Latest / Courage to Reinvent / Episode #1 - 26 Sept 2026 - Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo

Transcript

Episode #1 - 26 Sept 2026 - Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo · Courage to Reinvent

• 0:07
  Dawn Russell: What happens when the old script no longer works?
• 0:12
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: This is"The Courage to Reinvent," a podcast about the moments that ask us to let go of what we know, question who we've been, and find the courage to become something different.
• 0:23
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I'm Dori Gonzalez Acevedo, founder and CEO of Procelerx.
• 0:28
  Dawn Russell: And I'm Dawn Russell, co-host and a product leader who works where transformation actually gets built.
• 0:34
  Dawn Russell: Together, we explore candid stories of reinvention with leaders, entrepreneurs, innovators, change makers, and people whose lives have taken an unexpected turn
• 0:45
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: these aren't polished stories.
• 0:47
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: They're honest conversations about what happens underneath the transformation, the fear, uncertainty, failure, and makes us want to ask what needs to be let go of to reinvent oneself.
• 0:59
  Dawn Russell: And where does the courage come from?
• 1:07
  Dawn Russell: Dori, welcome to the first episode of"The Courage to Reinvent."
• 1:12
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Thanks, Dawn.
• 1:12
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I'm really excited to do this with you.
• 1:14
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I know you were a little like,"I don't know what this is all gonna be," and I think, um, you're gonna be very, very surprised and have lots of fun as we get, going in here.
• 1:22
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 1:23
  Dawn Russell: Agreed.
• 1:24
  Dawn Russell: Agreed.
• 1:25
  Dawn Russell: You know, we've, all known or worked with people throughout our lives that relish change, and others that resist it.
• 1:33
  Dawn Russell: And what I'm really excited about with this conversation is that we're gonna be exploring the people that embrace change, um, something that I identify with deeply, and I know you do as well.
• 1:44
  Dawn Russell: I'm also really curious about the thread that ties between personal change and reinvention and professional, and how that affects someone's decisions and their career.
• 1:55
  Dawn Russell: What I've experienced and witnessed firsthand is having the courage to drive change in your professional setting is usually tied to some sort of personal transformation or deep change that you've had.
• 2:08
  Dawn Russell: Throughout this podcast season, I'm really excited to, to thread that needle with you between the personal and the professional.
• 2:13
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I think it's gonna be very interesting'cause even as you were just sharing and, something that happened today, right?
• 2:20
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And the loss of my, my dog today, um, which I had gotten when I first got sober 12 years ago.
• 2:28
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That that's just another one of those moments where I've been in reflection for the last 48 hours through my trauma that's just gone on, right?
• 2:38
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And also just when we were talking about this letting go, right, of the blobs, right?
• 2:44
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, that's where my journey started with Coco- Hmm was, um, part of my sobriety was taking care of me and taking care of me and, um, and taking walks every day with her was, like, part of that journey and commitment to myself.
• 3:01
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So it's very
• 3:03
  Dawn Russell: interesting.
• 3:03
  Dawn Russell: And imagine 12 years on the dot.
• 3:05
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 3:06
  Dawn Russell: And having, having this familiar in your life that, you know, has been a partner and a real witness, to everything that you've undergone.
• 3:18
  Dawn Russell: Um, it's a, it's a big moment for you, and I'm, I'm also really sorry-
• 3:24
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yeah
• 3:24
  Dawn Russell: for your loss as well, you know?
• 3:26
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Thanks.
• 3:27
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I think that's, to sit in that, you know, for me has been, part of this journey as part of, um...
• 3:36
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: There's so many moments- In one's life, and for me to really take time with each of them and what has it taught me, what is the lesson, what is, what have I changed from that, how I've transformed from that, taking the good, leaving the rest behind, right?
• 3:57
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Of, and, and moving forward.
• 3:59
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And so that's what I hope to explore with, with you all and, um, with you, Dawn.
• 4:04
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and I'm really grateful for you to say yes to- Hmm co-hosting with me.
• 4:10
  Dawn Russell: Of course.
• 4:10
  Dawn Russell: It's really a pleasure to be here and, and to go on this journey with you.
• 4:14
  Dawn Russell: I think that we're gonna uncover some incredibly rich conversations and, and, you know, I will be here as your support in that and, and also that, uh, you know, honest partner that is going to unpack the vulnerability by your side, um, and, and hold that accountability line.
• 4:36
  Dawn Russell: So I'm, I'm, you know, excited and also, uh, you know, this is the first time for me doing this publicly, so it's a big, a big step forward for me as well.
• 4:46
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Well, we're gonna make that space, and like we talked even in our prep calls, right?
• 4:51
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It's, it's unscripted, right?
• 4:54
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: We can't script life, and that's kind of the beauty of it in, in and of itself, right?
• 4:59
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And so what I know from my own work is that Because there's not a defined script, even though I know I sent you a whole list of what to ask me, right?
• 5:12
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That's not how I live it either, right?
• 5:15
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, there's this way in which there's the, the, the, the yes and.
• 5:19
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: There's the script and the, the play in what we need to do and how do we show up, um, all the time.
• 5:29
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Agreed.
• 5:29
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Because we can't, we can't predetermine it, right?
• 5:34
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um-
• 5:34
  Dawn Russell: Mm.
• 5:34
  Dawn Russell: It's true.
• 5:35
  Dawn Russell: So as a, as a musician, I really resonate- Mm with this.
• 5:38
  Dawn Russell: Um, you know, we have a repertoire of songs that I work on.
• 5:43
  Dawn Russell: I understand the key.
• 5:44
  Dawn Russell: I know the notes.
• 5:45
  Dawn Russell: I know the chords.
• 5:46
  Dawn Russell: I know the, the different lyrics that come along with it.
• 5:50
  Dawn Russell: And, and then there's the moment when we all come together, and there's the temperature in the room, there's the audience, there's the vibe.
• 5:57
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 5:57
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 5:58
  Dawn Russell: And that's in where that stretch and that play happens.
• 6:02
  Dawn Russell: Um, so I think, you know, throughout this season, I'm really excited to thread that needle with you, um, look at reinvention at scale, right?
• 6:10
  Dawn Russell: What does this really mean?
