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Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Yashar: The Cost of Cynicism 6.21.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  We've been doing step by step. We've been using our Blankensky
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  step it as a wave, going step by step in the development of life.
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  And Severus O'hortio Shea, which he gives you the way of a
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  straight person, the way of a developed person, and he goes
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  through every letter in the olive it and he gives you a
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  lesson based on that letter. So calf had a lot of things.
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  It had cavorta, their parents cavorta, rabbis cavorta.
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  It had avoiding costs, which is anger.
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  Now we move on to Lamid. Lamid gives you the law on the
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  topic of LED Sanut. What's LED Sanut ridiculing,
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  joking around. Now you wonder what's so severe
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  and what's so significant about being a person Who ridicules?
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  Who makes fun of, who jokes around?
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  Who says it's wisecracks? What's so bad?
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  Is it that bad? It's not bad to be a let's to be
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  a person who says a wisecrack. What's a big deal?
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  So I make fun of things this time.
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  So I have a sense of humor, so to speak.
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  So I comment so bad makes people happy.
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  It makes, you know, at some degree it makes people laugh.
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  It makes you a chuckle, right? Let's see the issue on the topic
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  about listening. There's nothing wrong with a
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  sense of humor. If you're very clear, there's
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  nothing wrong with comedy. There's nothing wrong with
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  having a good time. In fact, they came out in the
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  Midash brings it to us. The rabbis, before they would
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  say their class, they would start off with a joke from the
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  time of thinking about. I'm talking about.
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  Yeah. They start off with a wisecrack
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  just to get people going. Nothing wrong.
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  Yeah. And Shiva by yourself.
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  OK, that makes sense. But now let's see the concept of
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  LED sanut, which is mockery, which is not only mockery, it's
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  all idea making wisecracks. Let's see how it can be very
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  destructive. And you can imagine where we're
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  going. Let's see it together.
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  Yeah. Shanashim There are people who
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  respond to their friends, but they're logged Valette Sanut to
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  making fun of and to mockery the Gamma, and it also includes the
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  people who are greater than them.
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  They make fun of them as well. The Zeba This comes from the
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  foolish arrogance. In other words, the idea of
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  making a mockery means I believe what they are saying, who they
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  are is less than me. If I can make fun of them, that
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  means I consider myself in this area better than them.
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  That's just wait. Now whether I realize that or
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  not, that's a different story. But that's what I'm saying.
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  When I make that joke, when I make fun of us, it's almost as a
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  comment. It's almost as a statement,
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  sometimes as a speech. And I make a joke in the back of
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  the room. What I am in a sense saying is
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  his words are worthless and I know better.
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  And that's an issue. Shiroshim people think of
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  themselves. Shihan mahamim.
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  Mikola Olam, it's smarter than everyone, like any foolish
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  person thinks it's Kumarska to says.
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  I saw a person who's wise in his own eyes to Kabali and his he's
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  pretty much the most foolish person around.
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  That's how life works. The guy makes fun of other
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  people, and he's saying so standing on his, you know,
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  made-up podium, standing on his soapbox, making fun of other
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  people. In reality, what he is, he is in
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  a sense, Dumber than all of them.
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  As he's telling you, the hoshev. And the person, when he makes
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  these comments, thinks Shaydel ET sanut maxiquim otola hakam
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  part of this person's mindset. What he makes fun of is that he
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  thinks in his own mind that I am putting them down.
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  I'm showing who's smart and people will look at me and say,
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  wow, he always very, you know, very critical.
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  He has always a good thing to say.
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  He's a smart, he's a sharp angle.
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  He's sharp and the person thinks of himself when he makes that
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  wisecracker, he thinks of himself, that he's actually
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  smarter and people are going to think of himself as smarter.
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  This is the reality and the mindset of people.
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  This is what he says. Then he doesn't realize that
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  it's actually the opposite. It's a sign of foolishness to be
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  a guy who makes comments, to be a guy who blurts out a line, be
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  a guy who is wisecrack that person, He thinks he's smarter
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  than them and he thinks that other people are going to see as
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  a small person. And in reality, it's the exact
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  opposite. It's a sign of being a fool
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  chronic, as he's telling you in this epic.
