Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Love Don't Cost A Thing...Except It Does

Transcript

Love Don't Cost A Thing...Except It Does · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I do part two as a one of a kind
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: experience in podcasting and love.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: If you don't get right the first time, we're here
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: to help you get it right the next time.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly ben Simone from
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: the Real Housewives of New York and I know firsthand
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: that love stories don't always have fairy tale endings, but
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: that doesn't mean.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: You should give up on love.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Today, I'm going to be joined with another one of
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: our celebrity mentors. You know her as former pro dancer
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: for twenty six seasons on Dancing with the Stars, and
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: she's the host of the podcast Sex, Lies and Spray Tans.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Please welcome Cheryl Burke to the podcast.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: Hi Cheryl, Hi, how are you Kelly?
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: How are you?
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: I'm great? Thank you? How are you?
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Oh my god?
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: First of all, you're so beautiful. Your life drop dead? Thanks,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: drop you dead. We have so much to talk about.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: We have so much in common.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: I read a little bit about you. I saw a
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: couple of your past interviews, so yes, we do have
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: a lot in common.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Actually, I mean you were a dancer, I was a model.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: You have pretty long hair. I have pretty long hair.
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: I mean, if I really were to take if I
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: were to be real this, most of the hair is fake,
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: you know, but it is what it is.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: It's fine, You're beautiful. We do have a lot in common.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: We've been we both have been through a lot of
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: difficult times in our past with relationships, with finding love.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: So tell us a little bit about your.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Relationship and why you think that it didn't work out
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: or why you know it didn't work out.
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I think I'll just go backwards here.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: So now right as of today, I am single and
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: celibate for the last three years, and I have definitely
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: found power in that. I used to be a serial dater,
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: so I always went from man to man to man,
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: never had maybe a couple days off, like I'm not
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: exaggerating whatsoever. And with my marriage to my ex husband,
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: you know, we actually met when I first started Dancing
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: with the Stars through his older brother who did Dancing
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: with the Stars back in season three. So that was
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: like in two thousand and seven, and I was very
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: new to this entertainment industry and it was just bad timing,
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: I guess too, because he was obviously still is, i'm assuming,
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: an actor and he started as a child, and I
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: was just at the height of the success of Dancing
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: with the Stars. So we were on tour. We did
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: two seasons a year, two tours a year, so I
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: was just like working all around the clock, barely had
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: a day off. And so we dated for a year
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: and then we reconnected about a decade later and started
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: dating and soon after got married. So and now not married.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Right, So serial dater to getting married to not getting married.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: So dating someone marrying.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Someone who was not in your financial bracket, right, I
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: don't know how how better to say it.
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: We we just weren't I guess he wasn't necessarily working
• 3:23
  Speaker 4: right the time. Yeah, as much he was working, but
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: not as much.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Right, So that must have been really stressful because you
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: were traveling and your hours are crazy, and you're worth
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of new people.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: And I kind of.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: Knew what I was getting into, you know, like I
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: am that's just my personality, Like I am never going
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: to not make money. I think that comes from my mother,
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: who's rags to riches story, you know, and I've seen
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: her hustle, was raised with her hustle. So that's who
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: I am ultimately, and I am actually proud of that.
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: There's no shame with that for sure, And I knew
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: what I was marrying, so like I knew what I
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: was getting into financially. However, it did take a toll,
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: I would say more. Maybe I'm not going to speak
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: for him. I'm not here to bad mouth and whatsoever.
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: But I believe that there is this gender role right
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: where a man may feel a little emasculated when he
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: doesn't make the majority of the money, and I think
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: that may have taken a toll.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: So this episode is a lot about prenups. Did you
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: guys have a prenup?
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: Absolutely?
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And why did you get the prenup? Well, you know,
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: for obvious reasons. I mean I got a prenup. My
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: family actually they were very involved with that. They my
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: mother wanted you know, me to be protected. I also,
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: my family has some money and we had to protect
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: the family estate, but also for me as well. It clearly,
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: you know, I was the one making more money, so
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: my mom, you know, I owned a home and.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: There's just a lot of little details.
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: I don't think a lot of people know when it
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: comes to especially in California, you know, So I'm not
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: sure if this is true. What we could ask the professional,
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: who's about to be here soon? I hear that if
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: somebody plants a succulent actually on your property, they could
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: fight for your property if you guys divorce and without
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: a prenup, that is. But that was no easy conversation.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Right, I was just going to ask that, how did
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: you approach that? You're like, let's go pumpkin picking and
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: talk prenups?
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: Like an ultimatum. Yeah, it was a full on ultimatum
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: and my prenup attorney. First of all, it's not cheap.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: It was.
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: It consisted of like seventy to eighty five pages long,
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: of lots of words and lots of fine detail and
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: fine print. But this was something that my attorney suggested
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: was to make sure I hire him an attorney as well.
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: So that was definitely part of the deal. And I understood,
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: like it's all good, but I have to say that
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: it definitely it raised a lot of concerns, especially on
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: his behalf, but there was really not much to do.
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: Either we do this and we get married or we don't.
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: And it's pretty black and white.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: You know, you and I are so similar because I
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: also prepare to prenup for my ex fiance, and you know,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: I had this amazing lawyer that just really wanted to
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: make sure that I was protected and my girls were protected.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: Yes, you have kids, so that's yes, I do.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and just my you know, the opportunity for me
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: to make a lot of money in the future with
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: just real estate and working in a lot of different states.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to make sure that I was going
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: to be safe. He was married twice before, he's got
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: a lot of kids, and so I just didn't want
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: you know, I was trying to be optimistic, but I
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: also needed to be protective of my own self. And
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: you know, it was interesting how he had the prenup
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: for a while and I was just always like, like
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: a couple of weeks.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I was like, you can read it and sign it
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: whenever you want.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: Did you guys, what was the conversation Like prior to that, there.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Wasn't a conversation. I just wasn't. I was like, here,
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: here's the prenup. It's coming to your way.
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: Did he know there was a prenup coming?
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: I mean I didn't.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Again, like it wasn't like pumpkins and prenups like you know,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: It's like I literally went to I went to the
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: lawyer and then afterwards, I said, you know, oh, there's
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: going to be you know, a letter coming your way
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: and you just want to check it out, and you know,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: see what the situation was. And it just really put
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: me off. It really put me off that someone wouldn't
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: want me, someone that wanted to marry me so badly
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to make sure that I was protected
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: and provide for that really really bothered me. I think
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: it really, I was just like what I was like,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm like an on and off switch.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Like I just am like the mint.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: If I find if I feel like any fear, I'm
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: like fight or flight, I'm like.
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: Nope, yeah, no, I hear you're closed. I'm so used
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: to that fight or flight or freeze feeling. It's insane.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I just wonder though, Like I remember
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: my you know, the conversation. Obviously it was like there
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: was you know, questions of do I not trust you
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: know him, and all of that, and obviously you know,
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: this is separate from love. Money does not equal love,
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: and that is something that I think it's hard to
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: and still is for me to this day. You know,
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: back in the day, I thought I can control people
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: with my money, and you know, obviously that is not
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: the case it and that has a lot to do
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: also with the way I was raised. Maybe I don't know.
