Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / October 10, 2017 | Expresso - Stephanie Davies

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October 10, 2017 | Expresso - Stephanie Davies · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I'm a little nervous.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I do teach kindergarten, but that's a lot different than tonight.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: So um is this at the zero?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, great.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um my first time at TBC was actually um at iMom in March of 2011.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I had a friend that told me, oh, we need to go, and I was like, okay.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I was a little apprehensive, but we went.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: And afterwards, I was like, okay, I really like this.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we actually were in the process of church shopping.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: We had been for a couple years at that point, and um we actually decided that this is where we wanted our church home to be, and so we joined a few months after that.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'm really thankful that we did.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Fast forward to August of 2011.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I was told that the lump at the base of my neck was cancer, stage two Hodgkin's lymphoma.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: I experienced probably about every emotion possible.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was anger, confusion, frustration.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I felt guilty.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I apologized to my husband a lot.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't even comprehending at that point what I was gonna have to go through.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was what he was gonna have to go through.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: What my son was gonna have to go through, Connor was uh 15 months old when I was diagnosed.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And um school was starting the next week for me too.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was a non-traditional student, so I was still going to school to earn my degree.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: I decided to go ahead and stay in school, keep my mind busy.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when I told people the news, I heard all the cliches I think some of us are familiar with.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: God won't give you more than you can handle.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're strong, you can do this.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Everything will be okay.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: God has a plan for you.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: I took it with a grain of salt because I knew maybe they didn't quite know what to say to me.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but also at the same time, I kind of wanted to tell them, please don't tell me that because I don't know at this point what's gonna happen.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Even though they told me it was a high cure rate, I didn't know that.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: It goes on, it goes going through my mind.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I going through this?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I had a lot of questions for God.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't understand why I'm having to do this.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And with all those cliches and everybody thinking, you know, because I had my faith in God, everything was gonna be okay.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I felt like I had to put on a face for my friends that everything was okay.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't feel like I could tell them that today was awful.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like I felt horrible.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't even pick up my son after I had my biopsy.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't pick him up for two weeks.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't clean the house because I couldn't pick anything up.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just couldn't do the normal things that I felt I'm supposed to do as a mom.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm supposed to do this.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: My husband's not supposed to have to do all of this for me.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where iMom comes in.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: My first IMOM meeting for the 2011 year was September 1st, which happened to be my very first day of chemo.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was hesitant to tell my small group later what was going on because I was like, well, I didn't want to put the pressure on her.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: I went ahead and told her.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: They prayed for me that day before I went to my first chemo treatment.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember vividly that um Keisha Ross and Ashley Piffer were the first ones by my side.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thankful for that group of women that I got to know during that time because they were there for me.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I had some that came and cleaned my house because I didn't have the strength to do that.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I had some that babysit my son when um I couldn't find somebody to watch him because he couldn't come to my chemo treatments unless they had the family room available, which most of the time it wasn't available.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And also Jill Barker set me up with um Angie Marischal, who was um just about ready to go into radiation treatment for her uh breast cancer.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it was just God's timing was just right in all of that because I was so unsure, like how did she do it?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because she had three kids.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, how did you manage all of this with your husband working and you trying to do it all?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: My first treatment was really tough.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, part of it was my fault.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: I did not stay on top of my medications like I should have, as far as pain goes.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I was very sick.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my mom had to come and take care of my son.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I I just couldn't do it.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't get out of bed some days.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: It just the pain was horrible, the nausea was awful.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: But even when I went out, I still put on the face.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Then later that week, a letter came in the mail from an old friend, and he'd written a verse down, and we decided that should just be my theme verse for that year.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it was Isaiah 58, 11.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: For me, um, it was and the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you shall be like a watered garden whose waters do not fail.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a reminder to me that God's timing is perfect, even though it doesn't seem perfect to us.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: We don't understand it, and I still don't understand it.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: About my third treatment, my hair started to fall out, and I'd been struggling with that because for me, I think a lot of us, you know, that makes us what feels like a woman.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Don't want to lose my hair.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I heard it from several that it's just hair, it'll grow back.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I understand that, but the process of having to shave your head is hard to face.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought I was gonna cry when my head was shaved.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, my husband had to do it for me because it was just at a night when it was just getting really bad, and I was like, just get rid of it.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just I can't do this anymore.