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SA Ep103 - Who Cares About Caregivers... · Seeking Approval Podcast

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Seeking Approval Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Chris Smithster from the Iliad Baptist Church.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, life loses faith.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: And faith is not meant to be approved.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I want to take some time and slow down with you and have some honest conversations from the Word of God about daily life.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: So join me here today on Seeking Approval.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever wondered who cares for the caregiver?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Most time we hear the word caregiver, we think of someone who wears a little white outfit or scrubs and works at a nursing home.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe even a nurse at a hospital.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's not always the case when it comes to caregiving.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't always look that way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: It could be a husband caring for his wife, a wife caring for the husband, a daughter checking in on mom or dad every single day.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or a son having to take mom or dad to the doctor's appointments and all the things that involve their life, grandparents raising their grandchildren.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's become a really big one in recent days.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's called GAP, grandparents as parents.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: A parent caring for an adult child with special needs.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Someone helping a brother or sister through their treatments for some disease or ailment they have, a church member who is constantly checking in on the elderly at the church.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes the caregiver doesn't even know they're a caregiver.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: They say that's just my wife or my mom, my dad, my family, my friend.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: But the responsibility they bear is still just as real as the ladies who are wearing white or the scrubs or the men who are caring for those in the hospitals.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: They're still caregiving.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what the word means giving care.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I read an article actually today, this morning or this morning, I was checking the local articles.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the article was very interesting.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess because of what our family went through a couple years ago and what a lot of folks in our church are going through, it was interesting to me.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I read it.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: This may not interest you.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: You may not even be thinking about life in these terms right now.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: But if you have, you know, if if you're young and you have aging parents, you'll be thinking about it one day.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're a parent uh or a spouse that has uh you know, a spouse that has you know needs of some sort now because of you know some ailment or injury or something that has happened, some terrible disease that has you know just rocked your world right now.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: But the AARP uh and the National Alliance for Caregiving has issued out uh that that there right now there are 63 million Americans who are now considered family caregivers.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's nearly one in every four adults is giving care to a friend or a family member.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: What's really interesting is that just a decade ago, just a decade ago, that number was only forty-three million.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's a that that's uh a growth of a twenty million people just in ten years.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Six out of ten of those who are providing constant care.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't just checking in you know once a week.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is that continual constant care, daily care.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Six out of those ten are working full-time jobs.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: So we're not talking about a small niche group.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: We're not talking about somebody who you know has to call and check in.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I call my dad every day.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: I call him every morning uh since mom passed away.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um I've called him you know at least you know once a day.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh sometimes I you know ends up two or three times a day.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: But he's kind of you know, I would say he's a little bit more back on his feet now, and you know, his life is moving pretty good now with his work.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: He stays very busy.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but uh but I still call him every day.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I wouldn't call that caregiving.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's just you know, a son checking in on dad.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we're talking about you know, those who are doing appointments, you know, having to physically go care for them to help them, you know, take care of the basic needs of life, uh, you know, food, uh changing clothes, uh just you know cleanliness and things of that nature.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Six out of ten of those people are working full-time jobs.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not it's not a small group of people, 63 million, that's one in that's that's a fourth of the populate the adult population of the world.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: A fourth of the adult population.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Hear that again.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: One fourth of our adult population is giving continual care to a friend or family member.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's millions of people who are living a life that three-quarters of the rest of the population have no clue about.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Some may understand it because they've already done it and they're out of it now.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: But of that of that three-quarter, at least half of those probably have no clue what these people are going through.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: But eventually somebody has to ask, as and as I was reading this article, that's what my mind, my mind started thinking about, is like a quarter of the people, who's taking care of these people?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Six out of ten of these, sixty-three million.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Six out of ten of them are working full-time jobs.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Full-time jobs.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is like I mean, it's it's craziness.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And who's caring for those people?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody else's burden, you know, should be, you know, helped along the way.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the Bible tells us in Galatians 6, 2, to bear you one another's burdens as so fulfill the law of Christ.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: There are times when somebody just can't carry the burden that's placed on them.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it it's a it's a hard thing sometimes, but there there are times whenever the death of a loved one becomes a blessing.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you hate to see them go.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, and we face this, and that's the only reason why I could talk about this, because had I not faced this, I couldn't talk about it.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: But knowing what, you know, for you know, what we had done for months and months with with my mom, and knowing that, you know, if she had to come out of that, you know, she was going to be, you know, in a vegetative state basically for the rest of her life.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And she was not, she was a very active person.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, up until the day that she went to the hospital, I think the day before she went to the hospital, she was still working, you know, 60 hours a week at the hospital.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: But she was still working 60 hours a week.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then on top of that, she was taking care of everything at home.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: She did all the washing, she did all the cleaning, she did all the mowing.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, my dad, he he worked his uh, he he owns his own uh uh construction business.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: He's in he's in the trades and he was working his and his his own 60 hours a week, plus trying to pastor a church.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, she was very active.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so then to bring her home and you know, have her lay on the couch or in you know a hospital bed, you know, that she wouldn't have like that.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's it's you're in a bad place whenever uh you know it becomes a blessing.