Latest / Dear Chelsea / Best Of Dear Chelsea: Shoshanna + Simone Handler

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Best Of Dear Chelsea: Shoshanna + Simone Handler · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea, Hi everybody. Welcome to a
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: new episode of Dear Chelsea. I have been getting a
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: lot of sister advice. I got a lot of sister
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: action in my life, a lot of sisters in my life,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: a lot of sisters asking for advice, and a lot
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: of sisters come to see me perform. So I thought
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: it would be kind of fun to have my sisters
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: on to dole out advice. Because my older sister Simone
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: is who I go to for all my advice. Shashana,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I also Shawna is more of like a love like
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: a love seat, like you go to her for love
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: and warm ship. Yeah, she's a lot like my mom.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: And then my sister Simone is less emotional and more practical.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: And so I have both sides of the coin and
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: my sister to be Yes, I feel very, very lucky.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Notice that I'm not mentioning how lucky I feel about
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: my brothers. But I do have a really sweet brother
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: named Roy. He is so sweet. He's just a little
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: He's like a just a love muffin. Also, but I'm
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: not asking him for advice either.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: I'm so excited that they're joining us.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I know it's a very exciting. So I want to
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: give a warm welcome to both of my sisters, Simone
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: and Shashana. Look they're both here at the same time,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: so serendipitous or an appointment.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, Hello.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Simone, you look so profresh. I love it. I am
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: a professional, so I know, I know, I know all
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: the fucking about it. Hi Catherine, Nice to meet you, Hie.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Likewise, I'm so excited for today.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Shauna beginning see you but not hear you yet.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: This is what it's like to get a phone call
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: from her. Hi.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: Girls, do we not get to meet Brad?
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: Brad?
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Come say hi, Brad.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Bring the dogs. They got a brother and sister combo platter,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: just like Burton Bernice pug puppies.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: Two pugs. Oh my god, yes, the smush face.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: And we have an older pug who's seven.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: Nice.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Oh they're the two dogs, I say, Hi. Oh, look
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: at them. They're making out with each other. That's sweet
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: when they kiss each other like that.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: Cute.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, So to continue our family story, So Simone had
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: her surgery. Then I went so Shanna got the rough
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: of it because someone was in bad shape for the
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: first week. And then when I came on the scene.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: We turned a corner and I forced her into a
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: physical therapy regimen, a walking exercise regimen post.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Spinyal boot camp is what I like to call it.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: And then Shashana was like, Chelsea, don't give her alcohol.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: You know, you can't give her alcohol. She's recovering, she's
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: on oxy cotton. And I was like, first of all,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: oxy cotton was made to be paired with alcohol, so like, obviously,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: if you know anything about a medical procedure or recovery,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: you want to make it as painless as possible.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: That first Margarita was delicious.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, and then she's like, and definitely don't give
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: her edibles. And of course, you know, three days in,
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this is going to make you relax and
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: feel better. So we had two different experiences. But on
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: the last day of our trip, Simone had a goal
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge, right, is that
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: the bridge we walked across mony, Yeah, which was a
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: lot less pleasant than we thought it was going to
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: be because you're basically on a bridge that feels like
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: it's swaying back and forth while.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: Hundreds of cars are zooming past you.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: It was like this, and you can't talk because you
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: can't hear anything. So it's basically it was like a
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: march and we got to one side. I was like,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: let's call an uber. She's like, let's just walk back.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I'm like, but why it's so unpleasant.
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: All I saw for the week.
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: That you were there was posts of Margarita's and luncheons,
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: and I was like, what happened?
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: I mean, what did I mean?
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: You did get the raw end of the field.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Shawna thought they were going to boor a board together.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: She's like, when are we going to go paddle boarding? Anyway,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I left Simone in great stead. So Shashana is technically
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: a registered nurse, but I'm a medical practitioner, and I
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: would like to say that even though everyone advises me
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: against advising others of medicine, I'm going to continue to
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: do it because I feel like I know what I'm doing,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: and I can tell by Simone's progress while I was
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: there that I do know what I'm doing.
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: You were on CNN yesterday for that. Did you see that?
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: No?
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: For what?
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I don't watch CNN anymore. For ompic oh, for my ozempic.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: People are like Chelsea handler didn't know she was on ozempic.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, first of all, do you think I
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: would admit that I don't know the difference between the
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: sun and the moon, but then lie about ozempic. I mean, obviously,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: I fucking tell the truth about everything. And it's called
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: semaglue tide. So I did not know I was on
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: ozempic until I was on ozempic. Perfect anyway, Okay, so girls,
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: let's talk about both of you. Oh no, Catherine, you
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: had something.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: Right, I do.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: I actually have an email from one of our listeners,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: and I wanted to get your perspective on it. Ladies.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: A very special flight attendant emailed us and she said,
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, not sure if you'll ever read this, but
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: I watched your special last night with a fond memory
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: of having you on board my flight in first class
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: when I was a purser on a flight we were
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: taxiing out when the in prints, the white businessman gentleman
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: next to you, rang his call button and decided to
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: tell me you hadn't turned off your phone. You looked
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: at him and said, are you fucking kidding me? Are
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: we in high school? You're telling on me? I was
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Your mention of
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: respect for flight attendants was touching, as was the mention
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: of your fear of pregnancy in the forties. I am
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: one of those women who chose to never have children,
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: and yes, drunk, I thought you couldn't get pregnant in
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: your forties and did, and yes, thank God had access
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: to abortion. So thank you for mentioning it, and thank
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: you for one of my most memorable flight stories. So
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: what I would love perspective on is has she always
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: been this way? Just able to say stuff like this
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: to like strangers who were trying to read her on
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: the plane.
• 5:49
  Speaker 6: Yes, that's a really quick, easy answer. Yes, And that's
• 5:52
  Speaker 6: the most common question we get about Chelsea is was
• 5:55
  Speaker 6: she always like this? Yes, since she was probably three
• 5:59
  Speaker 6: years old.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: And are you both like that as well or less direct?
• 6:04
  Speaker 6: We'll say no, No, we have different styles.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: I'm kind of a pleaser.
• 6:09
  Speaker 6: I don't like to make waves and those confrontational type things.
• 6:13
  Speaker 6: I mean, I will get annoyed, but it takes a
• 6:16
  Speaker 6: little bit more for.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: Me to get annoyed. Like I had someone on the
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: plane once.
• 6:19
  Speaker 6: Who, during an eight hour flight to France, got up
• 6:22
  Speaker 6: six times to pee, and the fifth time I just
• 6:25
  Speaker 6: looked over and said, really.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Well we both have the same language, because really was
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: the first thing I said to that guy too.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: I'm reasonable up to a point and then I lose it.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: So so Shahana.
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel kind of the same way.
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: I mean, you know, it takes a lot to get
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: me going, but it's something like that, I would definitely
• 6:46
  Speaker 5: have said something.
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I love the idea of an adult person telling on
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: another adult person to a flight attendant, like you can't
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: settle this little kerfuffle between two people. She's not turning
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: off her phone, so that's like her saying her seat
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: tray isn't up, which I still don't understand why those
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: have to be up when we take off, like they're
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: going to fly off into our eyes. I don't understand
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: why we can't be reclined. And actually, with all of
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: my newer relationships with flight attendants and the goodwill that
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: I've instilled with them for me, I feel like I
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: should be able to ask one of them. I don't
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: understand why we can't be reclining when we take off.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: When I take a sleeping pill and then get on
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: a plane, I want to go straight to sleep. I
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: don't want to take off and go to sleep.
