Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Love After Lockup: Why Michael and Justine Took Their Marriage to Relationship Rehab

Transcript

Love After Lockup: Why Michael and Justine Took Their Marriage to Relationship Rehab · I Do, Part 2

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This episode deals with the topics of depression and suicide.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: If you or someone you know is suffering, please call
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to I Do Part Two. I am one
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: of your hosts, Brian Austin Green, and today I'm chatting
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: with some of the stars of maybe one of, honestly,
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: the most addictive, raw, and vulnerable TV shows that I've
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: seen in a long time. From WeTV's Love After Lockup,
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Relationship Rehab, please help me in welcoming Michael, Justine, and Dr. Ish. Hey,
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: how's it going? Thank you for having us.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: Thanks for having us, man.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: First off, it is, I've I've only seen a few
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: episodes now of the show because episode three is airing.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: I think it's so refreshing what you guys are doing.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: I don't think you realize the impact that you can
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: have on other people that are like, I don't know
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: what to do. Our relationship is at a dead end.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to repair this. And then they
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: see you two coming from the situations and the circumstances
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: that you came from really sitting down and finding the
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: tools and the ways through it and navigating it for
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: people to watch and then mirror. It's, we always talk
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: about it. Like I, you know, I'm leading by example.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: I applaud you guys for, for doing that. I mean,
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: it's a, it's a really big step. I, I can't
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: wait to get into sort of the, the, the, the
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: run of it and the experience of it. And oh
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: my God, does it, we were just talking about like, it's,
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: it's a never ending process. Like really getting in and
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: therapy and it never ends. It's just continually growing. Like
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: I'll get to a point where I go, okay, I'm good.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm feeling good about everything. Cut to some
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: shit slaps me in the face. And I'm like, oh,
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: this is the worst.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: It's always happening, right?
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: It's always life-ending. It's never not happening.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Always life-ending.
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: It's always.
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: I just lost my sister a couple of weeks ago.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, I'm sorry.
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: I mean, who was going to tell me that at
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: the premiere- You know, when the show is premiering, the
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: next day I'm basically cremating my sister.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: She was 15, man. She was young.
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: You know, so this is what I'm talking about when
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: it never ends, right? So we were very happy for
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: that date.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Very happy.
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: But now, like, in my happiness, there's a sadness etched
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: that date. And I was like, damn, I remember that
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: date is when. But I also remember that the day
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: before that we aired on Relationship Rehab. So that's where
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: it never ends because life just keeps lifing.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: What's really interesting about traumas and things too is that
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: when you're in them, they're so hard. I always tell
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: people that when you're in the middle of something, it's
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: the worst. While I'm in something, I'm looking at it going,
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: what good is going to come? And a month down
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: the line, that was an absolute catalyst for this to
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: happen in my life. And if that hadn't have happened,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't be where I am now. So when people
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: ask me if I could go back and change anything
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: in my life, nothing. I change absolutely nothing because there's
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: that butterfly effect to me of like, man, if I
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: change something, am I still going to be who I
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: am now? And I like who I am now. Right.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: Exactly. You see what you said right there? You like
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: who you are.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: You don't like who people think you are. You like
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: who you are.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Because it doesn't matter. That's all just noise. Right. And
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: I spend my days trying to cut out as much
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: of the noise as possible. the comments and the criticisms
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: and the, because the people that are criticizing me and commenting,
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: they don't know me. Right.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: Actually commenting on me.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: You're commenting on some version of who you think I am.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: That's going to be bothered by what you're saying.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Whereas if I look at what you're saying and I
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: laugh and I go, that's some funny shit. Right. Then
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden it's like, yeah, it's, I'm not
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: involved actually in that at all. That is, those are
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: funny words. Right. Yeah.
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: You detach yourself from the persona and, I think that's
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: where we excel. Being on television and stuff like that,
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: we still give them us. We're not really trying to
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: portray these people who are perfect.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: No, this is how it works for us.
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: I don't know how it's working in everyone else's homes,
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: but if something we do can inspire or change a
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: trajectory or something, there's some women right now listening to
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: my wife's story and saying, I'm leaving this dude.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: There's people right there saying that. You gave me the
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: strength to lead.
• 4:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I've gotten a lot of women.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I've spoken about random things on like Instagram and
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: stuff where people reach out to me after and they go, man,
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: I so needed to hear these words from somebody today. Right.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: And you never know. You know, I don't live for them.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: I'm not making these choices for them. I'm making them
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: for me. Hoping that, again, I lead by example, that
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: people listen to what I'm saying and they watch what
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: I'm saying and they go, man, I'm going through the
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: exact same thing that he's talking about right now. So
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: I don't feel alone in it because none of us
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: are alone in it. Marriage, what you guys are going
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: through and have gone through, everybody goes through and has
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: gone through. It's the only difference between you and somebody
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: else is how you handle it. compared to somebody else.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Some people, it gets hard and they run. They go, man,
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to cut my losses on this and
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: I'm out.
