Latest / The Growth Project / Episode 354: Confidence Isn't Fixed, It's Forged

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Episode 354: Confidence Isn't Fixed, It's Forged · The Growth Project

• 0:00
  You.
• 0:03
  Welcome to The Growth Project, a podcast brought to you by AMP Lowe's. Great to be here today.
• 0:10
  With doctor C, who is quickly becoming a growth project.
• 0:14
  Fixture. Yeah, I'm a regular. Yeah. Yeah, I've loved it. It's, like I said on the first one, it's not something I ever really knew I'd be doing, but, I'm loving it so far. Awesome. Yeah. We are. Yeah. Excited to be talking about this today with Gabby.
• 0:31
  On, the topic of confidence. Confidence. And what I love about this is I think about kind of our listening audience or my grasp for our listening audience. And really, regardless of who might be on the receiving end of this, this is going to be applicable. Absolutely. You know, this thing about confidence is whether you are just going to make up some examples here.
• 0:53
  Whether you're an 11 year old baseball player or you are a 55 year old C-suite senior executive, you need confidence, right?
• 1:03
  In every setting and every, you know, profession that you're. And confidence is a necessity. Yeah. Without question. And I think you know, in my experience of working in our field over the years, Gabby, the main time people begin thinking about confidence is when when do people start thinking about this?
• 1:21
  When they don't have it? They don't have it. Exactly. Exactly. And like very few people are thinking about it more along the lines of like, okay, how can I learn more about this in our active kind of productive way? So I think, you know, wherever you might be coming to this conversation today for our listeners, we're going to have something for you here to help you grow in this area.
• 1:40
  Absolutely. All right. Cool. So let's jump into it. And, you know, to be specific here, Gabby, we're framing this as confidence as a skill. Which I think it's important to start there from your perspective. Why do people often not think about confidence being a skill. I think because we a lot of times frame it in this, either you have it or you don't.
• 2:06
  Way of are you confident. And it's you know, a black and white yes or no? Either you have it or you don't. But the reality is that it is a skill that's developed over time. You build it and there's a process for that. Yep. I agree with that wholeheartedly. And I think what I would add to it is we talk about it in very much kind of an either you have or you don't.
• 2:30
  The other mistake we make is we talk about it like across the landscape of who a person is. Yeah. As though like oh well you're either confident across all facets of your life or you aren't. And we know that it's so much more nuanced than that.
• 2:45
  I mean, there's just this idea of how confident are you?
• 2:49
  And we oftentimes give ourselves this rating of, oh, I'm extremely confident. I'm at a ten. But, you know, that it's not going to hold true for every situation you're in or every encounter you're in. And it it does fluctuate and it's learning to, to navigate that. Right. You know so it's like well hey are you a confident person?
• 3:09
  Well, before I answer that question, right, are you asking me to, you know, build a retaining wall or are you asking me to walk into that room and make the sale? When something is important is on the line, it's like your answer is going to vary a lot depending on what you're asking me to do.
• 3:28
  Absolutely.
• 3:29
  So today we want to really be able to frame up effectively for our listeners. The fact that confidence is a skill. It's not just a feeling. Although a person certainly can feel confident. But if they're feeling confident because they've developed a skill of confidence. Right. I Gabby so let's start here. Let's frame it up effectively. I think these conversations always have to start with defining terms.
• 3:54
  Right. So what can you share with us in terms of like, how are we going to think about a working definition of what it means to be confident?
• 4:00
  you go back to some of the old school literature, bandura and the early going into their classical definition of confidence, it's really this belief in your ability to perform.
• 4:12
  And knowing that you can do whatever you're stepping out to go and do. Yeah. Do I believe internally? Yeah. That I have what it takes to effectively do X, whatever that might be? Absolutely. I make the free throw. Right. Can I deliver the speech effectively. Can I motivate the employee effectively. Like to what degree do I believe and have I have what it takes to execute this thing effectively.
• 4:36
  goes back to your training. Belief in your preparation, and your consistent actions is really a big part of that as well. So, Gabby, we also know, yeah, you're kind of go in there a little bit already. But confidence is trainable. Unpack that a little bit please. In the sense of trainable. How. Yep. So there's three main areas here that we're looking at.
