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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: On Setting (& Maintaining!) Boundaries With Zero Guilt · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Hi, y'all. Emily Abadi here coming to you live from
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: the Age Studio. My voice is back. I am back.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Hurdle is continuing on as usual. You are listening to
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  Speaker 1: five Minute Friday. I am happy to report that I
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: went on a jog this morning. It was a nice, steady,
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  Speaker 1: slow jog, but the main takeaway is that my body
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  Speaker 1: still works. We are in prime recovery mode. I'm not
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  Speaker 1: going to be picking up the pace anytime soon, but
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  Speaker 1: I'm just feeling on cloud nine after a really great
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  Speaker 1: week and just the outpouring of love that came my way.
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  Speaker 1: I'm feeling super, super grateful for all of it. I
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  Speaker 1: mentioned a lot of lessons that I learned during the
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  Speaker 1: marathon or reiterated during the marathon in this week's Hurdle
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  Speaker 1: Moment the New York City Marathon recap. But there's been
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  Speaker 1: something else that's been on my mind that I didn't
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  Speaker 1: talk about specifically in that episode, and that is the
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  Speaker 1: idea of boundaries.
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  Speaker 2: Now.
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  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to be a part of this thriving community,
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  Speaker 1: especially during marathon week here in New York City. There
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  Speaker 1: are a zillion different events you can go to a
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  Speaker 1: bunch of different exciting things happening, and of course, as
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  Speaker 1: someone who likes to consider herself a figure maybe in
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  Speaker 1: this community, I wanted to do as much as possible.
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  Speaker 1: But and there's a caveat here, I knew I had
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  Speaker 1: to do it responsibly and exercise my boundaries about what
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  Speaker 1: made sense for me. Having dealt with injury recently, I
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  Speaker 1: knew the last thing that I wanted to do this
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  Speaker 1: week was over exercise or be on my feet too much.
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  Speaker 1: I also knew that I had some really big, exciting
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  Speaker 1: interviews to get done that I needed to prioritize up
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  Speaker 1: there with getting ready for the marathon on Sunday. So
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  Speaker 1: what did this mean for me? It meant charting out
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  Speaker 1: my run schedule in advance to make sure that I
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  Speaker 1: could get in the efforts that I needed to get in,
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  Speaker 1: but without over extending myself or saying yes to like
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  Speaker 1: too mini shakeout runs or anything like that. It also
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  Speaker 1: meant saying a lot of no and exercising my no
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  Speaker 1: and knowing when I needed to pull back. So say,
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  Speaker 1: if I received I don't know ten fifteen invites for
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  Speaker 1: last week, I probably only said yes to about three
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  Speaker 1: or four, and I did so in a way that
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  Speaker 1: worked for me. I even I went to an event
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  Speaker 1: on Friday night. I believe that was thrown by Whoop.
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  Speaker 1: It was a panel discussion and it was so interesting,
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  Speaker 1: But the event started at six The discussion actually started
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  Speaker 1: closer to six point forty, I would say, and my
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  Speaker 1: heart out And I knew this going into it was
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  Speaker 1: at seven pm. So come seven pm, when there was
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  Speaker 1: like a natural break in the conversation, I silently excused
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  Speaker 1: myself and walked out of Motive on Mott Street and
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  Speaker 1: went home, and I had some pizza and I went
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  Speaker 1: to bed. And in years past, my god, I would
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  Speaker 1: not have been able really to say no, or I
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  Speaker 1: would have had a lot of guilt about exercising my boundaries.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't even think twice about it this time. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: of course, like I want to show up for everyone,
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  Speaker 1: but I recognized what it was that I needed last week,
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  Speaker 1: and I also made a point to let people know
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  Speaker 1: that I wanted to show up if I couldn't make it.
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  Speaker 1: I think that's really important. I am of the mindset
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  Speaker 1: that you want to be where your feet are, and
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  Speaker 1: that's already difficult enough when you have big things going
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  Speaker 1: on right like for me last week, a marathon, a
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  Speaker 1: few really big interview moments, a big week for work.
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  Speaker 1: I wanted to commit to things that made me feel
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  Speaker 1: confident that I could be there and be fully present.
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  Speaker 1: I like to think often that I am a woman
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  Speaker 1: that can do it all, but the reality is is
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  Speaker 1: that I would rather be a person who can do
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  Speaker 1: a couple things really really well instead of absolutely everything
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  Speaker 1: poorly or not as good as perhaps I know that
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  Speaker 1: I can. And I encourage you this week to think
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  Speaker 1: a little bit about that. Think about what it is
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  Speaker 1: that you have your hands in, and if because you
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  Speaker 1: have your hands in too many buckets at the same time,
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  Speaker 1: you are maybe not better for it. I get it,
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  Speaker 1: like we want to show up for people. We want
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  Speaker 1: to be the best versions of ourselves always. We want
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  Speaker 1: to be able to give everything one hundred and ten percent.
