Latest / Deeply Well with Devi Brown / Protecting Your Peace with Nina Parker

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Protecting Your Peace with Nina Parker · Deeply Well with Devi Brown

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Mm from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored ALCHEMYO cheriots to keep
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Opal Brown courts, bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Jim se King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the as this is.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: And the ancestors told me that you would come to
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: give wisdom thousands. They said you would come Dropping Dropping
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: the Jim. All right, Welcome back to another episode of
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: The Dropping Jim's podcast. I'm your host Stebbie Brown. Today's show.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I'm super high because this girl is a fave of
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: most of the people that I've run into. It's funny
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: because sometimes people see that we talk on Instagram and
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: they'll be like, oh, my god, you know her what
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I'm like? Not only do I know her? That is
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: my friend friend. That's so funny to hear today's show,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: we have um just one of the bossiest boss women
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: in the business. She is killing it in the broadcasting world.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: You first saw her on TMZ, where she really broke
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: so many barriers and created lanes for so many people
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: that came after her. She then went to The Insider.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: You have seen her Taming Wild Wild Conversations as a
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: love and hip pop reunion host, and she is currently
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: a host on E with two of her own shows,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Nightly Pop Dating No Filter. And you have seen her
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: on every red carpet giving absolutely serving looks and giving
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: expert commentary as a news correspondent. So, without further ado,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: we have the eyebrow God herself time so snatcher, Miss
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Nina Parker is on the show. Thank you for having me.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited we could make a hand. I know
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: you know what I want to so everybody in and
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: how we first met. I was trying to think back.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: I was like, dang, at what point did did we
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: like fall in friend love? Remember how I met you?
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: It's been a long time. I don't Okay, you tell me,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: and I'm gonna tell you. We were backstage at a Celo.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I went to my god, it was um shout, I
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: feel so old. Those groups name? What was the group's name?
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: What group was Celo in? Oh? Narles Barkley. Wasn't there
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: one before that? Oh? Goody mob? Good? Yeah? Yeah, we went.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: It was a goody Mob like something and Celo was
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: performing and Echo invited me. Our friend MPR had invited me,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: and you were there and I had seen you just
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: like on social media. I think at the time, I'm
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: not sure what social media we were using, but I
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: remember giving you my business card and I was like, Hi,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm Nina from TMZ and I introduced myself
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: to you and gave you my card and you were
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: super nice. We were both backstage and um, you know,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: because you were doing radio, and I think I was
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: just like, you were just somebody I wanted to know.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: And mind you, this is like when I was kind
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: of still new to l A, so I was just like,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: she just seems like somebody it would be cool to know.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: And I remember introducing myself and being like, hit me up,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: here's my email if you need anything like if you
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: get any stories, and you were like okay and super cool.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: But that's the first time we met. I remember, and
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I thought it was so cool. Um, just you being
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: like a dope ass black woman on TMZ and like
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: killing it in the broadcasting world. Um. And I loved,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: like from the moment we met, I just loved the
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: way you carried yourself and you were so funny but
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: so gracious, and you just had so much integrity, which
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: especially in that space, like the space of specifically TMZ
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: gossip heavy space, it's so rare like normally when you,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: at least back then would meet people in that space,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: you kind of like maybe want to take a shower
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: later because you felt like you were getting finessed for
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: like information, you know. And I was like, Yo, she's dope,
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: and then I remember, Okay. So I don't know if
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: you remember this, but one of my biggest memories of
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: our early early friendship was you like did me a
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: super solid yeah. So at that time. So what I
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: was really really early on the curve of was whenever
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I'd have an interview, sending it places. This is before
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: obviously far before Instagram, um, and it's before like blogs
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: have evolved into what they are now. So like most
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: talent in radio did not cut up bits and pieces
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: of their interviews and even posted online, let alone cut
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: up pieces specifically and send them to blogs with like
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: recaps like Hey, today I interviewed so and so so,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: like how you're seeing like the breakfast club interviews today.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: That's kind of like what I was doing a long
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: long time ago. Um, obviously not the same reach. I'm
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: not trying to take no credit for nothing, but you know, yeah, yeah,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: but I was early on stuff like that, on navigating
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: social So I had just started doing mixtapes. Me and
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Terris Martin had released some products projects. We released this
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: project called Here My Dear, which did really well and
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: it had we had like a very early kindreck on it.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: We had snoop on it, corrupt even Charlie Wilson, a
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: lot of lot of dope talent. And then we've released
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: a second project called The Sex EP. And for those
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: not familiar, though I know many of you are, us
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: is he's a really really dope producer and artist, a
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: lot of infusion of jazz instrumentation meets hip hop. Right,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: he's fired. He's produced some of your favorite music. We
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: did this project called the sex Cyp. My boy Rete
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: designed the cover of it, right, yes, I remember this now.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: The cover of it was to Breasts in purple and
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: it said the sex Cyp Debbie dev Terrace Martin's and
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: unbeknownst to me, it was an image of Kim Kardashian
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: her breasts from her w mag shoot. Right, So this
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: is when the lines were really blurred. Like, we didn't
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: have the same type of content restrictions as we do now.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: So it's like, just so if it was like a
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: free project, you didn't have to worry about getting songs
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: cleared um or samples cleared, and you didn't really have
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: to worry about photographs or attributing credit or anything like that. Right,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: So I remember Kim tried to sue me. I've never
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: told this story before, so basically she somehow Well what
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: I thought it later was one of my friends loved
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: the project, was playing the project, was friends with someone
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: in her life. I think it was her brother. He
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: saw it and was like, Hey, I know whose boobs
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: these are like, and then took took our mixtape back,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: you know, to Calabasas and and then I got sent
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: from Chris genera season about this mix tape it ended
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: up doing. It ended up great for us. But what
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: I loved was I had sent you the project because
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: because of that season desist letter, we had to pull
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: the project, um just to be safe, and we re
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: released it as the sex CP Season Desist, and we
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: used somebody else's breasts as to cover, and we put like,
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: you know, our season desists into the project. Right, great marketing.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: But I had hit you up on like my blastlist
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: just in the hopes of you know, posting the project.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Right Obviously, I it probably wasn't gonna be material for you,
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: but I figured like, hey, you know, I want her
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: to be in the you know, in the loop of
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: stuff that I'm working on. So you did me such
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: a solid because I remember you said, hey, girls, so
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: we don't post mixtapes on TMZ, but I'm gonna turn
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: this into a story because we're gonna talk about this
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: season desist, And you ended up featuring the our mixtape
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: on TMZ TV, like you did a whole segment about it.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: You're like my girl, Debbie Dead and Kim Gardashian sent
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: her this letter and you know, and it ended up
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: really helping us with the project got us great exposure.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: I was like, Yo, we're to me now for giving
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: us that look to be creative back then, because you know,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: when I started there, I didn't have any contacts. I
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: didn't know anybody in l A I had. I didn't
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: start there with like rolodex, you know. And so I
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna just have to build this. And
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: there were Harvey had rules. We weren't to report on pregnancies,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: we weren't to report on weddings, engagements, Uh, no, mixtapes, no,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: no music really unless it was like suing so often people.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Initially a lot of people I met in entertainment were black,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: but a lot of them were in music. And I
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: was like, well, damn, Like I have all these music contacts,
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I need more news contacts. But how can I like
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: use this to to like get us get stories about
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: like black people out there. So that's why I was
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: trying to find different angles of stuff where I was like,
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: I could cheat this and make up something else, but
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I'm mentioning your thing, you know, So that's kind of
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I would have to do. Like I'm mentioning you. You know,
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: people might come for you, but you know, but it
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: was it was. I actually remember that, still remember writing that.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: That is so funny, you know. So I've been asking
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Nina to come on the show forever. Instant response was yes,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: but finding time in her schedule. And I feel like
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: such a horrible friend because I feel like I have
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: not mastered how to manage my time and outside of work.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I can manage work time perfect perfectly. I can squeeze
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: three jobs in one day and shoots, it's really difficult
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: for me to manage my friendships with my work schedule
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: um and being in a relationship. It's just a little overwhelming.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: So I am just trying to always apologize to my
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: friends about like my lack of availability or like choosing
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: to sleep over. I feel I feel very guilty lately.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: But what do I say to you every time on text?
