Latest / Locatora Radio [A Radiophonic Novela] / The Power Of Girl Talk | Capítulo 276

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The Power Of Girl Talk | Capítulo 276 · Locatora Radio [A Radiophonic Novela]

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: In your own work and in your own relationships, Like
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: have you ever had that like tug of war about
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: like the content or like the type of.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Work without him saying it. In my last relationship, I
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: feel like I made myself a little censored, like I
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: would say things online. But like again, like i've I've
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: always been a yappy person, but I think while I
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: was in my relationship, I like kind of censored my
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: yap because I don't know how would this be perceived
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: or how is he going to take it? Like, Oh,
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: you're supposed to be in a happy relationship, but you're
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: talking about the struggles. Yeah, exactly how hard it is,
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: exactly X, Y and Z. And it's like I felt like, look,
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: he kind of like a fraud because I feel like
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I had so much to say, but like at the
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: same time, I was censoring myself. He never said it,
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: but like I just knew if I would say something
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: wild or outlindish like I do now, like it would
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: be perceived the wrong way. You get me. Yeah, So
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: I felt like I definitely thrive more when I'm single
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: because I could just say what's on my mind.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: O la la loka mot is I'm diosa and I'm Mala.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: We are the host of Loka Dora Radio, a radiophonic novella,
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: which is an extra way of saying a podcast. We
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: have a third host in the building with us today,
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: a third host on the podcast. Our first time ever
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: trying out this format. We're not doing an interview, We're
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: having a guest host. All right, guest host, Can you
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: introduce yourself? Can you say Hi? Hi, guys.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: My name is Victoria, but everyone calls me Vicky.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Our third Loka Dora Vicky. You might know her as
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Vicky the Fit Chick, and some of you might know
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: her as your online homegirl, your friend in your head. Vicky,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: you have been doing so much necessary life giving, not
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: only fitness advice but girl talk.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I've have been in a
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: big transition in my life, like the last couple, like
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: the last eight months, and my thing has just really
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: shifted to like giving like big sis advice. And I'm
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: here for it because one thing about me I love
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: to talk.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, And that is one of the reasons we wanted
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: you to guest host today, because we're talking about the
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: power of girl talk, and this idea was inspired by
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: an event that we had at Nativo with gorrisa Eden
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: on this a past guest, and she shared her story
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: about her divorce. She went online, she hinted at it
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: and then came on the show and told us everything
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: that went down. And then we had an event and
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: listeners came out, her friends came out, and it got vulnerable.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: People were sharing. It was emotional. People cried, We cried
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: like it was it's I'm sure you know this feeling
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: of knowing that you created this space where people feel
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: safe enough to be vulnerable, and like, how like you
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: can't take that for granted, right.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: No, I've been talking a lot. I went through a
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: really bad breakup about eight months ago and it was
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: just a very toxic relationship and I didn't, like I've
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: never really seen people talk about their toxic relationships or
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: breakups online and I just needed like an outlet. And
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I didn't say too much about the actual relationship. I
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: said more of like how I felt and how I
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: felt crazy, and how just a lot of things, a
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: lot of variables, and I got so many I've still
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: obviously so many messages from women telling me thank you
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: for my vulnerability, thank you for talking about it that
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: they thought they were alone in this. I've actually inspired
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: them to leave their toxic relationship.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: And I'm just like.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Me, yeah, but I and honestly makes me feel so
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: happy when women choose themselves and you know, it's not
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: easy to put yourself first, but it's worth it absolutely,
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: And I.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Feel like sometime we were just talking about this before
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: we started recording. But we work so hard on the
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: curated content, but sometimes when it's just you facing the camera,
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: just telling your truth, granting, raving, crying, that's really what
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: people respond to, right, one thing about me.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: I will cry on social but.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: You know what, You're a beautiful cryer, beautiful cri say
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: thank you.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: Yes, remind me what's your sign?
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: I'm a cancer.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: My birthday is just passed.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah okay, happy malak, thank you, yes, true to form cancers.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: And I was so emotional before my birthday. It has
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: to be the retrograde. But my content that I'm just
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: like talking like just genuinely like giving big sus advice,
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: no cuts, no nothing, that's what takes off. But I
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: think it's honestly what women want to hear. Like no
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: one wants everyone just wants the straight truth. Everyone wants
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: to know how to get past a certain situation or
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: what do I need to do? And I think that's
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: why and also just being vulnerable line because everything's just
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: so performative, and I think that's why it does so well.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: Like people want to see real, raw, authentic content.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is what struck me, like because I watch
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: your videos and I'm in the comment section. Okay, I
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: am reading. I'm reading because I'm also I'm watching for me,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: but I'm I'm reading, and I'm looking at how people
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: are sharing, and it's a lot of me too, me too,
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Like you're giving your testimony, and then women are giving
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: their testimony. And at this event in that Fievil, like
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: women were just getting up on the mic and talking
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: about like I've been with this guy for this many years,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: but I don't think he's my person, or I just
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: went through this divorce and this is how he left
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: or this is how I left, or I don't know
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: if I should end it. And it was almost like
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: one woman sharing her story like ignited this fire where
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: everyone else felt like, Okay, I can.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: Do it too.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's what I think it is. I feel
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: like not so many people, not so many women talk
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: about everybody, oh, keep it hush, keep in private, don't
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: your business out there. And I'm just like, one, I
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: don't feel like that helps. And something that I've learned
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: from therapy, I don't feel like that helps you process
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: your grief or process your emotions. Yes, obviously journal, but
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: sometimes saying things out loud just make you feel better.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: And you know me, I say my things out loud
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: on the internet, but it helps other women know that
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: they're not you know, yeah.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, And then you add that layer of culture,
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: right like as Latina's we're like taught to like one
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: keep it inside or two like sweep it under the rug.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: You can't let anybody know your business right like, it'll
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: get it done?
