Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 355.Stop Arguing For Your Limitations & Do This Instead

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355.Stop Arguing For Your Limitations & Do This Instead · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:15
Speaker 1: Hey, beautiful beans, and welcome to the episode of today.
0:18
Speaker 1: So in today's episode, we're going to be talking about limitations.
0:21
Speaker 1: We're going to be talking about how to stop arguing
0:23
Speaker 1: for your limitations and what you can be doing instead.
0:26
Speaker 1: So this is to change what you think you are
0:28
Speaker 1: capable of having, what you think you're capable of achieving
0:31
Speaker 1: and also doing. So there's this writer called Richard, I
0:35
Speaker 1: think his surname is pronounced Bach, and he says, argue
0:38
Speaker 1: for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours. And I
0:42
Speaker 1: think that in a lot of situations in our life,
0:45
Speaker 1: I think that is very very accurate, meaning that the
0:49
Speaker 1: more you lean into something, or the more you bang
0:52
Speaker 1: on about something, whether it's good or whether it's bad,
0:54
Speaker 1: the more that thing is confirmed. Now I'm just going
0:58
Speaker 1: to dive straight into this topic for today's episode. I
1:00
Speaker 1: don't have a brain fact for today. I was just
1:02
Speaker 1: kind of getting really into this topic, so I didn't
1:06
Speaker 1: dedicate the time to do a brain fact. But I
1:09
Speaker 1: think I've got quite a bit to go through anyway,
1:11
Speaker 1: so it doesn't really matter, and I'm not going to
1:13
Speaker 1: do a life update. Life as well. All is good.
1:15
Speaker 1: Everyone's happy. Habib my dog is thrilled, so let's just
1:18
Speaker 1: get straight into it to the topic of today. I
1:37
Speaker 1: did want to speak about my audio book which is
1:41
Speaker 1: coming out very soon. It is called How to Chase
1:43
Speaker 1: Change Thirty Days to Master Your Mindset. This audiobook is
1:48
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you guys to do it. It's
1:51
Speaker 1: I think it's unreal. It goes for thirty days. You
1:54
Speaker 1: listen to roughly ten minutes a day for thirty days,
1:56
Speaker 1: and after every single session or module, you get either
2:01
Speaker 1: a piece of homework and exercise to do, or further
2:04
Speaker 1: resources for you to further your knowledge in that topic.
2:07
Speaker 1: But there is something, a task or a resource every
2:10
Speaker 1: single day for those thirty days you can be doing it.
2:13
Speaker 1: It can take you longer than the thirty days, but
2:15
Speaker 1: it is designed for by the end of that thirty
2:19
Speaker 1: day period, your life is absolutely transformed. You've got a
2:23
Speaker 1: much better understanding of who you are and what you want.
2:25
Speaker 1: If you want to pre order the book, just check
2:28
Speaker 1: the link in the bio and you can click on
2:30
Speaker 1: that link and pre order the book. It comes out
2:33
Speaker 1: September tenth, so get your pre orders in. I'm so
2:37
Speaker 1: excited and I can't wait to hear from you. Guys,
2:39
Speaker 1: and hear what you think about the books. So let's
2:44
Speaker 1: talk about limitations, because I think we all have them,
2:48
Speaker 1: and there's going to be limitations in your life that
2:50
Speaker 1: you absolutely can do nothing about. It's just like a
2:53
Speaker 1: fixed limitation. And then there's going to be limitations that
2:57
Speaker 1: are somewhat within your control. There's a whole different range
3:00
Speaker 1: of limitations, okay, But a limitation is basically a limiting
3:07
Speaker 1: rule or circumstance. It's a restriction, and it can also
3:11
Speaker 1: mean a limiting conditions, so a weakness, a lack of capacity,
3:15
Speaker 1: or an inability. So some of these things are completely
3:20
Speaker 1: out of your control, for example, your height. There might
3:24
Speaker 1: be certain things that you want to do but you
3:26
Speaker 1: can't because of your height. That's a fixed limitation within reason.
3:31
Speaker 1: But then there are some things that are within your control,
3:34
Speaker 1: and these are self imposed limitations, which I'm going to
3:38
Speaker 1: be speaking a lot to in this episode. But I
3:42
Speaker 1: think that all limitations, whether they're self imposed or not,
3:45
Speaker 1: you can deal within a different way, in a more
3:48
Speaker 1: productive way, okay. And there's a lot of limitations that
3:52
Speaker 1: fall somewhere in between where you might not have that
3:56
Speaker 1: much control over, but your actions around that limitation may
3:59
Speaker 1: have influenced the outcome of how you deal with that
4:02
Speaker 1: limitation and where you can get in your life. So
4:05
Speaker 1: it's not necessarily a sure thing, but there's chances that
4:08
Speaker 1: things can get better and chances that things can improve.
4:10
Speaker 1: And a really good example of this is sometimes you
4:12
Speaker 1: look at other people who seemingly have really big limitations
4:19
Speaker 1: to get to where they are, like they've overcome so
4:21
Speaker 1: many hurdles and so many obstacles to get to where
4:24
Speaker 1: they are, and you think, well, you know, there are
4:28
Speaker 1: examples out there of people that you would think started
4:32
Speaker 1: off worse off than everyone else, but almost use their
4:36
Speaker 1: limitations as I refuse to let this get in my way,
4:39
Speaker 1: so I'm going to find other ways around it to
4:41
Speaker 1: get to that same goal. I might not be able
4:43
Speaker 1: to get there in the same way that everyone else
4:45
Speaker 1: gets there, but because of this, it's actually pushing me
4:48
Speaker 1: to find other ways and be more resourceful, and I'm
4:50
Speaker 1: not only going to get there, but I'm going to
4:52
Speaker 1: get further. Okay, now let's talk about this idea of
4:56
Speaker 1: arguing for your limitations, whether they're self imposed or not.
4:59
Speaker 1: Are ueing for your limitations is when you create reasons
5:03
Speaker 1: or excuses for yourself to lean on so that way
5:07
Speaker 1: you don't do that thing that you could be doing
5:10
Speaker 1: or that you know that you probably should be doing.
5:14
Speaker 1: A really basic, low level example of this is I'm
5:19
Speaker 1: not going to go to the gym today because I've
5:20
Speaker 1: got a doctor's appointment in the middle of the morning,
5:23
Speaker 1: and that doctor's appointment breaks up my day. It's really
5:25
Speaker 1: limiting what I can do with my day. And if
5:29
Speaker 1: if anyone is like me, you know how tempting it
5:31
Speaker 1: is to revolve your day around one fucking appointment that
5:34
Speaker 1: takes like thirty minutes. I'm so big on you know.
5:37
Speaker 1: That was something that I would really see as a limitation.
5:39
Speaker 1: I'm getting so much better at it now because I've
5:42
Speaker 1: identified it as something that I've unnecessarily made a limitation.
5:46
Speaker 1: But there'll be like one scheduled phone call or one
5:48
Speaker 1: appointment and all of a sudden, my day. I just
5:51
Speaker 1: used to believe that I don't have control over my
5:54
Speaker 1: day like I wish I would, which is crazy because
5:57
Speaker 1: we're talking about a thirty minute time block that's like
5:59
Speaker 1: two percent of your day, and where here we are
6:02
Speaker 1: being like, oh no, I can't do anything. It's literally
6:04
Speaker 1: two percent off your day and I'm telling myself that I, oh,
6:07
Speaker 1: I can't do the things that I normally wanted to
6:09
Speaker 1: do because of that thing. And it's a common thing,
6:11
Speaker 1: because I've even seen memes about it where people are like, oh,
6:14
Speaker 1: you know how you behave when you've got to schedule
6:17
Speaker 1: your whole day around this one phone call in the afternoon.
6:20
Speaker 1: But that is one very low level example. But then
6:24
Speaker 1: they are much bigger limitations where, for example, you say
6:29
Speaker 1: I am an introvert, but then you actually want friends
6:33
Speaker 1: and you want to have people in your life. A
6:34
Speaker 1: lot of people say, oh, I'm an introvert, so I
6:36
Speaker 1: really struggle to make friends. Introverts don't struggle to make friends.
