Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / FOCUS: It's never too late. How to stop the narrative.

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FOCUS: It's never too late. How to stop the narrative. · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:13
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to this focus episode. So
0:17
Speaker 1: this focus episode is an extract from one of my
0:20
Speaker 1: older episodes, just to bring it to the forefront and
0:23
Speaker 1: remind you for topic that is really important that I've
0:25
Speaker 1: spoken about in the past. If you would like to
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Speaker 1: hear the entire episode, just click on the link in
0:31
Speaker 1: the show notes and it will take you to the
0:32
Speaker 1: full episode.
0:33
Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed Dunker.
0:38
Speaker 1: So the first thing that I want to talk about
0:40
Speaker 1: is this concept of aging and this resistance towards aging
0:44
Speaker 1: and a fear of aging, because I think that this
0:46
Speaker 1: idea of aging is what stops you from taking action
0:49
Speaker 1: because you think that you're getting too old or that
0:52
Speaker 1: you're already old to do something based on kind of
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Speaker 1: the social constructs or parameters that you yourself have put
0:58
Speaker 1: in place, which most time is just some construct that
1:01
Speaker 1: you've created in your head or other people have created
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Speaker 1: that doesn't actually exist right, and it can actually get
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Speaker 1: so paralyzing that it stops people from even starting something,
1:12
Speaker 1: you know, and they think, oh, no, I'm too old
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Speaker 1: for that, or a lot of people think, oh, by
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Speaker 1: the time I finish that, I'm going to be you know,
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Speaker 1: this age you know, for example, if you were to
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Speaker 1: start a degree at thirty three, let's say it takes
1:25
Speaker 1: you four years, You're thinking, oh my god, you know
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Speaker 1: I'm starting a degree at thirty three, then I'll be
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Speaker 1: thirty seven when I finish.
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Speaker 2: Like hopefully you will have the opportunity to live to
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Speaker 2: thirty seven and beyond.
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Speaker 1: Right, So instead of thinking, oh, I'm going to be
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Speaker 1: old by the time I finished that, you're saying, well,
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Speaker 1: I'm planning on being here for a long time. So
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Speaker 1: given that, what am I going to do with the
1:46
Speaker 1: time that I'm here? And that's going to change your
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Speaker 1: perspective around.
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Speaker 2: Should I be doing this? I'm going to be good.
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Speaker 1: Old is a construct that you've created in your head.
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Speaker 1: I know people that behave so fucking old and they're
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Speaker 1: in their twenties and all they do is winge and
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Speaker 1: wine about the thing fact that they're expiring and ooh
2:01
Speaker 1: Model twenty seven and look I look old. Fuck off right,
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Speaker 1: And then I know people that are in their eighties
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Speaker 1: who are more youthful than.
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Speaker 2: People I know in their twenties. Age is your behavior.
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Speaker 1: It is how you behave and I'll go into it
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Speaker 1: in a little bit, but how you approach. Aging from
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Speaker 1: an emotional and psychological standpoint actually influences the rate of aging,
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Speaker 1: and it influences the degenerational rate of degeneration in your brain.
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Speaker 2: Okay, So based on the people.
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Speaker 1: That are more optimistic, that are generally more positive, that
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Speaker 1: are willing to learn and have this youthful, curious approach
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Speaker 1: to life, the ones that have a much later degeneration
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Speaker 1: in their life. So instead of their brain degenerating, this
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Speaker 1: is if it degenerates. Mind you not everyone goes through
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Speaker 1: a like a crazy you know, not everyone gets a
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Speaker 1: neurodegenerative disease. But if you if someone who doesn't, you know, use.
3:02
Speaker 2: The words I'm old, I'm going to give up.
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Speaker 1: I'm going to retire really young, and then I'm going
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Speaker 1: to sit there and just wait for life to pass
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Speaker 1: me by. Someone like that, if they get if they
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Speaker 1: do get a let's say, dementia, the onset of dementia
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Speaker 1: or the visible noticeable symptoms of dementia can start fifteen
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Speaker 1: years before that person dies. Someone that's you know, constantly
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Speaker 1: using their brain, constantly, you know, exploring life, having this
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Speaker 1: you know, curious positive can do attitude.
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Speaker 2: I'm going to try this.
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Speaker 1: I'm going to try that they might have gotten the
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Speaker 1: dementia earlier, but they don't notice the symptoms until the
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Speaker 1: last couple of years of their life because they've got
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Speaker 1: all this cognitive reserve, and cognitive reserve comes from being
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Speaker 1: curious and positive and willing to start new things, willing
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Speaker 1: to learn new things. The better your cognitive reserve, the
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Speaker 1: healthier your brain is as long as possible, and when
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Speaker 1: you do get symptoms of degeneration, it's at the very
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Speaker 1: very very end of your life instead of the last
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Speaker 1: fifteen years being this really tragic demand eyes. Okay, so
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Speaker 1: it's fucking important and it is a state of mind.
