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I'm Afraid They'll Leave Me How to Beat Relationship Anxiety Ep.69 · Spiritual Sense: Practical wisdom to quiet an overthinking mind and recharge your soul

• 0:00
  Speaker A: Do you ever feel worried or anxious about someone leaving you or something going wrong in the relationship and it ends and you're wondering, like, how can I make sure that doesn't happen? What can I do to make this person like me or these people like me or make sure that it doesn't end? If you're worried about that happening, then that's what we're going to be talking about today. Because we all can get attached to people, especially in romantic relationships or any close relationship. And. And then sometimes things don't work out and they people start drifting away and things start moving away from us and that can hurt our heart. Right. And we can get very upset about it. And then we try and do all these things to stop it happening. And sometimes we can do something to stop it happening and keep the person in our life and sometimes we can't do anything about it at all. And it' just meant to be. But that process of not knowing what's going to happen next can be very disturbing. It can be very emotionally draining. It can be an emotional roller coaster and we can do all sorts of sort of crazy things to try and keep people in our lives. And so how do we deal with this situation? That's what we're diving into today. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Hello, Shireen. Shreen's never had any problem with anxiety in this regard, have you, Shereen?
• 1:30
  Speaker B: I've had, you could say, loads of experience through other people.
• 1:37
  Speaker A: Through other people or people are always telling her about this sort of topic coming to the center. So in case you don't watching this video, you don't know us. We're meditation teachers. We've got almost 60 years experience with meditation, teaching meditation spirituality to thousands of people all over the world. And this podcast is about how to feel more peace and ease and joy and love in your life and not get stressed out and anxious and caught up in all this stuff that can wreck our life, basically. So welcome, welcome, welcome. I have had relationships and I have had this anxiety. And Shirin was encouraging me in this. She was like, you have to talk to people about your real problems, Michael. You can't just hold back about this stuff. So I do understand if you're going through something. I've had different breakups in my life. I got into relationships and then they've ended. There's been situations where I didn't want it to end. And it did end in my personal life and also my business life. I think of certain people who left me in my work, sometimes unexpectedly, and it caused problems but it's more close to heart when it's a person who we're sort of attached to personally and they live with us and we're connected with them all the time and then it ends. That can be very, very, very disturbing because we do get attached to people. We like people, we get used to them being around and then when they start sort of moving away, it causes all this stress and anxiety and worry about how am I going to feel? Is it going to be all right? You know, what did I do wrong? What can I do to change it? And all of that can of course be very disturbing. What can we do about this situation? I of course have lots of things like a chair, but sharing any thoughts? How do, how does one, how does one, how does somebody listening to this manage that situation?
• 3:49
  Speaker B: You know, the managing of the situation has to happen not at the breakup point, right? The managing of the situation has to happen from the beginning. Pre relationship. The pre relationship should be that there is a dignity, a self dignity that you value yourself. There's. You feel dignified in who you are and you value your dignity more than anything else because once you lose dignity you really, it's very hard to come back, right? So I feel relationships really are not about, not 50% about how you treat yourself, right? Like how you feel about yourself, how you, who you are, what you are, how dignified you are in your own being. I think that's it. And then once you start the relationship, right, there are many patterns that happen and they are self sabotaging patterns. The self sabotaging pattern could be one, could be you start getting irritated if they make decisions without consulting you, how dare them. And you start thinking that they have to listen to what you say, right? That's another self sabotaging pattern. Then you get upset if the other person says they want some space and some independence. So all of these are self sabotaging patterns where it's really slowly, slowly builds up in the relationship of your codependency, of your giving up your dignity, of your not treating the other person, they're not your possess. So these self sabotaging patterns, right, they have some false beliefs underlying the self sabotaging pattern. And the false belief is that somehow you own the other person. And even the language which we use, right, my wife, my boyfriend, my husband, my girlfriend, you know, it's like it's a very possessive kind of language we use. And so the false belief is that you feel that they're your possessions. And also there is an underlying overall disease we all have of control and expectation. And so we want to control people. We want to control what they think, what they do. And then, you know, before you know it, you're doing everything together. You are not spending any time apart. You're not doing any of those things. Right. And so all of these things have stacked up now. Now you've come to the point where it's breaking up. Right. If you haven't taken care of all of this time and now you want to take care of yourself during a breakup, it's going to be very hard. You have to start doing it from your dignity.
