Latest / The You Project / #1637 What Are You Wasting Energy On - Carly Taylor

Transcript

#1637 What Are You Wasting Energy On - Carly Taylor · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I got your bloody champions. Welcome to another instorm with
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: the Year Project. One of my favorite people in the world.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I don't say that lightly Carly Taylor, the better half
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: of Paul Taylor. Of course she's here again, and I'm
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: excited because we spoke recently and this How do I
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: say this without sounding you know, when you think, oh shit,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: I'm about to say something that it could sound condescending,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: I don't mean it too. But you've always been clever,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: and you've always been smart. You've always had this beautiful
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: energy and a nice way of communicating. But I feel
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: like you've realized. I feel like you're better. I feel
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: like you've evolved. You know, like you were good, but now,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: like last time we chatted. I don't know whether it's
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: you know more stuff, or you're more confident, or perhaps
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I'm less terrifying to you, or or you've kind of
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: figured out the art and the science of podcasting. Like
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: when I listened back to me six years ago, I
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: fucking that I don't love me at the best of times.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: That's a that's a whole episode. There isn't that, Carli.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: And then when I was eight, no one came to
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: my birthday.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Well, Lie, you're on the couch.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, but I you know, I feel much better
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: now doing this because it just feels like my natural
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: habitat What about you, Do you feel more comfy? Yeah?
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: That is such an interesting observation because I don't know
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: if I feel more comfy. But I think what I'm
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: able to do is sit with the discomfort. And I
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: really yeah, so I always, I always get nervous, so
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: and I guess the nerves are around God. Am I
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: going to say the right thing? Am I going to
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: be interested? You know that internal chatter that in a
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: chatter it's like and which is normal because you know,
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: I think you have to have that because you care
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: and because you want to do a good job. So
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: it kind of comes with it. And I think I've
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: accepted that.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I will often talk to myself and that part of
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: me who I call Wilma. I will I will actually say, look, thanks,
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: this actually isn't helpful. Can you just sit out in
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: the other room? Like I know I can't get rid
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: of it, and I know this sounds really weird, but
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: I actually do talk to that part of me and
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: them just to leave just for the moment. What cha.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I mean this is good. I mean, I know what
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: we're going to talk about, we're going to get there.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: But I love this because it's organic and real and unplanned. Right.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: So one of the things that one of my is
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: one of my issues, is if I've got to do
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: a gig, like a corporate gig like your husband does
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: a lot, and I if I've got to talk at
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: nine o'clock, I want to get to the room at
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: five to nine. But they don't want me to get
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: to the room at five to nine. They want me
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: to be there at fucking eight o'clock for a sound check,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: which nobody needs because anyone can do that. And then
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: they want me to be in the room at like
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: eight point thirty. But I often say to them, if
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: you want the best me, just don't make me sit
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: up the back for an hour listening to shit I
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: don't want to listen to or like it doesn't I
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: need to be off doing something, even if I'm in
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: the gym until eight thirty, Like if I'm at a hotel,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: then I come up, I go, I'm in my room.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I know I'm speaking at nine. I'm not going to
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: learn anything more. I'm not going to be any more prepared.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to change my strategy. Then I put
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: on you know, I splashed my face because I've already
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: had a shower. I'll change you into my fucking frock
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: and then I walk down and then about eight minutes
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: after I get in the room, they intro me. And
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: it tends to work well. Like I I was going
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: to say, even that sounds arrogant, but even someone who's
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: been doing corporate gigs for nearly thirty years, I still
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: have to have my little protocol because I can, I
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: can overthink it if I have too much time just
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: in limbo, you know.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so what happens when you do You have to
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: be there early because that's very much that you need
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: to have control over that process. And then sometimes you
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: don't have control of it because they are going to
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: insist that yet early. So how do you handle that?
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: How do you if the overthinking starts? Well?
