Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why narcissists bury their feelings and hold everything in

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Why narcissists bury their feelings and hold everything in · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissist bury their
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  feelings. Why don't they want to just feel
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  and process things and get over it and get past it and work
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  through things? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist.
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  Welcome back, folks. I'll be getting all I'll be
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  jamming to my to my theme music. So y'all gotta, y'all gotta bear
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  with me. I'll be bouncing to the theme
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  music sometimes. But yeah, y'all narcissistic
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  people love, love, love. I don't, I ain't gonna say I
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  ain't gonna use the word love. Narcissistic people tend to bury
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  their feelings. Why is that?
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  Like, why don't they just want to process things and just allow
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  themselves to feel and be vulnerable and things like that?
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  Why don't they just want to have that type of emotional closeness
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  and bond with their partner? Why just like don't at least not
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  beat on the Bush, beat over the Bush, beat under the Bush, under
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  the Bush. Just tell us.
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  You see what I'm saying? I'm confused about that, that,
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  that, that phrase and whatnot. But yeah, there are a lot of
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  narcissists out there, y'all, that just will.
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  I feel like most narcissists will bury their feelings unless
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  it serves them. Now we're going to talk about
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  the small, the small portion of narcissists that don't bury
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  their feelings. Some of them are vulnerable.
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  The vulnerable narcissist exists, right?
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  They tend to be more towards the borderline and whatnot, but the
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  vulnerable narcissist exists. Vulnerable narcissist will
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  express themselves, will express their feelings, but it comes
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  from a point of trying to manipulate you.
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  That's the small caveat right there.
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  They will be vulnerable when it serves them, when it serves me.
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  I, I can be as, yeah, I can be the most vulnerable person alive
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  when it serves me. If I'm going to get something
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  from this, then yes, I'm going to keep doing this type of stuff
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  because it serves me right. This is what happens when you're
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  dealing with a toxic narcissistic person, with an
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  abusive person, with a disconnect with a person that is
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  normally disconnected from their emotions.
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  All of a sudden out of nowhere, they'll be vulnerable.
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  Like they get caught. They get caught clapping
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  somebody's cheeks, right? Clapping cheeks.
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  They get caught clapping somebody else's cheeks.
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  And also now they want to cry. Now they they normally stone
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  faced and reserved, but now they want to cry.
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  Now they want to express themselves.
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  I just. I I just did it because I just
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  feel so disconnected from you. Nobody told me to be.
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  Nobody gave me a hug when I was little, you know, for Christmas
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  I wanted. An easy make oven When I was 11
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  years old, all I wanted was an easy make oven.
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  You know what I got? I got some socks.
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  I got some Easy Bake socks and some baking and some oven mints.
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  That's why I cheat. It's that silly.
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  It's not that silly. I silly that sounds.
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  I know it sounds ridiculous, but they want you to believe that.
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  They want you to buy it. And do people buy it?
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  Yeah, because now they're crying.
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  You never seen them cry before. Now they're being vulnerable
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  when they normally bury their feelings, now they're being
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  vulnerable. The vulnerable narcissist is
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  covert, of course, but they they are very rarely going to be
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  vulnerable with you. So when they're vulnerable, it
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  works. When they're showing you some
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  feelings, it works. Why wouldn't it?
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  You're so used to this person being shut off and and not
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  trying to talk to you, not trying to deal with you.
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  It works, doesn't it? This type of stuff works.
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  These type of behaviors work. This type of stuff works.
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  Why wouldn't I do something that works for me?
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  You know what I mean? Why would I keep going if it
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  works one time? Why wouldn't I keep going to the
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  whale, so to speak? I'll keep going to the whale if
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  it's going to serve me in some way, shape or form.
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  And it does serve them. It serves.
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  Yeah. It just be real.
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  It does serve narcissistic people to keep doing these
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  behaviors over and over again. It just this one of those things
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  that happened so many times. Like if I do a toxic
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  narcissistic behavior, if I hear cheating and doing whatever I
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  want to do and people are supporting me, then why would I?
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  Yeah, why would I change that behavior?
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  You see what I'm saying? Why would I change a behavior
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  that is working for me? That doesn't make any sense.
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  I know it makes sense to y'all, but it doesn't make any sense to
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  a lot of to a lot of people that are are battling with
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  narcissists. Like they're going to do things
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  that work for them. They're going to do things that
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  serve them. This is just how it works.
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  And again, I'm not trying to be mean, but this is how it works
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  for a lot of people in these situations, right?
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  Like narcissistic people, most of us that are not the like most
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  of us that are not the vulnerable narcissist, we bury
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  our feelings because we I know I kind of segue really fast.
