Latest / Pretty In Pink Again / Episode 46: Working Motherhood Across Life’s Seasons with Lori Baron: Career, Leadership, and the Long View

Transcript

Episode 46: Working Motherhood Across Life’s Seasons with Lori Baron: Career, Leadership, and the Long View · Pretty In Pink Again

• 0:00
  I'm Christina and I'm t and this is the Pretty and Pink again podcast where motherhood meets rediscovery.
• 0:16
  Today we are so excited to welcome Lori Barron to the Pretty and Pink Again podcast.
• 0:21
  She has the gift for helping women identify what truly matters and then actually make it happen behind her coaching work.
• 0:28
  Lori is also a successful leader in the corporate world where she supports teams, mentors, women and models what modern female leadership can look like.
• 0:36
  She's a devoted wife and mom of three boys in their twenties, navigating a new season of motherhood.
• 0:41
  What makes Lori so special and why we wanted her specifically is that she doesn't just talk about balanced leadership and personal growth.
• 0:47
  She lives it for us, expertise isn't only about credentials, but it's about the life you've built, the integrity you bring to it, and the example you set.
• 0:55
  Lori has all of that.
• 0:56
  We cannot wait to unpack her story, her strategies, and her perspective on motherhood, careers, womanhood, and what it truly means to design a life that you're proud of.
• 1:04
  Welcome, Lori.
• 1:05
  Hi, Lori.
• 1:06
  Hi.
• 1:06
  Thank you so much for being here.
• 1:07
  Thank you.
• 1:07
  Thank you for having me.
• 1:09
  And I have to say, we have another special person.
• 1:13
  You have another special guest here today too.
• 1:17
  Welcome, Noelle.
• 1:19
  We have a new puppy in the house.
• 1:20
  We have a new puppy in the house.
• 1:22
  Oh.
• 1:23
  Oh god.
• 1:25
  Little baby.
• 1:25
  I think I'll give a quick little, so I think most of our listeners know I lost Romeo.
• 1:29
  Back in October and he was on our laps for most of our episodes, and it was a hard loss and.
• 1:36
  I went back and forth with getting another dog and if we could do it, and I of course could not say no to this when she became available.
• 1:44
  She have her, she's such a sweetie pie.
• 1:46
  She's so chill.
• 1:48
  We love her.
• 1:49
  So she, we have our new mascot.
• 1:51
  Yep.
• 1:52
  Our newest Pippa love her.
• 1:53
  So here she's gonna chill for the episode.
• 1:54
  We'll see how, if she makes it.
• 1:56
  I haven't heard her make a peep.
• 1:57
  So Yeah.
• 1:58
  Romeo barked a lot.
• 1:59
  Actually when we were like editing our podcast, it dictates it.
• 2:03
  And the like woof would come up on like the notes and we were like, oh my God.
• 2:12
  So anyways, here we are.
• 2:13
  Noelle's lucky to be part of the Bon Tempo family.
• 2:16
  Yes.
• 2:16
  Oh, I know.
• 2:17
  That's, and we're so happy to have her here.
• 2:18
  Good to be.
• 2:19
  She's such a sweetie.
• 2:20
  Maybe she'll sit with me like he did.
• 2:22
  Aw, I love it.
• 2:24
  Okay.
• 2:24
  We are so happy to have you here with us today.
• 2:27
  I was saying this to you offline before we started, but we always say that expertise is great, but I think for our listeners, lived in experience just hits differently.
• 2:37
  And you have it both personally and also from the stories that you've gotten, I'm sure, from all of your clients from over the years.
• 2:43
  And I just, I'm curious to hear from you, how did you start coaching and what did that look like for you?
• 2:49
  Yeah great question.
• 2:51
  So I think probably mid-career in my forties and actually post a child with childhood cancer and having the opportunity to help others was really the inspiration for becoming a coach.
• 3:05
  I felt like I had a reason and a purpose to instill hope in other situations, my husband and I were called upon.
• 3:12
  A lot to talk about our story to help others, and it was like a light bulb.
• 3:17
  I've always been involved in a learning and development capacity, and I'm curious about learning and love learning.
• 3:22
  So it was the next iteration of my journey through learning and development to continue on in coaching.
• 3:28
  So I found it to be a purposeful, meaningful way to give back as well.
• 3:32
  So did you help coach families that were going through that had children that were sick and that were going through these tragedies?
• 3:40
  We, yes.
• 3:41
  So we were called upon St.
• 3:43
  Jude would call us.
• 3:44
  Wow.
• 3:44
  Our son happened to be treated there, and they would call us from time to time to say, what was your experience?
• 3:49
  Can you help these families that are anticipating what's next?
• 3:53
  They're not sure what to do.
• 3:54
  They just wanna hear from someone who's been through the experience.
• 3:57
  So we were called upon a lot to and I was always happy to do it.
• 4:01
  There's, there's just no way to give back.
• 4:03
  Oh my gosh.
• 4:03
  That I can even explain, wow.
• 4:05
  So with that, did you then segue into working with women or was that Yeah, so I then segue to, getting obviously a coaching certification by the all of the credentials necessary and started to do coaching at work and then coaching women, coaching anyone.
• 4:22
  Honestly, I didn't have a specific niche.
• 4:24
  I have coached a lot of women though in my career.
• 4:27
  I feel like it's just a real opportunity.
• 4:31
  There are so many women that whether you're working or you're a stay at home mom that really struggle.
• 4:36
  In different aspects, and the funny thing about it is, if you are, in my experience, the working moms are struggling with, gosh, I don't spend enough time with my kids, and how are they gonna grow up?
• 4:47
  And they're not getting everything they should from me.
• 4:50
  And then you speak to the, you coach, the stay-at-home moms, and they're like, I don't know that I have a purpose anymore.
• 4:56
  Who am I?
• 4:57
  What's happened to me along the way?
• 4:59
  So there's no perfect answer.
• 5:02
  I don't think we were.
• 5:03
  Necessarily put here to balance everything.
• 5:07
  What we need to do is make peace with the decisions we do make.
• 5:10
  And I think that's part of the journey.
• 5:12
  How do you feel peaceful with this is what I've chosen.
• 5:15
  It's not going to be perfect every day, but how do I balance that?
• 5:19
  It's not gonna look the same for everybody too.
• 5:21
  So it's hard.
• 5:22
  Everybody's families are different, everybody's needs are different.
• 5:24
  So I think that piece is, the piece is peace.
• 5:29
  You have to make peace with whatever, either you're choosing or what is being chosen for you.
• 5:35
  For you.
• 5:35
  Yeah.
• 5:35
  And go from there.
• 5:37
  But I think it's hard.
• 5:38
  I think people struggle with those decisions and then like being where they're at.
• 5:44
  I attended a conference once and it was really.
• 5:47
  Compelling to hear this woman.
• 5:49
  She was the CEO of Avon and it was back in 2013, the cosmetic company Avon, the cosmetic po?
• 5:54
  Yes.
• 5:54
  Okay.
• 5:55
  Avon products.
• 5:55
  Yeah.
• 5:56
  Yeah.
• 5:56
  Andrea Yon is her name, CEO, single mom balancing two children and a role very high in the organization, obviously.
• 6:06
  And I remember she was, she spoke at this conference about this idea of balance and the fact that you really can't achieve it all in one day.
• 6:13
  Some days you're going to do better with what's happening at work and not so much at home.
• 6:19
  Other days you're gonna have to tell your employer, I'm sorry, I can't make it, and I need to be doing something at home.
• 6:24
  And I think it's important to just understand your priorities and as long as, for the most part, you're doing the things that are meaningful to you and that you can say, help prioritize.
• 6:38
  What that looks like and feel at peace to your point.
• 6:41
  Mm-hmm.
• 6:42
  Christina, then you become more comfortable with that.
• 6:45
  Because it's never going to be perfect.
• 6:47
  Do you have strategies that you've personally put in place or that you've helped coach women put in place?
• 6:54
  Finding out how to prioritize and what that is?
• 6:58
  Yeah, so I think it's really important to understand your values.