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: What so? On a practical level, they'll say, you know,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: we want you to do a sound check or something,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: which is silly. They just really want to make sure
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I'm there. I think, so I do that and I'll say, look,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: you know, if it's possible, I'll say do you mind
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: if I sit in outside outside the room, but ten
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: feet away, sitting on a couch. But I'll just I'll
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: just post it on Instagram, or I'll write an inspirational message,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: or I'll plan for the thing that I've got tomorrow.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Like I try not to think about what's coming. Yep,
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: not because I'm scared, but because it doesn't improve my performance,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: you know. So I like to and there's no set
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: way to present, of course, just like there's no best
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: diet and there's no best workout. But for me, when
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: I tend to be at my best, it's when I
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: know who the group is, I know why I'm there,
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I know what I'm talking about. But I'm not scripted.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: I'm not scripted. There are no slides, there's no video.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: And that's not that slides and video are bad. Paul
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: uses slides and video beautifully, but for me, it doesn't
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: work for me optimally. But having said that, and I
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: know I'm talking too much, I'll shut up. I'm doing
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: a new workshop on Sunday at Deacon called Understanding You Right,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: And I've tried.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: Very hard to bring at least half of the content
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: new content, because you know, my audience know me, Well,
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: there's nearly two thousand fucking episodes and a million whiteboard whatevers,
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: and so I don't want to rock up and say
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: what I always say.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: So I've been I've literally been doing for me an
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: extraordinary amount of prep. And then I rang Melissa this morning,
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: who's the boss of me everyone, and said, you're not
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: going to believe this, but I think I'm going to
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: need a couple of slides because there's just a couple
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: of concepts I need to unpack, which I really need
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: people to see things as well. And I can't just
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: do it organically on the fly because I've created this
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: process I want people to I want to walk them
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: through this process of opening the door on understanding the
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: self right, and there's eight levels, and I thought I
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: probably need a visual representation of that so I could
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: be evolving, Carly, I know that's the word.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: I was thinking, You're evolving, and that's good. That's good. Change,
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: Change is good.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Ah. Do you have any kind of even if you
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: do something like this, or if you're doing a speaking
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: thing or an educational thing, do you have any rituals
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: or any particular prep that is kind of a non negotiable.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: You mean on the day, Yeah, like it, Like before this,
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: do you just do your shit and go, oh it's
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: ten to one, I better get ready for Craig Or
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: do you have a little kind of process.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: I really hope that I am going to evolve to that,
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: but I'm not there yet. So my process is to
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: is to do a bit of exercise. So I had
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: I went into the land room. I've got these club bells,
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: you know, the club bells, yep, And so I do
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: a little flow routine with those and just to get
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: my heart rate up, just burn off a little bit
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: of the stressholmemands that I don't want to burn all
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: of them off, but yeah, so I'll do that. But
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: I like your I like the way you. You know,
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: if you do have a bit of time before you
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: present that you use a bit of distraction. Like if
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: if we're going to talk about attention, which we're probably
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: going to talk about today, is you're taking your attention
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: off the what's going to happen in twenty minutes and
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: just going, Okay, I'm going to put my attention onto
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: what I can do right now, and for you, like
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: you know, posting on social media or whatever.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Yes, which is I always think like attention is energy, right, yes,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Like whatever I invest my attention on, my focus, on
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: my mind in well, that's that I'm deciding where I'm
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: spending my my psychological, cognitive and emotional energy, you know,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: because I'm I'm now thinking about that thing that that
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: bloke did yesterday morning, that fucking inconsiderate bloke, and what
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I should have done and what I could have said,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: and what I might do next time if the same thing,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: if I bump into and then twenty minutes has gone
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: and I've done no work. All I've done is fucking
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: you know, activated my sympathetic nervous system to my own detriment.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I'm now a bit stressed and anxious, my blood pressures up,
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: and I've been completely fucking unproductive, and it's all my fault.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Out and it's and it's the thing is it's normal
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: for us to think back on the past and go,
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: you know, I should have done that, and but it's
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: it's actually being aware that you're doing it and then
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: taking control over where your attention is and going, well, actually,
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: this thought is not helpful to me right now. So
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: what I It might be there, and it might chatter
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: in the background, but you want to just turn it
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: down a bit by using your attention to what is
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: important right here, right now. Yeah, what you have is now,
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: isn't it. It's you just have these moments. But our
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: minds go often to the past and into the future,
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: and it takes us away from what's happening right now.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I created this little model, which this is not giving
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: anything away, but the first two steps of self reflection
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: and self awareness right the thing I'm going to unpack
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: on the weekend, and it is just that that thing
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: of like like we're going to talk about attention and
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: burnout and busyness, good busyness, bad business. But I think
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: that like one of the things I want to talk
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: about this weekend. If you're not come along, anybody, come along.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: It's a deacon. It's nine thirty Sunday. Go to my website.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: But I want to talk about see what I did there, Culli,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: but I want to talk about it just fucking just
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: like an advertising fucking ninja just in between sentences. It's
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: almost subliminal.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: Made me want to go, I'm like, what am I
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: doing Sunday morning?
