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Transcript

Adam Quear's Extended Story · Pursuing the Heart

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, good evening.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is uh Pursuing the Heart special episode.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host tonight, uh Tim Hunter.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I have repeat guest, special guest of mine, good friend, uh Adam Queer.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for having me.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Right on, Adam.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you jumping on tonight.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, I was uh excited that Adam gave uh gave me a yes to come on.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um we had Adam on two weeks ago, I want to say.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we walked through some scripture and got to hear some of his story.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I just knowing Adam, I I just knew there was so much more.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And there are men that I interact with that have walked through things that Adam walked through.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I just I know that his story has power, and he was just eager to share um some more that we we just didn't have time for on the last podcast, and we just wanted to have this space uh for a special episode, uh, maybe to go revisit some of the scripture we talked about in uh Ephesians 5 and just kind of let the space be open for him to share, you know, what's happened in his life.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um so no, I appreciate you again, madam, saying yes.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to hear you have said tonight.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: What you feel?
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: How are you feeling about it?
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_04: I'm doing well.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_04: No, I'm looking forward to it and uh wherever the conversation leads us.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_04: Um I feel feel blessed uh to be able to share my story.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So last time we talked, you know, we were a few weeks um earlier.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we were we were further away for your little your little one being here.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're closer.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And we're like we're like what two weeks?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_04: Very closer.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_04: We're at 37 weeks today.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_04: So it could um what's that saying three weeks, three days, three hours?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm I'm pretty confident in saying that uh she is she's ready for for uh little Zamira to to pop out tomorrow.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_04: So I think uh I think based off of um how she's feeling, we're probably looking in the next two or three days.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: You think so?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_04: I I think I think Sunday's gonna be the day.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I laugh because the the listeners out there, Adam Adam reached out to me last week and said, I'm confident it's next week, and this was like 10 days ago.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I just kind of laugh.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And and I've been I've been down this road a couple times, and yeah, I was down this road a few months ago when we went to the hospital multiple times thinking today's a day.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: No, go home.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: It ain't the day.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope it is when you say two, three days for Olivia's sake, because I know that she's ready to meet your little girl.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're certainly ready to meet your little girl.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but just for to start the process of uh having her in the world and being able to hold her uh and be past all the discomfort.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: No, I know you're both ready for that.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So absolutely.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_04: Um I'm I hope you're right.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_04: I'm I'm beyond excited.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_04: Like I cannot wait um to be uh to be a father of a little girl.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_04: And uh, you know, we're blessed to have um 13-year-old boy.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_04: So um he's fantastic.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: So that's awesome, man.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Good.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, you know, we're we'll be excited to meet her.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um so again, like I said, uh this is pursuing the heart.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, God pursued me.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um now I pursue him.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just been incredible to be in life with brothers who um we walk I've walked alongside, who've seen me at my dark, my lowest points, and then see saw the Lord pursue me, and now see the per the pursuit I have after him, how I run after his heart.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's been incredible to watch brothers who came up in their own hard moments and seeing how they were pursued by the Lord and how now they pursue the Lord.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then I've just been fortunate to have a front row seat, a background, third row invence, I don't know, some kind of seat in the in the in the vehicle that's been the the ride that uh Anna's been on with the Lord.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And uh again felt that was um one just want to open the face of a share tonight.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: So uh I'm gonna open it in prayer.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna just kind of hit a foundational scripture, kind of what we talked about last time.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then again, this is this is more gonna be about um letting letting the spirit move and spirit do as spirit does.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: So uh Father, you're you're incredible how you create spaces for um just others to feel you you work, um how you work in others' lives, and how you are able to use people's stories to um affect others and we never even know about it.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's that's that whole um parable of the um you know the garden, the seed, and how you water, you plant, you do it all.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: We're just asked to do your work, Father.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, if tonight we are to turn some soil to let a seed get root to water, it it's all for your Lord, and all for your work.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Lord, whoever listens to this, whenever they do, whether it be tomorrow, tonight, later, years from now, who knows?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, that their heart be ready, their soil be loosened, so that deep root maybe may grow within, and then let uh you to do your your greatest work, Father.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: We thank you for how you use us.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: We are in just total surrender for you, and uh we we trust you, Lord, with our lives.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: So we thank you for your son, you would have grace in heavenly.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I pray.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: So we had uh when I hit Adam on, we really hit on Ephesians um five.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was 14.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Galatians.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my bad.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Good job.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_04: Ephesians is the book that uh that I always good to mess up on air and then ask for grace right afterwards, and that's what it's about.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: So Grace is Grace's deed and grace is had.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, Galatians, my my apologies, Galatians 5.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think we hit uh 16 a little bit, but we we spent most of the time going through um 18 through uh 20, let's say 24, and and the meat of that was um the the part where it talks about works of the flesh and the fruit of the spirit.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I really want I called those two things out because they're such a binary position of these two things, and we look at our own lives, and we can look at, okay, here's when I was truly just going after what Tim wanted.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was seeking out what I the things I desired, the um, and and living in the world, and the world was celebrating a lot of these things, and and the list that goes down in in um in Galatians 19, it hits a couple things, you know, sexual morality, you know, purity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, uh uh, uh, strife, jealousy, but it hits these, and it's not really a complete list, it's just a it's a list of things.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many more.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's anything you're doing outside of the faith than anything you're doing in your own in your own flesh.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and then he calls that out.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Paul Paul runs down that list, but then backs it up with talking about the spirit and who we're created to be in and the fruit of the spirit, you know, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's all of those embodied.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it was incredible when we got to this point in our um episodes that Adam said yes to come on.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, man, like, you know, all the guys have so good stories, but I know his personally, so I know it'll match well.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I wanted to give that space for that.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, like I kind of alluded to something, you know, on the last podcast about this, and you know, walk me through, you know, how did this whole scripture talking about this now kind of rewind you in your own life and maybe unpack some of that that for me and for the listeners tonight?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_04: Well, and and Paul's teachings is really about the Christian life and your choice between choosing the flesh or the spirit.