• 7:01
  You start with the values, what are my core values?
• 7:03
  What are the things that are going to be most important to me?
• 7:07
  And then as you're working through the priorities, again it's has to be intentional around, is this something I need to do today?
• 7:17
  Is it something that can wait?
• 7:19
  What's more important right now?
• 7:21
  And as long as at the end of the day you are mastering and reaching what's most important to you, you, you're gonna be able to live with the other and.
• 7:31
  Not feel like, oh my goodness, I'm not perfect at everything.
• 7:34
  'cause you can't be, no one is so we had somebody on the podcast early on and she her business is like this life management system.
• 7:44
  And we had asked her like, how do we create a schedule?
• 7:47
  How do we create a calendar?
• 7:48
  We feel like we're cramming all this stuff in.
• 7:50
  And nothing even adds up.
• 7:52
  We're not even living a life that we are enjoying.
• 7:54
  We're just adding stuff on the calendar.
• 7:56
  Yeah.
• 7:56
  And busying ourself.
• 7:57
  And she said, what are your values?
• 7:59
  And I looked at Christina and I said, I don't even know.
• 8:02
  And she said you can't build the schedule unless you know what your values are.
• 8:04
  You have to take it back and figure out what those are.
• 8:07
  And then from there you proceed.
• 8:09
  That's right.
• 8:09
  And so I just, I think it's so meaningful that you too are speaking to that.
• 8:13
  That's the starting point.
• 8:15
  Yeah.
• 8:15
  It's foundational, I would say it's absolutely foundational to how you and those can change on some level.
• 8:21
  Your core values won't.
• 8:22
  But as you move through the years, like the seasons of life, the seasons, yep.
• 8:26
  Yeah.
• 8:26
  Things will shift.
• 8:27
  And I think that's another, being able to pivot to what may be happening in the moment.
• 8:32
  It's okay.
• 8:33
  I think that's very important to say and to hear.
• 8:36
  Because I think that you sometimes can get so stuck where you are.
• 8:41
  And you have to remember like there's seasons for different chapters of your life.
• 8:45
  And like that not everything is going to be that way forever.
• 8:49
  And so sometimes your values could be for that season, right now we're focusing on this.
• 8:55
  And then as we move through that, that maybe that isn't as important anymore and you move to something else.
• 9:01
  But I think that's important to hear.
• 9:03
  I needed to hear that.
• 9:04
  Yeah.
• 9:05
  Yeah.
• 9:05
  I know.
• 9:06
  You get stuck, and it can be daunting thinking that, and it's also okay to get stuck.
• 9:09
  Because you can get unstuck.
• 9:11
  Yeah.
• 9:11
  There's beauty in that too.
• 9:12
  Yeah.
• 9:13
  So your boys now are in their twenties and I love your boys, they're awesome.
• 9:18
  And I love's, I love the relationship they have with you too.
• 9:21
  You guys are just so cool and they're so great and they you can tell that they can fight in you.
• 9:25
  Like you have what I wanna have with my children when I have an adult relationship with them.
• 9:30
  Yeah.
• 9:30
  But I wanna take us back, like when you were in your forties Yeah.
• 9:34
  And you were a working mom of three boys.
• 9:37
  You touched upon, you had a son that was sick for many years.
• 9:40
  That was a, those were, I can't even find the words to describe those Trying times in your life.
• 9:45
  Yeah.
• 9:45
  But take us back, being a working mom.
• 9:50
  I'm sure you had a lot of moments in your day, in your week, in your career when maybe you weren't feeling fulfilled or you were feeling like feeling pulled back and forth.
• 9:58
  We have a lot of moms that are listening to this episode that are feeling like they're feeling at home or they're feeling at work.
• 10:05
  Yeah, I think that's such a common conundrum to be quite honest.
• 10:09
  And I have felt all of those things.
• 10:11
  I think structure is really important.
• 10:14
  I'm structured not as much as my husband is, he is like the drill sergeant and I never quite appreciated it until later.
• 10:23
  So it's again, finding that balance as well.
• 10:26
  Why is that though?
• 10:27
  I want, I wanna pull at that.
• 10:28
  Yeah.
• 10:29
  Why is that?
• 10:29
  Why do you appreciate it?
• 10:31
  Yeah.
• 10:31
  Why did you start to appreciate it?
• 10:32
  Recently.
• 10:33
  So as the boys got older, and I could see one, how much respect they have for him and what goes along with kind of the, the structure of, make your bed, do the things, leave the sink the way you found it.
• 10:52
  I'm more like just moving along.
• 10:54
  Yeah.
• 10:55
  You need to keep, I, I need to keep to work.
• 10:57
  I'll worry about the sink later.
• 11:01
  And my husband was really consistent with all of that, and now I'm seeing the fruits of it, to be quite honest.
• 11:07
  So I have to credit him for that.
• 11:09
  At times it's a little too much.
• 11:12
  Still.
• 11:12
  Like in the moment I'm sure it could be too much.
• 11:15
  But you're saying it's ki there has been maybe some foundation in building from it.
• 11:20
  There has for sure.
• 11:22
  And I think, we're always probably on the stricter side and I have no problem.
• 11:27
  Listen, I feel like we know, we're in a position to know.
• 11:32
  What they need.
• 11:32
  And no better what they need.
• 11:34
  I think what we tried to do, and I was really intentional about, was explaining the why behind it.
• 11:40
  So we said no a lot, and we said, a lot of things that they couldn't do that they didn't love, but we could say why we were telling them that they shouldn't do it or whatever it was.
• 11:51
  Versus I think about my parents who, were wonderful, but they just, you know, no answers.
• 11:56
  That's it.
• 11:56
  Yeah.
• 11:57
  There was never an explanation and that was always something that stood out to me, like, why?
• 12:01
  And I'm so curious all the time about why, and I used to say to my mother dad will just say.
• 12:06
  No.
• 12:07
  And that's it.
• 12:08
  And no, no explanation.
• 12:10
  Yeah, no explanation was needed.
• 12:11
  Why don't I get to know why?
• 12:13
  Because I'm sure there's a good reason.
• 12:14
  And if you explain it to me, then perhaps I will.
• 12:17
  When you become a parent, you know the reason why.
• 12:19
  Like that.
• 12:20
  We've actually talked about that here, because we've talked about growing up and being strict and I was, the reason I was asking you that question is because I am a very rigid, structured person, and I worry sometimes that it's too much.
• 12:34
  So when you said, oh, that's interesting.
• 12:36
  I was just gonna say, Christina's your husband.
• 12:38
  I'm him.
• 12:39
  And I'm you.
• 12:41
  And I try, I like the explanation too, because I do try to explain myself, and I have very young kids.
• 12:47
  They're toddlers, but I even still try to explain myself.
• 12:50
  Yeah.
• 12:50
  When I'm saying no to something or.
• 12:52
  We get dressed every day.
• 12:54
  This is why.
• 12:55
  Yeah.
• 12:55
  We can't stay in our pajamas all day.
• 12:57
  This is why we're doing this.
• 12:58
  Yeah.
• 12:58
  I'm trying to do that.
• 12:59
  So I liked hearing that.
• 13:00
  I just thought that was interesting.
• 13:01
  And it's not that you're defending it, but just you're providing them understand.
• 13:06
  You're providing under understanding you're in.
• 13:07
  Yeah.
• 13:07
  You need because they need understand.
• 13:09
  Because they might, if they don't hear it from you, they might disobey the no and test out to find out why.
• 13:15
  They will definitely do it.
• 13:16
  Which I definitely did a lot because I also did not get a, an explanation.
• 13:22
  No, you cannot take the car and go drive to a nightclub.
• 13:25
  You're 16.
• 13:27
  Fun.
• 13:28
  Made it home.
• 13:29
  Yeah.
• 13:30
  Every time.
• 13:32
  Okay.
• 13:32
  So now that your boys are in their twenties, yeah.
• 13:35
  How do you think motherhood has changed for you now that you've entered this season?
