Latest / Two Personal with Joy Taylor / Joy Taylor and Marcus Black Talk Marriage, Intentions & Accountability

Transcript

Joy Taylor and Marcus Black Talk Marriage, Intentions & Accountability · Two Personal with Joy Taylor

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I see people every single day, doctor such and such,
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: and psychiatrists such and such. I look at clips and I'd.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Be like, welcome to too Personal. I'm Joy Taylor. I'm
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: very excited for our next guest, Marcus Black. Welcome to
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: you personal.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Thank you for having me appreciate it.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: He is, Well, we already talked about this off camera,
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: but kind of from Chicago, kind of from all over.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Build a career in music, big names the game, DJ Muster,
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Justin Bieber, who just had a fabulous Coachella.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: Also on love and Hip Hop.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: Hollywood World watched you navigate your relationship and now you
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: are a relationship expert, author, speaker, podcast host, and happily
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: married to Brook Valentine.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so welcome too Personal.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Thank you appreciated.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm glad you're here. You're also also friends in
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: the family. We have lots of Yeah, for sure.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: It's great. It's crazy listening back to all those things.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, yo, like I kind of do I
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: kind of have my hands on a lot of different things.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. It's like how you go
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: from music to relate It is interesting.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Well, that's like, you know, that's part of the journey.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: That's how things evolve. I mean, I'm going through a
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: bit of an evolving period, a shift to myself. I
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: mean I had worked in sports, still work in sports,
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: but works primarily in sports for my entire career, and
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: started the podcast to be able to share, you know,
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: opinions and conversations that I've always had with people close
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: to me and my friends.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: And you know, you learn new things.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: What's the biggest thing that you've learned since starting to
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: discuss relationships publicly?
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Uh? I mean, one, how people view reality TV? You
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? People think that people think reality
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: TV is reality you know what I mean? So well
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: it isn't the name? Yeah, but so do you feel
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: like that's deceptive? I think it is, Okay, I think
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: it is because I think reality TV is like, you know,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: you know, based on a true true story. It should
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: be called like based on a real story, you know
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, but not like not exactly, you know
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: what I mean? And then people don't forget right, So
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: you got you know, I was walking through the airport,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: walking through lax Brook, and this lady's doing security at TSA.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: She like mar I don't like how you did ten
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: years ago, and Brook should I let him through? I'm
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: not even gonna let him through here. I'm like, yo, yeah,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: this is like this is from twenty sixteen two.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean that's that's the risk when you
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: put your not just yourself but your relationship on national television.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: But you fail to realize that or it never even
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: cross your mind that when you're doing these things, like
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: sometimes people haven't seen you since then. People haven't they're
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: not following, they don't know what's going on. So like
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: there's people who come up to me and they deal
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: with me like who I was ten years.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: Ago, and it's like, man, well for them, you are,
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: that is you.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: That's the reality.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: Unless they've followed your journey since then, that is their
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: lasting impression of you. When that, when stuff like that happens,
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: is that still affects your relationship.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: It's never affected my relationship.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: It's never affected your relationship.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: Public opinion, Well no, just like if someone make it
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: makes a comment like that, No, but you would understand
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: how someone And I'm not questioning your relationship, I say,
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: but hearing that, I'm like, man, if I was in
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: if I was having a bad day with my man,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: and somebody brought up some old shit.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Nah.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: It takes some strong resolve not to allow that to
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: ruin the rest.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Of the day. No, it doesn't bother me at all
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: because I know what I signed up for, right. Does
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: it bother her? No, it doesn't bother because we we
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: knew what we were doing, and it's like we actually
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: like we were good at home. When you're good at
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: home kind of doesn't really matter what's going on outside.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, So I know what actually
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: goes on. I know who my wife actually is. She
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: knows who I am for real.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: So it's like, you know, so that was to you,
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: to both of you, that was even though it was
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: a real thing that happened to them, to the rest
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: of the world, it's almost like characters, like you said,
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: reality TV isn't really reality, right, So then what's the
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: thing that people don't what's the thing that you feel
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: like you wish people knew that they don't because their
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: impression of you is that moment on reality television.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I just think that, man, I think people don't consider
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: right that we pull up to set and there's cameras
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: and there's lights, and there's producers and somebody says, okay, action,
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: like this is entertainment. We're here to entertain, you know
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: what I mean. Like there's certain people Safari for example,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: man like I remember this one thing we did when
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I was on Love and Hip Hop Miami and he
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: just breaks down. They're just wild. It's like, bro, you
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: should you should get an oscar. Bro, Like this is
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: this is high level you know acting that you're doing,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And I think people when
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: they see people get like very extreme, they be like, oh,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: this can't be real. You heard your people say that
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: all the time. But then there's certain things they're picking.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: This must be real right here, Like I don't like
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: you because you do stuff like this, and it's like
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: you take.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: It, it's cool, but you don't regret it.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: No, So.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: What what was happening internally during that process? Then, because
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: you are in front of a camera, it is a
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: bit like acting. It's entertainment at the end of the day.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: But to the rest of the world, they're watching you.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: They're not watching a scripted series. They're not watching Succession,
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: they're not watching Interstellar. They're watching you, Marcus with your partner,
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: And to them, you're misbehaving. How did that feel internally?
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: So I tell you, I put it like this, right.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I remember my very first season on Love and Hip Hop, Right,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: so let's just say this is twenty sixteen Love and
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Hip Hop Hollywood.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: And.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I was like, I have been looking at Love and
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Hip Hop Hollywood like from time to time since, like
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I'member twenty fourteen, back when like uh hit Maker was
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: on and everything, and I'm just like, I guess because
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I came up in the business, I knew this. I'm like,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: this is this is this is entertaining because because I'm like,
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: this is not real, right, So I looked at it
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: from that angle. So I got on here. In my
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: first season, I was participating in it, just kind of
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: being like I would allow certain things to happen that
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't allow in real life. Or I may say
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: something that I wouldn't typically say. It's entertainment. I was
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: like having fun, right, And I remember Snoop Dogg made
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: a post about me one day and he was like, man,
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: this nigga d D. I don't even remember what he said,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: but I was like, yo, the Snoop Doggy dog, I'm
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: like the biggest Snoop fan in the world like this
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Nigga just made a post to one billion people talking
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: crazy about me, and I was just like, oh, y'all
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: believe this shit like everyone believed. I'm like Snoop, I
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: thought you wouldn't you, of all people, I would think
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: that you would know that this is like Shenanigan's right,
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: because you're in the business. But nah, he was. He's invested.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: It's not like that. He's not like they're paying Snoop
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: to comment. He's like he was. He was in you
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So I was like, Okay, So
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: when I come back season the next season, I'm not
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying nothing. I wouldn't say I'm not doing nothing.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't really do. I'm not participating nothing. I wouldn't
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: really participate in. So if I'm in a scene and
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: they like, Marcus, you're here, all right, well what would
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: you do in the scenario? I'd probably lead a scenario.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: So I'm just good. So I get up and I
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: walk out the scene because that's what I would really do.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: I actually wouldn't be here.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: This is why I could never do reality. First of all,
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: i'd be the number one most hated bitch in the
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: America's North central South. Get this pitch off my TV.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not participating at in you'd actually be it. You'd
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: have been a hit, you know what. People say that,
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: but I don't know, and I don't do the whole
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Like the problem is I can't. I would not be
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: able to slice the cut of is this even if
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: I know they're they're acting or they're playing it up
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: the drama part, because I'm just too violent.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: So it's just would be a good choice. I like
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: my freedom. I hear you. So you pivoted to.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: Relationships talking about relationships. Why are you passionate about talking
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: about relationships?
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: M that's a good question. So I think all of
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: our lives are so impacted by relationships, right, yeap. So
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: for myself, right, both my parents were married my whole life,
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: and then they divorced when we got older. So I
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: was therefore that I saw that I've been married before
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: and then I was divorced. I have a child from
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: my previous marriage, right, So it meant the world to
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: me to try to figure this whole relationship thing out,
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: and not just relationships as far as romantic relationships, but
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: interpersonal relationships. Right, I wanted to really put my finger
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: on how this works, you know what I mean, how
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: because we're not we're not taught this thing, Like we're
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: not Men are not taught how to be husbands, you
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Women aren't taught how to be wives.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean, We're not taught how to
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: be uh like, what does a good parent look like?
