Latest / Shared Light / Ep. 26 - The Beauty of an Ordinary Marriage

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Ep. 26 - The Beauty of an Ordinary Marriage · Shared Light

• Dustie & JR: Greetings all. Welcome to another episode of Shared Light with Dusty and Jr. I am obviously J.R. And I'm Dusty. full context. It's a little bit of a madhouse right now at our house. still have an extremely pregnant puppy. So we're kinda hoping this goes well. but if you do happen to hear dogs barking or kids going crazy We'll do our best to edit all that out, but You never know. We never know. Real life. and speaking of real life. A little bit of a segue into our conversation for today. We have Been thinking about a lot of our stuff going on. And as you many of you know, if you've been listening, we have been in a very life season of life right now, with everything going on. between work finances, stresses of a pregnant dog, daughter's mental health. Daughter's mental health compounded by everything else that has kind of hit the last couple of years. but It really begs the question. When we were first married What did you think marriage was gonna be like? What did you think it was gonna look like? Not this. I think it's for me it's kind of the same as like when you wanna have kids. You only see the happy, the we're gonna be so in love and every every day's gonna be amazing and Yeah, I mean I think we probably both imagined this just Instagram worthy life that had us traveling, extreme romance, we would have perfect kids, what is that demographic, two point five kids in a in an animal or a dog or something? Yeah. versus what it actually looks like, which I mean, why don't you talk a little bit about what does that look like today for us? It's I mean it's pretty it feels chaotic, I think, when you're in the moment, but it's pretty ordinary I would say, you do ordinary things most of the time. They're not amazing, they're not grand. some of those are sprinkled in there, but most of it's just mundane and ordinary and Yeah, I mean I think a lot of our Just day to day really is To your point, ordinary. It we get up roughly the same time every day, we have a routine, we go through that routine. I go to work, you stay at home, you're working on household stuff, you're folding laundry, you're doing dishes, you're you know, keeping the animals separated right now, which is a full-time job because of the pregnant one that can't co-mingle with the other two. It's summer break, so kids are home. Summer breaks, so kids are home. I'm also making ninety nine point nine percent of our meals homemade. Yes. So I mean it's a full time job for sure, here at home. and you know, my day is typical work day. I go to work, I'm dealing with personnel, I'm dealing with day to day issues, I'm working actively to try and mentor And develop the people underneath me. I'm going through everything there is to go through in terms of, trying to make an organization successful. And then, that ends. I come home. And again, our routine is very, very even keeled. some days it's and lately it's been a lot of me come home, jump on the PlayStation, play some Fortnite, veg out. Eat dinner, do homework, maybe catch a little bit more Fortnite, maybe catch a documentary or something, and then you know, we're falling asleep halfway through a documentary or or whatever it may be. Yep. so I guess the real question then a is When did ordinary start feeling For us, I would say when did we really start to understand that that ordinary really is a beautiful thing that is not necessarily disappointing? Yeah. I think honestly when we started communicating better and being intentional 'cause then for me I started to realize that not everything is a you know, like a goal that you're chasing and getting to the end and then you're starting a new one and starting a new one, you're ending it, you're it's not always that. And so once you start really being intentional, and that's a part of being intentional, is just living in the moments that you have instead of hurrying up and getting through so that you can start a new one or, move on to the next. Well, and we touched on that a little bit, right? Where a lot of people get married, have children, and their sole focus is the goal of raising kids. Mm-hmm. And they're looking towards that milestone, that milestone ending. And then once that ends, it's what do we do from here? Yeah. and our marriage was similar, in the beginning. It was very goal oriented. It was very we know we want to buy a house. We know we want to have kids. We want we know, you know, we have a general idea of how we want our home Life to balance. Right. You know, we knew that you wanted to stay home with the kids. We knew that I needed a good career. And once you get there, it really can leave you feeling like, what do we do from here? Right. Yeah, 'cause I think you're always expecting once I buy the house, we'll be happy, we'll be good. Once we have kids, like we'll be complete, we'll be happy, we'll be good. And