• 13:39
  Yeah, so a lot, and it's been a transition for me, I think, to move away from less advice giving to more of a consultant, I say consultant that's a strong word, but more a, just listening, doing more listening as I would if I were coaching, than telling and helping them surface the answers.
• 13:58
  Now I don't, that's not always the case.
• 14:00
  Like with the bat story, Patrick, you need to get a vaccine.
• 14:06
  Again, here again, it doesn't always work.
• 14:08
  Why?
• 14:08
  Because you'll die.
• 14:09
  Yeah.
• 14:09
  I don't a hundred percent fatal if you have rabies.
• 14:13
  But generally it's a, it's, it takes on a different spin.
• 14:17
  But I love, I love it that way.
• 14:19
  Like I don't want to tell them everything I think because I may not even be right.
• 14:23
  It must be hard though to move from that position.
• 14:27
  I think you have to go, I think as a mom you end up having to move your position a lot, like your, and that's back to that seasons where you have to know what your role is and you move and adjust and scale back and then pivot.
• 14:40
  Yeah.
• 14:40
  It's a process.
• 14:40
  Yeah.
• 14:41
  And I think, it's interesting because I think when my kids were little, I would've never imagined it to be quite honest.
• 14:46
  Yeah.
• 14:46
  It's hard to imagine.
• 14:47
  I'm here now.
• 14:47
  'cause you're in it in a way that's like you are.
• 14:49
  Yeah.
• 14:49
  But as they get older and you start to get it's funny how nature takes over, you start to get more tired.
• 14:55
  Yeah.
• 14:55
  You get probably to be quite honest and a little, do I really have to pick that battle?
• 15:01
  I know it's starting to happen.
• 15:02
  My husband finally, he's a little bit chill, but not even, so those are the things, but it happens, naturally that you back away.
• 15:12
  Watch how they emerge and as you see them emerge more confident.
• 15:16
  I think it's very natural to step away.
• 15:19
  It's probably how you ease into motherhood.
• 15:22
  Yeah.
• 15:22
  Where you just know what to do in a weird, innate way.
• 15:25
  And then it's probably the opposite where you're just okay, now my role is pivoting and I'm moving and it is a natural way.
• 15:31
  Yeah.
• 15:31
  But it is hard at times.
• 15:32
  I'm sure.
• 15:32
  Yeah.
• 15:33
  It's easier for me because they're gone.
• 15:36
  I think if they were, if I were with them more.
• 15:39
  It might be different, and they're having sons, I think versus daughters is different.
• 15:43
  I think if I had daughters I'd be more involved, but I'm more careful about, you know what I'm asking, how I'm asking it.
• 15:51
  I know the boundaries with some, there's no boundaries, and with others there is.
• 15:56
  Like with Glen, I, I don't ask him anything.
• 15:59
  He's very private.
• 16:00
  Patrick will tell me way more than I ever would ever need to know.
• 16:03
  If she was home from break, he'd like hop into bed with you.
• 16:05
  Oh, yeah.
• 16:06
  Tell you at all.
• 16:06
  You don't have anything.
• 16:07
  And I'm, this is too much information like blah, blah, blah.
• 16:11
  Too much.
• 16:12
  Yeah.
• 16:12
  Oh my gosh.
• 16:13
  But I like what you said, like sometimes you don't know the answers.
• 16:16
  I think that when you're a mother and you have little kids, the truth is you don't even know the answers then either.
• 16:20
  No.
• 16:21
  But they don't know that yet.
• 16:21
  But they don't know that.
• 16:22
  Yeah, exactly.
• 16:22
  So they're looking to you for everything and that, and as they grow up, they're gonna go through seasons where they're.
• 16:29
  Questioning your answers because they're gonna question, is this, is she making this up?
• 16:33
  Or am I testing the boundaries?
• 16:34
  Like they're always gonna question.
• 16:35
  Sure.
• 16:35
  And then you get to a phase where you have adult children and if you've built that trust, then you can say to them, I actually don't know the answer.
• 16:42
  What do you think?
• 16:42
  Weigh in?
• 16:43
  Yeah.
• 16:43
  And it sounds so great that you get to now look to them for some answers and some things.
• 16:49
  Oh, I do all the time.
• 16:50
  I learn, I always said, I learn from my kids every day.
• 16:53
  You learn something new every day from them.
• 16:56
  Seeing things through their lens and how they view things, how they interpret things.
• 17:01
  In ways that I never did or don't at this point.
• 17:05
  And it's so enlightening if you just open to it.
• 17:07
  It's hard day to day though, day to day in the grind.
• 17:10
  It's, but that's why I think it's so important to have these kind of different mothers and stories and seasons where moms are in.
• 17:19
  Because when you're in it and everybody says, okay, when you're in it, you're gonna miss it.
• 17:25
  It happens so fast.
• 17:26
  What do they say?
• 17:27
  The nights are long, but the years are short.
• 17:30
  Yeah.
• 17:30
  And then.
• 17:32
  You kind of almost get this guilt right, of am I not appreciating this right now?
• 17:37
  Yeah.
• 17:37
  But then I love when we talk to mothers that are in different seasons with older children, because I feel like they bring you back where it's no, you get, yes, you might miss them small, but then you also get these wonderful new chapters with your children.
• 17:52
  If you're lucky, it's, which I think is special to hear.
• 17:55
  And I always feel like we're always being told, don't wish it away.
• 17:59
  But then you get all of these wonderful things to look forward to too, which I think is just so important to hear.
• 18:04
  Yeah.
• 18:04
  I always say to them like, try to be, even though things are tough, at different points, like just try to be present where your feet are.
• 18:11
  Right now.
• 18:11
  In this moment.
• 18:12
  And it could be a, not a great moment, but there's something to be.
• 18:15
  Learned from that.
• 18:16
  Not every moment's going to be great, right?
• 18:18
  We know that.
• 18:19
  Do you have tips on how to do that?
• 18:20
  How to stay grounded in even the worst moments?
• 18:23
  Yeah.
• 18:23
  I feel and in the best moments,'cause it's hard to sometimes do both.
• 18:26
  Yeah.
• 18:27
  Agree.
• 18:28
  Great point.
• 18:28
  It's hard to be present in, in both.
• 18:30
  It is.
• 18:30
  Yeah, it is.
• 18:32
  Because the sometimes the great moments like what's next?
• 18:34
  Yeah.
• 18:34
  But I think the gratitude piece is something that comes, pretty natural or I've tried to practice over the years.
• 18:41
  Just that, even just waking, you'll laugh.
• 18:43
  I'll wake up in the morning and just walk into our day bedroom.
• 18:46
  That's the room next to our bedroom.
• 18:47
  It has a window just like this, and it's usually sun time.
• 18:51
  And honestly, I will just stop and go, my God, this is a beautiful sky.
• 18:54
  How lovely that I can enjoy this right now, right here, right now for this minute.
• 18:59
  But it makes me appreciate like nature in that moment and then, okay, this is really awesome.
• 19:05
  Like starting you out.
• 19:06
  We have a wonderful, I, we live in a great place, right?
• 19:09
  Wonderful community.
• 19:11
  Then it, everything escalates.
• 19:13
  When you can just stop and try to appreciate what you have, not what you don't have.
• 19:16
  It is a practice gratitude.
• 19:18
  It is a s but it is a practice.
• 19:20
  Yeah.
• 19:20
  And I do agree that starting out the morning that way in that mindset really helps you to, because it trickles then throughout the day.
• 19:28
  Yeah.
• 19:28
  But if you start in a negative place, it's very easy to continue the negative place.
• 19:32
  And I think just trying to find joy in the things that you like to do.
• 19:37
  Like if things feel bad in a moment, like sometimes I'll think Okay, glen wants me to we talked about making this dinner and now it's Saturday and I'm committed to this.
• 19:46
  I had to go shopping and now I have to make this okay.
• 19:51
  And honestly, I have done this and I'm like, okay, like how can I make this better?
• 19:55
  Like music, right?
• 19:57
  Yeah.
• 19:58
  I get Yeah, and make it an event.
• 20:00
  It's romanticizing.