• 7:02
  Speaker A: Yeah, well, I'm sure everyone agrees that they should have done things like it's like saying, when's the best. The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. And the second best time to plant a tree is today. Because you can't go back and do all the work that you haven't done in the moment. Because I imagine someone listening to this probably is dealing with this now, aren't they? And they didn't do the work. I mean, it's not too late.
• 7:24
  Speaker B: It's not too late.
• 7:25
  Speaker A: It's not too late.
• 7:26
  Speaker B: Yeah, it's not too late.
• 7:27
  Speaker A: So it's like, so you're in a situation. The bott is anxiety. Right. And I totally agree with everything you're saying, Shireen. It's just like sometimes people haven't done anything until the point where when things go horribly wrong in our life as far as we're concerned, like things don't work out the way we want, then we start getting stressed out and anxious, and then we think, oh, my God, what am I going to do about it? So that's. That kind of crisis point spurs us on to make spiritual effort and look into these things and watch videos like this or listen to this. So anxiety itself, that the feeling of anxiety comes up because of fear, because we're about to lose something that we can't control. So we're thinking this future situation is probably going to happen, which I don't like. So we're imagining a bad outcome or an outcome we don't want, and then that's causing a feeling of anxiety in that, not in our stomach, that kind of pain in our heart, that kind of weird, unpleasant feeling, which is absolutely awful. I don't feel that anxious very often in my life, thank goodness. But when I have felt it, I'm like, oh, my God, if I was feeling this all the time, I don't know why I do, you know? So I totally understand how Awful. It can feel. And when I have gone through it, it's been absolutely devastating. So, so the anxiety is, is ultimately like Shreen saying, coming from a sense of expectations and trying to control somebody. Right. So if, if I think this person should be acting a certain way and I want them to be like this and they're not doing it right, because people have free will after, after all, they're not doing what we want, they're not acting the way we like it. And then we're trying to sort of do various subtle manipulation methods to try and get them to do what we want so that we feel better. Right? That's that that method can work a little bit to some degree, but ultimately it's not going to work because we can't manipulate people into doing what we want long term. And it's not a good thing to try and do anyway. And ultimately they can do whatever they want, aren't they? Aren't they? Realistically, people, people are going to do whatever they want. So we need to have some other method to manage yourself.
• 9:52
  Speaker B: You know, I'm thinking about expectation. Michael, let's say you are in a situation of girlfriend, boyfriend, live in relationship, husband, wife, whatever. Right?
• 10:07
  Speaker A: Right.
• 10:09
  Speaker B: There are some tacit agreements going in, right? We can't, because I said expectation and I'm trying to backtrack. There are some tacit agreements that they're going to do certain things which are beneficial for both parties. So those kinds of expectations, that's a tacit agreement going into the relationship. Or maybe it's even an overt agreement going into a relationship. Like let's say, you know, people do marriage vows, right? So there's a vow that you've taken that's a very overt agreement that these are the vows we are going to keep and if the other person is not following that, they're not meeting those things. I feel that we have to differentiate between everyday life and these big expectations we have. Like these overall expectations we have from the relationship in.