• 5:45
  Speaker 6: I think going into this rehab show, we knew that
• 5:48
  Speaker 6: we were not leaving separately, that we were using this
• 5:51
  Speaker 6: rehab show as a way to gain tools.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: Did you guys talk about that, though, before you even started?
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: We did. You sat down with each other and you
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: were like, listen, if we're going to do this... We're
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: going to see it all the way through.
• 6:03
  Speaker 6: We're going to gain tools to become better parents, to
• 6:06
  Speaker 6: become better in our marriage. You know, this isn't to
• 6:08
  Speaker 6: find out if we're compatible or not, if we want
• 6:10
  Speaker 6: to stay together.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: You know, we're staying. We're not going for the fucking check.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: Like, we're not going to tarnish or let these people
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: get a deep dive into our relationship if we're not
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: going to put.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: It out there for real.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Right. Right. Yeah.
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: Because, I mean, then we put out this persona and
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: that's the narrative you're running with.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: If you guys didn't relate to that, which they wouldn't have. Because,
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: you know. Authenticity is key and people are going to
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: see through that.
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: I think what gave us the push to do it
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: was that we both knew that in our relationship.
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: It wasn't perfect. Like, yo, we're not perfect.
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: We got issues. Let's go see what we can do. Because,
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: you know what I mean? To sit down and be like, well,
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: ain't nothing wrong with me. Everything's wrong with you. You
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: can't get a person like that at therapy.
• 6:53
  Speaker 6: And also, you know, on previous seasons that we've done,
• 6:56
  Speaker 6: we've gotten such feedback.
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: Oh, like our relationship is completely perfect.
• 7:00
  Speaker 6: And I was actually excited to highlight some of our
• 7:03
  Speaker 6: human moments. And like, no, we were just like everybody else.
• 7:06
  Speaker 6: We just have a little different of a platform and job,
• 7:09
  Speaker 6: you know?
• 7:09
  Speaker 5: So here we are. Here's our truths. And we're going
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: to put it out there.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Just to nerd out really quick, end of episode one,
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: when that whole moment played of like, you know, cross
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: the line if you're ready to go and you stood
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: back a little bit, was that something that the producers,
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: they decided, no, that was.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: That was really.
• 7:28
  Speaker 6: No, I turned around and he was the only one
• 7:30
  Speaker 6: still behind the line.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: Truth.
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: I was having so much anxiety at that moment because
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: I knew I would, like, it was psychological. You see,
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: everybody there thought they just stepped across the line. I
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: knew what he was saying was, you step across that.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: Line, you're in.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: You're in. Right.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: You feel me?
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: And that's what made me like, damn, if I cross
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: this line and then I leave, I'm going to look stupid.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: But if I leave now, I didn't cross the line.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: Right. Except you guys had the conversation at home before
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: you even got there.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: I'm like, let's do it.
• 8:00
  Speaker 5: No, I was surprised to see him behind the line.
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: I thought he was going to be right up there.
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: He was on the trip. He got in the van.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I thought he was in. The bag was packed. And Dr.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: Hitch was like, Michael. I was like, fuck, this is real.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: That's when it hit me, because we prepared for it
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: all at home.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: You also talked, though, about, both of you did, the
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: fact that you, as soon as someone is telling you
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: what to do, or that you have an aversion to that,
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: that right away... you it like it just pisses you
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: off and you kind of go into your own space
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: and you just want to say like fuck the system
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: and you want to you want to run it the
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: way you do.
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: Well i mean coming from prison we were it's reform
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: and it's everything is controlled right so you know unfortunately
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: you being a good person in prison doesn't matter because
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: you're just bunched in right the guards are going to
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: treat you right you know yeah so dealing with that
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: for so many years right it was like damn like
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: I can't do nothing.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: I can't say anything. I just got to take it,
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: take it, take it. Now I'm home. I'm not going
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: to deal with that shit.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to the hole for telling you to
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: fuck off. Like I've dealt with the oppression and the
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: shit for so long. And like I said, not faulting
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: or going into race. What I'm saying is in the
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: circumstances we were in, we're all treated the same.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean? So it didn't matter if
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: I was a rapper.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Have you felt like it's a tough like line though to...
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: So you kind of form that when you're in and
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: then all of a sudden you're out and you're like, okay,
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: now I don't have to do that anymore. So do
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: you swing to the far extreme? And then you have
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: to like find the middle ground where you go, okay,
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be more of a normal human being
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: out here and I'm not going to be so abrasive
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: with this.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: That's exactly what happened.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: You saw, I came home, I swung all the way
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: to the left.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: And that's where we were. I was all the way
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: to the left. I just, I didn't know, you know
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: what I mean?
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: And just like, My manager and I, we had a
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: conversation and we were talking.
