Latest / The Genius Effect / 3% Chance to Live: What a 125 MPH Crash Taught Him About Leading | John Ulsh

Transcript

3% Chance to Live: What a 125 MPH Crash Taught Him About Leading | John Ulsh · The Genius Effect

0:01
Donnie Tuttle: What do you do when your entire world is
0:05
pulverized in a single second?
0:07
Now, as leaders, we face setbacks, but my guest today survived a catastrophic
0:12
125 mile an hour head-on collision.
0:16
was given a 3% chance to survive, and John Olsch, my guest today, chose to fight.
0:23
He dragged himself out of a wheelchair, rebuilt his mind, and went on to
0:27
conquer grueling Spartan obstacle races.
0:30
This is Leadership Live, and today, John shares how to lead
0:36
through the absolute dark.
0:38
John, to Leadership Live, my friend
0:41
John Ulsh: Thank you, Donnie.
0:42
Great, it's great to be here.
0:43
Thanks for inviting me in
0:45
Donnie Tuttle: Yeah.
0:46
I, I, I wanna get right into it because there is, there's a moment in your book,
0:49
and by the way, we will put up, uh, your book, The Up Side of Down, which I
0:53
would, I would encourage people to get.
0:55
But John, I wanna get into the moment.
0:59
You ran 15 miles on the morning of that accident.
1:02
You were in peak physical shape.
1:05
You were used to pushing your body to the limits.
1:07
You were used to being in complete control, then you wake up 18
1:11
days later entirely dependent on others just to hold a flashlight
1:16
or sit upright for 10 seconds.
1:19
for someone who is used to being in control, this has to be humbling.
1:22
I, I wanna know, how did you begin to lead yourself out of that?
1:29
John Ulsh: Um, so I, I think instinctually certain things kicked
1:33
in at, or, you know, when Iâ¦
1:35
So I would always say I, I had nothing to do with the fact that I survived.
1:39
God and great surgeons are the reason that I didn't die on, you know,
1:44
Donnie Tuttle: Mm.
1:45
John Ulsh: And, but I can take credit for what happened from
1:49
when I woke up from the coma.
1:50
It's like, and the realizations that, that, one, it wasn't my fault.
1:54
T-two, that my family was okay, 'cause my son was the second
1:58
lo-lo-longest in the hospital.
1:59
All the family was in the car, and so we all survived.
2:02
And, and my son got out 15 days after the accident, and I was in a coma for 18.
2:08
So, so some realizations were like, uh, at least I didn't, I didn't
2:13
wonder if everything was okay.
2:14
Like, I knew my family was going to be okay.
2:16
So, so that was the starting point, right?
2:19
And then I just know that I am a individual who finds value by being
2:28
important to other people, right?
2:30
So I, I, I know this more now than I ever have in my life 'cause I've
2:34
really tried to focus on what it is that drives me as a person versus other
2:39
people from a coaching standpoint.
2:41
And, and I'm, I'm a person who derives value from being
2:44
important to other people.
2:46
So, you know, I'm afraid to ask for help, but you ask me for help,
2:50
and, um, and Donnie, I'd beâ¦
2:52
You know, you and I, after just talking, I'd be like, "All right.
2:54
What do you need, Donnie?
2:55
Let's get on a call.
2:56
Let me, let me help you," right?
2:58
And so when I'm laying paralyzed in a nursing home after Iâ¦
3:03
I go from the hospital to a nursing home 'cause I have to spend eight
3:06
more weeks laying flat on my back.
3:09
The realization that I am about as
3:14
functional as a newborn baby.
3:16
I couldn't feed myself.
3:17
I couldn't brush my teeth.
3:19
I had to use a bedpan.
3:21
Um, so I was about as not useful to people as I could possibly be.
3:29
And so a huge driving factor for me was that I was gonna be in a wheelchair,
3:33
and the f-thought that my eight-year-old or four-year-old was gonna push me in
3:37
a wheelchair was, was more than, more than I was willing to be okay with.
3:40
I was okay with potentially being in a wheelchair, but the idea that I wouldn't
3:45
be able to make this wheelchair go without somebody pushing me was, was the first
3:51
driving factor that all of a sudden, you know, made me tie stretchy bands to
3:55
the b- sides of my bed so that I could keep upper body strength, 'cause I w-
3:59
didn't want to be, you know, completely pushed around in a, inside a wheelchair
4:06
It's not enough just to have a book.
4:10
What would happen if you could take your book and have the AI version
4:14
of you in between every chapter?
4:16
Well, that's what we're doing at Coachbook.ai.
4:18
We train it in your voice, your methodology, and only your book,
4:21
giving the user an experience that helps them to create actual movement.
4:25
So if you're an author that believes in transformation, not just
4:28
information, look us up at Coachbook.ai
4:31
and just grab a time to talk.
4:34
And now back to the show
4:35
Donnie Tuttle: Yeah.
4:35
What, what would you say, like, there are so many leaders out there, John,
4:38
and, and their world has shifted or it's about to shift, and they're going
4:42
to be in a place, or maybe they're in the place, and we're all in the place.
4:46
We all need help from other people, but a lot of times we, we love
4:49
to be in the role of the giver,
4:51
John Ulsh: Mm-hmm.
4:52
Donnie Tuttle: oftentimes not the receiver.
4:55
didâ¦
4:55
W- what was the benefit of, of this humility, and how can we embrace that and,
5:01
and also, I, I don't wanna say complete, like, the circle of generosity where
5:05
we receive, but what, what, what can you say to people that are just notâ¦
5:10
I don't wanna say they're too prideful to receive, but talk to that
5:14
John Ulsh: Yeah, because again, I, I, I think there was a point that
5:18
I felt that way the whole time.
