Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #75| 10 Thoughts You’re Having That Create Overwhelm - and How to Stop Them
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: It isn't actually your to-do list or your jam-packed schedule that creates overwhelm.
- 0:06Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:18Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:23Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences, and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
- 0:36Michelle Gauthier: Hey friend, today we're going to be talking about our favorite topic, overwhelm, and what exactly creates overwhelm.
- 0:44Michelle Gauthier: I'll give you a clue: it's not your circumstance, so it's not your busy to-do list or your jam-packed schedule - it's actually the thoughts that you're having about them.
- 0:56Michelle Gauthier: This is good news, because that means that you can change your thoughts to reduce your overwhelm.
- 1:03Michelle Gauthier: You don't have to do anything except change the way that you're thinking and you are guaranteed to feel better.
- 1:09Michelle Gauthier: So today we're going to take a look at how our thoughts create our feelings, including the feeling of overwhelm.
- 1:16Michelle Gauthier: We'll look at the top 10 thoughts, the top 10 hit list of thoughts that cause overwhelm that I have found to be true across my many clients and my very own brain.
- 1:29Michelle Gauthier: So you'll have awareness to what those top 10 thoughts are, so that if you find yourself thinking them, you'll be onto your brain.
- 1:36Michelle Gauthier: And then, finally, I'm going to teach you how to change those thoughts so that you can gently move yourself out of overwhelm and back into feeling calm and productive.
- 1:47Michelle Gauthier: Let's get started.
- 1:49Michelle Gauthier: About a week ago, I was teaching an in-person workshop and there were about 25 women there and I asked everyone to go around the room after I had explained what overwhelm is and what stress is.
- 2:01Michelle Gauthier: I asked them to go around the room and tell me how they knew that they were overwhelmed, like how did they act when they were feeling overwhelmed?
- 2:09Michelle Gauthier: And the way that I described overwhelm is the same way that I always describe it - it's from Brene Brown and it's essentially the feeling that comes when life is coming at you faster than your psyche and your nervous system can process it, so it's too fast for your brain or your body to handle.
- 2:28Michelle Gauthier: So when you're in overwhelm, what happens?
- 2:31Michelle Gauthier: What do you do?
- 2:32Michelle Gauthier: And as we went around the room, we heard lots of different things, but we heard the same thing repeated lots of times as well.
- 2:37Michelle Gauthier: So many people said, I get really short and snippy with my kids or my spouse, or I get angry at my co-workers.
- 2:44Michelle Gauthier: So it was that response of being really frustrated.
- 2:47Michelle Gauthier: Some people just completely shut down and can't do anything.
- 2:51Michelle Gauthier: Some people jumped into a flurry of action but not really action that made a big impact, just like running around and trying to do things.
- 3:00Michelle Gauthier: There was a whole variety of answers that people had to say.
- 3:04Michelle Gauthier: Those were probably the three most common that I heard.
- 3:06Michelle Gauthier: But the biggest thing that it really made me realize because everyone else was like, oh my gosh, yes, me too, is that we get this feeling sometimes that we are alone, that we are the only woman who's feeling this overwhelmed and stressed out, that we feel so badly that we yell at our kids, and then, when we yell at our kids, we feel so guilty and that makes us feel even more overwhelmed.
- 3:28Michelle Gauthier: So I felt inspired to do this episode, because I wanted to remind you that you are not alone, and I collected 10 of the most common thoughts that women have that create overwhelm, and I'm going to teach you how to reduce those thoughts and change those thoughts so that you can feel less overwhelmed.
- 3:48Michelle Gauthier: It's a cool little process.
- 3:49Michelle Gauthier: So first let's talk about why our thoughts are even related to our overwhelm.
- 3:54Michelle Gauthier: Our thoughts always create the way that we feel.
- 3:58Michelle Gauthier: It's not the situation, even though it feels like it is the situation.
- 4:03Michelle Gauthier: So, for example, one thing that always makes me feel overwhelmed is - I have two kids, only two kids.
- 4:12Michelle Gauthier: Some people have way more kids than this, but when they're both talking at the same time, and they're both talking to me, and they're ignoring the fact that one is talking to me and the other is talking to me, it just makes me feel immediately overwhelmed.
- 4:23Michelle Gauthier: So the way that we look at this, using this thought model that I'm talking about is the fact that my two kids are both talking at the same time is actually neutral, but the way that I'm thinking about it is what makes me feel overwhelmed.
