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Transcript

36 | Truecuterie · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: I've got some good news and I've got some bad news.
• 0:02
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:03
  Eric: Good news is my honor will be satisfied.
• 0:07
  Matt: I was never worried, first of all.
• 0:09
  Matt: Thank you.
• 0:09
  Matt: But uh what in what capacity?
• 0:11
  Eric: Bad news is the bad news is in order to satisfy honor and save face, I will have to, you know, strike down my nine-year-old nephew.
• 0:23
  Matt: Ah, yes.
• 0:24
  Matt: Well, that happened.
• 0:25
  Matt: That is, you know, a long-standing tradition of that.
• 0:28
  Matt: What has he done to uh, you know, at only nine years young to uh besmirch you?
• 0:35
  Matt: Matthew, what hasn't he done?
• 0:36
  Eric: This this came to a head la last night.
• 0:38
  Eric: I was I was visiting with my with my parents.
• 0:42
  Eric: Um they were they were watching my nephew, young Apollo.
• 0:46
  Eric: Um Apollo?
• 0:47
  Eric: Yeah, first of all, he got a kick-ass name.
• 0:50
  Matt: So that wait a minute, you're not like protecting the youth.
• 0:53
  Matt: No he that's his name.
• 0:55
  Eric: That is his name.
• 0:56
  Eric: Oh he is named after the sun god.
• 0:58
  Eric: Apollo poach.
• 0:59
  Eric: Apollo poach.
• 1:00
  Eric: Apollo poach.
• 1:01
  Eric: Apollo poach.
• 1:02
  Matt: He's uh he's gonna take over the world.
• 1:05
  Eric: He's yes, yes.
• 1:06
  Matt: He is destined to ha either be the god emperor of the new world, or like uh uh uh the the coolest like football star that ever existed.
• 1:20
  Eric: So and and as you can see in either case, I have to strike him down now.
• 1:26
  Eric: Take care of this now.
• 1:28
  Eric: So, first of all, he kicked my ass at darts.
• 1:30
  Eric: Oh he had a little magnetic dartboard set up in the living room.
• 1:34
  Eric: Oh and we played, and this kid, this kid, it's not like haha, we're just gonna have fun throwing it.
• 1:39
  Eric: He's like, Oh, I'm keeping score.
• 1:41
  Eric: He's like, We're playing to 1200, Uncle Eric.
• 1:43
  Eric: And I'm like, Cool, Apollo, I don't know how any of this works.
• 1:47
  Eric: Um, so we set up now, granted, him being nine, yeah, he stood like six feet away from the target while I stood like ten feet away from the target.
• 1:58
  Matt: Oh, so he all right, so first of all, I there are two handicaps here.
• 2:02
  Matt: He's we're you we're dealing in magnetic darks.
• 2:04
  Eric: Yep.
• 2:05
  Matt: We're dealing in magnetic dark darks.
• 2:08
  Matt: And and he has a distance handicap.
• 2:11
  Eric: He has a distance handicap, which he got by like like before the game even started, my mom said, Hun, you know, he's little, you you gotta let he's he he stands closer than you gotta stand farther back.
• 2:24
  Eric: And like he's looking at her, and I can tell this was already discussed.
• 2:28
  Eric: Like so he's already maneuvering my own lady mother against me.
• 2:34
  Eric: Yes, I'm like, fair, fair no.
• 2:36
  Eric: Like, what can I do?
• 2:37
  Eric: I'm in your house.
• 2:38
  Eric: A political strategist.
• 2:40
  Eric: Oh my god, like moving the chess pieces.
• 2:43
  Eric: I can see the wheels turning in his in his his cute little head.
• 2:46
  Eric: Um, so he whoops my ass, and like he is, I'm throwing darts and they'll land, and like I'll go to pick him up.
• 2:52
  Eric: He's like, hold on, still tallying.
• 2:54
  Eric: All right, go ahead.
• 2:55
  Eric: No, just power move giving me leave to pick up my my my darts.
• 3:00
  Eric: And then we go into the back room.
• 3:02
  Eric: We we actually we were curious because my growth chart is still in in the the room that was my like room growing up for my folks' house.
• 3:10
  Eric: Yeah, it's still there, and Apollo stood beneath it.
• 3:13
  Eric: He is the exact same height I was at his age.
• 3:17
  Eric: Oh no, so he is like I'm he's on the giant trajectory.
• 3:23
  Eric: Yeah, if his timeline is looking anything like mine, I've got three years, four tops before he's able to to best me in single combat.
• 3:33
  Eric: Yeah, that's true.
• 3:35
  Eric: And I can't risk a fucking growth spurt, man.
• 3:37
  Eric: I can't do that.
• 3:38
  Matt: So and how tall is that at nine years old right now, by for my own curiosity.
• 3:44
  Eric: I think it was five foot two.
• 3:48
  Eric: Wow.
• 3:49
  Eric: Wow.
• 3:49
  Eric: Yeah, he's he's growing big.
• 3:51
  Eric: And and the hilarious thing is like he's talking to his mom, like he's like, I'm gonna be as tall as Uncle Eric when I grow up.
• 3:57
  Eric: Also, not a good sign for me.
• 3:59
  Eric: No, he's targeting you.
• 4:00
  Eric: Like he's already signaling that he's coming for me.
• 4:03
  Eric: He's targeting you.
• 4:04
  Eric: He's coming for me.
• 4:05
  Eric: No, absolutely, but he'll tell his mom, he'll he'll say, Mom, I'm gonna be as tall as Uncle Eric, and she just looks him dead in the eye and she goes, Honey, you you and I are Indian.
• 4:15
  Eric: You're not gonna be six foot anything.
• 4:18
  Eric: Oh dear.
• 4:19
  Eric: Yeah, my my my sister Montha is savage, but it doesn't appear that way right now.
• 4:24
  Matt: I mean, he's not on the course.
• 4:27
  Eric: She looks at me, she's like, No one in our family, no one on my side of the family is taller than five foot six.
• 4:33
  Eric: Like, well, yeah, but science I can't risk that, Montha.
• 4:37
  Matt: So he he's not gonna just stop growing at nine.
• 4:41
  Matt: No, no, he's not.
• 4:43
  Matt: So up he climbs, and and Eric, are you gonna be able to deal with that?
• 4:50
  Matt: Do you have the the fortitude?
• 4:55
  Matt: Do you have the stomach it takes to to protect your mantle as a freakish giant?
• 5:31
  Eric: My name is Eric Poach.
• 5:33
  Matt: Eric, how are you this fine, fine afternoon?
• 5:39
  Matt: Uh, of course, of course, yes.
• 5:42
  Matt: Let's let's get this out of the way.
• 5:45
  Matt: Today, the release day of this episode, regardless of when you actually listen to it, is St.
• 5:51
  Matt: Patrick's Day.
• 5:52
  Eric: It's St.
• 5:52
  Eric: Patrick's Day, and coincidentally coincides with my re-watching of Peaky Blinders, so there's just a lot of satisfying Irish accents in that in that channel.
• 6:01
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 6:02
  Matt: Uh it a starshell by now, none neither of us uh are wearing green, but of course we don't have to because uh it's not actually St.
• 6:12
  Matt: Patrick's Day.
• 6:12
  Matt: It's not.
• 6:13
  Eric: We're gonna part the curtain here a little bit.
• 6:14
  Eric: It's not St.
• 6:15
  Eric: Patrick's Day when we're reporting.
• 6:16
  Matt: But when you hear it, the the the our top-tier listeners listening on uh on release day.
• 6:22
  Matt: You are probably in green.
• 6:24
  Matt: You are probably watching your local newscaster make embarrassing Irish accents.
• 6:29
  Matt: Eric, give us the weather.
• 6:31
  Eric: Hi, all right, Matthew.
• 6:32
  Eric: Looking out at the forecast.
• 6:34
  Eric: Looks like a spot of rain all over the town there.
• 6:37
  Eric: Spot of rain.
• 6:38
  Eric: Coming down like carts and dogs, it is fighting them off.
• 6:41
  Eric: Oh, I gotta take my umbrella out like the sword of Saint Michael, I tell you, Matthew.
• 6:47
  Matt: Uh when just to share a little anecdote from when uh I don't know if you remember this, Eric.
• 6:53
  Matt: When we were taking voice and dialect in in college, we were we didn't actually study the the Irish, the the Gaelic accent.
• 7:03
  Matt: No.
• 7:03
  Matt: But we did get a little um uh a way to remember how to do the Irish accent.
• 7:11
  Matt: Do you remember what that is, Eric?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Was it was it the key is we want to start all the way up here and get lower as you talk?
• 7:17
  Matt: No, it's a phrase.
• 7:18
  Matt: It's a phrase.
• 7:19
  Matt: Oh, what was the phrase?
• 7:20
  Matt: I'm gonna educate you now.
• 7:22
  Matt: The student has become the master.
• 7:24
  Eric: Okay.
• 7:25
  Matt: Okay.
• 7:25
  Matt: Um since we were both students, and one of the masters.
• 7:30
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 7:31
  Matt: I became the master and you became a delinquent.
• 7:34
  Matt: Um there's like a couple of key phrase words that you can uh use to remember it, okay?
• 7:43
  Matt: And the first one is whale.
• 7:45
  Matt: Like, you know, the beast.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:47
  Matt: The beast.
• 7:48
  Matt: The ocean beast.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: The beast I tell you, Martial.
• 7:51
  Matt: Okay, so don't you no, don't don't overwork it.
• 7:54
  Matt: Don't try to do anything just yet, okay?
• 7:56
  Matt: You gotta start with building blocks, Eric.
• 7:58
  Matt: I'll start with building blocks.
• 7:59
  Matt: So say this say say the following words for me, okay?
• 8:02
  Matt: Okay.
• 8:02
  Matt: Whale.
• 8:03
  Matt: Whale.
• 8:05
  Matt: Oil.
• 8:06
  Matt: Oil.
• 8:07
  Matt: Beef.
• 8:09
  Matt: Beef.
• 8:10
  Matt: Hooked.
• 8:12
  Matt: Hooked.
• 8:13
  Matt: And I just string that together for me.
• 8:16
  Eric: Okay.
• 8:19
  Eric: Whale oil be fucked.
• 8:21
  Eric: Whale oil be fucked.
• 8:22
  Eric: Whale oil be fucked.
• 8:25
  Matt: Now I lost the weather for you, you bastards.
• 8:28
  Matt: As a former O Shea, I can say those things.
• 8:31
  Matt: That's acceptable.