5:20
And, and so Iâ¦
5:22
Over time, I, I used to s- you know, I used to say patience wasn't
5:26
something I had a lot of, and patience was forced down my throat
5:30
when I'm paralyzed in a bed, right?
5:33
Um, and doctors controlled everything, not me.
5:37
Donnie Tuttle: And
5:37
John Ulsh: And, and then, yeah,
5:38
Donnie Tuttle: paralyzed, right?
5:39
John Ulsh: paralyzed from the waist down.
5:40
Um, couldn't move either of my legs.
5:42
Eventually, I could start to feel my right leg.
5:45
But, you know, to answer your question, you know, understanding that it takes sort
5:52
of a team to do things, um, understanding that we don't have to be good at
5:59
everything, and when we kn- and, and ifâ¦
6:02
You know, talked about earlier when I was saying understanding that I'm a person who
6:06
gets value from being important to others.
6:08
I'm also a person who now understands that there are certain things I'm not good at.
6:15
And the best way to solve that problem is to hire or work with somebody who's
6:21
good at the thing you're not good at.
6:24
Um, you know, as I've had to go through, you know, my recovery, doctors and
6:31
therapists and role models, all, all these people became important to me,
6:36
and I think particularly as men, we sometimes struggle to ask for help.
6:41
Um, and the way I reframed it for me so I could accept it is I
6:47
called them my board of directors.
6:50
And my board of directors consisted of physicians and priests and pastors
6:56
and friends and mentors, and the key for me was they just needed
7:00
to know that's what their job was.
7:03
And so, so instead of I could say, "Oh, you know, you know,
7:06
Donnie, you're my role model.
7:07
I follow everything that you write, everything that you say," that I can
7:12
say that without you ever hearing it.
7:13
But if I picked up the phone andâ¦
7:15
or sent you an email and said, "Donnie, this is my situation.
7:19
I'm looking for you to be on my board of directors, and I'm not
7:23
asking you to drop everything you're doing when I send you a message.
7:26
But if I send you a message, are you open to responding to me?"
7:29
At which point, no one's ever said no to me.
7:33
But, and, and, and now, when I do send you that message, you'll
7:36
be like, "Oh, John, you know, struggling with something right now.
7:40
I, I, you know, I should probably get back to him by tomorrow and send him
7:42
an email back or give him a call."
7:44
Like, 'cause I already set the, the, the table.
7:46
Like, you already know I'm putting you on theâ¦
7:49
in this role.
7:50
And so I had to build that because I needed people that I could ask questions
7:55
to that I didn't know the answers.
7:59
Donnie Tuttle: Was that your mentality before, like pre-accident?
8:02
Were you someone that, that had that or, or
8:04
John Ulsh: No.
8:05
Donnie Tuttle: that, that necessity built for you?
8:06
John Ulsh: Necessity, but I mean, again, I had role models and people that I
8:09
looked up to and people that I, that I trusted to ask things to, but I never
8:15
identified them and called them out, gave them actual, you know, existence.
8:20
And, and m- and again, I think the key for me was always, and I tell people all
8:24
the time, I made sure they knew that, that that's who I wanted them to be for me.
8:30
And as soon as you, you do that, like I, I would have doctors, surgeons give me their
8:35
cell number and, and say, "Just text me."
8:38
Um, and I did when I didn't know the answer, and I didn't expect them to
8:42
drop everything or, you know, they could have easily been in surgery.
8:45
Um, but they would get back to me because I basically started the conversation
8:50
up front with, "Are you willing to play this role in, in my recovery?"
8:56
Donnie Tuttle: What, what an amazing shortcut to get the results we want
8:59
to get is to find someone to be not on the council, on the board of directors.
9:04
Like,
9:04
John Ulsh: Yeah
9:04
Donnie Tuttle: never heard that from anyone other, until I
9:07
looked at your material, John.
9:08
Uh, do you, uh, when, uh, you work with leaders and you work
9:12
John Ulsh: Mm-hmm.
9:12
Donnie Tuttle: coach people who are, who are trying to get across cer-
9:16
certain thresholds, what would you say?
9:18
Have you, have you seen any really cool stories of where people have
9:21
engaged a board of directors and it's, it's created uncommon results?
9:26
John Ulsh: Yeah.
9:26
A-a-again, a lot ofâ¦
9:29
The hardest part of that for, for a lot of people is to ask for help, right?
9:35
So, so by trying to reframe it into a business mentality, even
9:42
if it's a personal help, right?
9:43
So even if you're working on your own mental abilities, you're working on
9:47
your relationships, all those translate to your life, and your business is,
9:52
you know, for all of us, a part of our lives, uh, particularly entrepreneurs
9:56
and people in high leadership roles.
9:58
And so I've seen a lot of people who say, "You know what?
10:02
I have a board of directors.
10:04
I get the concept.
10:05
I have to fight with them to get stuff done constantly."
10:09
But the idea that I could have that same thing as for my own personal brand,
10:14
my own personal self, not my business, not my company, not, you know, uh, but
10:20
somebody who, who could literally say, "You know, I hear what you're saying.
10:26
Here's what I w- here's, here's my opinion on it," um, is huge for that.
10:30
I, I, again, particularly in the high-level executive where you already
10:34
are used to dealing with, you know, people below you that answer to you,
10:39
people, the board of directors, you know, the concept of building that same thing
10:43
but on your personal side, um, is, is huge eye-opener for, for a lot of them
10:50
Donnie Tuttle: Oh, for sure.
10:50
And I love how I, I heard this recently.
10:53
I've not gone into this book yet.
10:54
It's called Team of Rivals,
10:57
John Ulsh: Hmm.
10:57
Donnie Tuttle: Abraham Lincoln essentially surrounded himself
10:59
with people that disagreed with him because he wanted to hear, like, the
11:03
full picture, and he let them, um, you know, blast back on all things.