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_04: Um and a few years ago, um, I went through a struggle.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_04: Um and and this is probably the first time that uh that I've I've mentioned this to a large amount of people.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_04: Um I know my family knows, um, you know, um, and a few of my friends know, um, but suicide.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_04: Um and and going through that struggle of choosing the flesh and not having certain parts in your life that that I was striving for that was not spirit related.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and that's kind of where my journey began.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_04: Um I grew up in a Christian household.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_04: I've known God all my life, um, baptized when I was a teenager.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_04: Uh he's always been a part.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_04: There was a uh large part of my life where after college that uh that I kind of strayed away.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_04: And uh as as I went through all of that um and and lost lost that part of my my uh my life and my walk with him kind of strayed the wrong direction.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_04: Um did it really pull a 360 when when that uh when that happened and I had the right people in my life.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_04: Um specifically you're the one that uh that texted me on that day um and just asked me how I was doing and had just the the text was basically said that God loves you.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and that kind of turned turned things around for me at that time, and that's kind of where my my entire walk began.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a that's a that's a bombshell, man.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something that like we don't talk about, men men or women at all, but you know, I think as men, it's just we don't open up about what we're going through.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you know, so I I go I walk by, hey Adam, how you doing?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm good, I'm okay, I'm fine.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: But there's so much more depth to that.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I know there were times where we would talk and like, how you doing?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I would get those.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm all good, I'm I'm fine, I'm okay.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: But you're clearly not okay, you're not fine, you're not good.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so we just don't talk about those things.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: So to bring that up, to kind of hit us with boom, like suicide was on my doorstep, and I was struggling with it.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's a big it's a big deal, man, and it's big to talk about.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope I hope if you're struggling with that thought or that's in your life and it's just it seemed like you can't shake it, you can't go away, and find somebody talk, open up, you know, there's someone there to listen, but let's w I I'm curious, you don't just come to that point.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes like there had to be things that happened leading up to that that got you to that point too, right?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Certainly.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I mean you you kind of hit us there with that, but if you don't mind, would you back up a little bit?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of share, okay, how did how did we get here?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, um so I mean I was in in a marriage for eight years.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_04: Um that kind of dissolved um not in not in a a bad way, but just we moved um our own directions.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_04: Large part of that was that God was not a part of it, just um something that I was at that time was seeking, um, but just wasn't it wasn't there as we or as I as I moved on with life, um, it was just after that I was I had no identity, didn't know where I was at, didn't know who I was, um, kind of just looking for the next thing.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_04: Uh my career was just finally beginning to start off.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but even then, like I was literally out on an island by myself.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_04: Um away from family, um didn't really have very many friends.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_04: This is when you're in South Carolina, right?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you're part, you're you know, proximity from those your family, your friends, and you got a few people down there you're close with, but yes, it's no com no true community.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you're kind of getting at.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, not not at all.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, uh I understand.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_04: Didn't didn't didn't have a community at all.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_04: Um over that time, I created some really good friendships with with probably three or four people, um, all of who which as of today still good friends with.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_04: Um married to one of them now.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_04: We'll get better later, right?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, okay, good.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_04: We'll elaborate on that later, but um, yeah.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah, just out, just out on an island by myself.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um and you know, purchased a home, um, started renovating it.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Not back in Indy, right?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, but still in South Carolina.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right, cool.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_04: Purchased a home, gutted the thing, and randomly I came.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_04: This was kind of during COVID.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_04: Um, family was like, hey, come back and visit.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_04: So I flew all the way up here, got off the plane, and got a phone call from a random company um that said, Hey, come in for an interview.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Well, I'm not really looking, but sure.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um, sure enough, uh, got a job offer on the spot, accepted it.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_04: Um, house was gutted and had to finish the renovation in two months and move all the way back up here.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um, during that time in the last week before I was to move back up here, played a bunch of soccer um competitively.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_04: And the Tuesday, I was I was going to drive back up here on Friday, um, back up to Indiana.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_04: And on Tuesday, I played my last game uh of soccer down in South Carolina, got kicked in the back of the head, had a severe concussion and a brain bleed, and was in the hospital for three or four days.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_04: And my uh father and uh older sister drove all the way down there, packed everything up for me, moving back up here.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but it was just like one thing after another.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I again I've known you since college, man.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, uh long time, and soccer's always been a big piece of your life.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: So for that to happen, and you kind of having that realization, man, soccer's done for me, probably.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like I pretty much that's an identity thing right there.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if you put if you throw yourself into that, and that is your identity, which again shouldn't be, you know, I'm shouldn't knowing you, but like you know where your identity is and sealed in Christ.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're walking in in your own flesh and you're pouring all your energy and passions and time into soccer, and boom, it's taken away like that.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I was playing five to six days a week.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_04: Um and that's who you were, and so then when I came back up here, I played for it took me about a six to eight months before I got back out and played.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_04: And shortly after that, I tore my um MCL twice in one year, and pretty much haven't played since.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, which is huge because I mean I played I've been playing since I was eight.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that point you're what you're 33.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 33, 35.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: 35, yeah.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, you so you you're in South Carolina, you you go through, you know, a divorce, you get a house, you go through that, and then life shakes up.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: You soccer's gone, you can move back to Indiana, you get a job here, right?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: So you come back.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: What's your state of mind, man?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, getting in Indiana, are you are you you're you're with your family, you're with you close to some friends, but what's your state of mind?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_04: Uh completely lost at this point because all the friends that I had growing up are all not there anymore.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um the same home.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_04: And what I thought I was coming back to was not actually what I was coming back to, but um I was able to reconnect with a lot of friends that to them to my realization, like they were there, but they weren't.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_04: And uh you being one of them, you were there, but we went our own separate ways, and then we kind of all found ourselves back.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like 10 years, probably.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we talked a little bit off and on for in 10 years, but not like this.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it this is what like 20 is 2021, maybe?
