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How to stay 1 step ahead of a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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What is going on, beautiful people?
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Today we're going to be talking about how to stay one step ahead
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of a narcissist. If you new here, I'm actually a
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clinically diagnosed narcissist and my name is Lee Hammock.
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And welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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Damn. Welcome back.
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Welcome back. Welcome back.
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Y'all. Kind of stumbled in the intro
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right there, didn't I was like, my name is Lee Hammond.
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I know. I'm.
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Let's say I'm a clinically I know, narcissist.
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Go ahead, go. But yes, how to stay one step,
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just one little step ahead of that pesky narcissistic person,
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toxic person or toxic people in your life Because you know, some
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people might be dealing with more than one narcissist, you
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know what I mean? Some people might be dealing
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with more than one narcissistic person, more than one toxic
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person. It happens to a lot of people,
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But how do you stay ahead of them?
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Other than watching my stuff? Other than watching, Other than
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watching the actual diagnosed narcissist liking and
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subscribing to his channel, what's another way that you can
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stay ahead of your toxic narcissistic person?
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What's another way? Like, for me, you have to get
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good at knowing. Kind of.
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It's going to sound weird. Y'all because this is the best
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way. This is the best way for me to
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describe it. Sometimes you have to get good
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at knowing your enemy, right? I know not all narcissists in
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your life what you would consider an enemy like they
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might be your partner, your parent or whatever.
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But it's just easy to do the type of by the way, you have to
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get, get get good at knowing your opponent, knowing your
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opponent, knowing their strengths and weaknesses like
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you have to know them. This really is.
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Yeah, I know it sounds. I know the way I said it, it
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made it seem like it's super simple.
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But I know it's not simple. It's not simple getting dealing
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with somebody that changes their personality up every once in a
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while. It's not simple dealing with
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somebody that is out to try to hurt you or, you know, be out
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out to try to hurt you one day, but then flip it around and turn
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around and try to be be nice to you the same exact day or the
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same night or it didn't get me in again, you know?
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So you have to get good at learning their behaviors,
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learning what motivates them, learning what role that you play
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in their life, right? And what role they play in your
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life. What role do they who do they
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represent in your life? Because you have to get good at
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understanding it to in order to stay one step ahead of a
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narcissist. And the reason I'm making this
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video is because when you get good at predicting their
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behaviors, it can it can lessen your load, your emotional load,
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your mental. It could take, it could.
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You know it could take the the pressure off of your mental
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load. Because if you don't know what
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they're going to do, if you don't know what to expect from
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them, you just be going left and right, up and down.
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You'll be confused all the time. You know, it's just like in
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this, in the either one of the best ways to understand what
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they are going to do and who they actually are is radical
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acceptance. Y'all, absolutely radical
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acceptance. Like Doctor Romney mentioned
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this in her book, it's not you and she thought, radical
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acceptance. You have, look, accepting the
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things that you cannot change and the things that you cannot
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control, but also accepting the things that you can, the things
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that you have the ability to control that are within your
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power, the things that you have the ability to control.
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It's you. You control you and I know that
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narcissistic person or whatever, they want you to feel like you
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can't control you. Like you don't have any power
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over your life. You don't have any control over
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your life, right? They want you to feel that way,
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but that's not how it goes right there.
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You know what I mean? That's not the dynamic.
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That's not the space that so many people fall into.
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So when you're dealing with toxic, narcissistic people, this
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is the route to take right here. Understanding your opponent,
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learning your opponent. Write down who they actually
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are. Write down their motivations.
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Write down their triggers. Right?
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Because especially if you want to, if you still have to deal
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with this person or you're not trying to leave this person.
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If you want to stay with this person, if you, you know.
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If you if you're not, like I said, so everybody doesn't leave
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and that's not me, that's not for me to decide.
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It's for you to decide everybody doesn't leave.
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So if you're trying to stay with this person or you're in, you
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can't leave, leave and it's going to.
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It's going to take you a long time to leave or whatever.
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Or you're out of the relationship and still have the
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Co parent or run a business with this person or it's your parent
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that you don't want to completely cut them off or is
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your sibling you don't want to completely cut them off.
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This is the best way to go by doing things is learning,
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learning your opponent. Learning your opponent?
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Yes, learning. What triggers them, What sets
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them off, what makes them angry And be specific, get specific,
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get specific behind what actually is setting them off.
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What are you saying to this person?
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What are you doing to this person?
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Well, you know, is it something that that's actually going on
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with them? Because you can't control what
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you you can't control them y'all.
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The only thing you can control about them is how you choose to
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react and what type of access that you allow for them to have
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in your life. So get good at knowing what sets
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them off and what's what's triggering them.