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: We kind of just shadow what we saw, right, So
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I kind of wanted to figure it out, you know,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: especially I think having a daughter changes everything. Right, you
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: want to know how to be the best father and
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: how to be a certain man because women follow, I
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: mean now women children follow. They learn more from what
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: they from what they see than what you tell them. Right,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to become somebody that, you know, my
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: children and my home and my community could look to
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: and and could be a value. Like when you look
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: at the world, it's like, Okay, the world is all
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: messed up? How do we how do we fix this? Okay?
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Well we got to start with our community, right, Okay,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Well how do you impact your community? All?
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Well, we're probably gonna have to fix the family dynamic.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: How do we fix the family dynamic. But we're gonna
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: have to fix this dynamic between men and women. And
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: then and then you've reduced that to okay, well this
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: starts with doing the self work, which is what I did.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Was there a particular moment or trauma or incident that
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: really made you feel like, wow, this is something I'm
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: really passionate about.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I can't say it was a moment. I think everybody
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: has a burdens, right. I think God gives us all burdens,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: like something that he places on you that just really
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: bothers you. And that's you know, I say this all
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: the time. When God created us, he created a solution
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: to a problem. Right, So whatever burden is on Joy,
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: it's like, well, that's what you're supposed to be working on,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And it's just the burden
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: that was placed on me. And then my life begin
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: to mirror it, right, Because He's gonna make sure a
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: guy's gonna make sure that you get the you know
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: O j T like on the job training through life.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, to be able to get
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: the experience that you need. You know what I mean,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: to be able to help people effectively.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: Now, when you first started this.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: There are probably some people who questioning your credibility or intentions.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Marcause you cheated on Brooke. Who are you to come
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: on here?
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: Well, let's let's get to it. Do you think that those.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Mistakes or those experiences actually help you or shifted you?
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Or how do you what's your response to someone who
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: says who says that?
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's what makes me qualified. I
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: think my experience has made me qualified. I think that largely.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Like if I use Oprah for for example, I think
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: she's like an icon. She's incredible. I would love to
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: sit down and have a conversation with Oprah and get
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: some amazing advice about all types of things. One area
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: where she couldnt give me any advice, and I kind
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: of would, I kind of would be skeptical for her
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: even attempting. Is if she tried to give me parenting advice, why, Well,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: because you don't have any children, so you're you're actually
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: not qualified. Two give me detailed you can. You can
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: give me like surfer, you can give me your opinion
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: from from from the outside looking in, but you can't
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: really tell me how to do something that you've never done.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? So when you talk about marriage,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: I can I'm qualified to talk about it. I've been
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: married twice. When you talk about divorce, I've gone through divorce.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I can tell you how to navigate through that. When
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: you talk about how uh draining or uh what's the
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: word I'm looking for? Traumatic, you know what I mean.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: And fidelity is and and and how to store your
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: relationship after those things? You know what I mean. I'm
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: qualified to talk about these things because I experienced it,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: you know. So for me, I don't know why anybody
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: would want to get advice from somebody who hasn't experienced
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I see people every single day, doctor such and such
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: and psychiatrists such and such, and I'd be like, I
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: look at clips and I'd be like, what are you
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: talking about? That's not true? And I can tell you.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I can tell that you've never you've never applied with
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: the information that you just gave, because you would know
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: that that doesn't it's far more layered than what you
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: just presented.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: Well, the internet is a ridiculous place. I say this
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: as we are clearly on the Internet. But you know,
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: nuance is not something that is bounced around very much
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: on the Internet. It's actually what we try to do
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: here because as a person, I am very uh black
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: and white, like I am a very polarized person in
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: my opinions and my thoughts.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: But I love new information.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I don't always love how I get.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: The new information, but I do. I am I have
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: the ability.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: To move off of an opinion when I get new information.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: The Internet is not for that, and I think a
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: lot of the conversations that are had around relationships on
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: the Internet are like the internet does puts things in
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: one particular category. You are this, this person is this,
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: this statement means this, and there's sixty second clips or
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: not very long clips at that, so you have to
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: really watch the whole thing and get the nuance of everything,
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: and as we know, life is very nuanced. My question
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: for you about like your philosophy on relationships, because I
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: tend to agree with you. I think that in some ways,
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: I think that you can get advice from people and
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: you can do it with what it is. Because Oprah
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: was a child, you know, so she has the experience
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: of being a child, So maybe she's giving you advice
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: as someone who was at one point a daughter, who
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: was at one point a child, and that was her experience,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: and she might say, as a parent, I would not
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: do this with my child, and I don't think you
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: should do this with your child because as a child,
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: this is what harms me or this is what would
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: have helped me. So I just think it's it's really
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: like how you point the advice that you give. So
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: what is your philosophy, what is your core philosophy on relationships?
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: This is a good place to plug bulletproof love. It's
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: an amazing but I thought you never asked. So my
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: book Bulletproof Love, right, I'm teaching people how to bulletproof
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: your relationship right, how to which is really build a
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: durable relationship that can survive the you know, all the
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: shenanigans that life is gonna throw at it. You know
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: what I mean, everybody you love is gonna hurt you, right,
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: everybody that you love is going to offend you. Right there,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: all life is always gonna be, is always gonna be.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: It is always gonna likee. So it's like, how do
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: we recover from these things? Right? So I have the
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: love laws, right, which is part of the framework. But
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: then we were going there and I'm breaking down everything
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: from childhood trauma right to breaking generational curses, breaking generational patterns,
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I have a chapter called
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: the Disney Effect, which talks about the impact that you know,
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: the world and TV and Disney has had on us
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: since children and our expectations, you know what I mean.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: So you know the love laws, you have, the law priority,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: the law of partnership, and the law pursuit. Right, So
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: when you talk about marriage, when I'm talking about relationships,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I can talk about everything, but I'm really talking about
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: a merit from a marriage standpoint, because marriage actually works
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: a certain way. Right. And I actually saw a clipper
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: uh you the other day. You was did you say
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: you you didn't want to be married? Oh no, no, no, no,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: no no no, I don't want to misquote you. No no, no,
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah for me, I yeah, this is it'ld be a tult.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: It would be the first one I have been married.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Also, I've been engaged.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: I was engaged after being married, and I was in
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: a relationship with my husband for a pretty long time
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: before we got married. I don't aspire to be a wife.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: It's not like I'm not when I'm dating or I'm
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: in a relationship. My end goal isn't to get married.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: My goal is to be in a fulfilled, happy, safe relationship.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: If it ends up with us getting married, I'm all
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: for that.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: I'm not against getting married, but I don't go into
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: a situation looking for a husband. I have a I've
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: had a different. I don't wanna say a different.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: I don't like using words like that. My experience has
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: led me to a place where I am. I'm very
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: content and very happy in my life the way that
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: it is. Being married is not going to change my
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: level of happiness based on my experiences with marriage.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: But I also don't want children. So if I wanted.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Children, I would have a completely different philosophy on this.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: But even you know, outside of children, like, what does
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: marriage look like to you? Right?
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: Marriage to me is a partnership in every sense of
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: the word. I think it's much more of a business
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: partnership than we talk about. Like you mentioned earlier, we
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: don't really have full conversations about what marriage means, and
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: I would agree with that. I didn't consult elders when
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I got married. My parents were divorced. I had great
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: relationships in my proximity, great marriages in my proximity. I
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: should have talked to them more about what it is
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: I'm getting into. I would have signed a prenup, not
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: that it really mattered, but I just don't think, you
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: know my experience with contracts at this point in my life,
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: I'm not taking the default contract from the government.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: There's just a lot of things that I think people
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: ignore when it comes marriage, and I think Instagram also,
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: and just the whole social media environment around marriages. It's
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: like the wedding is the point and not the relationship,
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: and relationships are so nuanced, and there's people bring different
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: stuff to the table, and the person you marry at
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: this end of your life is not going to be
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: the same person in twenty years. You guys might change desires,
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: you might change careers, you might fall in money problems,
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: you might deal with health issues, you might, god forbid,
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: have a child, diet likely, there's so many different things
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: that can happen to people that we don't see, and
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: nothing can really prepare you for the experience of marriage,
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: no matter how much advice you get.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: So do you not desire a partnership?
