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Single Girls Survival Guide · The Living Freed Podcast

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Hey y 'all, I'm Hannah Liz, a coastal living,
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Jesus living, NC native, and this is the Living
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Free Podcast, where we discuss intentionally
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living our lives to the follness that God has intended,
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having those late night open heart friend convos,
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not letting others, ourselves, or ideas hold
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us down, allowing Jesus to free us of the chains
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that we didn't know we were holding onto. You
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can see the full show notes attached to this
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episode, and if you loved this episode, please
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leave me a review. Alright, welcome back to the
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Living Free Podcast. Thank you so much for tuning
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in. We're gonna jump right into our weekly catch
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-ups. What's been going on this week? Well, I
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wouldn't say it's this week, but I've had it
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on constant replay as the new Laney song. I have
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always been a big Laney fan since the day I discovered
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them, and I will forever be a fan, I think. Also,
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freaking pumped for the Band Camino concert.
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We bought tickets. I am so excited to go down
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to Georgia and have a little girls weekend away,
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go see the Bancomino play, go to the aquarium,
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you know the usual, but that's not until October
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and we are still in August. So yeah, but super
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pumped. That's all. I've had Bancomino and Lainey
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just on constant replay. It's so fun. um what
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is in is i'm just gonna say it again the new
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laney song that is in that song slaps it is addictive
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to listen to it is so so good i'm loving it what
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is out is um uh not me in a swimsuit because
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i know i said i was gonna take a break away from
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sweet treats and i did I took like three or four
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weeks off. I took a good chunk of time off of
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sweet treats. But y 'all, I had my period this
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week, and I'm back in the clutches of a good
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sweet treat. I am. I already had an ice cream
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bar today. I had one last night. It's the afternoon
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when I'm recording. I never eat ice cream in
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the middle of the afternoon, but I am now. And
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I think this is just who I am. So, sweet treats
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are not out, but me in a swimsuit, not happening.
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Not this week at least. I'll catch you up on
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next week and let you know also something I did
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that was super productive is I went and bought
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more bookshelves so that I was able to get all
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the books off of my floor out from underneath
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my bed off of my Vanity books that were stacked
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on top of books stacked on top of books all of
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my books have a home now they look very happy
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in their little home and it's just Reinforcing
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that I need to buy an actual bookshelf because
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this is out of control And I've also said um
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a lot so let me apologize for that Anyways, let's
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get back on track and we are going to dive into
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today's episode I just wanted to give out a PSA.
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There might not be an episode next week. Um only
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saying this because I had a family emergency
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and I've been spending the last few days in a
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hospital with a family member and I haven't had
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time to Think, type, record, nothing. So, yes.
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And I haven't been home. I'm not in Wilmington.
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I'm back in Raleigh. Super fun stuff. Hospitals
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also remind me of the show Severance and I can't
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get that out of my head and they're not fun to
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be in. Those iridescent lights. How nurses do
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it, I don't know. Like I really don't. Like anyone
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who works in a hospital for 12 hours a day, how
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do y 'all not go crazy? Because I want to go
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over to Holly Hill at the end of it and ask them
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to like put me in the psych ward. I really do
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because those lights hurt your eyes. You're not
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in the sunshine. There's no fun music playing.
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It's just awful. The hospital's an awful place.
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I don't know how nurses do it. Okay, other side
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note. Should I go to DSW while I'm in Raleigh?
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Is that selfish of me? Absolutely. But I love
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shoes. And when am I gonna have time to shop
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in Raleigh again, you know? Maybe I should. Maybe
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I should buy my mom shoes while I'm here. I feel
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like she would really like shoes. She's in the
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hospital non -stop. Anyway, so I might go to
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DSW. Next time I talk to y 'all, I might have
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new shoes. We'll see. And if I do buy them, I'll
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describe them in detail so all of y 'all can
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just picture what shoes I'm obsessed with at
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the moment. I think I really might go buy shoes.