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Nin I'm thirty, Wow, you can you can come and
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: bring a friend for free. So not that you need
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: to hear me, but if you are really bored, then
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: feel free. But I was thinking about how much we
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: live on this kind of auto pilot, or in this
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: auto pilot of unconsciousness, where we keep doing things that
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: clearly don't work, but nonetheless don't stop them, right because
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: it's easy to be, you know, to get up and
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: kind of do what you did yesterday, same kind of communication, conversation,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: same breakfast, lunch, dinner or version of it. Even going
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: to the gym. Like me as an exercise scientist, I
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: love watching people at the gym who basically do the
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: same fucking workout for ten years in a row and
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: then go, I don't know, you know, I'm here all
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: the time, I train hard. Nothing changes. Well, no shit, Sherlock,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: because your body doesn't need to adapt because you don't
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: give it a reason. It's like opening the door on
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: self awareness and consciousness. It's kind of one of our
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: ongoing challenges.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, especially in the digital wage as well. Yes, because
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: we can get so trapped into that passive consumerism, can't
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: we where any space that we have our attention can
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: be stolen from social media from emails, from the news.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: And the thing is, it's all designed to capture our attention.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: If you if you write, if you google expert in attention,
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: it's not going to come up with, you know, Buddha,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: it's going to come up with an agency that that
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: works on social media. And so that's what it is.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: And so I think we are, Yeah, we are living
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: unconsciously because we're not taking control over what we're putting
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: our energy into.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: And I think, yeah, I love that, and even the
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: idea of conscious you know, it's like social media is
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: not going away. Podcasts are not going away. I'm not
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: not in the near future anyway, you know, online everything
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: is not. So I think it's about even even in
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: that space of listening to something, I give things five minutes,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: give or take, and in that five minutes, I go,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I'm either going to Sometimes I might go I need
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: another couple of minutes because I'm not sure, but generally,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: by five minutes, I'm like some time, that's one. But
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I'm going to listen to this or not. Yesterday I
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: went for a walk and I was listening to Lex Friedman.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Do you know who he is? No? Lex Friedman is
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: an engineer PhD mit genius got one of the biggest
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: podcasts in the world. Is this Ukrainian slash Russian. I
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: think he was born in the Ukraine, grew up in Russia,
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: lives in the States. Anyway, really smart guy. Polarizes people
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: a bit. But anyway, he had Donald Trump on his podcast,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: right I'm like, ah, okay, sure, And I listened to
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Lex kind of periodically, and I went, fuck, well, I'm
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: just curious to what this is going to be. And
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: I thought, it doesn't matter, I'm going to listen to
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: all of this because even though I have quite strong
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: opinions and I just want to listen. And I was
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: walking and I was about I left time. I was
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: probably about a seven or eight or nine minutes in.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't. I can't do this for an hour.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: It's going to fucking make me dumber. It's like, I
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: just I can't. Ah. And I don't hate Trump, and
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not a Trump fan either, but I just like,
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this is not a conversation. And some people
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: would love it, which is fine, but just for me,
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I'm very careful about what I what I allow my
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: brain and my mind to consume. Just like I am
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: with what I allow my body to consume. And I
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: don't think people understand that, you know, our cognitive diet
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: has an impact.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, definitely. But I think a lot of people
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: are putting their focus like when you look at say
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: something like TikTok or you know, or Instagram, and there's
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: a lot of just scrolling, so just looking at other
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: people's lives and kind of looking at what they're doing.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: And of course, you know, my kids do this all
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: the time. I'm just like, oh, even, you've got something
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: better to do. But that's that that sort of constant
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: scrolling and constant draw to social media to look at
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: other people's lives is taking us away from actively participating
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: in our own life.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And it's really easy to I do it too,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: because my you know, the algorithm knows that if you
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: bring up a review on a motorbike or some fucking
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Jack Doude deadlifting two thousand pounds, I'm going to watch it,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: you know. So it's just it's so clever. Oh my god,
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: it's just like a little dopamine machine in my hand.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: I just keep hitting the fucking button, you know.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: And it's it's even just having the mobile phone there,
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: like I find that if it's on the bench, and
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: I'm very aware of you know, how much time I
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: spend on my phone, But before I know it, I'm
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: like reaching for it. And if I don't consciously go,
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: is this actually what I want to be doing right now,
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: I'll just get get sucked into it. It's so easy,
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: and that's why there is we need to take control
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: of where we're putting our energy and our attention, and
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: that starts with awareness.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And it's so easy to like in a
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: time as well, where so many people are anxious, so
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: many people are burned out, so many people got kind
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: of quarters all overload or you know, like and so
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: many people are so distracted and also so fucking sad
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: and miserable, like you know, and without trying to sound judgy,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I just like I want to say to people, I
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: get it, like I care and you have my empathy,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: and but what are we going to do? Though? Yes, like, yep,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: I'm going to support you. I'll give you a hug
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: if I can tell you I understand, and yes, yep, yep, yep. However,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: what are we doing though, let's fix this? Simply is
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: good cares good, loves good, compassions, good good, but we
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: also need to be strategic because your life ain't going
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: to end up magically fucking amazing in a year. So
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: here we are, and you've got this awareness that what
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: you're doing isn't working. So what's the plan? Yeah, what's
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: the action?