yes, it makes us happy. That we bought a house and we have our kids, of course. But that doesn't necessarily mean you don't have to do anything else and it will just sustain you the rest of your life. Yeah. I mean, one of the big ones right now is that am I gonna be finally happy when I'm out of debt? Am I gonna finally be happy when when I retire? Right. When life slows down. You know, all of those things, if I'm not careful in being intentional in the moment, and I get so lost in that. future, I stop paying attention to what I'm doing today. Yes. you start to lose some of that connection with the people around you because you're not in the present. You're not in the moment. You're not actively engaging. and some of that actually took you know some of the circumstances that have hit me lately. It's been able to slap me in the face hard enough that I am being more intentional and really just enjoying the quality time that I'm spending with, my wife, enjoying the conversations that I'm having with my daughters. My daughters have really opened up and come out of their shell in the last few months. and that may just be because I'm putting forth the effort. Yeah. and it has been able to Shift my mentality, so to speak, so that it's not so negative. It does keep me, positive and enjoying the moments that we do have and the things that we do have. Yeah. I think it's so many people look at once I buy house that's gonna make me happy. Once I'm out of debt, that's gonna make me happy. Once, I have my family, that's gonna make me happy. Instead of looking at the right now. and finding the happy and the joy in the now. Because it's good to have goals and of course we have goals and there's a lot of things that we still want to do and achieve. But There's also a lot of happy and joy in the journey of it, going through it. Right. that that end goal and achieving it is not what's gonna make me happy. Going through that journey, with my husband, my best friend, and my kids, even if it's a hard journey, whatever the journey is, that makes me happy. Yeah. I mean, I think we have to challenge ourselves daily and just Take stock in the fact and think about, you know, are we accidentally missing life because we're consistently praying for the next chapter in our life? Mm-hmm. Yeah. which is easy to do. I mean, I've been there. It it it is super easy to just get caught up in everything that you're striving for so much so that it takes away from everything that you're doing to get there. Yeah. And not only that, but sometimes I stop and think, like, we're living what we prayed for five, six, seven, ten years ago. Twelve years ago. Yeah. We're living it now. Even though it's hard and we have another journey we're going through that's hard. We're still living. We have our kids. we have our house that we bought. We have the vehicles that we want. we're living what we wanted and we prayed for and we worked for ten years ago. We just have a whole new set of challenges and journeys that we're now going but it they're easy to miss. Yeah. Because if you focus on what's ahead and what you need to accomplish now, you miss the whole point of what you prayed for and wanted ten years ago that you have in this moment. And You know, and I talk about a I don't know, I don't wanna w wanna say at length, but I do at least key in on it. social media has helped change a lot of those expectations. both for older adults but especially for like younger adults. I mean think of my kids, right? My kids and don't come at us 'cause we let them on and view some things on social media, but yeah. Some things. Yeah, I mean we're cognizant of the fact that there is things that they should not see and and we're constantly in discussions about that. But side note, right? It does change the expectation when you see all of these things on the Instagrams and the Facebooks, anniversary trips. Well now subconsciously maybe you feel like our low key anniversary of, spending time together and just having a a movie night and having burritos or whatever. Well now it doesn't live up to this expectation of Instagram where these people are going on these big family trips or whatever for their anniversaries or these elaborate date nights or, the gifts and stuff that that you see but what you don't see, you never see people posting the electric bill that they pay. Yeah. Or their house payment that they have to pay or taking turns. when you're trying to deal with sick kids. Mm-hmm. and to your point, making dinner after all the crap that you've done all day. Mm-hmm. Or those moments when you're just exhausted sitting on the couch with your person. Yeah. Like you don't see that stuff on social media. No. No, because it's not exciting. And it's not grand and it's not happy, happy, happy, happy. I don't want to post our heart either, but that's reality. Well, and that is I would say the biggest percentage of a marriage is those moments. Yep. when you're paying bills, when you're dealing with sick kids, when you're dealing with, you