Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Listener Mail: June 2021 Edition

Transcript

Listener Mail: June 2021 Edition · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
0:07
Speaker 1: I've never told you production of iHeart Radio. All right,
0:18
Speaker 1: any Yes, I think I've talked a little about this before,
0:21
Speaker 1: but just kind of follow up. Did you love or
0:25
Speaker 1: did you participate in penpile programs? I did participate in one.
0:32
Speaker 1: I won't say I loved it, but there was a
0:35
Speaker 1: sort of like intrigue, like a mysterious Even as a kid,
0:39
Speaker 1: I was kind of suspicious though, where I was like,
0:41
Speaker 1: I'm not sure Rule is a real guy, maybe somebody.
0:49
Speaker 1: I don't know why, but I was very suspicious of
0:52
Speaker 1: the whole thing. And that's that's what I remember the most,
0:56
Speaker 1: is that I was being told I had to do
0:58
Speaker 1: this thing. I kind of liked it. I liked the
1:00
Speaker 1: mystery behind it, but I also thought I was being catfished.
1:04
Speaker 1: I guess old for you. This is in fifth grade,
1:08
Speaker 1: so I thought you made in the fifth grade. Wow.
1:14
Speaker 1: I thought I was like some class was messing with me.
1:18
Speaker 1: I wonder if I can find those I'd love to
1:20
Speaker 1: read them and see what we were talking about. Like
1:23
Speaker 1: that's the whole other level. I feel like when you
1:25
Speaker 1: think you're being catfished in the fifth grade, yeah, I
1:28
Speaker 1: had a pin pal. I think it was in the
1:30
Speaker 1: third grade, and we wild send pictures and I really
1:32
Speaker 1: had a lot of fun talking to her. I think
1:34
Speaker 1: she lived in Indiana, I want to say. And then,
1:38
Speaker 1: for like weirdness of my youth, like my first three
1:41
Speaker 1: best friends all moved and one of them ended up
1:44
Speaker 1: moving in to also Indiana randomly, and she and I
1:48
Speaker 1: were pin pals for a long time because we couldn't
1:51
Speaker 1: see each other, of course we were really young, and
1:52
Speaker 1: then we lost touch I think two years later, because
1:54
Speaker 1: I'm really bad about keeping in touch apparently. But yeah,
1:58
Speaker 1: so I really loved the idea of pen pals. I
2:01
Speaker 1: think I actually sent letters to soldiers at one point,
2:04
Speaker 1: trying to be, you know, all about that patriotic level.
2:09
Speaker 1: But yeah, I kind of miss not having that. I
2:13
Speaker 1: guess we could probably still do that today, but it's
2:15
Speaker 1: as weirder as we get older. I'm all for it
2:18
Speaker 1: to you, you're all for it. I'm all for it though.
2:22
Speaker 1: I think that could be cool. Yeah, I think it
2:24
Speaker 1: would be fun too. I know, those conversations like people,
2:27
Speaker 1: because that kind of was what chat rooms were, right, Uh, definitely, yeah, yeah,
2:32
Speaker 1: they could be And I communicated with people in different
2:35
Speaker 1: countries for a while on chat rooms because it felt
2:39
Speaker 1: so like, tell me what it's like where you are,
2:41
Speaker 1: you know, and yeah my ms in days. Yeah I
2:46
Speaker 1: was gonna say my a O l oh yeah yeah days.
2:49
Speaker 1: So that's that's that level. But there's something to be
2:53
Speaker 1: said when we get the notifications. I know, one of
2:55
Speaker 1: my favorite things when I was on these chat rooms
2:58
Speaker 1: or having pals is to see that note of vacation,
3:00
Speaker 1: so so it's online and you know, or that you've
3:03
Speaker 1: got a new message. I love that. I still love that. Actually,
3:06
Speaker 1: like my friends, I don't know what's up. I have
3:08
Speaker 1: to go back and check it. I'm like, Okay, a
3:10
Speaker 1: new message. I feel like that's the thing. And because
3:14
Speaker 1: we're talking about this, why are we talking about this?
3:16
Speaker 1: We first and foremost it's because we have some amazing
3:20
Speaker 1: pen pals. I think, what do you think? Yes, the best,
3:24
Speaker 1: the absolute best, the best pen pals. And that's you, guys,
3:28
Speaker 1: the listeners. You all who have continued to support us
3:31
Speaker 1: and have stuck with us and or have joined us
3:33
Speaker 1: and our fairly new and are sending us messages. It's
3:38
Speaker 1: so rewarding. It's just so exciting to know someone's actually listening.
