Latest / Pod Therapy / #428: Therapy Maxing, Dating in 40s, Fearing a Wife

Transcript

#428: Therapy Maxing, Dating in 40s, Fearing a Wife · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Oh you hadn't seen that.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: No, the Internet was like also a perfect movie. Yes,
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: I did not care for it. I did not care
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: for it, but I'm not gonna be satisfying.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, there's not a good answer. Was bored
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: from fabulous Las Vegas. No matter. This is pod therapy,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: real people, real problems, and real therapy. Sub me your
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: questions anonymously at pod therapy dot mat or emails pod
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: therapy guys at gmail dot com, and now broadcasting from
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: the unnamed studio. That's Jen.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: That's it's neck time for some pod therapy. Yeah it
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: was okay. I mean just I was waiting for it
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: because all the clips that I've seen of it, it's
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Joe Peshi being awesome right now?
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Is this just? Is this just a it's a.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Long slog of watching a man fail and then all
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: of a sudden at the end he pulls it out
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: and you're like cool. But like, up to that point,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: boy was I not entertained?
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: But what do you need to be entertained? Comedy?
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: It's is this an example of watching a movie out
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: of time?
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I think so? This is because I it is slow time.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: It is slow compared to a twenty twenty six movie.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I'll bet for its time it was snappy. I can
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: see that going because there's a lot of bits, it's
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: just none of them are haha bits. And it's like, oh,
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: old Southern judge doesn't like this New Yorker, And I'm like, yeah,
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: of course he doesn't.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Mean but I don't think of that as a lawyer.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I don't think of it as a comedy movie.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: It's listed as comedy.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: How do you see it? What is it? I don't know.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: It doesn't take it, but I don't think of it.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: It's not slapstick.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: But you like you were talking about, uh the Jamie
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: Lee Curtis Jimmie Now you're so gourdey weaver, an alien
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: being like like setting kind of a new trend, an archetype. Yeah,
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: the hero I mean like there had been heroines before that,
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: but you know, like for that time period.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Like for that, for that, especially in a horror movie.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like for that, for that little moment in time,
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: it was a reintroduction to that, I would say, for sure.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And like comedy movies.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: Have changed a lot there, so like Anchorman, I think
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: is one of the big turning points. That's definitely after
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: My cousin Vinnie, So all of the comedies leading up
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: kind of to.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Like those because you did have you had you had
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: the Stooges, which was you know, like physical comedies and
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: like a couple of jokes a minute, yeah, or even
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: like you know, you know, a joke a seconds. There
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: never stopped.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: And then like in the seventies and eighties, a lot
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: of the comedy slowed down.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Plot line. It was plotlight, it was plot driven, it
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: was situational.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: It was a lot of that. Yeah, I mean water.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: That's a good point.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: And also like there would usually be at least a
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: serious plot line, yes, which is what they tried to
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: do with My cousin Vinnie.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I mean the plot the plot line is
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: kids might go to jail, yeah, or no kill death
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: like Anchorman.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: You're right, it's absurdism. It's just because they just like
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: take after take after take after take. Because you also
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: get into.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Uh, I think Acreman is one of the last ones
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: on film. With the transition film.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: To digital, Okay, it makes takes much much cheaper, So
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: that's because you're not using the failing it and also
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: those ones are like you know, character comedy where it's
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: funny because this guy is lam.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: Like they might be improv on stage, so on screen
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: on camera, so they might have like twenty different takes
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: than she was from whereas you know a script a
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: scriptive film, like.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: You're doing you're doing the scene. My cousin Vinnie was
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: lacking that. No character in the movie was funny. The
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: situations were humorous, but only in the sense that, like, oh,
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: bad things keep happening to this guy, and at some
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: point I'm like, I don't care anymore.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but like but then like you feel good for Marissatome,
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: like she has her come up and and everything, and
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: which is great.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Her character was fun Also, I had no idea how
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: beautiful she was. Oh, I had no idea. I have
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: this whole time and sleeping on this and then all
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: of a sudden, I'm like, oh, that's Marisito.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Ma.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's what we are talking about. Got it
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: yet when you see the Spider Man, Spider Man shows
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: up and Spider Man is aunt May and I'm like, wow,
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: she looks great for her age.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, I think I've seen her somewhere before.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: She sure is pretty. And now I saw where she showed.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: Is a is a stone cold knockout. Yeah, it doesn't
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: matter the decade. She is the point of that movie.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Like, but you can't appreciate comedy because you also have did.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: She really good festival actress? Crushed it such a good
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: role for her, she crushed it.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: But you have to have constant comedy.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's not what that's what those films that Yeah,
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: so I don't know saying films, but yeah, they are cinema.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Because like it's not like like I think like the
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Marx Brothers. That's a different type of comedy.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Like adism, like step Brothers, Aperman, Dodgeball. I think that
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: was my genre growing up. So like a lot of
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: that old school is that group of guys. You know,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: it was like Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Luke Wilson, Owen Wilson,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: they all rolled together. Anybody named Wilson, Yeah, all the
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Wilson's Vince was that that volleyball? Did they do a volleyball?
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Hilarious?
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: No, the volleyball Wilson, Oh Wilson, the volleyball. Yeah, crushed.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: It was robbed, really was robbed. Given everything to Tom
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: spoke on that way, Welcome to pot there.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Everybody.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: We've got some great questions for today's show. This is
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: not have a follow up volleyball joke.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Oh good, you burned your only one? I had that.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well we'll try to set you up there. It
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: is okay, one more, give it a bar, all right,
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: last water? How to get the most Oh hey, it's
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: a net. Oh she's back. She's always hanging around. How
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: to get the most out of therapy? Hi, y'all, I'm
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: starting therapy soon and have my initial treatment planned session
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: scheduled for March eleventh. I'm specifically looking to treat my
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: depression and ADHD, which are two things I've struggled with
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: on my own for years. I've been in therapy one
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: time previously, and honestly, it wasn't great. I was put
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: into group therapy almost immediately, which didn't feel effective for me,
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: so I eventually just stopped going. This time around, I'm
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: really determined to tackle these issues. I know there's effort
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: that needs to be put in on my end to
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: make therapy work. So my questions for you are, what
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: are some things I should do to prepare for a
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: therapy session? What should I do between sessions so that
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: I progress and am ready for my next appointment. Finally,
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: do you have any tips or guidance I should think
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: about or prepare for my upcoming treatment planning session? Thank
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: you all. I've enjoyed the podcast for about five years
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: now and I look forward to the episode every Wednesday morning.
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: Ah.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Second, time's the charm Patreon. That's a patron right there,
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Baby's a Patreon supporter. Get that free patreon dot com therapy.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: There it is because we release it a day earlier
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: for the Patreon community. No ads, and one day with video.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: I have a question today. I have a question for
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: you guys. Oh yeah, we've got say on the on
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: the show. We got we got all this new studio stuff.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: We got video, fancy parents, common, look at us. We
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: got we're doing a beta test on video today, but
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: we're on. We're on all new stuff today. It's fun.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Now you'll know that we do not wear shirts when
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: we get bored.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: It's it's a.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: Sign on Jacobs. There's a there's a number to it.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: There's a Patreon number for this. I mean I have
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: to retire on winy dollars. You're missing a few zero
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: combine between everybody. Okay, Whitney's gonna be furious.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Really, guys, twenty bucks. Yeah, we're not splitting it even
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: we all agreed. We took a vote. Give the people
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: was America. Oh boy, Jim, if you want to count,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: you got to show up and be a man.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: If you don't vote, you can't complain about the outcome
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: of the vote.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, women's suffrage, all the mistakes of America. You were saying, Jacob,
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: I have a question for you too, that this question
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: or that this letter jogged in me.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: Uh huh uh second time says went into group. It
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: doesn't seem like they were thinking they were going to
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: be in a group setting, right, How often do people
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: go to therapy and end up in a group setting
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: when they didn't think that they might be in a
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: group setting?
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: This was going to be my first point.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Good because that was the question that jogged in my
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: head instantly.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: It seemed very odd. Yeah, okay, because yeah, you don't
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: see like I.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Think of group things like for addiction and.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Things like that. SUD substance use disorder, groups are very
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: very common. Mental health people are allows with groups. Oh yeah, yeah,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: we love groups. Love a group.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: I wonder if the guy or person they didn't give
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: us any pronouns. I wonder if second time went in
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: to get an assessment and it was an IOP program
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: intensive outpatient SLASH outpatient, and if they can justify it,
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: they're going to go, oh, you're dealing with depression. We're
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: going to start you on a groups program, which can
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: be a lot like And I can see somebody going, oh,
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to do therapy and them saying, yeah, no,
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: you'll do that too, but like, you've got to come
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: to groups. So if you went to the place that
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: does that, they're going to put you in groups. Otherwise
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: I think it's abnormal that you'd go to like a
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: traditional outpatient they'd be like, we're going to start with groups.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Like a group's first format is usually IOP.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Yes. Also, though I think now that I think about it,
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's as as uncommon as we think.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I think we are kind of in a bubble where
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: most of the people that we know are in private practice.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: That's true, Yeah, and private practice is very rare. Yeah,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: you don't do a whole lot of groups in private practice,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: whereas as part of like community health, community health. Yeah, yes,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: you're going to see a lot more Okay.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. That's true. So some of the code
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: words we're using here in private practice obviously have individuals.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: They have their own little businesses, they're running that all
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: by themselves. It's not in their best interest to usually
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: form groups. That's hard to do logistically. They're usually gonna
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: have one on ones, whereas community mental health, as we're
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: talking about, is sort of like the larger nonprofit you know,
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: big picture groups, or it could be like an employee
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: assistance program, like when they're the volume model that the
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: quote unquote factory. It's extremely efficient to host groups first
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: and try to get people in there. But you know
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: what's interesting about that. I'm actually teaching the group's class
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: at U and LV right now, and one of the
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: things that we try to teach the students, which is
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: scientifically accurate, is that groups are as effective or more
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: effective than individual therapy.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I was going to kind of call you
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: out as far as like the factory approach, because that
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: almost kind of sounds it makes it sound bad, but
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: it's not really.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, bulk, Yeah, I wouldn't say. I wouldn't say
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: that group versus individual. I don't have an opinion on that,
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: but I would have an opinion on if you had
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: an idea of what that therapy day was going to
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: look like.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: And to group.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: Anybody who says today's the day I'm gonna do therapy, right,
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: they think it's the one on one right, And so
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: for a place to say, hey, we've assessed you, we
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: think you should go to group, you don't see that coming.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: And so a lot of people end up chickening out
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: of it or not chicking out, but like, that's just
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: not what they thought they were gonna do. It's hard
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: enough to open up to one person. Now they're opening
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: up to a whole room.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: It's very hard, especially if it's a rolling group and
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: you're not all starting on the same day and having
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: session one. Oh, I say, that's really hard because then
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: you're the new guy, right, and it's like going to
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: a new school, like everybody else already knows each other that.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: This guy's been here for twelve years.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. You know, here comes this guy and you're like, oh,
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: what's your story? Man, It's like I'm dad, Like great,
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: tell us more and like, no.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know any of you.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So that's actually really common. I mean we will
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: see that. But yeah, I mean some of these questions here,
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: what are some things I should do to prepare for
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: the therapy session? And I think we kind of get
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: that question twice, like in general, what should a person
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: do to prepare for a upcoming there session? Also this
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: question of I have my treatment planning meeting coming up?
