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How to Talk to Your Child's Teacher About ADHD: Start the Year as a Team, Not the Punishment Department · Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators

0:00
Apryl: You're probably already bracing for it.
0:02
Apryl: The email from the teacher, the phone call home, the note in the folder.
0:05
Apryl: Before school's even started, you are worrying about hearing that your child is challenging.
0:10
Apryl: You remember how stressful it was from the years before.
0:14
Apryl: You know what it feels like when every message from school becomes another reminder of the ways your child is struggling.
0:21
Apryl: You're not in the classroom.
0:22
Apryl: You can't sit beside your child all day and help them remember to raise their hand, stay in their seat, turn in their work, stop talking, regulate their body, or recover when something goes wrong.
0:32
Apryl: Then the school tells you what happened, and you're left wondering, what am I supposed to do with this now?
0:37
Apryl: Today we're talking about how to start the school year with your child's teacher as a team without becoming the person expected to punish your child all over again when they get home.
0:48
Apryl: Hey there, welcome back to Raising ADHD.
0:51
Apryl: I'm April, former classroom teacher, ADHD parenting coach, and a mom raising my own ADHD right alongside you.
0:59
Apryl: On this show, we take the research and real life and turn it into something you can actually do in your home, at school, and in the hard moments in between.
1:07
Apryl: Today we are diving into part three of our back to school series.
1:12
Apryl: In part one, we talked about getting mom ready for the school year and taking some of the load off of your plate.
1:18
Apryl: In part two, we talked about getting your child ready without treating their personality like a problem that needs to be fixed.
1:25
Apryl: And today we're talking about preparing the teacher relationship.
1:30
Apryl: Now, I have a particular perspective here because I've been both the teacher and the mom.
1:36
Apryl: I know teaching is hard.
1:38
Apryl: I know how much energy one child who is struggling can take in a classroom.
1:42
Apryl: I know how difficult it is when you're trying to teach a room full of kids and one is calling out, getting up, won't sit still, making jokes, melting down, and needing more help than you have capacity to give in the moment.
1:55
Apryl: But I also know the mom side.
1:57
Apryl: I know how crushing it can feel to hear a steady stream of things your child did wrong.
2:04
Apryl: You love your child more than anything, but you're not there.
2:08
Apryl: You cannot go back and change what happened, and you do not know what you're supposed to do with all of this information once they walk through your front door.
2:17
Apryl: So today is all about closing that gap.
2:20
Apryl: We're going to talk about how to communicate with your child's teacher, how to start with a shared understanding of ADHD, and how to create a simple plan that helps your child build skills instead of simply collecting more consequences.
2:36
Apryl: All right, so let's dive in.
2:38
Apryl: First, I want to name something really important here.
2:42
Apryl: Your child's new teacher may experience totally different challenges than last year's teacher.
2:50
Apryl: I know for me as a teacher, I was, well, it was interesting as I went along in my career and what I would let kids get away with, what I as versus what I wouldn't let them get away with as my years went on.
3:09
Apryl: And as my own kids got older and I realized, oh, they need movement.
3:15
Apryl: Oh, doodling may not be that bad.
3:18
Apryl: Like they may be able to doodle and listen at the same time, might actually be helping them.
3:23
Apryl: So depending on the teacher, something that your child does may be more irritating to the new teacher than it was to the last teacher, or vice versa.
3:35
Apryl: So maybe last year the hardest thing was sitting on the rug, or maybe it was blurting or unfinished work, keeping the hands to themselves, but you do not have to walk into a new school year with this long list of things and say, here's everything that was wrong last year.
3:50
Apryl: Good luck.
3:51
Apryl: Again, like I said, different teachers have different styles and different classrooms have different rhythms, and there's different kids in the class.
3:58
Apryl: The whole environment changes when with a new year, with a new group of kids and a new teacher.
4:07
Apryl: Different teachers have different capabilities, boundaries, and things that genuinely bother them.
4:12
Apryl: And like I said, how I changed throughout my teaching career.
4:15
Apryl: One teacher may be completely fine with a child quietly doodling during a lesson, while another might find that disruptive or may assume that if they're doodling, that they're not listening.
4:26
Apryl: One teacher may love a funny verbal child who makes the class laugh at appropriate times, while another may find that same behavior difficult to manage.
4:36
Apryl: So do not go into your child's new teacher with a file of every behavior your child has ever had.
4:44
Apryl: Instead, start with this.
4:46
Apryl: I want us to get to know each other and see what this school year actually looks like for my child in your classroom.