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Is so real?
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: It rules man, that Yeah, it really does.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: And I'm just like, Okay, yeah, who cares they don't
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: pay my bills.
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: Yes, but it's a journey to get there, you know,
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: it really really is.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Because people ask me, how do you not care? How
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: do you not you know? And I'm just like, how.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: Do you not care? I would love to know because
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: I'm a little shy to post on socials, even though
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: I have a podcast. I've been doing it forever another.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Socials is another.
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: The thing is even on it.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I've just I've always grown not like really not caring.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: And I think this probably had a lot to do
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: with the way my mom raised me, like not caring
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: what anybody thinks, Like people are always gonna say something
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: about you. We're whatever it is. People that are miserable
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: will always have something negative to say about you. And
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: my mom always taught me that from like a young age,
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: because I always like, you know, like hole Latino household,
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: you're supposed to not talk back to the man and
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: not to My mom always told everybody don't know, I'm like,
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: I've been like this from like a very young age.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Like everybody would always try to go snitch me out
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: to my mom, like iky did this or did My
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: mom was like, well was she wrong? Did she lie?
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Did no better? Like she put me in this awkward Well,
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: don't say anything that you don't want to repeat it
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: back in front of Viki.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Because.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna let you all know that you're wrong, Like
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: I just, I genuinely have never I'm not scared. I
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: think that's what it is. I don't think I I'm
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: not scared of a consequence and not because it's bad,
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: but because, like I know that I'm not doing anything
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: intentional to hurt nobody. Like I'm just simply living my life.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: And as long as it's not hurting anyone, or like
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying isn't affecting anyone, then I think I'm
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: in the in the right, you know, And if other
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: people have a problem with that, then that's your personal business,
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: not mine.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I love that, And I think, like in observing in
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: my own life, the women who technically did everything right, worked,
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: raised children, dedicated wives, you know, went to church, people
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: still talk shit about them. Right, they did everything right,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: But I'm hearing the weaedy, weedy, I'm hearing the negativity.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I'm hearing the trash talk. You cannot escape.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: It can't. And it's always going to be someone that
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: either wants to do what you're doing or is simply
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: not happy within their own life. Like I've never had
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: anybody critique me that's doing better than me.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, say, yeah, that's gospel, right, that's gospel testimony. Yes,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: absolutely so Okay, So how do we then, how do
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: we then like take back our power and say fuck
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: it and decide what to share and what not to share.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Even with all of that said, even with all of this,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: even understanding people are gonna talk shit no matter what,
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: and it's our truth and we are inspiring others, Like
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: what do we decide to hold back on.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: I think it's more of like what you're comfortable to
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: put out there, because it did take me a while
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: to be like, is this too much? Am I saying?
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: Like is this rude? Or it's like okay, if I
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: know again, like if I'm just speaking my own truth
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: and it's something that it was my own personal experience
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: that is not hurting anyone, am I hurting it hurts you,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: then you got some work to do on yourself. But
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: I just feel like, whatever is your own personal experience,
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: and if that's something that you're comfortable with sharing, knowing
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: that the Internet is a crazy place and then people
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: will say whatever is on their mind or their opinions,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: that's also something that you have to be like aware of,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: Like people are always again, people are always going to
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: say something, so you have to be comfortable with this
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: is what the comment section or this is what people
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: might say. So again, it's just I think whatever you're
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: personally okay with putting out there.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: I don't think there's too much, right, it's like very
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: it's very subjectivetive. How do you decide aside, like how
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: how far are you're going to go? How much you're
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: going to share?
