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How Do You Measure Success as an Enneagram Three Mom? · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Do you find yourself wondering if you were totally flunking as a mom?
0:05
SPEAKER_00: Did you once experience success in the limelight only to now feel completely unseen in motherhood?
0:12
SPEAKER_00: If so, you'll appreciate today's conversation as my guest, Amy Farmer, shares about motherhood from the perspective as a type three.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram threes are often labeled as achievers.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: And while this is one of their character traits, there is so much more beneath the surface.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: And plus this strength, the achieving strength, can be challenging and the mundane of motherhood.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: Can I get an amen?
0:40
SPEAKER_00: Well, this is why this whole month I am sharing stories from each Enneagram type and their perspective on motherhood, spiritual growth, and what is really going on inside their beautiful minds.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: For this Motherhood and Enneagram series, I've invited my personal friends, the ones who've sat in my living room week in and week out, and have gone through my customized Enneagram coaching sessions for months.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: Amy Farmer is also a peer and a longtime Kansas City friend.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: In fact, the Lord has intertwined our lives in such fascinating ways that I'll have to share our story someday on the podcast.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: In this episode, Amy's going to share her typing journey and how the Enneagram is helping her navigate raising teenagers and reminding her to make the most of her opportunity.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: Amy is also going to share what it looks like to flourish as a type three and the number one book she would recommend to fellow type threes.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: It's actually one of my favorites as well.
1:47
SPEAKER_00: You won't want to miss this part of the conversation.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: By the way, if you happen to sometimes feel overwhelmed by your personality weakness, you need to know you are not alone.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: This is why I've created an Enneagram for Moms ebook.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: It's going to help you cut through the overwhelm of your personality so you can overcome your weaknesses and connect with those you love.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: I've created a one-of-a-kind ebook with an overview on each Enneagram type.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: And in addition to the beautiful layout, I've mapped out mom challenges, questions, and truth statements that have led each of my clients to freedom.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: You are the mom for the job, and I want to help you love it.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: Get your copy on the Simply Wholehearted website or at the link in the show notes.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: Hi, my name is Amy Wicks, and I love to talk about the gospel message your heart was created to hear.
2:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm a Christian Enneagram coach for Mobbs who loves to share resources which help you be confident that you are the best mom for your kids.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm a mountain mom who somehow ended up on a golden sack in the Midwest.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: I was overwhelmed by motherhood, and I struggled to understand my true motivation.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: But the Lord didn't let me stay there.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: He helped me turn those challenging moments of motherhood into a wholehearted decision to get intentional with my faith, my marriage, and my kids.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: I share a broken-hearted perspective with a story.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: But with wholehearted purpose and plans, you can live a life full of courage and abundance.
3:25
SPEAKER_00: Think of this podcast as your on-the-go mom pal and friend who can't help but talk about Jesus and the Enneagram.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: So hit to that pile of laundry, or hit the treadmill, or load up the kids in the car for that grocery run.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: Get ready to be encouraged and challenged while you listen.
3:43
SPEAKER_00: This is the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: So most of my friends who have been on the podcast series this month, or who are going to be on the podcast series, have been in my mom's group.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: And you did get to join in my mom's group for was it two semesters?
4:07
SPEAKER_00: One semester?
4:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not back to back, but two, I think.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: And then I was super excited because then you and Christine went and started one, which was awesome.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: And I know that it only lasted for a time because corona, and we'll just leave it there.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: But what was really great is everyone just loved getting to have you.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: And I was so grateful to just have up here and feel like I wasn't the only one that had some sort of like parenting advice because not all of my advice is good and I don't have all the advice.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: So I just appreciated though your candidness not only about parenting, but your candidness about your Enneagram journey.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: So I want to let you dive in, share your story a little bit about discovery, the raw, the real, the honest, because this is for Enneagram 3.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: And the path of growth for a three is not just vulnerability, but authenticity.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: It's not something that just comes natural.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: So, but here we go, because you are an authentic person.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: It's what um I've always appreciated you.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: I've known you for like 12 years.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: That's crazy because that's about how long I've lived here.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: So oh then yeah, 12 years.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: The Lord has brought us together, continue to weave our paths in and out, which is a whole nother story.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: That's a fun friendship story that I'll have to share someday to tell us kind of what the journey has looked like and what it's looking like now.
