Latest / Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50 / NOBODY'S THINKING ABOUT YOU (AND OTHER FUN THEORIES FOR WOMEN OVER 50)

Transcript

NOBODY'S THINKING ABOUT YOU (AND OTHER FUN THEORIES FOR WOMEN OVER 50) · Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50

• 0:04
  Welcome to Uncluttered and Unfiltered, the podcast urging
• 0:08
  you to let it go and don't look back, with nationally acclaimed
• 0:12
  professional organizer Christine Stone and self-proclaimed Hot
• 0:17
  Damn Mess radio and TV personality Eden Kendall.
• 0:21
  Welcome everyone to Uncluttered and Unfiltered with a podcast
• 0:24
  for women over 50 with professional organizer Christine
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  Stone and My Name Is Eden. I do this and I do that.
• 0:30
  A lot of it is on TV and on the radio and also right here on
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  this podcast. And today I'm going to make an
• 0:38
  excuse for all of my scrolling. I'm actually going to put
• 0:42
  purpose behind the mindless time that I spend scrolling through
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  Instagram and TikTok and tell you some of these theories that
• 0:53
  I have been coming across and see what you think of them, OK?
• 0:56
  I love it. I I'm a scroller too, so I'm not
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  going to judge you. OK, good.
• 1:01
  Because some of these, it's like, I don't even know why it
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  would land on a page that's talking about this particular
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  theory, but I think that some of them are really interesting.
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  So I want to start out with one called the spotlight effect.
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  Do you have any idea what that could be about the spotlight
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  effect? As no, I have no idea.
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  OK, so the spotlight effect is about when we overestimate what
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  other people are thinking about US versus how little they do
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  think. Remember that old quote that
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  said if you knew how little someone thought about you, you
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  wouldn't? Or if you wouldn't worry what
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  someone thought of you, you knew how little they actually did.
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  It's kind of like that. You have to think when your
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  picture, a spotlight is on somebody and when you're
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  standing in their light, they see you.
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  But the minute you step out of that spotlight, you've
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  disappeared to them. You're not on their mind, You're
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  not in their mentality. So all of those times that
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  you've said, oh, did I say something stupid just then?
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  Or they must think I'm just an idiot, or I wonder what they
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  thought of my outfit. The moment you're out of their
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  spotlight, out of their circle, you're gone.
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  But don't you think you've learned that as you got older?
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  Yes. Like now IA 100% know that no
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  one thinks about anything once you're out of the picture.
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  And even in the picture, they may pretend they're listening,
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  but they really aren't. But you don't realize that when
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  you're in your 20s and in your 30s, even in your early 40s, you
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  think everybody can remember everything you talked about
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  every like, remember when you'd go out drinking the next
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  morning, you'd be like, what did I say?
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  What did I do? You people don't, They're like,
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  what? What do you mean?
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  And you're like, well, you didn't.
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  No, I don't remember. People don't invest that kind of
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  energy. And you don't really get it till
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  you're older. That's so correct.
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  In fact, I remember I'm seeing an event at a big a big park we
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  have here in our city where they were lighting a Christmas tree
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  and I flubbed one of the the numbers.
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  I think I said there was like 5000 lights when there were
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  50,000 lights or something like that.
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  And I'm kicking myself afterward.
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  And then the woman who sang Silent Night said, Oh my gosh,
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  did you hear me go flat on this key?
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  And I'm thinking, no, I was too busy worrying about the fact
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  that I gave a wrong number, right?
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  So people are not thinking, how did you mess up?
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  They're thinking about how did I mess up, if they even are
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  thinking about it at all. Right.
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  I don't think they're thinking about it at all.
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  I know, I know, and that's something you have to learn.
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  But if you can get ahead of that early on, share that with your
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  daughter, share that with your niece or your grandchild.
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  I mean, the spotlight effect is a real a real thing.
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  You know, I'm not I ran into a million people in the past week
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  and if somebody said something that they are embarrassed about,
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  I sure am not ruminating on it. I.