4:52
Apryl: That gives the teacher room to see your child with fresh eyes, and it gives your child the gift of a fresh start.
5:00
Apryl: I'm gonna add a note here to our teachers because I know that we do have a group of teachers as listeners to the podcast.
5:10
Apryl: When I first started teaching, one of the very first things that was taught to me at back to school time was oh, take your class list and go around, I was teaching third grade, take your class list and go around to the second grade teachers and get the like 411 on all of your students.
5:32
Apryl: And I was like, oh, that's a great idea.
5:36
Apryl: However, after a year or two of doing that, I quit doing that because I realized I was taking this list of students and I was already labeling them or I already had preconceived notions about them because of what their former teacher had said.
5:54
Apryl: So I quit doing that because I didn't want to have like I would worry, like, oh gosh, I've got the hard kid, or whatever.
6:03
Apryl: I didn't want that anymore, so I quit doing that.
6:06
Apryl: So I would recommend to you teachers, if you do that, maybe look at that and see if that's really helping you out or if it's causing you more anxiety and stress and already giving you thoughts about some kids that really isn't necessary to start the year with.
6:24
Apryl: Let's all start with a fresh start.
6:26
Apryl: So, with that, remember with this whole series, we want to support your child's brain needs and let go of what doesn't matter.
6:38
Apryl: We want to support the brain and let go of everything else.
6:41
Apryl: So, when we're looking at school, what does your child's brain need?
6:47
Apryl: We need teachers who understand that ADHD is more than inattention and hyperactivity.
6:53
Apryl: We need them to understand the entire iceberg of ADHD, which is episode number one of this podcast because it's so important.
7:03
Apryl: We know ADHD kids need clear expectations that they know what the expectations are.
7:10
Apryl: They need immediate feedback.
7:12
Apryl: This one they need more than anything else, and that's positive reinforcement.
7:17
Apryl: More positive than negative.
7:20
Apryl: We need to support with skills that are hard, and they need adults who can tell the difference between who they are and what they are still learning to do.
7:31
Apryl: And the teacher needs a classroom that's safe enough and calm enough for learning, a plan that is simple enough to actually use, a parent who wants to collaborate, not blame, and support that does not create more work than they can reasonably carry.
7:49
Apryl: Your job is as the parent is not to demand that the teacher fix everything.
7:54
Apryl: Your job is not to promise that you can fix everything at home.
7:58
Apryl: Your job is to help create a small, clear, shared plan.
8:03
Apryl: That's what we're doing in this episode.
8:05
Apryl: We're going to create that small, clear, shared plan.
8:08
Apryl: Because, like I said, teachers are more stressed than they ever have been.
8:13
Apryl: The amount of stress to get kids to pass testing, and then when you're trying to do that, and then you have kids who aren't listening or kids who are um making it hard for other kids to learn, then all of a sudden you have all of this stress, and then you have this kid who's making it hard, and it just makes everything hard.
8:37
Apryl: And with just everything going on in the classroom, I can honestly say teaching is the hardest job out there.
8:45
Apryl: When you're in charge of 20 plus little humans, getting them to learn, getting them to behave, making sure there's so much more behind it than just learning, like social, emotional.
8:57
Apryl: You have kids who are coming in, parents who are in prison, parents who fought the day before, parents who like they are coming in with so much stuff that the teachers have to deal with.
9:08
Apryl: So please have compassion for the teachers as well.
9:12
Apryl: Um, with that said, we that's why we want to create a small plan that we can start to see results from and not some big, heavy, really complicated behavior plan.
9:25
Apryl: It's never going to get used because it's not logical in a classroom where there is already so much going on and so many demands on the teacher.
9:35
Apryl: So let's start with the first thing I want you to do is to make teamwork explicit.
9:42
Apryl: Teachers often meet parents only after something has already gone wrong.
9:47
Apryl: So the first email comes after an incidence, the first phone call happens after a rough day, everybody is already stressed.
9:54
Apryl: Another note to the teachers, and this was something that I also was taught when I first started teaching, was make sure that that first form of communication to the parent is a positive one.
10:08
Apryl: So in those first few weeks of school, reach out and say, Oh, I noticed so-and-so did, and it can be anything, anything that's positive.
10:19
Apryl: They had a really, they drew a really creative picture today when we were writing our stories and had a picture to go with it.
10:26
Apryl: Whatever it is, find something positive about that kid and send it home.
10:31
Apryl: Because the more we can deposit into that positive bank, then when you need to withdraw from it, there's something to withdraw instead of just negative, negative, negative, negative.
10:40
Apryl: Because I promise you that the parents have heard so much negative already.