• 5:01
  It's built through repetition. So training the same skills over and over. If you have a big speech public speaking you have to do, putting yourself in that environment, exposing yourself to the task that you are about to embark on and getting that practice effect. And then, of course, feedback. So when you perform an action, being receptive to, constructive feedback as to what did you do well and what are your areas for improvement?
• 5:32
  And then of course reflection. This is that self-awareness piece of how did I feel I did. And what made me feel confident going into that. What about my preparation helped me feel confident going into that. All right, so there's three great categories. Let's let's take this through and by way of an example. So an easy example might be we have individual who has to go give a presentation of some type.
• 6:01
  So this individual builds the presentation practices practices again practices again like I know a quick tangent here I remember reading one time most people familiar with Ted talks. And I don't remember the woman's name who gave it. What's often thought is like the best TedTalk ever, which should be quite an entry. Pretty cool to be the person who is.
• 6:26
  Yeah, right. But they were interviewing her and they were they asked her, how many times did you practice this because you did such a remarkable job. Right. And her answer was 200. Wow. So I can't sit here and say I've ever practiced any type of, you know, talent for presentation 200 times. But just to give you a little bit of a glimpse, we talked about mastery and how do you become confident?
• 6:45
  You craft like that's work. Absolutely. But go back to our examples of this person that prepares the presentation practices, giving it. Goes up there gives the presentation reflects after the fact and feels like you know what. Like I wasn't perfect but I feel like I did pretty well. And then the next day people who were in the meeting say by way of like phone call or conversation, that was awesome.
• 7:08
  Yeah. Like you did. So great. Would that be an effective example of some of these data points that really build confidence?
• 7:16
  You've got all all of those pieces in there, the preparation. And then the reflection and the feedback I, I loved your example because it's not going to happen in the moment necessarily. It could be the next day.
• 7:27
  It could be a week later. And that's where getting comfortable with, you know, it being a skill that you're developing over time is important because it's not something that you gain instantaneously just by going and doing the presentation. Right. And I think the other thing I would note there is, I've heard is come up with people play in the past, is confidence.
• 7:53
  And anxiety can certainly coexist in a person's mind.
• 7:57
  Absolutely.
• 7:58
  And I think people can get real uncomfortable sometimes where it's like, gosh, I feel like I can do it. But I'm also nervous. And so it's making me feel like maybe I'm not quite ready. It's like, hold on, hold on. Those things can you can hold those in balance.
• 8:15
  Absolutely. Absence of one is not, you know, the or. I'm sorry. The presence of one's up doesn't mean the absence of the other. If you have anxiety about something, don't let that make you begin to believe that. I guess I'm not confident. Right. They can both be there. All right, so that's a good. Those are good categories for our listeners to be.
• 8:32
  Keep in mind and like get repetition. Are you the feedback and do some self-reflection.
• 8:37
  Absolutely.
• 8:38
  And build it. All right. Cool. So can you contrast. Let's get into this part. Gaby, on the topics of kind of this feeling versus feel thing, bring some context to that for us. Yeah. I have a great example of this.
• 8:54
  When I was going through grad school, it really ingrain this into into my brain. That confidence is not a feeling. It's a skill. Imagine your task to throw, a piece of paper into a basket. You know, a simple task. Anyone can do it. You're not shooting a half court shot. Let's say you toss it, you make it the first time.
• 9:17
  Rate your confidence on a scale of 1 to 10, and do that ten more times in a row. Rating yourself each time. And what you see when you go through this exercise is that your rating constantly fluctuates. Your confidence is shifting. So you may have two in a row that are successful. Your confidence is at a nine.
• 9:40
  You're like, I got the next one. You miss it. Now where's your confidence? Oh, well, I only missed one. It's now in an eight. You mess again. Well, now my confidence is down to a four. You do this exercise with yourself or with an individual, and you start to realize that they're basing their confidence not on their skill, but off of the outcome.
• 10:02
  Right. And that really is where this idea comes about, is that it's not necessarily a feeling, it's the skill. Do you have the skill to throw the piece of paper into the basket? If I ask you that question without outcome attached, the answer is probably pretty strong. Yes, sure. But it's when you start linking your confidence to an outcome that it becomes a feeling.
