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Trent Cotton - Navigating Co-Parenting · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Welcome to season six, and I could not be more excited to have you join me for another year of fantastic episodes and conversations really unscripted and raw and authentic conversations with dads.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: It's a podcast where we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: So let's sit back, relax and listen to today's episode on the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Well, hello everybody, it's Casey Jaycox again with the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: We are in season six, which, if you've heard me say before I'm going to say it again it feels fantastic because we're doing something right or we just have one person that keeps listening and we want to thank that person.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: But no, joking aside, our next guest.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: His name is Trent Cotton, and I found Trent through my good buddy, brad from Assemble, and I learned I heard about their conversation.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, he seems like a good dude and so we had a great conversation and I told him like I wonder how it's?
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: But mainly this podcast and we're not going to talk too much about Hatchworks AI, but we will.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: But more importantly, it's about life as a dad, so let's do it so quickly about him.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: He's been in the industry for over 20 years with an HR and town acquisition.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: He currently serves as the vice president of talent and culture at Hatchworks AI.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: He's a South Alabama Jaguar, I believe, but more importantly, he's a dad and that's why he's going to be on the show today.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: So, without further ado, mr Cotton, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: Hey, thank you so much.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: You know you are the first person to reference that I'm a Jaguar.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: I actually forgot the mascot.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: You told me a while ago that was a flashback.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Well, I have a weird, very bizarre, weird sense of humor.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: I think most quarterbacks and, uh, we, we definitely have a screw loose because we like to have fun and bring energy to the room.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: But uh, I have this thing that I always think it's fun to like reference where people went to college and find out their mascot and usually I get the response you did like.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, how did you know I was a jaguar?
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: but it's kind of fun yeah, well, they didn't get a football team until well after I graduated there, which it wouldn't have made any difference to me I'm not a sports person but for all those that really cherish being an alumni from there, that was a big deal for them.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: So kudos to them, I guess.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Well, we always start out each episode with gratitude.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Well, we always start out each episode with gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: I am thankful for the relationship that I have with my daughter.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: So, just, you know, kind of pulling back the onion a little bit, her mother and I separated whenever she was about two and a half or three and moved, so there was like three hours of distance between the two of us and for the longest time all I had was, you know, a couple of phone calls during the week.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: And so, you know, if you're a dad, imagine trying to maintain a relationship with your three-year-old on the phone when sometimes they don't want to talk.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: You know it's hard to get them to talk.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: So there were numerous nights that I and I'm not exaggerating I would cry myself to sleep just thinking, okay, I'm not, I'm not going to have the relationship that I want to, that I've always wanted to have with one of my children and, um, you know it's, it's fun, uh, it, it's, it's very comforting.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: Now, um, you know we talk just about every other day.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Uh, if she's not calling me, I'll call her and check on her.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: And you know some of the things that you know I worked really hard to do, which is create that safe environment where you know she can come and just say whatever she wants to.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: There's no judgment and you know, some of the conversations we have can be something, as you know, minuscule, as what to wear, or as deep, as you know physics and God and politics and history and all that other kind of stuff, and I just I like the full spectrum of it.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: So I'm very grateful for that.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: And then this week I am also incredibly grateful that all those years that I was committed to it but you know, as a dad sometimes you second-guess yourself, you feel a little guilty but I have instilled in her, since she was four or five years old, excellence, always EA.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: She has really taken it to heart and it is who she is.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: She got accepted this week into the master's program in civil engineering at her college.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: That's cool.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: And so she is super, super excited.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: So she graduates in May and she starts, I think, in June for her master's and she's just, she's amazing, she's absolutely amazing.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: She had every reason in the world and every excuse in the world not to be as driven and successful as she is, and she is all of that in spite of her life circumstances.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: So I'm incredibly grateful for that.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: It's awesome.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: I always love asking uh parents what makes them grateful, and we always I mean as a dad when people ask me about my kids, I light up.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to talk about them.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: It's like're, so you're, we're proud of them, right, and yeah, um, what I'm grateful for today, trent is, uh, my son's in college and he is, I'd say, halfway through his freshman year, and I know that when I was in college, like god, love my mom and my pops, my pops rest in peace.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Like I called a couple of times a week maybe, but I talked to my son every day, every day.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Not because he's like, oh, dude, dad, leave me alone.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Like my wife and I were like, no, he like he loves.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Like we've, I'm grateful for the all the hard work we did is like I feel like it's starting to pay off now and we're still going to keep working hard and hopefully get the next benefit in 20 years from now.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: But we're like he.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: We're not like, oh, my dad's a douche, he's such a tool.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Like, yeah, like they respect us.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: We have great relationships.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: We talk about a lot of stuff.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Um, are you like?
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: You know I'm a passionate about the word curiosity.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Um, people that know me and it's a superpower.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: So I've been worked really hard to teach him and my daughter that skill.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: But I'm just, I'm grateful for my son that he still loves talking to mom and dad each and every day, because when your kid goes off to college, as you well know, and that was, that was brutal, that was so hard, yeah well it was.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: But you know there is, um, there's something in life that I've learned the hard way that every trial, once you learn the lesson, you're able to move on.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: And there's something in life that I've learned the hard way that every trial, once you learn the lesson, you're able to move on.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: And there's another trial coming down the road.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: But for me, those times that all I had was the phone call I mean luckily, I think in 2011, I was able to move where she was living and so I got to have more of the split parent type of relationship and time period with her.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: But even then, we had to both kind of get used to it, because we were used to just talking to each other on the phone, seeing each other every other weekend.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: So there was an adjustment there.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: But during that time, if you would have told me, hey, you're going to be grateful that all you have is a phone call later in life, I don't know that I would have been nice, I guess.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Just to say you know, I probably would have told you where to go and who to see when you got down there in the best course to take.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Now, 20-something or 18 years later, I can hear her on the phone and I am so in tune with her voice I go hey, what's wrong?
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: Are you sick?
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Who's bothering you?