• 20:01
  That's what's, that's what they say on like Instagram.
• 20:03
  It's true.
• 20:03
  It's like romanticizing your life.
• 20:05
  It's okay, let's turn the music on that always.
• 20:07
  'cause I, anytime I'm feeling bad, I put music on It changes the mood.
• 20:10
  It does.
• 20:11
  It changes my What's your go-to Alexa play?
• 20:14
  I seventies Music it.
• 20:16
  I know.
• 20:16
  That's what we say.
• 20:17
  You go back to what made you feel the best.
• 20:19
  Yeah.
• 20:20
  Seventies music.
• 20:21
  Nineties bang.
• 20:21
  Mother would prove nineties bangers.
• 20:23
  Yeah, you're, but I love all genres really.
• 20:26
  Yeah.
• 20:26
  Yeah.
• 20:26
  Love it.
• 20:26
  Depends.
• 20:27
  But yeah.
• 20:27
  I have a playlist, so I'll just throw on my playlist.
• 20:30
  Love it.
• 20:30
  Christmas time.
• 20:31
  The boys make fun of me'cause it's always Christmas music.
• 20:34
  Oh, that yeah.
• 20:34
  In the house, Sal and happy.
• 20:36
  Yep.
• 20:36
  So it's just trying to find small ways.
• 20:39
  The other thing I think I, I learned a while back was.
• 20:42
  Not to put the key to my happiness in someone else's pocket.
• 20:45
  And I've said that to my kids.
• 20:47
  What a good liner, because think about it, right?
• 20:49
  You're relying on how often do we think we're relying on someone else to create our own happiness?
• 20:54
  And we have to own it.
• 20:55
  Yeah.
• 20:55
  And we have to be accountable for it.
• 20:57
  And you're also not the key holder to their happiness either.
• 21:00
  Absolutely.
• 21:01
  Which I think is another like good message to ping back to them.
• 21:04
  Don't look to me for what fulfills you.
• 21:07
  That's also a's good thing to know as a mom.
• 21:09
  That's an important message as a mom.
• 21:12
  It's a tough message.
• 21:13
  It's a tough message because we want to think that your job is to make them happy.
• 21:17
  Absolutely.
• 21:18
  But that's a big struggle.
• 21:19
  Yes.
• 21:20
  I struggled with that.
• 21:20
  I could see that a hundred percent.
• 21:22
  You're doing them a disservice because then if you've always done for them to fulfill their happiness, I don't know if you really actually ever are.
• 21:30
  There's like a huge dopamine hit when you find something that you like and you do it yourself, right?
• 21:37
  Yes.
• 21:37
  There's such beauty in that.
• 21:38
  There is.
• 21:39
  So we wanna chat about coaching and specifically coaching women.
• 21:44
  Okay.
• 21:44
  How do you help someone who feels stuck or overwhelmed even identifying what they want?
• 21:50
  I feel like this is important.
• 21:51
  It's the new year.
• 21:52
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:52
  People are probably, there's a lot of pressure that we tend to put on ourselves for goal setting.
• 21:59
  Knowing who you are going after what you want, it can be, I think that the beginning of the year can be overwhelming for people and there's a lot of pressure that people can put on their selves yeah.
• 22:10
  Yeah, I think so.
• 22:12
  In our, in coaching practice in general, most people come to help solve solutions.
• 22:19
  Like, how are you gonna help me get unstuck about this problem, I'll call it a problem.
• 22:23
  Yeah.
• 22:23
  Whatever, a challenge.
• 22:25
  And one of the things as a coach I try to do is to coach to the person, so the person more holistically.
• 22:33
  So starting to get to beyond the problem.
• 22:37
  We can solve a problem, anybody can using some reasoning, but why does the problem exist?
• 22:42
  And dig further into perhaps, some other things that are contributing.
• 22:47
  So I think it's really helping them uncover their own answers by asking a lot of questions to help them gain some insights about how they're feeling in the near and now, and what their goals might be.
• 23:00
  And for some people it's just setting a goal for the day or the week, and they're, and that's okay.
• 23:06
  What are some typical, hurdles.
• 23:08
  Hurdles that people would come to you at house.
• 23:10
  Yeah..
• 23:10
  One thing I will say as a certified coach that we are really careful about, that we're sworn to with the ICF is we are not psychologists.
• 23:19
  So one of the first things I need to do is identify, it's, deciphering whether or not this is a psychological issue.
• 23:27
  Or they are here for true coaching.
• 23:28
  Their whole, they wanna achieve a goal and I'm gonna be side by side with them.
• 23:34
  And that's true coaching.
• 23:35
  So true coaching is like really, somebody's coming to you with a goal in mind.
• 23:39
  And you are gonna be there side by side with them, helping them reach it.
• 23:43
  Yeah.
• 23:43
  I actually think that, I think that's a really good point that we've never really talked about because we've had both sides of the experts on.
• 23:50
  And so that is very interesting I guess like when do you know that you need one or the other?
• 23:56
  One or the other?
• 23:57
  What if, what would be a good way to know if you need a life coach?
• 24:01
  Maybe we could start there.
• 24:03
  What if your goal was, I don't wanna have anxiety.
• 24:07
  Doesn't that it, couldn't that be.
• 24:09
  More psychological?
• 24:11
  It could be, but it also could be, could certainly a, might help you surface some ways in which you can decide that you can try some things that might be helpful for you, but it could be okay.
• 24:22
  I think there's a distinction and when someone comes to me and I've had a conversation with them, I can tell pretty quickly now that, you know what?
• 24:30
  I won't be able to help you.
• 24:31
  What you need is some psychological expertise.
• 24:34
  'Cause that's not my expertise.
• 24:35
  It's what's your goal?
• 24:37
  What are you trying to achieve?
• 24:39
  I would say in its simplest forms, you can think about it.
• 24:41
  Like with psychology, you're going back in time.
• 24:44
  To understand the behavior.
• 24:45
  Okay.
• 24:46
  And with coaching, you're moving forward.
• 24:47
  I like that.
• 24:48
  Oh, okay.
• 24:49
  Think of it that way.
• 24:49
  That's interesting.
• 24:50
  Okay.
• 24:51
  And I'm sure some of it could work in tandem, you could have while you're uncovering something.
• 24:55
  Absolutely.
• 24:56
  It's, you're like, okay, this, now I know and I wanna propel this way.
• 25:00
  But I just I think that the distinction is very interesting.
• 25:03
  And I also think that the life coach it's very buzzy right now.
• 25:08
  And I don't mean that in a bad way.
• 25:09
  I just mean that there's a lot of people on Instagram, there's a lot of courses out there.
• 25:14
  And so I think it's just interesting for people to know when they would need to rely on something like this or why, yeah.
• 25:20
  A lot of the women that you end up coaching are working moms.
• 25:23
  So is this kind of a, did this kind of become a niche for you?
• 25:28
  I've coached stay at home moms.
• 25:31
  I've coached, retired, how do I retire and be comfortable with that decision?
• 25:37
  How do I transition from working for 40 years to not working at all?
• 25:41
  That's another season, right?
• 25:43
  So I've coached a variety of different Yeah.
• 25:45
  Women and or men in different situations.
• 25:48
  Okay.
• 25:48
  So really your niche is not just working moms.
• 25:51
  No it's just people, all women Yeah.
• 25:54
  Who are transitioning maybe from one season to the next, it sounds yeah.
• 25:58
  Someone could be getting divorced.
• 25:59
  How do I now live in this new world I'm living in as someone who's divorced?
• 26:03
  Or widowed or, yeah.
• 26:05
  Making a change in their life in some way, shape or form.
• 26:08
  Wow.
• 26:08
  So you touched upon this in the beginning of the episode about how a commonality between a working mom and a stay-at-home mom is that they always are feeling pulled in the opposite direction.
• 26:17
  And that the best thing that you can do is help coach them to remain at peace with that decision.
• 26:26
  And you said that the best way to do that is to go back to what your values are.
