Latest / Gabriel Ellis, PhD | The Curious Mind Podcast / The I in stress: When the present is overwhelming
Transcript
- 0:03Hello everyone, my name is Gabriel Ellis and welcome to the
- 0:06Curious Mind podcast. I take a deeper look at
- 0:10psychological, spiritual, self development topics because I
- 0:16think that in the regular way in which these topics are portrayed
- 0:22on the Internet or on YouTube, they are handled too
- 0:26superficially. And so I'd like to invite you
- 0:29and introduce you to more complex perceptions on topics
- 0:34that sometimes are close to everyday experience, sometimes a
- 0:37little bit further away. Today I would like to be quite
- 0:41close to everyday experience with a topic of the eye in
- 0:45stress when the present is overwhelming and this effects, I
- 0:51think, many people in the workforce and in their private
- 0:55lives. We have, at least in Europe we
- 0:58have record numbers when it comes to sick days, sick leaves
- 1:04due to psychological distress, mental distress and I would
- 1:09assume that in other parts of the world this trend is either
- 1:13catching up or just the same as we experience it.
- 1:17In Europe, popular phenomena are burnout and obviously there is
- 1:22much talk and information about burnout.
- 1:26And also in relationships we have on a high level, we have
- 1:32numbers of separation, divorce, single households and so on.
- 1:38Not that this is seemingly exponentially rising, but the
- 1:41trend is relatively high. Another indicator is the
- 1:45frequent use of antidepressants, anxiety medication, all these
- 1:54sorts of kind of crutches and helps.
- 1:58Not usually. Not counted here is the abuse of
- 2:03normal drugs, so to speak, alcohol, THC.
- 2:07You know the drugs that are commonly available.
- 2:10Surely people are self medicating in this way as well.
- 2:14So there are surely many aspects that contribute to this
- 2:19phenomenon. And usually when I talk about it
- 2:22or I think also when you look at other content that is provided
- 2:27by professionals or semi professionals, we look at a more
- 2:33personal individualistic approach.
- 2:36What can I do to reduce my stress?
- 2:40How can I improve my relationship?
- 2:43All these sorts of questions. Today I want to look at a more
- 2:47systemic level because my experience in my clinical
- 2:51practice is that when clients come to me for therapy, they
- 2:56often have not talked in depth about the issues and because of
- 3:03that they could not explore the interconnection of different
- 3:07phenomena in their life. And as of consequence, often
- 3:12enough they have the perception that they are quite alone with
- 3:16their problem. They think that this is the
- 3:18problem that only they have or that a minority of people have.
- 3:23And surely A contribution to this is also the availability of
- 3:31self help, therapeutical content, Instagram and so on.
- 3:35So that there is a contrast between what people experience
- 3:39and what they perceive they should be able to do, which is
- 3:43to quickly fix themselves or that other people might not have
- 3:47these issues altogether. When we generally look at mental
- 3:56issues or the mind in general, we can distinguish between two
- 4:04kind of improvement factors or blockers, hindrances.
- 4:10So the one perspective is the perspective of challenges,
- 4:14right? So I have my problems and either
- 4:17I talk to friends, I read books or I go to therapy and then I
- 4:20describe my problems, problems with myself, with my confidence,
- 4:24with my partner, burnout at work and so forth.
- 4:28Now often enough another perspective is lost here, which
- 4:32is the perspective of resources. So while the challenges and the
- 4:37problems are on the heavy side, what is supportive is called in
- 4:43positive psychology resources. And the fact that I have a
- 4:48problem can be due to a big problem that I have in fact, but
- 4:54it can also be indicative of me having not enough resources.
- 4:57So ideally, in therapy we want to do both.
- 5:01We want to systematically look at how the issues continue to be
- 5:08in my life, reduce the impact of the problems, solve the problems
- 5:13if possible. But on the other hand, we also
- 5:15want to increase the impact of the positives, the resources.
- 5:22Now keep in mind, when I'm delving more into the
- 5:27problematic side of challenges in this video, I don't mean to
- 5:32say the challenges are negative only we need to be challenged.
