Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #500 Life Skills for Teens - The Essential List

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#500 Life Skills for Teens - The Essential List · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, it's not the end of the world if your
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: child leaves the house as an eighteen or nineteen year
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  Speaker 2: old and doesn't know how to do their taxes because because.
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  Speaker 3: They ring dad and they say, how do I do
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  Speaker 3: my taxes? And Dad says, here's my counts, I call
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  Speaker 3: the account.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, this is going to be an interesting one. This
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  Speaker 3: stops justin Coulson. By the way, I'm here with Kylie
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  Speaker 3: misus Happy Families, my wife from Under our six Kids
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  Speaker 3: Today a conversation about the one hundred life skills that
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  Speaker 3: teenagers need to know. It comes from a website called
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  Speaker 3: Grown and Flown one hundred percent of life Skills teens
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  Speaker 3: need to learn at Home. We have not scripted this,
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  Speaker 3: We have no idea where this is going to go.
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  Speaker 3: But we thought we were just going to spend a
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  Speaker 3: few minutes to go through the list, literally from number
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  Speaker 3: one right through and talk about whether or not we
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  Speaker 3: were able to do it and we were kids leaving home,
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  Speaker 3: and whether or not our teens can do this now
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  Speaker 3: we think that you might have some fun listening, playing
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  Speaker 3: along and working out what you still need to teach
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  Speaker 3: your kids when it comes to growing up, leaving the nest,
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  Speaker 3: and getting on with their lives. Obviously, this is going
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  Speaker 3: to be more relevant for some of than others, but
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  Speaker 3: it's going to happen to all of us eventually.
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  Speaker 4: So Kylie, are you ready for this shoot? Okay?
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  Speaker 3: We'll also include the link, by the way in the
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  Speaker 3: show notes to this particular article that have said, do
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  Speaker 3: you ever wonder if you've taught your teens enough life
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  Speaker 3: skills to go out into the real world and succeed.
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  Speaker 3: School fills them with facts and numbers, history, maths, writing skills,
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  Speaker 3: rudimentary sciences, But do our teens have the life skills
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  Speaker 3: to function in their.
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  Speaker 4: Day to day lives.
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  Speaker 3: If you can craft a series of fifteen minute you
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  Speaker 3: need to know this to function in the world lessons,
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  Speaker 3: what would they be? And rather than us trying to
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  Speaker 3: come up with it, I just thought we'd go through
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  Speaker 3: the list.
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  Speaker 2: I kind of think, without really knowing what the list
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  Speaker 2: has got, that if our children have some of these skills,
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  Speaker 2: they're going to feel like they're resilient.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, nice nicely put, I'm really glad that you
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  Speaker 3: said that, and we should highlight you haven't seen the
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  Speaker 3: list yet. I've looked at the list briefly. You haven't
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  Speaker 3: seen the list at all. First thing on the list
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  Speaker 3: one hundred life skills to teach teens and college students.
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  Speaker 3: Number one how to say no.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, we've got a house full of kids that don't
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  Speaker 2: have to do that.
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  Speaker 3: I was going to say, I think most kids, every child,
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  Speaker 3: how to say that. But here's the interesting thing here.
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  Speaker 3: And I know we're supposed to do this quickly. How
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  Speaker 3: good it saying no? Were you really when you moved
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  Speaker 3: out of home?
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  Speaker 4: Oh?
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  Speaker 2: I was not good at it at all? Right, I
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  Speaker 2: think that I am only just now, as a forty
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  Speaker 2: plus year old, learning how to say no.
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  Speaker 3: And that's the interesting thing to me as well. Like
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  Speaker 3: the stories that I hear, let's talk about the obvious
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  Speaker 3: saying no, we're talking about issues of consent. Specifically, here, kids,
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  Speaker 3: in an overwhelming majority of cases, when they have non
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  Speaker 3: consensual intimate contact sexual contact, that is a sexual assault. Really,
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  Speaker 3: if it's non consensual, that's what it is.
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  Speaker 4: It's assault.
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  Speaker 3: Very often it's because they now, not always, but very
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  Speaker 3: often it's because there was an unwillingness or an inability
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  Speaker 3: to say no. There was too much pressure from the
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  Speaker 3: boyfriend or the girlfriend, too much pressure from the friends,
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  Speaker 3: too much pressure from everyone around them. Being able to
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  Speaker 3: say no. No, I don't want in our sharehouse to
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  Speaker 3: have forty three people showing up on Saturday night and
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  Speaker 3: trashing the joint at the party. No, I don't want
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  Speaker 3: to do this. Like the ability to say no is
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  Speaker 3: a really big one, and being able to teach our
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  Speaker 3: kids the power of saying no, that's an.
