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337. The Three Relationships That Matter Most - Core Structures Of A Godly Man · The Impossible Life

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  Speaker 1: That's impossible.
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  Speaker 2: Let me tell you what I believe.
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  Speaker 1: That your weakness is not your technique.
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  Speaker 3: Yes!
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  Speaker 2: Yes!
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  Speaker 4: Don't think you are.
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  Speaker 1: Know you are.
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  Speaker 2: The Impossible Life Podcast.
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  Speaker 1: You're sitting on a winning lottery ticket.
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  Speaker 2: An idea that is fully formed, fully understood.
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  Speaker 3: That sticks. This is the Impossible Life Podcast. because Nick
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  Speaker 3: and I are attempting to live impossible lives. What we
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  Speaker 3: know is that nothing is impossible. So instead of using
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  Speaker 3: impossible as an excuse to not try, we'll use the
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  Speaker 3: pursuit of impossible as an accelerant for greatness. If something's
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  Speaker 3: never been done before, that just means it's unexplored. If
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  Speaker 3: they tell you it's too hard, it's just waiting to
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  Speaker 3: be simplified. Impossible is a default label, used by uncourageous
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  Speaker 3: people unwilling to take a risk.
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  Speaker 1: The real truth is this.
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  Speaker 3: The solution to any impossible task starts with this question.
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  Speaker 1: If I had to, what would it take?
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  Speaker 4: Welcome to another episode of the Impossible Life Podcast. I'm
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  Speaker 4: your co-host, Nick Surface, and I'm looking across at a
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  Speaker 4: man who defines affirmative action as a punch to the
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  Speaker 4: face for someone when they're being stupid. That's right, friends,
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  Speaker 4: the Fulmer Navy SEAL. Garrett Unklebach, a man who is
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  Speaker 4: happy to both punish and affirm that someone is, in fact,
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  Speaker 4: a fool.
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  Speaker 1: Well done.
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  Speaker 4: I thought that was just called loving correction. Yeah, you know,
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  Speaker 4: call it what you want. Affirmative action, loving correction. It's
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  Speaker 4: all helpful.
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  Speaker 2: All right.
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  Speaker 4: Well, today's tools and tactics. So let's just like go
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  Speaker 4: for it. We're going to talk about the three most
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  Speaker 4: important relationships in your life. and giving them structure. Because
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  Speaker 4: you asked on a few episodes ago, you asked this question,
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  Speaker 4: you said, what small decisions daily are you going to
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  Speaker 4: make that will be the future you have in 10 years?
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  Speaker 4: I think that is such a great zoom in, zoom
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  Speaker 4: out thought process. Because oftentimes, I felt it when you
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  Speaker 4: look around, you're like, is this really my life? I
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  Speaker 4: remember saying to myself, this is not my life. It
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  Speaker 4: was when I was in the UK and I was
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  Speaker 4: at a very low point I was just like, this
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  Speaker 4: is not the way it was supposed to go. And
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  Speaker 4: of course I did not look at myself. I just
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  Speaker 4: sat there and went like, man, how did this happen? Well,
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  Speaker 4: it happened because of small decisions. So we're going to
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  Speaker 4: go into the three most important relationships you have because
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  Speaker 4: there's so many great quotes. We all know you're the
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  Speaker 4: average of the five people you spend the most time with.
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  Speaker 4: Jim Rohn, show me your friends and I'll show you
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  Speaker 4: your future.
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  Speaker 1: We love that one.
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  Speaker 4: That's an unknown quote. There's a Japanese proverb, which I,
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  Speaker 4: you know, man, love these types of things. When the
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  Speaker 4: character of a man is not clear to you, Look
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  Speaker 4: at his friends. That is a very interesting one. And
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  Speaker 4: then my friend Garrett Unklebach said this one, and I
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  Speaker 4: have a good highlighter for when you say things that
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  Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm going to remember that and quote it
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  Speaker 4: back to you the rest of your life. As you said,
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  Speaker 4: if you don't structure your life around truth, pressure will
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  Speaker 4: structure your life around circumstance. And I thought that was
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  Speaker 4: so much wisdom in that.