10:45
Apryl: And a lot of these parents are so burned out that they can't handle one more negative thing.
10:54
Apryl: So let's start with the positive.
10:56
Apryl: Okay, back to parents.
10:58
Apryl: You can change the tone with working with the parents by saying something like, I want you to know that I see us as a team.
11:07
Apryl: I know you're getting to know a whole new class, and I know my child may need some extra support in certain areas.
11:13
Apryl: I want to be helpful and I also want to make sure we're working on things in a way that actually helps him build skills.
11:20
Apryl: Right there, I think is very key.
11:22
Apryl: And it's very different than what happens a lot of times.
11:27
Apryl: A lot of times it's just um provide consequence for behavior.
11:32
Apryl: It's never building the skill, it's just trying to get the behavior to stop.
11:36
Apryl: But if we don't have the skill to support the behavior, the behavior is going to consequences don't stop behavior.
11:42
Apryl: They don't teach the skill, right?
11:44
Apryl: We can eventually, you know, beat the the behavior out of them, so to speak, not really beat them, but but then the long-term effects, the the effects on their um self-esteem, the effects on their depression, anxiety, all of that happen as well.
12:03
Apryl: So we want to be building the skills, not just giving consequences for the behavior, trying to get the behavior to stop.
12:10
Apryl: We want to build skills to get the behavior to stop, and that's why we're working on a team.
12:15
Apryl: By doing this, that tells the teacher you are not defensive.
12:19
Apryl: A lot of times, when I was in the classroom, I had parents who were really, really good to work with and parents who came in already highly defensive from previous years.
12:30
Apryl: And think about it: when someone's defensive, what happens?
12:35
Apryl: You tend to put up your guard too, because all of a sudden you go into that fight or flight mode, right?
12:40
Apryl: And you have to protect yourself.
12:41
Apryl: We don't want to start the year off that way.
12:44
Apryl: So this tells the teacher you're not defensive, you're not pretending that the ADHD will never affect the classroom, you're not expecting them to handle every hard thing alone, and that you are willing to collaborate.
12:58
Apryl: But teamwork does not mean that you become the punishment department.
13:04
Apryl: I have an episode on this as well.
13:06
Apryl: About there's a few episodes on school, and this is very key.
13:11
Apryl: We do not become the punishment department after school.
13:15
Apryl: Teamwork means you and the teacher decide together.
13:18
Apryl: Number one, what is truly getting in the way?
13:22
Apryl: What is the most important behavior or skill to focus on first?
13:26
Apryl: What can school do in the moment, and what can happen at home to support the plan later.
13:32
Apryl: Step two is we want to explain ADHD simply to the teachers because I've like I've mentioned on the podcast many times, is that I did not understand what I was seeing in my classroom could possibly be the effects of ADHD.
13:48
Apryl: I thought ADHD was inattention and hyperactivity.
13:54
Apryl: I did not realize the transitions, the meltdowns, the anger, I didn't realize all of that could be ADHD.
14:04
Apryl: So we want to make sure that they understand in a simple way.
14:08
Apryl: So instead of giving them a full lecture on neuroscience, we can explain it in a very clear way.
14:13
Apryl: You might say something like, My child has ADHD, which means self-control, attention, transitions, and emotional regulation can be harder for them, even when they want to do well.
14:24
Apryl: Or when he is overwhelmed or excited, his brain often moves faster than his pause button.
14:30
Apryl: That can look like calling out, making jokes, getting out of a seat, and reacting before he acts, before he thinks.
14:36
Apryl: Or she often needs more support with starting, organizing, and finishing work than other kids her age.
14:42
Apryl: It is not that she doesn't care, those executive skills are still developing.
14:47
Apryl: That's enough.
14:48
Apryl: And see how we were helping the teacher see the behavior, that the behavior has something underneath it.
14:56
Apryl: We're not excusing the behavior, we're giving it context.
15:00
Apryl: Then we can say, I know there may be behavior that needs to be addressed.
15:05
Apryl: I just want us to approach it as a skill we are building, not a character flaw we are punishing.
15:13
Apryl: That is so key to me, is that we are building these skills.
15:16
Apryl: We're not acting like this is a character flaw, this is a personality trait flaw, and that we're just gonna punish it out of them, okay?
15:25
Apryl: Behavioral parent training and school-based ADHD supports emphasize clear, specific expectations and positive reinforcement rather than relying on repeated correction alone.
15:39
Apryl: That is key here, okay?
15:42
Apryl: So, step three, we want to give our teachers a strength map.
15:47
Apryl: Before we name all of those hard things, we want to help the teacher see our whole child.