5:28
SPEAKER_01: You know, Enneagram is the new buzzword.
5:30
SPEAKER_01: And so everybody was talking about it, everyone was diagnosing me as to what I was, what I wasn't.
5:37
SPEAKER_01: And I was like three different numbers, my sisters, my mom, everybody was all over my case.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: And honestly, I took the uh the original test just to prove my family wrong that I wasn't what they thought I was, even though I knew nothing about it.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
5:53
SPEAKER_01: So, and then you know, you started a group, and I thought, you know, this would be a really good thing for me, you know.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: And so as you've talked with me, and as I've done a lot of reading this last week, it's really interesting to actually read the dynamics of the healthy three, since that's what I am, uh, versus the unhealthy and where you look like in the past, you know, 20s versus where I am getting close to my 50s.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: And it's just so interesting to watch the change.
6:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
6:29
SPEAKER_01: We've talked about it.
6:30
SPEAKER_01: Like in my earlier years, I really wanted like the life of the party.
6:35
SPEAKER_01: I did not miss an event.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: And I could plan tons of events and multicast, like it was nothing.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: And then now as I've gotten older, I'm more I don't know if I want to say reserved, but less driven.
6:50
SPEAKER_01: I think I don't know if that's good or bad, less driven to do all the things all the time and be everywhere.
6:59
SPEAKER_01: I guess maybe my goals have changed, but too, I'm just watching the three and looking to say at the things they struggle with.
7:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, I just thought that was like just an Amy thing.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
7:10
SPEAKER_01: Versus uh threes kind of you know deal with these things versus just oh man, that's that's just a rawdy off that I've gotten stuck with.
7:20
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
7:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:21
SPEAKER_01: So I like we've talked about before, I am still like, I am not that person going, I am this, and that is what it is.
7:29
SPEAKER_01: I am working it out, but I do agree I have all the signs of the three, with I think is it the wing two versus four?
7:39
SPEAKER_01: I think.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I totally can see that.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: I love that you've treated it like a journey.
7:45
SPEAKER_00: You haven't found that thing, gotten the mud, gotten the t-shirt.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: You kind of came in with open hands, besides the fact the first step was to prove your family wrong, which don't we all kind of do that?
7:56
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's a little bit of that.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: We've talked a couple conversations about how sometimes even you spend your whole life trying to not be similar to a personality type in your family.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: And so this whole typing process is unearthing some of those feelings and that tug of war in our own hearts, especially when someone places that on us and uses it as a label, which is not how we're supposed to use the Enneagram, first of all.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: But two, that you go into it going, no, you guys don't have it right.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: But then really since then you've been like, oh, maybe I'm this and maybe I'm that, and really diving it into it with the idea of going, well, I know I'm not this, let's explore these things and just see what it could be.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: I think that's just been really great.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: And you've led by example in that with the group and just been really open where I think sometimes in our youth we feel like we have to rush the process and jump quickly to an answer in order to have a label, which is the whole point is to not walk the label.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: The word that popped in my mind when you were talking, just kind of that, you know, what is that word that you are now more than you were in your 20s?
9:02
SPEAKER_00: And I would venture to say the word settled is what comes to mind.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: Content, settled.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: I feel like I spent a lot of years really, really striving and doing, and just a bunch of platform stuff and just stuff like that.
9:19
SPEAKER_01: That I finally I remember it was actually, I think I had my fourth baby.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: Literally, I felt like Groundhog Day.
9:27
SPEAKER_01: I was like the mundane of my life was just I was dying, but I can remember a moment.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Lord, no one knows who I am or has any memory of me at all anymore because I never leave the house.
9:42
SPEAKER_01: So I had four under four, I went nowhere.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: And I remember having a moment with the Lord where I was like, if you can't meet me here, then you're not who you say you are.
9:52
SPEAKER_01: And I had a moment where I just felt his presence.
9:55
SPEAKER_01: And I felt like from that point on, my life kind of shifted.
9:59
SPEAKER_01: I had a little bit of a heavenly perspective or just what was really important because I had been so driven in the past, traveled the world, did the whole deal, and I finally was like, Oh my gosh, this is my life.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: I have four little people, and I never get to leave.