11:08
But I think having the perspective o- of other people is, umâ¦
11:12
it's key.
11:13
Like, we're all on a journey.
11:14
None of us gets there alone.
11:15
We all need help getting there, and I think the sooner we can
11:18
realize that and abandon pride,
11:20
John Ulsh: Mm-hmm.
11:20
I
11:20
Donnie Tuttle: uh, the better it goes.
11:22
John Ulsh: mean, one of theâ¦
11:23
Okay.
11:24
Donnie Tuttle: Go ahead.
11:24
John Ulsh: I was just gonna say, one of, one of myâ¦
11:26
I mean, so I got fed that, that, that same book, uh, and the
11:29
concept of it, and one of theâ¦
11:32
I think one of the greatest things I've been able to experience in the last,
11:35
like, year and a half, two years as I'm writing this book and, and working on it,
11:39
was so much opportunity to be surrounded on the, on podcasts and in speaking with
11:45
people who think differently than me.
11:48
And I think the greatest thing that you can ever give me or someone else
11:55
is in a conversation on a podcast with, you know, with you, in which I came
12:03
in with one thought process, and after our conversation, I think differently,
12:08
and I tell you, "Donnie, you know what?
12:10
You've changed my thought process on this."
12:13
Can somethingâ¦
12:14
I mean, there's probably not a greater gift you can give back to a thought leader
12:19
than to say, "I thought differently.
12:22
We talked through this.
12:24
You made your points, I made mine, and you changed my mind
12:28
about how I think about this now."
12:30
And so, you know, getâ¦
12:31
Yeah, Abraham Lincoln story.
12:32
Like, that's literally what you want, right?
12:34
You wanna be surrounded by other opinions.
12:36
It doesn't mean that yours is wrong, but until you can process
12:40
it from another angle, you really can't be su- you know, you can't be
12:44
sure that, that you're not wrong.
12:46
And the greatest thing anyone's ever told me is, "Talking to
12:49
you has made me change my mind."
12:52
That takes a lot of courage, right?
12:55
Donnie Tuttle: Yeah.
12:56
I always, I always view it this way.
12:58
It feels like when you, um, the beauty of conversation, at least, at least
13:02
in, in, in my mind, John, is that I bring something, you bring something,
13:05
or whoever's in the conversation.
13:07
And, and, and what existed before was, it was there before, but
13:10
what exists after, like, there's something completely brand new.
13:14
And sometimes a per- like, theâ¦
13:15
It's almost like I bring half of the equation, you bring the half, the
13:18
other half, and somehow in between the, the two, sometimes those magic
13:22
moments a brand new thought or a variation maybe of an old one.
13:28
John Ulsh: Yeah,
13:28
Donnie Tuttle: But
13:28
John Ulsh: sure
13:28
Donnie Tuttle: love theâ¦
13:30
I love that.
13:30
I, you, you were talking about something before we came on here
13:34
today, and it, and I think it relates a lot to your recovery and just about
13:39
it going from, phew, I don't know.
13:42
But like, it, it might have to do with that, that long hill.
13:45
But you were talk- you were talking to me about hills and what they put at the
13:48
top of hills and, and I know that that parallels a lot of you the process.
13:54
So talk to us about, the process and, and, and what we need to
13:58
be looking at there the results
14:02
John Ulsh: Yeah.
14:02
So, so we, you know, I was just this, this metaphor has been
14:05
reoccurring over and over again in my conversations with, with, with people.
14:10
Um, and it's this idea that, you know, I've been fortunate post-accident to,
14:14
to travel around the world and see stuff that I wanted to make sure I saw.
14:19
You know, it-- there's always that aha moment when you almost die.
14:21
You're like, "All right.
14:22
I'm not gonna wait to do these things," right?
14:24
So, so I've been to the Holy Lands in, in Israel.
14:27
I've been to Greece and tr- and saw all the old historical stuff.
14:32
I've been to Asia and Hong Kong, and my takeaway when I think about it is at the
14:37
top of every mountain is a temple, church, special place to that culture, right?
14:44
They build it on the top of the mountain, and you know, in many cases
14:47
to be closer to their god, right?
14:50
And every single one of those temples/churches has a long set of
14:57
stairs that run from down below the hill to the top, and some of those
15:01
stairs are two thousand plus years old, and some of them, the new ones
15:04
are only eight hundred years old.
15:06
But the reality is they're old, cratchity stairs, and I've, and I've climbed them.
15:11
And I start at the bottom of the hill, and I look up, and I'm
15:14
like, "There's where I wanna be.
15:15
I wanna be up there," right?
15:17
But the reality is for somebody who's as handicapped as, as I am and doesn't
15:22
feel their left foot, the only way I get there is one step at a time and
15:26
staring at the step in front of me.
15:28
If I spent all my time staring at the, at the temple on the top
15:32
of the hill, um, I'm gonna fall.
15:34
I'm not gonna make it.
15:36
Uh, I'm gonna end up getting hurt 'cause I don't have any feeling in my left
15:39
foot, and those steps are not great.
15:42
And I think that's the metaphor for a lot of things.
15:44
Like we all wanna be up there on the top, but the reality is it's just one step and
15:51
then another step, and if we can't, we can't put all of our focus on the temple.
15:56
We put all of our focus on the stair in front of us
16:02
Um, I think it's a, you know
16:03
Donnie Tuttle: I, and I, yeah.
16:04
I, and I love, I love how like, um, like as you were, as you were
16:08
saying that, I was equating that to how a lot of organizations we put
16:11
an emphasis on results, results,
16:13
John Ulsh: Mm-hmm.
16:14
Donnie Tuttle: result.
16:14
And that's fine.
16:16
I think there's no problem with results, but you, you mentioned,
16:20
falling in love with the process,
16:22
John Ulsh: Mm-hmm.