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  Don't remember it right exactly. And and not only that, I do feel
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  like as you get older, you're being polite A lot of times
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  you're like listening, but you're not retaining the
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  information because I've always told you my brain's like a
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  computer. It can only retain so much right
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  now, and it has to be like really important, serious
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  things. That can't be like someone
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  thinking they said something strange or weird or they acted
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  weird. I wouldn't even.
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  That wouldn't even be something that I'd even remember.
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  I, I, I have never had a conversation where somebody has
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  said, you know, I ran into so and so and they were acting
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  awkward, right? You know, it was, I mean, that
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  never happens unless there was a really important back story.
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  I totally agree. That's one of them.
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  OK, so another theory that I saw online was this was a
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  psychologist or a psychiatrist talking about an exercise he
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  does with patients called the Miracle question.
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  Have you ever heard of this? No, I've never heard of this and
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  I'm a scroller so I'm a little shocked I haven't seen any of.
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  This you know, we all have our algorithms.
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  Well, that's true. That's.
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  True. Some reason this one found me.
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  I don't know if I. Was and with me they found, you
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  know, crime shows anyway. Exactly.
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  It's not going to tell me how to dispose of a body the way it's
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  going to tell you. It's going to tell me what to.
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  Yeah. So the miracle question is the
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  psychologist will ask the patient or the client to pretend
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  they went to bed last night and in the night a miracle happened
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  and solved whatever the problem is that they came in for.
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  So what is the first thing they're going to notice the next
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  day? Now I'm thinking, obviously if
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  they're there because they're trying to get over a grieving
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  relative and the miracle was bring them back.
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  I don't think you can get into all that.
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  I think they're there. It has to be something a little
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  bit more plausible. Maybe.
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  I don't know because because I'm not a psychiatrist or a
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  psychologist, I don't know. But I think it's so interesting
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  to think like if if I went to sleep tonight and something
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  miraculous happened, what would be different tomorrow?
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  Like what would that miracle need to be?
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  What would it look like? Well, if I won the lottery, that
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  would make a big difference. A big difference.
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  A huge. Difference.
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  OK, so, so let's take that as the example again.
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  We do not have any kind of license or education to this up,
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  but let's take that as an example.
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  You won the lottery. So the first way you're going to
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  notice you didn't know what happened because it happened
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  overnight, right? That's what I if the money's in
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  your bank account, let's say you already in your sleep, you went
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  down there, they put the money in your bank account.
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  Wow. I mean, what's going to change?
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  Are you going to not stress about a bill?
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  Are you going to what? What are you going to do
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  differently? And and can you emulate?
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  There's a lot of things I would do a little bit differently and
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  I don't think it's because life is all about money.
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  I don't. It's just, here's the thing I've
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  learned through life. Life just makes living.
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  Money just makes life easier. It doesn't mean you're not going
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  to have problems or people aren't going to get sick or
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  they're not going to die. It just makes your life more
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  comfortable. And I think it takes too much
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  privilege to not think that way. Right, right.
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  Because in reality and it's not about buying houses and cars and
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  stuff. I think in my mind at my age, it
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  would be like, oh, a healthcare it it wouldn't even be an issue
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  because I could pay for everything out of pocket.
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  I wouldn't have to like do and you know, and that's because my
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  mindset right now is like looking at that or oh, you know,
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  maybe I could build like I've always wanted to do a family
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  compound where your kids can live in their own house, but on
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  your property, but each of them have their own houses, but
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  you're all on the same property. So I would do the compound
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  thing. I mean, it wouldn't be about
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  frivolous things though, because I just, I don't know.
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  I don't think that would be anything I would think about.
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  But that's the only thing I could think about that would
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  change miraculously, unless overnight you had an illness and
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  they took the illness away. That'd be a whole different
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  story. Sure.
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  Well I can see where in counseling sessions this could
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  be a helpful conversation starter, but I also like the
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  idea. Like even apart from that, what
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  you just said about winning the lottery, if you're ever at a
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  happy hour or whatever, that would be a fun ice breaker.
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  Oh, yeah, yeah, all these are all these are great Ice
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  Breakers. So yeah, I'm not exactly sure.
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  And the next time we have a, a therapist on, we'll have to ask
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  exactly how that would be utilized.
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  Or we can go online and and research it further.