15:53
Apryl: Teachers are often handled information about what a child struggles with.
15:58
Apryl: And I will say, this is I lay it all out here.
16:03
Apryl: You a lot of times there are certain kids that you already know when they're coming up because you see them in the hallway, you see them struggling.
16:13
Apryl: So the teachers just tend to know them.
16:16
Apryl: And it's not because you know, they're gossiping about them in the teacher's lounge.
16:20
Apryl: It's literally you're walking down the hall, you see a kid struggling.
16:24
Apryl: I would maybe stop.
16:25
Apryl: Like if I was during my planning period and I saw, you know, a kid struggling in the hall, and so I could stop.
16:31
Apryl: I didn't have my my whole classroom with me.
16:33
Apryl: I would stop and talk to that kid.
16:35
Apryl: Or, you know, if it's the teacher with her class and one of the kids isn't behaving, then I would help, right?
16:42
Apryl: There's just there's camaraderie in a school environment, so we just tend to know these kids.
16:47
Apryl: So knowing that, know that your teacher may already know of your child, but when we can give them a strength map, it helps them get to know your child and get to know that your child is more than their behavior.
17:06
Apryl: So give the teacher two or three strengths to look for.
17:10
Apryl: And I know at when I was a teacher, I used to do this.
17:13
Apryl: I know my daughter's school does this.
17:15
Apryl: The teachers ask for a letter about your child.
17:19
Apryl: This is a very important time to talk about the strengths, to talk about what you love about your kid, to highlight these things that make them an awesome person, right?
17:32
Apryl: So that we go beyond the behavior.
17:34
Apryl: And this is the letter is also a great place to say the things that we're talking about about, you know, this is what ADHD looks like, this is what um you may see in my child.
17:46
Apryl: It may be, you know, and we're talking about that, and I want to have this.
17:51
Apryl: We want to build these skills this year.
17:55
Apryl: So we can add all of that into those letters if the teachers ask for those letters.
18:00
Apryl: And I would recommend, even if they don't ask for those letters, I would recommend sending an email or you know, setting up a time to talk with them that you can explain all of this stuff and get on the same page.
18:16
Apryl: So when you're something that you might say about the strengths, is he's very funny and social.
18:22
Apryl: He loves making people laugh and he really responds when people notice the good in him.
18:28
Apryl: She's incredibly creative and empathetic.
18:31
Apryl: She loves to help and she does well when she has a meaningful job.
18:35
Apryl: He's curious and loves to know how things work.
18:38
Apryl: If he is engaged in a hands-on task, you will often see a totally different side of him.
18:43
Apryl: See how we're giving those strengths and what to look for?
18:46
Apryl: And also, like me as a teacher reading this, I would see, oh, like she does well when she has a meaningful job.
18:54
Apryl: Okay, well, I might have her, you know, be responsible for certain things.
19:00
Apryl: We have a, I don't know, a plant in the classroom.
19:02
Apryl: Hey, we want this class, this plant to grow.
19:04
Apryl: Can you water the plants?
19:06
Apryl: You know, like I might give those things by reading these things, I would pull out and say, okay, this child needs this, this child needs this, and keep mental notes of that.
19:18
Apryl: That's why these back-to-school letters are super important.
19:21
Apryl: Then if you want to share a difficulty, keep it simple and neutral.
19:26
Apryl: One thing that can be hard for him is knowing when is the right time to be funny.
19:31
Apryl: One thing she may need support with is getting started when a task has multiple steps.
19:36
Apryl: One thing we're working on is pausing before calling out.
19:39
Apryl: Notice that you're not saying he is disruptive, she is defiant.
19:45
Apryl: We are naming the skill, okay?
19:48
Apryl: That's a complete turnaround compared to what is what we normally see.
19:57
Apryl: If you want to write a letter to your child's teacher with all of these things implemented, I have created a prompt that you can plug into your favorite AI platform, plug it in, insert the info about your child, and it will write a letter to the teacher all ready for you.
20:23
Apryl: You can get that prompt at raisingadh.org slash letter.
20:28
Apryl: And like I said, all you have to do is plug it in.
20:31
Apryl: I love to just a little hack with AI, I love to talk instead of type.
20:38
Apryl: So I would put that that prompt in and then I would say the things about my child, like name, strengths, you know, whatever the what the prompt is asking you.
20:48
Apryl: Then I just do the like microphone, talk to text and put it in.
20:52
Apryl: So then I don't have to talk it or I don't have to type it.
20:55
Apryl: So there's your little hack.