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: It's like, Okay, this is your situation. What are you
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: going to do? What's your next step? And it's that
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: that burnout situation, Like we are the number one burnout
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: country in the world. And burnout is different to stress.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: It's like it starts with stress and then it leads
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: to burnout. So what's happening in that stress space, It's
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: is people are not able to manage that stress or
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: they're not reaching out to get help or whatever they
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: need to do, and then it's then it's moving into burnout.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: And there seems to be this culture in Australia of
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: people being workaholics. Like I used to I worked at
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: Sony Music in the nineties and there was a culture
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: there of working long hours and so you wouldn't leave
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: before seven and if you did, you felt guilty and
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: you felt like you're being judged and you might leave
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: you job. So it was a bit of fear there.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: But the difference is now is that I could leave
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: the office at seven or seven thirty and no one
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: could contact me because back then we couldn't be contacted.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: But now what I'm finding and from my experience, I
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: haven't got the data on this, but from my clients,
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: a lot of this is in the financial sector, is
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: that there is this culture of you work hard, you
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: are available what seems like twenty four to seven, You
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: get home, you might spend a bit of time with
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: the family, and then you're back online. Yes, and that
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: is that is this constant, constant state of being switched
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: on and no recovery. And that's where I talked to
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: my clients about treating themselves like their athletes, because you
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: don't have an athlete that goes jews a really hard
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: date the track today and I'm feeling exhausted, I might
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: crack open a bottle of wine. You know. They want
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: to recover, yes, so they prioritize their sleep, they prioritize
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: their nutrition and their hydration and you know, and their
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: mindset stuff. So treating ourselves and looking at how are
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: we racow am I recovering is just so important because
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: that recovery can be really effective, active, mindful recovery, or
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: it can be mindless and numbing recovery. And it's knowing
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: the difference between the two.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be blatant plugging that plugs to today.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: But I was just doing a little post that I'm
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: going to put up tonight. I'm doing a workshop next Tuesday,
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: and this ties in. And it's just called love your Body, right,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: that's the workshop. It's online. It's called love your Body,
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: And so it's got this kind of image love your body,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: and underneath in brackets it's got you can't get a
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: new one, right, and same you know, with our mental health,
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: our emotional health, our physical health, sometimes we wait till
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: shit breaks. You know. We're kind of reactive, not proactive,
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: all the while knowing I'm not good and this is
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: not good. You know, we really need like you know,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: like you think about how much focus and attention we
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: give to I might sound judging judged to today. I
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: don't mean to, but because I've done it too, right,
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: So I'm putting up just time, energy, attention to shit
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: that really doesn't really matter that much, you know, But
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: what really matters is that my brain works and my
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: mind works, and my emotions are not totally in the
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: gata all the time or most of the time, and
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: that my body and my lungs and my heart and
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: my muscles and my movement and my posture. You know,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: it's life isn't about that. But if you're physically, mental
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: and emotionally, I'm well, well the fuck the rest doesn't
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: matter that much.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I think if you're I think it
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: goes back to that, Okay, I'm struggling. It's that question
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: of what am I going to do? And that's why
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: I know everyone knows about mental health. We talk a
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: lot about mental health, and we talk about self care,
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: but I prefer to talk about mental fitness because mental fitness,
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: like physical fitness, it's something that you have to work
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: on and you have to work on it every single day.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: And we're training our brains to be able to not
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: only just cope, but to be able to thrive or
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: to be able to keep going even when times are challenging.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: And I think mental fitness to me implies action, whereas
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: mental health and self care is just a little bit.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: And I know we do have to look after our
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: mental health but that needs to encompass not just our minds,
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: but our nutrition, our fitness, our sleep, our connection, and
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: all those things that make up a healthy, effective human.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: For me, the analogy is it's like, oh, don't pick
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: up those boxes. You might hurt your back. You know,
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: you've got to look after your back. But a self
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: care for your back, I might or or I could
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: pick up some light boxes, and then I could eventually
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: pick up some medium boxes, not too many boxes, and
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: then eventually some fucking heavy boxes, and then I don't
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: have to avoid the boxes. Now I'm strong, and if
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: life puts some boxes on my path, I don't have
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: to get someone else to come and cheer me on
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: or lift the boxes. I can lift the fucking boxes.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: You know why, because I got strong.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: So there's this there's this space in between self care
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: but also self empowerment, you know where Yeah, and I
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: know what you're saying. I think you know is that
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: we need to love, care, support, But there's got to
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: be you know, like the world doesn't give a fuck
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: about your feelings or your emotions, or your outcomes or
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: your sore back. So and the only person who can
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: write your story is you. So you know it's like,
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: come on, oh, cheer you on. I'll support you, I'll
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: love you, but I can't go for a run for you.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: I can't have a good attitude for you, I can't
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: make hard decisions for you, and I can't be resilient
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: for you. So while I will care and support you,
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: still need to do some work.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The stoics. The stoics have got this
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: the art of acquiescence, and that is isn't it sound
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: that that's such a.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: Cool word, that's fancy for us.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: The heart of acquiescence is to really surrender and accept
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: the things that we cannot change, right and so so,
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: and by accepting that, we can then move our attention
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: to the things that we can change. And so it's
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: those it's that epicteators who talked about the zones of control.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: So we said, our lives are into zone. Zone one
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: are all the things we can control, and zone two.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Zone two are all the things that we can't control.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: And so often we're putting our focus on zone two
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: and that's where we struggle because that's they are the
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: things we cannot control, and often the wish for things
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: to be different than they are is it's a contradiction
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: of to what is reality, So being aware of that
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: and then turning out, okay, what can I do in
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: this situation? So if I get home from seven o'clock
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: at seven o'clock at night, and I have had such
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: a stressful day and my mind is just like going
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: with all the things that happen today and all the
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: things I've got to do tomorrow. Okay, you can accept
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: that you can't change that. You can't change what's just happened,
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: and you can't change what's happening tomorrow, but you can
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: focus on right here, right now, and what's important. What
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: is my purpose? If we talk about purpose, it doesn't
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: have to be this big, grandiose purpose that's sort of
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: out of touch. It's the purpose in this moment. And
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: maybe that is to be to put your parent hat
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: on your mom hat or your dad hat and be
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: focused on your kids through a period of time. Well
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: maybe you just maybe you just got to cook dinner,
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: or maybe you just got to clean up the kitchen.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: It's focusing on that, knowing that all the other things
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: beyond my control.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: And I think the question we can ask is in
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: terms of what I want to get done need to
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: get done. You know, I ask myself a form of
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: this every morning. I go in terms of what I
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: want to do, be create and change today. You can
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: write this down if you want, folks, In terms of
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: what I want to do, be create and change today,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: what's the best investment of my energy?