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: I mean, I do know. I've been in therapy my
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: whole life. But at the end of the day, like
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: I and I guess how the lines can be blurred
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: and I understand and I don't understand, but I can
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: have a little bit of a compassion, you know, for
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: that other person. But for someone to just call off
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: an engagement because you're wanting to protect your assets and
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: you're it's something that we don't get our money handed
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: to us, like we work our asses off money, and
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: I know it ain't easy, and I'm so sorry.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Thank you for saying that. Yeah, thank you for saying that.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: There's no brand of money Tree, no house wives everywhere.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Regardless if I come from. But my parents are very
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: protective over I am.
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: Well over eighteen, I'm forty years old, and I also
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: have my own ego and pride, like I'm not going
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: to ask mommy and Daddy for anything I never have, right.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: So it's interesting because a lot of people are, you know, like, Okay,
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: we're talking you're talking about prenups like Kelly, and they're like,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: is it just for you know, women in their like
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: forties and fifties, and it's there was a study that
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: millennials forty seven percent of millennials are getting prenups.
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, and so they should.
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: Everyone should get a prenup if if, if it's worth it,
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: because it's not worth it if you guys are both
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: not you know, you're just But if.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: You've made a little money.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: There was twenty thousand dollars That money at twenty years old,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: if you put it away for yourself could be a
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: lot of money. It's you know, so you know, I
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: think that it's just really I think it's really important.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: You know, Listen, I made the mistake. I should have
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: talked to my ex earlier.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: I did. I made a mistake. I did. I made
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: a mistake.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: I should have had like a more open conversation with him.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I just have never had an open conversation with anyone
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: about finances outside of my father. And so he's deceased,
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: so he's not available. Hi Dad, love you say mom? Hi.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: So you know, I I should have probably had more
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: of a you know, different narrative, but I am actually
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: glad that I didn't have one at the beginning, because
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I may have. I may have been like, well, think
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: about it, or he might have like maybe taught said, oh,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: you don't worry about it. We're gonna have a traditional marriage,
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be like, Okay, so if we get
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: divorced or what if I die, I'm taking care of
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: your kids.
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: It's not comfortable to have these conversations.
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: And then, by the way, it's the easiest thing to
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: do is not to have it, right, Like I mean really,
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: but then at the end of the day you start
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: to understand that, okay, well, without the communication, things are
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: going to either blow up or have cause resentment. And
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: I think this prenup definitely caused resentment within our marriage absolutely.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: So what about the press.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: You've been through the press and it hasn't been easy
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: for you. So what did you think about the press,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: you know, talking about your prenup.
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: Well, let me first say that because of the prenup,
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: my divorce was pretty easy, right, So there was like
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: that is the positive of it all, Like it was
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: very lean and clear as far as what was happening
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: and the next steps moving forward. So that in itself
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: saved a lot of headache and stress. Now, as far
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: as press goes, I mean, I mean, I've been on
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: Dancing with the Stars. I was on it since two
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: thousand and seven, never and I did twenty six seasons
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: of it, and I went, I mean, I've been on.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: The press for my weight.
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: I've been on the press for my all of my
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: twenty six partners I've hooked up with, which is all
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: a lie, right, like no, not even I mean Wayne
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: Newton maybe, but kidding, but like I love it. It's
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: this was this too shall pass like it's so, I mean,
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: there's gonna be bigger and better news soon.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: So like that was what I was.
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: It's not so much that it was more like for me,
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: I get affected still and I can't wait till the
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: day I don't, but I do get I care about
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: what other people think of me, and I'm not even
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: gonna lie.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: Like this is yeah, this is what I do.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: My my my publicist, you know, when he broke the
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: news to the press and talked about the prenup, you know,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I've had such bad press,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: Like I mean, I get great press from my work,
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: but for my housewives life. It's like you're crazy, you're nuts,
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: you're stupid, you're an idiot, You're this, you're that, you're awful.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: And I literally was like, he was like, shut your
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: phone off and just go to bed. And I was
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: actually getting a chronic while we were organizing this, and
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm serendipitous. I'm like I'm getting a colonic
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: time to time to sever the ties. And uh so
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: he was just like, shut your phone off, and so
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I did. And in the morning, people were like clapping
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: and I would I was getting like all these clapping emojis,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: and I'm just like, oh my, oh my.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: Gosh, like did you not say what was going to happen.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: I'm just so used to people saying that I'm nuts
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: and crazy and stupid and idiot and awful and ugly
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: and fat and whatever it is, and that I you know,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: I was just shell shocked.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: And then I thought to myself, oh my god, like
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: I could actually help people like navigate these waters because
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: to your point, you know, it's just the transparency is
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: just it.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: It makes everything.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: It's like everyone talks about like you know, your partner's
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: your best friend open up to them. Well okay, so
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: you're opening up to them on all these different levels
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: and telling them all these things, but then when it
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: comes to your finances, it's like, oh, just whatever happens, devil,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: make care. And you know I I I'm so grateful
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: for him, and I'm just so grateful for the press
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: to be so proactive and supportive of me.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: It really meant a lot.
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I'm not shocked by that, just because, like,
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: especially in today's age, I think maybe back in maybe
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: the renaissance ages, people would have been like, who are you,
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: especially as a woman, you know, But I totally am
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: with you. I think this is why I'm People are
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: like you overshare and I'm like okay, but I know
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: I'm helping somebody feel like they're not alone regardless, And
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: I think that's why, you know, I have chosen to
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: talk about it with respect still to my ex obviously
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: about my everything. I've talked about my mental health. I've
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: talked about my sexual assault situation, being molested as little girl,
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: like I have. I've been an open book and I
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: know that I when I was a little girl going
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: through that, I wish I could actually hear someone else
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: who had a platform talk about it as well.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I love that I'm learning, I'm trying. I have a
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: therapist now, which i've I've had a little on and
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: off therapist. But I'm like, okay, how do I be
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: a queen? And she's like, no more, try to be
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: a queen, Kelly. She's like this, you need to get
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: raw and real, and like, what is it that's making
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: you attracted to these kind of men? And why would
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: you even put yourself in a position like that? You
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: have You've raised two girls on your own, You've survived,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: you know, the wrath of you know, wildness for so
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: many years and still made it through the other side.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Like why would you put your thoughtslf through this? And
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: like what are your thoughts on that?
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: Well? Why what was your answer? Why do you attract
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: men like that?
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: Well?
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: You said it in one of your in one of
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: your articles, I think it was. I think it was
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: like online you just said, like you picked, You're the
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: wrong picker.
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I'm a bad picker because of the abuse
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: I dealt with as a little girl, that my definition
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: of a man wasn't necessarily stable, right, So my mother
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: and father divorced when I was two. My very first
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: memory as a kid was seeing my father with another woman,
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: and then it just then I got molested when I
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: was about six years old, when to testify againstim at nine,
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: and then from then on my whole high school career,
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: I dated abusive men because that was my normal, right
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: was my normal was that there was no normalcy as
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: far as what a healthy relationship is. And when there
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: was a good man that came or across my path,
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: I was turned off by him because that was not
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: something I was used to. But this is why I'm
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: choosing to be single and celibate, because I need to
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: retrain my brain and that takes time.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think that that's you. And you're
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: sober as well.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: Yes, for six years.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: That's incredible.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: I mean that's so good because you're we're talking about
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: the transparency. We're talking about that clarity, and now you're
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: able to like see what is good for you and
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: for your life, and.