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  Part 2 The non vulnerable narcissist For those of us that
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  do bury our feelings, why are we doing this?
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  I was on a run today. Y'all, I ran a good two miles
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  today. Don't don't ask me my time.
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  I'm ashamed of it. And I was just jogging.
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  I I need to get out the house and clear my mind.
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  So what? I I, I intentionally took a two
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  mile, 30 minute jog. It was two mile 30 minutes and I
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  was walking. Yeah, I walked some.
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  Yeah, I'm 245 lbs. Like give me, give me a break.
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  Give me a break. I'm 30.
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  I'm almost 40 years old. Leave me alone.
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  But yes, this is what happens. Like narcissistic people, y'all,
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  we struggle so much with ourselves.
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  We struggle internally, mentally, emotional.
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  We struggle so much with ourselves that we have to keep.
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  Like this battle that we fight within ourselves sucks.
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  It hurts it. It blows our minds that we have
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  to keep doing the same thing over and over again.
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  So most narcissists in these spaces like that bury our
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  feelings. We do it because it protects us.
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  It's our protection mechanism. This is how we survive.
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  This is our survival mechanism. Like, you know how people like
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  have, how chameleons developed the ability, the mutation to be
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  able to change their colors, to protect themselves.
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  That's what narcissists do with buried burying our feelings.
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  It protects us. We grew up to think that
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  vulnerability meant weakness, right?
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  We've always been conditioned to think that vulnerability is
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  weakness. Like if you're vulnerable, you
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  must be weak in some way, shape or form, right?
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  This is what we've been conditioned to believe.
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  This is what we could be. We not.
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  And how we got conditioned this way is because like something
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  happened to us, our caretakers, our parents or grandparents or
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  whoever we were dealing with when we were younger, somehow we
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  got to violate it. And we, so our feelings got hurt
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  and we shut down and we never opened back up like because when
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  we opened up as a child, we got hurt.
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  So why would we keep opening it up as an adult?
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  You see what I'm saying? Why would we keep opening it up
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  as an adult if we kidding keep getting hurt?
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  If if our caretakers, the people who are supposed to love us, the
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  people who are supposed to care for us, the people who are
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  supposed to do this type of stuff for us and protect us and
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  heal us like they hurt us. So how the hell why?
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  How we supposed to trust you? We bury our feelings because if
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  we were vulnerable to we feel like we are vulnerable to you.
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  You have an upper over edge on you have an upper edge upper
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  hand on us. You can hurt us with our
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  vulnerability because we know what we can we we know what we
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  can do with your vulnerability. We can hurt you with it.
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  So we assume that you can do the same thing to us.
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  Why wouldn't you? You see what I'm saying?
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  Like, why wouldn't you do the same things, the same thing to
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  us that we've been doing to you? It just makes logical sense to
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  me to go about things, to go about doing things this way,
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  right? Why wouldn't we do it this way?
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  It serves us, it protects us. It it helps shield us and defend
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  US against a lot of different things.
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  So we're going to keep doing the things that benefit us.
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  We're going to keep doing the things that serve us.
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  We're going to keep doing the things that have gotten us to
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  this point of our lives. It's survive.
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  The things that have helped us to survive is not expressing
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  ourselves in a emotional way. And that includes being happy
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  sometimes, y'all. That does always mean like being
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  vulnerable and crying. That includes being happy
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  sometimes in front of you, being happy and being joyful, being
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  content in the moment. That includes that sometimes.
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  I don't know. That sounds ridiculous.
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  Like that, man, that sounds horrible.
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  Yeah, it, it can't be horrible. It can be horrible to stifle
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  your emotions. And guess what happens when you
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  stifle your emotions. My therapist said this a long
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  time ago and it, it stuck with me for seven years.
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  She said when you start, when you bury your emotions, they
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  die. And she said take with that.
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  And she didn't, she didn't even go into explanation about that.
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  This is the end of a therapist that she's like, this is just so
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  you know, think about this. When you bury your emotions,
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  they die. I was on the way out the door.
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  She left me with a nugget. Yeah, I got to drive.
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  I got to drive like 50 minutes to my therapist office.
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  My therapist is in in Greensboro, NC, so I have to
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  drive 50 minutes. They go to therapy in Greensboro
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  and she dropped that nugget and I was like, wait, what?
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  I'm driving home. I'm like, what the hell She mean
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  by that? Thing about it though, if you
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  bury everything, if you bury anything other than a, if you
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  bury anything alive, right? Emotions are alive.
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  Emotions mean you're alive. As long as you have emotions,
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  you're alive, right? Because people who don't have
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  emotions are dead, right? Correct.