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: I'm always like colon, no pressure. Yeah, oh, I mean
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: feel it from you. It's all from my own internal things.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: There are some friends who guilt me more way more
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: like You're one of those friends. I know if I
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: didn't even see you for six months, we would just
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: get back to where we are. You wouldn't judge me,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: you wouldn't you just be like you would just be
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: more like what's going on? Like have you been? But
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: there are certain people who definitely okay, So I guess
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: we're starting this already. I have been struggling in my
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: friendships and this isn't something I've actually talked about, but
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I have been struggling in my friendships as a woman
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: in her thirties. Who is I live with my boyfriend.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: We were in a home. We're kind of we you know,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: we have a dog, where we have this life that
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: we're building together, working like three shows minimum, because sometimes
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I guessed on other shows like Steve Harvey or Wendy
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Williams where I'm flying out of town to do those shows.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: So guesting on shows and then solidified two shows with
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: E and then also several times a year filming the
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Love and Hip Hop Reunions. It's very overwhelming for huge
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: chunks of your time. Yes, which is good, so thank
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: you for these blessings. But what people don't tell you
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: is like you managing your relationships outside of like your
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: own with work are very It's it's an art that
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I have not mastered, and I'm not sure a lot
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: of people have because most successful people, I finally don't
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: have a ton of friends they have like a core
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: group family, and that's kind of it. And as I've
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: gotten older, I've found that a lot of friends that
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: are not in the business because my friends in the
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: business seemed to have a little bit more of an understanding,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: but my friends outside of entertainment don't have the capacity
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: to understand kind of pouring your blood, sweat and tears
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: into something seven And not that their jobs don't require that,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: but they have those boundaries, or that you don't have
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: friends who are you know and work for the city
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: that you know they do their holidays, they're nine five
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: and that's that's what they're That's how they're fulfilled, and
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: they have their families and that's it. You're busy is
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: different than that busy and not better than our lesson
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: It just looks different. It's funny that you say that,
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: because earlier today, um My girl jazz Fly have put
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: this on her story. She said, anybody that says you
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: make time for you know, excuse me, what you want
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: to make time for? Blah blah blah. She said, they've
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: never actually been busy. Yes, because there has been legit
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: things that I want nothing more than with my whole
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: soul to have time to do or people that to
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: have time to see, and it's just you're just a human.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: It's just not possible. And I think especially when you're
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: in media and you're you know, doing something like this,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: when you're doing a podcast and giving to people or
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: for me, I often am you know, I'm not an actor,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: so I'm giving myself every time I get on set
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: my opinions. But I'm also you know, giving a pent
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: of my energy to be authentic. When you're off, you're decompressing.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: So when you have those moments to decompress, you don't
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: necessarily want to be surrounded by people because it's very
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: hard to like give all of your energy to something
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: and then just go give it to other people. Sometimes
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: you need those moments to recharge. And now that I'm
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: in at home with like a pool, sometimes I just
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: go and I sit out there and I'm reading or
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I'm I just don't want to go anywhere, Like I
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: was thinking to myself, like, am I having like a
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: social anxiety because I just haven't wanted to go anywhere lately.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: You're protecting your magic. I think that's what it is,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: because yeah, you're protecting your magic Yeah, I think it's
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: it's just been I haven't it's I've never been i
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: haven't had this much work in my career where I'm
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: at right now, Normally I'm managing one show. So over
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: the last couple of years, it's grown. And with that growth,
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I haven't quite learned how to manage my social relationships,
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: and they've become more important to me. So I've paid
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: more attention to like who reaches out to me or
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: who checks on me, and my energy has shifted towards
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: the people who don't do that, So I'm not necessarily
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: spending a lot of time with you know, I was
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: like the brunch queen like five years ago. Remember I
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: was planning brunches every weekend, like a group of women.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Like it was great, but I often found that a
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: lot of the people that were coming to these brunches
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: would never reach out to me. It was always me
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: reaching out. Me trying to maintain this level of um.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: You know, I guess, like, you know, a level of
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: the relationship out in society that I didn't feel like,
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: you know what, you know what I found. Um, we
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: have to not only do we have to extend grace
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: to our friendships, we have to allow our friendships to
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: evolve into the age brackets that were in a thousand,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: you know. Like the thing is, life shifts, life changes,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: and I think people that are not choosing growth and
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: not expanding in their personal lives, they're the hit dogs
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: that holler when things change for other people and for them,
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: we just have to still send them love and wish
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: them excuse me, growth and the best. Um. But we
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: can't take that on and take it personally. They're upset
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: if even if they're emotional because of it, it's not
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: our responsibility or job to fix it. We have to
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: focus on ourselves. I think that's something that I had
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: to learn how to do because a lot of times
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: I was hurt by it and like I wasn't that
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: sin love person. I was like, forget them conversations with
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: you to get me more centered because it hurt my feelings.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: And then I realized I was hurting people's feelings and
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: not knowing it. Um. You know. I even my my
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: own cousin I had a conversation with, Like, my cousin
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: lives in another state. We were very close for a
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: really long time, but my cousin got married at eighteen
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: and UM had three children and never quite got to
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: live her dream. She you know, did a lot. Her
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: husband was in the military. She traveled, UM and she's
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: probably gonna hate that I'm telling this story, but I
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: love her UM. But she traveled with him for many
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: years and just his his goals kind of she had
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: to live with his goals for a while. And she
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: went to school online and she pursued her degree, and
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: she did things for her But I think her family,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: especially so young, took a precedent over her life. So
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: now that she's UM, you know, her kids are are
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: about to either in college or graduated. She's still very
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: young in her early forties. I think her expectation of
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: our of our relationship was going to be different. But
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: when she was coming out of that season, I was
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: kind of coming into getting into a long term relationship,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: solidifying my career. So the I think the relations ship
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: she thought she would have with me once she got
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: to this place was different. But for me, I'm like, well, look,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: you moved away when we were young, you traveled the world,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: you know, with your man. Like I didn't say anything
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: about you moving to Germany or you pursuing your life.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: So for me, I felt the expectation from her to
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: me when she felt I couldn't reciprocate in the way
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: that she and I felt it was a little unfair
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: because we were just at different stages. Well, it's kind
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: of like the idea that you can't judge people based
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: on who you are. You have to judge them based
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: on who they are, you know. We have to be
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: really really realistic about the rules of engagement of the
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: people that we have relationships with our lives, you know,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: like you're one of them, right and some and I
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: have other friends like this, like I'm at a season
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: in my life where things are moving at a different
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: beat because I just had a child, you know what
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: I mean. So my days look completely different than they
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: used to, and the type of free time I have
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: is at different hours. Even today meeting our time, you
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: were like, are you coming at this time at this time?
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Because I need to know for this baby. And it's like,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: you know before where you might have been like how
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: many time you got you gotta tree Nina text me
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: she was like, I'll be there at eleven, and I
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: was like, is it eleven eleven or is it eleven twelve?
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Just let me know that means I can give the
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: baby a bottle. But that's what you like, that's an
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: adjustment that, yeah, you have to do that. Thirty minutes
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: makes a difference, Yeah, you know. And it's like and
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I think the older we get and the more responsibility have,
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: the more we value those thirty minutes. Yeah, you know.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: And I think you don't want to waste of doing
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: anything that's not important to you or that is my
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: biggest issue with people in my life who run late.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: I find running late to be, as adults, one of
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: the most disrespectful things you can do to another person
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: running late happened, especially if, like us, you live in
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: l A because traffic is nets. But it's a matter
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: of like how you finesse running late, Like don't tell
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: me if we're meeting at twelve, don't hit me at
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: twelve or five to say running late. You hit me
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: at eleven o'clock to tell me running late, because then
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: I might not want to get on the road jett.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Or I could say, you know what, since they're running
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: fifteen thirty minutes behind, I needed to make this call anyway,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Like allow me to maximize my time as I see
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: fit instead of using it to check my watch and
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: look around the room. Yeah, well, it's like just I think,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: you know, weren't in this space. I think where when
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: we met each other, we were in our twenties and
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: we were in l A and we were living this
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: life and going out and now you know, we're in
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: our thirties and we're growing. You just had a baby,
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: and I think it's just life just kind of adjust you.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: And it's it's hard and different too, Like you're like, dang,
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: this is really my life now, And so people don't understand,
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Like if it's hard for them, imagine how hard it
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: is for us to like have this these different responsibilities
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: on us and trying to articulate that to the people
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: that you love who are used to you being one
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: way and can't accept that the things you used to
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: do you can't do anymore. The bigger illustration of that
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: type of scenario, too, is that sometimes we just grow
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: at different rates. Right Like, even if it didn't show
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: up right now, is a manifestation of people feeling a
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: way about the way you use your time. They're at
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: a stunted level of growth, which is not a judgment,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: it just is. And so that would have shown up
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: in other ways too, even if you had all the time.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: You know, sometimes it's just this like subconscious battle of
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I know I haven't grown, or I'm not growing that
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: person has. I'm triggered, you know, I think so. I
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: think a lot of it is projection, because I have
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: friends who um are very understanding, who are just like, okay, girl,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: I'll see you when I see you, I'm I'm rooting
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: for you. They retweet my projects or post my stuff
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: and it's like I saw them yesterday. And then I
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: have other friends who feel away about not seeing me,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: and you know, it's like, well, I don't feel like
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: this friendship is a priority for you anymore. God, come on, guys.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: And I've had that. I recently just this conversation actually
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: with a friend who um is not a social media user.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: And everybody who uses Twitter knows you get two characters
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: to to surmise a story, so sometimes you don't give
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: all the minute details. You just kind of especially if
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: you're trying to empower other people, which I feel like
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I used my Twitter to help empower other people who
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: were in my position and to talk about Game of Thrones,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: so like, yeah, you know, the two uses here, you know,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: news gathering and then just kind of talking about spirituality
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: or like you know, connections or what I may have
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: gone through because I made so many mistakes just kind
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: of telling people the human side of this entertainment business.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: And I had someone who I get they're not on Twitter,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: but they sent me a screen grab of a tweet
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: of mine and said they felt away about it because
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I said, I didn't have any friends in l A
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: when I first moved here, and they were my friend,
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: so they felt away and didn't talk to me for
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: months and I didn't even know that they felt away.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: And my first and mind you, we're in our thirties,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: like we're this to me is a little bit of
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: a curious conversation to be having. We should be a
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: little bit more mature, because the first thing I would
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: do if you tweeted something that I felt a way about,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: which I doubt whatever happened, but like I would just
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: call you or text you and just be like But
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: even the act of that makes me feel paranoid, like
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I'm just like this. It just to me to think
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: that this is about you. And and literally it was
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: a thread trying to a girl had reached out to
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: me on Twitter saying that she felt alone in l A,
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: saying that you know, she was out here, she was hustling,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: she didn't know, like, she didn't have any friends, and
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: she was frustrated. And so I did this threat in
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: response to that and basically saying like, look, sometimes not
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: having friends can be a blessing because when I first
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: moved here, and I still stand by what I said.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: When I first moved here, I knew three people from
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: college and they were not available to me the first
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: couple of years that I was here. I knew them,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: but these were not people I was seeing all the time.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: They were this was in my space was big that
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: lets you know when it was they were having parties
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: and posting on my top eight okay exactly. I wasn't
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: invited and and they and we we were in our
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: twenties and figuring life out. They didn't owe it to
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: me to like embrace me and take me everywhere, but
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: they didn't. I was in the valley, they were all
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: the way in Englewood, and there were just things I
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: wasn't invited to. I felt very alone my first couple
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: of years in l A. And I'm and I'm allowed
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: to tell my story. And because of that, though, because
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: I wasn't in my twenties and distracted by l A,
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I was able to focus on work. I had landed
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: the job at TMZ, and it allowed me to work weekends, holidays,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: allowed me to focus because I wasn't being invited anywhere.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: It allowed me to use that like empty space and
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: fill it with work and make connections and network and climb.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: And that's why I was able to And in the tweet,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: I basically said in the summary was like when I
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: first moved to l A, I didn't have any friends,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: and instead of looking at as rejection, I looked at
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: it as God trying to show me something else. And
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: I used that space to fill it with productive things.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: And sometimes you don't understand God's plan until hindsight. And
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: she took that personally instead of seeing the message that
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I was trying to convey, and kind of it ended
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: the It ended our friendship for the most part, And
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: it was sad to me that a tweet could end
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: our friendship. But I know that it's not about me,
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: and I still and you know, and and even in
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: the conversation it was still filled with love from my
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: ends as far as look, I love you this, but