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: Oh? You know love that love it?
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's intentional living, that is Yeah. Well, it's like
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: it brings my focus to where because I you know,
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like a dog with three dicks. I've got the
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: attention span of a fucking fat kid in a cake
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: shop shop because I used to be a fat kid
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: in a cake shop. So, you know, but I really
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: need to keep raining my mind back in because my
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: mind is busy and sometimes busy good and sometimes busy bad.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: But it's fucking busy. So if I don't have some
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: you know, some guardrails, some metaphoric guardrails, like for the
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: bowling ball, the mind that is the bowling ball that
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: is my mind will not stay in the fucking lane.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: So I go in terms of what I want to do,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: be creating change today. What you know, where does my
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: energy or my attention or my focus need to be.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: And then I jot down. Then I kind of do
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: my you know, my to do list, but my priority list,
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: you know, because I go, well, this needs to have
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: sixty percent of my attention today, Like today, sixty percent
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: of my attention is on my Sunday workshop and we're
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: recording this Thursday afternoon, and so I do other things.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: But I've got two documents open. I've got a massive
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: screen here, you're on your on one screen in the middle,
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: and then right right to either side of you, I've
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: got two a four documents, which is my workshop. And
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: I just keep you know, I work for a bit,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: then I'll go have a cup of tea. Then while
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: I'm having a couple of hours, fuck yeah, then I'll
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: come up. I'll jop down for twenty minutes, and I
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: keep coming back, and by the end end of today,
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: I'll probably have six or seven hours of energy and
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: effort and productivity gone into my workshop that came out
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: out of this morning six thirty kind of you know,
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: rumination about the day.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: Do you when you're ruminating about the day, I would say,
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: planning your day? Yeah, are you writing it down on
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: your whiteboard?
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I write stuff in my I write stuff in
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: my phone. And periodically take my laptop. But I am
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: between about six ish and eight ish. Yeah, my mind's great,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: and I just mean for me great, Yeah, so fucking excited,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: so curious, so fresh, so many ideas. I also have,
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: you know, you can't see them because I've got a backdrop,
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: but over my left shoulder, I have a big whiteboard,
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: right shoulder, big whiteboard. In my bedroom, I have a
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: gigantic whiteboard, which is very sexy, I might add, doubt
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: so like a seven foot whiteboard. In my kitchen, I've
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: got a seven foot whiteboard, and in my recording studio,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: I've got an eight foot whiteboard, and I'm constantly and
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I've got whiteboard markers all over the house, so I'm
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: constantly stopping at a whiteboard writing an idea down. And
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: people come into my joint and go, this is fucking weird.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: I go, I know, and then I take them because
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: obviously I don't take people into my bedroom. And I go, well,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: here's the weirdest one, and they go into my bedroom.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: The whole wall is a whiteboard with ideas and quotes
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: and fucking you know, like thoughts, questions. But it's just
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: I feel like the wacky scientist who's got experiments going
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: on everywhere. And if I don't get it out of
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: my head and onto a screen or a whiteboard or
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: a bit of paper, I might lose it. So I'm
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: really I'm really careful about that.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: I love that. And I'm the same. You can't hear
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: my dog barking hand no, no, heismans bloody dog.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: We love dogs. You we're a dog. We're a dog
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: friendly postter post. Yeah.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: So I'm the same. So it's that morning, and this
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: is what I want to encourage everybody to do, especially
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: if you are crazy busy at work, is find some
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: space in the morning where there are no inputs, like
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: don't even don't touch your phone, don't look at your email.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: Just find that time to have some space just to
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: be creative, just to even sit and think, like just
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: spend time with the dog. And because it is such
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: an opportunity to to be able to have a bit
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: of freedom, just to be you and not have all
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: these distractions coming in. And I'm the same. So Paul
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: for my birthday bought me this. It's like a digital
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: notebook called Remarkable. Have you heard of them?