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: How do I get ready for that? I think that's
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: a really good question. I'm glad he's asking. Whoever, I
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: had no pronouns on this, but I'm probably going to
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: default to he Sorry, It's just I mentally assume that
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: you are a guy, and then what should I do
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: between sessions to make progress? I feel like over the years, Nick,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: I've heard you talk a lot about several of these points.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: One of them you are a big believer in the
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: in between sessions being as important, if not more important,
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: than the actual hour.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: To get Yeah, because that's the boots on the ground, right,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: that's when you actually, you know, in the therapy sessions,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: you get to learn a little bit about you get
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: you gather insight about kind of who you are, some
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: of your behaviors, some of your ways of thinking, And
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: between sessions is the behavior part, right, That's when you
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: take this information in this new insight and figure out
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: how do you utilize this for behavior chain, right, and
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: so it really just kind of depends on your therapist
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: and who you're working with. But like for me, every
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: one of my clients when they left the session, they
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: had a behavioral assignment that they were going to do
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: from now until the next session, You're going to practice
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: this behavior.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: This is the homework.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: You know, you know, at least three times from now
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: until the next session, you're going to do this thing. Okay, yeah, yeah,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: and yeah, that was the homework. And then when then
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: we had something to talk about when they came back,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: what worked, what didn't work, what did you learn, you know,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: what were some of the obstacles that got in the way.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about all this and so that's kind of
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: the strategy part behind it. But the actual implementation is
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: between sessions.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think it's important to note that, Like
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: I've definitely had a lot of patients who will come
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: in and say, I want homework, right, like tell me
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: what to do. When I get permission to do that,
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: I'm excited for it. Like I have tons of exercises
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: I want to do, but I never can read the person,
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: like if they're going to do these things, if the
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: stress is the mouth, some people really dislike that, and
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: so I won't do it. And like some of what
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: you're talking about, we might describe that. You might disagree
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: with this description, but I could. I would forgive somebody
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: who hears your style and says that sounds like behavioralism right,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Like he's conditioning, he's allowing change to set in, he's
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: trying to develop new habits. It's an atomic kind of approach.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: I would understand that there's a lot of clinicians out
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: there that say that's not my jam, you know, like
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: I don't want to do behavioralism. I'm going to do
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: more contemplative work where you know, we're just going to reflect,
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: you know, in session I'm not necessarily going to give
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: them marching orders. And so I guess, if you're the
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: patient in the scenario, how do you make maximize that,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: like between session progress, if there is homework, I want
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: you doing it, if you're open to it, I want
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: you requesting it because I know for a lot of
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: us it goes a long way to be told that
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: you're cool with it and you're welcoming of it, and
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: then we have permission to follow up with you on it,
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: and you won't feel burdened. If there is none of
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: that and you don't get an assignment from the therapist,
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I think that I want you doing like journaling and
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: self reflection. I want you noticing highs and lows every day.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: If whatever the presenting problem was, I want you monitoring
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: for that every single day. Did you notice that you
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: were having cravings? If you're dealing with depression, did you
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: notice drops? What accompanied that? What did you do about it?
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: How did you prevent it from getting worse? What did
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: you do to make it better? What are you doing differently?
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: All of that data gathering to me is extremely helpful
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: because I can't follow you around twenty four hours a day,
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: seven days a week. So I need you to be
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: self examining as much as you can stand to be,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: and then bringing that to me so that I can
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: parse those details, go through that with you, ask leading questions,
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: take you further through this, and then yeah, maybe coming
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: up with game plan and blueprinting that I want you
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: to do. So I like both of those, you know,
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: suggestions for making the progress. You're a big believer as
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: you should be. But you are an advocate for treatment planning.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: We're all we all believe in it. Tangment, Okay, we
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: all are with you. You're just creachy, yeah, Jacob a
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: little bit loosey goosey his life coacht treatment. Plus, We'll
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: want to be honest with you. They're missing some elements. Okay,
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: they're not exactly what you call textbook, but as this
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: text book. They're in a textbook. He writes them in
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: math books that he gets from goodwill. He's just trying
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: to save money on paper in a text book. That's right,
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: not arguing the point. So as we prepare for a
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: treatment planning session, I like that second time is asking
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: what can I do to prepare for this? Because for me,
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know how you feel about this. It really
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: annoys me when somebody shows up and just expects me
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: to like lay out the blueprint, like I will do
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: the architect work, but like you need to be setting
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: the goals. You decide what it is we're working on here.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: And if they're just like I'm deserve because I have
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: to be like what do you want me to do?
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of like, where's your buy.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: In right now? So that doesn't bother me quite as
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: much because and I guess because in my experience, that's
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: what every single one of my clients came into.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: That session with low contemplation yah.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: I mean contemplation or pre contemplation state of change where
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: they don't see a problem, they don't know where they're
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: there because someone's forcing them to be there. So that's
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: the majority of my experience.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: It seems like just yesterday that me and Nick Matt
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: light that, yes, that's here because I'm forced to be Yeah, yeah,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: I believe we're at a Marshawn Lynch press conference.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: But I think like that's kind of also the therapist's
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: job to be able to elicit something out of that, like, oh, Okay,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: you're here because you don't want to be here. You
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: that's perfect. What is it going to take to get
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: that pressure or that force, that that driving pressure off
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: of you so that you can go do something?
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: How do I turn that into objectives and goals? So
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: here's a general question for you, fellas, what is kind
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: of preparation for therapy as far as goals go? How
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: goal oriented do you want to see a patient, a
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: new patient coming into therapy? Do you in a perfect world.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: If if if a prospective client comes in for obsession
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: number one and they have a list of goals written out,
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: is that.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: Best case scenario, worst case scenario, somewhere in the middle.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Me, personally, I would prefer they not do that.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Oh really, okay, yeah, okay.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Now I want to come in with a blank slate.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, I want you want to figure out the
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: goals together?
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Yes, okay, yeah, because I think if somebody comes in
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: with that, let's just let's just roll with that. Yeah,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: there's not a problem with that. I could still work
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: with somebody who came in and they're like, all right,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: here's a list of the things that I want to accomplish.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: But my I would still divert a little bit because
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: then my question is is, wow, this is great. You've
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: came up with this all on your own, right, What
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: has kept you from achieving this on your own? I see? Okay, Like,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: what is my role here? If it was this semple,
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: you would have already done it, right, So there's obviously
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: some obstacle, and that just put when when if it's
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: this clear and it's this easy, you would have already
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: done it. So that tells me that there's some obstacle
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: there that you aren't even aware of yet. Okay, So
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: instead of having this list of stuff that you want
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: to accomplish, let's spend some time trying to figure out
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: what that obstacle is. And that's going to become a
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: primary objective, okay, is we're going to identify this thing
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: and then we're going to figure out ways of overcoming it.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: So you want to work with them to suss that out.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: They come in a little too headstrong thinking they've got
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: it all plotted that that becomes blindness to you where
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: it's like, hey, can we work on this together?
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And a lot of times it's it's because you know,
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: they have had some time to think about this and
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: the stuff that they're bringing in. Like again, I'll say
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: it again, if it was that easy, you would have
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: already done it. So the other reason that sometimes this happens,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: if it's not an obstacle that they're not aware of
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: that's kept them from achieving this, it's the locus of
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: control is off, Like, yep, I've got this stuff. All
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: I have to do is I need to get my
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: wife to stop doing this behavior and then I'm good.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: It's like Okay, well that's not going to happen because
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: we're not going to create a treatment plan on changing
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: someone else's behavior, got it, That's never going to happen.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: So what we have to do is we have to
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: figure out what is actually within your locus of control
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: that you can actually implement. So for me personally to
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: answer this question for the writer, I would say, maybe
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: just at a just come to your first session with
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: the idea, with some idea of what your preferred future is.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: I like that, right, we know what you don't want, right,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: you're dealing with depression, you're dealing with ADHD. Want to
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: not have those things anymore, right, So what would you
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: like to have instead? I like that right kind of picture?
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Be able to paint a picture for your therapist of
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: what you would like your life to look like instead
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: of what you currently have.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: I like that a lot, which is it's a form
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: of goal setting, but it might maybe call it outcome setting,
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: And I agree with you that because then that that
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: is a therapist's job then to sit down and say, okay,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: let me build a transport mechanism that gets us to
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: this kind of life that you want to live free
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: of these symptoms or this is what would be different.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: I'm with you on that. I generally like the person
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: coming in with some kind of direction, because sometimes I'll
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: get the person who is really difficult to read and
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: they're just so neutral, you know, and I'm like, so,
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: why are you here today? What brings you to therapy?
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: What you know? Tell me the backstory and it's so benign,
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: and they're like, I don't know, people in my life
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: are worried about me some here or I just thought
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: it'd be cool to come talk, and it's like okay,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: And like I run a private pre this, so I
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: don't need to diagnosis to drive it or whatever. So
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: I'm like, that's that's fine. But then it's difficult sometimes
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: to suss out like what are the objectives? And I've
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: had people that are sort of like, yeah, man, I
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: don't really know whatever you think we should be working on,
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: and that to me then I start I don't get sassy,
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: but like there's a part of me that's like, you know,
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know how I feel about that. Like I
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: feel like if you're gonna get sassy, you're gonna make
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: the appointment. You know, you're gonna come here, like what
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: do you want to do? And it's like it's like
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: if somebody's schedule personal training and you're like, so what
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: do you want to work on? They're like, I don't know,
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: whatever you think is best. They're like, okay, do you
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: want to get healthy? And they're like, I don't know.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: It's like really like even that baseline thing that you
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: just associate me as a personal trainer with just health
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: or strength or muscle, you don't even have that.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Even in that example, I'd be fine with it, okay,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: because my approach then would be like all right, cool,
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: well we're gonna go over the basics.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, you'd start with the primary So I'm.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Gonna I'm gonna teach you some good warm up exercises.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna teach you some stretching. I'm gonna teach you
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: some basic movements analysis. We're going to dip our toes
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: a little bit into maybe some steady state cardio. Let's
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: do some high intensity stuff like okay, some resistance training.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: And then as we continue through this, then I'm going
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: to rely on feedback from you. I see you tell
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: me what are the things that you really feel motivated
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: to do and what are the things that you really dread.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: So I see you. Like how in personal training land
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: that would work very well because it's like, great, you're here,
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: I'm just and you're giving me complete authority. I'm going
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: to just start designing things. And if you're cool, then
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: you're not going to put up a fuss. Let's have
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: you do it, and then we'll we'll figure out something together.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: We'll discover together what you want to work on. I
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: can see in a clinical setting that being hard to
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: have an indirect conversation about, Like, well, let's talk about
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: your parents. Well, okay, strike one, let's talk about your relationship.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: I'm happy, awesome, Let's here's the thing impression, I'm great,
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: all right, what are you doing here?
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Like, in this particular example, you're
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: not starting from scratch. Yeah, the writer identify that ADHD
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: depression right, yeah, Like okay, so that's your jumping.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: That's a great jumping off point.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So tell me about those you know, how do
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: you notice this? What are some things that you've identified?
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Tell me your symptomology, Tell me how this affects your
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: daily life? Yes, what would it be like to be
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: able to live with depression? But still function.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: These are the things that I want second chance to
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: write about. So I prepare for that treatment planning session
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: exactly what you just said. What would help me is
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: if they've done some thinking and done some writing about
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: how does your depression manifest? So what are your symptoms?