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: And he was like, sometimes you got to be vulnerable
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: with your woman and tell her that you're scared so
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: she can feel like, okay, well, I'm not alone in
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: this or whatever. But as men, we're taught not to
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: do that because it looks weak. You know, she throws
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: it in my face.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: That's so shitty that men are like that. I know,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: it is. Like, I don't, man, that's the last thing
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: I want to teach my kids. Like, I want to
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: break that chain now. You guys have nine. Like, you
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: can break that chain.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: We're breaking chains.
• 10:24
  Speaker 6: I mean, it was hard because when he came home,
• 10:27
  Speaker 6: you know, it was such a transition for him. And
• 10:29
  Speaker 6: he was so used to everything being tough and you
• 10:32
  Speaker 6: can't cry and you can't this and you can't that.
• 10:34
  Speaker 6: And two of the children, which are my biological children,
• 10:37
  Speaker 6: have died. grown up with just mom. So that's not
• 10:40
  Speaker 6: what I was showing them. That's not, me you know
• 10:43
  Speaker 6: that's the dad's job but you know with his absence
• 10:45
  Speaker 6: I can only do what I can so it's been
• 10:47
  Speaker 6: a transition for the kids to be like wait hold
• 10:49
  Speaker 6: on a second I can't cry anymore I can't you
• 10:51
  Speaker 6: know and kind of have to toughen up in some
• 10:53
  Speaker 6: areas and I feel like now after the rehab program
• 10:57
  Speaker 6: we found a middle ground so I feel like the
• 10:59
  Speaker 6: kids and Michael like we're getting to a better place
• 11:02
  Speaker 6: and a better understanding of.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Things and that's amazing it was the kids and.
• 11:06
  Speaker 6: Mike and myself it's not just one of us working
• 11:08
  Speaker 6: he helped and the program helped and I think.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: Applying.
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: Because it was about applying. Because you can have all
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: the knowledge in the world. If you don't apply it,
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: you don't have anything.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Walk the walk, man. I always tell people, it's easy
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: to talk the talk. It's easy to read the books.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: It's easy to hear what's PC, what you're supposed to say.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: And people go, ooh, you're so evolved. And it's like, man,
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: are you walking the walk? Because I could have sworn
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: you walked outside and you tripped someone going down the stairs.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: You never said, excuse me for it. Are you actually
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: doing it? Or are you just... It's like... Well, goodwill hunting,
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: that whole thing of like, you know, that whole thing
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: of like, you know, yeah, you've read all the books.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: We were literally just talking about it, right?
• 11:52
  Speaker 7: Taking it in as one thing, but being able to
• 11:54
  Speaker 7: put it into practice in your life when you show up,
• 11:56
  Speaker 7: that's when it counts, you know? And that's the part
• 11:58
  Speaker 7: that takes courage. Because now you're doing something different. You're
• 12:01
  Speaker 7: showing up as somebody new. And I'm used to, I
• 12:04
  Speaker 7: know how to fit into my life in the other way.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: But if I got to.
• 12:07
  Speaker 7: Do it this way now, what does that mean, right?
• 12:10
  Speaker 7: And who else has to change around me?
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Because now I got to figure out a new way
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: to show up.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: How, what was the pressure like for you showing up
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: in this?
• 12:20
  Speaker 6: Because I, so therapy is.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: Really like, it's, it's so unique to each person. And,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: you know, I think it's really smart for people to
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: go out and meet with a few different therapists until
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: you find somebody that is really, that really fits you.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: So for you to show up and what was it?
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Six couples, seven couples, Five couples, 10 people.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: That's a huge responsibility that you're taking on.
• 12:46
  Speaker 7: It is.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Did that keep you up at night?
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: Many nights.
• 12:50
  Speaker 7: It did.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: But that's the human side of it.
• 12:54
  Speaker 7: That's the human side of it. At the end of
• 12:56
  Speaker 7: the day, I'm a psychiatrist. I want to show up
• 12:59
  Speaker 7: and do the job well. I want to make sure
• 13:03
  Speaker 7: that when you guys leave there, you've got something to
• 13:05
  Speaker 7: take back home with you that's.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Going to make a difference.
• 13:07
  Speaker 7: And so in order for me to do that well,
• 13:10
  Speaker 7: I got to know who you are. And so I
• 13:12
  Speaker 7: can watch all the interviews. I can look at all
• 13:15
  Speaker 7: the tape and I can get an idea. And I
• 13:17
  Speaker 7: think I know. I think I know.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: But there's nothing like being.
• 13:21
  Speaker 7: In the room with the people, seeing the.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Thing and seeing how. the thing affects each one of you.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: Seeing how your blood boils instantly as soon as he
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: says this and you see the triggers because you don't
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: get all those.
• 13:33
  Speaker 7: So the pressure is huge because these are very unique relationships, right?
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Relationships are hard. Let alone that it started this way.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Relationships are hard.