know, stressed out husband and wife, when you're dealing with making dinner and arguing about what we're having for dinner tonight, or just all of those things that go into that ordinary life, I mean that's reality. Yeah. I'm that's the important part, I think, for me, anyway. Those are the moments where You repair if you need to. Those are the moments that you build trust. Those are the moments that build and sustain the foundation, I think, of your marriage, of your family, of it's not when you're on vacation at the beach. It's not, showing off this big luxury house and Yeah, I mean Love is not built on vacation. No. You're not going and doing these things with the sheer intention of, this is gonna keep us in love and keep us doing this and keep us doing that. And I think some people might even fall into that trap where they're constantly trying to do stuff, to keep that excitement going and to keep that and it's exactly like you said it. You don't build trust in those moments. I mean you can, but you can and and not to say that those aren't Fun and those aren't enjoyable, but those are not sustainable moments. Yeah, no. And I mean you are building that relationship, like you said. you're building trust when people show up for you. Mm-hmm. when somebody I mean, you especially, right? In the morning, you know exactly how I take my coffee, you know exactly how many cups of coffee I need first thing in the morning. Like all of those little details. Right. Really help you key in on somebody that is actively being a part of your life in a way that they're learning who you really are. Yeah. Well And those are just some small examples, but I mean They're choosing you. Yeah. they're thinking about you. They care about you. they want to do things for you and not just do things yes, I do things. I do laundry. I make all the meals. I make the coffee, whatever, but We show up for each other when we need it. I know that you're always there and vice versa. Yeah, I mean you're the one that's gonna listen to me when I'm having a crappy day. you're the one that's gonna wanna go and sit with me at the doctor or make me go to the doctor because I don't like to go. Yeah. going out of your way to do my laundry or, fold my clothes or and even just in the way that you say sorry and intentionally mean it. I mean there's a lot of people that say sorry and don't mean it. Yeah. I think when you are building that life with that other person I think apologizing comes from a different perspective and it's a different level, I think. not to say that it's superficial or anything when you apologize to other relationships, but generally when you're apologizing, at least this has been my experience in my marriage with my wife, right? When I'm apologizing, it's because I truly and sincerely feel like I did or said something that hurt her feelings. And if I could go back to that moment it would be something that I would not do. Yeah. and the difference is I may say something that hurts somebody's feelings, an acquaintance or a friend or whatever. And I may apologize that I hurt their feelings, but at the end of the day it's not something that I want to take back or or that I'm not necessarily because I try to be honest and I try to come across in a positive way, but sometimes things don't come out right or whatever and people do get their feelings hurt, right? Yeah. And I guess what I'm trying to say is to me, that level of sincere apologetic meaning behind it, at least with my wife, is on a different level than like with anybody else in my in my life. Yeah. because I feel like More than anybody, she continues to choose me and out of sheer respect for that, I should not be doing or saying things that are gonna hurt her feelings or whatever it may be. Right Yeah. I think there's just a lot more behind an apology to your spouse than there is anybody else. you don't have the history, you don't have the emotion, you don't have the same intention. Right. And really I mean outside of that, I would I would argue that a lot of those ordinary moments, that's when you really do build that intimacy with each other. Mm-hmm. Because you do see the raw and unfiltered with with another person. Yeah. regardless of whether you agree or don't agree, every time you leave the house you put a mask on of some sort. Now in a healthy marriage, all of that shaves away when you get home with your other person. And there may still be some in some situations, but for the most part I would say it is very raw and unfiltered and she has seen me at my worst and she has seen me at my best and everything in between. Yeah. And not everybody gets that in your world. maybe your parents, maybe your kids. but even like but I think you're still guarded with them. you don't I don't want my parents to see A lot of things, 'cause I don't feel like it's something that they need to worry about and the same with the kids. But and that was just a little bit of a tangent, but I do want to, talk on this whole ordinary idea because that again is