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Choosing Sobriety: Jen Hirst’s Path to Healing and Empowerment · Wake Up with Marci

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Wake Up with Marcy, a deep dive in
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: self discovery. I'm your host, Marty Hopkins, and this is
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: the space where we get real about life transformation and
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: finding our true selves. Hello all, and welcome back to
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Wake Up with Marcy, where we share real stories, radical
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: healing and waking up to your worth. The raw truth
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: helps you move through life's hardest transitions and come out
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: stronger on the other side. I'm your host, Marcy Hopkins,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful you are here with us today.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: We are going to be diving into something that is
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: very close to my heart, and that is sobriety and
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: what it really takes to stay sober.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Whether you're newly.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Sober, sober curious, or supporting a loved one, you're going
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: to want to hear this. I am joined today by
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Jen Hurst, founder of Lighthouse Sobriety, author of the One
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Hundred Day Sober Journal, and someone who is doing incredible
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: work helping women to find confidence and connection in their
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: alcohol free journey. So Jin, thank you so much for
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: coming on wake Up.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: Yes, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: to be here.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: You know we've found each other on Instagram which there's
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: such a great sober community there and I'm just so
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: impressed by the work that you're doing.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Oh thank you. I love Instagram because it's such a
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: powerful tool to meet other people in sobriety who are
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: going alcohol free. It has been the catalyst to growing
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: my business, to meeting and creating my sober community has
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: all been through Instagram, and so I think it is
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: a powerful tool if you choose to use it to
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: maybe you live in a place where you don't know
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: a lot of other people who are alcohol free, you
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: can meet people virtually with just a click of the button.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: And women, I mean, especially for me, that I would
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: never know if I didn't come out about my sobriety.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: And so it has been just huge for me in
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: my own sobriety. Who as someone who is living five
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: years four years in the sober closet to now expanding
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: and being so open about it, to then creating these
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: connections through.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: It, absolutely And that's the thing, like, if you're just
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: starting out.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: I love that there is the ability.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: To find these connections virtually until you are more comfortable
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: with it. So let's talk about you for a little bit. Jen,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Please share with us like the moment that everything changed
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: for you. So the moment, right, there's that one moment
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: where we really maybe make that decision to create the
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: change for ourselves.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: But there is that little.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Voice that's been going on in our head for a
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: very long time. So share with us what was happening
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: for you at the time you said enough is enough.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: That's such a loaded question because it was many years
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: leading up to it to where I finally made this
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: click in sobriety. I always like to call it this click.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: I know it happens for many people. Some it's like
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: this pivotal moment that you wake up, and for some
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: it just happens over time, and then you're living an
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: alcohol free lifestyle and then you realize, I want to
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: keep feeling this way. I like how I feel, I
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: want to continue this. And so for me, when I
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: made this shift, when I finally got sober, and I
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: like to say, it took me a good year and
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: a half of actively trying, like really trying. I've been
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: to three impatients, eight out patients. I've done detalks twice,
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: I've gotten two dwys like I've.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Done it all.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: I've been to AA, I did everything and so it
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: got to a point where I was we sayed a
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: lot in sobriety and just in life where you're so
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: physically and I really felt myself at thirty one, So
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: I'm forty three now. At thirty one is when I
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: made that decision and ultimately got sober. But I found
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: myself my last day drinking, I was in detox and
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: I blew a point three four. And that wasn't the
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: highest I've heard. I've been to treatment. I've heard higher.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: It's not like it's a competition, But the fact that
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: it scared me because I had been drinking like that
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: for the past two years, is that how often did
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: I come this close to not waking up? And I
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: physically felt myself, and I say this like with all seriousness,
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: dying and I didn't know if I was going to
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: wake up another day. I was very malnourished, I was
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: mixing adderall with alcohol, and at that point it was
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: kind of like I had an auto body experience. Is
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: I had been trying for a good year and a
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: half to do this, but I just wasn't ready, Like
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: I really wanted it, but I just wasn't to that
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: point where I wanted to give it up or let
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: it go, because it had such a hole in my
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: life that giving that up was giving up a huge
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: part of my life. And was I ready to do that?
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: And I think for me, it really came down to
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: my health. And I looked at myself out of my bed,
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: going through the withdrawals and anxiety and shakes and all
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: of those things that are unpleasant and early sobriety but
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: many of us have to go through. And I looked
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: at myself, I'm like, what are you doing? I had
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: lost literally everything as someone who had a great upbringing.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: I had two great parents who rarely drank but had
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: alcohol in the house. I had a good upbringing. I
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: got great grades. I was a straight A student, I
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: got awards, I did really good at my job. But
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: inside I was holding onto this secret that I was
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: in my closet drinking to manage anxiety. And so I
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: always like to say it can happen to anybody. But
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: I looked at my life and throughout my journey, which
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: was about a ten year progression, I lost my job.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: I always said, okay, well that hasn't happened to me, And.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Then it did.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: And then I lost my car, and then I got
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: my second DWY, I lost my license, I lost my
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: job as I was on the verge of losing my marriage,
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: and I made that decision.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm done.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: I'm so done, and I don't know what's going to happen.