• 13:43
  Speaker 7: Relationships with somebody who's been impacted by justice is even
• 13:47
  Speaker 7: harder because now we've got so many other things we've
• 13:49
  Speaker 7: got to disconnect.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: The judgment, the shame, the guilt.
• 13:53
  Speaker 7: Re-entry and all of those things we've got to, all
• 13:56
  Speaker 7: those conversations we've got to have.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: And what struck me the most was when we.
• 14:01
  Speaker 7: Got there and after you guys started sharing and doing
• 14:03
  Speaker 7: all your things, right, they were telling each other things
• 14:06
  Speaker 7: there in rehab.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: They never told each other before in life.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: You said that before, right?
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Communication is interesting, right? Like you, there's a part of
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: you that feels like, oh, don't talk about that because
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: that's embarrassing. That is you prejudge it. And so you
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: don't want to share it. But as soon as you
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: do share it, all of a sudden it just goes,
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: and it's gone. Right.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: Because you've carried, you've carried a notation about the belief. Yeah.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: What they're going to, the judgment of yourself.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: Right. Because you're still stuck in that thing of like,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: it's way more important how I'm perceived than how I
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: perceive myself.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: That's right.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: So you don't want to speak on those things. And
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: literally I tell people like, as soon as you do,
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: as soon as you talk about all of it, it's
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: such a huge weight off your chest. And you can
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: look at each other differently and breathe differently and connect differently.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Like it is, I find that with my fiance. Sometimes
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: when we're going through something and then we just sort
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: of talk all of it out, we look each other
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: in the eyes in a different way than we did
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: before because you don't have the same anger and the
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: same things that you haven't said and you're not harboring
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: all of these things that you don't want to say because, oh,
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: she's never going to understand or so why am I
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: even going to share them? It's like you've got to
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: give people the opportunity to prove you wrong. Exactly.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: You get to the whole person.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:28
  Speaker 7: And you get to realize that there's a lot going
• 15:30
  Speaker 7: on in them that has nothing to do with me.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: Exactly. There's a lot going on in them or that
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: they are triggering for you that has nothing to do
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: with them. Exactly.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: It might be a person in the group that says something. Yeah.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: You've been good all day. The group, they mention something
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: that's traumatic to you, your attitude changes.
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: Yep.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: It's what it is, you know?
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: It's totally what it is.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: The whole time I was there, I'm like, do they
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: know that they're bringing all these convicts?
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Right. Right. Right. Yeah.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: I'm ninja rolling off the bed.
• 16:13
  Speaker 8: He was shadowboxing.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Before he went.
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: I'm like, why are we doing this?
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Really? No kidding.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: And I was like, Mike, I.
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: Don't think we need to shadowbox. I think we're going
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: to be fine.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: And then you brought a pole, right?
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: You guys had.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: A completely different set of tools.
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: That's what makes us special, right?
• 16:36
  Speaker 6: Because he's shadowboxing and I'm thinking about bringing the pole.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: It's a track, man. I always tell people, I would
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: not want to be with me because I'll bore the
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: shit out of myself. Like I am not that special
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: that I would want to just be with me all
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: day long. So I want somebody that's not me at all,
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: That I get along with.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: But it's funny you mentioned that. So that was part
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: of the pressure going into it.
• 16:57
  Speaker 7: I'm like, man, these guys are going to get in
• 16:59
  Speaker 7: here and everybody's just, everybody's going to go full alpha
• 17:01
  Speaker 7: on me.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: Of course.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I was like, Michael and Marcelino.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be having like a face off and
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: a stand down every day.
• 17:08
  Speaker 7: Michael and Marcelino are going to get it first and
• 17:10
  Speaker 7: then it's going to just spread out from there. And
• 17:13
  Speaker 7: once that happens, I think I'm going to lose the group.
• 17:16
  Speaker 7: And so the biggest thing for me was, how do
• 17:18
  Speaker 7: I get as quickly as possible underneath that part? So
• 17:23
  Speaker 7: you guys can see that there may be a little
• 17:25
  Speaker 7: something more here.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Were you alone in doing that? Or did you have people?
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: No, he was alone, like, filming.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: Right. Was there a squad out on the side? We
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: got snipers up in the trees.
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: There were people around.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: It wasn't close enough to protect Dr.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Izz. No, they weren't.
• 17:46
  Speaker 7: In the room, it would have been me and my
• 17:48
  Speaker 7: sneakers running as fast as possible to security. But the
• 17:52
  Speaker 7: team got really, really lucky with a super talented group
• 17:55
  Speaker 7: of folks in terms of producers who got it. And
• 17:59
  Speaker 7: they're like, listen, no, we, these folks, we had been
• 18:01
  Speaker 7: talking about doing something like this with these guys for years,
• 18:05
  Speaker 7: for years.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: So is this a concept that you kind of came
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: up with?