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Again back with the arms, but anyways, yes, so
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no promises that there will be an episode following
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next week So sorry, I'll work on it. We'll see
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what happens. Okay. Hope y 'all enjoyed this
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episode Talk to you soon Welcome to part one
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of survive Have a survival guide of being a single
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girl and enjoying it We're definitely gonna find
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a shortened easier name to say that though single
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girl survival guide Huh, maybe we'll see Anyways,
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um, okay This is gonna be a little bit of a rant.
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Okay, so bear with me. I'm so sorry, but um Nothing
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makes me cringe more than hearing a girl complain
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loudly about being single. You might hate me
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for saying this, but it gives me the ick. I can
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sympathize. I can understand the want for a relationship.
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I understand the need to not feel alone. Trust
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me, I get it. But when a girl that I'm friends
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with or a stranger loudly complains, it just
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icks me out. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry. Freshly
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broken up with, my heart hurts for you, you know?
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or the girls that tell me like yeah I've been
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single for so long and I'm like oh really how
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long and they go four months y 'all kind of make
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me giggle I'm not gonna lie okay um and then
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the serial daters don't even get me started I
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have friends that are that are serial daters
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or have been serial daters and I don't know how
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you do it I don't and I'll dive more into why
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I don't know how you can do it later um actually
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I'm gonna dive into that now I truly don't believe
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that you have found that many people you can
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spend that much time with that you actually like.
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I really can't. I just won't believe it. Again,
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I'm sorry because I like my friends, but I choose
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my friends very carefully. I am even more careful
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with who I date. How do you find that many? In
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my case, like men, how do you find that many
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men that you want to spend that much time with?
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I barely survive hanging out with my guy friends
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half the time, and you're telling me you can
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jump from guy to guy to guy? I don't understand.
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Again, I'm sorry. Okay, so this episode is going
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to be here to help you, the chronically single,
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the freshly broken up with, and the serial daters
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who want to be reformed serial daters. It's going
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to be here To be your guide on how to survive
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being single and a Christian or just single in
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general You don't have to apply the Christian
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stuff to it now I'm not going to talk about how
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you need to date yourself or some weird cringy
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stuff about dating Jesus because I'm not that
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girl I am gonna give you some tips on how to
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stop relying on someone else's affection or energy
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to fill whatever hole and security or need them
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to fulfill um i'm also gonna try not to say the
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word need so much but we'll see um back with
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the ums i'm sorry so you might be wondering okay
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what are your credentials well i've been truly
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single for so long that i feel like i've worked
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through all of the fears or insecurities a girl
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or christian girl could have especially in the
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south so one for the freshly single girl i know
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how hard it is to go from spending all your time
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with someone and planning a future either in
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your head or with them, to now having a huge
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gap in your life that you're not sure how to
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fill. And the obvious solution seems to be that
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the last guy wasn't it, so get a new one and
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that could be it. Number two, to the serial dater,
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to be honest, I've never been you. I wanted to
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be you, so I talked to guy after guy, went on
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date after date, but I never could make it past
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the second or third date before I just straight
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up knew they weren't for me, no matter how great
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they were in their own way, so I never did the
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boyfriend to boyfriend hop, but I've done the
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guy to guy hop for sure. Now three, the chronically
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single girl, I am you. I have been you for a
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long time. I've tried dating apps, as we all
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have. I've tried dating at church, again, as
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we all have. But I just couldn't commit. They
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just weren't for me, so I gave up. Stopped dating,
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stopped the talking stages, and called it. Here
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is why I hate, scratch that, lo the hearing girls
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loudly complain about being single. You've all
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heard it, but I'm gonna say it so you can hear
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it again from mother's mouth. If you aren't happy
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single, you won't be happy in a relationship.
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Other people can't make you happy. They will
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let you down, you are using them as an emotional
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filler, you're using them as a time filler, and
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you're using them as a worth giver. That's not
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fair to them and that's not fair to yourself.
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So let's learn to enjoy being single. Also, to
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add to the reason for my loathing is, it's just
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so clear to me that they don't trust God or his
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timing. Like, are you jumping from relationship
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to relationship or talking stage to talking stage
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because you feel like you have to put the work
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in to find the one? Do you really think if God
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plans for you to be married one day that you
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can speed up the timeline? I mean, maybe you
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can and I just got it wrong. You never know.