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: I have no money, I have no car, my husband's
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: not talking to me, my parents don't know what to
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: do with me. I'm calling homeless shelters because no one
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: knows what to do because treatment was supposed to cure
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: me and it didn't, so what.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Were they going to do? They had to set those boundaries.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, I didn't know what was going to happen,
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: and I had a lot of stuff to clean up.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: But I knew, as long as I don't drink, I
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: can't make.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: This any worse.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: And so once I gave up fighting something thing that
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: I could not control, everything got easier.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: I was just like this huge weight of like, oh gosh.
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: I don't expect anybody to believe me, especially not my
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: husband or my parents or anybody, because how often did
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: I say I promise this is the last time I'm done.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: I'm done. I'm done.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: And then I broke that promise. I broke that promise.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: I lied here and I lied there. But I knew
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: it within myself, and as long as I stayed true
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: to that, everything else just magically fell into place. And
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: like I said, there was a lot of things to
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: clean up. I had to do jail time, I had
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: to do house arrest. I had to pay thousands of
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: dollars in lawyer fees. I went to treatment again. I
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: got my car. You know. I had to get in
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: andtoxalizer for two years, all of these things. But it
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: was so much easier when you make that decision and
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: you make it black and white. I wasn't trying to
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: stay sober. I did not want to drink anymore.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: I had.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: Oh it made me just stick to my stomach to
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: even think about it. Of all the things that it
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: took for me, but in sobriety, all the things that
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: I get to take back. And it didn't happen overnight.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: But it's amazing what can happen when you stop putting
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: this one thing into your body. And it's so crazy
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: how that can shape and form who you are. Your
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: connections your relationship with your husband. It makes such a
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: big impact. And so when you give that up, there's
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: this period and I know I'm kind of going more
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: into it, but there's this period like in your podcast
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: of self discovery of who am I? But that's what's
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: so amazing about sobriety. So yes too, at that moment,
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: I was in detox where I made that decision.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Yes. So, but prior to you, like even trying to stop,
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: was your drinking affecting your relationships?
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: Yes and no, because again I did a lot of
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: my drinking and secret no one knew I waited, I
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: was know no and not even my husband until I
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: couldn't hide it. And so I stopped trying to hide
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: it a couple of days after we got married because
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: I physically clapped. I was so exhausted doing everything myself.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: I was drinking around the clock. I had no breaks,
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: and I just so they.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Knew you, He knew you as a woman that had
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: alcohol in her system all the time.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: Well, he didn't know I was drinking as much.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: As I was. He was, That's what I mean.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Like, so you did your personality not change well?
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: Once?
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: And how I managed it? Yeah, You're like thaking for
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: so clever is when we read. I would stay up
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: and I would work, and then i'd just drink or
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: i'd speak it a little bit, but again being very
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: careful not to get too drunk too fast, so he
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: would notice. But over time, when he started, when I
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: came out and I stopped trying to hide it, and
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: then I was actively seeking variety. You know, he would
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: pick up on my quirks of I used to like
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: flare my nostrils like this, yeah, and I had no
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: recollection of doing that, And of course I would gaslight
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: him and being like, you're crazy, I'm not drinking. I
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: don't know what you're talking about. And so it just
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: created this tension in our marriage. But I think previously,
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: of course my parents.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: Could catch on. They would see me drinking.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: I think my sister kind of knew that I overdid
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: it a lot of times, but they didn't know how much.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: And so when I came out and said I was
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: going to impatient or and Whalen would tell them. And
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: when I was getting sober, I didn't really want people
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: to know. It was really embarrassing at that point, and
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: I prevented me from getting sober for many years because
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: I didn't want that label of an alcoholic because my
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: view of that is someone who's wheet, and again this
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: is just a stereotypical version, someone who again the brown
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: paper bag, the homeless, Like you have a problem outcome,
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: you can't control it, So that would be met no. Yeah,
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: And so of course I didn't want this like dirty
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: laundry aired out. So Whalen was trying to go through
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: this by himself, connecting with my sister and all this,
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: And so when it finally came out that I wasn't
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: impatient and that I was really struggling, no one believed him.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: So like, what are you talking about, Jen? Like rarely drinks.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: They didn't know all of the drinking that I was
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: doing in secret before we would go out. And I
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: started this well before I even met my husband, to
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: manage my anxiety. I would get really bad social anxiety.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I'd get really nervous because if you.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: Think about it, when I it's not the same for everybody.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: But when I had my first drink, I was fifteen.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: I was just starting to like date meet people, meet
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: my friends and going to college. I didn't really even
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: know how to go on a date without alcohol. Or
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: go I to feel dirty without it.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel that's a pretty common story, right, that
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: it helps with our confidence, it eases kind of that
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: anxiety that we have. And I align with so many
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: of the things that you've shared, because I'm almost ten
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: years sober and I yeah, thank you. But I was
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: hiding it and I had all the struggles and I
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: tried to get sober for me. The twelve step program worked,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: but the first time I went in, I thought I
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: really wanted it, but I didn't really want it. I
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: still felt a little uncomfortable when I said, I'm an alcoholic.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Who wants to say that, right? I love that we
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: now have an understanding more around alcohol use disorder, but
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: it took me a good year approving myself to myself.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I was absolutely an alcoholic and I had a problem
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: with alcohol, and I almost lost everything, my husband, my
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: family at you know, and my final straw was a
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: dui and it was that clique that you're talking about.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: It's like that next morning I went to bed a
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: victim and angry and it was everyone else's fault, and
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: my husband was around more and it was this and that.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: But that next morning I woke up surrendered and I
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: was ready to do whatever it took. I didn't have
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: to convince myself anymore.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Ready. Yeah, get that.