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so, and.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: I love it. I've tis got one. Tiff writes notes
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: when we're doing a show, and then she sends me
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: a screenshot of the notes. So yeah, yeah, yeah, I.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Love it because I'm the same. I don't have the
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: whiteboard scattered everywhere, but I was having notebooks like I
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: just have. I've got shelves full of notebooks where I'm
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: just like scribbling stuff and then I kind of forget
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: where things are and I might not go back and
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: read it, but I find the remarkable is good now
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: because I've got it with me. And in the morning,
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: I will get up, I will make a cup of coffee,
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: which I know maybe I shouldn't be doing, because that's
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: like a stimulant that I enjoy it. It's like that
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: is part of what I will call my iggy guy.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: It's my little joy that I have in the morning,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: and I will sit there before anybody has got up,
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: and I just ideas will just come and I'll just
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: start writing and it excites me. It's really it's such
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: a good way to start the day. If you start
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: the day like a lot of people have their mobile
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: phones by their beds, and yeah they've got them on
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: aeroplane mode, but you wake up and the first you
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: seeze your mobile phone, there is that temptation there to go, oh,
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: just check the newser I'll just check, you know, my
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: Instagram post. It's it's immediate input before you've even put
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: your feet on the ground. So I would encourage the
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: fine out of the bedroom and you get yourself just
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: an alarm clock. I've just got a normal alarm clock,
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: and so you're not tempted with that, and you can
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: ease into the morning and give your brain a bit
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: of a break all outside stuff coming in. And if
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: it's a nice day, go outside and just breathe the
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: air and feel the feel the know the breeze on
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: your skin, and smell only aroamas and just just be
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: a bit in nature as well, even if it's just
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: in your backyard.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: And I think, like, which is following on from what
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: you're saying, is that different things work for different people, right,
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: So some people like for me getting up, getting on
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: one of my motorbikes, riding to the cafe, having a coffee.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: You know, it's like this little ritual that works on
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: a range of levels for me. But for someone else
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: that would be the worst protocol. But for me it's great.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: And like me breakfast and then dinner. Great. That works
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: for me, That keeps me lean, I'm not starving through
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: the day. Great. You know me lifting weights in the afternoon. Great.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: If I want to do cardio mornings better, right, you know.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: And so in this whole kind of what we could
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: in general terms called process of self management. You know,
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: we get to figure out because we're always getting data,
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: you know, we get to figure out how our mind
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: or our brain, our our body best operates under what conditions.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: And then when we pay attention, we go, you know what,
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: my fucking I'm smarter in the morning. Cool, So do
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: that cognitive stuff before midday if that's possible, or when
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: I'm when I do this, then I get grumpy. Cool,
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: let's not do that then, or let's figure out a
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: way to do it when you're less tired, or you know,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: when I eat this food, I always have intergestion, interject, well,
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: here's an idea, you know, and it's just I know
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: these are simple things. But the amount of us, including me,
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: at times, who we keep fucking doing what doesn't work,
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: and our body or our outcomes or our internal sat
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: nab that internal wisdom is screaming at us and we're
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: like fingers in the la la la la. You know
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: it's it's that's the epitome of living unconsciously.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, is that Aristotle know thyself, isn't it.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: That's the first thing in my thesis. Did you know that?
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: Oh no, I didn't.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: Yeh, yeah, yeah, well that's one of the first things
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: because it's all about because my whole you know, project
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: is about self awareness. Anyway, sorry I interrupted.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Well I was, I use I use journals for that
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: to know myself, and I put down I write, I
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: used my journals to write down data. So I will
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: write down what exercise I've done, you know, if I
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: go for a run or do the you know, how
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: long it went, how long it took me to go,
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: what distance and and or and then I'll write down,
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: you know, my nutrition and so just the data. And
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: then i'll you know, might write down how I felt
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: like I felt a bit tired today, and then I
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: kind of work out why it's like, okay, well it's
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: because I didn't have a good night's sleep last night,
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: or I had a glass of wine with a friend
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: last night that's affected my sleep. And but then what
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: I can do is I can kind of look at
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: my journal and see patterns and isn't that interesting. I'm
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: just repeating something that wasn't working for me, and I
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: can see in my journel I keep doing that, like
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: what is that about? And that's that's been amazing for
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: me to have this, I guess, heightened awareness of my
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: own behaviors and my automatic behaviors, so got my unconscious
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: conscious go tos, I guess. And then once you once
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: you work out these default behaviors that are not working
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: for you, then you can change them. But you have
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: to know you first.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love in that sense. Before tracking was a thing,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: they have trackers these they have trackers, you know, the
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: young kids, electronic trackers. Back in my day, we had
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: a fucking exercise book. But when Paul first started working
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: with me up at Harper's on the Highway, even before that,
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: we had what we then called food and training diaries.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: And this is quarter of a century ago. Can you
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: believe that, Carlie fucker long ago?
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: Was that? And when did you meet Paul? Because my
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: daughter's eighteen and I'm sure when you met Paul, I
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: don't think she even born, so it must be.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, I met Paul not like close to
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: the turn of the century, like it's twenty twenty four, right,
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: it would have been very two thousands. But even back then,
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: twenty twenty five years ago, even thirty years ago, when
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: I was thirty, all of my clients had diaries, all
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: of them. All of them had training, food, exercise, lifestyle
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: diaries where sleep, food, micros, macros, energy levels, booze, supplements, medication, coffee, tea,
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: anything that would have an impact on basically performance, health, wellness.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: Energy was tracked and people used to go to me,
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: why do you bother? And I go because it literally
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: teaches me what works for the individual. You know. So
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: let's say I'm training you on a Monday morning and
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen you since Thursday morning, So then you
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: rock up with Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So that's ninety
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: six hours of data and then you jump on the bike.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: I go, just do a warm up, khli. I look
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: at four pages of information, and then I talk to
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: you about what's going on, and then you become more
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: aware and because you've got to track it and then
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: I'm going to read it, now you're more accountable and
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: you're more likely to stay on track. And so there's
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: a whole bunch of benefits. But people would make progress
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: in six months that other people who didn't track anything
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: would not make in two years, because you're literally teaching
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: yourself about your own body physiology and responses, you know,
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: and what works. Oh guess what? When I sleep this much?