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  But I thought it was an interesting conversation starter
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  because really, if, if all your problems were to be solved, is
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  there one thing that could solve them?
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  And if not, what would you do differently if the problem
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  that's plaguing you right now went away?
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  I mean, me, for me winning the lottery would definitely help
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  because I even though I know I don't need their potatoes,
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  continue to feel right when my kids are like my son's truck
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  broke down and you know, my daughter's leases up.
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  And you know, to be able to know that that it's just there's a
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  lot going on in the world. That money is not a cure all,
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  but it would be helpful to make sure that some people were taken
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  care of. And life is just more
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  comfortable. And you're like me, you're a
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  giver. So, you know, if you had extra
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  money, you would want to really help other people.
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  Even if it was like for me, I would want to.
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  I always told my husband this, I would like to have a building.
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  I, I volunteer at the homeless shelter.
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  I always wanted like a wing of a building, you know, the stone
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  building, annex or whatever, you know, helping other people I
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  think makes you feel good about yourself, especially when you're
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  older because you're not going to live much longer.
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  You know, you, you need to do something with the money because
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  it's not all going to be, you know, you can't spend it all in
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  your lifetime, so. I had AI came across something
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  else that was very interesting scrolling.
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  Hadn't thought of it until you just said that, but it was
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  somebody who said what would you do if you were given X amount of
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  money and it was like a billion dollars.
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  You are not allowed to give any to charity.
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  Not allowed, not allowed, you can't.
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  So this person said what they would do is they would get a job
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  and donate all of their everything they earned because
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  they would no longer need to work to support themselves so
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  that they would get a job and every single thing they earned,
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  they would get to charity. So it's not nearly, you know,
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  but what, how much can you possibly earn?
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  But I was. Trying to say.
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  There's all this stuff that'll keep you.
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  I agree. The the other thing that I came
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  across that I loved, I loved this one adult Girl Scouts and
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  the woman that posted it and we will definitely share her
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  information in our show notes. The woman that posted the
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  original reel talking about if there were adult Girl Scouts,
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  what would some of the badges be?
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  She just did a follow up saying she's starting it and it's
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  called Joy Scouts. OK.
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  And she is going to be mailing people actual badges.
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  But we asked you on our ladies only Facebook group, what do you
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  think some of the badges should be?
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  Cheryl says. Survived perimenopause, survived
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  menopause. And she wants a badge for both
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  of those. Oh I agree for badges.
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  I totally agree. How to How to take all your meds
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  correctly Correctly getting all of your medicine straight.
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  That's important. Mm hmm.
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  She, she wants Pam. That was from Janine.
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  Pam would like a badge that is for gardening, another one for
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  shopping, one for reading, one for animal rescue and one for
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  cocktails around the fire pit. Oh, I love that.
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  I love that. Joni wants one for decades of
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  friendship and support to support.
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  You for sticking, my friend? Yeah.
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  I think that's lovely. Leanne would like one for being
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  single after 50, she thinks. That's good.
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  That's a good one. Let's see, Sherry says,
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  navigating websites. Everybody should get a badge for
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  that if you're over 50. Uh huh, Lisa says project
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  management for planning weddings, family gatherings,
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  holidays and fundraisers. Yeah, I think every Christmas
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  that you host, you should. Get a hostage and.
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  When you are the guest like you just were recently last
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  Christmas, you should get a badge and then there should be 1
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  for sure for planning weddings. You planned a wedding.
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  You should have a badge you. Should get a badge.
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  I think my sash would be loaded because I I would love to have
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  this. I could go on for being, you
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  know, the grandma, for being, you know, the mom who stayed up
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  all night when your kids were sick like you.
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  You should get a badge for all these things, you know, for I, I
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  don't know. Forgetting your mammogram every
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  time? You get your mammogram.
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  Yeah, let's see, Cheryl also said planning a meal and cooking
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  it for the family over and over and over again.
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  Christine says she she had she went to an adult camp that's so
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  fun. She went to one of these adult
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  camps and got. I would love that.
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  It's funny that you said that because there was something
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  online where adult where they have opened up a pom pom camp,
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  not camp classes where they give you pom poms and you dance into.