- 5:35We want to be challenged. Challenges is something that we
- 5:39grow with, something that dramatically increases the
- 5:45quality of our lives when we're able to handle them, something
- 5:49that makes us grow and develop. But too much challenge is an
- 5:55overburden for our Organism and for our mind.
- 5:59Ideally, we should be able to have a few select challenges in
- 6:04our lives, concentrate on them, solve them, or get a grip on
- 6:10them in some way. Sometimes solutions are not
- 6:14possible and only processing as possible and then we can move
- 6:19over to the next challenges. What is unhealthy is that if
- 6:25there are too many challenges on too many fronts, and especially
- 6:28challenges that I have no say over, that are overwhelming both
- 6:37in the appearance in my life as also in the scope and the
- 6:43frequency and the attention that they need.
- 6:47Under these circumstances we just become frightened,
- 6:50overwhelmed, depressed or you know, even develop some sort of
- 6:56trauma symptoms. What we need in order to grow
- 7:01from challenges is self efficacy.
- 7:06The ability to choose to focus, to process, to digest, to
- 7:11develop an implement. OK, so keep that in mind.
- 7:15Challenges can be good, but under certain circumstances.
- 7:20Now, I talked about resources, and since this is a sometimes
- 7:25neglected aspect as a very important contributor to a
- 7:32successful overcoming of challenges, I want to highlight
- 7:36them a little bit more. There are inner resources and
- 7:40there are outer resources. Both are equally super
- 7:45important. We cannot do without one of
- 7:48these. We cannot live on inner
- 7:50resources alone. We cannot live on outer
- 7:53resources alone. Well, what are inner resources?
- 7:56Examples here are a sense of optimism, resilience, self
- 8:01compassion, motivation, perseverance, problem solving
- 8:06skills, and intelligence. A sense of humor that helps me
- 8:10to get an outside perspective. Creativity to help me to elevate
- 8:16my problems onto a realm that where art is kind of tapping
- 8:23into the aspects of our mind that allow me to deal with
- 8:30things from a different perspective, to look at them
- 8:33from a different perspective, not from the ego perspective all
- 8:37the time. Gratitude is another resource.
- 8:40It makes my heart glad. It softens my mind.
- 8:45Mindfulness. Why?
- 8:47Because I can be in the present moment, I can detach for a
- 8:51little bit from the burden of the problems that I have, and
- 8:56for other reasons as well. Social intelligence is a
- 9:01resource because it helps me to create out of resources which I
- 9:07will get into just in a bit. Emotional intelligence can help
- 9:13me to understand myself, to help understand others self efficacy.
- 9:17I've mentioned that the ability to learn how to influence the
- 9:22inner and outer circumstances in my life, and for some people at
- 9:26least, spirituality, a spiritual practice or a spiritual mindset
- 9:31can be a resource factor that makes me more resilient, more
- 9:36detached from the immediacy and the urgency of the situation as
- 9:42it is the difficult situation, as it is OK, so these are all
- 9:45inner resources. They are based in my character.
- 9:48They are based in my personality.
- 9:51Outdoor resources are first and foremost supportive
- 9:56relationships which can be friends, family, community.
- 10:01This is something quite existential.
- 10:03We can really not live without other people.
- 10:07They In other videos I go more into the complexities of how
- 10:14supportive relationships or relationships in general work,
- 10:17but they help us to bring out a very fundamental set of needs
- 10:23that is inside of us. We are also existentially social
- 10:28being so the recognition from others, the support from others,
- 10:32brings a very fundamental aspect of me into existence that I
- 10:38could not live without and for so many other reasons.
- 10:41So just take it for granted or reflect on it of how important
- 10:46supportive relationships are and how difficult and challenging
- 10:51life is when we have no supporting relationships at all.
- 10:57Another important resource out of resource is the access to
- 11:01healthcare, which it doesn't mean that I have to use it all
- 11:06the time, but to have access to healthcare just put my mind at
- 11:11ease and makes me more relaxed. I'm not too worried about
- 11:15situations when, for example, I cannot work or I have a serious
- 11:19illness. Other people depend on me.
- 11:21So for many reasons the access to Healthcare is important.
