Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 239. How to Let Go of Emotional Baggage in Midlife with Author Lisa Najarian

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239. How to Let Go of Emotional Baggage in Midlife with Author Lisa Najarian · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

0:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
0:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Henkelman, certified Emptiness Coach and your listening to the mid-life Mama podcast.
0:15
[SPEAKER_00]: This show is for Christian moms navigating the Emptiness, learning how to let go with grace, set healthy boundaries, reconnected marriage, and step confidently into their God-given purpose.
0:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Each week I'll coach you through this season with Faith Building Couragement
0:31
[SPEAKER_00]: on his conversations and practical tools that you can apply right away to your relationships and your life.
0:37
[SPEAKER_00]: If this episode encourages you, I'd be grateful if you leave a quick rating and review.
0:42
[SPEAKER_00]: It helps other moms find the support they need.
0:45
[SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the link in the show notes and make sure you're following the podcast and let's get started.
0:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to our special her next chapter series where we're exploring the opportunities,
1:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Would a emotional baggage have you been carrying that God never intended you to carry alone?
1:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So many women have spent years holding everything together for everyone else, while quietly Karen hurt to submit the grant for fear.
1:18
[SPEAKER_00]: But what if this season is your invitation to fly me on behalf of some of that good?
1:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Today, I'm joined by Lisa Najarian's founder of the U.
1:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Gold Girl Movement and author of Girl Unpacked Bats.
1:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Together, we're talking about why women carry emotional baggage, how friendship can become a place of healing, and practical steps towards finding greater freedom.
1:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Mama, if you've been feeling laid down, I think this conversation is exactly what your heart needs today.
1:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome, Lisa.
1:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, Pamela.
1:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to jump in right away and tell us how this book came to be.
1:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you tell us that story?
1:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, NAM.
1:57
[SPEAKER_01]: A couple of things.
1:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Number one, my own life.
2:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I grew up calling myself the perpetual new girl because I went to 10 different elementary schools.
2:05
[SPEAKER_01]: My mom loved to move all over the place.
2:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was not only packing my physical baggage, but as a young child, I had emotional baggage that I didn't even
2:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't even know how to put a name on, really.
2:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Then I didn't realize that I had that until I was older.
2:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's number one.
2:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to enter into different rooms all the time.
2:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to figure out, I had to read the room and to figure out where I fit.
2:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to figure out,
2:34
[SPEAKER_01]: all these different classrooms at a very young age and trying to figure out was I going to be liked, was I not going to be like, and as an adult woman, I realized that there are so many other women out there that carry baggage.
2:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I was not the only one trying to fit in.
2:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I was not the only one trying to belong.
2:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Might even though
2:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not a negative thing that my mom moved me around, but prepared me for a lot of things in life.
2:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that that that experience as a young child prepared me for having to figure out where I fit in life and how to belong.
3:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's one one reason why I wrote this book.
3:12
[SPEAKER_01]: The other reason is I went on a girl's weekend trip.
3:15
[SPEAKER_01]: and we impact a bunch of baggage.
3:17
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what you do.
3:17
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what you do is women.
3:19
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a lot cheaper than therapy.
3:21
[SPEAKER_01]: We impact a lot of baggage and I walked away from that truck.
3:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I sat in the airport.
3:26
[SPEAKER_01]: It was in Santa Barbara.
3:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm originally from California and my friends were there out there too.
3:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And we were at this really cute beach house in Santa Barbara.
3:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I got to the airport after the weekend trip,
3:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I realized, oh my gosh, women carry baggage.
3:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And we can carry it for a day, or a week, or a year, decades, and it's heavy.
3:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh, it's heavy.
3:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And when you find a safe space to be able to unpack that,
3:55
[SPEAKER_01]: with your friends, with your girlfriends, you can live so, so much lighter.
4:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, the book, so I wrote this book, it took me seven years, so I wrote girl unpacked that, and it's really the introduction to my company, you go girl.
4:10
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's your short answer.
4:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that, at least.
4:14
[SPEAKER_00]: You've said that women were never meant to carry their emotional baggage alone.
4:18
[SPEAKER_00]: So why do you think so many of us spend years pretending that we're fine while quietly carrying so much?