• 11:24
  Speaker A: I mean, this is so it's worth like coming back to the beginning, like in any relationship either whoever's listening to this, right. Whatever relationship it is that you're in, do you know what the expectations you have actually are? What are they? Have you written them down? Like, do you know what they are? Because the problem with tacit agreements is that one person might sort of have this. Tacit agreement means like unconscious or like unspoken agreements that may, may or may not be clear to both people necessarily. Right. Because I work with people in my business I'm constantly dealing with this situation of expectations. I'm like, and it's like if, and I've what I've realized, if I don't spell out exactly what I expect from people, that they don't know what it is, and then they let me down and then I feel bad about it and then I have a problem with them and then we have these weird conversations. But if it's all written down, then you can see whether or not it's clear. In business, it's much easier. In personal relationships, there are these tacit agreements that are not necessarily completely clear and that, that often causes all sorts of issues because people both part, both people haven't signed on to it fully. Right. So one thing that I personally have found in my own relationships is that there is a mismatch in the actual underlying expectations of the relationship because it hasn't been discussed properly and it's worth taking the time to figure out what they are. Right. Like it's worth. Actually, I mean, I recommend, and this is what I personally have done and I, this is what I've suggested other people do is to sit down with, with the other person and say, what do you expect from me and what do I expect from you? And like, what is it? Is this actually a good match, realistically? You know, like, how, what are you going to do? What am I going to do? And is this going to work out very well? I, I, what I personally found, both times I've done this because I've been in two main relationships. Both time I've done it, I've ended up realizing that it's not a good fit and ended the relationship ultimately because, I mean, it would have been better to have been clear about this stuff going into it, frankly. But, but sometimes things change along the way and you realize that it wasn't a good fit then, then getting out of the relationship is, is good because you realize it's not going to work. Right.
• 14:00
  Speaker B: You know the other thing, shock to the system, even though some people might feel, even though many of their expectations are not met, that the other person wants to end the relationship and they might feel bad or the other person wanting to end the relationship.
• 14:20
  Speaker A: That's true.
• 14:21
  Speaker B: And then there's a lot of anxiety being rejected. That's, there's a lot of anxiety that goes with it. Right. And the only thing I tell people, and that's the only thing I meditate on these days, even though I don't have to deal with that. Right. I'm a yogi nun. Kind of. And I don't have those kinds of anxiety. I don't think I ever did. Someone doesn't love me enough. Okay, whatever. Sure didn't bother me too much. But the thing that I feel now, right, the cure all for everything these days, is just sitting in the awareness of how much God loves me. It sounds cliched, but it is true. Like these days, like maybe 30 times a day, I tell myself how much God loves me. I just come into that awareness, just feel it. Oh, God loves me so much. And it feels like, you know, there is a being out there who has no altruistic, generous, I don't want to use the word unconditional because it's a double negative, but altruistic, generous, all encompassing love that will give you strength. It's not love because you're beautiful. It's not love because you're male. You're not love because you're female. It's not love because you're 20. It's not love because you're a certain age and not this. It's not that. It is you, the soul, are deeply, deeply loved. And to. I can't. I can't. Sometimes I see people being rejected and how awful they're feeling, right? And I want to help them, but it's like if I go to fire and I don't know the property of fire and I put my finger in it and I get burned, whose fault is it? It's my fault because I need to understand fire. And so relationships with human beings are temporary. And human beings, the other person has ups and downs. And to base your whole happiness, your old dignity, your whole self respect on whether the other person likes you or not, or everything about you is based on the other person. That's not a good way to live. Absolutely not a good way to live. So even though it might take time, even though it sounds cliched, you know, in one of our last podcasts, you were saying you did this survey and ask people how many of you know you are an eternal being or you're having a spiritual experience. You're a spiritual being having a human experience. And 99% knew that. So everyone will say, of course we know God loves us. Yeah, we all know God loves us. That's not the point. The point is experiencing it just take a few moments. And God's love for you is not based on how much you have, how beautiful you are, what you are, what you don't have. It's not based on that. And so to experience that kind of Unconditional love. Because I want people to understand what I'm talking about. The love which has no strings attached. The love where the other soul doesn't have an off mode and doesn't go off and this and that. Right? That is what we need to experience. Because rejection is hard.