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: My energy is a three, my moods are a one.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: I'm a prec to be around. Oh here's a good
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: correlation or here's a good realization.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, ask go on, I say, I use that the
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: emotion that for emotions as well. So I will write,
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: but what I will try and do is write it
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: down without the emotions. So this isn't I'm not venting anything.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: I'm not putting down my emotions well as me. I'm going, okay,
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: I felt this way today, and this is how I
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: responded to it. And then I'm able to kind of
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: then understand what my response is to these emotions or
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: these negative thought patterns come up, So that I think
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: that's bringing that awareness too, and realizing that if you
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: and it's all that metacognition isn't it is noticing your
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: thoughts and noticing the emotion and then creating that space
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: to be able to go Okay, well, I get that
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: that keeps showing up for me, But I don't need
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: to get entangled up in that. I don't need to.
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: I don't need to allow it to dictate my behavior
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: and what I do. And I find that has been
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: hugely helpful for me.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: I love that. I remember thinking, remember having this realization,
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: this is this is not going to be good for
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: my brand, my already dodgy brand. But I remember having
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: this realization. Ah, and this is years ago, not that many.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: I wish it was more years ago, but well even still,
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: every now and then where I go, I'm in a
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: conversation or a situation and I have this little, like
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: fucking voice on my shoulder that goes, ah, what's that about?
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: And I realize I'm trying to impress someone, Like I
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: realize I'm just putting a bit of mayo on the story,
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: or maybe leaving a bit out, you know, and maybe
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: just turning up the volume on the good bits. And
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: then I just I kind of in real time, I
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: get amused at myself at like, you're sixty years old,
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: you're fucking insecure, You're trying to impress someone. The fuck
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: is wrong with you?
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: But the good news is real time.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: I do it, I literally do it. It's like this,
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: this is true. This happened the other day. So there's
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: this young guy that works at the cafe. He's got
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: a motorbike. It's an a Prillia. It's beautiful, it's I
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: think it's a six sixty. He's young. And I arrived
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: at the cafe at the same time as him. I
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: was on my scooter, which is worth about ten dollars.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: But I've got three beautiful, amazing, big, expensive, fast, powerful
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: motorbikes at home. Right, he's on his Aprillia. I'm on
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: my scooter. It took me fucking every ounce of self
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: control not to tell him about my motorbikes. Right, He's
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: looking at my scooter and I'm like, oh god, he's
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: judging me on my scooter. And I'm like, what is
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: wrong with you? And so I just started asking him
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: about his bike and told him and it is it's beautiful,
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: you know, it's amazing, and that, aren't it? And he
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: felt great because he had this awesome thing. And I
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: have this bace. Shit. I fucking hate self awareness. It's
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: a pain.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: Gosh. Well, it just shows you human doesn't it.
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: I'm very human. A couple of things before we wind up.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: So we spoke before about it's almost like the busyness badge,
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: you know, the busy badge, Oh, how I'm busy? Yeah yeah,
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: or the busy brag. It's like it's like being busy
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: is like a good thing. I'm going to brag about
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: how busy I am. What's your take on that? What's
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: your take on this kind of I don't know the
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: pride that we take in being so busy or telling
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: people that we're busy and wearing it like some kind
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: of social badge of honor or professional badge of honor.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: Is that other thought? But what do you think? What
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: do you think that's about?
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of people wrap there identity up in
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: this busyness and their work and kind of aspiring to
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: be successful. And I think I think there's a lot
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: of emphasis on individual success. We used to we used
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: to be more community minded, we used to be more
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: part of the collective, but now it's this individualism and
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: maybe that's where people put this importance on being busy
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: to show that they're worthy. I think what the danger is,
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: and this is something about traditional Japanese culture which I
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: absolutely love, is that they take so much, They put
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: so much focus and join attention into the small things
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: in life, the everyday thing, so you know, whether it's
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: nature or whether it's just doing whatever you're doing well.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: And I think that is something that's overall missing in
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: our Western culture, is slowing down and enjoying the moments
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: that we have today and expanding our perspective of our
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: lives to the amazing things that amazing things we are
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: given from others, but also nature itself and just going
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: outside and just appreciating life. And that's something that I'm
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: started to practice, is to take a lot of joy
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: in the small things and do the small things well.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: You said before. I love that. I thought it was
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: about identity as well. So we're on the same page.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: You said before that stress is not burnout. I think
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: you said kind of this how I took it, that
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: stress is like the pathway to burn out. Yeah, it's
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: like it's the conduit to burn out. So we know
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: what stress is. What is burnout then? Like? And I
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: know this is I know people define it in different ways,
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: but what's your explanation to us of or your understanding
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: of burnout?
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: My understanding of burnout is you get to a point
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: where there's a bit of apathy that you kind of
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: there's a lack of interest in what you're doing, a
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: lack of focus and exhaustion. So that I think that's
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: my take on burnout. And it affects your ability to
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: function or function effectively, isn't it funny?
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I think it's. Yeah, I'm with you. I think
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: it's also physical, mental, emotional. I think it's all of it,
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: and it's funny. How not lately I haven't had one
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: for a while, but I don't know about you, but
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: some days, not often maybe where are we now, September.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: I've had maybe five this year where some days I
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: just feel flat and it's not it's very unme. Maybe
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: four days this year, but every now and then and
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like, I feel sad and I feel flat,
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: and I feel like I don't think I've ever been like,
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: I've never been clinically depressed, but I'm not really like
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: I'm generally all all the stuff, you know, curious, interested, cheeky.