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  Speaker 1: But if you are trying to give everything one hundred
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  Speaker 1: and ten percent and you're doing eight zillion things at once,
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  Speaker 1: there's just no possible way that it can be done.
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  Speaker 1: So my prompt you this week, how can you be
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  Speaker 1: better about establishing your boundaries and what is one area
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  Speaker 1: of your life that you want to be better at
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  Speaker 1: dedicating more of yourself too? Again, how can you be
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  Speaker 1: better at exercising your boundaries? And what is one area
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  Speaker 1: of your life that you can be better at giving
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  Speaker 1: yourself to? And now a listener question.
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  Speaker 2: Hi Emily, my name is Olivia. I'm a listener from Toronto, Canada.
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  Speaker 2: Hi from north of the border. I wanted to ask you,
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  Speaker 2: was there ever a time in your career life or
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  Speaker 2: your personal life where you just felt like you were
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  Speaker 2: behind other people, maybe friends or just other people. You see,
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  Speaker 2: I definitely feel that way right now.
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  Speaker 3: Just because I'm almost I'm still in school, haven't started
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  Speaker 3: making a lot of money yet, so I just want
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  Speaker 3: to know if you've ever felt this way, and if
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  Speaker 3: you did, how did you get through it?
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  Speaker 1: Thanks so much, I Lovia. Thank you calling in from Toronto.
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  Speaker 1: I love to hear where you guys are calling in from.
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  Speaker 1: I have never been there. Fun fact your question, have
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  Speaker 1: I ever felt behind? Yes? Yes. I feel as though
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  Speaker 1: we all are going to feel this way at one
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  Speaker 1: point or another for the rest of our lives because
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  Speaker 1: of the beauty slash maybe not so beautiful aspect of
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  Speaker 1: the comparison trap a la social media.
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  Speaker 3: Right.
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  Speaker 1: I love that you're asking me this question and you're
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  Speaker 1: twenty four years old. The good news is that you
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  Speaker 1: are early on in your journey, my friend, but that
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  Speaker 1: doesn't make this feeling any less valid for me. Feeling behind,
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  Speaker 1: I would say, as a woman at thirty three who
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  Speaker 1: has yet to settle down or find that forever thing
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  Speaker 1: or you know, have kids, et cetera, Society definitely makes
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  Speaker 1: me feel like I'm kind of doing so being quote
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  Speaker 1: unquote wrong. But I feel really confident about where I
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  Speaker 1: am in my life, and I try not to let
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  Speaker 1: that social pressure change that. Right It's easy for us
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  Speaker 1: to let society make us feel some kind of way
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  Speaker 1: about where we are, but the most important thing is
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  Speaker 1: that you feel okay about where you are. I feel
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  Speaker 1: very confident in my life right now. I feel super
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  Speaker 1: excited about my career right now and where it's going
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  Speaker 1: and the impact that I'm having. And I know that
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  Speaker 1: some of the people who may be settled down in
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  Speaker 1: their lives, they don't share that same enthusiasm and excitement
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  Speaker 1: that I have for my day to day and that's okay.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, we all have the opportunity to pave our
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  Speaker 1: own way and make the life that we want, create
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  Speaker 1: the life that we want, and right now, this is
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  Speaker 1: the path that my life has gone down, and I
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  Speaker 1: wouldn't change them for a damn thing. But again, that
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  Speaker 1: doesn't mean that at times I don't feel like I'm
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  Speaker 1: a little behind because of the pressures that are coming
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  Speaker 1: my way externally. So for you feeling a little bit behind,
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  Speaker 1: feeling a little like frustrated in that, again totally valid.
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  Speaker 1: What I would say is do your best to bring
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  Speaker 1: that focus back inward and ask yourself, how are you doing? Really?
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  Speaker 1: If you are happy with what's going on in your
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  Speaker 1: life right now, you're working toward your goals, then that
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  Speaker 1: should be the most important factor in how you feel
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  Speaker 1: about yourself. And make sure to come back to this
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  Speaker 1: idea that from the outside looking in, or like when
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  Speaker 1: we are comparing ourselves to others, it's easy to lose
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  Speaker 1: sight of that exactly how we feel. But you are
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  Speaker 1: in control of that, and you are on your own journey.
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  Speaker 1: So take some pride in that. Take some time to
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  Speaker 1: find some gratitude. Maybe start your days off with a
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  Speaker 1: line or two of the things that have happened in
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  Speaker 1: the last twenty four hours that make you thankful for
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  Speaker 1: what you have, and go from there. That's it for
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  Speaker 1: this week, guys, what a week. Thank you, Thank you
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  Speaker 1: so much for being a part of this community and
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  Speaker 1: for just inspiring me to.
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  Speaker 2: Continue to be me.
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  Speaker 1: Another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.