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to say it again.
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  Speaker 4: If you don't structure your life around truth, pressure will
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  Speaker 4: structure your life around circumstance. And that is true of
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  Speaker 4: all things. You do not want to have the relationship
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  Speaker 4: with God where you throw on a worship song because
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  Speaker 4: you only have three minutes, because that's being pressured by circumstance.
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  Speaker 4: You don't want to have the relationship with your wife
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  Speaker 4: where you guys go on a date once a year because, man,
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  Speaker 4: things got busy, work was going good, oh, and the kids.
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  Speaker 4: That's being pressured by circumstance. You don't want to have
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  Speaker 4: the relationship with your kids that the Cats in the
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  Speaker 4: Cradle song is actually your life because you were so
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  Speaker 4: busy at work and doing all those other things that
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  Speaker 4: you never even got... eye contact and quality time with
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  Speaker 4: your kids. And now they don't want to be around
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  Speaker 4: you whenever you're ready to be around them. That's what
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  Speaker 4: you call pressured by circumstance. So we're going to give
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  Speaker 4: you those three relationships with God, with your spouse and
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  Speaker 4: with your kids, how to structure them on truth and
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  Speaker 4: what that looks like practically, because this is tools and tactics.
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  Speaker 4: We are just going straight in.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're jumping right into the structure of some core
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  Speaker 3: relationships because what structures are, structures are foundations for your life.
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  Speaker 2: Right?
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  Speaker 1: And there's all kinds of structures.
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  Speaker 3: Practically, what I immediately think about, some of this is
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  Speaker 3: just my past experience in building things, I think about
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  Speaker 3: the structure of a home. And whether it's the foundation
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  Speaker 3: or it's the framed up structure, these things play different purposes,
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  Speaker 3: but the ultimate vision of what this thing is, is
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  Speaker 3: not fulfilled without the correct structure. Now, you can build
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  Speaker 3: something that looks like it. You could build a house
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  Speaker 3: without the concrete foundation. it's not going to last very long.
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  Speaker 3: Now from the street, it might look the same. That
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  Speaker 3: thing's not going to last very long. You could improperly
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  Speaker 3: frame a home, not give it the correct structure, drywall it,
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  Speaker 3: skin it, paint it, do all the things you want
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  Speaker 3: to do to it. But ultimately that thing is going
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  Speaker 3: to fall down. What this is about is structure is
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  Speaker 3: core to really the impossible life way of thinking and
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  Speaker 3: structure is core to the life that God has given us.
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  Speaker 3: The Bible is full of structures. Many of these look like,
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  Speaker 3: these are promises. If you do this, then this will happen.
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  Speaker 3: Structures are built upon principles. Hey, this is the way
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  Speaker 3: things work. Structures are built on truth, right? There's the
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  Speaker 3: man who builds his house on the rock and there's
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  Speaker 3: the man who builds his house on the sand.
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  Speaker 1: If you do not structure your life correctly, what's this
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  Speaker 1: ultimately about?
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  Speaker 3: You know, when you build up, when the man built
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  Speaker 3: a home, talking about two men who built a home,
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  Speaker 3: You build a home that you want it to stay
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  Speaker 3: there and to keep you safe. If you build it
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  Speaker 3: on the wrong structure, build your house on sand, it's
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  Speaker 3: going to get washed away. No one wants to build
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  Speaker 3: a house that's going to get washed away. You don't
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  Speaker 3: want a marriage that's going to get washed away. You
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  Speaker 3: don't want a life that's going to get washed away. Thus,
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  Speaker 3: you must have the correct structure. So we're going to
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  Speaker 3: talk about some practical structures as it relates to your
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  Speaker 3: relationship with God, your marriage, your children. Just understand that
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  Speaker 3: that's what structures are.
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  Speaker 1: It's a foundation. If you get the foundation right, you're
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  Speaker 1: going in a good direction. Yeah, and it really is.