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  Speaker 4: Important life school. I was so glad that it was
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  Speaker 4: number one. And I don't think that either of us
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  Speaker 4: were particularly great at that.
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  Speaker 3: I probably, as a male, I was a lot more assertive,
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  Speaker 3: a lot more willing to say no than you were
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  Speaker 3: in the early days.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, i'd agree with that.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, number two, set and manage a goal with a
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  Speaker 3: timetable and milestones.
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  Speaker 4: Were you any good at that?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah? I think I was.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, so do I and me too.
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  Speaker 3: But as a university lecturer, I can tell you right
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  Speaker 3: now that the vast majority of kids that came into
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  Speaker 3: my lecture theater and came into my tutorial groups back
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  Speaker 3: when I used to be at the university did not
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  Speaker 3: know how to set and manage goals with a timetable
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  Speaker 3: and milestones. I really talking about here is planning. What's
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  Speaker 3: curious to me about this, though, is that most teenagers
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  Speaker 3: know how to do that for things that really do
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  Speaker 3: matter to them, but when it comes to their studies,
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  Speaker 3: they just don't matter quite so much.
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  Speaker 2: So they can plan their weekend activities and make sure
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  Speaker 2: they're in the right place at the right time.
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  Speaker 3: Although I don't know if you've noticed this with our
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  Speaker 3: own kids. Have you noticed how they don't really make
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  Speaker 3: plans anymore? They just wait and see what's going to happen.
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  Speaker 3: Let's see where the tide takes us. Oh yeah, I said, yes,
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  Speaker 3: probably to that thing. But now someone else doing that thing,
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  Speaker 3: and I'm going to go and do that instead. Have
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  Speaker 3: you noticed that there's a lot less planning that goes
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  Speaker 3: on with teenagers.
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  Speaker 2: To I don't know if it's necessarily that there's a
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  Speaker 2: lot less planning. I think that we're just unaware of
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  Speaker 2: it because our children are able to communicate without needing
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  Speaker 2: us anymore.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're not standing in the hallway at home and
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  Speaker 3: they're not talking their text, so we're not hearing those conversations.
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  Speaker 2: But I would say that there is a lot of
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  Speaker 2: planning going on. Many times, I'll I have a message from,
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  Speaker 2: you know, a family friend who'll say, our girls have
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  Speaker 2: been scheming, right, they want to get together. You know,
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  Speaker 2: can we make this happen?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, but long term plans, I mean, and I want
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  Speaker 3: to highlight here developmental appropriateness. They probably won't really get
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  Speaker 3: it together until they're in their late twenties. It's just
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  Speaker 3: the reality of life. Some people still struggle in their
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  Speaker 3: thirties and forties. We know people like that. The next
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  Speaker 3: thing on the list is communicate with and get to
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  Speaker 3: know their professors and teaching assistants. So I'm going to
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  Speaker 3: take the lead on this one because most students that
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  Speaker 3: I taught, and I taught thousands of them when I
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  Speaker 3: was at university, they didn't ever get to know anyone
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  Speaker 3: that they needed to know to help them in their
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  Speaker 3: study journey. And I think that's an important one.
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  Speaker 2: I got a phone call from our eldest the other day.
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  Speaker 2: She's gone back to university. Yeah, and she was so
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  Speaker 2: excited because she bumped into one of her lecturers in
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  Speaker 2: the hallway and he has a horse background, and she
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  Speaker 2: loves horses, and so she started a conversation. She said, Mum,
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  Speaker 2: I just needed to be in his radar, like I
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  Speaker 2: just needed him to know who who I was, so
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  Speaker 2: that we could have future conversations when I needed his
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  Speaker 2: help about, you know, different things. And as a result,
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  Speaker 2: she had a brilliant conversation with her that led her
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  Speaker 2: to understand more of what's available to her once she
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  Speaker 2: leaves university, things that she'd never thought of before. But
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  Speaker 2: just having that one conversation has led to multiple conversations
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  Speaker 2: since that have really opened her eyes to possibilities that
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  Speaker 2: she would never have known if she didn't pick up
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  Speaker 2: the courage to have that conversation in the first place.
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  Speaker 4: So glad you said that.
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  Speaker 3: There's something about that, though, and that is that when
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  Speaker 3: she first went to UNI, she wasn't ready for that.
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  Speaker 3: She's gone back now as a mature age student.
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  Speaker 4: She had three or four years.
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  Speaker 3: Out of union and then gone back to do her
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  Speaker 3: degree because she wasn't ready initially. And this is why
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  Speaker 3: I say gap years matter. We've got to let our
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  Speaker 3: kids grow up, because now she's there, a few years older,
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  Speaker 3: a few years wiser, with the confidence to have the
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  Speaker 3: conversation with the lecturer. She's learnt to network and her
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  Speaker 3: world has expanded.