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: No, I love a partnership.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I'm better in a partnership. I enjoy being in a partnership.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: I just don't care. I don't care about being married.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Because I think we maybe haven't calling it different things
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: because a marriage, well like Lee, Oh, so you just
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: don't you just don't care for the paperwork.
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: No, I would sign the paperwork.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Here's the thing. Having gone through the.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Experiences I've gone through, which which were not all bad.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: I just we're dying together.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Period.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: So if I if I get married to someone at
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: this point being someone the reason I say I if
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: I want the kids, it would be differently because there's
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: not a scenario on this planet that I would have
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: a child with someone I'm not married to.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: And since I don't want.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Children, the partnership is the relationship is more important than
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: the legal paperwork to me.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Sure, But the relationship is a marriage though.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Right, well not in the eyes of the government.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Well actually yeah, for the most part. Right.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: And if you live together long enough, bingo, right, because
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: they have so that's why you gotta keep you in place.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, because because for the longest time, they've changed in
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: more recent they still have some common law marriage states.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: But like, if you live together more than once in
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: five six years, like all you guys are trying to
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: get over on this, Like you guys are actually marry right,
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: because a mayor certificate is not what makes you married.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: A mare certificate is proof of your decision to be married.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: So unless you want to get divorced as you know.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: Well, but I will say I've had breakups that were
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: significantly worse than my divorce to your point about being
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: in legal stuff with someone.
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: So I'm trying to decide where to take this.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: So you you've been through some pretty public things when
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: it comes to relationships.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: You've had people kind of.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: Question, well, I mean know, you were on a show
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: in relationship and you had infidelity, which is something, but.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: A lot of those things don't feel like it doesn't
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: always feel like I went through such public things with
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: my relationship because they weren't true. Right, So in my
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: mind is like, but that wasn't real?
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: What part wasn't real?
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Most of it wasn't real?
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: But what what specific part wasn't real? Come on, now
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: we're got too personal.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: A lot of it wasn't real.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: Okay, more more, let me ask a question. I'm gonna
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: get my lawyer on.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: You're good.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: When you say that there's an incident that comes to
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: your mind that you feel people have I think is real.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: It isn't. What is that? You know what I think?
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: I'm so I'm so cool with it, like I don't
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: want to kill the like I don't want to ruin
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: the fantasy for them. Right, it's like y'all, y'all believed
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: that this long. Y'allmight as well go ahead, go crazy,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: have a ball. But like most of it is not true,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Like the stuff that happened in my relationship in real life,
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: it never made.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: It to camera, okay, but there was there were things
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: that that did make it a camera, some things that
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: made it a camera, things that made it's a camera.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: And listen, I feel you like I'm I'm I'm on
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: this side of the camera. Of course, it's a safe place.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: The internet is not a safe place, but this is
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: a safe, safe place. I'm not in no way trying
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: to set you up. We're talking about relationships, and you
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: talk about relationships.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Talk about relationship, and well, let me ask you this.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: Let's let's let's let's let's let's give you a little
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: breather on that world ward return. Do you think that
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: do you think that your your relationship. Well, do you
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: intend for your relationships? Advice to meet women or men
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: or both both?
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Do you think you speak specifically to men?
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: I speak to both. What do you think?
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: So, what do you think is the issue that men
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: are dealing with most? Like? What is the biggest struggle
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: for men in relationships right now in the year of
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: our lower twenty twenty six?
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Lack of safety, lack of emotional safety, lack of understanding.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: You think that men feel misunderstood, misunderstood and just not safe.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: It's not safe in what way? Emotionally emotionally safe?
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Right? Largely? Most women their feelings are their facts. How
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: most women feel, Okay, it's a fact to them, it's
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: their truths, right, And most women will deal with you
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: based off of how they feel. Right, And there's no
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: safety in that, right, because we feel different every single day.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: And once we make a commitment to one another, if
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: you're just gonna pull out of the commitment because you
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: no longer feel like this, then why would I even
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: enter the commitment?
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: So should women becoming approaching relationships from a more rational perspective?
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I think it's it's it should be purpose based. What
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: do you getting we're not Nobody should be getting a
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: relationship because they're lonely, because they're bored. You know what
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, some business you can maybe I can't imagine
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: you ever haven't getting into a relationship because out of boredom? Right,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: you're busy?
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not very bored very often.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Right, So, I think a lot of times people getting
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: relationships for the wrong reasons. But what's the purpose of
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: a relationship? What does that person have that you know?
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: And you look, you look at you look at the
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: gifts that you have that God has given you, and
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, our gifts match, our purpose match. This
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: is a line here. I can help you with this.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: I can you can help me with this, you know
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: what I mean? There has to be some type of
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: purpose there. Right.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: So, but when you say men don't feel safe, they
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: don't feel safe to express their their emotions with women,
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: they don't feel safe to express their vulnerabilities with women.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: Everything right, So, for one right, I want to say,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: seventy five percent of the voices are initiated by women. Right, women.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: A woman will wake up.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: One day feel like this and just make a Okay, now, Marcus,
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: They're not getting divorced because they woke up cranky.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: But there's a build up of a.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: Lot like like I would say, from my perspective, I
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: will make an absolute decision and be resolute in that decision,
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: But the journey to that decision was riddled with opportunity,
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: with conversations, with tears, with please I have I.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: Have been built up to this decision.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: So yes, my decision may be based on my feelings,
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: but my feelings that this was going to be the
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: outcome if this, this behavior or this circumstance didn't change,
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: did not happen like you know, and I would argue
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: on behalf of most women that that is the case.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: Sure, I mean, but my thing is this right going
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: back to marriage, when we get when we say for
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: better for worse, in sickness and in health, right, for
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: riches for poor. Yes, when we when we give these
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: vowels right because people love to create their own narratives
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: that they didn't say at the wedding or or when
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: they that are based off of vow that they didn't give.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean. People be blown up relationships
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: and you vow to stand, you know what I mean?
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: But it's like, what is irreconcilable difference. So what does
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: that mean you're married?
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Well, okay, let let's let's let's roll back a couple
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: of points.
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: Where I do think we agree is that.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: Most people, myself included, do not really take the time
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: to think about what a marriage commitment is. Sure me also, yeah,
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: And because of that, they're reconcirable differences, the breaking of
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: the vowel, those type of things, for better or worse,
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: all that stuff goes out the window because you're in
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: the situation and you're like, wait a minute, fuck what
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: I said on that alter. I'm not living my life
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: this way, Like I have a finite time on this earth,
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: and this is not how I'm going to spend it.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: And I've tried to fix it, and I've tried to
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: do this, and this is not changing. This is how
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: I feel. I'm exiting this situation. And had the gravity
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: of the commitment been more clear at the beginning, maybe
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: we wouldn't get to that point.
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: My question for you is what is what is the
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: line for worse?
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: How far do we go here? Are we talking about.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Abuse?
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: Are we talking about substance abuse? Are we talking about neglect?
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: Are we talking about you've gambled away all of our
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: famili's money. Are we talking about you're not being a
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: good father to your children?
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Are we talking about infidelity?
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: Because all of these things can pop amongst a myriad
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: of other things that both people can do. But for
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: the sake of this, I'm being a woman, you being
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: a man. Let's talk about the men. What points is
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: it no longer about that commitment that we've said we're
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: going to do this for life, and there's a choice
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: that has to be made about that person's life because
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: that that to me, I agree, there are things that
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: chapters are going to go through in relationships, but there
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: does and some of them might be very dark, but
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: there does come a point where it's a choice between
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: darkness or forever and and and and a lot of
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: very extreme cases it it can't you can be playing.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: With your life.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it comes down to, like, you know,
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: I just think people need to get when it when
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: they get into relationships, they need to draw that out,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: like when you're in the dating stage. Right, this is
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: this is what means something to me. This doesn't mean
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: anything to me. Most people get in relationships and just
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: be like, well, I just feel like you should understand
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: or I just feel like you should know that. You
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: should know that already. Yeah, I expect someone to read
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: my mind. Yeah, and it's like, how would I how
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: would I know? What? We will? We never discuss how we.