• 18:24
  Speaker A: It's true. This is the solution, you know, so like there's going to be all sorts of ups and downs in relationships because people are going through their own stuff. I mean, realistically as much, let's say everyone has good intentions and does the best they can. Even then people have challenges, they have problems, they have situations, they're busy, they get sick, whatever happens, right? And, and also a lot of things are just not supposed to work out. Like it's not a good, not a win win situation anyway. So there's all that going on. Like, so you got this whole like human dilemmas of our, like being in the world and all this stuff, right? And this very complicated. And then on the other side you've got this unlimited peace and love, which is not based on any of that stuff at all. And it's like a refuge from the pain, actually. Really. And it's the healing balm in a sense, isn't it?
• 19:26
  Speaker B: The other thing I was thinking about relationships ending and if the other person doesn't love you as much as you love them is not to take it personally. Even though they you. I think that's like a default reaction we have. Oh, they don't like me. So it's something to do with me. I might not be good enough. Right? You have to understand human dynamics here. The other one, the other person has a lot of weaknesses, a lot of defects, a lot of what they want. They don't want this and that. Right. Like you do. Right. So these are dynamics going on and the other person not liking you. If you take that personally, then you will really start feeling miserable. If you take it as a point of experience that I needed to experience this. And there is someone who loves me deeply, deeply loves me. No one can love me the way God loves me. And also this is an experience that I needed to have. And let me not take it personally. If I need to learn something from it, fine, let me learn it. But don't take it personally because you, the soul, are worthy of love. You are worthy of love, you are lovable and you're deeply loved. So just remember you are lovable. And that's an identity statement we can live with, right? We need to. In relationships, this mantra, I am lovable, I Am deeply loved. I am lovable. I am deeply loved. Because that is what is the truth. You are lovable. If someone doesn't love you, then fine, too bad, too bad, right? But you know that people always say, oh, but it's easy for you because you never had to deal with all of this, right? So you should tell us, Michael, how you felt, how bad you felt and then later on you felt hundred times better.
• 21:56
  Speaker A: Yes, it's a very interesting. I think what it comes down to is that this, my personal experience is that in life, what, what we all need ultimately is win win situations in our physical life, right? And anytime we're not in a win win where you win and the other person. Because this applies to anything, right? Not just relationships, romantic, personal relationship applies to anything else, but especially in that situation. So I've been in a couple of relationships where in one way or the other they weren't working out and I, and they needed to end, right? And so I tried to fix. I'm always like, if it can be fixed. This is genuinely my feeling about relationships, whether it's personal business, if it can be fixed, like let's say there's a problem and it's not working out and the expectations are off and things just not like a win win, right? It's just not happening. My first feeling is how can, is there anything I can personally do to make it better? Is there anything I can learn? Is there anything, any way I can improve myself? That's genuinely all I feel. And I'm willing to try stuff as long as it doesn't mess me up. As long as I'm not doing stuff that like really bad for me, I'm willing to try stuff out, right? And is there anything that can be done to improve it? Like, because sometimes having a good honest conversation about expectations, like in any relationship is people are doing things together, right? If you're in a relationship, then someone does something, you do something, there's, there's like a cooperation, there should be a cooperation. And sometimes it's just not it. Like it's, people don't get just, it just isn't working, right? For various reasons, my feeling is can it be fixed? Can I change anything I can do about it? Something can happen. What can we do differently, right? I really feel that way and I've tried to do that and I've tried to create win win situations. And what I've found is that after trying genuinely, if the other person doesn't want to cooperate and it isn't actually a win win, and it's not going to work out. And it's just pushing something to try and happen that's not actually going to happen. At a certain point you just have to throw your hands up and say, there's nothing I can do anymore. Like, what can you do? Right. Like you have tried everything. And so. And then once you throw your hands up and says nothing else I can do, then you can start to heal and get out of it and move on. And in my case, I think I probably took too long trying to figure stuff out and it would have been better just to throw my hands up a lot earlier. But. But that's, you know, it's like I'm like a. I like to fix things and see if I can figure it out. Nowadays I'm a bit better at it. I'm like, if it isn't working out, just get rid of it. Just get out of it as soon as possible. Because it's. A lot of times there's like warning signs along the way and if we can see the signs earlier, then we can avoid getting stuck. So I have had certain blind spots in that area and now I'm a bit more wise than I used to be around these particular issues. Yeah. So I understand if you're in a situation and you're not wanting to get out of it or you want to get out of it, you're not quite sure what's going on and you're like a bit concerned about getting out of it. I understand putting in the work and wanting to try and make it work is something that you might want to do. And at a certain point, at what point are you going to say it's not working and be honest about it and figure out something else. Just get out. Where is your threshold of tolerance for these things? The tolerance is a good thing to some degree, but self sabotage. I remember Shreen used to talk to me about this. At what point is it not tolerance? At what point is it like, what's the word for it? Masochism. Right. Like at what point? Like tolerating things to some degree is good, but after a certain amount of time we're just putting up with something that's really bad for us and there's really no need for it. So this is, this is something for each person to think about. Where are you at on this scale? But where is it?