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And there's folks that they're listening to this, I'm sure, that can that can they can they can not only sympathize with that, but they can empathize because they've lived through it.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you understand, and you almost feel bad.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: You almost feel bad for that.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Had had someone call me the other day and said, asked me, said, Pastor, am I am I wrong for asking the Lord to go ahead and take this person that I love who if they make it through what they're going through, that they're gonna have permanent brain damage, they're not they're gonna be non-functional.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Am I wrong for asking God to just go ahead and take them during surgery while they're asleep so they don't suffer?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Is that wrong of me?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, in that situation, you you gotta pray that God's will would be done because you we can't pray for them to make it, we can't pray for God to take it.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: We just gotta we gotta pray, God, your will be done in that situation.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: But who who cares for these people?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Who's helping them?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: First uh Timothy, Paul wrote to Timothy in 5.4.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: He said, let them learn first to show piety at home and to require their parents for that is good and acceptable for God.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So taking care of your parents is not a uh is not a wasted time.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't go unnoticed by heaven.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Helping a sick spouse is not wasted.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sitting beside the bed of somebody who cannot uh you know take care of themselves, or helping someone who can't even remember your name.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a wasted time.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: God sees it and he knows and he knows it, he knows you're doing it.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: But still yet, the physical burden is still there, the mental burden is still there.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Hebrews 6 10 says, For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and your labor of love.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody notices.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: They may not be applauding, but somebody notices.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: But even those good things we're doing, the burdens can become so heavy.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we we need to say without you know making the the caregivers feel guilty that you can love somebody uh deeply and want the best for 'em and still get tired.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: You can be thankful for the privilege of having someone, you know, still with you, even though they're in in a you know in a state where they're not their normal self where they used to be, but you can still feel overwhelmed with uh what you have have been the hand you've been dealt.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can be a loving mother and still dread that hour-long drive every day to to go care for your child, uh you know, your adult child that needs you.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, and on and on and on.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: These these things, those burdens become real.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so the question is, who's who's taking care of these people?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: What what are they doing?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Where are they finding their help at?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Moses, he tried to do this.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Moses tried to take everything upon himself.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And God used Jethro to step in.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And said, Moses, you can't do this.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can't keep what you're doing.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And and and because everybody's gonna start suffering when you're trying to take it all on yourself.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: As a matter of fact, you told him in Exodus 18, 17, he said, the thing they'll do is it's not good.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're not helping anybody.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: You're wearing yourself down, you need to be strong, you've got to be there for them.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a time whenever the caregiver has to make that tough decision to let somebody else do the caregiving.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a tough decision.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to say, I know some I know some folks who work in assisted living homes, whether it's in memory care uh or just the the you know, caring for the elderly, you know, who need that constant attention.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: I know some folks who work there and they're they are dear loving people, and they would do anything for that population that they have.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and and they have and they deal such such turnover in those homes.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, people they get to know them and love them one day and the next day they're they're no longer there.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then the next one comes right in.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, as soon as the bed goes empty, somebody's going right back in, and there's a waiting list at most of these facilities.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And these people do a great job.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: But the the bad thing is there are some bad apples in every bunch.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, there there's bad construction guys out there who, you know, and people don't trust my dad because you know, the problem they had with the last guy.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's bad bankers out there, there's bad police officers out there in the same world, in the same caregiving world.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: But those are the stories that you hear about.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: You rarely hear the stories about the ones who are just sacrificing every day, going in, working those 12-hour shifts, you know, caring and doing doing some of the most vile things, cleaning up after you know, people they don't even know.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they're they're doing things that it would make me have to think twice about, like, I don't know if I could do that even for somebody I love, let alone for somebody I don't know.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And they do it, and they do it every single day, multiple times a day.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's some really good ones out there, but the problem is, is then when you got to make that decision as a caregiver to hand that person you love, hand their care over to somebody else that you don't know, the first thing you start thinking about is all those horror stories you've heard.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it gives such a bad name, and and you know, it it's a it's a shame because there are some really good folks out there doing these things.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: But Jesus told the people who are tired, he said in verse in Mark 6, 31, he said, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place and rest a while.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus went and rest himself.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: He would get away and he would rest and he would pray.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: And he told those who he said, get away and rest.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: I've had to learn that as a pastor.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's times when I have to step away and and just and rest.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let my mind rest.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Let not so much my body, I'm I'm I'm not to that point yet.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I do have a lot a lot more aches and pains and they're stacking up on me now, especially in my voice.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: As you can hear, I've I don't know how many episodes this is I've recorded now, and this is these are over days, and I it's I'm having to really struggle to get just through a 20-minute episode.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, I I don't know what I've done uh to my voice, but I I've had to stop and realize that I I I've got to take a rest.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm not, it's going to be the same thing that was said to Moses, that what you're doing is not a good thing.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: It comes a point, it's not a good thing that I do need to take that that break and just step away for a moment.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not that I'm going, you know, we'll go anywhere.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've not been on a true vacation in a long time.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, going, you know, playing at the beach or something like that.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: But just stepping away for a minute and letting my mind rest.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: But even when my mind's resting, I'm still recording podcasts, still working on the new magazine for the church that we're putting out, the new publication, the quarterly we're going to be doing.