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: And that's the whole thing, is that you have to
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: really want it and you have to be ready. And
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: the same goes. We were just talking in my Lighthouse
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: community yesterday about even coming out of the sober closet
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: on social if you want to is that you got
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: to be ready to do that. It's to not force
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: yourself or feel pressured to do that. But it's such
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: a liberating choice when you Yeah, I admit that and
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: claim that on social it was just a pivotal point.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: I have two markers in my sobriety of the day
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: I got sober the day I came out, and both
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: changed my life forever.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: But this whole notion.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: That you got to be ready and sometimes continue to
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: work until you get there.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: The thing is also it's just we've been so programmed
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: to that this is a shameful thing and that you know,
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: and you touched on this before about it's willpower possibly
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: you know, or our moral compass, like if we my
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: mother was an alcoholic, and I now say, like if
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: my mother really had a choice, which she really choose
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: the bottle of vodka over me, I don't think so
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: if she was in her right mind and not coping
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: with this disease, which it truly is a disease. And
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: that's what I love, kind of moving into how you're
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: helping others with this disease. Right, And there's six habits
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: that you talk about. So what are these habits and
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: how do they work? Why do they work so?
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: Well?
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: Well, I started to implement menting these habits, and I
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: don't know if you ever did seventy five hard?
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: Did you ever do seventy five hard? Heard of it?
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Not?
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: No?
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: Well I did this in twenty twenty one, actually when
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: I started moving to the country, and I started implementing
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: some of these habits because they made me feel so
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: good mentally, and many of them I have been doing already.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: But I think there comes a point in your sobriety,
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: especially in early sobriety, when we feel this dip in
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: dopamine because we're going through withdrawal of having this high
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: dopamine from alcohol. Is that we can feel low for
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: a little bit. But also just because we're not drinking
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: doesn't mean we can can't do other things to feel better,
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: to produce dopamine naturally, and so what I like to do,
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: and I think anyone who is willing to go alcohol
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: free their go getter and they want to. They love
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: having a tracker, they love having other things to do
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: to number one, fill the time, but again help them
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: feel better, boost that dopamine, increase their happiness in this process,
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: especially during this step. And so it also gives them
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: some structure, gives them some goals to achieve when we're
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: not drinking, because I think this big void happens when
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: we stop drinking. It's like, Okay, if I was drinking
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: a lot, what do I do with that time? These
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: habits can help give that structure, provide goals, and also
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: to boost that confidence and fill that time. So one
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: of the habits that really goes a long way, and
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: I think everybody should get involved in is exercise. If
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: you go to my Instagram, you will see I might
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: not post about it all the time, but I'm definitely
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: sharing in my stories every single workout that I do.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: And I've been doing that from the beginning with running
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: and things like that. Now at entering perimenopause, I'm really
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: focused on building strength, but the mental benefits. And I
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: think a lot of people think of exercise for the
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: physical benefits, the mental benefits for your sobriety and just
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: in general share our way any other thing. I mean,
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: it's the number one thing that everybody, if you're physically
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: able to do, should do. And it doesn't have to
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: be a lot to start. I always go in these
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: ten minute walks. Now it's twenty minutes because I'm trying
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: to balance my hormones and blood sugar and all this stuff.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: But a ten minute walk is fantastic to help you sleep,
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: which also can be something that happens in early sobriety.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: You might struggle with sleep, you might be dealing with
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: early sobriety fatigue. So getting outside moving your body or
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: if you would like to do strength training, running, anything
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: that just gets you moving, gardening, biking. And what it's
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: so cool is a lot of the women who join
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: my programs have found recovery in the roads of putting
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: on their sneakers, going for a walk, going for a
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: run is that it can also help process feelings. That
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: also helps regulate our breathing as well. So there's so
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: many benefits to exercise from boosting your energy to helping
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: you sleep. So one of the habits, especially in my program,
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: is to move your body for thirty minutes a day.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: Thirty minutes a day is two percent of your day.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: And if you think about all the time you spent drinking,
