Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / Tips for Caregivers: Finding Joy in Hard Times (for parents, grandparents, and more) w/ Diana Derringer

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Tips for Caregivers: Finding Joy in Hard Times (for parents, grandparents, and more) w/ Diana Derringer · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm excited for today's show because I know it will be a great encouragement to parents, grandparents, and to anyone who is a caregiver.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: We have award-winning writer and author, Diana Deringer, with us, sharing tips for caregivers, finding joy in hard times for parents, grandparents, and more.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Diana is an award-winning writer and author who shares hope and joy through devotions, articles, dramas, Bible studies, planning guides, and poems in more than 70 publications.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: She also writes radio dramas and television programs for Christ to the World Ministries and shares weekly blog posts on words, wit, and wisdom.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: Her adventures as a social worker, adjunct professor, youth Bible study teacher, friendship family for international university students, and caregiver for her husband supply a constant flow of writing ideas.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I am so glad to have her here today.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the show, Diana.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited to be with you.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, me too.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I have been encouraged by your caregiver tip series on Instagram for some time now.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I just knew you'd be a great fit for the show.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Parents are the ultimate caregivers.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that many are in that challenging life stage called the sandwich generation.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: I've been there myself, you know, where they're caring for their kids and their aging parents.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm glad you're here to share some encouragement today.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Please tell us a little bit about yourself, your story, and some of your practical tips for caregivers of all kinds.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: I've often compared our caregiving experience to riding a roller coaster in the middle of a storm.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: One minute we're up, and the next we plummet to the depths of despair.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: We experience frequent twists and turns, and some are expected, and others are so expected they take our breath away.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And all the time there's this cloud hanging over us, just ready to drench us.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And rumbles of thunder and lightning flashes warn us of incoming trouble.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's been our experience for more than 21 years.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: In early 2004, my husband said, something's not right.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what it is, but I intend to find out.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Memory lapses, um, extreme fatigue, brief episodes of garbled speech.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: He was ready for an answer.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so was I.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: We were not ready for the answer.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: We received a malignant brain tumor with a prognosis of three to five years.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh nice.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: With that information, I scheduled appointments and sorted medications while Tim withdrew uh most of the day to process our new reality.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And when he emerged, he said, God and I had a little talk, and everything's going to be okay.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Did he mean he knew he would live or that the path ahead would be easy?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Nevertheless, he rested in the assurance that God would walk through us during these hard times.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And rather than fear the future, we claim the truth of Isaiah 41:10.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Fear not, for I am with you.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: I will strengthen you.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I will help you.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: We would not be alone.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Along with that initial radiation, he took chemotherapy pills five nights every month.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And because of his extreme fatigue and the memory difficulties and other health issues, his position as a store manager and my ability to go on international mission trips, which was my passion, came to a screeching halt.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: In 2007, three and one half years after treatments began, we rejoiced in the news of remission.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: No chemotherapy capsule five nights a month, no medication to prevent nausea, increased energy and appetite and sleep, but at the same time, MRIs and blood tests and numerous medical appointments became our new normal.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Then in 2009, the afternoon following another all-clear checkup from the neurosurgeon, our lives nosedived again.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: From the opposite side of the house, I heard my husband fall hard.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I flew to our bathroom where I found him face down in a pool of blood.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: As he fell, his head hit the shower door handle and then landed on the step into the shower.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: His guttural sounds terrified me more than the blood.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: When I called 911, the dispatcher said, Don't move him unless he stops breathing.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: But eventually I had to lift his head out of the blood so he wouldn't inhale it.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Shortly before I heard the sirens, his breathing stopped.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: He had suffered a heart attack, stroke, and traumatic brain injury from the fall.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Medical staff thought he would die when they removed him from his respirator the next day.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: However, he breathed on his own, tracked emotion and sound, and squeezed our hands in response to prompts.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Two days later, he was sitting up talking with us and joking.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Miracle number two.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, right.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um in 2020, he began a rapid decline, and we could find no answers.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: That climaxed the day, I noticed significant stroke symptoms.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Following multiple tests, we discovered he was having seizures that did not manifest like his typical seizures.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that, combined with a recent urinary tract infection, caused his old stroke symptoms to resurface with a vengeance.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: He had not had a new stroke, he had not had a heart attack.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: It was seizure activity that we just didn't recognize.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And once he began a higher dose of anti-seizure medication, he improved.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: However, with each major incident, his needs became greater than before.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And we're currently facing a few new challenges, but we hope that we are beginning to get some answers.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: I can see what you mean by roller coaster ride.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it also kind of reminds me of the beginning of Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know, where it says it's been the best of times and the worst of times.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: The worst of times, yes.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: It has definitely been hard.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: We don't understand everything all about it.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't have any guarantees for the future, but no one does.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: But regardless of our circumstances or the direction this journey takes, we've made our choice.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: We choose joy.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so um we want we wanted to share a bit of our journey, and we wanted to share with other people who are in this same journey with us, or similar ones, um, some things that might make life a little bit easier.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we've we've had 20 plus years of experience.