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: Nine 1920, 21, yeah.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: So you're back here, you use the word loneliness, you're you're you're lonely.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, a lot of brokenness in your life.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe other set we haven't talked about now, but you know, you're 21, and it's at this point, you're living you're at the apartment, right?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: So what's what's going on in Adam's life here?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, God's coming fast at you, he's pursuing you, but where's the friction?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_04: Work.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_04: I I engulfed myself in with work.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um and you know, as we as we kind of go through this, there was someone at my the company um that God used to pursue me wholeheartedly.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_04: Um and that goes back to going to the banquet, the great banquet.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_04: And uh but he he pursued me over and over and over again.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, after I went through the banquet, did uh that's when I realized that at that company that I was currently working for at minimum 10 to 15 people at that company went through the bank, the banquet.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_04: It was it was cool because uh, you know, I'm sitting there and get those uh get those notes from everyone that that went through it.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_04: So it's cool.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: So this you mentioned the banquet.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, this is probably gosh, or anything when you went through, would you go through 20 24?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: 25 uh 23.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: 23?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going through in 23.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, you mentioned obviously hit us in the beginning with the suicide piece.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Is that before or after banquet?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_04: Well before.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so well well before, yeah.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um no, you know, no, I take that back.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_04: That was that was after that was after the banquet.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_04: Sorry, yeah.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: So you go through the bank.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: So Lord's pursuing you, and you know, you have he's clearly running after you and say Adam, like I say running.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: He's he's right there, actually.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: And you're running your own, you're running all around, and he's like, I'm I'm right here.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Here I am.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: So you know, you're your your friends um Jamie.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Jamie.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: I thought so.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: So Jamie, others, there's a community around you that you hadn't had before.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: So they're there.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um you're surrounded by uh by men and maybe women of women following the Lord.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um you have other brothers around you who are running after the Lord now, and you go to the banquet, and now you have even more brothers running out to the Lord.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you would think, right?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and I say this because you go through these experiences and you have these moments where you you come to a point where, okay, I could surrender and I could he's my savior, but I can make him Lord of my life and turn everything over.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you do for a moment.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I say this because there are moments and we fall back into loneliness, identity issues, all that all that.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: All that so banquet hits, you know, hit that, and then and you come to the point where you talked earlier about you know you're contemplating suicide.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: So kind of talking about that time.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_04: Um that's kind of when difficulties with job decisions kind of went in the gutter relationship, fell apart, everything just kind of sank.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_04: At least that's what I thought.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_04: Little did I know don't follow the flesh and and open up your eyes and and follow the path that he has laid out in front of you.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_04: And uh that's kind of where you know, at that moment when I when I got that text from you and got invited back to be a speaker at the banquet, did that I fully understand that hey, I've got such a bigger part to play.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_04: Not so much for myself, but the story that I've got I can share.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_04: And at that point.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_04: Point in my life, that's kind of when I decided to just let God take everything off of my shoulders and and let him take full control.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_04: And at that point, that's when that's when I started to see the path that he had laid out in front of me.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_04: Um and that was kind of the big that was wholeheartedly the beginning of of the journey that I'm today.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I I want to spend a good chunk of time talking about that right there.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I don't want to neglect you know the low point here, you know, because um there's probably people going listen that could listen to this that are going through that right now, um or even have been impacted by someone who unfortunately made that decision.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um you know I there's so many ways where I understand those who've gone through it who get who get there.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's never always it's never always the same thing.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: You like, oh here's here's how you get there.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: I asked why I said earlier, you know, walk me through how we got to that point.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: It seems to be very different.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um but it's always like this is what's going on.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's and it's even it's seeming like there's always a cry, there's always a I need help, I need help.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I know for you I think thank the Lord, man, like he was running out, you know, you run out running around, but he was there for you.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, I remember that day you talk about and 100% all the glory to the Lord right here, because this isn't this is not this is not me.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I I I I remember this day very well.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I was just I was driving and and I drive, that's my that's my time with the Lord.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's just him and I.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I usually music down and I'm that crazy guy talking in the car to the Lord.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it's funny because I I I my grandma's to do that, and I always said I'd never be that person, but here I am.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: So and you know, I I I say to the Lord, like, God, like I'm I'm right here, ready to be whatever you need me to be.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, use me however you wish right now.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: And all of us he my phone is in my hand, and I'm driving, and I shouldn't be texting him, driving, but he says, Text Adam.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I pick my phone up, and all I know to say is exactly what I feel.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just the power of the the love of God.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, God loves you.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I said, God loves you, Adam.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that's all I said.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's all that he told me to say.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think if Tim steps in, he says so much more.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or he says something funny, something dumb.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but that's all he told me to say, and I left it alone, and like I didn't feel the urge to like look and see what he said back or I don't even think I responded.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: No, I don't that's we're not yeah, yeah.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think I responded at all.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um Yeah, not being in my in my own flesh, letting the spirit work.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's all he told me to do.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: And left it alone.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: What about my day?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea like what that meant.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: I had zero idea, but the Lord knew exactly what it meant.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_04: And he didn't even know for about eight months.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: A long time.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and to know the Lord interceded and knew exactly what you needed.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: And he um I've been humbled that he would choose to even use me or something like that.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and I'll tell everyone, anyone who's listening, that you can be used.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um he will absolutely use anything he desires to use.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: And when you are to the point where you are comfortable, you're confident, you are surrendered in your identity, Christ, like amazing things happen, things you can't explain.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: And like someone like this, a simple text, I can't I just can't explain it.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because like I said, when I text my friends or I text them, it's not it's always not a simple text, and you know, usually usually I'm wanting to talk back and forth, and it just was that, and there was content, there was peace in that.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: And to hear to hear that, it uh it it you don't have words, you don't you you just you just give the glory to the Lord, and there's I'm I'm glad that I'm joyous that you are here, Adam.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um elated that he is working in you and from that moment that we're here today, like how he's completely just radically just transformed your life.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_04: And the only advice that I can give is be that vo be that voice for someone else.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_04: You don't you don't know, you'd like just a simple hi or you don't know, even like I you know, last time I was on, I think I made this comment walk into the gas station and just ask, just ask the person, ask, ask them how they're doing, how's your day doing?
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_04: Because you don't know, and that may just be all it takes.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_04: Whether you know them or not, it's it's the little things, it's little things in life that that are powerful.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you're feeling that that thought, that urge to send that text, say hello, give a hug, whatever that is, there's there's a reason for that.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, lean into it, be obedient through that, because it may feel weird, just do it.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know what it means to somebody.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: But uh yeah, I Lord just I just want to pray for anyone who's listening to this who is struggling at the pursuit that that you're on with them.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: That they uh they can be still and and see what you're trying to tell them and what and and ultimately it's it's it's foundationally centered with love.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like you love them so much and just want a relationship with them, Father.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just I pr I pray that they can um have a heart and mind that are connected, that can uh that can see in you and everything, Father, and can lean in and allow you to be the Lord of their life.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: So speaking of that, um here we are, we're we're low point.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: You're coming out, you mentioned that you were on a banquet team after that at time, and yeah, there was a shift in you, you could tell um you're coming to find a Bible study, and you know, I was you know, we were seeing each other on the regular, but so it was evident and obvious that there was there was a beginning shift in you uh and your walk with the Lord.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: So um you kind of alluded earlier, but walk me, you know, talk to me about okay, here you are now walking with the Lord, making more more choices to allow the spirit to walk before you.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_02: So what what's going on in your life now?