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  Speaker 4: It'll change the decisions you make when you really are
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  Speaker 4: structured around truth, because you are the wise man who's
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  Speaker 4: building on the rock rather than the sand, as Jesus
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  Speaker 4: talked about. So very first one, let's talk about God, G.
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  Speaker 4: And we're not going to be exhaustive in scripture because
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  Speaker 4: otherwise this would be the read scripture podcast because there's
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  Speaker 4: so many places you can pull from, but we want
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  Speaker 4: to give some foundational truth. So we've got scripture because
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  Speaker 4: that's when you structure your life around truth. And that's
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  Speaker 4: where you start.
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  Speaker 3: Let me just throw this in there because I know
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  Speaker 3: so many of you who listen, you love to comment
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  Speaker 3: on Spotify. We love seeing your comments on the episodes.
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  Speaker 1: It's great that you can do that.
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  Speaker 3: Now, if there's a scripture that you think goes well
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  Speaker 3: with an episode that we didn't include, feel.
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  Speaker 1: Free to share it in the comments. Yeah, for sure.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, we love that, man. Some of the comments are
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  Speaker 4: amazing in there. Like sometimes I read some of the
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  Speaker 4: things and it's just a blessing. So it's amazing to
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  Speaker 4: hear back from people.
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  Speaker 1: All right.
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  Speaker 4: So for your relationship with God, this is Jeremiah 29, 11,
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  Speaker 4: or I'm sorry, it's 29, 13. I put 29, 11
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  Speaker 4: because 29, 11 is the famous one about, you know,
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  Speaker 4: for I know the plans I have for you. So
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  Speaker 4: two verses later, what he's actually talking about when he
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  Speaker 4: talks about the plans for good and for evil, what
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  Speaker 4: goes along with that is this. You will seek me
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  Speaker 4: and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
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  Speaker 4: That's like that's paired with because everybody loves the scripture
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  Speaker 4: about the great plans. What God's saying is the great
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  Speaker 4: plans include walking that are like foundationally built on walking
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  Speaker 4: close with him. When Paul's preaching, when he's preaching to
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  Speaker 4: the Stoic philosophers, he said this. He said from one man,
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  Speaker 4: this is Acts 17, 26 through 27. He said, from
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  Speaker 4: one man, he made all the nations. Paul's telling them
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  Speaker 4: how it works. You want to talk about being structured
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  Speaker 4: on truth. From one man, he made all the nations
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  Speaker 4: that they should inhabit the whole earth. And he marked
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  Speaker 4: out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of
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  Speaker 4: their lands. God did this so that they would seek
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  Speaker 4: him and perhaps reach out for him and find him,
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  Speaker 4: though he is not far from any one of us.
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  Speaker 1: That's how it works, G.
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  Speaker 3: If you hear me pray, I reference these scriptures all
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  Speaker 3: the time in my prayer. And I say, Lord, Thank you.
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  Speaker 3: Let us have the greatest blessing, which is more of
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  Speaker 3: your presence. Like your word says, when we seek you
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  Speaker 3: with all of our heart, that we'll find you. So Lord,
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  Speaker 3: when we seek you with all of our heart, give
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  Speaker 3: us the greatest blessing we can have, which is more
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  Speaker 3: of your presence. Our relationship with God is so important.
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  Speaker 1: In our life.
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  Speaker 3: It's the number one relationship in your life. And the
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  Speaker 3: structures we're talking about are structures related to relationships. So
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  Speaker 3: we're going to start there with the most important relationship
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  Speaker 3: in your life. And again, remember this, these are the structures, okay?
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  Speaker 3: You can put a foundation down for a house and
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  Speaker 3: you can frame a house. And that's the really important stuff,
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  Speaker 3: but it's not everything. There's a lot more to your
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  Speaker 3: life than just these core structures. But if you get
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  Speaker 3: these right, all the things that you put on after it, right?
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  Speaker 3: If I frame a house for you and I know
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  Speaker 3: how to do it right, if I build a foundation
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  Speaker 3: for a house for you and I know how to
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  Speaker 3: do it right, what you do after that, I don't know,
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  Speaker 3: I can't tell you that the way that you drywall
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  Speaker 3: or paint or do anything else is going to work.