• 26:43
  Speaker B: Right. You know, Michael, the other thing about this, no, because my heart really goes out to people because I see how, you know, rudderless people feel. They feel they need, you know, all these things in their life, which is important. I mean, take it from God. But if you're not able to, whatever you're doing, I'm not saying don't do. But one thing is I, I feel that, especially in your case, is that you are hundred times better off now than before. And so you know, just your mental state and who you are and your freedom, everything, you're 100 times better off. Right. In every way you're 100 times better off. And so we shouldn't feel like maybe a relationship ending after you've tried your best, maybe you will come out of it a hundred times better.
• 27:55
  Speaker A: Yeah, exactly.
• 27:57
  Speaker B: You don't know.
• 27:57
  Speaker A: If you don't try.
• 27:59
  Speaker B: Yes. And don't feel like things are happening against you, they're happening for you and allow it to happen and do things for yourself and then you will see that really you will be hundred times better.
• 28:15
  Speaker A: Exactly. We often, like, in my opinion, life is a continuous learning journey. Right. And we learn all sorts of things through different situations and relationship challenges. Create a lot of. You sent me a funny meme. I remember it was like, what was it? Relationships are all about solving problems together. Problems that you wouldn't have if you're on your own, which I thought was so funny. That's a classic thing. But you can, of course, relationships can also bring up a lot of stuff that you can learn from as well. But then getting out of relationships can also bring up a lot of learning, a lot of transformation, a lot of changes, a lot of deep inner work, which is great. So have the have the faith that you'll be all right afterwards. And I don't have anything other than love in my heart for everyone in my life. Like I don't actually hold grudges for people. I have genuine love. I just feel like certain situations weren't meant to work, just weren't a win win for various reasons. And it's. No one's at fault, actually no one's at fault. It just wasn't a win win. So to me that's like the shortcut to this. Like how to decide whether or not to stay or whether to leave. Is. Is it a win genuinely a win win situation? And there should be at least three wins in my opinion. You win, someone else win, the other person wins and there's some bigger win from like the world or it's like one on one should be 11, shouldn't be two. Right. If it's not like that, then it's no win. Because some relationships, one is one plus zero. Right. It's not even two, so that's not very good. So these are wonderful things. Ultimately, we're on a spiritual journey and life is teaching us lessons that we need to learn. And we're going to have to learn those lessons one way or the other. So we might as well get on with it. It's not easy. These things aren't easy at all. They can be very disturbing and painful and you can come out the other end better than you were before by a long run and learn all sorts of things and have all sorts of great experiences that you wouldn't have had otherwise.
• 30:33
  Speaker B: I know, right? Like you, for example.
