Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1142 - Getting It Royally Wrong on Social Media

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#1142 - Getting It Royally Wrong on Social Media · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: once answers.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: Now, the Australian Government, in concert with the Opposition, have
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: given Australian families a Christmas present. Won't really come in
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: until next Christmas, but we'll take what we can get.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: The government has legislated that kids.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Under the age of sixteen are not going to be
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: allowed to use social media well until they turn sixteen.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: There's going to be all sorts of age verification bits
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: and pieces that are required so kids can prove it
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  Speaker 3: they're over sixteen. Hallelujah, it's great news, Kylie. Funniest thing
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  Speaker 3: happened just late last week. Prince Harry, father of two,
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  Speaker 3: a five year old Archie and a two year old Lily.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: Bet We don't talk about the Royals much on The
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  Speaker 3: Happy Family's podcast, but he's had a word to say
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: about the Astraian government's decision to ban social media if
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: kids under sixteen.
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  Speaker 1: Would you like to know what he said?
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: I'm very interested because this guy is in touch with
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: the common man.
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  Speaker 1: He knows what the average parents dealing with.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: He was speaking in a New York conference of political and
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  Speaker 3: business Big Weeks and he had this to say.
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  Speaker 4: By banning it and removing it creates all sorts of problems,
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  Speaker 4: just as much as any advice to parents to say, well,
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: just don't let them on social media. Do you know
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: what happens when that happens. There's a massive falling out
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: between the parents and the child. Or then the child
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: goes to school and guess what happens. They're probably the
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: only person or maybe one of five percent in the
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: class that isn't on social media and they get bullied.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I'd be really interested to know if there was any
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: data or on the number of children being bullied because
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: they don't have social media compare who are being bullied
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: on social media.
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  Speaker 3: And that's the degree to which the bullying is occurring,
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: as well the excessiveness of it, the fact that they
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: can't get away from it. There are two things that
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: stood out to me. Obviously, the bullying, as you've just
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: highlighted by the way, research does show that children are
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: more likely to be bullied because they have that on
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: one platform with them than not. Like, if you've got
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  Speaker 3: a platform where people are being bullied and you take
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: it away, it doesn't lead to more bullying. Very very infrequently,
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  Speaker 3: especially once it's a blanket ban. It's going to be
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: pretty rare for kids to be teasing other kids in
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  Speaker 3: the playground and saying I've got social media and you don't,
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: You're a loser.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Not going to happen.
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  Speaker 3: But I thought the first part was the most interesting.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: When parents ban children from social media, it causes a
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: massive falling out. Is there anyone on the planet that
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: knows more about massive falling outs, falling's out, having a
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: massive falling out with your family than Prince Harry just
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: asking asking for a friend.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Somebody brought it up.
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  Speaker 3: I just think this is such ill considered advice from
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  Speaker 3: a guy who's raising a five year old and a
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: three year old and he's clearly.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Not in touch.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: In the same conversation, he also confirmed that he doesn't
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: have any social media accounts. Interesting, very interesting, And I
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: guess the last point that I wanted to make when
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: I was thinking about it and talking to parents who
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: are do you know what, Overwhelmingly every parent that I've
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: spoken to about this has said, oh, hallelujah, bring it on,
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: and thank goodness. But I was thinking this idea that
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: it's going to cause a falling out, parenting causes a
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: falling out?
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: If it doesn't, I think we're actually doing it wrong.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, make your bed, tidy up your room, eat your vegetables,
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: go to sleep on time. No, you can't have multiple
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: piercings because you're seven. No tatoos until you're thirty. No drinking,
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: no vaping, no smoking, bed time. For goodness, like, kids
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: need limits, and every time there's going to be a
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: parent imposing a limit, it has the potential that it
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: could create a falling out. I don't get where Prince
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: Harry gets off thinking that he's got something to contribute
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  Speaker 3: to the conversation in Australia when he's raising a five
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: year old in a three year old, and he's so
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: clearly he didn't have.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Anything to say in Australia. It was in New York.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Well, he was in New York, but he was talking
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: about the social media band because Australia has done it.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: He also said this, This is a direct quote. So
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  Speaker 3: I don't want to harp on this because today's podcast
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: is not about Prince Harry, but my goodness, I just
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: struggle with these guys.