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: Which is also really hard because I also left the
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: show for similar reasons. Like when I'm when I chose
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: to be sober, my I became so clear that I
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: was no wonder I was drinking and numbing you.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Know, and were you numbing because of the pain from
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: the from the.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Pain in general?
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: If I never felt my feelings like it was and
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: when you don't feel your feelings though, it's easily said
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: than done, for sure, And I'm still currently I'm a
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: work in progress. I'm not perfect intellectually, I get it,
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: But when it comes down to it, I am a
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: professional number, even if it's not through alcohol or whatever. Like,
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: I can numb through work and I can be so
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: busy if I want to that I don't have to
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: ever face my feelings. And I think that is an
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: actual in society today, what we're all doing, to be
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: quite honest.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I hope not doing that. I work
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: so much.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: How busy are you, Cherry?
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Maybe I'm doing that, Oh my god.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: One thing at a time, a forever thing.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Like moment with you. I'm gonna pay you a hard
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: dollars when we're done.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: No, I don't need your money, girl.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: What do you What do you think of the double
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: standard for women and for prenups.
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: I don't like I haven't really thought too much about it.
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: I really don't think it's our problem. I think it's
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: the person who's receiving the prenup, which if it's the woman,
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: then it's the person she's marrying, and it depends on
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: that person's ego. Like, I don't know, I think people
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: are very I think especially now, like I said earlier,
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: people congratulate you for it. I think it's important to
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: uh protect yourself regardless of who it is, a woman,
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: a man, whatever. If you don't go by any gender,
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: so be it. Like this is just life and we
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: work too hard for us to give that away.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, it's just it's insane.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's just like the whole thing is just
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: you know, I actually took I mean, I'm not celibate,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: but I did take the summer off. And I have
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: so many of my friends asking, you know, oh, when
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: are you gonna start dating again? And I actually started
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: going on a couple of.
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: Dates, which was like I hate that question.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: It was just really it was really awful.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I'm like it doesn't you know, they're like, oh, she's
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: just like would someone say like kick the dust off
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: or something.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, I'm sorry, what dust?
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, plane break, so there's no dust anywhere near me
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: or around me or perfectionism.
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: Perfectionism is attact just like mine. That's a whole other conversation.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: Do you think do you think the prenupts are unromantic?
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: No, it's real. And I wish if I could have
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: done it all over again. I wish I was because
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: like anybody, I'm sure and I think, like you, I
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: don't don't want to speak for you, but it was
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: uncomfortable for me to have this conversation and we went
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: to couple's therapy the moment we got back together the
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: second time around, like the moment, like that was a requirement,
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: it was non negotiable, no matter, you don't go to it.
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: For me, I don't believe in just going to therapy
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: when there's problems. You go before there's problems, because then
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: you can really, you know, have those conversations because you're
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: still at the honeymoon phase and god knows how long
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: that lasts before you know, you talk about marriage. And look,
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: there was a lot of red flags for me, and
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: I think selfishly, I wanted to see if I could
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: get married. I don't know if I was ready either,
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: you know. And it was like a production. I made
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: it literally, I made it like a Dancing with the
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: Star's scene, like I worked with Mindy Weiss. We tried
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: to micromanage her. It was a whole thing like this
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: was there's just so many red flags.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Oh my god. I also had red flags.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: And it's interesting you say that because now, like looking back,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: I am saying like, Okay, you know, I probably my
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: own self was probably telling my myself like, if he
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: doesn't sign the pre nup, you're gonna be fine because
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: he doesn't really want to be with you. My you know,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: my red flags were just you know, to be hundred
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: percent transparent. And this is not to be a huge dig,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: but his his life with his ex wives was so
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: messy and it was such a distraction and I just
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: didn't have anything to do with it, and I just could.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: It was just messy.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: What did your kids think about him?
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: My kids, my kids, you know, you know, I'm so lucky, Cheryl,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: so lucky. I just have a really great kids. And
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: they you know, they've been through a lot. I mean
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: they've been through they've been through the you know, Housewives,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: which is really really not the show was hard, but
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: just like you know how some of the housewives can
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: just be like just denamous. They're twenty four and twenty
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: six and they've just like grown to be like such
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: amazing humans and I'm so proud of that that you,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: oh my god, thank you appreciate that. So some of
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: the red flags were just like you know, messiness with
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: you know, with his his exes.
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: Did he ever sign a prenup with them?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: He tried to post up with one of them. But
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: you know, I just was that was just messy and
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: it was just too much. I didn't want anything to
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: do with it. And that was something because I love children,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, if you can't get along with me,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: you can't get along with anybody. I mean, I am
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: the most easy going person, but if I don't like something,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: I'm like.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: Er good for you.
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: Like we all have that, right, We all have an intuition.
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: The question is if you follow it or not? You know,
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: and you try and release control, because we can't control
• 22:26
  Speaker 4: anybody but ourselves.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Actually, I think that because I travel so much, and
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: you know, I work in all these different cities and
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: I travel a lot, and I have a very unusual
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: work schedule, I think that, you know, he kind of
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: thought that I wasn't paying attention and that what you know,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: that it was just kind of like, Okay, I actually
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: was paying attention.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: I just was like not interested. I was like, yeah,
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: I don't like that kid.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: If I can handle two, if I can raise two
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: kids and provide for two kids and not have all
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: I've said this million times, like I don't mind if
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: you have baggage, like you know, shebaiton a little gooch,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: you know, like the Farrel edition.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: It's not like emotional baggage.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: First of all, I don't have the keys for a
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: storage locker. I'm not going to the storage locker. I'm like,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: this is just not my vibe. I I can't do that.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: It's not happening.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: And he worked.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: Did he make money?
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: He worked?
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: No?
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: No, he worked, he weren't so you know he worked,
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: but you know I was.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, I I just have the more of more
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: of an earning potential. Let's talk Let's talk about that
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: again too, about like just being with men who you
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: know married to men, being with men who who you
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: know make less, like because I have done, I've.
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: Only been with men that make less. And I think
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: that's my issue with control. So I don't know if
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: I could ever. I mean, I'm trying to change that
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: because I don't. I think that there is a psychological
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: issue there that I've been again working on with my therapist.
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: But I am a controlling woman obviously, and I am
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: and this is a pattern for me, right, So I've
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: never not even I've never dated anybody who was more
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: successful than me.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: So I've only dated a couple younger guys. The majority
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: of the handful of guys that I've dated have been
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: extremely successful. So except the namic one of them was
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: younger and he was like starting off in finance and
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: he had an amazing job. But most of them my
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: serious guys. I mean it's different, like guys you hang
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: out with. That's different, but like you know, real boyfriends.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: They were all really really successful, but they you know,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: someone when amen younger, And you know, it's funny because
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: when I was with them, I would be like, you know,
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: I would be so I was like so like attracted
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: to the love and having the best time, but like
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: in the back of my head, I was always thinking, like,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm provided for my kids, I've done this
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: all this on my own.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: Who is going to take care of me?
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: And sometimes it gets exhausting, Cheryl to be like constantly
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: like sometimes I feel like the little hamster on the wheel,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: just like.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can do it.