3:44
Speaker 1: I'm still in shocks that people are listening. I'm like,
3:46
Speaker 1: what people hear me? Oh no, oh no. But we
3:49
Speaker 1: do want to say thank you to all of you
3:52
Speaker 1: who continue again to stick with us, uh and just
3:55
Speaker 1: tolerate us whichever it's fine, We'll take it. And also
3:59
Speaker 1: just taking the time time to send us messages, and
4:02
Speaker 1: we love it. We love love reading your messages, and
4:06
Speaker 1: it is us, it is us. We may be a
4:08
Speaker 1: little slow and getting back because we are constantly recording
4:12
Speaker 1: and doing things, but we definitely read your messages and
4:15
Speaker 1: it is us who are writing back, whether it's through
4:17
Speaker 1: the social media stuff or through emails, and uh, we
4:21
Speaker 1: love to hear from you and your your insights are fantastic.
4:24
Speaker 1: And because they are so fantastic, we wanted to share
4:27
Speaker 1: some of the emails that you guys have been sending
4:29
Speaker 1: to us. Yes, yes, And we thought we would start
4:33
Speaker 1: with a message from Patty. Patty wrote, I have an
4:36
Speaker 1: update on the political situation here in Chile. I know
4:39
Speaker 1: it's a long email, so I don't expect you to
4:41
Speaker 1: read the whole thing, mistake, um, but I thought you
4:44
Speaker 1: might be interested in what happened regarding gender parody. Last
4:48
Speaker 1: weekend we had municipal elections mayor, governor and counselor and
4:52
Speaker 1: constituent elections. Sorry I don't know the word in English,
4:55
Speaker 1: but a constitution is a member of the Member Assembly
4:59
Speaker 1: that will be in charge of drafting the new constitution.
5:01
Speaker 1: The voting method to choose constituents was the don't method,
5:05
Speaker 1: and apologies if I mispronouncing all of this. I try UM,
5:08
Speaker 1: which consists of a list of candidates. There are twenty
5:11
Speaker 1: eight districts in Chile. Each list has an amount of
5:14
Speaker 1: candidates that depends on the seats each district is granted.
5:17
Speaker 1: I live in district of five, which translates into six
5:20
Speaker 1: seats in the Assembly, so each list was made up
5:22
Speaker 1: of six people. This is where the gender parity condition
5:25
Speaker 1: voted in parliament last year plays a key role. Each
5:28
Speaker 1: list had to be fifty percent women and fifty percent men,
5:30
Speaker 1: except for districts with an odd number of seats where
5:33
Speaker 1: the difference couldn't be more than one, like four men
5:35
Speaker 1: and three women. For example, in each district there was
5:38
Speaker 1: a list that represented the right wing coalition and a
5:40
Speaker 1: list from the central left coalition. Those two have been
5:44
Speaker 1: the most important coalitions in Chile's history since the return
5:47
Speaker 1: of democracy in nineteen. In addition, there was a list
5:49
Speaker 1: made up by another left wing alliance that was the
5:52
Speaker 1: result of the union of the Communist Party and Frente Amplio.