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: I'm not joking.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: I know it's a flya. It's right, we discuss it.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: I've accepted this about myself.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: No, I don't. I don't hold it against people when
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: they can.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: I do hold it against someone they can. But I
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: don't get mad because you can't read my mind.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: That's not true.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: I do get mad, but then I forgive because they
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: can't read my mind.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: Then you leave them for not being able to read
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: their mind.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: No, no, of course, not, of course not. No, I'm not.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: I'm not that much of a psychopath.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: But now you're so so you're singing in a dating stage.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: You should say it should be clear if you gamble
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: our money away, I'm going to leave you. You should
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: say that we got to cover all the all the
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: every single one, right, Like, so for me, I get
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: my h my foundation is scripture, right, Okay, So I
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: go by the Bible and I say this all the time, right, Like,
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: even let's say we don't believe in the same God. Right,
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: everybody doesn't believe in the God I believe even right,
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: the Bible is still like one of the greatest books
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: of wisdom ever, So even if you just read it
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: from that perspective, right, because there's nothing new under the
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: sound right, relationships has been going on forever. Divorce has happened,
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: whatever infidelity has happened, forever. Everything that you can possibly
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: go through in your life, somebody went through it already, right,
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: And so you'd be crazy to think that you're going
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: through you're going into a relationship, and you're creating rules
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: that have never been in this This has been going on,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: so we can go look and we're like, oh this
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: this work like this or now that's not gonna work.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: History says that doesn't work, you know what I mean.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: So for me, I just think it really comes down
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: to setting hard boundaries, setting hard standards, saying like, look,
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: this is what I'm open to, this is not what
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I'm open to, this is what I'll leave you for.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: For me, I can tell you what I'll leave my
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: wife for, like, for sure is if she is intentionally
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: trying to put me in harm's way. Okay, in any way. Anyway,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: it has to be intentional though.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: That's so, and you will determine whether it's a mistake
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: or it's intentional based on the nature of the situation.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: What would she leave you for? I can't tell you
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: probably probably probably along alone to the same thing. You know,
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: I judged the heart, you know what I mean? Like,
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: where's your heart at? You know what I mean? People
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: make mistakes. Where's your heart at? What was your intent? Like?
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: What was what was your heart at? Like? That matters
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: to me.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: I think assuming good intent is something that is a
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: principle of relationships that can apply across the board.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: For the sake of this conversation.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: In relationships, a conversation that I had not too long
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: ago was just about that, like assuming good intent, and
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: I got pissed because I was like, why the fuck
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: would you even think that that's what it would be.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: I'm not disrespectful, I'm not da da da. You should
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: assume that I am here with good intentions. But you
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: have to learn someone to know what their intentions are.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: But in a marriage, you know this person, yeah, I
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: would hope. So you've committed to this person, so if
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: they make a mistake, you automatically assume or they do
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: something that may harm you or put you in harms. Right,
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: you are going to assume, at least the first time,
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: that this was not intentional.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you have to know your person, you
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like if somebody gave me a
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: list of things that my wife did, I can go
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: down them and be like she did this. Yep, she
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: for sure said that. She doesn't say that she would never,
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: She doesn't talk like that. She doesn't even think like this.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I can go this, And
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: this goes for any of my friends, anybody that I'm
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: in relationship with, whether romantic, business are personal. I don't
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: enter relationship without knowing somebody. I don't choose somebody without
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: knowing somebody, right, Like love is a decision, right.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: And.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: Like I don't even like saying in love. I like
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: it's more like in knowledge of right, because in order
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: for me to love, you have to know who you are,
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: and I have to choose to accept everything about you,
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: right that I have to choose to accept what I know. Right,
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: So it's like, Okay, I watch, I pay attention, I
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: go through things with you. Okay, this is who this
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: person is. Now I have to ask myself can I
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: accept that? And if the answer is yes, okay, we're good.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: And if the answers no, you should probably not spend
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: no time trying to change the person. You should probably
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: abord mission before you go any further. But once you
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: accept the person, okay, who you know who the person is?
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: So you know, I think it's I think it's cool
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: to faught people or yeah, the false people people for
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: failing in areas where you know they weak, right, Like
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: for example, like if Shaq doesn't make missus missus a
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: free throw, we were not gonna beat up Shack for
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: missing free throws. Like Shaq doesn't make free throws, that's
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: not what he does. If if I see Shaq on
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: the three point, you know what I'm saying, Like he
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: miss a three in practice, but I'm not gonna make
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: fun you missed the three. You don't we know what
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: Shack does. Diesel gets to the paint even time. You
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So I think you have to
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: look at people and look at what their weaknesses, and
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: you have to ask yourself if you can accept that.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean accepting the whole of a person.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: Is an important It's an important factor in a relationship,
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: the good, the bad, the past, their future, and really
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: being honest with yourself about is this person for you?
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: I find a lot in dating, in my experiences with
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: women is and I only speak to this because I'm
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: not a man. A lot of women get an idea
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: of what their partner, what they want their partner to be,
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: and then they'll find someone and they'll try and squish
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: that person into that idea because they have a couple
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: things that they like but not the core. And then
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: they are also simultaneously ignoring the things that are dangerous
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: for what they what their long term goals are, and
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: then that cycle kind of repeats itself rather than actually
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: looking for the person that has the values that you want.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: And checking boxes is.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: Something that I just fucking hate in relationships, Like as
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: soon as someone starts saying saying that, my god, good
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: luck to you, especially if the boxes that you're looking
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: to check are material things or how tall someone is,
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: or how much money they make, or what kind of
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: career they have, or you know, just just things that
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: are just really irrelevant. Is this person kind? Is this
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: person intelligent? If intelligence matters to you? Is this person loving?
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: Is this person loyal? You know, the things that are
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: the foundation of anyone that you'd want to have.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: Money not a thing for you.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: Passionate career is a thing for me because I'm almost
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: forty years old. So I wouldn't be dating someone who one.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: I can't date someone who's not passionate about what it
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: is they do every day.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: The elementary school teach, they're passionate about that, are they?
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: Are they in our full time elementary school? We shure, yeah, okay, okay.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: So we were talking about this earlier. No, no, no, because
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: I get asked this all the time. And I actually
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: had this conversation with my friend this weekend, and it's
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: it's a conversation that comes up with successful women a lot,
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: and and and.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: We have this conversation. We just we're just not very
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: nice about it.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: So I'll give it the more PG version of it
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: now that that's what we do around here.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: But I don't want to hur anyone's feelings.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: It's not about dating a normal guy. I'm not a
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: normal person. I'm a I'm a I'm an extreme outlier
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: of a person in almost every way that you can be.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: And I don't say that from an arrogant perspective. There's
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: very negative things that have happened to me as well,
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: and all of those things form the universe that is joy.
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: So I don't know what a normal person is. But
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: let's say somebody who has a teaching job, for example,
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: why would I not be with a teacher.
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: If we're talking about money, My life is fine. I
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: don't rely on anyone else to pay my bills to
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: maintain the lifestyle that I have.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: If I want to go and pop out Toakabo for
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: the weekend, I can do that. If that's not something
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: that you can do every weekend, then you just don't
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: come with me.
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: That's fine. Now, if you have a problem.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: With that, as I would assume that most people would,
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: because that is a big jump in lifestyle, then yeah,
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: we probably aren't on equal footing to be in a
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: long term relationship. But what someone's job is, as far
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: as like making millions of dollars or being front facing
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: or any of those things, doesn't that does That is
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: no consequence to me. I want someone who is interesting,
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: who is passionate, who believes in what they do every day,
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: Because I do think what you do every day even
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: if it's not something that your like, long term want
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: to do, you need to find job in that. You
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: need to find some passion in what it is that
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: you do. And also, like I said, I'm almost forty,
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: I'm not dating a twenty three year old who's on
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: their life journey. I love that for them, but the
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: wayans are not for me. Sorry, guys like different, I'm
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: in a different place in my life, you know what I mean?
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: Like I live, I live a different way, and I
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: think for a lot of successful women. So we'll just
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: have that conversation in a different tax bracket type of women.