- 11:26The access to education just as well meaningful work, purposeful
- 11:33work is an out of resource. We spend a lot of time at work
- 11:37and when we connect work with purpose in our lives then we
- 11:44feel that we have done something meaningful, something enriching.
- 11:48We are interested. We develop with the work For so
- 11:53many reasons. Purpose for work is quite
- 11:56essential as an out of resource of course financial security and
- 12:02I've mentioned money, socio economic status in financial
- 12:05security, not in the 1st place because it is mostly symbolic.
- 12:10Financial security is something that I connect with the
- 12:17potential to do things, to buy things, to buy access to people,
- 12:23to services, to goods. But as such money is overrated
- 12:30as a factor. We always have to keep in mind
- 12:34that money is always symbolic. It represents the potential to
- 12:38get things. So This is why I put it at this
- 12:42place. Positive role models are
- 12:44important for us because this is partly how we develop.
- 12:48Surely when we're young this is quite important in the form of
- 12:51parents, friends, mentors, but also later on when we learn and
- 12:56we develop as adults. Cultural traditions are an
- 13:00outdoor resource that can make us feel at home and embedded in
- 13:04the community where we live. People who live as expats
- 13:08somewhere else, they sometimes see how markers of culture and
- 13:17of tradition are missing. And it might be maybe annoying
- 13:21to be exposed to the cultural traditions that where we have
- 13:26grown up in, but they can have something quite comforting and
- 13:31enable us to feel at home, which is again another important
- 13:35resource. The access to nature is
- 13:39important. And here the this is a challenge
- 13:43for urban community planners and for urban population.
- 13:50Because if they don't have parks, recreational areas right
- 13:55in front of the doorstep, then it's a logistic little
- 13:59logistical challenge to visit them and just to enjoy the quite
- 14:08primitive satisfaction that comes with being surrounded by
- 14:13nature. And the final resource that I
- 14:16want to mention is social support systems.
- 14:20There are so many, I would count even some bureaucratic services
- 14:25among them. All the things that enable us to
- 14:28live a normal life in society are part of the outer resources.
- 14:35So having described the inner resources and the outer
- 14:39resources, when resources are missing, like I said in the
- 14:43beginning, when they are missing, it's quite difficult to
- 14:48deal even with smaller issues. Because, you know, a metaphor
- 14:54for resources can be my battery. And when my battery is empty and
- 14:58challenges demand more energy and attention, I simply have
- 15:02nothing to give. So we need those resources as a
- 15:06balance, as a battery, to enable us to deal with problems at all,
- 15:12to have a good quality of life. The foundation for the inner
- 15:16resources that I mentioned Optimism, self compassion,
- 15:22motivation, perseverance, all of these things, the foundation for
- 15:27those inner resources, They come from childhood, earlier
- 15:31childhood, from the way that we are raised, from the 1st circle
- 15:37of friends and that goes into young adulthood.
- 15:41When we go to school, we finish school and university.
- 15:45These are the formative years. This is when our personality
- 15:50develops. Of course we remain to be
- 15:54malleable. We always adjust with the
- 15:57circumstances, but the foundation of the personality is
- 16:01laid and laid down in those years.
- 16:07Parents nowadays especially are quite aware of the
- 16:11responsibility that they have in child rearing and they seem to
- 16:18put more and more effort into correct child rearing and to the
- 16:26positive values in education. To instill positive values in
- 16:31education is I think, something that most parents nowadays are
- 16:36quite aware of, that you should encourage your children that you
- 16:40should teach them self efficacy, not to be afraid to count on the
- 16:46support of the parents and so forth.
- 16:49Yet it seems that even though it's quite a present prominent
- 16:56theme for parents that they want to do the right thing, they
- 17:00don't want to make the mistakes of the past.
- 17:03Where children were often given a stern treatment, punishment of
- 17:12many sorts, so that they developed a self-image that was
- 17:15negative, that the self-image was too conditional, too
- 17:20dependent on performance and so forth for the past generations,
- 17:26parents more and more actively want to avoid these mistakes and
- 17:30want to raise the children with a sense of in quotes,
- 17:34unconditional love, broad support, base accountability,
- 17:42and so forth. But in a way, it seems to be
- 17:46more and more difficult to implant those positive ideas and
- 17:51those positive self views into children and young adults.