5:55
Speaker 1: Frente Amplio is a relatively new left wing coalition of
5:58
Speaker 1: mostly young people dissatisfied with the send were left. There
6:01
Speaker 1: were also a list of independence, most of them with
6:03
Speaker 1: left wing values but tired of the traditional political parties
6:06
Speaker 1: from both right and left and the insufficient work they've
6:09
Speaker 1: done during the last thirty years, which is what led
6:11
Speaker 1: to the protest in tween nineteen. In the first place,
6:13
Speaker 1: if a list had a lot of votes, then more
6:15
Speaker 1: than one member could make it into the Assembly. This
6:18
Speaker 1: is also where gender parody was important. If a list
6:20
Speaker 1: had enough votes so that those two people could make it,
6:23
Speaker 1: they had to be one man and one woman, even
6:26
Speaker 1: if one of them didn't get the second majority of
6:28
Speaker 1: votes within the list. Let's say a list of three
6:31
Speaker 1: men and three women had enough votes for two of
6:33
Speaker 1: them to make it. If the two most voted people
6:35
Speaker 1: on the list were women in the third was a man,
6:37
Speaker 1: only the first one wouldn't make it because of the
6:39
Speaker 1: gender priority condition. The first men third majority overall would
6:44
Speaker 1: take the other seat instead of the woman within the
6:47
Speaker 1: second majority of the votes. There are one members in
6:50
Speaker 1: the Assembly, including seventeen seats reserved for Indigenous people from
6:54
Speaker 1: ten different indigenous groups. For bills to pass, two thirds
6:57
Speaker 1: of the one and five members have to agree, so
7:00
Speaker 1: the main concern was if the right wing candidates were
7:02
Speaker 1: going to make it to one third, because the right
7:04
Speaker 1: didn't want a new constitution, so if they got the votes,
7:07
Speaker 1: they'd be able to block new legislations. The results showed
7:11
Speaker 1: a lot of important things. The right got thirty seven seats,
7:14
Speaker 1: so they didn't get the fifty one seats they needed
7:16
Speaker 1: to reach one third. The traditional center left only got
7:19
Speaker 1: twenty five seats. The other left wing coalition, Communist Party
7:22
Speaker 1: and Front Day Amplio got twenty eight seats, and the
7:25
Speaker 1: biggest upset came from the Independent list, which combined got
7:29
Speaker 1: forty eight seats. The biggest losers were both the right
7:32
Speaker 1: and center left, so everyone's talking about the new left
7:35
Speaker 1: and the importance of independence, which clearly shows that people
7:38
Speaker 1: are over traditional politicians. The Assembly will be made up
7:42
Speaker 1: of seventy seven women and seventy eight men. The gender
7:45
Speaker 1: parity condition ended up benefiting four women and seven men. Yes,
7:49
Speaker 1: if it weren't for the gender parity condition, there would
7:51
Speaker 1: actually be more women than men. But if it weren't
7:53
Speaker 1: for it, most parties would have had only men in
7:57
Speaker 1: their list. The average age of member is forty four
8:01
Speaker 1: years old, seventy eight is the oldest and twenty one
8:04
Speaker 1: the youngest. Fifty nine of them are lawyers, which was predictable,
8:07
Speaker 1: but the exciting part is that twenty of them are teachers,
8:09
Speaker 1: so hopefully we get proper laws when it comes to education. Also,
8:13
Speaker 1: six members of the Assembly are part of the l
8:14
Speaker 1: g b t Q plus community, four gay men, one
8:17
Speaker 1: lesbian I voted for her, and one pan sexual woman.
8:20
Speaker 1: Sadly at none of the two trans candidates made it.
8:23
Speaker 1: There were also some shocking upsets in the elections for
8:25
Speaker 1: mayors and governors. Few young female candidates for mayor from
8:29
Speaker 1: the Communist Party in front day Amptio one in big
8:31
Speaker 1: cities where the incumbent mayors are right wing men. I'm
8:34
Speaker 1: not going to go into details about that because this
8:36
Speaker 1: is already an extremely long and probably boring email. No,
8:40
Speaker 1: the Assembly starts working on the new constitution in July.
8:43
Speaker 1: The whole process is supposed to take one year. In November,
8:46
Speaker 1: we have presidential elections. The results of this municipal and
8:50
Speaker 1: constitutent days elections show that anything can happen. Hopefully the
8:54
Speaker 1: amount of different left wing coalitions doesn't divide the votes
8:57
Speaker 1: too much and then the right ends up staying in office.
8:59
Speaker 1: I guess we'll have to wait and see. Thank you.
9:02
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sending that. We it's so
9:06
Speaker 1: great to hear when we talk about something in a
9:08
Speaker 1: different country where we're getting kind of the research that
9:10
Speaker 1: we can find, it's so great to hear from someone
9:12
Speaker 1: from that country and this is fantastic information. So we
9:17
Speaker 1: really appreciate you taking the time. Definitely not boring. We
9:20
Speaker 1: love long emails. We all love all kinds of emails.
9:22
Speaker 1: I've never apologize for sending a long email. We love
9:25
Speaker 1: all the emails. We love it. Yes, and you taught
9:29
Speaker 1: us a lot about the government of Chile, and that's
9:32
Speaker 1: amazing and it's really hopeful. Yeah, we love seeing things change,
9:37
Speaker 1: especially when it's looks so dark. Here going on to
9:53
Speaker 1: some more emails about the term hoser and I was
9:57
Speaker 1: really excited, So Steph wrote it is the most Canadian
10:00
Speaker 1: and friendly insult one can make invented or made famous
10:03
Speaker 1: by Rick Morannis, Yes, and Dave Thomas as Bob and
10:06
Speaker 1: Doug mackenzie too lovable stereotypical Canadian bozos anyway, continues to
10:12
Speaker 1: be a friendly tease. We used to make fun of
10:14
Speaker 1: our fellow Canucks, which I had a hard time saying prebviously.