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: I'm allowed to speak my truth. And the thing is,
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: when you're a public figure, you are allowed to talk
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: about things that other people may not talk about on
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: a big space. So people, I can understand people feel
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: in a way about that. But you know, even when
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: you get older, you think this kind of stuff is
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: gonna be relegated to your twenties, and it's not. People
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: feel away about everything you do for the rest of
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: your life. I know some seventy year olds that have
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: beef and I'd be like, how how are you and
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Mildred fighting like this? It's like the biggest facade that
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: we've been sold that you mature out of certain things. Well, yeah,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: that it's all about personal growth, because it's like, I
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: know people have like you may have someone in your life.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: It's like, wait, we had so much in common in
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: high school, but it seems like they haven't changed since
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: high school. But I'm so different and now you seem
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: light years apart. Like age has nothing to do with it.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: If you don't stay open and you don't pursue growth,
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: you will have the exact same mentality and the exact
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: same emotional intelligence as a fifteen year old as you
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: did when you were fifteen, if you didn't challenge yourself
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: or rise city occasion and other aspects of your life
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: even when you are sent I have my dad is
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: I think my dad is like sixty six now and
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: he has his friend. And the friend has always been
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: this crazy guy who you know back in the day,
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: because my dad is from l A. Back in the day,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: when he was in his twenties, this guy was you know, pulling,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: you know, doing, doing a lot of illegal things right,
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: and he was just in the streets moving. He's still
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: in the streets. He literally called my dad last week
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: at the border and was like, can you help me
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: because I lost everything. I need help to get Like
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: his life is still a crazy mess. He has like
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: eight kids all over the place and he's in his
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: sixties now doing the same thing. And my dad is like,
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: you better fun, you better get on the mega bus,
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Like I have a fami Dad. It's like I have retired.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: You've been doing this since we were in our twenties,
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Like aren't you exhausted? And it's like he was telling
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: me the story and it was a funny story, but
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: I couldn't believe how much his friend had not grown
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: for he was literally the same man, still irresponsible, still
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: no relationship with most of his children, still calling my
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: dad out the blue for help like he did when
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: they were in their twenties. It's one of the reasons
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: my parents moved to the Bay Area and instead of
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: raising me in l A, because all of my dad
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: was surrounded by was his friends who were, you know, drinking,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: drugg and breaking the law. And my mom was like,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: I don't want to raise our kids in this type
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: of environment. And I don't feel like you're strong enough
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: to tell these guys know when they need help, we're
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: going up north. And they ended up moving to the
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: Bay because my mom was like, it's cheaper housing and
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: no drama. And and he said in hindsight, like at
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: the time he fought through the now. But my dad
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: did say my mom saved him because he was kind
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: of in the streets as women do. And they still
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: together child, And it's so funny because it's like to
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: be alive, to be a human on this earth. Age
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: and time are guaranteed. Growth is not. You know, age
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: and time are absolutely guaranteed to us that factor will
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: never change. But growth is fully dependent on us, and
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: melody of our life fully depending on us, and it's
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: and it's been. I would say these last two years
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: have been very sobering and heartbreaking at the same time.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: I've lost some friendships that I and I still deeply
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: care about those people, but but I've learned that you
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: can't grow with everybody, and sometimes you kind of phase
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: out of friendships and relationships with no intention to hurt anybody.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: You find your self and no and no actual beats,
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: like no, we didn't have some type of big blow
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: up and just kind of eased away from each It's
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: would be easier for me to just be able to
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: cut somebody at It'll have closure, and it'll have it'll
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: have a definite reason we're not friends, because I have
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: a couple of friendships where I'm like, I don't we
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: just don't. We just felt we just stopped speaking and
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: and you and and there's no beef, like we didn't
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: un follow each other. We still like each other's photos
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: and I still wish nothing but the best for them.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: And in somewhere along the way, it just shifted, and
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: I think and I think also in the past, my
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: priority has always been to fix that in the past,
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: my priority has always been to be cool with everybody,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: make sure I'm on you know, good standing, and if
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: something is wrong, I got to fix the problem. But
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: I no longer have the energy for that. And so
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: if it doesn't seem like it's reciprocated, not, it's not
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: even about the energy, you know what it is I
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: think sometimes and you were kind of like blissfully moving
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: into this space. It's just the accepting of what is
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: and that being enough and that It's so funny because
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: it made me so sad at first. Not sad in
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: the sense that I necessarily wanted to maintain the friendship.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: But I've always just one of those people that like,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: even once the lip couples break up, I'm sad. I'm like, oh,
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: really loved them together. Like I've always just had a
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: problem with people leaving each other's lives, even if I
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: wasn't involved, Like I always hated to see breakups. I've
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: always hated and I never could understand, like seeing somebody
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: together for a long time and then they just separate
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: and they start dating other people, I wouldn't even be
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: ready to But why can't you fix it? Why can't
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: come to always just wanted that for other people. So
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: for myself it's been it was initially difficult and now
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: it's easy, breezy, but it's I've always had a little
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: bit of separation anxiety with that for others and for myself,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: And I don't really know why, but as I've gotten older,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: my I almost had like an emotional maybe mental even breakdown.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Earlier this year, I had a health scare I had,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: I lost my grandmother, um I had the month of February.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: I think I worked like one day. I had one
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: day off in the whole month. I worked like every
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: job I had in February, plus awards season, and I
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: was going through like just a major turmoil, and I
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: just was like, I finally had to have a talk
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: with myself because I was gonna lose it, like I was.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: I literally I was going in between doctor's appointments and
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: work and I was like, I don't have I People
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: were texting me about this innocuous stuff, and I was like,
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: I finally had to make a decision that I could
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: no longer give my energy to things that weren't serving
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: me for real, for real, Because sometimes I think people
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: say that and they don't really mean it, but I
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: really it was. It felt like it was either me
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: or them, and I had to just say two people
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: in text, I can't deal with this right now. I
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: can't help you with this right now. I am overwhelmed.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: This is not in a negative way, but I just
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: can't give this to you right now. I gotta say.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: I had to keep myself afloat, and there are a
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: lot of people who understood, and there were a lot
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: of people who didn't, and that was okay, but there
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: was a point where I just I no longer. It
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: was like a breaking point where it was like I
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: have to choose myself, my health, my peace, my wellness,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: and I had to do start doing things and into
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: my relationship as well. I had to start setting boundaries
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: for everybody because it was killing me. It was trying
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: to please everybody, keep everybody cool, pay my bills, go
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: to work. My health was suffering. It was just like
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: enough already and one. And I never realized where I
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: was at until I lost some family members, and that
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: was like that kind of final stress on top of everything.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: I didn't realize how close I had been teetering for
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: so long, how beautiful though, like I know, as you're
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: looking back on it, you're like, February it was like
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: the worst month of my life, honestly, but it was
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: like the freedom that you needed to write. And I'm
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: a big, big believer um that. You know, God only
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: comes to you through pain. Sometimes when we're not listening,
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: you know, like he'll whisper to you and if you
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: you'll start knocking on that door, child, then he'll punch
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: you in the thing. God God stays catching faces with me.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: And you think it's all gonna come together, Like it was, like,
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: my career is going so well, how can all these
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: things be happening? Like you, you in your in your
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: idealistic young mind, you think if you have the perfect job,
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: your life will be perfect. You don't realize. First of all,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: you don't realize how much you gotta work. Nobody tells
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: you how much sleep you don't get. People don't tell
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: you how hard you have to work to stay where
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: you are, because you the journey and the things when
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: I hear people speak is always about getting there. We
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: don't hear a lot about people saying what you gotta
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: do to stay there? And it's a lot of work,
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: and it's a lot of and it really brings a
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: lot of reckoning to you, because actually it's funny. Me
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: and um n Cocaine from Excellent Nicole, we were having
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: this conversation oh weekend about how we had to become
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: really real, realistic with ourselves about what we really wanted
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: our day to day life to look like and success
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: to look like a lot of a lot of what
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: we take on is the pressure of other people's expectations
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: of us, even in the best way, even right because
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: like you have fans that are like, oh my god, Queen.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I saw Nicole's post and she was like, don't ask
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: me where my abs are, because a lot of people
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: now see her body and they're like, she probably feels
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: like they have this expectation of how she's supposed to
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: look right right, and it's like, hey, this is still
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: my journey, guys, you know, like this is still my choice.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: And she said something really profound to me. Um. She
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: was talking about how she had realized that she wants
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: to have the impact, but she doesn't care if it
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: makes her a billionaire, and so she doesn't want to
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: take on the lifestyle and pressure as if she is
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: looking to make a billion dollars because that at this
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: moment in her life's not what's important to her. And
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: I think, like for this year, big, a big shift
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: for me came because my for so long, my self
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: worth was tied to my productivity, how productive it might be,
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: that's my value, you know. And and I've been in
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: transition out of that for many years now, just as
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: I've been making more breakthroughs about myself. But I heard
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: this quote at the top of the year, and I said,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: that's my intention for the year, and it was, don't
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: build a life around your career, build a career around
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: your life. And I know, and that's not everybody's desire,
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: you know, But I know, Okay, what's really important to
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: me my piece, having time to grow, having time to share,
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: share my gifts and my purpose in the way that
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: I feel is going to impact in the way that
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: I want to. And at this moment, that doesn't include
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: going viral, that doesn't include like which there's nothing wrong
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: with those things, it's just not for the long term
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: vision that I see for myself that other people don't
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: know about and couldn't comprehend. The things that are on
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: their goal list for me are far different than what's
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: on my goal list for me. And that's important to know.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: I think, Um, when I was in transition from my relationship,
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: de have just snapped the hell out of her, y'all
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: thought she was taking herself out. You did a little
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: John Wick move. Just now you know me? You know
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: I am always popping my back and neck. Um, but
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: I forgot what I was saying. Um, you know they
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: Like I think someone asked me when I was on
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: a break from my boyfriend, like what do you want
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: in a relationship? And I didn't know? And I was like, damn,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: how could I demand anything when I don't know? So
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: I had I took like a year to like figure
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: out what I wanted in life. And and I still
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm not quite there yet career wise, because
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: it's always changing for me and I'm very hard on
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: myself and that's something I'm learning about. But I think
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: it's important to know, like what like for me, how
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: I was telling you how just laying in my back
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: yard like that's peace to me. I feel like I
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: might have phased out of going out. And yeah, and
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: that's the part that we girl, Can I just say
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: for a second, we put so much pressure on ourselves
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: about that because, especially like for people like us that
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: are on more the top end of the millennial curve,
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: we remember life a little before, a little after. We
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: kind of have one foot in the way the old
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: regime operated and then in the way the new regime operates.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: And also, our twenties were so tied. And you know,
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: I'm speaking specifically to us because we came up in
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: our twenties. We were in l a, We read a
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: lot of events, we're doing a lot of things, and
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: that's the way it's supposed to look in your twenties. Ideally,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: by the time you make it to your thirties, your forties,
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: your fifties, you were in a different space with your career.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: So the need to be out every night is not there.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: But we don't. We don't take time to sit in that,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: and we think, oh my god, if I'm not out
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: every night, then misspelling off, missing out I have fomo.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: People are gonna think I'm irrelevant because I was in here. No,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: all of that stuff was necessary and fulfilling in a
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: different phase of my life. It's not actually necessary to
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: what I'm building in this moment. It's also not what
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: I want in this moment and listen the second you
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: hit thirty. The way you sleep, the way you're sleep
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: is set up. It's a little different. People say it,
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: and you think when you're in your twenties, you think
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: it's b s. You're like, my money isn't gonna change.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: You did it in a day. And then then it's
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: literally twelve oh five on the clock on your birthday
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: and you feel a little quick, you feel a little something.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: It's different. Your metabolism slows down, like you need your
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: sleep more. It has to be like your best friend.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: You have to regulate a lot more. And it's difficult
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: to navigate because in your mind you're still in your
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: twenties and you're like, I can do this. I did
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: it before. You think because you've always done it that way,
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: you can keep sustaining it, and your body is like, no,
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: you cannot, and you're not allowing yourself the race to
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: evolve into whatever. Then now you know it's so I
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: don't know if I've told you this story, I'm gonna
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: tell you're gonna get hot. But also what I'm really
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: noticing a lot in my life right now is how
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: much I don't subscribe to the societal expectations placed on women. Um,
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: I think we are always if we allow society to
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: tell our tales and if we allow society to direct us,
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: we're always going to be in a place of lack
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: in deficit, you know, because on one end, it's like
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: if you're super career driven, if you're killing it, if
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: you're doing all this great stuff, then you're minimize that's
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: minimized and people will instead comment, oh, well you ain't
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: got no man, or well why don't you have a baby.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: Oh you don't want a baby? Something's wrong with you?