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Speaker 1: And this even comes down when it comes to recovering
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Speaker 1: from a brain injury. The people that recover the fastest
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Speaker 1: are the ones that have an optimistic outlook. So your
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Speaker 1: mood and your emotions very heavily influence what is going
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Speaker 1: in your brain, your cognitive reserve, and the rate of
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Speaker 1: repair when something happens to your brain. So this episode
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Speaker 1: is basically trying to change how you approach your life,
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Speaker 1: your attitude towards life, your attitude towards your abilities, and
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Speaker 1: the time you have on earth. Because you've you can
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Speaker 1: milk every second and every day, and remind yourself kindly,
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Speaker 1: not in a scary way, that you are mortal and
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Speaker 1: your time here is not a forever thing. Or you
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Speaker 1: can think, oh, well, fuck, i'm getting old now, I'm
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Speaker 1: you know, nearly thirty. How tragic, I'm so old winge
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Speaker 1: win in Winge, and then feel irrelevant and they complain
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Speaker 1: that the younger generation just doesn't understand you. And then
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Speaker 1: you get fucking old and then you die.
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Speaker 2: So it's a choice.
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Speaker 1: Now, let's eliminate the things that you are actually too
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Speaker 1: old for, like what I mentioned. If you haven't already
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Speaker 1: started practicing ballet and you're in your twenties, you're not
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Speaker 1: going to be a professional balleri.
5:12
Speaker 2: Not likely.
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Speaker 1: Hey, maybe you can and surprise me, and I'd love
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Speaker 1: to hear from you, write me a letter.
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Speaker 2: But there's a few things that you absolutely can't do right.
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Speaker 1: But let's look at realistically what you're not too old for.
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Speaker 1: I've written a list, a long list, Okay, things that
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Speaker 1: you're not too old for. You're not too old for
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Speaker 1: change learning something, changing a habit or a pattern in
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Speaker 1: your life, changing your style or your appearance, changing aspects
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Speaker 1: of your personality, turning your health around, turning your mental
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Speaker 1: health around, becoming more carefree, becoming a spontaneous person, starting
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Speaker 1: a new career, buying that one way ticket, moving to
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Speaker 1: that other city, doing something alone, starting a new hobby,
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Speaker 1: mastering a new skill, finding a new passion, ending or
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Speaker 1: entering a relationship, making new friends, and lastly, and most importantly,
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Speaker 1: being happy.
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Speaker 2: Okay, you're not too old for any of those things
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Speaker 2: that I just mentioned.
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Speaker 1: When it comes to doing the things that you have
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Speaker 1: always wanted to do or the things that you desire, it's.
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Speaker 2: Never too late and it's never too old.
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Speaker 1: You might have to alter a few things based on
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Speaker 1: your life's situation, but it's never too late.
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Speaker 2: Now.
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Speaker 1: I remember that I used to fee aging so much
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Speaker 1: in my early twenties.
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Speaker 2: I think I was like.
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Speaker 1: Pretty susceptible to this idea that we have an expiry date.
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Speaker 1: And I think women in particular feel this way based
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Speaker 1: on you have to pack in as much as possible
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Speaker 1: before you, you know, want to start a family, and
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Speaker 1: then god forbid you, you don't find someone to start
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Speaker 1: a family until a certain age, and then what if
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Speaker 1: you're not even wanting a child at this age?
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Speaker 2: And then what do you do when you've got a.
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Speaker 1: Uterus that you know can't be producing children for the
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Speaker 1: whole life. So this idea of like, because I have
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Speaker 1: an expiry date on when I can have children, I've
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Speaker 1: got to look at my career. And it was kind
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Speaker 1: of something that played on my mind so much more
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Speaker 1: in my early twenties than it does today, and it
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Speaker 1: has nothing to do with the fact that I have
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Speaker 1: a partner. I changed this mentality when I was around
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Speaker 1: twenty nine ish thirty. Around twenty nine thirty is when
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Speaker 1: it really changed to the extent that I was genuinely happy,
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Speaker 1: thinking if I find a partner or not, if I
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Speaker 1: have children or not, I know that I'm capable of
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Speaker 1: being truly, truly happy no matter what happens. But back then,
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Speaker 1: I would compare myself to the people around me based
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Speaker 1: on their age to determine if I was doing okay
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Speaker 1: for my age based on what I had achieved thus far,
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Speaker 1: or if I felt that I was falling behind. So
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Speaker 1: I would look at, you know, my friends, my colleagues,
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Speaker 1: people around me, people that were doing my career, but
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Speaker 1: they were a lot younger, and it would play on
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Speaker 1: my mind thinking like, oh my god, they're three years younger,
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Speaker 1: but we're doing the same thing. Does this mean that
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Speaker 1: I'm falling behind? Or does this mean that I'm too
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Speaker 1: old for this thing? And it would really kind of
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Speaker 1: do my head in. But that kind of mentality was
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Speaker 1: only hurting me and was probably only obvious to me,
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Speaker 1: and it would make me feel that I wasn't doing
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Speaker 1: enough or I wasn't doing something fast enough, and it
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Speaker 1: made me question myself and my abilities and was there
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Speaker 1: a point to what I was doing? Should I change
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Speaker 1: what I'm doing? Should I just give up on this thing?