20:56
Apryl: But again, you can get that at raisingadh.org slash letter.
20:59
Apryl: You can grab that prompt.
21:00
Apryl: Okay, step four is let the first few weeks give you data.
21:06
Apryl: This is one of the most important parts.
21:08
Apryl: Do not go in with a plan to solve every possible ADHD challenge before the first bell rings.
21:14
Apryl: Let the first couple of weeks give you information.
21:17
Apryl: You might tell the teacher, I would love to give you a little time to get to know him in your classroom.
21:22
Apryl: If you notice something that is consistently getting in the way of learning, safety, or relationships, we can connect and choose one thing to focus on first.
21:31
Apryl: That keeps you from creating a huge system based on what may or may not become a problem in this particular classroom.
21:37
Apryl: Remember, different teachers have different boundaries and different things that they can tolerate versus things that they don't.
21:46
Apryl: So we don't want to go in and be like, last year we were working on this, this, this, and this.
21:50
Apryl: You can if you want, but I would recommend having the teacher observe, make note, and then say, okay, let's.
22:00
Apryl: Let's prioritize one of these.
22:01
Apryl: See how we're we're I at the end.
22:04
Apryl: I said we can connect and choose one thing to focus on first.
22:08
Apryl: This helps the teacher prioritize because here's the truth: if behavior is loud or disruptive, the teacher's energy is naturally going to go there first.
22:16
Apryl: The executive function stuff, like turning in paper, keeping up with materials, remembering assignments, that's gonna get pushed aside when the classroom is dealing with more urgent behavior.
22:29
Apryl: That does not mean those other things do not matter.
22:31
Apryl: It just means that you cannot solve everything at the same time.
22:35
Apryl: So you're going to decide together what is the one behavior of skill that would make the biggest difference right now?
22:41
Apryl: And that's what I love.
22:42
Apryl: If we choose one thing that we can work on and start getting success in that one area, then we can build.
22:49
Apryl: I've told you this all over.
22:51
Apryl: This is this is the raising ADHD way, right?
22:54
Apryl: We take one thing, we get success with that, we start getting success with that, and then we can add the next one.
23:01
Apryl: So we want to take the thing that the teacher really needs help with right now and work on that.
23:07
Apryl: Where turning in papers may not be that important in second grade, whereas in you know, high school, turning in papers is a pretty big deal because that counts, right?
23:18
Apryl: And they don't have as much teacher support to help with that.
23:22
Apryl: So we want to decide together what the one behavior skill is that would make the biggest difference right now.
23:28
Apryl: And maybe that's raising a hand before speaking during instruction, staying with the group during a transition, starting independent work with within two minutes, using respectful words of peers, putting completed work in the turn-in bin.
23:42
Apryl: This is not be good all day.
23:44
Apryl: This is not stop disturbing, and this is not have better self-control.
23:50
Apryl: It's one behavior, clear enough that a child can understand it, and clear enough that a teacher can notice it.
23:57
Apryl: Daily report cards and classroom behavior plans work best when they identify a small number of specific observable goals rather than vague expectations.
24:09
Apryl: And having it in a specific time constraint, especially as it's getting started.
24:15
Apryl: If we expect the child to go the whole day without messing up, you are going to fail.
24:21
Apryl: So we have to have it specific time as well.
24:26
Apryl: Okay?
24:26
Apryl: Now, for step number five, we do not want to double punish.
24:32
Apryl: So let's talk about what happens when the teacher tells you something went wrong.
24:36
Apryl: This is where so many ADHD families get stuck.
24:39
Apryl: The teacher sends home a note, you maybe your child lost recess, they had a consequence in class, they had a difficult day.
24:47
Apryl: And then the expectation becomes now mom needs to punish them at home too.
24:52
Apryl: It's like they're calling you to tell you so that their child can get, you know, the consequences at home.
24:58
Apryl: But let's think about this for a second.
25:00
Apryl: And again, like I said, talked about this on the podcast before.
25:04
Apryl: Imagine you had a hard day at work.
25:06
Apryl: You made a mistake, your boss addressed it.
25:09
Apryl: Maybe it was embarrassing to you, maybe there was a consequence, and then your boss called your spouse, told them about it, and when you walked in the door, your past your spouse said, Hey, I heard you messed up at work, you're grounded, no television tonight.
25:25
Apryl: A, that would feel ridiculous coming from your spouse, but that's what we're doing, right?
25:30
Apryl: We're double punishing.
25:32
Apryl: They already got punished at school, and we know research shows that that lag of time from when the event happened to after school, the ADHD brain, that's such a big time gap that they're not putting together with what happened at school to the consequences happening at home.
