem. And then the courage to ask for help. But it was at that moment where I was ready to die. I was like, just don't let me wake up. This is just too much for me to bear.
• 12:47
  Amberly Lago: But it was my daughter's and it was having that little, you know, thinking of them, and how I didn't want to do anything to hurt them. And I wanted to be an example of resilience for them.
• 13:01
  Amberly Lago: That really pulled me through and gave me that little bit of courage to get on my knees and pray. And I prayed. And that gave me the courage to fund a meeting and go to a meeting and, and to this day, I still go to meetings. And that's how I've had Rick, that's how I've been sober.
• 13:20
  Randall Kaplan: I had a girlfriend I dated for two and a half years who was an alcoholic.
• 13:22
  Randall Kaplan: And I've been to at least 50 Aaa meetings. And it's really remarkable what goes on in that room. And it usually is only when people hit rock bottom, that they will actually go and is trans transformative. Like you said, for a lot of people, a lot of people don't get sober. A lot of people you know, do get sober. And I think the one takeaway that I have all there's many takeaways, one of the takeaways is if you think you have a drinking problem you probably do.
• 13:54
  Amberly Lago: If you have to ask yourself, I wonder, do I have a drinking problem? Probably a good sign. Oh, true. Yeah, talk to us
• 14:04
  Randall Kaplan: about resilience and the importance of being resilient in our success and overcoming incredibly challenging obstacles, including medical problems and mental health issues, including depression.
• 14:17
  Amberly Lago: Well, I think that we all have resilience within us. And it's just our ability to tap into that. So we can, you know, decide to take action and thrive. And so for me, it's not just about resilience, mentally.
• 14:31
  Amberly Lago: But it's resilience physically, spiritually, emotionally. And so there's things that I do every single day that helped me to be resilient because I wake up in the morning and I from the minute I take my first step, sometimes without even taking a step. I'm like, oh, How bad is this pain going to be today?
• 15:00
  Amberly Lago: Like, how bad is it going to be?
• 15:03
  Amberly Lago: Am I going to be able to walk am I going to be able to get through the day. And so I immediately start by shifting my perspective with gratitude. And I've actually come up with a pacer methodology. It's called Pacer, which stands for perspective, acceptance, community endurance, and rest.
• 15:21
  Amberly Lago: And so the easiest and quickest way to shift your perspective is with gratitude. And it really gets you focused on what you can do, instead of focusing on what you can't do, and it gets you focused on all the things that you get to do and all the things that you do have, because it's easy to spiral down, you know, the path of Oh, woe is me, you know, I'm, I'm in pain, or I can't walk. I mean, I remember, there was a day I used to love to run and my daughter is a runner, and she's wanting me to go for a run with her. And I looked at my husband, and I was like, What a shame. I can't go for a run. He's like, get on your bike and ride your bicycle beside her. And I was like, Oh, yeah. And it just totally shifted my perspective on what I could do. Like, I could have sat there and had a pity party on.
• 16:19
  Amberly Lago: Oh, wow, I can't run anymore.
• 16:19
  Amberly Lago: Poor me. But I was like, Oh, well, what can I do, I can ride my bike. And the next part of Pacer is acceptance. And I think acceptance and being aware of where you are, who you are, on your journey, where you're going, is so critical. It's the beginning of any transformation.
• 16:43
  Amberly Lago: When I got into an acceptance of okay, well, this is a nerve disease that I've been dealt with. And these are the action steps I can take to go in the right direction. Because when you're in denial, which I was in denial, for a long time, I was trying to pretend like I didn't have scars, I didn't have this nerve disease. And I wasn't taking the right medication. And I was going spiraling down into depression, and then alcoholism and then literally want to die.
• 17:15
  Amberly Lago: And so when you're an acceptance, it allows you to take action steps with grit and to move to run in the right direction. It also allows you to connect with the right community. And that's the next part of Pacer, which community is probably the most important part of Pacer. But I tried to do it alone, and it didn't work. I would not be a successful entrepreneur, if I didn't have a great community. I'm a coach, and I have a coach. I'm a mentor, and I have a mentor. You know, I've a sponsor, and I have a sponsee I am in a mastermind and I have my own mastermind we all need mean, you don't have to do it alone. And when you come together, yeah, we're unstoppable. And so it's amazing. I think that success is built on relationships. And there is a lot of power and proximity. So it's so important to invest in yourself by connecting with the right people, whether that's hiring a coach or getting into the right rooms and conferences. Because it takes endurance, whether you're an entrepreneur or whether you're dealing with chronic pain, or both, or you're a stay at home mom chasing around kids or a stay at home dad chasing around kids, you know, endurance is where your passion, your perseverance come into play. It's where you remember why you started because I don't think we get burnout.
• 18:43
  Amberly Lago: For doing the things we do, I think we get burnout for forgetting why we're doing the things that we're doing. And then the last part of Pacer is rest, which was the hardest part for me. I was like resting is for quitters. I'm not going to rest resting is for the week.
• 19:05
  Amberly Lago: And I had to really shift my whole mindset that resting is if you've really want to be resilient, then you have to strategically plan times to stop and rest and recover and I've made wrestling a part of my business strategy and really gone through and plan times to rejuvenate to get get enough rest plan times to space things out and don't overcommit anymore and spread myself too thin. I had a client you know of mine that was like telling me you know, that our health again and a friend of mine it was like your health is the most important thing and if I don't have my sobriety if I don't have my health, then I can't serve others and so that has to be top of the list so I can help others. Should we
• 19:57
  Randall Kaplan: all write down our goals and make ourselves a accountable if we want to achieve certain things in life, including improving ourselves, Heck, yeah.