6:40
Speaker 1: Introverts just don't get their batteries charged when they're in
6:43
Speaker 1: social situations. It's got nothing to do with not wanting
6:46
Speaker 1: to be connected to other people. But a lot of
6:48
Speaker 1: people will say I really struggle to make friends because
6:51
Speaker 1: I'm an introvert, instead of thinking, okay, let's look at
6:54
Speaker 1: the bigger picture. Maybe I struggle to make friends because
6:57
Speaker 1: I've just not had a good history of it in
6:59
Speaker 1: the past of being able to make friends, or maybe
7:02
Speaker 1: I've had I've been burnt a few times, or maybe
7:05
Speaker 1: I was really bullied when I was younger and I
7:07
Speaker 1: didn't have friends as a kid, and now I've brought
7:09
Speaker 1: that into my adulthood and I just don't know where
7:11
Speaker 1: to begin. But it doesn't mean that you can't make friends.
7:14
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that there's no one out there that
7:16
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be your friend. It means that my
7:18
Speaker 1: history has led me to this place right now in
7:20
Speaker 1: my life where I believe that it's just not going
7:23
Speaker 1: to be possible for me. So now I just re
7:25
Speaker 1: confirm that belief by just doing more of the same, Okay,
7:29
Speaker 1: and you'll realize that. Well. Okay, one thing that I
7:33
Speaker 1: do want to say is before we go further, this
7:36
Speaker 1: is not this episode is not about shifting blame. Oh,
7:38
Speaker 1: it's your fault that this has happened. It's nothing to
7:41
Speaker 1: do with your fault, but it's about your responsibility. Okay.
7:45
Speaker 1: So just because you didn't cause something, it doesn't mean
7:48
Speaker 1: that it's not up to you to change it or
7:50
Speaker 1: to work around it, or to find a solution or
7:52
Speaker 1: to find another way. Okay. So often we get stuck
7:55
Speaker 1: in this thinking of it's not my fault. It's so unfair?
7:58
Speaker 1: Why me? All those things are true. It is not
8:00
Speaker 1: your fault. It is not fair, and yeah, why you? Okay,
8:04
Speaker 1: but the problem's not gonna resolve itself. So you can
8:07
Speaker 1: sit there and say, all these truths so unfair. Why
8:10
Speaker 1: did this happen to me? I treated this person so
8:11
Speaker 1: well and then I got burnt. They're all the truths.
8:14
Speaker 1: It's not like you're lying to yourself. But if you
8:16
Speaker 1: stay in that place, if you stay in that zone,
8:20
Speaker 1: unfortunately you're the one that suffers. Life is filled with contrast,
8:26
Speaker 1: good and bad. You're gonna get good things happen to you,
8:28
Speaker 1: you're gonna get bad things happen to you, and it's
8:30
Speaker 1: not your fault. But unfortunately, whether you like it or not,
8:34
Speaker 1: it is your responsibility to do something about it, because
8:38
Speaker 1: if you don't, no one will. No one's sitting there
8:41
Speaker 1: waiting for something to happen to you so they can
8:43
Speaker 1: jump in and fix it for you. That's not how
8:45
Speaker 1: it goes because everyone's got their own shit that they've
8:47
Speaker 1: got to deal with. Everyone's got their own you know, baggage,
8:52
Speaker 1: or their own limitations, their own everything. So for the
8:56
Speaker 1: most part, it's got nothing to do with blame. What
8:59
Speaker 1: this episode is. I don't want you to think that
9:01
Speaker 1: I'm saying, oh, it's your fault and because of this,
9:03
Speaker 1: and you've brought this upon yourself. No, you haven't. For
9:07
Speaker 1: the most part, you've not brought this upon yourself. Even
9:09
Speaker 1: if your behaviors have led to something bad happening. We
9:13
Speaker 1: just do what we know is best at the time.
9:15
Speaker 1: So I still don't think it's it's you know, beneficial
9:19
Speaker 1: to really be blaming yourself for where you are right
9:21
Speaker 1: now in like a like a really detrimental way. I
9:26
Speaker 1: think what is better is to look at the situation
9:29
Speaker 1: and say, oh, it makes sense that I'm in this
9:31
Speaker 1: situation because this is a all I know. B It's
9:35
Speaker 1: kind of what I was led to believe because of
9:37
Speaker 1: these circumstances. See, it's kind of what I was exposed
9:39
Speaker 1: to my whole life. But we're not here to shift blame,
9:42
Speaker 1: point the finger at anyone. We're just here to say,
9:45
Speaker 1: I'm the only one that can turn this around. And
9:47
Speaker 1: if I stay in this position of feeling like it's
9:49
Speaker 1: a limitation or feeling like I'm the victim, then it's
9:51
Speaker 1: never going to get turned around. Okay, you can't. You
9:57
Speaker 1: know you've got to be able to ask yourself or
9:59
Speaker 1: say to your self, it's my job to take care
10:02
Speaker 1: of myself. And while I didn't cause this, I can
10:05
Speaker 1: decide how I'm going to live with this moving forward. Okay,
10:11
Speaker 1: is it going to stop me from experiencing more? Is
10:13
Speaker 1: it going to continue to hold power over me? Or
10:16
Speaker 1: can I look at this as part of my life
10:19
Speaker 1: and something that I've got to overcome. So you can
10:21
Speaker 1: either take the power back or you can give the
10:24
Speaker 1: power to something or someone else. But you can't have
10:27
Speaker 1: it both ways. You either have the power or the
10:30
Speaker 1: other thing outside. If you has the power, it's impossible
10:32
Speaker 1: for it to be both. You can't take responsibility for
10:37
Speaker 1: your future and where you're headed and be doing the
10:39
Speaker 1: work while also making excuses for your limitations. So you
10:42
Speaker 1: stay where you are right now. You pick one or
10:45
Speaker 1: the other, and they're both difficult for different reasons. Staying
10:48
Speaker 1: where you are it's a limitation. It's stopping you from
10:50
Speaker 1: having the life you want, or stopping you from having
10:52
Speaker 1: that thing you want, or being organized or being social
10:54
Speaker 1: or being whatever healthy or there is the I'm doing
10:58
Speaker 1: the work, I'm taking responsibility, but that it means being
11:00
Speaker 1: vulnerable doing the difficult things, being a novice at something,
11:03
Speaker 1: putting yourself out there, all of the above. Okay, now,
11:07
Speaker 1: in this episode we're talking primarily about self imposed limitations.
11:12
Speaker 1: So these are such things as I'm not good enough,
11:15
Speaker 1: I'm shocking at remembering things. I'm not the smart one
11:18
Speaker 1: of the family or the smart one of the group.
11:20
Speaker 1: I'm not reliable, I'm always late. I don't have time
11:24
Speaker 1: to do that. I don't have time to achieve that
11:27
Speaker 1: thing I'm I can't focus. I can't hold focus enough
11:31
Speaker 1: to learn something. You know. I'm not focused enough to
11:34
Speaker 1: get through a degree. I'm not brave enough to do that.
11:37
Speaker 1: I'm not strong enough to leave. Okay, so you're going
11:40
Speaker 1: to be amazed at how many things in your life
11:43
Speaker 1: are actually self imposed, but disguised as something that is
11:46
Speaker 1: not within your control. We tell ourselves so much that
11:50
Speaker 1: certain things are just the way they are and they're
11:51
Speaker 1: not within our control. But you've got more control than
11:53
Speaker 1: you realize. There's a lot we don't have control over,
11:55
Speaker 1: for example, every other person except ourselves, but there's a
11:58
Speaker 1: lot that we do have control, and we can change
12:02
Speaker 1: the direction of that needle of where we're heading whenever
12:05
Speaker 1: we want to but it just requires acknowledging, understanding, and
12:10
Speaker 1: effort to go in a different direction, and knowing where
12:12
Speaker 1: you want to be headed as well is really important. Okay,
12:16
Speaker 1: and another thing before we go into that, I've got
12:18
Speaker 1: a bunch of points that i want to break down
12:20
Speaker 1: as usual, as per usual, but remind yourself that, yes,
12:24
Speaker 1: it's true that you might have started behind someone else,
12:26
Speaker 1: because another limitation is to be like, well that person
12:29
Speaker 1: got a hand out. Well, that person's parents have a
12:31
Speaker 1: lot of money, Well, that person had all these opportunities,
12:34
Speaker 1: that person was raised in a really secure upbringing. It's
12:37
Speaker 1: true that you very well may have started behind everyone else,
12:42
Speaker 1: and that you do have it harder than everyone else,
12:46
Speaker 1: and that people might have been a lot meaner to
12:48
Speaker 1: you than they were to other people. But that doesn't
12:50
Speaker 1: mean that because you've been hurt, or because you started
12:54
Speaker 1: from a lower position than people around you have, that
12:56
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you need to make excuses for you
12:58
Speaker 1: to then continue to suffer far you know, it doesn't
13:02
Speaker 1: mean that you can't have another shot or another chance.