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  Speaker 4: He said, it's already been into created to be addictive,
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  Speaker 4: So by banning it and removing it creates all sorts
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  Speaker 4: of problems.
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  Speaker 3: So banning it or removing it quote creates all sorts
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  Speaker 3: of problems.
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  Speaker 2: That's intriguing. Did we just let the kids have alcohol
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: drugs because it's going to cause a big problem.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Removing something that's addictive is usually a positive step,
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  Speaker 3: is how I would respond to that.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: And that's the nature, that's the issue of addictive stuff.
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  Speaker 3: So the man with those social media accounts and a
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  Speaker 3: five year old, a three year old who has lived
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: a life of but jillion dollars of privilege from day
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: dot is telling us that our government's wrong. I just
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: find that absolutely fascinating, compelling, and I wanted to bring
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: it up because as we move into twelve months to
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: go until this ban takes place, there's plenty of people
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: who've got a whole.
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  Speaker 1: Lot of questions.
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  Speaker 2: So I did have three questions for you, but you
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: actually kind of answered my first question, which was how
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: quickly will the legislation roll out? You suggest we're going
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: to be waiting for about twelve months.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Correct, that's over the next twelve months.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: The government needs to work out how the age verification
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: is going to work because people are providing sensitive information.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: I don't actually know why this is such a big deal.
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: Like we provide sensitive information to banks, We provide so
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: much information to social media companies. But there's a lot
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: of people worried about privacy.
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  Speaker 2: I think there's good cause for that, though in what way.
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  Speaker 2: I just think that we have to hand out so
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  Speaker 2: much of our private information in so many different directions.
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  Speaker 2: And it's not us as adults who are doing it,
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  Speaker 2: it's our kids who are having to do it.
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  Speaker 3: So the Coalition got amendments through the into this bill,
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: and they essentially said that platforms can't compel users to
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  Speaker 3: provide official identity documents like a driver's license or a passport,
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  Speaker 3: and any data that's collected has to be deleted once
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: the age verification is completed, unless the user says no, no, no,
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  Speaker 3: it's okay, you can hold on to it.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Again.
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  Speaker 3: Everyone freaks out, we're giving everyone so much information. Hello,
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  Speaker 3: Like you walk around with that phone in your pocket,
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  Speaker 3: it's tracking everything you do. It knows where you've been,
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  Speaker 3: it knows what convers you're having. It knows how you
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: face looks at different times when you're watching different reels.
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  Speaker 3: Like we give them so much information. I don't get
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  Speaker 3: why people are freaking out about it. We use the
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: service every single day, and if the tech giants wanted
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: to misuse our private information, they're not going to need
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: access to our identity documents anyway. They've got so much
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  Speaker 3: databare anyway, back to your question. Over the next twelve months,
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: they're going to be working out how this will happen.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: So there's I identification via documents, but you can also
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: do face ID and that sort of thing. They reckon
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: that there's some technology there that's going to help and
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  Speaker 3: the good news. The good news is that in twelve
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  Speaker 3: months time, if you're under sixteen.
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  Speaker 1: You're off the platform. But we've got to wait utiln
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: next Christmas for that to happen.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I'm guessing for kids who are not already on socials,
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  Speaker 2: this could actually be. This could go two ways. As
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: a parent, I'm jumping for joy. Yeah, but I'm sure
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  Speaker 2: there are plenty of kids who thought that next birthday
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: they were going to be able to, you know, get
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: on socials, and now they're finding out that they've got
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: to wait another two three years before that's going to
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  Speaker 2: be a possibility.
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  Speaker 1: So our ten year old.
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  Speaker 3: She's disappointed because she knows she has to wait till
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: she's sixteen now, but she also knows she has to
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  Speaker 3: wagh like there's no way around it.
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  Speaker 2: Six years. I would love to think that we're in
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  Speaker 2: a totally different place with this whole social media thing
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  Speaker 2: in six years time.
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  Speaker 1: So many parents got to be so happy about this, but.
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  Speaker 2: I'm thinking that parents of fourteen and fifteen year olds
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  Speaker 2: are pulling their hair out at the moment, wondering how
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  Speaker 2: they're going to rescind this social media privilege from their
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  Speaker 2: children until they're they're sixteen.