• 8:32
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 8:33
  Eric: Oh buddy, I got oh my yeah.
• 8:34
  Eric: I I I got uh a lot of Irish Romany on my grandmother's side.
• 8:39
  Eric: So yeah, we're we're good.
• 8:40
  Matt: Oh yeah?
• 8:40
  Matt: You were an O poach?
• 8:43
  Eric: Fuck no, the uh uh the uh on my mom's side it would have been the uh the Insleys and the uh or the Lambies.
• 8:54
  Matt: The Lambies.
• 8:55
  Matt: Very nice.
• 8:56
  Matt: Well, uh I think we uh jumped right into this uh borderline offensive, um, as is the tradition of American St.
• 9:04
  Matt: Patrick's Day, anyway.
• 9:06
  Eric: Um danger of offending milktoast white people like us.
• 9:10
  Matt: Aaron Ross Powell Who are all also doing this shit because everybody it's for some reason it's acceptable to to do a leprechaun accent whenever you want to do it so racist leprechaun accents.
• 9:23
  Matt: They are a beautiful people with a storied culture.
• 9:26
  Matt: Uh well, I think we're in this mood, Eric, because I am I am happy to say that uh we have a question here from the thought line.
• 9:35
  Eric: From the thought line?
• 9:37
  Matt: From the thought line.
• 9:38
  Matt: From the thought line.
• 9:39
  Matt: It's not the thought line.
• 9:41
  Matt: Stop saying that it's this is why people aren't calling it.
• 9:46
  Matt: No, I'm just saying it's yeah, we're saying the same thing.
• 9:48
  Matt: No, we are not.
• 9:49
  Eric: You are saying thought.
• 9:50
  Matt: I'm saying I'm saying thought.
• 9:53
  Matt: I'm saying bring to us your philosophy on the thought line.
• 9:57
  Matt: And you're saying, oh yeah, let's get nasty on the thought line.
• 10:01
  Eric: Twerkin' on the thought line.
• 10:03
  Matt: Anyway, we have a voicemail here.
• 10:05
  Matt: Shall I play it?
• 10:06
  Eric: Please do.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_06: Hello there.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_06: This is number one fan of the show, Gary King 11 from Twitter.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_06: My name is also Eric, but I have a question for you guys.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_06: What's St.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_06: Patrick's Day coming up soon?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_06: The big question I have the holiday itself, St.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_06: Patrick's Day, is it overrated, underrated, or perfectly rated?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_06: I'm talking about in terms of celebration, the hype it gets.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_06: Is it worthy of such celebration and such?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_06: Love the show.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_06: Thank you so much.
• 10:41
  unknown: Bye.
• 10:42
  Eric: You know, we've come so far with Derry King.
• 10:45
  Matt: We really have, you know.
• 10:47
  Eric: Like we, I know we we initially we we had to clap back.
• 10:50
  Eric: There was a lot of.
• 10:51
  Matt: We did, we clap back hard.
• 10:54
  Matt: Nice to put, by the way, thank uh first of all, right off the bat, thank you for the uh thank you for calling in, Dairy King.
• 10:59
  Matt: So nice to hear your voice.
• 11:01
  Eric: So nice to hear his voice.
• 11:02
  Eric: Also, just like Eric to Eric.
• 11:04
  Eric: I respect you.
• 11:05
  Eric: I respect you, Derry King.
• 11:06
  Matt: So here go the Erics again.
• 11:08
  Matt: Sorry, it's an Eric thing.
• 11:09
  Matt: You wouldn't understand.
• 11:10
  Matt: I fucking know.
• 11:11
  Matt: God, I know so many goddamn Erics.
• 11:14
  Matt: Anyway, what a great question.
• 11:16
  Matt: Uh St.
• 11:16
  Matt: Patrick's Day.
• 11:17
  Matt: Is it overrated, underrated, or perfectly rated?
• 11:21
  Matt: Now, I uh again, bold claim from Derry King Eleven that he's our number one fan.
• 11:26
  Matt: I see, but hey, I'm I'm a fan of some healthy competition.
• 11:30
  Matt: You know, we've we've got some we've got some other contenders.
• 11:34
  Matt: Uh as we said, uh the name, of course, we threw out last episode, Chris of Hatfield, coming in strong.
• 11:39
  Eric: Coming in strong, but I will say, I do like a bold move.
• 11:42
  Matt: I do like a bold move.
• 11:43
  Eric: I do like a declaration.
• 11:45
  Matt: I do like a declaration.
• 11:47
  Matt: So Derek King 11, thank you for being bold.
• 11:50
  Matt: Um, and thank you, of course, for the question.
• 11:52
  Matt: So St.
• 11:52
  Matt: Patrick's Day, Eric.
• 11:53
  Matt: St.
• 11:54
  Matt: Patrick's Day.
• 11:54
  Matt: Known all across the world, of course, but in the United States, some some some, I think, iconic signs and sights, the Green River in Chicago.
• 12:06
  Matt: Yep.
• 12:06
  Matt: Yep.
• 12:07
  Matt: Every elementary school, every uh schooler is uh in green.
• 12:12
  Eric: I I would say also, Matthew, as we as we start easing into this question.
• 12:17
  Eric: Sure.
• 12:18
  Eric: Uh, we should probably approach it from the frame it as, you know, is it overrated, underrated, perfectly rated, such and such, as it relates to America.
• 12:28
  Matt: I think so.
• 12:29
  Matt: I do have our trusty friend, uh, the Wikipedia article for St.
• 12:33
  Matt: Patrick's Day open to give us a baseline, just to give some baseline.
• 12:38
  Matt: Do you think that's a good idea?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:41
  Matt: Sure.
• 12:41
  Matt: Drops and knowledge.
• 12:42
  Matt: St.
• 12:42
  Matt: Patrick's Day, or the feast of St.
• 12:45
  Matt: Patrick, is a cultural and religious celebration held on the 17th of March, the traditional death date of Saint Patrick, the foremost patron saint of Ireland.
• 12:57
  Matt: The day commemorates St.
• 12:58
  Matt: Patrick and the arrival of Christianity in Ireland and celebrates the heritage and culture of the Irish in general.
• 13:05
  Matt: Modern celebrations have been greatly influenced by those of the Irish diaspora, particularly those that developed in North America.
• 13:14
  Matt: And I think, Eric, that says exactly what uh um you're saying.
• 13:19
  Matt: But it does say here, however, there has been some criticism of St.
• 13:22
  Matt: Patrick's Day celebrations for having become too commercialized and for fostering negative stereotypes of the Irish people.
• 13:30
  Matt: Oh, I don't know what you mean.
• 13:34
  Matt: But yes, so I think, you know, in Ireland there's a lot of church going.
• 13:38
  Eric: There's a lot Yeah, in Ireland it's a lot more like there's gonna be drinking, obviously, but it's a bit more sombre.
• 13:43
  Matt: Yes, but in in America.
• 13:44
  Eric: Everything somber in Ireland.
• 13:46
  Eric: In America.
• 13:48
  Matt: We mostly use it for an excuse to be day drunk.
• 13:53
  Eric: Yeah.
• 13:54
  Matt: That and and and honestly The Church of Jameson is is really who's in charge here today.
• 13:59
  Matt: Uh the Church of Guinness.
• 14:01
  Eric: I'm gonna I'm gonna come right out and say I believe it's highly overrated in the United States.
• 14:06
  Matt: That is a strong ass opinion.
• 14:08
  Matt: That is a strong ass opinion.
• 14:10
  Eric: For for a number of reasons.
• 14:11
  Eric: One, honestly, I don't think Don't hold back.
• 14:16
  Eric: Honestly, the issue that I personally take it with it isn't like depictions of Irish people, because that is a that is incidental to the main problem I have with it, which is gang, if we just want a day to get shit faced out in public, just do that.
• 14:34
  Eric: Just have that day.
• 14:36
  Matt: Okay.
• 14:37
  Eric: What drives me nuts is every mediocre white dude on St.
• 14:43
  Eric: Patrick's Day wearing one of those cabbie pads, going, oh yeah, uh, yeah, my family like Irish.
• 14:48
  Eric: We go way back.
• 14:49
  Eric: It's an Irish thing.
• 14:50
  Eric: I'm Irish, so oh well, you gotta forgive me for doing this because I'm Irish.
• 14:54
  Eric: I'm like, bro, you're you're you're from you're from Saverna Park.
• 15:00
  Eric: You're not you're not Irish.
• 15:03
  Eric: You were born, your parents are not Irish.
• 15:06
  Eric: Your grandparents getting there, not Irish.
• 15:09
  Eric: Your great-grandparents probably were Irish.
• 15:12
  Matt: Yeah.
• 15:12
  Eric: But like, I that drives me nuts.
• 15:15
  Matt: I mean, even the with you know, I made the Shay comment, but the uh, and that is true, and the Shays do uh uh hail, of course, from Ireland, but they're I have more of like a Hungarian bent to me than uh than the Irish bent.
• 15:29
  Matt: I'm like, just just say you want to drink a bunch.
• 15:31
  Matt: So you so your your uh your uh opposition here is you don't like the pretext.
• 15:37
  Eric: I don't like the pretext.
• 15:38
  Eric: I also don't like the pretension of a bunch of like white dudes going like, oh, I'm Irish.
• 15:43
  Eric: I'm like, have you ever even been there?
• 15:45
  Eric: Now that is Do you have any family there right now?
• 15:49
  Matt: That is obviously like the prevalent, okay?
• 15:52
  Matt: I think we get we can all agree that there's plenty of people out there who are suddenly pretending to be more Irish than they are.
• 16:00
  Matt: The the people who identify as Irish go up, you know, cataclysmically.
• 16:05
  Matt: Oh my god, every on the 17th of March.
• 16:08
  Eric: It it almost meets the number of white people who claim to have a Cherokee princess in their lineage.
• 16:13
  Matt: Oh almost.
• 16:14
  Matt: Almost but can we not we can't so but you can get behind wanting a a day of mirth, a day of over drinking.
• 16:25
  Matt: Yes.
• 16:26
  Matt: Now, so so what is the problem?
• 16:29
  Matt: So I what I'm I'm not hearing a problem with the holiday.
• 16:33
  Matt: I'm hearing a problem with people have gotten out of control and have bent the context.
• 16:39
  Matt: What is what is so different about this holiday ostensibly being about uh uh Saint St.
• 16:47
  Matt: Patrick himself bringing Christianity to Ireland?
• 16:51
  Matt: Sure, sure, sure.
• 16:52
  Matt: We don't we don't really care about that so much in the United States.