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: I can do it.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: You know, I can do these places. I can get
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: this next deal, I can bring this. I can do that.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: On my head, I know, I get it.
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: I mean, this transition from this being on the show
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: and having consistent work too then choosing not to be
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: on it has been It is still hard. It's hard,
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: you know, right, But going back to the reason why
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: I think for me, I thought I could. I thought
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: that if I made more, I was more successful, that
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: they wouldn't cheat on me. And that's the big fear
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: of mine, is infidelity.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's really funny, because you know it's
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: so funny is because I would say, like, whatever if
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: like we get into a fight or whatever, and they'd
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, I just met this twenty three year old.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, son them a book and I'll
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: sign it. Awful. I'm awful. I could be awful.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: I know I'm not, but awful no.
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: I I hear.
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: I mean, I look at hear what I've been saying,
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: Like I'm a full on control freak. Like I would
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: like to say I'm recovering, but I'm not recovering yet
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: I'm still there.
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: That's why I'm not the way the way.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: The book that I was going to send to them
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: was called it Can Make You Hot, So wow.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: It's worse.
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: I'm sure they would find that I can't.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I can't make I'm sorry. I'm just being honest. I'm like,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I just I just need to be transparent.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: Do you think this.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Stereotype of men needing to make money will ever go away?
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: It's just not true.
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: So people could still live in the renaissance ages, that's fine,
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: but I mean everyone evolves and so does this world,
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: and that honestly just isn't true anymore. So my I think,
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: and I also know that, like my mother was the
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: breadwinner in both of her marriages, so I don't know
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: anything else.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: It's interesting because like my daughters, you know, they're twenty
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: four and twenty six, and they're you know, some of
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: their friends are single parents.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: And my youngest daughter.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: She's like, Mommy, you're single, but you're not like you
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: were divorced but separated, but you're not really like a
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: divorce mom. Like, no, I'm not marry that means I said.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: She goes, well, we're not raised like that, because you're
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: like the mom and the dad. We weren't really raised
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: like that. But she's like, other moms are not like you,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: and they are looking for these men and desperate for
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: these men. And when I go on these dates, these
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: guys are like they want to know what vacation were
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: going on. I'm like, vacation, like I don't have timeification Like,
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a minute, you just asked me. You
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: were just complaining about a woman going on vacation with you,
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: and then now you're mad at me because I'm working
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: so I can't see you until Thursday.
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: How long was your break from your breakup with your
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: ex that you were going to marry to dating?
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: So we broke up at the end end of June.
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then when did you start dating again?
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: I'm just recently in the past, like a couple of minutes,
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: got it?
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: No, I like, I'm not looking for anybody. I am
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: first of all, the fact that I'm alone, like I
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: live alone with my friend Siet. I'm like, and I
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: love this life too much. My therapist is like, I'm
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: a little worried about you. It's been three years, and
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: I'm like, listen, you know, for every narcissist you date,
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: supposedly you need to give back to yourself.
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: Like two years.
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: This is from doctor Romney, and I'm like, well, I
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: still got a couple more years.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Like I'm so if you can't drink and you can't
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: and you're not doing to have sex, what about like dance.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Lessons I've retired, remember, I know, but it's a little
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: dirty dancing.
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: I mean I could teach you it's a door but
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: er no, I'm talking about you and your boyfriend or
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: whoever your day.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: Have like poor let it's like hideous.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Please I would love that, but no, but you don't
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: want what about like just like.
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: I have zero interest in dating. I'm not looking for anyone.
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: I am definitely I know I'm looking for me at
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: the moment. Like I'm currently trying to figure out my
• 29:01
  Speaker 4: identity was so outside of me. The show was my identity.
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: Everything that was so not uh, something that you could
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: definitely just take.
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: Out of my life.
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: I don't want that feeling ever again in my life.
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: Like I want to be able to find happiness within myself.
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: And let me tell you, with a lot of the
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: stuff that I've I guess not dealt with. It's all
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: coming up right now at the moment, and so I
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: still have a lot to work on within myself before
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: I even am interested in dating. I've never been on
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: a dating app. I have zero interest, none of it.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I actually went on dating app the summer and I
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: talked about in my last podcast, and my housewives's nemesis
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: end up dating him.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: So that was hideous.
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: Is your housewife's nemesis.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to mention her.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: Okay, no need.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: To have a certain age.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: Anyway, back to the show, pubs, let's talk about setting
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: me up.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: Let's get serious, you know, like now that I'm dating. Oh,
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: I'm done.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I had my time, took a summer off, I'm studying
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Texas life. I mean, I'm dating, but like I want
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: to date with intention.
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: Oh okay, so then you should get rid of the
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: person you're talking to first, then we can talk.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: Are you into dancers?
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: I mean I don't know how to dance, but I
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: would learn how to dance.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: Opposites a tract? Okay, tell me what what are like?
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: What what are.
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: The physical features that you want versus what type of
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: personality traits are you looking for?
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: I would like a head, shoulder, sneeze, and toes.
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, nowadays you never know, No what am.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: I looking for? I'm looking for? You know?
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Actually it's funny because I don't really have like a
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: specific body type, like my kids are, like, you don't
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: really have a type. I've dated blondes, I've dated brunettes.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: I've dated shorter.
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: Do they have to be fit?
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: No, I've dated like some some chubbies. I've dated some
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: like lean guys. I've dated like yeah, I'm like, I'm.
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: How about personality traits? Is it okay if he was
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: married before?
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, just as long as doesn't not messy, Just as
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: long as there's no like I hate my ex wife.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: She's calling me every day.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: It's like, you don't hate your ex wife, you want
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: to talk to her if she's calling you every day?
• 31:07
  Speaker 4: Are you avoidant or anxious attachment or secure attachment?
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: Oh my god?
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: These are really intense questions. Can I write these down?
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: This's like an SAT question for like romance. Oh my god,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: I am I think that I When I love, I like,
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: really I have a lot of energy. I mean, you're
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: you're talking to me, I'm like literally gonna leap out
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: of the out of the screen.
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: But like when it comes do you run away from committed?
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: Are you scared? Or do you attached? Like do you
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: like I'm anxious attachment.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: I'm like a wallaby.
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: Joeyan like woo, yeah, okay, so you're so it supposedly
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: statistics say I could be wrong here, but my therapist
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: said this that anxious and avoidant always most of the
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: time end up together.
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: And my ex was avoidant and I'm very anxious.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: So so I mean all of those I have to
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: actually look up all those different terms. I do not
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: know your your Your emotional intelligence is a twelve and
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: mine is a preschoolers.
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: So I've been in therapy since I was five for
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: obvious reasons. So that's why we just started.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: I'm going to talk to my therapist, like, there's some
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: words I learned.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: Do you like?
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure. She's very nice. She's actually so nice.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: She's like very warm with me.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So what have you learned from yourself from being single?
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: Wow?