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: So a few tips, four tips on uh ways to prepare, and I think one of the most important is just to expect life to change.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, nothing remains the same forever.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: But with my husband's malignant train but excuse me, brain tumor diagnosis, our lives changed dramatically.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: But peace came when we gave all of our knowns and our unknowns and our changes to our all-knowing, never-changing God.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Tip number two uh is to prepare for the worst, but enjoy the best.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: No one knows what the future holds, yet we do know we have this moment of this day.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: So let's choose to enjoy it with all of its ups and downs and trust God to carry us through whatever storms arise.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Then uh a third tip along those lines is to accept or assign new roles that our loved ones can no longer perform.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: But as we do that, we have to protect our own health in order to continue our caregiving role.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And we find much truth in the advice to eat right and exercise and get sufficient sleep as we can.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so a support system of caring people boosts us both physically and emotionally.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and I think of I'll just interject here, you know, sometimes care can sound selfish, but it can I think there is wisdom in that because when we do make time to care for ourselves, then we have more of that strength and and to care for others.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: So no, I I think that's so important.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I've had two doctors tell me in the last couple of years, you know, things that I was going to have to do or have to stop doing in order to continue providing the care that my husband needs.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I've listened to them and it has made a significant difference.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: So we can get so into caring that we for for others that we forget that we have to care for ourselves in order to continue that.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: So the last of this particular type of um tip is to focus on each day's blessings rather than dread what the future may hold.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a tough one because uh, you know, we we tend to lean toward worry, and but worry and dread accomplish nothing positive.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Rather, they wear us down physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, so true.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Then some some practical pointers.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, first of all, persist in seeking answers to unusual symptoms.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we've had to do that a couple of times.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, at least three.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, in early 2004, when my husband made an appointment with our family physician, he said, I don't want you poking and probing, I just want you to listen.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: And our doctor listened, and within a week, my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: So needs have to be known before they can be met.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And we know what's going on.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we may not know what's causing it or or what the solution is, but we can share what we know.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's that working with the doctors, right?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: We have to be ourselves.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's true.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Then seek moments of diversion from the ongoing stress of illness.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Go for a walk, even if it's in the house or on a treadmill, read a book, uh, watch a movie, sing or play a favorite song, call a friend.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do at least one thing each day that gives you joy.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, third, when you become frustrated or hateful or grouchy, and maybe none of your listeners ever do that.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: But from someone who does, remember to treat your family members with the same courtesy and respect that you would give a visitor to your home.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, granted, you would never perform uh certain caregiving tasks for your visitors, but that's beside the point.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Your loved one deserves the same kindness and compassion that you extend to others.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then the fourth one, throw perfectionism out the window.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us want everything planned and carried out exactly as we planned.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: We want everything in its place and for life to run smoothly according to our wishes, but that's not the way life works.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: We must eventually accept our limits and learn to do what we can when we can and let the rest go.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then I want to um leave you with uh a promise and a call for persistence.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: First, memorize Matthew 11, 28, where Jesus promises, Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Although our bodies may be tired and our emotions drained and our schedules over the top, Jesus promises peace and presence in the midst of everything.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: We can rest in the comfort that He will never leave us and will carry us through whatever we encounter.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then I challenge everyone to choose joy every day, regardless of the circumstances.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I wrote a poem, Rejoice, a few years ago during one of our major crises, and I hope it challenges your heart as it has mine.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Some days we bask in the sunshine, some we dance in the rain, others we slog through storms that never seem to stop.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Throw open wide your arms, embrace them one and all.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Squeeze every moment's joy, every single drop.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: This is the day the Lord has made.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: Is it okay if I share that in the show notes?
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I'm gonna make a note of that because I know your encouragement.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Diana, thank you so much for sharing your heart and your encouragement for those right in the middle of the messiness, you know, of caregiving.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: And one thing that stood out to me that I think could apply to everyone, you know, even in different types of caregiving situations situations, is your tip to focus on each day's blessings rather than dread what the future may hold.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that is sound advice for us all.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, now before we close, Diana, you have a book coming out.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: So please tell us a little bit about that.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Tracy Crump, a former intensive care nurse, and I recently signed a contract with our Daily Bread to publish our book, Finding Joy in the Caregiving Journey.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Based on our caregiver experiences, um, Finding Joy will include 90 devotions plus related caregiver tips similar to what I've shared with you today, just kind of simplified.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And the book is scheduled for release probably summer of 2027.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: So prayers for it are appreciated.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that is exciting.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Congratulations.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: I look forward to seeing and hearing more about that.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, I just encourage people to follow you.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: I follow you on Instagram, and I'm so encouraged by your content.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I just want to thank you for being on the show today, Diana.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: And listeners, thank you for joining us.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Again, I encourage you to connect with Diana online.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: You will find links to her website and to all of her social media handles in the show notes.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: So be sure to check that out.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: I have no doubt that you will be encouraged.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then come back next week for another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Until then, have a blessed week.