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  These are things for many sources of ghazal, but the idea
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  is simple. A person in their mind wants to
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  be prominent, a person in their mind who wants to be a big deal.
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  So you got a guy that gets up there some stage and he makes a
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  whole big dramatic speech. And you're sitting there in the
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  back of the room, let you say argument's sake.
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  You're a colleague. That's argument's sake.
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  You're an equal, right? I just say, and now you're
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  hearing this person make this whole major speech and you're
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  watching as the room is getting enamored, right?
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  You're seeing the whole room. They're all taken by the speech
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  in your mind, the back of your mind thinking to self.
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  Everyone's so impressed. Everyone makes such a big deal
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  by this guy. You're not a big deal.
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  So you make a line, say a line, you make a joke.
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  All right. Your goal is to you know in your
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  mind to bring normals into the room to bring Saturn into the
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  room to make bring things down in reality.
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  You're trying to make yourself seem smart.
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  And really what we're doing is showing our own flaws because
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  the person who has his approach is somebody that people
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  eventually get turned off from. This is the reality he's telling
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  you from the words of ghazal. And the truth is, it's from what
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  we've all seen in our own lives as well.
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  You've seen people this way, cynical people, critical people,
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  people make fun of. And really what they're doing
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  for themselves is only taking themselves down.
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  We'll see. Approaching second God sounds
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  like jealousy, Rabbi built on that.
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  It's built on if you go deep, it's built on a couple of
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  things. It depends, right?
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  It depends who's making the joke, who's saying the line.
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  Really depends on that very important point.
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  If it's coming for someone who's bigger than the speaker or
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  bigger than the person he's talking about and maybe
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  disapproval, OK, that might be from a good place.
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  If it's coming for someone who's a colleague, whether he really
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  is a colleague or not, that's in his own mind.
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  Doesn't make a difference if you're an equal, if you're an
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  equal of your friend, your sibling, someone around, he's
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  sitting by the table together. And if we all equals, right, and
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  you make a comment about that person, you make a joke about
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  that person, you make a response to his statement, all those
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  things, right? I once gave a speech somewhere
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  and someone got up and said something like, well, that was
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  long, right? He was trying to 'cause I was
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  really talking about him. It wasn't a bad thing because he
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  was like uncomfortable. So he said that.
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  That's basically saying you're, you're not really sure where you
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  are. You're not really sure what
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  you're saying. I didn't take it the wrong way.
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  It was all fine, but it was a strange, you know, response And
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  people do that, right, You know, And that's the idea is you have
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  sounds like it's still bothering you.
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  No, it's not bothering me at all.
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  Didn't bother me at all, really. If you knew the person where it
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  came from, it didn't bother me at all.
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  He was just uncomfortable, that's all.
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  It was his own way of trying to ease it in his tongue.
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  He was trying to ease into his own speech and that was his, you
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  know, way of doing it. Interesting.
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  Why, but I was waiting on the less fine.
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  But the idea is like this. Think about where you're
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  standing when you're saying that line, where that person standing
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  where they're saying that comment a line, the mockery, the
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  joke about the other person's statement as follows.
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  Like we said, if you're bigger, if the commenter is higher up
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  and he very well might be disapproval, fine, that's OK.
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  That's the process if they're even.
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  And like we said, it just means even in your own mind and the
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  person making that comment, very possibly, in fact, most most
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  definitely, it's probable that that person with that comment is
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  built on jealousy, jealousy or insecurity.
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  In other words, a sense of I feel uncomfortable watching this
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  person be so successful or be so dramatic and taking over the
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  room. It bothers me to drop.
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  So I'm going to say a line, I'm going to say a comment.
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  I'm going to say a thing. That's just the way people are.
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  And people try to take other people down by saying they're
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  coming. Now, why is this topic so
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  severe? There's a third type in a
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  second. Why is this topic so severe?
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  Why is it so bad to make jokes? This is the reality.
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  You've heard the line before. That's another hot Doha.
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  One joke can take down 100 lessons.