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: put that same effort into moving your body. A great
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: time to do it is during your trigger hour, during
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: that time you usually drink. I always say the best
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: time to work out number one is when you get
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: it in. But the best time is the morning because
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: then you get to keep the benefits all day to
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: boost that doping we're all seeking.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: Another one is water, and why is that important? Especially
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: in early sobriety Number one, we're dehydrated, so especially in withdrawal,
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: we want to hydrate. And I think a lot of
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: us aren't drinking enough just pure water. And when I
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: say pure plain water, a lot of the women are like, what,
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: so I can't add anything to it. I'm like, no,
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: it's easy to do. It's also easy to not do.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: Now why is this important? It can help curve cravings,
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: it helps detoxify or liver, It helps carry nutrients to ourselves.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: It can boost that energy and make feel better reduce
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: any brain fog early, sobriety brain fog that we have.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: So water are super important and being sure you're staying hydrated,
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: and to drink not just when you're thirsty, but even
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: when you're not thirsty, especially in the morning. So one
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: of the habits is drink half your body weight and
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: ounces of water every single day. Now the next one
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: is reading, So I encourage women to read ten pages
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: of a physical book every single day. And why this
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: is important is because I always say what Maya Angelo
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: says is when you know better, you do better. They're
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: not going to tell you the effects of what alcohol
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: does to your body and your brain. That's up to
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: you to do the research. And I made this profound
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: shift in my overall happiness and clarity is when I
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: started reading personal development in twenty seventeen. My first book
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: was You Are a Badass by Jen Cinco, and then
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: other books like mel Robbins or even Quit Lit. But
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: like Beyond Booze or This Naked Mind. It is so
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: helpful for you to get clarity on your past and
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: also how you can do better in your future. I
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: have learned so much from podcasts from books that I
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: can apply to my daily life and then also to
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: my coaching life.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: Of just again, we.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: Want to input into our brain what we want to think,
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: how we want to feel. Feed a good things, not
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: just news and all that other stuff. Feed at what
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: you want to believe and we believe but think right,
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: So ten pages every day. Then the next one is gratitude.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: So I really like to do gratitude in the morning
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: or at night. But here's the thing is that with gratitude,
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: and it's been shown and all of these are science
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: back to improve happiness, increase dopamine and doorphins, all of that.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: But with gratitude, it's easy to say, Okay, I'm grateful
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: for my health, I'm grateful for my family. But when
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: I got specific, and I got this actually from Rachel
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: Hollis who wrote Girl Wash Your Face. Highly recommend you
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: check out that book. She completely changed my life. Was
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: that writing five things that you're grateful for for the
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: past twenty four hours. It's when you really get specific
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: and look for those moments. You can call them glimmers,
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: call them these moments of joy from yesterday, or you
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: could even do this practice at night, looking through your
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: day and asking yourself what went well, what were those
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: little things that made my life easier. I can even
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: take out what I wrote this morning, which some days
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: were harder for others. I know for me, when I started,
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: it was really really hard to think of what I
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: was grateful for. So I looked on Google.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: And I asked, what can I be grateful for?
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: I have no idea. Yeah, I didn't know what this
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: thing was. I was super excited that the gas station
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: yesterday had a can of condensed milk so me and
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: my daughter could make these bars because I'd forgot it
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: at the grocery store. I'm like, oh my gosh, I
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: don't have to drive all the way to the grocery store.
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: That's a specific moment that made my life easier, so
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: we could make some bars. So those little things, and
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: it can be hard in the beginning, but when you
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: do this every single day, five things that you're grateful
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: for for the past twenty four hours, you're gonna be
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: on the lookout for those as you're going throughout your
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: day of like, oh, man, I should write that down
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: tomorrow morning, or I should make a mental note. I'm
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: gonna put it in my notes app on my phone
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: so I can remember it the next day, so over
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: time you're gonna notice what's going right instead of feeling
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: this isn't happening. See, this isn't happening. I have no friends.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: My life is so boring in sobriety to be like, hey,
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: life is pretty good. The sun is out.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's truly life changing.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, wells do you have a gratitude problem?