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: What kind of woman doesn't want a baby? Right? Then,
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: if you have a child or you have a family,
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: then it's like, yeah, she has that, but what else
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: does she have going on? Oh but she's not doing exe,
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: she's not a ball us. It's like there and there's
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: no winning right when when you subscribe to those type
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: of projections, like the expectations for us are so high,
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: the expectations for men are bottom level medio. And as
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: soon as I figured that out, I said, oh, I'm
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: not putting myself through this stress. I'm letting my I'm
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: going by the beat of my own drum. But I
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: have this experience UM that I found out about like
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: last year, and it was just to me further further
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: confirmation that I am living the life that feels good
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: to me, the quality of life that matters to me
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: above all else. UM. When I was this former boss
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: I used to have, he would always, you know, when
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: I'd be at work, killing it, excelling it, excelling, he
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: would always focus in on, well, you're married, so when
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: you're gonna have a child, Like you really need to
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: have a baby. First of all, you're my boss. Why
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: are you're talking. Why are we discussing my wom at work?
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: But he would always have, you know, his two sense
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: about it, how much I needed to have a child
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. And I was just like, yeah,
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: you know, when I'm ready, I will. I always knew,
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: even after getting married, that I wanted to wait five
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: to seven years before I had a child. Always knew
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to have kids till I had minimum
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: hit thirty. Always, so I did things in the exact
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: time frame that I wanted to do them. I ran
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: into this person when I was nine months pregnant. Right
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: I was walking around the grove and I ran into
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: this person, and I was so excited to see him
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: because I have great relationships with probably of anyone that
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: I've ever worked with, and people matter to me, you know,
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: the relationships that I build, especially when it's the day
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: in and day out type of thing. We're invest in
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: each other's lives, it matter to me. So when I
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: saw him, I was so excited, Hey how are you,
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: And you know, he was just like, oh, Hi, good
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: to see you. Hadn't see me. I was nine months pregnant.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: Multiple people that work at that place let me know
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: in the preceding months that when he got back home
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: and was in a staff meeting with everyone that I
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: had worked with for many years and with a lot
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: of the people that I had personally hired. In the meeting,
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: he said, Oh yeah, I ran into Devy. She's so pregnant. God,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: I feel so bad for her. She's not doing anything
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: with her life in a meeting, in a in a
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: professional meeting with my former co workers and people that
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: I had hired. Girl, And I was so And I
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: remember when the first person told me that story and
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: related to me, like a tear fell out of my
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: eye because I felt so disrespected by someone that I respected,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: And then I felt like, number one, you don't know
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: anything about anything that I'm working on because I no
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: longer subscribe to what you find to be you're calling,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: or I no longer hair to have the day to
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: day rat race that you're still locked into, or because
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: maybe the vision of for my life and myself has
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: expanded in a way that you don't understand. Because you
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: are a man twenty years older than me. You would
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: tell a room full of people that me being pregnant
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: is me not knowing what I want to do when
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: you were pushing me towards that when I was And
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: then you're like, okay, yeah, as a woman, you can't win.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: And also it's like you obviously clearly don't know me
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: or don't know like that's the most hurtful thing I
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: think win when you hear something like that, almost not
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: that the person said it, that it's someone who you
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: thought knew you. They might as well be a stranger.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: Oh I thought you got me. But this whole time
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: you're saying, this whole time, you have not been able
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: to fully compute the fullness of who I actually see.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: How disional that person is, one dimension on you. And
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: then you're like, well, damn was I was my meter off?
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: But you know, it's like sometimes I feel like people
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: regress as well. So I feel like that's almost a
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: projection that he's in the same space, he's in the
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: same place, you know, because that has to be about
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: him and not about you. And it's and I was wondering,
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: I was actually having this conversation. This is a little
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: off topic, but I was having this conversation with my
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: best friend because I was saying, you know, in my
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: in my career, it's it's normal for me to call
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: a spade a spade. But I don't feel like I've
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: ever been a mean person, like you'll never You'll never
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: find anything of me saying this person is this person
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: is fat, this person is ugly, this person is stupid.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: Like I don't. I don't talk like that, and I'm
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: not around anybody who talks like that. I don't. You
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: and I have never had a conversation ever where you've
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: called someone out in a nasty way about the way
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: that they look or something is so surface. And I
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: often feel like there are some people who just kind
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: of stay in this small box of projection, like I
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: believe anybody who talks the way that he talked, or
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: anybody who calls someone ugly, or anyone who can say, oh, well,
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: they're just fat. Like people who talk like that to me,
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: I've never heard them say it and believed what they
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: were saying about the other person. And a percent made
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: me look at them and wonder what was going on
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: with them to make them even say something like that.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: And I'm sure everybody at that meeting took that same thing,
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: which is why I got back to you, because it's
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: such a one dimensional way of thinking. It just makes
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: you look So every person I talked to about that
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: was just like, first of all, clearly he doesn't know you,
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: but a mess like who would say that? And who
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: would say that in front of people? Exactly? It's just
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: I've just I've just I just feel like it's so
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: one note. I remember when I first started at tmz uh,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: there was this copy editor that kind of took me
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: under his wing because when I first started there, I
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: was just writing, and you know, at the time teams,
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: he was really quirky. It was we you know, we
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: were breaking stories, but it hadn't quite hit Like we
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: hadn't broken the Michael Jackson death, like it was still
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: kind of a quirky site, and so we would write
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: about like the CELEBT videos and I think it was
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: like Rody Jenner or something like that, and I was
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: calling him like a rich kid or something, and um,
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: I remember the writer's pulling me aside and being like,
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: I know you're not this one note, Like I know,
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: I know you have. There are so many funny things
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: you could say about this and yeah, he's rich, we
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: know that, Like what else? And and it really blew
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: me away because he was like, it's so easy to
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: call someone that or ugly or oh they look dirty
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: or you know, He's like, this is so it's also
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: one note like if you if you want to be funny,
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: be funny, and if you can't be funny, then just
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: write the story straight. And I was like, oh shoot,
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: like and it really checked me and I'm glad it
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: was in my twenties. Um, and I wanted to take
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: that outside of work and make sure that that's how
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: I applied it in my life. And I think because
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: I was that way, I only attracted people who were similar.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: I think God that I've never into the friendship because
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: somebody was just a mean nasty person. It's been because
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: of our personal differences. But I would never say any
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: of those people are mean, nasty people something like what
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: he did. It's just so nasty and mean and dark.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: Especially to even say that about a pregnant woman just
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: irks me, you know, and it's just it, you wonder,
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: like girl, And my pregnancy was so difficult. What he
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: didn't even see is like you seeing me sixty pounds
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: heavier than my norm Right, it was such a struggle
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: for me to get out of bed that day, Like
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: I was battling depression my pregnancy. Um a lot of
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: it obviously, it's chemical, and a lot of it was
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: because I was nauseous twenty four seven, throwing up seven
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: for ten months. When you feel that way, it's so
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: hard to have joy in your life. Like imagine, imagine
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: when you normally get a cold or sick, or when
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: you have food poisoning, you feel like crap the whole day.