• 16:56
  Matt: In the United States, it has become a celebration of Irish heritage.
• 17:01
  Eric: That's the other thing.
• 17:02
  Eric: No, it isn't.
• 17:04
  Eric: Nothing that happens on St.
• 17:06
  Eric: Patrick's Day is anything resembling Irish heritage, unless we are all suggesting that getting shit faced in the middle of the day is Irish heritage.
• 17:16
  Eric: I mean, I think it is, as I th and I think I can say that.
• 17:22
  Eric: But like, you meet some real Irish folks, they're all in the pub, sure they're drinking, but they're drinking sad ass songs and making each other cry and going to church, and then they're getting shit faced again.
• 17:36
  Matt: Again, though.
• 17:37
  Matt: So, but why it what is the problem with so I I hear you, I hear you on the douchebags being like, kiss me, I'm Irish.
• 17:45
  Matt: Of course.
• 17:46
  Matt: But like, what is the problem with the parades?
• 17:48
  Matt: What is the problem with wearing green and throwing some shamrocks around?
• 17:52
  Eric: Well, the problem with wearing green, I was pinched mercilessly as a child.
• 17:56
  Eric: What?
• 17:57
  Eric: I was pinched mercilessly as a child.
• 18:00
  Eric: Wearing green?
• 18:01
  Eric: On the day of St.
• 18:01
  Eric: Patrick for not wearing green, Matthew.
• 18:04
  Eric: Oh, well then what the fuck is wrong with you?
• 18:06
  Eric: I'd forget.
• 18:08
  Matt: Didn't your mother force you to wear green?
• 18:11
  Matt: Didn't she reserve a green shirt?
• 18:14
  Eric: When she could remember when she was sober.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh mercilie mercilessly pinched me, Matthew.
• 18:26
  Matt: When the glorious latter day was between her eyes.
• 18:29
  Matt: I became a little bit of quint from uh from Jars there.
• 18:33
  Eric: I'd get home from I'd get home from my school day in the fourth grade, and me old man would say, Oh, look at you all high and mighty, high educated lad.
• 18:41
  Eric: Wait till you get into real work, why don't you?
• 18:44
  Eric: Join your part, owner the ducks.
• 18:46
  Eric: Own of the ducks.
• 18:47
  Eric: So No, it's just like it's so hard to pin it.
• 18:51
  Eric: Like, it's that com- I'm like, I have zero issue with people like going, yo, let's all get shit faced.
• 18:58
  Eric: It's when they're like, let's get shit-faced, and everything we're doing today, this is iron.
• 19:04
  Eric: I'm okay, all right.
• 19:04
  Matt: But hold on, it super isn't.
• 19:06
  Matt: But hold on, hold the fucking phone here for a second.
• 19:09
  Matt: Okay, is there any is there a huge difference?
• 19:12
  Matt: And I I I mean this sincerely, with with not the uh not the parades, not the you know, the actual celebrations.
• 19:18
  Matt: Let's let's put those aside.
• 19:20
  Matt: Yeah.
• 19:20
  Matt: But like the level of like, we're gonna go out and party is like the preliminary.
• 19:25
  Eric: Oh, the difference between like that and the US no no no no.
• 19:28
  Matt: I'm saying I think first of all, I do think there are authentic celebrations of what St.
• 19:34
  Matt: Patrick's Day is meant to be in the United States.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_02: Agreed.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Agreed.
• 19:38
  Matt: I think by and large, when it's St.
• 19:40
  Matt: Patrick's Day, what you see on the news, what you go out and do is like, oh, it's St.
• 19:45
  Matt: Patrick's Day, we're gonna hit the bars.
• 19:46
  Matt: Oh, it's St.
• 19:47
  Matt: Patrick's Day, why don't we have people over?
• 19:49
  Matt: We'll order food, whatever.
• 19:51
  Matt: Is this so different than the fucking Super Bowl?
• 19:56
  Matt: Do you give a shit about the Super Bowl?
• 19:58
  Matt: No, but do you go to the party?
• 20:00
  Matt: Sure.
• 20:00
  Matt: Are there people who give a shit about are there people who give a shit about the Super Bowl and actually watch the dumb game and not the commercials?
• 20:08
  Matt: Yeah, those people exist.
• 20:09
  Matt: But like, yeah, I think a lot of people are just like, oh fuck, it's the Super Bowl.
• 20:14
  Matt: Let's go watch it at B dubs, you know, like whatever.
• 20:18
  Matt: And what we have here is a holiday that's sure.
• 20:22
  Matt: It's lost the plot.
• 20:24
  Matt: We've lost, we've lost the plot of the holiday.
• 20:28
  Matt: We've gone a little bit pear-shaped, but we go out there, we put on some green, we go have a fucking green Guinness, and we get the shamrock shake from McD Mickey D's.
• 20:40
  Matt: And while supplies last.
• 20:42
  Matt: While supplies last, and and we watch our weathermen make a fool of themselves on our local news, as is our right as Americans, given to us by George Washington himself.
• 20:57
  Eric: Matthew, that was a very impassioned speech.
• 21:00
  Eric: Thank you.
• 21:00
  Eric: I didn't even know I felt it.
• 21:02
  Eric: And it inspired something within me.
• 21:04
  Eric: I think I know, I think I can come come to this with a with a because I agree, and what I'm gonna latch on to here is you said we've lost the plot.
• 21:12
  Eric: We have, I don't I don't disagree.
• 21:13
  Eric: We have we have lost the the the true meaning of St.
• 21:18
  Eric: Patrick's Day in America.
• 21:19
  Eric: So here's what would satisfy me.
• 21:21
  Eric: Here's what would take Saint Patrick's Day from overrated to perfectly rated in America.
• 21:28
  Matt: Tell me.
• 21:29
  Eric: And and and for this compromise, I'll suffer all of the Boondoc Saint wannabe white boys.
• 21:37
  Matt: I just want to say I haven't set a position yet.
• 21:40
  Eric: Oh, I know.
• 21:41
  Eric: I'm just telling you.
• 21:43
  Matt: I think you're assuming I'm on perfectly rated.
• 21:46
  Eric: Oh no, no, no, no, no.
• 21:48
  Eric: I make no assumptions.
• 21:49
  Eric: I'm just telling you what would take me to perfectly rated St.
• 21:52
  Eric: Patrick's Day.
• 21:54
  Eric: So in order to like go back to our our roots of St.
• 21:58
  Eric: Patrick's Day.
• 21:59
  Matt: Sure, yes.
• 22:00
  Eric: The new tradition becomes uh at at the beginning of the day, we'll say around the time the bars open, me and my my vo my my army of like St.
• 22:11
  Eric: Patrick's volunteers, we will go into every bar in America and release several dozen vipers.
• 22:19
  Eric: Okay, yeah.
• 22:20
  Eric: And only once the bargoers have driven the snakes from their bars, then they can go and get shit faced to their heart's content.
• 22:28
  Matt: Okay.
• 22:29
  Eric: I think we should start the new road.
• 22:30
  Eric: Like we all like if Mary, like if we wanna, if we wanna, if we wanna claim dibs on Irish culture, we gotta fucking earn it and fight a bunch of snakes.
• 22:37
  Matt: Okay, just to jump in here real quick with some historical context.
• 22:40
  Matt: Yes, uh, what Eric's talking about is that uh St.
• 22:43
  Matt: Patrick, uh the man, is credited with driving vipers and snakes out of Ireland.
• 22:50
  Matt: Now, of course, there i I think I should mention that if memory serves, there is no archaeological evidence to suggest that snakes were ever native to Ireland.
• 23:02
  Eric: Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Matt.
• 23:04
  Eric: Are you telling me that they looked into it and they could find no evidence of snakes in Ireland?
• 23:10
  Eric: I sounds like it works.
• 23:12
  Matt: I am j that's what I'm saying.
• 23:14
  Matt: I'm j I I'm not I am just pouring out my collective knowledge of the years.
• 23:19
  Matt: Okay?
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 23:20
  Matt: So I don't, hey, I don't hate this.
• 23:22
  Matt: Okay?
• 23:23
  Matt: I don't hate this.
• 23:24
  Matt: Because again, look, uh at its roots, it's supposed to be like a super religious-based holiday.
• 23:31
  Matt: Even though, if if memory serves, at least from the Catholic Church, the the restrictions on like alcohol consumption and things like that are generally lifted for this day of feast.
• 23:44
  Matt: So even in even in its more rigid context of being a religious holiday, it's about like overindulgence.
• 23:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:51
  Matt: Which Americans were like, Got you, we got you.
• 23:55
  Matt: That's what we do here.
• 23:57
  Matt: And so we like took that and ran with it.
• 24:01
  Matt: But we've run so far that I think what we have is I again, I didn't plan to make this comparison, but I think the Super Bowl is in a way a good American comparison in like it's supposed to be about this game, but a lot of people are just like, oh, is it the Super Bowl who's playing?
• 24:18
  Matt: Let's uh let's go have a party and see the fun commercials and maybe tune into the game.
• 24:23
  Matt: But there are people who are fucking all serious about this stupid game.
• 24:28
  Matt: And then on the on the St.
• 24:31
  Matt: Patrick's side, you've got people who take it very seriously from a religious standpoint, and then you got the people just going out in green with a shamrock hat on to go get to do some Irish card bottles with their boondock saint tattoos on their hands, with some boond, you know, quoting boondock saints and like uh giving out lucky charms for no reason.
• 24:54
  Eric: Yeah, I know.
• 24:56
  Matt: You know, that's what I guess what I'm saying is, is it so wrong?
• 25:00
  Matt: Is it so wrong what we have right now that you that we call it overrated?
• 25:05
  Matt: I'm not saying it's not overrated.
• 25:08
  Matt: I I have yet to take a position, but you have yet to sway me.
• 25:14
  Matt: So what I I like your idea of driving out snakes.
• 25:17
  Matt: I think we need you because I think what you're saying is we need more hard and fast activities for the day.
• 25:25
  Eric: Yes, because Matthew, let me tell you something.
• 25:27
  Eric: It's like I I agree like with the the idea of like the over and like a feast, like a celebration.
• 25:33
  Eric: Uh I'm I'm hesitating to think of a single human being on this earth who could look me dead in the eye and tell me that beer don't taste better or that food don't hit better than after having to fight several dozen vipers.
• 25:46
  Eric: Well, you're lucky to be alive in order to enjoy it.
• 25:47
  Eric: Yeah.
• 25:48
  Eric: You're lucky to be alive.
• 25:49
  Eric: You're never more grateful.