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Oh god, it's you know those are That's one of
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: the main things that started changing my life and the
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: way that I think. And it's it's an amazing thing,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: like just another one. Like I I'm always seeing things
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for, but the other day, like you get
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: a parking space in a in a place that's very
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: hard to get one, you're like, I'm like, thank you, God,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, you know, like be grateful, like,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: don't get oh, oh I was lucky. That's time, you know,
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: be grateful.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: I was good, right right, And it's those moments and
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: I really feel like you really feel the gratitude is
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: when things like the power goes out and my god, man,
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: I don't even actually appreciate the fact that I have electricity,
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: or that I have hot water or all of these
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: other things are oh gosh, that my phone is, you know, working,
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: or any of those things. And so that's when I
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: think it really hits, is like, man, all of those
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: things are going right on a day to day basis,
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: and we just kind of blow them by, right, and
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: so many things, yes, And of course the biggest one
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: is to stay sober.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: So I have six habits.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: The biggest one above all else, that is more important
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: than anything else, is to stay sober. And so if
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: you can't do any of the other habits, staying sober
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: is your guess goal. But the other habits help you
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: to stay sober because again they're going to boost open
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: mean so you're not going to feel that need to
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: want to escape because you're going to feel so much
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: better with exercise and water, gratitude reading. And then the
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: last one is connecting with your sober community. And this
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: can be just a simple check in like I'm just
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: going to check the app, I'm going to call someone,
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: I'm going to list what my gratitude is. I'm going
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: to join a meeting. It can look however you want
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: it to look. You can engage as little as you want,
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: but to engage with someone else, a group who is
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: also alcohol free because connection is the biggest thing that
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: women come to me or that they do not have.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: And so who is it Johann Hari that says the
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: opposite of addiction is connection. Is that is how actually
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: AA started was one person helping another person. And what
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: I love about my programs is that I started with
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: private coaching, but then I really wanted to do group
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: coaching because I wanted us to do this together. I
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: wanted us to have a start date. I want them
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: to have a big group, but then also smaller groups.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: And that is the magic of the programs is that
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: we're all doing the same things, starting at the same point,
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: and we all have this one thing in common that's
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: connecting us. And so it makes women feel less alone, happier,
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: like we have friends, and it boosts our confidence we
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: can support each other and help keep each other accountable.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: And so that's the six. And so I don't expect perfection.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: I just want you to try and if you if
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: one of the habits is what you feel good with,
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: focus on one. But then I also have women who
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: are go getters, who are sprinters, who are like I
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: want to do all six. I'm gung ho and I
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: freaking want to do this because this helps keep me sober.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: It helps give me structure and that's what I need.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: So yeah, and then I give them trackers, we have
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: check ins, all of that.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: All great stuff.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about the self discovery piece. Right, we
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: lose ourselves in our addiction, whatever it is, and how
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: once we do start connecting with ourselves right, and who
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: we really are and we start loving ourselves again and
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: releasing that shame and releasing our guilt. How can someone
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: start to discover who they are and get to that
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: place where they're not hating themselves anymore.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the number one thing to do is
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: to start talking about it, you know, whether it's to
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: one person, and I think a good book and good
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: books to check out. Someone who's great at this is
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Brene Brown. I mean, she's a queen of shame and
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: I read The Power of Vulnerability and I thought that
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: was such a great book. But I think starting to
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: just share it, whether it's with one person, whether it's
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: with a group, whether it's online and you create like
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: anonymous sober account, just to start telling your story can
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: release so much.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: But also if you want to.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: Put pen to paper, and just start journaling and start
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: writing out how you're feeling. I think that can go
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: in so many ways to help reduce that Now. It's
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: not going to happen overnight, It's going to happen over time.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: But also what I tell women is to try new
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: things because, like I said, everything changes, which can be
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: really scary in sobriety, but a lot changes when you
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: decide to go alcohol free, because it has such a
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: big impact on your friendships, on your marriage, on your relationships,
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: on your interests. Is that you need to try everything
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: again and maybe multiple times alcohol free to see how
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: you feel. And this is a really good indication. Now
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: Number one, try new things if you don't know what
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: to do. I list all of these different activities that
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: you can try and so variety on my Instagram page
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: because when I got sober, I started asking myself what
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: do I do? Yeah, I'm like, who am I? And
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: I think through the process of reading, through the process
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: of trying new things in sobriety, and when you're at
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: these things, focus on how do I feel after and
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: even during do I feel really good? Does it give
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: me energy? How does it drain me? And so is
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: it a battery or is it a vacuum? Are the
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: people that I'm around? And this can also impact your friendships.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Do I want to hang out with these people? Do
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: we have enough in common? When their alcohol isn't involved?
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: Things change a lot with and you need to change
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: those people, places and things, because those are the triggers
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: that can that make you relax, because your brain, it's
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: like you automatically see that person and it triggers the
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: idea of wanting to have a drink. Yeah, you drink
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: with that person. So those are things really important to
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: recognize and create the change in our lives.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: Also, yeah, absolutely, And that part really was hard for
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: me in the beginning, right, Yeah, They're like the only
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: thing you have to change is everything. I'm like, wait, wait, wait,
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: I have to change my friends. And I didn't say
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: I didn't just naturally cut them out. We're still connected,
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: we just didn't do as many things together. I stopped
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: getting invited to the get togethers, and that really sucks.
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: But I also invited new connections, new friends, all of that.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: Once I started to open up and I started to connect,
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: it just naturally happens, and the ones who truly are
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: your friend will stick around, they will, and they'll appreciate
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: you and love you no matter what. And then if
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: others fade, we can just accept that and let them
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: go as they do. Because as long as you're showing
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: up as yourself, you're going to meet those people that
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: are connecting with you, that are falling in love with
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: you and want to spend time with you, the real you,
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: not just the fake version of you, or you who
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: you thought you should be and who alcohol made you,
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: because it is two different people. And so yeah, I
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: would say just writing, sharing, talking, trying new things with
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: an open mindset. Don't knock it until you try it.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: I mean gardening, I didn't think that was my thing.
