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Andy Stanley - What Happy Couples Know, Part 2 Its Mutual · Andy Stanley Sermons

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Sarah and Davis have chosen to write their own vows.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: I promise to care for you and love you our
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: entire life. I promise to be your best friend. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: You can't just be saying best friend, okay? Pete's my
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: best friend.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Hold up. I thought I was his best friend. We've
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: been through a lot together. Gosh, we have been through
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: so much together. Second grade was really rough for us.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: I remember when he fell off the monkey bars. I mean,
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: he gave me his fruit roll-up. I mean, I gave
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: him my fruit roll-up.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: That was like.
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  Speaker 2: I hope he knows that he's my best friend.
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  Speaker 1: Our friendship has survived so much. You think that this
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  Speaker 1: is going to divide us? I promise to be your
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  Speaker 1: most loyal friend. I'm loyal too.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: She is confusing me so much right now.
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  Speaker 1: She is my wife. He is my best friend. Who's
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  Speaker 1: the best friend here?
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Who?
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  Speaker 1: No one else, baby. Just you and me. Taken on
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  Speaker 1: the world.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Haha.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: Dude, dude, dude.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Aw, he's crying.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: I'm going to have to be gluten-free. Oh, man, dude,
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: if you go gluten-free, I have to be gluten-free. I
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: don't want to be gluten-free, man. It's the end of
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  Speaker 3: an era, Davis.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: It's the end of an era.
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: Yes, I am crushing these vows.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I would like to object right now, but I want
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  Speaker 1: to do it at the right time.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Please don't do it.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Look, I'm going to object.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: I'm going to object.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: My hand's going up. My hand's going up. It's going up.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I object.
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: Hey, we're in part two of this series, What Happy
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: Couples Know, and to recap where we were last time,
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: all of us come into relationships or dream of relationships
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  Speaker 4: or imagine relationships with things in mind that we want
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  Speaker 4: to be true of those relationships. We move toward engagement
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  Speaker 4: with those things. We move toward the altar with those things.
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  Speaker 4: And essentially, we said last week, it's essentially like we
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  Speaker 4: all have a box of hopes and dreams and desires.
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  Speaker 4: And even if you're single and not dating anybody right now,
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  Speaker 4: you could sit down and sort of script out in
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  Speaker 4: general terms, hey, if I'm ever in a relationship, If
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: I'm ever married, here's what.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I'd like it to look like.
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: And all of us have an idea, you know, how
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  Speaker 4: much money we'll have, how we'll spend the money, if
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  Speaker 4: we'll have a budget, not a budget, where we'll live,
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  Speaker 4: we'll rent, we'll buy, we'll wait and save money, what
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  Speaker 4: she will or what she won't sleep in, how we're
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  Speaker 4: going to handle or how the chores will be handled,
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  Speaker 4: how conflict resolution would be handled. Some of you dream
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  Speaker 4: of the day that you'll get to be parents, and
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  Speaker 4: I hope you have a a parent of this little
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  Speaker 4: fella right here, and I hope you aren't the parent
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  Speaker 4: of this little fella right here. I don't know if
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  Speaker 4: you can see the eyes on this little child. I
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  Speaker 4: don't know why they even created it, but just to
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  Speaker 4: play along.
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  Speaker 1: If you have, can you see the eyes? This is creepy.
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  Speaker 4: If you have this child, this child will end up
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  Speaker 4: on the top of whatever you live in at some
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  Speaker 4: point in your life as a parent.
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  Speaker 2: I know this.
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  Speaker 1: So anyway, we all have an idea. I'm going to
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: sit you right back here, honey. Go to sleep, okay?
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  Speaker 1: Good child. Put you in Wombaland later.
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  Speaker 4: We all have some idea of what the future's gonna
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  Speaker 4: look like relationally. Now, the problem is, or the challenge,
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  Speaker 4: it's not even a problem, it's just a challenge. The
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  Speaker 4: challenge is this. When we daydream about the future, our future,
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  Speaker 4: as we daydream and as we imagine, it organizes itself
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  Speaker 4: around our box, right? It organizes itself around our hopes, wishes, dreams,
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  Speaker 4: and desires. To put it another way, when I was single,
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  Speaker 4: I never daydreamed about becoming the perfect person for someone.
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  Speaker 4: I daydreamed about finding the perfect person for me. Is
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  Speaker 4: that just me? I never daydreamed about, I can't wait
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  Speaker 4: until I become the perfect person for someone. I daydreamed
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  Speaker 4: about the perfect person for me. So when I met Sandra,
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  Speaker 4: I thought, well, she's perfect for me. So I brought
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  Speaker 4: her ring and my box.
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  Speaker 1: To the altar.
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  Speaker 4: I brought her ring and my box to the wedding.
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  Speaker 4: And the thing is, everything in my box seems perfectly
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  Speaker 4: reasonable to me. Why wouldn't everybody not want to center
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  Speaker 4: their lives around what's in my box? And she brought
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  Speaker 4: her box to the altar and to the wedding as well.
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  Speaker 4: And everything in her box seemed perfectly reasonable to me.
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  Speaker 1: To her.