4:27
[SPEAKER_01]: We have a lot of expectations put on us as women.
4:32
[SPEAKER_01]: We are, we're mothers, many of us are mothers where wives, sisters, daughters, aunts, there's just a lot of pressure for women in lives and the older that we get when we get into midlife.
4:47
[SPEAKER_01]: We haven't even, I think, more expectations because we're supposed to be these matriarchs or these wonder women in other people's lives, not only our own life, but in other people's lives.
5:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And we carry a lot.
5:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think a lot of us,
5:05
[SPEAKER_01]: We remain in survival mode, especially if you're a mom and you're taking care of kids and you're trying to take care of yourself and then as we age, we're taking care of our parents, we're taking care of our husbands or our partners or whatever it might be and we just we carry a lot and we don't really learn we.
5:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you ever been to a class that taught us how to unpack our baggage?
5:29
[SPEAKER_01]: How to let go how to successfully and efficiently let go of what weighs us down?
5:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
5:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You're saying this.
5:38
[SPEAKER_00]: What I hear you saying is the reason that women often say, no, I'm fine.
5:42
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just that number one, there is too much going on.
5:46
[SPEAKER_00]: There's actually not time to unpack it or are we sometimes afraid to unpack it?
5:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's a mechanism that was built early on for me for my own experience.
6:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a mechanism that was built during my 10 different elementary school.
6:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It might experience there.
6:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's a combination of everything that you just said.
6:10
[SPEAKER_01]: We get too busy.
6:11
[SPEAKER_01]: We just, we kind of get into this mode of compensation and survival.
6:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And we just keep going because it becomes our routine.
6:20
[SPEAKER_01]: that we've carved all these years to keep going to make sure that everything rhymes.
6:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
6:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Properly.
6:23
[SPEAKER_01]: When efficient, really.
6:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And people keep annoying.
6:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, spread.
6:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody.
6:25
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't
6:40
[SPEAKER_00]: You talk about bonding awareness guidance and sisterhood.
6:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Could you walk us through each piece and explain why they're essential for emotional healing?
6:52
[SPEAKER_00]: It's me.
6:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I created something that I really wanted women to be able to happen front of them as a guide.
7:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't profess to be a counselor or an expert or anything like that.
7:11
[SPEAKER_01]: a lot in my life.
7:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I called my life from peanut butter to caviar.
7:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I grew up really super poor and I've lived a very expansive life and I feel that I can
7:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel that I can identify with a lot of women in life.
7:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I wrote this framework with that in mind that when we all curie baggage, we have different levels of how to unpack it.
7:35
[SPEAKER_01]: But the most important, not the most important, in this format, with these steps, 1, 2, 3, 4, the bad framework is number one is bonding.
7:47
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to find a safe space, and it looks different for everybody.
7:52
[SPEAKER_01]: We all carry baggage.
7:55
[SPEAKER_01]: It just weighs differently with everyone.
7:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So bonding is very important.
7:59
[SPEAKER_01]: The second step in the framework that I've created is awareness.
8:03
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to name your baggage.
8:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to be aware of it.
8:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to figure out what it is.
8:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And guidance is simply when you're with your friend or friends.
8:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And they are listening, they are not trying to fix.
8:20
[SPEAKER_01]: They are just simply sitting there with you, saying, I see you, I get you, I understand you, unpack it, sister.
8:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the sister heard the last step in the back's framework is simply being with your friends.
8:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And they're saying to you, you belong here.
8:41
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't need to, you don't need to carry this alone.
8:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm here with you organically.
8:46
[SPEAKER_01]: We've created this sisterhood, and I'm here with you.
8:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So the bag's framework is a four step process to be able to follow, however, tight or loosely you want to follow it, to be able to let down that stuff that really weighs you down.
9:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I love that around here on the Midlife Mama podcast as a coach.
9:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I talk about awareness all the time.
9:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything starts with awareness.
9:09
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't even know what's going on inside of you, you're not going to be able to actually say, I am carrying this.
9:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And so naming it is so powerful.
9:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
9:20
[SPEAKER_00]: The Commandium my listeners are in Midlife and they're launching children or they're caring for aging parents.