• 30:36
  Speaker A: Exactly. I've had lots of fascinating experiences and I'm sure they'll continue. So, yeah, we don't. I think honestly on a spiritual path you learn a lot of stuff by being on your own, actually. Like being able to, like, have personal sovereignty over what you do and not having to check in with someone else about everything all the time to decide. You make your own decisions, decide your own things, make your own choices. And what I personally realized is that being in a lose, win or lose, lose or win lose situation is not something that is good for my dignity and is not something that's good for anyone. So the compassionate thing to do is to let go and receive spiritual love from the infinite source of divine love and peace and to experience my own state of happiness and joy that's not based on anyone liking me or not liking me or doing something or not doing something. That is, that is freedom. Right. Because one of the things that I really value is freedom. And I remember talking to Shrina about this and she was like, no, you don't really value freedom.
• 31:54
  Speaker B: Oh, you got so upset. Oh my gosh. You got so upset.
• 31:58
  Speaker A: And I was like, you talking about, I don't know. So. But, but I do love freedom. Do you? Do you believe me now, Shereen? I love freedom.
• 32:07
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 32:10
  Speaker A: So freedom is something that's very dear to my heart. Right. And so what does it mean? It means that we feel liberated. Right. Internally and we have a life of freedom as well. Right. Practically. And of course there's layers of freedom and there's higher and higher levels. And you can, of course, there's always a next level of freedom. And so what I personally realize is that if I'm needing something from anyone, like needy, needy, or wanting something to happen a certain way, that's not free, that's a bondage, that's a trap. Like I'm trapped in something and I don't like feeling trapped, Right. It's not a good feeling. And so we can decide to step out of that trap and come into a higher state of freedom which is based on spiritual things. And part of that might mean getting out of the situation. Because what I've often thought about this, right, there's all these spiritual teachings, things like you're the masters of yourself, masters of the world. And I remember thinking years ago when I started practicing meditation, I can have all these wonderful self image things, but if my life itself doesn't represent that, it's a mismatch practically. Right? So how can we align our life, our physical life in our relationships to match our aspirational higher states of consciousness that we aspire to? Right? Like if I want to feel free and I want to feel peaceful and I want to be loving and I want to feel like I'm a self sovereign person, how can I align my life so that it looks like that, Right? It's just worth thinking about these things and is getting involved in all these situations and waiting for text messages and like, what is, why haven't they gone back to me? And what about this and what about that?
• 34:17
  Speaker B: That's so not okay, right?
• 34:20
  Speaker A: That's awful.
• 34:21
  Speaker B: Especially after breaking up. And then you're seriously stalking them online and I'm like, seriously?
• 34:27
  Speaker A: All that stuff. Yeah.
• 34:28
  Speaker B: It's just, it's like, I mean, where is our dignity? Where is our dignity?
• 34:35
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 34:36
  Speaker B: Right. We really need to stay in our dignity.
• 34:42
  Speaker A: Yeah. So we don't want to be in that situation. And when it comes to these people in our life. Right. My philosophy around this is that if it's not a win win, and if it's not supposed to work out, then there's really no point trying to, trying to save it. Right. Like a lot of people would say that's a bit defeatist, but when you think about it, really. And honestly, if it's not a good match and you're not, it's not mutually beneficial, what's the point? Do you know what I mean? What's the point in keeping it going? What for? And what people don't seem to realize is that when you come out of these situations, I mean, it sounds like we're telling everyone to get to break up street. That's, that's not necessarily what we're saying. But if you do end up situation that's not working for you, you'll probably realize fairly quickly that you're fine and it's all, yeah, you're all right.
• 35:49
  Speaker B: You know, I'm actually Feeling a lot of compassion for souls for whatever they're going through, Right. Whatever is happening in their life. I mean, especially we are talking about if you are in relationships where you feel you love the other person more than they love you or they want to break up, right? We are not asking people to break up. If that's what they want to do, then, you know, how do we. Even if they don't want to break up and you feel that they love you, you know you love them more than they love you, right. And. Or your love is not reciprocated or you feel rejected for some reason, I feel that. Have faith. Have faith in your love. Have faith in you being lovable. Have faith in these things. In one of the last podcasts I was talking about these identity statements. An identity statement that really works is how we were talking about identity statements versus aspirational statements. Aspirational statements is I want love, right? Because you're aspiring for love. Identity statement is I am love, right? So the identity statement here would be I am love, I am lovable, and I'm deeply loved by God. I am love, I am lovable, I'm deeply loved by God. Try this identity statement, like keep repeating it as a mantra, right? Every time you want to stalk your ex online, every time you want to send a text, when you know it's not good for you to send a text. Every time you want to do something self sabotaging, keep this mantra. You start your day with this mantra. You be in the middle of the day, you do the mantra. You end your day with this mantra. I am love, I am lovable, and I'm deeply loved by God.