• 26:31
  If you were talking to our listener right now and they did not feel at peace, if it's a voluntary decision to stay home but you left your career that you loved so much, so maybe it's still pulling at you in some capacity.
• 26:44
  Yeah.
• 26:44
  How do you make peace with things that are voluntary but maybe aren't at the same time, yeah.
• 26:50
  Maybe there's opportunity to explore doing something that's a hybrid, right?
• 26:58
  Maybe there needs to be a change if someone's really not at peace.
• 27:02
  And maybe the answer is not going full time right?
• 27:06
  But it's doing something else or getting creative around another kind of solution that would help them.
• 27:11
  But again, if you identify what your values are and what you're passionate about, that would hopefully lead you to what are some things I can do?
• 27:20
  I would also add recognizing your own strengths and really being intentional about, I know I'm really good at these five things.
• 27:28
  These are things I'm great at.
• 27:30
  Where does that lend me?
• 27:31
  Like where does that lead me?
• 27:33
  In terms of things I can do, ways I can show up in different.
• 27:37
  Capacities.
• 27:39
  So that's a huge I'm also a strengths coach, a Clifton strengths coach.
• 27:42
  So I love the assessment.
• 27:44
  I do it with teams, I did it with the boys.
• 27:47
  And it's a great way to understand what you're really great at because it doesn't necessarily lend itself to, this will be your career, but it helps you focus on what you're good at.
• 27:58
  And when you continue to do that, you multiply and continue to do better.
• 28:03
  I feel like we're always trying to fix where we're weak instead of focusing on where we're great new strength.
• 28:08
  Yeah.
• 28:08
  And even with the kids a lot of this is our society.
• 28:11
  Oh, you have to get, a's you know, or you're not gonna be successful in life.
• 28:15
  It's so ridiculous.
• 28:16
  And if, for example, every time my boss says, oh, Lori, did you get that spreadsheet?
• 28:21
  And I don't do a lot of spreadsheets, sometimes he is looking for data.
• 28:24
  I'm like, oh God, I gotta do that Excel spreadsheet.
• 28:26
  I can feel my whole like, yeah, it's not what?
• 28:28
  It's not my thing.
• 28:29
  Yeah.
• 28:29
  And you know what?
• 28:29
  Someone that works for me can do it in 10 minutes.
• 28:32
  So why am I gonna spend the two hours?
• 28:35
  I can do it eventually figure it out.
• 28:36
  But why would I do that?
• 28:38
  That's not your strength.
• 28:39
  It's not my strength.
• 28:39
  I'm gonna give it to someone else and I'm gonna focus on what I'm really good at.
• 28:42
  I wanna hear more about this strengths.
• 28:44
  Yeah.
• 28:45
  'cause I think sometimes with the New Year, people always try to like reinvent themselves.
• 28:49
  That's not always the case.
• 28:51
  Sometimes you have to continue doing what's working or maybe look inward and find out like, what am I actually even good at?
• 28:57
  And then do more of that.
• 28:58
  I didn't know what my values were like a year ago, and I had to figure out what those were.
• 29:02
  Sure.
• 29:02
  I feel like I, this year I wanna figure out like, what are my strengths?
• 29:06
  'cause I've maybe forgotten what they are.
• 29:07
  Yeah.
• 29:07
  And strengths, but also I think blended with things that you enjoy doing.
• 29:12
  It's like a little mix of, yeah.
• 29:13
  Just so that there's some love and passion behind what you're doing.
• 29:17
  Yeah.
• 29:18
  And then it doesn't feel like work, so how do you then help somebody find out what are your strengths?
• 29:23
  Yeah.
• 29:23
  So if we think about strengths, it's really a natural talent.
• 29:27
  So it's a way of thinking, behaving, feeling.
• 29:30
  That's the definition.
• 29:31
  Think behaving feeling.
• 29:31
  Okay.
• 29:32
  Yeah.
• 29:32
  And when you pair that to, it's very natural.
• 29:37
  You're going to like what you're doing when you.
• 29:40
  Good at it.
• 29:40
  When you're good at it.
• 29:41
  Yeah.
• 29:41
  And when you're in your element, when you know that you are doing what you should be doing, you feel it.
• 29:46
  You must have those scenarios like, oh my goodness, I am like doing what I need to be doing.
• 29:50
  And it feels right and it's com it's comfortable, it like it feels good.
• 29:54
  Yeah.
• 29:54
  It feels good.
• 29:54
  I'm in my element.
• 29:55
  Versus what I just described in the whole, like, when you know it's physical Yes.
• 30:00
  It's, you're like, it's a visceral reaction.
• 30:02
  It's a visceral reaction with the Excel spreadsheet.
• 30:04
  I, I think that I'm curious so obviously I think a listener would be curious and also helping my kids like point out to them what their strengths were.
• 30:12
  Like you said, that there was a test that you did.
• 30:14
  Yeah.
• 30:15
  So the Clifton strengths is an assessment.
• 30:17
  That we use as leaders and we, I use it with teams.
• 30:20
  I do a lot of teamwork with it, because you can leverage.
• 30:23
  Teams.
• 30:24
  That way when you're building one everyone understands each other's strengths.
• 30:27
  They appreciate each other better.
• 30:29
  Oh, okay.
• 30:29
  Because sometimes you don't always know where people are coming from.
• 30:31
  And we all wanna hire people that are like us.
• 30:34
  And that's not the way to do it, because we can't have everybody having need the same skills.
• 30:39
  We need people who can be good statisticians and people who could be good at brainstorming and people who are creative.
• 30:45
  But then you need those structured people as well, or things don't get done.
• 30:49
  So you need a well-rounded team, so you need to understand the strengths of your teams.
• 30:52
  But as your kids get older, you can't really do it when they're little.
• 30:56
  'cause they have to do this assessment and understand it.
• 30:58
  I think the boys did it when they were like, 18.
• 31:00
  Okay.
• 31:01
  I made them do it.
• 31:02
  But they learned a lot from doing it.
• 31:05
  They were like, oh, are you kidding me?
• 31:06
  Why are you making me do this?
• 31:09
  But they did.
• 31:10
  They were like, wow.
• 31:11
  And everything they were leaning toward was pointing to what they're, wow.
• 31:17
  Good at.
• 31:18
  Wow.
• 31:18
  So these were on the right track.
• 31:20
  It was a guide.
• 31:20
  It was just a guide.
• 31:21
  It was a guide, yeah.
• 31:22
  What are some of your innate strengths?
• 31:24
  Yeah.
• 31:25
  So I would say for me what shows up is something called one of'em is called like individualization.
• 31:31
  And what it means is it's a strength around really understanding the people around me and knowing how to get the best out of them, knowing what they're good at and appreciating it.
• 31:40
  So I lead teams and that works.
• 31:42
  I also love, I'm an arranger.
• 31:44
  I love puzzle pieces.
• 31:46
  Not literally, but I love to put it all together and gather information.
• 31:51
  Input is, again, data.
• 31:53
  I love data.
• 31:53
  I love information, I love synthesizing it.
• 31:56
  Coming up with a hypothesis forever student.
• 31:58
  Yes.
• 31:59
  Yes.
• 32:00
  And learning.
• 32:00
  And learning, being a learner is as well.
• 32:03
  Wow.
• 32:03
  And a developer.
• 32:04
  Yeah.
• 32:04
  And then I love like ideation and strategy.
• 32:06
  Those are all the top.
• 32:08
  Strengths that I have.
• 32:10
  The lower ones are, consistency.
• 32:12
  Yeah.
• 32:13
  Hence the sink of dishes.
• 32:15
  Yeah.
• 32:15
  That kind of thing..
• 32:16
  How could Christina and I are listener?
• 32:18
  Take one of your tests, take this test to find out what their strengths are.
• 32:22
  Oh, you can purchase a Clifton Strengths assessment on the website.
• 32:25
  It's$59 and, you can just purchase it.
• 32:29
  it's fun, but it's pretty self-explanatory, I just like that.
• 32:33
  You even brought that up about people's strengths and focusing on your strengths instead of always this like complete reinvention, right?