25:50
Apryl: So we want to stay away from that.
25:53
Apryl: So I want you to decide this before school begins.
25:57
Apryl: Home is not the second punishment location for school behavior.
26:01
Apryl: That does not mean that home ignores school.
26:04
Apryl: It means home handles school behavior differently.
26:07
Apryl: At home, you can listen, help them regulate, talk through what happened when they are calm, practice the skill, and reinforce the behavior you want to see more of tomorrow.
26:22
Apryl: You can say, it sounds like you had a really hard day.
26:25
Apryl: We're not going to punish you again for something that already happened at school, but we're going to figure out what your brain needs tomorrow.
26:32
Apryl: That is not permissive, that is skill building.
26:35
Apryl: The American Academy of Pediatrics and evidence-based ADHD behavior approaches emphasize specific achievable goals, coordinated homeschool communication, and reinforcement of desired behavior.
26:50
Apryl: That's what we're doing when we do that, instead of just giving another punishment.
26:54
Apryl: Remember, punishments don't build the skills.
26:56
Apryl: If punishments worked, I'm guessing that all the years that your child has been in school and had all these punishments, they wouldn't be doing that behavior anymore, right?
27:05
Apryl: So let's quit punishing and let's start building the skills, practicing the skill, reinforcing the skill.
27:12
Apryl: That's what we want to be doing at home and at school.
27:16
Apryl: Step number six is create a simple school-to-home success plan.
27:21
Apryl: Here is where you move from we are a team into an actual plan.
27:25
Apryl: And I want this plan to be so small that the teacher can realistically do it and you can realistically keep up with it.
27:31
Apryl: So here is a simple plan.
27:35
Apryl: Number one, we're going to target the behavior.
27:38
Apryl: So for example, raise hand before speaking during circle time.
27:42
Apryl: Notice how it's very specific of the action and very specific of the time.
27:48
Apryl: Okay.
27:50
Apryl: Starts independent work within two minutes.
27:53
Apryl: Uses safe hands during recess.
27:57
Apryl: Puts completed work in the turn-in bin.
28:00
Apryl: These are all very specific.
28:03
Apryl: And I can't remember if this is I've taught this on the podcast, but definitely have taught it in my workshops.
28:09
Apryl: Is we want to make sure that the behavior that we're asking for can be proven in a court of law.
28:18
Apryl: It can be seen or heard.
28:21
Apryl: This is not hearsay.
28:22
Apryl: So raises hand.
28:24
Apryl: Can we see that?
28:26
Apryl: Yes.
28:26
Apryl: Raises hand before speaking.
28:28
Apryl: Yes.
28:29
Apryl: And then we have that during circle time.
28:31
Apryl: Instead of trying to make this an all-day thing, no, we're going to work on it during circle time.
28:37
Apryl: And then during another time of day, when we have success during circle time, then we add on.
28:42
Apryl: We are adding on, not building some major thing that we're never going to get success with.
28:48
Apryl: Okay.
28:48
Apryl: And we're going to say the behavior positively whenever possible.
28:53
Apryl: So again, instead of does not call out, number one, a kid that is so vague to them does not call out.
29:00
Apryl: What do you mean does not call out?
29:01
Apryl: No, we're going to say raises hand before speaking.
29:06
Apryl: Instead of does not leave seat, we're going to try stays in learning space during independent work or stays in seat.
29:15
Apryl: Or I like the learning space because we know some of these kids need to wiggle.
29:19
Apryl: And so, you know, like if they're standing up around their desk, I think that's okay.
29:23
Apryl: But again, that's something for the teacher, the teacher and you to work out.
29:27
Apryl: Because I am a different teacher, different personality than your child's teacher.
29:32
Apryl: Your child needs to know what to do, not just what to stop doing.
29:37
Apryl: Let me say that again.
29:38
Apryl: Your child needs to know what to do, not just what to stop doing.
29:43
Apryl: All right, step number two is a simple way to track it at school.
29:47
Apryl: This does not need to be a huge chart, a clipboard with 12 categories or extra paperwork that takes the teacher 20 minutes.
29:53
Apryl: It might be one check mark, a smiley face, a zero, one or two rating, a small card in the child's folder, a note on a daily planner.
30:03
Apryl: The teacher gives quick immediate feedback.
30:06
Apryl: Did you hear that?
30:06
Apryl: Quick immediate feedback.
30:08
Apryl: You raised your hand three times during reading.
30:10
Apryl: That's exactly what we are practicing.
30:13
Apryl: Or you had a hard time this morning, but you got a check during math.