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  So I sent it to my daughter. I said, Oh my God, I would love
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  to do that class. And of course, she wrote back, I
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  wouldn't do the class, but I'd be there to videotape the whole
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  thing. I, I love all these things that
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  they're coming up with that are things that you did when you
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  were young, but now it's, you're doing them when you're older.
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  Can you see me and you with like silver pom poms, like doing like
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  dance routines? Absolutely.
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  It would be so fun. I would totally do it.
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  I would totally do it. Me too.
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  And did you see the documentary on shoot?
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  What is the The Villages? The Villages is a retirement
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  community right down the road from us in Central Florida.
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  And did you see this? Stuff, no, I didn't see that,
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  although I know there's some crazy stuff going on down.
• 15:18
  There crazy stuff. So evidently this this
• 15:20
  retirement community has their own STD that's a strain.
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  That just lives within their community.
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  But that this documentary showed them having like, they have all
• 15:28
  these different clubs. They have the the group that'll
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  do like the drums on the ball, the big blow up ball and they
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  hit it with like drumsticks. And then there are dance groups,
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  there's Jimmy Buffett groups, there are all these different
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  clubs. And dances.
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  And then they showed the there were a couple of guys, what they
• 15:45
  call, oh gosh, on one of the dating apps that I was scrolling
• 15:50
  through, the one about are we dating the same guy?
• 15:52
  Apps which? They took.
• 15:54
  They call them, oh, it's called a homosexual.
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  A homosexual is a guy. He just wants to live with you
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  and stay on your couch. He's not really interested in
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  you. He's a hobo.
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  He's a homosexual. And so there was a guy that they
• 16:09
  showed and he was like just hanging out by the pool.
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  He's homeless but he would like ensnare all of these women in
• 16:15
  the villages into these love affairs so that he could stay at
• 16:18
  their place. OK, I think you would need a
• 16:21
  badge for that. Yeah, exactly.
• 16:24
  You would need a badge if you survive that.
• 16:26
  Yeah, yeah, for sure. So anyway, so those are just a
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  couple of the fun theories that I saw.
• 16:32
  There are some really funny things that are happening over
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  on our our Facebook page. I have to say, if you're not a
• 16:37
  part of it, I think you should get over there and and become a
• 16:40
  part of it, because we're not the ones doing all the posting.
• 16:43
  You guys are doing the posting. It's pretty funny.
• 16:46
  It's so great, I love all the suggestions and ideas.
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  Well, there was one, actually. Let me see who Pamela.
• 16:53
  I think it was, yes. She wanted a decluttering badge.
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  Oh, Pamela, I love that I agree. So as long as we're talking
• 17:02
  about the decluttering badge, we always try to share some
• 17:05
  organizing information. If the entire episode isn't
• 17:09
  about it, we'd like to give you a little nugget at the end.
• 17:12
  So what do you have for us today?
• 17:14
  Today we're going to, because we're spring cleaning, at least
• 17:17
  I have been on a major spring cleaning.
• 17:20
  We're going to talk about spring cleaning and getting all your
• 17:24
  cleaning supplies organized and how you kind of do that.
• 17:28
  So my favorite things to do, so I'm just going to share what I
• 17:32
  do is number 1, I keep all my items in the laundry room.
• 17:36
  But if you don't have a laundry room because a lot of people
• 17:38
  don't, then you just find shelves, cabinets, but it has to
• 17:43
  all be in the same area and grabbing a caddy.
• 17:48
  They're very inexpensive. Keeping your everyday cleaning
• 17:52
  supplies like stuff you clean the toilet with the mirrors, you
• 17:56
  know, anything you clean the shower with things that are all
• 17:59
  the time. That way you're just having to
• 18:02
  grab 1 caddy and it just, it's easy to store away And then when
• 18:07
  you run out of something you can just refill it.
• 18:10
  So that's my number one thing then how to keep it organized.
• 18:15
  Go through every single cleaning product.
• 18:19
  This is such a great spring cleaning time to do it too.
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  And if something's really old and the cans rusted or the tops
• 18:27
  rusted, get rid of it. If it only has like 1 little bit
• 18:30
  left, get rid of it. And really go through and pare
• 18:35
  down all of your cleaning supplies.