• 32:40
  Let's just look at, part of your rediscovery could just be rediscovering what you've been good at all these years.
• 32:47
  Yeah.
• 32:47
  And then focusing on that or the reinvention maps to what you're really good at.
• 32:51
  Yes.
• 32:51
  Yes.
• 32:52
  So you may be doing,'cause you can do a lot of things right?
• 32:54
  Probably.
• 32:55
  But if you wanna reinvent yourself, you go back to what are those foundational strengths that you can, draw on.
• 33:01
  And that is, it's going to help you give you a better chance at being successful, I think.
• 33:06
  My oldest son now, he's in seventh grade.
• 33:09
  He, he has good grades.
• 33:11
  He's trying to stay on track and he's so everything is just, he's the firstborn.
• 33:15
  Yeah.
• 33:15
  He's a firstborn.
• 33:16
  He's a hard worker.
• 33:17
  He's a worry wor, and my middle son does not fit in a box.
• 33:21
  Yeah.
• 33:21
  Just like Joseph.
• 33:22
  I know Joseph doesn't either, but more so than the middle son.
• 33:25
  Son.
• 33:25
  Yeah.
• 33:25
  No, I have the same one and two, those are my kids.
• 33:27
  Exactly.
• 33:27
  Yeah.
• 33:27
  And I, even though they're probably, like you said too young for this I love the idea of reminding them of their strengths Yeah.
• 33:34
  And how they'll serve them so Yes.
• 33:36
  In their life and how if they like, work together as a team, their different strengths will like, propel them even further together.
• 33:43
  Yeah.
• 33:43
  I think one of the greatest lessons around the work of Donald Clifton is one, the the whole idea that you would focus on it and how it multiplies.
• 33:55
  And.
• 33:56
  Helping people appreciate that not everyone is like them, because we all get frustrated when people don't do things the way we do.
• 34:03
  To my earlier point about my husband, right?
• 34:07
  Oh my God, why do you have to be so structured?
• 34:08
  Why?
• 34:09
  Okay, I need to appreciate he's an engineer, like-minded person and this is how he operates.
• 34:14
  But you appreciate what they do bring and in the workplace that is so important.
• 34:18
  It really is.
• 34:19
  I used to work with a gentleman who was so different than I, and it was frustrating at times.
• 34:24
  And then finally we came to terms with, all right, yeah.
• 34:28
  Every now and then we'd be in a meeting and I'd say, oh my God, you thought of something that I just never thought about.
• 34:33
  And he'd say the same, and we came to really appreciate each other, and I think that's really important.
• 34:39
  And, a lesson that you take with you.
• 34:42
  In the house, outside of the house, personally, professionally, yeah.
• 34:45
  Friend with female friendships too.
• 34:47
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 34:47
  Sometimes you don't always jive with people, but maybe those can be end up being nice friendships when you are slightly different.
• 34:54
  Yeah.
• 34:55
  But you have to have that mutual respect and understanding., So your boys had the.
• 35:01
  I privilege of watching their mother being a working mom., I'm sure you carried some guilt with having to be outta the house.
• 35:08
  Looking back, how did you deal with that and what were the positives of being like a, a two person working house?
• 35:14
  And you know what, I think this piggybacks on our last episode because we were talking about to Kelly.
• 35:19
  Our last episode was similar.
• 35:21
  So this is an interesting spinoff, but we were talking about how the world has changed and how the majority of families now are dual income.
• 35:30
  Mm-hmm.
• 35:30
  There's a lot more moms working.
• 35:32
  I think that the term working versus stay at home mom is, there's a lot more women working in quotations.
• 35:39
  I'm saying that in some capacity, whether it's hybrid, whether it's full-time corporate mom Yeah.
• 35:45
  There's just a lot more women working.
• 35:47
  There's just also opportunity.
• 35:49
  There's more opportunities.
• 35:50
  There's more opportunities.
• 35:50
  Opportunities.
• 35:50
  So your boys watched you work as they were growing up.
• 35:56
  Looking back at that?
• 35:58
  Yeah.
• 35:58
  Did you carry guilt during those times when you had to go to work and you thought you wanna be home?
• 36:03
  Did and when you were feeling balance in both directions?
• 36:06
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 36:07
  There were many days where, you know and I traveled quite a bit when my kids were little, luckily my husband was really good about the whole thing, but there were many days and nights that I felt ugh, should I be doing this?
• 36:20
  What am I doing?
• 36:21
  But I think I knew I, needed to work and wanted to work.
• 36:25
  So then it becomes, okay, how do I find some peace in all of this?
• 36:30
  What are some of the positive things that are going to come out of it?
• 36:33
  That the boys get to see what it's like for, a couple to be really partnering together.
• 36:39
  Yes.
• 36:39
  I think that's so different.
• 36:40
  It's it's a different world now where a lot of the parents are really co-parenting because both people are working.
• 36:47
  Yes.
• 36:47
  And so the responsibilities have to shift to both people.
• 36:51
  Exactly.
• 36:52
  I think sometimes they traditionally don't.
• 36:54
  And that could be a huge struggle and I'm sure we could have an entire episode about that.
• 36:59
  But I'm sure moms mainly feel like they have to do it all then if you're working.
• 37:05
  And then you're also responsible for a majority of the household or, keeping all of the kids' stuff organized.
• 37:13
  And that's a job within itself.
• 37:15
  That's why.
• 37:16
  Sometimes you're home with your kids.
• 37:18
  That's a full-time job.
• 37:20
  Oh, for sure.
• 37:20
  And so now for sure, when you're a working mom, you're doing two essentially full-time jobs.
• 37:25
  You're still doing all this stuff Yes.
• 37:27
  For your kids.
• 37:28
  So I do think that's important.
• 37:29
  There's this shift that's happening where a lot of parents are coming together.
• 37:34
  Hopefully.
• 37:35
  Yeah.
• 37:35
  And taking it more of a team approach.
• 37:37
  Yes.
• 37:37
  And I do think that's a very interesting perspective for a kid to see.
• 37:42
  It is.
• 37:43
  I think it is.
• 37:44
  I think I've talked to them about it too.
• 37:46
  I know I've asked the boys, do you ever feel like you really missed out in some way with mom working, and they were like yeah,'cause Dad was, so much tougher.
• 37:55
  But honestly, there's benefit there.
• 37:57
  I'm sure there is.
• 37:58
  Yeah.
• 37:58
  I think that just for me personally, what I'm experiencing is getting the opportunity to be home and getting to.
• 38:07
  Raise my kids and be there when they need me has been like such a gift.
• 38:12
  Yeah.
• 38:12
  But getting to work and then getting to delegate some tasks out and split with my husband has been an equal gift.
• 38:19
  Yeah.
• 38:19
  Because it makes our partnership better when we do split some tasks up.
• 38:25
  And not to say that he wouldn't do the tasks if I were just home, but when I was just home.
• 38:32
  It would give him more time.
• 38:33
  Roles are more defined.
• 38:34
  It would give him the time to focus just on work and me to focus just on the kids.
• 38:38
  But as I work, he has to then pitch and it makes our partnership, I think, stronger.
• 38:44
  I think that this is a shift that's happening, and I just think it was it's been nice.
• 38:47
  Yes.
• 38:48
  I think it's, I think that it's wonderful for each person to see where the other person's coming from, because I think what, with this shift of more people working it, there's all these responsibilities that then have to shift to something else, whether that's childcare, whether that's a husband stepping in and taking some of the responsibility, but it has to go somewhere, right?
• 39:09
  Yeah.
• 39:09
  So I do think it's just we're in an interesting time where this is happening more and more, and I think.
• 39:17
  If you're lucky enough to have a partner that would step up and help to take some of those responsibilities.
• 39:23
  It, that's huge, yeah.
• 39:24
  It's great for the kids because they also will see my boys, will see that my husband will do anything.
• 39:29
  Yes.
• 39:29
  All the things.
• 39:30
  Yes.
• 39:30
  My same, my husband also owns his own business.
• 39:33
  He's another entrepreneur.
• 39:35
  So we both run our households.