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was laughing in the bathroom while he was shaving my head, and he finally stopped.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Why are you laughing?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Because I never thought somebody would tell me I'd be sitting in my bathroom and you would be shaving my head.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: My husband is bald, by the way.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: So he had more hair than me, and he was gonna have more hair than me for a while, and so he kind of felt good about that.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Well, you know, we have the same haircut, you know.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: So it I tried to find the humor and things when I could, you know, it didn't take me as long to get ready because I didn't have to do my hair.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um then in October, which I guess I can and then sorry I didn't do that before.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: This picture of our family.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: This was um some of my supporters from iMom.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: They came with me when I had to get my hair cut, and it was long at the time.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, in October 2011, after four treatments, I had a PET scan, and we had prayed and prayed that this PET scan would come back showing significant improvement or completely gone.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: But sadly, there was no change, and um, that felt like being told I had cancer all over again.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: So they had to do a new type of chemo, and there was more prescription medication to go with that.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: It was a more intense chemo for me.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um but the one thing I can be thankful for on that is that it did not come with nausea, but it came with being extremely worn out.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I really had a hard time keeping up with the house.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I got excited one day when I was able to go to the grocery store by myself and survive the trip and not be tired when I got home.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: They also had us make the trip to Omaha to meet a doctor for stem cell transplants just in case.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't really like that just in case, but we went.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't really comprehend anything they told me that day because I was like, no, we're not doing this.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: I this is gonna work.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is what God has, this is it.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: January 2012, I had my last chemo, and then later that month I had a clean scan.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then I started radiation in February.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And during that time, it just I thought everything was done.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: We were praising God for that the cancer was gone.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but things kept coming.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um I ended up with a blood clot six months later, which got cleared up.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I also broke my ankle, and I also got shingles.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it my husband was on deployment during that time as well.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: So um it was a lot of leaning on my mom, and I thank God that my mom works from home and that she is able, she was able to be there for us.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: She was my son's primary um caregiver for a long time.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: The cancer affected everybody in my family.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't just me.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't know that it affected Connor until later.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he started to regress in his development, which made me feel guilty because I was like, I should have done more.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: We got him help and he is doing great, which I'm thankful that we got the help that we did.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Fast forward to August 2013.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: I had trouble breathing.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't figure out why.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't figure out what was going on.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Went to a pomologist, uh, did all the tests, and later that night the doctor himself called me.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: He said the cancer was back.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even make it two years, I only made it about a year and a half.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: All the emotions came back again.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, this time though, I didn't really feel angry.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: It was just more a frustration and why?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't understand.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Been faithful to God, and why is this happening again?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't understand.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And we also knew it meant a stem cell transplant and living in Omaha for about seven or eight weeks.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I had to go through a different type of chemo because I'd already done two other types, and so it was a lot of searching, making sure that it was the right chemo for me.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: God provided because the chemo they chose uh was definitely the right one, but it they told us it was gonna cost us$4,000 out of pocket per treatment, and I needed four.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't know how we were gonna afford that, um, but we had a great social worker.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think God just put us in the right place because I also had a nurse practitioner who was praying for me every day and found out after doing some digging, it would only cost us$40 a treatment.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: So um God provided in all of that, and it was a difficult time for all of us.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um my mom wanted to help as much as she could, and she really wanted to help with Connor, and we were having trouble getting him to be able to come to the treatments because of the family room.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And because of iMom, I had uh Jan Swift volunteer to be my chemo driver.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: So she took me to all of my chemo treatments and sat with me the whole time uh because they were about an hour or two-hour treatments, uh, depending on if my port was cooperating, and most of the time it was not, so it took me longer to get through my treatments.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then I had to have my head shaved again.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't think I was gonna have to, and then when I talked to the transplant team, they said you'll lose it on the second day of chemo.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: It was harder to lose my hair the second time because it was I just did this, I don't want to do it again.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where this group of ladies came in.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um we kind of had a head head shaving party in a sense, they came and supported.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we even let my son take a go at it, you know, just to kind of just let everybody join in.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um and graciously Keisha did that again for me.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but then here with the it doesn't show it here, let me see.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: There we go.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: With the head scarves, that was the face that I put forth for people.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because I just didn't feel like they wanted to hear what was going on, even though there was a lot going on.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then my husband and I, we said we were twinning that day.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so we um just did that the best that we could.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And um, even though I was going through that, God reminded me to find the joy in it in the little things.