Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #110 Rapid Fire Q&A

Transcript

#110 Rapid Fire Q&A · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 1: poor parent who just wants answers. Now I'm doctor Justin
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  Speaker 1: Coulson and again today I'm joined by Luken Suzi, husband
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  Speaker 1: and wife radio team with three young boys. And today
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  Speaker 1: because of all the questions, and we have been getting
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  Speaker 1: a lot, We've been getting a lot of questions about
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  Speaker 1: dealing with so many COVID related challenges. I know some
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  Speaker 1: people are like, you know, my ears are bleeding every
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  Speaker 1: time we talk about COVID. But we've decided that this
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  Speaker 1: is the reality, this is what we're dealing with. So
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  Speaker 1: we're doing a rapid fire Q and A.
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  Speaker 2: Let's get into our quick fire question time justin we'll
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  Speaker 2: get through as many of these as we can. Natasha
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  Speaker 2: has asked how to keep teenagers engaged in family stuff
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  Speaker 2: when they just want to hide in their rooms. I
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  Speaker 2: have two teenage girls age thirteen and fifteen, and they
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  Speaker 2: can be mean to the younger brothers who are ten
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  Speaker 2: and eleven. What are your thoughts?
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  Speaker 1: I think Natasha's asking two questions. Number one, how do
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  Speaker 1: I stop the big kids being mean to the little kids?
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  Speaker 1: And number two, how do I get the big kids
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  Speaker 1: to come a part of our family. So let's talk
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  Speaker 1: about big kids being part of the family. First. We
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  Speaker 1: are rapid fire, so I'm going to go real quick
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  Speaker 1: on this. Our children are caught up, especially our older children,
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  Speaker 1: they're really caught up in school, and school is draining.
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  Speaker 1: While ever we're doing it via Zoom or you know,
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  Speaker 1: Microsoft teams or Google hangouts or whatever the you know,
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  Speaker 1: Google class, whatever the tech is. It's just exhausting and
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  Speaker 1: it doesn't have that wonderful flow of a typical school
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  Speaker 1: day where you show up, you see your friends, you
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  Speaker 1: engage with the teacher, you hear some content, and you're
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  Speaker 1: going to do some work, and then you know, there's
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  Speaker 1: the back and forth. When it's all online, it's draining.
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  Speaker 1: It's exhausting, and you want to be in a place
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  Speaker 1: where it's at least quiet enough that you're not going
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  Speaker 1: to be distracted and disfocused. Once it's all done, though,
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  Speaker 1: it can be really hard to want to go and
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  Speaker 1: sit down with the parents and you're never getting any space.
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  Speaker 1: I think that what's really going on is teenagers are saying,
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  Speaker 1: we just want our own space, we just want a
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  Speaker 1: little bit of downtime, and as parents, we've got to
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  Speaker 1: find ways that we can facilitate their downtime while also
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  Speaker 1: having them engaged in family time. The very short version
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  Speaker 1: is that I would dive into a brief conversation around
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  Speaker 1: those three ease of effective discipline that I talk about
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  Speaker 1: all the time. Explore, Explain, Empower, Explore, have noticed that
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  Speaker 1: you're really struggling to spend time with the family. What's
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  Speaker 1: going on? You're really hanging out in your room a lot? Explain,
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  Speaker 1: we miss you, We'd love to have you near us
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  Speaker 1: from time to time. Empower What times do you think
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  Speaker 1: would be good for you to be with us? And
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  Speaker 1: what times do you think you really need to just
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  Speaker 1: have your own space?
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  Speaker 2: Beautiful? Awesome?
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  Speaker 3: All right, let's get the big girls to be kinder
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  Speaker 3: to the little boys. What are your thoughts?
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  Speaker 1: I think that that's a really tough game. But again,
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  Speaker 1: what we're trying to do is we want our big
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  Speaker 1: kids to have empathy for our little kids and vice versa.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, the reality is sometimes the little kids can
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  Speaker 1: be just so frustrating. My sense, though, is if we
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  Speaker 1: say to the big kids, have you noticed how your
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  Speaker 1: little siblings react when this happens? How do you think
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  Speaker 1: you'd feel if somebody that you looked up to was
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  Speaker 1: doing that to you? What would be a better way
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  Speaker 1: to respond? We want to build some empathy into the conversation.