9:26
[SPEAKER_00]: or they're navigating unexpected changes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: One client of emotional baggage tends to surface during this season of life.
9:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Gosh, there's so much, isn't there?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like the longer we live in the more experience we have in life, there's just so much.
9:42
[SPEAKER_01]: We get into so many different situations.
9:44
[SPEAKER_01]: We carry a lot of guilt, the older we get, the more we get into midlife because we look back and we reflect on the things that we could have done.
9:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that guilt is one resentment is a lot because I think a lot of women at the stage carry a lot of resentment because they have been doing exactly what we just talked about.
10:03
[SPEAKER_01]: They've been carrying this weight, they've been carrying this baggage because they have just really wanted the machine to continue to work and they've not thought about themselves first they have thought about everybody else and making everything work and so they become very resentful their kids leave and they don't have to manage their sports schedules or homework schedules they've left and they don't have to manage them anymore.
10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And they kind of get to a space where they are like what am I going to do for me and why hasn't any yeah I'm been this right now, who's going to take care of me, anyway, there's just there's so, so many sometimes friendships no longer shit or relationships no longer shit into women's lives at this level anymore seasons change we don't always align with the people that we once aligned with the older we go the more experience fair there's a myriad of different of different.
10:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Issues for lack of a better word, not everything is always an issue, but there's a lot of different, there's a lot of different baggage that we carry in midlife as opposed to our younger years.
11:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, just because we live longer.
11:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
11:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So I so much enjoyed reading your book and your story of that weekend away with your with was high school or college besties.
11:21
[SPEAKER_01]: The story is based on the original trip that I took with the three best friends that I had from time I was 12 years old.
11:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, wow, childhood friends.
11:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
11:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
11:32
[SPEAKER_01]: But the girls that you read about in the story.
11:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Excuse me, in my book, our fictional.
11:38
[SPEAKER_01]: They are, they, the book was inspired by the trip, but my story in the book is nonfiction.
11:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So what you read about me, it starts with my mother's death, and all of that is true, but the story about the women is all fictional.
11:53
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, those girls that I went on that original Santa Barbara trip, those were my best friends since I was 12.
12:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So,
12:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Once my mom stopped moving, actually, once I got into junior high, the boundaries of junior high became wider.
12:08
[SPEAKER_01]: So we could move around in the district boundaries.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And so once I was in junior high and then high school, I kept the same prunes for all that time.
12:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was the first time in my life that I was able to do that.
12:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So those girls at the age of 12, I held on to
12:26
[SPEAKER_00]: That's awesome.
12:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So well in the book you talk so much about just this belief that friendship is one of the greatest gifts for healing.
12:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And so what does healthy life-giving friendship actually look like and how can women cultivate those relationships if they feel lonely or disconnected?
12:42
[SPEAKER_00]: This sense of
12:47
[SPEAKER_00]: you don't gather anymore with the people who you had.
12:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Your friends were your kids' friends, parents, because them all the time, at activities.
12:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And now you don't have that.
12:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, who are my friends now?
12:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about that.
13:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Friendship definitely changes.
13:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Your seasons of friendship definitely changes.
13:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you asking how friendships in midlife, boo-ie-you?
13:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, it's tough though, isn't it?
13:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we do really change, I've just had a falling out with some long girlfriends.
13:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's because I really truly believe that the lens that we look through is different and our perception is completely different.
13:31
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to really, in my opinion, I feel that you have to be really careful of.
13:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Who are you choosing to sit with?
13:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And who are you choosing to make sure that this person is gonna be non-judgmental?
13:45
[SPEAKER_01]: That's gonna have the same perception that you have.
13:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's somebody who's actually going to listen and not try to fix it.
13:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So it can be very tough or it cannot be.
13:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Some people, some people, and I don't mean to be on both sides here, but some women have just grown this way together.
14:06
[SPEAKER_01]: and have been on the same path and not as super, super fortunate for all of you women out there who have that.
14:11
[SPEAKER_01]: It's amazing.
14:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And that is what we're trying to build with you grow grows that we're trying to build this community of women that allows other women to meet other women and to feel like they are in a safe space with them so that they have a place where they feel seen and they feel heard and they have a space to be able to put down what they've been carrying for
14:35
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you find that you're a woman that doesn't have that with other women, you go girl is a space where you can call to be that with other women.
14:44
[SPEAKER_00]: That's beautiful.
14:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so you're saying in friendships, you want it to be judgmental.
14:49
[SPEAKER_00]: You want it to be, you don't have to fix me.
14:51
[SPEAKER_00]: You want empathy where you just say, hey, I see that what you're dealing with is difficult and I'm going to sit here with you in it.
14:58
[SPEAKER_00]: That's so powerful.
14:58
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we talk about a lot on the mid-like mama.
15:02
[SPEAKER_00]: doing that with our adult children.
15:04
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not here to fix them.
15:05
[SPEAKER_00]: We're here to empathize with them.
15:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's just a beautiful way to have healthy relationships.
15:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, if you couldn't fix them for the first 18 years, your kids, you already tried.
15:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You did the 8th birthday, 18.
15:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
15:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
15:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey Mama, if your house feels too quiet and your heart feels too heavy after launching your child, I've created a guide just for you.
15:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It's called journaling through transitional grief, a gentle, faith-filled resource to help you process the deep of motions of letting go.
15:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Inside you'll find six reflection questions that will help you name your feelings.
15:44
[SPEAKER_00]: invite God into the grief and experience his comfort in the middle of change.
15:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Remember, transitional grief is only his season and God is leading you toward peace, purpose, and joy.
15:56
[SPEAKER_00]: You can grab your free copy at the link in the show notes.
16:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
16:03
[SPEAKER_00]: So, tell me what quality is most important to you and a friendship?
16:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Think it is evolved over over my 60 years.
16:12
[SPEAKER_01]: So I got this cute news shirt from somebody.
16:15
[SPEAKER_01]: It came by Amazon yesterday.
16:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I have no idea who sent it to me.
16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been texting everyone.
16:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm 60 at the end of the month.
16:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I think hello, her shirt says hello, 60 if you.
16:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Is this a bathroom to the audio?
16:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yes, is it in these 60 years?
16:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that is that my thought process has evolved.
16:34
[SPEAKER_01]: What's been important to me has evolved over all these years.
16:40
[SPEAKER_01]: As of late is reciprocation in a friendship is very important.
16:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Then I always say that relationships, but in particular to women together, for the sake of this podcast, it's not always 50, 50.
16:56
[SPEAKER_01]: In fact, most of the time it's 90, 10, 80, 20, and it goes back and
17:05
[SPEAKER_01]: our digital age of our lives.
17:09
[SPEAKER_01]: This is why I try so diligently to promote, to getting together with women, getting together with your friends, actually seeing them face-to-face, smelling the perfume, feeling their warm hug because we have because of our phones and computers and the zooms and all of this technology.
17:33
[SPEAKER_01]: human touch.
17:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And that is really important to me to be able to be with somebody live.
17:43
[SPEAKER_01]: But the reciprocation of you trying to make an appointment, not appointment.
17:47
[SPEAKER_01]: But you trying to get together with me.
17:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Can we go have a cup of tea?
17:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've lived around a lot of different places in the nation.
17:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So I have many friends that are in different states.
17:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And so the best that we can do sometimes is either FaceTime or Zoom.
18:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And I am constantly trying to initiate that.
18:05
[SPEAKER_01]: That's really important to me that my friends try to do that with me.
18:09
[SPEAKER_01]: That's for subjugation to me.
18:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to see you.
18:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to hear you.
18:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to know what's going on in your life.
18:15
[SPEAKER_01]: That's very important to me.
18:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So I say, let's say that's my number one priority in friendship right now is reciprocation.
18:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And it doesn't have to be, like I said, it doesn't have to be at the same level.
18:27
[SPEAKER_01]: as the other person is doing it.
18:29
[SPEAKER_01]: But just something that says, I care about you.
18:33
[SPEAKER_00]: That's really important to me right now.
18:35
[SPEAKER_00]: That's good.
18:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I something that I value in friendship very much is honesty.
18:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if someone says to me, especially a friend, I'm fine.
18:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll say, I can see that you are not fine.
18:48
[SPEAKER_00]: You are not fine at all.
18:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about it.
18:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I just think that's so valuable.
18:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you kind of question, why is she not opening up to me?
18:58
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the in the back's framework you're trying to find somebody to bond with and so I I kind of and it's sort of sounds like you are too we kind of have this backdrop of being a fixer being kind of that person who wants to be there to come for yeah but not everybody once that or knows how to do that was somebody and I think that as women in our lives we've been burned we've been with those we've been with those friends who.
19:28
[SPEAKER_01]: have either been judgmental or they have the other person has devolved something that they didn't want them devolved about them.
19:35
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's very important.
19:37
[SPEAKER_01]: But honesty is super important and letting that friend know that you're there for them in an honest space.
19:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, no matter what.
19:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
19:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so here's a question for you.
19:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Was there a piece of emotional baggage you personally had to unpack?
19:55
[SPEAKER_00]: That surprised you.
19:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, boy, you should have given me this one last week.
20:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm like, I need a really very cared for it.
20:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it against your, I'd rather have your just on the spot?
20:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
20:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Is there a piece of emotional baggage that I have unpacked to that his surprise to me?
20:20
[SPEAKER_01]: As you can tell, I'm long-winded.
20:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to try to make this as short as I can.
20:26
[SPEAKER_01]: We rehabbed the home down in Florida right on it was our dream home and it was this quintessential little 1970s home that was around the water down close to Sarasota and it was completely wiped off the map with Hurricane Milton in 2024 and I found that my stress level and all of the stuff that happened to me.
20:53
[SPEAKER_01]: put me in almost a hermit sort of a space and we have another home up here in Minnesota and so we came back here and I took that opportunity to almost close myself off from a lot of people and over the course of the last couple of years I have found out about myself that
21:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And maybe it's come with age Pamela.
21:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to put sure, maybe it's been the progression of getting older in the last two years.
21:22
[SPEAKER_01]: But I have really found out that I don't need to be everybody's friends.
21:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And I do not need to be friends with everybody.
21:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't need to be the keeper of all the plans and initiating all of the communication.
21:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And really, finishing my book and really getting my company, you go girl together and closing everybody off, you would really be surprised at who the people were that checked in on me after losing this house.
22:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've had heard from you in a while, are you okay, what's going on?
22:08
[SPEAKER_01]: My circle became very small.
22:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that the baggage that I unpacked
22:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I once was the server, I once was the creator, I once was the initiator, and what I impact was that I don't have to be that to make myself happy, and I don't, I don't have to do that.
22:37
[SPEAKER_01]: to make everybody like me.
22:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's what it was.
22:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I wonder if I was doing that to make everybody else happy and not myself.
22:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Like all of us do, oh my goodness, this is such a problem for women, our age.
22:53
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think once we get into our 60s, we're realized, hey, I don't have to do that anymore.
22:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't have, there's this new sense of freedom.
23:02
[SPEAKER_00]: There's this new sense of understanding our self-spetter.
23:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm like the cheerleader of growing older gracefully.
23:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's fabulous.
23:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's wonderful.
23:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I think we finally come into who we really are.
23:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So yay for the 60s on a side note.
23:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And I also think that it really was what we thought about in our own minds as opposed to what we saw everybody else was thinking about.
23:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think that a lot of, well, maybe they did, but the things that I was thinking about that I thought everybody else cared about.
23:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I really don't think that they cared about it.
23:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that was proven by when I became a hermit and nobody really cared, and I was like, then, nobody really cared.
23:46
[SPEAKER_01]: The work so hard anymore.
23:47
[SPEAKER_01]: That was.
23:49
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why sketch was so much easier now.
23:53
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a beautiful revelation.
23:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, okay.
23:57
[SPEAKER_00]: One last question.
23:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, but a woman listening today realizes she's been carrying something for years like regret, disappointment, fear, shame, or grief, but doesn't know where to begin.
24:08
[SPEAKER_00]: What is one small step she can take this week to start unpacking it?
24:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You've already said it, Pamela, and I think that it's really important.
24:20
[SPEAKER_01]: it's to name it.