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: Annoying, all that, But every now and then I have
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: a day where I'm like, ah, fuck I feel but
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: it gives me compassion for people because I'm like, this
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: is terrible.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I feel like this today. I
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: can't identify the cause. And then the next day I
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: get up and I'm good, But what do you reckon
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: that's about? Look?
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: I think I think that's it's it's normal. And I
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: think we we because we have problem solving minds, we
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: want to solve that problem and go, so, why am
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: I feeling sad? Now there might be whether you're feeling
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: sad or whether you have fear or anxiety, there might
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: be a message there, and so that's a good question
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: to ask. It's like what and maybe rather why am
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: I feeling like this? Is? What is this telling me?
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: What is my body telling me? Because a lot of
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: the time, like with anxiety, a lot of the time
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: it's telling you to do something with sad as if
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: you can't work out why you're feeling sad, then I
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: think that's when you just make room for the sadness
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: and stop putting your attention on to try and problem
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: solve it and go, Okay, well, what's my baseline today,
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: because normally my baseline's going to be a bit higher
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: and I can do this this and this and this
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: because I'm feeling great. If you've got lack of energy
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: and you're feeling sad, it's like, okay, what's today's baseline,
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: and you can always do something like you It might
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: be that you don't, you know, do the workout as
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: hard as you normally would, but you can still go
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: and do the workout and modify it to your energy levels.
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: It might be that you go and just clean out
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: a draw, you know, just do something that there's always
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: there is no point getting so wrapped up in the
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: sadness that it stops you from doing things, because there's
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: always something that you can do. And what happens, and
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: this isn't the end goal here, but what often happens
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: is that once you start to do that thing, then
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: the sadness can dissipate. And I'll give you example of this.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: My daughter Kira, she's doing her year twelve. She's studying
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: so hard, and she came home the other day and
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: she's very good at communicating, and she said, I'm just
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: feeling really flat. So I knew she didn't want to
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: talk to me, but she did a good job. We've
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: had this conversation before. It's like, Okay, there are going
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: to be days where you are feeling flat, that you're
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: feeling tired. It's big year this year, so let's find
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: strategies of what you're going to do when you feel
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: like this. So to give her credit, she wasn't that
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: she wasn't sort of snapping at me and being the
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: normal teenager. But what she did do is she took
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: herself off to cross it, and she did with her friend,
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: and at the end of it she was a different person.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: So she could have chosen to go into her bedroom
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: and just lie on lie on the bed and just
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: be in the sadness, but she chose to take the
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: sadness with her. She went to her exercise class and
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: then she felt great.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: That is so fucking evolved. I want to be as
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: much as a grown up as Kira. But you know,
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: you also said something else interesting, and this is me
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: craigifying what you said. So if I get it wrong,
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: correct me. But I feel like, sometimes you know, if
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: we feel sad, or if like sometimes I feel like
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: an impostor or sometimes there's some self doubt or like,
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: rather than trying to fix it or change it in
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: the moment, just coexist with it and go ah, okay, okay,
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: So you feel a bit anxious, that's all right, it'll go.
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: Lots of people get anxious. You'll be You'll be fine.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Or well, you feel a bit of self doubt or
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: you feel like an impostor, that's understandable. That's okay, you know,
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: but that doesn't need to dictate what I do next.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: Like that doesn't need to define my day.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, I love that.
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: I think it's.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: Part of that.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: I think it's part of that acceptance. Acceptance too is
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: that sometimes you can't have one thing without the other,
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean. It's it's it's like there's
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: always two sides to the coin. So if you really
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: care about something, the other side of the coin of
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: that is anxiety or like nothing that we do really
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: comes with all just the positive stuff, there's always a
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: bit of fear, anxiety or sadness, so that we have
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: to really understand that that's the balance of life. And
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: so that's where coexisting with this stuff rather than trying
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: to struggle and fight it really helps. And that's uncomfortable,
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: and it's hard, and it's a skill and it's one
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: that I will I am still working on. But I
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: think to have that awareness that as part of our
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: human as part of our humanness, we feel this landscape
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: of emotions and some of them are tough and really hard.
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: But if we keep putting our attention on them, that's
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: when they're going to get even more intense. Because, as
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: you said, attention is energy. So if we can just
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: allow them to be there, but put our energy into
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: other things that are important to us, then we can
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: have that balance there.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: You're the best. That's why I get you back, Carli.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: How can people connect with you? Find you? Follow you
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: unless your services?
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: So Carlie Taylor, it's a mouthful Carlietaylor Coaching dot com
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: dot au. You can follow me on Instagram which is
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: Carlie Taylor Coaching, and I will also plug my Joe Mondays.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: So every Monday I do just a bit of it.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: It's really a bit of a coaching tip on the
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: Paul Tayler Podcast. It's just a five minute thing. So yeah,
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: I'm there every Monday.
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: Perfect Paul Taylor Podcast. Carli Tayler love chatting with you.
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: Appreciate your insight and your input. You are invaluable and
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: I pay you zero. You're welcome but you know I
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: love you.
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: We'll say goodbye Fair, but for now, thanks Carlie, Yeah,
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: thanks for having Mesia.