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Another thing though, is he not enough for you?
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Like, God, are you using other people to fill
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your time or emotional need when you should be
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using Jesus? Why aren't you enjoying this simple
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season with him? Just saying. So, what can you
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do to enjoy being single? Well, hate to state
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the obvious, but like, do you have hobbies? If
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you don't, maybe go touch some grass and find
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one. And no, scrolling TikTok isn't a hobby.
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That's an avoidant time filler. You know what?
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Let's start with a small list of level one steps
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on surviving singleness and learning to enjoy
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it. Okay, option one. After touching some grass
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and coming back to reality, I want you to make
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a promise to yourself. It's gonna sound like
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a scary promise, I know. But I did it. I had
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to do it. Now did I do it because I was at my
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wits end? Yes. But I feel like if you're listening
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to this episode, you might be on your wits end
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too. So, bear with me. Take three months. Yes,
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90 days. And don't talk to a single man in any
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romantic, hopeful, time -failing capacity. I
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don't mean cut off all your guy friends, but
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don't use the dating apps. Ignore the randos
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sliding into your DMs and don't use your guy
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friends as a substitute boyfriend. Trust me,
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it doesn't work. It just doesn't. Any guy you
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could be using as an emotional filler or time
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filler just because you're single and want to
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feel wanted in any smalls way, cut it off cold
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turkey. Okay, cut it off cold turkey. Okay, now
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in those three months, in those 90 days, I want
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you to hunker down and get to know yourself.
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After that, go on the dates you want. Get all
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the free dinners and coffees, but take those
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three months and prove to yourself and me that
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you can. Which leads us to two, even though I
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never said one. One is definitely to take the
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three months. Two, get to know yourself. Make
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a list of things you enjoy, pick up journaling,
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or write down some random things you've been
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wanting to do but have been waiting to do it
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with someone. But take that time and actually
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maybe get to know yourself. You might be surprised
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by what you learn. Things I personally enjoy
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are going for walks in the gym, reading either
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by the pool or at a coffee shop, traveling the
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beach, and random crafts. Journaling. I really,
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really recommend journaling. Now, I was never
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a big journal -type girl. I wanted to be. Again,
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there's a lot of things that I want to be that
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I'm just not. But... I just didn't know how to
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put anything on paper and it overwhelmed me so
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I gave up in like middle school or something
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and I didn't try again for a long time. Now I
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did buy lots of journals because I think they're
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pretty and I like to write notes in them from
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church or books or whatever but again I struggle
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to just write down what's been going on with
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my day or what I'm feeling that day. I was never
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that girl. And then one day I was scrolling Pinterest
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and found journaling prompts and those things
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have been a game changer for me. Some are simple
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like name three things that make you happy today
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and others are deep and have really helped me
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get to know myself on a whole other level. There
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are fears and insecurities that I did not know
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I had. There are past hurts that have built me
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into who I am today that I did not know had to
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do with my personality at all. and Pinterest
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journaling prompts actually brought those to
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light, which was kind of crazy, so 10 out of
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10 recommend. Make a list of things that you
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want to do. This is an introvert's biggest fear.
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My personal list has been restaurants I've been
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wanting to try, travel destinations, day trips,
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and random hobbies. Now, I promise, I'm not going
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to tell you to go on a solo trip to Greece, unless
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you feel drawn to do that, but I will say find
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a friend. Want to go to a random town three hours
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away for the day? Drag a friend along. Want to
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do a wine and design night? Bring a friend. Want
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to serve? Ask a friend to take a class with you.
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After you take that on, force yourself to go
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for a walk by yourself, bring a book and go get
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breakfast or dinner by yourself, go to Hobby
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Lobby, buy a craft, make yourself dinner, and
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sit at home alone and enjoy the quiet time. Find
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what feeds your soul, what fills up your cup.
