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046 - Ch 45 - Not All a Dream · North and South (version 2)

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  Speaker 1: Chapter forty five of North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell.
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  Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Read by Marianne,
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  Speaker 1: chapter forty five. Not all a dream? Where are the
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  Speaker 1: sounds that swam along the buoy and air when I
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  Speaker 1: was young? The last vibration now is ore, and they
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  Speaker 1: who listen are no more. Ah, Let me close my
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  Speaker 1: eyes and dream w s Landor The idea of Helstone
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  Speaker 1: had been suggested to mister Bell's waking mind by his
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  Speaker 1: conversation with mister Lennox, and all night long it ran
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  Speaker 1: riot through his dreams. He was again the tutor in
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  Speaker 1: the college, where he now held the rank of fellow.
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  Speaker 1: It was again a long vacation, and he was staying
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  Speaker 1: with his newly married friend, the proud husband and happy
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  Speaker 1: victor of Helstone. Over babbling brooks. They took impossible leaps
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  Speaker 1: which seemed to keep them whole days suspended in the air.
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  Speaker 1: Time and space were not, though all other things seemed real.
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  Speaker 1: Every event was measured by the emotions of the mind,
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  Speaker 1: not by its actual existence, for existence it had none.
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  Speaker 1: But the trees were gorgeous in their autumnal leafiness, the
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  Speaker 1: warm odors of flower and herb came sweet upon the senses.
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  Speaker 1: The young wife moved about her house with just that
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  Speaker 1: mixture of annoyance at her position, as regarded wealth, with
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  Speaker 1: pride in her handsome and devoted husband, which mister Bell
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  Speaker 1: had noticed in real life a quarter of a century ago.
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  Speaker 1: The dream was so like life that when he awoke,
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  Speaker 1: his present life seemed like a dream. Where was he
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  Speaker 1: in the close, handsomely furnished room of a London hotel.
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  Speaker 1: Where were those who spoke to him, moved around him,
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  Speaker 1: touched him, not an instant ago, dead, buried, lost for evermore,
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  Speaker 1: as far as Erth's for evermore would extend. He was
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  Speaker 1: an old man so lately exultant in the full strength
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  Speaker 1: of manhood. The utter loneliness of his life was insupportable
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  Speaker 1: to think about. He got up hastily and tried to
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  Speaker 1: forget what never more might be in a hurried dressing
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  Speaker 1: for the breakfast in Harley Street. He could not attend
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  Speaker 1: to all the lawyer's details, which, as he saw, made
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  Speaker 1: Margaret's eyes dilate and her lips grow pale, as one
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  Speaker 1: by one fate decreed, or so it seemed, every morsel
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  Speaker 1: of evidence which would exonerate Frederick should fall from beneath
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  Speaker 1: her feet and disappear. Even mister Lennox's well regulated professional
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  Speaker 1: voice took a softer, tenderer tone as he drew near
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  Speaker 1: to the extinction of the last hope. It was not
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  Speaker 1: that Margaret had not been perfectly aware of the result before.