• 25:50
  Matt: That's gonna be your holiest day.
• 25:51
  Matt: And that is why that is when you feel for Saint Patrick himself.
• 25:56
  Matt: Exactly.
• 25:56
  Matt: And that's when you that's when you want to take uh I had to do I had to do one bar.
• 26:02
  Eric: Saint Patrick had to do an entire island.
• 26:05
  Matt: He had to do a massive island.
• 26:07
  Matt: And he did it with style.
• 26:09
  Eric: And he did it stone cold fucking sober.
• 26:12
  Matt: So that's how we bring okay, so that's how you take it to perfectly rated, but you think as of right now, as it stands in the culture, you think it's overrated.
• 26:22
  Eric: As right now it's overrated.
• 26:24
  Eric: Also, I'll add this possibly controversial take.
• 26:27
  Matt: Okay.
• 26:27
  Eric: But the people would be controversial with.
• 26:29
  Matt: All right.
• 26:30
  Eric: I don't care about.
• 26:30
  Eric: All right.
• 26:31
  Eric: I have a theory.
• 26:32
  Eric: All right.
• 26:33
  Eric: So you know, you know, for for like the past few years, um, whenever whenever the topic of like cultural appropriation got brought up and all all the white folk are like, why is everyone so upset about cultural appropriation now?
• 26:47
  Eric: Right.
• 26:48
  Eric: I'm like, my fellow whites, uh, I would hazard a guess that the reason that people have become very sensitive to us appropriating their cultures is because they saw what you did to your own culture.
• 27:05
  Eric: They saw what white people did when handed their own goddamn thing.
• 27:11
  Eric: And they're like, nope.
• 27:13
  Eric: Um take it all off the menu.
• 27:15
  Matt: I feel I should say, while I think what you've said is very funny.
• 27:21
  Eric: Thank you.
• 27:22
  Matt: I think perhaps it shouldn't go unnoted that that is a a pretty oversimplification of the topic of cultural appropriation.
• 27:33
  Matt: I know.
• 27:34
  Matt: But for the context of this show, and oh yeah, purely the context of this show.
• 27:38
  Matt: I think for the context of it relate to showing what we did with St.
• 27:42
  Matt: Patrick's Day, fine.
• 27:44
  Matt: Fine.
• 27:44
  Matt: I but but I will admit uh I don't know how to answer it.
• 27:48
  Matt: I don't know where I live in this in this spectrum because I don't think it's underrated.
• 27:54
  Matt: But actually, you know what, maybe I do, maybe I do because we've lost the plot, as I said.
• 28:00
  Matt: So like perhaps the what the the kernel, the kernel of truth that's in there of what the true Saint Patrick's Day should be about, which is driving vipers out of a bar.
• 28:13
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 28:15
  Matt: Maybe that is hidden amongst all this you know hoopla, but should if we could get there, the true spirit of the holiday is underrated.
• 28:26
  Matt: I agree.
• 28:27
  Matt: But but I mean if you if the spirit of the day is a feast, a day of celebration, we're certainly doing that.
• 28:33
  Eric: No, yeah, we are.
• 28:34
  Eric: I just think like fighting snakes is so fucking cool.
• 28:37
  Matt: Okay.
• 28:37
  Matt: You know what?
• 28:38
  Matt: I concede to you, Eric.
• 28:40
  Matt: If we can get the snake the snake uh uh the the the what what's a good name for it?
• 28:45
  Matt: The driving of the snakes?
• 28:47
  Eric: The driving of the snakes.
• 28:48
  Matt: If we can get the driving of the snakes to happen, we'd be at a perfectly rated holiday.
• 28:55
  Matt: But as of right now, the level of celebration is not justified.
• 29:01
  Matt: And that's what you're saying.
• 29:02
  Eric: Yeah, we're not celebrating our boy St.
• 29:03
  Eric: Patrick enough.
• 29:04
  Matt: That's what you but that's your position.
• 29:06
  Matt: Our current level in America.
• 29:10
  Matt: Our current level of celebration is not warranted.
• 29:15
  Matt: Is that what you're saying?
• 29:16
  Matt: Agreed.
• 29:16
  Matt: And that's what makes it overrated?
• 29:18
  Matt: Yeah.
• 29:19
  Matt: You've convinced me.
• 29:20
  Matt: You've convinced me.
• 29:21
  Matt: It's overrated.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's overrated.
• 29:23
  Matt: We have an overrated holiday on our hands, folks.
• 29:27
  Matt: I hope you're happy driving to work with your green tie.
• 29:31
  Matt: Shame on you.
• 29:33
  Matt: Shame on you, Sjason.
• 29:38
  Matt: So Eric Erico.
• 29:40
  Matt: Thank you for the question.
• 29:42
  Matt: Thank you for calling the thought line.
• 29:45
  Matt: I love that most of that question was just me being angry at white people.
• 29:50
  Matt: I mean, is that so different from any other question that we've done, really?
• 29:54
  Eric: No, yeah, that's fair.
• 29:55
  Eric: We we kind of ruin everything.
• 29:56
  Matt: Uh okay, so so our and let's let's continue that tradition, you and me, fellow white man.
• 30:04
  Matt: Yes.
• 30:05
  Matt: Eric, would you like to introduce our next question to us?
• 30:07
  Eric: Oh boy, would I.
• 30:09
  Eric: So, Matthew, this this was a question uh given to me by one of my friends.
• 30:13
  Eric: This comes from Crystal.
• 30:15
  Eric: Crystal asks, or Crystal tasks, rather.
• 30:19
  Eric: Oh.
• 30:20
  Eric: She tasks us with creating the perfect charcuterie board using nothing but items you could purchase from a 7-Eleven.
• 30:29
  Matt: Oh, what a fun question this is.
• 30:31
  Matt: 7-Eleven, I I can't say I frequent them, but man, have I have I gotten some of those nasty taquitos.
• 30:39
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 30:40
  Matt: But but I love I'll tell you this, Eric.
• 30:42
  Matt: I'm not ashamed.
• 30:43
  Matt: I'm not ashamed to admit my basicness.
• 30:46
  Matt: I love a charcuterie board.
• 30:47
  Eric: Oh, I love me a charcuterie.
• 30:49
  Matt: Lindsay and I own several boards for various sizes of charcutes.
• 30:56
  Matt: Do you uh like we will do a lot of wine tastings with my parents and we'll like bring our own charcuterie materials.
• 31:03
  Matt: So, you know, is there a is there a definition, Eric, of what needs to what makes an actual charcuterie board?
• 31:10
  Matt: Is there an actual definition?
• 31:12
  Eric: So look at Wikipedia, donate today.
• 31:15
  Eric: Charcuterie is a French term for a branch of cooking devoted to prepared meat products, such as bacon, ham, sausage, terrines, galantines, bellotines, pâtés, confie, primarily from pork.
• 31:32
  Eric: However, modern modern day, uh the general understanding is, yeah, you're gonna have some you're gonna have some prepared meat products, some cured meats, smoked meats, you know, what have you.
• 31:45
  Eric: You're gonna have some sort of nuts, some sort of like textured, some jams, some dips.
• 31:51
  Eric: Uh just like a general smattering of like meat, nut, preserves, or pickles, or what have you.
• 31:58
  Matt: Yeah, I think I think the two main things that can it it it to not go to the 7-Eleven just yet, to just go to a charcuterie board.
• 32:08
  Matt: I think you can't call it a charcuterie board if meats and cheeses are.
• 32:15
  Eric: Dang you, I miss cheese.
• 32:16
  Eric: Yeah, you gotta have meats and cheeses.
• 32:18
  Eric: The meats and cheeses should be like the stars of the show.
• 32:22
  Eric: A variety of meats and cheeses.
• 32:24
  Matt: Everything else is to accompany that a periphery of potentially some nuts, potentially some some vegetable in there, but yeah, some spreads, you know.
• 32:34
  Matt: Yes, yes, yes.
• 32:35
  Matt: A mustard.
• 32:35
  Matt: A mustard, uh, a jam, a sweet jam.
• 32:38
  Eric: A good fig jam.
• 32:40
  Matt: Ooh, a nice fig jam.
• 32:41
  Matt: Maybe some of course crackers.
• 32:43
  Matt: Gotta get some crackers in there.
• 32:45
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 32:46
  Matt: But we aren't tasked with making the perfect charcuterie board.
• 32:51
  Matt: We are tasked with making the perfect charcuterie board from 7 fucking 11.
• 32:57
  Matt: 7-Eleven, baby.
• 32:58
  Matt: Almost heaven.
• 32:59
  Matt: The so uh okay, so I I have the 7-Eleven website open to the hot starting with the hot foods.
• 33:08
  Eric: Starting with the hot foods, and and of course, we should obviously we need to pick our meats and our cheeses first because everything else will revolves around it.
• 33:16
  Eric: We'll revolve around that, we'll be influenced by those decisions.
• 33:18
  Eric: I've gotta insist, the the cheeseburger sausage.
• 33:23
  Matt: The cheeseburger sausage, yes.
• 33:26
  Eric: Yeah, like classic.
• 33:28
  Eric: Like it's been it's it's been a fucking workhorse of 7-Eleven.
• 33:33
  Matt: Now, just to run through them real quick, lightning speed.
• 33:36
  Eric: Yeah.
• 33:36
  Matt: Uh, for those who maybe are not familiar with 7-Eleven, here are the hot food offerings.
• 33:40
  Matt: And again, I'm gonna do this quick.
• 33:42
  Matt: Barbecue bacon cheeseburger roller, big bite hot dog, the black bean burger, the cheeseburger.
• 33:48
  Matt: That one's new.
• 33:49
  Matt: They didn't have that before, apparently.
• 33:51
  Matt: Chicken sandwich, chicken strips, glazed cheesy, barbecue meatballs, hot honey boneless wings, Korean barbecue taqueto, mini tacos, nachos, spicy garlic chicken roller, and of course, the famous taquito.
• 34:07
  Eric: And what is your favorite flavor of taquito, Matthew?
• 34:09
  Eric: There is a correct answer.
• 34:11
  Matt: Uh again, I don't uh of the you mean of what I just mentioned?
• 34:15
  Eric: No, no, of of because they just listed taquitos.
• 34:18
  Eric: We know they have multiple flavors.
• 34:20
  Matt: I I am not familiar with the flavors.
• 34:22
  Eric: I'll come right out and say it.
• 34:23
  Eric: Oh, you got your monterey jacks, you got your jalapen, you got your jalapeno cream cheese, you got your your Philly cheesesteak.