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: There must be a reason. I don't know what it is.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: And get those answers for you, Chelsea.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well there's yeah. And also the like turns your
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: phone on airplane mode. I don't believe that's true either,
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: that you have to do that. I do it. Do
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: you do it when you guys go on planes put
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: your phones on airplane mode?
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: We used to do it, but the last couple of
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: years I hit or miss. I just forget.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: And whether you do it, whether I.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: Do it, that's above our pay grade. Sorry.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, thanks for all your help you guys. That's
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: the end of the episode. Thank you for coming perfect. Okay,
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about Catherine. I want to talk about
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: sisters and the dynamic between sisters. So Simone's oldest, Sashawana's
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: the middle, and I'm the youngest. Even though I'm the
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: loudest and the most obnoxious and the most opinionated, I'm
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: the baby. But I also act like I run the family, right, guys,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: that's very true.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: She does like the boss of the family.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I will defer to other people's opinions if
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: I find them of value.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: So kind of you.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: I'll defer to Simone on a lot of things because
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I know Simone smarter than I am. So when I
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: ask her a question about how to frame something in
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: a more reasonable way, or how to tell somebody that
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: they're fucking annoying without hurting their feelings, Simone is the
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: person to go to. And Shashana has recently blossomed and
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: burst into her own stage of womanhood right with her
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: personal business which she's at ear Piercer, a remote ear piercer,
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: and she's a registered nurse, so you're getting a safe
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: ear piercing when you You can follow her on Instagram
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: at Piercing's Sha Shanna. Shauna started her own business how
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: long ago Shauna two years?
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: One year, about a year ago.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, and it's thriving.
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: Doing it about four years.
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: So yeah, it's a mobile concierge piercing service. We come
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: right to your home and make it a safe, fun experience.
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: Everyone gets a certificate.
• 9:15
  Speaker 5: Of bravery for pictures and it's just a really happy,
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: fun way to do it that's comfortable and relaxed in
• 9:20
  Speaker 5: your own home.
• 9:21
  Speaker 6: And there's a huge market of little babies and little
• 9:24
  Speaker 6: girls that are getting their ears piers I had no
• 9:26
  Speaker 6: idea that so many people do this.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, Yes, every little girl in Jersey.
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and everybody I tell, they tell five or six friends.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Do you do like birthday parties and stuff?
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: I do?
• 9:37
  Speaker 5: Sometimes I'm the actual present and the kid doesn't even
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: know I'm coming, but she's been begging to get her
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: ears pierced for months. And I walk on the door
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: and they say, do you know who this is? She's
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: going to pierce your ears? And then I pop out
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: of a cake.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Topless. Everyone in our family goes topless. It's not just me,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: it's hereditary. My point of that story, Shauna, was that,
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: but you were working in the medical industry, not medical industry, healthcare,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: proper healthcare. You were a nurse. My sister was a
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: nurse and then she kind of got tired of that,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: and I guess the hours and the sense of responsibility.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: So you started your own business, and I think it's
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: given you a really big boon, right, like a boost
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: of self confidence, of self esteem. Tell us about that.
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: Well, in a million years, I never thought I would
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: own my own business. So it's been so much fun.
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: I kind of fell into it because I started out
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: with another company and then they ended up stopping the
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: home piercings and there was such a huge demand.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: So Shashana continued to moonlight.
• 10:36
  Speaker 5: That I thought, you know, how can I keep doing this,
• 10:39
  Speaker 5: you know, legitimately, And so I formed my own company.
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: And I love it. It's so rewarding and fun. Everybody I
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: need is so nice and they're so happy. It's such
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: a happy occasion. Everything's good about it, and I love it.
• 10:51
  Speaker 6: It's so cute because you're so much more social now,
• 10:53
  Speaker 6: Like I never really thought of you as being super social,
• 10:55
  Speaker 6: but you're out there, like meeting new people all the
• 10:57
  Speaker 6: time and they adore you.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: It's really cute. Yeah.
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: No, I mean, I don't think I ever had a
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: problem being social or anything. I'm like more shy and
• 11:06
  Speaker 5: quiet than you guys are. But I've always give been
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: good with patients and patient care in the hospital and
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: all that, so it's just transferring it to the home.
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: So for me, it's been easy, but I love it.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Well.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: I think that Pivot is really great for our listeners
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: to hear because we have a ton of people who
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: call in or write in and they're like, well, this
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: is what I learned to do. This is what my
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: career has been for the last twenty years. I can't
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: really get out of it, especially when it's something really
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: like you had to study for a long time for healthcare,
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: et cetera, and you pivoted into something where your background
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: is super relevant, but it's definitely outside the box, and
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: you know, you got creative with it, and look at
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: you now.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: And both of them have had big life moves. Simone
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: moved to San Francisco, like how many years ago?
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: Mony, it's been like six and a half years, I guess.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, from New Jersey. Her kids were getting older, but
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: she still had one kid in high school, my niece, Sunny.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: So she was deliberating whether or not to move out west,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: which was a huge culture shift really, I mean as
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: far as a culture shift as you can get in
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: like America. I guess Mississippi would be a bigger culture shift.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: But you know, and you kind of did change, not careers,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: but in a way you did. You changed what you
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: were doing.
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 12:16
  Speaker 6: No, I mean I think in my career I've done
• 12:17
  Speaker 6: a lot. I've had a lot of different jobs or
• 12:19
  Speaker 6: different positions.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: But so it has been in healthcare law.
• 12:23
  Speaker 6: And so I think as my kids were getting older
• 12:26
  Speaker 6: and I was divorced, and I was living in suburbia,
• 12:28
  Speaker 6: and I was kind of just bored with living there
• 12:31
  Speaker 6: and that whole routine of taking kids of soccer and baseball,
• 12:34
  Speaker 6: and I didn't really find my people there where I was,
• 12:37
  Speaker 6: And then I thought, you know, I really do need
• 12:39
  Speaker 6: a change. So when I found this job in California,
• 12:42
  Speaker 6: I was like, Oh, I could totally live in San Francisco.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: Why couldn't I.
• 12:46
  Speaker 6: The only big stumbling block was my daughter, who was
• 12:48
  Speaker 6: in high school and had to move her whole life here,
• 12:51
  Speaker 6: But even for her, for her it was probably a
• 12:53
  Speaker 6: huge benefit as well.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: So it worked out. I don't know for both of us.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: It's changed the venue I think is always good.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I feel like those big changes are always beneficial to everybody.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Because you were kind of like, this, isn't that a
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: far move? I remember you talking about it, and it's like, no,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: you got to go for it, switch things up in
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: a big way. And you've never looked back and regretted
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: that you ever moved across the country. No, not for
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: a second exactly. And Shashan, even when you were starting
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: your business you were like, Oh, I got to go
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: register as like an LLC or whatever it was, or
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: an escorp or whatever you were talking about, and you're like,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: it's just such a pain in the ass, and then
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: you did it and look and then you have never
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: looked back. Right, Like, all the little reasons that we
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: always have for not doing something, we don't ever even
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: end up remembering those reasons. So like when you're making
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: a big decision or a life move and you're making
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: it's almost like you're making excuses for why it can't
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: be done. And when you overcome hurdles, which you kind
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: of need to do to take a risk in life,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: you have to overcome these hurdles otherwise it's not a
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: risk exactly. You really rarely ever look back and be like,
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: oh God, I wish I hadn't done that, you know,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: when you're taking leap of faith.