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: I don't know that's a good question because I feel
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: like I've been sharing like less and less, like over.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: The years, more private, more private.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I wish I was private, you know, but then.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Like we've been talking for talking.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we've been I mean we've I think on the podcast,
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: I was not afraid to share really anything. Yeah, but
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: there's something about socials that I'm have not it's conquered.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: I haven't mastered that like that maybe like fear of rejection,
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: fear of being perceived. But there's something about being on
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: the mic. Before there was video, it was just the mics.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: You didn't have to worry about what you looked like.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: That just made me so comfortable. And then I could
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: share my story. I could share like a breakup that
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: I went through. I could share something that my mom
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: did or something that happened to me, and I didn't
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: there was still that like that wall or like that barrier,
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: like the listener's not going to be in like the
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: comment section and the way they are on socials and
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: socials you know, as you know, like the algorithm can
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: send it anywhere sometimes and on a podcast like you
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: have to subscribe, you have to intentionally go find this.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: So there's something about that. Well, that's what it is.
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: But for me, it's that difference of interaction and engagement
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: that makes me feel more comfortable on the pod to share.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: But for socials, I think Mal and I have both
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: like pulled back on sharing like relationships and like that
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: sort of yeah, part of our lives, right.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: I would agree, Well, I was, I was like not
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: in a relationship until very recently. It's been like only
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: like two years now less than two years, and so
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: like before, there was not much to report. And we
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: recently had an interaction with a listener at the Ford.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: We went to a screening of zoot Suit, and she
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: told us, like, I miss when you guys just talked
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: about your personal lives.
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: It's because it feels relatable, Like it feels like, yes,
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: people are nosy and like everyone's to cheese muscle, Like
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: I'm like my little broadcast channel on Instagram is called
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: less She's mossos, Like everyone wants to know, they want
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: to feel.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Like they know you. Yeah, they want to build that
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: relationship with you. And I think that's more of a
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: sense what it is. Yes, people are choose muscles, but
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: I think it's like how they feel connected to what
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: you put out or whatever project that you do. You
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: get me, So I think that's.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: What it is, the parasocial relationship.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you have you had any like experiences with people
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: feeling like they know you more than they actually know you?
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Because I think that we've had that too, right, Like
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: how has that shown up for you? Because that's difficult
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: to navigate with people. You want to know what.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I don't mind it, Okay, I don't mind it. I
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: don't know if it's like the sage in me, but
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: like I don't like, I don't mind it. Like I
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: feel like I've created like this really great community with
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: these women. And again, like I do put a lot
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: of like my business, there's some things that I obviously yes,
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: do keep to myself, but they know like about what
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: I've let them know about my old relationship and like
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: my family dynamic and stuff like that, you know, but
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: I think it's relatable to them so that when they
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: see me in person, they already feel like they know me,
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: and I always make someone feel like extremely welcomed, Like
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: I have these Saturday classes every week and a lot
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: of girls will come from like different cities. Like some
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: girl told me the other day she drove like four
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: hours and I don't know what. And I'm like, I
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: appreciate that you get me. So it's like, I it
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: doesn't weird me out when people have like a parent,
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: like have a parasol. I genuinely like it.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it doesn't bother me that much either. I think
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: in the beginning it surprised me. Yeah, you know, and
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: this was even before we had the term parasocial. But sometimes,
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: you know, listeners would like quote me to me and
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, did I say that? And it was
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: more that that like kind of scared me. I was like,
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: oh my god, I don't even remember saying that, and
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: like here someone is remembering it. And like sometimes you
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: just say throwaway things, you know, and sometimes of course
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: you say things with lots of intention. But that kind
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: of freaked me out. And maybe that's where my block
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: is for social Like I want to like be like
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: very intentional about it. Yeah, Like, but sometimes the thing
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: that you just like hit record and say exact.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: Exactly, going back to like the same thing with the content. Yeah,
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: that's what works. Like I think it's like more of
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: the we want to be polished and put together and
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: say everything correctly, but when we don't, that's what people
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: like the most. They want relatability, they want real people,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: real thoughts, real advice.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: We also came up on the days of Twitter where
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: there were like crazy Twitter takedowns of like people we knew,
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: and I think that also affected me, like how much
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: do I put out there? And I don't want to
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: say the wrong thing?
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Oh man, cancel culture is crazy. It really is.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: What is your what is your take? Just cancel culture
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: exists today? And is it even a thing today?
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: I didn't think it was ever a thing, Like it's
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: y'all say that y'all cancel people, but then I still
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: see them thriving, like oh nokay, like don't go anywhere
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: locomotives right back, users have specials.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: You're still like y'all, y'all really not canceling nobody. And
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: I feel like, again I've always have said my mind
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: and like my take, and I'm like, what are you
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: going to cancel me on I say things how I
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: see them. You get me like not out here saying like,
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: you know, hurtful things to like actual people, but like
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: it's like.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, if okay, is there maybe not one specific person,
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: but maybe like a type of creator or content that
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: you would love to see canceled. You actually love to
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: see this category canceled?
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: My god. Take away Mike's from men, yes, just.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: In general in general. Just one, I don't.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Think they should have a podcast, and two I don't
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: think they should have a mic. I don't I don't
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: like men with mics, Like y'all, it's not doing any
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: like stop.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I agree with you.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: Have you seen that post where it's like, okay, there's
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: a male loneliness epidemic, But why do they all have podcasts?