30:17
Apryl: You came back and tried again.
30:19
Apryl: See how she's or he, the teacher, like that script of how we're saying that.
30:25
Apryl: It's giving them immediate feedback of what they did, whether it was wrong or right.
30:31
Apryl: And then I like how the second one was like, you have this hard, you had a hard time this morning, but you got to check during math.
30:38
Apryl: You came back and tried again.
30:39
Apryl: Way to go.
30:40
Apryl: We're giving that positive reinforcement.
30:42
Apryl: Okay.
30:43
Apryl: Positive reinforcement goes really, really far with these kids.
30:46
Apryl: Step number three is a reward that happens quickly.
30:49
Apryl: This is important.
30:50
Apryl: The reward does not have to be bought by the teacher.
30:53
Apryl: The reward can do the quick tracking and you can handle the reward at home.
30:57
Apryl: So maybe one successful day earns 10 minutes of a favorite game.
31:01
Apryl: Three checks earn choosing the family movie.
31:04
Apryl: Four days of meeting the goal earns choosing Friday dessert.
31:08
Apryl: A certain number of points earns time building Legos with you, a bike ride, or a trip to a favorite to get a favorite drink.
31:14
Apryl: Okay.
31:15
Apryl: The reward should be small, immediate enough to matter, and something your child genuinely wants, and it's connected to the specific behavior you are practicing.
31:24
Apryl: We have an entire behavior system inside the Calm Club.
31:28
Apryl: Doors are closed right now, but they will be opening soon.
31:31
Apryl: If you want to get the entire behavior system where we do all of this together and for you, and you have all the steps, go to racingadh.com slash calm and get on the wait list for when doors open again.
31:45
Apryl: Okay, and step four is a short review at home.
31:48
Apryl: When your child gets home, do not interrogate them.
31:51
Apryl: You're simply going to say, and again, if you go back to the afterschool meltdowns, you may want to wait a bit.
31:59
Apryl: If after school meltdowns are a thing of yours, go listen to that episode.
32:03
Apryl: But you may want to wait a bit before you actually do this.
32:06
Apryl: But once you're past that G like that calm down time, you can talk to your child and you simply say, Let's look at your card.
32:14
Apryl: I see you earned two checks for raising your hand.
32:17
Apryl: That tells me you're practicing your pause button.
32:19
Apryl: If they met the goal, you did it.
32:22
Apryl: You earned your reward.
32:23
Apryl: If they did not meet the goal, today was hard.
32:26
Apryl: Tomorrow's another chance.
32:27
Apryl: Let's practicing what raise your hands looks like for one minute.
32:31
Apryl: There's no lecture, no shame, no yelling, and no taking away everything they love.
32:38
Apryl: Just feedback, practice, and another chance.
32:42
Apryl: School home daily report cards are an evidence-based ADHD support.
32:46
Apryl: Teachers rate a few target behaviors at school, parents provide home-based rewards tied to those ratings, and the plan creates immediate feedback and consistent reinforcement across settings.
32:58
Apryl: But again, we have to use this correctly.
33:00
Apryl: This cannot just become a dumping place where the teacher dumps everything that went wrong that day.
33:08
Apryl: And again, go back.
33:10
Apryl: I will link the episodes in the show notes, the school episodes.
33:15
Apryl: Go back and listen to those because if your child is getting negative feedback every single day, the goal is too big.
33:24
Apryl: That goal that we're working on must be changed and smaller so that they can actually get success.
33:32
Apryl: That is the most important thing right there.
33:35
Apryl: We don't want to go a whole year, 180 days of negative feedback and nothing ever changes.
33:41
Apryl: The goal is too big then.
33:42
Apryl: Has to change.
33:43
Apryl: Finally, let's talk about communication.
33:46
Apryl: You do want communication with the teacher.
33:48
Apryl: You need to know if your child is struggling, but you do not need to need a daily emotional dump of every small thing that went wrong.
33:56
Apryl: Like I was just saying, with the report cards.
33:57
Apryl: If the report card is coming that, becoming that, that's not what report cards are made for.
34:02
Apryl: That is not when they say that daily report cards are evidence-based.
34:07
Apryl: That's not the way that evidence-based report cards work.
34:10
Apryl: And that is not working.
34:11
Apryl: And like stop needs to be put to that.
34:14
Apryl: You can say something like, hey, do you want to know what is happening, especially if there's a safety concern, aggression, or something urgent.
34:21
Apryl: But for everyday ADHD behaviors, I respond best to a brief summary of patterns and progress rather than a blow-by-blow list of every hard moment.