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Learning, learning what their insecurities are.
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Because that way you can stay one step ahead of them.
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And if they try to bait you into an argument and you know it, if
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you were just like, OK, they can't be learning their patterns
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like pattern recognition is big. So when they come home for work
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and you notice that every time they come home for work, they
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throw their coat. If they throw their coat on the
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couch, then an argument is brought or they had a bad day,
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you know, or something like that.
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It's just learning their pattern recognition.
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It's getting good at noticing the little things that can they
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can protect you like, oh, they came right in, didn't speak to
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me. They had a bad day.
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So I know to avoid this person for a while.
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I know not to bring up something right now that's could have just
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set them off and they're going to blame me for the timing or
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whatever. You know, of course, if it's
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something pertinent or something in the emergency, say it right
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there and just say go with it. But if it's something you don't,
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it's not necessary to say right now.
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Take your time, you know, read the context clues.
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Understand who you're dealing with within this space because
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that, at the end of the day, can help you out so much it really
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can't. It's one of those things that
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can help protect you, help strengthen you and help you know
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keep you safe when you're trying to survive and navigate these
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toxic relationship dynamics. Pardon the Interruption, just
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want to let you know that I do have courses and support groups
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available as well. Courses to help you understand
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what you went through and support groups to help you
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during or after the toxic relationship link in the
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description and back to the video.
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So understanding your opponent, getting good at predicting their
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behaviors. If you're trying to Co parent
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with this person and you yo this right here.
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This is one this is 1 big thing. You're trying to Co parent with
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them and you know you know that they're going to show up 15 to
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2030 minutes late for a drop off and then you going to be mad
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because you have you know they're going to do it.
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You know dude know that they never show up on time.
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So you if you know they're not going to show up on time take
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your time. Don't make plans when you have
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to be somewhere. So because they want their
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reaction from you. Oh you.
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I want to speak to how hard to get to see my kids because
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you're so bitter you're going to make me rush to get here.
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Wow wow wow. You see what I'm saying?
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If you know they're going to be late take your time getting
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there. Make other plans.
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Have a Plan B in place just in case, because that helps protect
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you because they want their reaction.
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They want to let you know that they're still in control of you.
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So by being able to recognize their patterns, what they're
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going to do, you are one step ahead of it.
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You could just write it'd be funny to you like they're both
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be here in one. It's 110.
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I knew it. I knew it, and it's become funny
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to you. And that way, if it's funny to
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you within your head, it's comical to you because you could
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predict their behaviors even. Like, yeah, when they when a kid
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finally gets into the car 20-30 minutes late, you didn't get
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mad. You're like, oh, thanks, thanks
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for dropping them out. Hope they have fun and you keep
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it moving. It strips them of the power.
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You're one step ahead of them. That strips them of their power
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because they wanted their reaction from you.
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You know, they wanted their reaction from you.
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If you don't react, guess what happens If you don't react, they
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might say something like, oh, sorry I'm late.
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I was going to call you and let you know I was going to be late.
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They want you to react. They you didn't bait.
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They don't take the bait, don't take the bait.
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It's like, look, if you are a fish and you see all these.
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Look, if you if you're a trout, right, and you're in a little
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trout school, you little empathetic trout, right?
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You're in a little empathetic lake.
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You're in lake, you're in Lake Impact over in North Carolina
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and you got a little narcissistic toxic fisherman.
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A bird throw out there casting its line trying to catch a
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little impact impacts, You see all the other impacts getting
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scooped up with the same bait. Don't take the bait.
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You know that orange rubbery worm is not real.
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That's not a real worm. Don't bite it.
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You know, they're they're trying to take the they're trying to
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get you to take the bait. You see all of your friends and
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you, you see all the flying monkeys.
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They're taking the bait. They see the little orange.
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That's not a real thing, and it pulls them out of the water and
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you never see them again, right? Don't take the bait.
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They're trying to bait you. But you, you stay one step ahead
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and understand what they're doing.
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Guess what? You don't react.
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You can be like you. I'm not telling you not to be
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mad. You can be mad.
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But just don't show them that you're angry.
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Don't show them that you're upset because that's what they
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want, that's what they want. They'll show up late on purpose
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if you don't say anything to them.
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If you don't try to start an argument about being late.
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Why you so 20 minutes late? I have to be somewhere.
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Then they they look, they got you.
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Now they want to argue because the fight.
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Now you dare 510 extra minutes argue with them.