10:20
SPEAKER_01: And then I the Lord just began to minister to me through years at home of what you know to me it was my best gift, but the hardest gift.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, and amen.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: It was a constant thing.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: We always are saying, you know, yes, Lord, do what you have to, whatever you want, you know.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: And but when the reality hits, you're like, man, this relationship.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: Dame this is hard.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
10:49
SPEAKER_00: That's powerful.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: I did not know that part of your testimony.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: I would sum it up as and what we talk about in some of our more traditional podcast conversations with authors or musicians or ministry leaders is what is that brokenhearted moment that led to a whole-hearted decision?
11:05
SPEAKER_00: And it sounds like to me, that was a brokenhearted moment, which was motherhood, the realization of this is motherhood and the wholehearted decision, though, to lean into it and instead of letting it define you to break you and make you into the kind of mom that you wanted to be.
11:24
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, at that moment, I re-evaluated what success was in my own life.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: I got married at 28, so I wasn't young when I had my first baby.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: So I mean, I was in my early 30s by the time I had had them all, and I had to really evaluate what I thought was gonna be because I have been so success driven, or I don't know if it's success, but always there's always a plan.
11:50
SPEAKER_01: There's always something more to do.
11:51
SPEAKER_01: I always had something on the agenda.
11:54
SPEAKER_01: And suddenly now there was no agenda.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: I was at home, I was potty training, I was changing diapers, and it's well, I mean, the reality was that was my life for at least the next four years.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
12:05
SPEAKER_01: You know, so I had to kind of come to Jesus moment of okay, I have to reevaluate what success is.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: And I had the Lord, I had tons of time to just simply find the Lord in it because I had to.
12:22
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I will not survive this if I don't find you in it and find who you've called my kids to be.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: And ultimately, you see, this is where I you and I talked the other day, and it makes me super emotional.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if it's just the stage of life that I'm in with my kids.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: The my ultimate goal in life at the moment is to make sure that I am living a life that my kids in return will love Jesus.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: When my kids are at a house and with their own families, if they are wholeheartedly loving the Lord, then I did a good job.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: But it is a daily thing that I you just the Lord has to pour it in and I have to pour it out, and we have to daily choose our responses and attitudes of our heart, all those things, you know?
13:06
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
13:07
SPEAKER_01: It's just kind of where it is these days.
13:09
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: And for my friends who don't know you, it's obvious.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we we both have kids similar ages.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: Your older ones are a little bit older than mine.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: And I see the fruit of this, and I see that perspective shift led to a priority shift, which is the most important thing, especially for a three, a really difficult thing.
13:31
SPEAKER_00: Because, like you said, you were getting to do all these things.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: You have these goals, you have these matrix, right?
13:38
SPEAKER_00: And motherhood is matrickless.
13:41
SPEAKER_00: All we can gauge is months on a blanket now, you know, the cute little Instagram posts, or the birthdays, or the growing out of clothing, this whole one long obedience in the same direction thing.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: There's not a whole lot to gauge it by until they start getting older and making their own decision.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I can just testify to say, I know you made the right decision.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't always turn out the way we expect, though.
14:06
SPEAKER_00: And that's the thing of it, and that's the surrender where you're going, okay, Lord, these kids are yours.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: You've called me to be the mom for this job.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: Empower me to do this well in your eyes.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: And ultimately that matric is in heaven, which I'm like, Lord, every once in a while, could you let down a little scroll and just tell me how I'm doing?
14:27
SPEAKER_00: Right.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: Because you don't know till it's over.
14:30
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
14:30
SPEAKER_01: And that's half of it is because my kids are 16, 15, 14, and 13, like there isn't time to learn in between.
14:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, guys, I'm always telling my oldest, this is my first time.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what to do right now.
14:46
SPEAKER_01: I've never had a 16-year-old before.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: Right.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: So, but there's this deep, I think maybe it's a three thing, but this fear of failure.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: Because you look around and there's a lot of people who aren't following the Lord anymore.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
15:01
SPEAKER_01: As far as kids.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: Their kids, some of my friends' kids aren't following the Lord anymore.
15:05
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, what, how do I prevent this?
15:08
SPEAKER_01: And I really feel like it's you have to be authentic.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: So they have to see you in your highs and in your lows with your walk with the Lord, and to see that it's attainable, but it's not perfection.
15:22
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
15:23
SPEAKER_01: Like you just have to be really careful, and for me, that's my biggest.
15:27
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I lean personality-wise, it's pretty much an open book for the most part.