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: I can listen and be a lot more in tune than I think I would have been had she grown up in the house with me.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: I'd be able to notice her behaviors, but now I can get it down to just the tone of her voice and the word inflection that she uses.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: So you know, it's learning how to be thankful for the trials and you know it's just funny.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Now that I'm kind of stopping and thinking about it, it's like I can go and relive those moments of going.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: I remember one time I was ironing my work shirt and I wasn't able to talk to her the night before I think she was four or five years old, uh, because she didn't want to talk to me.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: She had other stuff that she wanted to do and just that I went into that death spiral of going.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: Well, she doesn't want to talk to me now she's not going to want to talk to me.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: When she's in middle school, high school, she's going to have her friends, like I was just going through this thing and I was sobbing, you know, and I'm not an emotional person.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Um so I mean it was.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: It was very gut wrenching, so to come out on the other side of that and actually now be able to look back with some gratitude.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: Um, it's something else, a I'm sure it's from someone else, but I heard a college basketball coach who just a great, he actually left basketball because he just didn't want to deal with the what's going on, but he seems tony bennett.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: He said adversity is life's golden ticket and when you can, you can like, take you know it goes back to mindset work, but you can choose like this isn't happening to me, that before me, I can try to look, try to find something to be positive, because it's like you said, there's always going to be stuff that sucks sometimes in life where we get this, but the the time I focus less worrying about woe is me and try because but I'm flawed just like every other human we get in those funks.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: How do you quickly get out of it?
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: How do you quickly get out?
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: of it to try to find the blessing in it, but and you know the other one that I've I've learned to live by, and my grandmother taught me this um in college.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: She said you can either complain about the change or lead it, and that um, for better or for worse, in my career, that has been something that I have I have really stuck to.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: You know, um, because you know, for for a lot of it you can't get into that.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: What, what was me?
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: Because, oh, this change is being inflicted on me.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: But if you change your mindset and go, how can I inspire and lead this change and be at the forefront of it and be in control of it?
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: There's a lot more ownership there, you know, and you start finding ways that you can sew into that rather than being so resistant.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Shout out to grandma for dropping some wisdom.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, so funny story.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: I was very close to both of my, especially my grandmothers, but grandparents in general very close, and the relationship that I had with my paternal grandmother.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: You know, a lot of my friends were like, who are you talking to?
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: And I'm talking to my grandma and they're like you're talking to her about that.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Like I mean there was no subject that was off the table between the two of us.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: And whenever I was going through a pretty rough time, I called her one time and I said hey, and she could hear in my voice.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: I mean she would say, hey, what's bothering you?
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to drag it out of you, just tell me.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: And I would just kind of crumble.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: But I remember I told her one time.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: I said, hey, can you pray for me?
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: I'm going through a really rough time.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: And she goes absolutely and she goes.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: I pray for you all the time.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Are you, are you praying for yourself?
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: And I said, yeah, um, I just feel like every time I pray it hits the ceiling and it comes back down.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Never missed a beat.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: She goes then pray outside and I was like, what do you say to that?
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: You know, I mean she just she had, yeah, she had those just right between the eyes, and anyone that has known me for a long period of time knows that she is one of the few people on earth that could shut me up with something and just do it so eloquently, just so wise.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: So I'm very blessed to have had two sets of grandparents that were just amazing, amazing people that just you know.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: They're still part of who I am today and also to part of who my daughter is.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Are they still alive?
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: No, I lost my last one.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: I actually both paternal grandparents passed away last year and my maternal grandparents passed away and I want to say 2018 and uh, 2017 and 2018.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: So rest in peace.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's, but the nice thing is, the memories will be there forever, absolutely, the voice will be in your head.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh yeah, and, and I was uh telling my husband that, you know, when my daughter called with the good news, the first people I wanted to call were my grandmothers, Cause I knew that they just would have been like all over it.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: So.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: You know it's moments like that that I do miss them.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: You know, um, but the amount that they invested in in all of their family, it's, it's generational, you know.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: So it's definitely a gift.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Well, um, bring me inside.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Trent, the, the.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I would call this the.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: You know I have a little bit of a sports metaphor, but this podcast is not about sports.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I just I played quarterback in college, so it's like the theme of playing a quarterback could be a leader of a team, and so I was like the quarterback could be a leader of the house, but sometimes a quarterback's got to check his or her ego and lead from someone else.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: So maybe just kind of with that, maybe bring me inside your huddle per se your close family, and tell me a little bit about your husband and tell me a little bit about, maybe a little bit more about, your daughter that you're so proud of.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: So we, it's kind of interesting.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: So, just our nucleus is the three of us and um, it's really interesting because she has a relationship with my husband um, that's completely different than the relationship she has with me, and she's also very close to my sister.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: I'm the oldest of four, um, and my sister lives in Atlanta as well, so you know, case in point, she's trying to pick out a graduation dresses and so, being my daughter, I'm I'm a data guy Uh, I survey everything, I love data.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: She sends us a text with a Google form, uh, with different, that we had to rate the different dresses, and I just got so tickled I'm like this child is cut from the same cloth.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: But she sent it to my husband, me and my sister, and so that's kind of the nucleus that she has here in Atlanta.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: But our group of friends are very intertwined with her.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: They're always asking about her Whenever she comes.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we'll have everybody over and you know they treat her just like, you know, one of the gangs.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: So it's.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: It's very interesting because she's got that.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: But then on on her mom's side it's a very close extended family, uh, so she's kind of got the best of both worlds.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: You know she's got kind of a small nucleus that you know we, we all kind of move at a different pace and we respect each other's pace, um, and then she's got the large family where you know you've got all those large family dynamics of everybody needs to do a certain thing, a certain way, and then you know, uh, so she's got the best of both worlds.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I think Very cool.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Well, it's interesting, man, though I would say the last within the last 30 episodes I've done.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: I've done close to 300.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Now there's been a lot of co parenting episodes and which you know, which maybe I'll dive into later, but which I think it's, it's and I'd love to.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: You know, love, learn, like what's.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: There's probably good days, bad days, but it's just a constant communication of just working hard to put your daughter at the forefront of the decisions.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: But it's been interesting, just like having talked to some people, because, you know, knock on wood, I've not experienced that, I don't want to experience that.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: My wife and I have been married.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: It'll be 26 years this month.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: Oh, congratulations.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we met in seventh grade too.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Crazy, yeah, crazy yeah.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: So, um, but before we dive into some of that, I love, trent, to go back in time, if you can, and, and and.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Just talk about what was life like growing up for you and the impact that your parents had on you.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Now that you're a dad, oh, um.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: So I mentioned I'm the oldest of four and um, both of my parents were raised in very I wouldn't say militaristic, but it was a very lead with control versus context, and so my parents were young whenever I was born I think 19 and 20.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: And you know my brother was born three years after me.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: So you know they had to grow up very quickly.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: I have always been different, I think differently and I don't really function well in a command and control type of environment.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: I like to be able to contribute, I like to discuss things.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: I like to ask why I was nicknamed Riddler in school, because I always asked why, why are we doing it this way?