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They yelling and screaming in the parking lot somewhere or in
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front of the Police Department. You see what I'm saying,
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controlling those behaviors, controlling those reactions is a
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superpower. So that's why I'm saying staying
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one step ahead of them, understanding their reactions,
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understanding what they're going to do, understanding their game
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plan, what they're trying to do. They're trying to control you,
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they're trying to get you to react.
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So if you if you're one step ahead, if you predicting these
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reactions you if you predicting these behaviors it it can become
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combo to you. You understand?
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Like Lee was right. Now that I know what they're
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going to do, it takes so much. It takes an emotional load away
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from you. Like, damn, it's you can still
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be mad. Y'all, you can still be upset.
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I'm not telling you not to be mad or upset.
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I'm just telling you if you one step ahead of it, you can go
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ahead and work through those feelings while while they're not
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around. Because if you break it up, you
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know it's not going to get anywhere.
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A lot of, a lot of these problems, he's going to be
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crazy. A lot of the problems that you
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have with them, you have to settle within yourself.
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It's crazy, isn't it? It's crazy how that works.
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Being in a toxic relationship, you had to settle the problems
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that you have with them by yourself.
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That's insane to say out loud. You know, It's insane to have to
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to say that out loud to people. The problems you have with your
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husband, you got to work through, which on your own, the
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problems you have to do with your wife or your mom, your dad,
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whoever it is, you got to work through them on your own.
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Yeah, because they don't want to give up power and control.
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So get good at predicting their behaviors.
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Write down who they are. Write down what makes them
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happy. Write down their behave.
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Write down there. But like, you have good, good at
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understanding their body language.
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Read body language books. Understand their body language
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because body look the the mouth can lie but their body.
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It's hard for their body to lie. Get good at recognizing micro
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expressions, because micro expressions, you can't control
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micro expressions. You can tell if they're angry, I
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twitch or something like that. The mouth quiver, you know you
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they they lean to the side. That's contempt.
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They don't really care. Get good at reading body
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language and micro expressions and you can like so you can stay
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ahead of them. You can understand.
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You can see what they're not saying.
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Not their body tells you your body.
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Their body is speaking to you, but not saying the things they
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want to say out loud. So be good at reading their body
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language. You can just tell what kind of
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mood is there in OK, I can't. I'm not going to.
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I'm not going to mess with him. And I'm not going to say nothing
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to her because I know she can go off.
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I'm not going to bring it up because I know she can go off.
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She's going to bring up my childhood, She can bring up my
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past or whatever. I'm not going to and I'm not
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going to mention to him because he's going to get mad.
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I'm not going to tell my mom. You see what I'm saying?
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It's the mood. You can assist their energy, Get
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good at reading their body language, and they're shifting
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energy because at the end of the day, they can seriously protect
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you from toxic, narcissistic people.
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It's one of those things. Y'all it.
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It is a power. It's like a power move and
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whatnot. It really is a power move for
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you to be, for you to be in control of it, for you to be in
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the power of it. You know what I mean?
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You mean just staying one step ahead of them.
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So write down who they are right now on their behaviors.
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Write down what makes them happy right now, what makes them sad.
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And write down the same thing about yourself, because learning
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yourself can be helping as well. Because if you learn how you
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react to them, because they do this, because they say that you
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can win. Because staying one step ahead
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of an arson can save you so much pressure on yourself.
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Yeah, I'm just telling you. I'm just telling you, you know
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they're not going to show up for the drop off today.
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The last two times they they they've been an hour late.
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Why are you there on time? I mean not not.
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Why are you there on time? Why are you there on time with a
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new without without a backup plan?
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What I did to do, you know, you know, I know they're going to
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say this. I know they're going to say that
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you cooking, if you're cooking a certain type of dinner and or
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something like that. And they, you know, they're not
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going to like it. It just it can become comical to
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you. I know it's not funny.
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I don't mean it's going to be funny.
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Ha ha. But they become comical to you.
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Like it's so predictable. They're so predictable.
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Educating yourself about narcissism and personality
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disorder and toxic relationship dynamics can help you as well
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because it becomes so predictable about their
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behaviors and whatnot. It becomes so predictable you
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can stay one step ahead and predict them.
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You can win, but what does winning look like to you?
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That's up to you, you know. So anyway, Job, thanks for
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tuning into the episode. Make sure you subscribe to the
13:22
channel if you haven't already. Then, of course Mr. Hillis is
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out. Please thank you so much for
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making it to the end of my video.
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I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
13:33
to the channel helps. Reach more people and click on
13:35
the screen to watch another video or to browse through
13:37
another playlist. There's also a link on the
13:39
screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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you heal and understand what you've been through.
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Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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video. Peace.