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  Speaker 4: But the problem is, when we, when we hand our
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  Speaker 4: box of hopes, dreams, and desires to somebody else, the
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  Speaker 4: density changes, and the weight changes, and what begins and
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  Speaker 4: feels to us like a hope or a dream or
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  Speaker 4: a desire feels to them Like an expectation. And the
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  Speaker 4: interesting thing is this. On this side of the box,
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  Speaker 4: it's all hopes, dreams, and desires. On that side of
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  Speaker 4: the box, it's all expectations. I'm like, well, why wouldn't
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  Speaker 4: everybody want their life this way? And the person on
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  Speaker 4: the other side of the box is going, because that
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  Speaker 4: just feels.
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  Speaker 1: Like a lot of expectations.
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  Speaker 4: To me, from where I'm standing, hopes, dreams, and desires,
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  Speaker 4: from where you're sitting, from where she's standing, all about
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  Speaker 4: the expectations. An expectation, as you know, or if you
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  Speaker 4: don't know, here's the definition, it's a strong belief that
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  Speaker 4: something will happen or be the case in the future.
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  Speaker 1: It's the strong belief that something will happen.
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  Speaker 4: Honey, I know we're not there yet, but we're moving
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  Speaker 4: in that direction, aren't we, honey? Dear, I know this
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  Speaker 4: is the first year, but eventually, right, honey?
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  Speaker 1: It's that subtle pressure.
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  Speaker 4: That things are going to be the way I imagine
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  Speaker 4: they're going to be. They're going to be the way
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  Speaker 4: that you imagine they're going to be.
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  Speaker 1: It's subtle. It's all about the future. And here's the thing.
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  Speaker 4: Anytime we attempt to recreate or avoid something from the past,
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  Speaker 4: anytime we attempt in our relationship to recreate or avoid
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  Speaker 4: something from the past, our hopes and dreams and our
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  Speaker 4: desires begin to feel like expectations because we want to
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  Speaker 4: create a preferred future. It may be a preferred future
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  Speaker 4: that's exactly like the past that we grew up in.
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  Speaker 4: We want to recreate it. Or it may be a
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  Speaker 4: preferred future that's very different. than the family that we
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  Speaker 4: grew up in. But either way, as soon as we
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  Speaker 4: try to shape the future of a relationship, it begins
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  Speaker 4: to feel like expectations to the person that we're in
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  Speaker 4: relationship with. And when couples exchange boxes, and we do,
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  Speaker 4: this just happens, I don't know that it can be
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  Speaker 4: completely avoided, but when we exchange boxes, couples begin negotiating
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  Speaker 4: with each other, bargaining with each other, sometimes bribing each other.
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  Speaker 1: I will if you will.
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  Speaker 4: If you'll do this the way I want to do it,
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  Speaker 4: then we'll avoid conflict and we'll resolve conflict the way
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  Speaker 4: you do it. If you'll get on a budget and
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  Speaker 4: stay on a budget, then perhaps one day we can
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  Speaker 4: live in that style that you want to live in
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  Speaker 4: and back and forth and back and forth. And what
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  Speaker 4: happens is, without it ever, no one ever intends for
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  Speaker 4: this to happen.
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  Speaker 1: Eventually, the relationship is.
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  Speaker 4: Is characterized, as we said last week, by a debt-debtor relationship.
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  Speaker 4: You owe me, you owe me, you owe me. That's
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  Speaker 4: what husbands are supposed to do. That's what wives are
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  Speaker 4: supposed to do. That's what men are supposed to do
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  Speaker 4: in a relationship. That's how women are supposed to respond
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  Speaker 4: in a relationship. And next thing you know, we're negotiating
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  Speaker 4: back and forth, bickering, and it's all about you owe me,
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  Speaker 4: you owe me, you owe me, you owe me. And
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  Speaker 4: the problem is, we said this last week, that when
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  Speaker 4: you get into this dynamic, when this dynamic characterizes the relationship,
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  Speaker 4: You cannot recognize, you cannot recognize love. You can't give
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  Speaker 4: love and you can't receive love because you can't appreciate
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  Speaker 4: it and you can't even recognize it. Now let me
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  Speaker 4: illustrate it this way. You see, if you owe me money,
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  Speaker 4: you can't give me money, right? If you owe me money,
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  Speaker 4: you can't give me money. If you owe me money
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  Speaker 4: and you give me money, I don't see it as
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  Speaker 4: a gift and I don't receive it as a gift.
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  Speaker 4: I see it and receive it as a payment. And
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  Speaker 4: if you owe me money and say, Andy, hey, I
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  Speaker 4: just really appreciate what you're doing.
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  Speaker 1: I want to give you $ 100.
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  Speaker 4: Well, if you owe me more than $ 100, not only
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  Speaker 4: am I not grateful and I don't see it as
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  Speaker 4: a gift, my next question is, where's the rest? So consequently,
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  Speaker 4: gratitude is minimal. So in a relationship that has become
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  Speaker 4: a debt debtor, or the dynamic of the relationship is
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  Speaker 4: a debt debtor relationship, as long as somebody feels like
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  Speaker 4: somebody owes them, they don't receive it as love, they
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  Speaker 4: can't see it as love, and the other person can't
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  Speaker 4: even extend love. So the question is, how do we
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  Speaker 4: keep this from happening? How do we keep legitimate hopes, dreams,
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  Speaker 4: and desires from becoming and feeling like expectations? And the
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  Speaker 4: answer is, we answer the following question the way that
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  Speaker 4: happy couples answer the following question. And the question is,
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  Speaker 4: what does he owe me? What does she owe me?