• 34:29
  Matt: But tell me what the correct answer is, Eric.
• 34:33
  Matt: I would think that's the basic one, right?
• 34:35
  Eric: Yeah, it's it's a workhorse, man.
• 34:36
  Eric: It it it gets it it gets the job done.
• 34:38
  Matt: I I would throw in so the monterey jack to keto, I think that's gotta be there.
• 34:44
  Eric: So yes, it it it does.
• 34:47
  Eric: Before we get to keto's, let's I'd say let's let's hash out our solid meats and and I use solid and massive air quotes, like you know, not wrapped in anything.
• 34:55
  Eric: So like when I say like I I I I'm thinking presentation-wise, right?
• 34:58
  Eric: We've got the barbecue bacon cheeseburger roller, sans bun.
• 35:03
  Eric: Uh uh, I'm thinking, you know, nice thick slices for that.
• 35:08
  Eric: Okay.
• 35:09
  Eric: Um I think those meatballs, I think we can get some of those.
• 35:13
  Eric: Just looking at the meatballs, and they are limited time only, so we have to act fast.
• 35:16
  Eric: Um cheesy barbecue meatballs, that actually gives us a meat and a cheese together.
• 35:20
  Eric: That is that is some prepared meat.
• 35:22
  Matt: Yes.
• 35:22
  Matt: Now, it should be noted, of course, that uh a charcuterie board does not often feature a hot food.
• 35:30
  Matt: It's uh it's usually chilled deli meats and cheeses and such.
• 35:35
  Eric: And and but this is where 7-Eleven works to our favor, Matt, because I guarantee goddamn to you, they're not gonna be hot.
• 35:43
  Matt: Now, and to that end, Eric, for the to for the cheese and potentially the meat, do we not need a shitty, misshapen triangle of 7-Eleven pepperoni pizza?
• 35:56
  Matt: Does that not need to make an appearance?
• 35:58
  Eric: No, yeah, that's that's that's good.
• 36:00
  Eric: In fact, if we wanted to get bold with it Which I think we do.
• 36:04
  Eric: I think we do.
• 36:05
  Eric: What we what the way I would prepare it is I would take the the tr the the piece the slice of pizza, I'd cut it into like tinier slices, like little wedges, like almost like a cheese wedge.
• 36:16
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 36:17
  Eric: Like cut them into those long points, yeah.
• 36:19
  Matt: Well, so multiple people can have it.
• 36:20
  Matt: You've got to.
• 36:21
  Eric: And do that thing where like I have them all laying at an angle against each other, so like in a nice fan.
• 36:25
  Eric: It looks like a fan.
• 36:26
  Matt: Layered and it's layered it out.
• 36:28
  Matt: Like like you're tiling a roof in pizza.
• 36:31
  Eric: Yes.
• 36:31
  Eric: I think this is where I want to work in the nacho cheese drizzle.
• 36:36
  Matt: Okay, yeah, I'm I'm with you there.
• 36:37
  Eric: So like uh, because if you've ever been to a 7-Eleven, you've got like next to the nacho and the hot dog station, you've got that giant thing that just produces continuous amounts of hot chili and and nacho cheese.
• 36:49
  Eric: I'm thinking like a nice drizzle across across that that pizza wedge.
• 36:55
  Matt: I like that.
• 36:56
  Matt: And you know what we can get on like the periphery, like a corner, yeah, one corner of our board.
• 37:01
  Matt: We just go over to the open refrigerator, grab one of those fruit blend cups we got.
• 37:08
  Matt: You know?
• 37:08
  Matt: Yeah.
• 37:08
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 37:09
  Eric: And just just a little fruit cup.
• 37:11
  Matt: Just a little fruit cup cup in the in the corner there.
• 37:14
  Matt: Get some that checks the fruit box because there's always some there hanging out.
• 37:18
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 37:19
  Matt: Grapes and whatnot.
• 37:20
  Eric: So so we've got we've got bacon cheeseburger roller slices.
• 37:23
  Eric: We've got glazed cheesy barbecue meatballs, we've got a slice of pizza, delicately even more sliced, with a with a nacho cheese drizzle, we have fruit cup.
• 37:32
  Eric: This is already, I'm like already loving this.
• 37:34
  Matt: My mouth's watering.
• 37:36
  Matt: I don't mind saying it.
• 37:37
  Matt: I think we've got their signature like hot foods and you know, this quote unquote 7-Eleven foods.
• 37:45
  Matt: I think we have that.
• 37:47
  Matt: If we wanted to get a little bit of the spirit of a true charcuterie board in there, using something I know can be found at a 7-Eleven.
• 37:58
  Matt: Yeah, we can get ourselves a lunchable and open that up.
• 38:02
  Eric: Get ourselves a lunchable.
• 38:04
  Matt: Get ourselves a lunchable, put that on the right side.
• 38:07
  Eric: Oh, that's got legs.
• 38:08
  Matt: You know, the one with the shitty sandwich, you know, with the with the meats and the cheese.
• 38:13
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 38:13
  Eric: Because we do need some sliced cheese in there.
• 38:15
  Eric: We do need some sliced cheese.
• 38:17
  Eric: We do need some we do need and it gives us that Ritz Cracker, ups our Ritz Cracker game.
• 38:22
  Matt: I mean, the original lunchable is uh the the poor seventh graders charcuterie board, is it not?
• 38:29
  Eric: And you know what, honestly, if I wanted to, if I wanted to like go the distance, if I wanted to be like Disney's Hercules, find my way, go the distance.
• 38:36
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 38:36
  Eric: What I would do, Matt, is I would take the Capri Sun that comes in the lunchable.
• 38:40
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 38:41
  Eric: I would actually, I would put that in a saucepan.
• 38:44
  Eric: Oh.
• 38:44
  Eric: I would, I would take some some of the fruit from the fruit cup, and I would like reduce all of that down in the saucepan.
• 38:52
  Eric: I would make a Capri Sun jam to go with our with our thing.
• 38:58
  Eric: Like I use every part of the Buffalo, Matthew.
• 39:00
  Matt: Absolutely you do.
• 39:02
  Matt: Yes.
• 39:02
  Matt: Okay, so we get a little yes.
• 39:04
  Matt: Look at you making a look making a little jam.
• 39:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 39:07
  Matt: And you know, you could even uh go over to the candy section, get like a get some of those, you know, like a peach ring, melt that down.
• 39:16
  Eric: Oh my god, a peach ring capri sun glaze.
• 39:19
  Eric: Are you fucking kidding me?
• 39:21
  Matt: What a diabetic mess we're creating.
• 39:23
  Matt: Yes.
• 39:24
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 39:25
  Eric: I love that.
• 39:27
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 39:28
  Matt: We spread that on the side.
• 39:29
  Matt: And then I think, Eric, because we're making the 7-Eleven charcuterie board.
• 39:34
  Matt: Yes.
• 39:35
  Matt: Because this might be controversial.
• 39:37
  Matt: Okay.
• 39:38
  Matt: This might be controversial, but I find that the charcuterie board, the true, the true one, the true one pairs best with charcuterie.
• 39:46
  Matt: Truecuterie.
• 39:47
  Matt: True.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 39:49
  Matt: Truecuterie.
• 39:50
  Matt: What we what we what would do we normally pair this with?
• 39:54
  Matt: Wine, I think.
• 39:55
  Matt: I think wine is wine.
• 39:58
  Matt: The natural drink accompaniment.
• 40:00
  Matt: But this isn't a charcuterie board.
• 40:02
  Matt: This is the 7-Eleven board.
• 40:03
  Matt: And therefore, I think we need to be having these with a nice big gulp of a slurpee.
• 40:12
  Eric: Oh, fuck yeah, dog.
• 40:13
  Eric: Gotta have Slurpee.
• 40:14
  Matt: Maybe even a Slurpee tasting.
• 40:17
  Eric: Slurpey tasting.
• 40:19
  Eric: We could pair with a winery and we could see, we could experiment with making some alcoholic slurpee.
• 40:25
  Matt: There we go.
• 40:26
  Matt: And now we're talking.
• 40:27
  Matt: Now we're talking.
• 40:28
  Eric: I would be all over a fucking cab cab salve slurpee.
• 40:34
  Matt: Oh, thank heaven.
• 40:36
  Eric: Oh, thank heaven.
• 40:38
  Eric: I think we've done it, Eric.
• 40:40
  Eric: I think we've put this together.
• 40:42
  Eric: We just fucking knocked this out of the fucking park.
• 40:45
  Eric: I want to fucking go to 7-Eleven right now.
• 40:48
  Eric: I want our listeners to go to 7-Eleven.
• 40:50
  Eric: I want someone to make this, take pictures, and tell us how they did.
• 40:53
  Matt: Tell us how you did.
• 41:00
  Eric: Oh, one hundo.
• 41:02
  Matt: As a little uh as a little aside, Eric, do you remember when we were doing the 24-hour play slam back in college, when we would write plays overnight, and then they would be produced by the following night, in case anyone needed a definition of what a 24-hour play slam is, a 24-hour play festival, we would be writing just works of brilliance over the over the wee hours.
• 41:28
  Matt: And we would for the three for the four years we did it, yeah.
• 41:33
  Matt: We went out to well, actually, we there were like I think there were seven total that we did because we started doing two a year.
• 41:39
  Matt: Oh, we did.
• 41:41
  Matt: And I remember you after we did the first year we did it, we went out to get some food from 7-Eleven because college.
• 41:48
  Matt: And you were like shouting at people out the window of a moving vehicle.
• 41:52
  Matt: Do you remember this?
• 41:53
  Matt: I do.
• 41:54
  Eric: I can't remember what I was yelling, but that I that was my yell shit at people out outside the window phase.
• 41:59
  Matt: Yeah, you were in that phase, and man, did you did you do it well?
• 42:03
  Matt: Thank you.
• 42:04
  Matt: Uh but at the end of it, Eric, I remember the following year you you said to me, and I was actually just relating the story to someone the other day.
• 42:13
  Matt: I remember we sat down and you're like, Do you want to go to 7-Eleven?
• 42:16
  Matt: And I I feel like I said, I was like, I mean, I'm good.
• 42:19
  Matt: Like, I brought stuff this year because like I prepared, you know, I I knew we would want food.
• 42:23
  Matt: And you just looked at me and you're like, we have to go.
• 42:26
  Matt: It's part of my process.
• 42:32
  Matt: I do remember that.
• 42:35
  Matt: And so we did.
• 42:36
  Matt: Yep.
• 42:36
  Matt: And so we did.