a big portion of where you're going to live in marriage. and you have to understand that ordinary does not mean stagnant. No. No, because I feel like I mean it can be stagnant. You can you can become stagnant in your marriage, but just because it's ordinary does not mean that it's stagnant. there is a difference. There's a a distinction there. And and I think the distinction there is the intentionality behind it, right? yes, we do have routines, yes, we do have a lot of stuff. And if we weren't intentional with each other It would be real easy for that to become stagnant. Yeah. but we intentionally, notice each other, compliment each other. We're still laughing all the time, we're still flirting all the time, we're still trying to have meaningful conversations with each other. So it's not I think our routine though, for both of us is a comfort. And again, I go back to reading and things that I've learned. I go back to like thinking about with atomic habits, right? I mean everything in your life is a routine and everything in your life is a habit. And that is essentially what and how you are able to adequately change things in a positive manner as you start building positive habits into your day to day routine. So that it's not something that you have to think about. It is something that literally becomes part of your everyday procedure or whatever. Yeah. Just like brushing your teeth. Right. And I feel like that intention that we've built into our marriage Is that right? It's something that we've built in that we have really worked hard on to ensure that yes, our routine may stay the same, but everything that we do, our heart is behind it and it changes everything that we do in our day. Yeah. Yeah, I think we just consider each other a lot more, I've always considered you and everything I did, but I until we started communicating like we do. I could still consider you, but you don't receive it as consideration. Right. You know, because I don't know what you need or it didn't at the time or how you were receiving the things I was doing or how I was saying it or Yeah, I mean at the end of the day I think it just It it really boils down to you really taking a step back and just being grateful for what you're in and what your circumstances are. as corny as it may sound, you have to ask yourself, instead of what am I missing, ask yourself, what would I miss if it was gone tomorrow? Right. And that that might give you your answer. what's missing from our marriage? Well if one of us was gone tomorrow, what would we miss the most? it's no secret that my mom passed, just over a year. A year ago. And this point really hits me every time that I talk to my dad, because my dad He lived for my mom, right? He did everything he could up until the very end to ensure that she was taken care of, that she was taking care of herself, that trying to go through everything that they could to make sure that she was gonna have a good quality of life and and be here longer than she was. Yeah. And that was of a huge part of his routine every day. But now when I talk to him I would say that the things that he misses the most is I mean, we just had a conversation the other day where he and he lives what about twenty minutes outside of a bigger city. that they have to drive to to go to like, actual grocery stores and Walmarts and all that. And He told me, that the kids are in school, they're doing band, they're doing the things that kids do. I mean, they're they're both really involved in the community there. So he's left to his own devices and he told me the other day that he was driving and he noticed I don't remember some car or something on the road and he turned and then he realized that my mom wasn't there because he was gonna make a comment and he said that, that one thing sparked his memory of I need my wife right here. This is my wife would be here with me right now. We would be, discussing or talking or whatever. And it's again, it's that thing, you don't really know what you're gonna miss until it's it's gone, right? Mm-hmm. you know, that that morning coffee routine together. their shoes by the door. Yeah. In your way. Yeah. their laugh. random texts about, groceries or this or that or Yeah. I think for me one of the biggest one would be your side of the bed, like where you're at on your I've thought about that actually a lot. when you're gone, I don't know if I can sleep. Like I don't know if I would be able to sleep. and I it like in the grand scheme of life, you those little things you don't really think about, but if it was gone tomorrow, if he was gone tomorrow, there's so many things throughout my day that would be awry. I mean It's an interesting perspective to take because it really does allow you to understand all of the blessings that you really do have in this ordinary life, right? That this mundane day to day non Instagram, non Facebook worthy life that you live, those are the moments that end up being the most precious. And those tiny things are the things that you end