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: Well, the whole identity thing, you know. I said this
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: on my during my goodbye speech with Tyra Banks when
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: she was hosting the show a couple of years ago,
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: and I was like this show has been my identity,
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: and I'd like to say that it has now changed,
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: because that for me was worse than my divorce was
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: when I retired from the show, because it was a
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: part of my life since I moved to La Like
• 32:47
  Speaker 4: I went from Harlem, you know, being a starving competitive
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: ballroom dancer with my partner slash boyfriend, and it was
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: not a great healthy relationship whatsoever, to not even having
• 32:58
  Speaker 4: a voice, to then having my own voice. And I
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: still credit the show to this day for helping me
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: with just finding my own voice, but then also that
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: it's not my identity, you know, and having to separate
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: that knowing that really the only that when people say
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: you make me feel complete, that's a cracish like only
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: you can make yourself feel complete, and that starts with
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: self love, self care and prioritizing yourself and being selfish
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: but in a good way, and all of that is
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: what I'm currently learning.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, you're such a thoughtful person.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: I love that, and it's entirely just a beautiful I
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: love her, just a beautiful human. Well, so are you,
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: And I really appreciate that and I appreciate your honesty.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: Let's see what have I learned.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: I I've learned that sleeping in my bed alone is okay.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: I've learned that I actually really kind of like myself.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: I used to like not like myself.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: I used to be like, like everything that everyone's saying
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: is is going through my head and I am.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: All those things.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: And I walk down the street, I would be like
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: one of those people that's like, you know, I would
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: see people and they.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: Would like pop up, be like you're crazy.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: I hate you because it's just like social media came
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: out when I first started, so like that's just all
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: I thought, and so I was just constantly in a
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: sea of insecurity. And recently in the past, like I
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: don't know, I've had this crazy, wild awakening just you know,
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: with all this new responsibility for myself and I had
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: to move out in an apartment and try to find
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: an apartment within a day and just really like taking
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: control of my life overnight. I like felt just feel
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: very very very proud of myself, which I never have ever.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: And it just feels really really good to feel proud,
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: really good awesome.
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: I mean, like talk about resilience right, like I mean
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: fight flight or freeze to its finest what name three
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: things about yourself that you love.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: My energy, my kindness and thoughtfulness towards others, and my
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: ability to see the best in things.
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: Now, name three physical traits you love about yourself that
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: you love.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: I really like my hair, I really, I really. I
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: hate my sorrisis.
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: No, that's not part of it. That wasn't the question.
• 35:33
  Speaker 4: Two more things, come on, two more.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, I really like my hair. My eyes look fired today.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: They're green, they do so I like those. And I
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: love my teeth.
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: Look at your cheekbones. You look snatched girl like. I
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: would love to have your face structure.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. That was really
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: nice and that was a nice exercise. I really appreciate that.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: What do you think?
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: Sorry to jump jump to another topic. I feel like
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: we're like on like prenup ad D here, but what
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: is what?
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: Why are they so expensive? Why are these preanups so expensive?
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: Well, I mean think about it. You're actually it's not
• 36:07
  Speaker 4: that expensive. If you put everything into perspective, it's worth
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: every single penny, especially if you're trying to save your
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: life savings and you know whomever is attached to you,
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: it's actually worth every penny to be quite honest. I
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: don't regret it whatsoever. You know, why is its expensive
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: because they can they can't charge that much because there's
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: not a lot of people that work in this business.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Right exactly.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: All right, guess what we are going to bring are
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: guest the CEO and founder of Hello Prenup to talk
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: more about all of this.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: Hello, Hi, Julia.
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: So nice to see you both. Kelly. I also love
• 36:53
  Speaker 5: your hair prenu.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Hello, how are you?
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: That's what we're just going to call you from now.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: I'm prenup fort the Julia call me.
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: Call me whatever you want, Kelly.
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: Said, Hello prenup, question mark or exclamation point or nothing.
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: It's nothing, but I think point is great.
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: I think so too.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, Hello, peenup call me anytime.
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah, no, exactly exactly, visit helloprenup dot com anytime.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: I love that, Julia. So we're talking all things prenup obviously.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: You know, Cheryl and I have both had some incredible
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: journeys with our own prenups, which have been you know,
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy that I, you know, created prenup and Cheryl.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: Is for her past divorce. Why are these prenups so expensive?
• 37:46
  Speaker 5: Well, they don't have to be you know, I think
• 37:49
  Speaker 5: that number one. If you're going the traditional route and
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: you're each hiring independent attorneys, that's fantastic. Obviously, that's not
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: the least expensive way to go about it, right, attorneys
• 37:59
  Speaker 5: have of high hourly rates and a lot of times
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: if you don't walk into that engagement with an understanding
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: of what you're looking for, there's going to be a
• 38:09
  Speaker 5: lot of negotiation. Through a service like Hello, prenup. You know,
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: we have flat rate pricing. We have flat rate pricing
• 38:16
  Speaker 5: for the prenup alone, and then when you add on
• 38:18
  Speaker 5: attorneys in forty five states, right, So there are ways
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: to get a prenup that are affordable inaccessible to all.
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: And that's you know, kind of the goal of my
• 38:27
  Speaker 5: company and mission.
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: What does that look like? What's successible mean like money
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: whise range?
• 38:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so it's five hundred and ninety nine dollars to
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: use the platform, and then for representation with an attorney
• 38:40
  Speaker 5: it's six hundred and ninety nine dollars. So ostensibly a
• 38:42
  Speaker 5: couple can get a full prenup with two lawyers for
• 38:45
  Speaker 5: under two thousand dollars.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: Awesome, Wow, what is the difference between a prenup and
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: a post up and our post nups?
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what are post now?
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: Are they? Do they really work?
• 38:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah? Absolutely?
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: Prenups should have worked alone.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Well, sometimes people get don't get a prenup and then
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: they get a post up.
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: Oh, got it exactly, So you know, post ups are fantastic.
• 39:09
  Speaker 5: The main difference is a prenup has to be signed
• 39:12
  Speaker 5: before you get married. If you do not get a
• 39:15
  Speaker 5: prenup or you don't you start the prenup process, but
• 39:18
  Speaker 5: you don't sign it before you get married. You can
• 39:20
  Speaker 5: still get a post up if you have the option.
• 39:24
  Speaker 5: A prenup is definitely more desirable. They're upheld more, they're
• 39:28
  Speaker 5: more likely to be enforced. Some states are you know,
• 39:32
  Speaker 5: questionable on whether or not they'll enforced post ups, whereas
• 39:36
  Speaker 5: I think the vast majority of states full enforced prenups.
• 39:40
  Speaker 5: And one of the things that's so great though about
• 39:42
  Speaker 5: post ups is let's say you've been married for a
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: period of time and you don't have a pre you
• 39:49
  Speaker 5: didn't get a prenup. You can get a postup. You
• 39:52
  Speaker 5: can realign and make sure that you're both you know,
• 39:54
  Speaker 5: you have the same expectations. Sometimes things change in marriages too.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 40:00
  Speaker 5: Let's say this is a second marriage and you didn't
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: get a prenup, but when off you starts a business, Well,
• 40:06
  Speaker 5: let's sit down and talk about how that business should
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: be held. Is that ours if we get a divorce
• 40:12
  Speaker 5: in the future, or is that mine? Post up allows
• 40:15
  Speaker 5: you to reassess and realign or.
• 40:16
  Speaker 4: If, like all of a sudden, your partner makes more
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: money than you. Yeah, are they allowed to do that?