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  Speaker 3: But I promise you the foundation is still going to
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  Speaker 3: be there. The framing is still going to be there.
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  Speaker 3: And that's not the part that's going to mess you up.
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  Speaker 3: Maybe you got to rip out some drywall and do
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  Speaker 3: it again. And so what we're saying is these are
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  Speaker 3: some of the core structures you want to have in
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  Speaker 3: your life. And what you, this is a structure that
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  Speaker 3: you can put the rest of the things on to
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  Speaker 3: in your life. So let's just jump right into our
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  Speaker 3: relationship with God. What is so foundational to our relationship
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  Speaker 3: with God is understanding that.
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  Speaker 1: You have to know whose you are.
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  Speaker 3: We talk about identity here on The Impossible Life a lot,
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  Speaker 3: and if you have been around Christendom for any amount
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: of time and you ask someone who maybe doesn't listen
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: to our podcast about identity, they're going to say, well,
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  Speaker 3: my identity is in Christ. I think the last time
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: we had Dr. Robbie on, we were talking about that,
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  Speaker 3: and he said the exact same thing. You know, it's
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  Speaker 3: a lot of people who say, my identity is in Christ,
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: and that's exactly right, right? We dive into identity way
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: deeper here on the podcast, but the foundation of your identity,
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  Speaker 3: I talk about this all the time, foundation of who
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  Speaker 3: Garrett is, is God has a great plan for my life, right?
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  Speaker 3: I know who I am because I know whose I am.
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  Speaker 3: If you don't know who God is and you don't
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  Speaker 3: know that you belong to him, you're going to fail
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  Speaker 3: in all these other endeavors. It is one of my
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  Speaker 3: favorite quotes from the Lion King. And I think it
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  Speaker 3: always gives people a funny nudge when I quote the
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  Speaker 3: Lion King. But this is an amazing one where Mufasa
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  Speaker 3: is speaking to his sons from the heavens and says,
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  Speaker 3: you have forgotten who you are. And so you have
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  Speaker 3: forgotten me. Our identity is so interlinked to who God.
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  Speaker 1: Is because he's the one who made us. If you
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  Speaker 1: don't know who your.
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  Speaker 3: Earthly father is, you're going to struggle with, man, who
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  Speaker 3: am I? When you have a great relationship with your
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  Speaker 3: earthly father, helps you understand quite a bit of who
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  Speaker 3: you are, right? So how do we know God? How
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  Speaker 3: do we have this deep relationship with him? It's three things.
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  Speaker 3: Let me give you this structure. First is you have
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  Speaker 3: to hear God. And that's Romans 10, 17. It says,
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  Speaker 3: faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.
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  Speaker 3: You've got to hear him.
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  Speaker 1: And what is that? That is his scripture.
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  Speaker 3: If you do not develop a daily relationship with the Bible,
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  Speaker 3: you're going to struggle to have a relationship with him.
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  Speaker 3: This is understanding what does God's word say? You know,
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  Speaker 3: I'm always, I see stuff on social media and I
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: see people talking about, well, you know, well, people who
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: are hating on Christianity or who have strong atheistic belief
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: and they're, you know, what they're quoting from the Bible
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  Speaker 3: is absolute nonsense. They don't actually know what scripture says.
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  Speaker 3: You got to know what God says. You got to
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  Speaker 3: know what God values. What does God command in your life?
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  Speaker 3: What does God promise you? Right?
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  Speaker 1: This is so important.
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  Speaker 3: If you don't know what he says, it's the same
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  Speaker 3: as like marrying someone and you've never really talked to them.
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  Speaker 3: You don't know anything about them. How could you do that?
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  Speaker 2: Right?