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  Speaker 4: What does he owe me?
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  Speaker 1: What does she owe me?
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  Speaker 4: And happy couples all answer this question the same way.
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  Speaker 4: They answer the question, nothing. They don't owe me anything.
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  Speaker 4: They know that they owe each other everything, but are
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  Speaker 4: owed nothing in return. They know that they owe each
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  Speaker 4: other everything, but are owed nothing in return, which, granted,
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  Speaker 4: doesn't make any sense. But as you get to know really,
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  Speaker 4: really happy couples, there's something about their relationship that doesn't
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  Speaker 4: make any sense.
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  Speaker 1: Now, this is the essence. This is the substance.
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  Speaker 4: This is right in the crosshairs of what a Christian
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  Speaker 4: marriage is all about. Now, a Christian marriage, and I
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  Speaker 4: don't know how you were raised or what your background is,
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  Speaker 4: but a Christian marriage is not a marriage that is
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  Speaker 4: conducted according to some sort of Christian code of conduct.
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  Speaker 1: That's not what a Christian marriage is. In fact.
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  Speaker 4: Great marriages aren't built on codes of conduct. If you're
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  Speaker 4: trying to build a relationship, you're engaged, you're dating somebody,
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  Speaker 4: or you're moving toward the altar, and you're trying to
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  Speaker 4: get them to act right and behave correctly, you're headed
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  Speaker 4: for trouble. Great relationships are not built on specific codes
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  Speaker 4: of conduct, and they're not even built on specific roles,
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  Speaker 4: and a great relationship is not built on a sort
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  Speaker 4: of an exchange of services, of.
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  Speaker 1: Goods and services.
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  Speaker 4: That great relationships and a Christian marriage in particular, which
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  Speaker 4: is what we're talking about, a Christian marriage in particular,
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  Speaker 4: as I said last week, really boils down to being
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  Speaker 4: a submission competition where both people are racing to the
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  Speaker 4: back or to the end of the line. That in
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  Speaker 4: a great relationship, in any healthy relationship, instead of there
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  Speaker 4: being competition, instead of there being bargaining and negotiating, there's
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  Speaker 4: a sense of, well, she doesn't owe me, he doesn't
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  Speaker 4: owe me anything. But I feel like I owe her,
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  Speaker 4: I owe him everything. Now today, I want to explain
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  Speaker 4: where I learned this, and where I saw this and
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  Speaker 4: where we get this. And here's the story, here's how
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  Speaker 4: it happened. At the end of Jesus' ministry, at the
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  Speaker 4: end of Jesus' ministry, he's hours away from being arrested.
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  Speaker 4: He gathers his guys together and he says to them,
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  Speaker 4: here's a few things I want you to remember.
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  Speaker 1: And toward the end of that time.
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: As they're sharing their last Passover together, he says this.
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  Speaker 4: He says, I'm going to give you a brand new command. Now,
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  Speaker 4: this should have been very offensive. In fact, these Jewish
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  Speaker 4: boys should have gotten up and left the room.
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  Speaker 1: And here's why.
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  Speaker 4: This doesn't bother us, doesn't faze us in the least.
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  Speaker 4: But the only person that could give a command was God.
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  Speaker 4: And God had given all the commands through Moses. So
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: you can talk about the commands. You can exegete the commands.
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  Speaker 4: You can explain the commands. You can apply the commands.
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  Speaker 4: You can prioritize the commands. But you don't make up
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  Speaker 4: new ones. So there was a sense in which Jesus
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  Speaker 4: was equating himself with Moses and in a sense claiming
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  Speaker 4: to speak for God. And these guys should have gotten
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  Speaker 4: up and left the room, but the night had already
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  Speaker 4: been very confusing.
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  Speaker 1: Judas had left to run an errand.
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  Speaker 4: Jesus basically took their most sacred holiday and turned it
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  Speaker 4: into something all about himself. So the whole night is crazy.
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  Speaker 4: And he says, guys, I know this is crazy. I'm
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  Speaker 4: kind of stepping in front of Moses. I'm stepping between
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  Speaker 4: you and God, but I'm going to give you a
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  Speaker 4: new command. And here's what he said. He said, a
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  Speaker 4: new command I give you, love. To which they may
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  Speaker 4: have responded, that's not new. To which Jesus would have responded,
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  Speaker 4: I'm not through. Because here's the rest of it. A
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  Speaker 4: new command I give you, love one another as I
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  Speaker 4: have loved you, so you must love one another.
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  Speaker 1: One another. Now this is an epic moment.
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  Speaker 4: This is such a big moment because Jesus says, I'm
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  Speaker 4: reducing all the Jewish law from 600 and something to
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  Speaker 4: two to one. That at the end of the day,
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  Speaker 4: these are your marching orders relationally. You are to treat
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  Speaker 4: other people the way I have treated you. He could
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: have gone around the room to each one of those
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: guys and said, Matthew, you remember when we met?