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: Because there's the success is also a word that people
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: throw around that is irrelevant. If you have achieved what
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: you want to achieve in life, you are a successful person.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: It doesn't the amount of money that is attached to
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: that is irrelevant to me. We're not talking about success.
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about like higher earning women or higher
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: educated women.
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: And that's the conversation.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: I think putting money as the top thing in your
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: check your checklist is a very silly.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: Thing to do. I agree. I agree, what would joy
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: leave a man for? Oh lord, we don't have enough?
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: We have We've been here too long everything. We don't
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: have enough time for that.
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would leave a man for a lot of things.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: Would I wouldn't leave my husband for a lot of things,
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: But I don't have a husband.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: I would leave a man for anything that's fair. What
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: would you leave a husband for.
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: Well, certainly I would leave a husband for for making
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: me unsafe, for putting, like you said, for putting me
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: in a situation where I'm unsafe in whatever normal rational
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: version that is. I think habitual infidelity would be something
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: Say habitual crazy for sure. Well, that's just that's who
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: you are. If it's habitual.
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: I do think I.
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: Would have a conversation about what infidelity looks like, because
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: I do think that looks different for a lot of
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: different people. So if it was something harmful or something egregious, probably, Yeah.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: This is I'm just not a good person asked this question. Honestly,
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: I'm being honest. I just I do not I don't
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to be Yeah, at this at this
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: point in my life, are a.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: I am A I'm a very safe place. I am.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: I am I.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: I am someone who loves to talk and I have
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: dealt with a.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: Lot of trauma in my life.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: I really try to meet people where they are and
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: my one of my biggest curses in life is is
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: looking for the common grounds and people because it's it's
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: a gift and a curse. Something I enjoy, enjoy connecting
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: with people, but I also then immediately start to overlook
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: the things that I shouldn't be overlooking.
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: So yeah, but I'm what what is being safe mean
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: to you?
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: Though? So? For example, right, my wife is like very
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: very safe, right.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: Like she lets you prime in front of her, She
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: lets you speak your truth, she doesn't throw things in
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: your face, she allows you to be vulnerable, those type
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: of things.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: I've never told my wife something and she used it
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: against me, not once ever as safety.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: You know what, I could we could not agree more.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: It is one of my absolute, unequivocal hard lines in life.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: If I tell you something, even the smallest thing, and
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: I share it with you and you use that to
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: harm me, this is.
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: Why I can't have a gun. And I'm joking, yeah, yeah,
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: I'm just kidding.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: I what.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: It puts me in such a ferocious state of mind
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: because it is it's such a I think it's something
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: that happens in a lot of relationships. It happens certainly
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: happens in business, which is why if you're a business person,
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: you learn very early what to share, when to share it,
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: how to share it. It's a whole game that you
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: have to navigate no matter what business you're in, music, television,
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: real estate, whatever like that. That notion of who and
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: what and when and where to share information is a
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: baseline for business. For relationships, I mean you're talking about
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: family like that. That principle that you're talking about, I
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: think is the core base of trust in a relationship.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, people aren't safe. Men aren't safe either. It's like
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: men women. People aren't safe. You know, people aren't safe places.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: But it's crazy because everybody desires safety, right. But you know,
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: I know I hear people say all the time, oh,
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: my crew, that's my best friend, or you know, my
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: and my god, it's my best friend. But it be
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: cap like they're ready to be talking, right Because if
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: I can't tell talk to my wife about everything that
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: I talk to my actual god best friends about, then
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: are you actually my best friend?
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: So you tell your wife everything my.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: Wife about everything within within reason, I don't talk to
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: her about anyone else's business. Right, So if y'all don't
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: share a tea, no, no, no, that's that that's that
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: we gotta share tea. No, we can't do it because
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: because he not not like business. He is different than business. No,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: So what we'll do is, like we have a lot
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: of mutual friends. So like if she'll know something going
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: like you just he'll high light, you'll hoighight you asking Okay,
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm that's that's fair. But that's that's
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: like a primary reason why you know, we stopped going
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: through phone thing a long time ago, Like that's part
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: of safety. But I don't want to look at her phone.
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: Because you don't go through her phone. Not Hell, no,
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: you asked me something I would leave him in for
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: what's that if he went through my phone?
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: No questions asked? So I'm not living that life.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So for me, I can use my wife phone
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: if I need it, and she can use my phone.
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: My thing is if you ever use my phone to
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: try to find out something about me, we have a
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: problem because it's it's it's an intimacy killer. Like you
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: just because I actually want I want you to know
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: whatever you want to know. You know what I'm saying, like,
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: just come ask me, come high, let meybody.
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: At what point in the relationship does this rule apply?
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: Because you know there there I agree with you, like
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: dating is different than married man.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: If I'm dating, period, you don't get a pass code,
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: you don't get a location, you don't you don't get
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: too much dating is me trying to figure I'm still
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: I'm still trying to figure out who you are. I'm
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: still trying to decide if I even want to make
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: this decision to sit down with you. I haven't decided yet.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: But the moment that we are committed, the moment that
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: my decisions affect you and your decisions affect me, then
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: there needs to be transparency. I need to see. I
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: need to be able to see for us, you know
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, to protect myself, to protect you, and
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: vice versa. So my wife can use my phone whenever
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: she needs to.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: But there's a bridge period, right, there's like the dating
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: and then you're in a committed, serious relationship, let's call it,
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: even in gagged, and you haven't walked down the aisle.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: Where does the transparency thing come into. There's no aisle,
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: there's no aisle for me in my mind, right, Like, Okay,
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: but you know what I'm saying, that's that's a figure speech.
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: I'm saying, like, then there's married.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: So like I don't believe that there's a bridge. I
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: think I think I think there's a runway. Okay, let's
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: do that, Okay, right, Okay, So so what happens on
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: the runway, Well, we we pull out of a gate, Okay, Okay,
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: then we we taxi to the runway. Right.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: So, but flights have been canceled while they're still on
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: the runway. That's good, I agree, I don't. I don't
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: want to go up in the plane either if it's
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: not right.
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: Right, So, if the flight is canceled while we're on
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: the wrong way, we go back to the gate.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: And then we get off and we hit our backsp Okay,
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: but what I'm saying is, in this runway analogy we're
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: talking about, let's have the transparency conversation, right, because that
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: really is what the phone conversation is.
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: I am like a very I'm a psychopath about transparent.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: I do not. I'm not.
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: I don't really wait in the transparency waters. I've had
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: some really bad experiences with the whole transparency culture thing,
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: mostly because the people who were asking me for transparency
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: were not good people and they use it against me.
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: And I have traumas because of that. And I have
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: no problem saying that like that is it is.
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: One of my biggest challenges in relationships is being open
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: and transparent because I have to drop a little seed
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: in the you know, just drop a little drop water
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: in the bucket and see how you handle things before
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: I give you.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: That's the whole bit.
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: But you can't really get you know, the plane really
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: can't take off entirely until you get past.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: That past.
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: Pat Like you have to know someone really right, and
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: that's when.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: We take off. But that's what So when I first
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: meet you and I decide that, you know what, I
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: like this person, I mean Joy, I like you know what, Joy,
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: It's good to me. You seem like a decent person.
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: I want to get to know you. Right, see book
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: the flight booked, the flight flights booked right, and I
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: get on the flight immediately, right. So now we're taxing, right,
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: we're backing this thing out the back out of slow. Know,
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: we're back out the back out of slow right, we're
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: backing out right. You got the people. You got the
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: people on the side that have that are waving the things. Right,
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: Let's just say those are red flags, right or green flags?
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: They have both? Cool. Actually, so you're paying attention to
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: the signs, you're looking out the window, You're like, okay,
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: this is hm hm, I'm not crazy about that. Let's
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: see if we get these further down the wrong way
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: right or was maybe that was like a missip. Well,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: just we're just paying attention, so we're backing out. Then
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: we're clear to start taxing to the to the wrong way.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: So this is just dating. This is me getting to
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: say see who you are and giving you time and
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: space to walk it like you're talking, Like I hear
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: what you're saying. But one thing, you're not gonna talk
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: me to death.