up latching on to when when they're gone. Yeah. So And I mean you could get into, the faith perspective. Dusty and I both are very spiritual, but I would say neither one of us is very religious in in terms of an practicing religion. Yeah. We just both have our own but our own relationship with God. But you think about it and the ideas that we're sort of putting out there are very can be very based in faith, right? being able to take the blessings that you have in your life and understand that, that is the will at the moment. And whether you believe in a higher power, whether you believe in, the universe, whether you believe in yin and yang, whatever your belief is, balance, unbalance, whatever it may be, there is something There that really just lets you understand that you're a tiny little place in this universe. You should understand that that is your place, those are your perspectives, those are your beautiful moments to latch on to with another person. Because as we mentioned, life happens and you never know. You n you just never know. So you end up thinking to yourself And I think about it to myself, quite a bit. What is the most ordinary thing in our marriage that I love the most, right? You touched on a good one in sleeping in bed because I do find myself not being able to sleep when you're not in bed. Most of the time, if you get up, I'll wake up because I don't feel you next to me. but outside of that, I would say my most favorite thing is when you start uncontrollably laughing. those are probably my most favorite moments just because that is something that not everybody gets to see. No. And maybe not even experience with their partner. Right. I think for me I mean definitely sleeping and not just sleeping but we have such a routine on the weekends that we stay up and watch documentaries or whatever and that's kind of our little date nights every week together. the kids are doing what they're doing on the weekends and playing games and I think for me Not just you laughing, but you laughing with the kids and you guys are in in a little banter or whatever and you're roasting each other and that's probably one of my other favorites is just watching you guys interact and laugh and you're just you're bonding and that hasn't always been 'cause, life gets in the way and you're working, working, working and doing this, doing that. And there was a point where it was like ninety nine percent of the time I was with the kids and I was experiencing a lot of those moments of their laugh and their, their joy and their conversations and You didn't get a lot of that. So now to be able to see it is like that's one of my favorite things, I think. Well, and I think about I mean to your point. I and I've talked about it with other people. I don't know that I've ever talked about it with you, but I do I do feel like I missed a lot of their first I would say at least six, seven years. Yeah. Because I was just so focused on work. Mm-hmm. And when I wasn't at work, I was thinking about work or I was thinking about sleep. Because I work so much. Yeah. So but I guess another question would be In Talking through this, I mean, if someone followed us around for a week, what do you think they would be most surprised about? jeez. It's a hard one. they'd probably be surprised that A we really don't go anywhere. We really don't leave our house. and B We don't hang out with anybody. Yeah, I mean I think I mean other than we see my mom and stuff, but Yeah, and I would venture to guess that I think a lot of people would be surprised that we really don't argue. Mm mm. and I just say that because I think to every person I've almost ever been around that has been in some sort of relationship or whatever, I mean there always bantering or arguing about something and we just don't know. we talk a lot. I mean we have a lot of conversations and but even when we but disagree, I don't feel like it's an argument. It's more of a conversation. It is 'cause it's it's just like, yeah, well I don't agree with that. And here's why. It's not a button we don't really get mad at each other. Yeah, I mean I think maybe that's what I'm leaning more towards. We just don't we don't get upset at each other. Very often, if at all. No, but I've I think they'd find it surprising too that we also don't get mad or upset really with our kids. I mean they might do stuff that it's like come on. Like you know better than that. But I mean I like to make them think I'm mad. Yeah, they don't really take you serious. Yeah, I figured that out. But I think they might find that surprising. But we just we're not those people. I think we've always said that from the get go. Like we're not High energy, I mean I have I'm pretty emotional, but we're not angry, we're not yellers, we don't raise our voice, Well, like I say, growing up in the environment I mean, you know my mom and you've been around my parents and Yeah. You've been around a lot of my family and it's Not to say that they were I mean it was it was they just have a different