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  That means like this. Let's say you have a rabbi, you
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  have a robber that you listen to his classes all the time, right?
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  There's those classes. His classes are about the
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  importance of being a good father, right?
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  He has a father series. He could take his father there.
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  So he gives a class in general, right on cue, he gives a class
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  about being good father. He's been doing it for six
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  months. You've gone to his class every
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  day for six months. You're learning a lot from him.
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  You're really applying it how to be a good father.
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  Then someone just in passing says, oh, him, he's giving you a
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  class about how to be a good father.
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  You ever seen his kids? You ever seen the way you treat
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  them? A line like that?
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  Even Brenda, I bet you they just say like this.
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  I bet you he's not the best father himself.
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  They don't say. They don't have a fact.
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  They never saw him. They don't know where he lives.
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  I bet you're not the best father himself, right?
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  How destructive is that line in your mind?
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  You know how destructive the line is.
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  Potentially it can erase six months of lessons.
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  Those lessons that went in, you say they went in already and you
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  accepted them. No.
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  Those lessons are all predicated on the person.
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  That's how it works. Lessons are very much based on
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  the example. When you hear something from
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  someone, especially if you wanted to be effective, they're
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  not a mouthpiece. Today especially, speakers are
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  not mouthpieces. They are people, and the power
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  of their speech is that you're absorbing that person and their
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  message. In fact, if you go deeper, just
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  as a side point, the psychology of speaking today has changed.
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  It used to be a speaker never said a thing about his personal
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  life. Not a single thing.
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  All right, I know my father. In the early days, you would not
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  know what his personal life was at all.
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  Not a single thing. Maybe once in a while.
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  Now every speech is all personal.
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  It's extreme the other way, probably someone in the middle,
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  maybe the better way in general, but what's the idea?
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  Why to change? What's the psychology of
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  speakers? Psychology of speakers is that
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  you want to absorb the person you almost like you want to take
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  a part of him in that area and a part of him in that area.
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  And so when he tells you how he had an experience with his
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  children and how to be a good father based on that, you're
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  taking them with you. If I tell you that them they're
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  not such a good father themselves, what I do, I just
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  destroyed the power of their words.
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  Gone. Goodbye, Charlie.
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  And it could be 6 months, it could be 6 years.
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  It could be a lifetime. There are people that I'm close
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  to who code to me. They're rabbis, OK.
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  And it so happens to be. I know they're rabbis.
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  I happen to know the rabbi's history in his past.
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  And I'd be honest, fully honest with you, I do not hold of their
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  rabbi. I do not approve of him.
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  Certainly things in his life I don't approve.
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  And I have to hold my tongue before I make a comment when
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  they're talking with the rabbit said this and I said that.
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  All right, what? After all my tongue?
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  Because I know that they're always not doing anything
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  destructive with them. I know the situation.
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  And if I say a word, it's going to ruin.
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  It's going to take down the entire source of inspiration.
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  That's a very destructive thing. So the reason you don't want to
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  be a person who makes comments, who says jokes, who makes fun of
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  things that people say that they're impressed by is because
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  they could take down their inspiration.
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  Yeah. But you say, you know what, OK,
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  I'm not the jealous type. Leave that out.
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  If I'm a colleague, I'm jealous for sure.
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  Ignore what I have to say. That's jealousy nonsense.
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  But what's the big deal? Me saying a comment, I want
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  people to be real. I don't want people to get so
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  enamored they get so enamored they get so, you know, I believe
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  today that we get. So overall, when we swept into
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  what people have to say and who people are, it's overdoing it.
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  Maybe I should take them down the size of drop.
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  The reality is you had the questions to me.
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  Let's say I have someone who they get very inspired by their
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  sermon rabbi, they get overwhelmingly inspired and I
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  know everything against him, but I should take him down a drop
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  because he's not that big a deal.
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  Whatever. Maybe the way it works is like
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  this. Hashem wants to send lessons to
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  his people. How does God's change people?
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  Through these mouthpieces, through these people.
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  So God is using these people as a vehicle to deliver his
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  message. If we start making everything
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  real and we start saying, oh, he thinks he knows that topic so
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  well. Did he ever learn that topic?