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  You see what I'm saying? Even angry people, even people
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  who only have the angry emotions, those people are still
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  alive. But if you bury anything alive,
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  what happens to it? It dies.
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  So even if you bury your happy emotions, even if you can bury
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  your joyful emotions, even you, even if you bury your
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  contentment, your happiness, your joy, your fulfillment, your
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  satisfaction, if you bury that stuff is going to die.
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  And what happens when things die?
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  And what happens? You bury something alive in the
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  movie, you bury like a pet cemetery.
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  It's like the it's the emotional cemetery.
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  Like what happens when you buried, you ever seen the movie
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  Pet Cemetery back in the day? Well, you buried you, you buried
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  Fido in that pet cemetery. Fido might have been a good dog
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  when he was alive. Fido used to fetch.
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  Fido came home and we're going to fight on such a common name.
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  We're going to name this Lloyd. Lloyd was a very good dog when
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  he was alive, right? Lloyd was a great pet.
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  Lloyd died and you decide instead of letting Lloyd rest in
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  peace, you decided to let Lloyd be buried in the pet cemetery.
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  What happens when you bury stuff in the pet cemetery?
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  It comes back and evil it comes back.
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  Mad as hell is angry. You like Lloyd, Lloyd snarling
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  at you. Lloyd wanted to rest in peace,
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  but you decided you want you. Your feelings are more
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  important. Lloyd come back and bite your
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  ass. That's what happens to your
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  emotions when you when you bury them in the emotional cemetery.
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  They come back as anger. So when you bury your joy, when
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  you bury your fulfillment, you bury your contentment.
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  When you bury the good stuff, it comes back as anger and
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  resentment. You see.
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  So if I was happy about something and I feel like I
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  can't be happy in front of you because I, if I, if I'm happy in
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  front of you, I'm vulnerable. That means I'm vulnerable.
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  That means you can hurt me later on because you know what makes
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  me happy? I know this sounds stupid, but
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  this is how my mind been working.
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  Like if I'm happy in front of you about something, then you
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  know what makes me happy? So you now you can take it away
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  from me. Now you can use it against me.
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  So now I don't express that happiness in front of me in
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  front of you. I'm stone faced like you give me
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  an iPhone. What is it?
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  I got an old iPhone, this iPhone 11.
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  You give me an iPhone 11. I've been wanting this forever,
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  right? So you give it to me.
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  I'm like, yay, I'm like in my in my mind, I'm like, hell, I'm
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  looking. I've been waiting on this phone
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  forever. I'm like, thanks for the phone.
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  You know, this is a cool. It's a cool phone.
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  Yeah, I'm happy as hell. I got the phone that I wanted,
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  but now I can't express it. I'm mad as hell that I can't
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  express it. So guess what happens?
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  Now I'm pissed the hell off. Now I'm angry as hell because I
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  can't express myself. So now I'm happy.
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  Now I'm just now I'm acting like the phone doesn't mean anything.
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  I'm tossing the phone around. I'm doing things like that.
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  Now I'm pissed off. I'm bitter because I can't be
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  happy. We bury our emotions to protect
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  ourselves and it's not a healthy way to live.
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  So if you're a narcissist that watches my videos and I have a
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  few of them that watching my videos and it oh, let me say
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  this right here. If you are a narcissist watching
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  my videos, good for you. But if you're a person who has a
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  narcissistic partner or ex, that doesn't mean Oh, Lee said that.
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  Let me send them my let me send my those videos, these videos to
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  my ex. No, that doesn't mean that you
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  know what that doesn't mean that that doesn't mean do that.
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  But a lot of narcissists do watch my videos and they just
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  see. And if you're a narcissist
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  watching this video, let it out. Stop stifling yourself.
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  It's OK. Like it's OK to trust people.
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  You trusted somebody in your childhood, your partner, your
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  wife, your husband isn't the person who hurt you.
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  Let them off the hook. They didn't hurt you unless they
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  did. Let them off the hook.
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  Give them a chance. If they hurt you down the road,
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  hey, I bet you tried. You gave it your best because if
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  you don't try, you don't give it your best, you're going to
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  regret it anyway. You can be mad I said that you
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  didn't give it your best when they leave your ass and you'll
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  be mad. I said I I the way you can be
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  pissed off. You see what I'm saying?
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  Give it your best anyway y'all. Hope this video brought you some
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  clarity. Hope it brought you some peace.
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  You can find everything Lee Hammock at mentalillness.net.
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  I'm thankful for y'all. I appreciate every single one of
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  y'all. And as always y'all subscribe to
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  the channel if you haven't already.
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  As always, y'all Victor Hill, this is out.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea?
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 13:04
  to the channel. Helps reach more people and
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  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse
• 13:08
  through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video.