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: What are your personal symptoms of ADHD? Any history that
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: you can just remind yourself about, like how long have
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: you noticed these things? What have you tried that didn't work?
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: What have you tried that's made it any amount better?
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: And then going to your outcomes point, like you know what,
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: what do you really want to happen? Like what is
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: your personal view? Like you want to live a world
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: in which ADHD doesn't exist anymore?
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: For you?
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: That might be unrealistic. Do you want to live a
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: world that you learn how to manage depressive spirals or
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: that it's completely evaporated?
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: These are different objectives, right, And so I like that
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: your framing of that allows them to come in with
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: some thinking that we're probably going to ask about. And
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: so if they can do that homework, then the conversation
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: is going to be hand in glove.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: It's going to work really easily. Right. I like all
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: that yeah. I mean even in your example too of
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: like I'm just here because people are worried about me,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: Just here so I don't get fined.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well what are you right about? Yeah?
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: All right?
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: What are they say is how do they express concern?
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: How do you feel when they express this concern too?
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: You know there's so many like when you get really
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: into you know, like you still showed up. Yeah right,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: there's so many jumping off points when you know how
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: to ask a question that drives the person to like
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: a specific way to answer it.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Which is very motivational interviewing. Yeah, yeah, how to back
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: them into that? So second time, this is a great question.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: We're glad to hear that you're working on this. We
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: love that you've been part of our show for five years.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: We love even more that you support us the picton
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: dot com slash therapy, And I'm excited for you that
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: you're setting a treatment planning session that you're willing to
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: do the work in between sessions and we can give
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: you some feedback on that and then just yeah, just
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: trying to lean in on each session coming in with
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: that thought, you know, kind of self analysis, self examination
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: that's going to be the stuff that your therapist is
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: going to be looking for to learn and to be
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: curious about, and that way they can find those little
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: nuances to kind of figure out where to wedge between
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: you and the problem and try to make it a
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: little bit better. But love this question. Love that you're
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: leaning back into it. I think you're setting a great
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: example for other people and wishing you the best success. Man,
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: if you keep working it, it gets better. So just
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: work it until you get to the finish line because
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: it will appear. And advocate for yourself.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: If you are.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: Assigned to a group system and you've already tried that,
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: you want to let them know, hey, i've tried that,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: it wasn't a good fit for me. I definitely am
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: not interested in that right for yourself because usually they's okay,
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: well everybody kind of complains, I'm fine.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: Most people are not going to put you in a
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: group against your will.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: Now. Yeah, if you're ambivalent, they'll say, well, you please
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: give it a try, which they should. And you don't
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: want to say that group doesn't work. The stats are
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: that it does, but it is off putting and it's
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: a little bit deeper water than I think a lot
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: of people are ready for so but yeah, you've already
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: tried it. So you've already done your due diligence. If
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: you want to go individual, do it. But good job
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: with that, man, stick to it. It'll get better. We're
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: we're talking about dating in your forty listening to pod
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: therapy after.
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: Dark in Space in Space, today's episode has brought to
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: you by Robert Brownie's Kaloa Lansbury, Kevin Chamberlain, Ben Stanley,
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: Adam Hathaway, Dan Martin, lib Heyyo, Andrew Langmead, Chad Meg
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: and Ika the Prince.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Would you like to sponsor the show? Become a therapy
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: ser Patreon dot com.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Slash Everything's better in Space Dating in your forty?
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: Uh Jim, continuing on from our our thing last week's
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: stuff we didn't know.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: Oh very little. I don't know, Dan.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Bay, God, damn movie. Oh grease in space.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's already Barbarrella, I got ship.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: They're MULTIPLI Why do airplane windows have tiny a tiny
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: hole near the bottom.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Oh shit, I have noticed that.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Well that's good, all right, I'll give you a point
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: for that.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what is the deal with that.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: I have one point to Jacob. Alright, they we're all
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: winners here, we're all tied, all right.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: So it's two if I shoot from the hip. One
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: with option Sure, I think I know what it is,
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: but I'm too scared.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: Give me what do you think it is?
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: Well? No, if I tell you, he's gonna put it
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: in the fucking lineup.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: It will always be options.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: Whatever I say, it'll be option D. Okay, Uh, your
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: option D. I like to consider myself everybody's option D.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: It's for drainage after rain. Oh, that kind of makes sense.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: It helps equalize pressure between window panels.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: That's what I was fog. I didn't know pressure.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's what I was thinking. It helps equalize pressure
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: between window panes and reduces the pressure between the pines
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: in the neck. It helps equalize pressure window. Damn it.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: It's a manufacturing alignment marker. It whistles if the plane
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: goes fast, and I like that one. All right?
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: Give me pressure equals which one?
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: God damn this game?
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: The first one that fog?
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: Or does it prevent crack? Give me reduced fog? Okay, yes,
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: all right, Jacob Velcrow is a hook and loop fastener.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: The original inspiration came from.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: What I know. This one I can steal.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I've heard this before.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: Better get options.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: It's the hooking loop. I give you the options. Yeah, spider, silk, burs,
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: sticking to clothing, slash, fur, tree, sap, coral structures. I'll
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: say the burs it is.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, damn, it's thought. I got him with that spider
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: one jim.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Tie game on up. The zippers and some zippers lock
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: when the pole tab lies flat.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: How when the pull tab lies lies flat.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: I know this one I can steal.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, boy, give me options. I don't even know.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Well, what do you think it is?
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: I don't even know what this is. So the when
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: you zip up a zipper, you're holding the flappy thing,
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: and they're saying that some zippers app will only lock
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: it when you push it down.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: No, when it goes flat, it locks, it locks in place.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: Oh so it won't move anymore. Yes, that's yes, I've
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: never even seen such a thing. The only zippers are
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: the ones on my fucking pants, like those don't lock.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: Never seen a locking zipper. So yeah, I'm fascinated to discoveries.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: No, there's no buzzes. Do you give him anything but
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: the fabric shrinks slightly, or how does it? How does
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: it work? The fabric shrinks slightly, A small internal pin
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: lock in ages the teeth. When the tab is down
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: the teeth become magnetic, or the slider tightens like a clamp.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: Oh god, geez, guys, this is a thing. You've both
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: seen this kind of zipper.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Never mind, I've never heard of any of this.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, good spider silk is the answer.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: I'd which one does? Fuck me?
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna go with the uh you push it down
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: in a pin thing.
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's definitely that one. And all the zippers on
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: your pants definitely have it. Yeah, so the zipper on
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: your pants right now probably has that.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: If when you push down the zipper, look under.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: Like lift up the zipper like lift up the little
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: flappy thing. Yeah, and look underneath it and there's like
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: a little piece of metal. Oh, stick it out underneath
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: it that hits the zipper when it lays down flat.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Oh well, I definitely have alright.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Also, it's it's b as all the answers have been
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: so far. Great, good job chat GPT. Oh no, this
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: is emma, good job Emma, GPT. Emmat all right, Jacob
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: last one hit me. What's the purpose of the little
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: plastic metal tip on the shoelace.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Oh, I know what it's called.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Damn it, plastic or metal tip on the shoe lace.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: I believe it prevents it from a fraying. He don't
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: forget it. Uh, correct, that's fraying and makes thread makes
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: threading easier. Jacob's got the lead. Oh, Jacob's got the lead. Shit,
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: all right, it's fine.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: And knew that Jim zipper. Yeah, I already knew all
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: about Jim zipper. I'm very concerned about that.
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: By the way, I can tell you anything you want
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: to know about any of the zippers on any of
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: your articles of plows.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just very intimate knowledge about all of my intimate clan.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: You know the zipper on that shirt you're wearing right now, Yeah, yeah,
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: I know where that is.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: I know where the zipper is. Is about the zipper,
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: secret zipper? You know about the secret zipper on the
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: back of my pants too?
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: All right? Dating in my forties, Hey y'all, Hey y'all.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: Sorry I southernized this by accident. Hey all, here is
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: an update on my life. Buckle up. I really stepped
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: in it this time. I had a severe reaction to
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: some new medication which caused sarah Tonin syndrome, and I
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: ended up in the hospital. A few hours after being released,
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: my fiance came back from vacation and immediately ended the
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: relationship and kicked me out.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Yikes.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: I was forced to move all the way across town
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: from Mesa, Arizona, to Glendale back in with my mom,
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: all in an eight hour period. She is keeping my
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: dog but says we can work out some sort of visitation.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know that that's going to be sustainable long term,
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: and I'm grieving the loss of the dog and have
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: little to know emotional feelings about the end of this
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: eight year relationship.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's why it ended. It seems like this was
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: for yeah, but get the dog back.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: We tried couples counseling, which was only three sessions. No
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: couple's work was done, so that provider is now my
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: individual counselor because she didn't see a conflict of interest
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: and she knew some of the story already. That's a
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: big help to me. Anyway, I'm conflicted. It's been less
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: than a week and I'm already on dating apps seeing
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: what's out there. Not looking for anything serious, just looking
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: The last three years of my relationship was basically a
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: roommate situation with zero affection or physical touch that I
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: thought and clinged to, hoping I could save it. The
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: realization hit me this is gonna be a difficult road.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: Because I just turned forty and was pretty content and
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: happy not having to deal with the dating nightmare. I'm
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: having thoughts and feelings that aren't normal for me. I've
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: never been a casual dater or looking for a one
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: night thing, but that's where my mind has been. Just
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: go out and put bodies between us, and if something
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: deeper develops from that, it can be discussed later. I'm
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: finding that there's not a lot of women on the
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: apps my age that are interested in me. A lot
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: of the women that are interested in messaging me are
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: in their late twenties and early thirties and looking to
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: hook up. It's flattering and one hell of a pick
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: me up, but it feels weird. There's a part of
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: me who thinks that everyone is so especially the younger
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: ones are just AI and I've been basically talking to
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: myself this whole time. I'm sure we got sidetracked and
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: Jim is talking about his AI Deep Dive series on patreons.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: So I'll just wait.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: In fact, I will patroon dot com slash therapy listen
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: to the ten part series so far.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: I am sure you can.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: I am sure that it does make sense to you
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: that all these young people would be AI.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how does that make you feel? How does that
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: make you feel?