• 20:07
  Amberly Lago: The reason I say that is because I think there's such power in writing things down. And I will tell you, everything happens in divine timing. I mean, we do have do the work, it's important to do the work. But the reason I say Heck yeah, is because I have had a sticky note written on my computer. Right here, it's the next title for my next book. And I have had it in mind, the publisher that I want to publish the book, The idea for the book, the title of the book, and I've had it written down. And I've been doing other things, but I've had this written down, it's like, this is what I'm gonna get to. And it's here where I see it every single day. Do you know, I had that publisher? Reach out to me? Two days ago. And they want a proposal. They're interested in the book. And I'm like, yeah, so if I had never written that down, if I didn't constant constantly go, Okay. Well, this is what I'd like to do. This is, you know, something that I want to have in mind. And I didn't start writing things out to plan out the chapters and things then then how are we going to accomplish it? You know, if you don't write it down. For me, I think it's very important to write it down. I also think it's very cathartic to write something down. It's very healing to write things down.
• 21:37
  Amberly Lago: And it's good way to process things.
• 21:40
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• 22:37
  Randall Kaplan: I'm mid career, I'm graduating college and I have people do a checklist. I give them a written exercise, I tell them write things down. And the exercise is basically a bunch of questions.
• 22:51
  Randall Kaplan: And I'm not going to get into the whole thing here. But for example, what are the five best things you're good at? And what are the five worst things that you're bad at? And I and there's a set of four other questions like that, that I give them? And you think okay, right out of the gate? Well, that's, that's simple. That's easy. One of them is what are the five dream jobs you would like in your life? And what are the five worst jobs you could ever hope for or want in your life? And just by kind of chipping away at the edges and writing them down? I give them a week to do the exercise. I say, if this doesn't take you a long time. 20 hours you're not doing it right? Because you're writing down your look but I think it's so important to write down our goals. I had to write down mine you think in your head yeah, I got this, but you don't have it.
• 23:44
  Randall Kaplan: Right? You have it if you're looking at it every day. And I just think it's been critical to my success. I've heard you say it's, it's critical to yours is is well one of the other things that you said I've never heard it said this way but I but I love it is put yourself on your own to do list. What's that about? I think that's, I think that's awesome advice. Well,
• 24:08
  Amberly Lago: I ended up a lot of times in the past I have I have filled my whole day is filled with, you know doing other things and as much as I love helping people, I will meet their needs. First. I'm an overcoming people pleaser, an overcoming perfectionist. And so I'd spend all day jumping through hoops trying to help all these other people and taking care of what they were doing.
• 24:37
  Amberly Lago: And I learned this actually in a very kind of radical way like I remember. So every year I do an event. It's called the unstoppable Success Summit and we have an annual event once a year like this year I have John Gordon Ben Newman, Rudy Rick Staines, Henry Ammar Are Rachel Luna as well as some other panelist and mastermind members that are coming to speak at the event. And last time I had the event, I was so busy helping other people promote their event, that when it came time to like, oh my gosh, my events and a month to came time for me to promote it, it was like, I'd been promoting so many other people's events and helping them with other stuff that when it came time for my own, it was like, Oh, another event and release promoting, you know what I mean? And so, I was like, I gotta make sure I take care of me. So I can take care of having a roof over my head and taking care of my family and taking care of my health. But, but yeah, I mean, I've had to learn to put myself on my to do list as far as what my business goals are, like, I got to get those things done first, then I can help other people. And that might seem selfish, but I've learned the hard way that it doesn't work if you do it the other way. And then I've also learned to put my workouts on my to do list, I put my workout in on my schedule, I put a lunch break on my schedule, even if that's a 15 minute little window. Because before I would work straight through, I would train you know, or work with 1214 clients back to back to back. And you got to take care of yourself because you're setting an example for your clients and for others. And so when I say put yourself on your to do list, it really means like really take care of yourself.
• 26:49
  Randall Kaplan: Shout out to John Gordon, who I send a cold email to I'm big fan. He's written these amazing, amazing books. Great motivational speaker, brilliant, brilliant guy and
• 27:02
  Amberly Lago: got you the need to come to Dallas and hang out with I
• 27:05
  Randall Kaplan: you tell me the date. If I can make it, I'll make it but I John's one of those guys sent him a cold email. We did our podcasts in person. It was we had a nice bond. He's become a good friend.
• 27:17
  Randall Kaplan: And we talked about mentors I knew to relatively new the podcast business, relatively new to the self help business in terms of doing it in a professional way. And he's been a mentor to me and a great friend. Amazing, great friend.
• 27:32
  Randall Kaplan: He is Man, this guy. And actually, Katherine's amazing as well, Katherine. Yeah,
• 27:39
  Amberly Lago: actually, she was just here at the house is this.
• 27:42
  Amberly Lago: She was just here a couple of days ago. She's at the house.
• 27:46
  Amberly Lago: Yeah, shout
• 27:47
  Randall Kaplan: out to both.
• 27:47
  Randall Kaplan: She's
• 27:48
  Amberly Lago: a part of my mastermind. Yeah, she's
• 27:50
  Randall Kaplan: amazing. Let's switch gears. And I want to talk about the people we surround ourselves with. Can you tell us about doggie downers and puppy OPERS. And as part of this, how important is it regardless of where we are physically, mentally, or professionally in our lives, to surround ourselves with people who not only believe in us, but who also believe in our dreams?