13:04
Speaker 1: So because someone or something or life circumstances have hurt you,
13:08
Speaker 1: or because your past was unkind to you, you're now
13:12
Speaker 1: going to make that the predictor of the rest of
13:13
Speaker 1: your life. You don't need to lie down and accept that.
13:16
Speaker 1: You can acknowledge that things just have been harder for
13:19
Speaker 1: you because of where you started. But that is not
13:22
Speaker 1: a reason or a limitation for you to not give
13:24
Speaker 1: yourself the best chance moving forward. Okay, it's very you know,
13:29
Speaker 1: I don't want to say easy, but it's very natural
13:33
Speaker 1: to slip into Well, it's just so much harder for me,
13:36
Speaker 1: So it's easy for you to do that. It's easy
13:38
Speaker 1: for you to say that it's easy. It doesn't have
13:40
Speaker 1: to be easy in order for it to feel good.
13:42
Speaker 1: You can still do the hard thing and reap a
13:45
Speaker 1: lot of rewards from it. Okay, So we can identify
13:50
Speaker 1: what we have control over and also what we don't
13:53
Speaker 1: have control over. But there is a difference when it
13:56
Speaker 1: comes to limitations. There's a difference between identifying a limitation
14:00
Speaker 1: and accepting it as something that is there, okay and
14:04
Speaker 1: unchangeable because there's certain things like that or something that
14:07
Speaker 1: you're wanting to change, versus using that limitation to prevent
14:11
Speaker 1: you from doing other things and therefore increasing your limitations
14:14
Speaker 1: in your life. So, for example, you could say well,
14:16
Speaker 1: I really wanted to be a basketball player. It was
14:18
Speaker 1: always my dream to be a basketball player, but I
14:20
Speaker 1: just wasn't tall enough. I wasn't tall enough, so I
14:23
Speaker 1: never got to be a basketball player. And then you
14:25
Speaker 1: can always look at that and be like, that's a limitation.
14:27
Speaker 1: That's a limitation that I could never get past, or
14:29
Speaker 1: a model like something to do with your height. And
14:30
Speaker 1: I'm using heart because I used that example earlier. So
14:33
Speaker 1: you could bang on about that, or you could say, Okay,
14:37
Speaker 1: that's a limitation that I absolutely cannot change. Can't change
14:39
Speaker 1: my heart unless I'm going to operate on my legs,
14:41
Speaker 1: which is apparently quite brutal. So I can't change my heart.
14:44
Speaker 1: But what are other things? I've got all these skills,
14:48
Speaker 1: I've got a skill set in basketball, for example, what
14:50
Speaker 1: can I transfer that to? What else could I do
14:52
Speaker 1: that I'm really good at? How could I do this?
14:54
Speaker 1: How could I? And before you know, you become proactive
14:56
Speaker 1: about where you're headed and you can use these skills
14:59
Speaker 1: in something else. You're not being like, well, now I
15:01
Speaker 1: can never do any sport ever, because I'm not tall
15:04
Speaker 1: enough for basketball. You could turn it around and say, well,
15:07
Speaker 1: I know I'm fucking fit, I'm quick, I'm really good
15:10
Speaker 1: in a team. I've got all these skills. How can
15:13
Speaker 1: I then use that and instead of it being a limitation,
15:16
Speaker 1: it's an advantage. I spent all this time training, I'm
15:18
Speaker 1: really fucking good at this thing. How can I transfer
15:21
Speaker 1: this to something else? There's many, many, many things that
15:24
Speaker 1: you can be doing, like, for example, with me, I've
15:28
Speaker 1: so badly tried with acting for years and years and
15:30
Speaker 1: years and years, and it just wasn't happening for me
15:32
Speaker 1: for probably many reasons. A bunch within my control and
15:36
Speaker 1: a bunch without out of my control. But for a while,
15:39
Speaker 1: I kind of thought, well, that's it, it's done. I
15:41
Speaker 1: can never it's whatever. It's done. But then I thought,
15:44
Speaker 1: wait a minute, let's look at what I love about acting.
15:46
Speaker 1: I love performing, I love being on stage, I love
15:50
Speaker 1: having an audience. All of that I loved, and now
15:53
Speaker 1: I'm doing exactly that, and I'm combining it with something
15:55
Speaker 1: else that I love. So it's not like you can
15:57
Speaker 1: never perform again just because you're never getting cast in
15:59
Speaker 1: these roles. I'm not getting custom in these roles. But
16:01
Speaker 1: maybe I can create my own thing where I'm still
16:03
Speaker 1: hitting those markers. That I really enjoy and I was
16:06
Speaker 1: able to do that. So I think that you've got
16:09
Speaker 1: to look at Yeah, there are certain things that you
16:13
Speaker 1: have no control over, but you do have certain control
16:16
Speaker 1: over aspects of that thing, and you can steer it
16:18
Speaker 1: in a different direction. So let's go through some key
16:22
Speaker 1: points to talk about. The first thing you want to
16:24
Speaker 1: ask yourself when you're identifying a limitation is or the
16:28
Speaker 1: first thing you want to do is to become really
16:30
Speaker 1: well acquainted with what that limitation is. What does it mean?
16:35
Speaker 1: Is it going to be a permanent thing. Is it
16:38
Speaker 1: completely out of my control? Is it within my control?
16:41
Speaker 1: Is it going to be a hindrance? Is it something
16:44
Speaker 1: that you can live with and get around by changing
16:48
Speaker 1: how you perceive it? Is it something that you can
16:50
Speaker 1: actually change altogether? Get well acquainted with your limitation, because
16:54
Speaker 1: one issue is that we'll identify a limitation and think, well,
16:58
Speaker 1: that's it, that's it, and I'll just like, I'll just
17:01
Speaker 1: you know, I can't do anything because I'm not smart.
17:03
Speaker 1: That's a huge one. I'm not smart enough. I'm not
17:06
Speaker 1: smart enough. I'm not smart enough. When you say something
17:09
Speaker 1: so much, not only do you just live by your
17:11
Speaker 1: own words, but then when the opportunity comes up to
17:15
Speaker 1: maybe change that, you think, oh no, no, no, no,
17:17
Speaker 1: I'm not smart enough, so you then don't take that opportunity. Okay,
17:22
Speaker 1: so a lot of people say I'm not smart enough
17:25
Speaker 1: to go to university. I tried it, I didn't get in.
17:27
Speaker 1: So there's your proof, there's your answer. I tried it,
17:30
Speaker 1: didn't get in. Okay, okay, fine, But what about trying
17:34
Speaker 1: other things, learning other things in the interim? What about
17:37
Speaker 1: building up your knowledge to then be able to get in.
17:41
Speaker 1: And I'm not just talking about UNI. I'm talking about
17:43
Speaker 1: anything that you want to study or you want to
17:45
Speaker 1: learn or get better at. It doesn't even have to
17:47
Speaker 1: be a tertiary qualification. It could be anything. But this
17:51
Speaker 1: idea of I'm not smart enough, I think, is the
17:53
Speaker 1: biggest disservice you can do to yourself. The biggest disservice
17:57
Speaker 1: because you're acting as if you're not is fixed. Knowledge
18:02
Speaker 1: is the furthest thing from fixed ever in the world.
18:06
Speaker 1: It is something that is ever expanding, ever growing, And
18:09
Speaker 1: to tell yourself that you're not smart enough to learn
18:13
Speaker 1: something is probably one of the worst things you can
18:17
Speaker 1: do to yourself, one of the meanest, most restricting things
18:20
Speaker 1: you can do. And that is a prime example of
18:22
Speaker 1: you arguing for your limitation. You're literally going to battle
18:26
Speaker 1: being like no, no, no, no, I want this limitation. Okay,
18:30
Speaker 1: nobody is in a situation where they can't learn something. Nobody.
18:36
Speaker 1: Everyone can learn something, and it is up to you.
18:39
Speaker 1: And also not to mention how much your attitude towards
18:42
Speaker 1: something will determine how you experience that thing. So if
18:46
Speaker 1: you're saying, look, I've actually really struggled academically growing up,
18:50
Speaker 1: but I really want to learn. I'd love to learn,
18:54
Speaker 1: and I know that I don't have the marks to
18:55
Speaker 1: get into UNI out because of my past. But maybe
18:57
Speaker 1: I could learn something else. Maybe I could do a
18:59
Speaker 1: few things here that can help me get into this course.