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: It was. And the issue was- Did you guys know that?
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: No.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: We've been talking about this.
• 18:13
  Speaker 7: And the, you know, the producers in the field who
• 18:17
  Speaker 7: just have been with you guys from day one, listen,
• 18:20
  Speaker 7: you don't understand.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: These aren't, these aren't cast members. These are like family.
• 18:24
  Speaker 7: And if we're going to do something this real- We
• 18:27
  Speaker 7: got to make sure, number one, that you're the guy.
• 18:30
  Speaker 7: And we got to make sure, number two, that they're
• 18:32
  Speaker 7: going to be okay.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: And they're going to come out better than this.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Make sure that it works on some level.
• 18:36
  Speaker 7: And so everybody in production, you know, sometimes you get
• 18:40
  Speaker 7: on reality shows and it gets to be cast versus
• 18:43
  Speaker 7: production and everybody's, but this wasn't that. Production's like, listen,
• 18:47
  Speaker 7: tell us what you need to make them okay. And
• 18:50
  Speaker 7: they were like, and we got your back.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: I think there's a difference between some reality shows. Like I...
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: I've done a couple where they're more like a documentary series.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: There's a crew that follows you around, but there's no
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: producer going, hey, you want a tea.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Or you want a coffee in between?
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: They let the cameras roll. They let the cameras roll.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: So you lose a sense of them being there and
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: you're just living and you're doing it.
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: You're just living.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: You're just being you.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: And there's nothing I need you guys to do.
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: Listen, while we were there, I think production stepped in twice.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: In the 90s. Or the eight days.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: Twice. To kind of like, because we were going off.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: Like we were having too much fun. Hey, hey everyone.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: Back to.
• 19:31
  Speaker 8: Right.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And that's.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah. How at odds were you two when you first started?
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: Oh my God. When we first started the show.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: When you first started the show.
• 19:39
  Speaker 6: Well, what people don't know is that before we actually
• 19:42
  Speaker 6: got to the ranch, we were secluded in a hotel
• 19:45
  Speaker 6: together for two days and we weren't allowed to.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Leave the room. So you were already driving each other crazy.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: They did that. did. I swear they did it on
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: purpose because they wanted- Who, us?
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: No. Yeah, y'all knew what she was doing.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: Right. We were already in the room.
• 19:55
  Speaker 6: That hotel and pudding just really piss them off yeah make.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: Sure that there's ants around and there's mosquitoes that can
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: get in and make.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: The wi-fi extra slow.
• 20:04
  Speaker 8: For sure yeah we were just stuck there so we
• 20:07
  Speaker 8: were already going at it so it's funny when you
• 20:09
  Speaker 8: see us come out and get into the van with
• 20:10
  Speaker 8: the pole and stuff we're happy oh no we were
• 20:12
  Speaker 8: just tearing each other's heads off and said okay let's
• 20:14
  Speaker 8: work here we go but um.
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah it was just it was an interesting experience so
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: it was.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: Nine days total yeah And so I know that it's
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: only episode three coming on, but you guys are done.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: You're long done with this process. Yeah. How do you,
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: how do you guys feel with each other now?
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Great question.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Like how, because that's.
• 20:40
  Speaker 5: Where we are today.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Well, it's just, there's a lot to it. It's like,
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: it's not, I always tell people, I feel like it's
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: not a, a good healthy relationship doesn't necessarily mean that
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: we just sit around and we just, we're kumbaya all
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: the time. We don't argue and we don't, the healthy
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: relationships to me are the ones that are passionate, that argue,
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: but that play, they fight by certain rules. They have
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: rules of like not being venomous, not saying things that
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: you can't take back because you can forgive someone, but
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: you can't ever forget. And if someone says enough things
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: where you're like, man, I, I cannot get those words
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: out of my head. I get that you were pissed
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: off and you just said those because you were mad,
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: but there's gotta be something to them for you to
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: pick those specific words or they, so there's, there are
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: finding rules to argue. And then there's always the concept of,
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: to me, arguing to get through, to get to the
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: next stage.
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: A point, like to create something from the argument.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: Like a change.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: Right, because you're not in it to win. Nobody wins.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: The win is literally when you guys both step back
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: and you go, let's just agree to disagree and move
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: on with this one. That's the win. Because otherwise, if
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: you're like, I won, he's like, fuck you for winning.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: You create a fictitious competition when we're a team. And
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: I think you said it the best when you were like,
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: Our communication stems from all the time that I was
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: incarcerated and we just had the phone. We learned how
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: to kind of communicate with each other and fight with
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: love too. Understand that, yeah, I'm upset at the moment,
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: but yo, you're my world. You are the reason that
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: I'm still here. You saved my life. I look at
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: you and I put you on a pedestal that you
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: don't even know. I don't say it enough to you
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: because I don't want you to gain this control and
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: think that you got me wrapped around your finger when
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: I'm just trying to be real vulnerable with you about
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: how I feel about you, right? As men, that shit
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: is hard to tell a woman that because you know
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: you think.