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: Like you know what, You're right?
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: And if I don't gather with each other instead, men
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: suffer in silence. And why do we keep hearing about
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: it enough so loud? Why are you about it?
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: There's nothing silent about this.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Go go work at nine to five and leave the
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: mic alone.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Please go build a bridge, Go build a house, build
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: a home, build a bridge. Y'all want us in the kitchen,
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: go build a house, build something.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: Okay, I want the trad wife like content that would
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: be I love that one got to go. Not that.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: Not that there's wrong with choosing like to be a
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: stay at home mom. It's not that, But it's the
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: it's the romantization romanticization. It's the romanticization of trad wifery,
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: of like going back to the nineteen fifties, of not
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: having rights, not having your own bank account, Like, is
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: that really what you want? You want to go back
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: to those Yeah.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: I saw someone say, if that's what you want as
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: a tidwife, put the phone down to have your husband
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: make your decisions and get offline. And I heartily agree,
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: like stop.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, But then.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: There are women who are like, I don't need to vote,
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: Like if my husband, my spouse, like is the one
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: to vote for our family.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: I'm okay with that, and get off your internet.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: Actually okay, yeah, it's very handmade.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Say it's so, it's scary. It's scary the time that
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: we currently live in. And it's also like I've seen
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: the I don't know if you guys this has come
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: up on your tiktoks. I'm nineteen years old, no degree,
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: I just got married to a man ten years older
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: than me. I love it here and da da da da,
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: and I'm just like, yeah.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I'm scared for her.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: You're scared for you because ten years from now, five
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: years from now, you're not gonna have a cent to
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: your name, no, no credit, no nothing to fall back on.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: And it's like, oh, you're saying this out of spider,
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: you're saying this because you're not happy in a relationship. No,
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: we're genuinely scared for you that you won't have anything
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: to your name. Actually, please maybe just stay on TikTok
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: so you can get some money from that, right, because
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: you've seen.
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: It before, Like it's not like we're inventing a tale,
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: Like we've actually seen our grandmother stay in relationships because
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: they couldn't get out of them because they didn't have
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: any access to resources. Like we're not inventing this is
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: not a like worst case scenario, Like it's actually no,
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: actually we.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Saw it being in a Latino household. We saw it firsthand.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Our moms, our grandma's ARETHEA staying in relationships that didn't
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: make them fulfilled. And then how badly would everybody talk
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: about the THEA that was single, but she looked like
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: she was the one that was thriving. Yes, they always
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: made her seem like the crazy cat lady.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, and no matter what, Like I mean, the
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: women are working, honey, they're working. They're working really hard,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: harder than the men. Yes, the women are like the breadwinners. Yep,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: they're like raising the children. They're also also what's interesting
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: to me is there seems to be this idea that like,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: to be a traditional wife, you're making food at home
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: and taking care of kids, but you're not working, or
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: is what I've seen are women who are working and
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: making food and taking care of kids, like they're doing
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: traditional wife things while also still working and having careers.
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: Yes, to be clear, we know like that raising children,
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: tending a home that is one thousand percent labor, unpaid
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: and paid. Like, to be clear, it is not to
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: say like you're not doing any work.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: No, you're you're actually working way more than anyone else
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: that I know.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: You should be paid like handsomely for it.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Yes, there's this belief that it's it's the it's the
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: soft life, when there's nothing soft about.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: About raising children. No, No, there's nothing self about raising
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: children and It's like I hate when people downplate like
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: the stay at home wife, because she's going through it.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: She's going through it and she doesn't have less. Sometimes
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: they don't have a nanny, there's no support, there's three
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: kids and all of that, and like, if that's the
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: life you chose, and that's you know, we support it,
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: we love it, we appreciate it. I just always tell women,
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: if that is the life that you live, please somehow
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: some way, have a backup, have a side, hustle, have something,
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: have a savings because at the end of the day,
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: is always gonna choose himself whether he has kids or not,
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: and he's gonna leave you with the kids and no money.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a song but that has been like really
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: popular recently on TikTok. You guys have seen the Young
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Hose Run Free.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so that is pulled.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: From a song. It's a disco classic called Young Hearts
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Run Free. Caddie Yeah, Candy Candy Statin, Caddy Stanton, Candy Stanton,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: And it's a disco classic. But if you listen to
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: the lyrics, what's the sense in sharing this one and
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: only life like only to end up being another lost
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: and lonely life. You'll look back at the years and
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: they will all be filled with tears. And it's a
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: disco fucking classic. It makes your heart saying when you
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: hear it, but when you listen to the lyrics, she's
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: talking about her hyper abusive marriage and you know, you know,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: you'll have the babies, but you won't have your man.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: He'll be out there loving every woman that he can. Oh,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: young hearts, run free and then get it young home. Yeah,
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: don't get caught up like my man and me. Don't
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: be like me.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: That's poetry.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: It is poetry, true poetry. It is poetry set to
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: dance music, which reminds me a lot of salsa. It
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: reminds me of a lot of salsa classics that are
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: speaking of tragic, tragic, tragic things. But you're dancing away
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: to it like.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love her and uh yeah.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: So it's this reminder, like she's like, take it from me, honey,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I did the husband and the kids, and he mistreated
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: me and I stuck through it, and uh my years
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: have been filled with to you this. You know, run free,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: please me, you do you please leave.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: Leave, leave, choose you because again, like I empathize a
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: lot with women that have stayed that have been put
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: through the ringer because I stayed and I was put
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: through the ringer, but I stayed choice just like a
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: lot of other women. And I think you really don't
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: get it until you're in it. So you can tell
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: someone to leave, like so many times, and it's just
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: one day on a random Tuesday, it'll just click to you, like, hey,
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: I'm not supposed to be in this relationship. You get
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: me this. It's either I'm gonna run free or I'm
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: going to continue this toxic cycle.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the sometimes it's this wild choice
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: of no choice, you know. And a woman who has
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: had children with somebody who has been married, who owns businesses, whatever,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: it is like the lives have been intertwined. Do you
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: stick it out and do you say, like, well, what's
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: better than this?