communication style. And they're very bold, they're very direct. And I mean I can be loud. I can be too, I guess, on the directness, but I just I never understood the being loud. I guess. It doesn't that person. It doesn't make sense. And my dad's not very loud. Loud is hard for me. my mom was a little loud and aggressive. She was fiery. She was I would say she was fiery. Yeah. But yeah, I mean I would venture to say that if people followed us around for a week, that would probably be the most surprising. Yeah. Because I feel like it's not very common. Yeah. I mean just think about it and the relationships around the people that you know. Yeah. it's not common, I don't I don't feel like. I could be wrong. It's not common. It's not so hard to understand for me because my parents are the same. They don't yell and scream at each other. Of course they've disagreed. Of course they I'm sure I've had some intense moments together but they don't go around yelling at each other. Yeah. They your dad's pretty My mom's quiet. Your dad's very matter of fact and wants to speak everything and logic. Yes. Yeah, and I think that's I've adapted that part of that from him, I think, in the way that I, parent our kids. is that I don't look at the things that they have done wrong or didn't do and and think, they need punishment. I need to punish them so they'll learn. I look at it like how are they supposed to know if I haven't taught them? what do I need to be doing or what is the lesson? If they already know, then there there needs to be a different either way of teaching them or there needs to be another lesson that needs to be learned or I think I just approach it differently because that is how my dad is. Yeah. I mean he's very Everything is a teachable moment. He's very much that way. Yeah. My daughters can struggle with that sometimes. Mm-hmm. Because he really is teaching them all the time. Yep. Which is great. And they enjoy it as much as they say they don't. They love it. But they also I a at their age, 'cause I remember being that age and it was like It's you know what I mean? Because you're a kid. And but now that I'm in my forties and I'm like thank God, because that's how now I parent, and I don't believe that punishment is an answer, or discipline or but that's a whole nother episode. But that's that's a whole nother topic, I feel like. But that's yeah, that's one of the things that I think they would people would find surprising is how I think we're just generally Calm people. Our house is a very calm house. You know, our kids have their moments where they're rambunctious and until we're around other kids. And then I feel like my kids are not that rambunctious. Yes. Then they get overwhelmed by other kids, but but well and then I got a question for you. if you could tell a newlywed one thing about this ordinary life? What would it be? I would say probably be intentional and enjoy the moments where you think you're not growing or you think you're you're not achieving something. because those are the moments that are gonna help you achieve what you want to and grow your marriage and build that foundation. Those are the key moments, the mundane, the ordinary. the boring, if you will, people call it. those are the moments that are gonna build that foundation that twenty years later you'll need to lean on. Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna say something very similar in the fact that intention drives. every facet of your life, right? So especially in these smaller, mundane, ordinary moments, understanding that the journey is the most important part. And making sure that that journey is something that you're both intentionally working on. Together so that you guys can lean on each other. Yeah. that would be my advice. Just because I think back to when we got married. We didn't think I mean I didn't think it was gonna be what it is today, right? It was very much just you're gonna get married, you're gonna have kids, you're gonna buy a house, you're gonna live happily ever after. Yeah, you just look at all the big moments. Right. And it's not well, you have to work on your credit. You gotta work on making sure your bills are paid. You gotta have, food. To eat, you gotta have all of these things. Well and you have to sustain. Yeah. You have to sustain a marriage. You have to be able to have hard conversations and get through things and understand that a lot of those milestones are right before you achieve those are extremely stressful. Yeah. I think back to when we bought the house and I was a nervous wreck for like The entire process until we signed. Yeah. I mean, that was a tough, tough market when we bought the house. Yeah. And it was our first house, so we didn't know what to expect, you know. Yeah. but we I mean we were getting we found some great houses that we loved and it was like people were coming in with cash from out of state. And it was like, What in the world is happening? Yeah, the market was crazy back then. But And then when we landed on