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: What's that, what's that?
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: And it's just because you know to your point.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I had a huge curiosity and I like to understand not just hey, this is a watch, but how is the watch made?
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: Why is that gear more important than this one?
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: You know to a level that I feel okay enough to be able to say, yeah, I trust the watch.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Bill and Debbie were not.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: My parents were not very much like that.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: It was like do this because I said so.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: And um, I was not a sports kid.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: I mean, I grew up in in the country of Alabama, so Grand Bay, alabama, uh, grew up, you know a lot of land.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: So I mean I you know all of my friends that talk about yeah, I snuck out in high school and I'm like I didn't sneak out, I was scared to death.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: What was out there.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: I heard it.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: I didn't want to see it.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: So it was a very different environment and the things that I did learn from my parents was work ethic, both grandfathers and my father you weren't going to outwork them, they just.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: It was almost a competitive thing.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: I also learned in our family what you said you would do, you did at all costs.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: So there was a lot of pride in our word saying, okay, I'm going to come over and help you with your load of, or help you with your hay next weekend.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't make plans for next weekend because I committed to you and I know that you're depending on me.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: There's there's that sense of community and interdependence that was incredibly, incredibly important.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: Um, and then just excellence, always um.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: You know it.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Maybe not the way that they tried to teach me was the best, um, but I did learn that in the beginning and I think that I'm I'm better for it.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: Um, but yeah, the questioning thing.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: I remember pre-algebra, seventh grade.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: So I skipped to one or two grades going from elementary to college preparatory.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: So I went from math where it's long division, where it's probably the most complex thing that we were doing to now there are letters in the equation.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: I did not get the part of what a letter meant, what a variable was, and I was being expected to just do some of this basic pre-algebra.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: And I remember sitting on the floor with my father and he was trying to explain he goes, move X to the other side.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: I'm like why?
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: And he goes, that's what you do.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: I said okay, can we talk about where did X come from?
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: Why are letters involved in math?
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: He goes, it just is, and my brain just didn't work that way.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: I mean I was used to making straight A's, not having to study.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: I mean I'm very blessed that my parents instilled in me a very, very strong commitment to education and they did it for all of us, all four of their children.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: They have the pride enough to say that all four of us are very successful in our own right and contributing members of society, and not a lot of parents can say that.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: So kudos to Bill and Debbie for that.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: Um, but I remember, you know he he would just get so incredibly frustrated.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: And um, because he just understood it, and well, to my pre-algebra teacher also told me she goes.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: You know, you got to see, um, math is just not going to be the thing for you.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: And something else I got from my father is don't ever, ever tell me that I can't do something.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: That is the worst thing in the world to tell me, because I am going to try like hell to prove you wrong.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: And so I did.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Whenever I got my 92 and Cal Calculus II in college and I slept through the class, I made sure that I went back and I showed Miss Eaton and she goes.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: I always knew I said no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not what you said.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: You told me I would never be a good math person.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Here's proof that it was you, it wasn't me.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: So it was just kind of that constant battle between my parents and me of I wanted to go one way, I wanted to think about things differently and they wanted me to conform and to conform, and it was just like oil and water.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: So, um, yeah, work ethic, um, commitment, um, very protective of family like they're.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: They're very protective of the people they love, and I am too, um, but also to you know, don't pull any punches on things yeah, um, tell me what they meant and then what you mean now by excellence, excellence always.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: What does that mean?
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: So for them it was being at the top of the class.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: When you did your chores, you did them correctly and I hate washing dishes because I had to wash them growing up and my brother would dry and my father was.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: His dad was Air Force, so I mean he was a military brat and I always tell people by proxy.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: I feel like I was raised by someone in the military.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: He would inspect, my father would inspect the dishes and if there was a spot he would put it back and we would have to start all over.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: And he threatened one time.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: He said if you don't clean these right, I'm going to yank every dish out of this kitchen and you're going to wash them all by hand until whatever time it takes.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: And he made true on his promise and we were on the last two or three and my brother was just tired and he thought it was funny and he left a thing and my father took them all back out and put them all back.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: So we washed every dish in the house twice.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: But it taught me something like don't let there be a spot on something and think that it's okay.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: And so there was a little bit of that perfectionism.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: But I'm thankful for it, because I don't do things halfway.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: I can't sleep because in the back of my mind I'm thinking I'm going to have to wash every dish in the house.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: You know I was cursing him at the time, but I'm thankful for that lesson now.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Well, it's a choice.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: It is, but I think, from for how we were raised, it became part of our psyche.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: I think, from for how we were raised, it became part of our psyche of how we define who we are.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: You know, my sister is a hard worker.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: She and I've worked at the same place twice and we worked at the at a bank together, and she worked for the division that I supported in HR, and the COO would email both of us and go.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know which one of you takes care of this, but here's what I need.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: And he knew that he never had to follow up with us because we were going to get it done and we weren't going to tell him oh, you know, that's my sister, get it with her.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: He knew that I was just going to get it done and to me that's excellence always You're doing the right thing, whether you're being watched or not, because that's the right thing to do, and that's what I've tried to tell my daughter Do things whenever people aren't looking and do them well.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: And I promise you, I promise you it'll take some time, but it'll become such a habit for you that the world will start to notice, and I think that's what she's starting to see now.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Tell me what Bill and Debbie did for work.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Uh, so, interestingly enough, both of them were high school graduates, never went to college.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: Um, my father, my father, did most of the work in my.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: We were lucky.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: My mother stayed home most of our childhood and my father, um, started with the company he's with now as a truck driver and he had lost his job before.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: That was out of work for a little while.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, luckily we lived on a farm, so I mean, you know we have food and things like that, but he did odd end stuff until he got this job, working as a truck driver for or delivery driver for a piping company, and some 30, some almost 40 years later he is um.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: He's been running that branch and a couple of other branches.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: They play hail to the chief whenever he comes into the room.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: Um, he worked his way up, he worked his way hard.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: Very cool and you know, for me, I always admired that people in his office would come and go, hey, how do you solve this problem?