• 39:37
  We try to almost run it, I don't wanna say 50 50,'cause we're still a little, he's a little bit more work than I am.
• 39:43
  I have more flexibility than he does.
• 39:45
  But we both try to take each other's tasks, and I'm saying that in quotations.
• 39:51
  Sure.
• 39:51
  Because we're both fluid with our tasks.
• 39:54
  And our kids might see my husband doing bedtime when I'm doing something else.
• 39:59
  Like we're more fluid, divide and conquer and it's Yeah.
• 40:02
  Divide and conquer.
• 40:03
  Conquer.
• 40:03
  And so it is just, it's just interesting.
• 40:04
  And I think that there's more of this happening than ever before.
• 40:09
  Oh, I agree.
• 40:10
  And, but there's no task I won't do in this house.
• 40:12
  I'll clean the pool.
• 40:14
  I'll shovel the driveway.
• 40:15
  Yeah.
• 40:15
  I, Nick knows that he'd, I don't need him.
• 40:19
  You do it all.
• 40:20
  I can do it all over here.
• 40:22
  No, but I think back to this conversation of balance and being stretched thin with all of that, because women are working, whether it is hybrid or full-time.
• 40:33
  And I think.
• 40:34
  That this expectation of having to do it all and having to do it all perfect is a weight, right?
• 40:41
  Because you wanna be the best you can be at work.
• 40:44
  And then you also, of course wanna be the best mother that you can be.
• 40:48
  And those two things do not always.
• 40:51
  Go hand in hand time, every day at the same time, every day at the same time.
• 40:54
  Of course they can be.
• 40:56
  I feel that where I'll have a day where I feel great.
• 40:59
  I was so productive with work and I was probably a shitty mom because I was very not present with my kids.
• 41:06
  I was thinking about a hundred million things that I wanted to do that day.
• 41:10
  Maybe I didn't spend as much time with them as I wanted to.
• 41:14
  Or maybe it wasn't the most nutritious meal that I put on the table because I was busy that day.
• 41:20
  And then I'll have days where I feel like I'm a very good mom.
• 41:24
  And I did absolutely nothing productive for work.
• 41:27
  I just don't think that, I'm not seeing that you get that balance, where it's, or maybe it is a balance.
• 41:34
  'cause it's just an ebb and a flow of what's the priority or what you're doing well that day?
• 41:39
  Yeah, I think you just, I think that's the ebb and flow of the days.
• 41:42
  Yeah.
• 41:42
  And as long as in the end you're doing more of what feels right and at peace and to that maps to your values, you have to just make peace with it.
• 41:54
  Yes.
• 41:54
  I don't know how else to say it.
• 41:55
  I know.
• 41:56
  So there's no device's, just your values are that you are a good mom and your other values is that you're a self-sufficient, productive working woman.
• 42:06
  Those are two.
• 42:06
  The two, but the two can be true at the same time.
• 42:09
  They can be true at the same time.
• 42:10
  They are.
• 42:11
  They are true.
• 42:12
  They're true at the same time, but they don't feel.
• 42:15
  Not at the exact same time.
• 42:16
  They don't, yeah.
• 42:17
  They don't feel like they blend at the same time, know what I mean?
• 42:20
  Not in the moment.
• 42:21
  Yes.
• 42:21
  There's moments for each thing.
• 42:23
  And, but that's okay.
• 42:24
  Yeah.
• 42:25
  But I think that's what, when I posed this question to my audience and listeners and friends of mine, yeah.
• 42:33
  That was the whole thing.
• 42:34
  That's the struggle, is their balance.
• 42:36
  I never feel like I'm doing enough, I never feel like I'm doing this well, and so there's just so much pressure that we put on ourselves as women i'd love your take on that from a coaching perspective, but also just as a more seasoned mom.
• 42:51
  Yeah.
• 42:51
  Who's worked, and ha and has a family.
• 42:54
  I think we underestimate how much sometimes.
• 43:00
  The contributions of our spouses and our children really give and that we are the only ones that can do everything that has to get done in a way that it should be.
• 43:11
  Yeah.
• 43:12
  And, that puts additional pressure as women, because we're natural nurturers.
• 43:18
  So it's like almost sometimes it's from within.
• 43:19
  It is, yeah.
• 43:20
  It's, so our ability to let go and it's hard if you're someone who wants to control the situation though that's gonna be harder for some people than others.
• 43:30
  If you're a little bit more relaxed about things, maybe not so much.
• 43:33
  But when we think we can only do it the best, that then it becomes that's the way, that's the problem.
• 43:40
  That's the way, yeah.
• 43:40
  That's the problem.
• 43:40
  Yeah.
• 43:41
  Then you can't let go, you can't let others emerge in the family, in the way that they should and give yourself a break.
• 43:48
  It's okay that it's not perfect.
• 43:51
  Because no one's looking for that ever.
• 43:53
  So before we end an episode, yeah.
• 43:55
  When we end an episode with our pink spotlight.
• 43:57
  Oh.
• 43:58
  So we share something, a person, place, thing, tip, mantra, something in our lives that's making our life a little bit better.
• 44:05
  Oh.
• 44:05
  So sometimes Christina and I share a product.
• 44:08
  Yeah.
• 44:08
  Oh, nice.
• 44:08
  Sometimes we share oh, gotcha.
• 44:09
  A tip or a mantra.
• 44:11
  Oh yeah.
• 44:11
  So we close out with that.
• 44:12
  So we're gonna ask you to share.
• 44:13
  Oh, pink spotlight.
• 44:15
  Oh, me to share.
• 44:16
  We all Share one.
• 44:16
  Oh, share.
• 44:17
  So you can like ponder over that.
• 44:19
  So I have a product I'm gonna share.
• 44:21
  Okay.
• 44:21
  I shared it on my Instagram today.
• 44:22
  Okay.
• 44:23
  So over the weekend we were skiing and I met this girl who, it turned out we went to high school together.
• 44:29
  Which it's such a small world, and she's a founder of this company, hot Tommy's.
• 44:33
  And she makes heated vests.
• 44:35
  I saw that.
• 44:35
  What a genius idea.
• 44:36
  Wait, I have it.
• 44:37
  It's so cute.
• 44:39
  And I'm, it's like perfect for me because I don't like to wear a heavy coat.
• 44:43
  Yeah.
• 44:43
  'cause it's just like too bulky and I'm like in and outta the car running errands.
• 44:46
  Yeah.
• 44:47
  So it's perfect and it's cute.
• 44:48
  And it's there's like a battery pack on this.
• 44:51
  Yes.
• 44:51
  Am I not, am I seeing that correctly?
• 44:53
  Wait, it's cropped.
• 44:54
  I love it.
• 44:54
  It's adorable.
• 44:55
  There's a battery pack on it.
• 44:57
  And if you are like somebody that's wait a minute, how am I gonna remember to charge the battery pack?
• 45:04
  Yeah.
• 45:04
  I mean it's like the same charger as the iPhone.
• 45:06
  Oh wait, no, I'm all twisted.
• 45:08
  Yeah, you're twisted.
• 45:09
  It's not bulky either.
• 45:11
  No, it's a cute cropped little black vest.
• 45:13
  It's adorable.
• 45:14
  It literally, it looks like something that you'd find at Auria or something like it's very cute.
• 45:18
  Very fashionable.
• 45:19
  It's very cute zipper.
• 45:20
  It's very cute.
• 45:21
  Yeah.
• 45:21
  Gold Luck zipper.
• 45:22
  And then she pulled out this battery pack, so you can charge that with your iPhone charger is seven hours.
• 45:27
  And then, wow.
• 45:28
  Once it's all charged up, there's three settings on it.
• 45:32
  Obsessed.
• 45:32
  So there's light, medium and hot and the whole vest gets, and the whole vest heats up.
• 45:37
  That's genius.
• 45:38
  I feel like for all our, like sports hockey moms or anybody that's, like it's, and actually if you ski or whatever, you can layer it under your jacket.
• 45:46
  Wow.
• 45:46
  But it's, I know the heated vest is all the rage right now.