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: Man, I let her know how much I meant to her. Shit,
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: I'm underneath her fingerprint.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Like they're going to use it against you. Not if
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: she's a good one.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: Start taking it for granted.
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: But I feel like women would feel like that.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Not if she's a good one, man.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: Correct.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: It's the good ones that sit back and they go,
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I feel the same way. Like, let's do this together.
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to take advantage of the fact that
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: I mean so much to you because you mean just
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: as much to me. So we're now a team. Like
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: you tell me anything, I tell you anything. We never,
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: ever hold it against each other. It's like, it's never
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: for that purpose. It's literally just to know as much
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: about each other as we can to help each other
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: with this. Because it makes it so much easier. Power
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: in numbers. It makes it so much easier to go
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: through tough shit when you've got someone next to you
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: that's like, I got you. Yeah, this is fucking hard.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: I got you. It's dark.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: It's so dark.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: But if you.
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: Got someone with you, it's a little more comfort.
• 23:40
  Speaker 8: It is.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: Right? So, yeah, I think, you know what?
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: To be completely transparent, I think we got to the
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: point in our relationship where we were just, like, we
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: were so disconnected. We weren't even communicating with our love languages.
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: You see, before I even came home, I learned my
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: wife's signs, her numerology, her love language, everything.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: I wanted to know this woman in and out.
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: So in our relationship, I knew that words of affirmation is,
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: her love language is big. So if I can use
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: that against her, because she's using my love language, which
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: is physical touch against me, then we got a war.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: So we created a war at home. That's all we
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: were doing.
• 24:19
  Speaker 6: I think that that's kind of where maybe the miscommunication
• 24:23
  Speaker 6: started to stem from.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: Exactly.
• 24:26
  Speaker 6: It's hard to sometimes navigate the other person's love language
• 24:31
  Speaker 6: when you don't feel like it's being reciprocated. So now
• 24:33
  Speaker 6: we're in a battle that has no win zone.
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean?
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: Until.
• 24:38
  Speaker 6: We make some tough decisions, I feel like. And that's
• 24:40
  Speaker 6: kind of where we decided that doing the therapy was
• 24:43
  Speaker 6: the right thing to do. Because we weren't... We've talked
• 24:45
  Speaker 6: about it before. He never wanted to do it for
• 24:47
  Speaker 6: his own reasons. But I managed to get him all
• 24:51
  Speaker 6: the way out to California and get him on that van.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Got him to the ranch.
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: And get there.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: Got him to the ranch.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: That's a good one.
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: It's a good one.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Good for you. We get each other through.
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: Across a lot of lines. Like, you know what I mean?
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: It's not just me pulling you up over the line.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: You do it for me as well. You guys are
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: planning a... a lifetime, you're going to have to walk
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: across that line a thousand more times. A thousand more. Like,
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: do you do it together with someone else that you
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: know isn't judging you for the mistakes or the things
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: you learn or the things that you're kind of stuck on?
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: Or do you just jump out as soon as it
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: gets hard and then you just keep reliving that same
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: line with a new person? Like, it's tough, man. I
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: always feel like I would rather... like may have to
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: talk about everything and make up a thousand times with
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: you and start over with someone else.
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: We feel that way.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I think love languages are a weird one because I
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: hear that all the time. They can get tricky. I
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: think people sometimes make the mistake in love languages of
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: learning what their love language is and then assuming, okay,
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: then that's what I give also. They get confused of, oh,
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: your love language is this, so I need to do
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: your love language. You need to do my love language.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: That's how we stay in line. Right.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Everybody's got to tell.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: But everybody does their own love language. And it's like,
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: who are you? Who are you doing it for?
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: Solo relationship.
• 26:34
  Speaker 7: The trick is the way you give it is usually
• 26:36
  Speaker 7: the way you like to receive it. And so that's
• 26:39
  Speaker 7: the clue for your partner. OK, they use a lot
• 26:41
  Speaker 7: of words and they talk a lot.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's.
• 26:44
  Speaker 7: And so the light bulb should go off. OK, maybe
• 26:45
  Speaker 7: that's what I should do for them. But and you
• 26:49
  Speaker 7: can have more than one.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: You can have three. You can have all five. And
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: they can change. That was last week. Let me update
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: you on the news. You got to download the news.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: Right, you know what's feeling great this week? Right, exactly.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: Because we're constantly changing. For sure.
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: Three years from now, she's going to like or dislike
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: things that she likes now or dislikes now.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: Same thing for me. I might have thought that spending
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: money on this is frivolous, but hey.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: I got it now. I can say it. You're going
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: to change with experiences, with just life, with friends, with
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: things around you in your world. You've got to be
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: willing to go with that.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: And don't overlook the easy answer.