• 13:57
  Speaker 5: Oh, I mean, honestly, I'm thinking three years old, and
• 14:00
  Speaker 5: it's the best thing I've ever done. And I'm happier
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: now than I've ever been doing anything professionally. I couldn't
• 14:07
  Speaker 5: be happier. So I'm so glad that I did found
• 14:10
  Speaker 5: out what I had to do, and it was a
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: pain in the ass, and it took a while, but
• 14:14
  Speaker 5: now it's done.
• 14:15
  Speaker 6: I also like the fact that when you do something
• 14:17
  Speaker 6: like that, you know you have two kids that see
• 14:19
  Speaker 6: that change in you, and so you're modeling this behavior
• 14:22
  Speaker 6: of doing something unique and different and risky.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: So they see that they benefit from that in their
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: own lives and their own decision making too.
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I totally agree with that. They definitely do.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: I know Burt and Bernice have benefited from all of
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: the challenges and risks I put myself in front of.
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: The only thing is Russell, my fourteen year old teenage
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: son tells his friends when they ask what his mother does,
• 14:46
  Speaker 5: they say, she stabs babies for a living.
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: So that's a little.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but those are babies whose parents are choosing for
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: them to be staffed like that's an unfair assessment. I
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: always used to look at like babies getting their ear
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: pierce as hard, so now I think it's adorable.
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: They look so mute, I know.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: And plus it's over in a second, right, It's not
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: like it goes on. I said to Sean, I go,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: what happens when you do the one ear and then
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: they know what's going on? How do you do the
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: second ear. She's like, they forget right away, way quickly.
• 15:15
  Speaker 5: You're smiling and happy. Two minutes. It's great and they
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: never remember it. So everybody's happy, the parents are happy.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Do you only do ears?
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: I do only do ears.
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: You know a few months ago, Chelsea put up on
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: Instagram that I would pierce pretty much anything on your body,
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: you know, anything, anything, And I got all these private
• 15:35
  Speaker 5: messages if I could come pierce their private parts, and
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: they're this and that, and I had to you know,
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: I had to let them down gently that right.
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: Now, it's it's just an ear business.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: So it was an area for expansion down the road.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: Don't roll it out.
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll think about that.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Just get some extra alcohol swabs and you'll be all set.
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: Maybe I'll practice nibble piercing on my husband Mike. I'm
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: sure he would be thrilled.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Nipple piercing. Can't be that bads. Oh oh yeah, copy that, Okay,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: got it, got it. Shashana is more virginal than I am.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: If you haven't picked up on that. Also, where's our
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: where's Roy Shashana? What's roy status? These days? Our brother
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Roy was living with Shashana. He came out to visit
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: with Simone when we were we were tending to her back.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: Oh that's right, there was.
• 16:19
  Speaker 6: A surprise visit. He just showed up at my doorstep.
• 16:22
  Speaker 6: That was that was a really nice surprise.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And then he hung out with us all week.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: And then what we would do is each of us
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: had to take Simone for well, we took her for
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: like her geriatric walk basically every day because she wasn't
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: very mobile, So we would take her out for like
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: thirty minutes or as much as she could handle, and
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: then we'd get back and then Roy would go for
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: a real walk, and then he'd come back and I'd
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: go for a real walk. I was smoking a lot
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: of pot during this time because I had nothing going
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: on except the care for Simone, and that I could
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: barely handle. So one day and our only responsibility was
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: not to leave Simone alone like that was it just
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: don't leave her alone because in case she got herself
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: into a jam, she wouldn't be able to get out
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: of it because she had stitches up and down her back.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: So one day Simone was like, oh, I have a
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: tesla appointment at too, that's all we have today. After
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: we went for a walk. I said sure, okay, So
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Roy went for a walk. I smoke a joint, I
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: go for a walk. I go for a longer walk
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: than expected because I'm stoned. And I get back and
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Simone's not there, and I was like, Roy, what the fuck?
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Where's Simone? And he's like, oh, she went to a
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Tesla appointment. I was like, no, you let her drive herself,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: and he goes, yeah, you weren't back, and she didn't
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: want to teach me how to use the Tesla. Her
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: tesla's for some reason extra annoying, and I was like,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: the whole reason we're here is to never leave her alone.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: He's like, you're the one who missed the appointment, and
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I was like, I know, Roy, but I thought I
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: could rely on you. So then I was like, okay,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: well I have to go to her find she's at
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: to a Tesla dealership. And I was like, we have
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: to call an uber. Roy call an uber, and he's
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: like I don't know how to call an uber. I
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: don't know how to call an uber either.
• 17:56
  Speaker 6: And then and these are the people that are in
• 17:57
  Speaker 6: charge of me, these are the protect me, and they
• 18:00
  Speaker 6: can't call it suber.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: I was like screaming at him in the kitchen. I go,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: why don't you have Uber? That doesn't even make any sense.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: He's like, why would I need Uber? And I'm like, well,
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: I don't need Uber. And so anyway, I had Uber
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Eats on my phone and I was like, I wonder
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: if they can pick me up in the middle of
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: a food delivery and take me to my sister. And
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: then finally I had Uber on my phone. I just
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: had to find it and I called an Uber. It
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: was a huge success. I got there as Simone was
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: just in the waiting room, just with a tiny bit
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: of attitude, not too much, and she's like, I told
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: you I had an appointment at two. I was like,
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: this is fucking Royce.
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: I should have stayed another week or two.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: I know it would have been more fun if we
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: were all together. Sean, I'm sorry you got the brunt
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: of it.
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I came in hot. He was cooking
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: every day.
• 18:44
  Speaker 6: He had me made chicken soup for twenty six people,
• 18:46
  Speaker 6: even though there's only three of us.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: So and then one night he made turkey meatballs for
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: twenty six people even though there were three of us.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: I still have those meatballs in the freezer.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: By the way, I was like, Roy, who are you
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: serving here?
• 18:59
  Speaker 6: He has no sense. It can only cook for like
• 19:01
  Speaker 6: fifty people at a time. He can't cook for two
• 19:03
  Speaker 6: or three people.
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: At the time.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he can't cook individually. Yeah it's individually or for
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: fifty people. It's nothing in between exactly.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: But anyway, they nursed me back to health.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: How are you feeling money?
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: I'm good.
• 19:15
  Speaker 6: I mean this lovely deluxe chair that you kindly bought me,
• 19:18
  Speaker 6: and I'd say I'm about eighty five percent there. I
• 19:22
  Speaker 6: think the last ten or fifteen percent will take another
• 19:25
  Speaker 6: six months. There's certain twisting right and left spending that
• 19:30
  Speaker 6: I can't really do.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: But I got a physical therapy once or twice a
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: week and they are great. I'd like to go there every.
• 19:36
  Speaker 6: Day, frankly, but apparently that's not really necessary.
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: I just like having a trainer. I like someone who
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: tells me what to do.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: When I do it, it feels like you should go
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: more than once a week.
• 19:46
  Speaker 6: Now They're like, I've progressed so much that I only
• 19:49
  Speaker 6: need to just to do what they tell me seven
• 19:52
  Speaker 6: days a week.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: And also, when I was out there with someone and
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I said, listen, this is a make or break moment
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: in your life. This could be the end, or this
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: could be a new beginning. And she looked at me,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: she goes, just shut up. Okay, I have another peak
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: left in me. This is not the end. And I
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: was like, yeah, but you can go for it in
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: this moment and get really healthy and strong. Or some
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: people in their mid fifties that get a procedure like this,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: just slide straight downhill.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: Not happen.
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: To you.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: No, No, I've got many good years left. So this
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: was just a little hiccup.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, good to know. Good to know. By the way,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: to all of our straight mail listeners, Simon's available.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: I'm available.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey, okay, so what do we have in store today? Catherine?