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Because he had worked in that position.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: That's how he got to be in the position that he's in, and I think that that's something.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: Now that I think about it, I think it's almost been subconsciously ingrained in me that whenever I'm in a leadership position, I want my team to know that I can get down in the dirt just right along with them and shovel, and I don't think that I'm any better for it, you know.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Um, that is definitely something that I learned from him, so he's very accomplished very accomplished to be, you know, a high school graduate only, but I mean, he, he looks at engineering stuff and he taught himself accounting.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: At the funeral he and I were talking about AI stuff.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: It was just kind of funny.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: He was being the dad Well, I know this and this and this, I'm like, well, that's cute, but we had the conversation, so he's.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: He's definitely intellectually curious.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: I guess having parents to have you young that's a challenge for them, I can only imagine.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: But, like, the blessing is maybe you get more time with them, if they're healthy, at later in your life and maybe your, your daughter, gets grandma, grandpa, longer.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: And I say that kind of maybe at of envy because my dad passed away.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: My dad had us late.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: he was like nine years older than my mom, um, so my dad he was in his like, I mean, he passed away at 79 and I hope, I hope I'm like rocking 90 when I'm, you know and stay fit and yeah um, so I'm sure that's gotta be at least fun at this stage of your life where you're, you know, have had success in corporate and executive roles, and I'm sure your pops is props, is proud of you for doing what you're doing.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, my parents and I are not as close, um, you know, know we talk every once in a while, but they're just again, I'm very different.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: So you know, for a long time I resented them a little bit for that.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: But now I've just kind of come to understand that they can't relate to the things that are important to me because that's just not what they're accustomed to.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: You know, case in point my mother, when we were talking not too long ago she goes.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: So what do you do?
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: And so I said I work for Hatchworks AI.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: She goes.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: You do AI.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, she goes.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: I don't trust that AI, I don't use it.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: I said okay.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: I said, mom, do you use Siri?
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: She goes, yeah, I said that, yeah.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: So that's AI.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: She goes.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: I don't want them listening in on me, I promise you.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: You live in Grand Bay, alabama, on 100 acres of land.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: There is nothing of interest to you from the NSA or anybody else.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: So just rest assured, you're OK.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: But to me it was just kind of like OK, they don't really understand what I do.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: Part of that is because I don't really tell them but I'm not in the industry that my father's in Both of my brothers are Um, both of my brothers can build a house, just like my father built a house from the ground up.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Um, they know how to fix anything.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: I'm not wired that way.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: So I think part of that is just there's there's a lack of relatability and and I'm okay with that, you know that that's fine.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: I still love them, I still respect them, um, but I'm okay with that, that's fine.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: I still love them, I still respect them, but I'm not as close to them as I wanted to be, and I think that really influenced the type of parent that I wanted to be.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, if it makes you feel better.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I am atrocious at handy skills and my wife is actually way more handy than I am, and sometimes she's like hey, what happened to you?
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this is not my, I can type and talk.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: Yes, in front of a lot of people I'm comfortable.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: I just can't fix anything Right.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: Well, and I think that's what frustrates me the most, I don't know if you can see behind me, but my husband actually did that piece of art and I told him well, we can build a frame, and I measured it probably 20 times and we went back and forth to Home Depot because I measured or cut it wrong or something and I was so frustrated.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: He says why are you so frustrated?
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: I said because my father and my brothers could do this on one slice, like probably wouldn't even have to calculate in their head as much as I have and I can't get this done right, have to calculate in their head as much as I have and I can't get this done right.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: You know it's so.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: It's.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: It's just kind of this they have this bar over here and I can't compete over there and it drives me crazy.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: But you know, like you know to your point, there are certain things that I can do, that they can't, and that's okay.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: That's what makes the world go around 100%.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: That's like I.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: I used to get like same kind of what you said.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: I used to get almost like self-conscious about my god.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Why am I like I I'm a great, um, secondhand, like I can, I'm a hard worker once someone kind of starts doing like, oh, that makes sense.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: But if I have to like be the engineering mechanical mind to see how something's gonna be built, like yeah, I got nothing, no, my mind just doesn't work that way yeah, my father tried, uh, telling me one time whenever I was in high school.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: um, he said you're going to need to learn to know how to do these things.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: I said, no, I'm going to make enough money to pay someone who does, and so that's been a very guiding feature.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: But I mean, whenever I lived in Mobile with him, there were several times where I called him.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: I go, I have tried everything, I've looked on YouTube, I can't fix it.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: And he has this ability of coming over and going, oh, and then he does like two things and it works, and it just sends me into orbit, you know, and so.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: But he has a gift with that kind of stuff, and so do both of my grandfathers.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: They could look at anything and fix it.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: It was kind of impressive to watch.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: You need people like that.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: That's why you just Absolutely to watch.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: You need people like that.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: That's what you just, absolutely, absolutely um, so you, you and your, your ex-wife separated when you were, when your daughter was young.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Um, what were some of the obviously you talked about in very many with gratitude, like just the challenge of like having a relationship with her via phone.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: Obviously it's.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: It's got a lot better now, which is great.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Um, maybe talk for for a dad out there that's maybe going through similar challenges or that is struggling to really connect with their son or daughter in a similar environment.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: Maybe talk about some lessons learned, if you feel comfortable, and maybe some actionable advice that's really worked for you that they might be able to take out of our episode today.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: So I got some amazing piece of advice from a friend of mine whenever we were going through the split up and she told me never say anything negative about Celie that's my daughter's name about Celie's mom, in front of her.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Nor do you let anybody else do that.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: And I held firm to that.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: And sometimes family members would get ticked off because I would say no, no, no, no, we're not doing this.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: And also, too, there were some times I just really wanted to just bash her mom for something that was going on.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: But I held true to that and I'm thankful because at the end of the day, whether I liked her mom or not or her mom liked me, we had to support each other and my job as the father was to disagree with her mom one-on-one, but we presented as a unified front, probably the bulk of the time.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: It was not ever easy, because I was okay with being the bad guy.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: If I knew that holding firm on something was going to benefit Celie in the long run, I was okay with that.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: Her mom has always kind of struggled with that.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: You always have one parent that wants the kid to be the friend and the other parent who's the parent.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: I was the parent.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: And even now I have to remind my daughter I was like look, I am your father before I'm your friend.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: So I want to do both, but you're not going to disrespect one at the expense of the other.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: So finding that line was very important.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: But if there's a father out there that's going through that, that's the first rule.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: And especially if you have a girl, because you are setting the tone for what they will tolerate in their relationships.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: And you know, whenever I was kind of debating back and forth about divorce I grew up Catholic, went to a priest, was talking to him and you know he asked me a question.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: He goes is this what you want your daughter to view as normal in a relationship?