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: Like? Can they?
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: Well?
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: Absolutely? And I think that it's if life changes or
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: you know, if you know, you have kids and one
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: party decides to stay home, that's an opportunity to say,
• 40:37
  Speaker 5: all right, now I'm staying home, I'm not earning income,
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: so I want to make sure that we reassess what
• 40:44
  Speaker 5: we originally agreed to in our prenup where everything was
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: going to be yours. I need to do that I'm protected, right,
• 40:50
  Speaker 5: And so that's where you know, a post up, which
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: is in some states it depends on which state you're in,
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: is a modification to a prenup can be really beneficial.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: What should be in a pre nup?
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: Well, you can contract almost anything you want. You can't
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: contract to children, so you can't contracts. Yes, you can
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: have succulents. I've never seen anyone contract.
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: Is that true?
• 41:14
  Speaker 4: Is that true what I said earlier about if they
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: plant a succulent in California?
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: Are you in California?
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: I'm not in California, but hello, prenup operates in California
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: forty five states.
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: Is it true that if they plan a succulent, like,
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: let's say I own the property and we did not
• 41:30
  Speaker 4: get a prenup. Is it true that they can after
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: a certain amount of years, that the person who planted
• 41:34
  Speaker 4: the succulent, your partner, can actually fight and say that
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: this is his property.
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: I think the point that examples trying to make is
• 41:42
  Speaker 5: that they now have earned some interest in that property.
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: I think without a prenup, what you're doing is you're
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: leaving it up to chance.
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: Correct SHAREFF calls bush, and they favor the person who
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: doesn't make as much money.
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: I really believe that.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: What about what about dogs for babies? Are the range?
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: Everybody is accident.
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: She's gotten a huge fight about it, like it was crazy.
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: I wish it was in the prenup, But he got
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: me the dog when we were already married.
• 42:11
  Speaker 5: Head clauses are really really popular.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: Ain't pet clause Okay, Yeah, you can.
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: Decide on your pet custody. You can decide who's paying
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: for what for the pet, and I think just aligning
• 42:22
  Speaker 5: on those expectations is really important. What I always like
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: to remind people is, like I always hear all like,
• 42:27
  Speaker 5: prenups aren't romantic, Like it means you're planning for either
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: childbirth exactly.
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: I like, if I know, I was waiting for you
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: to be like true story, I've never had a child.
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: I can only assume I've had two.
• 42:42
  Speaker 5: I've had a child, and I totally agree childbirth is
• 42:45
  Speaker 5: not romantic. But you know, neither is the fact that
• 42:49
  Speaker 5: if you don't have a prenup, you still have a
• 42:52
  Speaker 5: prenup because it's just state legislature that is deciding how
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: your assets get divided in divorce or death. So why
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: are you leaving that up to chance? Why are you
• 43:01
  Speaker 5: leaving that up to in your case, Cheryl, the state
• 43:03
  Speaker 5: of California?
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 43:05
  Speaker 5: Why are we not deciding what is best for us
• 43:08
  Speaker 5: as a couple before we get married?
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: Is it protocol?
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: Like I have my attorney advice that I get at
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: an attorney for my ax. Is that something that's like
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: protocol or not protocol?
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: But is that normal?
• 43:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's completely normal, and I think it's
• 43:22
  Speaker 5: very important to get legal advice. In certain states you
• 43:26
  Speaker 5: are required to have an attorney for certain things, like
• 43:28
  Speaker 5: in California, if you want to waive or modify spousal support,
• 43:31
  Speaker 5: you must have an attorney. The other states you must
• 43:33
  Speaker 5: have an attorney for, you know, again, certain conditions, And
• 43:37
  Speaker 5: I think it's always advisable. Like if you're entering into
• 43:40
  Speaker 5: a prenup and you are not sure what the default
• 43:44
  Speaker 5: law would be if you didn't enter into the prenup,
• 43:47
  Speaker 5: you don't know what those state requirements are, you should
• 43:50
  Speaker 5: get legal advice.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: What about infidelity? How does that play out?
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: And no one cares.
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: I don't care about Carey anymore.
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: So I'm the person involved cares the person who was
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: being cheated on. Definitely, it's it's like, unfortunately, it's not.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: Like, oh he cheated on me. It's like no, no, no,
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: that's not okay.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: No, it's not okay.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: Can you do an infidelity clause? Yes, I guess not
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: New York, but you couldn't.
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: You can not in California either.
• 44:18
  Speaker 5: It depends on what state you're in, And infidelity clauses
• 44:22
  Speaker 5: can be included in certain states. What I like to
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: remind people is often like a prenup is just as
• 44:29
  Speaker 5: much an emotional document as it is a legal one. Right,
• 44:32
  Speaker 5: So just the mere act of including an infidelity clause
• 44:36
  Speaker 5: in there, it means you had that conversation and you said, look,
• 44:39
  Speaker 5: I'm okay with this or I'm not okay with this,
• 44:42
  Speaker 5: but I'm not.
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: Just morals, values and beliefs when you're marrying, and like,
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: that's just like an obvious like, I mean, what would
• 44:49
  Speaker 4: an infidelity clause look like?
• 44:51
  Speaker 5: Exactly, Well, let's back up to your morals and beliefs. Right,
• 44:54
  Speaker 5: that's the point of a.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: Pre cheated on me. He's a joke, he gets nothing.
• 44:59
  Speaker 5: It's important.
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: Can add where a lot of cut their penis off
• 45:01
  Speaker 4: or that is that okay?
• 45:03
  Speaker 5: In the that is illegal and you can be like Lorena, Yeah,
• 45:10
  Speaker 5: I mean you can define infidelity and you can define
• 45:15
  Speaker 5: a financial penalty for infidelity. It's not enforceable in all states,
• 45:22
  Speaker 5: but yeah, they're very popular clauses, I think.
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: So if you cheat on me, you get ten thousand dollars,
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: So hello, that's going to be way more than that girl,
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: I would hope, meaning like.
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: Or you have to give me a million dollars. This
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: is like you choose, I think I think a lot
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: of here's a succulent.
• 45:46
  Speaker 5: People are often afraid, you know, they're afraid to talk
• 45:49
  Speaker 5: about a preno because they feel like it's scary.
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: It's scary.
• 45:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and I and I understand why. I mean, Cheryl,
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: you've had one when you were going into this process, Like,
• 46:00
  Speaker 5: how did you approach it with your fiance at the time.
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: I mean, it was there was no right way to
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: do it, And to be honest, I wish I would
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: have had I wish we would have discussed this more
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: therapy when we were in therapy. But yeah, this was
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: a discussion that also my parents had for them as well,
• 46:19
  Speaker 4: like this was important and again this shouldn't have gotten
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: it shouldn't. I mean, of course it's emotional, absolutely, and
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: I have to say when it was time to sign everything,
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: it wasn't necessarily the easiest, like with we had someone
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: there obviously to what are they called again when when
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: they're observing they have to be there too? Sure yea yeah,
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: and it was quite like intense, you know, but uh, yeah,
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: there's just the sooner the better, and try to talk
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: about it before you hand them the prenup.