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  Speaker 1: You were a tax collector. You were an embarrassment to
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  Speaker 1: your family. You were an embarrassment to the nation. And
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  Speaker 1: do you remember what I said to you when I
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  Speaker 1: met you, Matthew? Matthew's like, yep, I remember. You asked
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  Speaker 1: me to follow you.
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  Speaker 4: And Peter, you remember how you didn't want Matthew following
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  Speaker 4: us because you didn't want to be associated with the
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  Speaker 4: tax gatherer?
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  Speaker 1: Peter's like, yep.
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  Speaker 4: And remember, I let both of you stay in the club.
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  Speaker 4: And Matthew, do you remember where we went when I
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  Speaker 4: invited you to follow me?
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  Speaker 2: Yep.
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  Speaker 4: Yep, we went to my house. Do you remember who
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  Speaker 4: we invited? Peter's like, I remember who we invited. All
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  Speaker 4: of his tax-gathering friends. It was the worst day of
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  Speaker 4: my life. And Jesus said, Matthew, I want you to
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  Speaker 4: extend that kind of grace and that kind of mercy
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  Speaker 4: to every single person you meet for the rest of
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  Speaker 4: your life.
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  Speaker 1: Nathaniel, you remember when we met?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Remember, Nathaniel, you dissed my whole family.
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  Speaker 4: This isn't really a famous Bible story, but when Nathaniel
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  Speaker 4: heard about Jesus and that he was from Nazareth, his
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: response was, Nazareth? What good thing could come from Nazareth?
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: So Jesus could have said, remember, you dissed my family,
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  Speaker 4: my grandfamily, my stickball team, all of my childhood friends.
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  Speaker 4: You pretty much made us all sound like complete losers.
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  Speaker 1: Do you remember that, Nathaniel? I remember that. Nathaniel, you remember?
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  Speaker 1: I invited you to follow me. And I never brought
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  Speaker 1: it up again, did I? No, he never brought it up.
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  Speaker 4: He could have gone all the way around the room
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  Speaker 4: and said, okay, from now on, I want you to
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  Speaker 4: think about how I treated you. That's how I want
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  Speaker 4: you to treat everybody. And a few hours later, he
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  Speaker 4: would be arrested and he would be tried and he
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  Speaker 4: would be crucified. And that would be, in a few days,
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  Speaker 4: an aha moment from which they would never recover when
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  Speaker 4: they realized Jesus gave his life on our behalf, and
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  Speaker 4: he is asking us to do the same for other people.
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  Speaker 4: That's why this is sometimes called the law of Christ,
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  Speaker 4: or I call it the platinum rule. The golden rule
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  Speaker 4: is treat people the way you want to be treated.
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  Speaker 4: The platinum rule is treat people the way that God
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  Speaker 4: and Christ treated you. In fact, let me kind of
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: Make it simple to remember. When you're not sure what
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  Speaker 4: to say or do, you just love like God through
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  Speaker 4: Christ loved you.
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  Speaker 1: That's it.
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  Speaker 4: When you're not sure what to say or do relationally,
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  Speaker 4: you go, okay, how did God through Christ treat me
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  Speaker 4: when I was misbehaving, when I messed up, when I
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  Speaker 4: broke a promise? When you're not sure what to say
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  Speaker 4: or do, you love like God through Christ loved you.
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  Speaker 4: This is the big one. This is the marching orders.
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  Speaker 4: Every single New Testament imperative after the resurrection, every single
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  Speaker 4: New Testament imperative after the resurrection, tees off and keys
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  Speaker 4: off of this big idea. As I've loved you, so
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  Speaker 4: you are to love other people. A few years later,
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: a guy named Paul, the Apostle Paul, who hated Christians,
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  Speaker 4: arrested Christians, tortured Christians, put Christians to death. If you
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: hate Christians, you would love the Apostle Paul. He hated
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  Speaker 4: them more than you. You hate them in your mind.
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  Speaker 4: He hated them as a job, okay? And the Apostle
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  Speaker 4: Paul becomes a Jesus follower. And when he does, his
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  Speaker 4: life is completely transformed. And he takes this big idea
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  Speaker 4: of love others the way that God through Christ has
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  Speaker 4: loved us.
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  Speaker 1: He takes that big idea.
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  Speaker 4: And he begins to apply it in all of his
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: letters to Gentiles, non-Jewish people, he begins to apply it
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  Speaker 4: to all kinds of relationships. He applies it to everything,
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: including marriage. So whenever you read anything the Apostle Paul
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: writes in his letters that says do this or don't
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: do that, do this or don't do.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: That, here's what you need to remember.
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: Every one of his commands, every one of his commands
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: is linked specifically and directly to Jesus' command to treat
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: others the way that I have treated you. He's not
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: making stuff up. He's applying Jesus' brand new command. So
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: in his letter to the Christians living in.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Ephesus, the Apostle Paul applies Jesus.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: New command to marriage. And here's what he says. Wives,
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: submit yourself to your own husbands as you do to
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: the Lord. I mean, what could be any clearer than that?
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Let's pray.