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: And that was that was all I needed.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: I was like no, I don't.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: I don't want her to think that this is okay, that this is how people who love each other are supposed to act, and holding firm to making sure that I always showed respect to her mom and did all that.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: There were several times where I really had to keep my cool, um, but I think in the end that was the right decision, um.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: The other thing is I always focused on things that just she and I could do like just our little routine.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: So um when she was growing up, when she was little, we would always watch Tom and Jerry or Bugs Bunny on the couch and she'd fall asleep.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she'd fall asleep.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: It was like our routine.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: She'd get a bath, she'd get her juice, we'd sit down on the couch, you know she'd make it through one and she'd be out, and then I'd go put her to bed and so that kind of became our little thing, like movies and you know stuff like that.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: So find something that's just between the two of you that you can share, and make that a routine and that becomes your child's safe place.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: And I think those are probably the two biggest pieces.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: I think what you said is absolute gold, trent.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: I think it's easier said than done.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: It's easy and's it's easy, it's easy, and sometimes even me with my wife, it's like being that united front isn't always easy and, specifically, as you do separate, you go through divorce.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: Um, sometimes it could be really toxic environments where one's playing against the other.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: And I and I commend you for the mindset you have and and the advice you took from your friend and and followed through on it, because you know, one of my favorite pieces of advice I got in life is someone said do you want to be right or do you want to get what you want?
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: You can't get both.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Being right would be easy to say, hey, my ex-wife's an idiot, she's did it well, that doesn't solve anything, but getting what you want.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: And it actually says more about you believe it or not, you know, and and that was something that I had to learn, um, probably the first year, uh, cause our, our divorce was not pretty, it, it, it was very ugly, um, and you know there's still like she and I we can be in the same room.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: I mean we'll, we'll say hello, we'll keep it nice, keep it cordial, but it's not like we're just there's just too much there, you know, and that's okay, you know, for the benefit of our daughter.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: You know, I tried to kind of keep the peace or whatever, um, but you know, for, you know, fathers, when you're out there bad mouthing the other, it, it, it actually looks bad on you.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: You know, um, and I learned that the more that I try to put down the other side, the worse I looked and it kind of defeated the whole purpose.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: You know, I was trying to make myself look good, but, you know, at the expense of somebody else and in return I was actually making myself look bad.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: So don't put your laundry out there for everybody.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: You know, have those one or two friends that you can call and go this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, um, just don't get on a podium in front of an audience and talk about it.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: Nobody cares, you know well, it's kind of like, just like in business, like you bash your competitor to your, your customer you're going to lose.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: Let them figure it out for yourself.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: You can ask questions.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: That's why getting back to curiosity is a superpower.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: You can ask questions that will expose he or she or the competitor, but if we're the one leading with it, it just you're.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: I totally agree with you.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: It says more about you and, like, almost like, makes us look insecure like if we have to put.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: You know, blow out someone else's candle to make ours brighter, well, why?
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: and and just one last piece of advice Do not try to get your child to choose sides.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: You know that is something that to me that's warfare at the expense of your child, and that's just.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: You don't want to do that and it's easy to want to get there and do it.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: But I just want to challenge you take the higher road, you'll benefit in the end.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: I mean, my daughter and I have a thing If you want to know why your mother and I got divorced, there are.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: You know, we actually went to court because I wanted full custody.
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: There's depositions.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: I'll let you read them because you know your mother, you know me.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: You'll be able to read that and you'll be able to determine what's truth and what's fiction.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: And she said I don't want to know, it's irrelevant why you two split up, and I respect that.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, did you have full custody?
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: No, I did not State of Alabama.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: It's very hard for the father to get full custody.
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: Hello everybody, my name's Craig Coe and I'm the Senior Vice President of Relationship Management for Beeline.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: For more than 20 years, we've been helping Fortune 1000 companies drive a competitive advantage with their external workforce.
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: In fact, Beeline's history of first-to-market innovations have become today's industry standards.
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: I get asked all the time what did Casey do for your organization?
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: And I say this it's simple.
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: The guy flat out gets it.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: Relationships matter.
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: His down-to-earth presentation, his real-world experience applied to every area of our business.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: In fact, his book Win the Relationship and Not the Deal has become required reading for all new members of the Global Relationship Management team.
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: If you'd like to know more about me or about Beeline, please reach out to me on LinkedIn, and if you don't know Casey Jaycox, go to CaseyJaycoxcom and learn more about how he can help your organization.