- 17:56Which means, or as a consequence, we have bigger than
- 18:01ever it seems, an industry of self development that seeks to
- 18:08remedy the lacks of personalities that see
- 18:18themselves in a negative light. What does that mean?
- 18:22Kind of an abstract description of what is happening, which is
- 18:26that we are bombarded in social media and conversations and so
- 18:31on with all those well meant tips, hacks and so on.
- 18:36How to improve, how to love oneself, how to set borders, how
- 18:42to be positive, how to identify red flags and other people, and
- 18:47so on. And yet in both my clinical but
- 18:52also from a sociological observation and publications.
- 18:57You can read up on it in sociological publications,
- 19:02statistics and so forth. And yet this seems to be rather
- 19:07the expression of a symptom, not a solution.
- 19:10In other words, the fact that all this great information is
- 19:14out there. How to treat yourself well, how
- 19:17to have good relationships and so on.
- 19:19It doesn't seem to solve the problem.
- 19:22If it were to solve the problem, the necessity for this content
- 19:27would disappear. Instead, it seems to be quite
- 19:31stable or even increasing separation rates.
- 19:35Divorce rates don't go down. Prescription of antidepressants
- 19:40doesn't go down, burnout numbers don't go down.
- 19:45So whatever the content and the self help and self development
- 19:51community and the audience of it is, it doesn't seem to solve the
- 19:55problem. Let me highlight a few more
- 20:03other problems that contribute to the calamity that we seem to
- 20:09be in collectively on a psychological level.
- 20:15As I mentioned, supporting relationships are very important
- 20:19as outer resources. Now the life that we lead puts
- 20:25some problems to this resource, to social supportive networks.
- 20:32Why? Because often enough, and I'm
- 20:36simplifying, so I will not, I'm not able to catch everybody's
- 20:40everyday experience. But work wants us to be
- 20:44flexible. Flexibility means flexible
- 20:48hours. It means to be flexible
- 20:50geographically. It means that we might have to
- 20:55move away, spend long hours. Apart from our friendships and
- 21:02relationships, we need to do overwork sometimes when the
- 21:10pressure of life circumstances affects us in a way that we are
- 21:16removed geographically from the locations where our friends are.
- 21:22And by the way, there can be other reasons as well.
- 21:24For example, many people have their friendships at university
- 21:29and then when you finish university you move away.
- 21:31So it's not only that you know relationships or work kind of
- 21:36inhibit a healthy in person, social network and friendships.
- 21:43It is also circumstances like that.
- 21:45But when that happens, when we are geographically separated,
- 21:50time wise separated, because we have to deal with our family,
- 21:55our work time is unpredictable. So we cannot go regularly to
- 21:59sports clubs and so forth. When that happens, what I
- 22:04mentioned is one of the important or the most important
- 22:08outer resource becomes problematic because we don't
- 22:15have access to it. So a major source of life
- 22:19satisfaction, of recharging, battery, of comfort, feeling
- 22:23connected, acknowledgement, support, love falls away.
- 22:32So the social support is a question mark nowadays for many
- 22:38reasons modern the modern way of living contributes to that.
- 22:44Another factor is the increased individuality.
- 22:48Now this has been in sociology quite known phenomenon.
- 22:55Partly this has been observed since the dawn of the Industrial
- 23:01Revolution. The effect is that we become
- 23:06more and more individual and specific in the expression of
- 23:13ourselves. We have a more and more
- 23:17individual and demanding fingerprint of needs that we
- 23:22want to see satisfied in order to be satisfied.
- 23:26It's not just enough to have three people that we talk to
- 23:32about some nonsense and football and so on.
- 23:35They have to be the right people and everyone has their criteria
- 23:39of what the right people are. And if they are not right, they
- 23:43turn from from being a resource. They become an issue.
- 23:49They take energy away all the time.
- 23:51We meet people that we are not really in tune with.
- 23:54We come home and we, you know, let go where we have a sigh of
- 23:58relief because finally this demanding social situation is
- 24:03over and I'm questioning whether I should meet them again.