• 6:12
  Dawn Russell: And talk with people, including you today, which is where- Mm-hmm we're kicking off, um, whose lives, careers, identities, relationships, and beliefs have taken turns they did not necessarily plan for.
• 6:24
  Dawn Russell: Um, so, so get in your seat, put on the seatbelt, or not, depending on how you're feeling.
• 6:31
  Dawn Russell: And, uh, it's gonna be a, it's gonna be a fun ride.
• 6:35
  Dawn Russell: Awesome.
• 6:35
  Dawn Russell: Let's go.
• 6:37
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 6:43
  Dawn Russell: So this podcast opens on the premise that the old script no longer works.
• 6:49
  Dawn Russell: Before we define anything, I'd love for you to tell me about a specific moment when you noticed your script had stopped working.
• 6:57
  Dawn Russell: Where were you and, and what tipped you off?
• 7:02
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, so this is, uh, you know, there's many moments, uh, for sure that have, um, come across where I've, um, had to stop and literally put aside my, um, how to do what I was trained to do, right?
• 7:23
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I think that that is probably the, the first that comes up most often for me is that in a, um, corporate setting where I am working now, uh, as a Computer system validation.
• 7:42
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like sometimes people ask me what do I do, right?
• 7:44
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like a computer sys- like what is this, you know, thing?
• 7:47
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like I didn't go to school for this, right?
• 7:49
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: There was n- there was no s- there was no predefining way on how to do what I do for a living now today.
• 7:57
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: When I was in school, I was a chemist.
• 8:00
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I had a very clear understanding of what that meant.
• 8:03
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I was a biochemist.
• 8:04
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I had, you know, I can synthesize molecules, and I worked in a manufacturing floor where I can put them together small scale, I can scale it up.
• 8:14
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It was very-- it was hard science, right?
• 8:16
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like it was physical, tangible, um, and we made product and it went out the door.
• 8:22
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And that was very, um, satisfying.
• 8:24
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It was very, um, rewarding and, and, um, I spent my early career doing that And somewhere along the line, like n- knowing that things had to change because there was more to it than that.
• 8:42
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and what I mean by that, that there be- came a time where, um, they didn't know what to give me as a title anymore.
• 8:49
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So, uh, and because- Yeah in the manufacturing floor, we had, um, because I was one of the lead chemists in the process, every problem that came up, I would have to, um, investigate.
• 9:03
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So I did like thousand investigations in a year at, at a minimum.
• 9:08
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um- Right because everyone thinks,"Oh, you're doing things over and over again.
• 9:12
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Everything works." That's not how it works.
• 9:13
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That's not how manufacturing works.
• 9:15
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: There's problems all the time.
• 9:17
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 9:17
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Right?
• 9:17
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Even though you, you validate things or think y- you're following a recipe, we're only as good as the systems we put into place.
• 9:26
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So inevitably, there are parts of those systems that are broken and things happen.
• 9:31
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And,
• 9:31
  Dawn Russell: oh- Yeah, the ingredients aren't quite right, or the temperature in the room- Mm-hmm or the machine lost power- P- or there's all kinds of different situations- All of
• 9:39
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: those things that
• 9:39
  Dawn Russell: can arise.
• 9:39
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Right?
• 9:40
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 9:40
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And so, um, very, so very early in my career, you know, my leaders recognized how good of a, of a problems, outside-the-box problem solver I was, and they really struggled as I was growing, um, and to, to figure out, so what do we ca- like what do we call, like, uh, operations quality, you know, specialist?
• 10:03
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Uh, you know, like they, they kept putting these special names on it because they didn't, they, there wasn't any scripted definition of what I was good at.
• 10:14
  Dawn Russell: Hmm.
• 10:15
  Dawn Russell: So let me ask you something here, just as a, a clarifying point.
• 10:18
  Dawn Russell: Um, you loved doing this process.
• 10:21
  Dawn Russell: Did you at some point realize that you loved solving the problems when the process broke down more than actually executing the protocol time and time again?
• 10:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yeah.
• 10:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: You know, that's, I think so.
• 10:32
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I think it would became just part of how it, it's my flow state.
• 10:37
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like I see- Hmm and now 30, almost 30 years later, right, I know more about how I learn and how I see in all of the special colors that I see, right?
• 10:49
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 10:50
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That's how my mind works, and so I see things that normally others don't in places that, um,'cause I can make connections, whether it's physical connections, you know, virtual connections.
• 11:03
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I see and, and think in system-based thinking and design principles that, uh, is, is pretty unique.
• 11:11
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I, you know- Hmm I don't So it's hard to describe.
• 11:15
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: At the same time, it also took me a long time to accept that I was different.
• 11:21
  Dawn Russell: Hmm.
• 11:21
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Right?
• 11:22
  Dawn Russell: I think that this is where we have an affinity though, because I struggle with the same situation time and time again, where it's,"Well, what are you?
• 11:30
  Dawn Russell: Are you this or are you that?" And it's like,"Well, I'm both.""Oh, you need to decide.
• 11:34
  Dawn Russell: Do you wanna do product or do you wanna do design?" I wanna do both.
• 11:37
  Dawn Russell: "Do you wanna solve problems?
• 11:38
  Dawn Russell: But you're good at project management." So it's like wherever- Yeah there's a, a space- Right especially when I get to a rinse and repeat in anything, in any role, then my mind naturally wants to expand and take on more and do additional things that add value, and that's particularly motivating for me, is the value piece.
• 11:58
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 11:58
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and so I love this part of your story.
• 11:59
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I think that that's also how we've grown up, right?
• 12:01
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like I think- Yeah in, in my generation and growing up is like you had to choose.
• 12:05
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like I just got off a coaching call with a new mentee that I have that's in college, and she's an undergrad.
• 12:11
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: She's in second year, and she, you know, she's, she not...
• 12:14
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: She wants this, this, this, and this, and she's 20-something.
• 12:18
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I'm like, y- like, we need to maybe add more ifs on, on the list, right?
• 12:23
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, um, because I think that, that, that was very clear to me.
• 12:27
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like I- growing up was I was gonna become a doctor or I didn't, I wasn't enough, right?
• 12:34
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It was doctor or nothing.