16:22
Donnie Tuttle: And the results are the byproduct
16:24
John Ulsh: Yeah, that's, that's probably my biggest, my biggest one
16:28
coaching pillar, and I have these eight pillars that help people.
16:32
To me, that's the nirvana of, of coaching, is when you reach a point where you
16:38
love the process more than the outcome.
16:41
Donnie Tuttle: Hmm.
16:42
John Ulsh: the outcome just becomes the byproduct of doing what you love to do.
16:48
Um, I, I, I use the exampleâ¦
16:51
So I've, I've been fortunate to talk to athletes, uh, of all levels, um,
16:56
from professional down to, like, Division III college athletes.
17:01
And, you know, athletes have a perfect example of, of falling
17:07
in love with the process.
17:08
You will never find a, a top-tier athlete in college or in the
17:12
pros who hates practice, right?
17:15
It doesn't happen.
17:17
If you don't like the grind of practice, you're never gonna be
17:21
at a high level at that activity.
17:23
So, you know, um, you know, and as I've gotten to talk to a lot of
17:29
Division III college athletes, men and women, who are about to graduate
17:32
from college, I, I tell them they're, they're built for the workforce.
17:36
One, they're used to, you know, doing something and, and not getting what
17:41
they want and then changing, right?
17:43
They've never won a league title on the first day of practice.
17:48
Like, they're built for the grind.
17:51
So it-- That, and you're built for teams, and you're built for working with others,
17:56
and you're built to answer to a coach.
17:59
Like, you're literally taught all the skill set that you need to go
18:04
be a professional at your job, not just a professional at your sport.
18:08
And I, I tell them all the time, "If you ever find a job that you love
18:12
as much as your sport, you'll never work a day in your life," 'cause
18:15
you never called your sport working.
18:19
Donnie Tuttle: So I'm cur- I'm curious, like, uh, so purpose is a
18:21
big part of your, like, the core of,
18:24
John Ulsh: Mm-hmm.
18:24
Donnie Tuttle: what you're going.
18:25
I'd love to hear how you define, like, what purpose is to you, like,
18:28
when you, when you use the word purpose, 'cause it means something
18:32
different to, I think, so many people.
18:33
I wanna know what you mean by that.
18:34
And then I'm wondering too let's just say we were, we were climbing
18:38
the hill, and we realized, like, "I don't wanna take another step."
18:41
Is that okay to climb a different hill?
18:43
Does sometimes w- realizing we don't wanna climb the steps, does that
18:45
sometimes reveal we might be, uh, maybe that's not the thing that we
18:50
wanted to climb after, and maybe we alter and shift and find something
18:53
that we're excited enough to go after?
18:56
John Ulsh: So, so to answer your first part about purpose, I
18:59
think, I think purpose To, so I, I say, I, I say this all the time.
19:05
I would rather have anybody be purposeful instead of perfect.
19:12
Like, to me, purposeful is with intention, but it doesn't mean perfect.
19:20
Because perfect is literally the example of, of doing nothing.
19:26
If, if you're going to wait to be perfect, if you're gonna wait for the perfect
19:31
time, the perfect plan, the perfect, you know, people to support you, the
19:37
perfect c- job, you'll wait forever.
19:41
Donnie Tuttle: Mm-hmm.
19:41
John Ulsh: if you are purposeful, taking that, that first step, if
19:45
we roll back to the steps, right?
19:48
Um, then you, you are going forward with this concept of, "I don't
19:56
need to be perfect today, but I need to be purposeful today."
20:00
And, you know, I, Iâ¦
20:02
It goes back again to, like, again, these, these stairs.
20:04
Like, all right, so I'm motivated to get to the top, to climb these stairs.
20:10
That's very different than being committed.
20:13
Motivation fades, right?
20:15
We can't hold on to motivation.
20:17
It, it may be a great fuel to get you started, but commitment, the plan,
20:23
is literally something that you can execute every single day and rely on.
20:28
Like, so I'm, I'mâ¦
20:29
So back to this, like, idea, can you change stance?
20:31
Sure.
20:32
But I will tell you, you know, the very first pillar that I
20:35
coach on is commitment, okay?
20:38
And what that looks like to be ready.
20:40
Donnie Tuttle: Mm-hmm.
20:42
Mm-hmm
20:42
John Ulsh: commit, I focus on is source of your problem.
20:45
If you can't answer the f- the commitment question, and you
20:50
can't really fine-tune down to the actual source of your problemâ¦
20:53
Most people have seven, eight things.
20:54
They come to me, like seven, eight things.
20:55
I can tell you, by the time we're done, there's one, that if we s-
20:59
took care of that one thing first, a lot of these other problems go away.
21:04
Donnie Tuttle: Yeah.
21:05
John Ulsh: give, I'll give, I'll give, yeah, I'll give you an example,
21:07
like, as it pertains to, like, people's health or fitness, right?
21:10
Um, s- so I have this, this thing when somebody says, "All right,
21:16
well, I can't get myself in shape."
21:19
I will â¦ I mean, I used to do this to my kids, too.
21:23
Um, I'll make them ask, I, I'll ask why five times.
21:26
So when somebody says, "I can't lose weight," I'll say, "Why?"
21:32
"Because I don't have enough energy to exercise."
21:36
"Why?"
21:37
"Because I stay up late at night playing games, watching television."
21:41
Na- pick, pick your age group.
21:43
Um, and I t- the only, only time I have to do it.
21:48
"Why?"
21:49
"Because I'm stressed a ton at work."
21:52
"Why?"
21:53
"Because I, I have so many requirements to get done at work
21:58
that I can't get it, get it all done, and I bring it all home with me."