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Amazingly, I do have a straight mail listener who has written.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: In Oh is it for Simone? Oh my god, this
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: would be amazing.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: I don't know, but he is married.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Somebody sounds like an eager beeper.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: I have some sister questions. I have some dating questions,
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: all kinds of stuff.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Let's do sister's question.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: All right, well, let's go quick break and we'll be
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: right back.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: And we're back.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: We are back. Well, this first question is from lovable aunt.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: Growing up with my three years older sister was sort
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: of a battle. She was always so headstrong, almost like
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: a bully to everyone, especially me. She had this bad attitude,
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: always looking for a fight, and she was spoiled rotten.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: When we were young, we weren't friends. She always pushed
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: me around, tease me to the point where I would cry.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: She once said to a new friend that she didn't
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: know me and that I was a neighbor who lived
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: on another street. Fast forward to now, and we are
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: the best of friends. Somewhere along the way she grew
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: up and finally realized what's right and wrong and became normal.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: The issue is she has a four year old son
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: who looks exactly like her, and I'm terrified to say,
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: is exactly like she was when she was younger. My
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: nephew is a bully in the making, just like she was.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: He is only four and he already has this bad attitude.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's giving me PTSD of some sort.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: I do love him, but I cannot tolerate him. It's
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: hard to like him. Do I have to wait till
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: he's in his twenties to be able to bond with him?
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: He is just so awful. And no, I do not
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: have kids on my own, nor do I ever want one.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: He is my birth control, any advice, lovable and with
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: an unlikable nephew.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Oh geez, that's an interesting one.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: I haven't heard like that.
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: When you started out, I was like, Oh, this is
• 22:35
  Speaker 6: Shashawa and Chelsea when they were.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: Little, exactly.
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: That's what I thought.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I thought too, except I was the
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: youngest and I was the bully.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: And this is what it would have happened if you
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: had children.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Right, which is why everyone in our family advised me
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: over and over again. You guys say I don't listen,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: but obviously I did because I didn't have children, and
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: all of you kept telling me definitely don't when you
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: didn't need to say that. But okay, so go on, okay,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: so continue sigmo. Yeah.
• 23:01
  Speaker 6: So I think this is a tough one because I
• 23:03
  Speaker 6: feel like commenting on someone's child.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: Is you have to tread really lightly. It's a delicate area.
• 23:09
  Speaker 6: If she's good friends with her sister, now that's a
• 23:11
  Speaker 6: great starting point. There's got to be an opportunity that
• 23:14
  Speaker 6: when they're all together, for her to not necessarily criticize
• 23:19
  Speaker 6: her nephew. But when her sister corrects her nephew or
• 23:24
  Speaker 6: parents her nephew, I wonder if there's an opportunity to
• 23:28
  Speaker 6: have a broader discussion about his behavior, or you know,
• 23:32
  Speaker 6: even saying things like, oh, how does he do at preschool?
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: How's he doing with other kids?
• 23:36
  Speaker 6: Like asking more objective questions about his behavior to see
• 23:39
  Speaker 6: if she'll realize that this child is having some behavioral
• 23:43
  Speaker 6: issues and is a bit of a bully.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: But I wouldn't do it very subjectively.
• 23:49
  Speaker 6: And really go in there and say your kid is
• 23:51
  Speaker 6: a nightmare, like you need to fix him, because that's
• 23:53
  Speaker 6: that's never goes well.
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah, do you think that she's aware that your son
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: is acting like she did when she was young or
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: that's a question that you know, I wouldn't want to know.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: It's interesting to talk about who's aware of their children
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: and who Isn't you know what I mean, you're so
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: blind when it's your own child. I just talked to
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: a friend of mine who said it was a straight
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: cup I was with recently that they both were working
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: big jobs, both CEOs at different companies, and they realized
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: that their kid was turning into a major brat and
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: she's like, I just realized that she was turning into this.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: She's like, so one of us had to stop working
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: and we had to spend more time with her. And
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, oh, I've never heard anyone say
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: that about their own kid.
• 24:32
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: I mean that takes a lot of self awareness to
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: realize that.
• 24:35
  Speaker 6: I think in some cases, like if the child is
• 24:37
  Speaker 6: now emulating the parent, some people find that endearing.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: Oh, it was just like me as a kid, he's.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Looking Oh, I've heard that so many times from so
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: many mothers. She's like, she's just like.
• 24:46
  Speaker 6: Me, Like, that's actually not a p pre behavior a child.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: So it's a difficult area.
• 24:53
  Speaker 6: Again, I think siblings providing advice on their nieces and
• 24:57
  Speaker 6: nephews is just a touchy area. I just think you
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: have to I think it's worth bringing up, but I
• 25:01
  Speaker 6: think you have to do it in a very sort
• 25:03
  Speaker 6: of diplomatic way.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Well maybe this woman could she start doing stand up
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: and just out everybody that way.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: There you go. There's another option. That's option B.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: That's the straightest path to success.
• 25:17
  Speaker 5: I think if the sisters have a close enough relationship,
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: there is a way to open up that conversation gently.
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: That it depends how tight they are to be able
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: to work that in slowly gently.
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: But if you really do have that really tight close.
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: Relationship, I think that you can find a space to
• 25:33
  Speaker 5: talk about it in the right way without being really
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: obnoxious about it.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: I also think depending on the relationship that you have
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: with your nephew and with your sister, if it's appropriate,
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: where like she doesn't mind if you reprimand him or
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: have some input on his behavior. I have a niece
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: who was a Helian growing up, and I was a
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: person in her life who set like really firm boundaries
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: and she knew that, like I was the aunty that
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: if I said no, the answer was no. If I
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: said later, the answer was later. And that as I
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: set those boundaries early on, that paid off in dividends
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: as she got older.
• 26:08
  Speaker 6: Yeah, Catherine, I think you definitely that's a good point
• 26:11
  Speaker 6: about as the child grows up, you developed your own
• 26:13
  Speaker 6: relationship with that child. I don't think she has to
• 26:15
  Speaker 6: wait till he's eighteen years old, but it develops over time.
• 26:18
  Speaker 6: And I know all of my kids benefit from their
• 26:20
  Speaker 6: ants and novels.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: So starting school too might help correct some of this
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: behavior because a lot of times kids are bad in
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: a way that like their peers are not going to
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: put up with. So like, as he gets into kindergarten,
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: first grade, whatever, some of this might start coming out
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: in the wash. Hopefully that's true.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: I mean that wasn't the case for Chelsea when she
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: was little, But you know.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: I got more. I was more confrontational once I met
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: other people. I was like, oh, there's a whole there's
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: a whole sea of people I can disagree with. I
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: remember getting thrown out of nursery school because I said
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: something to the teacher that Dad had said to me
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: about her. I said to her face, and then I
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: got in trouble. She had Dad picked me up, and
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: Dad's I give to go and apologize. I think she
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: was trying to get me to take a nap, and
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I hated that. Now I would love it, but back
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: then I didn't want to be forced to lie on
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: those stupid cots. I was like, first of all, there's
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: accounting to be done for my family, Like I have
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: to figure out where the money's coming from, or where's
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: it where is it coming in? And my dad was like,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: you have to apologize. I'm like you're the one who
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: said it. It was either something about the way she
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: dressed or it was something I can't remember, but anyway,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: I was so mad that I was basically getting in
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: trouble for something he told me, and then I repeated.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: I was like, you're a bad influence. But yeah, so
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: I'm not a good example, but other people are. You
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: do get socialized when you go to school. I feel
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: like teachers are so tired and exhausted now that they're
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: not going to put up with any bullshit.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: Anyway, Yeah, okay, while lovable aunt, tell us what happens
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: with their nephew, and if you can set some boundaries,
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: let us know what happens.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Problem solved. It sounds like solved.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: Well, at the end of the day, I got to
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: wait it out right, Well, we have a caller. Are
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: you ready for a caller? Ladies? A lot of caller
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: joining up.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: Let's go.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, Amber says, dear Chelsea. I've been dating my perfect
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: man for two years this time around. We dated seventeen
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: years ago and had a tumultuous eight year relationship that
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: ended with cheating, and I was the cheater. In the
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: seven years apart, he dated one girl and I dated
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: several douchebags. He was always on my mind, though, and
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: about two years before we got back together, I started
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: pursuing him again, even while he was committed to someone else.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Needless to say, I won him back. I know there's
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: a lot to unpack there, but we've been working really hard.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: But he has major trust issues. I cheated on him
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: ten years ago, and I'm a completely different person now.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: I have done a ton of therapy and twelve step
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: programs and even a two month retreat in Thailand. They
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: all have the same message of truth telling and honesty,
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: so I've been exactly that honest. How do I earn
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: his trust back and convince him that I'm not the
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Amber from ten years go? Will the trust ever come back?