• 38:10
  Speaker A: That's very beautiful. What that does is it, it changes your source of nourishment from people and getting back to your own messages and whatever, whatever to a place of self respect and dignity and, and real soul. Because what we're looking for is deep love really, isn't it? We all need to be loved and we all need to feel love and we all need to feel connected. And people are unfortunately quite unreliable and can do all sorts of crazy stuff that is quite upsetting to us. So this is a healing balm. This is like a magic mantra right here that Shireen's sharing. And I've practiced this myself and it's been very helpful for me. And we, we all need love. Like whether we're in relationship or not in relationship, we all need to feel divine love. We really do. It's extremely important to us. We can't, we can't it's like we need, we need air, we need food and we need love and connection.
• 39:18
  Speaker B: We all do.
• 39:18
  Speaker A: We need it.
• 39:19
  Speaker B: We all do. The only self sabotaging thing is going into relationships where you're eroding your dignity. Not saying, you know, we all need love, but to expect love nowadays, unconditional love from human beings is stupidity because people are not in that state. Right. They don't have the strength, they don't have the power of tolerance. They don't have a lot of that going. And so if you're not fortunate enough, it's not you. If you think, oh, why that person has a beautiful relationship, how can, how come I don't have it? You know, that's where the cards were dealt, right? Don't compare. Just remember you are lovable.
• 40:14
  Speaker A: Yeah. And receive it from a, from God, from the divine source of pure love. And love yourself as well. Because I mean it's like we have to actually love ourselves like ourselves and love ourselves. Because if someone doesn't like you or wants to break up with you or whatever it is and doesn't give you something, it can temporarily mess up your, mess up your sense of dignity, which can hurt the heart. So we have to, I put personally like to do this, you know, I love myself, I appreciate myself. I think it's a good thing to do on a regular basis. Just because we are with ourselves all the time, aren't we? Right. And so it's nice to say, no, you're good. You, I appreciate you. You know, I do this quite a lot because, because you know, we're all going through stuff in our life and we need to first and foremost give ourselves love and blessings. You know, good job, good job, good job. Like do you encourage yourself? Do you say well done, good job. Right? Because everyone's making effort, doing all these things in their life. Put your hand on your heart and say, I love myself, appreciate myself. I'm a spiritual being. Then we can receive spiritual love and blessings. And then we can also give love and blessings to everyone else. So love yourself, receive love from God, send everyone else love.
• 41:42
  Speaker B: You know, there is some research I want to talk about. I don't remember his first name, but Daryl something and he did research on perception. So what is your perception based on of yourself? What he says is that self perception is based on our actions, if we do actions a certain way. Right. So they did research. What they did is they took certain people and they asked them to random gave them, assign them these three or four kind acts that they should do in, you know, in a couple of weeks time. And so each of them went and did these acts of kindness. They were randomly assigned, right? Randomly assigned, these acts of kindness. And they went and did. And so when they came back, their perception of themselves changed as being kind people because they did kind acts even though they were assigned randomly. Right. It wasn't their own volition that they did it. They just got assigned this as a research project and they decided, oh, I'm a kind person now. Right, right. And so yeah, our perception of who we are really is based on what we do, not on the other person. So even in any relationship, your perception, your self perception is really based on who are and what you do, what you do for yourself, what you do in the relationship. And so if we can, if someone can be randomly assigned kind acts and they decided they are kind people, let's assign ourselves loving things and do loving things outside of this relationship. Right? Like you just now, the, the thing that you just said, put your heart on your, you know, your hand on your heart and say you appreciate yourself, love yourself. So that's like a form of self love, right? Do three or four of those self love acts every day, right? Every day, two or three acts and within two weeks you will start loving yourself. Because that is what the psychology of your mind, that's what your psyche, that's how it's designed to work.