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: Now let's get back to today's episode.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: I did an episode on the court system with a former Major League Baseball player.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: That was a powerful episode.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: It was really I got educated.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, you just don't know.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: You don't know.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: And when you take time to ask questions, kind of like what you did as a kid, you learn a lot about.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: And he flat out said is like, if I the reason why I am getting more custody is because I have money and I can pay legal fees and I can keep paying legal fees to kind of keep getting the next step.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: But like when you, when a man and woman have a child, the the automatically he was saying, it's like they're automatically you get divorced and 100 goes to the, the mom and it's like.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: It's like, well, that's not right and it's just like this how the system worked.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: And so it's pretty interesting to hear his take on it yeah it.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: It was very um like, like I said, it got really really ugly, um, but that's all in the past.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: You know we're good.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: But uh, I have the relationship with my daughter that I was fighting for.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: But I didn't fight for it.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: I was fighting on the wrong battlefield.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: I was trying to fight in court cause that was a short term play, um.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: Luckily, one day I kind of said you know what I'm going to play the long game here.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: And once I set my mindset on that all the little trivial stuff that happened on the day-to-day stuff, I measured against is this going to get me closer or further away from my end goal with my daughter, and made my decision there and it really kind of helped me keep things grounded.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: So cool.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: Well, good, good for you for seeing that.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: Seeing the light in a tunnel.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: Um, I want to say big, it'd be the bigger person, but I think sometimes it is being the bigger person.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: It's setting your ego aside and doing what's best for Sealy.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: That's a cool story for people to hear, because when you get stuck in the short term just like in business when I work with sales teams it's like you're going to lose.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: But seeing the long game, that's why I think winning people is the most important thing versus a transaction.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: It's and same thing with relationships and family.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: It's like see the big picture and lately, um, what was, as you think back?
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: One question I like asking dads is like an area, their dad game, or maybe they um, it wasn't, they weren't their best, or maybe it's something you're still working on and maybe I'll leave my words here.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Trent, for me, I have patience.
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: As a competitive person, I think interviewing 300 dads uh, my patience has gotten way better, um, because I'm getting free therapy out of every episode.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: Um, but for you, tell me what's an area your dad game that might speak to dads at home, or that you're either.
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: You know it's not quite where you want to be, but you're working hard to improve it.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: So I have always been very honest with my daughter and there are times that, looking back, I think that maybe I not necessarily shouldn't have been truthful, but I should have been a little bit more judicious on my omission.
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: You know, your child doesn't need to know every fault that you've ever done or every bad decision that you've ever made.
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: So I think that's something I'm trying to be a little bit more cognizant of.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: But I did it as a way to kind of say hey, whatever you come to me with, I'm not going to be surprised.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: Chances are I did it, I just didn't get caught, or I know someone that did it.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: Chances are I did it, I just didn't get caught, or I know someone that did it.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: I want you to come and ask me those questions, because the people that you're surrounding yourself with do not have the life experience that I do.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: But I think that I went a little too far in some cases, just kind of sharing bad decisions that I made.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: They're funny now, but I think that's kind of the big thing.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: And the other thing too is that I am I'm very particular about, uh, presentation and fashion and all this other kind of stuff.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: You know, every time my daughter comes, I take her shopping and, um, you know, whenever she comes here I'm like I bought you all those clothes.
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: Why are you wearing those?
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: What is it?
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I think I need to be a little bit more conscientious because I don't want for her to think that that's a reflection on her.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: It's just more of you have nicer things.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: Why are you wearing something that you should just be wearing around the house?
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: But also, I've learned to just kind of respect that she has a different style than I do and that's okay.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I wish I had fashion.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: I am so comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt and my wife's like that shirt's like so old I'm like, but it's so comfortable.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: Right, why would I change it?
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: It?
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: doesn't stink.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not my hygiene's good, it's just the shirt's old.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: And I'm super comfortable.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: And it's funny, it's not just you know my daughter, but like you know, friends of mine, even someone I know from the industry, put on a conference last week it was her first conference and the weekend before, you know, she's like I don't know what I'm going to wear.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: So I was, you know, helping her find stuff to wear and I was like no, don't wear those shoes without clashes here.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: And then, you know, there's like all this back and forth and then, you know, there was this little lull and I said, oh, my God, I'm so gay, you know.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: I said you know what in the world, you know why am I telling you how to do all this?
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: But you know, my, my, my daughter and I have a rule, even though she doesn't follow it a lot, Um, but if somebody else is in the car with her, I need to know, because you know how she and I talk to each other.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: Sometimes, you know, kind of take people aback, um, just because we're, we're real, you know, like there there's not this cordial thing, uh, but sometimes she'll set me up and and like hit on a nerve of something that she knows I'm going to say something and then you know, I'll hear everybody in the car laugh and I go, cecilia, she goes, I know, but I knew that you were going to say something like that.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: My friends don't believe that you say stuff like that.
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: I'm like well, I do, and thank you for everybody.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: Getting a laugh at your father's expense.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: I appreciate that.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: But it makes me laugh though.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: A little humility, which is good.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: I mean good for you, and the fact that your daughter calls you still oh yeah, that's great.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: I think that story is fantastic, maybe for a dad at home who got married is in a same-sex marriage.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: That's raising a daughter.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: What are some challenges that maybe you've gone through or some successes that might speak to them?
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: That might help someone just be a successful and best dad that he could be.
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: It really is.
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: I was lucky my daughter was very open-minded.
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, whenever I came out to her she's like no, no, no, I'm like duh.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: I guess I struggled because I don't even think it has anything as much to do and it might just be because I've been so blessed with my daughter and how she looked at this.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: It has less to do with same-sex and everything to do about the environment.
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: When she comes here, I love the fact that you can kind of feel her, just kind of like you know, like she can relax, she can read her books, she can like she can relax, she can read her book, she can be on her iPad, she can do whatever she wants to do.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: And she knows that George and I are going to laugh about something and probably say something we shouldn't say in front of you know, my daughter, or whatever, and everybody laughs.
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: I think it's more about the environment, but it you really have to do it based on the child.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: You know, if your child is uncomfortable and this could be with a new step parent as well cause I.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: There was a story in between there that that I actually got remarried for seven or eight years and she had two kids, so I had three kids at one point, um, but it was creating a safe environment for my daughter and I think this is the first relationship where I think she feels safe.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: You know, cause, um, you know I'm I'm also blessed cause I have an amazing husband who is incredibly interested, super protective of my daughter.
