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Discipline Isn't About Pushing Harder—It's About This · Harder Than Life

• 0:01
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved us a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on Lowe's.com, right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 0:30
  Here's what nobody likes to talk about. Discipline is how you keep promises to yourself. Broken promises to yourself are worse than to anybody else because you are teaching yourself that you can't be trusted. Let that sink in for a second. I spent most of my life confusing toughness with discipline and for a long time it worked. However, the same voice that builds you can also bulldoze you and the people
• 0:58
  you love. Remember, force creates compliance. Presence creates harmony and buy-in. Slowing down didn't lower my standards. It raised outcomes. We're human beings, not human doings. Who's driving? Is it you or your inability to say it?
• 1:18
  Welcome back to the Heart of Life Show. Hopefully you're enjoying these new Thursday formats, solo with the index cards. Today we're gonna talk about mastering the art of self-discipline, and this is literally my mantra. I don't know that there is a more disciplined person on this earth, maybe Goggins, I don't know. Most people think self-discipline is about doing more. It's not. This was the hardest lesson for me to learn.
• 1:41
  It's about doing less on purpose with intention. I spent most of my life confusing toughness with discipline, grinding, pushing, forcing. I would in fact say most won't, but I will. That voice, that voice built my body.
• 2:02
  built my IT business, built my resilience, and for a long time it worked. However, it also pushed away a lot of things that were for me. So we're going to break it down today. And here's what nobody likes to talk about. The same voice that builds you can also bulldoze you and the people you love. You often heard
• 2:26
  The thing that made me successful is also my downfall. The thing that made me win makes me lose. When I don't slow down, my patience goes first, then my listening, then my relationships. My poor daughter feels it, my girlfriend feels it, and my COO at NTM definitely feels it. So this year, my word isn't harder, it's slow. That's not weak, it's not passive,
• 2:57
  It's slow enough to be present because real self-discipline isn't punishment. It's self-respect with structure. Discipline is not intensity. Literally holding up a card that says that. Discipline does not equal intensity. It's regulation. So the hustle culture today lies. It's got it all wrong.
• 3:23
  By doing more while you're keeping busy all the time, you're not feeling anything and you're avoiding something. So you'll hear me say this later about saying yes to everything, you're actually saying no to yourself and the things that matter. So doing less requires mastery, requires self-control. So you're not doing anything.
• 3:47
  We are literally human beings, not human doings. You aren't what you do in this world. You're how you make people feel and what you leave people with. What is your purpose in life? It sure in the heck isn't grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. At the end, you've heard this a thousand times. People, when they're dying, don't say, I wish I would have done more.
• 4:17
  They wish they would have done less and enjoyed life more. So if you can't slow down, you're not disciplined, you're reactive. Your first assignment is to say no more than you say yes. Discipline starts with subtraction. And it is so much easier to subtract than it is to add. What I mean by that?
• 4:45
  You guys all know my story. It was so much easier to stop drinking alcohol than to try to work on less sleep or work on a hangover. It is addition through subtraction.
• 5:02
  So chaos starts with overcommitment. You keep saying yes to please. You keep not resting. You overcommit. Your calendar is booked. You've abandoned yourself. It's usually fear dressed in obligation. What I mean by that is you don't want to have to deal with saying no to somebody and the blowback.
• 5:26
  For me, no is a complete sentence. Literally, when somebody asks me to do something and I don't want to do it, now that I'm healed and I'm sharing all this with you, I literally say, I will not be a part of that. Thank you very much. And they'll be like, why? That's it. I just, I don't want to do it. And I don't need to explain myself. That feeling, my friends, is so freeing. It is so powerful. So,
• 5:54
  I want you to do something fun for me. And it's say no more than you say yes.
• 6:03
  So here's a challenge, literally, this week. Track your yes-no ratio for an entire week, literally. How many times did you say yes and how many times did you say no? Here's a quick and easy one. Just count how many no's, because most of us don't say no. So if your yes's are way more than no's, you're linking discipline.
• 6:25
  Every unnecessary yes steals energy from what actually matters. And when you're saying yes to something you don't want, you're saying no to yourself. You're saying no to your family. Let that sink in for a second. So say no more than yes for the next week. Count it.
• 6:51
  Pro tip, just count the no's. All right, there's a lie about toughness. There's a core truth, unregulated toughness becomes emotional negligence. Boy, do I know this. Whenever I start trying to slow down or I say I'm tired,
• 7:14
  I'm going to swear, guys, and I apologize. A voice comes in and it says, stop being a bitch, Siegel, and do more, and go do it. So that voice used to help me. But now I ask, what's going to happen if I don't get this done right now? That voice is very, very harsh. If I spoke to my staff or you guys the way I used to speak to myself, it still pops in. I'm not 100% healed.
• 7:43
  I just say, what do I really need? So stillness is advanced discipline. Being okay, being alone, and still, and silent. You guys have heard me talk about it. The three S's. Stillness, silence, and solitude. All of the answers you seek can be found there. It is not a weakness. Literally. I'm holding up the card now that stillness is a discipline.
• 8:14
  If you can grind, but you can't be still, you're not in control. Your life is, and that is not a good way. Again, we're human beings, not human doings. Who's driving? Is it you or is it your inability to say no? And don't always listen to that inner bitch voice.
• 8:39
  Mine is a jerk. If yours is, ask truly deeply from your core, what would happen if this doesn't get done right this moment? So here's what actually changed when I slowed down. Slowing down didn't lower my standards. It raised outcomes. Here's a classic example. By slowing down, I was able to be more present with my daughter.