22:02
Well, the reality is you have a weight problem, but your real issue
22:05
is you have a time blocking problem
22:09
If you could, if you learn to control your work schedule and your time and you
22:13
don't come home to use television, video games, sitting on your butt as your way
22:19
to unwind from the fact that you carried all this work home, um, you know, now
22:25
we build a schedule around exercise.
22:28
But it al- we can't build the schedule around exercise till we figure out
22:31
how to re- remove the problem at work
22:35
Donnie Tuttle: Yeah.
22:35
And that's why you want someone like John on your board of directors,
22:38
because we get tangled up.
22:40
We don't see that we're tangled up, and we need someone to almost come at
22:43
us like a toddler, not because they have the answers, but because they
22:46
help us to reveal that for ourselves.
22:48
I love the, uh, the f- we'll call it the five why or
22:52
John Ulsh: Yeah.
22:52
Donnie Tuttle: until they cry, whatever,
22:54
John Ulsh: That's a good one.
22:55
Donnie Tuttle: that is.
22:56
John Ulsh: Yeah.
22:57
Till you say uncle.
22:58
Twist your arm
23:00
Donnie Tuttle: t- all right.
23:01
Talk to us about pain because I know pain was a part of the process.
23:05
Um, and, and you had to develop a special relationship with
23:08
it, and there was also, likeâ¦
23:09
I think, I think, John, there's, um, some toxic positivity that we have
23:14
sometimes that happen in organizations to where it's like, "You know, climb
23:17
the mountain," and we- it's, "Everything is great, everything is good," and, you
23:20
know, like, "Keep carry- c- carry on."
23:22
We, we put the blinders on.
23:24
But you're not, you're not a, you're not a peddler of the hopium.
23:28
have a, you have a special way of relating pain, and you have a
23:31
couple different types of pain.
23:32
Can, can you talk to us about the pain, and the journey?
23:36
John Ulsh: So I was be- be-- I, you know, I woke up paralyzed from the waist down.
23:41
My pelvis was shattered.
23:43
My back was shattered.
23:44
L1 through L4 all fractured.
23:46
My left foot was shattered.
23:48
You know, those were the orthopedic things.
23:50
My, my spleen was ruptured.
23:51
My left lung com-- was collapsed from my diaphragm rupturing.
23:56
I mean, the, the internal injuries that were gonna kill
24:00
me were the bleeding to death.
24:01
I took thirty-eight units of blood.
24:03
The, the orthopedic things are putting me back together with titanium
24:07
and screwing me back together.
24:09
That-- the, the nerve damage that runs down my left leg, that would
24:12
ultimately be a huge issue why I wouldn't go-- couldn't walk.
24:17
All that pain was dealt with with narcotics to whatever
24:22
level that, you know, I could.
24:25
But the reality was I couldn't stay on narcotics forever.
24:29
Um, and so one of the ahas that I hadâ¦
24:32
And again, I had this, as you mentioned earlier, I, I, you know, I was
24:35
running thirteen miles that morning.
24:37
I, I was running marathons.
24:38
I had been a c- a college athlete in track and field.
24:42
I knew what it meant to push myself, I, you know, beyond normal comfort levels.
24:47
But at the same time, what I figured out one day, showing up at the gym on
24:52
my own, the day I quit rehab, which is a whole other story, but I qu- I quit my
24:56
physical therapy and said I could do this myself and just happened to show up at
25:00
my local YMCA with a bunch of teenagers with Down syndrome and ended up working
25:05
out for a year and a half with, with this kid, Danny, who was se- who was
25:09
seventeen years old with Down syndrome.
25:10
If you've ever spent any time around kids and adults with Down syndrome,
25:14
they are the most positive human beings you could be around, and I,
25:17
I just happened to fall into it.
25:20
Um,
25:20
Donnie Tuttle: Wow
25:21
John Ulsh: but my realization with the pain thing was, was after I started
25:25
pushing myself in the gym and I would be so sore, I would wake up in the middle of
25:30
the night and not wake up from the first thing thinking, "Oh, my back is killing
25:34
me and my pelvis hurts, my legs hurt."
25:36
I was thinking, "Oh, my chest hurts.
25:37
My shoulders hurt."
25:38
And the realization that there wasâ¦
25:40
there's pain that we can control, and then there's pain we can't control.
25:44
You know, I, I learned to embrace the pain that I could control because
25:49
I could say I was making a positive improvement through that pain.
25:54
There was a ton of pain that was out of my control that was related to, you know,
25:59
the accident itself and, and, and the recovery and, and short of masking it with
26:04
narcotics, there was nothing I could do.
26:06
But there was pain that I could-- that came from pushing my limits.
26:11
And so what would happen is, you know, I got very strong, but it
26:17
was driven not by this goal of the outcome of, of being strong.
26:22
The goal was-- or to be able to walk again or, you know, I'm
26:25
missing half my abdominal muscles, so like strengthening my core.
26:28
The goal became, can I put myself in some pain today that when I, when I,
26:34
when I feel it and it hurts and muscles are sore, that I can reflect on it in
26:39
a positive way versus the pain that would wake me up in the middle of
26:43
the night that would just remind me I was broken and, and never going to be
26:49
the person I was before the accident.
26:50
Like, that was a really hard transition for me to understand
26:53
that my life was turned upside down.
26:55
And for a good part of a year, year and a half, I pushed to
27:00
try to get my old life back.
27:01
And the reality was I was never gonna get my old life back.
27:05
And but when it-- but when I could finally reframe it in a way that
27:10
realized that I also got to choose the life going forward that I wanted.
27:14
I mean, one of the benefits of being a guy who almost died, a guy who now has been in
27:20
magazines about fitness is you get theâ¦
27:24
You get-- It's like being ninety-five years old and be
27:26
able to say whatever you want.