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  Speaker 1: It was only that the details of each successive disappointment
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  Speaker 1: came with such relentless minuteness to quench all hope that
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  Speaker 1: she at last fairly gave way to tears. Mister Lennox
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  Speaker 1: stopped reading. I had better not go on, said he
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  Speaker 1: in a concerned voice. It was a foolish proposal of mine,
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  Speaker 1: Lieutenant Hale, and even this, giving him the title of
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  Speaker 1: service from which he had so harshly been expelled, was
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  Speaker 1: soothing to Margaret. Lieutenant Hale is happy now, more secure
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  Speaker 1: in fortune and future prospects than he could ever have
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  Speaker 1: been in the Navy, and has doubtless adopted his wife's
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  Speaker 1: country as his own. That is it, said Margaret. It
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  Speaker 1: seems so selfish in me to regret it, trying to smile,
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  Speaker 1: and yet he is lost to me, and I am
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  Speaker 1: so lonely. Mister Lennox turned over his papers, and wished
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  Speaker 1: that he were as rich and prosperous as he believed
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  Speaker 1: he should be some day. Mister Bell blew his nose,
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  Speaker 1: but otherwise he also kept silence, and Margaret, in a
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  Speaker 1: minute or two, had apparently recovered her usual composure. She
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  Speaker 1: thanked mister Lennox very courteously for all his trouble, all
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  Speaker 1: the more courteously and graciously because she was conscious that
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  Speaker 1: by her behavior he might have probably been led to
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  Speaker 1: imagine that he had given her needless pain. Yet it
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  Speaker 1: was pain she would not have been without. Mister Bell
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  Speaker 1: came up to wish her good bye. Margaret said he,
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  Speaker 1: as he fumbled with his gloves. I'm going down to
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  Speaker 1: Helstone tomorrow to look at the old place. Would you
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  Speaker 1: like to come with me? Or would it give you
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  Speaker 1: too much pain? Speak out, don't be afraid, oh, mister Bell,
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  Speaker 1: said she, and could say no more, but she took
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  Speaker 1: his old, gouty hand and kissed it. Come come, that's enough,
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  Speaker 1: said he, reddening with awkwardness. I suppose your aunt Shaw
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  Speaker 1: will trust you with me. We'll go to morrow morning,
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  Speaker 1: and we shall get there about two o'clock. I fancy
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  Speaker 1: we'll take a snack and order dinner at the little
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  Speaker 1: inn the Leonard Arms it used to be, and go
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  Speaker 1: and get an appetite in the forest. Can you stand it, Margaret?
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  Speaker 1: It will be a trial, I know, to both of us,
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  Speaker 1: but it will be a pleasure to me at least,
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  Speaker 1: and there we'll dine. It will be but doe venison
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  Speaker 1: if we can get it at all. And then I'll
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  Speaker 1: take my nap while you go out and see old friends.
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  Speaker 1: I'll give you back safe and sound, barring railway accidents,
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  Speaker 1: and i'll insure your life for a thousand pounds before starting,
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  Speaker 1: which may be some comfort to your relations. But otherwise
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  Speaker 1: I'll bring you back to missus Shaw by lunch time
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  Speaker 1: on Friday. So if you say yes, I'll just go
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  Speaker 1: upstairs and propose it. It's no use my trying to
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  Speaker 1: say how much I shall like it, said Margaret through
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  Speaker 1: her tears. Well, then prove your gratitude by keeping those
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  Speaker 1: fountains of yours dry for the next two days. If
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  Speaker 1: you don't, I shall feel queer myself about the lachrymal ducks.
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  Speaker 1: And I don't like that. I won't cry a drop,
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  Speaker 1: said Margaret, winking her eyes to shake the tears off
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  Speaker 1: her eye. Lashes and forcing a smile. There's my good girl.
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  Speaker 1: Then we'll go upstairs and settle it all. Margaret was
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  Speaker 1: in a state of almost trembling eagerness while mister Bell
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  Speaker 1: discussed his plan with her Aunt Shaw, who was first startled,
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  Speaker 1: then doubtful and perplexed, and in the end yielding rather
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  Speaker 1: to the rough force of mister Bell's words than to
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  Speaker 1: her own conviction. For to the last, whether it was
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  Speaker 1: right or wrong, proper or improper, she could not settle
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  Speaker 1: to her own satisfaction till Margaret's safe return, the happy
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  Speaker 1: fulfillment of the project gave her decision enough to say
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  Speaker 1: she was sure it had been a very kind thought
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  Speaker 1: of mister Bell's and just what she herself had been
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  Speaker 1: wishing for Margaret as giving her the very change which
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  Speaker 1: she required after all the anxious times she had had
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  Speaker 1: end of Chapter forty five.