10:17
Speaker 1: Just so you know, the maple syrup in the Hoser
10:20
Speaker 1: cocktail suggests this Canadian conduction. So thank you, Steph. I
10:24
Speaker 1: like that, and I love Rick Morana's so come on,
10:27
Speaker 1: that makes sense, Okay, I love that. And then we
10:30
Speaker 1: have a couple of anonymous ones. Here's one from a
10:33
Speaker 1: Colorado listener. Hello, y'all, Thank you all for the hard
10:36
Speaker 1: work you do, which has really helped me stay grounded
10:38
Speaker 1: and never feel lonely as I can always count on
10:40
Speaker 1: the team to get these episodes out each week. Thank you.
10:43
Speaker 1: I remerged in Colorado during these special times, and I
10:45
Speaker 1: can agree how strange it is to buy cannabis in
10:48
Speaker 1: a store for the first time or every time. The
10:51
Speaker 1: shops i've been to have an online orto system so
10:53
Speaker 1: you can pick out what you want beforehand, but are
10:55
Speaker 1: still cash only. I drive by one that has an
10:58
Speaker 1: led sign that switches between Maska require and now taking cards,
11:01
Speaker 1: so I'm not sure if that is a locality controlled issue,
11:04
Speaker 1: like delivery are having shops within city limits. One strange
11:08
Speaker 1: thing I enjoy is the variety of vibes that each
11:10
Speaker 1: shot can have. One near me is covered a mural
11:13
Speaker 1: and has a chill stone ReVibe. And I even got
11:15
Speaker 1: to chat about video games and dogs with the white
11:18
Speaker 1: male butt tender after I asked my questions about bath
11:21
Speaker 1: bombs and skin patches because Vinci's, which he couldn't answer,
11:24
Speaker 1: but lamented how the only woman who worked there moved on.
11:28
Speaker 1: Another shot that only sells what they are their partners
11:32
Speaker 1: make was more closed off and nondescript, no displays, but
11:35
Speaker 1: two windows you can chat at. They had more women
11:38
Speaker 1: working there. I saw a fifty split between the fourth
11:40
Speaker 1: staff that day, and while they were adamant about their
11:43
Speaker 1: dedicated hours to vulnerable people, they were very friendly and
11:46
Speaker 1: wanted to make sure I was going to not mess
11:48
Speaker 1: myself up and had answers to all my questions. One
11:52
Speaker 1: more that I haven't gone in, but I've seen pictures
11:53
Speaker 1: of looks like a high end skincare or jewelry boutique
11:57
Speaker 1: with all white decor, glass displays on the walls and counters.
12:01
Speaker 1: I am a little scared to go in because of that,
12:03
Speaker 1: but who knows what the future holds. Another joy is
12:06
Speaker 1: the variety of people you'll see, from young professionals in
12:08
Speaker 1: their suits picking something up on the way home, to
12:10
Speaker 1: old hippie types with the long hair and colorful clothes,
12:13
Speaker 1: maybe a fringe bag, to the tight laced dad looking
12:16
Speaker 1: guy with a short buzz cut and flannels. I am
12:18
Speaker 1: still very awkward when I go, and especially if I
12:20
Speaker 1: forget to get cash, behoror and but most people working
12:23
Speaker 1: at these places are nice, patient and want to make
12:25
Speaker 1: sure you have a good time. Thank you again, and
12:27
Speaker 1: do not let anyone give you gruff about getting too stoned.
12:30
Speaker 1: It happens to everyone at some point. You never know
12:32
Speaker 1: your dose until you have some thank you. This letter
12:36
Speaker 1: made me feel better, so we really appreciate it. Yeah,
12:41
Speaker 1: we'll have to come to Colorado soon check out all
12:43
Speaker 1: those places. Yes, that sounds really cool and we appreciate
12:47
Speaker 1: all of the information. It's strange that we're in the
12:49
Speaker 1: same country, but to me that seems like such a
12:51
Speaker 1: distant foreign idea. You know right, but yeah, yeah, I
12:56
Speaker 1: love it. I would love to visit Colorado and check
12:59
Speaker 1: these places out us. We're gonna try. We got some
13:02
Speaker 1: emails about our pronification episode, and so we wanted to
13:05
Speaker 1: share because I think they point on some things that
13:07
Speaker 1: we did not highlight as well and or we just
13:09
Speaker 1: skimmed over. So from one listener, I wanted to start
13:13
Speaker 1: with the fact that I love your podcast and I
13:15
Speaker 1: enjoyed the perunifications of girls and women one but you
13:18
Speaker 1: guys missed address or maybe you didn't have time to
13:21
Speaker 1: who knows. Uh. The immigrants story my case is a
13:25
Speaker 1: lot like of many other women and girls I know.