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_04: So as we we spoke earlier, I've got uh a little one on the way.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I know last time that we had talked, um that uh that I got engaged earlier this year and uh and married that whole relationship started with one of those with one of those four friends from South Carolina.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_04: Didn't didn't know at all that that's what it was.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um you know b back when I was living in South Carolina, and this is this this is a this is a good story.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um so when I was I think 12, um my my grandfather who I who is a good Christian man, he's I mean, he is he had taught me a lot um growing up about how to be a man, how to how to be a good father, um, how to be a good Christian um role model.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_04: And uh when I was uh probably about 12, um he died in a tragic uh farming accident on Halloween.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_04: And so since I was that age, never went to Halloween party, never did anything.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_04: Um when I was still living in South Carolina, um my old neighbor invited me over to his Halloween party, and I was like, I not gonna come, don't really do anything on Halloween, that's not um, for some reason decided to go.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_04: Um, didn't dress up, didn't I just showed up, and uh he introduced me to Olivia.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_04: Her and I just had probably a five to ten minute conversation, and that was about the extent of it.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and then uh over the course of the next two or three years while I was still living there, we went on a one or two dates, um, but realized that we were just much better as better off as friends.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um time timing wasn't right, that kind of thing.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_04: Just and and and so we were we grew our friendship.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_04: Um we were just there, just there for each other.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and then I moved back here, and that kind of um squashed things.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_04: We kind of went our own direction, still stayed in contact a little bit, um, and then um probably 2022 to 24.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_04: Don't think we really spoke very much at all.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_04: Um, she went through a she got married, went through a horrific marriage, um, abusive, um just a lot of really bad, bad things.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_04: She had made a few phone calls to me.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_04: I attempted to help her out as much as I could, gave her some some direction, some friends that I had still had in South Carolina to help her out as needed.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_04: Um but at that time I was I was in a relationship and and we were just we were we were going to to keep our our uh our space but help each other in the help each other where we could in in a Christian aspect um as friends and and so um moving forward she went through a divorce and my relationship ended, and I for some reason she reached out, we kind of reconnected, um, talked a little bit, and she asked if she could come visit.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_04: And uh so I said, Yeah, absolutely.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, I've got nothing to lose.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_04: Come up to the cornfields of Indiana, which that's what everyone thinks it's about, right?
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, cornfields and soybeans.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_04: So um she uh she came up here, visited for a little bit, and uh here we are today.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I I I remember it was it was February, right?
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_04: Feb March.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was somewhere in that time.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: I I remember it was cold.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I remember.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like February, March, or I think January could have been January.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was cold.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: I just remember it was after the new year.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I remember coming up here, and you know what?
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: I going back, you know, there were times we were hanging out, and like Adam is like notorious for this, like getting on the phone and disappearing for like an hour or two, and it walk literally just walks and talks to the phone for an hour or two.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: That I do.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: And like I I remember inviting him over to my house, you know, after he moved back.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: And like, dude, where'd Adam go?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Oh, he's on the phone somewhere.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, but so I'm thinking back, and like this, these had have been moments where he's talking to Olivia.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I because I know I know they they stayed close, they're connected, like she was going through hard moments and things, so she's leaning into you, vice versa.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you're going through things, you're leaning into her.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: So here we are, and you know, I've heard of the I've heard of this person, and here we are in last year, and I get to meet this person.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: That time, maybe, yeah, okay.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: My days are messed up.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, so anyways, you know, last year get to meet her for the first time, and you know, immediately I understand.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is I I understand why Adam is um he's so like drawn to this person.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, she this is this is the kind of person that okay, this makes a lot of sense.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: That her personality, the way she looks at him, the way she the way they interact, like it this is very comfortable.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember I have very much, yeah.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember having like the first she was here, like, okay, let's Adam's doing the McGee with the Indiana tour, let me take you around, let me show you friends, let me show you this and that.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_00: And we had a we had you two over for for dinner, and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna ask her a bunch of questions, see how this goes.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: And man, I I don't know if that went well or not, but she still comes around, so maybe it went well.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: Uh but yeah, I mean, she comes around.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: You guys um have that couple, was it a week or two?
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: She's up here for some amount of time.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it was it was yeah, roughly about and then she you know needs to go back.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I at that point I know like your I know your walk with the Lord, like I know it's what's going on, like very intimate.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: We're we're talking a lot, and you know, I'm seeing you every single week uh as well.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay, I I I know I I know Adam's running off the Lord, I know that they're just I mean, it's it's the like what I understand, it's like the closest you had ever been.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_02: And how now does Olivia fit into this mix?
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_04: At that, like the when she when she flew back out um to South Carolina, I think at that time both her and I realized that the friendship that we had grown over the course of the years, regardless of whether we I mean we went two years without talking, um, that the the friendship that her and I had created was wholeheartedly based around God's direction.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um, he laid a path out in front of us all those years ago.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_04: Her and I both refused uh to see that.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_04: Um and uh so once she once she flew, once she flew back, her and I spoke um pretty routinely, and she decided that uh hey, I'm gonna are you good with with uh her and her son coming out to to stay for for a few weeks.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_04: Um and for us to kind of just sit and talk a little bit more about what the future could hold.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_04: And so at that time, I said of absolutely, of course, like we we both we both saw what the future held, and uh so she did.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_02: So was it always easy?
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um no, no, it was not.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um talk about one rocky road.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um the very beginning of the road, right?
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_04: Very beginning.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, okay.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so I knew I knew I knew a little bit about what she was going through at that time.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_04: Um didn't fully understand it.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_04: Uh I quickly quickly realized what was going on.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but uh, you know, her her and I spoke before I came out tonight um to to talk.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_04: And uh so she is currently a little over a year in recovery.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_04: Awesome.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, yeah, praise the Lord for that, man.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_04: Um just so so proud that uh of the the steps that she's made.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I wish I could say it was it was due to to me, but no, I didn't know what was going on.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um got god God used me in ways that I I hadn't I had no idea at the time I had no idea what it was like that he was even even utilizing me in in those ways.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_04: But uh no, she uh when she was younger, she had some surgeries done.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_04: Um and by medical advice she was put on opioids, um pain medication.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_04: And uh throughout the the course of of um her childhood and all the way up till now, she was on going through pain management and taking what she was told to take.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_04: And uh when she kind of when she moved up here and kind of saw the lifestyle that I lived, did she realize that at that time that it was um she wanted to eat craft singles cheese and you never you wanted a part in that, right?