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  Speaker 4: As a result.
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  Speaker 3: What a powerful, powerful lesson, and we've got to teach
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  Speaker 3: our kids the value of that. Let's do a couple
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  Speaker 3: more here and then we'll take a quick break, read
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  Speaker 3: a bank statement and monitor an account balance, financial conversations.
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  Speaker 4: Could you do that?
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  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I could definitely do that. I'm not sure
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  Speaker 2: if our kids could that.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, come on, we've had all those conversations with our kids.
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  Speaker 3: I reckon they can. I hope they can, but we
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  Speaker 3: need to do this.
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  Speaker 4: And the last one.
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  Speaker 3: Here, use ride share services safely? How did you go
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  Speaker 3: with that when you left home?
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  Speaker 2: Oh? I still can't do that.
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  Speaker 3: They didn't exist though, right, I mean, unless you're talking
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  Speaker 3: about taxis and public transferport But.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you don't even like doing uber now, do you?
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  Speaker 2: No? I hate it?
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  Speaker 3: So but these are important conversations for us to have
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  Speaker 3: with the kids because they need to know how to
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  Speaker 3: do it. After the break, we're going to talk about
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  Speaker 3: some even more basic things that every young adult.
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  Speaker 4: Should be able to do by the time they've left home.
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  Speaker 3: Hopefully you're teaching your kids now while they're only eleven
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  Speaker 3: or twelve, or eight or nine. We'll find out more
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  Speaker 3: in just a second. You've asked politely, you've asked again,
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  Speaker 3: you've patiently waited, you've even made a three, but finally.
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  Speaker 4: You lose it. Listen to me, you shout. In the practical.
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  Speaker 3: Webinar the Screaming Spiral, you'll learn the top reasons why
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  Speaker 3: your child isn't listening, and you'll get pro tips and
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  Speaker 3: strategies to get them to hear without yelling. Available on
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: the Happy Family's webshop.
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  Speaker 2: Now it's the Happy Famili's podcast, the podcast for the
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  Speaker 2: time poor parent who just wants answers Now. And I'm
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: looking at this list and I have to say, I'm
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  Speaker 2: quite surprised that number eleven is address an envelope?
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  Speaker 3: How did that make the list? But I'm just curious.
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  Speaker 3: Have our children ever address an envelope?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah?
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  Speaker 2: They have?
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  Speaker 3: Have they so they know how to address an Envelove
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  Speaker 3: you don't. I don't think that they do.
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  Speaker 4: They really? After this, we're gonna have to go and
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  Speaker 4: quiz them and find out they do.
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  Speaker 2: They still right to their friends in Woongong.
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  Speaker 4: All right, Okay, so the love putting stamps.
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  Speaker 2: I used to find stamps everywhere because Emily would find
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  Speaker 2: my stampfire.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, so out'm number ten is mail a package number
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  Speaker 3: eleven addressed and envelope, and number twelve, figure out postage
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  Speaker 3: and buy stamps.
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  Speaker 4: They haven't done that, but they that they had to.
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  Speaker 3: Go in to post office and get that done. Yeah, okay,
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  Speaker 3: all right, So here's another one, Number nineteen. Do our
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  Speaker 3: children know how to turn off an overflowing toilet?
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  Speaker 2: You know I'm going to come to their defense here, right.
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  Speaker 4: We had toilets that don't overflow.
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  Speaker 2: When we first moved here, we had a blowout?
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  Speaker 4: Did we did? We had a toilet that was blocked.
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  Speaker 4: There's no other way to say it, and I.
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  Speaker 2: Had no idea what to do. Obviously, I turned the
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  Speaker 2: tap off down down at the system, at the system,
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  Speaker 2: but there was just so much water, and we won't
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  Speaker 2: talk about what ourse. It was just it was awful.
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  Speaker 2: But that actually wasn't where I was going.
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  Speaker 4: Where are you going? Would our children have known how
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  Speaker 4: to turn that off?
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  Speaker 2: No?
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  Speaker 4: I don't think they were.
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  Speaker 2: There's no way. There's no way. But when we first
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  Speaker 2: moved here, we had a power shortage. Something had shorted
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  Speaker 2: the circuit, and all of a sudden I noticed that
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  Speaker 2: my beautiful fish pond outside our door was draining, and
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  Speaker 2: I didn't know what to do save the fish or
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  Speaker 2: try and stop the water from training.
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  Speaker 4: How are you going to stop the water from raining?
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  Speaker 2: And I had no idea where to go or what
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  Speaker 2: to do.
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  Speaker 4: So what did you do?
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  Speaker 2: I rang the owner?
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  Speaker 4: I rang the previous owner. So what I do? I said,
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  Speaker 4: count me. I don't want to lose my fish.