• 44:32
  Speaker A: It's true. And that takes the need for love. Other people doing certain things, loving us in a certain way, that it takes the pressure off that. Because if, if I'm sitting here going, when am I going to be getting loved from some person that's I'm just a very needy place to be and I'm not waiting around for something to happen. I can love myself, appreciate myself right now. It's all good, you know, I don't have to wait around for someone else. And the interesting thing is the more we love and appreciate ourselves, the more likely other people will like us. Actually isn't that interesting, right? Like if I'm like waiting around for people to like me, I'm the least likely person for anyone else to like, isn't it? But if I love myself and if I receive divine love and I do acts of kindness to myself and I help other people when I'm loving presence in the world, right? Then the chances of me receiving love are significantly higher. But I don't even need them at that point because I'm feeling good to begin with. So I think that's a much healthier way to, to live is that we're giving ourselves that love. We're receiving divine love, we're giving love and, and we will receive love as well from other people. But it's, there's like a much healthier place coming from within ourselves in the first place that then causes us to be loving in a way that's going to be reciprocated. And if you're in a situation that isn't healthy for you, you can get out of it because you deserve better, frankly. And, and also some situations is not that anyone did anything wrong. It's just not a good fit. It's just not a good match. And so if it's not a win win, then if you can run for the hills.
• 46:25
  Speaker B: All right, Michael. It's like telling people, I picked a random one and it's a beautiful one. Blessing.
• 46:34
  Speaker A: All you need is a million dollars.
• 46:36
  Speaker B: Yeah, it's like that's what you're telling people. All you need is a million dollars.
• 46:39
  Speaker A: But, but sometimes, but the first anyone can put their hand on their heart and say, I like this.
• 46:45
  Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.
• 46:47
  Speaker A: And any, anyone can remember that God is sending them love and they can open to themselves to that. And anyone can, after they've done that and they're feeling good, they can send loving energy to others. So these three steps can be done right now when as much as. As you want and that will change.
• 47:09
  Speaker B: And that will change. You will see yourself as love, you will see yourself as lovable.
• 47:15
  Speaker A: Yeah. And if it isn't a good situation, this is. I just want to really emphasize this. Like I've been in all sorts of situations, especially in my work, where it's just not a win win. It's just, it's just not, it's just not lining up well, you need to let them go. It's not necessarily anyone did anything wrong even. It's just not a win win situation. I think having having a standard in your life that you're only willing to put up with win win situations, you win and the other person wins. And not just that ideally it's you win, they win, and other people win and other people win. Like if you can stack up loads and loads and loads of wins in a row, that's really, really good place to be. And that's, I think, the standard. We should aim for as much as we can in any area of our life because that's going to lead to a lot more joy and happiness and good vibes and success. But if you're in lose lose situations, if you can get out of them because you shouldn't be in that situation long term. It's not good for anyone. So there it is.
• 48:20
  Speaker B: Blessing.
• 48:21
  Speaker A: Yay. Blessings.
• 48:24
  Speaker B: Today's blessing for all our listeners. Encouragement. You've beautifully embraced the journey of self love and acceptance. Your joy for the success of others glows from within and you cheer on their victories as if they were your own. You embrace others by igniting courage and offering support.
• 48:56
  Speaker A: That's beautiful. Yay. So wishing you lots of love, peace, freedom, joy, happiness and win, win, win, win win situations. Thank you Shireen. Lots of love to you.
• 49:15
  Speaker B: Aum Shanti everyone.
• 49:18
  Speaker A: Om Shanti.