• 12:35
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And once the doctor became off the table for me, um, then I needed to really, uh, that was my rock bottom, first of all, right?
• 12:47
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Uh, of having full...
• 12:50
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That was rock bottom of, of accepting that my, quote-unquote, potential was not going to be fulfilled.
• 12:57
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And then figuring out what's, what am I gonna make of my- And then, you know, life happened, and I had to redo it over and over and over again.
• 13:10
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I think that that happens to all of us.
• 13:13
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 13:14
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I think
• 13:14
  Dawn Russell: it's so hard to think about.
• 13:14
  Dawn Russell: And so were you a phar- working in the pharmacist capacity and making, or making the products after when you did, after going for or working towards becoming a doctor and then not achieving that?
• 13:28
  Dawn Russell: Or-
• 13:28
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: No, it was afterwards.
• 13:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, so- Mm-hmm in grad school, um, um, and I s- I share a little bit about this in the book, um, not a, not a lot.
• 13:39
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and so I'm gonna be careful here'cause I didn't put any disclosures on the, the podcast.
• 13:45
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um-
• 13:45
  Dawn Russell: Uh-huh
• 13:46
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: but, um There, you know, I, and I talk about this publicly, I have bipolar, um, um, mental illness, um, that showed up late in, late in my teens, hit hard in my early 20s.
• 14:02
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, um, and from that, you know, became very, very apparent of some limitations that I would, if I wanted to stay in, you know, this world, that I, I needed to be taking seriously.
• 14:16
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and so, you know, when I went into manufacturing, it was out of desperation, frankly.
• 14:24
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It was like, I have these degrees, what am I gonna use them for?
• 14:29
  Dawn Russell: Hmm.
• 14:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That was my value, right?
• 14:32
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, that's how we-- that's kind of the human condition, right?
• 14:35
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: We've, or at least in this, this Western world, right?
• 14:38
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: We, we, we go to school and you get a degree and you have to use it, right?
• 14:44
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and so I tumbled into being a chemical process engineer.
• 14:49
  Dawn Russell: Hmm.
• 14:50
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It was not where I was supposed to be.
• 14:52
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and yet I've learned everything in those six years to f- to...
• 15:01
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That was my real education, frankly, from life and from business and from-
• 15:07
  Dawn Russell: Application application.
• 15:07
  Dawn Russell: You had a place to apply all of the energy that you bring to it, the brilliance that you bring to it, the intelligence that you bring to it, the knowledge that you bring to it.
• 15:16
  Dawn Russell: And in that specific...
• 15:17
  Dawn Russell: And it probably could've been any industry, to be honest with you.
• 15:21
  Dawn Russell: And within that, once you had a landing pad, you were able to then build out recognition around,"Oh, I see a problem to solve.
• 15:31
  Dawn Russell: Oh, we could improve process this way.
• 15:33
  Dawn Russell: Oh, we could, we could document this way.
• 15:35
  Dawn Russell: This would protect us from these audits." So you started solving all of these problems.
• 15:39
  Dawn Russell: And so when we think about the old script and how it no longer works, it's really interesting that you had this from being a, you know, young person, the formative years, this expectation, um, you couldn't achieve that, and then somehow found your way into this role where you then grew out your value and your...
• 16:04
  Dawn Russell: You know, were able to apply all these skill sets that you had.
• 16:08
  Dawn Russell: Um, when did you start to realize that that script wasn't working for you in that moment,'cause it sounds like you were at rock bottom and, and you started working in this and, and- Yeah and then from there.
• 16:21
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It's funny.
• 16:22
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So, so while it ev- everything has a price and a turn, right?
• 16:28
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So while that initial kind of exposure gave me some skills, my jump to my next gave me some other skills, right?
• 16:38
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and I w- went to work for a biotech startup.
• 16:42
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Startups, like you know, um, are high energy, low amount of people because you- the doing things on a scrap budget, right?
• 16:53
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, got a great idea, a lot of momentum, lots of investor money coming after you, right?
• 16:57
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, so high intensity sort of space for, um, uh, you know...
• 17:03
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Again, I was in my 20s when this all was happening.
• 17:06
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: This was high intensity sort of state of also social being within a corporate culture, right?
• 17:16
  Dawn Russell: Hmm.
• 17:16
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Good and bad, 100%, and we are not gonna go into those sorts of details, but, you know.
• 17:22
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, and so that life was unfolding, you know, with others- Yeah that were unfolding at the same time.
• 17:31
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 17:31
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Which I find fascinating now that I- Mm-hmm think back on it, right?
• 17:34
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, and so while...
• 17:38
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I, and I do recall very viscerally, like, only living to work.
• 17:43
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 17:43
  Dawn Russell: Yes.
• 17:44
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Right?
• 17:45
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, and so, a- and now, like some might...
• 17:49
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I go, and I was in Bali last week, and people are like,"Oh, you're, you're always traveling.
• 17:53
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: You're always..." But no, actually, I mean, yes, I do, and I have a full life.
• 17:59
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 18:00
  Dawn Russell: Yes.
• 18:01
  Dawn Russell: But it takes a lot to get to that place.
• 18:03
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It does.
• 18:04
  Dawn Russell: For- And, and I, I mean, I can, I can raise my glass to that personally myself, having gone through it, and I know a lot of women who, and men- Yeah um, but usually more women- More
• 18:13
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: women,
• 18:14
  Dawn Russell: yeah that throw themselves into their careers at all costs.
• 18:19
  Dawn Russell: You know- Yeah the point where you're sitting at
• 18:20
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: dinner- Because that is where your identity is formed.
• 18:22
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Mm-hmm.
• 18:22
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That is who you are becoming.
• 18:24
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Uh-huh.
• 18:24
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That is the, the, you know, that is how I've found value, um, and, and through those times also have masked a lot of the shame and the fear and the uncertainty and, um, my learning disabilities.
• 18:42
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, all of those things over the years have been masked and masked and masked until, you know, really when I came out, um, in, in, when I became 50 a couple years ago, where I kind of also said,"Screw it." Totally is that You know, like, you know, people, everyone in my circle knows all of my history.
• 19:05
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: As you know, I am very, I want people to know me for who I am.