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Don't spend your everyday life trying to fill
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time until you find yourself in a relationship.
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Spend your everyday life finding out what you
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like, something to learn or grow in. Get active
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and set goals for yourself. I really love checking
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out a new restaurant with friends, or going to
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one of my favorites by myself that I'm familiar
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with and comfortable at. I love to bring a book
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with me and just read while I have dinner. Read
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a self -help book. Take up pottery. Go sit in
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the sun and get some vitamin D. Look, you might
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be freshly single and think you feel ready to
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get out there and have some fun and dating. And
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if that's your only goal, and you really are
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ready, then go and do it. But don't sit around
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after complaining about being single and lonely.
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If you're a serial dater, what are you hiding
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from? Why are you so scared to just be alone
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and do life by yourself for a moment, creating
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memories by yourself and investing in yourself
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instead of investing all this time, energy, and
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emotion you keep giving to others? Though chronically
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single, homies, you might be thinking, yeah,
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yeah, I do all the level one steps. And if you
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do, great, you enjoy your single life and you
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don't need this episode. But if you don't enjoy
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being single, then I fear you might not be doing
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all of these things. You might need to step it
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up a notch for yourself. Go on new adventures.
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Maybe make some new friends to make new memories
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with. Pick up a new hobby to learn or sport.
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Find something that makes you uncomfortable that's
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healthy and do it. Make a new neuro pathway so
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you can grow. Maybe I need to give clear instructions
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to those who like a step -by -step guide though.
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Let's see. Let's call this the soft 90 Christian
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single girl challenge. Let's see, let's start
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with you read your Bible and journal three days
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a week. It doesn't have to be five, six, seven
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days a week. Just take three days out of your
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week to sit down and read your Bible and journal.
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You don't have to do both on the same day, you
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could split it up. But at least three days a
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week, take that time. Write a letter to God once
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a week. You know, this is a chance for you to
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kind of journal, but talk to God directly. Another
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thing, go to the gym or for a walk four days
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a week. Get active, get those endorphins going,
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let those chemicals release in your body, soak
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up some sun again if you're going for a walk
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outside, or listen to some fun music in the gym.
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Now, I want you to grab dinner with a friend
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once every other week, okay? Whether it's a new
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restaurant or an old restaurant, grab dinner
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with a friend. Make sure you're spending quality
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time, phones away, not talking about boys. Dinner
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with a friend. Catch up about life, talk about
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each other, even dig deep. Come up with questions
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beforehand to make sure you're distracted and
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not sitting in your pity party of being single.
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Do that. But grab dinner with a friend and make
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sure it's very intentional every other week.
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Have an alone craft night. once a week. Now,
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you might be like, I'm not a craft person, why
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does she keep harping on crafts? I get it. I
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was anti -craft for a long time. But, creativity
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is so good for your mind. Whether you're just
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painting stripes on a board, putting beads on
18:13
a string, whatever it is, take that time, do
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a craft, be alone, turn on a movie, whatever,
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it is so good for your brain. I promise and it
18:24
could be pretty healing for your soul and you
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don't even realize it there's a reason there's
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craft therapy out there um okay try a new hobby
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sport or something on your bucket list once every
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four weeks that means that three times out of
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these 90 days you will have done something that's
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out of your comfort zone something that's made
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you explore or something that will bring you
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life within those 90 days three times that's
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all it is Bring a friend with you or do it by
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yourself, but pick up a new sport a hobby or
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check something off of that bucket list so that
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you can feel accomplished at the end of those
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90 days and Don't let me repeat this Don't use
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anyone as an emotional romantic or time -filler
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to replace a partner at all in those 90 days
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as girls we can unintentionally latch onto a
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friend, whether it's male or female. We will
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latch onto our friends. I've had girlfriends
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latch onto me and treat me like I'm their new
19:24
boyfriend. I'm not. I am not your boyfriend.
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Don't do that to your friends and don't let anybody
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do that to you. That's not healthy. You have
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to have healthy boundaries. But make sure you're
19:32
spending intentional time with your friends.