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: Ideally, I think too, Like, you know, my father, he
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: passed away a year and a half ago, and I
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: think that if my father had met my ex, which
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: they did, he would have said, if you you know,
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: a what are your intentions with my daughter? Not to
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: sound like all Jane Austen, but you know, what are
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: your intentions? And if you do have any intentions, you're
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: going to sign a prenum because I am the daughter
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: of a lawyer, and I think that would have voutedly
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: been a better time. Yeah, so that would have probably been.
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: But you know, like when Julie, how do you like,
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: how do you go? I mean I did not talk
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: about it in a with my therapist. I literally just
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: went to this amazing matrimonial lawyer in New York who
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: is unbelievable, and she was such a maternal figure and
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: was like, I'm very she was very very worried about me,
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: very worried, and she was like, here's here, we have
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: to lay this out. And she's like, if anything happened
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: to you, he could get all this money and your kids,
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: you know, it would be it wouldn't be good. And
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: I got really, really freaked out, and I was I like,
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: I literally turned me off the minute that I found
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: out that I wasn't being provided and protected that I
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: would have potentially been exploited.
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: And so what are your thought?
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: What are your How could I have? How could I
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: have changed that? How could I have not saying that
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: I want to go back or do anything, but like, like,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: I made a mistake, I'd handled it the wrong way.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: So how could I have Like, you know, for the
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: for everyone out there, for like the young you know,
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: millennials at forty seven percent, they're getting prenups, Like, how
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: do you have that conversation in a way that's like palatable?
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, well I would say third date, second glass
• 48:41
  Speaker 5: of wine.
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: Three date.
• 48:44
  Speaker 5: Wow, third date, second glass of wines.
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: On your age, right, Like depends on what you're looking for,
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: because like listen, when I eventually date, I'm in my
• 48:51
  Speaker 4: I'm forty, Like yes, absolutely, third date.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: But people in their twenties same.
• 48:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah. No, I mean I think it's the sentiment, right,
• 48:58
  Speaker 5: you're having a conversation about what you want out of life.
• 49:01
  Speaker 5: I mean, if you're in your twenties and you're just
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: kind of dating for sport and you are not intending
• 49:07
  Speaker 5: to get married. You're not serious, right, It's obviously a
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: very different conversation, and you should wait until you're ready
• 49:15
  Speaker 5: you're in that space in life. But I do think
• 49:18
  Speaker 5: that you know, if you are dating because you want
• 49:22
  Speaker 5: to find your person and you want to get married,
• 49:25
  Speaker 5: especially as women, I mean, why should we be embarrassed
• 49:28
  Speaker 5: to bring up the conversation, right?
• 49:30
  Speaker 4: I think it's like it's kind of like I was
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: scared for me about his reaction, like he was, you know,
• 49:36
  Speaker 4: and that wasn't so much about like scared. I also
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: wonder I wish I would have done this. I wish
• 49:42
  Speaker 4: I would have educated myself about the state I was
• 49:44
  Speaker 4: living in and what that required even before, Like what like,
• 49:48
  Speaker 4: let me just read through this textbook of information or
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: have someone explain it to me first of all, what
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: a prenup is, why I would want to get a prenup,
• 49:57
  Speaker 4: what that exactly means, and what does it mean for
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: the state of California. Like, I think that is so
• 50:04
  Speaker 4: important to educate yourself first. Because I had I'm still
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: finding out things that I never knew.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: And that's exactly what this podcast is all about, is
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: people looking for love and that's what we're trying to do.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: We're trying to educate and you know, show that there's
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: there are solutions and that you know, you don't have
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: to be worried about protecting yourself and you know you
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: can provide them.
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: It's like they always say, like men are supposed to
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: provide and protect, Well, they haven't for me, so I'm
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: going to do it for myself.
• 50:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, the regardless of the gender, you have to protect yourself.
• 50:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah. And I think information is power, right, Yes, you know,
• 50:43
  Speaker 5: the fear of the unknown is oftentimes the issue when
• 50:47
  Speaker 5: it comes to the prenups, especially when you're talking Cheryl
• 50:51
  Speaker 5: about state law and educating yourself and really understanding what
• 50:54
  Speaker 5: goes into a prenup and what the process is. I mean,
• 50:56
  Speaker 5: one of the reasons we started Hello Prenup was because
• 51:00
  Speaker 5: we wanted to offer free information so that anybody could
• 51:05
  Speaker 5: go to the website, choose their state and read all
• 51:07
  Speaker 5: about it. Right, there's no barrier to entry, and I
• 51:11
  Speaker 5: think it's really important to educate yourself but also to
• 51:14
  Speaker 5: feel empowered by the process. The process should be one
• 51:18
  Speaker 5: that is, you know, you're both participating. It's not one
• 51:23
  Speaker 5: person serving a prenup. On the other you're each protecting
• 51:27
  Speaker 5: your interests. I think in the case where there's family money,
• 51:32
  Speaker 5: you know, there's a lot of pressure from parents. But
• 51:34
  Speaker 5: I think that's an opportunity in the conversation of bringing
• 51:37
  Speaker 5: up a prenup to say this is really important for
• 51:40
  Speaker 5: my family, right, and you're relieving the pressure from yourself.
• 51:44
  Speaker 5: I think in.
• 51:45
  Speaker 4: Case also though, the family should have their own trusts, right, like,
• 51:48
  Speaker 4: so that they're protected in general, right.
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: Well, sometimes no trust don't take a second, so it
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: takes a while to put put a trust together. And
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: that's actually what happened to me too. That's another reason
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: I had to get a prenupp. But so the prenups
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: are not just for the person, they're also for the relationship.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: Can you just talk a little bit more about that, Julia.
• 52:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely, So a prenup is an opportunity. It's an
• 52:14
  Speaker 5: opportunity to have those life conversations and set yourself up
• 52:19
  Speaker 5: by building that foundation. A prenup is an opportunity to
• 52:24
  Speaker 5: have those life conversations. So depending on where you are
• 52:27
  Speaker 5: in life, it's like do we want to have kids,
• 52:30
  Speaker 5: like do we want to retire at forty? And like
• 52:32
  Speaker 5: travel the world? Do we want a white pick it fence,
• 52:36
  Speaker 5: or you know, if you have children from a prior marriage,
• 52:41
  Speaker 5: are you going to financially support them? And what does
• 52:44
  Speaker 5: that look like for our marriage? So it's an opportunity
• 52:47
  Speaker 5: to have these really important life conversations. And I think
• 52:52
  Speaker 5: it's also important to remember that, you know, all marriages
• 52:57
  Speaker 5: end the either end in death or divorce.
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: I think that sen's forever.
• 53:00
  Speaker 5: Nothing's forever. So let's be really sober about that fact,
• 53:04
  Speaker 5: and like.
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're taking time bomb. We're all gonna die folks.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: Sorry, So do you do you have any like statistics
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: about like prenups, like helping people not get divorced, or
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: do you have any any any kind of statistics that
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: can Yeah?
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 53:21
  Speaker 5: With that, I think one that's really important is forty
• 53:26
  Speaker 5: seven percent of millennials are who are married or engaged
• 53:32
  Speaker 5: have a prenup.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: I know, I said that that's crazy.