- 24:07So individuality just makes it difficult for us to connect to
- 24:13circumstances. For them to be satisfying.
- 24:17I need a specific satisfaction at work, of course, in my
- 24:22relationships and friendships and so forth, So this is a huge
- 24:28factor of our times. Has it been increasing or just
- 24:33plateauing on a high level? I don't know.
- 24:36But individuality is a factor that sociologists have
- 24:40identified as can be gratifying but problematic in the sense
- 24:48that it makes it difficult to be fulfilled and satisfied.
- 24:53And just to mention, as a separate challenge that we have,
- 24:57it is connected with the first two time, the lack of time.
- 25:05Nobody seems to have time anymore.
- 25:06Of course there's an exaggeration, but how often is
- 25:09it possible to just call a friend and they would have time
- 25:12to talk? People are busy.
- 25:15This is connected also with the huge amount of possibilities
- 25:18that we have. The Internet has awarded us and
- 25:23rewarded us with so many possibilities to spend our time
- 25:26with. And here a joy, something that
- 25:30was a joy in the beginning, becomes a habit and then becomes
- 25:34A to do. This is a typical progression
- 25:37from our leisure time. We introduced some sort of a
- 25:41hobby, a sport, some recreational activity in our
- 25:47life. It starts with fun and then it's
- 25:49A to do list. It becomes part of our RTD.
- 25:54OK, let me focus on another systemic aspect that is
- 26:01important in describing today's life, which is work.
- 26:07Again, we know from sociological studies that over the decades
- 26:11the range of demands on the normal employee has dramatically
- 26:21increased. There were tasks that in the
- 26:25past were limited to management, and today many normal employees
- 26:33have to make the same considerations.
- 26:36Now management. In the past the deal so to speak
- 26:40was I have a lot of responsibility, a lot of
- 26:44complexity and hence my pay grade, right?
- 26:49Hence my income is higher and because normal employees kind of
- 26:55have more dull routine work, they just execute what managers
- 27:00ask them to do. That justifies that the pay is
- 27:05lower. So even though again this is
- 27:08quite a simplistic view, but keeping it simple as that, in
- 27:14the past it was more common to have a stressed and challenged
- 27:20rather small group of management, middle level high
- 27:25level management and employees who were of course challenged
- 27:32with work but not in terms so much of responsibility and
- 27:36complexity. They to put it in simple words,
- 27:40they could do their job and then go home and not having to think
- 27:45too much about work if they were not stressed out by other
- 27:48colleagues or the the bosses were not treating them well, but
- 27:52work as such was not such a big deal.
- 27:55Now this over the last decade. So I'm talking about the trend
- 27:59that went on shortly from the 50s on after World War 2.
- 28:05More and more of many managerial responsibilities fall onto the
- 28:11normal employee. A lot of complexity.
- 28:15The to keep in mind budgets. To feel responsible for budgets,
- 28:21to have multiple tasks and projects at the same time, to
- 28:27have project management skills. Also for normal employees, these
- 28:33demands are more and more present than normal work
- 28:38environments, which means that we have a much bigger range of
- 28:44people in the workforce who are challenged by those
- 28:48complexities. Now of course, there are
- 28:51positive aspects as well of complexity.
- 28:54It can help me to be more identified with work.
- 28:58It helps me to grow as a person, but again, keep the simple
- 29:02formula in mind. Ideally I choose my battles or I
- 29:05have very few and I will come to the psychological aspect of that
- 29:10in a minute. Next to the issue of more and
- 29:18more responsibility at work, many people also live in some
- 29:24sort of a gig economy. They're freelancers, have their
- 29:28own small company or they are attached as in quotes freelances
- 29:35to a company. But the fact remains they don't
- 29:39have long term goals or not presented to them from work and
- 29:46they don't have a sense of ownership.
- 29:50They have to do the tasks that are asked from them.
- 29:54They cannot participate in the success, not financially at
- 29:58least. The reward of successful work is
- 30:02not more time or more money. It's basically assumed that
- 30:06everybody does that complex work.
- 30:10The result can be, in these cases boredom, purposelessness
- 30:16or exhaustion at work. Change seems to be constant.