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: Or will my shitty ways haunt me forever? Amber? Hi Amber,
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Hi Catherine? How are you? So everyone your shirt? I'm
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: very excited about this, So let's go to therapy.
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: Oh that's cute, right, cute?
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Hi Amber? How are you? These are my sisters? There
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: are special guests today.
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: Hi sisters, I meet you. Nice to meet you as well.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's a long breakup and then you got back.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: How many years were you guys?
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: Apart.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: We were apart for seven years.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, so you had.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: Let me get this straight.
• 29:35
  Speaker 6: You had eight years together, then broke up for seven
• 29:38
  Speaker 6: and then you've been together again for the second time
• 29:40
  Speaker 6: for two years.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: Correct, Okay, that's seventeen. Yeah.
• 29:45
  Speaker 7: So we were together for eight years and then I
• 29:48
  Speaker 7: cheated on him and I had a little bit of
• 29:51
  Speaker 7: an affair, about a three month affair. Obviously he found
• 29:53
  Speaker 7: out about it, we broke up, he got involved in
• 29:56
  Speaker 7: a new relationship, and I was pining for him that
• 29:59
  Speaker 7: whole time and ended up getting back together and we've
• 30:03
  Speaker 7: been back together this last two years. But he just
• 30:06
  Speaker 7: does not trust me.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: Wait, I have a question, Amber, Was that the only
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: time you cheated on him?
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: One time?
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: Okay? Yeah, Okay, go ahead, someone, So.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: How has it been these last few years?
• 30:16
  Speaker 6: You obviously both still had something going on for each other,
• 30:19
  Speaker 6: so enough to bring.
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: You back together? Yeah?
• 30:22
  Speaker 6: What is How is he demonstrating this distrust like he's
• 30:25
  Speaker 6: just not one hundred percent there?
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: You know, For me, it's been great.
• 30:30
  Speaker 7: I'm just so excited to be back together with him
• 30:32
  Speaker 7: that I think I'm a little bit blinded by his insecurity.
• 30:37
  Speaker 7: He gets insecure about kind of the silliest things like
• 30:40
  Speaker 7: if I'm on my phone for too long. Maybe if
• 30:42
  Speaker 7: I'm on an app and I close out of the
• 30:44
  Speaker 7: app too soon, he's like, why are you doing that?
• 30:47
  Speaker 7: I mean, obviously, when I cheated on him eight years ago,
• 30:50
  Speaker 7: a lot of it was related around the phone. So
• 30:52
  Speaker 7: he's just been really insecure and he doesn't really voice it.
• 30:54
  Speaker 7: He's a little bit passive aggressive. I can just tell
• 30:57
  Speaker 7: that something's upsetting him. He's not really good at verb it.
• 31:00
  Speaker 7: And then it gets to a point where I start
• 31:03
  Speaker 7: to retreat because he's retreating, and then we'll have kind
• 31:06
  Speaker 7: of like a blow up where he's like, I just
• 31:08
  Speaker 7: don't trust you. You're doing these things, You're being shady
• 31:10
  Speaker 7: with your phone, You're closing out of these apps some things.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: I don't even know what he's talking about. I'm confused
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: and why he's right.
• 31:19
  Speaker 6: He's in a different state of mind altogether than you are. Right,
• 31:23
  Speaker 6: the jealousy thing is a serious thing that's not going
• 31:26
  Speaker 6: to automatically go away.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Have you guys gone to counseling together at all?
• 31:31
  Speaker 7: I go to therapy. I asked him to go to therapy,
• 31:34
  Speaker 7: and he was not on board with going to therapy.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Well, that's a big problem right there. That's a big
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: red flag.
• 31:40
  Speaker 5: This is a hurdle that you have to figure out,
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: and therapy is not the only way, but it might be,
• 31:45
  Speaker 5: you know, the easiest and best way to have a
• 31:48
  Speaker 5: third party figure out, you know, with you guys, if
• 31:52
  Speaker 5: you can get past this, because it's hanging over your
• 31:54
  Speaker 5: relationship and it's not healthy. So you have to move
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: through this or you have to probably not be together.
• 32:01
  Speaker 5: So if you're going to make it work, you have
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: to find a way to address this issue because it's
• 32:06
  Speaker 5: not going away.
• 32:08
  Speaker 7: Yeah, and it's you know, it's been seventeen years and
• 32:11
  Speaker 7: I have so many amazing single girlfriends and I want
• 32:14
  Speaker 7: to be in a long term relationship and I want
• 32:16
  Speaker 7: to be with him, and I don't want to give
• 32:19
  Speaker 7: up on the relationship. And I know that he loves
• 32:21
  Speaker 7: me very much too and doesn't want to give up either.
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: I don't want to say don't. He doesn't want to
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: go to like a traditional therapist. He does his own work.
• 32:27
  Speaker 7: He's very spiritual, who listens to a lot of like Eckhart,
• 32:30
  Speaker 7: Tooley and Deepop and he's just really into that spiritual
• 32:34
  Speaker 7: side of himself. He's a pretty special human. He just
• 32:37
  Speaker 7: can't get past this hurdle, and I'm not sure. I'm
• 32:42
  Speaker 7: not sure what to do.
• 32:43
  Speaker 6: I think the fact that he's had this experience, I mean,
• 32:46
  Speaker 6: he has a legitimate reason to have this trust issue
• 32:49
  Speaker 6: with you. You have never been in that position, it sounds like,
• 32:52
  Speaker 6: so you can't really understand what he's going through and
• 32:54
  Speaker 6: why he's acting this way, but it's legitimate for him.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: So I think you really do.
• 33:00
  Speaker 6: If he is spiritual, maybe you just need to go
• 33:02
  Speaker 6: to a different type of third party, as someone that's
• 33:05
  Speaker 6: a little bit more connected to mindfulness or someone that
• 33:08
  Speaker 6: he's on board with, because I don't think you can
• 33:12
  Speaker 6: kind of grow together if you really think he's the
• 33:15
  Speaker 6: one and he thinks you're the one, but there's this
• 33:18
  Speaker 6: constant issue hanging over your head.
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: I don't think it's going to work unless you really
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: hash it out.