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, that's not who I am. I'm a sappy romantic
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: who wants the real deal. I can't figure out why
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: I'm having those thoughts. To be honest, I know I
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: shouldn't be back on the market so soon, and I
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: have been one hundred percent honest with everyone that I've
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: been talking to about my situation. I tell them upfront,
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure what I'm looking for at the moment.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: I'm open to anything friendship, casual or eventually a serious relationship,
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: but not in a huge rush. I'm recently single. My
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: counselor says that she's glad I'm being that transparent upfront,
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: and I seem to be handling the loss of my
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: relationship extremely well well compared to the anxiety I had
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: in our sessions pre breakup. I'm sure that I'm missing
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: some info, but just wanted to run these thoughts by
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: you and see what your thoughts are. Sorry, my thoughts
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: are kind of all over the place, so if it
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: doesn't make sense, forgive me no snappy sign off. Anthony
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: Cumarata PS sent an addendum through discord. Here's the PS.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: I forgot to mention that my friends and family have
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: really stepped up and bet a huge support through all this,
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: and I've been feeling nothing but gratitude and surrounded by love.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: I'm in the.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: Presence of relocating closer to my mom's house for work,
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: and even though I'm not looking forward forward to all
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: the BSS that goes with meeting people online, the ghosting
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: and all that, it feels good knowing that all the
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: stress I felt from trying to fix my relationship is over.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: The realization I wasn't happy myself, or was feeling unworthy
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: of love, affection, or even feeling attractive. Working on loving
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: myself is something I neglected for a long time, and
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: I see that now. I'll keep you all in the
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: loop as I keep moving on and rebuilding my life.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: Thank you all for the support of commune you have built.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: You are truly amazing. I will rejoin Patreon when I
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: get back on my feet find again Anthony com.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: Rock, Hey Anthony. There it did.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Also a very lovely off air note was submitted as well,
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: just saying very nice things about the show and deep
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: appreciation for what we do.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank you so much.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: We do appreciate you.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: Man.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: Do people do not talk about rebounding anymore? Okay, So yeah,
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: that's just out.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, okay, because I when I got divorced, which time,
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: and fuck.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: You, I'm a little better about the trivia, but just
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: I'm a little salty and it's coming out.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: But fair the second time.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: Maybe if you ran a clean game, I wouldn't take
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: the shots. Sometimes you got to bully.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: The ref if you want an honest gig. Uh. Yeah.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: So right afterwards I met somebody was dating them and
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: then my friend's like, oh the burner. I was like,
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: what do you mean and he was like, she's a burner.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Like this is not It's like, don't go into this
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: as a serious relationship. This is just your lating off steam.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: And just like get to know somebody practice doing dating
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: again exactly, Okay, And so yeah, that that definitely I
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: think is a thing, and I I you know, that's
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: kind of my that kind of became my approach then,
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: is just like, Okay, I'm practicing.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: I'm just practicing, you know, meeting people having conversations with
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: people that I'm trying to form a relationship with, because
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: that's like a new skill that you kind of have
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: to learn again. And yeah, but I guess the other thing, though, Anthony,
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: is to kind of ask, you know, because you kind
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: of said like you're not really sure what you're looking
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: for at this point, So I guess maybe that'd be
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: a good question to ask, is kind of like why
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: are you on on the dating apps anyway? Yeah? Kind
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: of like what question? Yeah, I mean because something drove
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: you on to that point, onto that platform, right, and
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: like for me, it is mostly just fear of being alone, right,
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: you know. And then so whatever that thing is, you're
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: gonna meet that type of people, okay, because you know,
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: it's kind of like this radar thing that we all have.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: Sure, the vibes you put out, yeah, vibes that are
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: picked up.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so you're you're attracting a certain type of
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: person based off of whatever your intent is and whatever
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: you are internally feeling. Okay, And so if you're just
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: kind of feeling like, you know, I just I don't
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: want to be alone. I don't feel good about myself,
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: and I just need a warm body. Then you're going
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: to find people that will fulfill that role.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, for sure. I also think it's interesting.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: I'm not at all surprised that Anthony's noticing he's getting
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: a lot of attention, and I think it surprises him
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: because he's sort of like, well, I'm letting people know
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: I don't really know what I want, and I'm letting
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: them know I got out of a long term relationship.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: I would think I would be kind of radioactive because
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: I just got out of a long term relationship. I
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: think a lot of people really like that actually, because
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: then they know you're not just a serial dater, that
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: you're not just and here falling around like whenever somebody's like,
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: yeah I just got an eight year relationship, that's almost
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: like really great news. I think, like, I think a
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: lot of it.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: I did not have that experience.
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: Oh really, okay, for I don't think it's I don't
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: think it's that, but I do think that people hear
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: that and read that as a code like, oh, yeah,
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: you don't know what you want. Okay, but I see
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: I see what is happening here. You're coming off of
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: a long term relationship. You're on here to like Nick
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: was saying, like you're you're blowing off steam. I think people, okay,
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: see that. I think people recognize that in other people.
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: Let me give you the theory, let me give you
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: carry the pitch. Here, I think the other person goes, oh,
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: maybe I am looking for a long term relationship. This
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: guy is capable of a long term relationship. So the
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: same thing as an employer. If it's like, oh, I
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: see that you switch jobs every year. I don't know
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: how I feel about this, but it's like, oh my gosh,
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: this guy was ten years with Microsoft and we are Apple.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: I would like this guy because this is a ten
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: year guy. This is you're not going anywhere. You're saying
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: that they see spouse material. The resume says relationship material.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: Even if the person says I'm not sure what I want,
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: I'm trying that, the other people that on the other
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: side are like, oh, but I can see what you're
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: made of, Like you're an eight year guy, but you've
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: still you're not fooling around, Like yeah, I want that
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: kind of person.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: I was still push back on that. I'm still not
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: buying it because I think most people, I think if
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: you go out there on the dating apps and you're like, yeah,
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: I just got out of this really long term relationship.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: I think most of the women that are looking for
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: somebody relationship material, they see that and they're like, oh.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: It's gonna be a while.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: You're not ready.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: You might not be ready.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: You're not ready, okay, And whereas I think women who
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: are just kind of more like, you know, I'm just
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: meeting new people. I'm just kind of going on dates.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: It doesn't always have to be just sexual, right, but
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: just like I just want to meet new people. This
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: guy seems safe because he's noncommittal. I think there's a
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: big part of it.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: So like, and obviously it's a great episode for Whitney
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: not to be I really believed because I don't want her.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: I think we should still we should still fill in
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: the gaps and see what we think she would say.
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's something something, keep you texting.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: I think it kind of goes both ways. If I'm
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: the woman and that should say something, yeah, she would
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: just you know, say Peter Hashtake. Say, Peter, if if
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: I'm the woman in that scenario and I do want
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: a long term relationship, I look at that guy and
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: I think you're right. I do size him up and
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: think it's pretty soon. He's probably not ready. But I
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: also look at that guy and I think he will
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: be more likely to be ready at some point and
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: be a long term relationship safe bet because another woman
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: already did this for eight years, So like that's almost
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: the social proof signal of like he's capable of it,
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: and he held it together for almost a decade. That's
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: somebody who's comfortable with the concept, and that's probably what
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: how he's wired. This might be early, and it might
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: not be right. But if I don't get in now
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: and take that shot, then I missed that shot. That's
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: a Wayne Gretzky, Michael Scott, you know moment. Whereas the
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: other fuck boys on the app, Oh, I already know
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: what they're about.
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: So the odds that.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: One of them transforms into relationship guy is much lower
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: than relationship guy is ready right now. We're not ready
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: right now. I'd rather take my shot on that guy
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: and find out if it's a good fit.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think kind of the difference though, like in
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: the like in Anthony's position versus kind of the fuck
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: boy position.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: You're right, right, right, is it's just kind of like
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: they're from the fuck region, yes.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: Of France.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: Otherwise it's sparkling douchebag.
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: But like I think again, like I think, I think
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: it's kind of more of like a safety thing where
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: it's just like, yeah, we both know that this is
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: going to be casual, but I feel like I'm not
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: going to be abused. I feel like it's casual, but
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: you're not going to You're not a heartstrecker.
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're come the right stock.
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: You can be respectful in what's going to happen here, right,
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: as opposed to just like, oh, you're just going to
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: do this thing and then go tell everybody about how
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: it was and then on to the next one, right right,
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: Think Jesus, what has Nick been up to? Oh? You
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: know what I've been up to?
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think it's really interesting. And also
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: I think we did I want to say, in season
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: two we reviewed some very interesting data that had come
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: out that time where they had done this huge analysis
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: of dating apps across the country in major metropolitan areas. Yeah,
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: and we're basically trying to figure out which type demographics
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: of profiles were getting the most attention. And it was
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: a way of kind of showing like, is a college
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: degree attractive? You know, what ages are attractive and things
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: like that. And one of the really I think surprising
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: takeaways from that data was that men, their attractiveness according
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: to the app and the attention that they get, actually
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: was peaking in their forties, and like that was something
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: people didn't expect to see because you just you know,
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: younger men are more attractive or whatever, and like they're
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: more aligned with the bulk of the dating pool, right,
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: Like the majority of humans on the app are in
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: their twenties and thirties and petering off into their forties
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: and stuff like the bell curve starts to drop and
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: the outside. But the men who were getting the most
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: app attention were actually in their forties. Seems like Jim
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: knows an awful lot about these dating apps.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: There was data. It was data.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there, it seems like Jim a lot about dating app.
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: A man hits his sexual prime in his forties. Okay,
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: I think we all know this and the data backs
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: it up. But I'm telling you trying to hit that
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: sexual prime. Okay, but I'm just trying to say, for Anthony, hey,
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: that actually, and there's a lot of men I talk
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: to that, you know, end up single in their forties,
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: and they're really discouraged because they think, like, who's going
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: to want me? I'm in my forties. These young guys
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: are out there in the twenties and thirties, and they're
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: always really surprised to discover the attention that they end
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: up getting. And when it happens, I usually tell them,
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: I'm not surprised you're getting all this attention. In fact,
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: I have seen data that corroborates that attention. It's not bad, like,
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: and I think that's really encouraging, because I think there's
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: a lot of reasons people might be discouraged in that
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: decade to feel like, oh, well, I'm past my prime
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: and I'm not young anymore, and like who's gonna want me?
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of already lived my life. But actually, for
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: whatever reasons, a lot of men are described as more
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: attractive in their forties.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I had that fear too, Like, yeah, in the
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: divorce or afterwards, I was like, oh my god, why,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: I like the clock is ticking. I gotta find somebody
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: else if I want to, you know, otherwise I could
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: be you know, alone the rest of my life, right
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: because I'm already thirty one, right, Yeah, it's like, oh
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: my god, I'm so fucking old. Yeah. If I don't
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: find somebody soon, right, and now it's gonna want me, dude. Yeah,
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: you realize now it's Fineeah, you're fine. Yeah, this is
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: the best years of your life. Yeah, yeah, you're gonna
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: be all right.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: Which I think is a good note to give Anthony too,
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: because and this is advice that I usually give guys
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: that find themselves suddenly single in this era of life.
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: A lot of times they start with feeling low self esteem.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be worth anything, nobody's gonna want me,
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: And they start putting their foot in the water to
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: like see what's out there with the market, and they're
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: surprised by the attention they get. And a lot of times,
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: especially if they are a serial monogamist or like coming
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: from long term relationships, they're not good at playing the field.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: They're not good at just kind of shopping and dating
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: because they've never done that, and so like they attach
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: really quickly, and they're so flattered with like the first
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: woman that shows them all this interest in attention, and
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: so they tend to lock down really quickly. And usually
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: the advice I'm giving them in therapy is, hey, let's
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: agree together, let's set an arbitrary amount of time that
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: you're just not going to be.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: In an exclusive relationship.
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: And what does it look like for you to communicate
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: that to people that you're dating that like, Hey, I
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: am dating right now. I may not just try to
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: date as many people as possible, but anybody that I
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: get to know, I'm giving myself this long before I
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: enter my next relationship. And like, do you agree with that, Anthony?
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: And it's okay if you say no. As soon as
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: I find the right person, I'm going to be in
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: a great relationship. But I would argue therapeutically, would you
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: know that when you see it? Because you don't have
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: a lot of experience. You spent the last day with
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: one person, spent your thirties with one person, and I
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: would be curious, what is a relationship resume looks like?
