Latest / The Opinion You Didn’t Ask For / A Seat at the Table PT. 1

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A Seat at the Table PT. 1 · The Opinion You Didn’t Ask For

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Have you ever had a nightmare that all your friends abandoned
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you and talk about you in their new group chat?
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Well, welcome to my reality, you guys.
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Welcome back to the opinion you didn't ask for.
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I'm Hannah and last week I did something so out of my comfort
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zone that even my husband could not believe I was doing it.
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I let my daughter Blake, who is 6 years old, have a friend's
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giving and for some people you might think that is that is bare
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minimum. No, for me that is Max capacity
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for what I'm able to handle. I do not like having people over
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to my house, especially a bunch of 6 year old little girls.
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Please know I almost don't like having people over because I
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feel like I'm going to be judged or they're going to ruin
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something and then I'm going to feel a certain type of way about
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this six year old or just feelings of not good enough.
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And so I don't want to open up our home to have those judgments
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be made. And I am very much an
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introverted extrovert. People think that I am so
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extroverted. I'm absolutely not.
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I could stay in my house in my sweatpants all day every day for
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weeks on end. I have before not counting
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COVID. OK so it was a huge deal for me.
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But I had the thought that if I don't allow her to have moments
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like that in her life, she is not going to know how to create
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relationships, how to cultivate friendships.
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And so I told her that I was going to let her have a little
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Friendsgiving. And I am.
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I'm a simple girl, OK? I said it would be pumpkin pie.
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The end. It was not going to be a feast.
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OK, I know some friendsgivings. Everyone bring something.
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I didn't want to ask anyone to bring anything either.
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I didn't want to put anyone out whether it's financially or just
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their time. Everyone has things going on.
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It's the holidays so I was like we will be having pumpkin pie
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from Costco and that is all and you can invite 5 friends.
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And when I told her she lit up. She was so excited.
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She will play pretend that she is hosting these giant dinners
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and she has all her stuffed animals and she has five course
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meals and she decorates. And then she'll invite all of us
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to come to her party with her other friends.
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And we always joke that she is going to be the world's best
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party planner because she is just so passionate about these
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dinner parties. And so that's where this whole
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thing came to life is that I'm like, she loves to do this.
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Let's make them real people, not stuffed animals.
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And I want her at a young age to know how to make friendships,
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the kind of people that you want to have in your life.
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So I did it. We sat down, she gave me the
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five people she wanted to invite.
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And when she told me which people she wanted to invite, I
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made sure to ask her, are they kind to you?
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You know, at school, do they play with you?
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Because I don't want her being so kind to everyone.
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And then she invites someone and they come over and then it's
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mean girl situation happening in my house with my kid.
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And they don't want to see me get into like Mama bear mode.
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You just don't want to see it. It's not pretty.
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So I'm trying to set her up for success here.
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So with each girl, I was like, are they nice to you?
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Do they play with you? And she was confident in all of
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them. Like yes.
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And it was so cute. One of the girls she wanted to
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invite, she had one more pic left and she had a bunch of
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girls she wanted from her old class from last year and this
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year. But I said, you only have one
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more. And so she goes, I want to
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invite. And she named one of her
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friend's older sisters who happens to be a neighbor.
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And I was like, Are you sure? You know, she's not in your
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grade. She's not in your class.
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And she goes, well, yeah, because I don't want her to feel
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left out because her sister's coming.
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And it's just those moments when you're so proud.
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You're like, wow, you are a better person than I am because
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I'd be like, why would I invite you?
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Not that you're not a good person or not that, you know, we
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don't play outside in the summertime.
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But you're not in my class. I had a chance to pick a
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different friend, but she cared so much about Friendsgiving
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being a place where no one felt left out.
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And I was so proud, so proud of her.
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And so I was like, OK. And she told me all of them were
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kind to her and played with her. So I felt very comfortable
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inviting these girls into my home.
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And it went great. OK, It went great.
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My husband love that man. He does not know how to be
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simple. So last second I even bought
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Capri Suns. I was like, OK, every girl can
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have a juice. Every girl can have a juice.
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That was me being that was me going big, you guys pumpkin pie
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and Capri Suns and he forgot I bought them.
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And last minute he's like, I'm going to make homemade hot
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chocolate. And I was like, are you are you
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joking? Why?
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He's like, well, it's cold and Blake loves it.
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He's the best dad, you guys the best man.