19:02
Speaker 1: And then when I learned that, maybe that's going to
19:03
Speaker 1: help me get into another course. And then maybe if
19:06
Speaker 1: I want to, I could go to UNI. Maybe you
19:09
Speaker 1: know there instantly you're changing your language around it. You're
19:12
Speaker 1: now giving yourself the benefit of the doubt. You're now
19:14
Speaker 1: saying it's possible, very much so for me to learn something.
19:18
Speaker 1: I just haven't done it in my past. But the
19:20
Speaker 1: past does not have to always determine my future. It
19:24
Speaker 1: can if I want it to, but it doesn't have to.
19:27
Speaker 1: So I think it's important to get very clear on
19:29
Speaker 1: what your limitation is. Is it actually fixed or do
19:32
Speaker 1: I just think it's fixed based on you know, what
19:35
Speaker 1: I've been spitting out my whole life, what I've been
19:37
Speaker 1: saying on repeat, on repeat, on repeat, you know. And
19:40
Speaker 1: there's such a huge example of limitations. You can look
19:43
Speaker 1: at limitations as far as all relationships are fucked. You know,
19:46
Speaker 1: I can never find a good person. And then because
19:49
Speaker 1: of that, you're going to be primed to think that
19:51
Speaker 1: the next person you date, or the next situation you
19:54
Speaker 1: get involved in is going to be bad or toxic
19:56
Speaker 1: or fucked. So your behavior in that is probably going
19:58
Speaker 1: to be more guarded. You're probably want to protect yourself
20:01
Speaker 1: a little bit more because you're not expecting this to
20:03
Speaker 1: go well. And then you are reinforcing that limitation. You're
20:06
Speaker 1: not giving the best of yourself to a relationship, and
20:09
Speaker 1: you're also not letting yourself experience that relationship the way
20:11
Speaker 1: you want to. Same goes for how I just mentioned intelligence,
20:14
Speaker 1: The same goes for almost any skill. The same goes
20:17
Speaker 1: for friendships, being social, all of everything. It applies to
20:23
Speaker 1: pretty much every area of your life. Then I want
20:26
Speaker 1: you to look at the categories. The next thing is
20:27
Speaker 1: I want to look at the categories of limitations, because
20:30
Speaker 1: you can't change what you don't acknowledge. So look at
20:33
Speaker 1: your limitations. As far as relationships are concerned. So do
20:37
Speaker 1: I have all these limitations, whether they're unchangeable or where
20:41
Speaker 1: they're self imposed in relationships? Like do I say that
20:45
Speaker 1: I can never make friends? I can never make friends.
20:47
Speaker 1: It's really hard. I can never find a partner, I
20:50
Speaker 1: have the worst relationship with you know, every housemate that
20:52
Speaker 1: I move into, I can never get along with colleagues.
20:55
Speaker 1: Just write it all down because some things are genuinely
20:57
Speaker 1: not in your control, but I think it's important to
20:59
Speaker 1: identify them. The next category is your own achievements. Whatever
21:03
Speaker 1: those achievements are, just get acquainted with them. Then there's health, okay, happiness, career, knowledge,
21:11
Speaker 1: intelligence and performance and performance is kind of overarching with
21:15
Speaker 1: achievements and intelligence and career. The third one, and this
21:19
Speaker 1: is a huge one, is are you making your limitation
21:25
Speaker 1: or limitations part of your identity? This is huge And
21:30
Speaker 1: if so, is that working for you? Because if you
21:35
Speaker 1: guys have read anything that Eckar totally has put out
21:37
Speaker 1: a New Earth and the Power of Now. He talks
21:41
Speaker 1: about something called the pain body, and I really really
21:45
Speaker 1: like how he explains his pain body. But you can
21:47
Speaker 1: look at it in many different ways. It's not just
21:49
Speaker 1: how he explains it. It kind of exists in other literature
21:52
Speaker 1: but explains it differently. I just think he explains it
21:54
Speaker 1: really well. But it's basically this part this pain that
21:58
Speaker 1: we all carry, and a lot of people it's almost
22:02
Speaker 1: like a comforting pain. It's kind of like the devil,
22:04
Speaker 1: you know, and it feels it's very attached to our ego,
22:09
Speaker 1: this external sense of self that we have. And sometimes
22:14
Speaker 1: when you add to that pain, there's a weird kind
22:16
Speaker 1: of Sometimes when you add to your suffering, there's this
22:19
Speaker 1: weird kind of I wouldn't say pleasure, but satisfaction that
22:23
Speaker 1: you get out of it. It almost feels comforting to
22:28
Speaker 1: sit in that suffering to an extent, Okay, And a
22:32
Speaker 1: lot of people will attach their suffering to their identity,
22:39
Speaker 1: so then it becomes really difficult to pull the two
22:41
Speaker 1: things apart. So if you, for example, have been you know,
22:47
Speaker 1: really burnt, I'll put my hand up as an example
22:51
Speaker 1: for this one. We're talking about relationships here, I'll put
22:53
Speaker 1: my hand up. I was really burned. I was really heartbroken.
22:56
Speaker 1: But then on top of the heartbreak, I then was like,
22:59
Speaker 1: I'm into and I never want a date. I don't
23:02
Speaker 1: want And then I became really scorned towards relationships and
23:08
Speaker 1: I was anti relationship and I was just like, I
23:11
Speaker 1: don't want that for me. I'm just independent. I don't
23:14
Speaker 1: want anyone to help me because it's just gonna let
23:16
Speaker 1: you down anyway. I've got to do it all for myself.
23:19
Speaker 1: And then they became a big part of my identity.
23:21
Speaker 1: I noticed myself being negative about the thought of me
23:24
Speaker 1: dating anyone in the future. I was quite hardened, like
23:29
Speaker 1: that soft side of me was gone, and I really
23:33
Speaker 1: attached myself to it, and I enjoyed it to an extent.
23:38
Speaker 1: But then it got to a point where I'm like, Okay,
23:42
Speaker 1: I'm not desperate for a relationship at least yet. But
23:44
Speaker 1: then I kind of felt like, well, what happens when
23:47
Speaker 1: I actually want a partner? And here I am so
23:50
Speaker 1: far from being someone that would be open to receiving
23:55
Speaker 1: love from somebody else, Like what happens if I actually
23:58
Speaker 1: do get to a point where I want to turn
23:59
Speaker 1: around and say I want to partner. I thought it
24:01
Speaker 1: was such a flaw in my character to admit I
24:04
Speaker 1: actually want to look for someone and be in a
24:06
Speaker 1: relationship with someone. I said, well, you can never want that.
24:08
Speaker 1: You can never want that, never admit that, never admit
24:10
Speaker 1: that to It got to a point where then like
24:12
Speaker 1: was cock blocking myself to being open to relationships because
24:16
Speaker 1: that pain from being quote unquote abandoned in the past
24:20
Speaker 1: was then contributing to me being so dated and so
24:25
Speaker 1: scorned towards relationships because I was attaching that pain, that limitation,
24:32
Speaker 1: and I was making a part of my identity and
24:35
Speaker 1: it was just me independent. And then I realized, calm
24:39
Speaker 1: the fuck down. You can still be independent, but you
24:42
Speaker 1: can still be open to receiving love, you can still
24:45
Speaker 1: be vulnerable, you can still be warm, and you know,
24:48
Speaker 1: open to meeting other people and allowing that connection to
24:52
Speaker 1: happen while maintaining your independence. So I was trying. I
24:57
Speaker 1: was making excuses for that limit. I was making excuses
25:01
Speaker 1: being like, well, you've been burnt, you don't want to
25:03
Speaker 1: get burnt again. So I'm now going to be this
25:05
Speaker 1: really independent person. And the reason I'm not in a
25:08
Speaker 1: relationship is actually because I want to be independent instead
25:11
Speaker 1: of being like, No, the reason I'm not in a
25:13
Speaker 1: relationship is because I'm too scared. I'm too scared to
25:15
Speaker 1: put myself out there. I'm too scared to waste time
25:18
Speaker 1: with someone that's going to hurt me. I'm too scared.
25:20
Speaker 1: That was the reality of it. So ask yourself. Are
25:23
Speaker 1: you making your limitation part of your identity? I know
25:26
Speaker 1: people that have been divorced for twenty years that still
25:30
Speaker 1: bang on about how much they had their ex husb
25:33
Speaker 1: and it just eats away at them, and it's their identity. Now, okay,
25:38
Speaker 1: you know, the fact that you're not good at a
25:40
Speaker 1: certain thing, it's part of your identity. The fact that
25:42
Speaker 1: you're always late. Oh, it's so cute, it's so funny. No,
25:45
Speaker 1: it's not be early for once, respect someone else's time.