- 30:27Now this is an exaggeration. Not everything changes all the
- 30:29time, time, but they seem to be big changes, foreseeable quite
- 30:37often and this destabilizes the mindset of the employees.
- 30:44They start to worry about what would happen.
- 30:48About 20 years ago, mergers and acquisitions were quite popular
- 30:52management strategy. They happen today as well, but
- 30:55not as often. And then people were always
- 30:59afraid. OK, so the companies advertise
- 31:02the synergies that happen from merges and acquisition.
- 31:05What that means is I could lose my job.
- 31:07So when that is announced, when a big change is announced,
- 31:12people nowadays quite regularly ask themselves is do I have to
- 31:17pay for it with more work, more insecurity, compromises and
- 31:22salary and so forth. And that goes along with a more
- 31:29professional, benevolent language at work.
- 31:32People nowadays treat themselves, each others so much
- 31:36more respectfully on the language level.
- 31:38And this is in contrast to the harsh reality of insecurity.
- 31:45And this contrast contributes to a perception of cynicism.
- 31:50Or some people interpret it in a cynical way.
- 31:54Hypocrisy at the workplace. We have to be super kind and
- 31:59helpful. While in reality my job could be
- 32:04on the line just in a few weeks or months.
- 32:07I know that everybody's competing for the next position.
- 32:12Resources are limited. Again, another contrast to the
- 32:16language network. So many people become cynical,
- 32:21distrustful, not being able to make meaningful relationships at
- 32:28work. At least not with many people,
- 32:30because the next person can be my competitor.
- 32:35So what suffers is often the sense of authenticity at work.
- 32:42Now granted, authenticity is not something that is the nobody
- 32:47expected in the past also to be super authentic at work.
- 32:51But when I feel that I constantly have to promote
- 32:55myself to create an image, to sell myself and what I've done
- 33:01to others, then this surely increases the gap of the
- 33:06perceived me, of the real me and what I present on the outside.
- 33:12All of this costs a lot of energy to maintain a persona.
- 33:18A facade is something that is draining, and when I come home,
- 33:23I need time to recover. And the weekend.
- 33:26Often enough, even though I have great plans to do so many
- 33:29interesting, purposeful things, I spend them just doing.
- 33:35Not much, just switching off my brain in order to recharge.
- 33:42OK, and here I come to the psychological perspective of all
- 33:45this. I mean, after all, this is not
- 33:48primarily A sociological but a psychological podcast, a
- 33:55challenge. In the big picture.
- 33:59Mentally, a challenge is something that the Organism
- 34:02cannot deal with, otherwise it wouldn't be a challenge.
- 34:07And I've described the so many challenges at the workspace,
- 34:11from the individualization of society, the lack of access to
- 34:15supportive social networks, all of that.
- 34:20These are challenges exactly because the Organism cannot deal
- 34:25with them. So what does an Organism, the
- 34:28human Organism, do when it has an issue it cannot deal with?
- 34:32It elevates the issue to consciousness.
- 34:37Now, in the unconscious we have the archive of problems.
- 34:42I have successfully dealt with walking.
- 34:47Not much of an issue anymore. Binding my shoes.
- 34:51Not so much an issue anymore. Make a small presentation here
- 34:54and there. Participate in a group.
- 34:57All this? Not a big deal.
- 34:59Routine habit for the mind. Great.
- 35:03Worst case, it can be boring and empty, but it's not a challenge
- 35:08per SE. When something is a challenge,
- 35:13it needs to be solved, and then the Organism, the mind elevates
- 35:19it to the level where that is. Basically that's main purpose is
- 35:26to solve complex issues, which is the eye, the conscious eye,
- 35:33the level of consciousness, being aware of an issue,
- 35:39churning it, keeping it in mind, finding for solution, observing
- 35:44outside circumstances. If they give me a hint of how to
- 35:48solve this issue, Researching on the Internet, in conversations
- 35:53with friends, in therapy, researching what could be a
- 35:57solution to the issue. These are all functions of the
- 36:01conscious eye. Now the conscious eye has a few
- 36:05characteristics of which I want to single out two.
- 36:09One, it is amazing for complex complexity.
- 36:16It can deal with a lot of complexity.