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He's just the best. If you know Taylor, you know
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he's the best. If you don't know him, let me
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just tell you he's the best. And he goes above and beyond and
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he does things to make it more special.
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And then after he made it for everybody and there was hot
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chocolate spilled on multiple girls shirts, I also looked at
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him and I was like we have a white couch did you forget this?
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We are going to trust a bunch of 6 year olds with hot chocolate
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next to my white couch. It was fine.
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The couch survived all is well. And then after he goes I forgot
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you bought Capri Suns. If we're being honest.
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I was like I told you I did whatever love him.
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So we had hot chocolate and pumpkin pie and the girls had an
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amazing time. And one of the the 1st girl who
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left, I actually texted her mom after it to make sure nothing
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had happened because shouldn't when she left she looked
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somewhat sad or angry. And all of a sudden I started
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panicking because I thought did did my daughter say something
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unkind to her? Did someone else say something
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unkind? My home will not be a place
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where any of that happens. And I wanted to be very on top
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of it. And so I texted this girl's mom
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and I was like did she have a good time?
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We're so glad she came. I noticed she looked a little
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sad. Was everything OK?
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And she messaged back and said, oh, she had the best time.
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She was just mad. We came to pick her up.
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And that made me feel so good. I was like, oh, OK, that's
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that's the best problem to have, right?
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Like that is the best thing. That's the best outcome that
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could come from this party is that a girl left looking sad
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because she didn't want to leave.
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And my daughter was so happy that everyone came and they all
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got along and played so well and it was awesome.
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It was very overwhelming for me for a good chunk of it.
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I had to keep being like, OK, it's fine, this is only an hour,
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I can survive this. It's very loud, lots of girls,
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very loud, lots of screaming. But it was happy screaming.
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There wasn't drama, there wasn't fighting.
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It was peaceful, which I was so grateful for because I realized
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that the girls that were in my home, at least I would like to
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believe that if they were to do a Friendsgiving or they were to
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have a birthday party or whatever it may be, that my
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daughter would be invited to their thing, right?
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Like she would have a seat at their table because she's
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creating these relationships and she's able to recognize if
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someone is nice or mean. She's able to recognize if
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someone spends time with her and makes her feel important, laughs
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at her silly jokes or goes along with her fun games.
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She recognizes how people treat her and that's such a wise gift
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she has at such a young age. And I feel like the hardest part
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for me doing this Friendsgiving was acknowledging I have not
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shown her what friendship looks like as a grown up.
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Basically since I got married, my husband is my best friend.
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And that's not just one of those cliche like my husband's my best
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friend. No, my husband is my best
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friend. I would choose to spend time
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with him over anyone else in this entire universe.
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He works from home people. I see that man 24/7 and I still
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miss him when I go to the grocery store or if he's in the
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bathroom for too long. I miss him like he is my best
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friend and I want to teach my kids to Marry your best friend.
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Obviously that is a very important thing, but I have not
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shown my daughter how to have female friendships, how to have
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female relationships. And it is because I have a lot
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of childhood trauma with friendships.
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I have a lot of betrayal trauma with friendships that I didn't
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realize how much it affected me until I got older.
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And I would try to make friendships with people and I
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would find myself not putting myself out there.
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Because if I don't put myself out there, I can't get hurt,
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right? If I don't allow these people
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into my life, I can't get hurt because I grew up with these
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girls who were my best friends. I thought they were going to be
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my best friends for the rest of my life, that we'd all raise our
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kids to be best friends. No matter where we went in life,
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we'd always be best friends. And my senior year of high
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school, things changed very drastically and I didn't
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understand why. There was a lot of there were a
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lot of almost red flags that I look back and I see now, but at
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the time I just, I wanted to people, please.
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I wanted them to be my best friends.
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We were best friends. We had always been best friends.
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And so every time they would make a jab at me, I was the butt
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of every joke all the time. It was always making fun of me.
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And so I started leaning into it because I thought if they don't
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think it's affecting me, maybe it'll stop.
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Or maybe maybe they're not meaning it as mean as it's
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coming across. Maybe they're not truly making
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fun of me because they're supposed to be my best friends,
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right? Like, why are they talking about
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me in such an honestly terrible way?
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But I didn't confront it because I didn't want to have any
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tension. I just wanted us all to get
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along. I thought we'd all be fine and
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dandy. And so I had, I had something
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come up in my life right when we were graduating and I didn't
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tell them about it because I did not want it to be a joke.