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  Speaker 1: So easy. Two things.
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  Speaker 3: Number one, they're not going to have a choice whether
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  Speaker 3: they do or not, because the ID requirements will ensure
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  Speaker 3: that your child cannot have that platform. Even if they
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  Speaker 3: have had it, they'll get kicked off. You know, TikTok
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  Speaker 3: deleted over a million Australian accounts last month because there
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  Speaker 3: was they were all kids that are underage. Like, these
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  Speaker 3: social media companies are absolutely mendation. I have no time
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  Speaker 3: for them whatsoever, But you got to give credit where
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  Speaker 3: credits due. They kicked a million accounts off with underage Australians.
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  Speaker 3: I think that's brilliant. We're talking about under the age
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  Speaker 3: of thirteen here. Wow, So that's great, But parents don't
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  Speaker 3: need to worry about it because the technology will take
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  Speaker 3: care of it for them. The kids will try to
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  Speaker 3: log in, they'll be prompted to provide ID. If they
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  Speaker 3: can't provide ID, they'll be given the opportunity to provide
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  Speaker 3: facial recognition. If neither of those are provided, then they're
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  Speaker 3: off the platform. If they try to provide them and
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  Speaker 3: they don't have accurate data to get in, then again
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  Speaker 3: the platforms just won't let them in. So finally, what
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  Speaker 3: I've been advocating for for several years now, the technology
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  Speaker 3: companies are going to be the ones that are responsible
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  Speaker 3: for determining whether or not the kid can or cannot
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  Speaker 3: use it based on whether they're sixteen or older. It's
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: the perfect solution because parents don't have to be the
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  Speaker 3: bad guy here. Parents just have to say, oh, well,
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  Speaker 3: I guess you have to wait till you're sixteen, So.
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  Speaker 2: I guess My next question there is what does a
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: conversation with your child look like. There's actually probably two
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  Speaker 2: conversations we could explore here. We've got a thirteen year
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  Speaker 2: old who's just found out she's got a wait another
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  Speaker 2: three years. But you've also got a fourteen or fifteen
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  Speaker 2: year old who's already on there, and they're about to
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  Speaker 2: lose that privilege. So what did those two conversations look
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  Speaker 2: like in our home?
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  Speaker 3: There are two ways to answer this question. The first
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: one is just the shrug of the shoulder and say, hey,
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  Speaker 3: there's nothing we can do about it, like you're going
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: to lose your social media privileges. And I've been talking
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  Speaker 3: with our daughter, our fourteen year old, about the reality
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  Speaker 3: that this is coming, and asking her if she wouldn't
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: mind getting off earlier. So far, no success, but the
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: conversation is happening.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: I may have been proving to a conversation that has
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: highlighted that she is definitely listening. She had a friend
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: over the other day and she asked this frame.
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  Speaker 1: See, this is the thing, even before you're telling me
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: what she's asked. This is the thing.
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  Speaker 3: As parents, we feel like we are bashing our head
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: gainst the wall and the kids are not listening. And
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: you're just telling me that you've heard this. I've got
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: a feeling that it's going to be good.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: So she had a friend over the other day and
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: they were in the kitchen, and she asked her friend
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: if she'd heard about the social media band that was
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: coming in. Her friend's a year older than her, so
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: it's not really going to impact her at all by
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: the time it is enforced. But she said, my mom
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: is jumping up and down for joy, like she is
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: over the moon about this because she has younger sisters
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: coming through. And she said, yeah, my dad has asked
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: me to get off socials before the band comes in.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: And she said, I don't really want to, but I
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: think I'm going to.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Oh really, Oh my goodness.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: And that was the conversation that they had, and both
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: girls acknowledged that they actually thought that it was a
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: good idea and that they would do something about it sooner.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: As yet, there hasn't been any regal room. But the
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: reality it is our kids are having conversations.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I'm fascinating to do that.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: I think what's really important in this conversation is just
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: the reminder that our village matters, and the types of
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: friendships that we have make a difference to the conversations
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: that take place.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: I want to go back to the question you asked,
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: and that at a second element, because I said, there's
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: two different ways that you can respond when you've got
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: a child who's upset because they don't want to lose
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: their social media And this is something that you have
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: illustrated and emphasized for me so many times, because I
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: do get a little bit carried away.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I do sort of just get to the point.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: But there's going to be some sadness, and I think
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: it's perfectly In fact, I think it's useful for us
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: as parents to look at our child and say, this
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: is really disappointing for you.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Like we're jumping for joy as parents, but.