24:21
[SPEAKER_01]: It's to become aware of whatever it is.
24:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's just say it's resentment like we talked about earlier.
24:30
[SPEAKER_01]: If you sit on the couch at night, watching whatever Netflix shows you're watching and you find yourself just resentful and getter and you just
24:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't really know what it is.
24:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Try very hard to just sit with yourself, but your phone aside, sit in a quiet space and try to figure out what is it?
24:59
[SPEAKER_01]: that is making my life so heavy and eventually, hopefully, we pray that we can figure out that it is whatever it is.
25:08
[SPEAKER_01]: So in this case, it would be resentment.
25:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And once you name it and once you identify it, it doesn't mean you have to fix it immediately, but sit with it, naming it and then try to make small changes along the way.
25:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So my advice would be
25:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, I'm not for a professional.
25:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I am not a counselor.
25:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I've just, I'm very, I'm a very experienced, almost 60 year old midlife monla, telling you, name your baggage, name it.
25:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Instead with it, and then eventually, you will be able to let it go over it.
25:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Or even file it in a cabinet that is safer for you to feel lighter in life.
25:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And from a faith blends, I always say, just bring it into the light,
25:55
[SPEAKER_00]: He knows your experience.
25:57
[SPEAKER_00]: He already knows that you're carrying that.
25:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So just bring it to him, bring it out into the light.
26:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And it will actually feel much lighter.
26:04
[SPEAKER_00]: He's a great bestie to be able to trust in the safe space.
26:08
[SPEAKER_01]: He sure.
26:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Mama, I hope this conversation encouraged you to take an honest look about at what you've been carrying.
26:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Healing doesn't happen because we ignore our pain, it begins when we bring it into the light, invite God into the process, and allow trusted people to walk alongside us.
26:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip of the week.
26:28
[SPEAKER_00]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
26:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
26:37
[SPEAKER_00]: This week, I want you to do
26:45
[SPEAKER_00]: simply name it, and then set with it.
26:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't stuff it down like we do for ignored it with it, and then see what God does.
26:53
[SPEAKER_00]: We thought I want to thank you for being here today, and could you please tell us where my listeners can get your book and any other resources you have?
27:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
27:03
[SPEAKER_01]: My book is on Amazon.
27:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually, and I know that you will know this.
27:07
[SPEAKER_01]: My book made it to number two on the best sellers list on Amazon.
27:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Only to Max Lucato.
27:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure you know who that is.
27:14
[SPEAKER_01]: He's a pastor down in San Antonio.
27:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And he is sold over 150 million bucks.
27:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So I will stand number two next to him any day in a week.
27:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So you can find the paper back on Amazon.
27:27
[SPEAKER_01]: You can also get the Kindle on Amazon, the digital copy.
27:31
[SPEAKER_01]: girl unpack that is the name of my book and you can also buy it assigned copy on my website and my website is u-go-girl.com.
27:42
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
27:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I will leave all those links in the show notes.
27:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Mama, if today's episode encouraged you, would you please take a moment to share it with a friend who may also need the message, just use that little share button.
27:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Until next time, grace and peace, Mama, you've got this and God's got you.
28:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama podcast.
28:03
[SPEAKER_00]: My hope is that you leave each episode feeling encouraged, grounded and clearer.
28:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Clearer about what you're feeling, what God may be stirring in you, and how to move forward in the season of the empty nest.
28:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Through these conversations, I'm not just sharing stories, I'm coaching you, helping you name what's happening beneath the service, challenging the thoughts that keep you stuck and take intentional steps toward peace and confidence as a midlife mom.
28:30
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready to go deeper and want personalized coaching support, I invite you to apply for coaching.
28:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Coaching is a focused one-on-one space where we work together to gain clarity and
28:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Process emotions and discern what God is calling you to in this next chapter.
28:46
[SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the application linked in the show notes and let's stay connected.
28:51
[SPEAKER_00]: You can find me on Instagram at P-Hinkleman, that's P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, or on Facebook at Pamela Hinkleman, M-D-N-S-Coach.
29:01
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure out the season alone, Mama.
29:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Support and direction are possible, and I'm here when you're ready.