13:27
Speaker 1: My parents are immigrants. They brought me to the States
13:30
Speaker 1: when I was eight years old. Neither spake English, and
13:32
Speaker 1: after a long year of coming home from crying from school,
13:35
Speaker 1: I learned English. That's when my perunification started. Out of necessities,
13:40
Speaker 1: some may say my parents were just trying to make
13:42
Speaker 1: a better life for myself and the siblings that came along.
13:45
Speaker 1: Did I forget to mention I'm the oldest of six. Wow.
13:48
Speaker 1: I quickly became my parents interpreters everywhere we went, bills, schools, governments,
13:53
Speaker 1: and doctors everyday lives. I was there to know everything
13:56
Speaker 1: and interpret for them. I was making calls for them
13:58
Speaker 1: to pay bills and even shot upping. At a twelve,
14:01
Speaker 1: I became sick, diagnosed with juvenile rumatoid arthritis, mixed connected
14:05
Speaker 1: tissues disease, and Reno's phenomenon. Because by then I already
14:10
Speaker 1: had baby siblings, my mom couldn't go and she didn't drive,
14:13
Speaker 1: and my dad took me to my appointments, which felt
14:16
Speaker 1: like I was alone. And I forgot to mention he's
14:18
Speaker 1: my stepdad and he's a functioning alcoholic and smoker. He
14:22
Speaker 1: was abandoned by his mom and stopped going to school
14:24
Speaker 1: in fifth grade, so he's pretty ignorant in a lot
14:27
Speaker 1: of things, and I was pretty much on my own.
14:30
Speaker 1: He would take me to Lomalanda Hospital and he would
14:33
Speaker 1: just say whatever the doctor says to do. He never
14:35
Speaker 1: asked questions. We didn't have conversations regarding anything. It was
14:39
Speaker 1: as if it was just the doctor and me, and
14:41
Speaker 1: he was a provider, not a father. Eventually, when I
14:44
Speaker 1: learned to drive, I started taking myself to my appointments.
14:47
Speaker 1: My mom was too busy with my other siblings and
14:49
Speaker 1: I was dealing with medical conditions and deciding things I
14:52
Speaker 1: shouldn't have to. At that age, I was driving without license,
14:55
Speaker 1: shopping for groceries, paying bills, and even picking up my
14:58
Speaker 1: siblings from school. And there is no her stops with
15:00
Speaker 1: my siblings had school meetings and doctor's appointments. If there
15:03
Speaker 1: weren't translators, I had to go. And at that time
15:06
Speaker 1: I didn't know better. It was my normal. I just
15:08
Speaker 1: had to help. I'll learned to sign their signature, and
15:11
Speaker 1: I became the one who signs fills all the pain
15:13
Speaker 1: works for my siblings at school to my stuff. In
15:16
Speaker 1: high school, I started skipping school and signing my absences
15:19
Speaker 1: and they never knew. I got out of everything that
15:21
Speaker 1: was hard for me, like math, and I didn't learn much.
15:24
Speaker 1: And now my fifteen year old daughter knows math more
15:26
Speaker 1: than I says she was in the fourth grade. I
15:28
Speaker 1: didn't go to college. I started working in the sixteen
15:31
Speaker 1: to help the household because my dad had a stroke.
15:34
Speaker 1: I didn't know or cared to find out about free
15:36
Speaker 1: college because my parents were ignorant in the subject and
15:38
Speaker 1: had more things to worry about. I know they didn't
15:41
Speaker 1: do it on purpose, but it has affected me. I
15:44
Speaker 1: love my siblings sincerely. They're like my kids, and they
15:47
Speaker 1: considered me a mom. But I feel like I didn't
15:49
Speaker 1: have my childhood, so as I grew up, I tried
15:52
Speaker 1: to encourage my siblings to do good in school and
15:54
Speaker 1: go to college. Well, my parents weren't able to give
15:57
Speaker 1: to me. I wanted that for them. I'm there seven now,
16:00
Speaker 1: and I'm proud to say my siblings are doing great.