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: Before that some people have only been in serious relationships
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: and long term relationships and they have this low self
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: esteem they're going through stuff and like I kind of
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: want them to just It's kind of like whenever you're
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: in the housing market or like the car market, which
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: I'm sure all the women are like. This is why
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: we have Whitney, so that Jim doesn't fucking reduce an
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: entire group of people to buying a house. It's like
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: when you go to a pet store, yes exactly, and
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: you see the first.
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: One of all the old dogs there there it is,
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: and you go like, well, I might as well pick
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: one up.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's what.
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like when you're in the housing market and
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: it's like the first nice house that you see, you
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: don't know if that's a good value or not because
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: you have not seen enough houses. So you should guarantee yourself.
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: I'm not buying anything until I've gone to at least
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: ten houses there. Only then do you understand a good
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: value when you see one. I also agree that there
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: is a big that's how women should be talked about
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: on this show. Whitney, please come back hate mail pod
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: therapy that you know.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: No, No, I disagree. Whitney would just be saying you
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: should sleep with as many women as you can. That's
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: what Witney.
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: You know what, we know her well in this to
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: I think speak on her behalf. In fact, let's just
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: say that Whitney said what I said, and I'm on
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: the other side going, wow.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: Whitney, how I could cannot believe she just said that, Jacob.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: How hard is it to ai my voice into a
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: Whitney voice and we could just say she was here
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: the whole Super East. Okay, great, let's do that.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's it. But there is similarly
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: similar to dating and buying a home. Yeah, there is
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: that fear of like, oh my god, like the perfect
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: house or woman. Yeah, same thing whatever. Yeah, car is
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: out there. Yes, and if I don't get out there
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: right now and fight it, yeah, I could lose it.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And there's an argument that the first house you
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: see is the best value, but you didn't know that yet,
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: so maybe you should have just gone with your heart.
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: Which is why I'm an idiot.
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: This is why you sleep in multiple houses. Okay, buy one.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: How do you feel about two houses at a time.
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's two mortgages. How is that possible? Yeah,
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: well it's possible and fantastic. But like I had this,
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: like when I'm a nause roof.
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: When uh, when I was dating called a cult a second,
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: if you're nasty, because.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: I did have that fear of like no outlet that
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: the perfect person is out there, and if I didn't,
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: if I wasn't active, like I could miss this window. Right,
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not realizing that, like statistically, yeah, how unlikely that is? Right?
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and most people suck anyway, that's a good see.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: I hear this all the time. People say there's plenty
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: of fish in the sea, but it's like the fish
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: outside of a nuclear reactor. Yeah, but they all have
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: three eyes and weird fins.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: Like I don't know if I feel good about.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: It, but even that is like that gets it, like
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: predestination stuff and everything, and like, yeah, I got you're
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: not gonna find You're not gonna find somebody for a
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: good relationship until you're ready to be in a good relationship.
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: That's Oh, that's a really good point too.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: It's like you you have to be ready for it.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: Should you be going out there meeting people before you
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: are ready, because what if you meet a great person
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: but you fuck up because.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: You get ready.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: You're gonna get out there and get ready.
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: So like a batter.
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: You gotta get out there and take your kiah. Yeah, okay, yeah,
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: so that's how you get ready for the right woman
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: as you plow through a bunch of wrong ones.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: But again, that's what Whitney would.
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: Say when you were on the same side. If you
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: go look at the other Whitney, I agree with you, Hi, Whitney,
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: also agree if you go.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: I know it's had a little confusing there. Whitney's got
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: a little off there, trust me that that was all.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so is this person and that one, But yeah,
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: it is that whole. Like you've got to be ready
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: for it. Yeah, And I don't know how else you
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: get ready for it. And like, if you go house
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: shopping to for some reason extend Gym's metaphor a Whitney sorry,
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: Whitney's metaphor.
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: And uh so if you if you if you want
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: to extend Whitney's weirdly sexist metaphor.
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: I was about the house buying against it.
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: You might go look at a house and decide you're
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: gonna look at some more, and you might go back
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: to that house.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: I could see the argument from the other side that says,
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: if you're not ready, don't even bother getting into the game.
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: Well, because here's the thing. Your realtor knows where you're
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: at right, and your real litor understands what you're asking for.
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: And if you don't know what you want right and
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: you're confused, your realtor is just finding houses for you
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: that fit your current description of a house.
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: So this is a pimp.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: The house that you want right now is not the
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: house that you want to settle into for the rest
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: of your life. Oh okay, one of those houses doesn't
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: understand that yet.
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: Okay, right, because right now you think I want a
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: hot top, I need an.
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: Use, and so your realtors like, all right, well that's
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: what you said I want, found you, I will do
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: these houses. And it's not until later, after you've seen
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: several houses that you're like, you know what I've I've
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: figured out I'd rather have a fourth bedroom. I don't
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: really need this other gazebra, don't need the gazebe And
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: then now your realtors like, okay, I get you, see
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: what you need. Now I know what you're asking for.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: And then now the houses that become available for you
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: are much hotter. Oh I see because of the weather.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: Because of the weather because it's getting warm.
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: And it's a better fit, is what you're saying. So
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: I guess I'm just curious, do we It feels like
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: everybody on team you're gonna have burners in this new
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: relationship era, and it's okay to just get out there.
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: I like to think of it as just practice.
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: Is there any argument that says, don't don't do that,
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: do a lot of personal work. You just gotta have
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: an eight year relationship.
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: I don't think of I don't think of it as burners.
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: I don't even like said that. I don't know earlier. No,
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: I don't know why Whitney would say that, but like
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: I don't.
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: I was offended. Yeah, you're you're rebounding. The argument, it's
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: the rebound.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: You're getting out there and you're getting back in the
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: game a little bit. Is there an argument that says,
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: don't do that because dating is not consequence free. You
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: could hurt yourself even further. You might not be ready,
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: you could hurt other people. Maybe avoid that is go
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: into it with eyes open. I would say, well, what
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: if we told Anthony I want you to go. You
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: were in a relationship for eight years. Can you take
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: eight months and just go to therapy before you get
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: back into dating. Don't even bother with me.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: I don't think you need to do that. Okay, I
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: think you should take a little bit of time, but
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: I don't think it needs to be eight months.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: Okay, But is there an arbitrary number that we like that.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: We have don't on the way home by the time
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: Anthony hears this, yeah, yeah, yeah, a solid past.
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: I think Anthony said he didn't he didn't have a
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: long drive across town at one point, is it?
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: And he was already No. I think there's a little bit,
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: but like, I don't mean, I don't think that's necessary
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: because I think you can you can walk and chew
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: gum at the same time.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: Okay, So women are like film now, that's what which
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: she says that all the time. But like so she
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: makes us refer to her as doublement I know, which
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: I'm really uncomfortable.
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not okay with.
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: I've been doing it now for years, so I don't
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: know what I'm not gonna question. She makes me call
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: her juicy fruit.
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: I don't like it. I don't like it, guys, I
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: don't like it. But like so for me with dating,
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: like that was it was healthy for me, like I
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: was not. There's plenty of women that I met that
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: I think, like, wow, that would have that could have
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: been a really great relationship. But I was so fucked
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: up in the head that it was not going to work. Okay,
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: but it was still worth it. If I were to
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: go back and do it again, I'd do the exact
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: same thing.
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: Because Laura, but because you weren't ready for her yet.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: But I hadn't met her yet.
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: But that's my point.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: But that's no. But that's what I'm saying. That's what
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: I'm saying is at that I was going to meet
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: somebody anyway, like it was. That's just how it was
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: going to be. When you are ready, that will appear.
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: But like, okay, but that was good practice because you know,
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: I had to sharpen up on my social skills. I
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: had to sharpen up, been ready for exactly and when
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: I had that mad game to spit it Laura mad game.
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: And so it's kind of like you guys have seen
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: the movie Crazy Stupid Love.
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: So women are crazy and stupid.
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: That's what Whitney told me. That's what she said.
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: You've seen the movie, right, Yes, great movie. Great movie,
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: Ryan Gosling, Michael Scott, Michael Scott, Emma Stone as I've
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: been told, Academy Award nominee.
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but like that good example of like he got
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: put in the situation and he like learned from somebody else,
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: like but he he learned to kind of like take
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: care of himself right through that process. Okay, And I
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: did the same thing too, Like, Okay, I got into exercise,
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: you know, I got into fashion. Fashion, Like I started
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: dressing nice, you know, I started doing all these things,
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: and it was.
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: For me used to be a real hobo man.
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: It was, it was real.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: It was the bendle that really is like wearing sketchers.
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: It was it was a catcher. I'm from brit That's
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: just what they have, hobo capital.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, So I guess I don't see anything unhealthy
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: with it. I guess that the thing that I would
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: be very curious about therapeutically is just what the experience
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: is like. And if if Anthony gets out there and
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: he starts meeting people, if he starts catching feelings too fast,
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: and he notices like I've been so attention starved for
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: almost a decade, and so like I'm attaching and bonding
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: really quickly. I'm you know, wanting more with these people
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: very quickly.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: That's me.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: But then I'd be drabbing by the shirt like slow
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: down their cowboy ready for this.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: No, but that's going to happen, So he just needs
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: to go through it. It's going to happen whether he
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: experiences that now or he goes through nine months of
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: therapy and then he experiences it later. Okay, Anthony, your
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: heart's going to be broken. Yeah, it's going to happen. Yeah,
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: if you can help it. Yeah, I think I can
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: stop it. Okay, Well, but you can see.
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: That there would be scenarios that a person could realize
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: through their early dating process that they're not ready for it,
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: and the answer is not always just do more. The
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: answer could be no, I agree, you're not ready for this.
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: If you feel like you need to slow down, what
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: are those are those red flags? What would you need
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: to see that Anthony would come back to you as
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: his counselor and say, I'm experiencing these things in my
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: early dating career. As I'm rebounding, I think say, hey, Bud,
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: take your foot off.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: The gas for me. I don't like you doing this
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: if you start attaching really quickly, okay, like you go
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: in a couple of dates and then now you start
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: thinking about the rest of your life with this person.
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, too quick Okay, doesn't show that he's ready.
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: For or like, you know, you know, there's always that
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: kind of awkward conversation that you have at you know,
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: a couple of months and like, uh, are is this
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: yeah you know? Or are we still? Are you still
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: dating other people? A right? You know, but like, are
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: you just not gonna go for the taint? Because like
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: it's right there. Look, I've dropped a lot of Whitney, Whitney, Jesus,
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: settle down, infatuated with the very lady like Jesus, I
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: apologize audience.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: We can definitely ai this right because yeah, it's it's
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: all of it, Okay, thank god. Yeah, just really, it's
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: gonna be really important later on, guys. Yeah, video be
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: really mad. Yeah, this is why we can't do video.
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: We're okay.