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  Speaker 3: You're just stepping into this relationship. You don't know anything
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  Speaker 3: about the other person. I think, I think at times
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  Speaker 3: there are people who they've received Christ. They believe in,
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  Speaker 3: in salvation. They believe in who Jesus is, but they
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  Speaker 3: never got to know him. And at that point, you don't,
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  Speaker 3: you've received a gift, but you don't have a relationship.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 1: And, This is the beginning of the relationship.
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  Speaker 3: It's not the entirety of it is you've got to
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  Speaker 3: read and meditate daily on scripture, right? This isn't like, yes,
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  Speaker 3: maybe it feels like a chore in the beginning, but
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  Speaker 3: you've got to learn how to just make this a
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  Speaker 3: part of your life because hearing turns into walking with God.
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  Speaker 3: This is exactly how God created Adam in the beginning.
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  Speaker 3: He says, I'm going to come walk with you. I'm
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  Speaker 3: going to spend time with you. And this is James
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  Speaker 3: chapter four, verse eight, come near to God and he
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  Speaker 3: will come near to you. This is learning how to,
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  Speaker 3: this is, so we talked about, you know, here is
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  Speaker 3: reading scripture, but walking is really about a prayer life.
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  Speaker 1: Bible says, pray without ceasing. How do you do that?
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  Speaker 3: That doesn't mean you're praying out loud all the time.
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  Speaker 3: It's this continual state of prayer in your heart and
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  Speaker 3: in your mind that you're seeking the Lord, that you want.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: The Lord's presence.
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  Speaker 3: And you should also have the intentional prayer times where it's,
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: I'm going to separate myself from everything else. And I'm
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: going to, I'm going to commune with God. I'm said
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  Speaker 3: it was the thing that was most important to him.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: And Psalm 27 said, this only do I seek, that
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  Speaker 3: I would dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
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  Speaker 3: He wants to be with God, right? If you want
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  Speaker 3: a relationship with anybody, you got to want to be
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  Speaker 3: with them. Well, you got to want to be with God.
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  Speaker 3: And then what this here, walk, and then ultimately what
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  Speaker 3: this turns into is the ability to obey. James 1,
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  Speaker 3: verse 22, do not merely hear the word, do.
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  Speaker 1: What it says.
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  Speaker 3: When I was in the military, what I learned how
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  Speaker 3: to do was through listening to instruction, and I got
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: a lot of instruction in how to receive instruction.
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  Speaker 1: This is military boot camp.
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  Speaker 3: Hey, shut up and do as you're told. Make your bed.
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  Speaker 3: Stand over here. Wear your uniform this way. You're learning
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  Speaker 3: how to just be a part of the process, how
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  Speaker 3: to receive instruction. And then that gradually turns into, okay,
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  Speaker 3: I trust the system that I'm a part of, and
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  Speaker 3: I can do what it says. And then as I
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  Speaker 3: learned some more advanced things, when I am faced with
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  Speaker 3: a decision that could cost me my life. I know
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  Speaker 3: how to lean on that because it's been a daily
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  Speaker 3: practice for me. I believe in what I'm being taught.
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  Speaker 3: I have walked out what I'm being taught. And now
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  Speaker 3: that I'm being tested, I can obey, right? This is
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  Speaker 3: really where obedience comes from. It's to trust and obey.