- 4:37Michelle Gauthier: So if I can pause and slow down and just envision us in our kitchen and envision both of them, one of them telling me they need something for school and the other one trying to tell me a story about something that happened at work the other day, the thought that comes into my head is, everybody needs me and I can't do this much at once.
- 4:53Michelle Gauthier: And as soon as I think that thought, I get overwhelmed.
- 4:57Michelle Gauthier: The opposite of that would be, if they're both talking at the same time, I could have a different thought of, oh, they're both talking at the same time, that's funny.
- 5:05Michelle Gauthier: I guess they don't realize that I can't hear two people at once and that might make me kind of chuckle and maybe make me in kind of a funny mood instead of in an overwhelming mood.
- 5:15Michelle Gauthier: So, even though in that situation my kids are both talking at the same time, I'm able to change my thought, the way that I'm thinking about it, and feel less overwhelmed.
- 5:26Michelle Gauthier: So our thoughts are always creating our feelings.
- 5:29Michelle Gauthier: Same is true for feelings of like contentment or joy.
- 5:33Michelle Gauthier: So, for example, if I feel really joyful - I felt joyful this morning, actually.
- 5:37Michelle Gauthier: So if I feel really joyful and I pause and I ask myself, what is it?
- 5:42Michelle Gauthier: It feels like it - it felt like it was because our kitchen was clean, yay, and I had the back door open - we have a door in our kitchen - I had the back door open and just the screen door closed, because we had this amazingly beautiful morning.
- 5:56Michelle Gauthier: It was like 65 degrees.
- 5:58Michelle Gauthier: And so what you could think is, you know what makes me feel joyful?
- 6:02Michelle Gauthier: The fact that it's 63 degrees and that my kitchen counter is clean.
- 6:06Michelle Gauthier: But see, both of those things could be true and I could think a thought like, today's going to be the worst day; I have way too much to do.
- 6:14Michelle Gauthier: And even though I have my back door open and my kitchen counter is clean, I can still create a feeling of overwhelm.
- 6:21Michelle Gauthier: So our thoughts are always tied to the way that we feel, and this is a good thing.
- 6:27Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes people get really annoyed with this because they're like, wait, so I'm just creating my own suffering?
- 6:32Michelle Gauthier: Kind of, yeah, but the good news is you can also change it and stop doing that, and that's exactly what I'm going to tell you about today.
- 6:41Michelle Gauthier: So what are those thoughts that are creating overwhelm so often?
- 6:47Michelle Gauthier: These are the 10 most common ones that I see and that my brain likes to suggest.
- 6:52Michelle Gauthier: Number one: there's too much to do and not enough time.
- 6:57Michelle Gauthier: Feeling like your to-do list is just never ending and that you can't keep up creates this sense of urgency and pressure and all of a sudden, you feel overwhelmed.
- 7:07Michelle Gauthier: Number two: I can't make a mistake.
- 7:10Michelle Gauthier: This is one of my brain's most favorite ones to offer.
- 7:13Michelle Gauthier: Like, I have to do this.
- 7:15Michelle Gauthier: I have to do it correctly.
- 7:17Michelle Gauthier: That's a bad one.
- 7:18Michelle Gauthier: That one definitely creates overwhelm for me.
- 7:22Michelle Gauthier: Number three: I'm failing at everything.
- 7:24Michelle Gauthier: This kind of all- or- nothing thinking where one small thing can go wrong - for example, this morning I had a whole bunch of stuff lined up and it was all going to work out just fine until my daughter accidentally missed the bus, and then I was like, oh no, everything's falling apart.
- 7:40Michelle Gauthier: My whole day is shot now because I've got to take this extra 20 minutes.
- 7:43Michelle Gauthier: Not true, but that was the thought that my brain offered, something like I'm failing at everything.
- 7:50Michelle Gauthier: Number four: I have to do everything myself.
- 7:53Michelle Gauthier: This is a very common one for women, and we do often have to do everything ourselves because we make it so.
- 7:59Michelle Gauthier: It's not necessarily true, but we do often believe that we're responsible, and that we're the only ones who know about many of the tasks, and that we have to do everything.
- 8:09Michelle Gauthier: Even sometimes, when I suggest that people outsource or ask someone else to do it, they'll say, well, it won't be done right if I don't do it.
- 8:16Michelle Gauthier: So that's another version of that same thought.