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: So a red flag is if Anthony was falling in
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: love too fast, too hard, too fast. Yeah, or I
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: would also argue if he's vulnerable to manipulation, if if
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: I'm hearing his early relationship debuts, and I don't like
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: the way other people are taking advantage or gaining too
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: much access or control. And he's bad with boundaries. I
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: want us to talk about it. That might not be
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: cut off everybody and discontinue, but that would be a
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: yellow light. Proceed with caution. I want us to just
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: be more mindful about this.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: Is that a dating budget? Oh there you go? Oh smart? Yeah,
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: because I got burnt, Okay, I learned the hard way. Yeah,
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: I was spending a lot of money going out to
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: nice restaurants, going out to shows. Oh yeah, no, I was.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: That's you want to talk about how to get popular
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: on those apps? I bet you get real popular.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're buying everybody the apps do, Like I was
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: you type thing that'd be funny. Yeah, this guy took
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: me to like great dinner, great show.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: Definitely if this guy matches with you, definitely go with
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: this guy. We made the hobo reference earlier, but this
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: would be like a really good hobo thing, you know,
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: like because the hoboes would draw stuff in the door.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: That's right, patches, this house is safe. Like free meal
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: here right, Yeah, yeah, it's a free meal. This guy
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: dogs on you.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, raise your voice, he scares easy, Yeah, exactly, this
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: guy's this is a three hundred dollars meal. Set your
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: budget early and if you find yourself. But that's another
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: I think again, bad boundaries, like if he's throwing money
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: at all these things because he doesn't know the social
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: cues or like how to balance out his worth versus
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: like just throwing money to win people, I would I
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: might not tell him stop dating entirely, but I might say, hey,
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: on the racetrack here, pull over for a pit stop.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: You need to guess you up. You need to do
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: some work on this.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: So there's definitely some conditions that I think we all
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 2: agree if we saw we would be like less enthusiastic
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: about just going like we would have some concerns.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 3: This something we talked about on ice Cream Social a
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 3: long time ago for like first dates especially okay, and
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 3: we talked a lot about I think it was Matt's
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: idea or I don't thing that he had been kind
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 3: of living with for a long time, which was early dating,
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 3: first dating especially do the stuff that you want to do, okay,
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 3: and like there's somebody else with you and that's great,
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: but if there if they're lame, it doesn't matter because
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 3: you're doing what you want to do.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: Yep, And I'm want to take it. You're taking a
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: friend along with you basically, Yep, I want to go
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: see this band. You want to come with me, Let's
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: let's go. Yes, I totally agree.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 3: Like, do things that you enjoy and have people, have
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 3: someone with you, and see if you enjoy doing the
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 3: things that you enjoy with this person.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and like just start there. Yeah.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it could just be it could be real simple. Yeah,
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: it could be as simple.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: As you want it to be. Yeah. I like that.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: I definitely think that there's I just I definitely don't
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: want to paint this as there's no possible downside because
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: I feel like when you're coming out of a long
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: term relationship, I mean, but I mean there's crabs, there's
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: that you will get crabs. Yeah, did you know crabs
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: are in the kind of pubic crabs, pubic lights. They're
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: an endangered species.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: Now that's why I'm doing my part. You know what,
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: play the music, that's why.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: Time it's time for It's time for your father's dick.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: Not that one that's not the right one. That's not
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: related to this issue at all.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: Hey, everybody. No, this is definitely I do not have
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: a latest no tale. No, that's not a thing.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, hey, ladies, it's me Jim. That's not true.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: I don't have a tale of woe in any way related.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: That's also irrelevant to the story. Look, I was gonna
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: raise money, okay, I was gonna do a save the
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: whales bit, but you fucked it up real good.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for a dollar a day, you could sponsor crabs.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: You got to help Nick won't even use the shampooms up. Yeah,
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: the little little uh fork thing. Anyway, Anthony, love that
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: you have been supporting of our shirt, alms up, fly,
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: Proud of you man that you're getting back out there
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: into the game. And look, at the end of the day,
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: you describe yourself as you know fully recovered that it
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: was eight years.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: It felt like a roommate thing.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: And sometimes that's the deal. And so people will be surprised,
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: like Jesus only been in this many weeks and you're
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: back in the game, And a lot of times people
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: will be like, honestly, I've been very detached my partner
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: for a very long time. We were going through the motions.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: I am ready to meet somebody and feel love again,
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: and like, I don't think that's wrong, but I don't know.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: Like I can see the wisdom of getting some at
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: bats and having practice, learning the market, learning your worth.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: I think that matters thnk rehning those social skills as
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: NIX that I think it's really important. I can also
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: just see it as a proceed with caution kind of
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: equation where if you're not, you know, currently talking to
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: somebody about all the experiences you had, you've got to
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: be mindful because sometimes we've developed some bad relationship habits
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: from a toxic marriage or toxic relationship. We need to
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: do some self work or we're going to carry those
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: into the next thing. And I just want that to
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: be something you're you're being mindful of.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: I just remembered a business idea that Peter and I
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: came up with. Okay, wingman dot com. Oh okay, yeah,
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: so this is you go out?
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: How does this helpful?
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: What is this guy doing? Because if you're dating and
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: like you don't have a wingman, uh, you know, you
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: go on wingman dot com and you can find another
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: definitely another serial killer.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, wingman helping you in this scenario dating you go
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: on a date and you bring a friend.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: No not, I'm not talking about online dating. Oh, I'm
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: talking like going to a bar. I want to go
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: to the bar. I don't have like all of my
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: friends are married married, they're all married friends. I don't
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: have a wingman wingman dot com.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: I'm sure that exists. There's probably no way. It's called craigslist.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah. No, that's where you have the murders.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: You you will get this if you do that, all right?
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: Oss?
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, well look there's a whole licensing procedure.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: First off, there is a Patreon level where we will
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: wing man for you in Las Vegas. Oh yeah, there's
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: a Patreon level. We don't do it for free, okay.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 2: Also paying for the drinks, okay, but yeah we would absolutely. Also,
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 2: if you want all four of us to wing man
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 2: for you, we'll do it. You're probably not gonna date.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: We We don't guarantee results results good ones. Yeah, but
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: you pay in full and you pay up front, all
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: right to be fucking results. Those results won't be fucking
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: that's right. We do not work on commission.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: It is a flat rate. It is up front, and
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 2: you pay for your own airfare.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: That is what we offer.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: That is the new Patreon package, the Wingman package.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: Most likely the four of us would get bored and
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: start playing darts or people or something, and we're gonna
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: be really shitty.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: Also, we exclusively only Wingman for you at Bowling Alley. Yeah,
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: we're just going through a phase. There is no way
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 2: that our boredom would be the reason that we were
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: bad wingmen.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: Just we just start walking around. What do you think?
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: Come up front, Larry, what are you doing tonight?
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: You?
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: Uh? You even fucking my buddy, Larry.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we guarantee the best in the Bowling Alley. Oh yeah, yeah,
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 2: whatever the game, we'll throw the game make you look
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: real good.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh my god, look at this guy is
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 2: destroying his idiot friends. Like yeah, I know you should
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 2: see his dick, you know, Like, I'll.
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: Bet you we could play that up. Yeah, it'll work.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: Check out his patreon dot com slash therapy. We will
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: help you get laid.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: Check is dick.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: We're gonna take quick breaking when we come back. We
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: are talking about fearing standing up to my wife, specifically
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 2: my wife. You're listening to Pop.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: He's very big. Today's episode is brought to you by
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: Robert Brownie Junior, Mint, Kayla Lansberry, Kevin Chamberlain, Ben Stanley,
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: Adam Hathaway, Dan Martin, lyz Hey Yo, Andrew Langmead, Chad
• 1:07:25
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• 1:07:27
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• 1:07:32
  Speaker 2: All right, Jacob's up by one point. Time for me
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: to stage in epic comeback.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: I'm recycling uh trivia that we haven't gotten to yet. Yes,
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: back to Florida man. Oh yeah, here we go. Jim
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: Florida man broke into a bass pro shop. What did
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: he know? We already did that one. I remember a bass.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: I don't remember it so good? What did he do?
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: I need options? Now I will remember it. I think
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: our wrote it. Maybe actually I think I know this
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: because I read it through it. Took selfies inside the
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: fish tank, tried to steal fishing lures by swallowing them,
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: released pet goldfish into the display pond that hid in
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: a shark exhibit. They're all so good the.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 2: Shark exhibit in Florida.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying they don't.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, shocked by it. I'm gonna go with the fishing lures.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 2: I'll bet he swallowed fishing lures thinking I'll keep them
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: and i'll pull him out later.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: Oh god, I'll bet that's its deep throated them is different.
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: He's gonna baby bird those up later on.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: No, he drove into the aquarium and swam laps, all right.
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: That wasn't even an option. That was not they take selies.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 2: We'll collect my point, thank you.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: The game was no point, all right? Uh, Jacob, What
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: unusual item was a Florida man wearing when arrested for shoplifting.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: It's an Egyptian anka, A.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: Full body Pikachu suit, nothing but socks, yes, a batman cape.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: Oh god, A wedding dress, all of this. I thought
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: you said it was something unusual. Uh huh right, it
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: sounds like Friday and Night wedding dress.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: I mean something something, come on, go with that. Probably
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: something here, I.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: Don't know.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: They all just seem so tame for for what I
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 2: was prepared for. I was honestly prepared for, like eight
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: live raccoons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, wearing eight live raccoons, right, yeah,
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 2: wearing his mother as a hat. Right, I'll say pikachue.
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: Right, it's a wedding dress two. I'm just not the
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not the hopeless romantic I was when I was young.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: For your game, Florida, man, all right, Jacob remains in
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 2: the lead because I was screwed and Florida let us down. Yeah,
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: that's really for sure. One point from Florida.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. You know what. It's a long time coming, Florida. Yeah,
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: and you know what you did.
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 2: You're lucky. It's only one, all right. Fear of standing
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: up to my wife, Come on, get your shit together.
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: Hey, folks.
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: First, I love my wife more than anything. Without her,
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: I can't imagine how I go on. The challenge is
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: that we're both anxious and depressed people working high pressure
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 2: corporate jobs, and I can see the toll it takes
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: on both of us. The issue that most affects our
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 2: marriage is what I see as her low threshold for overwhelm.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: I feel like she has a hard time dealing with
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: adult issues like health insurance, estate planning, or taxes, whereas
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 2: I generally feel able to handle those things even when
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 2: there are setbacks or mistakes. When something goes wrong, though,
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: she often gets completely derailed with frustration, whereas I try
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: to learn from the mistake and try to not get
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: bent out of shape about it. Today's incident involved doing
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: our taxes together. We hit a roadblock and we are
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: both exhausted. When she entered an anger spiral, she accused
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 2: me of not having done my due diligence and that
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 2: I needed to step up and do more of the legwork.
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 2: From my perspective, I felt like I had, which felt alienating.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 2: During this and any other anger spiral of hers, I
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 2: tend to shut down and hide in response. I grew
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: up in an emotionally abusive household, so my mind immediately
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: jumps to the marriage's ending. She's going to kick me out.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: I need to get somewhere safe. The only way I
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: feel safe in those moments is to remove myself and
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: close off in another room, maybe even cry a little
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: until the fear passes. I know she loves me, but
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: when my lizard brain goes into full terror mode, it's
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 2: incredibly hard to talk myself out of it. I've told
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: her that anger scares me what it does to me physically,
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 2: and that I want her to be able to feel
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: whatever she feels, but she hears that as me trying
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 2: to invalidate her emotion The last thing I want to
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: do is make her more angry, so I normally back
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: off at that point at my own expense. To her credit.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: Once things calm down, she usually apologizes for being grumpy,
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: but I wish she would take more ownership of the
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: anger itself. Is this a me problem or her problem
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 2: and us problem? And what can I do to help
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 2: when she's spiraling while also keeping myself from going into
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: full fight or flight? Love Anonymous?