25:48
Speaker 1: You know, people, we make shit part of our identity
25:51
Speaker 1: all the time. And some are genuinely not that big
25:55
Speaker 1: a deal, so it's fine, but some are a big
25:57
Speaker 1: deal and it's getting in the way of you doing
25:59
Speaker 1: what you want to do with your life.
26:01
Speaker 2: Okay, the next.
26:18
Speaker 1: Thing is be really careful with what you identify with
26:22
Speaker 1: because the moment something becomes part of your identity, it
26:26
Speaker 1: becomes really difficult to let go off, even if you
26:29
Speaker 1: hate it, even if it doesn't serve you, because it's
26:32
Speaker 1: like trying to let go of a part of yourself.
26:34
Speaker 1: It's not easy. So if you identify with something, it
26:39
Speaker 1: better serve you. So often we identify with shit that
26:41
Speaker 1: doesn't serve us, but we're like, oh, but it's just me.
26:43
Speaker 1: It's just me. My family always did this, you know,
26:45
Speaker 1: it's just who we are. It's you know, no one
26:47
Speaker 1: in my family's ever done this, or no one in
26:48
Speaker 1: my community, or it's really rather and then it's part
26:50
Speaker 1: of who you are. It doesn't have to be. If
26:53
Speaker 1: you're going to identify with it, make it serve you,
26:56
Speaker 1: and then I have no problem with that. Then go
26:57
Speaker 1: for gold, even if it's maybe not the health thing whatever.
27:01
Speaker 1: Number four, I want you to identify the emotions that
27:07
Speaker 1: you have that are linked to arguing for this limitation.
27:12
Speaker 1: There's anger, and anger is a secondary emotion in response
27:16
Speaker 1: to a primary feeling. So every time you feel angry,
27:19
Speaker 1: anger itself is not just something that comes out of nowhere.
27:23
Speaker 1: It is a response to an initial feeling, whether that
27:25
Speaker 1: be in security fear. Fear is the main one. Jealousy,
27:32
Speaker 1: but out of these emotions you got anger. There's jealousy,
27:35
Speaker 1: feelings of lack comparison, but also it could be comfort, knowing,
27:41
Speaker 1: feeling that you're part of something. So just get clear
27:44
Speaker 1: on what these things are, because you might think, for example,
27:49
Speaker 1: you might have a limitation that is, I would love
27:54
Speaker 1: to travel overseas, but my parents would just they're just
27:57
Speaker 1: they would just die, and then I'd miss them too much.
27:59
Speaker 1: I'd miss too much while I'm gone. We're really close.
28:02
Speaker 1: They would be devastated if I did a year abroad
28:04
Speaker 1: and we're so tight needed I've just left high school
28:06
Speaker 1: or I've just left Union, so it's not gonna happen.
28:09
Speaker 1: I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't, Okay, And then,
28:12
Speaker 1: like fifty years down the line, you'd be like, the
28:14
Speaker 1: fuck didn't I take that fucking year abroad when I
28:16
Speaker 1: had no responsibilities and I was young and carefree? Why why?
28:21
Speaker 1: You know? So sometimes our comfort or need for comfort,
28:25
Speaker 1: cock blocks us from doing those things where we spread
28:27
Speaker 1: our wings. And I always use travel as the example
28:30
Speaker 1: because I know that a lot of people write to
28:31
Speaker 1: me about that, and I also have done it and
28:33
Speaker 1: I loved it. But it doesn't have to be travel.
28:35
Speaker 1: You could be something else where you're like, oh, the
28:37
Speaker 1: people that love me the most don't see this is
28:40
Speaker 1: a good idea. So that's your limitation. I can't disappoint them.
28:45
Speaker 1: I can't go and do that thing. I can't. You can,
28:47
Speaker 1: and you could, but you don't want the discomfort of
28:51
Speaker 1: letting someone down. You don't want the discomfort of temporarily
28:55
Speaker 1: missing somebody while you go and do that thing. So
28:58
Speaker 1: you're allowing it to be a limitation, which is fine
29:02
Speaker 1: as long as you identify it, because if you crack
29:05
Speaker 1: it open, identify it being like, I'm consciously making this choice.
29:08
Speaker 1: I'm doing this thing. But you're like, but I've waited
29:11
Speaker 1: up and I'm happy with that. I can lay on
29:15
Speaker 1: my sword or whatever the saying is. And genuinely, I've
29:20
Speaker 1: waited up and I'm happy with that being a limitation.
29:23
Speaker 1: I think I'm better off staying then good. But that
29:27
Speaker 1: is the importance of dissecting and understanding your limitations. Get
29:30
Speaker 1: well acquainted with your limitations, because if you don't, you
29:33
Speaker 1: might not make the wisest move for you in the
29:36
Speaker 1: long term Number five, your brain is always saying more
29:40
Speaker 1: of the same, more of the same, more of the same.
29:42
Speaker 1: So if you're whatever it is that you're saying to yourself,
29:45
Speaker 1: your brain's just like more of the same. Okay, yep,
29:47
Speaker 1: more of the same. Whatever you focus on expanse. So
29:50
Speaker 1: I want you to ask yourself, how are you going
29:52
Speaker 1: to reword your language around certain limitations. Pay close attention
29:59
Speaker 1: to your language and how you speak over a topic.
30:02
Speaker 1: You can't be negative about relationships, for example, and skeptical
30:09
Speaker 1: but then be upset that you're single and then using
30:14
Speaker 1: the fact that you're single as the reason to reinforce
30:17
Speaker 1: why you're angry towards relationships. Do you know what I mean?
30:19
Speaker 1: So it's like you have to it's one or the other.
30:23
Speaker 1: Because your language is basically an expression of your thoughts,
30:27
Speaker 1: your emotions, your feelings. So if you're saying something that
30:32
Speaker 1: is your warning sign of telling you what you're feeling.
30:36
Speaker 1: If you're saying negative things about people, about your friends,
30:40
Speaker 1: about you know, this is fuck, this is all fucked.
30:41
Speaker 1: Oh I'm always shit at this. I'm always going to
30:43
Speaker 1: that's how you are feeling, okay, because your feelings are
30:49
Speaker 1: going to determine what you're going to experience more of,
30:52
Speaker 1: and they're going to attract more of the same feeling.
30:54
Speaker 1: And that's where this bias comes in. When we're so
30:58
Speaker 1: heavily feeling something, we believe it to be the truth.
31:02
Speaker 1: Whether it is or not, it doesn't matter. It's a feeling.
31:05
Speaker 1: It becomes a belief, which then becomes your language. Okay,
31:10
Speaker 1: because there's this big thing on, you know, pay close
31:13
Speaker 1: attention to your language, be really close, like on everything
31:17
Speaker 1: you say. And I kind of disagree with that to
31:19
Speaker 1: an extent. I agree that your words are very, very important,
31:22
Speaker 1: But more so than your words is what is the
31:25
Speaker 1: underlying feeling behind those words. Because, for example, when people say,
31:29
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's so funny, I'm dead, you're not
31:31
Speaker 1: obviously dead. That's why I don't think and people. I
31:34
Speaker 1: saw this TikTok of someone saying, you should never say
31:36
Speaker 1: I'm dead. It's like, why you're gonna drop dead in
31:38
Speaker 1: that moment? That's ridiculous. We don't believe we're actually dead.
31:40
Speaker 1: It's just a phrase, it's a saying. So I don't
31:42
Speaker 1: believe that you have to be that dramatic with controlling
31:45
Speaker 1: your language. I think it's It has to do with
31:48
Speaker 1: what does your language represent, what feeling is it representing,
31:53
Speaker 1: And if your language is representing that feeling, or if
31:55
Speaker 1: you're saying that one thing so often that you then
31:57
Speaker 1: believe it, that's when it becomes an issue if it's
32:00
Speaker 1: detrimental to you. Okay, So if you say, oh, like,
32:03
Speaker 1: I'm always late, I'm always late because you're late, then
32:05
Speaker 1: your fucking always late. Okay, I'm not smart enough. Oh
32:08
Speaker 1: don't try and explain that to me. I'm never gonna
32:10
Speaker 1: get it. I'm never gonna understand. Well, then, of course
32:12
Speaker 1: you're not gonna understand. Okay, So how can you reword it?