- 8:18Michelle Gauthier: Five: I'm not good enough (or some other kind of imposter syndrome type thought) - like there's no way that I can do this or why do they think that I can do this?
- 8:28Michelle Gauthier: That leaves you just feeling inadequate and like you can't do the job, which will then create overwhelm Six: Everyone expects too much of me.
- 8:38Michelle Gauthier: This is another one of my brain's favorite ones to offer.
- 8:40Michelle Gauthier: Assuming that other people have high expectations of you and that you have to meet all their expectations perfectly can really make you feel very quickly overwhelmed.
- 8:51Michelle Gauthier: This one makes me laugh because - and this is a trick that I always teach my clients - so if you're saying "everyone, whatever it is, everyone expects too much of me, just try substituting in I instead of everyone and see if that is also true.
- 9:06Michelle Gauthier: So I expect too much of me.
- 9:08Michelle Gauthier: Yes, that part is true, but my brain likes to tell me everyone else expects too much of me.
- 9:15Michelle Gauthier: Number seven: I can't get started, because what if something goes wrong?
- 9:19Michelle Gauthier: This kind of thinking, sort of worrying constantly about worst case scenarios or telling yourself that you can't get started on something unless you have the time to see it all the way through, do it perfectly, and finish it will make sure you stay in both overwhelm and inaction, because it's really hard to get started.
- 9:38Michelle Gauthier: Eight: I'll never get this all done.
- 9:40Michelle Gauthier: Another one that will create procrastination and overwhelm, telling yourself that, I'll never get it done, so why would I even start?
- 9:48Michelle Gauthier: Nine: I can't possibly take a break; there's too much to do.
- 9:51Michelle Gauthier: This is a lie that our brain likes to tell us as well, because we all know if you are totally overwhelmed and you just push through, you are much more likely to take longer to do it, make more mistakes, all those kinds of things, instead of if you take a five-minute break, even, and go for a quick walk, you're so much more productive and so much more of a clear thinker.
- 10:13Michelle Gauthier: And then the very last one is: I should be doing more.
- 10:18Michelle Gauthier: Another version of this, one that I hear all the time, is, everybody else can do it, so why can't I pull it off?
- 10:24Michelle Gauthier: So when I'm saying this out loud, I'm just picturing, like when you're at a school event or something and there's some mom there who you know has a great job and she looks all pulled together and her kids are all dressed in what they're supposed to be wearing, and it just seems like she totally has it together.
- 10:34Michelle Gauthier: And you have a thought like, how does she do that?
- 10:34Michelle Gauthier: I should be doing more.
- 10:35Michelle Gauthier: I should be able to do this.
- 10:46Michelle Gauthier: All the other moms are able to get their kid to the choir concert in the right outfit on time, while feeding them a healthy dinner and also kicking butt at work all day.
- 10:55Michelle Gauthier: Well, I'm here to tell you, and my example that I used at the beginning just proves that this is true as well,
- 11:01Michelle Gauthier: everybody thinks that about other people, but nobody thinks, I am doing everything perfectly.
- 11:07Michelle Gauthier: Everybody has this worry that they should be doing something more, that other people are doing it better.
- 11:12Michelle Gauthier: As you know, comparison to others, or comparison to totally unrealistic expectations is a sure way into you feeling overwhelmed and not being productive.
- 11:24Michelle Gauthier: So I'm sure there are more thoughts than just those 10, but those are like the top 10 that I can think of that come to mind from hearing them from my clients and hearing them from myself.
- 11:36Michelle Gauthier: Now, you might have noticed when I was talking about these that I was saying that my brain likes to offer these thoughts.
- 11:43Michelle Gauthier: So a good way to think about the thoughts in your head, because sometimes if a thought comes into your head like, I have to do this perfectly, or I can't make a mistake, it feels like that's true.
- 11:54Michelle Gauthier: It's nice to reframe it and think about it, like: thoughts come into your head.
- 11:59Michelle Gauthier: Your brain offers those thoughts.
- 12:01Michelle Gauthier: There's really nothing you can do about that.
- 12:03Michelle Gauthier: You can't just say I don't want that thought to come in my head and block it somehow.
- 12:07Michelle Gauthier: That would be kind of nice actually, but we can't do that.
- 12:09Michelle Gauthier: Instead, think about it like your brain has served you a thought on a platter and you can be like, oh no thanks.