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Or do you try and find the better? Like do
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: you rebuild? I mean, there's just yeah.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: And I think that's also another thing. I think women
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: think that it doesn't get better than that, and then
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: they won't find somebody else to love them and they'll
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: die alone and you know, all the you know what ifs,
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: But it does get better because at the end of
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: the day, you have yourself, Like, yeah, sure it does
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: get lonely, but like you'll have yourself, you'll have your peace,
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: you'll have your happiness, and of course you'll think about
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: you know, your brain is wired to think about like
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: only the good that happened in the relationship. But what's
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: what's better than your piece?
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: It's true. I was single for seven years. I love
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I loved it too. I loved it too, and it
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: was very much by choice.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: Because I'm like you, there were quarters, but I was
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: I wanted to so badly to be alone, and like
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: I dated and whatever, but I didn't want to be
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: committed to anyone.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: And I don't remember the artist, but there was another
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: lyric that I used to quote to myself all the time. Yeah,
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: I'm not lonely, I'm just alone.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, I love that. You know, everyone always thinks, oh,
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: she's she she can't get someone, She's No, I'm literally
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: single because I want to be single.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: I'm making a choice.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: I like, I'm sorry you guys don't have the option, man,
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: but we're making the choice to be by yourselves.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: I mean, you can be in a relationship and be lonely. Hello,
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: you can't have your emotional needs not met, You can
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: have expectations not met. Right, there's so much loneliness that
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: can happen in a relationship, in a romantic relationship, you
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: know at that. And so is it better to than
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: be alone?
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: I think so absolutely? I think so.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: The we're during the enduring The enduring message that I'm
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: hearing is that to be happy alone, to be happy partnered,
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: you have to be happy with yourself. You're the only
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: one that goes with you.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, your happiness can be dependent on the person you're
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: with and vice versa, Like they cannot be dependent on
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: you to make them happy. You know, you want the
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: relationship to have happiness, of course, but it can't solely
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: be dependent on the relationship. Your happiness cannot solely be
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: dependent on the relationship.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And you think about it, like, if you meet
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: a truly if you are truly miserable, what on the
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: earth in God's green earth can lift your mood? It's
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: like really not possible. No, you know, and if you
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: when you meet another person and you can tell this
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: person is truly miserable because you know it when you
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: see it on a person, like this person is sad,
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: This person is miserable. You also know that you can't
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: help that, you can't lift that.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: It really is like it's only bring you down to.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's you have to an individual must claw themselves
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: out of it. Yeah, and you can add to it,
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: and someone can add to you, but they can't like
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: build the entire foundation.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: Yep. And they shouldn't be your whole world either.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah. How do you navigate like being in relationships and
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: not making the person your whole world.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: That's something I haven't done yet. Okay, So I went
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: from what which is why I'm choosing to be alone? Now?