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: I like it, I love it.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: I know. I've discovered so many new interests too, And
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: oh my goodness, well I started getting really curious, honestly,
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Like history became really important to me. Cultural different cultures
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: became really interesting to me. Not important, but interesting to me.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: I wanted to know more, whereas before everything was just
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: about where I was going to get that next drink.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: The other thing that's become really satisfying for me is well,
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: I'm in love with audio books. I swear I don't
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: want to use the word a addiction, but I can't
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: stop listening to my audio books and I love that,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: and so it's just really interesting. And the other thing
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: is what I realized that I love is I love
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: some alone time. I used to feel so uncomfortable with
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: that and in time with my kids that didn't have
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: to revolve around drinking. So you know, those are a few.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: Isn't that crazy because I'm the same way with alone
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: time is that when I was alone, I would that
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: was my time to drink because I was so nervous
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: and awkward to be with me.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: It was different, right, it was the alone time was different.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And then now I crave it. I'm like, if
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: I can just get especially now in the summer, kids
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: are home, full time job, all of that, Like, if
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: I could just get a few hours to myself, I
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: replenish being by myself. And so I know, and that's
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: what's so cool about sobriety is understanding I'm actually not
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: an extrovert. I drink to become extrovert because I thought
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: that's what people wanted. Actually an introvert, I feel so good,
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: And so what I do, like I know you like
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: a long time too, is I get these hotel stays
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: by myself to replenish, to reboot my batteries, because who
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: I come back as is black and white. I come
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: back so relaxed, so happy, and that's how I know. Okay,
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: I love solitude and that brings me peace, and so
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: how can I find these little moments throughout the day
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: where I can get a little bit of solitude. So
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: I started going on these silent walks, which is really
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: hard for me. I also love audio books and podcasts
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: just to listen to myself. Yeah, just to off, like
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: again on these little moments if you can't get a
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: hotel stay again. I don't do this all the time.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: I do it a few times a year. And how
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: could I do that throughout the day so I don't
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: break down? So okay, after lunch or at this I
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: just I need like a little five to ten minute
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: pick me up. I'm just going to go outside and
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: go for a walk. And so I did go throughout
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: the day to energize.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I noticed in the beginning, and this has
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: become something that's kind of I guess the ritual if
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: you will, is I needed a lot of sleep in
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: the beginning, a lot of rest because our bodies are
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: going through so much, right, we are recovering and our
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: brains are on overdrive with the rewiring that's happening, right,
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: So just think of you're getting over a disease of
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: any sort. Your body's healing. So I say, give yourself grace.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: And I used the afternoon a lot of times, you know,
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: that kind.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: Of two o'clock lull. I was like, I've got to lay.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: Down and replenish my soul and reboot. And I would
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: lay down and I still do, whether it's fifteen minutes
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: to thirty minutes, and I do a guided meditation and
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: so sometimes I'm very present in the meditation, or sometimes
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: I just need a little sleep and then I'm back
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: at it. You've just got to give yourself some grace
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: and just recognize what you're going through. And we all
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: need that reboot. And it's okay not to constantly be
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: on the hamster wheel or please everybody or that perfectionism.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: And I know that's a big thing that we have
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: to let go of.
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: Also, yeah, absolutely absolutely, And I think a hard thing
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: to do is that rest, But it's so needed, right,
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: we all need to What is it that one saying,
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: everything works better if you unplug it. For Yeah, just
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: like my computer before this call, I just had to
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: reboot it. It needed a reboot. It was working way
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: too hard. And then it's like, yeah, okay, I'm back.
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: So give the same grace to yourself. And like you
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: were saying, the early sobriety fatigue, that's one hundred percent.
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: My clients go through it, one hundred percent of those
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: and they're so surprised when they learn about it. But
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: it can last, you know, one to three months, you know,
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: usually thirty to sixty days. But again, treat yourself with
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: so much kindness and the fact that if you do
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: choose this, you only have to go through it once,
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: which is so good. And the rest that you are
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: getting is so much better than when you were drinking.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: The restorative sleep, the rem sleep that you're getting, even
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: if you're not getting a lot, especially if you use
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: to drink to fall asleep, it will balance out. You'll
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: find new tactics. But I always say, two hours of
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: sober sleep is still way better than eight hours of
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: drinking sleep.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: And so again, yes.
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: Take that nap, go to bed early, don't you know,
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: leave the dishes, don't clean the house, just really.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: Be gracious with yourself.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, So what are some of the ways, Like, let's
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: say somebody out there is question I mean, they're drinking, right,
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: and we're all at different levels. What are some ways
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: that they can maybe get the help that they need.
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think it's so the amount that they're
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: drinking or what they would like is so different where
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: they want to take a break, or maybe they're just questioning.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: Their relationship with alcohol.