- 12:16Michelle Gauthier: Just like you would say I don't eat meat if somebody offered you meat.
- 12:20Michelle Gauthier: Oh, no thanks, brain, I'm not going to pick up that thought of, I have to do this perfectly, or I can't make a mistake.
- 12:33Michelle Gauthier: So just think about it like your brain has been trained over time to offer up certain thoughts in certain situations.
- 12:36Michelle Gauthier: If you can just notice them without believing them or getting attached to them, that's a great way to have mindfulness to think about your thoughts.
- 12:43Michelle Gauthier: So you're almost outside of yourself, looking in at your brain, and seeing the thoughts that your brain offers without believing them, and with the ability to judge them and say do I want to keep this thought or do I want to choose another one?
- 12:57Michelle Gauthier: So how do we change those thoughts?
- 13:00Michelle Gauthier: Now we know that our thoughts create our feelings.
- 13:03Michelle Gauthier: We know the top 10 thoughts that keep us stuck and overwhelmed.
- 13:06Michelle Gauthier: Now what to do about it?
- 13:08Michelle Gauthier: So one tip I just gave you was to consider that your thoughts just pop into your head.
- 13:13Michelle Gauthier: You have no control over that, but just taking a look at them, so noticing what you're actually thinking, is the first thing to do to stop feeling so overwhelmed.
- 13:24Michelle Gauthier: So when you start to feel overwhelmed, pause for a second, and ask yourself, what was I just thinking?
- 13:30Michelle Gauthier: Because I know it was my thought that created this overwhelm.
- 13:33Michelle Gauthier: And when you see what that thought is, let's say it's a thought of, I should be doing more, then you can stop and think, is that really true?
- 13:42Michelle Gauthier: Should I really be doing more?
- 13:44Michelle Gauthier: Do I want to believe this thought or do I want to come up with another, different thought to think?
- 13:50Michelle Gauthier: And when you do want to come up with another thought, which I highly recommend when your brain says I should be doing more, think about a different, alternative thought that you could think instead, once you have realized that you're thinking a thought that causes overwhelm and you're ready to replace it.
- 14:06Michelle Gauthier: Here are some that I suggest, some thoughts that you could alternatively think on purpose.
- 14:12Michelle Gauthier: So when your brain tells you there's way too much to do, you can instead say: I can prioritize.
- 14:19Michelle Gauthier: I can tackle one thing at a time.
- 14:21Michelle Gauthier: I know where to start.
- 14:23Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes you even have a prioritize list.
- 14:25Michelle Gauthier: I can do this one thing.
- 14:27Michelle Gauthier: Lots of these thoughts had to do with, I need to do this all myself, and I have to do it perfectly.
- 14:33Michelle Gauthier: Good thoughts to think instead are: I'm capable of handling this.
- 14:37Michelle Gauthier: It's okay to ask for help.
- 14:39Michelle Gauthier: No one expects me to do everything.
- 14:42Michelle Gauthier: I can't expect me to do everything.
- 14:45Michelle Gauthier: Done is better than perfect.
- 14:47Michelle Gauthier: I can only try my best and that's enough.
- 14:50Michelle Gauthier: A lot of times, these thoughts make us feel like we're not doing enough or being enough.
- 14:56Michelle Gauthier: So another thought I like to use is: I'm enough.
- 14:59Michelle Gauthier: I'm already enough, just as I am.
- 15:01Michelle Gauthier: When you don't feel like taking a pause or your brain suggests that you can't take a rest, remind yourself: rest is productive and it will help me be more effective and probably make less mistakes.
- 15:13Michelle Gauthier: And: asking for help shows strength, not weakness, is a good one.
- 15:20Michelle Gauthier: Another one is: I can delegate and trust others to handle things.
- 15:23Michelle Gauthier: Now, if you say this one to yourself, I can delegate and trust others to handle things, and it makes you still feel overwhelmed, don't use it - and make that true for any of the thoughts that I just listed.
- 15:34Michelle Gauthier: You have to be able to say it out loud and make sure that it feels true to you and causes a feeling that is not overwhelmed.
- 15:41Michelle Gauthier: So maybe it doesn't get you all the way to calm, but maybe it makes you feel more neutral or maybe it does get you all the way to more calm.
- 15:49Michelle Gauthier: But if you say, I can delegate and trust others to handle things, and that doesn't feel true, just ask yourself, what does?