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: I went from like a nine year relationship to a
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: five year relationship, so like there was only like a
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: couple like maybe like a year or like six months
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: in between. But like it's not like I was really
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: truly alone because I still had my ex was still
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: around and this was years ago, like maybe like seven
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: years ago, and then you know other but like I
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: would talk to and like stuffisode I wasn't really alone
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: and I never knew how to really be alone until now.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: And my first boyfriend, my first long term boyfriend, kind
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: of made him like again like the center of my
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: whole world. And then I said, oh, I'm not going
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: to do that in this relationship, and I failed miserably,
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: and I did that again, and I made him the
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: center of my whole world. And somehow, some way I
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: stopped along the way like hanging out with friends and
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: doing girls nights and like checking it out my girls
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: and like stuff like that. Like I turned into somebody
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: that I didn't that I would not be friends with.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: Now you get me, like I would not. No, no,
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: So it's taken me a lot, I think, to get
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: to the point where I'm at, like truly being happy
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: with myself. I've been in therapy continuously for I've been
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: on and off in therapy since twenty twenty, but now
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: since for about a year and a half fully like
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: every week or every other week, And I feel like
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: that's honestly helped me one find out like who I
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: am too, like being okay with being by myself at
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: all times and truly just finding out who I am
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: and like how to pour back into myself and knowing
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: that when the time comes again, because eventually it will,
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: not to make somebody else my whole entire world, and
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: to have a life outside of my relationship.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, when you were going through that, did you ever
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: have like a homegirl? Be like, girl, we haven't seen you,
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: like you're always with your man.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: People just stopped. Like I picked up on it, like
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: people just stop reaching out. You get me, and like
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: you kind of like clock in. It's like, well, that's
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: that's on me. Yeah, Like so you just kind of
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: realize who like stops checking in because to be fairy,
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: I stop checking in. So obviously it doesn't feel great
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: when done to you, but like it's like, babe, you
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: did it first. So yeah, yeah, I know, man, I'm
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: telling y'all.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: No, it's it's it's it's a real thing. I mean
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: I think about like even myself and it's so new
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: for me and wanting to pour so much into it,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: but then like remembering everything that I know about, like
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: the things we're talking about here today, and like there's.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Also nothing wrong with that, Like you want to, like
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: your relationship is new, it's fresh, Like you want to
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: show that person that you know, that you love them,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: that you want to spend time with them and all
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: of that. And I do feel like obviously as the
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: years passed by, you know, it'll you know, be less
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: and less. Yeah, but when it's new and it's fresh,
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: like you do want you want that stage again. You're
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: not gonna have that stage forever, so I would dive in.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: It's it's true, And I think about I think about
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: my mom and I didn't realize this until I was older.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: So my mom is a professional dancer. My mom is
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: a flamanco dancer. Yes, I love. If you've ever been
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: to Elsid on Sunset, it's a Spanish restaurant. It's like
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: a flamenco supper club. So they do like night clubs
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: and like DJ nights and like comedy shows now, but
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: back in the day, it was like every night was
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: live Flamenco and it's like dinner and a show. And
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: so my whole life up until I was a teenager,
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: my mom would like work, work during the day, or
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: take care of us during the day and then go
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: perform like four nights a week, and else.
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: Said don't go anywhere, looks we'll be right back.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: And growing up that was like a very normal thing.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: You know. She has her armed bag and her folicies
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: and her sleep back butt and her polka dots and
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: like her stage makeup four nights a week. But I
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: think about it.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know any other person whose mother was performing
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: on stage four nights, four out of seven, that's the
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: majority of nights of the week. And then I think
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: about my dad and like what that means for a
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: married couple raising three kids, Like mom is working like
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: most nights. And I am so grateful to her for
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: that example and to my parents for that example, because
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: and they're still married and two parent household and the
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: three kids and the whole thing.
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: You're blessed.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: I'm very blessed. And it's this example of like a
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: like a woman who's an artist saying like this is
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: my art, this is my family. They will coexist absolutely,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: God damn it.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the last thing I do. I love that for
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: her because she didn't have to give up something that
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: she truly loved.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: And now Dad supported it exactly, He supported it.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: That's rare.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: It's very rare. And then I think about what kind
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: of a husband that takes, because I think about most
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: men and like, are they going to give their blessing?
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Like yes, go go dance on stage in Hollywood four
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: nights a week, Go to it, go kill it, go
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: get them. And so that's a special man is way
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: really is a very strong, secure, special man. Yeah, and
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: it's it's just such a testament to me to like
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: finding the right fit. Yeah, you know who encourages you
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: and loves you and supports you because you.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: Had a really good example. Yeah, you had a really
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: good example of it.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. And and so like in my own in
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: my own relationship, also thinking about like how like the
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: art that I'm making is also art that like is
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: not only fulfilling to me, but is also nourishing like
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: to the relationship. Yeah, and doesn't like do damage to
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: the relationship because I think that there's also like there's
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: a give and take there, right, and like what we do,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: like we want like I want the support, but I
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: also want to make sure that like everyone can be
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: proud of me. Yeah, and that's a balancing act as well.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: So I don't know, like in your own work and
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: in your own relationships, like have you ever had that
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: like tug of war about like the content or like
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: the type of work.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: I feel like I without him saying it, in my
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: last relationship, I feel like I made myself a little
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: censored like I would say things online. But like again,
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: like I've I've always been a yappy person. But I
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: think while I was in my relationship, I like kind
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: of censored my yap because I don't know how would
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: this be perceived or how is he going to take it? Like, Oh,
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: you're supposed to be in a happy relationship, but you're
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: talking about the struggle. Yeah, exactly, exactly, X, Y and Z.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: And it's like I feel like, look, he kind of
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: like a fraud because I feel like I had so
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: much to say, but like at the same time, I
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: was censoring myself. He never said it, but like I
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: just knew if I would say something wild or outlandish
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: like I do now, like it would be perceived the
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: wrong way, you get me.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: So I felt like I definitely I thrive more when
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: I'm single because I could just say what's on my mind,
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: right and there's no repercussions or consequence because it's not
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: hurting another party, you get me.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah. USI you've been navigating this for some time now
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: of having the show and the public art and your relationship,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: your marriage, and I guess like, how do you, like,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: how do you balance it all?