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm your wife.
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 2: There you go, Yeah you are.
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: I get overwhelmed, okay with stuff, especially all I got,
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: And this will be a shock to no one in
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: this room tech issues? Does that bother you? Computer guy
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: who whose favorite hobbyists to hit a ball with a stick.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, notoriously, you are bad at tech until you're not,
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 2: which is weird about it, Like you don't know jack
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 2: about anything, and then all of a sudden you'll become
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: like a photoshop master.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: So it is kind of interesting how this unfolds. Yeah. No,
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: I get super frustrated very quickly with anything computer related. Yeah,
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: I get very frustrated with it, and yeah, so my
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 1: threshold with that is very low. But other things, Yeah,
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know some for some reason,
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: Like there's some things where it's like okay, that didn't work,
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: And while I still get frustrated, I'm even more motivated
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: to figure it out. Okay, computer issues no, Okay, Like
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: when I get frustrated, I'm like, fuck this, Yeah, fuck
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: everyone who designed it. Yeah, and I'm not going to
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: do it. Computer issues notwithstanding, computer issues notwithstanding. Yeah, But
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: like household stuff, you know, like for example, hanging that
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: storage thing from my garage ceiling. Oh yeah, you know,
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: it took me a fucking month to do. Yeah, but
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: like the heart was yeah the first one second one
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: took two hours. But I was fucking terment right, like
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: I every night, and to the point where, like I
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: think there's even a little trauma with Laura oh because
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 1: she's like can you not work on that tonight? She's
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: just like can you give me a break? Because it's
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: it's really loud out there. Yeah.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 2: Everybody has their kryptonite, you know. So for you, the
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 2: overwhelmed shows up with tech. For me, it's when there's
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 2: too much complexity and a decision, so like I'll just
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 2: kind of be like, Okay, we're gonna do this, and
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 2: like like dinner. God, every weekend is a pain in
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: the ass because my kids are old enough now that
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: they have fully formed opinions about where they want to
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 2: go to dinner.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: So when the.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 2: Fs are like, yeah, exactly does Jesus? So like when
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 2: all four of us are like talking about, Okay, it's
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 2: Saturday night, what does everybody want? It is Mayhem like,
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 2: it's okay, I want to go out, Well, I don't
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: want to go out.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: I want to stay in. Well.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 2: I want pizza, I don't want pizza again, I want Chinese,
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 2: Well I don't want Chinese. I want Mediterranean, Well I
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: don't want Mediterranean. Back and forth. It's this NonStop thing.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: The two kids have their opinions, we two adults have ours,
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: and usually the two parents are much more like less opinionated,
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: because we just want to get it done. But like,
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 2: I will get overwhelmed if there's too many like like
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 2: ideas on the table and too much complexity, Like I
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 2: wanted this weekend to go to McMullen's because it's Saint
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 2: Patti's weekend and my family's never been there, and I
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: go for Scoopfest all the time, and that's one of
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 2: the best kept Secrets in Vegas awesome. And I'm like,
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 2: it's Saint Patti's weekend. Nobody can argue with me on this.
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: You tell your kids they got Guinness, right, That's what
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: I said.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: Hey, they got good Jamison there, you're gonna love it.
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they got Jamison options.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 2: I was pitching the Irish nachos like crazy, yeah, And
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 2: I won this argument. Like I got my wife on board.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 2: My daughter was like, let's go. My son was like, man,
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: I don't like to try new things. I want to
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 2: go to the familiar.
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: Let's do something. I'm just not in the mood.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 2: Trust you know, he's very habituated when it comes to
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 2: his food. He's like, nah, I just want to go
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 2: to my favorite pizza place.
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: That's what I said.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: I said, dude, I will vouch for this place. You're
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 2: gonna like it. I know it's not chosen how it's easy,
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 2: but yeah. So when that happens and I get overwhelmed,
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: I just I just shut down. I get really angry,
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, that's it. I'm going in the car.
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 2: Everybody has thirty seconds to get in this car, and
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 2: I'm taking you to this generic place. I don't care anymore.
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 2: And I just get really like fitty about it. It's
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: like upset and just stomp off and burger king again.
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 2: Fuck everybody, We're going to burging. Yeah, I get so mad.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 2: So like that is that's my like achilles hea, like
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 2: text stuff.
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 1: I do okay with it.
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 2: Uh yeah, but if it's too much complexity and a
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 2: decision making process and slowing down the decision making so
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: we're just deliberating endlessly, I get sick of it and
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 2: I just don't care anymore. Like, just nuke the whole plan,
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 2: do the simplest possible thing, and I'm done. What is
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 2: your kryptonite?
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: What overwhelms you? Jacob?
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: I don't know at Whitney Whitney. Oh yeah, now I
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: don't know, because I yeah, complicated stuff. I'm I'm really
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 2: good at breaking down complicated stuff. Okay, I'm gonna breaking
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 2: down complicated stuff into into reasonable portions and like this
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 2: this begets this, and this begets this. That's true. Yeah,
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 2: which is good in your profession. Is very good that
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 2: you don't mind troubleshooting and finding.
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 3: I think that's I think it's a it might be
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 3: inherently part of my personality, but I think it's also
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 3: a learned thing in what I do.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: Like tech is an iterative process, you don't mind iterating through.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 2: We call it signal flow, okay, Like you figure out
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 2: what's going on in the signal flow, like that's that's
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 2: everything that's happening to it. You find the problems in
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 2: the signal flow, and like three different things ahead of
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 2: it can be causing the problem down the stream. But
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 2: like that's where that's what you have to figure out. Actually,
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 2: that's also my kryptonite.
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 1: I can't do that.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 2: Shit, that's just too much Like I would just throw
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 2: the whole thing aside and me like fuck this ichia shelf.
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: I can't take it.
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 2: Well, it stops being that option when it's your when
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 2: it's your whole living that's fair.
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I don't know.
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 2: I definitely like, what do you have low patience for
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 2: unreasonable Uh? This is a weird show to say this
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 2: on unreasonable emotions?
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, how does that make you feel?
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 3: Just like the cure and it's not it's it's not
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 3: flashes of it, Okay, because I'm as guilty as anyone
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 3: for Yeah, like, oh this is a.
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 2: Something happens, you know, call it whatever, not even an
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 2: intrusive thought.
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 1: That's the wrong thing.
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 3: But like you know, I'm just I'm having a bad day,
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 3: I'm having a bad moment, whatever, and it flashes up.
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 3: That's not what I'm talking about, Okay. I'm talking about
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 3: like living your entire life on emotional responses and not
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 3: really thinking things through.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, justifying their way of living through this like
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 2: emotional lens that doesn't really match reality.
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 3: I have a really hard time interacting with that. Okay, Yeah,
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 3: but just just tell me, tell me what's happening, right,
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 3: and like whatever you tell me is happening. I can
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 3: get behind that, right, But you're telling me things are happening,
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 3: I'm just looking at it going like that's not happening.
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: And I don't know. I don't know what to do
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: with that.
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, all right, So we all all of our things
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 2: that get us overwhelmed, we turn into the wife in
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 2: this scenario. In the writer's scenario here, they're talking about
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 2: how there's like a trauma response. Anonymous says, I grew
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 2: up in a family that had a lot of violence
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 2: that was really scary, and so when my spouse gets
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 2: all elevated and call it grumpy, call it angry, I
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 2: go hide and I shut down. I need to fight,
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 2: like hide away. And that sucks because it feels like
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 2: they know this about me, they don't seem to be
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 2: able to stop themselves from doing it, which might imply
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 2: it's a her problem, but then clearly my reaction is
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 2: very skittish. It's wrong sized, that's a me problem. But
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 2: then it's also this ecosystem.
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 1: It's a both problem. It's a both yeahah, yeah, yeah,
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 1: because I've had to have this conversation.
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 2: You had no idea we were gonna land on both,
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 2: did you Yeah, go to couple's therapy and drink No,
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 2: but you need.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: To have this conversation when you're both calm, yeah, and
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: then kind of strategize how do we move forward in
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: the future, Right, Like, what do when I'm feeling this way,
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: here's what I need from you? And when you're feeling
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: this way, what do you need from me?
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: Because like we've had to have this conversation between Laura
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: and I. I don't know if she wants me to
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: tell you this on the show, but Laura and I
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 1: have had this conversation as well.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: She told me it was okay, okay, you know what
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 2: actually just got a text.
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah she said, go ahead, Yeah, no problem. But like
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 1: I'm facetiming her right now. Ye, yeah, she's actually live.
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 1: She's in the twitch. She thumbs up emoji. I just
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 1: thought about that. She would watch the to that is,
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 1: are you gonna be okay? I'm fine with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 1: I am upset by your lack of like bother it
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter.
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 2: Go on.
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I've had to explain this to her too,
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 1: because she's kind of like the writer, where like when
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: I get frustrated and angry about something, yeah, I have
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: to be able to explain to her like this isn't
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: about you. Okay, we're cool.
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm emoting right now.
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 1: I need some space because like that's where we are different,
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 1: where when I get frustrated or I get angry, I
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: need space. I don't want somebody to come in and
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 1: try to fix it. I don't want a hug. I
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 1: don't want somebody to, you know, to talk about it. Yeah,
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: I just give me space, Let me work through this
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 1: on my own. Then I'll calm down and then we
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 1: can process.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 1: But that's what I need. Whereas her on the other end,
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 1: when she gets really frustrated. She wants somebody to come in,
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 1: give the hug, be supportive, do all of.
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 2: These rights, whereas isolating her might be exactly the wrong
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 2: thing to do.
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So, and that's where we've we've kind of butted
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 1: heads because when she's frustrated, I do what I would want,
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: which is I'm getting the fuck out of here. Yeah.
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 2: Sorry, She's like, how are you abandoning me right now?
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: Like that was a gift, you are welcome. Yeah, and
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: so and when I get frustrated, she does what she
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 1: would want. Yeah, and then I got to chill. Yes,
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: and then you're like, get away literal Yeah, she puts
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: a plastic bag over his head. This is what you want.
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 1: I know this is what you want because that's what
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 1: I would want. Yeah.
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a really good point that like, yeah,
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 2: ecosystem reality can emerge as we're seeing here with the writer,
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 2: where yeah, one person, they get fired up about it,
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 2: and then the other person wilts and runs away, and
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 2: then that probably provokes the first person, and round and
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 2: round the spaceship goes. I think writer one note that
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 2: I would give. I mean, I do agree with Nick.
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: I do think it's an ecosystem thing. I think it's
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 2: something that ideally I would have you in couple's therapy
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 2: talking about your anger pattern, your communication skills, and honestly,
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 2: a great reboot setting is couple's therapy where they're going
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 2: to work on things like I feel statements and how
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 2: to do reflective listening and how to like, you know,
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 2: respond to getting your wife to share why she is
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 2: angry and what emotion she is feeling instead of just
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 2: expressing them, like sometimes talking about the emotion blunts the
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 2: force of having to live through it, and then it
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 2: gives you a way to respond to that starts with
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 2: affirmation and validation and then also offers a corrective if
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 2: you need to.
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 1: So that's, you know.
