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FOCUS: This is why you struggle with acceptance · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: So this episode is kind of about a lot of things.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: It's about accepting situations that you cannot change, but also
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: it's about accepting situations that can be changed, at least
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: how you react to that situation, or what you're going
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: to do about that situation, or how you can interact
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: with the people involved in that situation. Even when there
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: is something that can be done, acceptance is still needed, okay,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: because only once you've accepted the truth and the reality
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: of the situation at hand, can you take appropriate action
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: or can you start to heal from something. If you're
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: not accepting it, then the action that you're going to
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: take will be inappropriate, because you're acting as if it's
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: not happening, or you're resisting, or you're in denial, or
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: you're kind of, you know, putting your walls up or
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: covering your eyes. La la la, la la, not wanting
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: to face the reality of the situation. Okay, the faster
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: you can accept a situation, the quicker you can respond accordingly.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: If you're in a state of non acceptance, nothing's happening
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: for you, well, nothing good is happening for you. You're
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: in this state of suffering like anxiety, and I always
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: say that anxiety is the gap between where you are
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: and where you think you should be or what you're
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: feeling or what you think you should be feeling, that
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: something is not right or this is not how it
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: should be right. So you can be in that state
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: if you're not accepting a situation. Now, this is what
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: accepting doesn't mean. Accepting doesn't mean you have to agree,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: not at all. It doesn't mean bowing down. It doesn't
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: mean giving up or defeat, and it doesn't mean that
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: something was fair. Something really fucking unfair can happen to
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: you like so fucking cruel, and you can still be
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: accepting of the situation, as in saying it is what
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: it is, but what am I going to do now
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: about it? It's not saying, oh, you know what, that
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: was so fucked what happened to me? But lol, it's fine. No,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: it's saying, what can I learn from this? What am
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I going to do about this? If anything? And what
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: am I going to how am I going to move
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: forward with this knowledge? Okay, it's not thinking I can't
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: believe this happened to me. I can't believe it. I
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: can't believe it. I can't believe it. If you're always
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: thinking I can't believe it, then you're in this state
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: of thinking that we're so unfair, this is so horrible,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: and you might get trapped in that cycle of feeling
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: like a victim and then being fearful to put yourself
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: out there again in other life situations because you're in
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: such a state of disbelief and you don't know how
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: you're going to move forward from that. Okay, So accepting
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: is what you're choosing to do with the truth and
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: what you are choosing to do with your reality. You
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: cannot change a person, but you might influence them, right.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: You cannot reverse a situation, but you can adapt to
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: a situation. You can't change an outcome, but you can
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: respond accordingly to that outcome. Right. So life's going to
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: continue to happen to you. It's always going to keep
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: fucking happening, and you have to keep going with the current, Okay.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: And some things are going to be unfair. Many things
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: are going to be unfair, but there's many fucking good
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: things that where so many opportunities are going to be presented,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: and sometimes those opportunities are only presented because of that
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: unfair the thing that happened to you first. Right, Sometimes
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: we only see these potential opportunities because there was a
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: roadblock earlier on. Okay, So it's not always the worst
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: thing in the world. Now, let's start with some indicators
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: or some like emotional clues to let you know, because
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: sometimes we don't even realize that we haven't accepted a situation.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: So I want to start with some emotional clues to
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: look out for to let you know that you might
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: not have actually accepted a situation. And when these feelings
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: start cropping up, it's really important to just pause and
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: listen to them and try and try and really get
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: to the underlying reason of why you're feeling those feelings.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Because sometimes we'll feel a feeling and then we'll quickly
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: like block it or push it away. And often a
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: feeling is a secondary response to another feeling, not always
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: but often, but anger, for example, is one of those things.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: So I want you to ask yourself when you feel
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: these following things that I'm about to list, what am
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I struggling to accept? Okay, So here's the list. Jealousy.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: When you feel jealous, often there's a lot that you're
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: not accepting. There competition or comparison, when you're tearing another
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: person down to make yourself feel better or to build
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: yourself up. That's a big thing of accept of not
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: being able to accept something, holding hope for something to
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: go back the way it was, or especially when that
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: thing is not in your control, So holding hope for
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: an ex to come back, holding hope for you know,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: a lot of parents, a lot of fucking parents do
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: this shit. They hope that their child that's come out
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: to them is going to turn around and say them straight. Now,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: waste a few time holding hope. Holding a grudge is
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: a big one judgment on anyone and on yourself, massively
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: denial and shutting down or putting walls up when you're
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: trying to be too tough or too strong. So all
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: these things that I just mentioned clues emotional clues that
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: you might not definitely but very strong chance that you're
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: struggling to accept something. Okay, Now, when you are practicing acceptance,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: you cannot do this alongside resistance, otherwise you're not accepting.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: So for example, what do I mean by resistance. Let's
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: use the example of you're dating someone, they break up
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: with you and they've moved on, so you might say, well,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: maybe not you, But someone might say, I accept that
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: my ex has moved on. They've moved on with this
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: hoe who's no good for them, Good luck to them.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Their new partner's trash blah blah blah blah blah. So
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: if you're carrying on like this, you are not actually
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: accepting the situation. You are in a state of competition
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: via comparison. And even if you're throwing all this shit
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: on your ex's new partner, you are still in a
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: state of comparison. Subconsciously or consciously. You're saying that person
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: is trash compared to what I was, that person is
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: a hope compared to what I was. Right, you are
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: harboring way too much energy towards this ex partner and
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: what they are choosing to do with their own life,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: no matter what your ex is doing. If you're there
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: throwing judgment, hatred, criticisms, comparisons, especially about things like appearance
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: or something so superficial, and you're trying to make yourself
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: feel better about that, then you have not accepted the situation.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Someone who has accepted that situation wouldn't really spend much
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: time talking about their ex's new partner. At all, and
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: if they do, it's more so on a factual basis
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: or on like oh yeah, not as they were doing
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: that or whatever, but there's no resistance that is felt
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: when they talk about their ex's new partner. Now you're
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: going to be faced with uncomfortable truths all the fucking time, right,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Like this happens all the time. Like someone didn't turn
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: out how you thought they were going to turn out,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: a business relationship that was so fucking amazing and then
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: it went sour, or a work relationship, someone that you
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: start dating turns out to be not that great a person,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: or they fuck you over, or it turns out they
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: were cheating from the beginning of time, from the very beginning,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: or you just discover that you're not as skilled as
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: you thought you were at a job, or as the
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: person next to you who's going for that same role
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: and you failed to win that contract or the audition
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: or the job. Okay, So these are uncomfortable truths all
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: the time that we need to accept, right, And like
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I said, it also works for the good things in life,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Like if you're always looking for where the grass is
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: greener outside of your own turf, then you're never going
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: to discover the happiness that you seek.