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  Speaker 3: So I mean that brings up another one. If the
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  Speaker 3: power goes out, do they know how to go back
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  Speaker 3: into the power box and flick the switch and fix
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  Speaker 3: up the short circuit?
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  Speaker 2: No, they don't. Our kids aren't going to do very well,
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  Speaker 2: are they.
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  Speaker 4: Well, maybe they need this.
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  Speaker 2: About number twenty four, do the laundry?
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  Speaker 4: I was so good. I was no good at doing that.
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  Speaker 4: Let me just say that straight up. And I still
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  Speaker 4: am not well.
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  Speaker 2: The story of the pink sheets.
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  Speaker 4: Will live on.
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  Speaker 3: They didn't used to be pink in the memory. If
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  Speaker 3: you kneed the story, walk away from anything.
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  Speaker 4: I love that one. I just think that's a great,
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  Speaker 4: great thing.
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  Speaker 3: But what about things like finding a doctor, or getting
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  Speaker 3: an account and or doing their taxes, or eating healthily
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: and resisting unhealthy food choices. I'm looking at you Abby
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: and your two minute noodles. I wonder if Abby's listening
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  Speaker 3: to this podcast right now. Manage subscription services like their
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Netflix and their stand Administer basic first aid, understand medical
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  Speaker 3: coverage completely LinkedIn profile.
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  Speaker 2: Write a resume, a dressed for an interview.
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  Speaker 3: There are other things like consume alcohol safely, get news
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  Speaker 3: birth control that's going to be relevant to so many
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  Speaker 3: of our young adults. And are we actually having the conversations.
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  Speaker 3: Do they know how to stay in touch with people properly,
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  Speaker 3: like remember that you actually have relationships.
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  Speaker 2: Know when to seek medical attention, and.
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  Speaker 4: The list goes on and on and on.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, prepared to be pulled over when you're driving. I'm
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  Speaker 2: not sure how we do that one.
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  Speaker 4: And do they know how to turn off a smoke lah?
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  Speaker 4: Oh gosh, I love this.
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  Speaker 3: At number sixty eight on the list says use a
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  Speaker 3: fire extinguisher. I still don't know how to use that.
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  Speaker 3: I wouldn't have a clue. I mean, I'm sure I
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  Speaker 3: could figure it out, but never had to do that before.
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  Speaker 2: You know what's interesting. I'm reading this list, and obviously
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  Speaker 2: there is very comprehensive and there's a bit of my
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  Speaker 2: merea but the reality is so much of these things
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: you learn as you go, Like, it's not the end
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  Speaker 2: of the world if your child leaves the house as
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: an eighteen or nineteen year old and doesn't know how
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: to do their taxes straight away, right yeah, because because.
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  Speaker 3: They ring dad and they say, how do I do
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  Speaker 3: my taxes? And Dad says, here's my cuntains call the account.
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  Speaker 2: So I think that you know, while the list is great,
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  Speaker 2: the reality is there are lots of things on that
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  Speaker 2: list that your children might not necessarily know, but doesn't
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  Speaker 2: make them less resilient or less prepared for the world.
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  Speaker 3: So grown and Flown dot Com and Lisa Heffernan, who
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  Speaker 3: has written the article, some great ideas and worth the conversation.
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  Speaker 3: But Kylie, your insight there, I think is the real
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: take home message from this conversation. This is the podcast
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  Speaker 3: for the time or parent who just once's answers now
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: And the answer is as a parent, you do your
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: best to teach your kids what you can, and then
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: when they move out, that's when they really discover how
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: much they don't know. And all they do is they
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: make a quick call through to you and you work
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: it out together.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: I don't know how many times I get a phone
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  Speaker 2: call from my daughter to say, Mum, can you tell
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  Speaker 2: me how to make that lamb roast again?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah?
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  Speaker 2: She's always ringing for recipes? Or can you just remind
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  Speaker 2: me how am I supposed to do the white sauce?
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  Speaker 2: And you know what, I actually love it.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I love that she wrings me and she wants to
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  Speaker 2: kind of ask for my advice.
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  Speaker 4: So maybe that's the solution.
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  Speaker 3: Teach them just enough to get them out of the house,
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  Speaker 3: but not quite enough so they never call.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I love it.
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  Speaker 3: The website that we are quoting from is Grown and Flowing.
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  Speaker 3: Will share a link to the actual page in the
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: shown notes. We really hope that today's conversation has sparked
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: some ideas and giving you something to smile about as
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: you think about your own in aptitude when you left
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: home and how your kids are going right now if
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: they were suddenly forced to try to do it a
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: little bit on their own as well. The Happy Famili's
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from Bridge Media. Craig
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: Bruce is our executive producer, and if you'd like more
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: information about making your family happier, we love it if
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: you join US at Happy Families dot com, dot a