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_04: No, I cook I cook every single meal which I think she abuses now that she knows that I can cook.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_00: So you let her know what what's available, you know.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, no, she she doesn't nothing nothing out of the frozen frozen section of the grocery store.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you know, funny things, little things like food, but her life's changing in uh many ways.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: She's going through, you know, battling addiction, like you just mentioned.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: So like there's other factors here than just moving from South Carolina or potentially moving to South Carolina here, you're talking about that, and that's on that's a thought, right?
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: At this point.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: So there's so many other factors outside of just moving that are impacting the beginning of this relationship, right?
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm sure that there are abnormal things that do happen in the beginning of a relationship here.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I said I mentioned earlier it wasn't easy, was it?
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_02: So no, not at all.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what can you share on that?
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_04: A lot of it was just like so one of the one of the biggest reasons that she was always hesitant to to even start a relationship, even earlier on, um, was the fact that she couldn't get pregnant.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_04: Medically speaking, um, she was told um that uh she she no longer had any eggs, and uh that it would be impossible for she couldn't even go through IVF or anything.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_04: And uh here we are today, a week out.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: I dude, I remember this conversation and having dinner in her kitchen, and that was like a big topic that night.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: We were talking, we Jordan and I we were uh year in with year in with Judah.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: Had no idea Malachi was coming, but you know, that that year it was coming or starting to, but she was talking all about this about you know kids, and I and I'll share this.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, she was you know, she was in which we were you we're at that time we were I was understanding that there was some kind of relationship starting with you two.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, you know, Adam wants kids, and I just I can't do that right now.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_00: I can't I can never give them that.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_00: And she kind of gave the details you just shared about why she couldn't.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it was by medical advice that it was physically impossible to happen.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I man, I'll never forget this when it first happened.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's happened multiple times via text when I understand with her and Doran.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_00: They've got uh close over the past year, year and a half.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, you know, she always has a phrase, you know, anything that's possible through Christ Jesus.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: And she says that, and like she she means it.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: She I know she does, and it's funny because I kind of say it to her, back to her, and like when she's having a hard moment, anything's possible through Christ Jesus, she just kind of laughs and rolls her eyes, but she knows it's true.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_00: But she tells her that and And she continued to tell continue to tell her that multiple times about various things up in the pen in this year, but that seems to be a common one that comes up about being able to have kids and be pregnant.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because she I think she knows how important that is to you.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: How much you want you desire that.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure that that's hard because she, you know, you guys start, you know, to really fall in love with what I see.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we you know, I you know, I seen I witness you two really falling in the deep love, and she can't she in her mind she can't give that to you.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: So now there's this other part of before that happened, but other part of the journey, I'm sure.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: So like, you know, what what's going on with her?
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: You're the you're right there.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're her partner.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on in the home?
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_04: So I wanna I wanna pull back a little bit and go back to the addiction side of things.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I went too far.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_00: Come on back.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_04: No, yeah, let's let's let's that's important.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_04: Let's let's go let's go back to that a little bit because um I you know not like this kind of goes back to to Galatians 5 of you know following the flesh and then being able to being able to walk by the spirit and there's so many times throughout that entire six to eight months where where where recovery was where she was going through recovery and I didn't have the words.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_04: I like wholeheartedly like I grew up in a sheltered type home.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_04: Like I I wasn't I wasn't around any of that.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know what was going on.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, Olivia and I now sit back and talk about those times, and she was you know, she pulls up text messages that I would send her of encouragement, of uh guidance, but those weren't my words.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um you know, God was speaking through me, giving her the guidance that she needed to get through through some of that.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_04: Um the the community that I had surrounding me was also a very large aspect of guiding me to help her where she needed.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I know Jordan was a huge part of that.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_04: You were a huge part for me.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_04: The amount of times I had called you asking for direction, um, and you were guiding me through through what God was telling you.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um have to, man.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_04: You have to because I I look I look back at that and I'm like Tim didn't know it, like he didn't know like I had no idea what was really the depths of what was going on, yeah.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and but but the direction that you were giving me, like that helped me guide her.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_04: And it was it was you know, um it's great for us to to to look back on those times and see how much God was actually pulling the strings and directing us and um pushing us in that direction that uh maneuvering.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, absolutely.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_00: He's pretty good at that.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um and and then like you know, through that whole process, then she was then she got pregnant, which was not possible.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_04: And God's like, you know what?
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not done with you guys.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_04: I'm still here and I'm gonna provide.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_04: And he's like, I know that you like you both truly want this.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_04: I know what you guys can you you both can can give.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_04: And and he was like, here.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_04: If if you if you need if you need another miracle provided to you, here it is.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_04: Like, you know, it was uh it was great sitting in in Bible study this morning, and we're talking talking about Moses and the miracles, and and and I'm just like looking back at this last year, and I'm like, man, you know, he shows us over and over again the the miracles.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_04: We just have to open up our eyes and see it and and trust that you know he's the one guiding us.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_04: It's just it was um it's it's beautiful to sit back now and and look back at that past year and and just see all the miracles happening throughout it.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sometimes we get we get so like tunnel visioned on the one characteristic of Jesus that we need, and that we think we need at least like I Lord, I just need you to heal this, heal, heal, heal.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you miss all the things he's doing around you at times.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_00: And like he's speaking of that, yeah.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_04: Speaking of that, I prayed and prayed.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_04: Give me love, give me joy.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_04: God said, No, no, no, no, no.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_04: I need to I need to give you some patience.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_04: You have that I've got that, right?