• 19:11
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, you know, I was doing enough publicly in different places to serve a need, right?
• 19:19
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, you know, I first started talking about my mental illness probably six years ago, my sexual assault a little bit more than that, right?
• 19:27
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And other bits and pieces to serve a community that needed help.
• 19:33
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And that was healing for me.
• 19:36
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And as part of also my sobriety journey in giving back, um, is also part of that, right?
• 19:43
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Is, is to kind of do full circle.
• 19:46
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and that's been incredibly, um, hard work and also transformative work for me.
• 19:55
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and it wasn't until the last couple years till I started writing the book, which I started writing the book in, in late 2022,'23.
• 20:05
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and'Cause I, I had stuff to say, and people wanted to hear it, and I didn't know what venue to do it in.
• 20:15
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: The podcasting worked well, but it wasn't enough, and I would do these one or two powerful conversations on stage with folks, and then people would come up to me privately and wanna talk more and thank me for what I shared and, and share their stories with me.
• 20:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: They felt heard and connected, and I, and I didn't think that that was big enough for me.
• 20:35
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And so actually, my Chief Core group challenged me to like,"What's bigger?" Like, how can-- like, why, like, why are you shrinking, right?
• 20:44
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, um, and for me, what that means is leaning in more.
• 20:48
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And so to really kind of take on a- another dimension in the book is, is where I went with that.
• 20:55
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and then, uh, you know, AI happened.
• 21:01
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So then, so then I wrote the book once, and then I had to rewrite the book because this whole, you know, new technology evolution happened, and I said,"Oh, crap, what are we gonna do?" Um, and so I rewrote it again.
• 21:13
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And then, and then I had, you know, summer interns this sum- summer kinda challenging me again.
• 21:19
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And so, you know, like, I...
• 21:21
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I rethought it again.
• 21:22
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So it, like, very much and true to who I am is the rethink, reshape, remake.
• 21:28
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, we're constantly evolving, and if we're not accepting some of that at the same time of moving forward, this doesn't mean I scrapped everything and started fresh, right?
• 21:38
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I think a lot of people, when they think of we're asking people to change or transform, we're asking them to just stop doing what they're doing and do something else completely.
• 21:49
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And that's not what, what I mean.
• 21:50
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I mean, like, figure out what the bits and pieces are that work, the pieces that need to be bended a little, and then, like, you know, leave the, the, the crumbs that don't serve you anymore behind.
• 22:03
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: The
• 22:03
  Dawn Russell: blobs.
• 22:03
  Dawn Russell: The blobs.
• 22:03
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: The blobs.
• 22:04
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Leave the blobs behind.
• 22:06
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Let them go.
• 22:07
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yeah, let them go.
• 22:09
  Dawn Russell: Hmm.
• 22:10
  Dawn Russell: So, so it sounds like there was something that really drove you to create this podcast.
• 22:16
  Dawn Russell: I wanna, I wanna come back to that since you brought it up here in the last little bit.
• 22:20
  Dawn Russell: I am, I am gonna circle back around to the masking piece because I think there's a little more there to unpack.
• 22:25
  Dawn Russell: But, you know, just to, to give our listeners a little, a little dose of, of what this podcast is and, and what drove the need to create it, um, it sounds like that there was, there was, uh, an openness and general, you know, embrace from the people that you were meeting, uh, through speaking, through, uh, Chief, through other venues where you have a professional presence and personal presence where people were asking, you know, for more detail for, for an understanding of, of what has made you who you are today, um, and, and how you, how you were able to become so successful, uh, even with all of this beneath the surface.
• 23:14
  Dawn Russell: Um, and, and then achieve this, this sense of balance, right?
• 23:18
  Dawn Russell: Between, you know, I can live a full life and have a professional career, and, and my identity is, is all of that and then more, and then some.
• 23:28
  Dawn Russell: Um, and so I'm, I'm really curious, you know, can you, can you articulate for me, like, what drove you to, to, to create this podcast?
• 23:36
  Dawn Russell: And i- is that it in a nutshell, or is there more?
• 23:39
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, so it's funny'cause originally when you and, and, uh, the team were kind of, like, going through, like, what, what is the podcast gonna be, right?
• 23:48
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: We, we-- You know, the first take was it needs to be this thing that was, you know, complimentary to the book, right?
• 23:55
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, and that made sense to me.
• 23:57
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, um, and I know, I know that I have had, uh, the podcast in the past that people found valuable when we talked about tech- you know, technical stuff and perspectives on technical areas.
• 24:11
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, but then I was really, when I was rewriting the book this summer, um, really struck by the need and the, the desire to understand more of the how we come to make these changes in our lives, right?
• 24:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and one of the things that I think Through my recovery is really understanding, first and foremost, I can only change what I have control over, first and foremost.
• 24:50
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, and if I can't understand and accept that, then nothing else is possible.
• 24:59
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: If you can't get through that basic tenet, then nothing else is possible.
• 25:05
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And then so in the spirit of systems of system thinking, right?
• 25:09
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Then I go to, okay, so now as an individual practitioner, I c- I, you know, if I can only change what I can change, what does that mean to a leader of a group, right?
• 25:19
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So then that needs to be at that level, kind of the leadership needs to accept that they only can control or change what they have in control, right?
• 25:28
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And it, and it spirals from there.
• 25:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So, you know, thinking about that in terms of the greater, um, question on transformation and a lot of the what's been published, um, in articles, whether they're poorly sourced or not poorly sourced, it doesn't really matter, right?
• 25:47
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: But this con- y- this, this underlying thread of, um, with the AI that everything's a failure and nothing's gonna get a return on investment, and there's such, like a fear-mongering sort of, um, drive that's been in, uh, circles, and especially in technology circles.
• 26:07
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And then, and then to layer that in, in pharma, for me was like, please, we can't slide backwards, right?
• 26:16
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So one of the things that just came out with, um, everyone, the frontier models kinda saying we need to slow down.
• 26:23
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That's the last thing like pharmaceuticals and life sciences need is to slow down.
• 26:28
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And especially when I'm talking about systematic changes that need to happen in order to improve processes that I've seen are stagnantly slow.
• 26:39
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And so
• 26:42
  Dawn Russell: Hmm.