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: So you you want to see action with uh with words? Yeah,
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: I mean I'm a consistency person. Like one of the
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: most important things to me in any interpersonal relationship, business,
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: anything is consistency because it's very easy.
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: Well one I think one of my vulnerabilities is.
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: Where's it affirmation? So you can you can talk me
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: into some ship. So I need to see, I need
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: to I have forced myself to grow in the area
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: of great. You've said a lot of nice things. I
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: like how this sounds. Let's see if your actions consistently
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: for a period of time match what you're saying.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: That's taxiing, Yeah, okay, with taxi into the taxi into
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: the wrong way. Now, once we get to the wrong way,
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: there's no in between here right right where either taking
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: off or we're going back to a decision has to
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: be made, right, there's no such thing as taking off
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: and changing our minds. Right once wheels leave the ground.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: Wheels are on the ground.
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: Because you feel safe. Now you feel it's safe to
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: take off.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: But there's a decision though, right, like both like you
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: don't you don't accidentally take off. You you have to
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: intentionally take off. So once you intentionally take off, you've
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: checked everything, right, the pot is literally they're checking all
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: the lights, they check the brakes, they every they checked
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: every everything.
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: Just to be the title of your next book, it
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: might be the take off.
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: The take off. That's fine, that's fine, that's fine. But
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: but but it takes full intentionality to get to that point. Right,
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: So once you take off, it's like, okay, cool.
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: What's I mean intentionality it's something that that's very applicable.
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: How how do you preach this to the men in
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: your life? Like, how do you hold this philosophy that
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: you have the bulletproof love philosophy, the intentionality, the safe
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: space is Like do you encourage the men in your
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: life to provide this to women?
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean I encourage my guys to stay single
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: until you know who you want, what you want to do,
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, I think there's a
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: huge misconception that we have to be in relationships, Like
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: you don't have to get married, You don't have to
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: be in a committed relationship man or woman. You don't
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: have to right, So once you choose to do this,
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: there's a way that works, you know what I mean?
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: Like most men understand going to work, right, So if
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: you go to work and you have a job, you
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: have to do your job regardless of what other employees
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: are doing, regardless of how your boss spoke to you today,
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: regardless of what customer came into that store and rubbed
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: you the wrong way. We're doing our job no matter what,
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like all this back and forth,
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: all the matching energy, all the when you sign up
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: to do something intentionally. This is what we're gonna do.
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: We're gonna sit down, We're gonna do this. And I
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: encourage men to just stand on that because largely I
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: believe that we set the pace, you know what I mean,
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: like as as the foundation of our homes and as
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: the leaders of our home Like I tell you one
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: hundred percent, like everything at my crib is a reflection
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: to me, if me and my wife in a great
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: space of if my if my house is in harmony,
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: if if everything's landing, that's that's causing me. And when
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: things are off, that's causing me. Also, you know what
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: I mean. I saw this this quote from Alan Iverson.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: He has said one time he was like, Man, I'm
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: the leader this, I'm the captainist team. If we win this,
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: cousin me and if we lose this because of me,
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: and that's just that's just that's just what it is,
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So, and there's there's fine
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: print to that, right because but even the fine print
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: points back to intentionality, right, because if you choose the
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: wrong person, you know, then that's gonna backfire on you
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: all the time. Right, You can choose a crash that
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: You can choose somebody who just brings, who just has
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: a desire to sabotage everything, but you still chose them.
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: You chose that person, so it's your responsibility.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I hate hearing men and women anybody. I
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: hate hearing people whining and complaining about decisions they made.
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: You chose her, you chose him, You chose to let
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: him get you pregnant, you chose to put a baby
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: in her. This is youall decisions. Nobody made y'all do nothing. Like,
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: no one ever hear like that. You'll never hear me
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: complaining about past relationships. So I've made every decision. I mean,
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: nobody can make markets do nothing. I did what I
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: wanted to do.
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: Do you think that the space that were in, let's
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: call it the gender war, which you know, it's a
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: whole other like conversation, but the space that we're in
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: with how men relates to women, how women relate to men?
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: Do you think that is a societal issue? Like where
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: do you stand on what the current state is?
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: Where where is it? Where's it all coming from? It's
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: one of those Uh, does art imitate life or this
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: life imitate art type things? Okay? Or what came first,
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: the chicken at the egg. It's both like it goes together, right,
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: Like social media is marrying what's going on in real life,
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: but then social media is actually instigating, you know what
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, and adding things that or creating narratives based
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: off of a singular experiences. I remember one time, I
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: don't know if you remember this. It was a it
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: was a post and it became a conversation. It was
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: like something about like women niggas was mad because women
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: don't want to go to cheesecake factory. It's something like that.
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: You remember the cheese ka factory conversation.
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I got called a pick me over that. I'm sorry,
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: you bitch just don't like cheesecake factory. But that's your fault.
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: But truth, I mean, you've you've just not had enough
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: scake factory. I guess I just never met a woman
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: that was like, yeah, I'm not going to cheesecake factory.
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: Of course you haven't because it's fucking in the internet
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: conversations too.
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: Right, But that's what I'm saying. One person, one man
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: that with a woman who said I'm not going to
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: cheesecake factory. He brought the narrative to the Internet, and
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: now men hate women because women don't want to go
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: to Cheeseca.
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: It's a fun conversation.
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: I hated it.
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: I had a great time because one I really love
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: cheesecake Factory.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: I get the white Chicken Chili White Chicken Chili fire,
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: and I get the I really like the chicken picada,
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: but it's got to be on a leftovers night, like
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: I gotta know I'm gonna eat it tomorrow for leftos
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: because there's so much food.
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: It's like four pieces of chicken.
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: And then the Southwest a Girls Platinum strawberry lemonade. I know,
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: the brown bread is fine. I'm not a big bread person.
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: The brown bread is incredible.
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: It is, but I was just not a big bread person.
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: But the pushback on the on the cheesecake factory thing
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: is to your point. It's one person. It's an outlier,
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: stupid fucking thing.
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: But men don't take me.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: A cheesecake factory. I mean, let's be serious. That's why
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: everyone was mad at me. Even my girlfriends were like,
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: why are you on the internet talking about.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: Cheese ka factory because no one's taking Because.
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: No one's taking any cheese factory. But that's not fair.
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: I live in LA.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: There's a million great restaurants in the in the in
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: like the price point of cheesecake factory that are like
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: mom and pop.
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: They're like legendary restaurants. So you can go like real creative,
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: Like there's certain places in the country where cheesea factory
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: is the restaurant.
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: That's what they have there. That is not fucking cheap.
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: Right, two people at cheesecake factory is running you what
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: seventy five bucks?
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe? But niggas was mad see these BITSA don't even
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: want to go to cheesecake factory. You're like, fam, that's
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: not real. Yes, it's not real. Niggas be really, really
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: really mad and they have the right to, I guess
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: because they believe the narrative.
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: So what I mean, but coming from a male's perspective,
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: what is the issue that men have with dating right now?
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: Because I can give you my perspective, which is which
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: is colored in a million different ways from my own experiences,
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: from where I am in life, from my old friends
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: that I have.
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: So what is your perspective on it?
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: Like, like, if you were to hold men just men accountable,
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: take women out of it for a second, you were
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: a hold men accountable and you were to give them advice.
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: Like here's we have this loneliness epidemic. Okay, people are
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: struggling to relate to each other. Here you are a
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: man who has has gone through different things. You've made
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: a mistaken or I don't know to say if you've
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: made it, but I don't know if you considered a
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: mistake or not. But like you've been divorced, right, you
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: were in a public uh relationship. You are in a
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: public relationship, but you publicly made mistakes that harmed your
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: partner in some way.
• 57:38
  Speaker 3: So much show that TSA is still mad at you,
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: and here you are.
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: You're not safe. I'm not saying.
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: The table. I'm just setting the table, okay, and we
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: hurt that agreement. This is a safe space. I'm not
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: throwing in your face.
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: I am. I'm only repeating the facts, and I'm not
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: judging you for it.
• 57:57
  Speaker 3: By the way, also, I'm not.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: I'm not.
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: I'm genuinely not judging you.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm in no position to judge anyone.
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: This is your life, right, So a man can look
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: at you and say I've made those mistakes or similar mistakes.