• 27:28
  Speaker 7: If you don't know what your partner's love language is,
• 27:31
  Speaker 7: you can do a magic thing.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: You can ask. You can ask.
• 27:38
  Speaker 7: You can look at your partner and say, how many
• 27:40
  Speaker 7: couples don't do this? Look at her and say, Are
• 27:44
  Speaker 7: you happy? Not necessarily with me.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: Right. Just in general. How's your day been? What's going
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: on in your life? What's going on in your life?
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Check in with me.
• 27:55
  Speaker 7: Most of us will not ask because we're going to
• 27:58
  Speaker 7: infer that if they say no, then I have something
• 28:00
  Speaker 7: to do with that.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to have anything to do with you.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: But just check in.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Are you happy? How's it going?
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Life has been interesting. How's it going for you? And
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: then give them the space to say all of it.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: Without taking it personally.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: That no.
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: It's just like a dagger. It's like a notification for you.
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: Like you ain't doing what you're supposed to do. Sometimes
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: you can't be the reason.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: You can't take it personal. You can't.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: I can't be the reason why you're not happy all
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: the time.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: Right. Right. For sure. Right.
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: So you're happy when we're good, but if any.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Part that I played in it, please tell me because
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: I would never in a million years want to do that.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: But you also need to dig in a little bit
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: and figure out maybe what's happening in your world.
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: Continuous accountability for both of us.
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: Like, we would argue and I would tell her, like, yo,
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: stop fucking, like, grouping me in with the shit you've
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: been through.
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: This is a jail language.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: That was a big thing for you. That was a
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: big thing for you in the rehab also.
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: I mean, that's not how you speak to a woman
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: that you love, you know, delicately. Listen, you know, I
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: understand you've been through certain things with certain people. And
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: the reason why we're together is to overcome those things.
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: But if you don't allow me to. And you keep
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: putting me in this box where I don't belong. We're
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: not going to work. You're not going to let me
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: show you my potential because you keep thinking that there's
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: a letdown somewhere somehow.
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: It's too good to be true. I can't be happy.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: You can't really just be with me.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: I mean, how not?
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Wait, but keep going. But keep going.
• 29:27
  Speaker 7: Because those are the things that have to do with
• 29:29
  Speaker 7: you when none of that has to do with you.
• 29:31
  Speaker 7: It's got to do with what does she think she deserves.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: We never get the love we want. We get the
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: love we think we deserve.
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: That's true.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: I talk about it all the time. I talk about
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: red flags. Because you start to collect them through life.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: Things to look out for that, oh, I'm never going
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: to go through that again because now I have that experience.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to put that in my pocket. So
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: when something comes up that reminds me of that, I'm
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: ready for it. Except then if I personally looked back
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: on my life, one of my greatest relationships... Was my
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: first one because I had no red flags.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: Ah, look at that.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: I was just in it. Yeah. I just loved.
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: I was like, wow, this feels amazing. Yeah. I'm just
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: going to keep doing this. And then all of a
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: sudden I got hurt and then it was like, pfft. Yep. Cool.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: One red flag.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: You got it.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: So the problem I genuinely feel is that you then
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: start carrying those red flags into all the other relationships
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: in your life with people that don't deserve them. They
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: didn't create them.
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: You didn't put them there and you missed out on
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: the moments.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Well, and you rob from them the opportunity to be
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: something different because you're always looking out for, I've got
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: to make sure that this red flag doesn't happen. So don't,
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: you know, keep things at a bit of a distance
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: just so I can make sure that I'm protecting myself.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: Preparing for something that really isn't even there.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: You're just not giving her then an opportunity to be different. Right.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: She's unfortunately having to live within the confines of what
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: you've experienced.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: Of what you deem happy. Yeah. What you deem happy.
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: Because anything outside of that doesn't make sense because it's
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: just pertaining on your happiness.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: And I think we've gotten to the point where we
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: take each other's considerations into account. And we always make
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: decisions together.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: When I first came home, it was hard for me.
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: I was doing everything alone because that's what I was
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: used to. And there, before I went to jail, I
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: was always the person doing. So I didn't have to
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: talk to nobody about nothing. I wasn't married before either, right?
• 31:41
  Speaker 5: But it made it hard for our relationship, though.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: But I'm making all these decisions thinking like, yo, baby, look,
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: I got this.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: Correct me if I'm wrong, too. Like, when you're in prison...
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: a lot of the decisions are made for you. Like
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: you are, it's a very controlled situation to be in.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: So you get out and then you're like, man, I'm
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: going to make all these decisions on my own. Nobody's
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: going to tell me what to do.
• 32:02
  Speaker 7: You go from being able to make three decisions per
• 32:04
  Speaker 7: day versus coming home the next day.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: Now you've got to make 200. And it's super overwhelming.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: And you don't know how, but you're like, man, I
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: got to do it. I'm in it now.