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: Um funny story there was one night, you know, you get the call at two o'clock in the morning and immediately, as a parent, your brain goes to worst case scenario, and especially whenever you hear your daughter crying and I'm like baby, what, what, what's wrong?
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: You know, um, are you okay?
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: And um, george got up, was going to the bathroom and she's like dad.
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: I said have you been in an accident?
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: Like, are you okay physically?
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: She goes yeah, just somebody.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: She had an argument or something with her group of friends.
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: I said, okay, sweetheart, I love you, but lead with that next time.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: And I see the bathroom light, come on and George is dressed and I just said, ceiling, hang on a second.
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: I said, george, where are you going?
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: He goes, well, she's crying.
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: And I figured that we he woke from a dead sleep, brushed his teeth, got ready and was ready to go Like didn't know details or anything.
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: I mean he was like ride or die.
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: And I think you know and I told Celie that story later on and I think that the more that both parental units can show that child you're safe, safe, you're loved, you're respected that says more than any kind of tips or tricks or little cliches.
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: If you put all your effort into that, everything else falls by the wayside.
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: No, I'm very blessed I have an amazing daughter, I have an amazing husband.
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: Um, I love when all of us are together and, um, you know, we just kind of have our own little routines.
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: Like my daughter loves to cook, I love to cook, and George, just sometimes he's just funny and he doesn't even know that he's funny.
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: And you know, my daughter and I get tickled.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: But then also too, they have little jokes about me, but I still don't know what they are.
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: But, like, every once in a while I'll do something and they'll look at each other and they'll laugh.
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: I'm like what's this, you know?
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: But I love that, I love that they have their own little relationship.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: So I think the more you can nurture that, the better everything's going to be for everyone.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: Yep, no well, said, um, okay, if you were, you did a great job.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: Summarize that I was going to ask you to some.
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll do it again, just in in simplistic ways.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: If you just kind of summarize what we've talked about today, trent, that dads or moms or anybody really can take from our conversation and to to be that better leader of their home, leader of their team, later their company leader, their friend group, um, you know two or three actionable pieces of advice or nuggets of wisdom.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: Lead people to where they need to be, but don't judge them for where they are.
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: I think so many people say, well, you should be here, and their judgment comes out in behaviors or words or actions that prohibit that person actually reaching where you think that they should go.
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: So for my daughter, I know that she's smart, I know that she's driven and I know that she has these goals.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to lead her every way that I can.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: Part of it she's going to actually have to do, but I'm not going to judge her for not being able to make $150,000 right now.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: That's stupid, it's counterintuitive and a lot of people listening may go well, that's a stupid example.
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: But if I think she should be at a certain level or have learned a certain life lesson and she hasn't, it's the same concept.
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to judge her.
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: It just means that I need to spend more time teaching.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: So lead where you want them to be, but don't judge them for where they are.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: For either parent, man, woman, two men, two women, whatever in between your child to choose sides, that is immature, it is parental malpractice and it's just disgusting.
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: Your child doesn't need to do that.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: That's not their role.
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: Your job is to develop them.
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: They have enough going on in their life now.
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, we had enough growing up.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: We thought we did At least all the bullying and stuff that I had at school.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: I could leave at school whenever I was growing up.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: They can't get away from it, you know.
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: Don't add insult to injury by bringing your drama and everything on top of them as well and then play the long game.
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: Set a goal.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: This is something that I like to do whenever I'm doing any kind of change management coaching or stuff with companies.
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: Always get the leadership right at press release for a year from now, assuming that you hit this goal.
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: What was the goal?
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: How did you get there?
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: What were the lessons that you learned?
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: And then put a date on it.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: And it's really interesting because then that becomes the North Star when we're going through that change management process.
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: Are we going to hit that press release?
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: If not, do we need to change the press release or do we need to change our tactics?
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: And I think parenting is the same thing.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: How do you define success in raising a child?
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: And then let that be your North star and let that be the lens of every decision that you make.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: It goes through that lens.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Man.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Well said it's yeah, I have a good, a good buddy, he always a good buddy.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we say, hey, what's what's your end game like, what's the goal?
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: And I think it's so how you articulate that trend's really really good.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: Because sometimes I think I see parents, we, we, we put our, our goals, our expectations on where we think they should be, to your point about judgment, but it's like is their life, like they're not going to do what you want them to do?
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: Let them do what they want to do and then just support them so they're going to be a much happier version of themselves, versus like, no, you're going to play in the band and you're going to play football.
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: Well, no, I don't want to do that so, and and just one piece of advice for someone who's got like a, a toddler or very impressionable something that I learned, um from a psychologist or, yeah, counselor, whatever you want to call it.
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: Um, because I was.
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: I was very intent whenever Celie's mother and I split up to make sure that I held true to raising a good child and I don't know what the name of the book was, something about raising a reasoning child or something like that.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: So from a very young age three, four, five years old everything she did, I said, okay, was that a good decision or a bad decision?
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, so what kind of consequence are you going to get as a result of that decision?
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: And you know now, whenever my daughter's talking, there's certain things that like kind of come out and I go okay, she listened, you know, um, I did my job, I did what I was supposed to do.
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: So teach them kind of like that flow chart and help them understand what the consequences are at a young age.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: It's going to make it so much easier in life and you're giving them guardrails.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: That voice is always going to be in their head.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: What's going to be the consequence I get?
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: Because it's going to determine whether this is a good decision or a bad decision.
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, if people have no idea what Hworks ai is, they're like what is this like?
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: Tell us about um, what hatchworks ai does.
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: Tell us about what you do, and how can people connect and learn more about the work you guys are doing awesome, um yeah.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: So hatchworks ai, we are a um wonderful company that is comprised of uh employees in US, also employees in Latin America.
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: We are your AI development partner, so we kind of help you from discovery to deployment and our goal is to bring the age of AI and kind of that human AI integration for all.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: We really are passionate about the democratization of information, of abilities and everything that AI has been able to bring to the age of humanity, and we're just partnering with companies to be able to bring that to reality.