• 42:37
  Eric: No, we didn't we didn't like going to 7-Eleven.
• 42:41
  Eric: God damn it, we did.
• 42:42
  Matt: But we sure did.
• 42:43
  Matt: Back when I got those taquitos.
• 42:45
  Eric: $10 feast like a king.
• 42:47
  Eric: Feast like a king.
• 42:48
  Matt: Eric, shall we go on to another question here?
• 42:50
  Matt: We shall.
• 42:51
  Matt: So this one comes from uh our good friend at always a cookie on Instagram.
• 42:57
  Matt: And always a cookie this time brings us the hard-hitting question of what is Dr.
• 43:03
  Matt: Pepper's doctorate in?
• 43:05
  Matt: I refuse to acknowledge them as a doctor until I understand what their field of study is.
• 43:13
  Matt: Hmm.
• 43:14
  Matt: Uh uh Dr.
• 43:14
  Matt: Pepper, a staple of 7-Eleven, it should be said.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'll tell you right now, Andy.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_01: Always a cookie.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_01: Today you get the mercy.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: You get my mercy, because it is St.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_01: Patrick's Day.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'll not make fun of you accent today.
• 43:29
  Matt: Yes, yes, yes.
• 43:31
  Matt: We'll just uh we'll just denigrate another accent.
• 43:34
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 43:35
  Matt: Now, uh I did take the liberty, Eric, of taking a a little bit of doing just a tiny bit of research once again on Wikipedia.
• 43:43
  Matt: Donate today.
• 43:44
  Matt: The theories about the origins of the soft drinks name abound straight from Wikipedia.
• 43:51
  Matt: One possible reason is that the name was chosen because uh it was common at the time of the drinks creation of including Doctor in the names of property.
• 44:00
  Matt: Products to convey the impression that they were healthful.
• 44:05
  Matt: There it's not.
• 44:06
  Matt: A theory often cited is that the drink was named after an actual doctor, Charles T.
• 44:11
  Matt: Pepper of rural retreat, Virginia.
• 44:15
  Matt: However, Millie Walker, collections manager slash the curator for the Dublin, Texas.
• 44:22
  Matt: Dublin Dublin, Texas.
• 44:25
  Matt: Dr.
• 44:25
  Matt: Pepper Bottle and Company Museum has stated that according to the U.S.
• 44:31
  Matt: Census Records, there is not one piece of evidence that Morrison ever worked for this Dr.
• 44:37
  Matt: Charles T.
• 44:37
  Matt: Pepper and Roar Retreat.
• 44:39
  Matt: So basically, the the uh the as this ad says from 1913, the liquid sunshine that is Dr.
• 44:48
  Matt: Pepper, the king of beverages, with its 23 fucking flavors that it it loves to tout on its label.
• 44:57
  Matt: We don't know where the name Dr.
• 44:59
  Matt: Pepper comes from.
• 45:00
  Matt: So I feel, Eric, is it fair for us to say that Dr.
• 45:04
  Matt: Pepper has become an entity unto itself?
• 45:09
  Eric: Oh, absolutely.
• 45:11
  Eric: His doctorate's in fraud.
• 45:12
  Eric: He's not a real person.
• 45:13
  Matt: Okay.
• 45:14
  Matt: All right.
• 45:14
  Matt: That's a bold claim.
• 45:16
  Matt: His doctorate being in fla fraud.
• 45:18
  Matt: I would say, my first impression, we got 23 flavors to combine to create this cola pop.
• 45:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 45:28
  Matt: I would say perhaps his doctorate, perhaps Dr.
• 45:32
  Matt: Pepper's doctorate is in flavor.
• 45:36
  Eric: Flavor Doctor?
• 45:37
  Eric: Dr.
• 45:37
  Eric: Flavor?
• 45:38
  Eric: Honestly.
• 45:39
  Eric: Dr.
• 45:39
  Eric: Flavor.
• 45:39
  Eric: Dr.
• 45:40
  Eric: Spice.
• 45:40
  Eric: We've like, it's not unheard of.
• 45:43
  Eric: We've got a mayor of Flavortown.
• 45:45
  Eric: We have a mayor of Flavortown.
• 45:47
  Eric: Dr.
• 45:47
  Eric: Pepper is the practicing doctor in Flavortown.
• 45:50
  Matt: He's the GP.
• 45:51
  Matt: It's a fucking GP.
• 45:52
  Matt: He's the GP of this town, the family doctor in Flavortown.
• 45:57
  Matt: Also, do we have who mayor Fieri relies upon Mayor Fieri?
• 46:04
  Eric: I I I love imagining that that that guy Fieri uh in Flavortown is like absolutely.
• 46:11
  Matt: The man's name is Fieri.
• 46:13
  Matt: Why do people insist on calling him Fieri?
• 46:17
  Matt: Fieri.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_00: His name is Guy Fieri.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: Mr.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: Shay.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: I see you approach my associate, Mr.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_00: Fieri.
• 46:25
  Matt: Okay.
• 46:26
  Matt: This is an interesting bit we're doing.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_00: You come to Flavortown.
• 46:30
  Matt: Yeah?
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_00: What are you gonna taste?
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_00: Are you gonna get a taste of the action?
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_00: Are you gonna taste my fucking foot up yes?
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: What is that's that's you?
• 46:41
  Eric: That's like the guy you talk to when you come up, when you roll up into Flavortown and like just get a meeting with with Mayor Fieti.
• 46:51
  Matt: Well, first of all, he's never in town because he's traveling the nation looking for the best diners, drive-ins, and dives.
• 46:56
  Matt: Or he's on the run, and that's a cover.
• 46:59
  Matt: So what what what we have here is you're talking to the lieutenant mayor.
• 47:02
  Eric: Yes.
• 47:02
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 47:03
  Eric: Deputy mayor.
• 47:04
  Matt: Deputy mayor, yes.
• 47:06
  Eric: Also, I found what the 23 flavors are.
• 47:08
  Eric: Uh please give it to us.
• 47:09
  Eric: The 23 flavors in Dr.
• 47:11
  Eric: Pepper.
• 47:12
  Eric: And this is according, this is according to to the website dr pepper2010.weebly.com.
• 47:19
  Matt: So the definitive source.
• 47:21
  Eric: Yeah.
• 47:22
  Eric: The 23 flavors are cola, cherry, licorice, amaretto, vanilla, blackberry, apricot, blackberry, caramel, pepper, anise, sarsaparilla, ginger, molasses, lemon, plum, orange, nutmeg, cardamom, allspice, coriander, juniper, birch, and prickly ash.
• 47:44
  Matt: Oh yes, because I I remember the first time I tried Dr.
• 47:48
  Matt: Pepper, I remember going, yes, I'm getting notes of notes of coriander?
• 47:54
  Eric: Could he be, you know, people do get doctorates in being a sommelier.
• 47:58
  Matt: Oh.
• 48:00
  Matt: Do they really?
• 48:00
  Eric: Is that really true?
• 48:01
  Eric: I think that's a thing.
• 48:02
  Eric: Like, there's like a name.
• 48:03
  Eric: I think that's a thing?
• 48:04
  Eric: Yeah, like you gotta fucking let's find let's I could have made that up.
• 48:08
  Eric: I think you did.
• 48:09
  Eric: Let's see.
• 48:10
  Eric: Sommelier, thank god for honor grag.
• 48:14
  Eric: Okay, so they don't have to get a doctorate, but they do have to go to fucking college for it.
• 48:19
  Eric: Nice.
• 48:19
  Eric: They have to go to wine college.
• 48:21
  Matt: I think yeah, I mean, but we're not talking about a sommelier.
• 48:26
  Matt: We're talking about a a a soda.
• 48:30
  Matt: We're not talking about wines, we're talking about a concoction made alchemy.
• 48:36
  Matt: Yeah, like straight so yeah made in the back room of a pharmacy in in 18 whatever, 1885.
• 48:45
  Eric: So he his doctorate would be in flavor, I think, though.
• 48:47
  Matt: You're like I think his doctorate's in flavor, baby.
• 48:50
  Matt: It's Dr.
• 48:50
  Matt: Flavor.
• 48:51
  Matt: Dr.
• 48:52
  Matt: Pepper also, just because they're sitting in front of me, can I share with you some of these slogans, which God, they really didn't know a slogan.
• 49:01
  Matt: I'm just gonna give you some that uh Oh god, yeah, there's so many.
• 49:06
  Matt: I'm gonna hit you so with some highlights.
• 49:08
  Matt: First of all, they started out strong with king of beverages.
• 49:11
  Matt: Well done.
• 49:12
  Matt: Go for it.
• 49:12
  Matt: What you know who'd approve of that?
• 49:14
  Eric: Hmm.
• 49:15
  Matt: Dairy King 11.
• 49:18
  Matt: Uh, so let's see.
• 49:20
  Matt: We've got the friendly pepper upper.
• 49:23
  Matt: All right.
• 49:23
  Matt: I love this.
• 49:24
  Matt: 1960s.
• 49:25
  Matt: America's most misunderstood soft drink.
• 49:31
  Matt: Uh and 70 to 77.
• 49:34
  Eric: This was this was the slogan for seven years.
• 49:38
  Matt: The most original soft drink ever.
• 49:41
  Eric: What more is there to say?
• 49:43
  Matt: And then, of course, the famous wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?
• 49:46
  Eric: I love 83s.
• 49:48
  Eric: It tastes and it looks.
• 49:51
  Matt: For for for sugar-free Dr.
• 49:53
  Matt: Pepper specifically.
• 49:55
  Matt: And then we we really hit a theme for 84 to 87.
• 49:58
  Matt: We've got three good ones.
• 49:59
  Matt: Out of the ordinary, like you.
• 50:03
  Matt: And then we elevated to the taste for out-of-the-ordinary bodies.
• 50:08
  Matt: That's for Dr.
• 50:09
  Matt: Diet Dr.
• 50:10
  Matt: Pepper.
• 50:10
  Matt: And then hold out for the out-of-ordinary.
• 50:12
  Eric: None of these roll.
• 50:14
  Eric: None of these feel good in the none of these have good mouthfeel.
• 50:18
  Matt: Okay, and then of course, to get to get more up to date, in the 2000s, I'm sure we can remember Dr.
• 50:24
  Matt: Pepper, it makes the world taste better.
• 50:27
  unknown: Wow.
• 50:28
  Matt: 2002 present.
• 50:30
  Matt: Just what the doctor ordered.
• 50:32
  Matt: And then I do like 2008's drink it slow, doctor's orders.