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: You're not going to run out and frolic and do
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: all these things, right, you're not feeling like your best self. Well,
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: when you feel like that every day for close to
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: a year, you know, like just being able to me
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: it took such a psychological toll on me. Me even
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: being able to get out of the house that day
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: into the sunshine right to walked experience like it was
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: so hard for me, I threw up on the way
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: there in the car, you know. And so then it's
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: just I think, Um, I think it's also just such
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: people as we've talked about through this whole show their
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: their levels of projection, right, Like it also might have
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: just been he felt a kind of way because I quit,
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: you know, because I left that job though I thought
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: I left on good terms apparently but apparently maybe not.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: But you know, I had left because I wanted to
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: pursue other things that were important to me in my life,
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: and I wanted to move back home to Los Angeles,
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: you know. Um. But yeah, hearing that and I quickly
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: let go of it. But in that afternoon, it definitely
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: it definitely made me sad. It made me sad that
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: someone I respected would see something that was both very
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: beautiful and challenging time in my life and carrying my son.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: How would you not see that? And then also it
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: just blows my mind because and then guard me in
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: that way pushing right, you're talking to me every day
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: about my damn. When I do it, it's it's and
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: so that's how you know that it was never about
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: you having the baby. Yeah, And there's also no satisfying
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: people like that, right because anyone like that, any any
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: way that anybody sees you, it is fully based on
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: how they view themselves and how they be the world,
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: the good and the bad. And I tell people this
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: all the time, like when I have people like, oh, Debbie,
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: like you have so much peace or you have light,
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: I love you, It's like, yeah, you feel that way
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: about me, because you also see what's inside of you
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: and I'm giving you permission to tap into that. But
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: not everybody like I've seen you do with trolls on online,
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: and I know, especially like when Dwayne was leaving and
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: going to a different team, there were a lot of
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: people who were trolling you and you handled that with
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: a lot of grace and you let the choppolo a
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: couple of times, which was warranted, Which was very warranted,
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: because there's a lot of racist up in these up
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: in these comments sometimes, and I remember people were making
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: all kinds of crazy comments. And also please know I'm
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: always from l a right DEEPOC. But also have tupac. Okay,
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: you see her house. You know she got tupac everywhere,
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: But it was crazy. You handled it with a lot
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: more grace than most people would. But it was just
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: kind of like what people feel they have the right
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: to say to you because they think they know like
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: a caveat about your life that they get to dictate
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: what happens in it. Yeah, and I think it's like
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: people's own set of worth in their own sense of
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: luck in their life, because for them it's like whether
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: I give you a compliment or I'm giving you a criticism,
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm standing a little bit of a little bit
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: taller because you responded, which on a deeper soul level
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: as that is just them saying I don't feel important
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: in my life. I don't feel seen. Even if you
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: respond to me in a terrible way, you saw me.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: I exists. It's why would people troll you and you
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: respond they say, oh, I was just kidding, or or
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: they like you responded that means this true, or it's
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: just and and and that's been It's gonna be interesting
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: when we look back in the history books in fifty
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: years and social media is taught in schools like the
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: origins of it are explained, um, and the mental, the
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: psychological and emotional toll that has taken. But my my
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: rule of thumb for stuff like that is, UM, ninety
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: percent of the time, never respond because you don't even
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: want to introduce your audience to whoever these people are,
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: because no one that follows you even knows this is
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: happening to you. And then you plant the seed that
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: you talked to in that way for them. The other
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: ten percent of the time, though, yeah, I always think
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: respond if it can be a teachable moment, you know.
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: So there have been some comments that I mean, I
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: could care less about it. You you are easy block
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: or delete away, I won't think about it at all later. Um.
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: But some people I have actually responded to just because
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: I know people are watching and I want them to
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: see how I handle a scenario like that, right like
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: and so for some people, um, and it hasn't happened
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: a long time. But if I get a random like
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: comment from someone who has an anonymous page, because that's
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: what always is, like no pictures or zero followers. Uh,
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: you know, sometimes I've responded and just said I and
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: I truely I'm not even trying to be like petty positive,
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: like I truly mean this. I'm so sorry that you're hurting.
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: My life doesn't feel that way. You know, my life
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: does not feel that way. And so I can imagine
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: that if my life felt that way, that I would
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: seek out someone I don't know or create a fake
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: page to say something nasty to somebody. There's something wrong inside.
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: Your life is not full. That's there's not that much
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: joy when you're not mad. When you see it, you're
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: more concerned, right, Like does your in shance com to therapy?
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: Because you should get it. That's actually something I've struggled with. No,
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: you do a great job. Because the other day and
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: I meant to grab this tweet before I saw you,
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: but quest baby life. But you the other day, you
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: you had this tweet that I was like, oh, I
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: want to frame this really Yeah, someone had made some comment. Um.
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: I wish I could fully remember it. But someone had
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: made this comment about you. Um, and I want to say,
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: like it was in relation to you being curvy and
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: being on the E network and the way that you responded.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: I said, Nina clap because it was so It's just
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: it's fully highlighted how small their mind was and how
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: simple they're thinking. I think I remember what you're talking about.
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: And I think he had said something like because I'm
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: I think I was standing next to Zeri Hall, who
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: was very small. She's like they is like a negative zero,
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: and I think I was standing next to her and
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: obviously like I've got boobs and you know what I mean,
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: like I am a size fourteen child on TV, it
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: looks bigger. And so I think it was someone like
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: you shouldn't stand next to someone that's small, or it
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: wasn't in that in that vein of like I should
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: be embarrassed or or and it's just so funny because
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: I don't feel that at all. And the thing is,
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: you feel that at all. I was just like, oh
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: so it retweeting it even though he was insulting me.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: I retweeted and I think I said something and um
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: b Lonnie Love ended up responding to it, um and
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: and it started a conversation, which was great. But I
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: feel like it's so funny how people want you to
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: feel bad about who you are, Like it's it's so
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: it's like this social it's It's something I'm fascinated with
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: because I don't feel that way, it's I'm fascinated with
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: people who want you to feel bad about being secure
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: and who you are, and I'm I wouldn't say I'm
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: secure all the time, like I have moments just like
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: everybody else, but I'm very confident when I'm on air.
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: Nobody's getting with me, and that's just the deal. I
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: come prepared, I know my stuff, I'm well, it's well
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: thought out. And I'm also encyclopedia for celebrity information as
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: far because I've been doing it for so long, so
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: I can give you backstory like I am. I to me,
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: I am very confident when I'm on air about what
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: I'm delivering. You may have a problem, in my opinion,
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: but you'll never have a problem getting facts. For me,
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: I'm never one of those people that gives wrong information
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: and so in those in that sense, I just feel
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: very fearless in front of the camera. And so for me,
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: I would have been more offensive if he was like,
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: you don't know what she's talking about. But it's never that.
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: I never get tweeted I don't know what I'm talking about.
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: It's always something one note about a look or you know,
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: and people have a right to feel, you know, however
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: they want to feel. But it warms my heart to
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: get so many women because it's an E was known
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: for being a very white, skinny girl network for a
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: very long time and if they had maybe one, one
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: or two black reporters, people felt like they fell in
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: line with the traditional mold. So when he hired me,
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: it was different. It was a different change. And you know,
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm kind of a part of Black Twitter in
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: a sense where people know me. People see me on
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: the Love and Hip Hop reunions, They've seen me on
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: TMZ and now here I Am to eat. And I
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: think for some people they want to keep you in
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: a box so they don't understand where to put you.
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: And I love that. I love when people don't know
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: where to put me. I think that's a and I
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: can navigate in most spaces like most black people can.
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: Like where we all have to navigate in different space
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: is that we may not normally be in. Is there
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: a certain burden of responsibility when you're like the first Yeah,
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: I mean I think sometimes. You know, I used to
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: feel that at teams a lot because it was a
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: lot it was very edgy, and I always felt like
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: I had to be the voice of black people. You know,
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: this van wasn't there yet. It was like just kind
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: of me, And I was like I got exhausted because
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: I feel like I always had to speak up. So
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: every day it was a debate and they would gas
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: like me. You know, they would do things that they
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: knew I would have to say something about and it
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: and I because if it aired and I didn't, then
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: it was like Damnita, you just sat there and let
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: them say these things. But I got tired of fighting
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: every day because it gets tiring fighting a fight every
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: day that you know it's impossible to win. It's nobody
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: was changing their minds there. So if I thought it
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: was gonna make a significant difference to the way we reported,
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: then I think it would have been okay. But I
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: was like, this is not. That's when I realized I
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: had to leave because I was like, Okay, I get it.
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: This is a stick for them, like this is let's
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: anger everybody, role everybody up, and then we're gonna do
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: it again tomorrow. We don't report this. We're gonna do
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: these things the same way. And for me that was
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: difficult because I like these stories really affected my community.
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: Black people really get affected by what happens with our
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: celebrities because it's not just the celebrity to us. Whitney's family,
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: Michael Jackson was family, Prince was family. So when we're
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: talking about these people and it's being treated with such
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: light gloves. I walked out on TMZ on the Obama's
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: inauguration day because they were making fun of Michelle's dress.
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: I left that day. I walked out because I was
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: crying in the office and we were watching the inauguration
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: and they wanted to do and they did it. The
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: story is still there. They did a story she was
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: wearing that black and red dress and his inauguration and
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: they thought it was ugly and they did a story
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: about it. And I thought, this is such a monumental moment,
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: and this woman is just such an embodiment of what
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: black magic is to me. And this there was corn
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: Rows in the White House and I see these little
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: girls who are in the White House, and then they
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: got she got her mama with her, and it was
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: such an important moment for me, and they wanted to
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: do a story and I just got so upset because
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: I would fight in the news room. I would be like,
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: we are not doing this, and I obviously I thought
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: about it and they're like, it's your it's not that
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: big of a deal, Nina, you're taking it too seriously.
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: And I left and I was just like I'm out
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: of here because I just felt like it's it doesn't
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: mean it didn't mean as much to them as it
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: did to me. And I just realized that our goal
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: was never going to be the same and you know,
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: and I had I had to move on. And there's
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: no love loss in that area. Like they gotta do
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: what they gotta do. It's a it's a machine at
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: that point. But for me, it was hurting my spirit
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: because I was I wanted to be able to be
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: at a place where if they wanted to say or
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: do whatever, I could say it and do as much
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: as I needed to do freely to defend my side.
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: It also feel like it was going to make a difference.