15:32
SPEAKER_01: Um, I did find it interesting that reading about the three just that like you're able to process other people's emotions really well, but not my own.
15:43
SPEAKER_01: So I have found that to be, I'm like, that is so true.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: And I thought, oh, it's just my history because I've had some, you know, some dark moments.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm like, oh, maybe that's just that, but it actually is a real, like, Josh asked me, Are you really okay?
15:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I don't really know.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: I don't really know.
15:59
SPEAKER_00: Don't ask me for words right now.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: But I can read a room and tell you if you need, you know, to process your emotions and help you do that.
16:07
SPEAKER_00: I can do that well, but my own, and insert friends like Amy Wicks who come in to ask you to explore it.
16:19
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: No, I think that's really, really key and a crucial understanding for a type three in particular, male or female.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: And I think the challenge as a mom when you're caring for several little hearts full of emotion is to not carry those around and just always be taking care of that.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: You've got to be able to, you know, kind of pause that and evaluate and give yourself time to process and and name name the thing.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, oh, that's so good.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: Man, there's some like, woo, drop the mic moments here, Amy.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: It's good.
16:53
SPEAKER_00: It's good.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: It's just you can't give what you don't have.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: And so for me, I'm like, I have to make sure that I am quick with my time with the Lord and just in life in general, there is no one gonna read you quicker than your kids.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: Like you can't make it.
17:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they see it all, and so that's what I really, really want is that even in those low and those hard times, that I'm authentic in it because there's nothing worse than you know, kids seeing, you know, normal life at home and then they go to church and oh, we're putting it on, we love Jesus.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
17:30
SPEAKER_01: They see right through it, yes, and so we had lots of talks about that in our family.
17:35
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I my biggest prayer for my kids is that the Lord encounters them because I can't, I can't make them love Jesus, they have to have and their own experience with him.
17:49
SPEAKER_01: I can help facilitate and like bring hopefully things that could help them to have that encounter, but I can't do it for them.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, amen.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: It is.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: I think that it should be one of the number one prayers that we're praying all the time, and being okay when the Lord has that like brokenhearted moments or disappointments or failures, and allowing our kids to experience the messy because that is usually where he will encounter their hearts in a real and tangible way.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: No, I I love it.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: That's good.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: So, how would you describe the biggest stressor of motherhood?
18:25
SPEAKER_00: You've had a little over 16 years of some of these stresses, real highs, real lows.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: Could you sum it up in a few words?
18:35
SPEAKER_00: Well, one would be the fear of failure.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: That would be one of my biggest things, and I'm not super patient.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: That has been something for me that I really, really have to, you know, have to work on.
18:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:48
SPEAKER_01: You know, through all of it.
18:50
SPEAKER_01: But with all of my kids, just because they've all been pretty much in a same stage of life for the most part, you know, it's true.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like I don't have littles and olders.
19:01
SPEAKER_00: I have had pretty much, you know, they're all they were all little, all junior high, all entering into all teenagers now.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for me, it's just being consistent and being vulnerable.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I guess that that would be my biggest things of you know, like the last 16 years.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: And just providing a place.
19:21
SPEAKER_01: We I am very big about what we both, Josh and I both, about just talking.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: There is there is nothing in our family that is off limits.
19:32
SPEAKER_01: That's so yeah.
19:35
SPEAKER_01: Like we make sure that it happens.
19:37
SPEAKER_01: When I started having kids, I had to think back because my both of my sisters love the Lord.
19:42
SPEAKER_01: And I had to go kind of go, what did my parents do that made it so that all three of us nobody rebelled, everyone's strongly walking with the Lord, and that's awesome.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: Lots of a week, and no subject was off the charts, you know, was off the table, you know.
20:02
SPEAKER_01: Now my little boy loves to antagonize a little bit.
20:07
SPEAKER_01: But they just have made it so that we talk about religion, we talk about politics, we talk about LGBT, we talk about it all.
20:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: You know, because if you don't, somebody else will.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
20:19
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: They will.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: They need to hear it from us, and if preferably from us first, so we can engage them and educate them and help them process when things come across the table that are different than what we're saying.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: I think that's really good.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: So I'm kind of curious, I want to back up just a little bit.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: You said the word patience, and I know we talked about this, we've kind of covered it in a couple of the lessons um of the motherhood series.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: And that was the way we usually train our kids, discipline, disciple, that if as a person in the the assertive stance, you're forward thinking.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: So I know that is a struggle for me as well, because I'm like, okay, come on, we got it already.