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  Speaker 1: Don't do it in the moment because they're going to
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  Speaker 1: be really defensive, But a little later, maybe during the evening,
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  Speaker 1: still in the edge of the bed, and say, I've
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  Speaker 1: noticed that your brother was crying today and when I
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  Speaker 1: asked why, he felt like you'd been mean to him. Now,
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  Speaker 1: the big kid's going to say, you know, that's because
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  Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah. And you can say, I know,
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  Speaker 1: it's really frustrating having the little kids around so much,
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  Speaker 1: isn't it? Yeah? It is, Well, what do you think
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  Speaker 1: we can do too? And then really empower them and
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  Speaker 1: work on solutions together. Ultimately, as the parent, you're not
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  Speaker 1: there to be the fixer. You're there to be the facilitator.
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  Speaker 1: And if you can ask good questions and help them
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  Speaker 1: to come up with good solutions themselves, your work is
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  Speaker 1: halved because they've actually got good answers inside themselves.
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  Speaker 2: I love it, all right, quickfire, So we're going to
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  Speaker 2: get to the next couple of questions. Justin Melanie, do
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  Speaker 2: you think everyone will continue family walks and bike rides
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  Speaker 2: after COVID nineteen or will we all get too busy
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  Speaker 2: to do it again?
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  Speaker 1: Let me gaze into my crystal ball. It's been really
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  Speaker 1: nice walking around my neighborhood and seeing so many people
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  Speaker 1: out and about with their families on bike rides and
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  Speaker 1: on walks. I hope it continues. Everyone I talk to,
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  Speaker 1: not everyone. Most people that I talk to are saying,
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  Speaker 1: we really hope that we don't have to go to
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  Speaker 1: the office every day from now on. We've been able
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  Speaker 1: to demonstrate that we can actually work from home from
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  Speaker 1: time to time. The most common response that I've had
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  Speaker 1: on my Facebook page from parents when I've said what's
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  Speaker 1: the biggest learning you've had from this is it's so
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  Speaker 1: nice to slow down. So I don't know if I
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  Speaker 1: can give a definitive answer, but I can share my
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  Speaker 1: hope that families will take that learning and take the
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  Speaker 1: good that the pandemic has created in our families and
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  Speaker 1: slow down and have that family time. Because I get
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  Speaker 1: a sense from Melanie that she kind of likes it.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, we all kind of like it, and I think
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  Speaker 2: it's something that we'd like to think we stick with.
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  Speaker 2: Chances are we're probably a bit more cynical about human nature. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: as to how we get busy and get back into it.
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  Speaker 2: But let's just hope it. Stuff of this sticks around,
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  Speaker 2: all right?
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  Speaker 3: Our last Strafford fire question for you. You've done amazingly well.
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  Speaker 3: Can I just say justink? But this last one, I
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  Speaker 3: wish you the very best of luck. Why is it
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  Speaker 3: kids can down a happy meal in five minutes flat
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  Speaker 3: but take an hour to eat a proper dinner.
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  Speaker 1: Oh that's easy. They like the happy meal.
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  Speaker 3: I think there might be more of the question, our
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  Speaker 3: children to eat their proper meal?
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  Speaker 1: You want the Yeah? Okay, So I actually wrote a book,
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  Speaker 1: a little ebook, a couple of years ago. It's available
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  Speaker 1: on my website. I promise this hasn't been staged. But
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  Speaker 1: it's called Eat Right Without a Fight. It's essentially to
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  Speaker 1: help us with younger kids and to help them to
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  Speaker 1: make what I would call healthy, consistently healthy food choices.
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  Speaker 1: It's a really tough one, but in a nutshell, what
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  Speaker 1: I'd be recommending is give the kids some buy in.
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes getting them to help prepare the meal is fine,
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  Speaker 1: although that doesn't always work. Make sure that there's always
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  Speaker 1: a few things on the plate that they will eat,
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  Speaker 1: and introduce them to new foods, let them know that
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  Speaker 1: they've just got to eat two or three bites. They
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  Speaker 1: don't have to eat the whole meal. There's no pressure.