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: The celebrity space can really be a lot right like,
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: especially when you have to offer up commentary, which means
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: forming opinions, sometimes forming judgments like a lot, it can
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: be a lot of chaos like the news that you're reporting. Um,
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: it can be both heavy or just centis feel really salacious. Um,
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: How how do you maintain the beautiful integrity that you
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: carry yourself with and the peace that you invite into
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: your life when your work is sometimes really dependent on
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: hearing a lot of like cutting commentary. Well, for me,
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: I made the decision, like I told you about the
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: copy editor that I spoke to us, So I made
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: the decision only in my career not to insult people
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: for how they look, only for their behavior. So that
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: was one of my rules. I only in told people
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: for their behavior, never for how they look. If somebody
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: came out with stains on the short, I wasn't gonna
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: talk about that, right, But if you came out and
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: you were drunk and you passed out on the street
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: and the cameras caught it, then I might say, well,
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: this person is acting a fool. But I made the
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: decision to only say things on air that I would
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: say to the person's face because I live in l
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: A and I might run across them write that down.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: And I wanted to be able to defend myself because
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: this is the thing, like we have a friendship where
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: where we can be honest with each other with love.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: If I was messing up you I know you will
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: put me aside and be like, girl, I love you,
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: but you forgot to get your ass together. You would
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: do that. And I feel the same way about some
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: of these celebts. I love some of these people, these
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: people I may have a crush on or whatever. But
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: a lot of people think if you report on somebody,
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: you always have to be nice to them. You're not
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: allowed to have any type of real feeling about it,
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: and you have to be have this general like happiness
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: for them no matter what they're doing. And I always
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: felt like I was doing disservice to the public who's
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: screaming at the TV, like y'all don't see what I see,
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: Like this person acted a damn fool. I'm not allowed,
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: you know. So for me, I was like, I'm gonna
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna say exactly what I would say to their
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: face and the most eloquent way possible. Sometimes funny, sometimes
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: it's just a joke. Sometimes it's just lighthearted than just
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: a funny joke. And we all have been able to
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: be the butt of a joke sometimes if we were
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: looking or acting crazy. But for me, I've made the
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: rule that I wanted to be able to say it
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: to their face, and I wanted to be able to
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: have ethics about like who I wasn't gonna if I
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: wasn't on set, then it wasn't my business. So like
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: if I was at a party and say you had
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: an event here and you had a bunch of different
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: celepse here, I would never take anything that happened here
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: and talk about it on air. So what people started
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: to notice after seeing me out in l A and
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: they would never have their business repeated. They would never
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: see me talk about it on air unless it was
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: like an intense conversation where I would tell them, oh,
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: I really want to talk about this. Most of the time,
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: if it was in a conversation I felt need to
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: go on air, they would just come in for an
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: interview or something like that. But people would be around
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: me and sometimes doing things that are illegal or whatever,
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: and it would never get act to anybody. I made
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: a choice that I was like, I'm not gonna repay
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: anything I see when I'm not working. Now, if you're
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: on a red carpet doing something crazy and cameras catch it,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: I can't protect you. But if I'm at a private
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: event or if I'm at a party, I'm not taking
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: any of that back because I have my off times too.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: I argue my boy from New Public, like, I've had
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: things that I don't want people to know. So I
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: had to keep a line, and I always made sure
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: that I'm not I'm more of a host now than
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: I am a reporter in the sense of, like, I'm
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: not calling reps and getting statements. I don't really do
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: that anymore, but when I was, I made sure that
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: if we were reporting a story, I always called and
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: got their side of things. So if there was a
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: story about a d y, if there was a story
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: about domestic violence, if there was a story about a
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: break in, or even if a story about something as
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: small as like somebody says something about them, instead of
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: just running the story, I would always make sure to
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: call them. I would always make sure to either call
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: them or their rep and let them know, Hey, the
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: story is going up. This is what we're saying. It's
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: going up regardless. I want to give you opportunity to
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: tell your side of the story or at least give
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: a statement. What do you want to do. Even if
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: they decided not to respond, I just wanted to have
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: fairness that they could be able to tell their side
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: of the story, and a lot of people wouldn't say anything,
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: but they respect the fact that they were asked, because
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: you would be surprised how many stories go up where
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: people don't even call and ask for comment. It's like you,
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: you wouldn't even have a story to run. I would
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: just tell you it wasn't true, and they And there's
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: so many people who appreciate cultivated friendships just by calling
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: and being like, hey, this is about to run. Just
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: want to let you know. That's really how I think
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: the ethic thing got instilled in me. Very early in
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: my career. I had some really good people around me
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: that were like, we don't operate like this. And my
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: friends that are still in the business that are journalists,
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: I tell them all the time, like, make sure you've
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: given both sides of the story, Like don't just run
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: with this, because you're gonna burn a lot of bridges
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: running with a rumor. You know, it's just not ethical.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: And then like now the lines get blurred too because
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: when you are a host, you're also now the celebrity too.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: I guess I still don't feel that way, but is
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: that you know, how do you feel? Do you feel
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: like people apply the same rules to you that you're
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: given when you report on celebrity. Probably not. I always
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: feel like my my boundaries are much harder than most people's.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: Like I feel like I'm old fashioned in that sense.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm, you know, make I'm a person
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: just likes boundaries, So I probably apply that boundary pressure
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: more than most people. And that's okay. Like I don't
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: expect everybody to treat me the same way. I don't
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: probably won't get that same respect in in certain instances.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: I haven't been in the press a ton. Most of
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: it is stories that people are calling me for to
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: do an interview. I don't really get like gossip stories
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: about me every now and then I'm on the shade room.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: But like for the most part, like normally is for
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: something said on camera. So it's not like my personal
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: life or anything like that. But it's different. I remember
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: talking to Wendy Williams and she said that she doesn't
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: have select friends on purpose because she was saying that
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: it gets hard to do your job as a host
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: because you're not you're you become biased, you know, And
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: so that's been difficult for me too, because I genuinely
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: meet people that may be celept that I genuinely like,
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: but I have to tell them I still got to
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: do my job and I'm gonna do it with the
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: most respectful way possible. But I still have to be
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: able to do my job and be who I am
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: without you feeling offended by it. Because sometimes even when
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: they follow you, you you don't want to retweet certain things,
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: or you know, like Nicki Minaj follows me and then
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: Cardi B follows me on Instagram, and sometimes I'm like,
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: if I post this is someone's gonna go away. I
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: think I'm like, I gotta do me, you know. So
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: it's just just like they would do them. But it's
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: sometimes you feel weird, especially because you know you have
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: a platform and people you know want something from you.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: But so many nuances now to like the social world
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: and the social relationships that we have, and it's like, oh,
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: are you gonna see this? Even just in in in
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: line of like how much of my life is going
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: to remain personal and how do I keep it that way?
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: You know, because since we kind of have first signed
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: up for Instagram, where it was just before this space
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: to kind of share your personality, your personal life, just
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: little musings or we used to post random pictures of
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: the most random things. Now it's more curated experience, and
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: it's more especially for public figures, it's used as a
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: marketing tool, not as a tool of self expression. So
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: it's kind of like that weird balance, well what do
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: I post? Well, do I want to post my man
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: or do I want to only post work things? Or
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: do I want to put you know, it's just like
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: it's this hard thing that that it's hard, and then
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: the bigger following you get, it's like, well, I'm really
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: allowing a lot of people into my life. Um, that's
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: part of the that's part of like the conflict I
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: have about whether or not I ever want to post
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: my son on social media. And it's not that I mean, obviously,
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: you know, he's not Northwest, so I'm not not posting
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: his face because I imagine that like, oh no, the problemically, Um,
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: but I'm just still kind of struggling with how am
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: I going to navigate this space for him and what
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: is like considered too young to require consent and what
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: isn't right because now, unlike me, everything about his life
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: is going to be on the internet. Forever until you know,
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: the end of time. So how do I want to
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: introduce him to the world? And how much of him
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: am I going to give to the world, because it's
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: still his business. He's a baby, but it's still his life.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: It's still his business. You know what. I don't want
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: naked pictures of him on the internet or not that
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: that would happen, but you know, even what would be
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: cute in the tub, it's like, well, how how is
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: he going to feel about that when that is a
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: piece of his information he can never scrub from being online. Um,
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: And also just like I kind of want to keep
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: him for me. It's you know, I think I don't.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: I don't unless it's like Mother's Day and it's an
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: old picture. I rarely post pictures of my parents. Yeah,
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: I don't post my any of my other family copers
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: on social even for that reason. It's just you're inviting
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: into their lives. Can say they didn't sign up for
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: Like I can take it. I signed up for. People
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: troll me, that's fine. But you know, like I have
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: a mom who was sick, like my dad is you know,
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: I just my sister, Like I just I am still me.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: I'm still you know, from the bay, and there's never
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: there's always gonna be a biting part of me. Like
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: that has been my hardest part with this whole transition,
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: is that the way you want to clap back, you
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: can't clap back because you could lose your damn job.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: So I have really worked since two thousand seven to
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: try to just control my mouth right, And it's sometimes
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: hard because people really really say things to you they
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: would never say to you in person, and people can
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: get really nasty, like they think there's no consequence. They
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: think there's no consequence to it. And so sometimes I
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: understand those celebs that have a million followers and they
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: retweet the person's insult and then everybody says, well, they're
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: getting docs and they're doing this. But it's like, even
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: though I have a million followers, we're both still human beings.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: Like I'm allowed to feel emotion, and there's a part
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: of you that does kind of have to turn off
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: with these with these trolls. I controlled a lot for
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: love and hip hop, so for my stuff with E
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: and when I did stuff with access different audiences, very
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: different audience, they would more come at me for my opinion.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: So it's like I disagree with you about this, that's fine,
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: But like with love and hip hop, that audience is
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: more visceral and obviously fueled by a lot of drama.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: And really, I have nothing to do with the show.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: Like I have nothing to do with the show. I come,
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: I literally get emailed the episodes. I watched the episodes
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: on my own and addition all my other work, and
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: I come in. I cultivate these questions with production, and
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: I do an interview that's a reunion, and then I
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: go and I leave, and people are very intense about
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: the show, and it's it's look, it's v H one's
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: highest rated series and it does really well. But people
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: are very invested in these other people's lives and they
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: hold you personally accountable if they don't feel, oh that
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: you ask what they would ask, or you know, everybody
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: thinks they can be a host. Everybody thinks they can
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: do these things until it's time to do it. And
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: and there's also but people don't understand that this is
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: not just like as easy as like me and you're
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: sitting down, this is a production. So it's a you're
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: trying to get your balancing the energy of people who
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: want to have their own egos, who all have their
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 1: own temperament, who all want you to talk about one thing.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: And then you have a network that's telling you what
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: they want literally in your ear, like you have an earpiece.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 1: Then yeah, I think people don't realize that, they say,
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: push them harder on this. Yeah. Well, there's like a
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: full audience, so the audience is kind of fueling the
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: energy in the in the room. So sometimes like even
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: if the first person doesn't feel combative, if the audience
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: is like oh or ah, then they because remind you,
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: these are reality stars, so they're very much ego based,
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: so they respond to that. So I'm dealing with, you know,
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: a control room full of people talking to me. It's
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: not one person, it's a control room full of people.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: In my ear, I have the audience, I have the
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: cast members who were talking when I need to try
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: to pay attention to, you know, I have questions that
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 1: we've already had mapped out a floor director prompter. So
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: it's a lot of moving pieces to navigate and still
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: be able to have like fluid conversations that feel natural
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: and still get some type of result from people who
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: don't want to answer your questions, Like they want to
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: be at the reunion and they want to be able
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: to say whatever they want to say, but the questions
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: are never going to be geared to cater to them.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: So if you acted, if you cheated or had a
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 1: threesome on your wife, and I have to ask you
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 1: about that, imagine how I'm going to be met. So
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 1: I'm dealing with all of that, and then you get
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: somebody else. It's not your fault. You have to ask
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: that question. It's their behavior. Well, and that's the thing,
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 1: and they don't want you to talk about the behavior
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: on camera that they signed up for. So you're dealing
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: you're literally getting paid for that exactly. So it's it's
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: a sorry, let's have a smart home. So they've got
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 1: this fancy house. People at my gate at the ranch. Um.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it's um. You know when I get people
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: in my comments like you didn't do this or you
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: didn't and also they edited however they see fit. So
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: I very well may have asked the question and they
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: chose not to include it. Sometimes the things that I
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: want to ask are obviously more deep, like sometimes Mono
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: be in my ear, Like okay Yama, She said that
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: to me a few times and they'll cut it and
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: I can't do anything about it. And it's not I'm
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: not mad at it. It's not. I will not be
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: in the edit bay for that. So whatever they choose
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: to include is this is not a show executive producer
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: right on. It's a job as a host. And I
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: enjoy it for for what it's worth, and I leave
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: it when I when I fly back to l A.