21:02
SPEAKER_00: You should have it already.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: Is that kind of what you're meaning when it comes to the patients?
21:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that and like Josh is very big on training them to do things and letting them work it through.
21:13
SPEAKER_01: I am like, oh my gosh, I could clean this bathroom 10 times faster, get it done, and we can move on to the next thing because I am very like, okay, I am past.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: I know what is on my schedule for the day.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: I know what needs to get done, when it needs to get done.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: So I could you come over to my house and tell me, please.
21:36
SPEAKER_01: I have a few children that I don't know what numbers they are, but they couldn't tell you what time of day it is.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm I am constantly like, hello.
21:48
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: Come on, get with the plan.
21:50
SPEAKER_00: Don't you know I have this programmed out?
21:52
SPEAKER_01: So not expecting everyone to be like me in that way because I wake up ready to roll.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: And to get what needs to get done.
22:01
SPEAKER_01: So, and that's part of, I think, I feel like one of my biggest weaknesses and I have really worked on, especially with now having almost four kids in high school, is realizing that my time is super limited with my kids.
22:15
SPEAKER_01: And so sit around the table for the extra hour and don't get up and do dishes.
22:20
SPEAKER_01: Enjoy the moment, take in the time, make sure it's like I told you I said I thoroughly and love Corona.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: Like it worked for you.
22:30
SPEAKER_01: We did so many things at home as a family.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: And I don't know, I'm just starting to get a little bit emotional about the fact that I my kids are I'm on the tail end.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: But suddenly this downhill feeling once we got past those survival years, and I only had I only had three and three and a half years, but once I came up for air, it now suddenly seems that it's snowballing out of control.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: Like time is just I wake up every you know few days and it's the weekend again, and then oh the weekend again, and you know, where is time going?
23:05
SPEAKER_00: It is flying so fast.
23:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: Just trying to soak in all those moments which aren't my personality.
23:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
23:13
SPEAKER_01: I want to get it done, get it all done.
23:15
SPEAKER_01: And trying really hard to slow it all down in every way, in every part of my life, slow it all down and enjoy the moments and deal with the part of the things that are actually super, super important, not the ones that aren't going to bring value to my kids' life or to my marriage.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: Just kind of like, okay, because I I mean, we're super busy.
23:37
SPEAKER_01: We both, you know, Josh and I work and and my kids and sports.
23:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, and if I am not super deliberate, my kids will be out of the house and I will have regrets.
23:46
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
23:47
SPEAKER_01: And that's my biggest fear is that I will have regrets.
23:52
SPEAKER_01: Also I'm trying to not have regrets when it comes to quality time with my kids.
23:58
SPEAKER_01: Getting one-on-one time is super hard.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: But how do you make that happen?
24:02
SPEAKER_01: And just making sure that my kids have a soft place to land and a place to process all that life is throwing at them these days.
24:11
SPEAKER_01: How do you love Jesus in a world like this today?
24:14
SPEAKER_01: Right.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: It's hard, especially as a teenager.
24:17
SPEAKER_01: It's super hard.
24:18
SPEAKER_01: They have to make super hard choices every day.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, choices we didn't have to make.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I want to say my calling right now, but that's where I am like, that's all I care about really right now, um, is that part of kids' life.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: I like how you use the word deliberate.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: I think that's key.
24:37
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it's just another term for intentionality, and maybe sometimes intentionality is overused.
24:43
SPEAKER_00: And it's that's more the mindset, and the deliberate is the action, is that you're purposing to do that.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: And I know we had a side conversation, I'll just mention this is that I know you are asked to do a lot of things because you're multi-gifted, multi-talented, multi-passionate.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: But the Lord in this season has refined that passion to be focused in on your kids uh to make that time count and to make the most of every opportunity.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: And that's something that we've been preaching here for years is Ephesians 5, 15, and 16.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: Make the most of every opportunity because the days are evil and we have this amazing opportunity with the kids in our home.
25:21
SPEAKER_00: And I see you doing that and being deliberate with it.
25:24
SPEAKER_00: And I know for a three, it's gotta be hard to sometimes turn down really great opportunities.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: Opportunities that stroke the ego could be more rewarding.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, when you do say no, and then you wonder what the thought process is to the people because the other people look like you don't want to do anything.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, it's actually not that.