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I did not want them to make fun of me for it.
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I had planned to tell them, but just not yet.
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I wasn't ready yet. Unfortunately, it was put on
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social media. This is when Instagram was like
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beginning, right? And someone posted about me and
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the thing I was doing and tagged me, but I didn't post it.
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And somehow one of these friends found it and screenshotted it
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and sent it in our group chat and was like, what is this?
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And I, you know, I trying to be lighthearted was like, oh, ha,
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ha. Yeah.
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Like I was going to tell you guys.
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And then nothing. It was a pageant.
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A pageant. OK.
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I did a pageant. I am not a pageant girl.
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I did not seek this out. An older friend of mine from
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another part of the state is a pageant girl and she had done
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these pageants and she reached out and asked if I would
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consider it. And at first I, I thought, no,
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absolutely not. I'm not a pageant girl.
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I do not come from a pageant community.
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I'm from a very small town where country kids, you know, we were
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not pageant people, none of us. And so it felt very foreign,
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felt very out of my element, very out of my comfort zone.
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But it was this new experience that I was being invited to
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experience for myself. And I took it right, Like I did
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it and it was this amazing experience.
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I loved this experience. It taught me a lot.
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I got to know a lot of people from across the country, but
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that's all it was. It was just a pageant that I was
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invited to do, and I did it. That group chat ended that day
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over that text, and it was the most devastating experience for
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me because I thought, wait, what?
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And they just disappeared out of my life.
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They started a new group chat to talk about me and this thing.
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And I thought, wait, OK, can't we laugh it off?
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Or, you know, I wasn't ready to tell everybody yet.
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But now that you guys know, you know, why can't we discuss it
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now? Or if there is a problem, talk
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to me. Tell me how this made you feel
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that I hadn't told you but you were just so ready to drop me as
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a friend. And it was the most confusing
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time of my life because I went from having the tightest group
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of girlfriends who I thought we would be each other's
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bridesmaids, do each other's baby showers.
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I thought we would be there for all of it together.
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I thought that that was going to be my group, that my kids grew
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up calling their aunts, right? That is where I thought that
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friendship would go. And it was just the easiest
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thing for them all to just completely cut me from their
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lives. And so I went to college with no
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support system. They were all going different
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places and doing different things with their lives.
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But I didn't have them to text to tell him about school or my
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roommates or my Tinder dates. OK, I went on a Tinder date and
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the guy took me to a Ted Bundy cave.
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And I remember being in that cave and feeling this evil and
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the guy was real creepy, OK, it was, I mean red flags
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everywhere. OK?
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Crime junkies would be like you got in the car with a stranger
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and let him drive you to a cave in the middle of nowhere.
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Girl, run. What is wrong with you?
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Right. Like no, I get it, truly I do.
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I understand how insane that sounds.
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I would rather live that date 10 times over, not knowing the
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outcome that I survive than to ever go through the friendship
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betrayal that I experienced as a teenager.
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OK, that's how that's how bad it was.
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Thankfully, I lived through that date.
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So just like that is how hard this was for me, right?
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Like I didn't have these these girls in my life anymore who I
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had always had. And then come some of their
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weddings and they're all each other's bridesmaids and I'm not
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even included in the picture, not even invited, not a part of
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of any of this. And I thought that that would be
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the hardest part. I thought that'd be the most
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painful part. And so, you know, I move away
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and I have my own life at this point.
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And then one day I see a picture of them all together.
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And apparently they had these once a year get togethers.
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And one of their moms commented on the post and put something
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along the lines of best group of girls.
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And I felt this heartache of like I had, you know, I had
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died. Like they're going on with their
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lives. They're all together, but it's
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like I've died. And then I realized, no, it's
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not like I've died. It's like I never existed to
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them because if I had died, they would be mourning me, you know,
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They would all be together laughing and joking and
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reminiscing, but there would be almost a, a memorial of me, a
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tribute of me, you know, Oh, she would be here, but she's gone.
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But that wasn't what it was. I just, it was as if I hadn't
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existed in their lives. And I didn't understand for a
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really, really long time how someone could just not care and
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not feel those things for you. And so that was that was
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honestly the beginning of my betrayal trauma.
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That is the beginning of my friendship PTSD where it is just
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a lot easier for me to not put myself out there.