• 28:11
  Amberly Lago: Yeah, I always make a joke. And my husband will say, well, and really, you're the one that says Get rid of the doggie downers and stick with the puppy uppers if he can tell like there's even somebody in the family. That's like bringing me down. But it's so true. Like, there is nothing more powerful than being surrounded by like minded people who are passionate, and they're go getters, and they're not gossiping. And they're focused on the good. And they're focused on moving forward. And they're focused on solutions. And they're focused on collaborating. And so it's important to look at the people that you're surrounding yourself with. And that's not just the people that are in your life, but even the people on social media, like who are you scrolling through, if there's somebody on social media that you're looking and you're like, oh, they bring you down, or they make you feel bad, or you're all the sudden impostor syndrome, when you look at their stuff, it's like, then sometimes you got to bless them and block and just nothing against them, but they don't make you feel good.
• 29:11
  Amberly Lago: You have to protect your peace.
• 29:14
  Amberly Lago: And so if you can't get rid of somebody that's in your life in person, maybe a family member, then learn to set healthy boundaries. And like, for instance, you know, I've got some family members that it's like, I will go see them and put I have a set time of I'm going to be here for 15 minutes to pay my respects to say hello to see if they need anything and I'm out here. I don't want that.
• 29:41
  Amberly Lago: There was one time I had some family members at the house and I had to excuse myself, go upstairs or I knew that they would not be able to walk up the stairs and just take a break. So I'm just very sensitive to people's energy. And you know, there, there are some people that are just energy vampires, and they will just suck it out of you. And I just want to be around people who look, I'm not positive all the time, I have to work on it. But it certainly makes it easier when I'm around people who are focused on solutions. Instead of complaining, I'm focused on the negative and the bad all the time. I
• 31:15
  Randall Kaplan: couldn't agree any more than couldn't agree anymore. I mean, we've all had people, family members, friends who are just taxing on our soul.
• 31:22
  Randall Kaplan: And like you said, you cringe, when you're going to see them or have a meeting, or you know, they're gonna be somewhere and you just, you know, I just say hello, and then you want to get out of there. And you know, once you've once you've done your thing, let's talk about superpowers and superheroes. You said, your greatest passion and purpose is to show others we all have this superhero that lives within us, and that we have all this resilience within us. Is that really true? And how can you explain that to someone who's depressed and can't get out of bed in the morning? Or has been diagnosed with a serious illness and think they're going to die? Or are actually certain they're going to die?
• 32:06
  Amberly Lago: Well, you know what, that's such a great question. And I think that when you're going through a really hard, hard time, I want to acknowledge that. It's hard. And I've been in that place where I'm not going to sit here and tell you that, oh, yeah, when I was waking up out of a coma, I was just positive and focusing on the superpower and resilience. It there were times when I cried and cried. And even when I got out of the hospital, it was hard for my husband to see me cry. So when all the wounds were healed up enough to where I could get in the swimming pool, I would get in the swimming pool, just so I could cry. So I thought, if I'm in the pool, they won't be able to see my tears. So it was hard.
• 32:55
  Amberly Lago: But I do feel like in those moments, that if we think about gratitude, if we think about the things that that do bring us joy, that have brought us joy, and if we think about achieving one small, attainable goal in the day, and we get through that, and we celebrate that little victory, that little win, that that can bring joy. I think that, you know, when I was really lost thinking, oh my gosh, what am I going to do? I can't train clients anymore, what am I gonna do? I really stopped and I asked myself, Okay, well, what do I love doing? What brings me joy, what is something I know that I could do? Forever, and I would just get so much gratitude from it.
• 33:47
  Amberly Lago: And that was working with people. And so that's when I started, you know, went back to school to get certified for coaching, instead of just the physical training. And so I think it's important to to also, for me, something I still do every single day is I have a gratitude practice. And I have a group of ladies, we call ourselves the God Squad and we text each other every single day. In fact, we actually use an app now because that makes it easier. It's an app and you can go in and it says toolkit and you go in the toolkit, and you can write down 10 things you're grateful for. And we just send it in this group text. And it's one thing to really think about what you're grateful for. It's another thing to write it, it's another thing to express it and share it. But when you get to read what somebody else is grateful for. It is it. It just changes everything. I mean, the other day, there was a friend of mine who she was grateful it was her last day of chemo. And I thought, I'm feeling down because I'm worried about this little minor thing that happened at work. And she's grateful that it's her last day of chemo. And so I think that, you know, it's important number one, to focus on what you can do to be of service because, you know, whatever I could do in the hospital, which was make some phone calls, give guidance to the nurses who would come and collapse after a long shift next to my bed and the chair next to me and talk to me about their problems and give them guidance.
• 35:21
  Amberly Lago: That gave me a sense of purpose and being of service is what really helped me through a lot.
• 35:30
  Amberly Lago: And I think that we all have that superpower and sometimes it might just come so naturally to us that we don't think it's a superpower but it's something that other people might not be as gifted at it, but it just comes so easy to us. It's just something that we're, we're good at and so I would if you don't know and you you're having a hard time I would go around to like five people and ask them Hey, what do you think my superpower is? What do you think is my the thing that I'm I'm really gifted at that I can offer the world and just see what they say. That's
• 36:07
  Randall Kaplan: great advice.
• 36:07
  Randall Kaplan: I've never heard anyone say it that way. And I think a lot of people think they don't have a superpower. But I think we all have individuals, hopefully, who we can look up to. And we can ask, and that's true in the hospital, you can ask a nurse, you can ask a doctor. But I think that's fantastic. Advice.
• 36:25
  Randall Kaplan: Let's go back to something we talked about earlier today. And that's sexual abuse. And I want to talk about its prevalence when divorce moms with children get remarried. And start with the crazy and maddening statistics that 17% Or one out of every six women who had a stepfather is a principal figure in her childhood has been sexually abused by him. You were a victim of sexual abuse, as we talked about, it's a crazy stat.