25:44
SPEAKER_01: As a three, and especially in my early years, I loved it.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: Everyone loved me.
25:49
SPEAKER_01: I was super good at what I did.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: You know, I don't know if threes, if it's like multitasking to me is just I can do 50 million things at one time.
25:59
SPEAKER_01: And I just thought that was everybody, and I've learned from my husband, it is not.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: It is not, definitely not.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's maybe it's just some age of going, I don't feel the need to make, I don't know if it's the approval anymore as much of make everybody realize that I actually can do this and do this really well.
26:18
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't it just doesn't, it doesn't go on my scale anymore, or at least right now.
26:24
SPEAKER_01: My kids are are by far the higher priority for me.
26:30
SPEAKER_01: And I really have shut out everything else.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: Another friend of mine has a lot of kids, and they said the same thing.
26:36
SPEAKER_01: They're like we've the amount of talking that is needed in my house right now.
26:41
SPEAKER_01: Right, it's true.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: It's exhausting, first of all.
26:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't know if that's a three thing or not, because I am done by a certain time.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: But there I have three girls and they come alive at about nine o'clock.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: Right.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: What is the deal?
26:55
SPEAKER_00: Don't they know?
26:56
SPEAKER_00: Don't they know I expire at about 8 30?
26:59
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
27:00
SPEAKER_01: I plan accordingly because I know I plan individual car rides with all my kids with sometimes I could do it in a better, uh more efficient way.
27:09
SPEAKER_01: Do all of them at the same time, but I can get 20 minutes with Maddie if I do it this way, and you know, so it's like that.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm still efficient, but I'm more deliberate with my time and how I spend it.
27:23
SPEAKER_01: That's good.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: I think that's quotable.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: Deliberate efficiency.
27:27
SPEAKER_00: I think it needs to be a coaster for a three.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: Well, you have to think about it because you're just so busy, but you're like, these are priorities, but how do I make that happen?
27:35
SPEAKER_01: I got four kids in sports.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: It is like in there.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
27:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, especially thankfully, the fall, we can do some of those things.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: This is so good.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: Amy, you have so much wisdom to offer, and I'm grateful that you have been willing to squeeze in this time and just give some of that because I have so much confidence that there's gonna be people who really glean a lot from this.
27:59
SPEAKER_00: Other moms who needed to hear this word, whether they lead as a three or not, they needed to hear this word, and I'm really excited about it.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: One of the things that we are having fun with is we're kind of doing because I'm a seven, I can't do everything the same exact way each time because that's just like too boring.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: But the one thing I have done each time is I've asked three rapid fire questions.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: So, what does it look like in a word or in a phrase to flourish as a type three?
28:27
SPEAKER_01: I think maybe grace for myself.
28:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think being able to have grace and not be such an overachiever.
28:37
SPEAKER_01: So I feel like if I have the grace to just relax and to do what I know the Lord has called me to do, then I don't feel quite the need to overachieve or excel at everything.
28:50
unknown: Yeah.
28:50
SPEAKER_01: I don't like to put my hand to things that I know I won't do well.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: So I would say probably just to rest in the grace and I feel peace in this season.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: That's good.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: Man, I wish this wasn't rapid fire.
29:04
SPEAKER_00: No, it totally does.
29:05
SPEAKER_00: And I want to like unravel it because you said something there that I was like, ooh, this makes sense.
29:09
SPEAKER_00: But I'm gonna just let my friends think about that.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: And you alluded to this a little bit, but what is your soul care routine that helps you feel like you are thriving?
29:18
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, for me, it a lot of it really is exercise.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: I very much are you still running?
29:24
SPEAKER_00: Running, yes.
29:26
SPEAKER_01: I really find the Lord and running.
29:28
SPEAKER_01: I find just all the biblical stuff comes to life to me.
29:32
SPEAKER_01: It is just a normal thing in life for me to go.
29:35
SPEAKER_01: No, you push a little harder, you go a little further.
29:37
SPEAKER_01: It's in my own spirituality, you know.
29:40
SPEAKER_01: Cherry the Fire is my most favorite movie in the world.
29:43
SPEAKER_01: When I run, I feel his pleasure, you know.
29:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I feel I get a really good stress release too.