34:31
Apryl: You might ask for a weekly Friday email, a brief check-in after the first two weeks, the simple daily card connected to the one target behavior.
34:39
Apryl: That's the one that I highly recommend.
34:42
Apryl: And a meeting if a pattern is emerging.
34:45
Apryl: You can ask for balanced feedback.
34:47
Apryl: If you are able, I would love to hear something that went well too.
34:50
Apryl: It helps me keep our conversations at home focused on growth instead of only what went wrong.
34:56
Apryl: This is not asking the teacher to pretend that things are fine.
34:59
Apryl: That is asking them to help you see the whole child.
35:04
Apryl: And it protects you from absorbing every hard moment so intensely that you carry it home and unintentionally put it on your child.
35:12
Apryl: If you listened to my last episode, that was something that I did.
35:15
Apryl: Still have mom guilt over it.
35:17
Apryl: So learn from my mistakes.
35:20
Apryl: If you're thinking, okay, that all sounds good, but what do I actually say?
35:25
Apryl: Here is a short version you can use in an email at open house or in a quick meeting.
35:34
Apryl: Hey, Mrs.
35:35
Apryl: Smith, I'm so glad you're working with Johnny this year.
35:38
Apryl: Johnny has ADHD, which can make things like self-control, attention, transitions, and organization harder even when he really wants to do well.
35:47
Apryl: Johnny is also funny, creative, and super helpful.
35:52
Apryl: And he responds really well when adults notice his efforts and strengths.
35:56
Apryl: I know you're getting to know a whole new class, so I do not want to assume what will be hard in your room based on last year.
36:02
Apryl: I would love to give you a little time to get to know Johnny, and then if there's one behavior or skill that's really getting in the way of learning safety relationships, I would love for us to choose one clear goal to work on together.
36:14
Apryl: I'm very open to simple simple daily check-in or point card that can you that you can use at school and I can connect that to a reward at home.
36:23
Apryl: I found that positive reinforcement and one clear goal work much better for Johnny than delayed consequence after school.
36:30
Apryl: I see this as a team and I appreciate all you do.
36:33
Apryl: You can make it shorter, warmer, casual, whatever.
36:36
Apryl: The point is not to send a perfect email, the point is to start with partnership and clarity.
36:41
Apryl: So for this week, I want you to only do one thing.
36:44
Apryl: I want you to go download that prompt and get that letter written.
36:48
Apryl: Okay?
36:49
Apryl: It will write it for you.
36:50
Apryl: Like I said, use the voice to text and it's gonna make it way easier for you.
36:56
Apryl: Go to racingadhg.com slash letter, grab the prompt, and you will be ready to go back to school and work as a team with your teacher this year.
37:07
Apryl: If you are heading into this school year with a knot in your stomach because you are dreading the first email, the first note, or the first phone call, I want you to know this.
37:15
Apryl: You can care deeply about the teacher's experience without accepting the idea that your child is a problem to be passed back and forth between school and home.
37:24
Apryl: You can respect how hard teaching is without becoming the second punishment system, and you can advocate for your child without becoming defensive.
37:32
Apryl: And you can start the year with a plan that protects your child's dignity, your relationship with them, the teacher's capacity, and the classroom's ability to learn.
37:41
Apryl: You do that by remembering support what your child's brain needs and let go of what it doesn't.
37:47
Apryl: Start small, pick one skill.
37:49
Apryl: We talked about it all here in this episode.
37:52
Apryl: Things like turning in papers may not be that important, and we're not even gonna focus on that right now when there's a bigger behavior that's causing more disruption.
38:04
Apryl: We're gonna start small, pick one skill, use positive feedback, keep home a place of connection and practice, not a place where your child gets punished twice for the same hard day.
38:14
Apryl: If this episode gave you language for that first teacher conversation, share it with another mom of ADHD's who is already bracing for the school year.
38:23
Apryl: You're not alone in this, and neither is your child.
38:26
Apryl: You've got this.
38:27
Apryl: I'm April, and I will see you in the next episode.
38:30
Brian Bradford: Thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation on raising ADHD.
38:33
Brian Bradford: Remember, raising ADHD kids doesn't have to feel overwhelming.
38:37
Brian Bradford: Small shifts can make a big difference.
38:39
Brian Bradford: If you found this episode helpful, it would mean the world if you would hit subscribe, if you would leave a review, or if you shared it with another parent or teacher who needs this support.
38:48
Brian Bradford: And don't forget to join us next week for more real talk, practical tips, and encouragement.
38:53
Brian Bradford: Until then, you've got this, and we've got your back.