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still doing that, but you know, I just let my mind try to rest from everything else.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Still planning a funeral right now for a dear saint in our church and went on and be with the Lord.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to get rest.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: It really is.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I understand for those people who are caregiving, it's hard to get rest, but you have to find it somewhere.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: You have to find, you know, somebody who can step in to give you a day.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you'd be surprised what a day could do for you.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that's and that's and if you have somebody that's can help you that way, and that's what was that's what was was making me really think about this whenever I read it was you know, who's caring for these 63 million people?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know what we went through, and it was we were on rotation with our care.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I took the I took the night shift.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: I took, I would get there, you know, anywhere between you know 10 o'clock and midnight.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I would just kind of keep in contact with dad because he would stay there as long as he could after work.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: He would, he would work for a few hours and he would try to get there, you know, three or four o'clock in the afternoon uh to the hospital, and uh, and he would stay with her as late as he could.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: And she did not want him to leave.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so he would call me like, yeah, buddy, I'm gonna be here probably till you know 11 o'clock.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you just stay.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I would I would go home.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was still working, you know, two jobs or well, two and a half jobs at the time, which I still am now, but uh I would I would go home, I would try to get home, you know, by nine o'clock, I'd try to be in the bed at nine o'clock so I could sleep for an hour, maybe two hours if I was lucky.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then I would get up and I would head to the hospital and I would take like the you know 11, 12 o'clock until six in the morning shift.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then I would go ahead and change, because I had to be back at work and I would change off so somebody was there for the seven o'clock uh nurse change so we could make sure that she was getting the right medicines because you know the mistakes happened and they happened with her and we didn't want it to happen again, so we had somebody there at every shift change.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so I took that, I took that shift.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, my brother and his wife they would trade off on the morning shift because they both work from home, so they could they could trade off and one could be there during the day.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we had, you know, there were three of us in that rotation.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: There's people out there who don't have that.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And they they need they need help and they need somebody who can who can step in and just offer a day.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And i it's like you know, getting the you know, uh it's like getting a cup of coffee, and every time you get empty, you just you fill it up from the the the coffee pot sitting there on the table.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually that coffee pot's gonna run out and you can't keep filling the cup up.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, eventually your cup's gonna be empty out and you don't have anything else to put in it.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: And the only way you're gonna get that is to find that rest.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Having a servant's heart does not mean that we have to have an unlimited body.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: And we have to find that break.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if the person that you're caring for, you know, if if they're if they're in a situation where they're not in the right mind or they they can't communicate, they can't think, or maybe, you know, because a lot of times, you know, that the mind starts to slip, even, you know, not talking about like dementia or Alzheimer's, but just in a regular situation, my mom didn't have anything wrong with her mind, but there was just so much medication going on that she wasn't thinking.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: She just knows she needed somebody there.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: But if that person was in their right mind and they knew what you were going through, they would tell you, please go get some rest.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Please go.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Elijah needed help.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: He needed sleep before he needed a sermon.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: I love I love 1 Kings 19.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: He was exhausted, he was discouraged, he was he was he outrun a chariot.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, just the the the whole 1 Kings, you know, those those couple of chapters in there, man, they're just it's like an action movie.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody can make a good action movie out of so much of the Bible, and that would be a great one.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: But he sat down under the tree and he said, It is enough.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Take my life.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: And man, haven't we all been there?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: You may have not ever, you know, asked the Lord to kill you.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: You may never contemplate that much before, but if you ever passed the church, you probably have.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, it's enough.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: I can't take no more.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, he was emotionally and physically spent.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: And they're tied.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Our body, we're a trichotomy.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: I know we're a dichotomy, we're we're flesh and spirit, but we're a trichotomy.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: We're a mind, we're a body, and we're a spirit.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: And they all interact and they all affect one another.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I could I could spend, you know, another hour talking about the trichotomy and how they all interact with each other and they're all like a three-braid cord together.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: But if one is weak, the others will be weak.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And really, if you get into where two areas are weak, if you're weak physically and you become weak mentally because you're just so mentally exhausted, you think you're going to go, you know, wake up on Sunday morning and ready to run down to church?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: You think you're gonna get up and read your Bible and pray like you ought to and all those things?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: So then your spirit, then your spiritual life starts to they they affect one another.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where he was.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: He was mentally exhausted.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: He was definitely physically exhausted, and it affected his spirit.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Down, take my life, I'm done.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: I can't preach this.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: After watching the miracle that he just watched, fire falling down from heaven and burning up the all, burning the rock and everything.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: He was just emotionally spent.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then verse number five, very next verse, and as he lay and slept under the juniper tree, behold, the angel of the Lord touched him and said unto him, Arise and eat.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: Before he needed to be preached to, God needed to let him just fall over for a minute and get some sleep.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: God could have rushed in at that moment and started talking to him.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: He could have sent an angel down right then and started preaching to Elijah.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, gave him one of them fiery, you know, you know, it's time to get up and it's time to preach the word of God.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: Nope, God said, Everybody stand back.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Let that boy fall over and sleep for a minute.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: He'll get some good rest.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: He'll wake up, he'll be in his right mind when he gets back up.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just need to lay down.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: You need to get some rest sometimes.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, look at me talking.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure that some of our church members are going to hear this and say, Well, who are you to tell people to rest?