16:03
Speaker 1: One is in nursing school, the other one works first
16:05
Speaker 1: senator in California, and my parents have grown a lot,
16:09
Speaker 1: but the dependency hasn't gone away. I got married, moved out,
16:12
Speaker 1: and I'm still doing things for them. My other siblings
16:15
Speaker 1: took my role of sorts when I left, and a
16:17
Speaker 1: lot of things you mentioned in the episodes I have.
16:19
Speaker 1: I needed to be in charge. Things have to be
16:21
Speaker 1: in order. I'm just bentle. I've had depression for a
16:24
Speaker 1: long time. I never wanted kids, and I got pregnant
16:26
Speaker 1: on the pill, and even though I love her profoundly,
16:29
Speaker 1: I changed the story with her. She's had a childhood
16:32
Speaker 1: and does not worry about bills, money, drugon dad's vice
16:35
Speaker 1: or interpreter. I don't ever want any more kids. My
16:38
Speaker 1: siblings feel like my kids. I used to put my
16:41
Speaker 1: sister to sleep at age ten. She was my actual
16:44
Speaker 1: live doll. Kids are hard emotionally. I'm always having a
16:47
Speaker 1: battle within myself if every decision I make is going
16:50
Speaker 1: to her life. I loved her so much that sometimes
16:54
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe I shouldn't have been a parent.
16:56
Speaker 1: I have this inner battle and so much self doubt
16:58
Speaker 1: and judgment towards myself, my husband, then sometimes even her
17:01
Speaker 1: when I catched myself thinking things like at your age,
17:04
Speaker 1: I knew everything to run a household, forgetting that I
17:07
Speaker 1: chose to have her be a child and not want
17:10
Speaker 1: her to go through what I did, and questioning am
17:13
Speaker 1: I doing enough? Am I doing too much? Being a
17:15
Speaker 1: mom is hard and it sucks, especially with all the
17:17
Speaker 1: internal baggage I have. So yeah, this is a little
17:20
Speaker 1: bit of my family's immigrants story where I became parentified
17:24
Speaker 1: and absolutely correct. We didn't mention at all of that status.
17:28
Speaker 1: And one of the things that I had said previously,
17:32
Speaker 1: because I got this email it's like she's right on,
17:35
Speaker 1: is that, of course, within the system, there's not a
17:39
Speaker 1: lot of research. As we talked about protification, and it
17:42
Speaker 1: is very minute and very focused, and it shouldn't be,
17:46
Speaker 1: because we need more research, and immigration is definitely one
17:48
Speaker 1: of those things, especially when we talk about people with
17:51
Speaker 1: English that's not their first language, and how often times
17:54
Speaker 1: I saw it so many times in the social work
17:56
Speaker 1: field that we had to have them bring an older
17:58
Speaker 1: child along to translate for us because the younger child
18:03
Speaker 1: may who may have gotten in trouble with us, wasn't
18:06
Speaker 1: able to do that, or because the lack of funding
18:08
Speaker 1: that the people are refusing to pay to have interpreters
18:11
Speaker 1: in the state. It's difficult. And you talk about small
18:14
Speaker 1: areas too. If you go to a small town, how
18:16
Speaker 1: bad that is, And you're right, and in the school
18:18
Speaker 1: system it's even worse. They let them kind of just
18:21
Speaker 1: go under the radar and then blame that whatever it
18:24
Speaker 1: might happen on the fact that they're bad kids instead
18:26
Speaker 1: of actually seeing the problem. And yeah, it's such a
18:30
Speaker 1: big issue. Thank you so much for sending that to us,
18:32
Speaker 1: because we do need to talk about that more often
18:34
Speaker 1: than loudly. Yes, yes, thank you. Another listener wrote in
18:51
Speaker 1: about this motification. Not very often, if ever, have I
18:55
Speaker 1: heard this conversation. I have therapy tonight and will unpack
18:58
Speaker 1: some of this with my therapist. I greatly appreciate you
19:01
Speaker 1: pointing out that poverty plays a huge role in this.
19:04
Speaker 1: I am the closest child in age to several disabled
19:07
Speaker 1: siblings and in divorce, poverty and you have the show
19:10
Speaker 1: that was my childhood. I had parent like responsibility from
19:13
Speaker 1: the age of twelve on in caring for my disabled
19:16
Speaker 1: younger sister, you know, so my mom could work. She
19:19
Speaker 1: needed twenty four seven supervision, was not potty trained, and nonverbal.