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  Speaker 1: What happens is we become familiar with certain things, we
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  Speaker 1: really like certain things, and kids learn very quickly that
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  Speaker 1: if they kick up enough of a fuss that they
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  Speaker 1: don't actually have to eat the meal that's in front
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  Speaker 1: of the mum or dad, we'll get up and go
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  Speaker 1: to the fridge and pull something else and say, here,
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  Speaker 1: eat this, stop your inging. You know, we're in charge
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  Speaker 1: of what our kids eat. We are the I call
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  Speaker 1: it the there's something or other of the pantry. We
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  Speaker 1: are that thing of the pantry where the keeper of
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  Speaker 1: the keys to the pantry. There we go. I know,
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  Speaker 1: I get there eventually. And what we're trying to do
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  Speaker 1: with our children is make sure that they've got healthy
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  Speaker 1: food alternatives. When they're hungry, they will eat. We'll always
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  Speaker 1: gravitate to the sugary stuff or the fatty stuff, whether
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  Speaker 1: we're two or fifty two. That stuff just kind of
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  Speaker 1: it's more appealing to our taste buds because that's how
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  Speaker 1: we're designed. But if we can make sure that on
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  Speaker 1: their plate. There's a couple of things that they will
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  Speaker 1: eat that are suitable food choices, and there's a couple
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  Speaker 1: of things that they're probably going to be a little
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  Speaker 1: bit tentative around eating. And then we just put the
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  Speaker 1: food on the plate and that's what they eat. If
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  Speaker 1: they're hungry, they can always come back and eat a
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  Speaker 1: little bit more later on. I mean, I've got six kids.
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  Speaker 1: We've been going through this. It's hell. With our last
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  Speaker 1: two kids, they complain about everything we put on the
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  Speaker 1: dining and I know I'm supposed to be doing this quickly,
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  Speaker 1: but this is a bit of therapy for me as well.
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  Speaker 3: We'll help you can.
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  Speaker 1: Offer, yeah, Well, what we found is we just we
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  Speaker 1: serve up the food and if they complain, we say, ah,
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  Speaker 1: it's so frustrating when we give you food that you
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  Speaker 1: don't like and we don't try to fix it. We
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  Speaker 1: just let them know that we get that it's frustrating.
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  Speaker 1: Like literally, that's what we say. Don't you just wish
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  Speaker 1: that we could give you hot chips every night? And
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  Speaker 1: they say yes, And we say I know that would
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  Speaker 1: be awesome, wouldn't it And they say yes, and we say, hmm,
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  Speaker 1: this spinach is good and they hate it. But what
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  Speaker 1: happens is we say, just you know, you can have
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  Speaker 1: a couple of bites, so you can have none. It's
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  Speaker 1: up to you. But this is what we're having for
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  Speaker 1: dinner tonight. And that's that's kind of it. Now, we're
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  Speaker 1: not abusing our children. We're not neglecting our children. Our
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  Speaker 1: children have loads and loads of food options. If they
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  Speaker 1: choose not to eat them, that's okay. They'll be hungry
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  Speaker 1: tomorrow morning, and that's when they can have a healthy breakfast.
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  Speaker 1: And if they don't want to have their healthy breakfast,
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  Speaker 1: that's okay. They'll be hungry for lunch. And usually what
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  Speaker 1: you find is that after two or three days of
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  Speaker 1: them being fussy, they're no longer fussy. They'll eat pretty
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  Speaker 1: much whatever you put in front of them. I'm not
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  Speaker 1: suggesting you starve your kids for three days. What I'm
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  Speaker 1: suggesting is put stuff on every single plate that they
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  Speaker 1: will eat, and then encourage them to try new things.
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  Speaker 1: Because the more they try those new things, the more
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  Speaker 1: comfortable they become with those flavors, and over time they
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  Speaker 1: actually start to eat food that they didn't. But this
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  Speaker 1: can be a month's long process, and we just need
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  Speaker 1: to be patient.
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  Speaker 2: Wonderful advice. He's always full of the wonderful answers, even
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  Speaker 2: if he's not full of the keeper of the keys
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  Speaker 2: to the entry statements a bit didn't. I yeah, great
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  Speaker 2: when you take your time, you are great when we're
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  Speaker 2: rapid fire. Thank you so much for answering the questions.
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  Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed the podcast or found it helpful, please
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: dive into the Apple Podcasts app and leave a rating
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: and a review. The ratings are great. That helps people
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: to see the podcast, but it's the reviews that really
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: help people to understand how helpful the podcast can be.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Pink book Love said it's a great podcast by doctor
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Justin Course and I highly recommend it for anyone reassessing
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  Speaker 1: the way they parent their children and looking for guidance
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: and genuinely good ideas to help. Thank you so much,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: pickbook Love. I really appreciate you doing that. If you'd
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: like more info on how I can help, please visit
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: happyfamilies dot com dot au or head over to my
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Facebook page, where there's all sorts of offers and a
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: whole lot of other bits and pieces to help make
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: your family happier. That's doctor Justin Coulson's happy famis