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: Now, if this bothers you, I'm so glad it bothers you,
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: and I'm so glad you're here. I'm just going to
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: leave it up here to bother you. In fact, some
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: of you would say, aha, that's why I quit going
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: to church. That verse right there is why I quit
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: going to church. That whole idea is why I don't
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: like Christians. I am so glad you are watching or
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: listening or in church today. I'm telling you, what you're
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: about to hear, this is so transformational.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I love talking about this.
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: Our English Bibles are translations from Greek text, and there
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: were groupings of Greek text all over the East. And
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: the oldest text, the oldest manuscripts of the New Testament,
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: the oldest manuscripts of the Apostle Paul's letters, interestingly enough,
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: if you took this verse and you translated it literally,
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: here's what it would say. It would say, wives, to
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: your own husbands as to the Lord. There's no verb
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: in this statement, in the oldest Greek manuscripts.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: There's no verb.
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: The word submit... isn't there. Now, before I explain why
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: it's not there, I want to explain something else, and
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: this is so important. When the Apostle Paul's first century
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: audience heard him teach about women submitting to their husbands,
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: and I'll tell you where the verb came from in
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: just a second. When the first century audience heard the
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: Apostle Paul talk about women and wives submitting to their husbands,
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: whereas we go, what?
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: You know, and huh? Their response was, duh, not huh.
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: Huh? They weren't like, what? They were like, well, yeah,
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: tell us something we don't know. They had no choice.
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: I mean, this wasn't new information. This wasn't even a
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: big deal. This was common ground. This didn't surprise anyone
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: in Jesus' audience. And ladies, believe it or not, no
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: one was offended because men in that culture, both the
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: Roman culture, Greek culture, and then the Jews had a
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: version of this. Men in that culture had something that's
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: referred to as patria potestas, patria potestas. Patria potestas, these
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: two words put together meant They had legal jurisdiction over
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: their children, and they had legal jurisdiction over their wives. Essentially,
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: their wives belonged to them. So when Paul says, wives,
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: submit to your husbands, that's like, right, because if we don't,
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: he'll sell us, he'll trade us, he'll have us arrested,
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: he'll accuse us of some crime, and there won't be
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: any witnesses, eyewitnesses to show up to dispute the claim,
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: and of course we submit to our husbands. So this
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: was not a big deal to them. But here's the
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: cool thing, it's a big deal to us. And the
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: reason it's a big deal to us is what comes
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: later in the text. So, why no verb in the
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: oldest Greek text? Why isn't there a verb in this verse?
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: And the answer is, the verb comes from the verse before.
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: And this was a typical kind of Greek grammatical way
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: of doing things. That you make a statement with a verb,
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: and then in the next statement, you just infer the verb.
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: You don't include it. You just take your verb from
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: what came before. That submit, the word, the verb submit,
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: is actually inferred from the verse that came before. So
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: we should ask, what was the verse that came before
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: that gives us the verb for this verse? And my friends,
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: you're looking up here, this is a game changer, right?
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: Here's what Paul said before he told wives submit to
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: their husbands. Here's the verse that sets the tone for
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: everything that follows.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Here's our verb.
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: Submit to one another out of, and there it is again.
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: Every time the apostle Paul tells us to do something,
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: he points us back to Jesus. Not the Old Testament,
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: not the Ten Commandments, Jesus.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: As God through.
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: Christ has done something extraordinary for you, you are to
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: demonstrate that same kind of love in your relationships with
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: each other, including marriage. romantic relationships, including marriage. You are
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: to submit to one another out of reverence to Christ.
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: In other words, the submission, guys, get ready, is mutual.
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: And this word reverence is a sense of awe. In
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: other words, in light of all that God has done
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: for you, in light of the awe that comes with,
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: oh my gosh, you forgave me, you died for my sins,
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: you've forgiven me in spite of myself, and all the
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: times I've gone back on my promises, all that awe
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: is to be translated not simply to church attendance and
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: not simply to singing worship songs to the invisible.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: God in the sky.
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: That energy is to be translated into love for other people.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: This is why, this is why.
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: Christian marriage, this is why Christian marriage, submission competition, because
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: the command to submit is mutual.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: It is mutual submission.
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: My friends, if you don't hear anything else today, this
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: makes marriage amazing. This makes relationships amazing. This is what
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: happy couples know. They know I'm.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Here for you.
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: You're here for me, but I'm not here for you
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: because you're here for me. I'm just here for you
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: because God was here for me when I needed my
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: heavenly father. I'm going to leverage all of my resources,
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: all of my talents, all of my gifts. I'm going
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: to leverage all of me for what benefits you the most. Now,
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: we may have different roles in our relationship. We may
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: have different responsibilities in our relationship. We may have different
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: gifts and talents.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: But we do not have different values.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: I'm telling you, in the first century, this was unbelievable.
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: And Jesus is the model. So what Paul did is
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: so brilliant. As Paul is.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Beginning to make a very.
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: Disruptive application, as he's about to make a very, very,
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: very disruptive point in this primarily Greek and Roman culture,
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: he begins, like any good communicator does, he begins where
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: there's common ground.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: And the common ground was, wives, submit.
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: Yourself to your husbands as to the Lord, because everybody
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: knew a wife had to submit herself to her husband.