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: I understand, and I'm trying to teach myself this.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm I'm preaching to the choir right now, to myself.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: But then he gets up in verse six, then he eats, then he drinks, and he laid down again.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: I love this so much.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: He he sleeps, he wakes up, he eats and drinks, and then he lays down and he goes back to sleep.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then he wakes back up, God feeds him again.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we can learn so much from this.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm laughing, but it's we can learn so much from this.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes I just need to lay down and go to sleep.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you're ever like that or not.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you are, but uh, that would that would get I love that that 1 Kings uh portion.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: But the caregiver begins to feel guilty because they're enjoying life because they went and did something fun while somebody else is struggling.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: And um they feel like they can't laugh.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it's real.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Out of those 63 million, I'd say at least half of those are dealing with that.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you're talking millions of people that are dealing with that where they feel like they can't enjoy life because of it.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody's got to care for these caregivers.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it's gonna take it's gonna take you and I because we can't, we can't save everybody.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we can care for our parent, we can care for our child, we can care for the ones we've got to care for, but we can only do so much.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I've got so many verses and I'm I'm I'm I'm up against 20 minutes.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: I try to cut these to 20 minutes.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I what I would encourage you to do, if you're the caregiver, find yourself some rest.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you know somebody who's doing the caregiving, offer them some help.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: And and I could go through, and I've and I I've gotten a I've not introduced as much scripture as I wanted to in this episode, but uh it it's Psalm 127, too.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: It is vain for you to rise up early and to sit up late uh and and to eat the bread of sorrows.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Psalm 121 and 4 Behold he that keepeth Israel shall uh not slumber nor say we we could talk about these things and how they're connected to the caregiving and and trying to to rescue and save everybody.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: But Romans 12, 15, if you know somebody who is caregiving, it says, Rejoice with them that do rejoice and weep with them that do weep.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: Every so often go and help it, offer them a time.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Step away.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: You may not you may not be able to offer a whole lot of time, but a few hours.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: A few hours.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you have to push them out the door.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: One of the one of the worst things I see, I've got to I've got to let you all go.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: One of the one of the worst things I see, and I have to do a lot of hospital visits, is you know, the the immediate caregiver, the spouse, whoever that has been there for hour upon hour, is sitting there, and and people will come in and they'll be there for two or three hours and they'll talk to the to the the caregiver who's sitting there.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then when they're ready to leave, it's like, all right, well, we're going to get out of here, and they walk out and leave the caregiver sitting right there.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: When the the better thing would have been to done is walk in and say, We'll talk with you later.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't you go down go down to the you know cafeteria and get you something to eat, get you something to drink, go down to the you know the coffee place, get you a cup of coffee, something, get in your car, go home, get a shower, we'll be here for a couple hours or whatever.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: That would be the better thing to do.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know when we were in there with mom, the last thing I want to do is to entertain somebody and you know, to talk with them.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: So weep with them when they're weeping.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you're a caregiver today, but if you are, I want you to know.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I I'm praying a special prayer for you because after reading this article today, it really was an eye-opening for me.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I I really what what God gave us with the time with mom was very special.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I also know it's very difficult.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're out there and you're a caregiver by yourself, I can't imagine what you're going through.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if you spend your life caring for everybody else, don't forget that God never asks you to prove your love by collapsing under the weight of giving care.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us today on Seeking Approval.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, our faith oftentimes grows in quiet places.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: I hope today's conversation gave you something worth carrying throughout the rest of this day.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And join me, Dr.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Chris Smelser, again next time as we continue thinking, learning, and walking together until this grace and peace to you from seeking approval and giving the Baptist Church.