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: I listed some questions on my Instagram the other day
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: where you know, instead of asking yourself and am I
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: an alcoholic? Just ask yourself, would my life be better
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: if I drink or if I didn't drink? What is
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: the goal when I drink? Why am I drinking? What
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: is it that I'm looking for? In that of just
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: a lot of questions. And so if you're questioning your
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: relationship or just maybe want to give it a try,
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: I always say, give yourself and take it for a
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: test drive. Take sobriety or alcohol free for a test drive.
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: Give it at least thirty days. If not, I mean,
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: if you really want to see a difference, go ninety days.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's so much.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Happening in the brain where dopamine can start to restore.
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: I mean so many and I think any break from
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: alcohol is fantastic. But what we're doing with thirty day
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: breaks is we're just going through the hard stuff over
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: and over again for these month long breaks. If you
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: really want to get to the good stuff, go longer.
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: But let's not bite off more than we can chew.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: Consider if you're open to taking a thirty day break,
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: but even before that, start reading.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: So some good books.
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: My two favorites are This Naked Mind and Beyond Boost.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: Pick those up.
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: I think they're so helpful to understand and learn more
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: about it and different approaches of okay, what does alcohol
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: do to my body?
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: To my brain?
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: Learn more about it before you even stop, and to
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: again if you would like, and really starting to get
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: that inner work of how you feel about it, especially
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: in this process, or even before start writing out how
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: you're feeling all of these feeling that you're having, Start
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: writing it out, getting it out. So often the answers
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: are already inside of you. You're just not giving yourself
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: the opportunity to figure out what that is. And maybe
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: you don't know the answer, but whatever you're feeling and thinking,
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: get it out and see if there's anything more to it.
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: But my number one thing is start asking some questions,
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: maybe even consider could I have a non alcoholic drink instead?
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: You know, if I'm going to a sporting event, could
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: I do this experiment and go to it and not
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: drink and not have a fifteen dollars beer and actually
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: have a ten dollars soda I don't know how much
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: they is, or or could I have a second water,
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: or could I have an an athletic brewing? Could I
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: have an any beer and see how I feel? Okay,
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: could I do this concert? Can I actually not drink
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: or maybe even just have one drink instead of getting hammered.
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: It's a lot of these experiments, and so often these
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: women and of course men too, they'll go to these things.
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: They're like, oh my god, I had a great time.
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: I can't believe I thought I needed alcohol to enjoy
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: this and to watch a baseball game. And so we
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: have to prove and de brainwash ourselves from these beliefs
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: that were ingrained from early on that you need alcohol
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: to do this, do this, do this, but you be
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: open to just trying it. Okay, I'm just gonna puy
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: and you can always go back to drinking, right, But
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: have you ever tried it without drinking or treating yourself
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: in other ways? So maybe, for instance, instead of getting
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: the fifteen to twenty dollars beer, you're going to spend
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: that on dippin' dots And you're like, that's my sober
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: treat today and I don't have to pay for it.
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: I or, of course I have to pay for it,
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: but not the next day unless I'm lactose intolerant. But
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: in different ways that you can treat yourself that you
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: don't have to regret.
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, so you're all good.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: I just we already talked about. You can go on
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: Instagram or or Facebook, find groups, find communities, and start
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: getting a little more educated. And also understand you're not alone.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: I love that there are sober coaches like you. Someone
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: can really help them through this, so you don't feel
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: like you have to do it alone. Someone can actually
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: teach you through and guide you through. And then there's
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: mindfulness drinking coaches.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: There's twelve step.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: Online if you want to check that out. Obviously, if
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: you're drinking excessively, go to rehab, talk to your doctor
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: because you should not detox on your own. That is
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: very very dangerous, right, So if you're drinking to a
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: certain degree, like really taking a look at that. But
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: there's so much more help out there, and there's also
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: medical support with the cravings and such, and I'm really
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: interested in that. And then obviously it's not just about
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: putting down that drink. The real work is about how
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: you are are rewiring your brain and changing your thinking
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: and your mindset. And that sounds like a lot of
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: what you do, Jen. So this one hundred day journal
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: that you have tell us about that.
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was. I've been thinking about it for a
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: while and I started it. I think at my second program,
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: where a client was like, you should really have a
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: journal for this stuff, I'm like, oh, okay. And a
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: lot of the things that I create come from client feedback,
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: and I adjust my programs based on that. Now, I'm
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: not going to take every make every single change based
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: on the feedback, but it started as something to guide
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: them through my programs, where it lists the gratitude, it
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: lists your goals, it lists a to do list, it
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: lists your workout for the day, and it lists your
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: day's alcohol free And so I created what I would
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: have wanted, and what I guide the women through in
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: this process. Where on one side and in the beginning
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: pages I introduce you to the journal with having you
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: set just one goal, writing it as if it's already happened.
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: Then we get into why that's important, because if you
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: don't have a strong why, that's the whole.
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: Basis of this.
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: You're going to fall back on that the entire your
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: entire life of why am I doing this? Why is
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: it important to me? And then we're going to remind
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: ourselves that throughout the throughout the journal and then giving
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: them these little tips throughout the first ten days of
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: what you might experience and what you can do to help.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: So every single day has a saying at the top
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: to motivate you or a simple tip to add to
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: your sober toolkit. And on the left hand page is
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: a page to jot down, maybe a to do list
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: to write out, like I was saying, how you're feeling.