• 36:54
  Randall Kaplan: You were 12 years old and your stepdad sexually abused you can you tell us about that experience, how long it went on what you did about it, how your mom and your real dad reacted to it, when you told them and how it influenced your future. And as part of that, can you tell us about the fear and the shame of telling others like the PTA moms at school knowing about this when you finally wrote about it?
• 37:22
  Randall Kaplan: Oh, yeah, well,
• 37:23
  Amberly Lago: um, my parents divorced when I was seven, or, like eight, and my mom and stepdad married right away. I mean, there was like, hardly any time, they were just already together, and I was sexually abused by my stepfather. And for the longest time, I didn't tell anybody because he told told me that he would kill my mom, if I told anyone. And so and I believed him, he was kind of he was kind of scary and pretty, really scary. And I finally, when I was probably about age 13, I finally got the nerve to go tell my dad. And I remember telling my dad and it took so much courage because you have so much shame when you've been sexually abused. Like I knew it wasn't right. And but you've got this adult that's telling you that this is how dads teach their children and you trust them. But in your gut, you're like, This isn't right. But they're telling you it is right.
• 38:35
  Amberly Lago: And so it takes a lot of courage to finally tell somebody, especially when they've said they're gonna kill your mom, and you have so much shame. So I tell my dad, and my dad didn't do anything. So in that moment, I realized a couple of things.
• 38:50
  Amberly Lago: What first I thought, Well, I'm just not worthy enough of protecting or, or even loved enough to be protected, because I know if somebody told me, I know if my daughter told me they were being sexually abused, I would probably be in jail or dead.
• 39:10
  Randall Kaplan: But I, I'm with you on that one, by the way.
• 39:12
  Randall Kaplan: That's,
• 39:14
  Amberly Lago: I mean, but later, it was actually through writing about it in my book. And so I wrote the whole manuscript for my book, and I let my parents read it first. And I said, I want you to read this because I didn't write this book to hurt anyone. But I wanted to bring awareness. And I said, I want you to read it. I'll only publish this if you're completely comfortable with what I'm sharing. And my stepfather, by the way, had already passed away.
• 39:38
  Randall Kaplan: Good riddance, that no offense to anybody else, but good writtens Yeah,
• 39:43
  Amberly Lago: he actually. I don't write about this in the book. So I'll say it here. Once it did, he found out so my set my dad didn't do anything crazy,
• 39:57
  Randall Kaplan: by the way that your dad didn't do anything. I as disgusting as well. I just can't imagine that.
• 40:03
  Amberly Lago: He, you know, he's like, Well, you promised you made me promise I wouldn't tell.
• 40:08
  Amberly Lago: And I was like, I was a little kid crying for help. You know what I mean? When I was 23, I was going through through a horrific divorce from an abusive relationship. I was married for a short while, and it was abusive and he was in. It wasn't good. And he had done everything that he could to hurt me. He had cheated on me. He had called me names. He had beat me he had done anything. He knew he couldn't do anything else. Like there's nothing else that he could do to hurt me. He had already done everything. And so I had confided, confided in him that I was sexually abused. And I hadn't told anybody ALC had confided in him. He called my mom and said, Do you know your step? Do you know what your husband did to my wife? And so that's how my mom found out. I was 23 years old, and I got on the phone with my mom. And she said, Amberley Is it true? And I couldn't. I was like, yeah. And we got off the phone. And she said that she went over to my stepdad, he was asleep on the couch. And she punched him as my mom is like a Southern Belle, she's the sweetest thing you've ever met. And she punched him as hard as she could. And she goes, so is it true, what you did to Amberley. And he couldn't say a word. And so she goes, well, so then I guess it is. And she left, she came to California. To be with me, she got back. He left, like, pack the bag, left most of his stuff there and was on the run forever, never paid her alimony. Like couldn't find him. He ended up living about an hour from me in California. And there were times when I felt this eerie. Like, you know, somebody's staring at you or, and I always wondered, Is that him? Is he around? And maybe it was but he ended up dying of testicular cancer? Ain't karma bitch.
• 42:14
  Randall Kaplan: Well, I have goosebumps.
• 42:17
  Amberly Lago: I hate to say that. But um, we hate to say, when you tell
• 42:21
  Randall Kaplan: that story, by the way, I'm sorry, you had to go through all that. That's horrific, I can't imagine. But I goosebumps on my whole body, as you were telling me that that story. Hopefully, there are some lessons in that that made you It made you stronger. But for all the people out there who are being abused physically, mentally, verbally, please get help. So many people don't reach out, they're afraid they're ashamed. They don't know what to do. I have a very good friend who was sexually abused as a child by a stepfather. She didn't tell people for years and years and years and went through so much therapy. And it really affected her life in a very negative way. She's, she's my age, I'll be 55 on a couple of weeks. And, and she's still deals with every day. So please go get help.
• 43:21
  Amberly Lago: I mean, it's an ongoing thing. And I'm not gonna sit here and say I'm completely healed, I still sometimes get triggered. But now, instead of like reacting and spiraling down into bad habits, or behaviors, or coping mechanisms, I can go, Okay, why am I triggered from this situation? And what are the tools that I can use to get through it? And you know, I remember, I remember going to a therapist, years ago, I was in my 20s. And she actually said, and I wasn't in there for a sec, I wasn't in there to talk to her about sexual abuse. I was in there to talk about a relationship. And she goes, were you sexually abused? And I was like, Well, yeah, but I've dealt with that. I've, I've healed from that. I've dealt with that.
• 44:11
  Amberly Lago: And she goes, No, you haven't.
• 44:11
  Amberly Lago: And she's like, You need to read this book and do this. And this.