27:27
Like I g- I had so much f- I got so much freedom because nobody was gonna
27:33
judge the kid who almo-- the guy who almost died, who's been through allâ¦
27:37
Like so, so go ahead and, you know, reinvent yourself in the way that,
27:42
you know, that fits your life now.
27:45
Don't try toâ¦
27:45
You know, I, I had no control over my life turning upside down in a split second.
27:50
That, that's unfair, okay?
27:52
Uh, but you know what?
27:54
There's nothing I could pre-- have prevented it to happen.
27:59
So 'cause again, we were just leaving a swim meet.
28:00
I always tell people it's not like I wasâ¦
28:02
We were at swim meet at one o'clock in the afternoon on a Saturday and
28:06
a car crossed the center line of a fifty-five mile undivided road.
28:09
It wasn't like I'm a first responder.
28:11
I'm not a soldier.
28:12
I'm not a motocross racer.
28:15
Like I wasn't doing anything dangerous.
28:17
And in a split second my life was turned upside down.
28:21
And eventually I just had to come to the term with that is my reality.
28:28
That is my new normal.
28:30
Now build a life around that
28:37
Donnie Tuttle: Uh, I'm, I'm curious about that, John, because,
28:39
uh, sometimes we, we allâ¦
28:41
Listen, fair, whatever fair is, we all have something that's going
28:44
to happen to us that's not fair.
28:46
John Ulsh: Mm-hmm.
28:47
Donnie Tuttle: something was g- something was done, whatever.
28:49
Whatever the circumstance is, what wasâ¦
28:53
Like, um, did you struggle with, like, with that fair?
28:57
And then like to group my questions, I'm, I'm, I'm realizing in this, this podcast.
29:02
But I'm also seeing it's almost like there, there had to be, umâ¦
29:08
Well, talk to me about the fairness and then, and then, and then we'll get into
29:10
the other one, so that way I don'tâ¦
29:12
How do you d- how do you deal with that?
29:13
Like, how do you, um, frame that so it's not destructive?
29:17
Because if we're, if we're gonna whine about it, it likeâ¦
29:20
And you got good reason to whine.
29:22
John Ulsh: Yeah
29:22
Donnie Tuttle: We-
29:24
John Ulsh: So, so I moved into a nursing home for eight weeks
29:29
after I left the hospital.
29:30
So I came out of the coma after 18 days.
29:32
By the 23rd ofâ¦
29:35
24th of December, I was being moved into a nursing home at Christmas, right?
29:39
Um, and that, that Christmas Eve in the nursing home was
29:44
the first time I saw my kids.
29:46
They were eight and four, and they, they had beenâ¦
29:49
My son, the four-year-old, James, was rolled in in a wheelchair.
29:53
Okay?
29:54
Um, and so I'm, I'm there, and, and one of my employees, someone who worked for
30:00
me, uh, her husband was a Presbyterian pastor, and he happened to live,
30:05
like, right behind the nursing home.
30:08
Um, and so Carrie would come to see me.
30:10
She worked for me.
30:11
And then her husband, Jeff, would, would, would come in.
30:14
And J- so Jeff came in for the first time on Christmas Eve.
30:17
And everybody had left, and, and Jeff stayed.
30:21
Um, and, you know, he said something to me thatâ¦
30:25
He said two things to me at two different times that have really changed my
30:28
life, and I give him a lot of credit.
30:30
Um, the first thing he said to me was, "You know, you can, you can be
30:35
positive and still be pissed off."
30:40
'Cause all he saw that whole day were me in tons of pain and my k-
30:44
seeing my kids for the first time, seeing my family coming in at, at the
30:48
holiday Christmas time where their life is upside down also, right?
30:54
Their dad's in a nursing home bed paralyzed.
30:56
And he said, "You know what?
30:57
You're s- you can be positive person, and you can still be pissed
31:02
off about what happened to you."
31:05
And honestly, that was the first time I allowed myself to break down
31:07
after, after the accident and, and just realize that, yeah, it's unfair.
31:13
It really is unfair what happened.
31:16
Um, and I can still be the positive person I think everybody around me wants me to
31:21
be and whatev- and everyone else needs.
31:23
Again, back to this giving value is the one thing I could give value in
31:26
is, is not allowing myself to, you know, go down a deep, deep hole in
31:31
front of everybody, um, to make them be more concerned about me, right?
31:36
But, but that was, that was a huge aha real early in, in my
31:40
recovery is that, um, I canâ¦
31:43
I'm allowed to be pissed off, and that doesn't, that doesn't in itself mean
31:48
I'm negative and bad and in a bad place.
31:51
I can still be the positive guy who says, "Well, I'm gonna beat this.
31:55
I'll get through."
31:56
Um,
31:57
Donnie Tuttle: So you can have both.
31:58
John Ulsh: I can have both.
31:59
Yeah, yeah, and I th- and I didn't really think about it that way.
32:01
I thought I had to be positive, positive, and that meant not being upset
32:06
Donnie Tuttle: Yeah.
32:07
Interesting.
32:07
So did you use, like, would, would you say there was a way to mobilize strength
32:11
as a, or, or, uh, anger as a, as an ally?
32:15
Or was it you just allowed, you, you allowed yourself to coexist with both
32:19
of those two things at the same time?
32:21
John Ulsh: Yeah.
32:22
I mean, again, the, the all-consuming thing for me when the accident
32:25
first happened, and for that better part of that first year, was pain.
32:29
You know?
32:30
Pain, pain was all-consuming.
32:32
Pain was only, only tampered down by, at that time, by narcotics.
32:37
I mean, I was taking 90 milligrams of morphine twice a day a year and
32:40
a, year, year and a half after the accident, uh, just 'cause of tolerance.
32:45
So this is all pre, you know, narcotics epidemic, so you
32:49
know, I was being prescribed it.
32:52
And I needed it, by the way.