• 10:30
  Yeah. That when I'm seeing the paper go in the the bucket in the basket I feel better about it. Right up. Right. And then when the opposite happens the opposite happens. Right. So yes my number goes down. When in reality I wish I have the skill of throwing it in there. Right. It just becomes a function of my reactions to the outcomes.
• 10:52
  Right. And what are you basing your confidence on? Right. Right. And so I think obviously, gosh, we don't want to live in a world where my ability to believe in myself is completely held hostage by the outcomes which are beyond my control, because if I could control it, I would make everyone. Win every game. When. Every. Everything.
• 11:16
  Exactly. So what then becomes our model for building the skill effectively. So we've talked about these examples of you know repetition and that type of thing. But you know the other part of this too, Gabby, is comes back to self efficacy.
• 11:34
  Absolutely. We
• 11:35
  talk about that a little bit. And how and what some of the theories are for how you build that effectively.
• 11:39
  Yeah. So the self-efficacy theory basically states that there's four key ways of developing confidence or gaining confidence. And the first is mastery, which we've touched touched on already. When you again see yourself accomplish something, you feel better, you feel more confident, you feel like you can do that again. So that's probably the most straightforward experience, I would say, for developing confidence.
• 12:07
  Then of course, there's modeling or vicarious experience. And this is where let's say you look at somebody who's in your dream position or, playing your sport at the level you want to be playing it at, and you say, well, look, they they're doing it. I can do it too. And seeing somebody else accomplish something that you want to gives you the confidence to do it as well.
• 12:33
  I have this dream of in Jamaica for example here I want to open up a pizza place that is different from, you know, all the other pizza places we have in town or we don't have one of these. But I know Johnny over there in Lexington and he's done it, and it's, you know, he's made it go in there and year five and they're doing awesome.
• 12:54
  So they can work there. They can work here.
• 12:56
  And then there's verbal persuasion, which is kind of the feedback piece that we were talking on where it's people are encouraging you to pursue whatever action it is. They're saying, you got this, you can do this, you're capable and that in and of itself is something that builds your confidence.
• 13:16
  Getting that from an external source. And yeah, that's an interesting one to get me, because you would think that people could very easily and naturally be recipients of praise and be recipients of feedback that would help with confidence. But it it's interesting to me how many people have a hard time doing that. Like they can't just receive it.
• 13:42
  They can't allow it to affect them. They have to either you know, try to deflect it in some way or they discredited or they doubt it or they're just uncomfortable. It can be kind of uncomfortable to receive. And it's like yes. You know it's it's a little bit hard to understand that at times it's like wouldn't it be great if someone just wanted to like give you positive.
• 14:04
  But it's not uncommon or abnormal for people to not necessarily be able to get the full benefit of what that could be doing for them.
• 14:13
  Because and I know I'm guilty of it as we combat it with you, give me praise. Let's say, you know, you think that I did a really great job public speaking. And I come back and I say, oh, well, I did I didn't feel that way.
• 14:26
  I felt like my voice was shaky or that, I lost track of thought. And so our instant inclination a lot of times is to, like you said, deflect the, the verbal, praise with with just, That's not true. Yeah. Or, you know, but yeah, of course you're saying it, but I didn't even talk about this one thing that I meant.
• 14:49
  I totally forgot, so. Exactly. Yeah. Well hold on like let's look at it a little more of a holistic way. And you support yourself. So so verbal persuasion is one that's it's right there to be had. And then I think that's also not let, let's not miss this opportunity for leaders that are listening. And if you want to be thoughtful and you should be thoughtful about how you grow the collective confidence of your team and how you grow confidence or people on your team be doing that.
• 15:17
  Be sure that you are giving people consistent positive feedback according to the data for the science. That can be a very influential mechanism to help people be more confident.
• 15:27
  the data also shows that even if you don't feel like it's being respected or received well, like if it's an instance like we just described where they deflect, you know, those verbal praises, that validation does resonate still and has an impact.
• 15:43
  So, I think don't let you know if you have an employee who, anytime you give them praise, they, you know, automatically shut it down or come back with something that they did wrong. Don't let that deter you from continuing to give the praise. Right? Yeah. I think, you need to be doing what great leaders do.
• 16:03
  Independent of how they might be received.