• 44:15
  Amberly Lago: And it was like, you know, I did a lot of healing through therapy, through reading through self development through journaling, through writing. But I have to say, writing my book and writing about the sexual abuse was very cathartic. It was like, it took me down kind of a hard path. But it was actually very cathartic. And you know, what? I remember getting the box of books delivered to the house and my husband looked at the book, and he looked at the back of the book, and he was like, Oh, my gosh, can you it says that survivor of sexual abuse, and I was like, he goes, I can't believe they put that on the book. I said, Honey, I write about it in the book, you might want to read the book. And I had this twinge of like, oh my gosh, now all the PTA, PTA moms are gonna know they're gonna like it was. I've had more people reach out to me, including PTA moms and PTA dads, by the way that have come up to me and whispered in my ear. Thank you for writing about that. Now, I don't feel like I have to walk around and shame I can have the dignity and grace and move forward. So thank you for writing in that. Amen.
• 45:39
  Randall Kaplan: Amen. That's amazing. This episode of In Search of Excellence is brought to you by sandy.com. s a n d e.com. We're a Yelp for beaches and have created the world's most comprehensive Beach Resort.
• 45:50
  Randall Kaplan: worse by catalog the more than 100 categories of information for every beach in the world more than 100,000 beaches and 212 countries. sandy.com provides beach goers around the world with detailed comprehensive and easy to use information to help them plan their perfect beach getaway at home and abroad. And to make sure you're never disappointed by a beach visit again, plan the perfect beach trip today by visiting sandy.com. That's www.sand.com. The link is in our show notes. Stay Sandy, my friends. We're talking about overcoming obstacles and so many things we do on our path to success. Therapy is very important. I have a therapist, I encourage everyone to have a therapist, my therapist is like my coach. But as we think about how we become successful one thing that I like to talk about, you've talked about it a little bit as the importance of preparation. You talked about it when we talked about Pacer, but I have a new term for preparation is called extreme preparation. That's what has made me successful. One of the most important ingredients I'm talking about a different kind of preparation with someone who prepares two hours for something, I will prepare 40 hours for something I always want to make sure I'm the most prepared person in the room. And it's amazing what extreme preparation does for people. I'm writing a book called extreme preparation. That's one of the things you all Yes, I love. I love teaching techniques that can actually make a difference in people's lives. Can you give some examples in your life? How extreme preparation has made you successful or a better person?
• 47:35
  Amberly Lago: Yeah, I think I learned that from being an athlete and a dancer. And you know, I was never the best answer. I got into athletics and try it out for the team. Like the last day there was to it was like the day they were like, Okay, today, you're gonna run to see if you qualify to be on the track team. And so I had to, I always had to work a little harder. I was always good at the grit, you know, I can outwork out, prepare Outlast I just worked really, really hard. And so for me, you know, even if it's something as far as like, a health goal, or if it's something like when I prepared for my TEDx talk, I, by the time I got to my TEDx talk, I was the only speaker that didn't have a PhD. And I remember, the website came up, and my husband was like, wow, you know, you're the only one that doesn't have a PhD. And like, Yeah, I kind of noticed that I'm the only one that doesn't have a college education. And so I thought, Well, I'm just going to practice, I'm going to work harder, I'm going to prepare more. And when I got backstage for that TED talk, it was my first big talk on a stage, I'd never talk on the stage like that. Everybody was freaking out backstage, like, seriously, freaking out. People were pacing back and forth. And like talking to themselves, and it was crazy.
• 49:05
  Amberly Lago: And I was just kind of walking around looking like, you know, I had done the preparation. So I was ready to go. Yeah, I did my push ups and prayer backstage before I went on. But I was ready to go because I had put in the work to prepare for that day. And I think that when you prepare, it gives you the confidence to go for it.
• 49:33
  Randall Kaplan: There's so much to this we could talk about I mean, my books gonna be 350 pages. So we I could talk about this for a month. But there are so well, we
• 49:43
  Amberly Lago: were gonna have to have you on the show on True Grit and grace and talk about your book. When is your book coming out? Hopefully,
• 49:51
  Randall Kaplan: it probably won't be till the end of next year. I missed every deadline that we've had. So Maron, if you're listening, I'm getting it done. But it's tough. You know, we talked about preparation. I'm also preparing, as I mentioned, to go out and do some paid corporate speaking on on the same topic. I'm memorizing a 37 page speech right now. And I work on it every day. And we're kind of every morning already
• 50:18
  Amberly Lago: seven page speech or memorizes 60
• 50:22
  Randall Kaplan: minutes. So I mean, that's what that's what the companies want. But it's there's a lot packed in there.
• 50:30
  Randall Kaplan: But it's i i don't know how much time I spent preparing on this so far. Writing it took forever and then you know, I I practice every day. Memorize
• 50:43
  Amberly Lago: and you know what, that's a thing that people don't understand. They think a lot of times, oh, you're getting 15k to go do this talk and it's like First of all, it was the years of learning the lessons to even be able to put together the talk. And then the stress of putting together and I say stress because I want to do a good job. So the hardest part for me sometimes is just like coming up with my opening, or you know, and then practicing and practicing and practicing.
• 51:13
  Amberly Lago: It's all the reps that you get in before that you actually go to the job
• 51:17
  Randall Kaplan: ceremony where we've already talked about extreme preparation, which is one of the been one of the hallmarks of my career and my success, and you've explained some of your experience with extreme preparation. But let's go back and talk about, in your view, what does it take to be successful? What are three to five ingredients? When you think about the word success,
• 51:37
  Amberly Lago: I really think in order to be successful, you have to know your why, like, why you're doing it. In fact, I just finished writing a book proposal for a new book. And I was explaining to the publisher that it was like, you know, when I first started, and was working on my first book, I had people that told me, you need to stick to fitness, you don't have a college education. I didn't even own a computer, to be honest with you, like six years ago, I didn't even know the computer.