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm not going to rehash this story because then
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: it will now live again, because then it will rehash it,
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: retell it even though I'm trying to not tell it.
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: So I'll just to give you the gist. VICKI so
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: back in the day. So when then I started dating,
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: I already had the podcast and he knew what it
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: was about. He was, you know, happening with or without you,
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: so you know, you get with it or you don't.
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: And he got with it. And I shared a story
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: one time about so physicality of his right and you know,
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: did not expect that co workers would listen, and so
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: he was actually like such a good sport about it.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: He was like, hey, so you know so and so
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: I caught them in the elevator and they told me
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: they listened to this last episode and he said, you know,
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: they say some wild things, and he goes, I knew
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: exactly what he was referring to, and he didn't say like,
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: don't say that, like how dare you? This is embarrassing
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: and there was nothing like that, but to me, it signaled, oh, well,
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: I don't want his coworkers to hear like stories about
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: him from me when he's in the workplace. And so
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: it just taught me like, well, you never know who's listening.
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: So like I can share about myself and the relationship,
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: but if it's like some things that are a little
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: too personal for him, like that's not mine to share.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: So it's been that balancing act as well of like
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: knowing what's too much, knowing what's enough. He was cool
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: with it, and it was it became a joke, you know,
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: but yeah, you like also don't want to embarrass that.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I think that's what it is like
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: just being aware of, you know, the person you're in
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: a relationship with, which which is horrid when you have
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: a lot.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: To say yes so much, to say much, to talk
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: so much to share yes, yes, yeah.
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: And then one thing early on that did come up
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: in the relationship was he had like an issue with
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: because we would talk about like ho like ho as
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: politic and it's like a way of like carrying yourself
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: and it's just a sex positive way of like viewing
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: female sexuality dating. And we would talk about that a
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: lot throughout the early in the early days, and he
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: was kind of like I get it, but like I
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: don't want you call yourself a hoe, like my sister
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: follows you and I was like, ho is politics? What
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: do you mean?
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: You know, and so it was one of those like
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: compromising like I'm not changing my politics and my values.
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: I also get what you're saying, so like, how do
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: then I compromise on that? You know? But it's like
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: in the early days you have to like set like
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: what is going to work because if not, like someone
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: can just bulldoze over your life, make you change like
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: who you are and maybe you're okay with it, maybe
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: you're not. And but in the beginning, I feel like
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: that's when the tests happen of like how much can
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: I push how much can I push for you to change?
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: How much can I push for you to like do
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: things the way I want to do it? And you know,
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: I think it's it is a give and take of
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: like how much are you like absolutely not and how
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: much of it is like yeah, actually I'm okay with that. Yeah,
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: And it's so subjective, it's personal.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: It is because I call myself a b I thl
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: the time. I don't know if I could say that we.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: Love oh period, are we are?
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: Bitch?
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: I love this podcast? Keep bitch, we keep forever.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: So I'm like I've always called myself like a bitch,
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: and I'm just like, but I don't think a bitch
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: is like a bad word, and like I genuinely don't like.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: I think it's someone like an assertive female that knows
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: what she wants. Yes, so that's how I take it.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: You get me.
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: So it has been reclaimed. Yeah, completely.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: So I always tell my girls, I'm like, if I
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: call you a bitch, is like it's out of love.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: If I call you sweetie, we must have a problem.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: We have a big problem money.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: I don't like you, so you know. So yeah, so
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: I'm just like I get what you mean with like
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: oh and all of that, because I'm like, yes, I'm
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: a hoe.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: Yes yeah, I mean this is why, like all of
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: our favorite songs, yeah bitch yeah yeah, yes, literally anthems
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: the two.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: Biggest vocabulary words in my lane, which bitch.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: And how yeah bitch yeah yeah.
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: It's like equivalent now to like girl, like honestly, yeah, yeah,
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: hey girl, hey bitch, hey ho wow easy, It's easy.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: I love it. I love this for us.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: It's universal and it's kind of nder neutral. Okay, yes, yeah, yes,
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: it's just great. It's not it's not for everyone, but
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: it's not supposed to be. It's not for you.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: You don't exactly for us.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's love.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: It's a term of endearment.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: Yes, I love that.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Wow, this has been so fulfilling. Yeah, what a great conversation.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: I love this.