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_04: I've got that, I've got the patience now.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, but that that year, like He taught me patience, like the amount of times that like she would get upset, like yeah, very upset.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_04: God's like, Adam, just take takes take a step back and understand.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_04: And uh, and I tell you what, now she's just like, I don't know, I don't know how how you went through that entire year being so patient.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_04: Because prior to that, I just I wouldn't, I just wouldn't deal with it.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um Yeah, it I don't know if it's that's it's funny.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_00: We we like sometimes prayer, you're like, Lord, just give me patience, give me this.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like he's gonna give you that the opportunity is gonna come to display it, but you have all of it.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_00: I it's more about you, Adam decided to let me get out of the way and let the spirit work on Olivia through me.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I can't do any of this.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I can't I can't love her the way the Lord loves her.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: I can't show her the joy.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_00: The peace, I the his peace is better than my peace, but and his patience certainly is.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_00: Everything that's listed here, the the goodness she experienced, the faithfulness that she experienced in that home with right there, the gentleness, the can the self-control, like Christ's control, but all of that she experienced through you because you decided to submit and let the spirit walk before you.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the fruit she enjoyed.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was never your fruit to have, it was her fruit to enjoy right there.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he had before this had been pruning you because he knew this was coming and preparing you for this moment because he knew he's gonna bless you with a child.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, and what a miracle.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely, and you want to talk about pruning, but pruning, repotting, come on, dude.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_04: Are you good with getting into the into the pruning and and the repotting of because I tell you what, um, you know, as as I went through the banquet and I was going through all of that, you had mentioned something to me that was I didn't understand at that time.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_04: That God took me as a plant and he potted me.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_04: And he placed me in that pot, and I grew and I grew and I grew.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_04: And then my roots bounded up.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you see that in plants, they just get so tight, yes, and they need a new pot, right?
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_04: And that I and I feel like that's kind of when the suicide part.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_04: Like I was bound up, I was caught, I didn't know what to do.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_04: He's like, No, no, I'm not done with you.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_04: And he pulls me out, he prunes me up a little bit, he throws me into a bigger pot, and then my roots just sporadically just grew.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and that that is something that came from him completely.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that I, you know, the same thing with myself, and like I was in low points in my life, and when I was throwing myself, um throwing myself and surrendering to the Lord, like you know, some our the other other host, Scott Blewitt, was there for me in um some of my hardest moments.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then he would probably tell you the same thing.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm telling you, like he had a front row seat to see in like my life completely just radically changed because of the Lord.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you saw this growth happen, and all this growth's happening upward and underneath the soil, all these roots, but my pot isn't that isn't that deep.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_00: My pot isn't is pretty shallow.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Okay, like I'm gonna take you over here and put you over here.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_00: And my root now is growing deep.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_00: I might be growing tall, like everyone's seeing exponential growth go on, but now I'm in a bigger pot and a bigger area, and it's you know, that you know, I got a little like stale.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Man, like we were doing so good, Lord.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're talking to me, all this stuff, and and now like I feel like it's it's not as not as how it was.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what's going on here?
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_00: But like that's the pruning piece.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, he's he's reminding me, like, hey, I'm taking care of you, like I'm we're going through this, like you know, I still I still gotta work, I still gotta work, I gotta tend to your plant.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I look back, and you can look back now and be like, okay, that's what you were doing.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_00: You were preparing me for these moments coming up because had I been that person I was for me five for five five years ago, had you been that person you were a few years ago, this would have gone completely different.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: So Olivia pregnant with your baby, like I mean, I I I'm I'm curious.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_00: I I know I know what this means on the surface, what it means to you.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know what it means to her, but like what's you know, how's the relationship with the Lord you with you two going through this together, experiencing this miracle?
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, talk to me about that.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_02: So over the course of the last six to eight months when she started going through recovery.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_04: And then we found out that uh that she was able to get pregnant or that she she was pregnant.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_04: Um he do it, did I see I see the growth in her explode?
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah um we darn near pray every night.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_04: That's good.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um one of the one of the cool like like when when that whole process started, um she would she would see me every Sunday writing in a journal in church.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_04: And then at night, she would see me write in a journal.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_04: And literally I every every chance I got, literally sitting right here in front of us, is my prayer book.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_04: And I every chance I get write write a prayer down.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_04: And so the the cool thing about like one time she was like, Do you care if I read it?
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_04: And I said, You read it every single chance you get.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_04: And we were both doing the pretty much the exact same thing, just writing little prayers down, and so you know, I've oh over the course of the last year, man, did I get to to see her her walk with God just explode.
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, over the course of the last three months, um, have I really got to take it all in and and see how much the sh's able to to take a step back and not get upset about things going on, um really appreciate the people that are around her.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_04: Um you know, I mentioned the whole walking into the gas station talking to the person.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um, that came from her wholeheartedly.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_04: I do it every single time, every every time I walk into a store.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_04: Um that you know, my my whole goal is is when I walk out to make sure that the people that I interacted with when I was in that store to make sure that they're having a better day.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um and that that came from her.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_04: Um, that was one thing that uh that I look back on now that uh that God placed in my life to teach me something and uh to actually be that.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_04: I think I talked about this in the fissions, be that light.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, light bearer, baby.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so something from an outsider view and looking at this and you know, being able to see the growth in Olivia without like him being right there just watching her on Sunday, watching her interact with you, seeing moments we've had together, uh, you know, as friends.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, Christ never said, like, okay, if you want to, if you want like to get to know me, you gotta memorize scripture, you gotta read the book the Bible in the year, all these things.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_00: No, like he just wants intimacy with you.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that could be a prayer journal, that could be prayer in the car, that could be praise with your hands and worshiping.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's just communication with him.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's it's all it was in the garden was just let's hang out, walk in the cool of day, and just be that like the Lord didn't think about this, like I was thinking about this in uh as deep as I could the other day.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord didn't need us, like he desired us.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like he's the the he got off his throne, created the universe for us.
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_00: He he decided to create something in his image and likeness because he wanted to experience what he is as love.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like he wants us, he wants love to give uh us love, his love, and us to love him back.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_00: So we talked about that prayer journal that your wife has.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's exactly what he's desiring right now, is hey, let's just hang out, let's talk.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how you grew up close to the Lord.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_00: That is how you make a Lord of your life like that deep connection right there.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, you know, it's it's cool to he it's really cool to hear that she was doing that in her own time and you didn't even know until it sounds like sometime recently.
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_04: And you know the w like I think the one thing that her and I both have learned through each other, probably one of my one of my favorite verses is Ephesians 2.8.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um for grace, you have been saved uh through faith.
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_04: And I think over over over this last year, her and I have both been able to show each other grace.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um not something to not something you want to rely on to make mistakes and expect the grace, but to know that when you do make the mistakes, that grace is there.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um that the decisions that you make in the future.