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: And they can do what they want with it. And
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: so you know, people are very invested in it. I
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: suggest they get careers in production to try to make
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 1: their thing and and and see if they can be
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: saying encourage that. Okay, before I get you out of here,
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 1: because girl, when we be talking, let me tell you,
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: me and Nina are brunches. Go for ten hours. It's bad.
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: We were. I'm sure our significant others are, like, are
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: y'all really with each other? Or having you where? Because
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: we can go, we can go for a lunch and
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: then like me and you the way that we are,
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: like the type of connection we have. If we don't
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: have enough time, then we'd be like dang. But I
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 1: wanted to talk about them. Why are all these other
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 1: people here? Because I wanted to talk about X. We
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 1: get mad sometimes when it's not just us and because
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: we're like because and then and then we kind of
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: click up because I'll be whispering to you like we'll
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 1: just with and I'm like, I don't want other people
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: to feel, you know, left up. But sometimes the only
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: thing for your ears, So you know, we have to
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: do our own solo stuff sometimes. So what are some
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: things for your spiritual health, for your self care, your
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: self development. Tell me some for our listeners, some podcasts,
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: some books that have enriched you that other people need
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: to get there. So funny because you have the seven
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: Spiritual Laws of Success right here, which I just reread
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: not too long ago. I have that. Um, I have
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: to say, I'm trying to think about Okay, I'm actually reading. Okay,
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: you guys are gonna laugh at me. So I'm reading.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm gonna say this. I'm reading Men
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Right now, Bok's book.
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you've heard your parents talk about it. So books,
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: obviously you've got to put your own spin on it
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 1: because it's a dated book. So they're probably gonna be
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: some social norms for men and women in there that
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 1: you should ignore, like they're gonna be like if you're
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: in the A O L chat room, you know. I mean,
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: the author does kind of have certain things for men
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: and women that are very like some things you feel
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: a little outdated, but okay. So my mom recommended the
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: book because I'm in a relationship and we have growing
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 1: pain just like everybody else. And there's definitely been some
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: headbuttings for like a man's way of thinking in a
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: woman's way of begging, just like why doesn't he understand
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: when I do this? I mean this, Why doesn't understand
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: when I vent? I don't want advice. I just wanna vent.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: I don't need your advice. And so my mom recommended
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: that I read this because she was like, your dad
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: was frustrating me for a really long time. And I
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 1: read this and then really, there are some there are
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: some gyms in there that you can take to help
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: improve your relationship. So I kept telling her I would
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 1: read it. I never did, so she sent it to me.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: So I'm reading it now, and I have to tell you,
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: as archaic as this book is, it has a section
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: in it on how to talk to your man when
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: you want to discuss something and when the best time
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: is to do it. Because I realized that my timing
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: has always been off, which is why I haven't been
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: getting the result I want it. And this book tells
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: you about men their moods, how men have this thing.
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: It says men have this thing where they tucked themselves
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 1: in their own mental cave. And if you're trying to
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: talk to them while they're in that, like they phase
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 1: in and out of it. That's just a man's way,
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: if that's what the book says. And it's like, if
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: you're talking to them while they're in it and you
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: try to pull them out, you're gonna get more resistance.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 1: So it's like, when you feel like you're not being
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: heard or listen to, you've got you've got a phase
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: of timing right. So it's taught me a little patience
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: and it's taught me how to And I was like,
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: this is a bunch of bs. So I tried it,
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: actually tried it today. I was reading it yesterday and
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 1: I tried to approach something I wanted to talk about
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 1: and how and realized how you approach things and how
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: you phrase things can change. And it gives you, it'll
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 1: tell you like how to talk to him, how to
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 1: phrase it in a way that it will be the
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: best received. And I was laughing at it, but it
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: worked today. So I was like, this is actually notice
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: say that's what I'm reading right now, And you guys
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: can laugh at me if you want to. But sometimes
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 1: I feel like when I talked to my girlfriends about
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: my relationship, we're all kind of like they're dumb, you know,
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 1: So so I wanted to just get a different perspective, right, Like,
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 1: when when you get in my group conversations with women,
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: it always will boil down to men are trash, Like
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: it's just like we love y'all, but like some times
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: I just truly don't understand their frame of thinking. Like
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: I truly do feel like they're a we have we
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: we do have just such fundamental differences. Um and specifically
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: because of the way society has boxed men and women.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: You know, how we got into the conversation. I was
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 1: able to ease into it because I used to curry
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: statements today that came out. Um, it'll probably be a
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 1: little dated when the podcast comes out, but that's okay.
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: So she made the comments basically saying that she didn't
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: feel attractive and she was insecure about her attractiveness because
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: everybody knows that she's with Steph, so men don't approach her,
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: and how she was saying that she still wants to
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 1: be hit on even though she's married, because she feels
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: like no one is attracted to her because they're so
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: used to her being this mom and wife, and how
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: it makes her feel a little insecure her to say,
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: So that was my take. I took it as her
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: being vulnerable. Most of us don't talk about our insecurities.
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: My man felt that she was giving a green light
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: for men to come hit on her, and I thought
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 1: that was a very simple take. Well, men are so territorial,
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: and that's what he said. He's like, you're giving men
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 1: a green light to come and hit on you. When
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: we created the safe space together, so we had at
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 1: first we started with this debate because I was like,
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: you're ridiculous, and then it ended up being able to
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: I was able to kind of maneuver it into talking
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: about us and you know, our boundaries and social cues
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 1: and what would be And I was like, so you're
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 1: not really upset about her being, you know, feeling insecure.
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: You're upset that she said it publicly, and he was like, well,
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 1: I guess it was just the way she phrased it,
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 1: but we were able to kind of I'm always curious
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 1: as to how men think, because I think they're thinking
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: is more zigzact than ours. What's funny to like, even
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 1: Jez and I had a conversation like this a while back,
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 1: but I totally here and get what she's saying, like,
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: and I was very brave that she would say that
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 1: out loud because the fact of the matter, like the
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 1: way that men and women see the opposite sex and
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: see what the you know, proverbial green light or would
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: be is so different because for a man, if a
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: man is in a relationship, it makes women hit on
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 1: them more. That's what I said this morning, because they say,
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 1: I see what you're capable of giving, and I want
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 1: that for me. I also, like a lot of women,
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: they're worth is tied into whether they feel comparatively that
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 1: they have one up on another woman, right like a
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: better fashion or more men like them are better career
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 1: or more money. So a lot of women's self worth
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 1: is tied into that. So for a woman, for some
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: certain types of women, if they see a married man,
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 1: they're they're saying, if I can get him to pay
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: attention to me, that means that I have value. That
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 1: means that I can feel better about myself. And they
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: see it more as a challenge for them to feel
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: that they have worth, and they also see it as,
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: oh God, I don't. I personally don't come across good men.
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 1: So if I see somebody treating someone else really good,
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: they're capable of it, and I want something of that
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 1: at any cost. Men. The way that men view women
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: in relationships for the most part, uh, the way they
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 1: view women in relationships or marriages is they're too territorial.
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 1: You have someone else, there's a turn the light off.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: There's a chance that you are being uh interred by
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 1: another person. I don't not interested saying. That's what they
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 1: were telling her. She was on there with Jada, which
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: is why I think. I don't think she was prepared
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 1: for the conversation, which is why I don't think she
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: articulated it in a way that everybody received it. Because
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 1: I think Jada has a way of making people open
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 1: up that make them talk about subjects that they were
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: not necessarily prepared for and the way she articulated. A
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: lot of men had a problem with how she said it,
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: but I think she was just probably saying it for
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 1: the first time out loud to even herself. And she
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: was around these strong women who are all experienced in
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 1: marriage where she felt like she could relate. Her mom
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: was there, her sister in law was there, you know,
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: Jada was there, Willow was there. She was saying these things,
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: and I think she was kind of resonating for the
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 1: first time about like what is my worth based in
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 1: my have this? And she was talking about how groupies
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 1: bother her, that she has so bad, she has bad anxiety,
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: she has to take medication for it. So for me,
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 1: I felt that I saw the vulnerability and how brave
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: of her. That's what I didn't see it. That's a
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 1: that's I can imagine that that was an incredibly difficult
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 1: conversation for And she is going to be hit everybody.
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you go on Twitter later, it's people,
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: you know, people are taking her to task for it,
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 1: mainly people who are seeing it in in a selfish way.