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  Speaker 3: It's not just to blindly just shoot your shot, but
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  Speaker 3: you obey. This is what Jesus says. When you love me,
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: you'll obey my commands. Wasn't an ultimatum. He's saying, when
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  Speaker 3: you know me, when you spend time with me, when
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: you love me deeply, it's gonna be really easy to
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  Speaker 3: do these other things. And practically what that obedience looks
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  Speaker 3: like is forgiving people when it's hard. It's speaking the
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  Speaker 3: truth when it costs you something. It's being generous and
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  Speaker 3: having a giving heart when it's so easy to live
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: in a world that's so greedy. It's serving others, understanding
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  Speaker 3: your life's not about you. It's knowing how to lead
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  Speaker 3: from a place of truth, principle, love, sacrifice, all of
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  Speaker 3: these things we could talk so long on, but this
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  Speaker 3: is core structure. to your relationship with God. If you
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: are not hearing, reading the word, if you're not walking
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: in some form of daily prayer and daily meditation, that
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: leads to obedience, not out of a forceful, I guess
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: I have to do this because I claim to be
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: a Christian, but obedience because you trust deeply in who
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: God is because you know him and you have a
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: relationship with him. That is the core structure of a
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: relationship with God.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: And I would say that one of the underpinning key
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: ingredients that you need in there is is similar to
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: the disciples. The disciples saw Jesus, and when they saw
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: him in person and he said, follow me, that's when
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: they went. There was something in them that they caught
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: a glimpse of something that was worth leaving everything. And
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: that's for all of us, whether it'll be his love,
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: his forgiveness. For some people, it's his greatness. You're going
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: to see something of God that's going to launch you
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: into the beginning of this process. What will keep you
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: in that process is humility. And the humility to say
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: God's on the throne and I'm not. So he's the
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: one who dictates how this goes. And everything you just
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: said there was a place of going, okay, God, this
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: is how you set it up for a reason because
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: you know better than me. So like, because you'll hear
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: people be like, well, you know, I haven't heard God
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: speak the way that I heard this person speak to me.
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: And it's like, well, he's God. He can do what
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: he wants. Remember, you're the lump of clay. You don't
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: get to say to the potter, why'd you make me
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: this way? Or actually, I'd rather be this. So it
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: takes humility to stay in the process. So that's with
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: our first relationship with God. So for marriage, G, The
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: old foundational scripture, and we love this one because you
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: hear it often at weddings, and Jesus actually quoted it
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: in Matthew 19, I believe. So it's Genesis 2.24. Therefore,
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: a man shall leave his father and his mother and
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: I've heard you say before about how God talks about
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: brotherhood is one spirit and marriage is one flesh.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: It's an interesting, that's a big statement.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: We could jump into that deeper, a different time with marriage,
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: what this scripture sets up Genesis two 24, that they
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: shall become flat one flesh. One of the things we
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: talk about here on the podcast, many times, this is
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: one of the pieces of curriculum that we cover in
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: mindset mastery is alignment.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: And what is alignment?
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: It's where everything's going in the same direction. One of
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: the things I said to my wife, when, if you
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: know our story, I knew the day that I met Lindsay,
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: that she was the one I called my dad after
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: our first date. I said, she's the one, um, And
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: we were, you know, we wanted to get married very quickly.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: We got married a little, but we got married a
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: little over a year after we met. But we were
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: months into dating, very serious. And I can't remember if
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: we were engaged at the time we had this conversation.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: I think we were. Yeah. We were recently engaged at
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: the time that we had this conversation. What I said
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: to Lindsay was, there's one thing that'll make this not work.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: And she's looking at me like, wait, we've already decided
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: this is going to work.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: What I said was, for the rest of my life,
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: I'm going to grow. For the rest of my life,
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: I want to be everything that God's created me to be.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: If you don't want that, being married to me will
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: make you miserable. What I said was, there's something that's
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: more important than my life, and there's something that's more
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: important than our just joint happiness and our joint comfort
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: is fulfilling God's plan for our lives. And what that's
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: matured to over time is my wife and I have
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: this shared vision, shared understanding of what our lives are about,
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: what God's called us to do. And that's more important
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: than either one of us. I learned a lot about
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: this in the military, learning to have teammates where we
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: cared so much about the mission. I knew that if
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: it came down to it, myself or my teammates or
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: vice versa, we would give our lives for each other
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: and for the mission because we put something above ourselves.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: And when you have this with another person where you
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: can say, this matters more to me than my own life,
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: you create such deep trust with someone, but also what
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: you have is a continual direction. It's not about just
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: us connecting with each other. It's here's the direction that
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: we're going to run in together for the rest of
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: our lives. You have to have alignment in your relationship
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: with your spouse. If you don't have this, where you
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: can say to your spouse, here's what matters more than me,
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: and here's what matters more than you. And here's what
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: you and I are doing together that matters more than
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: both of us. When you have that, you'll be together forever.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: You'll get stronger and grow closer for the rest of
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: your life. When you're missing that, you're just hoping that
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: circumstance can't rip you apart.