32:17
Speaker 1: Because you're going to start to seek out your predominant beliefs.
32:21
Speaker 1: You are primed to be that way, whether you like
32:24
Speaker 1: it or not. Your words, which are backed by strong emotions,
32:28
Speaker 1: determine what you will seek out in the future. That
32:33
Speaker 1: is how you operate. Your brain doesn't give one insignificant
32:37
Speaker 1: flying fuck if that thought is detrimental for you or not.
32:41
Speaker 1: It just thinks, oh, I believe this, Okay, Let's seek
32:43
Speaker 1: out things to confirm that belief. Let's more of the same.
32:46
Speaker 1: More of the same, like attracts like, like, attracts like
32:49
Speaker 1: more of the same. Okay, so it's this bias. Back
32:53
Speaker 1: to the relationship example. If I'm thinking relationships are fucked,
32:58
Speaker 1: I could probably tell you ten examples off the top
33:01
Speaker 1: of my head of bad relationships that I know about. Well,
33:04
Speaker 1: this person just got cheated on under and I'm not
33:07
Speaker 1: gonna mention any examples of good relationships. And I used
33:12
Speaker 1: to do that. Well, they're all fucked. And look at
33:14
Speaker 1: this one, and look what happened. And look at my past,
33:15
Speaker 1: look at my past, look what happened to me. But
33:18
Speaker 1: then if you start to turn it around and say, wow,
33:20
Speaker 1: there's so many good fucking people out there, there's such
33:22
Speaker 1: great relationships, then it might be hard at the start,
33:26
Speaker 1: but then you start to find examples to back what
33:28
Speaker 1: you're saying. But if you only ever, if you never
33:31
Speaker 1: challenge yourself, and if you never challenge your thoughts and
33:34
Speaker 1: your beliefs, then the examples that you find, the examples
33:37
Speaker 1: that you seek out, are only going to be biased
33:40
Speaker 1: ones that reconfirm what you are already saying. Okay, your
33:46
Speaker 1: perception of the world will determine your experience of the world,
33:51
Speaker 1: and we are quite selective with what we perceive we
33:54
Speaker 1: think that when we look at things and when we
33:56
Speaker 1: interact with people, it's an unbiased perception of the world.
33:59
Speaker 1: It is they're really biased, and it is you are
34:02
Speaker 1: priming yourself to see what you want to see, whether
34:06
Speaker 1: you think it's a positive thing or whether you think
34:07
Speaker 1: it's a negative thing. Whatever you are thinking of is
34:10
Speaker 1: what you're going to be seeking. So pay very close
34:14
Speaker 1: attention to your language when it comes to your limitations,
34:17
Speaker 1: because you're going to seek more of the same. So
34:21
Speaker 1: if you are somebody that is saying I can't find
34:26
Speaker 1: any friends, I can never find friends. That general statement alone,
34:31
Speaker 1: just saying that and feeling that is going to make
34:34
Speaker 1: you feel that it's rare or difficult to find friends.
34:39
Speaker 1: And then when you do try it, it feels really
34:42
Speaker 1: difficult and it feels like maybe you're going to fail.
34:45
Speaker 1: So then you go in with this like, oh, this
34:48
Speaker 1: is going to be really unpleasant. I'm trying to make friends,
34:50
Speaker 1: but it's fucked because I never can make friends and
34:51
Speaker 1: everyone's fucked and everyone's so antisocial and no one wants
34:53
Speaker 1: to make friends. You already go in being like this
34:55
Speaker 1: is awful. I'm remembering everything that's happened in my past
34:58
Speaker 1: with finding friends, this animosity, and then you start to
35:05
Speaker 1: notice how shut off people are, they're not warm. Then
35:08
Speaker 1: this begins to confirm this belief even further for you,
35:11
Speaker 1: So then you're less inclined to want to reach out
35:13
Speaker 1: because they're like, why the fuck would I reach out
35:14
Speaker 1: to these cold people who don't give me the time
35:17
Speaker 1: of day, which then strengthens your beliefs around this limitation,
35:20
Speaker 1: and then it starts feeding itself because you are aware.
35:24
Speaker 1: You become hyper aware of the examples that confirm your
35:27
Speaker 1: But then you turn around and say, how is it
35:29
Speaker 1: possible that in the same city, somewhat of the same age,
35:33
Speaker 1: who is of similar personality to me has no problem
35:35
Speaker 1: finding friends? Because maybe they're like, Wow, as I've gotten older,
35:39
Speaker 1: it's become surprisingly easy to find friends. They're really open.
35:42
Speaker 1: They might interact with someone it says little. It's always
35:45
Speaker 1: these little moments that open doors. But the people that
35:48
Speaker 1: believe that something's easy are primed to see those tiny
35:53
Speaker 1: moments where a door opens and they take it and
35:56
Speaker 1: they don't even mean to do it. It's this. They'll
35:58
Speaker 1: make a comment to someone else, they'll laugh, they'll are
36:00
Speaker 1: and then before they know it, they're chatting to a
36:02
Speaker 1: stranger and they don't have to become friends with that stranger.
36:04
Speaker 1: But then they realize, well, people are friendly. Then they
36:06
Speaker 1: chat to the next stranger. Huh, such a good day.
36:08
Speaker 1: People are so nice, and then before you know it,
36:11
Speaker 1: it's easy for them to make friends because it's these
36:13
Speaker 1: open doors, open doors, open doors, because they're everywhere if
36:17
Speaker 1: you know how to look for it. So your language
36:20
Speaker 1: is everything, everything, everything, everything. Your brain is a crazy
36:26
Speaker 1: computer that just does what you tell it to do.
36:31
Speaker 1: But it does what you tell it to do subconsciously,
36:33
Speaker 1: not consciously. So you might say I really want to partner,
36:36
Speaker 1: but subconsciously you're like everything's so, your brain's going to
36:40
Speaker 1: follow what your subconscious primary thoughts and beliefs are, and
36:43
Speaker 1: it's going to be biased to seeking more of the same.
36:46
Speaker 1: And it's selective. It's very selective. Okay, it's not unbiased
36:50
Speaker 1: like we think it is. It is absolutely not. We
36:52
Speaker 1: are very biased beings, and we've got to challenge that
36:55
Speaker 1: bias all the time if we want to be happy.
36:58
Speaker 1: So if you say this is a lemon, so therefore
37:00
Speaker 1: I'm stuck, or I can't try because it's going to
37:03
Speaker 1: be hard for me, or because I never learned that
37:05
Speaker 1: versus saying this is a limitation. I know exactly what
37:09
Speaker 1: that limitation is. I've a good idea of why that
37:11
Speaker 1: limitation has cropped up in my life because of my upbringing,
37:15
Speaker 1: because of whatever. Maybe I never really tried. Maybe I
37:19
Speaker 1: never gave myself enough chances to see if I could
37:22
Speaker 1: improve in something. Maybe I never tried being optimistic and
37:25
Speaker 1: changing my attitude towards how I approach that thing and
37:27
Speaker 1: being a little bit less stressed about it, a little
37:29
Speaker 1: bit more open and carefree with that, with less pressure
37:33
Speaker 1: on the outcome of that thing. Maybe you know, I
37:39
Speaker 1: never took something seriously as something that was worth attempting,
37:43
Speaker 1: and that is why it's now a limitation. So there's
37:46
Speaker 1: many things that I've now identified, and a lot of
37:48
Speaker 1: those things I can turn around and give it another
37:50
Speaker 1: go with a different approach. People say I can't focus.
37:54
Speaker 1: That also makes me really sad, because you're stopping yourself
37:56
Speaker 1: from learning and studying certain things because you say that
37:59
Speaker 1: you can focus. Or a lot of people say I
38:02
Speaker 1: can't you know, do this degree because I have ADHD.
38:08
Speaker 1: Do you know how many people with ADHD have done
38:10
Speaker 1: a degree and found it difficult, mind you, it's not
38:13
Speaker 1: that it's a breeze. But they've done it by working
38:15
Speaker 1: around the parameters that work for them. They study a
38:18
Speaker 1: different hours, they try different techniques. It's you know, some
38:21
Speaker 1: people have a belief that, oh, I've got ADHD, so
38:23
Speaker 1: I could never People with ADHD are sometimes the smartest
38:26
Speaker 1: fucking cunts in the room. Okay, but you've got to
38:28
Speaker 1: work with what you've got, and you've got to you know, Okay,
38:32
Speaker 1: I work better at night. I'm a bit of a
38:33
Speaker 1: night out. I'm this. I'm that I don't have to
38:35
Speaker 1: squeeze myself into the box of the typical this is
38:38
Speaker 1: how I'm going to study, But I can if I
38:41
Speaker 1: allow myself to push past that limitation. I actually have
38:44
Speaker 1: the capacity to do so much more than I give
38:46
Speaker 1: myself credit for. I have the capacity to be so
38:48
Speaker 1: much more intelligent than I give myself credit for. I'm
38:51
Speaker 1: using this as a reason as to why I'm not
38:52
Speaker 1: studying when I could actually use it as, you know,
38:56
Speaker 1: a reason as to why I should be studying or
38:58
Speaker 1: should be learning more. Doesn't mean it's going to be easy.