• 16:06
  Okay. And then the last one here, emotional regulation. Yes. How does that relate to training and growing confidence. Well I think it goes back to what you were mentioning, how, you know, confidence and anxiety can coexist. Yeah. And it's this, this idea that if you feel like you have the coping resources to regulate that anxiety, to feel prepared to perform, even with it being present, then you are more confident.
• 16:37
  But when you don't feel like you have those coping resources, when you feel like the anxiety is all consuming, then it becomes a problem. You know. Yeah. Let me mention this here to because this gets into when we think about some of the highest performing people in the world across different industries, whatever that might be. One of the observations that I've made over time is, the whole dynamic of confidence and turbulence.
• 17:07
  And that's kind of what we're talking about right here is like when the turbulence shows up, to what degree can a person retain and hold on to confidence. And that's what separates the greats up there for being really honest. It is. Can there be a healthy amount of turbulence occurring. And yet you've built this skill effectively enough to where you still believe.
• 17:29
  You still believe in your ability to get the job done, whatever your job might be. Right. The converse is true as well. I think people that are more fragile, their confidence is fragile. Their disposition is fragile. When the turbulence pops up, that's when things crumble.
• 17:43
  Absolutely.
• 17:45
  And that's where those leaders we're talking about. And there are more than two.
• 17:47
  But the two leaders that commonly pop up there have kind of confidence, anxiety when the turbulence shows the anxiety increases, the confidence decreases, which tends people begin to use a kind of decompensated emotionally, mentally, physically performance suffers, which then all it gets is there's there's leverage out of proportion, even become more disproportionate, you know, through the roof, confidence in the basement.
• 18:11
  Bad. Yeah. I love the the analogy to the lovers. It's a it gives a very clear idea of how these areas work together or against each other. And if you if you're listening this in, you're in the world of sports. If you've been there, that's the day you just want to be over. Yeah. It's like, oh man, I'm on the third hole and there's a lot more to go.
• 18:34
  And this is not going to be a whole lot of fun. All right. So Debbie give us a kind of a clear takeaway on that related to kind of how we redefine skill versus feeling. Yeah. So ultimately confidence is really this trust in your ability to act despite uncertainty. Being able to show up and do what you need to do despite whatever feelings are present.
• 19:00
  Yeah. And I think that just what I would add to that is if you can only be confident in the absence of uncertainty, you are confident. Nope. And it's it's that's not what confidence is. I think confidence is a big piece of it, is knowing that you can handle any situation, whether you're prepared and expected or whether you don't expect it at all.
• 19:27
  And just knowing that you have a degree of belief in yourself to handle it, you know. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's when, you know, you have developed the back of the term mastery. You can walk into a pressure packed environments, pressure packed moments. And you know when you we say you can handle it. Let's be clear on what that means for you.
• 19:51
  Doesn't mean that doesn't mean that you will perform with perfection. Absolutely not what that means. It means that you have what's needed to continue to execute the right things, the right ways with consistency and win more than you lose. That's, you know, whatever that looks like. Meaning you make more shots if you miss. You, you you persevere.
• 20:14
  You get through it. You can keep going. Yeah I think about it like a GPS too. Like a navigation system where confidence is when you know, I can make it from my office to home without turning the GPS on. I can do that. I'm confident in that. But if I feel like I have to have turn by turn directions on to feel good about getting home.
• 20:37
  That's not confidence, that's reliance. Yeah. Right. Great language. That's different. That's very, very different
• 20:44
  Our Gabby, let's get into talking about how a person grows their confidence about what it is. We understand some of the puzzle pieces that contribute to it. But, you know, how do you grow it? Up. Yeah. So there's what we call the confidence loop for developing or growing confidence and really starts with action.
• 21:04
  So you have action evidence for the belief the belief itself and then more action. So it's kind of this cyclical way of thinking about growing your confidence. And if we think about this examples wise, let's say again I running a marathon, let's just say coming up and my action is that I'm going to start training and I'll run ten miles today.
• 21:36
  Now, I ran the ten miles. The, evidence. Is that how. Hey, I accomplish that belief, I can run at least ten miles more action next time. I'm upping it to 15 miles. And it continues in this way until you get to the point that you want to be. I don't think you're ever fully to the point you want it to be.
• 21:56
  So it's a again, it's cyclical. It continues to go round and round where it's action evidence to support your belief. The belief develops more preceded by more action. That loop goes on repeat. Yes. Yeah. So this is exactly how I think about it too. And is I always tell people a person develops confidence by going out there and proving him or herself.