- 15:55Michelle Gauthier: I can delegate to others and I can be okay with the job that they do on it.
- 16:01Michelle Gauthier: For example, like if you're going to have your kids load the dishwasher, it's never going to be the same way that you load the dishwasher, even when your kids are adults.
- 16:09Michelle Gauthier: You can delegate and trust others to handle things might not be true, but I can delegate and deal with the job that they do could be true.
- 16:19Michelle Gauthier: Al right.
- 16:26Michelle Gauthier: So, to recap, you're going to acknowledge that your thoughts always create the way that you're feeling.
- 16:28Michelle Gauthier: You know what thoughts are creating overwhelm, based on that top 10 list I gave you and whatever ones you have to add to that.
- 16:34Michelle Gauthier: And the key to making yourself feel less overwhelmed is to realize when you're having those thoughts and substitute in a new thought that makes you feel more calm, such as taking a rest will make me more effective, or it's okay if I just get started on this one first thing, whatever thought comes up for you.
- 16:54Michelle Gauthier: Okay, let's jump into my Do Less for More Success for the week.
- 17:14Michelle Gauthier: I have really been into using ChatGPT lately and I am amazed at how many things that it can help me do.
- 17:17Michelle Gauthier: So I wanted to tell you about a prompt that I used last week when I was it was a Sunday morning and I was sitting at the horse barn for my daughter's lesson and thinking about what I could do for our family menu for that week.
- 17:29Michelle Gauthier: So what I asked ChatGPT - I'm going to tell you exactly what I typed in here.
- 17:33Michelle Gauthier: Obviously, you don't have to get this exactly the same way, but just to give you an idea of the prompt that I put in, I said, I'd like your help planning a weekly menu for my family.
- 17:45Michelle Gauthier: We ate the same thing for breakfast every day and the same thing for lunch, so I'd like to plan a variety of dinners.
- 17:51Michelle Gauthier: I want them to be basic and easy.
- 17:53Michelle Gauthier: I'm a mom and I have two kids.
- 17:55Michelle Gauthier: I'd like each meal to have a protein and a fruit or a veggie.
- 17:59Michelle Gauthier: And then it spit out a whole menu! Monday: grilled chicken breasts with the side of roasted sweet potatoes.
- 18:05Michelle Gauthier: Tuesday: ground beef or turkey tacos, etc.
- 18:07Michelle Gauthier: It spit out a whole thing.
- 18:09Michelle Gauthier: So then I said - I actually had to replace one because salmon was on there and nobody likes salmon except for me, so I had it replace that.
- 18:16Michelle Gauthier: And then I said, could you please make me a grocery list of what I would need, and steps that I can take to prep ahead?
- 18:24Michelle Gauthier: So it gave me the recipes for everything that it had, listed out by day, and then it created a grocery list for me.
- 18:31Michelle Gauthier: This whole thing took me about five minutes and then I could just take that list, put it into Instacart and order my groceries, all while sitting at the horse barn.
- 18:41Michelle Gauthier: So give that a try.
- 18:43Michelle Gauthier: And if you have any great tips on how you're using ChatGPT to make your life more efficient and easy, I would love to hear that, and you can send me a text.
- 18:51Michelle Gauthier: There's a place in the show notes where it says send me a text.
- 18:54Michelle Gauthier: Send me a text and tell me how you're using ChatGPT to make your life easier.
- 18:59Michelle Gauthier: Also, at the beginning of this podcast, I was telling you about a workshop that I was doing in- person.
- 19:03Michelle Gauthier: I do workshops in- person.
- 19:06Michelle Gauthier: I live in St Louis.
- 19:07Michelle Gauthier: I can also travel to do them on occasion, but I also do online workshops.
- 19:12Michelle Gauthier: So if you have a women's group - I used to be in charge of the women's network at my old corporate job and I was always looking for speakers or workshops.
- 19:21Michelle Gauthier: If you have something like that or another group where you feel like a topic such as how can I feel less overwhelmed would be great for you and your co-workers or your friends or your church group or whoever it is, reach out to me.
- 19:35Michelle Gauthier: Again, you can use that Send me a text feature, or you can send me an email, michelle@ michellegauthier.
- 19:40Michelle Gauthier: com, and I can give you the scoop.
- 19:42Michelle Gauthier: All right, have a great week.
- 19:44Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.
- 19:49Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 19:53Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.
- 19:56Michelle Gauthier: com.
- 19:58Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.