19:23
Speaker 1: She would eat things that weren't food and would escape
19:25
Speaker 1: the house if you didn't keep an eye on her.
19:27
Speaker 1: She wore diapers until she was eighteen. Some of the
19:29
Speaker 1: compounding traumatizing events for me were I spent a long
19:33
Speaker 1: weekend alone caring for her when my mother took a
19:35
Speaker 1: trip when I was twelve and she was ten. We
19:38
Speaker 1: lived in an extremely impoverished gang neighborhood and I had
19:41
Speaker 1: no adult support. There were long chunks of time I
19:44
Speaker 1: had to come home right after school every single day
19:46
Speaker 1: to get her off the bus and take care of her.
19:48
Speaker 1: I think before my parents divorce, I had taken a
19:50
Speaker 1: back seat to my disabled siblings needs. And I totally
19:53
Speaker 1: get why. None of this was malicious, but I still
19:56
Speaker 1: suffered nonetheless, Mostly what I took from this was I
19:59
Speaker 1: don't have a right to have means and shame and
20:02
Speaker 1: one hell of an attachment injury. I just was not
20:05
Speaker 1: wired to caregiving or was particularly good at caregiving at
20:08
Speaker 1: that age. Anyway, I just wanted to bring to this
20:11
Speaker 1: discussion the disability piece a little more highlight. Thanks, ladies.
20:15
Speaker 1: I admire and like you both a lot. Oh, thank you,
20:19
Speaker 1: thank you, yes, and thank you so much for we
20:22
Speaker 1: do and we appreciate so much everyone taking the time
20:25
Speaker 1: out to share their experiences with us and add to
20:28
Speaker 1: this conversation, because yes, there is so much missing. And yeah,
20:32
Speaker 1: until Samantha told me about it, I didn't know what
20:34
Speaker 1: proonification was either. So I think this did resonate with
20:38
Speaker 1: a lot of people, right, Yeah, and here's another one. Hello.
20:41
Speaker 1: I just finished listening to your episode of pronification and
20:44
Speaker 1: deeply connected with it and wanted to share my experience.
20:47
Speaker 1: My mother was an active addiction until about five years ago,
20:51
Speaker 1: meaning that for the first eighteen years of my life,
20:53
Speaker 1: I was a primary caretaker for my younger sister throughout homelessness,
20:57
Speaker 1: physical abuse, for my mother's partners, and Raylar kiss stuff.
21:00
Speaker 1: I took care of my sister and myself. Therapy has
21:04
Speaker 1: helped me tremendously with the consequential self destructive behaviors, and
21:07
Speaker 1: even past that, it helped me recognize my age regression.
21:11
Speaker 1: I am a little quote not in a sexual sense
21:14
Speaker 1: that's d D slash lge and the two are often
21:17
Speaker 1: mistakenly lumped together, but in every other sense. When I
21:20
Speaker 1: have time to myself, I'm holding stuffed animals, watching cartoons,
21:24
Speaker 1: and wearing fuzzy clothes. I don't take a pacifier or
21:27
Speaker 1: wear a diaper or not that there's anything wrong with it,
21:29
Speaker 1: but it's still a part of myself that I'm embarrassed about.
21:32
Speaker 1: It brings me the comfort that I didn't have as
21:34
Speaker 1: a child. And she suggests that if you could talk
21:37
Speaker 1: about age regression, which we will in an episode, I
21:40
Speaker 1: would be extraordinarily thankful. I love the show. I've been
21:43
Speaker 1: listening for years. You guys are the most fun host yet.
21:46
Speaker 1: Yeah that made me feel good. But yeah, you're not alone.