- 36:20I fold a topic back and forth. I can look at it from the
- 36:23outside, from the inside. This is an amazing contribution.
- 36:27But its bandwidth is relatively small.
- 36:31So this is basically the price we pay for the ability to deal
- 36:35with complexity is we cannot deal with too much complexity
- 36:41and we cannot deal with many complex topics at the same time.
- 36:48When that happens, when we have many topics that need a lot of
- 36:56differentiation, that have an impact on my future, and they're
- 37:02elevated into the mind, it cannot switch off.
- 37:06It is in a state of constant survival mode, of constant
- 37:12alertness, Be the problem, real or not, because our culture, our
- 37:20work life, our private life surely often mimics existential
- 37:25threats while they are not. Sometimes we are just afraid to
- 37:31face them, and a part of clarifying problems with
- 37:37friends, with books and therapy, is to get a clear perspective of
- 37:42what seems to be an existential threat.
- 37:46And again, I have other content where I describe why and how it
- 37:51comes to be that something takes the shape of an existential
- 37:57threat. To pick out one example, the
- 38:00possibility to be left to be rejected by a friend, to be
- 38:05hated, to be left by a partner. All of these in real life, is
- 38:13not a catastrophe. It becomes a catastrophe exactly
- 38:16because we are existentially social beings.
- 38:20Nothing dramatic will happen if a friend of mine stops talking
- 38:24to me, but for me, automatically seeing myself, defining myself
- 38:29as a social human being regressing into the state of a
- 38:34child that is in fact dependent in its life on the support of
- 38:40its parents. In such a state, the possibility
- 38:44of being rejected, of being abandoned, not loved, hated, is
- 38:48indeed frightening. And for example, in therapy we
- 38:54can look at it from an adult, mature perspective, alleviate
- 38:58the fears of the inner child, and come to a more realistic
- 39:02assessment of where we are, what we can be afraid of, what we can
- 39:06endure, and so on. Leaving that aside from a more
- 39:10naive perspective, when many threats come at us, the Organism
- 39:17elevates them to the level of the conscious eye, of the
- 39:19conscious problem solver. We easily might get a sense of
- 39:26overwhelm. And here I tied back to what I
- 39:32described before, the systemic challenges that so many of us
- 39:37face today. Isolation, the difficulty to be
- 39:43really satisfied because of our individual fingerprint, the
- 39:48possibility of separation and divorce.
- 39:51It's no secret anymore. Everybody knows that divorce
- 39:53rates in urban societies are about 50% or something.
- 39:58So it is something that is at the back of my mind, this
- 40:01relationship, this partnership that I'm invested in.
- 40:04It might be over at some point. And that poses a threat,
- 40:08especially when children are in the relationship, when there is
- 40:12income insecurity, when there's an inequality of income.
- 40:17All of this becomes quite challenging.
- 40:21Just the possibility that it might happen now, the struggles
- 40:26that I face in the relationship, is it the bump?
- 40:30Can I be chill about it or is that the introduction to our
- 40:34future separation? These are very complex issues.
- 40:39It's not easy to identify. It's not easy to distinguish a
- 40:43challenge in the relationship from the end, the beginning of
- 40:46the end of the relationship. So a lot of capacity goes into
- 40:50that. Mind, power, consciousness,
- 40:54power goes into that. What about work?
- 40:57Is it enough that I'm invisible and doing my job?
- 41:04Is it a problem if I stick my neck out and try to solve
- 41:07myself? Maybe too much?
- 41:09How is that perceived, the next opportunity when people have to
- 41:14be let go off? Or if my economic situation is
- 41:19somewhat dire and I rely on the opportunity to earn more in the
- 41:24next negotiation round, how exactly do I navigate the work
- 41:29field so that I look better, so that I am perceived as a better
- 41:34employee, so that I get this next career step?
- 41:38Complex questions, no clear answers.
- 41:41So start to look and get feedback from head hunters, from
- 41:46the Internet and so forth. All of that is time.