32:53
Like, there would- nobody would say, "Oh, you, you didn't need it long term."
32:56
But, but getting off of it was, was, was a huge challenge.
33:00
But that all came, again, back from refocusing.
33:04
Like, I, I'm still not a big, a big fan of anger as a, as a mechanism to trigger.
33:11
Um, I think it, I, I think it's easy to snowball, um, anger, right?
33:21
Uh, whereas, you know, understanding is probably the biggest step
33:27
to, to stopping it, right?
33:30
And, and I think a lot of us, me included, have a really hard time
33:34
realizing it's coming, 'cause it'll disguise itself in, in other ways.
33:38
Like, it'll disguise itself in, "Oh, I just have a deadline.
33:43
Oh, I have all this pressure on me.
33:45
Oh, this person didn't get it right and, you know, now
33:50
I, now I'm trying to fix it."
33:53
Um, and so I think it sneaks up on you.
33:55
So I, I, you know, even though I could be pissed off about my situation, um,
34:01
and can still be on some level, um, I try not to, I try not to let that be
34:09
something that spews out of me, you know?
34:13
Uh, when my kids were younger and I'd be in chronic pain at nighttime,
34:16
particularly when I'd try to workâ¦
34:17
I tried to balance my life: work, family, recovery.
34:21
Like, I had to put all three of those things.
34:23
I was still a dad with kids.
34:25
I still needed to show up.
34:26
I was still running a business that needed me, and I still had this
34:30
recovery journey that I had to go on.
34:32
And sometimes I would not parlay it out properly.
34:36
I would screw up.
34:38
Donnie Tuttle: Hmm.
34:39
John Ulsh: and what that looked like is me sitting in a chair in my family room
34:44
and nobody talking to me after dinner, because what would come out would not
34:49
be pleasant because my pain thresholds had been exceeded, my energy levels
34:53
for what I was capable of giving had been exceeded, and guess who suffered?
34:59
The family who was at home, because that was the last step, right?
35:03
I did the other things.
35:05
I got to the gym and did the physical therapy.
35:07
I worked on the business, and then I didn't control the energies
35:13
that I spelled out, and then, and then I lost it at the end.
35:16
I would just sit quietly
35:17
Donnie Tuttle: curious.
35:18
Yeah, I'm, I'm curious here only because I know, John, a lot of, a lot of leaders
35:22
actually struggle with this where their, their bandwidth is completely exhausted.
35:28
So yours had to do, a lot of it was pain that was, like,
35:30
John Ulsh: Mm-hmm.
35:31
Donnie Tuttle: cover- you know, taking up a lot of your y- y- again, bandwidth.
35:35
W- how did youâ¦
35:36
how'd you cross that threshold and become, um, the man you wanted to be
35:40
back around the dinner table again?
35:42
And, um, like, to us about that part of your journey.
35:46
Because a lot of us are normal stuff.
35:48
We're, we're just exhausted, overwhelmed, and all that, but we st- we still
35:50
experience what you just described, and
35:53
John Ulsh: Yeah.
35:53
Well, it's, it's aâ¦
35:55
For me, it became understanding my priorities.
35:59
And again, almost dying can really reshape your, your, your priorities.
36:06
I, I can remember laying in the nursing home thinking, "What
36:09
would my obituary look like?"
36:11
I mean, I was 37 years old.
36:14
What would my obituary look like?
36:15
I sat on the boards of nonprofits.
36:18
I worked 70, 60 hours a week.
36:21
I s- missed piano recitals and soccer practices and, you
36:27
know, kid-related activities.
36:30
And I said, "Is that really what I wanna be?"
36:34
And you know, almost dying gives you a real chance, especially at my age.
36:38
I mean, I was, I was in m- I was at, in my 30s, probably at the peak of, of,
36:43
of where we were gonna be successful.
36:45
Like, everything was coming together at the right time.
36:47
Um, and to have that all, all stop.
36:50
And so, you know, having this realization that I didn't, that I got to decide what
36:56
my, you know, what my obituary would say.
36:59
By the way, it's a great exercise.
37:00
I'll have clients do it sometimes.
37:01
Like, write your obituary right now.
37:03
What would it say today?
37:04
What would you want it to say?
37:06
And one of the big decisions I made is I had the flexibility with running
37:11
my own business and, and running a real estate team that I could decide
37:15
that I wasn't gonna miss soccer games
37:17
Donnie Tuttle: Mm-hmm.
37:18
John Ulsh: for my kids, and it became a time block in my schedule.
37:22
So if someone said, you know, "Can we meet today at 4:00?"
37:26
And meanwhile, my daughter was playing a school soccer game at
37:29
4:00, I just said, "I have, I, I have something on my calendar at
37:34
4:00, but I'm available at 5:30."
37:37
Like, there's, you know, there's six to eight hours of sleep, and
37:43
then the rest of my day is mine.
37:46
And so I didn't mind working in the evening if it meant finding some
37:52
balance on the one thing that I felt like I was still here to be.
37:55
So again, back to my my friend Jeff Gabelius, the, the Presbyterian
37:59
pastor, the other great thing he said to me was about, you knowâ¦
38:03
I, less than a year after the accident, I'm over at his house
38:06
to get some paperwork from his, from his wife, and he's sitting
38:09
in the kitchen drinking coffee.
38:11
And he sits down, he asks me how things are going, and I said, "I'm
38:14
really struggling with why I survived."
38:16
And survivor's remorse is, is a really big thing, right?
38:20
And, and he said, you knowâ¦
38:22
I said, "Am I supposed to tell my story?
38:25
Am I supposed to speak?
38:26
Am I supposed to be giving something back?"
38:29
And I'd been t- I talked to a lot of people about this same thing,
38:33
like, "Why am I here," right?
38:35
And he said, "The only thing that made any sense to me," and
38:39
I had talked to a lot of people.