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: So he begins. Submit yourself to one another out of
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: reverence for Christ. So Paul begins where the common ground is,
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: and he goes from there. But then, but then, he
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: applies it to men. Here's what he says. We'll go
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: to wives submit. Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: as you do unto the Lord. Now when we see this,
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: one other thing, we immediately think, and women, I get this.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Wives, I get this. Ladies, I get this.
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: We immediately think, okay, of all the men who are
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: not worth submitting to, right? So I did a survey
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: and I found out it's actually 100% of the men
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: are not worth submitting to, okay? Okay?
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: 100%.
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: So, but his point is, ladies, going back to Paul,
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: his point is, ladies, I want you to place your
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: husband or your mans, if you're moving in toward a
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: permanent relationship, I want you to place your mans hopes, dreams,
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: and desires ahead of your own. I want you to
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: deal out of his box, not because he expects it,
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: not because he expects it, but because your heavenly father
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: requested it. But what came next, what came next was shocking.
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: What came next had an effect on the audience that
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: mimics or parallels our 21st century response to wives submit
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: to your husbands. Because in that culture, again, it was assumed.
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: But what came next, I'm telling you, it was so disruptive.
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: It was so unbelievable. It was so new. It was
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: so different. What comes next? What comes next is why
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: what came first is so offensive to us. The reason
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: we are so offended oftentimes by wives submit to your
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: husbands is because what the apostle Paul asked husbands to do.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: And I'll connect those dots in just a minute. So
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: this is what he says to the men. Husbands, love.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: Your wives. Now, we're like, well, of course. But in
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: the first century, it wasn't of course. In the first century,
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: it's wait, wait, wait. I don't have an obligation to
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: my woman. My woman has an obligation to me. The
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: apostle Paul says, I'm not finished. Husbands, love your wives
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: just as, and this.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Is the key. This is the connection. This is the link.
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: These are the two words you should look for throughout
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: the New Testament when you read the New Testament after
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: the resurrection. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ, there
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: it is, just as Christ loved the church and gave
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: himself up for her. Now, this is a Christian audience
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: in Ephesus, and the guys are like.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: I know this story. This does not end well for Christ.
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: This does not end well for Jesus. Okay, I know
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: where you're going with this, and Paul, okay, we get
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: the wives submit because, I mean, they kind of have to,
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: but now you're telling us That we have a responsibility
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: toward women? We have a responsibility toward our wives? That
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: somehow you're inferring that there might even be a sense
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: of equality? I mean, where are you going with this?
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: And the thing is, we know where this goes. Jesus
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: died for the church. Paul's still not done. He says,
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: look at this. He says, in the same way, husbands
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: ought to love their wives as their own bodies. It's
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: like he's saying, okay, if you can't get the theology
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: thing about Jesus and the church. Let me make it
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: real simple for you guys. You are to love your wife.
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: You are responsible to care for your wife. You are
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: responsible to protect your wife as if she is you.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: This was just more than they could imagine. And he
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: says this, he who loves his wife loves himself. Well, Paul,
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: what are you talking about? Paul says, because there's a mystery.
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: There's a mystery that when two people are married, they
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: become one flesh. So there's no division. There's no pulling away.
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: They're one flesh. Men, your wives are one with you.
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: I'm telling you, as many times as you've heard this,
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: and as strange as it may be, and as biblical
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: as it may be, this was brand new because he
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: was equating men with women.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: This was scandalous. It's why I said this.
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: What comes next is why what came first is so
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: offensive to us. The reason we, this is so great,
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: and if you're not a Christian or you've left Christianity
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: or used to be a Christian, I'm sure you have
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: good reasons.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: In fact, I'm sure you are. I'm really sure you
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: have good reasons.
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: I had read what you'd read, heard what you heard,
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: went to school where you went to school or experienced
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: what you experienced.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: In a different church.
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: I get that, but I want you to hear this
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: because this is so powerful.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: This is so powerful.
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: The reason that we kind of bristle, and that women,
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: you bristle when your wives submit to your husbands, is
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: because our culture, our American culture, our Western culture embraces
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: the equality of men and women. We embrace the equality
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: of men and women, so the minute we hear somebody's
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: supposed to submit to somebody else, that's like, but ladies,
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: here's the amazing news. Guess who introduced this idea of
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: equality to the world? Guess who rolled this out in
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: such a big way that it actually made a big
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: difference in culture? Guess who was the first person with
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: any authority that declared you equal with men?
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Jesus. Jesus.
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: I'm telling you, I know this is naive. I think
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: every woman should be a Jesus follower if for no
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: other reason but this, okay?
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: He argued for your value. He argued for your worth.
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: He argued for your dignity before it was a category
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: for anybody else in the world. And the apostle Paul
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: comes along and says, men, because of the way your
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: heavenly father views the women in your life, you are
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: to treat them with extraordinary, extraordinary value. One day, Jesus
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: is teaching, and the teachers of the law and Pharisees
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: come along. They're always trying to trick him and ask
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: him trick questions to divide.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Him from the crowd. And they come to him one day,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: and they say, Jesus, we got a question, a marriage question.
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: Can a man divorce his wife for any and every reason?
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: Because there was a group of religious leaders that taught
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: a man could just declare, say three times, I divorce you,
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: I divorce you, I divorce you.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: And she's gone for burning the toast.