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: I see myself and him I want to be a
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: happily married man, as Marcus says that he is because
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: his beautiful wife and family.
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: What do I need to do that I'm doing wrong?
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: Like there are men who say they want these things,
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: who are who are not taking the right steps to accountability?
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: Because you feel like you've been accountable to yourself and
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: to your partner. So what would you say to them?
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: Learn how to die? Okay? What does die like? How?
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: It's a long road, but you have to wake up
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: every single morning and you have to choose to die
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: to yourself. You have to chose to die to your ego.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: You got to tutor die to your choose to die
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: to your pride. You got to choose to die to
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: your fleshly desires that no one really the stands and
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: society tells you that you're evil for even having these
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: desires that you never asked for. Right die to that
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: be willing and be ready to sacrifice everything for this person.
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like marriage only works in
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: first place. If you want to be married, you have
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: to figure you have to you have to be ready
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: to make your woman number one. You know what I'm saying,
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: Like the only thing that goes that should go above
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: your wife is your purpose with God. You know God
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: and what he since you here to do outside of
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: that shit and nothing go in front of that. And
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: if you're not ready for that, which is okay because
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: you don't have to put a woman first, just don't
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: get married. But it's a death like it's such a
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: like literally, if you get married at like twenty five,
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: thirty years old, in ten years, your testosterone if you're
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: if you're actually like doing it the right way, like
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: you're actually not you're actually dying to yourself. You're actually
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: not out here with other women. Your testosterone is gonna
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: be on floor by forty two. Won't be on the floor.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: You're gonna have to start starting to go get You're
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: gonna have to go get like testosterone like replacement shots
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: and stuff like that.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: Wait, so you're saying you're gonna lose testosterone by getting
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: married earlier.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: So so everything that gives you everything that you need
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: to hunt right, everything that you need to that God
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: gives you. Right, Like people act like sex driver is
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: a bad thing. Sex driver is a phenomenal thing. Right.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: If I'm in the gym working out right, I just
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: did three sets. I'm tired. It's my last it's the
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: last workout. We did bench press last, right, Okay, and
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: I'm exhausted. Lets some pretty walk by that smell good
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: and watch me have an extra burst right now. The
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: issue is that we have not learned what to do
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: with that energy. You know what I mean. Most men,
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: most successful men, have beautiful assistance secretaries around. Women are
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: inspiring you, guys, a beautiful before. You smell good, You
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: look good, y'all. Stuff, It's amazing, you know what I'm saying.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: We have to learn how to smell the perfume and
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: not drink the perfume.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: Because you drinking perfume is very bad for you.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, women could be very bad for you if you
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: don't just listen, disappreciate, and move around. Okay, that was
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: a lot.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: Let me think where I want to tap back in. Okay,
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: we're I do agree with you that there there is
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: an ego. How this is a sacrifice of ego. Being
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: in a committed long term relationship is compromise, constant, constant compromise.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: You want to go to cheese take factory. She wants
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 3: to go to boll Terror. You get it for both
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 3: This is gonna make her happy, You're gonna go to
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 3: about that's compromise you really want? Of those Southwest girls,
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 3: I getting them tonight. Small compromises, big compromises. It's it's
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 3: about giving yourself to another person. And if you are
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: an egotistic, if you are still in that state where
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: ego is the main thing driving you, marriage probably isn't
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: for you at this point. Really, if you want a
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: successful marriage, if you want to check a box, then yeah,
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: you can do that. But I would agree with that
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 3: when it comes to the sex drive conversation. I'm curious.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: I have my own journey with my sex drive, and
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: I'm a woman, so our journeys are totally different than men.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 3: From a scientific standpoint. Obviously, I am not a doctor
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: of that sort.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: I do have a doctor from very university, though I'll
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: get fucked up. I'm a medical doctor. Let's just skip
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: that part. Men have a sex drive as younger men
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: than women do, and then it sort of switches as
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: women get older they reach their sexual peak. We've all
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: agreed on that to this point, on the limited research
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: that we have in women's bodies.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 3: So how do you teach young men? Because let's talk
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 3: about young men.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: How do you teach young men to have that kind
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: of resolve and and principle and self control.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: You have to teach them the benefit of it, right
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: of of of keeping themselves right. When you know, when
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: when you lay down with it, when you have sex,
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: you bust a nut, you're not energized. You you're actually tired.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: You lose energy, right, So it's like it's not clarity,
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: Well just just just you do not what that is.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: That's the thing I heard that Drake said it now, folks,
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: nut clarity is the idea of like you know, you know,
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: you know how Wayne said, Wayne said in the song.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: But as soon as I come I come to my senses.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. It's like you you lay
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: down with a woman, you had a good time, and
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: after you finish, it's like, I shouldn't have did that,
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: Like that was I don't even like her. That's what
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: they're talking about.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: And does that from a women's perspective, that can take
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: a lot out of you because there are a lot
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 2: of societal pressures and implications, and some people might have
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: religious guilt and all those things to sex.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: What is that experience for men? What experienced the post
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: not clarity, No, like when if.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: You're being with someone who Because I've seen you talk
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: about sex on your on your show interviews, and I
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: think for a lot of people, and these are conversations
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: I have with my girlfriends all the time, that you
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: should determine what sex is to you. And I think
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: women have that conversation at a much younger age than
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: men do because societally, men are encouraged to have a
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: lot of sex.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: They're encouraged to sow.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: Their oats, so to speak, and women are shamed for
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: doing similar things. If they come from a religious background,
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: there's a whole other thing they're saddled with when it
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: comes to their relationship with their body. And women have
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: sex drives too, Like young women want to have sex.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: It's not at the level or the intensity or ferocity
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: that young men do, but like people are fucking, so
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: somebody's having somebody wants to have sex. Like these are
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: mutual agreement, agreed upon activities. From a woman's perspective, it
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: takes some time for me as a young woman to
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 2: decide how, when, where, and what your relationship is with sex.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 3: Do young men have those conversations? Oh?
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, not they're not being had at all. No one's
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: having these conversations with us, and that's the issue, right.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: But I think that we need to be taught to
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: value ourselves too, you know what I mean. And it
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: really comes down to like why for everything? You know
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: what I mean, Like what are you actually even doing
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: it for? Like what's the what's the goal?
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: And if you I think a man's primary responsibility should
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: be his purpose, and you should use your energy to
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: pursue your gifts and what you know God has given
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: you to do on this earth. The thing about sex,
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: there's nothing, there's no such thing as casual sex. I
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: don't believe it exists, cause I don't think it's anything.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, the term exists, but I don't think there's
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: anything casual casual about it.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: Sex is for bonding and then pro creating and recreation
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: with somebody that you're bonded to, right, bonding not I'm not.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying that casually. I mean literally two things
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: coming together.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: So you've you've never had sex with someone that you
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: were like that was a sexual experience and we're both
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 2: doing separate.
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I have in that, but I still
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: felt I felt more than I wanted to feel. You
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, when you begin to do that,
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: you're starting this cleaving, this bonding process, right, and so
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: when you when you when you do that, and I can't.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: I'm speaking for myself, I'm not speaking for all men,
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: but I've never been intimate with a woman and felt nothing.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying now, I didn't feel I'm
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: not saying I felt this designment love now, but I
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: definitely felt more on it. And and and most of
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: them might cross my mind to this day, I wonder
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: such or such like that. You can't you can't just
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: I can't just get them. They're not just out your
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: system forever. You know what I'm saying. There's certain people.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 3: That what sounds like you value women.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's that's the that's the conclusion
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: you came to from that though, Yeah, I.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: Mean, listen, there are there are certainly men who I've
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 2: had conversations with who can who say at least that
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: they can have sex with women and have no emotional
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 2: uh connection of any sort, let alone a psychological or
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 2: spiritual connection with someone.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: Lying a lot though, and Okay, like I agree.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: But but but but again, I am not a man,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 2: so I'm not going to speak. I'll speak on my
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: my experiences with men or conversations, but I am not
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 2: been a man in any have not transitioned.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: So do they do?
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 3: Are they lying?