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: So I am the Vice President of Talent and Culture.
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: I always tell people I have the fun part of HR.
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: I've got a wonderful counterpart, kathleen, who is director of people operations.
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: She handles payroll, benefits, facilities, all kinds of things.
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: There's things that she does that I tell her all the time.
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: It's like God forbid if anything ever happened to you.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know half the stuff that you do because she just does it.
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: She's just amazing like that.
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: So we work very closely together in helping our leaders and our team members to just kind of be the best self.
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: And the other cool thing about Hatchworks is that we actually have a philanthropic arm called Hatch Futures and our mission there is to break the cycle of poverty by exposing youth to STEM and now AI, and so, if you're familiar with junior achievement, we kind of function the same way.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: But what we're doing is our goal is to train a thousand educators by 2030 in AI.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: So we have got a program that we can do virtually, we can do in person, where we basically train teachers on how they can leverage AI in their job, and then we have course content that they can actually go and teach their students.
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: So it's everything from, of course, prompting but, more importantly, like, how do you do learning plans?
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: So, let's say, I'm a junior in high school and I really think data scientist sounds like a cool thing.
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: Well, guess what?
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: Google gemini has a, a learning development gem that will create a course outline for you.
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: So we want to.
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: We want to enable the youth both in the united states and in latin america to really embrace ai and to just go for whatever future they can dream of that's awesome.
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: That's so important.
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: I'm going to make sure all that's linked in the show notes so people can connect and find you guys.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: And I love the philanthropic arm.
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: I love giving back If you're in a spot to do so.
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: Giving back is so rewarding because you're helping make the world a better spot and teaching others that when they're in a spot to give back, they're going to do the same thing.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: And it's like this constant.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: I call that kind of a boomerang mindset, but you don't keep score, you're just always serving others.
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, our CEO, this is at his very core, and I joke around and say that he holds me more accountable on Hatch Futures than he does on Hatchworks.
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: He's always like where are we on this, where are we on that, where are we on this?
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: So I love that passion and it's kind of just part of our corporate DNA.
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: So it's why I call Hatchworks home.
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: So good, all right.
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: Well, now it's time to go on what I call the lightning round.
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: This is where I show you the effects of taking too many hits not bong hits, but football hits in college.
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: Your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can, and my job is to try to make you laugh.
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: All right, go for it.
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: All right, um, true or false?
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: Before joining a hatchworks, you were almost about to become a hell's angel.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: False.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: I don't even know what.
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: I guess I'm random.
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: Here we go Um your favorite comedy movie ever is.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: Ooh Christmas vacation.
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: So good and dumb and dumber, dumb and Dumber, dumb and Dumber.
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: There's so many quotes in there.
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: True or false.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: My friends told me, casey, you would not be funny if it was not for 80s movies.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: True.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: That is true.
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: I quote 80s movies a lot If you were to go on vacation right now, where are you?
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: Where are you and your husband going alone?
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: Somewhere where it's an Island and all I have to do is sit on the beach and flip a little flag for someone to bring me food or drink.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: Sounds fantastic.
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: Um, if I went, if, if your company and your coworkers went into your phone, what genre of music would they be surprised you listen to?
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: I listen to rave music on SoundCloud.
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: There you go, Because I'm a musician, so people can listen to different music and stuff while they're working out.
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: I have almost killed myself on a treadmill because a song went from a 4-4 time to a 6-8 time, because a song went from a 4-4 time to a 6-8 time, and my body is just so.
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: I listen to like gosh Pacheco, I listen to like Medina, I listen to all of these kind of things, but they blend the music together and so it's kind of the same beat, so I don't lose my groove while I'm at the gym.
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: Um, if I came to the house for dinner tonight, what would we have?
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow, um, probably probably some type of steak, a vegetable and rice.
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: Uh, both my husband and I like to eat very healthy and clean, so it's usually some version of a protein rice or potato and a green vegetable.
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: So we're very exciting that way.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: Sounds delicious.
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: If there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: Something's Not Like the Other.
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, now, trent, something's Not Like the Other.
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: The title is selling out in every bookstore.
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: Amazon can't keep it, barnes, noble can't keep it.
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: Every airport I've been trying to get copy.
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: I'm flying all over the place, I can't keep it.
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: So Hollywood found out about this.
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: They're going to make a movie.
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: You are now the casting director and I need to know who is going to star Trent Cotton in this fantastic new hit movie on Netflix.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: Ooh, um, probably Ryan Reynolds because, um, if you were to hear me talk at work, I talk a lot like Deadpool, so probably very easy con.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: Uh, um, character association there.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: Um, fun fact actually.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: I just interviewed a guy recently.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: He looks just like Ryan Reynolds.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh really, actually I just interviewed a guy recently.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: He looks just like Ryan Reynolds.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh really, oh, it's tripped me out, it's crazy.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: Um, okay, and then last question tell me two words that would describe Sealy driven and compassionate.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: Here we go Lightning rounds over.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: Uh, I was random, as usual, you give it a little bit.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: Um, I'm thinking I'm gonna give a nod to you because I think it was just I got to give all of his up, let my guests win.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: But it was a blast getting to know you.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you sharing your story.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: Um, I I have so much wisdom you dropped today and I and I'm confident that someone will listen to this.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: Come, we'll see it on, whether it's on YouTube or Spotify or Apple.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: And I just appreciate you sharing it and hopefully people can learn more about Hatchworks.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: If you want to learn more about their company, please follow the links in the show notes below and I just want to say thanks to all.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: Everybody continues to listen, appreciate the community of dads we're building.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: We're trying to build better leaders over the home.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: The three superpowers that drive my life are humility, vulnerability and curiosity.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: I'm working on these skills all the time, but I feel like they're life superpowers that creates more safer environments, creates more healthy environments, whether it's work or home.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: So if you've not taken time to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcast, please do that as well.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: But with that said, trent, thank you for spending time with us and on this February.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: This episode will come out here soon, but hopefully our paths will cross and we can meet in person one day.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: It'd be fun.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: Love to do that.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: I really enjoyed it.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: You bet.