• 22:19
  Right. And I can sit here all day, go back to a verbal persuasion. I can sit here all day and tell you you have what it takes. Right. And that's great. It can be helpful for a person but things are really clicking and the lights really go on. When I go show myself what I thought.
• 22:35
  Absolutely.
• 22:35
  That's what you're saying there.
• 22:37
  Like, okay, you know action I do it. Now I have evidence. Next comes belief. Right. And I think where a lot of people mess up in the cycle is they feel like they have to wait to act until the belief is there. And so they just get stuck waiting. And the belief never develops. Yeah. Okay.
• 23:00
  So waiting on what. Waiting for evidence that they can do it. Waiting for proof. But you're not going to get that proof until you act right. Yeah. You gotta you gotta jump out there and get moving. Exactly. Thing is, you gotta go create the habit. That's the key. But I think it's it's amazing. And I can just even think of examples in my head right now of people I've seen over the years that it.
• 23:25
  And sometimes it happens when you like a level up in some way shape or form. Absolutely. So it's like okay, you know, let's do it. Let's do an easy example here. We'll take back Major League Baseball or professional baseball. And it's an easy way to talk about leveling up because that's how the whole thing is built. So anyway major leagues and there's some nuances to those.
• 23:42
  But I've seen this, whether it be high school, a college college professional or baseball, these levels. It's like, okay, I was successful at the Double-A level. I know I can be successful at the Triple-A level. But I just haven't done it yet. Right. And so like do I have an internal belief that I can do it. And yeah.
• 24:04
  But I, I've seen this so many times over the years. People don't fully believe it until they do it.
• 24:10
  Absolutely.
• 24:11
  So it's like hey there can be a massive difference between believing you can versus seeing that you have and that that's the point. That's what the evidence is. It's like, okay, I know I can, but once I actually see myself do it and then point to it and show you and put it on tape, that's where things take.
• 24:31
  Absolutely. Yeah, I completely agree. Steps forward. And that's what that loop is right there. Yeah. So, so we want to know, of course, like, hey, here's how you grow confidence. What are some of the killer stuff. And this is super important because we need to know you need to have a good awareness, an internal alarm system around the things that we feel confident.
• 24:51
  So where do you want to start on that. Well I think first and foremost sticking with this cycle is let's say you act you're not successful. You fail. Yeah. And that in and of itself, the initial gut reaction is that killed my confidence. I don't want to do it. And this is why the idea of starting small and building bigger is such an important principle when it comes to goal setting, when it comes to growing your confidence.
• 25:20
  Because there are quite a few killers. Yeah. I think the first that comes to mind for me is, over comparison, where, you know, it goes back to the, the modeling issue where that is a source of confidence. Seeing somebody else do something, can boost your confidence, be able to do it as well. At the same time, if you have a tendency to compare yourself in a negative way, that then creates doubt or fear where, oh gosh, there's just so much stronger than me.
• 25:53
  There's just so much more talented than me. I'm not going to be able to do what they're doing, right. And now you get the reverse effect. Yeah. Be careful with that comparison game.
• 26:02
  Absolutely.
• 26:03
  Always somebody out there doing it. Better than you, faster than you. Bigger than you. There's there's always somebody out there. Good for them.
• 26:12
  I think you just have to be curious. Yeah. So that the comparison one is huge. And then the other one I would throw in there is the perfectionism that which is you know I've seen that so much over the years where you know, a person will do whatever the thing is we're talking about. They'll do it so well.
• 26:34
  29 times. And on the 30th they don't. And what that one example can do to them is sometimes to the degree that it would for you. Yeah. And I always, I always encourage people let's just do the math on this. Like you're going to let you know I don't know what the numbers are on that.
• 26:57
  It's very small percentage right. Like you're going to evaluate yourself off of of my, you know, tiny tiny piece of the pie. Yeah. And let that define you when you've done this many of these same examples so. Well. Yeah. And of course, it's easier said than done. But if the whether it's spoken or unspoken, if the bar you're setting for yourself requires you to be perfect.