• 50:37
  Eric: Oh, I do like 2006, get buried in cream.
• 50:44
  Matt: And then, of course, I I I think we uh I think we all remember, trust me, I'm a doctor.
• 50:53
  Matt: Yeah.
• 50:53
  Matt: Uh that was good.
• 50:55
  Matt: Featuring various fake doctors.
• 50:57
  Eric: Yes.
• 50:58
  Matt: Uh that was a good time.
• 51:00
  Matt: We got off track on that question, but I thought the slogans were worth mentioning, don't you think, Eric?
• 51:06
  Eric: Oh, absolutely.
• 51:07
  Matt: So, Dr.
• 51:08
  Matt: Pepper, the Doctor of Flavor.
• 51:10
  Matt: There you go.
• 51:11
  Eric: Doctor of Flavortown in the employee of Mayor Fieri.
• 51:14
  Matt: There you go, always a cookie.
• 51:16
  Matt: Happy to help us always keep bringing us your questions.
• 51:21
  Matt: Of course, uh, we appreciate and love each and every one of them.
• 51:24
  Matt: Now, Eric, uh, what do you think we should should we transfer now into what has quickly become one of our most beloved closing segments?
• 51:34
  Matt: Google Gripes.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, Matthew.
• 51:37
  Matt: Now, uh, just to educate anyone who might be a first-time listener, uh, Google Gripes, what we do here is these are one-star Google reviews.
• 51:46
  Matt: These are real Google reviews you can look up on the interwebs of famous places, recognizable places.
• 51:54
  Matt: Yep.
• 51:54
  Matt: Uh, we have been reading them to each other.
• 51:57
  Matt: Currently, the all-time score is three to two in favor of me.
• 52:04
  Matt: But Eric, this is your time to my time to redeem.
• 52:07
  Matt: Well, you gotta you can at least keep pace.
• 52:09
  Matt: You gotta at least keep pace.
• 52:10
  Matt: So I what Eric I have for you is I have three locations.
• 52:14
  Matt: Okay, three reviews each.
• 52:16
  Eric: Okay.
• 52:17
  Matt: Are you ready to get to guessin'?
• 52:19
  Eric: I'm in it.
• 52:20
  Matt: Let's go.
• 52:21
  Matt: Let's do this.
• 52:22
  Matt: Here we go.
• 52:22
  Matt: First group.
• 52:23
  Matt: Ready?
• 52:24
  Matt: Yep.
• 52:25
  Matt: Lydia writes Bloomin' heck this place.
• 52:28
  Matt: Don't get me started.
• 52:30
  Matt: Almost lost my footing when a brick came loose.
• 52:33
  Matt: No tram service.
• 52:35
  Matt: Who built it?
• 52:37
  unknown: Okay.
• 52:38
  Matt: Okay.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 52:38
  Matt: Here comes Barbara.
• 52:41
  Matt: Usually eat there all the time.
• 52:43
  Matt: Last night's order was a real problem.
• 52:45
  Matt: Chicken overdone with no flavor.
• 52:48
  Matt: And plain chicken fried rice with absolutely no flavor called the store to complain about the order in which I was told I was lying and not telling the truth.
• 52:57
  Matt: That the chicken just needed to be dipped in the sauce.
• 53:00
  Matt: Finally, in frustration, just hung up.
• 53:03
  Matt: I won't go back.
• 53:05
  Matt: And to bring it home, here comes Cap Mossum.
• 53:08
  Matt: Cap Mossum writes, Me and some of my friends from Mongolia tried to visit this place.
• 53:14
  Matt: They kept us out.
• 53:15
  Matt: Do not recommend.
• 53:17
  Eric: Okay.
• 53:18
  Eric: So I see what you did.
• 53:19
  Eric: Uh huh.
• 53:20
  Eric: I see what you did.
• 53:21
  Eric: It is the Great Wall of China.
• 53:23
  Matt: It is the Great Wall of China.
• 53:24
  Eric: Because someone left a review thinking they were leaving a review for the restaurant Great Wall of China.
• 53:29
  Eric: Indeed.
• 53:30
  Eric: Yeah.
• 53:30
  Eric: The Mongolian one.
• 53:31
  Eric: That was cute.
• 53:32
  Matt: I gave it to that's pro that, of course, that I have to assume is a joke, but I try to keep these.
• 53:40
  Matt: We try to weed out the the the joke reviews.
• 53:43
  Matt: Yeah because there's plenty of them.
• 53:44
  Matt: But um, you know, uh I thought that one uh that was good.
• 53:48
  Matt: You know, we start easy, go hard.
• 53:49
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 53:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 53:51
  Matt: So all right, so here we go.
• 53:52
  Matt: Uh so you one for one.
• 53:54
  Matt: Good work.
• 53:54
  Eric: One for one.
• 53:55
  Eric: So we are now tied.
• 53:56
  Matt: We're not technically tied.
• 53:58
  Matt: Uh uh No.
• 54:00
  Matt: Well, yeah, technically tied.
• 54:01
  Matt: Yep.
• 54:01
  Matt: Three and three.
• 54:02
  Matt: This is your second attempt, though, of course.
• 54:04
  Matt: Uh or second round.
• 54:06
  Matt: This is round two.
• 54:07
  Matt: It's round two.
• 54:08
  Matt: First installment of round two.
• 54:09
  Matt: Anyway, you ready for the second location?
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_02: Ready.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_02: Ready.
• 54:12
  Matt: This is from I I think it's Tifus.
• 54:16
  Matt: It's pretty cool, but there's no reason for it to be built.
• 54:20
  Matt: I think the city just wants people that come look at it for more tourists and more money.
• 54:27
  Matt: Hot take from Tifus.
• 54:29
  Matt: Brian.
• 54:31
  Matt: This is the worst sculpture ever.
• 54:34
  Matt: Why would you waste your time going here?
• 54:36
  Matt: You've got a smile on your face like you know it is, but I still got one more.
• 54:40
  Eric: Slow for reviews.
• 54:42
  Matt: I've got one more left.
• 54:43
  Eric: Okay.
• 54:44
  Matt: Finn writes not called blank and doesn't taste like one either.
• 54:52
  Matt: Wow.
• 54:53
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 54:55
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 54:56
  Eric: That last one is what kind of through not short and sweet, baby.
• 55:00
  Eric: Blank.
• 55:01
  Eric: It doesn't taste like one either.
• 55:04
  Eric: Okay.
• 55:05
  Eric: Um so it's a s it it's a s it's some sort of statue or sculpture.
• 55:10
  Matt: Could be.
• 55:10
  Matt: It could be.
• 55:11
  Eric: It's a great big one.
• 55:13
  Matt: Could be.
• 55:14
  Matt: Could be.
• 55:15
  Eric: Could be, could be, who can say?
• 55:17
  Eric: Give me the first one again.
• 55:19
  Matt: It's pretty cool, but there's no reason for it to be built.
• 55:23
  Matt: I think the city just wants people that come look at it for more tourists and more money.
• 55:29
  unknown: Okay.
• 55:30
  Matt: As opposed to all the other reasons for a sculpture or statue to be built.
• 55:35
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 55:38
  Eric: Well, if if if half of Facebook is to be believed, uh I kids nowadays get 100% of their history education from staring at a statue.
• 55:47
  Eric: Yeah, that's true.
• 55:48
  Matt: Many a Facebook status is claimed.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to say We're waiting.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_01: We're waiting.
• 55:56
  Matt: Oh We're gonna need a timer for this segment.
• 55:59
  Eric: I know, I know.
• 56:01
  Eric: Statue of David?
• 56:04
  Matt: The statue of David.
• 56:07
  Matt: Interesting, interesting.
• 56:09
  Matt: Not correct, though.
• 56:10
  Matt: Not correct, though.
• 56:12
  Eric: What was it?
• 56:13
  Matt: The correct answer is CloudGate, also known as the Bean.
• 56:22
  Eric: Oh Jesus Christ, yes, yes.
• 56:25
  Eric: Ooh, sorry, I bumped my mic.
• 56:26
  Eric: Yes.
• 56:26
  Matt: As Finn points out, not called the bean and doesn't taste like one.
• 56:32
  Eric: Oh, I was never gonna get that.
• 56:34
  Eric: Yeah.
• 56:35
  Matt: Oh man, maybe I should have switched this one with the one I have last.
• 56:39
  Matt: All right.
• 56:39
  Matt: Because that's that's uh that so okay.
• 56:43
  Matt: So you have you have the chance to in round two to match your score of two out of three.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, yep, yep.
• 56:48
  Matt: You you can redeem yourself with the last one.
• 56:50
  Matt: Are you ready?
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 56:51
  Matt: George says Such a waste of money.
• 56:55
  Matt: My grandpa was here when he was 18.
• 56:58
  Matt: He got in for free, but I had to pay.
• 57:00
  Matt: What the heck?
• 57:01
  Matt: Frowny face.
• 57:03
  Matt: Justin.
• 57:04
  Matt: Covered in bird feces.
• 57:06
  Matt: Smells bad, dirty, old, boring, and torn down buildings.
• 57:10
  Matt: Not enough signage to explain the history.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 57:15
  Matt: And finally, Alexandra.
• 57:17
  Matt: I was very disappointed with this trip.
• 57:20
  Matt: I read that it was interesting.
• 57:21
  Matt: I hoped that I would see something that would show me the blank, their stories and experiences.
• 57:28
  Matt: I expected some props from the days when the blank were staying here.
• 57:33
  Matt: Only one building is available for visitors.
• 57:36
  Matt: The only thing worth seeing are the birds sounding like this.
• 57:40
  Matt: Gala, galoo, gala.
• 57:44
  Matt: Trip not worth the money.
• 57:46
  Matt: Okay.
• 57:47
  Matt: Talk me through it.
• 57:48
  Matt: Talk me through it.
• 57:49
  Matt: Talk me through your process.
• 57:51
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 57:52
  Eric: It's something you're it's it's it's old ruins.
• 57:54
  Eric: I'm assuming pretty goddamn old ones.
• 57:57
  Eric: I'm assuming some sort of stone ruins.
• 57:59
  Eric: I'm inclined to think Romans or Greeks.
• 58:02
  Matt: Um, interesting.
• 58:04
  Matt: But you gotta pay.
• 58:05
  Matt: Don't forget.
• 58:06
  Eric: You gotta pay.
• 58:07
  Eric: That's that's uh and they said that when the blanks were staying here.
• 58:13
  Eric: That's throwing me off.
• 58:14
  Eric: I'm like, is this a place that was passed through, or is it was this a settlement?