• 33:25
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I just feel like he's punishing me for something
• 33:29
  Speaker 7: I did ten years ago.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Well, he's not punishing you. He's still hurt from something
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: that you did ten years ago. He's hurting and he's
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: not able to let it go. And the whole thing
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: about spirituality is not to hold on to the past
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: or to harbor the past, and that's what he's doing
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: so he can be as spiritual as he wants. But
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: he's not taking the advice that he's listening to, which
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: is to let go. You're a different person. You've gone
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: to therapy all these years. If he doesn't even have
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: the interest in going and sitting down with you to
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: hear about what you've learned and to figure out a
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: way for you guys to continue, that is a really
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: big red flag. And that's to say what he could
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: spend the next ten years holding this over your head.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: I feel like you have done the work to account
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: for your behavior. You're not going to do it again.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Enough time has passed, it's been two years. How long
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: is he going to hold onto this for? He has
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: to accept and trust in order for you guys to grow,
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: and if he can't, Yeah, you've got to either figure
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: you have to have a third party sit down and
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: have a conversation about it, because it's irrational. At this point,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: you're not doing anything that's warranting his distrust. And if
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: he wanted to get back in this relationship, even though
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: you went and pursued him, and I'm sure you were
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: very influential in getting you back together. He agreed to
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: get back together, right, so he has to agree to
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: a new set of terms at a fresh start.
• 34:42
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean enough time has passed since this happened,
• 34:46
  Speaker 6: and you've demonstrated your behavior in the past two years
• 34:49
  Speaker 6: and then this newest part of your relationship, and if
• 34:52
  Speaker 6: that's not enough, then it has to be. You know,
• 34:54
  Speaker 6: you have to work on it together for him to
• 34:57
  Speaker 6: either get past it, or if he realizes he can
• 35:00
  Speaker 6: get past it, that's a problem.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 35:03
  Speaker 7: It makes me really sad because I'm worried that he
• 35:05
  Speaker 7: can't And yeah.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: It sounds like he might not be able to.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do wonder if there is something that's, not,
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: like you said, traditional therapy that might be really healing
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: for him. First of all, of course, there's a ton
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: of books about getting over cheating and how to repair relationships,
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: so like that might be something to be like, Hey,
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: I need you to read a couple of these books
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: so we can start to move on from this and
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: rebuild that trust. But you might also look into like
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: a weekend retreat with a shaman based on connecting with
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: your significant other or something like that that feels a
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: little bit more you guys, or feels a little bit
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: more him that he might be more comfortable with.
• 35:46
  Speaker 7: Now like he did ayahuasca. He did an ayahuasca retreat
• 35:49
  Speaker 7: in Kosa, Okay. Yeah, and I think that really helped him.
• 35:53
  Speaker 7: I don't think it was as powerful as he was
• 35:55
  Speaker 7: expecting it to be, but I know that's more his
• 35:58
  Speaker 7: route and I'm willing to support him in that.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: So I really like that idea.
• 36:03
  Speaker 6: Well, I mean, it's good that he's into this stuff
• 36:05
  Speaker 6: and then he's sort of open to sort of you know,
• 36:08
  Speaker 6: forward thinking and you know, changing his outlook and all
• 36:12
  Speaker 6: of that, so it sounds like he's got the potential
• 36:14
  Speaker 6: to do it. I mean, this one issue is kind
• 36:16
  Speaker 6: of significant for him, but there's got to be a
• 36:19
  Speaker 6: way that you can address it together, because again, you're
• 36:22
  Speaker 6: speaking about two different things. He's experiencing things and he's
• 36:25
  Speaker 6: not able to verbalize it to you what the triggers
• 36:28
  Speaker 6: are and when it happens and how that makes him feel.
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: And you need to have this conversation together, and I.
• 36:33
  Speaker 6: Think the only way to do is to have an interpreter,
• 36:35
  Speaker 6: a third party that can really help.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: You and try. Maybe you can do a Molly MDMA
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: session with somebody those are good. No, really, it's helpful
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: for couples, especially when they're cheating involved, because it kind
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: of like gets rid of your ego and people are
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: just like, you're so loving and communicative that you can
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: solve a lot of these kinds of big issue relationship
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: issues in one session. Yeah, like if you get somebody
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: who can guide you through an MDMA therapy journey with
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: you and your partner and that way, it's not traditional therapy.
• 37:02
  Speaker 7: Yeah, we've tried be made together, but having somebody lead it,
• 37:07
  Speaker 7: I think.
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: Would be would probably be more powerful.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because for him at this point, his rote response,
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: his pattern in his brain is like I'm afraid, I'm afraid.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: I'm afraid. So he needs something to break him out
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: of that, and he also needs to be taking the
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: initiative to work on that healing for himself.
• 37:24
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 37:24
  Speaker 7: I just hope, I just hope that the relationship that
• 37:27
  Speaker 7: hasn't just hasn't gone too far, because I do love him,
• 37:30
  Speaker 7: and it sounds like.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: You want to do the work, So that's half of
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: the battle, and I just have to make sure he
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: wants to do the work.
• 37:35
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you just need to figure out what that work
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: looks like.
• 37:38
  Speaker 5: And let him know how much you're committed to trying
• 37:41
  Speaker 5: to get there where whatever it is that it takes
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: to get him more comfortable.
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: You guys are on the same page and get past
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: this that you'll do it.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: Well, I'll do what it takes. I'm hoping he does
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you've got like seventeen years together now, right,
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: so try and figure it the fuck out. Tell him that,
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: Tell him that, I'll tell him.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: Chelsea said that.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Please, do I need another straight fan.
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: To add to the other two.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: All right, Well, thanks for calling in, Amberg. Keep us
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: posted and let us know how everything goes.
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: Good luck Amber so much. Thank you, sisters.
• 38:21
  Speaker 4: Bye.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: That's a good podcast title, you guys. Thank you sisters.
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: Unless it's about nuns.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: Well, I have an email from a straight listener. His
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: name is Sean. Dear Chelsea, my name is Sean, and
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: I wanted to write in and see if I could
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: get some advice about an upcoming diagnosis. My wife, yes
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: I am a straight man writing in, has come into
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: recent awareness that she might be on the autism spectrum.
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: She's going to get tested because she would like to
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: have the answer to some of the idiosyncrasies in her life.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: We've been together for six years and married for a
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: little over a year. I expressed that no matter what
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: the outcome could be, it doesn't change any part of
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: who she is as a person, and more importantly, she's
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: my wife. I'm just worried that she could go into
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: a grieving or depression about this discovery. She's expressed to
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: me that she would most likely grieve for her younger self,
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: but I want to make sure I can show up
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: for her in every facet as a role model for
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: women and mental health. I feel that you would be
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: able to help give some perspective as to how I
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: can best support and comfort my wife through this time.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: You're a north star for both my wife and my
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: mother in law, sharing many similar traits and beliefs. That's
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: why I thought you'd be perfect to give an outside perspective. Sean,
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: What a sweetheart, I know.
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: Absolutely.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's sweet Sean. We're all attracted to you. Now, Okay,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: I'll go first. I think that first of all, it's
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: a total gift to get a diagnosis so you understand
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: where your behaviors are coming from. My friend Amy Schumer,
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: who's been very public about her husband's autism diagnosis was
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: also directed by her. She noticed some weird behaviors or
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: some non tradition behavior, stuff she wasn't used to seeing.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: She saw and asked, hey, do you think I've looked
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: this up? And I think there's a chance you might
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: want to get tested because you might be on the spectrum.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: And he did, and it was like such an informational tool.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: Then he understood why he acted differently in his behavior
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: towards things like she fell down once and he didn't
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: go to pick her up, and he's like, I don't
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: know why I didn't do that either. She's like, usually
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: if someone falls, you know, somebody comes to help me,
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: Like why are you standing there? And he's like, I
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: don't know. So, you know, the synapses are different, and
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: the reactions are different, and your socialization is very different.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: So it's a very big gift to get the information
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: to understand and put in context all of these things
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: that you've kind of been confused about for so long.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: So I think you have to look at it and
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: go at it from that very positive angle, like, oh
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: my god, great we have answers.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree.