• 26:43
  Dawn Russell: So what I hear you saying is that the podcast is in, in one regard, a commentary on your own personal transformation and change, which is very bold and, um, courageous, and also drives into the space in which you work, which is pharma and life sciences, where change has been extremely slow to adopt to the point that it actually is affecting patient outcomes and, and overall progress.
• 27:20
  Dawn Russell: Um, and, and so with your story and the stories that, that are coming with the other folks we're gonna be talking to, we're gonna be able to, to look under the surface, under the polished success stories that we hear about on LinkedIn, that we see in, in normal conversations, and, and really see what is the substance of that change in a person, and then how that can impact at scale.
• 27:48
  Dawn Russell: Um, one thing I'll say about the necessity to understand that you can't change what you don't have control over is Getting to that place means that you're willing to understand and take accountability for your role or my role in what happened.
• 28:16
  Dawn Russell: Um, and that moment is, it's a bitter pill to swallow.
• 28:25
  Dawn Russell: 101%.
• 28:25
  Dawn Russell: What was the role that I played?
• 28:27
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 28:27
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It's, it's, you know, and you're 100%, and you know, and that's why even...
• 28:34
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So yes, I'm, I'm 12, 12 years sober, but that wasn't my first attempt at being sober, you know?
• 28:42
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Right?
• 28:43
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It, and it took several, several steps Mm-hmm to get to a sustained...
• 28:49
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, and I, and I do still talk about myself as in recovery, right?
• 28:53
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Because it's still working the process, and part of that is being willing always to go back to step one And kind of just acknowledging, okay, so what out of this situation don't I have control over?
• 29:08
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: What of this situation am I unwilling to let go of?
• 29:12
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: What of this situation have I failed miserably at and continue to fail at?
• 29:17
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, one of the things I, I often say, especially to my team is, is, is I j- I seek to fail every day.
• 29:24
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And why do I do that?
• 29:25
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I do that because I- it keeps me humble, it keeps me grounded, it keeps me in check in terms of understanding how my mind works, where I'm vulnerable, where I'm not vulnerable, where I'm sure, where, like, where I'm feeling really good and solid, where am I not?
• 29:44
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Where do I need help?
• 29:46
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, all of those things and, and if you don't know where you're, where you're at on that scale, right?
• 29:54
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: 'Cause it's not a black or white thing, it's a spectrum And if you're, if you're not comfortable with the unknowns of some of that, right,'cause sometimes it gets really uncomfortable, then, then it's more difficult to figure out how to get it moving again, right?
• 30:16
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Mm-hmm.
• 30:16
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And that's where you get into some of that paralysis part of-
• 30:20
  Dawn Russell: Well, children, children are notorious for, you know, conducting little mini experiments of which- Yes most fail until they get one right, and then they grow.
• 30:30
  Dawn Russell: Uh, so I can fully- Yeah understand that mode.
• 30:34
  Dawn Russell: Um, and-
• 30:34
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And it's like, when did we forget that, right?
• 30:36
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yeah.
• 30:36
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Exactly.
• 30:36
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, and that, so one of the things that we do in our workshops too is play, right?
• 30:41
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: We play, we show, we...
• 30:42
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I, I've made games for folks.
• 30:44
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, and part of that is because that's what we need in order to tap into those places within our comfort zones, right?
• 30:55
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Rather than coming to a meeting, and you've been in those meetings, and probably everyone on this listening has been in those meetings, where you walk in and you see the one person or two people in the room with their hands crossed, doesn't wanna be there, doesn't...
• 31:07
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And like, why are we here?
• 31:09
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: What...
• 31:09
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: There serves no purpose.
• 31:10
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Nothing ever changes, right?
• 31:13
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Then you have the others, you know, you can tell the personas as you walk in the room, right?
• 31:17
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: This is just humans, right, how we do things.
• 31:21
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, but what if it was, you know, a space that you can show up to take on some of those other perspectives that are in the room?
• 31:30
  Dawn Russell: Mm.
• 31:30
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 31:30
  Dawn Russell: And-
• 31:31
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And really sit in that for a while.
• 31:33
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 31:33
  Dawn Russell: Leveling the field in a way where everyone has the opportunity to contribute, uh, instead of the two, the two folks that are, that are kinda driving the whole conversation.
• 31:45
  Dawn Russell: I mean, creating, creating a space where the guard can come down, and there's, there's the opportunity to contribute, um, really yields the opportunity to gather diverse points of view and, and, and really experiment to, to see what's possible.
• 32:01
  Dawn Russell: Um, and it, it's been really fun, like at the Reinvention Lab last year in October, in, in North Carolina, to, to see that play out in real time with folks that did show up with their arms crossed and
• 32:12
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That's right"Oh, my
• 32:13
  Dawn Russell: God, you know, uh, why, why am I here?
• 32:15
  Dawn Russell: My company sent me."
• 32:17
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yep.
• 32:17
  Dawn Russell: Um, so you know, y- Dori, you're a CEO, right?
• 32:21
  Dawn Russell: You're, you're the head of a company that's very successful, um, well-recognized inside the life sciences space, and, and I would imagine, you know, as a result, you're accustomed to being the person that always has the answer.
• 32:35
  Dawn Russell: Um, and as we think about this podcast and this being the inaugural one for, for this courage to reinvent theme, what feels risky about having these conversations publicly?
• 32:47
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, so there's always, there's always the risk that I am going to offend somebody, right?
• 32:56
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So that's kind of, um...
• 32:58
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I, I always want folks to know that I do it in service of growth and development.
• 33:04
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and And I take that seriously.
• 33:10
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and so, um, so that's the, first and foremost, right?
• 33:15
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, from a, from-- Another risk is, you know, like I think maybe if 10 years ago, maybe this is not as risky as it w- would've been if it was 10 years ago.
• 33:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I don't know, maybe I'm hedging a little bit on that, Don.
• 33:32
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, you know, I think 10 years ago when I started learning about these sorts of tools, right, in, in the workplace, um,'cause I, you know, I did co-active coaching, which a lot of this has to do with what, what I, we do every day at ProcelerX, but was kinda taboo, you know?