• 52:12
  Amberly Lago: But I had a why. And I thought there has to be a reason. And all that I've been through that can serve pain to purpose and help other people. And so I think knowing your why is very important, because that's going to be your driving force. And I don't think that people get burnout from doing the things that they do. But I think they get burnout from forgetting why they started and why they're doing the things that they do.
• 52:42
  Amberly Lago: So I think it's remembering their why I think it's having a strong community. And having support with connection, I could not do it alone. I tried it and it didn't work. And I think that community is important. So get involved in a mastermind that you can brainstorm with, you can have that collaborative, you know, collaborations, you can support each other, but also get with the right community and seek counsel and not opinion. So what I mean by that is like when you tell somebody your big dreams or your goals and and perhaps they've never written a book, they're like, you can never write a book, what? Write a book, that's impossible. But if you ask someone who has already written a book, who's published, several books are like, Oh, of course this of course, what you can do this, these are the steps you need to take. So take step A, B and C, and you get good counsel on that instead of opinions on people who've never done the thing that you want to do. And then I think it's important to stick to your non negotiables, which is like when I've started to fail, or when I've started to burnout or when I've started to go back into healthy habits is when I've stopped doing my non negotiables which everybody has their non negotiables mine is prayer and gratitude practice and, and working out and connecting and being with my family and other things. But knowing your non negotiables and sticking to that so you can have sustainable success. I want
• 54:40
  Randall Kaplan: to switch gears for a minute and I want to talk about the dangerous things millions and millions and hundreds of millions of people knowingly do. Many millions of us like driving more than 100 miles an hour at times. Even more if we have faster cars and seeing how far how fast our cars go. Many millions of people like racing from zero to 60 or love racing someone when the light turns green from a red light. We talk about complete stupidity.
• 55:08
  Randall Kaplan: 9.1% of people don't wear seatbelts and 50% of traffic deaths come from people who are not wearing them. Here's a statistic in 2021 seatbelts saved an estimated 1000 seatbelts saved an estimated 14,955 lives and could have saved the lives of an additional 2549 people if they had been wearing seatbelts. Now let's talk about motorcycles. There are 9 million motorcycle riders in the United States in more than 200 million around the world as of last year. 19 states and the District of Columbia had universal helmet laws requiring all motorcyclists to wear a helmet while they The other 31 states had partial helmet laws, which only requires certain riders to wear helmets, usually based on age, and the US approximately 70% wear helmets and 30% Don't, which means 3 million people in the United States ride without them. In 2021 6084 people in the United States died from motorcycle crashes. Motorcyclists account for 14% of all crash related fatalities in the United States.
• 56:22
  Randall Kaplan: Even though they were only 3.5% of the vehicles on the road.
• 56:27
  Randall Kaplan: motorcyclists are 24 times more likely than passenger vehicle occupants to die in a car crash, and 40 times more likely than light truck occupants. And as you know, there's no sense of freedom with the sun. There's no sense of freedom, like when the wind is blowing in your face.
• 56:44
  Randall Kaplan: And you can feel the wind through your hair on a sunny day. I have a boat up in court, Elaine, I love it. We speak to the water when it's glass, the hairs blowing in your face. Why are people knowingly taking this risk? When they know it's so dangerous?
• 57:03
  Amberly Lago: Well, I think a lot of motorcyclist No, because I got a lot of friends with motorcycles with motorcycles.
• 57:10
  Amberly Lago: And you know, that there's always there's, you're either going down, or I mean, there's always a chance you're going down. But there is nothing like the freedom of riding and the wind and then with the wind blowing through your hair and being on the bike, and I think part of it is because it as a motorcyclist. You are so focused on being in the present. You're so focused on your surroundings.
• 57:42
  Amberly Lago: It's not like when you're in a car. And I hate to admit this, but I've texted while I've been driving, I know people are gonna hate me for that. But I mean, I do I have my car on autopilot, which doesn't make it any better. I know that I know it.
• 58:02
  Amberly Lago: But when you're on a motorcycle, you are fully in the present.
• 58:08
  Amberly Lago: And the only other thing I can describe that gives me the same present moment of being in that is when boxing and sparring. And when I'm boxing and I'm hitting the mitts. I'm not thinking of anything else, except for not getting hit in the face and hit limits. And but it's crazy to me to see out here in Texas because I lived in California where a helmet law was mandatory in Texas. It's not and I'm like, Oh my God, they're riding without a helmet. That is crazy. That is just crazy. And did you know that the best organ donors out there or they come from motorcyclist and the reason being is because most motorcyclists are younger, they have no previous illnesses or anything like that. But they have died in a horrible crash.
• 59:08
  Amberly Lago: But there are some of their organs that can be salvaged. And so I don't know why people can continue to do it. I can say that, you know, my husband still has his Texas chopper, sitting in the garage. But he lost his confidence to ride after my motorcycle accident and he stopped riding, he was a CHP motor sergeant, and he stopped, he stopped riding as a profession. And then he stopped riding his motorcycle because he knew what a good rider I was.
• 59:52
  Amberly Lago: And I'm not saying that to make myself say I was such a good rider. He knew what just what a safe rider I was. And that at any moment, man when God's got your ticket, you're done. Like, when your time's out, there's nothing you can do. It's done.
• 1:00:10
  Amberly Lago: You're You're done. And I think that it's it's scary nowadays with motorcyclists, especially in LA where we lived. So many people texting on the phone, so many so much traffic so much going on. Like I was completely going only 25 miles an hour when somebody T boned me that wasn't paying attention that was just in a hurry. And so I would encourage people to really think about what's important to them.