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Before we end, I do want to plug the
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: fact that we were talking about girl talk today, but
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: we have been talking about on this podcast girl talk
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: as a form of ethical cheese men.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: We coined that term with his back in the day,
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: episode ten, and we've been cited as like the originators
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: of ethical cheesement. And so we are talking about girl
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: talk today and we are talking about sharing and the
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: vulnerability and how that can be life saving. But we
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: also call it ethical cheese me.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: Yes, I love that term as latinas you know, like
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: cheese met is so important.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: I feel like it really just releases everything, like you
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: just need a good cheese men with your homegirls, and
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: like you just feel so much better, like my day
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: it's just going to be so much lighter.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: Now, and the excitement when dingle cheese man.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah tell me now, Yes, I cannot win for later.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: I'm sad to telling me.
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: Yes, send me a voice.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: From the evening news, you know, like.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh girl, that's all I got voice memos and
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: then I'll be like two minutes in, let me send
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: you another one because it's sitting too long. Yeah that
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: makes a difference.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like okay, so right, there's just so much to share.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: And I think what we talked about on that Ethical
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: Cheese Me episode is how in a lot of instances,
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: mohets are sharing cheese men as a form of safety.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, like, Okay.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: Don't mess with this person because I heard this about
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: this person and this is dangerous, this is bad for
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: your health. It's vital information, file information, or I heard
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: about this thing over here, Like go get in line,
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: go sign up, you know, go register, like you're going
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: to get this thing. It's resources. Yes, like this is
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: how we share information. Yeah, and it's like really like
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: it's this network. And what we talked about in the
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: episode was like the difference between being a cheese massa
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: and a Methicha.
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: Yes, there you go.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like if you're Metthicha.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: You're like listening, listening in you're another people's business.
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: Yes, and you're sharing it with like malicious yes.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, she's Masa is just giving out vito information and resources.
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and the only reason it's been framed as this
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: like negative thing is because it's been gendered, right, It's
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: seen as like, oh, women do it, so it is
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: the cheese made, the.
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: Gossip, gossil love to go they do, please, Yes they do.
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: But it's been gendered yeah, it's just yeah, it's been
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: gendered as like women do it, so it's not important,
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: it's frivolous. It's yeah, you shouldn't. It's yeah.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: But at one point it started as like resource sharing.
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: It was actually part of like labor organizing dated us
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: far back to like the fifteen sixteen hundreds, which I
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: think is intense, which is wild, which is like we
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: need girl talk, we need gossip, we need ethical cheese, meath.
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: We do.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: It's a whisper network.
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it is.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: In the kitchen like in hush tones.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's intelligence, yes exactly.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And it also releases endorphins.
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: Yes it does.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: It's good.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: I feel like it really does.
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: It really does, because think about like when you come
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: back from like a long dinner with a friend.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: You're like, oh my god, I just feel so much better.
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's like, wow, there are no problems in the world.
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: Life feels so good. My homegirl and I are so
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: like in love and like everything is perfect. Yes, because
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: those endorphins were released with that sharing.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: Absolutely yeah, wow, good for us, Good for us.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: I love that. Thank you so much, Vicky for joining
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: us as a host today. Thank you guys for having
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: you med. We know you're also working on something special,
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: something new. Tell us about it before we sign off.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: So not to give too much. But I also pretty
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: soon will be having my own little show. It might
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: be coming in August, might be coming in September. We
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: have to finalize a couple of the details. But I'm very,
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: very excited to just yep away.
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, something to look forward to, something to follow and share. Yeah,
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: so excited.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: And I'm sure everyone's already following Vicky. But if you're
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: late to the party, where's Vicky? Where can they follow you?
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: It's at Victoria Losa. But it's vic dot Victoria Losa.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: Victoria Losa was taken. It's like, who else has my name?
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: Wow?
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: Why would you do that?
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: Can we?
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: Sorry?
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: Before I need to know why did we retire Vicky
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: to fitch it?
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: You want to know what?
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: I just felt like I have more to offer than
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: just fitness. Yes, and yes, fitness got me started, and
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: it's given me the platform that I have today. But
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: I want to do more live style. I want to
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: give out the advice. I want to do the makeup,
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: I want to wear the clothes and I don't want
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: It's not like Vicky the Fitchick was stopping me from
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: getting opportunities. But I feel like I also had that
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: name for ten years. I feel like I'm like, Okay,
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: I just turned thirty six, It's time to grow up.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: No more nicknames. Let's just you know, my name is
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: Victoria Losa and people call me Vicky and yeah, a
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: lot of people know me as Vicky the Fitchick, but
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: it's just Victoria Losa.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: No. Yeah, a new season. I love that.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a new season in my life.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: A lot of things had to go and a lot
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: of new things came and I'm.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: Just grateful, amazing, killing it, amazing. Thank you guys, well,
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: thank you so much for listening to another Capito Lokata Radio.
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: We'll catch you next time, besitos, Bye Loka lo