• 33:51
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I think that, I think we're at a time and place In the world for a variety of reasons where I think the hu- humanness needs to come back into-
• 34:05
  Dawn Russell: Ah
• 34:06
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: the space.
• 34:08
  Dawn Russell: Mm.
• 34:08
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, um-
• 34:10
  Dawn Russell: Hearing.
• 34:10
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And while the frontier guy, you know, the frontier people saying they wanna slow down, it's, it-- Slowing down is, is not what I'm talking about.
• 34:18
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I'm talking about more of an honest conversation about what is.
• 34:26
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, the reality on, on wherever you're at, right?
• 34:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Whether you're at a small company, big company, you know, a solo entrepreneur, that doesn't really, like...
• 34:36
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: But we only can affect what we have access to, and, um, and we don't, all don't have the same access, right?
• 34:44
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um,'cause that's the world we live in.
• 34:45
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And so what, what can you do and what can you affect by being open and willing to have some hard conversations?
• 34:55
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 34:56
  Dawn Russell: I, I actually had my, uh, monthly lean in session.
• 35:00
  Dawn Russell: I'm, I'm lean- hosting a, a group of women around the topic of authenticity in the era of AI, and we had a conversation today around the changes over the last three months, both in tools and in relationships.
• 35:15
  Dawn Russell: And everyone had, to your point, a workshop.
• 35:17
  Dawn Russell: It was a little Miro board with stickies, and people could do it, and then we went around and, and folks talked about all of the insane change that's happened in the last three months.
• 35:26
  Dawn Russell: And we're at a seminal moment right now where, um, our models are starting to self-train, and this is the slowdown that, that Dario from Anthropic is talking about, and researchers are leaving and, and there's call for regulation and, and so in this, um, what, what came out of it is that more and more they're seeing Posts and calls for coming together in a, in a, in a way, whether it's going for a run or making a meal or spending time at the park.
• 36:00
  Dawn Russell: I think everyone-- We're at a, a critical junction from a human standpoint where folks are saying,"Wait, wait.
• 36:06
  Dawn Russell: Let's, let's remember what it's like to come together and have a conversation." And, and that human piece, I think, is represented through music, through food, through community, through conversations like this.
• 36:17
  Dawn Russell: Um, and so I wanna, I wanna give you kudos for, for being willing to, to drive this and to, to open up, um, and, and share your story.
• 36:27
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Not, and-
• 36:28
  Dawn Russell: So, so then...
• 36:29
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Oh.
• 36:29
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So sorry, Dawn.
• 36:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Mm-hmm.
• 36:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Just one more thing I wanna make sure it's clear to everyone, too.
• 36:33
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It's not everyone, um...
• 36:35
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So every- You know, just because I share doesn't mean everyone share, will share, right?
• 36:41
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, there's many stories I don't share publicly, right?
• 36:44
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and there's how folks come to understanding their own journey may be very different, and that's okay, and that's what they need.
• 37:01
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: What I'm interested in is creating a space for an opportunity to explore Different ways of getting to embrace change in a different way.
• 37:23
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So what I like about the, the program and the 12 step programs that I like, and again, I'm not, um, you know, some label things as religious and all that sort of like you and I, I, you know, I am far from that.
• 37:39
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, but what I, what I do value most about, um, the program is community.
• 37:47
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And so I know all of my growth and all of the change that I've made in my life has been a result of the communities that I've built or I've been part of.
• 38:00
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 38:00
  Dawn Russell: And the moment you came into my life, I mean, it was, it was immediate.
• 38:04
  Dawn Russell: There was a resonance there and-
• 38:06
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And that was also- a deep appreciation at a very low part of my life.
• 38:10
  Dawn Russell: Oh, and me too.
• 38:11
  Dawn Russell: Me too.
• 38:12
  Dawn Russell: That's
• 38:12
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: right.
• 38:12
  Dawn Russell: I mean- Yep the second we walked into the, to the Bethlehem Public Library and sat down and it was like-
• 38:17
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Starting
• 38:18
  Dawn Russell: crying I don't know that I can do this.
• 38:19
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 38:19
  Dawn Russell: Both of us wept.
• 38:21
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 38:22
  Dawn Russell: And it was like, oh my God, you're never gonna believe what I found out today.
• 38:25
  Dawn Russell: Oh my God.
• 38:26
  Dawn Russell: And it was just, for me, it was this moment where I felt like the deepest embrace and understanding and, and honesty and camaraderie.
• 38:35
  Dawn Russell: It was, it was incredible.
• 38:36
  Dawn Russell: So maybe I don't need to ask this question, but I, but I am curious, you know, why did you ask me to co-host this, um- Yeah rather than do it alone?
• 38:45
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yeah.
• 38:46
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So there, so there's many reasons and, and some of them are, um, in part because there is a synergy that is unspoken between the two of us that I feel like that energy for, and you also hold me accountable You are really good at holding space.
• 39:10
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And in order for us to embark on a deeper conversation with folks, I think that balance that you and I have together is kind of the balance that is part of how we create that space.
• 39:23
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: We do that professionally, and in a more intimate conversation, we do that as well, right?
• 39:30
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I think that this is kinda the, the bridge between the two, and I think that that will show up for different guests that we have on and, and different conversations we'll have.
• 39:41
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 39:41
  Dawn Russell: So, so I'm guessing this means then that, uh, I can dig deeper when the responses seem a little too polished?
• 39:47
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yes.
• 39:48
  Dawn Russell: Okay.
• 39:48
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 39:49
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Kick my butt.
• 39:50
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: All right.
• 39:51
  Dawn Russell: Well, I don't wanna...
• 39:52
  Dawn Russell: I mean, unless you like that, but...
• 39:55
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That is a different podcast.
• 40:01
  Dawn Russell: So, um, yeah, no, no, I won't, I won't- It might be our next
• 40:05
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: gig.
• 40:05
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Who knows?
• 40:08
  Dawn Russell: Who knows?
• 40:09
  Dawn Russell: You know, it's not something AI can do, that's for sure.
• 40:11
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That's very correct.
• 40:15
  Dawn Russell: No, no, I, I probably won't go to that.
• 40:17
  Dawn Russell: But I, I do, I do, uh, relish having the opportunity to hold space in this way.