• 40:54
  Speaker 6: I mean data is key, So you know, she could
• 40:57
  Speaker 6: potentially be diagnosed with a form of autism, but she's
• 40:59
  Speaker 6: not being diagnose with terminal cancer. So it's something she's
• 41:03
  Speaker 6: had probably since she was a child, and it's just
• 41:06
  Speaker 6: putting sort of a name to it, in diagnosis to it.
• 41:08
  Speaker 6: But it's not changing her life in any way. She's
• 41:11
  Speaker 6: still living the same life with her husband. So this
• 41:14
  Speaker 6: information can be useful, you know, they can read more
• 41:16
  Speaker 6: about it, and they can sort of maybe I don't
• 41:19
  Speaker 6: even know if you would change anything, to be honest,
• 41:21
  Speaker 6: but just recognizing the signals and the symptoms and the
• 41:26
  Speaker 6: behaviors that she's been seeing, I think, yeah, I agree,
• 41:28
  Speaker 6: it's valuable to get that information back.
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: There's nothing wrong with data.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And being autistic is an advantage in many ways
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: that we don't see. So there's this whole additional layer
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: of added value that autistic people bring to the table
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: in the way they see things and in the way
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: they take information in in the way that they see
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: the world. It's just so much different, and so like,
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: there's so much value in teaching more people about that
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: your children. It's not a bad thing. It's not like
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: you're getting a cancer diagnosis. You're getting a personality diagnosed,
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: and that is always helpful.
• 42:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and it might be like a little just a
• 42:04
  Speaker 5: relief just to know, Okay, now that's what I have,
• 42:07
  Speaker 5: I have a name for it, this is what it is.
• 42:09
  Speaker 5: If I know that I have autism, then there are
• 42:11
  Speaker 5: very specific people that you can go see that deal
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: with that you know, regarding autism, that can help you,
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: as opposed to seeing somebody that may not be familiar
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: with that or that kind of thing. So it's a
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: good opportunity to move forward with it knowing what you
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: have and knowing where.
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: To go to get help if there's things you want
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: to change.
• 42:31
  Speaker 6: And I also think to Sean's original question, which I
• 42:34
  Speaker 6: think was about how do I provide appropriate support, I
• 42:38
  Speaker 6: think you know she's going to handle it, how she's
• 42:40
  Speaker 6: going to handle it. We can't predict if she's going
• 42:42
  Speaker 6: to be depressed about it initially, or she's going to
• 42:45
  Speaker 6: be kind of excited to have this data and then
• 42:48
  Speaker 6: want to see a therapist or want to see a specialist.
• 42:50
  Speaker 6: So you kind of have to react to her and
• 42:54
  Speaker 6: know not to diminish any of those feelings that she's
• 42:56
  Speaker 6: having and just be there as you have been apparently
• 43:00
  Speaker 6: and support her regardless of her reaction, and then it's
• 43:03
  Speaker 6: really ultimately her decision as to whether she takes the
• 43:06
  Speaker 6: next steps or not, because I remember it sounds very
• 43:09
  Speaker 6: similar to any's story. So some people, you know, there's
• 43:11
  Speaker 6: nothing to do. It's just to be there and support
• 43:14
  Speaker 6: those reactions and sort of help her walk through the
• 43:16
  Speaker 6: emotions that she might experience.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and great for you for even asking, you know,
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: I mean that says it all about your personality. It's
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: already where it needs to be totally. That you'll be
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: supportive and very encouraging and always I think just keep
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: reminding your wife in the moments that she needs to
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: hear it what a positive thing this is. Knowledge is power,
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: and like you have all this information now assuming she
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: does tests and is on the spectrum, So positivity is
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: everything too. You know, just to be like a solid
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: kind of stable force in someone's life when they're going
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: through something is a big gift.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that's all good advice. Well, Sean, let
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: us know how it goes. Let us know if you
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: found some resources and we're able to put some good
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: systems in place, and.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: I think we should start. So we're giving rewards to
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: the straight men that call into the podcast, Catherine, I mean,
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: if they're this kind, yeah, there should be a list. Obviously,
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: anyone straight man who's listening to this or calling in
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: is very masculine because you would have to be very confident.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: Oh I just hit myself in the face with a microphone. God,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: it's almost like men were just kicking me in the
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: face as a response to that. But yeah, it takes
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: a big man to do that, and that's very sexy. So,
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: like I said, we're all attracted to.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: You, Sean. Yes, this is another sibling related question. Soft
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: Live wrote into us and she said, Dear Chelsea, my
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: brother and his Now what breaks my heart to say?
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: Ex girlfriend have been separated for close to a year.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: To make a long story short, they encountered issues as
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: they both got older and faced real world responsibilities. It
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: had an impact on their relationship where they felt they
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: needed to separate and or the record, they're twenty five.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: Here's the thing. The two of them are still in
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: love with each other and have both admitted it to me,
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: And it's so obvious to everyone who knows and loves
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: them that they're meant to be. For some reason, they
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: haven't been able to get it together to resolve the situation,
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: most likely poor communication. Our entire family has been under
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: the impression that we were just waiting for them to
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: be in the right head space to get back together. However,
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: after his ex told him he should move on even
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: though she didn't actually want him to, my brother has
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: taken it upon himself to start dating a new girl.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: I'm entirely sure that this is a band aid, an
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: easy situation for him to have fun and feel better.
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: He was hiding this from me because he knows I'm
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: still close with his ex. I always envisioned her as
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: my future sister in law. I really don't want to
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: make the situation about myself. However, I'm having a hard
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: time because only I know how the two of them
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: still feel about each other. But now he wants me
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: to meet his new girl that he's seeing. I feel
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: like it's too soon and frankly have no interest in
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: meeting her, But I don't want to hurt his feelings.
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: How do I handle this situation without imposing my feelings
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: onto his life? Ps Listening to this podcast every week
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: has probably enabled me to not have very strong emotional
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: reaction to the situation to begin with. I appreciate this
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: basically free therapy, and I should probably go to real
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: therapy live.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: I feel like, has she expressed her feelings about this
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: to her brother.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: I don't think so. Like I think they've talked about it,
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: and she said, like she's close with both of them,
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: they're both still in love with each other, but it's
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: also been a year since they broke up.
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but look at our last couple. They were broken
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: up for seven years exactly.
• 46:36
  Speaker 6: I feel like not meeting a new girlfriend is not
• 46:39
  Speaker 6: the move. I don't think that like she's holding it
• 46:42
  Speaker 6: against him that he hasn't. He may need five years
• 46:45
  Speaker 6: to come to that conclusion, you know. And it's not
• 46:49
  Speaker 6: really for her to sort of force them together at
• 46:52
  Speaker 6: this point in their life if they've decided they need.
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: To be separate at this point in their life.