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_02: You're there, brother.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_02: You're there, you're right.
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_04: That it that it is an important it is important to understand that that God that God shows He shows you grace for the mistakes that you have made in the past, but don't expect them for the future.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_04: Like, like you it's going to be there, but but don't rely on it.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, as as her and I have both gone through this walk, and the mistakes that we have made in the past, don't make them again in the future.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you gotta grow, you gotta build on it.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you have to have that faith um and trust that the God is leading you in that direction.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_04: And and so, you know, over, you know, as as as her and I have gone through this, um, and having that prayer book or prayer journal, um that would that's that's one thing that we that we pray for.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, for the mistakes that we make in the future to that that we that we learn from them.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I you know we get on these, I get on this podcast, and you know, I I have this whole thought, okay, this is how this usually goes and what's going on.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_00: And every single time, uh, doesn't matter who's on or what we're talking about, you know, the Lord hits me with something that I I need.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the person who's whether it be Scott or the guest does has no idea that I need that.
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so you mentioned right there about the grace and things of the past, um, you know, things that you know made you feel unworthy, like a beggar almost for the Lord, and you know, a beggar sitting at his feet with the an empty cup and the Lord just filling it with grace, over overflowing with grace.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't deserve this.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm walking through that right now and just just to be vulnerable with my wife, and you know, like she knows doesn't know the full depths, but she knows enough of my past and like how you know I could look at that list of orcs of the flesh and like in the sexual morality, man, like that ruled my life.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to escape it so bad.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, like you talk about the addiction, like I get I can empathize with addiction because I was addicted to all sorts of sexual immorality, and it haunts me now today, and it gets at me if I allowed my flesh to be greater than I, or sorry, greater than the spirit.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_00: And like I I had to talk to her and admit to her, like, hey, this is what I'm struggling with, and this is where I did fall, this is where I did mess up, and like my catastrophic mess-ups that I had in the past, like it's that they're not that they're not happening to that degree.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I look at now, like the the things that I I mess up on, like they don't seem as large, but they're big to her because I'm held to a higher standard in her eyes, and like it's when I have to admit that it hurts her, and I feel horrible that like I even allowed myself to get to that any any at all on those points because I know she knows enough about me and that she's gonna show me grace, but like you just said don't go out and do it because you know you're gonna get grace.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's that's not that's not love right there.
• 1:04:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's given to you, don't abuse it.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_00: And for my wife to for me to have to tell her that knowing I'm gonna hurt her heart through this, and to her look at me and like she forgives me and she we talk through it and we're vulnerable, like we're closer for it, but like doesn't mean the road in the beginning, we shot your road in the beginning, doesn't mean that road that we're on right now is an easy road.
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's a little difficult.
• 1:04:48
  SPEAKER_00: And we're even going through the newborn phase like that, and that's a whole thing in itself.
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like you talked about depression and loneliness and and suicide, and like postpartum plays a is is another realm of that, and I'm praying prayers over her because I know like how she went through that last time.
• 1:05:06
  SPEAKER_00: So you know, this is this going through this right now with her and like me having to talk through like hey, I this is where I'm where I failed, like it's that's been that's been difficult.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you sharing that is exactly speaking to what I'm going through right now, and you didn't even know that walking into this podcast, not at all, but I'm I'm I'm gonna talk about it because I I'm I'm a believer, man.
• 1:05:27
  SPEAKER_00: And even if you mess up, like being transparent, and there's a weapon of transparency against against chaos, against evil, and and use it, wield it because exposure is you know, none of us like it being exposed.
• 1:05:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I mean, like when you live in the darkness and you hide through it, like that's where it has power over you.
• 1:05:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want any power over me.
• 1:05:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's that's how I got to points in my life before where I I I had no idea who I even was.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I I I appreciate you sharing that.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that piece about Grace.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, you talked about quite a bit tonight uh through your story, and you you walked through some some really tough things uh in your own life, and you hit some things about your your wife and addiction.
• 1:06:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I I can speak on addiction as well.
• 1:06:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I know what my wife wanted to go through the same thing.
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_00: She had no problem sharing.
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna share the depths of it because someday I'm gonna have her on one of these, yeah.
• 1:06:28
  SPEAKER_00: She'll share that.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_00: But like I watched her walk through that, and and it's no different than how the Lord used you.
• 1:06:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because he's he's the same Jesus.
• 1:06:38
  SPEAKER_00: He used me in the same way, and I watched I watched her struggle, but man, like that woman, my girl up there, like she I man, she has some faith in Christ that she he will get her through any physical pain.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she has this little phrase, and I will not say it here, but she it starts off with the Lord went to the cross for you, Jordan.
• 1:07:07
  SPEAKER_00: And and the latter part of it is to be is to encourage her to suck it up.
• 1:07:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but she man to see her walk through all that, and then for you to watch your wife walk through addiction and going through like the all the things that come along with withdrawal, and it's amazing to sit back and like I've never like yeah, I went through some suicidal thoughts and that kind of thing, which don't get me wrong, is tough.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and would never want anyone to go through it.
• 1:07:43
  SPEAKER_04: But I sit back and see what she went through, like don't don't get me wrong.
• 1:07:49
  SPEAKER_04: It was night after night after night that I was up maybe an hour's worth of sleep, yeah.
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_04: For driving off, her coming back.
• 1:07:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like I remember this.
• 1:08:01
  SPEAKER_04: It was it was rough, and you were so still were you still?
• 1:08:07
  SPEAKER_00: You were still.
• 1:08:08
  SPEAKER_04: I was be still.
• 1:08:09
  SPEAKER_04: I be still, bro.
• 1:08:11
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that?
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that?
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_00: I like being just be bro.
• 1:08:14
  SPEAKER_04: Just be still and know that I am God.
• 1:08:17
  SPEAKER_04: That's one point.
• 1:08:18
  SPEAKER_04: Be still and know.
• 1:08:19
  SPEAKER_04: Like I can go through all of that.
• 1:08:20
  SPEAKER_04: Like it was beautiful.
• 1:08:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um there was a point where I just said that like he's gonna get pissed off at me for some telling this for like the 12th time.
• 1:08:26
  SPEAKER_00: Be still.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_04: Let me tell you that that verse is probably written three or four times throughout our house on on Zimmy's wall.