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 1: But like my boyfriend was like, well, she's telling people
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 1: that stuff doesn't make her feel beautiful and I'm like,
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's what it is. It's just into
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: it's like, you know, not that we should be tapped
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: into our ego, but it's the ego of it, right
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: because for him, as a married man, you can still
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 1: not act on it but feel flattered that you know,
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: a lot of people think you are dope. A lot
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: of women want top off, top right, and you can
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 1: get that little like have that little smile. Oh when
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: you know you're walking down the street and you know
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: that feeling of you know that someone wants your time
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 1: and attention or finds you attractive, it feels good even
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 1: if you don't act on it and imagine it, it
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 1: feels good on that scale attention. And then you on
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 1: the flip side because of the way men protected. Men
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: aren't going to cat call you, and they're not going
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 1: to she's a she's stunningly gorgeous, very talented, very gifted.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: But men are never going to come out of pocket
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: to tell her like, wow, you look beautiful today, or
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: damn girl, or whatever ego boosts however can come to
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 1: you because the way men see women is, oh, she's
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 1: off limits, not gonna waste my time. Um, And so yeah,
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: that that would give you a certain level of deficit,
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: Like your man is getting that ego boost of of
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: being set into in that way, and you don't get
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 1: any of that except from him. Not to say it's
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: not enough or good from him, but it's a difference.
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: I understood exactly what she's coming from, and even though
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 1: I'm may not feel the way she feels, I can
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: definitely empathize with someone saying that. And I just don't think.
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 1: I think in this world we're supposed to be perfect.
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 1: So anytime anybody is vulnerable, it's always up for debate
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 1: and for people to be critical. But I don't think
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 1: people understand how hard it is to be a public
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: figure and be that your authentic self and your She
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: was criticized when she was Betty Crocker imperfect, and now
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: she's being criticized for being vulnerable. So you it's like
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 1: what you were saying, women can't win, You can't win.
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 1: So the thing is like and say what you want, Yeah, yeah,
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: what's brought me some pieces. I know that no matter what,
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be universally liked ever, because that's
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 1: not how humanity is. Listen, if Jesus wasn't universally liked
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 1: what hope do I have? It's so it's so true,
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 1: and I think when you let that go, when you
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: you know, and I had to have that. I had
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 1: that conversation actually with the coworker of mine because of
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 1: a troll or something, and I was irritated and she
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 1: was like, you know, I don't believe with the people
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: who hate me, saying I don't believe with the people
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 1: who love exactly online. Yeah, you know, because she was like,
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 1: it's so fleeting, and it was such a gain point.
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 1: It's wrapped in the way they view themselves and the
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: way that they view the world. Just like you know.
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 1: Something that that used to like be kind of irritating
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: to me was like I would know people right that
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: we're in the public space, and I would see that
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 1: they would be very hurtful to other people. Like the
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: personal version of them to me was like, oh, your
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 1: your spirit is trash at this moment in your life, right,
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: like you are you are at your court not a
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 1: good person, or you're steeped in narcissism, or you might
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 1: be a sociopath. Right. But because whatever they did publicly
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 1: got attention or no, no, no, like whatever they did publicly,
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 1: the same part of it. People would constantly message them,
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 1: you are the most incredible human being I've ever seen.
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: Wait what because you like that they acted in this
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 1: or played that, and and it gives it gives people
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 1: this sense of I can be trashed inside because I'm
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 1: still gonna get praise. And that used to I mean,
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 1: that used to really irritate me, you know, because you
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: feel like you're in the scary movie and you're the
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 1: only one who knows like the killer. You're like one
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 1: who knows you. Guys are very fooled. It's a frustrating
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 1: place to be in. But that's why too. It's like
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 1: you can't go off of the praise to the to
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 1: the earlier point you were making, like you can't go
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 1: off of the praise or the criticis if you're in
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 1: this industry and you're in a season where all you're
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 1: getting his praise and then for whatever reason, that season changes,
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 1: which it will, because that's just the nature of the business.
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: And you've put all of your worth in your career
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 1: based on what these people are saying, you won't make it.
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 1: There are people who we've started careers with who are
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 1: no longer in this business because they couldn't deal with
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 1: the ups and downs, you know, and it's you. You
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 1: have to be so solid in what you're doing that
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 1: you won't waiver either way. Because while it's amazing to
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 1: get that love, we all want it, it's if it's
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 1: your sole basis from these people who don't know you,
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: it will ultimately lead to your demise because they have
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 1: no saying what your value is and and your your
• 1:26:21
  Speaker 1: moral compass is not in alignment, you know, Like, then
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 1: you're going to start making decisions just based on how
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 1: they'll be received or how you'll be perceive, and you'll
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: go through that where you'll figure it out. I've done that.
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 1: I actually had a reading that's the Journey. Yeah, I
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 1: had a reading actually where the lady told me, uh,
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: do not change when I was being she told me
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 1: I was going to get the job before I got it,
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 1: and what she told me was, do not change your
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 1: behavior for this network because you're going to think they
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 1: want something else, and you will. You'll skew yourself to
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: give them that and they won't want you. So I
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: made sure when I was doing everything at E I
• 1:27:03
  Speaker 1: was authentically myself. She just told me, and she was right.
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 1: I did go through those moments where listen, I am
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: around everybody who's a size zero and they don't necessarily
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: look like me or even think the way I do,
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 1: and so you think, well, damn, I am not going
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 1: to be accepted in this space, like I'm too much
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 1: for some people off camera? So am I going to
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: be too much for? You know? And I did have
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 1: that thought, and but I would. I remembered her telling
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 1: me that, and I made sure that I was. I
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I'm gonna just give it.
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna just be me and if if it's not enough,
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 1: then it's just not for me. But I can no
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 1: longer temper who I am to cater to what I
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: think people want me to be. And I so I
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 1: didn't and I got the job. And I remember her
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 1: telling me. She was like, do not change who you
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: are because of who you think they want you to be.
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 1: And I keep that with me because sometimes you want
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: to waiver a little bit. You're like, oh, it would
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 1: be so much easier if I could just be agreeable,
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 1: or you know, be so much easier if I just
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 1: didn't have this opinion. But which, yeah, it'll keep you afloat.
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 1: But then ultimately, what is your impact on the world
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 1: If you're not being your authentic self, what is your point?
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 1: What's the point and the impact there are you helping.
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 1: There are days when I don't get in these, like
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 1: Twitter conversations. I just let everybody debate and you know,
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 1: my mention stay empty and dry. But the days where
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 1: I do get involved or I say something, it really
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 1: resonates with certain people. Not everybody, but there are people
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: who resonates with And when I see that, when I
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 1: see that it's really being received, I'm like, Okay, this
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 1: is a converse. These are conversations. I'm supposed to be
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 1: a part of it. And as easy as it would
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: be just to dip out and not participate, I just
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: don't feel like that's part of my journey. Like I
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 1: got this big amount for reason. It's intentional. I love
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 1: that Nina. Listen as we close out this show, I
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 1: just want to celebrate you. I celebrate you in private
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 1: a lot, and I'm like, probably the number one always
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 1: on your Twitter and in your d MS, like yes,
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 1: but listen, I I want to celebrate you on my
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 1: platform in front of the people that are listening. And
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 1: just let you know that I think you are such
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 1: a phenomenal woman, and I am so grateful and blessed
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 1: not just to have you in my life, but I'm
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 1: just so grateful and blessed that you exist for the
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 1: world because I think the impact that you're making, you're
• 1:29:23
  Speaker 1: not even going to fully understand the depths of it
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 1: and the range of it until you're looking back in
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 1: twenty years. And I think you're right, especially because I'm
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 1: so hard on myself, and it's even sometimes hard when
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 1: you compliment me, because I'm like, oh, I'm not doing that.
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 1: I saw you typen up, like you got uncomfortable, like
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 1: like even right now you're crying like yourself off. I
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 1: don't know your heart except this love like you are.
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 1: You're just a phenomenal woman, and I love like I
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 1: know you in my personal life, and I think that
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 1: you're you're just an incredible friend. You're always there. You're
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 1: like you will show up when I need you and
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: I and I can respect when you're unable to, you know,
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 1: but in the world, in the form of what you do,
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: you carry yourself with the standard of excellence and this
• 1:30:13
  Speaker 1: level of integrity that I think is just it's just
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 1: stunning to watch, and I think it's giving not just
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 1: permission to the people that want to stand up and
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 1: being a space like you, but it's giving them the
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: actual blueprint of how to do it the right way,
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 1: even in this day and age where that's very hard
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 1: to understand, especially a lot of young women are being
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 1: pulled in these different ways that they think are the
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 1: best way to get attention that ultimately or not going
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 1: to get them close to their dreams. But you are
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 1: a great blueprint for that of just showing someone how
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 1: to show up as your authentic self in all moments,
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 1: no matter who it's in front of, and just how
• 1:30:55
  Speaker 1: to have such a high level of personal integrity. So
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 1: I'm just grateful for you. I'm I love you, I
• 1:31:02
  Speaker 1: celebrate you keep me grounded and just I think Van
• 1:31:06
  Speaker 1: Leathan had tweeted the other day that you got him
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 1: together in like fifteen minutes or something, and I think
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 1: I tweeted, like, she's good for that, and you are,
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 1: like you are you allow me to kind of sometimes
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 1: emotionally vomit on you and just kind of like, oh,
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 1: I feel like you ground me because you keep me,
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 1: you checked me, But you also like you'll say, no, look,
• 1:31:23
  Speaker 1: you did this right, this you could work on like
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And I think we all
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 1: need somebody like that who you know. Just it's just
• 1:31:30
  Speaker 1: talking to you feels like a nice massage and such
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 1: a girl my Instagram girl, It's true. You give a
• 1:31:40
  Speaker 1: little soul massage to your friends and we need that.
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 1: So it's just, you know, it's good to have a
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 1: good tribe. And I'm so happy that I'm a part
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 1: of yours and you're a part of mine. Yes, I
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 1: see you, I love you. Thank you. It's been a
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 1: Dropping Gems podcast. Peace, big thank you for listening to
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 1: this episode of the Dropping Gems podcast. This show's exactly
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: to produced by Adrian Scott and me Debbie Brown. Our
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: theme music was created by producer Day one, and the
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 1: poem that you heard at the beginning of the show,
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 1: well that was created especially for us by award winning
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 1: poet Nambie Okaf. Do you have a quick moment right now,
• 1:32:14
  Speaker 1: please hit subscribe on the show and if you like
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 1: what you heard, take it a step further and give
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 1: us a five star rating. Until next time you connect
• 1:32:21
  Speaker 1: with me on I g at Debbie Brown or my
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 1: website Debbie brown dot com be blessed