39:01
Speaker 1: But I've got many friends of mine that have, for example,
39:05
Speaker 1: ADHD that have done degrees that run their own businesses
39:09
Speaker 1: that are very really intelligent and on fire, and they're
39:13
Speaker 1: scattered with their attention, but they find ways to make
39:19
Speaker 1: it work. So I don't want you to come up
39:20
Speaker 1: with something and say it's never going to happen for me.
39:22
Speaker 1: You could say, oh, it's going to be different for me.
39:25
Speaker 1: This experience is going to be far and different, and
39:27
Speaker 1: I can imagine that. Yes, I'm going to come across
39:29
Speaker 1: more challenges, but it doesn't mean I'm going to come
39:32
Speaker 1: across things that make it impossible for me to do
39:33
Speaker 1: that thing. Okay, So when it comes to language, this
39:36
Speaker 1: is a number five was a long point. But when
39:38
Speaker 1: it comes to language, just listen to things that you say.
39:41
Speaker 1: Examples like I'm unorganized, i have no self control, I'm
39:44
Speaker 1: a people pleaser, I'm not smart, I always get fucked over,
39:46
Speaker 1: I never test well, I don't work well under pressure.
39:50
Speaker 1: These can all be things that represent the you of
39:53
Speaker 1: the past, but they don't have to represent the you
39:58
Speaker 1: of the future because all those things that I just
39:59
Speaker 1: meant mentioned an organized self control, people please, are not smart,
40:03
Speaker 1: fuck I always get fucked over, and never Every single
40:05
Speaker 1: one of those can change. They're changeable, they're flexible, they're moldable,
40:10
Speaker 1: and you can do things about that even getting fucked over.
40:13
Speaker 1: The one that's getting sucked over where it's got to
40:15
Speaker 1: do with other people. Okay, So always ask yourself, how
40:18
Speaker 1: can I reword this thing to be a bit more
40:20
Speaker 1: optimistic for the future because my brain goes by my
40:23
Speaker 1: beliefs and it seeks out more of the same. Okay,
40:26
Speaker 1: now number six, ask yourself, is it that you cannot
40:31
Speaker 1: change that thing? Or is it that you are wired
40:34
Speaker 1: to believe that you wouldn't be able to change that
40:37
Speaker 1: thing despite their not being a concrete reason. So for
40:40
Speaker 1: a lot of things that you set a limitation for,
40:42
Speaker 1: there's no concrete reason that you absolutely cannot do it.
40:45
Speaker 1: And better than that, there's probably examples of someone having
40:47
Speaker 1: done what you could do everywhere if you looked for it.
40:52
Speaker 1: So is it that you can't do it? Is it
40:56
Speaker 1: that you won't do it, or is it that you're
40:58
Speaker 1: just not willing to do it? Because that's really empowering
41:01
Speaker 1: as well. You could look at something and say, wow,
41:03
Speaker 1: I've made that a limitation, but if I really break
41:05
Speaker 1: it down, I don't even want to do it. Not
41:08
Speaker 1: willing to put in that much time and effort, the
41:10
Speaker 1: cost for reward it just doesn't equal out for me
41:13
Speaker 1: not interested. You know, I could think of a thousand
41:16
Speaker 1: things that I'm not willing to do that I probably
41:18
Speaker 1: could do if I put in the effort, but I
41:19
Speaker 1: just don't want to. That's actually quite empowering to be like,
41:22
Speaker 1: the reason I'm not doing this is through a choice.
41:25
Speaker 1: But the sad thing is is when you say, oh,
41:27
Speaker 1: the reason I'm not doing it is because of this excuse,
41:29
Speaker 1: this limitation in my life, when you probably could be
41:33
Speaker 1: doing it. Okay, don't make oh the fact that I've
41:37
Speaker 1: always been this way a reason for not doing something.
41:40
Speaker 1: That's again, one of the worst limitations you can set
41:42
Speaker 1: for yourself. I've just been that way, I've always been
41:43
Speaker 1: that way. Okay, fine, but you can change, and the
41:49
Speaker 1: worst reason to not change is because you haven't changed
41:52
Speaker 1: in the past. That's crazy, Okay. So, like, here's an example.
41:58
Speaker 1: I find it really interesting when people like talk about
42:02
Speaker 1: their appearances. I find physical appearance can be such a
42:05
Speaker 1: limitation to feeling good enough or feeling happy with who
42:09
Speaker 1: you are and happy in your own skin. There are
42:12
Speaker 1: certain people that are so critical about their physical appearance.
42:17
Speaker 1: They can spend so long mentioning these so called flaws
42:22
Speaker 1: about their appearance, and for them, it's this limitation and
42:25
Speaker 1: they need to get this thing fixed in order to
42:28
Speaker 1: fit into this standard of beauty in order to feel
42:32
Speaker 1: lovable or happy within their own skin or confident that
42:36
Speaker 1: it's this limitation to get to their confidence. But then
42:40
Speaker 1: you can also turn around and look at somebody else
42:42
Speaker 1: who does not have these so called does not fit
42:45
Speaker 1: into this so called beauty standards, right that society is
42:49
Speaker 1: setting around the size of your thighs, cell you light,
42:53
Speaker 1: have you had botox or like, there's all these standards,
42:56
Speaker 1: and you know, we tap into the standards that we
42:58
Speaker 1: think we need to adhere by all we don't. But
43:00
Speaker 1: then you look at somebody else who doesn't pander to
43:03
Speaker 1: any of those things, doesn't have any of those things
43:06
Speaker 1: that you think is a limitation to feeling finally happy
43:09
Speaker 1: and finally loved by other people. And then you look
43:13
Speaker 1: at them and they're like, wait a minute, this person
43:15
Speaker 1: doesn't slot into any of those categories of this like
43:18
Speaker 1: you know, universal standard of beauty, and they're the happiest
43:24
Speaker 1: people I know, They're loved by all these people. They
43:26
Speaker 1: have really healthy relationships, they have this, they have that,
43:29
Speaker 1: and that's one of the biggest examples of a self
43:32
Speaker 1: imposed limitation. And yes, it's true that you didn't cause this.
43:37
Speaker 1: Yes it's true that everyone's primed to believe that they
43:40
Speaker 1: need more or they need to look a certain way.
43:42
Speaker 1: So you didn't cause it. Absolutely you didn't cause it.
43:45
Speaker 1: But it's your responsibility to try and change your beliefs
43:48
Speaker 1: around that thing, because there are examples of people out
43:51
Speaker 1: there who do not pand it to these standards, who think,
43:53
Speaker 1: fuck that shit, I'm not interested. I actually really like myself.
43:57
Speaker 1: I have a lot to offer, and I've got great
43:59
Speaker 1: people around me, and I'm happy. I'm fucking happy. So
44:03
Speaker 1: here just is a prime example of how this limitation
44:07
Speaker 1: doesn't even fall onto someone's radar and they're genuinely happy
44:11
Speaker 1: living their life. They're not waiting for something to happen
44:13
Speaker 1: until they can be happy. And then there's someone else
44:15
Speaker 1: who spends all their time and energy and money working
44:18
Speaker 1: on this thing, working on this thing in order to
44:20
Speaker 1: then get that thing. So like it's you know, when
44:22
Speaker 1: you hear about a new beauty trend and people are like,
44:25
Speaker 1: oh great, another thing for women to feel insecure about
44:28
Speaker 1: It's like, prior to my knowledge of this thing, I
44:31
Speaker 1: was feeling just fine. Like, for example, when people started
44:34
Speaker 1: talking about that botox that you could get on your
44:36
Speaker 1: traps so your shoulders will be more squared, and I'm like,
44:40
Speaker 1: how do people think of this shit? But then people think, well,
44:43
Speaker 1: now I have to have this because if my shoulders
44:45
Speaker 1: isn't square enough, then I'm gonna You're just creating limitations
44:48
Speaker 1: for yourself. We're not just you the this, you know,
44:54
Speaker 1: fucking society, the beauty standards, the marketing whatever is creating it,
44:59
Speaker 1: and it's our choice if going to lean into that
45:01
Speaker 1: or not. Okay, And beauty is just one of the tiny,
45:05
Speaker 1: one facet of the many things that you could create
45:08
Speaker 1: as a limitation, But you have to question it. You've
45:10
Speaker 1: got to think, Okay, yeah, this is probably what I'm
45:13
Speaker 1: being told, This is probably what society's standard is. But
45:15
Speaker 1: do I need to Can I find examples of other
45:17
Speaker 1: people that have not, you know, caved to that, who
45:20
Speaker 1: are actually happy, who have everything that I also want
45:22
Speaker 1: to have? And the answer is yes, absolutely you can.