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Speaker 1: Should I not? Should I write? And when a relationship
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Speaker 1: would break down, I would feel back then that I
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Speaker 1: was back at square one.
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Speaker 2: It felt, in a.
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Speaker 1: Way when I was in my twenties that a relationship
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Speaker 1: determined my progress in my life, which is crazy to
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Speaker 1: think about because they're two completely separate things. Your life
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Speaker 1: trajectory and where you're headed as a person and the
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Speaker 1: growth that you have has nothing and should have nothing
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Speaker 1: to do with the person that you are dating. Okay,
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Speaker 1: they're two completely separate things. You should always be a
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Speaker 1: path of, you know, working on your relationship with yourself
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Speaker 1: and your abilities and your life experience independently to nurturing
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Speaker 1: your relationships outside of that. Okay, you should never feel
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Speaker 1: that all your eggs are in that basket of a
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Speaker 1: partner and children, because if you feel that way, then
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Speaker 1: you're going to feel fucking back at square one. You're
9:19
Speaker 1: going to feel redundant when you know if or when
9:22
Speaker 1: you know the relationships break break down, or once your
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Speaker 1: children move out of home. If everything in your life
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Speaker 1: and your journey is tied to somebody external from you,
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Speaker 1: then you are going to feel these feelings.
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Speaker 2: The more you realize that.
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Speaker 1: Relationships, no matter how close they are to you, including
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Speaker 1: the ones you have with your children, which is probably
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Speaker 1: the closest relationship you're ever going to have, that those
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Speaker 1: relationships do not and should not, determine your relationship with
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Speaker 1: yourself and your experience through life.
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Speaker 2: Okay, they have to be nurtured separately.
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Speaker 1: Don't bunch it all together and think, oh, I can
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Speaker 1: be happy if I'm a mother.
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Speaker 2: That's not how it.
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Speaker 1: And speak to many mothers and you'll understand that there
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Speaker 1: are many mothers out there that have a phenomenal relationship
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Speaker 1: with their child, but they don't have a good relationship
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Speaker 1: with themselves, and they are depressed or anxious or sad,
10:11
Speaker 1: or they might feel like they have no purpose outside
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Speaker 1: of being a mother. Okay, so they're two separate things.
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Speaker 1: So what I recommend you do is say to yourself,
10:20
Speaker 1: how accessible is my inner child right now? Because there's
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Speaker 1: a lot we all start off as children, obviously toddlers.
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Speaker 1: We're all excited, we all are fun loving, we all
10:30
Speaker 1: are way more spontaneous and more exciting than all of
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Speaker 1: that is. We are curious, we're willing to learn, we're
10:37
Speaker 1: willing to make mistakes. That's the inner child. So you've
10:40
Speaker 1: got to ask yourself how much have I suppressed this
10:44
Speaker 1: part of me? Or how much of it am I nurturing?
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Speaker 1: Because if you're someone that's always nurturing that side of you,
10:50
Speaker 1: then you're probably going to feel like quite a young,
10:53
Speaker 1: fun loving, I love life kind of person till the
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Speaker 1: very end of your life, till you're in your nineties. Right,
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Speaker 1: you could be feeling that way, but that is determined
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Speaker 1: by how close you feel to that inner child that's
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Speaker 1: at the surface.
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Speaker 2: Now, if you've shut it down, and if.
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Speaker 1: You've decided, oh, I've got to be serious, everything has
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Speaker 1: to be serious. I'm adult now, you can turn that around.
11:14
Speaker 1: You can always be curious. You can always find the
11:17
Speaker 1: fun in something. You can always be playful. Okay, we
11:21
Speaker 1: don't know what the purpose of life is, but I'm
11:24
Speaker 1: sure it's got to do with having a good time,
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Speaker 1: because why the fuck else are we here if it's
11:29
Speaker 1: not to enjoy the process and to enjoy the experience.
11:32
Speaker 2: When you shut off that connection.
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Speaker 1: To that side of who you are and your personality,
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Speaker 1: because that always exists within you.
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Speaker 2: It's how much have you pushed it down? When you
11:42
Speaker 2: shut off the connection, that is when you start to age.
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Speaker 1: Okay, it's not the years that you've lived, it's your
11:49
Speaker 1: relationship to that side of you.