• 1:00:44
  Amberly Lago: For me, people ask me all the time, when are you going to ride again and I don't know, you know, I have not had a desire to write again. Now I take that back. I have had a moment of like, Ah, man, I miss my bike.
• 1:01:04
  Amberly Lago: I'd love to get back on. It's not worth it to me. My family is too important to me. My health is too important to me. Going through 34 surgeries was way too hard to ever think if anything happened. If I barely went down on a bike again, I would lose my leg. And I've worked too hard to save it.
• 1:01:27
  Randall Kaplan: My mom when I was younger, I was dying for a moped on 1314. A bunch of kids had them. She wouldn't let me.
• 1:01:34
  Randall Kaplan: I'm glad in hindsight that that she didn't when I was in college, and I mentioned on this podcast already, we did the Eurail pass, we're driving around, we're taking trains around Europe. And I remember that I remember standing on a street corner, waiting for the light to turn. And the next thing I knew and it happened so fast, you almost don't even believe it's happening when you see it. I remember the motorcycle going and I remember a car just running a red light.
• 1:02:03
  Randall Kaplan: Didn't see it. And the guy just went flying and I don't know how far he flew in the air. You could hear the thud when it hit him. And it was it was traumatic. I didn't go over and look at what had happened.
• 1:02:16
  Randall Kaplan: Obviously people rushed over there and there was a big commotion but I just I see riders in LA where you've lived.
• 1:02:24
  Randall Kaplan: I see people zooming in and out of traffic you're going 70 miles per hour and you're going to speed them and people are just flying in between you rush hour they're flying 50 miles per hour. I
• 1:02:44
  Amberly Lago: think you know what crave to like. I think that because I grew up on dirt bikes and I grew up I grew up on dirt bikes. My first available transportation was I had a moped and that's how I got school. And then I had an eight a three Harley Sportster, and then my next motorcycles with 1200 cc Sportster. I didn't know because it's what I grew up with. I didn't know that. Like, how unsafe that it could be. I guess I was always a bit of an adrenaline junkie. And, and loved pushing the pace. And I'll never forget, there was one time on Sunset Boulevard in California. I was at a stoplight ride on Sunset. And there was this Porsche that came up next to me and they were like, you want to race and I was like, hell yeah, I want to race. And I raced on my one. And I remember doing crazy stuff on my bike.
• 1:03:49
  Amberly Lago: This is before kids, when not you know, you're younger. And you're like feeling like you're invincible. Like, you don't think about death or harm or I didn't anyway. And I remember going up like pch at 130 miles an hour, like as fast as my back would go. And it was a thrill.
• 1:04:14
  Amberly Lago: It was amazing. I can't imagine doing anything like that now, but I think a lot of it was the fact that I grew up on dirt bikes, and I grew up with a note, you know, like a scooter.
• 1:04:30
  Amberly Lago: That was so cool. It was bright red with a bright red helmet. I always wore a helmet. But this accident changed everything for me. And for my husband, for sure. My whole family.
• 1:04:47
  Randall Kaplan: Yeah. Oh, by the way, we have a minute. So let's go very quick, maybe two minutes max on these final two questions if we can. Because I want to make sure that we we get it in.
• 1:05:00
  Randall Kaplan: So after you nearly died on a motorcycle, would you advise people not to ride a motorcycle today, given what happened to you?
• 1:05:09
  Amberly Lago: Yeah, I would say if you're gonna ride a motorcycle, do it in the middle of nowhere with no traffic and wear a helmet. So and you know what, like, people going to do what they're gonna do. It's like my husband has my husband hasn't sold his motorcycle. He rarely rides it. I mean, may rarely rides it. And you can't force anybody to do anything but you can only offer like your experience to share with them that how bad it can go. When
• 1:05:48
  Randall Kaplan: you look back at everything you've been through, and nearly dying in the deep despair and depression and having no money to where you are today getting up on stage and doing a TED Talk viewed by a million people and having people follow you on Instagram. What's the feeling when you're up on stage? And you're giving back?
• 1:06:07
  Randall Kaplan: And you know, people are listening to you and you're changing lives?
• 1:06:12
  Amberly Lago: Oh, thank you.
• 1:06:12
  Amberly Lago: That's such a awesome question.
• 1:06:16
  Amberly Lago: Well, the best part of my whole journey, and the reason I do, what I do is for connection. And me being able to get on stage is because I love ever since I was a little girl I've loved when I was a young dancer, and I could see people on the audience that would smile when they would see me dance, and I could bring them joy. Now, it's just moved into something completely different.
• 1:06:49
  Amberly Lago: Now I'm on stage. But I get to share my experience, strength and hope, and see how it transforms people's lives. And they get that spark of joy or transformation, and being able to connect with them and communities. That's been the most amazing part of my whole journey. So that's what I love about what I get to do. And the reason why I do what I do is because I love the connection with others, because for so long, I felt so alone in my journey and what I was doing and my struggles and pain. And when we connect with others, and we get to share our experience and go oh my gosh, me too. I relate with that. Then together, we're unstoppable.
• 1:07:34
  Randall Kaplan: So speaking about being on stage, tell us about Hammer time and MC Hammer.
• 1:07:36
  Randall Kaplan: Oh,
• 1:07:38
  Amberly Lago: my goodness. So that was fun. I moved to California, despite everybody saying, Oh, you'll never make it as a dancer. What Who do you think you are you are going to be back in two weeks to Texas like LA Hollywood's going to eat you up? Well, a month later, I auditioned for the MC Hammer music video and got it. So I got to be on a music video with MC Hammer. And I was like, Oh, I've made it. I'm in heaven. It was a 23 hour shoot. And I remember like, after about 20 hours laying on stage with MC Hammer and his crew going, I can't believe I'm here like this is amazing. And then afterwards, people in Texas that doubted me go, oh my god, I knew you could always do it. We knew you had it in you. And I was like so that was like the start of my career as a dancer. And from then it went on to traveling all over world dancing, and several other music videos with like Collective Soul and Melissa Etheridge, and so many more.