21:51
Speaker 1: This is not uncommon at all, as in fact, there's
21:54
Speaker 1: kind of like that too, hard sets that happens as
21:57
Speaker 1: adults where either if you don't have that child, do
22:00
Speaker 1: you go where you can't understand childish things, so let's
22:03
Speaker 1: say lack of imagination maybe, or just being all about
22:06
Speaker 1: the reality of you have to be right now, you
22:08
Speaker 1: have to take care of yourself and this is what matters,
22:10
Speaker 1: or you do regress in trying to embrace that, which
22:13
Speaker 1: is not a bad thing. It's actually very therapeutic unless
22:16
Speaker 1: it is, like, becomes a point that it inhibits you
22:19
Speaker 1: from living daily life, So of course that could be problematic,
22:22
Speaker 1: but typically this is so it's not abnormal. I've had
22:26
Speaker 1: many of friends who have had hard childhoods like this
22:30
Speaker 1: or have had to be adults to regress and find
22:33
Speaker 1: joy in that. And I think one of the big
22:36
Speaker 1: stigmas as adults as we kind of call that out
22:39
Speaker 1: too much and make jokes of that, and we shouldn't
22:41
Speaker 1: because you should be able to enjoy these things, and
22:44
Speaker 1: having uh, stuffed animal is not a bad thing. Having
22:47
Speaker 1: in a vivid imagination is not a bad thing. Enjoying
22:51
Speaker 1: child things like cartoons not a bad thing. But yeah,
22:54
Speaker 1: it does feel. It does feel like you're failing sometimes
22:57
Speaker 1: because you're like, is this normal, which there's no such thing,
22:59
Speaker 1: But yeah, you're not the only one. And thank you
23:01
Speaker 1: so much for sharing and being vulnerable with us with that,
23:04
Speaker 1: because that is a lot. That is a lot to
23:06
Speaker 1: have to dig through. Yes, and I certainly Samantha knows.
23:09
Speaker 1: I always show up with a stuffed animal so I
23:13
Speaker 1: can relate. I get panicked if I don't know, then
23:16
Speaker 1: my dog wants to take well and I refuse never
23:21
Speaker 1: have ruby. Yeah, and I have a very active imagination too,
23:25
Speaker 1: So we wanted to wrap this one up with a
23:27
Speaker 1: message from Twitter from at dr jess wits. I hope
23:31
Speaker 1: I'm not butchering that completely. That's our handle. Yeah, that's
23:37
Speaker 1: our Twitter handle. Happy Pride Month and what better way
23:40
Speaker 1: to start than being super vulnerable here and seeing you
23:43
Speaker 1: all something I'm coming out. I want the world to
23:47
Speaker 1: know a sec will time for me to be proud
23:52
Speaker 1: and not hide anymore. Sorry, I guess it was meant
23:55
Speaker 1: to be saying, but I have a terrible voice, so sorry.
23:58
Speaker 1: I loved it. It's been a difficult and freeing realization
24:02
Speaker 1: for me, one that came two years ago after many
24:04
Speaker 1: years of believing that there was something wrong with me.
24:06
Speaker 1: I was depressed, feeling like a terrible wife and person,
24:09
Speaker 1: and then I listened to the app Moms of podcast
24:12
Speaker 1: episode the a bcs of being ace. I cried as
24:14
Speaker 1: I was driving home that day, as what they were
24:16
Speaker 1: talking about was me. I wasn't strange, I didn't have
24:20
Speaker 1: anything wrong with me. I found a part of myself.
24:22
Speaker 1: It was and still is a journey to discovering and
24:24
Speaker 1: defining me, but this helped place a very important puzzle
24:28
Speaker 1: piece down and lock it in. Now. I'm adding hetero romantic,
24:31
Speaker 1: a sexual to mom, genetics, PhD, anime, fan of video gamer, wife,
24:36
Speaker 1: and more yet to be discovered to my definition. I
24:39
Speaker 1: share this in case someone else may feel the same,
24:41
Speaker 1: and no, you are not alone. It sucks when you
24:43
Speaker 1: can't understand yourself, but it can feel so liberating when
24:46
Speaker 1: you finally find that meaningful fragment. Keep searching and you'll
24:49
Speaker 1: get their piece by important peace. That's so beautiful. Thank
24:54
Speaker 1: you so much for sharing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and
24:57
Speaker 1: I totally totally agree, Like I love thinking of our
25:00
Speaker 1: continuing work in progress, continuing self discovery and the importance
25:05
Speaker 1: of finding those pieces and feeling like there's nothing wrong
25:08
Speaker 1: with you right. Yes, it's very beautiful, very very beautiful.
25:13
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, and thanks to all of the
25:15
Speaker 1: listeners who wrote to us. To all of you for listening.
25:19
Speaker 1: Please keep contacting us, sending us things, your stories, your experiences.
25:23
Speaker 1: We love it, We love it all. We love hearing
25:25
Speaker 1: from you. You can email us at stephaniely A, mom
25:27
Speaker 1: Stuff at I heart media dot com. You can find
25:29
Speaker 1: us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or on Instagram
25:31
Speaker 1: at stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks. It's always for
25:33
Speaker 1: our super producer, Christina, Thank you, and thanks to you
25:36
Speaker 1: for listening. Stuff I Never Told You production too. I
25:38
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcast on my heart Radio, visit
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Speaker 1: the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen
25:43
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.