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: I think, gosh, if there's one thing I regret, I
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: wish I would have saved my journal pages from early sobriety.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: I actually I wish I would journaled more.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: I get it, I do.
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, if I could have had those to look
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: back on the mindset shift, it would have been huge
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: that I want you to journal I want you to
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: write this out, how am I feeling, what is happening,
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: and then we list the gratitude. You're going to list
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: your goal. There's a brain dump how to plan out
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: your day, your workout. So I just giving you a
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: structure where it's not love it complicated. It's not a
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: complicated journalist and ask you these deep questions. It's to
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: keep you on track. So you're showing up for your workouts,
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: You're listing your day's alcohol free, You're listing your gratitude.
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: So it's everything all in one place to guide you
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: through one hundred days.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: I love it. So what's the one thing you want
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: the listeners to walk away with today, especially if they're
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: feeling stuck, unsure, or questioning their relationship with alcohol.
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: Well, number one, you don't have to have everything all
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: figured out, you know. I always like to stay stay
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: in the next twenty four hours, focus on the next
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: twenty four hours in front of you, and you don't
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: have to think of not drinking forever. I always say,
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: take drinking off forever, off the table, and just focus
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: on the next twenty four hours. What do you want
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: for the next twenty four hours? How do you want
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: to feel in the next twenty four hours. But I
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: also feel like the key to sobriety and the key
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: to growth is being able to feel discomfort and not
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: run from it. And one thing I say to myself
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: all the time is that I'm not gonna die from
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: anything that I feel nervous about, even before recording this
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: podcast or before I do anything nervous. And now my
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: kids say it, going to school on the first day, Hey,
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: You're not going to die from feeling anxiety, from feeling nervous.
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: And it sounds so stupid, but for me, when I'm anxious,
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's life threatening. I feel like I'm
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: going to die. When I can say, hey, okay, you're
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: not gonna die, then I'm like, Okay, I'm not gonna
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: die no matter what. This will not kill me. And
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of us drink to cope with
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: stress and anxiety and nerves. And my son even says it,
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: He's like, I know, mom, but I feel like I'm
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: going to die. I know, but you will not die
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: from giving this presentation. What if it all works out.
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: So your ability to feel emotions, whether it's to celebrate
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: when you're feeling sad or anxious, whatever you're drinking to
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: cope with to change how you feel, remind yourself it's okay. Like,
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: the key to sobriety is being able to feel discomfort
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: and knowing that you're not always going to feel this
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: way and it.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: Will get better.
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: But the key to growth is being able to sit
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: with it and invite in tools to help you process
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: it in a healthier way. So you're not going to
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: die if you cannot fall asleep, right, You're not going
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: to die from going to a party, and you're the
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: only one alcohol free. You're not going to die from
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: any of this stuff.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: The key is just feel it.
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: And once you can get through those hard things, you're like,
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: oh my god, that's going to boost your confidence in
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: so many ways.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: So and you do yet so much more confident when
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: you are sober, after you do all this work. It's amazing.
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: I used to drink to be confident, but it really
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: made me weaker.
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: Isn't that crazy? I drink to be happier and to
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: make me unhappy. I drink because I was anxious and
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: it just made me more anxious.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: Exact, whatever you're using.
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: Alcohol for, you're going to get that back tenfold.
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: Thee oh there was going to be amazing. Yeah, it's
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: a beautiful thing. Jim. Thank you so much for coming
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: on wake Up and for your wisdom and for being
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: vulnerable and for all the work that you're doing. It's
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: just been fabulous having you on.
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: Thank you, I appreciate it was so good to chat
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: with you. And if anybody has any questions, you can
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: find me on Instagram. I'm always an open book. If
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: you're looking for a community, I have my Lighthouse Sobriety community.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: I have my Dry one hundred group coaching program if
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: you're looking to remove alcohol for one hundred day break
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: to see how you feel, And of course you can
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: always email me or check out my website too.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: Absolutely well, whether you're sober, sober, curious, or just wanting
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: to change change with your relationship with alcohol. I hope
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: today gave you hope. And Jin's next group coaching program
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: begins October six, and you can find more about that
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: at join Lighthouse sobriety dot com and of course her Instagram,
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: which is amazing. You just talked about it. At jin
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: Lee Hurst and we'll have everything in the show notes
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: and it's always if you're looking for more support on
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: your healing journey, I also have a tool that will
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: help you, and that is my book, Chaos to Clarity,
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: Seeing the Signs and Breaking the Cycles. And please, if
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: this touched you, share with someone who needs to hear this,
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: because there's so much information and we need to spread
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: the word about this, And if you'd like to hear
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: more or see more, please subscribe for more real, honest conversations.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: Know that you're worth it and we're walking this road together.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: So thanks for waking up with me and jin today
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: and I'll see you next time on the show. Bye.