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: I'm not all men, you know what I'm saying. But
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: most men be lying because it's not It's not cool
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: to say that I'm thinking about her. It's not cool
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: to say that I miss her. It's not cool to
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: say that I have feelings.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 3: For Why is it not cool?
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: Though? Society doesn't make it cool? You know what I mean?
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 3: Like the society do not make it cool?
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: Or do to do? Men not make it cool? Because
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: we are men not a part of society. Yes, yes,
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: because we're about to hear it. The whole different street
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: a very important So we love you. But I feel
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: like you don't. I feel like men aren't part of society.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: Do you?
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: So? Men are?
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: Men are a very important part of society. I wish
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 2: nothing more than for men to as a whole fulfill
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: their purpose in society, to be protectors, to be providers,
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: to be safe spaces for everyone, women and children and
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: also other men.
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: Very much. So, I think it was good that we
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: put that out there. Yeah, okay, I.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 2: Mean if people think I hate men, they're just fucking stupid.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 2: I spend most of my time around men, like I
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: have wonderful relationships with men. I just hold men to
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 2: the same standard that I hold women, which is very
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: fucking high and often, and unfortunately, I would say, in
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: today's day, more often than not, they are failing society.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: Men are failing society. That is what I feel they are.
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: They are everyone's snaking right now, what everyone is s
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: thinking though.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 3: Like everyone's thinking men and women. Women are, Yeah, but
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 3: women are. Women do not have the power.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 2: They're not in power to make at the level that
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 2: men are to make the legislation that is thinking up society.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: They are not. I won't even go down that street
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: with you. What start talking about legislative and judicial.
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 3: Politics control everything that we do. And like, look again,
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 3: we all have enough time to get into all of.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: This, So let's just speak at in the abstracts for
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: a moment, if you'll allow me. I believe in family.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 2: I do not want to have my own children, but
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: I am a part of a very large family that
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: I love very much. I believe in chosen family. My
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 2: friends are kind of like my family to me. I
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 2: have people in my life that are like sisters that
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 2: are not blood related to me. I have, you know,
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: my best friend's father. I don't have a father in
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: my life, so he's sort of like my father. Like
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 2: I'm a family person. I like to have that kind
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 2: of energy around me, And I think that part of
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 2: a really healing part of society would be safe places
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 2: for the whole family, including men. But if we live
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 2: in a patriarchal society, which we do, where men have
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 2: largely designed the system, have made the rules, have made
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: the laws, have most of the power and control in money,
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 2: and have largely gotten away with a lot of atrocities,
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: and still are I have to skew the scales to
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 2: hold men responsible for that, and to hold men who,
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: like you, are trying to heal these gaping, oozing wounds
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: in our community to the standard of that as well.
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 3: Of course, there are women who are fucking up.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: Of course, there are women are who are not living
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: by the moral standards that they claim to be putting
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: out into the world. Of course, there are women who
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: could be better wives and better mothers, and better sisters
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 2: and have more integrity, of course, of course, of course,
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean I think it's I think it's
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: really it's a hard time right now. And speaking from
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 2: a woman's perspective, I just hold I want men to
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: be as angry as women are about the state of
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: the world for women and for children.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: And I don't know that you want men to be
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: as angry. Yeah, I'm enraged about what.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 2: I'm enraged about the level of abuse that we have
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 2: seen of children and women. I'm enraged at the the
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 2: fact that it's not safe statistically for black women to
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 2: go to the hospital and have children.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: I'm enraged at the the murders, the domestic violence numbers.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 2: I'm enraged at the continuate, the continuing acceptance of violence
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 2: in our communities that is mostly perpetrated by young men.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: I'm enraged that that, while there is certainly a groundswell,
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 2: the societal design for men, which we've talked about a lot,
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 2: does not create a safe space for young men to
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 2: grow up and be in touch with their emotions, to
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 2: be safe to say I missed this girl, to be
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: safe to say I don't want to chase girls.
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: I want to I want to.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 2: Follow my dream of going to MI. I t like
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: the world isn't safe for young men because of patriarchy.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: It's the whole system is designed to keep everybody down.
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: But because men have that have been trained and brought
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 2: up that violence is okay, that burying your feelings is okay,
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 2: that some level of mistreating women is okay.
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 3: It is it is permeated throughout everything that we do.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: Inside. I agree, and I'm pissed. That's the way. I'm
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: pretty much everything I heard you say, I'm I'm pretty
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: much upset about all those things also, which is why
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: I do what I do, because I want to see
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: the families in our community hold again. When I came up,
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 1: we had a certain things that gave us hope, right
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: like we had Cosby show at the fresh Principal there,
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: we had the uh uh, it's the windslow, it's fainily matters,
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 1: and so certain things that allowed us to see this
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: is how it goes. There's there's, there's, there's nothing today,
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: and we're in a very dangerous space because I think
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 1: most of us don't even desire it. And that's what
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: makes it so dangerous. We don't even desire healthy relationships.
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: We don't desire.
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 3: Well, I think for some people it's safer to.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 2: To not be in a relationship, and if you haven't
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: done the work to find ways to pick healthy relationships,
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 2: then it is actually safer to be alone.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 1: But the thing is people are people are staying there
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: alone while being in relationships, and that's where it gets
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: dangerous because people are saying people people think because they're
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: not walking down the aisle and putting rings on it.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: And I didn't say I do that, you didn't do
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: with your actions. You did, and now you're in it.
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: But that's another story.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 2: I feel like we could do a couple more hours
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 2: on a bunch of different things. I'm interested in the
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 2: politics conversation. I hate it obviously. I feel like we
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: would we would disagree on that.
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 1: No, I wouldn't. We don't even have to go down that. No,
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't disagree. My perspective is this okay, And in short,
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: I've been I've been a black male my whole life.
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: I'm forty one years old, I'll be forty two this year,
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: and I haven't seen one president helped my walk. I
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: haven't seen that one person that was in any office
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: benefit me in any way. So I focus on what
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: I can control. I don't even dive into the politic
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 1: thing because I think it's all one big game that
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: is being played by the elites. I just don't participate
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: in it. In the conversation, rather, yeah I can't.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 3: We don't have enough time for that. I don't completely agree,
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 3: but I appreciate.
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 1: You don't agree that in black my whole life. No, no, no,
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: you don't agree that. You don't agree that. You don't
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: mean that nobody's helped me. Uh no, one's benefited.
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 3: I don't disagree with that either.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: Are you telling me about my struggle?
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 2: Joy? I'm absolutely not. Your journey in your walk is protective.
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 2: This is the safe space. I am not because you
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 2: already threw something. You already you already threw something I
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 2: told you earlier, and then.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 3: We are Look, we don't use medical terms out of context. Okay,
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 3: I was not gaslating you. I really appreciate you being
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 3: open and honest and and kind of honest.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: Next time sharing your story. No, I really do. I do.
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you come in and and you were very
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 2: honest and very very vulnerable about a lot of things.
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 3: And I genuinely like all jokes aside. I think that.
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 2: Safety is very important. It's one of the most important
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 2: things to me in any relationship. If I do not
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 2: feel safe, I'm out. And and I think that women
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 2: providing safe spaces for men is is important.
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 3: I think I think that helps with growth, to allow people.
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 2: To be themselves, to be vulnerable, to express themselves, and
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 2: that's that's an important part of.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 3: Life and relationships.
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 1: So to end it on a.
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 2: Nice, clear note, I'd love to do this again, Yes,
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 2: for sure, for sure, I really appreciate you coming down.
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 2: Marcus Black, everyone, and make sure you follow him on
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 2: social media. So I'm gonna have I've had to do
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 2: this with with every yeah so far. So I'm going
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 2: listen slowly all right at m v R c U
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 2: S B l v c K. They don't be listening,
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 2: so make sure you go and follow him. Tune into
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 2: his podcast Two Sides of the Game, and his ebook
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: Bulletproof Love is also available now. Thank you so much
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 2: for coming down, having thanks for making the.
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: Not Too Far Journey twenty minutes. Yeah, it's good.
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 3: Everything in la twenty notes.
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 1: Everything twenty minutes, Well, I mean it's easily an hour
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 1: were traffic.
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 3: That's such an l A joke, very good, Thanks so
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 3: much for coming down.
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you