• 1:08:38
  SPEAKER_04: Nearly everything, not on Zimmy's wall, but it is it is going into Zimmy's now.
• 1:08:44
  SPEAKER_00: Olivia, if you're listening, go write it there right now.
• 1:08:47
  SPEAKER_04: Um, just but just be still, yeah, be calm, be gracious, show grace.
• 1:08:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, just like uh that's such a um, you know, uh you know, Olivia and I did talk before this, and she she she made it a point.
• 1:09:09
  SPEAKER_04: She's like, Adam, you have got to talk about how difficult it was for you throughout this entire time.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_04: Like, don't get me wrong, it was difficult for her.
• 1:09:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah there's I I can't I can't even begin to to understand what it would be like to go through recovery.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but I do know what it was on the other side of it, and to sit there endless nights not knowing which night it was going to be, um that was where I was taught to be patient.
• 1:09:48
  SPEAKER_04: That was where I was taught to hey show her love, um be joyful, um be gentle, and be gentle, yeah, be gentle.
• 1:10:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um I couldn't even tell you raising my voice never happened because at that moment in time she needed to see that God was standing in front of her saying, This is the way.
• 1:10:22
  SPEAKER_04: And she saw the light and doesn't regret a moment of saying, Hey, I see the path that you have laid out in front of me.
• 1:10:34
  SPEAKER_04: It's time that I walk it.
• 1:10:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and she's walking it, and it's beautiful.
• 1:10:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's yeah, you can say that so many ways, and my favorite one favorite way is like, all right, Lord, I'm I'm I'm done.
• 1:10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Just tell me the way to go.
• 1:10:46
  SPEAKER_04: I'm done.
• 1:10:47
  SPEAKER_04: I'm done.
• 1:10:48
  SPEAKER_04: Literally, literally, I said, just let him take it off your shoulders.
• 1:10:53
  SPEAKER_04: She didn't understand.
• 1:10:54
  SPEAKER_04: Just give it to him.
• 1:10:55
  SPEAKER_04: She's like, Yeah, just just give it to him.
• 1:10:58
  SPEAKER_04: Give it to him, Adam.
• 1:10:59
  SPEAKER_04: Let him take it.
• 1:11:00
  SPEAKER_04: You say, God, this is on you.
• 1:11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is control.
• 1:11:07
  SPEAKER_00: His responsibility, right?
• 1:11:08
  unknown: Oh, come on.
• 1:11:09
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 1:11:10
  SPEAKER_00: But he's doing life for you.
• 1:11:11
  SPEAKER_04: She didn't understand, and which is like, and that was the part where I'd be patient.
• 1:11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:11:17
  SPEAKER_04: And and and I was given that patience to show her to be that guidance as she was walking that path, she was learning as she was growing.
• 1:11:34
  SPEAKER_04: The moment that she saw that, she saw that in me and was like, I see it.
• 1:11:41
  SPEAKER_00: She had to get there, and he was the only one that got her there.
• 1:11:44
  SPEAKER_04: He was the only one that could get her there.
• 1:11:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I was just the one to be standing next to her, rooting her on, yeah, and saying, look at him, let him take it.
• 1:11:57
  SPEAKER_04: And she did.
• 1:11:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:11:59
  SPEAKER_04: And here we are today.
• 1:12:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's beautiful.
• 1:12:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
• 1:12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well man, like, yeah, that I'm I'm really glad that we got an opportunity to sit down and walk through uh your story and to to talk through just hard point, man, like the pursuit, you know.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Pursuit.
• 1:12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I it just tonight it hits me.
• 1:12:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I said this a couple times.
• 1:12:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, people think that per think of pursuit, they think of a like a fierce like chase or battle.
• 1:12:29
  SPEAKER_00: And the Lord's just standing there right there, he's waiting for you.
• 1:12:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're the one that's running around, you're the one that's going every other direction.
• 1:12:38
  SPEAKER_00: He's walking the right path.
• 1:12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And he's just saying, let's hey, let's just do this together.
• 1:12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, uh, you know, I'm right here.
• 1:12:45
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't left you.
• 1:12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And he was that same way for me as he is for you, as he is for Olivia, as he is for Jordan.
• 1:12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone else listening on the listening to listening to this, wherever you know, whatever time of day it is, wherever you're at.
• 1:12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like he he's he wants you to just just to be.
• 1:13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Just be.
• 1:13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Let me do life for you.
• 1:13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um let me handle this, let me take it, just give it to me.
• 1:13:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so much easier letting him do it.
• 1:13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you are a prime example of giving it to him and letting him do it.
• 1:13:20
  SPEAKER_00: And now seeing what he's done.
• 1:13:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if there's at all a better story of being told you're not having you're not gonna be pregnant.
• 1:13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Here you are, you're about to be welcoming your your little girl in the in the in the world in the small world in about two or three weeks.
• 1:13:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:13:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's I appreciate that.
• 1:13:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like, oh man.
• 1:13:43
  SPEAKER_02: Just to point out the whole suicide thing.
• 1:13:50
  SPEAKER_04: Like, God's like, nope, not done with you.
• 1:13:53
  SPEAKER_04: He's like, I'm not done with her.
• 1:13:55
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna put you both together, and this is what I'm gonna this is what I'm gonna provide.
• 1:14:00
  SPEAKER_04: It's beautiful.
• 1:14:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:14:02
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 1:14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, thank you, man.
• 1:14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for your vulnerability.
• 1:14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for your transparency, your willingness, your yes uh for tonight.
• 1:14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I again it's heavy stuff tonight.
• 1:14:13
  SPEAKER_00: If if there's anyone out there who's who just needs to talk through any of these things that we talked about, uh heavy stuff, um, you know, we have we have a uh an email, pursuing the art um at gmail.com.
• 1:14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you can always make comments on any of the posts we make on YouTube or uh anything anywhere else, you know, you know, we're we we're here and please reach out.
• 1:14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we we we we don't do this for anything other than being able to be vulnerable and letting letting people know they're not alone.
• 1:14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's just the one person that uh comes to know the Lord, like that's exactly what it's for.
• 1:14:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's not for anything other than that for the Lord.
• 1:14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh but yeah, again, thank you, Adam.
• 1:14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, it's just been incredible to just be on the journey together with you.
• 1:15:02
  SPEAKER_00: So uh as we wrap up tonight, uh again, pursuing the heart, and um we just we love you and keep your eyes on Jesus.