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Just don't use them as an emotional, romantic,
19:38
or time filler to replace that partner in those
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90 days. This is about you. getting familiar
19:43
with you. So why are we doing this? Why these
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90 days? Because life is so long and yet it's
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also so short. Do you want to spend your single
19:52
time wishing you were in a relationship when
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you could be checking off your bucket list? Every
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time you go to a bar, do you want to have your
20:00
mind constantly on what hot guy will approach
20:02
you or won't approach you? Or do you want to
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be present with your friends making memories?
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When you do get into a relationship, do you want
20:10
to say it to them? Yeah, I've been wanting to
20:13
go there or learn that, but I've lowkey been
20:16
waiting to be in a relationship to do it with
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my person to make the memory with them. Or would
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you rather say, yes, I've been there and done
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that. Or yes, I'm actually really good at pickleball.
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I picked it up forever ago. Let's go play. You
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can't wait to live your life with someone else.
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Time doesn't stop passing just because you're
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single. So why do you try to put a pause on living
20:36
life? Also, this world is filled with so many
20:40
people and so many different kinds of people.
20:43
People to meet, people to date, people to marry.
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You aren't going to run out of options. Well,
20:49
unless you live in Wilmington like me, then you'll
20:52
run out of options pretty quickly. But why? If
20:55
you don't live in Wilmington, why would you settle
20:57
for the next guy you meet and think that's who
21:00
you want to end up with when you haven't lived
21:02
life, gotten to know yourself, and checked off
21:05
all those bucket list items? Why are you settling
21:08
for the next dusty guy around the corner when
21:10
you could be settling for someone you might meet
21:13
in Greece one day if you actually go on that
21:15
trip? Who knows, you might end up dating someone
21:18
and marrying someone who's a skydiver for all
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you know because you decided to check that off
21:22
your bucket list. You don't know who life might
21:25
be holding around the corner unless you go and
21:27
run after it. So don't settle for the random
21:30
guy you met in a coffee shop or who asked you
21:32
out from your young adults group. I mean, you
21:34
could, but again, if you know you're settling,
21:37
why would you? Be single. Like really single.
21:41
and not fill your time with random people until
21:44
you find someone to date type of single. Being
21:47
single gives you the chance to move, to go on
21:50
a long trip, to struggle by yourself and with
21:53
Jesus, and get pulled up by your bootstraps.
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It gives you a chance to grow and go on adventures.
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Okay, I'll end on this. You get to either spend
22:05
your single time waiting for the next person
22:08
to fill your time and emotional need, to keep
22:11
you distracted and give you whatever social status
22:14
that you feel a relationship does. Or you can
22:18
spend your single time getting to know yourself,
22:20
getting closer to God, enjoying your time with
22:22
your friends, and making memories. But here's
22:26
my final truth for you. If you aren't content
22:29
when you're single and are just waiting for the
22:31
next relationship, you won't be content dating,
22:34
and you'll be waiting to get engaged, waiting
22:37
to get married, waiting to have kids and so on
22:41
and so on and so on. You won't learn to enjoy
22:45
the season you're in and I fear it will be harder
22:48
for you to learn how to. I know this episode
22:53
probably came off as tough love or just tough
22:57
in general. But when you learn to actually enjoy
23:00
being single and all that you can do with it,
23:03
trust me, you will be icked out too when you
23:07
hear girls loudly complaining about wanting or
23:10
needing to be in a relationship. God doesn't
23:12
have you single as a punishment, and yet so many
23:15
of us treat it like it is. Like a time out we
23:18
are waiting to get to the end of and our parents
23:21
to tell us to get out of the corner when in fact
23:24
it's quite the opposite. It's the perfect chance
23:27
to pick up a move, to travel, to make new friends,
23:30
to learn a new skill, to build a stronger relationship
23:32
with God, to serve others, and once again, get
23:36
to know yourself and work on yourself. Also,
23:39
let me be clear, you aren't working on yourself
23:41
to be better for the next person you date. You're
23:44
working on yourself to be better for you, so
23:47
you will actually like you, and maybe you'll
23:51
enjoy being around just you. Wouldn't you like
23:54
Dating and marriage to not consume your brain
23:57
and every thought. Wouldn't you like to enjoy
23:59
your time and building memories not worried about
24:02
who might be there or if you'll meet the one
24:04
that night? Wouldn't you like to learn to go
24:07
somewhere and do something new instead of waiting
24:10
around to do it with a partner? I don't know.