• 27:22
  Good luck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The the perfectionism is a tricky one. I always think back to my work with tennis and a big area of focus was that first serve percentage. And I would work with the guys on this. And you know, I'd have some their first serve percentage was like 80%. I mean, very high. And they'd miss one serve one first serve, and then they'd just start double faulting because that just completely shook their confidence.
• 27:52
  It's a shame. And it's it is it's this idea that. Well, yeah. Eight times I was great this one time. Now I'm terrible. Yeah. And I like the thing I always say to people in that scenario is it's the same response every time. If you're close friend or your mom came to you and said that he or she had lost a lot of confidence because after serving at 80%, suddenly they missed one and now they're all beside themselves.
• 28:24
  What would you say to. I mean, like, I would tell them they're crazy, right? Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, maybe you should send the same message to yourself. Exactly. I also get, over comparison, perfectionism. What else would you put on the list? Outcome focus. Which is what I mentioned at the start of the podcast today, where when you base your confidence off of the outcome and the result that is setting you up for disappointment.
• 28:52
  Right. Because you can't control it. Because you can give it a 100% effort. You could feel like you were on your high horse. You were extremely confident and you could still lose. Sure. You can still not make the deal and now the confidence that you felt in that moment, you're discrediting it. Know? Yeah. Yeah. I think that,
• 29:18
  Do outcomes matter? Of course they do. Absolutely. Want to get more positive than the negative ones of course we do. But this is where again, as you begin thinking about some of the separators that where you really see a person who is further along in their journey when it comes to confidence. This is one of them. And that they're able to not be so closely attached to the outcome.
• 29:41
  That it just absolutely destroys them you know destroys their confidence, destroys belief all those things. There is a way because I've seen it to weather those storms and not lose your grip on confidence. Absolutely. Yep. And then what's our last word. Gaby wouldn't touch on lack of rest. So being exhausted, not, whether it be physically, mentally.
• 30:09
  But, you know, we just wrap up the the series on mental rest, and I feel like this is very relevant. But when you are exhausted to some degree, your resilience plummets. Your ability to, adjust and adapt becomes harder. Your brain becomes foggy. And that impairs your confidence. Because if you don't feel good, your confidence is going to take a dip, right?
• 30:39
  Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, yeah. And I think, it all kind of comes together there very holistically. And, if I don't have appropriate rest, I'm more likely to perform at a lower level.
• 30:52
  Absolutely.
• 30:53
  And then I think that's that cycle we get into where if my performance is suffering or kind of underperforming, even if I never talk about confidence, if I do that in an ongoing basis, if I'm underperforming with consistency, my confidence is going to begin to at least a little bit, you know, dwindle.
• 31:10
  I know some more, you know, some more. And if I'm not taking care of myself I'm going to get stuck in that trend. Yeah. I think that that's why we always say, you know, think about any day that, you know, you have a big day at work the next day. A lot of meetings, big presentations, whatever it may be the night before you're thinking to yourself, I need to get a good night.
• 31:28
  I need to get a good night's sleep. And why is that? Because of the importance it has on your confidence. Probably. Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was just the way that you know. Just going to get that sleeping that one night. Only move the needle. So much for you. Okay. So then I think a good place for us to kind of head as we, as we try to wind up here a little bit is let's get into some tools.
• 31:50
  Yeah. So practically speaking, you know, I'm a listener. I want to get more active. At, doing things, whether it be day in and day out or week in and week out to grow confidence. Where can I start? Well, the first place that I always recommend is what I call a mastery log, where you are tracking your daily progress.
• 32:11
  It's so easy to get wrapped up in the day to day and feel like you're not making any progress in any of the areas that you want to. So at the end of each day, say, oh, what did I accomplish today? You know, we know one of the big areas for developing confidence is past performances. What did I do well today?
• 32:33
  And just forcing yourself to think about those small moments of growth. Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I think in you being able to look back and see the like, that's why we write things down, right? Yeah. And there it is. Yeah. Look at it. Look it up. It's the same thing that we get. You know, we got some people that we love.
• 32:52
  A good task list. You know that you, you write it just across it all. Yeah. But I think it help. What does it do. It builds some positive momentum. Emotionally speaking. Mentally speaking. Oh look at what I'm getting done. Absolutely. Moving along. Another one I would put on the list is, the importance of process goals. Absolutely.