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 2: One of the things that we talk about in couple's
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 2: therapy a lot is the three a's of assertive communication,
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 2: which is when the person comes at you angry, even
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 2: if they don't use their I feel statements, even if
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 2: they have really bad emotion vocabulary and they're just upset
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 2: at you, for you to start with those three a's,
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 2: which first day is alignment, which is to say or
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 2: it is acknowledgment. To start with acknowledgment and say, you know, Hey,
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 2: it seems like you're really frustrated with me right now.
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 2: It seems like this whole situation is bothering you. I
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 2: definitely can sense that you are put off by this
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 2: and you are upset. So it's like describing the emotions
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 2: to the person to make sure you're getting them right
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 2: and that you're not misreading them. And then the second
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 2: one is alignment, which is to agree with them to
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 2: some extent to validate them and.
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 1: Say, and I get it.
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 2: If I were in your shoes, You've asked me to,
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 2: you know, have the dishes done by the time you
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 2: get home. So many times you've come home yet again
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 2: they're not done. And if I were in your shoes,
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 2: and I felt like this is the tenth time I
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 2: brought this up, I'm tired of hearing this request come
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 2: out of my mind. I'm feeling ignored, I'm feeling minimized,
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling frustrated, I'm feeling disrespected. I get how you feel.
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 2: And then the third day is a cert and that's
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 2: to offer. But the truth is, I still agree with
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 2: you that this is a chore that I should be doing.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 2: I agree with you that it ought to be done
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 2: before you get home. I did not ignore you on this.
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 2: I had to take a work call and that has
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 2: to always trump this directive every time it comes through.
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: It could not be avoided. But I meant no disrespect. So,
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 1: like those three a's.
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 2: Are a formula that we use in couples therapy, it's
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 2: a formula that we use in mental health treatment, especially
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 2: in impatient settings, to address somebody who's escalated and elevated,
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 2: validating their perspective, not disrespecting, not dismissing, not running away,
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 2: engaging with them, but ultimately helping let some air out
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 2: of the balloon as well, and try to spin it
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 2: in to a meaningful conversation. But this will not work
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 2: right if you've got such a huge traumadant from your
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 2: past that you just cannot help but run away. If
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 2: you become emotionally overwhelmed the trauma triggers you, you're not
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 2: going to be able to access a formula like this
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 2: and use rational thinking or some kind of like intentional pattern.
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 2: In that scenario, you probably the only thing you can
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 2: do is retreat. And so I don't necessarily feel like
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 2: that's a problem that needs to be fixed, but I
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 2: would argue that this pattern if it's gotten this bad,
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 2: if that does need to be brought to couple's therapy
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 2: and let that person assess and make individual recommendations, or
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 2: I'd probably encourage you to go to individual therapy and
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 2: have a real conversation about your own trauma history and
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 2: see if there's something to unpack there is. Some of
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 2: your reactions may just be this call and response thing
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 2: that you're irrationally doing. And if that's not helping your marriage,
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 2: if that's you know, elevating your partner because they don't
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 2: feel heard, they feel like you skid her away, that's
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 2: something I'd want you to work on. I also want
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 2: the wife to work on, you know, anger as well,
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 2: but we only have you in the scenario unless she's
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 2: willing to go to couples therapy.
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and Whitney would probably take something really sep with
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 1: this man say that's usually one quo pew pew.
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 2: That's what she means by pepeu. That's exactly what thank
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 2: on the hanglow pew pew. We're gonna say quick break
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 2: in when we come back. We are wrapping up the
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 2: show and thanking our patreons. You are listening to pod therapy.
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 1: Today's episode is brought to you by Robert Browning, Junior Mints,
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 1: Kayla Lansberry, Heavin Chamber and Ben Stanley, Adam Hathway, Dan Martin,
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• 1:26:28
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• 1:26:29
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• 1:26:32
  Speaker 2: So as we wrap up the show and remind you
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 2: can go to patreon dot com slash therapy. You can
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 2: get our extended show ad free a day early, as
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 2: well as enjoy our live chat discord community and our
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 2: spontaneous deep dives, interviews, skill shares, research roundups and rants.
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 2: We have a new person to welcome to the therap
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 2: Party and at the first episode of every month we
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 2: like to thank all of our therapods on up. We
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 2: are a little late because life happens. But who is
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 2: new to the therap Party.
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 1: Here Nick joining at the therapod Love. Oh we got
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 1: Jeff Darnell. Welcome.
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 2: Welcome Jeff Darnell, and thank you to Therapod's University, Jeff,
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 2: Robert Paulson, Richard Bruins, Linda Brandmeyer, Scoopstrenaut, Joseph Bengrazzio, Corey Owens,
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 2: Christine Phillips, Gavin Bristow, Carrie Terhart, Huey, Fruit, Scoop, Take
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 2: It EV Podcast, Craig Little, Jim Hunter, Scoop Atron, Todd Canfield,
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 2: David Sorens and Felicia Butler, Shayla Bullock, Lauren is A Lee, Popsicle,
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 2: Kittie Chiwakowski, Adam Pettanouzo, mattz Lennegren Scoopter, Ascending That, Josh Guy,
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 2: Mom and Ninja Scoop, James Dawson, Grumpy Lake, Mead Park Ranger,
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 2: What Weekend, Sam Buck, Karen McCulloch, Julius kappel Lyla, Kelly Gagner, Nippi,
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 2: Brian Emra, Matthew Johnson, Alec Lancaster, j D Congin, Matthias
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 2: Vanda Brandt, A Literal Pickle, Kimmist, Ken Tinsley Finley Smells Funny,
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 2: Matthew Cubic, Chad Chad The Safety Lab, Walker, Fluke, Joel McMillan,
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 2: Almost Doctor Nurse, Joey Duffy, The AMFT Therapist, Bear, Philip
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 2: Guite and Tim Mystery, Kristin Robbins, Freya Lawson, Kirka Grim,
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 2: Trisha Ortiz, Drew Halage, Lissa Elgeisler, d J. Swert At,
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 2: Mississippi Hippie Scott A, Patty Glad Fiefe, Heather W. Kyle Trontastic,
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 2: Anthony Camarada, David Williams. Williams nailed it, Kate Police, curonil Pillar,
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 2: Buddy Dobbins, Eric Dyer, Glitch Scoop, Aletta, Baaiza, Nathan Mookie,
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 2: Adam Bellaz, bug Nuts, Stephen Land, and Persephone Hazzard, Carmen Perry,
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 2: John Finlayson, Kenneth Wong, Robert Cole, kJ Mister poth k, Pizzle, Diizzle,
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 2: Temporary Reality Shop, Jimmy b Jacob Hunts Insidium, Ray J Shark,
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 2: Silka Daniels recreated What does Scoop Mean? Alca Nope, Alex Jardine,
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 2: Jacob Billingsley, Dylan Collopy, Chris Courtney, Ben Sherman, Adam Goff,
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 2: WOLFEO five K, Trama, Sherry hare Linus, Hakasan, Kevin Tribes, Cedar, Hayden, LC,
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 2: Chris Grace, Terrible, tay Any Bitty Chicken Farmer, Sam John
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 2: Cavaratas K Matthews, Zachary W. A. Sling, Carton Ashling nailed
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 2: it Chill Food, Sam and Scoop, Winter Scoop, Foxy, Sally Hunter, McCrae,
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 2: Zelda Ray, Skywalker, Claudie, Pie's Hannah, Emma Maya nailed it.
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 2: Joshua Schultz, Andreas, Matthew, Connor, Neck Pubes, Almanda, Nora, Charm
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 2: City Therapist, Emily Cope, Garrett Godfrey, Jareva, Nate Walk, Scoop,
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 2: Bucky Yep, Squabby, the Lastition, the Widow, Shitty Titty Kitty Rene. Okay,
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 2: that's a good one. Kyle Sharton, Matt Sunrise, cod Bob
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 2: Peas and Clams, Tom Power Player Number one, Rain, Claudia Dohan,
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 2: Joseph Wagner and Welcoming Jeff Darnell.
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 1: That list is getting long. That's what she said. Thank you,
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 1: theradactyls Ice, Blue Scoop, Scoop, Brady, Brian Lehman, Andrew and
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 1: Andrea Anderson, Frozen Cusser Scoop, Lindsey Laurie Eltroth, Polygon Scoopy,
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 1: Scoopy just just sigh showing again. Okie Scoop, Dang, Butta
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 1: Brooks Slyile, Adam Ritchick, Lovely Spark, Uh Yeah o E
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 1: Time nailed it. Uh Jim and Manu, not that Jim,
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: but that Manu, the offices of Counselor and Counselor, A
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 1: Krusty Crosson Milk Lush, Mike Lush, Technical Scoop port Mommy
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 1: Domati Dale, the King, case Casey, Oh Casey Mentor, Nice
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 1: Milk Boy, and Rebecca Boonstra. And of course we.
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 2: Want to thank the benevolent, revered, generous and flagrantly pro
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 2: therapy Diehard who loves you all so much they give
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 2: till it hurts? Are there a partner? Pickett?
• 1:30:31
  Speaker 1: And we want to thank our.
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 2: Bosses, the mysterious and shrouded Illuminati members of the fan
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 2: Club that their producers thank you. Jake Schneider, Meira, Robert
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 2: Brownie Junior, Mint, Smitty Scoop, Richard Fucking Mazie, Judy Schneider, Malia,
• 1:30:41
  Speaker 2: Leon Cassab, Carolyn Albert, Kevin Chamberlain, Tess Miller's Dan Martin,
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 2: Sammy Scoop Slurpikaye motherfucker, Ben Stanley slapping your face, Sarah Smith,
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 2: Adam Hathaway, Builer Team, Mike halm Oscar Swan Rose, Paris
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 2: A Sonny Boy, Darren Cunningham Lives, Sandra Mcwoffle Team Monico,
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 2: Thunder Cougar, Falcon, Scoop, Hey o Anna, Marie Andrew Lingmeat,
• 1:30:59
  Speaker 2: Emma Tonka and Pony Soprano Alina Brady, Malay Chick Chick, Filetio,
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 2: Gabriela Damei, Sean Sutherland, max A Ginger, Scoop, Chad mag
• 1:31:06
  Speaker 2: Adam Moore and Inkle of Prince, Sam Cone, Bgay Do Crimes,
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 2: l e Odare Not Cure, Knightley and amyardvar.
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 1: If you would like to do this episode uncut and unedited,
• 1:31:18
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• 1:31:23
  Speaker 1: mental health.
• 1:31:23
  Speaker 2: That's all the time we got for this week's session.
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 2: I want to thank our landlords, s J and the
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 2: Rocket Studios, and thanks to those of you who contributed
• 1:31:31
  Speaker 2: to our show today.
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: We really appreciate it.
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 2: But remember pod therapy isn't something to keep all of yourself.
• 1:31:36
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• 1:31:48
  Speaker 1: Do you want to submit a question of the show.
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 1: You can ask anonymously a plot therep dot email us
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 1: at POT Therapy guys at gmail dot com, or click
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 1: the link in the episode description if you take it
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 1: to anonymous. Google for him.
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 2: I'm Nick, I'm Jim.
• 1:32:01
  Speaker 1: Thanks and we'll see you for your appointment next week.
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 1: And Whitney, you were a lot tonight.
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 4: God, I sure was.
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 1: I hate everybody weird. Bye bye bye