• 9:04
  My daughter, she's gonna kill me for saying this, but guys, I literally share this stuff with you so you can get better. It's just real world, real life. And some of us are still living a harder than life, and I wanna help you get out of it. So my daughter was struggling in high school, and she literally admitted to me this week, she wasn't even trying.
• 9:26
  So I made a deal with her and all I did by slowing down was just listening to her. I would listen to everything she has to say. And I would ask her, do you want a response or do you just want the vent?
• 9:42
  Guess what? She's getting all A's now. It worked, folks. With my girlfriend. Nice news flash. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Women just wanna be seen and heard. I've said this a thousand times, fellas. Those of you that listen are boys. God gave you one mouth, two eyes, and two ears for a reason. Use them in that proportion. The women in your life
• 10:06
  Just wanna be seen and heard. So shut the F up, slow down, and hold space. I've had some of the best conversations that moved my romantic relationship forward like I've never been able to do before. The last solo episode, we talked about me abandoning myself. I don't anymore. And how failure was feedback. We are failing together
• 10:36
  with conversation and holding space and taking it slow. And we're stronger than ever. We're growing stronger every day.
• 10:47
  With my COO at National Technology Management, we've been able to slow down and it doesn't, this speed up doesn't feel like it's coming from a fear and scarcity. It really is coming from love and abundance. He and I realized that we're accountable people. It comes to us so easy, we forget to hold other people accountable.
• 11:08
  In this instance, by slowing down, we were able to look at each other, hold space for each other and say, all right, we're gonna do this together. So I'm holding up a card now that slow equals better leadership. It should say equals better leadership, better boyfriend, better father, better everything. Guys, slow is fast. Remember to force creates compliance
• 11:38
  Presence creates harmony and buy-in. Listen and silence have the same letters. Use it. You guys will thank me later. All right, I put up a post
• 11:53
  about trust, trusting myself. And it's good, I had a conversation with a massive business coach, and we talked a lot about trusting yourself, and we're gonna go into it a little bit. So, discipline is a self-trust. The truth about this is discipline is how you keep promises to yourself. It really is also about keeping it to everybody else, but the most important thing, you cannot keep the promises you make to everybody else if you do not start
• 12:24
  with keeping the promises you make to yourself. What do I mean? It is non-negotiable for me to get up and do my morning routine every day no matter where I'm at.
• 12:35
  I work out every day, I meditate every day, I'm reading every day, I pay it forward, I'm usually taking in a podcast or two, I am growing every day, I must be better today than I was yesterday. Broken promises to yourself are worse than to anybody else because you are teaching yourself that you can't be trusted.
• 12:59
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved as a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on Lowe's.com, right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 13:29
  So when you don't trust yourself, nobody else is going to trust you. And they compound. And the reverse is really true. By keeping the promises, you create a calm confidence. Confidence is built by action, by doing. So I'm going to tell you the story about trust with this business coach I was speaking about.
• 13:53
  A lot of times we look at each other and we go, I trust you and I want to be able to trust you. But there's studies show that people betray people a lot. And here is the antidote to doing it. My friend was talking about his wife being out with coworkers who were male. And he said, hey, I'm comfortable with this, honey. She said, don't worry. I trust myself. And he said, whoa.
• 14:21
  And it only came up because I said to him, he's like, you don't wanna know why I like you so much? Because I trust you. And I said back to him, and I said, I trust me. And he said, whoa. He goes, now he goes, the reason why I like you is because you're just like my wife, because you both trust yourself. So if I trust me, I trust myself to make the right decisions, to show up authentically, to be honest, to be kind, compassionate, and really put each and every one of you
• 14:51
  high above everything else and make sure that I bring it every single day. I trust me because I do not break promises I make to myself or anybody else. So the next card is discipline. By going to the gym every day, it equals self-trust.
• 15:13
  Discipline equals self-trust. Confidence isn't loud. It's quiet because it doesn't argue with itself. If you've ever listened to me for any amount of time, you'll hear me say, insecurities are loud, confidence is silent. Another way of saying this, I used to say, big hat, no cattle. People don't have to tell you that they're confident. You can feel it. And believe me, it feels fantastic. So,
• 15:43
  Discipline equals self-trust. Why do I work out every day? Right there. Because I believe in myself. So how do you practice discipline without burnout? You don't need more rules. You need fewer enforced ones that you follow. So the framework is easy. Non-negotiable. I go to the gym every day. I don't even think about it. They're enforced every single day. There's no emotion.
• 16:11
  And there's no going back. Here are some non-negotiable examples I'm working on this year right now. It's to listen fully. To really take it slow, what this whole podcast is about. That's my word for the year. Saying no without an explanation. No is a complete sentence. By saying no, you're saying yes to yourself. Sitting in stillness for five minutes.
• 16:41
  That's a tough one. I do it for 10 minutes every single day. Stillness, silence, and solitude. Don't forget, put this stuff in your calendar. It is very important. So the last card is less done consistently. Discipline is choosing long-term peace over short-term urgency. You guys have heard this, another thing, do more.
• 17:11
  Do less, more, do less, more. I read this book called Do Nothing. It's from the creators of EOS, good book, do nothing. And it just talks about being mindful and meditating more. So less done consistently will make you happy, will lead to riches, will lead to better relationships, better outcomes. Because this is one of the hardest practices that I've done.
• 17:42
  I always said I had to be hard in life, so. And self-discipline didn't make my life harder. It made it quieter. When I slowed down, my relationships improved, my leadership improved, my peace improved. And you don't need to do more to be disciplined. You need to stop doing what isn't a lie. Say no more than yes.
• 18:12
  Be still on purpose. Don't forget to put your mask on first. It's not selfish. It's mastery. If any of this resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it over and over. Remember, if you don't become harder than life, life becomes harder on you.
• 18:35
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.