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: The little things like that with the smile that he still had his mom.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that was my biggest worry is that he wouldn't have me.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: My last treatment was in December of 2013.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was very worn out.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to go to Omaha, but in January 2014, we headed up to Omaha and I did my prep for transplant.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: It was a lot of tests, a lot of shots to get my body ready to send the signals to my body that it needed to release those stem cells.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: It took me two days to donate enough cells to give back to myself, and it would mean two days of transplant.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Once that was done and they were ready, I'd have six days of chemo straight, twice a day for five days, and then um the last day was a really short chemo, but I had to eat ice 30 minutes prior, continuously, eat ice during the treatment, and then eat ice after the treatment to prevent mouth sores.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: I had an amazing transplant team, they were supportive.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: But I've never been so sick in my life or felt so scared because I didn't know what day-to-day was gonna bring.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm happy to say that January 22nd, 2014 is now my rebirth day, is when I received my cells back, and that's when the hard days started because during chemo I didn't have any side effects until after the transplant.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: I had some very hard days.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: One day was really hard.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: I hadn't slept in a few days.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't take any of my medication unless it was through IV, and I could tell my husband was wearing down because he was in Omaha with me.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: I finally told him you just had to leave, go see a movie, get out of this hospital room because the door had to be shut the entire time with it being on the transplant floor.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: I remember just laying in the bed wide awake, wasn't feeling good.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: I just cried out to God, I can't do this anymore.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's too painful.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: I can't sleep, and I don't know if I'll see my son.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: All I wanted to do was go to sleep.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be there for Dan and Connor.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I just wanted to get past the symptoms so I could feel good.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I cried out to him that I just need you.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it felt like he came and sat down by me, held my hand.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: I've never felt his presence so strong.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I slept for three hours that day.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in the deeps, he's there, but you have to reach it.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Even though I couldn't take half the medication and only could take it through IV, I was starting to feel good.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: But then the scary thing happened.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: I got a staph infection.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: I had no immune system to fight it off.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what was gonna happen.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thankfully, the transplant team did their digging and made sure that I had top-of-the-line antibiotics to fight it.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was released on day 10, but remitted a few days later for a blood clot.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it looked like maybe I wasn't gonna get to go home.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: But then on February 14th, 2014, I was able to go home.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had to stay on antibiotics for my infection until March.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: But then May 2014, I reached my plus 100 days from transplant.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm happy to say that um January of January 22nd, 2018, I'll celebrate four years cancer-free.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: I still have hard days.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: There's permanent side effects.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: I have anxiety, it doesn't happen all the time.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need medication for it anymore, thankfully.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: I have survivor's guilt a lot, particularly when we go to our cancer walk, and I see the the young ones who have not made it.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: It makes it hard to be there, even though I know I'm there celebrating myself.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why aren't they here?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I know that God has a plan.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And we also have been struggling with infertility, as we knew the transplant would take that away.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't get it taken away on our terms, it was taken away without our consent, is how we felt.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're working through that.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Emotions still stir in me, but I'm thankful that God brings those to me so that I never forget what he's done and where he's brought me.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: The hard times being in the trenches, the valley, or the depths, whatever you want to call them, they're not, they don't seem fair.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: They can be frustrating, confusing, but he's there.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like he's when you're in the deep the deeps, he's there in a way that's so personal and deep and special to who you are and his eyes and his plan for you.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: I may never know why the course of my life was battling cancer two times, but thankful that I had prayer warrants with me and my faith in God.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: He'll never leave me, even though it may feel like I'm alone in my struggles.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: I just needed to remember to seek him.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: And my sister reminded me that you only need to be sp still as God will fight for you.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Which helped us choose our verse for my second time in cancer.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: We did eight Psalm 1839.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: For you equipped me with strength for the battle.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: You made those who rise against me sink under me.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we knew that God was gonna fight for us.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is from the Shears Light the Night Walk.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I have a small team, which is typically my family, but thankful that they come every year to support me.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: And to leave you with this, I did several Bible studies through the all the times that I was going through chemo.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember where this came out of.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad that I wrote it down because I look to it every once in a while, as it's a great reminder to me.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: God has promised us this when we do our duties in small matters, he will give us additional responsibilities.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes those responsibilities come when God changes the course of our lives so that we may better serve him.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes our rewards come in the form of temporary setbacks that lead in turn to greater victories.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes God rewards us by answering no to our prayers so that he can say yes to a far grander request.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know uh what that grander request is gonna look like for me, but right now um it's that I'm here for my son and my husband, and that I was able to graduate college and do what I love.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, ladies.