• 33:09
  So those are, day in and day out things that we can control. So like let's start big picture outcome the moment. Hey, over the next month I want to lose 5 pounds. Let's say someone and I go, all right, fine. Great. That's an awesome goal. What are process goals? Examples that we can really aim for. Simple things, you know, up by early in the morning at a certain time.
• 33:32
  I'm going to exercise and I get what a good day looks like is up by this time. Whatever might be 30 minutes or more, physical activity. Yeah. You know, certain specific nutrition practices that you might have in a given day. Those are all your choice. And so I think what it becomes about is although the aim point is 5 pounds of weight loss over the month, we want to go back and look at day by day, look at the examples of me hitting the target with my process goals.
• 34:01
  And then that becomes is it the end of the month? I mean you hope that you hit your outcome goal. Sometimes you will, sometimes you won't. But you can look back and see with consistency. You were hitting the target on the out or the process goals that should make you feel really good about what you're doing.
• 34:17
  Absolutely
• 34:18
  confident about what you're doing.
• 34:20
  Okay. Yeah, and I'll add to that, I think mental rehearsal imagery, is a big piece of how you can train your confidence. I know that I was just speaking with Milt the other day about this and how anytime before a big presentation the night before, he. The last thing he thinks about before bed is what he wants it to look like in that presentation.
• 34:44
  So we. Yeah. A little peek behind the curtain. Sorry for, you know, sharing all your secrets, Mel, but but no. Yeah, it's a very real practice where if you envision yourself in whatever situation it is that you are preparing for, yeah, you then feel more confident going into it because you have that practice effect in your head.
• 35:06
  Right. All right. And then and then we need to know. Yes, but I'm not really prepared to speak on this one. I'll tackle it. Yes. Your routine. Yeah. So this is something that, with, my youth athletes I was working with became a staple for helping them develop and grow their confidence. We called it the doctor C routine.
• 35:27
  It's a three step process for being able to regain control and high pressure moments. The first piece, it'll sound very similar to the resting experiences. So it's detach. Let go of things. Let go of the stress. Whatever is emotionally interfering with your confidence in that moment. Separate yourself from it. Relax. Take a deep breath. Whether it's before a big presentation, a big play on the game, whatever it may be.
• 35:57
  Take a deep breath and then control your focus. Shift your focus to the present moment, to one thing that you need to be doing to succeed. And it's just a very simple three step process that resonated really well with my athletes. I like that it's follows kind of a similar template in the way I think about this. I always talk about neuro and simplify.
• 36:21
  Similar type thing. Right. Of kind of like take a step back, try to get a little space for your feel for the pressure of the moment. And be able to kind of deconstruct that a little bit to some degree. Yeah I like that a lot. Yeah. The doctor C routine or doctor C routine. Awesome. All right.
• 36:37
  So I know we need to kind of move toward a close. Yeah. What about kind of a final thought from you, perhaps on, any any piece or discussion that you want to just kind of send our listeners off with? Yeah. I think the biggest thing that I would tell the listeners to do is do one thing today that you are uncomfortable with.
• 36:55
  You know, take take one step that maybe you've been hesitant on, you've been waiting to feel good about and just do it. And just go out there and try it and see what evidence that gives you and how that impacts your belief. Start taking control of that confidence cycle. And that's a good one, too, I think, of where to start, because it goes back to what we said.
• 37:18
  We build confidence about proving certain things to ourselves. Not necessarily just running the same play over and over again. So when you, when you push out of that comfort zone in some way, whatever that might be, you get into a bit of a novel, more novel type context, whatever, you know, you name it, whatever it is might not go perfectly from the get go.
• 37:39
  That's normal. Yeah. Okay. But you're going to develop actual confidence by proving to yourself that you can move out of the familiar and continue to perform, execute, be content, be, successful, whatever that might be.
• 37:52
  Absolutely.
• 37:53
  Okay. Well, as always, thank you for tuning in to the Growth Project. We think that particularly today's conversation is going to hit home for a lot of people.
• 38:03
  Your job is to figure out how to apply it to whatever it is you're pursuing, wherever you're going after, whatever your goals are, where you are in life, the industry you're in. Apply this to it. And, your your process of developing this skill of confidence. And we will look forward to our next conversation coming up here. Real soon.
• 38:23
  Thanks so much.
• 38:24
  Thank you.