• 58:19
  Matt: Um yes, yeah.
• 58:23
  Matt: Who knows?
• 58:23
  Matt: Who knows?
• 58:24
  Eric: Who can say, who can say, who can say?
• 58:25
  Matt: So you don't think you you you think this is uh ancient?
• 58:30
  Matt: You think it's ancient.
• 58:31
  Eric: I uh now well now.
• 58:33
  Eric: I get the impression.
• 58:35
  Eric: I'm just I'm just talking back to you.
• 58:36
  Matt: I'm not giving you hints.
• 58:37
  Matt: Yeah, I'm not giving you nothing.
• 58:38
  Eric: I'm getting the vibe that it was ancient because everything's covered in bird poop.
• 58:43
  Matt: Maybe, you know what, maybe I need to have maybe this might be helping you out, but maybe maybe it didn't do justice to the bird sound that Alexander putting.
• 58:51
  Eric: Yeah, give it give it to me.
• 58:52
  Eric: Because that also means why it's by the ocean.
• 58:55
  Matt: The only thing worth seeing are the birds sounding like this.
• 59:00
  Matt: Let me try a different interpretation of the line.
• 59:07
  Matt: Did that do anything for you?
• 59:12
  Eric: I have it! No, um, gala! Fucking Christ.
• 59:18
  Eric: So there's a bunch of birds, that means they're either pigeons or they're seagulls.
• 59:22
  Eric: I'm going to say say the leaning tower of Pisa.
• 59:27
  Matt: The leaning tower of Pisa.
• 59:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 59:32
  Matt: Eric.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 59:34
  Matt: You are incorrect.
• 59:37
  Matt: Fuck! I'm afraid you're not even on the right continent.
• 59:41
  Matt: God damn.
• 59:42
  Matt: No, I which we're talking about something a little closer to home, Eric.
• 59:46
  Matt: A little closer to home.
• 59:47
  Matt: Oh, are we talking about pilgrims?
• 59:49
  Matt: No, we're not talking about the pilgrims, don't worry.
• 59:51
  Matt: Thank God.
• 59:52
  Matt: So, yeah, you were you were getting in the right place with uh seagulls or pigeons, or perhaps pelicans.
• 1:00:00
  Matt: Perhaps pelicans.
• 1:00:03
  Matt: After all, the word in this place's title does mean pelican, as we as if you're a fan of last podcast on the left, they uh love to say.
• 1:00:13
  Matt: We're talking about Alcatraz Islands.
• 1:00:16
  Eric: Oh, okay.
• 1:00:17
  Eric: Alcatraz Island would have been referring.
• 1:00:19
  Matt: Okay, he would have been referring to um My grandpa was here when he was 18 and he got in for free.
• 1:00:26
  Eric: That's cute.
• 1:00:28
  Eric: That's cute.
• 1:00:28
  Eric: Oh, and they were oh, and they're they were talking about when where the I either the where the prisoners stayed or where um Alcatone stayed.
• 1:00:36
  Matt: I I gave you the covered in bird feces specifically to get you in the the mindset of the birdman of Alcatraz.
• 1:00:44
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:00:44
  Eric: Yeah, that's good.
• 1:00:45
  Eric: That's good.
• 1:00:46
  Eric: Now I also want to watch, I want to re-watch Escape from Alcatraz.
• 1:00:49
  Matt: Uh yeah, so we're birdman of Alcatraz, absolutely.
• 1:00:52
  Matt: So, Eric, I'm afraid this time you go one for three.
• 1:00:55
  Matt: Now, these are these are notably harder than the last time.
• 1:00:58
  Matt: Oh, well, I hear you loud and clear.
• 1:01:00
  Matt: What I'm saying, Eric, is I got three for three last time, and I could use more of a challenge, I think.
• 1:01:06
  Matt: That's all I'm that's all I'm trying to say.
• 1:01:08
  Matt: So uh we will of course continue to revisit Google Gripes because you got you you folks out there seem to love these one-star reviews.
• 1:01:18
  Matt: So stay tuned for more.
• 1:01:19
  Matt: All right, let's get some business out of the way.
• 1:01:21
  Matt: Uh oh, Eric, do you do you want to do the business, Eric?
• 1:01:25
  Matt: We always do the business.
• 1:01:26
  Matt: Do you want a shot at the business?
• 1:01:28
  Matt: You think you can handle the business?
• 1:01:29
  Eric: Oh, I'll throw up.
• 1:01:30
  Eric: Um clear this isn't a bit.
• 1:01:34
  Eric: This is me.
• 1:01:35
  Eric: Here we go.
• 1:01:36
  Eric: I'm gonna do some business.
• 1:01:37
  Eric: All right, let's do it.
• 1:01:38
  Eric: All right.
• 1:01:38
  Eric: Uh teach them.
• 1:01:40
  Eric: Hello.
• 1:01:41
  Eric: Hi, it's me.
• 1:01:43
  Eric: Uh, you have reached the end of the podcast.
• 1:01:47
  Eric: This is uh this is where it's we're about to stop the podcast.
• 1:01:51
  Eric: Uh before we do, there are some things we need to get straight.
• 1:01:56
  Eric: This is horrible.
• 1:01:57
  Eric: Uh you give us questions.
• 1:02:02
  Eric: Uh you have options, methods of accomplishing this.
• 1:02:06
  Eric: You can you can message us on Instagram to at fucking you didn't ask.
• 1:02:15
  Eric: It's letter U.
• 1:02:17
  Eric: You didn't ask on Instagram.
• 1:02:19
  Eric: Pod.
• 1:02:19
  Eric: You don't even have a handle.
• 1:02:21
  Eric: I'm so nervous.
• 1:02:23
  Matt: How many times do I have to say this?
• 1:02:25
  Eric: You didn't ask pod.
• 1:02:27
  Eric: Letter U.
• 1:02:28
  Eric: Uh you can email us at you didn't ask pod at gmail.com.
• 1:02:33
  Matt: You didn't ask for this at gmail.com all spelled out.
• 1:02:36
  Matt: Continue.
• 1:02:40
  Eric: You can call the fucking thought line.
• 1:02:43
  Eric: I don't know what the number is.
• 1:02:46
  Eric: The number.
• 1:02:46
  Eric: You know what?
• 1:02:47
  Eric: That's fair.
• 1:02:48
  Matt: I'll give it to you.
• 1:02:48
  Matt: The number is 410-929-5329.
• 1:02:53
  SPEAKER_01: You can find where I live and send me a letter, you fucking coward.
• 1:02:58
  Matt: Yeah, and also don't you know No, I'm sorry.
• 1:03:02
  Matt: You know what?
• 1:03:03
  Matt: It was habit.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: I'm sorry.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: I was jumping in.
• 1:03:05
  Matt: You you're doing the business.
• 1:03:06
  Matt: You can tweet at us.
• 1:03:08
  Eric: And that is also at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:03:12
  Matt: The letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:03:14
  Matt: That's actually Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
• 1:03:17
  Eric: Oh, that just that just makes it easy.
• 1:03:18
  Matt: I certainly thought so.
• 1:03:21
  Eric: Send us your questions.
• 1:03:23
  Eric: Send us your unlikely fights.
• 1:03:25
  Eric: Send us your send us things you want us to definitively rank.
• 1:03:28
  Eric: Send us Absolutely.
• 1:03:30
  Eric: Send us Send us pictures of your 7-Eleven Charcuterie.
• 1:03:34
  Eric: Yes, please do do that.
• 1:03:36
  Eric: Please send us your 7-Eleven Charcuterie.
• 1:03:38
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:03:38
  Eric: You don't have to do what we did.
• 1:03:39
  Eric: Honestly, yeah, you could just like.
• 1:03:42
  Eric: Can we have a can Matt?
• 1:03:44
  Eric: Just send us charcuterie.
• 1:03:45
  Eric: Can we have, but can we have a 7?
• 1:03:47
  Eric: Can we have a 7-Eleven Charcuterie contest?
• 1:03:50
  Eric: Yeah, I think we, I think we are.
• 1:03:52
  Eric: I think it's I think it's happening right now.
• 1:03:54
  Matt: You should be listening to this on your way to 7-Eleven at this point.
• 1:03:57
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:03:58
  Eric: Uh everyone, go to 7-Eleven, make some baller ass charcuterie, send it to us.
• 1:04:03
  Matt: Send it to us.
• 1:04:04
  Matt: We will feature it on the uh on the Instagram, of course.
• 1:04:08
  Matt: Eric, uh, you did a you you know what?
• 1:04:10
  Matt: You did a great job.
• 1:04:12
  Matt: Five out of six.
• 1:04:13
  Matt: Great job.
• 1:04:13
  Matt: You did a great job with that, uh, with the business.
• 1:04:16
  Matt: You know?
• 1:04:16
  Eric: I applaud you.
• 1:04:17
  Matt: I applaud you.
• 1:04:18
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:04:19
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:04:19
  Eric: I swear to God, you said I want to do the business like deer and headlights, like, I don't even know my own name right now.
• 1:04:24
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, no, it what I think you did a it was a good try.
• 1:04:28
  Matt: You know?
• 1:04:29
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:04:29
  Matt: A for effort.
• 1:04:30
  Matt: It's a good try.
• 1:04:30
  Matt: A for effort, baby.
• 1:04:32
  Matt: But let's take this thing home.
• 1:04:34
  Matt: Leave us the questions, uh, leave us a review, listen to us in the good pods if you haven't already.
• 1:04:39
  Matt: Help us out in those rankings, of course.
• 1:04:42
  Matt: My friends, thank you for listening to the show.
• 1:04:45
  Matt: Yeah keep the competition for the number one fan going.
• 1:04:49
  Matt: You know, we don't have a name for the fans.
• 1:04:51
  Matt: We've talked about you daft giants, but we haven't talked about, like, you know, uh we haven't given a cool nickname.
• 1:04:57
  Matt: We need a cool nickname for our fans.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:04:59
  Matt: I don't have one off the top of my head, but if you've got one, let us have those suggestions as well.
• 1:05:04
  Matt: But I think, Eric, for uh for all of us, uh for all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
• 1:05:10
  Matt: My name is Matt Shea.
• 1:05:11
  Eric: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:05:12
  SPEAKER_01: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_01: But shepherds we shall be.
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_01: For thee, my lord.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_01: For thee.
• 1:05:18
  SPEAKER_01: Power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command.
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_01: So we shall flow a lake forth to thee.
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_01: And teeming with some shall it ever be.
• 1:05:31
  SPEAKER_01: In nomine patches, it feeling expensive.