29:50
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, absolutely.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
29:54
SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
29:54
SPEAKER_00: And I've known that about you, but wasn't sure if that's continued.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: So that's really awesome.
29:58
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
29:59
SPEAKER_00: Now, how about a spiritual growth book that has impacted you personally and that you also would recommend maybe to another fellow type three?
30:08
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I don't read a lot.
30:10
SPEAKER_00: Do you do audiobooks?
30:11
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's funny because your husband's a writer.
30:13
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: We're just gonna throw that out there.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: Insatiable appetite.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I do not.
30:23
SPEAKER_01: I I literally, I mean, Sarah Haggerty's last book is the last book I've read, and I can't tell you what other book I've read since.
30:31
SPEAKER_01: Now, I love her book.
30:33
SPEAKER_01: Yes, um, the recent one, but long term, I would say The Tale of Three Kings, I know it's anxious.
30:39
SPEAKER_01: Yes, so good though.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: I read it every year.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
30:43
unknown: Yeah.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: I read it every year.
30:44
SPEAKER_00: I actually think that's a perfect type three book.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: I have read it several times.
30:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and in fact, I have this like running list of books that I think would be great for each type because someday I'm gonna put a page on my website with links to those things.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Someday.
31:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I just love the book on the three kings, all of them somewhat successful, but the attitudes of the heart of each of them and where that landed them.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: So good.
31:14
SPEAKER_01: It's a constant reminder for me.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: I just I love it.
31:18
SPEAKER_01: The humility.
31:19
SPEAKER_01: So the first book I read every year after Christmas begins.
31:22
SPEAKER_01: That's great.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: Probably the only book.
31:24
SPEAKER_00: Well, no, that's an awesome rhythm.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: And for those who don't know, the Tale of Free Kings, I bet could be if you sat one sitting, two hours, would you say?
31:33
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
31:34
SPEAKER_00: It's small.
31:34
SPEAKER_00: So it's a it's a quick read.
31:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, deep, absolutely worth getting just ordering on the Amazon and adding that to your list, whether you're three or not.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: So good.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, Amy, this has been fantastic.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: You have had, like I said, and I I joked about it, but drop the mic moments.
31:51
SPEAKER_00: I've been really good.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: Is there one last piece of advice that you would love to share here as we close for whether it's for a mom that leads as any type or specifically for a type three?
32:02
SPEAKER_01: I would think for any mom, and I know it sounds cliche, and when people told it to me when I had four and drowning, I literally wanted to swear at them.
32:11
SPEAKER_01: But it really literally goes so fast.
32:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
32:17
SPEAKER_01: And every day counts, and how you hold your heart every day matters.
32:22
SPEAKER_01: And you know, I guess as a mom, it is your place of encounter with the Lord if you will let him.
32:30
SPEAKER_01: You're never more raw than when you're sleep deprived and no one sees, you're so unseen.
32:36
SPEAKER_01: And so all that stuff in your heart goes, you know?
32:40
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
32:41
SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't have to be quick, but you gotta let him in to do it.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: And so I guess that would be really do enjoy every moment and keep going.
32:50
SPEAKER_01: And the Lord sees, he really does.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he does.
32:54
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
32:54
SPEAKER_00: He sees it all.
32:56
SPEAKER_00: Amy, thank you so much.
32:57
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for this conversation.
32:59
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for your time.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: It really was beautiful, and I can't wait to share it.
33:02
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Amy.
33:03
SPEAKER_01: It was fun.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm guessing that there was probably more than one takeaway from this conversation, whether you live as a three or you lead as a three.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: I am so grateful that Amy was willing to share.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you listened and you wished that you could join our moms group.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: I know in 2020, meeting and gather with other moms has been super challenging.
33:26
SPEAKER_00: Now, while I work on something special with you in mind, I've created an ebook from the perspective of motherhood as it relates to the Enneagram.
33:33
SPEAKER_00: I packed it full of helpful information to not only understand your core fears and weaknesses, but also how each type is uniquely gifted for motherhood.
33:43
SPEAKER_00: Plus, I've shared specific challenges, reflection questions, and true statements that I use to lead my clients to more freedom in their life.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: You can read it on your phone or print it out and refer to it as we go through the special podcast series of this month of October.
33:57
SPEAKER_00: I want you to know that you are the mom for the job and to champion you to love it.
34:02
SPEAKER_00: Until next time, continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for you simply for the whole hearted life.