45:26
Speaker 1: So there are so many fucking limitations, and so many
45:30
Speaker 1: of them we've allowed to enter our head and we've
45:35
Speaker 1: allowed that thought to become a belief. But you can
45:38
Speaker 1: change it by changing your language and the repeating that
45:41
Speaker 1: language until you change your belief about that thing. Okay.
45:45
Speaker 1: And then another thing is that we need to feel.
45:47
Speaker 1: We so often need to feel that we're perfect before
45:49
Speaker 1: we can proudly say I can do this or I
45:51
Speaker 1: can speak that language, or I'm confident that I'm going
45:54
Speaker 1: to bounce back, or I'm the best person for this job.
45:57
Speaker 1: Like we feel like until I'm perfect, I can't do
45:59
Speaker 1: that thing. So there's another limitation. For example, when I,
46:05
Speaker 1: you know, studied French for so long and then I
46:08
Speaker 1: got to France and I'm like, I've got all this knowledge,
46:10
Speaker 1: it's sitting in the back of my head. But then
46:11
Speaker 1: someone talks to me and I'm like, ah, but I'm
46:13
Speaker 1: not perfect, So I'm just gonna speak English now because
46:15
Speaker 1: I've got to get it perfect. So I'm allowing this
46:17
Speaker 1: limitation of not being perfect to not speak French, which
46:21
Speaker 1: then holds me back from actually speaking French and actually
46:25
Speaker 1: getting to the place where I want to be, which
46:27
Speaker 1: is good French. So it's kind of this like we
46:30
Speaker 1: don't allow your need for something to be perfect to
46:33
Speaker 1: end up being a limitation to ever getting that thing.
46:36
Speaker 1: I'd much rather be imperfect and have it. Then, you know,
46:41
Speaker 1: play this never ending waiting gain my entire life waiting
46:43
Speaker 1: for perfection. You've got to remind yourself that what you
46:47
Speaker 1: focus on expands, and when you are expanding on that focus,
46:52
Speaker 1: you are attracting more of the same. Now, I want
46:54
Speaker 1: to finish off this episode with I asked on my Instagram,
47:00
Speaker 1: what is a limitation that you used to have which
47:03
Speaker 1: you have now overcome? So I want this to be
47:06
Speaker 1: a really uplifting end to the episode because I've got
47:09
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of things that you guys, my listeners
47:13
Speaker 1: have responded to and they're really really good. Okay, so
47:18
Speaker 1: let's get straight into it. So this is all limitations
47:20
Speaker 1: that people used to have that now they have overcome.
47:24
Speaker 1: That I am naturally a quiet person, my worthiness finishing
47:29
Speaker 1: university when the first session I did, I didn't think
47:32
Speaker 1: I could do it, becoming a morning person when I
47:35
Speaker 1: used to be the opposite, going from focusing on hating
47:40
Speaker 1: what I didn't like about myself to focus on improving
47:43
Speaker 1: and loving myself. That I couldn't travel alone. Now my
47:47
Speaker 1: flights are booked for Australia in September. So excited about
47:50
Speaker 1: this that what worked for me in the past does
47:53
Speaker 1: not have to now that I can't run, Sayanara, motherfucker.
47:57
Speaker 1: So this is my really good friend who I ever ran,
48:00
Speaker 1: wasn't a runner. She's like, I can't run, I can't run.
48:02
Speaker 1: I can't run, And just in a very short amount
48:04
Speaker 1: of time, she started practicing running. She was training, training,
48:06
Speaker 1: and she just completed a half marathon. So fucking proud
48:09
Speaker 1: of her. Someone said going to UNI that I would
48:13
Speaker 1: be miserable if I stopped drinking. Now I've been sober
48:16
Speaker 1: for three years and I am thriving. Just because I'm
48:19
Speaker 1: a bigger gal doesn't mean I can't dress cute. Amen
48:23
Speaker 1: couldn't agree more that I was not confident. Now I
48:27
Speaker 1: live for this feeling and I own my life. Fark
48:29
Speaker 1: off lemons that I don't have a palates body. I
48:34
Speaker 1: just finished a two week reformer trial and I've just
48:36
Speaker 1: signed up for a month. Amazing that I couldn't be
48:39
Speaker 1: confident dealing with conflict scenarios. Thank you hospitality job God.
48:44
Speaker 1: That really teaches you how to deal with conflict. I'm
48:46
Speaker 1: the same. It teaches you to talk to anybody. The
48:49
Speaker 1: limitation of a timeline also how I determine my self
48:53
Speaker 1: worth running. In one year, I managed to run the
48:56
Speaker 1: city to surf, all while listening to your podcasting. That
49:01
Speaker 1: I couldn't do university. I went to Tayfe after grade twelve,
49:04
Speaker 1: and I never thought i'd get into UNI. I can't
49:07
Speaker 1: help that I'm always late, realizing that I was just
49:11
Speaker 1: anxious to be early and the only one that's very
49:15
Speaker 1: insightful that I'm an average academic. I have since proven
49:19
Speaker 1: myself wrong. That I'm not a reader. I have since
49:22
Speaker 1: read so many books and engaged in conversations with friends
49:25
Speaker 1: and family about it. That I would never get over
49:29
Speaker 1: a breakup and I'd always been in love with my ex.
49:31
Speaker 1: That I could not do cardio. Now I fucking smash
49:34
Speaker 1: my spin class in a sports bra amazing. Running a
49:38
Speaker 1: marathon took me a year and I did it. I
49:40
Speaker 1: feel like a year is very very good time to
49:43
Speaker 1: learn to train to run a marathon. That I couldn't
49:46
Speaker 1: run five k's, Now I've done ten of them. That
49:49
Speaker 1: I was a bad public speaker, I'm now a lecturer
49:52
Speaker 1: at UNI. That I was not fit enough to be
49:55
Speaker 1: a runner. I've done three half marathons this year, that
49:59
Speaker 1: my introverted self could not be social. Now I throw
50:02
Speaker 1: myself into all kinds of social situations. What will other
50:06
Speaker 1: people think that thought is now gone? These is just
50:11
Speaker 1: one snapshot of how many things people sent in of
50:15
Speaker 1: how they were able to change their beliefs around their limitations,
50:19
Speaker 1: and then because of that, how their circumstances have changed.
50:21
Speaker 1: So that alone. Look at how many people are running now,
50:25
Speaker 1: look at how many people are studying when they thought
50:27
Speaker 1: they couldn't study. And this is just a portion of
50:30
Speaker 1: just my audience, which is just a portion of the population.
50:33
Speaker 1: So just yeah, re listen to that. Talk to other
50:40
Speaker 1: people about how they have became limitations. The more you
50:43
Speaker 1: surround yourself with people who have overcome beliefs and thoughts
50:46
Speaker 1: and changed it, the more you think that's possible for me.
50:50
Speaker 1: Look for these expanders everywhere. Look for these examples of
50:55
Speaker 1: what you want to be doing, not necessarily in the
50:56
Speaker 1: exact same field, but just in general. Here's someone that
50:59
Speaker 1: over came this belief, this thought, this pattern, this whatever. Guys,
51:03
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening to today's episode. Hopefully
51:06
Speaker 1: that has inspired you to let go off a limitation
51:10
Speaker 1: and to do that thing that you actually want to do.
51:12
Speaker 1: Go through those points again, write them down, have them
51:14
Speaker 1: next to your bed, and good times. That is all.
51:18
Speaker 1: Love you guys so much. As always, be kind to yourself,
51:21
Speaker 1: be kind to your brain. Don't text it from anyone,
51:23
Speaker 1: and especially don't text it from yourself. Dunker