• 45:48
  I got one for Nick for Christmas and he was like, mine is not as nice as that one.
• 45:53
  No, that's actually, no, that is like a very fashionable.
• 45:56
  But it's really, it's adorable.
• 45:57
  It's really cute.
• 45:58
  Love it.
• 45:59
  What a find.
• 46:00
  I love that.
• 46:00
  I know.
• 46:00
  I love it.
• 46:01
  It's love.
• 46:01
  So glad just fell into your lap too.
• 46:03
  And she just, I love the color and she just released a leopard print.
• 46:06
  Oh, that's cute.
• 46:07
  And she has pink, like the color of our microphones.
• 46:09
  I was like, oh my God.
• 46:10
  We need that too.
• 46:11
  Just turn it on like this snow.
• 46:13
  Cute.
• 46:13
  And that's, does she have a website?
• 46:15
  She does, yeah.
• 46:15
  It's hot tommys.com.
• 46:17
  We'll post it on the show notes.
• 46:18
  But I love, it's really cute.
• 46:20
  Cute.
• 46:21
  And she's right there.
• 46:21
  Cute.
• 46:21
  I looked around.
• 46:22
  There is nothing else on the market that took acro.
• 46:23
  It's so cute.
• 46:25
  You would think I'm a adorable a spokesperson for this company.
• 46:27
  I am not.
• 46:28
  I just found something that I love and I like to share.
• 46:30
  I love it.
• 46:31
  So that is amazing.
• 46:32
  This is my pink spotlight for, I like it.
• 46:34
  That is such a good one, especially for winter.
• 46:36
  So cute.
• 46:36
  Yes.
• 46:37
  So mine this week is a spinoff of something I shared do you remember I had that lip stain that I would The new one?
• 46:42
  New one, yes.
• 46:42
  It would turn you like a, you looked like a science experiment, like an avatar, and so this lip stain that I would share was like an all day stain.
• 46:51
  You would put it on, it would turn your lips blue, so you looked crazy, but then you'd wait like 30 seconds and wipe it off and you'd have color on your lips, which is amazing.
• 46:59
  Oh, because I found a color that just looked like a natural pink shade for me because I have no color on my lips.
• 47:06
  So I loved it, but I found one that doesn't turn your lips blue and it's under$10.
• 47:11
  All you do is apply it like normal and then leave and it just leave.
• 47:14
  It just leaves a stain.
• 47:15
  And then you can just apply like lip balm throughout the day.
• 47:18
  Like I love putting my summer Fridays on, like just when my lips can start to get a little bit dry.
• 47:22
  But the shade that I love it's called Juice Box.
• 47:24
  It's the one you have on now?
• 47:25
  Oh, pretty.
• 47:26
  And so I, and this is from this morning, so I've had it on, it lasts for a while.
• 47:29
  I wouldn't say it lasts like all day, but it gets you through a huge chunk of the day.
• 47:33
  Wow.
• 47:33
  And it's like hydrating too.
• 47:34
  So I love that you could wear this and this would be like nice on the go.
• 47:38
  'cause the other one you couldn't, you needed to wipe off.
• 47:40
  And so it's not as functional.
• 47:42
  Oh, I wanna try it.
• 47:42
  This is so good.
• 47:43
  And I'll leave the link.
• 47:45
  There's another color that I'll put in the show notes too, that's a little bit lighter, but I love this.
• 47:49
  And they have a ton of shades and it's under$10.
• 47:51
  Great.
• 47:51
  Find.
• 47:52
  I love it.
• 47:52
  I had to find something else that w wouldn't give you the blue lips.
• 47:55
  Camilla likes to do the lip stain with blue lip.
• 47:57
  Yeah.
• 47:57
  It's amazing.
• 47:58
  Oh my gosh.
• 47:58
  But except she's can I keep it blue?
• 47:59
  I'm who has time for that?
• 48:01
  You know what I mean?
• 48:01
  It's quick, like 30 seconds, but it's like a, it's another few extra steps that it's I don't need that.
• 48:07
  We gotta be efficient, all right.
• 48:10
  We'll ping it to you.
• 48:11
  Oh, I don't have a thing, but I would say in these winter months any place to get away.
• 48:18
  Oh.
• 48:19
  What's your favorite?
• 48:21
  My favorite, I wanted to go to Nice this year.
• 48:24
  Ooh, beautiful.
• 48:25
  Because the South of France is appealing.
• 48:28
  But I just spent$7,000 on bat vaccines.
• 48:32
  She told us that story end time.
• 48:35
  It was a bat situation.
• 48:36
  So not sure I'll be going there.
• 48:38
  It's Oh, that cut into the nice budget.
• 48:40
  It did, but no, just thinking about somewhere warm this time year.
• 48:43
  You need to tell me, you need to tell the bat story.
• 48:45
  We just a elevator scale of it.
• 48:47
  Tell us the bat story.
• 48:48
  Alright.
• 48:48
  The 30,000 foot story is when a bat is in your home and you're not aware of it, and it could have been around you.
• 48:57
  You need to get a rabies vaccine because rabies is a hundred percent fatal and you would not know if you got bit or not if you were not awake and seeing this thing just fly by you.
• 49:07
  So you had about sneak in your home?
• 49:09
  We did.
• 49:10
  We woke up to it.
• 49:11
  And you found out?
• 49:12
  We found out.
• 49:13
  I found out two weeks after that this is what I should have done.
• 49:16
  Ugh.
• 49:16
  And so we did.
• 49:18
  And I had to convince my 26-year-old and 20-year-old who lived in another state that were home, that they needed, that were home, that they needed to do it.
• 49:26
  And you can imagine how those conversations were.
• 49:28
  Oh yeah.
• 49:29
  A lot of bombs flying around and at the end of the day, they got it, but not without.
• 49:34
  And then you got a bill and then we got a big bill.
• 49:36
  You got a bill.
• 49:36
  Yeah.
• 49:37
  Sorry.
• 49:37
  But so you'll be sticking around in the cold weather.
• 49:40
  We'll be cold weather that we like going instead for a little getaway.
• 49:44
  For a getaway Litchfield.
• 49:46
  Oh wow.
• 49:47
  That's a good one.
• 49:48
  Oh yeah.
• 49:48
  Downtown.
• 49:50
  The beautiful, the toy.
• 49:52
  The workshop.
• 49:53
  Have you been no.
• 49:53
  It's a lovely boutique, beautiful clothing.
• 49:56
  The designer goes to New York all the time.
• 49:58
  Oh, I love it.
• 49:58
  It's been there forever.
• 49:59
  Love it there.
• 50:00
  Go to the workshop.
• 50:01
  Ooh, okay.
• 50:02
  I like it.
• 50:03
  Yeah, you'll enjoy it.
• 50:04
  I know.
• 50:04
  That is like a little getaway.
• 50:06
  It is.
• 50:06
  I love it there.
• 50:07
  Okay.
• 50:08
  Yeah.
• 50:08
  All right.
• 50:09
  I guess that's where we're heading to Litchfield County to the workshop.
• 50:11
  So the workshop.
• 50:12
  Thank you for coming on today.
• 50:13
  You're welcome.
• 50:14
  Thank you for taking the time to speak to us and our listeners and give your perspective.
• 50:18
  It's so appreciated.
• 50:19
  Thank you for having, hanging on everything that you have to say.
• 50:23
  I know we appreciate everything that you said.
• 50:25
  Oh, you're welcome.
• 50:26
  I think you had such great points.
• 50:27
  And we have our little.
• 50:29
  Our littlest, Pippa made it through the entire episode.
• 50:32
  She just slept.
• 50:32
  She's waking up her little legs.
• 50:34
  Were hanging off the chair.
• 50:35
  I cannot, she's so cute.
• 50:38
  Long time.
• 50:40
  Oh, I'm obsessed.
• 50:40
  Oh my gosh.
• 50:42
  Aw.
• 50:42
  Thank you guys.
• 50:43
  We will see you next week.
• 50:44
  Bye.
• 50:45
  Bye.