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: For kicking over, for spilling water, for not getting home
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: on time, for not picking up the kids on time,
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: or he's just tired of her, or she doesn't please
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: him anymore. What in the world does that mean? And
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: so there was a group of Jewish people and Jewish
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: teachers of the law who said, this is what Moses
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: meant by what Moses said about marriage and divorce, that
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: a man could divorce his wife for any and every
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: reason at all. So they said, Jesus, can a man
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: divorce his wife for any.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: And every reason at all?
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: Or is there like a list of things That a
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: man can leverage and can get a divorce and divorce
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: his wife. And Jesus looks at him and says, there's
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: no reason. There's no reason because you're one. Now go
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: home and treat her like you treat yourself. I'm like, no, no,
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: we're looking for a list of reasons. He said there's
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: no reason. You see, you think you're better. You think
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: you're worth more. You think you mean more to God,
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: but you don't. And when you married her, you became one.
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: Now go home and treat her as well as you
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: treat yourself. I'm telling you, the dignity, the value, the
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: worth that Jesus gave women, and read the Gospels.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: Ladies, read the Gospels. Women flocked to Jesus. They flocked.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: They supported his ministry. They raised money for his ministry.
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: They were the first person to see him after he
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: rose from the dead, which I'm telling you, that gave
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: women extraordinary dignity as well because a woman's word in
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: court was meaningless. If you called a woman to testify
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: in court, if they even let her in, her.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: Testimony was almost meaningless.
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: And yet all the gospels tell us that women were
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: the very first people to see Jesus alive after he
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: rose from the dead. And the reason the gospels tell
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: us that It's because that's what happened. And the reason
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: we know that's what happened is if you were making
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: up a story in the first century about a resurrection,
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: you would not have women be the first people who
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: saw it because nobody believed the testimony of a woman.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: And so Jesus rolls this out.
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: The apostle Paul pumps it up and he says, I
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: know you weren't surprised when I said women are to
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: submit to their husbands, but I'm telling you, men, women,
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: in God's eyes, you are equally valued and you are
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: to submit to one God.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: Another. This was life changing.
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: And granted, it took the church a long, long time
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: to catch up. And in some quarters, it's still taking
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: the church a long time to catch up with this teaching.
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: But our society, do not deceive, don't be deceived. Our
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: society that values men and women, that's not natural. There
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: are other places in the world where women are still
• 29:23
  Speaker 4: treated the way they were in the first century.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: You know that. It's not natural. This is a shadow.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: It's a shade.
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: It's a leftover of the teaching of Jesus and the
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: teaching of Paul as it relates to women.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: So back to Paul.
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: What's his point? His point is men. Let me ask
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: you a question. What is life to you? So we start,
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: we're back to the men. Men, what is life to you?
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know.
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: Just think, what is, I don't have a lot.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you do. Okay, men, what is life to you?
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: Here's his point.
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: Just put her before that. Whatever life is to you,
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: put her before that. And you can't do that, you
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: can't do that as long as you've got a big
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: box of expectations between you and her. And ladies, he
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: would say, you can't love your husband, you can't submit
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: to your husband as you're trying to mutually submit to
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: each other as long as you've got a big box
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: of expectations sitting between you. And this is what great,
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: happy couples know. That somehow they get rid of this
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: and they become all for the other person.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: So here's the question.
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: How do you get everything out of the expectation box
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: back into the hopes, dreams, and desires and dreams box?
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: And then what do you do with it once you
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: get it here?
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: And the answer to the first question in terms of
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: how you get everything from here back to here is
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: you decide, as we said last week, that he doesn't
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: owe me anything. She doesn't owe me anything.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: I'm deciding. I don't feel it. I'm deciding.
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: You don't owe me anything, but I owe her, I
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: owe him everything. And for this to work, and here's
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: the key, this is what's going to frustrate so many
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: of you, I understand.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: It has to be mutual. Why?
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: Because he said, this is so powerful. Submit to one
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: another out of reverence for Christ. Submit to one another
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: out of reverence for Christ. This is what oneness in
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: a relationship looks like. His best over yours. Her best
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: over yours.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: Over yours.
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: Now, last week I gave you a little homework assignment,
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: but it was a thought process.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I asked you two questions.
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: I said, this week I want you to think about
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: what's in your box, and then I want you to
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: think about is somebody carrying it around?
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: I want you to ask the question, okay, what's in here?
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: We should know what's in here.
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: And then secondly, we should know, have I accidentally or
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: maybe purposefully handed this to somebody and I am expecting
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: them to fulfill my hopes, desires, and dreams? Yes. And
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: so the question that I want you, your homework assignment
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: this week is this, and this is a little more dangerous, okay?
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I want you to ask them, what's in your box?
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: What's in your box?
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: Not on the way home, you gotta wait for the
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: right time. I just want you to ask her, ask him.
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: I just want you to say, what's in your box?
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: Now for some of you, it's like, oh no, he's here,
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: now I'm gonna have to do it, or she's here,
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: now I'm gonna, I'm just, okay, because I care about you, okay?
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: I want you to ask, what's in your box?
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: And then what, the next thing I want you to do,
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: and this is gonna be really difficult for some of you,
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: after you ask what's in your box.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Then I want you to stop talking. Stop talking. And listen.