- 41:49All of that adds complexity. Nothing becomes simpler because
- 41:52of that, in spite of some hacks and tools and tricks and so on
- 41:59that people try to sell us. So the eye for many, many people
- 42:06is in constant alert mode and this is an abuse of the
- 42:12conscious function. It's an abuse of the I function
- 42:15abuse in the sense of it's a misuse the consciousness was not
- 42:21built for that, was not built for handling many multi
- 42:26complexity topics at the same time.
- 42:29This is something that is a symptom of our modern life, of
- 42:37our contemporary life. And yet interestingly, it seems
- 42:45that many people feel alone with that because there is not enough
- 42:49emphasis in the social discourse on the similarities between
- 42:55people's lives. It was different in the past
- 43:00from the high time of industrialization, 30s, forties,
- 43:0650s and so on. There was, yes, the threat of
- 43:11communism, but communism as a perspective laid emphasis on the
- 43:16systemic level. And we can say somehow there was
- 43:21of course, big developments in society.
- 43:23But let's say that the hippie culture and maybe the beginning
- 43:28of the 70s were still an outflow of a systemic level.
- 43:34People struggled, argued about politics, what is the right
- 43:38economic model, labor, work time and so on, exploitation.
- 43:45All of these were big, big topics back then.
- 43:49From then on, starting from the 60s, the 70s, the 80s, it seems
- 43:55that people became more and more private.
- 44:00This economic model that we are running today, democracy, social
- 44:05democracy, whatever color it has in your particular location,
- 44:10became the dominant model and was not fundamentally challenged
- 44:14anymore. The perspective of individuals
- 44:18became more inward oriented, more psychological.
- 44:22People had the same problems, but we don't perceive them
- 44:26anymore that much as much as in the past, as systemic issues,
- 44:33issues induced by a way of life, by society, by an economy that
- 44:40exploits our resource of work, our mental capacity for its own
- 44:47purposes. And in this trend, in this
- 44:51development over the past decades, I think that we clearly
- 44:55oversteered. There's far too much emphasis on
- 44:59what I, as dividual as an individual, has to do in order
- 45:03to solve my issues, my mental issues.
- 45:07And we have forgotten to keep in mind that there is a systemic
- 45:12aspect to my burnout, There is a stomach aspect to my lack of
- 45:17friendships and a systemic aspect in the problems in my
- 45:22relationship. And the bigger the systemic
- 45:27aspect is, the more hopeless it is that I as an individual could
- 45:34solve them. So I might sound a bit
- 45:39pessimistic here and I don't want to devalue the purpose of
- 45:43therapy and self development and so on.
- 45:47But I want to give you a perspective that helps you
- 45:51understand that not only you are not alone, you are sharing the
- 45:57basic issues that you are facing with probably a majority of
- 46:03people. Now not everybody develops a
- 46:06burnout, but most people have the burnout at the horizon.
- 46:13It might might come to fruition to them or an anxiety or a
- 46:20depressive episode. The official numbers are quite
- 46:26high. The World Health Organization
- 46:28World Health Organization says that depression will be one of
- 46:33the major is already and will in the future will be one of the
- 46:36major threats for economies because of sick leaves.
- 46:44We can count burnout as a specific, specific form of
- 46:48depression because there's no official diagnosis in most
- 46:52countries of burnout. So this kind of overwhelm.
- 46:57It is real and it is to a good part systemic.
- 47:01For sure. It is to a larger extent
- 47:04systemic than we usually perceive nowadays, so keep that
- 47:10in mind as a context to when you try to solve your issues.
- 47:16Keep in mind they are not created by you alone.
- 47:20It's not your negligence or your stupidity or your lack of effort
- 47:26or whatever. Only it's more tragic rather
- 47:31that we as individuals nowadays have to fix issues that were
- 47:35partly instilled in us by the way of life, the society that we
- 47:41live in. And these are my closing remarks
- 47:45for the topic today. I think it's quite interesting
- 47:50and fruitful to reflect the community aspect of our mental
- 47:54well-being more in the future, and I hope I've contributed to
- 48:00open your eyes a little bit to that perspective and maybe look
- 48:05around you inside the work situation, your company and
- 48:09society as a whole to see how there are contributing factors
- 48:15to the challenging situation that you see yourself in.
- 48:20Thank you and until next time.