• 40:22
  Dawn Russell: Um, you know, it's been an area where, you know, I, my, my honesty and, and sometimes lack of tact, um, you know, has been an Achilles heel.
• 40:33
  Dawn Russell: And so to be invited in to have a conversation and say,"Hey, wait a minute.
• 40:38
  Dawn Russell: Uh, you've given me permission to go a little deeper.
• 40:40
  Dawn Russell: Let's go a little deeper." Mm-hmm.
• 40:42
  Dawn Russell: Um, so, so actually I, I'm gonna do that right now, if that's okay with you.
• 40:46
  Dawn Russell: Sure.
• 40:46
  Dawn Russell: Absolutely.
• 40:47
  Dawn Russell: All right.
• 40:48
  Dawn Russell: Um, so you talked before about hitting a low point in your life, and we were, we were examining the script and what does it mean to have, you know, an old script that you're working through.
• 41:02
  Dawn Russell: And you, you talked about a moment when you got into the startup and things were just happening.
• 41:08
  Dawn Russell: They were popping.
• 41:08
  Dawn Russell: There was money and, and I imagine there was parties, and there was conversations, and there was work, and it was all one big ball that you were in.
• 41:17
  Dawn Russell: Um, and, and for me, I I know this space, right?
• 41:23
  Dawn Russell: Where it's just so exciting, and I c- I can barely get a deep breath, and I've just been working and going and traveling and delivering- Yeah and, you know- I was not
• 41:31
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: sober.
• 41:32
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Uh, that's just-
• 41:32
  Dawn Russell: Yeah been very clear.
• 41:33
  Dawn Russell: Well, I mean, how could you be?
• 41:34
  Dawn Russell: It's like, i- if you're, if you're...
• 41:36
  Dawn Russell: I mean, that is it, right?
• 41:38
  Dawn Russell: Whether or not it's alcohol or something else- Mm-hmm that is a form of being intoxicated.
• 41:43
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Mm-hmm.
• 41:43
  Dawn Russell: Right?
• 41:44
  Dawn Russell: Yep.
• 41:44
  Dawn Russell: It doesn't matter w- what substance it is.
• 41:47
  Dawn Russell: The truth is- Yeah is it's intoxication.
• 41:48
  Dawn Russell: It's a complete high.
• 41:48
  Dawn Russell: And it's...
• 41:49
  Dawn Russell: Yes.
• 41:49
  Dawn Russell: Absolutely.
• 41:50
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 41:50
  Dawn Russell: It totally is.
• 41:52
  Dawn Russell: And, uh, oftentimes, it is accompanied by, you know, the C-suite, who are taking, you know, their libations in whatever form that is.
• 42:01
  Dawn Russell: Um, and, you know, you work hard, you play hard, you're burning at both ends, right?
• 42:07
  Dawn Russell: Um, and we got to a spot there where you started talking about the masking and the intoxication, and then we jumped.
• 42:15
  Dawn Russell: There was a jump that you made.
• 42:16
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 42:16
  Dawn Russell: I'll say you jumped.
• 42:18
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Mm-hmm.
• 42:18
  Dawn Russell: Uh, and so I wanna kinda get into that and go l- a layer down in the well.
• 42:23
  Dawn Russell: And, and oftentimes, Dori, you'll helm- hear me refer to this concept as, like, going deeper in the well.
• 42:28
  Dawn Russell: And, and I can share a poem as part of the notes, um, for this session that, that I love around, around this concept that, that, um, someone that I really respect wrote.
• 42:39
  Dawn Russell: Um, so anyways, but this idea of, like, you got down maybe 20 foot into the well.
• 42:44
  Dawn Russell: The well's 300 foot.
• 42:46
  Dawn Russell: Let's go a little deeper there.
• 42:48
  Dawn Russell: Um, so when we think about this masking and this intoxication and this, like, excitement and, and you're being valued, right?
• 42:56
  Dawn Russell: Like, you're now inside of a profession where everyone wants you to be there.
• 43:01
  Dawn Russell: They want you to be delivering.
• 43:02
  Dawn Russell: They want your ideas.
• 43:03
  Dawn Russell: They want what you have to offer.
• 43:05
  Dawn Russell: I mean, that's gotta be very, almost like water on parched soil, right?
• 43:11
  Dawn Russell: You're just absorbing that.
• 43:13
  Dawn Russell: But at the same time, there's this deep loss, something that you're giving away, which is your i- you know, that balance that you have in life, the full life, the friends, the family, all of the other pieces outside of that, right?
• 43:27
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 43:27
  Dawn Russell: So when we think about a script, and we think about that moment, like, where was it that you recognized, even if it was something small, that something was amiss?
• 43:38
  Dawn Russell: Was it a health problem?
• 43:40
  Dawn Russell: Was it that dire, or was it something else?
• 43:42
  Dawn Russell: When, when did it, when did the bells start to ring for you?
• 43:46
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, well, it didn't come, um At the, when I was at that startup, um, the high was definitely still on for quite some time.
• 43:59
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So I was, um, so also manic for most of that time, um, in my early career.
• 44:06
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, it was un- unmedic- it, medicated but n- not when I'm also drinking and, um, partying all night long and working, you know, ridiculous hours and, um, so it was a real, um...
• 44:23
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It was such a sustained length of time.
• 44:26
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, it didn't come to a full crash crash at that point, um, until So this is so weird.
• 44:40
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, now, now you're really pulling out, um, so I pull my memory here.
• 44:45
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: The, um When did I?
• 44:51
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I, I think it was more of the-- I knew I-- it was not the right place for me, but I didn't know how to get out, right?
• 45:02
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, I, like, I didn't know what the next step needed to be.
• 45:09
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 45:09
  Dawn Russell: And- Because you had the next thi- deliverable, you had the next travel, you had the next this- Yeah the next that.
• 45:13
  Dawn Russell: And so you, you feel something.
• 45:15
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: It was, it was really hard to kinda do.
• 45:18
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And so, and, and at that point, actually, um, I met my, my husband, my, my next husband, and, and I opted for a full pullout of everything, and changed cities and changed everything, and started, like, cold turkey fresh.
• 45:39
  Dawn Russell: Hmm.