• 1:08:53
  Amberly Lago: It's been it was so much fun.
• 1:08:58
  Amberly Lago: Before we
• 1:08:59
  Randall Kaplan: finished today, I want to go ahead and ask some more open ended questions. I call this part of my podcast fill in the blank to excellent, so ready to play?
• 1:09:07
  Amberly Lago: Yeah, let's do it.
• 1:09:07
  Randall Kaplan: The biggest lesson I've learned in my life is to trust my gut, my number one professional goal is
• 1:09:16
  Amberly Lago: to make the biggest impact I can.
• 1:09:18
  Randall Kaplan: My biggest regret in my life is not trusting my gut. The one thing I've dreamt about doing for a long time is writing my next book. If you could go back in time, what's the one piece of advice you would give to your 21 year old self,
• 1:09:37
  Amberly Lago: to believe in myself to stop believing in the boyfriend that I had at the time, that told me I wasn't good enough who shamed me for wanting to be a professional dancer and shamed me for wanting to be a fitness instructor. To believe in myself and stop believing my stepfather who abused me and told me I would never amount to anything to believe in myself and stop believing my stepmom Who said I'm making a big mistake. And just believe in myself, I think when we believe in ourself that we can achieve unsurmountable goals. Someone
• 1:10:27
  Randall Kaplan: once told me the most powerful words in the English in the English language.
• 1:10:30
  Randall Kaplan: The four most powerful words are I believe in you. I think it's so important when you have somebody who believes in you telling you that they back you.
• 1:10:40
  Randall Kaplan: I think it's
• 1:10:41
  Amberly Lago: if you can, you know what, thank you for saying that because you know right before this, I just got off of a call with one of my coaching clients. And I had to have a kind of a come Jesus call with her because it was like, you gotta get yourself in gear. And I was like, I believe in you, because I really do. I was like, I believe in you. And she's like, thank you. Your belief in me means everything. And it does when you have somebody believe in you sometimes that's all you need is a little bit of somebody to believe in you before you can believe in yourself.
• 1:11:18
  Randall Kaplan: If you could make one person in the world, who would it be?
• 1:11:23
  Amberly Lago: Brad Pitt?
• 1:11:26
  Randall Kaplan: Are you doing anything to try to meet them?
• 1:11:28
  Amberly Lago: Oh, no, I don't know. I haven't really but maybe if you Brad Pitt, I'm sure as listening to this episode, I'm sure Yeah, and I'm sure.
• 1:11:38
  Randall Kaplan: Check in with me. Because yeah, we're tight.
• 1:11:42
  Amberly Lago: Yeah, Brad Pitt. I kind of like him. No, I like his so sobriety story. Um, okay. I really think he's hot too. Okay.
• 1:11:54
  Randall Kaplan: The one class is that terrible
• 1:11:56
  Amberly Lago: that I say that?
• 1:11:59
  Randall Kaplan: You're well, we all have crushes on certain people. I got a crush on my peloton. Instructor. I mean, she's no longer there. But I was very excited once when, you know, she liked one of my photos. I'm happily married. I love my wife more than anything.
• 1:12:11
  Randall Kaplan: But you know,
• 1:12:14
  Amberly Lago: like, you're like, Oh, my God, she liked my photo.
• 1:12:17
  Amberly Lago: I
• 1:12:17
  Randall Kaplan: don't think that's bad at all. What's the one question you wish? I asked you but didn't?
• 1:12:22
  Amberly Lago: Oh, my goodness.
• 1:12:22
  Amberly Lago: Are you kidding me? You ask the best questions ever. Like this has been the most amazing podcast interview, I can understand why people love you, and they love your podcast. And I feel like after this experience, that you're a good friend of mine. And so I appreciate you and all your questions. And I just I really can't, couldn't ask for anything more. You're amazing.
• 1:12:52
  Randall Kaplan: Oh, that's very kind of you to say I greatly appreciate that I, I do pride myself on my preparation. It's really amazing. When people do their prep, the immediate level of respect that people give you and I do so much coaching on this and all of my mentees and people I coach all, all know, I just I preach it. And as I mentioned, I'm writing a book called extreme preparation, but I greatly, greatly greatly appreciate the compliment. I also feel like we're friends. I know we're going to be lifelong friends. I look forward to meeting you in person. You have an amazing, inspirational story.
• 1:13:29
  Randall Kaplan: I'm inspired, just listening to you and doing all the work. So thank you for being here. I want everyone to go out. Listen to your TED Talk, buy your book and go to your mastermind. So Amberley you're awesome. Thanks for being here.
• 1:13:43
  Amberly Lago: Thank you. And you know what, we need to have you on my podcast with your new book.
• 1:13:48
  Randall Kaplan: I'd love I'd love to be on it. I'm behind.
• 1:13:51
  Randall Kaplan: Like I say got a
• 1:13:52
  Amberly Lago: shout your book out. So I want to have you on True Grit and grace for me to promote your book. When is your book coming out?
• 1:13:58
  Randall Kaplan: Probably by the end of next year. I've got I'm way behind so as I mentioned, but okay,
• 1:14:03
  Amberly Lago: well, we'll do it when it comes out. We'll do it.
• 1:14:05
  Amberly Lago: I have everybody. Listen to your interview and I will do lots of preparation but before then we will have probably hung out in person and had a good time and for
• 1:14:18
  Randall Kaplan: sure. Take care and I look forward to speaking soon and meeting soon as well. I appreciate you. Thank ya