• 53:35
  Speaker 5: And what that tells me, like, millennials are getting married
• 53:38
  Speaker 5: a little bit later in life, right, They're getting married
• 53:40
  Speaker 5: in their early thirties. By the time they get married me, Yeah,
• 53:43
  Speaker 5: we have assets to pretend millennial. Yeah, amazing me too.
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: In it.
• 53:51
  Speaker 5: It looks like a millennial. Okay, definitely, I.
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: Act like one, Oh, really, what is that supposed to mean?
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: You know, spirited, young, spirited.
• 54:02
  Speaker 5: You have assets to protect, maybe you have debt, right,
• 54:05
  Speaker 5: maybe you start.
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's.
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah right.
• 54:10
  Speaker 5: Domestically, it's really important to you know, to pay attention
• 54:15
  Speaker 5: to those facts and protect yourself. And I think that
• 54:18
  Speaker 5: millennials get that, and they're also looking to like not
• 54:22
  Speaker 5: do what their parents did. Twenty four percent of millennials
• 54:25
  Speaker 5: have divorced parents. Right, we've seen what divorce does to
• 54:30
  Speaker 5: our families, Like, let's not repeat that in our own marriages.
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: Can you name just.
• 54:35
  Speaker 4: Three qualities as to what happens, like three things that
• 54:39
  Speaker 4: are just not that could happen if you don't have
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: a prenap just scare people, please, Well, you could lose.
• 54:46
  Speaker 5: Half your assets, you could be responsible for half your
• 54:50
  Speaker 5: partner's debt. You could have to split your inheritance.
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: Tail no yeah, yeah, well no.
• 55:00
  Speaker 5: People don't think about the inheritance piece. They're like, oh,
• 55:02
  Speaker 5: it's inheritance, it must be mine. Well not, no, no, no,
• 55:07
  Speaker 5: it could be considered part of the marital estate for sure.
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: Get a pre ed up.
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: That's right, I too, I like what Julia said too.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: And I think you know, the number, the forty seven
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: percent is such a it's such a big number.
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: But I really believe that.
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: Not only are you know, are women and men getting
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: married a little bit older, but that they are they
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: are coming from a lot of you know, single single
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: parents and being raised by single parents, and I think
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: they just don't want to have that happen again. And
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: do you think the prenups are helping us stay married
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: longer or do you think it's just kind of like No,
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just I was just curious. I mean,
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: I didn't he didn't sign it, so I am not.
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: I'm in this conversation.
• 55:53
  Speaker 4: My marriage was two days long, so I don't know.
• 55:56
  Speaker 4: No years two who's counting?
• 56:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I do. I do, because when you
• 56:04
  Speaker 5: think about it foundationally, you are setting yourself up to
• 56:09
  Speaker 5: talk about the tough stuff before you get married. When
• 56:12
  Speaker 5: people get engaged, they're all about the wedding, right, They're
• 56:15
  Speaker 5: focused on the flowers, then the bridesmaid's dresses and the
• 56:18
  Speaker 5: guest list and all of those things that, like over
• 56:21
  Speaker 5: the course of a marriage are just irrelevant. And so
• 56:25
  Speaker 5: if you have a prenup, you're sitting down and you
• 56:29
  Speaker 5: are intentionally consciously having these conversations about what do we want,
• 56:34
  Speaker 5: what are our life pals, like, how do we want
• 56:36
  Speaker 5: to split finances? Do we want to have a joint
• 56:39
  Speaker 5: bank account? If I start a business, is that my business?
• 56:41
  Speaker 5: How are we going to fund that business? And I
• 56:44
  Speaker 5: think that is really important, and especially if you're on
• 56:47
  Speaker 5: your first marriage, like are we going to have kids?
• 56:49
  Speaker 5: And like is one of us going to stay home
• 56:51
  Speaker 5: and care for those children? These are all really important topics.
• 56:57
  Speaker 5: I think Kelly, in your situation too, where I know
• 57:01
  Speaker 5: you talked about how your fans wouldn't sign the prenup,
• 57:05
  Speaker 5: I think that's such a red flat. The fact that
• 57:08
  Speaker 5: he didn't want to sign the prenup tells you you're
• 57:11
  Speaker 5: not aligned, You're not on the same page. What is
• 57:14
  Speaker 5: he really in it for? Right? And so I think
• 57:17
  Speaker 5: we need to view prenups as being this opportunity to
• 57:20
  Speaker 5: of alignment.
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: That's another time for bigger conversation. We were definitely not aligned.
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: Julia Rogers from Hello prenapp call her any time. Thank
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: you so much for joining us today.
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: Thank you ready to find yourself. I'm kidding exactly what yourself.
• 57:40
  Speaker 4: On your on Hello, prenup, do you have like a questionnaire?
• 57:43
  Speaker 4: I think would also help for people to literally the
• 57:45
  Speaker 4: person who's giving the prenup or wanting the person to
• 57:48
  Speaker 4: sign the prenup should have like what you just went through,
• 57:50
  Speaker 4: like top twenty questions to ask even before you hire
• 57:54
  Speaker 4: a prenup attorney. I think we need to make this game, Kelly.
• 57:57
  Speaker 4: You know how they have those like love card games
• 57:59
  Speaker 4: or like emotional games, Like we need to do questions
• 58:03
  Speaker 4: to ask before even putting a ring on it, like
• 58:05
  Speaker 4: for real.
• 58:06
  Speaker 5: This is we have eeers. Oh yes, I love it.
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: That's helpful.
• 58:13
  Speaker 5: All the articles, all the information.
• 58:15
  Speaker 3: That's great.
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Julia, thank you so much for having me.
• 58:18
  Speaker 5: This was so much fun. It was great to chat.
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: With you both. Bye bye.
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: Oh my god.
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: Cheryl is and she's so great. She's great, so great.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: She has such good energy and it does. I just
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: love that she's.
• 58:32
  Speaker 4: I honestly I bow down to any attorneys whatsoever they
• 58:35
  Speaker 4: have to deal with this, because this ain't fun.
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: But also just like the way that she's communicating, and
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: I mean at the price point that you know, you
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: can be transparent and be safe and protect and provide
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: for yourself and also be in love.
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: There's there's nothing wrong with having both.
• 58:51
  Speaker 4: And like I said, you have to separate the two
• 58:53
  Speaker 4: like money is not love whatsoever.
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: Thank you Julia for coming on the podcast and answering
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: all of our questions about prenups. It was a lot
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: of great information for the listeners to hear, and I
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: hope if you knew nothing think about prenups that you're
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: leaving the conversation with a little more knowledge. Cheryl, this
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: was so great getting to chat with you. I know
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: the listeners are going to get so much advice from
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: both of us as they're looking for love.
• 59:18
  Speaker 4: So if you guys are wanting some relationship or dating advice,
• 59:20
  Speaker 4: or if you're single and ready to find love again,
• 59:23
  Speaker 4: call us at one eight four four four I Do Pod.
• 59:27
  Speaker 4: That's eight four four four four three six seven sixty three,
• 59:31
  Speaker 4: or email us at ID pod at iHeartRadio dot com.
• 59:37
  Speaker 4: Follow us on Instagram at I Do Part two Pod,
• 59:41
  Speaker 4: I Do Part two. That's the number two pod, I
• 59:45
  Speaker 4: Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcasts where falling in love
• 59:49
  Speaker 4: is the main objective.