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: Right, man.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: That is the absolute truth.
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: Because what that ultimately is, is understanding the bigger picture
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: that God has for marriage, that there's things that only
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: you can birth together. That's the bigger the bigger picture.
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: The same way you have kids, you birth lands in
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: the earth and the, you know, the two becoming one flesh, uh, is,
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: is a, you know, it's, it's a picture of, of
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: like literally it's multiplication, isn't it? It's like two coming
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: into one would be stronger than just one.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: And what this, what this looks like practically is, you know, Nick,
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: I have, we have a friend.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: I haven't mentioned this to you. I'll tell you about
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: this later.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: You and I have a friend, someone who we love deeply,
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: walk closely with, and I just heard from his wife
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: that they've been skipping on their weekly date nights. I
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: don't know what to say about that other than, hey,
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: here's what works and you're welcome to try anything else.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: You can come up with all sort of circumstance for
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: why it's not convenient for you. One of the things
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: that I've been taught and that I personally live out
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: and teach and share with so many other people is
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: this structure of, Daily check-ins, weekly date nights, quarterly overnights,
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: and yearly go on a trip with your wife, not
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: with your kids, just y'all together.
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: Why?
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: Because this is the second most important relationship in your life.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: You got to prioritize it, right? This is like, you
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: can't go to a bootcamp once a summer and be
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: in shape. You got to work out all the time.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: And you can't say like, I'm just going to go
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: on this one vacation and that'll fix all the stuff.
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: We'll just go to therapy for this season. and that'll
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: fix all the stuff. Or we'll go on dates, maybe
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: a couple a week for a few months, and then
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: stop doing it. No, you have to have this continual
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: pattern of just do this for forever. Do not skip
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: on the weekly date night. We've talked about this a ton,
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: but sometimes people just miss it, Nick. You've got to
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: continually do these things. And this is just my simple
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: structure that I want to share with people. If you're
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: not doing this in your marriage, daily check-in, weekly date night,
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: quarterly overnight, annual trips with your spouse, You're missing the
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: opportunity to connect the same way that daily, read your
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: Bible daily, get on your knees before the Lord, pray,
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: connect with him. If you're missing these things, you're lacking structure.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: I mean, that's the first question. Sometimes guys will come
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: up and tell me about their marriage, how it's not
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: going well. It's the first question I ask. Are you
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: dating your wife weekly? I've never had anyone say yes
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: to that. They're always like, uh, and then I'm like, okay,
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: so now we can see where it fell apart.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Just do it. There you go.
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: We're going to use the Nike tag.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: It's really easy. Okay.
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: So very last one, kids with your kids, two foundational scriptures,
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: G Proverbs 22, six, train up a child in the
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: way they should go. And then first Timothy five, eight,
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: this one might surprise some people. You wouldn't see this
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: one coming, but anyone who does not provide for their
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: relatives and especially for their own household has denied the
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: That's what these, these two scriptures go together, train up
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: a child in the way they should go. And then,
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: and that one's a little bit easier to understand, but
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: 1 Timothy 5.8, where it says, a man who does
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: The Greek, the English says provide, the Greek word is proneo,
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: which means to foresee. So it's so much more than just,
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: can you put a roof over your heads and feed
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: your kids? That's, that is an immature structure. And people
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: think that's, well, I did my part. No, actually what
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: you're supposed to do is to give your children a future. Now,
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: if they don't survive until tomorrow, sure, you didn't give
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: them a future. But it's more than just giving them
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: a tomorrow. It's helping them walk towards their destiny. So
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: train up a child in the way they should go.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: Help them see the purpose that God has for their life.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: Who knows a little bit more about life.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Than your kids? You do.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: I can see in my kids stuff that they can't
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: see in themselves.
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: Why?