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: Now, guys, if you ask your woman, your wife, your fiance,
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: you know, what's in your box, she may faint that
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: you've even asked or considered. She may get mad. We've
• 32:34
  Speaker 4: been married 20 years and you still don't, okay, you
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: just don't talk. You just take it and take it because, yeah,
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: you've been married 20 years and you don't know what's
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: in her box because you've been wondering why she doesn't
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: deal out of.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Your box, okay? There may be, you know, some distance.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: So you just ask, okay?
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: And you listen, and ladies, if you ask your man,
• 32:51
  Speaker 4: you know, your husband, your fiance, what's in your box,
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: I tell you what he's going to say, probably he's
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: going to say, nothing.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Nothing. Aren't the Falcons on? We don't even know we
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: have a box. We're not lying. We don't know. We
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: don't know what's in there. Now, we expect.
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: You to fulfill these wishes and dreams and desires that
• 33:15
  Speaker 4: we've never defined. But ladies, and I'm stereotyping a little bit,
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: but there's a kind of a, I don't know how
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: to talk about this. Guys, that's why I asked you
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: last week to start thinking about it.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: You need to know. And you do know.
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: And ladies, here's the other thing about many of us men.
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: We're scared to talk about it. And then the reason
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: you need to talk about it is you're scared to
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: talk about it, but you're expecting her to fulfill it.
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: And you've never told her. And it's scary. In fact,
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: it's terrorizing in some ways. But you talk about it.
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: This is, you know, the what's in your box question.
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: This is the I'm all in question. This is the
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: I am more.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: Interested in what's in your box than what's in mine.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: This is the I'm all in. I'm all into this
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: relationship so much, I want to.
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: Know what your hopes and your dreams and your desires are.
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: This is the I'm all in. This is the less
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: self question. And you know something about less self people?
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: Less self people are happier people. Find the happiest people
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: Less self.
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: And less self relationships are the richest and the richer relationships. Now,
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: I know, you know, if you're paying attention to this,
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: in your mind, you're.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Going, yeah, but what about, what about? And you're arguing.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: I get that.
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: I would do the same thing. So I know for
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: some of you, there's like, wait, wait, wait. I have
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: one really, really big objection if I'm going to move
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: forward with this, okay? Okay, Andy, if I take the
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: pressure off, you'd have no idea what he's going to do.
• 34:47
  Speaker 4: If I take the pressure off, you have no idea
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: how much money she's going to spend. If I take
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: the pressure off, he'll never come home from work. He'll
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: just live there, okay? If I take the pressure off,
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: he'll never follow through. She'll never follow through. If I
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: take the pressure off, if I take the pressure.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Off, I'm your what? I'm your what? I'm afraid.
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: I'm afraid she won't. I'm afraid he will. I'm afraid
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: he'll start. I'm afraid she'll stop.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: But my friends.
• 35:15
  Speaker 4: This is the way forward.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: This is the way forward. And if your relationship has boiled.
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: Down to something simply being a tug of war, I mean,
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: if your relationship is all about arguing over the box
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: and you're on one side and he's on the other
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: or she's on the other, if your whole relationship has
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: come down to basically, you know, if I pull too hard,
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: he won't pull hard. If I don't pull, if it
• 35:41
  Speaker 4: goes back and forth, if your whole relationship is comes
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: down to this. And the thought of laying down your
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: side of the rope is terrifying. I understand that. I
• 35:53
  Speaker 4: know how this works, okay? It's like, okay, honey, you
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: heard what he said about the rope. So, okay, I'm
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: gonna count to three. We're gonna drop it at the
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: same time, right? Because if I'm afraid, if I let
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: pressure off first, this is just going in your direction,
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: we're gonna be living in your box. We'll just be
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: all about, so when I count to three, now, listen,
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: there's no hope till you let go of the rope, okay?
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: There's not. And because you're a Christian, if you're a Christian,
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: you have to go first. And I'll tell you why.
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: Because when you were dead in your trespasses and your sin, God,
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: through Christ, dropped his end of the rope. Look, he
• 36:36
  Speaker 4: did something for you whether or not you ever did
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: anything in response to what he did.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: That is the gospel.
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: This is why all New Testament post-resurrection imperatives and commands
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: in the New Testament all tie back into as God
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: through Christ did for you. So, submit to one another
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: out of reverence for Christ. At the cross, God went first.
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: Jesus' followers went first.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: Go first.
• 37:13
  Speaker 4: Happy couples, happy couples put each other first by going
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: first in an effort to be last. That Jesus followers,
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: they put each other first by dropping that rope first
• 37:27
  Speaker 4: in an effort to be last. So I want to
• 37:30
  Speaker 4: challenge you this week, whatever that looks like in your relationship,
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: to just drop it.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: And then find out what's in their box. And then
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: listen to And take notes. And maybe start taking action.
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: And if you're concerned about, but Andy, what about all
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: of my hopes and all of my dreams and all
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: of my desires? I mean, what about my stuff? I mean,
• 37:54
  Speaker 4: I still have all this stuff and I just, you know,
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: what do I do with it? That's what we're gonna
• 37:59
  Speaker 4: talk about next week. So don't miss part three of
• 38:03
  Speaker 4: what happy couples do.