this house it was just kinda like, crap, okay. Well I guess this is the one. Yeah. And Yeah, I mean it's definitely not our dream home, but it works and it's nice and But it is again, it's about the journey because the journey is where you find that grit, you find that resiliency that you're going to need in those hard moments. Because again, right before many of those milestones, it gets really hard. Really, really hard. Well, and I think the most important thing is that you may not ever achieve a goal, but you're always gonna have a journey to that. Right. or through it. so that's the most important part is that journey. Cause you you may make a goal and you may never achieve that goal, but you're gonna be on that journey for however long with your person. and I would say for those of you that may be struggling right now with a marriage or a relationship or just want to try something to To maybe lean more into being intentional in your day to day. I can offer some practical takeaways for everyone, right? So instead of trying to fix everything that's happening, Why don't you just try putting your phones away and having a meal together and seeing what comes of it? Kind of conversation you can drum up, right? Yeah. say thank you to your spouse or your partner for things that they do every day that you don't, think about. Yeah. Maybe they Get your stuff ready in the morning. Maybe they, clean the house before you get home. Yeah. Maybe they're just cooking your favorite meal. I mean, whatever it may be. Yeah. little bit of gratitude is huge. Yeah. take a walk together. Yeah. I mean we were doing that for almost every night and then it got too hot. Yeah. And it has been miserable hot. Really? but and one thing that we do all the time is and I don't know that we do it At night, but we definitely do it every morning. We start our day by sharing a very intentional message about something that we appreciate, that we're grateful for. And we've talked about that before. Right. Yeah, and it's just whatever your you're thankful for, grateful for, appreciate or whatever in that moment or that day. 'cause you're gonna go through good, bad, ugly, sick, And so we're constantly like, Hey, sorry you don't feel good today, sorry you still have to go to work but just know that I see you, I'm here for you, like I'm trying to make it easier for you or whatever. Just tell your partner how much you appreciate them or are grateful for what you have. being appreciative of the person that you're doing life with, can have some huge benefits. Just not just in their psyche in yours, but in your overall intimacy. Yeah. it helps you connection. Yeah, it helps you build that connection and helps maintain and fortify that trust. it just lets the other person know too, like I'm still showing up for you, no matter what. I'm still here. I'm still, thankful for you, grateful for you. I'm still thinking about you. I think it's important for me to know. Maybe not on a daily basis, but it's important for me to feel safe to know that we're still good. Yeah. and I know that we've talked a lot about just day to day, right? Day to day. Ordinary. And I think when couples envision the future and they're looking towards building a life together and they're looking towards spending the rest of their lives together. And we were guilty of this. We looked and thought about how we were going to build this amazing marriage. Right? Yeah. I don't I look back now after our journey twenty years. And I don't think the goal was ever to have an extraordinary marriage. Yeah. I think it was To build a marriage. That Could be extraordinary and filled with love. In those ordinary moments. Yeah. because I mean we just talked about it. It's the simple little things that we're gonna remember. It's not gonna be the big trips that we took. It's not I mean, yeah, you're gonna have some memories of s of those things, but Yeah. That's not what built you though, like I said. No, It's having those small intimate memories with someone that only you and that person will ever share. Yeah. That really do Compound and elevate that marriage to being that extraordinary marriage that you dream about. Yeah. So I hope this was value added. I hope that you guys are able to take away some of these tips and some of these ideas from this episode. I do wanna call attention to we still do have merchandise on the website for sale. if you guys are interested in anything that we have on there. That allows you to just spread your light and share your light with others. please go to the website shared lightpodcast dot com. I think it's under our shop section. Shop button. yeah, I mean take a look. if not, no worries. But I do want to call attention to it just because we have not been promoting it very well. We have not. And I need to add some more stuff to it. But with that, I wish you all a blessed week. please, please keep sharing your light. little bit of light in a dark world has tremendous impact on others. And with that, we'll catch you on the next one.