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: Because it's a reflection of me or a reflection of
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: my wife. The person I understand most besides myself is
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: my wife. And when I look at my kids, I
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: see pieces of me and I see pieces of her.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: And I know what to do with those pieces. They
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: don't even know those pieces exist. And so what I
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: can see in them, even at a very young age is,
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: and here's the great way that God made you. Here's
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: the things that you're going to have to know to
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: be able to use those gifts. Here's what it means
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: to be a part of our family. Here's what we value.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: Here's what we know is true. Let me show you
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: how scripture works in your life. I'm going to get
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: you to learn it. I'm going to model it for you.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: I'm going to show you why God made you the
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: way that he did and what you're able to do
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: with the distinct things that he's given you. And then
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: I'm going to show you how you put all these
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: things together. And there is no substitute in that equation
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: for the amount of time that it takes, right? You're
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: not teaching your children how to play basketball. You're teaching
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: them how to live a godly life. And that is
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: just like discipleship. It's something that you're in different phases
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: of it, but you're going to be in it for
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: the rest.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Of your life.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: And you have this short period, about 15 years of
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: your children's life, where you can give instruction to them,
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: teach them who they are, teach them who God is.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: And in that period of your life, there is no
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: substitute for the time. You can give them books to read.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: You can give them the core structures that they need
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: in their life. But I'm telling you the most practical thing,
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: what I saw from my parents, people will go to
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: my parents and say, well, what's the, what's the hack?
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: What's the short thing? And there is no substitute for
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: the amount of time that you need to spend with
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: your kids.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: I mean, like you said, train, like showing them what
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: God looks or what following God looks like is key.
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: And that, that time with kids is, It's ultimately like
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: you can teach what you know, but you produce what
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: you are. One of the biggest things I've learned from
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: being in the environments we're in is just bring your
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: kids with you. So like if I'm going somewhere, I'm
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: always asking my kids, do you want to come with me? Like, oh, well,
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: that's going to slow you down.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, it is.
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: But you know what we're going to do? We're going
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: to talk in the car. They're going to see how
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: I am in different places. And it's just another opportunity
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: to produce in them. You don't necessarily need to have
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: a lesson, but just them being around you more is
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: caught than taught. And one of the practical ways that
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: you guys did this, because you've talked about it and
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: we teach this uh, elsewhere is core values, right? Like
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: the amount of times that you heard, and I've heard
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: you say this, that's not what uncle box do. Like
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: positive attitude is one of your core values that you
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: still have in life. And one of your family core values,
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: it puts a practical structure of saying, here's who we are.
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: These are things we always do no matter what. Um,
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: so my family practically each night we talk about, you know,
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: one of the core values and we talk about how
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: we lived it that day. And it's like, they're on
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: our wall. When you get that sort of thing, it's
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: a level of intentionality and clearly defining who you are
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: that will help you produce who you are. That's probably
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: the closest thing we can give to a hack is
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: like have some core values, live them out every day.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: It's that easy. Just be consistent.
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: And then when your kids are around you, they'll turn
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: into the people that you are. So it's not quite
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: the hack that people would want, but it's the actual truth.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: So catch these structures of this is certainly not inclusive
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: of all of life, but these are some really simple things.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: Just like when you build a home, there's building codes.
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: And if you didn't do this, it's a violation. And
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: if you violate these things, there's going to be costs
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: and consequences. These are some really simple structures that you
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: got to get right for your relationship with God, for
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: your family, for your spouse, for your children. Don't miss
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: on getting the right structures. Do the things that you
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: need to do every single day so you can have
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: a life that's not built on the sand, but a
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: house and a life that's built on the rock.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Thank you very much for listening, guys. Remember to share, like, subscribe.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: If you think that this would be something that someone
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: would enjoy, please send it to them.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: We appreciate it all.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: If you want to get in touch, you can follow
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: us on Instagram at the impossible life. You'll find us
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: on there. You can also email at impossible life podcast
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: at gmail.com. If you have any questions, if you want
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: to get in touch and find out about Garrett's personal
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: or business coaching, that's the way to do it. Thank
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: you again for listening. Go out there, think better and
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: live the impossible.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: See you again soon.
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: Thank you.