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: We get that this is something that's meaningful for you,
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: and it is going to cause an imposition. It's going
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: to change the way you relate to your friends and
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: the way you engage with your friends.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: It's going to change the way they communicate with their friends.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Like this is huge for a teenager who has used
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: social media as their communication platform, all of a sudden
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: that has been taken away from them, and it feels like,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: literally overnight, we've gone from having complete access to everyone
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: and everything and now we've got nothing.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I love it. I just love it. Twelve months That's
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: not how they see it, no, of course not.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: And so how do we deal with that, because there
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: are going to be some kids who are really going
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: to struggle. You know, that whole idea of like fomo,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: this is going to be a whole new level of it.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: Go back to what you said, the whole village thing,
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: create community, but also go back to what I said,
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: you don't have to solve this now, it is what
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: it is. And instead you put your arm around and say,
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: I know, I know, I get it, I get how
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: frustrating it is. As much as this is a good thing,
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: it doesn't stop it hurting. It's kind of like going
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: to the dentist, right, going to the dentist is a
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: good thing, but we still don't look forward to it,
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: sorry to every dentist who's listening. Ultimately, rule of law,
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: it is the backbone of what it is to in
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: a civilized society. And there is nothing at all, nothing
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: at all that is inappropriate or unfair or draconian about
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: young children not being allowed to buy alcohol, cigarettes, or
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: get on their apps and gamble, or have tats all
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: over their bodies, or going to nightclubs or driver card.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: That's not draconian, that's sensible. It's keeping them safe and
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: recognizing that they're not yet ready to make responsible choices
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: in environments that have impact.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: In their lives.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: Social media has impact, big impact. High impact comes with risks,
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: and I think the government's got this right in making
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: sure that there are appropriate safeguards to keep them safe.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: I just can't wait to find out every platform that's band.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: Also worth mentioning Kylie unfortunate insight that I had the
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: other day. Just because they're not going to be on
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: social media doesn't mean that they're not going to have
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: access to screens. They'll still be able to play games,
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: They'll still be able to use the Internet as much
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: as we all.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Out them to.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: It's just the social media band that's come in.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: What do you think will be the flow and effect
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: from this decision.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be really interested to see we're the
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: first nation in the world to do it. I'm hoping
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: that there are some people in universities that are collecting
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: some before and after data. I'm hoping that they've got
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: the foresight to have a look at what happens in trends,
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: what happens longeritudinly. What I think is going to happen
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: is that we are going to be protecting children's brains
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: at one of the most sensitive times in brain development,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: during those tween and early teen years.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: And I think that it's going to be good for
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: our kids. Hopefully as well.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: They'll start spending less time on screens and more time
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: face to face with one another.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: To me, that's the ideal.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: So to take our messages this, if the kids are
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: sad about it, give them some empathy and some love
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: and so yeah, no, I get it, you were really
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: looking forward to it. And then talk about the advantages
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: and disadvantages with them. Just say what do you think
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: is going to be good about this? What do you
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: think is going to be bad about it? And work
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: out how you can support them.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: So you would suggest using the three ease O.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: The three is an effective discipline.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Explore, explain and empowered feeling.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: Explain why it's good, and then empower them to make
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: decisions over the next twelve months that will be in
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: their best interests.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: How good are you?
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: I think if I could just add one little thing,
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: When you think about something that you're addicted to, it's
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: not cold. Turkey doesn't usually ever work right, So as
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: a family, you've got twelve months to kind of help
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: your child work through this process. If this is going
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: to be a really big deal for them, and slow
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: and steady.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, those conversations are going to make a big difference.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: If you like more information about having these conversations with
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: your kids, check out our webinar Super Solutions for Technology Troubles.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: It's online at happyfamilies dot com dot IU. The Happy
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: Back tomorrow with more to make your family happier.