• 32:13
  Speaker 6: But a lot of the times with these relationships when
• 32:15
  Speaker 6: you're incarcerated, a lot of the times the girls that
• 32:18
  Speaker 6: are on the outside are doing a lot of the
• 32:21
  Speaker 6: busy work and the day-to-day work for the men that
• 32:23
  Speaker 6: are in there. So he may not have been making
• 32:25
  Speaker 6: decisions for himself while he was in there, but he
• 32:27
  Speaker 6: was making a lot of decisions for me and what
• 32:30
  Speaker 6: we were doing with our life at the moment.
• 32:31
  Speaker 5: And everything went through Michael.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: How long were you guys together before?
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: Three and a half years before he came home.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but you see, look, like she said, everything was
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: through me. Yeah, it was.
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: But 11 months later, we were in Vegas in a
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: half a million dollar home on a third season of
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: reality TV.
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: I'm like, look, I mean, this is what we were
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: preparing for.
• 32:54
  Speaker 6: I think it just shows the dynamics of how relationships
• 32:57
  Speaker 6: can be why someone is incarcerated.
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she took direction. She trusted me.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 33:02
  Speaker 4: You know, hey, go get these credit cards, you know, uh.
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: They're secure now. Soon they'll become, your credit's going to
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: be good. Her credit's perfect. We built that shit, man.
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: And we did it together. And she, exactly.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: She is the reason why I'm here. I'm able to
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: speak today, man. And I know that. You know, I
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: know that.
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: And that's why I keep her up there because I
• 33:23
  Speaker 4: really do believe that she saved my life because before
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: meeting her, I wasn't coming out with the same mindset.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: That's just a huge thing to say.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: She made me fall in love. She made me feel
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: something I didn't feel for all this.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: We don't have control of life. We have control of
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: who we choose to be while we're living it. So
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: it's like as conscious as we can live in every
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: moment and go, who do I want to be right now?
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: Not who am I based on my childhood and incarceration
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: and all like, who do I want to be now?
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: Because now you're out, you're out, you have kids and
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: you guys are married and you want to have a
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: successful life. So it's like, man, I, We make the
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: choices then to stay on that path. And if it
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: gets hard, share that it's fucking hard.
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: Right. Right.
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: Because that relatability is what the world needs. See, the
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: social media society has tainted everyone's vision.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: And say, if you're not perfect, you're not good enough.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: And I think people need to see more people coming
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: out and saying, hey, we're not perfect either.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: I know you think we are, but we're not. Because
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: when you pull that veil, when you show that, when
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: you reveal that, People will look at you and say, hey, look,
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: we're going through the same shit.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: Wait, yeah, you got to show that you are happily, like,
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: you know, fucking navigating all of it. And that it's
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: a hard point right now, but you're still in it
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: and happy. And like, you're a human being.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: Happily human.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: That's what people respond to. They go, oh man, that's
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: so refreshing. Because I felt like I was the only
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: one dealing with something. That's the number one. Everyone feels
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: like they're the only one in the world.
• 35:05
  Speaker 7: Everybody feels alone and that's one of the cool things
• 35:07
  Speaker 7: about when we got the couples to the ranch man
• 35:11
  Speaker 7: and after about the third or fourth day I walked
• 35:14
  Speaker 7: in early and I just kind of sat back and
• 35:16
  Speaker 7: before I had I was going to engage them about
• 35:19
  Speaker 7: something we're going to pull them into another exercise and
• 35:21
  Speaker 7: do the thing but when I walked in everybody was
• 35:25
  Speaker 7: chatting laughing and it looked like they were being friends
• 35:30
  Speaker 7: you know and it hit me I was like oh
• 35:31
  Speaker 7: my god They're in a room for the first time
• 35:34
  Speaker 7: where everybody gets it.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: There's no judgment. There's no shame.
• 35:38
  Speaker 7: Imagine you're 18 years old. You go to Thanksgiving dinner
• 35:42
  Speaker 7: and you.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Tell your mom, hey, mom, you know what? I met
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: the perfect girl. I mean, she is amazing. Where is she?
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: I want to meet her. Well, she'll be home in
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: two years.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: Right, yeah. Now, what's the rest of that?
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: Just give it a little time.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: I'm working on it, though.
• 35:57
  Speaker 7: The shame, the judgment, the ridicule, all the reasons why
• 35:59
  Speaker 7: it's going to fail. Everything that comes after that and
• 36:02
  Speaker 7: everywhere you go, that's what you get. But when we
• 36:04
  Speaker 7: got you guys there, you're in a room with everybody
• 36:07
  Speaker 7: who's like, We get it. We understand how you got there.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: Hey guys, hold on a second. Can we put a
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: pin in this? Because I have so much more to
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: talk to you all about, but we're making 10 episodes
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: out of this conversation. So let's just put a pin
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: in this now and then we'll come back to this
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: for the next one. Cool?