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  And he thinks he's the best father.
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  Has he ever experienced fatherhood the right way?
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  And he thinks he's the best business advisor.
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  Has he ever run a business? And he started taking these
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  things down to earth. You know what's going to happen?
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  People will not get better because of that.
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  What you think they will, because I've become more real,
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  people will become less inspired and therefore less uplifted.
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  God has a way. The route on itself might have
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  to up his game. That's a private thing between
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  the rabbi and Hashem. But for us, we can look at the
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  situation and say God has a way of inspiring people.
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  God has a way of lifting people up.
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  Let them be the vehicles. You do not need to be the fact
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  checker on every single piece of information.
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  You're not like by the by the debates.
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  They have that part. They have to have a thing on the
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  screen as they're doing debates. What does it say there?
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  You know, 6 lies over here and seven lies over there, which is
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  a wild thing that they're allowed to have, right?
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  But you don't need to be that guy.
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  Let people be inspired. It's all OK.
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  Hashem will be there to protect people from falling in with the
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  wrong person. If you see someone who's
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  dangerous, different story. If you see someone investing in
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  the wrong thing, different story.
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  But someone's getting inspired. It's all good.
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  Overwhelmingly it's good. And the theme is is that when
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  you take them down and when you make fun of something, when you
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  ridicule, just saying a joke, like oh, him.
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  Oh, yeah, just oh, him. Got that two words.
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  Oh him. You don't even say what you're
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  saying about Oh, him. Oh, him.
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  Better yet, you can even make a face.
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  I roll. Exactly.
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  Roll your eyes. It can destroy.
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  I'm telling you, I met. It can destroy a decade of
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  Musar. Can you imagine?
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  For purpose. Just because I want the world to
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  be honest or just because I, I'm a little jealous of him and
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  we're colleagues. This is a real challenge that
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  exists today. It's all over the place.
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  You go to your Shiva, they say you know what the rabbi said and
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  someone says with the rabbi, So what you got to do?
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  Did you ever learn yeshiva? Did you ever you ever learn the
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  Halakhar properly? Who said all these things?
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  And these are so common. They're beyond common and
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  they're all based on the same theme.
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  Someone taking something down. Now they take things down
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  because they may be above taking it down because they don't, they
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  don't approve. It's one level colleague, and
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  the third level is the most important level.
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  We'll stop it to this third level is people take things down
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  because they don't want to change.
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  Why would I ridicule Moussard inspiration?
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  Because I don't want to hear it. I don't want to have to change.
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  I don't want to be told the truth.
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  It's uncomfortable, makes me feel uncomfortable.
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  And therefore, let me say about them one liner that can push
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  things at Bay. If you want to keep things the
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  way they always were and the way they always want to be, you want
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  to keep life the same. All you got to do is push away
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  all the inspiration and say that's not a real story.
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  Who said that's true? All these stories today, they
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  always seem so perfect. They're not real.
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  Push it away. That rabbi, what do you learn?
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  Not real. That one.
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  He doesn't address all topics out.
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  He he talks about his family, family not that awesome.
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  I'll see you later. And 1 by 1 you push them all
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  away. And what do you do?
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  You keep yourself the same and people like to be the same
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  because it's uncomfortable to change.
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  It's not comfortable to develop. It's not feel good.
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  Even though at the end of time, at the end of life, you know it
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  don't change what it was worth. The whole job is to change.
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  People don't like it. And therefore the third reason
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  people make jokes and make comments is because they do not
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  want to develop ready yet. They don't want to be
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  uncomfortable and no one's skin and therefore they make fun of.
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  And our job is look at the situation and realize I should
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  not make comments about inspiring situations, even if I
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  don't approve. OK, I have a way of getting my
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  point across without making the comment to take things down.
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  Definitely not if I'm a colleague and definitely not if
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  I'm someone who's less than someone who's maybe a congregant
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  with someone who's under that person.
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  And all I'm really displaying is a lack of willingness to change.
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  I should not make that comment because what I'm doing is I'm
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  keeping these at Bay but not gonna develop myself at all.
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  He's an ideas. Stop with this.