• 18:37
  Because one thing I see a lot when I go into people's houses,
• 18:41
  they have so many cleaning supplies and when we go through,
• 18:44
  honestly, they get rid of half of them.
• 18:46
  They're like, I don't even know why I have this.
• 18:48
  I don't ever use this. I don't even know what this is
• 18:51
  for to clean. So really going through and
• 18:54
  getting rid of those old things. Then once you decide what you're
• 18:57
  keeping, that's when the cabinet, the closet in your
• 19:01
  laundry room, wherever you have to keep all your cleaning, even
• 19:05
  if it's a shelf in the garage is you want to keep like items
• 19:09
  together. This will save time and it'll
• 19:11
  save money. So all in a container labeled
• 19:15
  floor like keeping all your flora products together, all
• 19:18
  your vacuum accessories together, all your rags
• 19:21
  together, anything that's of a like item, keeping it together
• 19:26
  and labeling it, it promise you will prevent over buying because
• 19:30
  if you can see everything you own, you're not going to buy
• 19:34
  more. And the last thing, and this is
• 19:36
  something I do, is I have back stock, but of only my favorite,
• 19:41
  favorite things that I repurchase all the time.
• 19:46
  And I keep them organized in bins so that instead of buying
• 19:51
  things at the grocery store, I shop there first.
• 19:53
  So whether it's Dawn power wash or anything for the dishwasher,
• 20:00
  anything that I use that I love that I cannot live without, I
• 20:06
  keep just a few. Now that doesn't mean I go to
• 20:08
  Costco and get 20 of them because I don't wear empty
• 20:11
  nesters. But you always want to keep your
• 20:15
  back stock organized as well, so you're not buying more of what
• 20:20
  you already have. Okay, so you are allowed to take
• 20:23
  advantage of a BOGO, you just have to have a plan.
• 20:26
  You have to have a plan. So like I bought dishwashing
• 20:30
  rinse the other day because it was a BOGO and it's my
• 20:33
  dishwashing rinse that I use all the time.
• 20:36
  But I didn't, I only had one left, which was under the
• 20:39
  kitchen sink. So when I did the BOGO, that
• 20:42
  went in my back stock. Now I would have never bought
• 20:45
  four of them because I mean, it's dishwasher rinse, you know
• 20:50
  what I mean? So yeah, you can definitely have
• 20:52
  back stock. Now that means like when I say
• 20:55
  favorites, it's the ones you buy on repeat.
• 20:58
  I would not have a bunch of back stock of items you just want to
• 21:01
  try. That doesn't make sense.
• 21:04
  Right of. Course no.
• 21:06
  OK, well there you go. See, even your cleaning supplies
• 21:09
  need to clean up every now and again and and I get it because
• 21:12
  what what is it CRCLR is that the?
• 21:15
  Name of this? Yeah.
• 21:17
  The other day I could have sworn I had some and then I almost
• 21:20
  went and bought it and I because I couldn't find it right away.
• 21:24
  But then I found it so I didn't buy it.
• 21:26
  Now that stuff is not cheap. No.
• 21:29
  And so I'm glad that I was able to find it.
• 21:31
  It's not that everything was scattered, I just had to move a
• 21:34
  few things around, but that goes.
• 21:35
  Well that's why Lazy Susan's are all so great in cabinets because
• 21:40
  I have them in my laundry room cabinet.
• 21:42
  That way you can just spin it and see and you can keep
• 21:46
  cleaning Lazy Susan's so you can grab a sponge like you said,
• 21:51
  anything to clean. You can use Lazy Susan's for
• 21:55
  your cleaning supplies as well. OK, well, good.
• 21:59
  So we learned today a lot. We learned about adult Girl
• 22:02
  Scout badges. We learned about cleaning
• 22:05
  supplies being organized. We learned about the miracle
• 22:07
  theory, the spotlight theory. And that's where I think I'll
• 22:10
  use what I'll use the way we started the show to end the show
• 22:14
  today by saying, remember, you know, when you're thinking that
• 22:16
  somebody is marinating on something you said to them two
• 22:21
  days ago, you can let that go. And don't look back.