38:40
He looked at me, he said, "Maybe you're just here so your kids have a dad And
38:44
I'm like, I'm like, "That is at the base simple level, and I'm trying to make
38:49
everything much more complicated," right?
38:52
Donnie Tuttle: Wow.
38:52
John Ulsh: And I'm like, I'm like, "Okay, I can believe that."
38:55
And that change had shifted my focus on what became a priority to me.
39:00
Donnie Tuttle: Wow
39:02
John Ulsh: and it's back to this time blocking.
39:03
It's all back toâ¦
39:04
It- at the end of the day, busy executives, it comes down to time blocks
39:09
and holding yourself accountable to them
39:12
Donnie Tuttle: Yeah.
39:13
Who are you and what are you doing here?
39:14
I mean, that's like the biggest, uh, receipt,
39:18
John Ulsh: Mm-hmm.
39:18
Yeah.
39:19
Donnie Tuttle: what we believe.
39:20
John Ulsh: Mm-hmm
39:21
Donnie Tuttle: if wh- whatever you believe is, is reflected in how you've
39:24
been investing or spending your time.
39:27
John, we're gonna, we're going toâ¦
39:28
I'm gonna give you one last question here, and I want you to tell us where
39:30
we can find you and Team Olsh and all of the stuff, because people,
39:34
people, listen, we, we need you.
39:37
We need more of this in our lives.
39:39
I want you to talk to the executive that isâ¦
39:44
You, you, you mention can discover what's possible when we choose
39:48
courage, purpose, and forward momentum.
39:51
But there are a lot of people that get frozen and stagnant, and they're planning
39:55
to plan, or they're, they're, they're in that, they're in the mode where they're
39:58
kinda trying to figure out, what, what am I gonna do or what's my strategy?
40:02
And, and they know no forward movement.
40:05
There's no momentum.
40:07
They're breaking one of your laws.
40:08
Can you talk to that person and, um, and, and get them back into alignment?
40:13
And then tell us where we can find you, my friend.
40:15
John Ulsh: So that question, by the way, is probably the number one
40:19
thing that people come to me with.
40:22
And I, you know, the simple version of that is you, you don't
40:27
have clarity before you stop.
40:28
Clarity comes after you start.
40:32
If, if, you know, we talked a bit before about purposeful versus perfect.
40:38
E- everybody who's frozen is frozen in fear of not knowing
40:43
the, o- of the unknown, right?
40:46
But I will tell you, you can have 100% control of everything, and a car can cross
40:52
the other line a- and hit you head-on and your life turns upside down in an instant.
40:58
Like, clarity does not come before commitment.
41:05
Commitment comes, clarity comes second.
41:09
It always has and it always will.
41:11
And everybody wants to, everybody wants to freeze themselves out
41:14
on not having a clear picture.
41:17
And, and I, I am like, "No, we'll f- w- the picture will become more and more
41:23
focused as we get farther down the line."
41:27
All you have to do is show up and take a first step.
41:30
All you have to do is commit
41:37
Donnie Tuttle: Everything else falls into alignment.
41:38
I love it.
41:39
John, where can we find you, my friend?
41:41
John Ulsh: So everything's on johnolsh.com,
41:44
so J-O-H-N-O-L-S-H.com.
41:47
Links, links to my coaching, links to my book.
41:49
My book's available, The Upside of Down, all the normal Amazon,
41:53
Barnes & Noble, all those places.
41:55
It's also on audio because here's the other aha moment I had.
41:59
I've-- the number of executives that I've talked to with the book
42:04
coming out or since the book has been out who've told me they have
42:07
not read a book since college, okay?
42:11
However, they listen to a tremendous amount of podcasts and audiobooks
42:17
because they travel a ton or they're in their cars a lot.
42:20
So I went back in January after the book had been out for three months
42:25
and recorded the audio in my voice so that, um, so that these ex-clients
42:30
would literally have my book.
42:32
Um, but my social presence is, is really good.
42:36
We're, we're constantly trying to give value, small pieces of things that
42:40
you can take that day and, and use.
42:43
So, you know, LinkedIn and Instagram are the two, you know, but they're
42:47
on-- we're on, we're on the TikTok, as the kids say, and, uh, and, and, and
42:54
Facebook for, for me and my parents.
42:56
Uh, you know, I've got a, got a lot of good followers of
43:00
seventy to eighty-year-old friends of my, of my parents.
43:04
Um, but yeah, I mean, the main place, go to johnolsh.com.
43:07
You can see the coaching, you can see the books, you can
43:09
see the links to the socials.
43:11
But, but we're posting every single day now, uh, content that has, like,
43:17
legitimate, like, executable value.
43:21
Donnie Tuttle: That's awesome.
43:22
And by the way, good news for you audiobook listeners, to UC Berkeley in a
43:27
recent study, audiobooks have all of the same benefit as reading a book, a physical
43:32
book, so according to UC Berkeley.
43:35
So we, we love it.
43:36
We love the audiobooks here.
43:37
Listen, guys, if you can lead better, you can live better, and John Olsch
43:43
has just brought the thunder, and I hope that you'll take some things.
43:45
Like, for me, taking those steps and committing to the steps and learning
43:50
to love every next step, sometimes not worrying about the end of the journey,
43:55
but loving each next step, loving the process, and boy, a board of directors,
44:02
getting a group of other people that you can say, "Hey, uh, would you
44:06
help me to get to where I'm going?"
44:07
Um, that, that was, uh, John, that was beautiful and original.
44:12
I haven't heard of that from anywhere else except for Abe Lincoln and now you.
44:16
So, uh, thank you my friend for being with us today.
44:19
I know you've, you've changed some lives
44:21
John Ulsh: Thank you, Donnie.
44:21
I really appreciate it.
44:22
A great conversation