24:12
Wouldn't you like to maybe just live your life
24:14
and fully enjoy it? I'm saying all this because
24:18
it was me. I used to wonder when I went to the
24:20
bars or church event or the gym if I'd meet anyone.
24:24
I put off going places and trying new things
24:26
because I wanted to do it with my boyfriend.
24:29
I dated to fill time. I dated to fill emotional
24:32
need. Oh, now I love beach days by myself. I
24:36
love to read a book at dinner. I look forward
24:39
to picking up a new craft and having a night
24:41
in. I love trying a new restaurant with a friend.
24:44
I love buying fresh flowers and journaling with
24:47
my coffee in hand while I learn something new
24:49
about how I think or feel. And Jesus, don't even
24:53
get me started. I had no idea how distracted
24:56
I had been from him in my last relationship.
25:00
And then with all my dating around. I've grown
25:02
in my relationship with him again. I love my
25:05
quiet time with him. And honestly, the list could
25:07
go on and on, but I won't drag on. So yeah, don't
25:11
you want that? to free yourself from the pressure
25:13
you put on yourself to find someone, to clear
25:16
your mind, to look forward to your day -to -day
25:18
life or your event -to -event, and not be consumed
25:22
with the thought of who you might meet? Crazy
25:25
idea, I know. But yeah, come along, take the
25:28
journey, do your 90 days challenge, the soft
25:31
Christian girl 90 day challenge, get to know
25:34
yourself, pick up some hobbies, and maybe, just
25:37
maybe, you'll learn to actually enjoy being single.
25:40
and I hope that you do. Okay, let's pray. Hey
25:43
Jesus, um, I just want to pray over this single
25:46
girl, the freshly broken up, the chronically
25:49
single, the serial dater, that only you know
25:53
their heart, only you know their mind, only you
25:56
know their feelings. I ask that you give them
25:59
strength and wisdom on taking on this challenge,
26:02
that they find joy in their singleness and joy
26:05
in you because you are good. You're with them.
26:08
You will fill their emotional need. You will
26:10
fill their time if you let them. You create a
26:12
time. Can't we make time for you? Let them see
26:16
all the memories that they can make and the life
26:18
that they can live. They can't rush your timeline,
26:21
so why do we keep trying? I don't believe that
26:24
you've made us to settle for mediocre human beings,
26:27
so why do we keep doing it, especially Christians?
26:30
Why do we keep doing it? I ask that you lead
26:32
and guide them, that you will help take control
26:35
of their heart. Take away any pain. that they
26:38
might be feeling in their walk and in their journey
26:41
of being single and show them the joys that you
26:44
can provide because it is such a blessing to
26:47
actually get to be single and I'm saying that
26:49
as a single girl it is actually such a blessing
26:51
and such an honor that we get to have this time
26:55
with ourselves and with you because once we're
26:58
married and if we decide to have kids we'll never
27:00
have that quiet alone time again ever literally
27:03
ever So thank you so much for this time in the
27:07
season and in Jesus name. Amen Thanks so much
27:21
for listening to the living free podcast I hope
27:24
that you enjoyed it. Let's stay connected. You
27:26
can message me or follow me on Instagram at Hannah
27:29
Liz D or you can email me at livingfreepod at
27:34
gmail .com. If you're loving the podcast, I'd
27:37
be so honored if you'd go ahead and hit that
27:39
subscribe button and leave me a review. And if
27:42
you have any feedback or a subject you'd like
27:44
me to cover, please go ahead and email me or
27:46
DM me on Instagram. Again, thank you so much
27:50
for listening. I hope you feel encouraged and
27:52
lighter today. Bye y 'all.