• 45:39
  Dawn Russell: So you were f- you could feel something was, was not right, but you'd weren't able to change it in that context, and then you met someone.
• 45:47
  Dawn Russell: So someone came into your life.
• 45:49
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 45:49
  Dawn Russell: Someone from the outside came in and disrupted your community, home- Yeah basically, like, relocated you.
• 45:58
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yeah.
• 45:59
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yeah.
• 46:00
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Mm-hmm.
• 46:00
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And, um, and so-- And I think that that, you know, set o- set off another set of journey, right?
• 46:06
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, and at the same time, it was a real identity shift for me, um, in terms of taking on a new role, um, taking on a new city, right?
• 46:20
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, it, it was an opportunity for me to reset in many ways, and in many ways I did.
• 46:27
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um- It was the beginning of the, the, they kinda talk about it like the toe in the water.
• 46:36
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, you think you're gonna get sober sorta thing.
• 46:39
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Like, you change, you're changing all the stuff around you, but not you.
• 46:45
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Right?
• 46:46
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: That's the easy way to get sober, right?
• 46:48
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: You just change every- like, you just change- Mm-hmm your friends, you change this, change that, and so you remove all those obstacles and, and of course you're gonna be sober'cause you just can't have it.
• 46:56
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: You know, you know, like it's not there.
• 46:57
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: But that's not really how it works, right?
• 47:00
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Um, so, so there was some of that masking still going on in terms of- Mm-hmm how to get
• 47:07
  Dawn Russell: to this.
• 47:08
  Dawn Russell: Well, because you don't think it's you, you know?
• 47:09
  Dawn Russell: Correct.
• 47:09
  Dawn Russell: And that's, and that's where I get back to that point of, like, understanding your role in what happened.
• 47:14
  Dawn Russell: So for me, I went 3,000 miles at 18 years old away from my home in Virginia, and I went to college in the West Coast, which I bought my own plane ticket.
• 47:25
  Dawn Russell: I stayed at a Motel 6.
• 47:27
  Dawn Russell: I caught a Greyhound to get to Olympia.
• 47:30
  Dawn Russell: I then got to the local bus station and took a bus to the campus, never having seen it before, and showed up with two suitcases and registered for classes.
• 47:41
  Dawn Russell: Um, and it's like, oh, I have changed everything.
• 47:44
  Dawn Russell: I've wiped the slate clean.
• 47:45
  Dawn Russell: My life is now- Right going to become- Right what I've always wanted it to be, that I couldn't have when I was in this home with these people.
• 47:52
  Dawn Russell: But the truth of the matter was is that I had this script that was- Yeah inside of me that had been nurtured throughout.
• 48:00
  Dawn Russell: And of course, I had my own thoughts and opinions and things that felt right and didn't.
• 48:05
  Dawn Russell: And it, once I got there, the same exact problems started to surface again, and again, and again, until I actually took ownership of my role in that.
• 48:15
  Dawn Russell: That was when I, I was...
• 48:18
  Dawn Russell: That awareness was, was the first on- first layer of the onion to peel back, right?
• 48:24
  Dawn Russell: Yeah.
• 48:24
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yeah.
• 48:24
  Dawn Russell: And so, and so, you know, you talk a lot about a s- the script, you know, in the book, and, and we're gonna be getting into that here.
• 48:32
  Dawn Russell: You know, uh, is it a belief?
• 48:34
  Dawn Russell: Is it a habit?
• 48:35
  Dawn Russell: Is it procedure?
• 48:36
  Dawn Russell: You know, is it, is it- Yeah thing people say when they don't wanna decide?
• 48:40
  Dawn Russell: Like, for me- I think it's all of it, yeah it was, it was family, you know?
• 48:43
  Dawn Russell: And, and- Yeah like, you know, this nurture.
• 48:45
  Dawn Russell: But, like, in, in your experience, you changed all your circumstances.
• 48:50
  Dawn Russell: What was the script?
• 48:51
  Dawn Russell: What was, what was it?
• 48:53
  Dawn Russell: Was it from your family?
• 48:54
  Dawn Russell: Was it from-
• 48:55
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Oh, so yeah.
• 48:56
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So my, my, my t- the totality of my script is very layered.
• 49:00
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: from the core of being adopted and being pulled from My birth mother was- I
• 49:08
  Dawn Russell: actually didn't know that you were adopted.
• 49:10
  Dawn Russell: Mm-hmm.
• 49:11
  Dawn Russell: This is the first time I'm hearing that.
• 49:12
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Yeah.
• 49:13
  Dawn Russell: Okay.
• 49:13
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So that's where a lot of-
• 49:15
  Dawn Russell: Wow
• 49:16
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: a lot of it all kinda stems from, for sure.
• 49:18
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Mm.
• 49:19
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: How it manifests in many, many different ways throughout my life, and I also know my mother now.
• 49:25
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: I've met her.
• 49:27
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And there's still stuff, and still stuff to work on, right?
• 49:31
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: Mm-hmm.
• 49:31
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: 'Cause it wasn't just about that, right?
• 49:33
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So it's, it- what I know now is that things are so much more complicated, right?
• 49:38
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And what I think, for me, has been over, as I was younger, trying to figure out how to fit in a box rather than how to be okay being outside the box.
• 49:52
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: And I'm much more comfortable today being outside the box than ever before it takes real courage to step outside of that box, and I think that could be an entire episode of Digging In.
• 50:06
  Dori Gonzalez-Acevedo: So why don't we pause there and see what comes next?
• 50:23
  Dori3: Reinvention isn't about erasing who you were.
• 50:27
  Dawn Russell: It's about having the courage to decide what comes next.
• 50:32
  Dori3: If something in this conversation stayed with you, share it with someone navigating an unexpected turn of their own.
• 50:39
  Dawn Russell: Subscribe to The Courage to Reinvent wherever you listen.
• 50:43
  Dawn Russell: New episodes arrive on the last Thursday of every month.
• 50:47
  Dori3: The reflections from each conversation will be waiting for you in the show notes.
• 50:51
  Dori3: And The Courage to Reinvent book is now available for pre-order at CourageToReinvent.com.
• 50:58
  Dawn Russell: Real stories, real courage, real transformation.