• 46:56
  Speaker 6: So this no girlfriend hasn't done anything wrong. She's just
• 46:58
  Speaker 6: happens to be the new girlfriend. And if it's important
• 47:01
  Speaker 6: to her brother that they meet, and don't see why
• 47:04
  Speaker 6: she can't honor that And don't think of it as
• 47:08
  Speaker 6: this is your sister in law. This is just someone
• 47:10
  Speaker 6: he's dating right now at this moment in time, I
• 47:13
  Speaker 6: think he's reading a lot into it, And I don't
• 47:16
  Speaker 6: think that people need to find their life partner at
• 47:17
  Speaker 6: twenty five years old.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely not at twenty five years old. And
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: if you really believe that they're so in love with
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: each other, then you can say that to your brother, like, hey,
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: it's very obvious to me that you guys are in
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: love with each other still. So all you have to
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: do is just express that to him once and then
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: your job is done and your conscience is clear. You
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: can't prevent him from moving on and dating people or
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: any of that. It's like you're not in charge of
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: their relationship. All you can do is just tell him
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: your truth, tell him once, don't repeat at fifty times,
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: and then move on with it. This new girl didn't
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: do anything, she's just dating somebody. And the fact that
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: he's twenty five years old is also a sign that
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: everybody needs a little bit more growing up than to
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: get settled down at twenty five. That's just super young.
• 47:57
  Speaker 6: So I mean they may have gotten super scared that
• 48:00
  Speaker 6: they were so intense and so like ready for marriage,
• 48:03
  Speaker 6: and that could have caused the breakup. Maybe they realized,
• 48:05
  Speaker 6: like we were going too fast, too young, and maybe
• 48:08
  Speaker 6: they'll come around and we'll get back together.
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: But again, it's not.
• 48:11
  Speaker 6: Her job to force them together and get in the
• 48:14
  Speaker 6: middle of it. It is a lot about her, is this
• 48:16
  Speaker 6: I'm getting a future for him the sister?
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is just writing in Yeah, yeah, And I
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: think you know, we do get so bonded to the
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: people that our siblings bring home. I know my mother
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: in law was even more devastated with a breakup that
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: happened with one of her sons than he was. I mean,
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: and for years she was devastated about the loss of
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: this relationship. And it's okay to grieve that, but at
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: the same time, you do have to respect, like, maybe
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: your brother does want to move on, Maybe maybe he
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: does want a little band aid and a little fun,
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: and maybe they will get back together, maybe they won't.
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: You know, you just have to be nice and civil
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: to the new girl while she's there. But it doesn't
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: mean you have to like be or bestie all the time.
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you don't need to sabitage it either.
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, right right, Treshana, any more wisdom on that one.
• 49:02
  Speaker 4: I mean, she really needs to take a step back.
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: She's too involved with the whole their adults, so they're
• 49:09
  Speaker 5: going to do what they're going to do and let
• 49:10
  Speaker 5: nature take its course. I agree with Chelsea that she
• 49:13
  Speaker 5: should let her know how she feels or him know
• 49:16
  Speaker 5: how she feels. But you know, that's all you can say.
• 49:19
  Speaker 5: And they're grown ups, so you know, maybe it'll happen,
• 49:22
  Speaker 5: maybe it won't. Don't hold it against the new person
• 49:25
  Speaker 5: that's you know, it seems wrong and what's going on
• 49:29
  Speaker 5: with you and your boyfriend and your relationships?
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: Like, you know, yeah, she might need.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: But I will say I want to go on the
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: record because I've had this conversation with both of my
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: sisters about previous relationships that I've been in when they
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: didn't say anything to me when I was with somebody
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: that they thought was creepy or weird or whatever. I'm like,
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: you guys, wait to tell me after the fact, they're like, well,
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: we never liked him. It's like, well, fuck off. It
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: was like two to four years of my life. But
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: and their excuse is what simoan that I wouldn't listen
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: to you if you have.
• 50:04
  Speaker 6: I think it's a different sitution. I think those are
• 50:06
  Speaker 6: different situations. Here. We're talking about someone she loves an
• 50:09
  Speaker 6: ex girlfriend, she wants them to marry the ex girlfriend.
• 50:11
  Speaker 6: It's like not for her to make that happen when
• 50:13
  Speaker 6: it's I'm seeing with you that I don't think someone
• 50:16
  Speaker 6: that you're with is currently perfect.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: I no, I know it's not the same situation, but
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: I know how.
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: How that can sabotage. You can say that. You can
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: say I really don't like this person.
• 50:26
  Speaker 6: Then you end up getting married and you have a
• 50:28
  Speaker 6: twenty five year married and I put that out there
• 50:30
  Speaker 6: that I just don't love this guy. There's that risk
• 50:33
  Speaker 6: there to the relationship. If I really thought the person
• 50:36
  Speaker 6: was dangerous for you or it was an unhealthy relationship,
• 50:40
  Speaker 6: I think that's a different story, and that's where you
• 50:42
  Speaker 6: do have to step up and say something to prevent
• 50:44
  Speaker 6: that from.
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: Becoming a long term unhealthy relationship.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess, so, I guess so. I don't know.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: I feel like you should tell people when you don't
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: like their spouse, but I know it does backfire. But
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: I just think with sisters and siblings, it's a different story.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: Like you're hearing that from a sling, like, oh, yeah,
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: this person is dangerous or this person is weird, or
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: I think it would have a different impact, especially girls. Yeah,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: but then again, conversely, girls can be totally bitchy and
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: cunty and be pissed about it. So I get it.
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well it's like that movie. What was that show,
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: Bad Sisters where all the sisters.
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they murdered the brother in law. I love that.
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: That's the best I know.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: They were at the Critics' Choice Awards. I gave them
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: a shout out for murdering their brother. Their brother, their brother,
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: their brother. That's how their brother in law. I said that,
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: I'm my family. I've been wanting to do that for years,
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: but I could never get any of my siblings on board.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: You know who I was really talking about. Anyway, Okay,
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: that's a wrap. We are done. We're not going to
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: ask them for advice, Catherine, because it's silly.
• 51:48
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: I'm like, you're gonna ask your a little sister for I.
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: Got a lot of unsolicited advice anyway, So.
• 51:55
  Speaker 4: All the time.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, thank you ladies. What a great job. Sissy Baum,
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: Well that was fun.
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: Thank you so good to meet you.
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: Oh likewise, I'm so pleased to finally meet you and Chelsea.
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: I confirmed the March fifteenth connection.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, all right, the March babies, Yes, I know that's
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: a great birthday to have. Actually, March fifteenth.
• 52:14
  Speaker 6: Three now three, and our family, the family Mike yeah,
• 52:19
  Speaker 6: and me and Catherine yeah okay.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: And Olga's March twentieth yes, right, okay, great, okay. Well,
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: good to know. I'm gonna write all those dates down
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: right now because I don't want to miss your birthday.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: Bye girls, thank you. Also, I'm going back on tour. Everybody,
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: I have a new tour. It's called Little Big Bitch
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: because I'm a little big bitch and I always have been. Sometimes.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: Well now I'm a big little bitch. No, I'm still
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: a little big bitch. Whatever. Anyway, I'm going back on tour.
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: I'm warming up my new one hour that I have
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: to create from scratch. But I have some very strong ideas.
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be a Zanies Nashville March twenty ninth
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: through Sunday, April sixth, and then Irvine, improv and and
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: I have dates theater dates everywhere from Peoria, Illinois, Carmel, Calama, Zeo, Spokane, Washington,
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: Boys Idaho, Vegas, Highland, California, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and more and
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: more and more, so go to Chelsea handler dot com
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: for tickets and yeah, that starts in April. So I'm
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: very excited, Catherine, Yeah amazing.
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: I have family in Peoria, Illinois. Feel too square though
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: to come see you.
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: Well, no, they can see me. They just reached it
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: at Interact.
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah right exactly.
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't forget to watch my special on Netflix. You guys. Revolution.
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: It's a revolution.
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio. Executive produced by
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: by Brad Dickert.