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Because if you don't put yourself out there, you can't be
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rejected. You can't have people not make
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you feel included or wanted. And and so I said in the last
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episode, the last submission was talking about the friend who
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wasn't there for her, but then had the nerve to say, you know,
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you're not being a good friend to me and blocking her but then
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liking her posts. And with my daughter's whole
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Friendsgiving and all of these thoughts coming back up for me,
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I realized that it is OK to mourn a friendship that was
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there. And to allow yourself to be sad
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that they're no longer in your life.
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To be angry that they did not show up for you in the way that
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you would have hoped, and to support you and to tell you that
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they loved you and to help you through it.
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Especially if you've always done that for them.
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Because that was how I felt. I felt like I was always the one
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showing up for people and they didn't show up for me.
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They did not even slightly go out of their way to forgive me
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or to make me feel included or wanted or even to celebrate what
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I was doing in life. And so there's the lyrics from
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the Justin Bieber song. That's like, some people come in
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your life for a reason. Some people come in your life
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for a season and then obviously he's talking about his wife, but
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it's like you are a lifetime. I think it is so important to
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realize that with friendships that there are friendships that
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are in your life forever, that they are going to be your ride
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or dies, and then there are going to be seasonal
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friendships. There are going to be
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friendships for a reason, whether it's to teach you
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something about yourself, to teach you things to look for, to
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avoid. And so that is my advice to the
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submission from last week, is that you can mourn that loss.
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You can recognize that that friendship of those eight years
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was something that maybe meant more to you than it did to them,
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that they were so OK cutting it off and that that was really
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hard for you. But it probably taught you
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something about yourself. It probably taught you something
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about future friendships. And it's OK to cut people off
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completely. Like if you need to remove that
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person from all social media and block them so that they're not
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liking your posts and it's retriggering you every single
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time you see their name, you are allowed to do that.
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If you are OK moving on with your life and saying I'm happy
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with where I'm at, I have found an amazing group of people, I
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don't need that person anymore in my life.
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I'm grateful for the times that we had that were good.
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I'm grateful for what they taught me about how I don't want
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to be and who I don't want to have in my circle and be
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grateful for that. But to move on because you
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can't. You can tell someone that they
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hurt you, you can invite someone to change, but they have the
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choice, right? Like that saying you can lead a
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horse to water but you can't make them drink.
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That is that's the thing. And if you want to communicate
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that you can. Communication is great.
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I wish that my childhood to high school best friends had just
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communicated with me how it made them feel and I would have had a
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chance to explain how I felt and why I did what I did.
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But it that isn't what happened, I didn't have that chance.
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And I will say that I have talked to them all since that
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has happened, just, you know, some of them in passing very
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casually. Others, I feel like we rekindled
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more as grown-ups to mend that relationship, but almost to
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start a new friendship based on where we were at in life now.
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And I'm I'm grateful for that. But that hurt that 18 year old
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me went through with some of the darkest times of my life and
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it's almost freeing to be able to acknowledge that because I
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think for years I tried to put it off like it didn't affect me
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as much as it did. But now I have a daughter who I
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would be heartbroken if she experienced that and I want to
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teach her the kind of friends to look for and the kind of things
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that we do and do not tolerate. Because I am sure that there and
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like I said, there were red flags.
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Now, looking back, there was this awkward moment at my bridal
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shower where one of my other high school friends, not one of
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the girls who had been in this like tighter group of my
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friends, but one of my friends. And she came and you know, those
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little games you play at bridal shower parties.
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One of the things was tell us a funny story about the bride.
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And everyone who was there filled them out.
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And then I I read them and I got to this card and the memory was
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of a party where something crazy had happened, except I wasn't
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invited to that party. And I think people forgot that,
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which is why she just assumed because these were supposed to
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be my best friends. And it was one of my absolute
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best friends from childhood, from birth, who threw this
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party. And I found out about it later
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that it had happened and that I hadn't been invited.
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And that is the memory that this other friend put because she
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just assumed I was there because we, you know, I had been best
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friends with them. So why wouldn't I have been at
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this party, right? Like that?
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That doesn't make sense to other people who'd be like, oh, they
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were best friends. Of course she was at this party.
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Of course she remembers this crazy thing that happened, but
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no. So that was awkward.
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Nothing like sitting at your own bridal shower with people who
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are telling stories about a situation you were not invited
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to. And it just brought it all right
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back to the surface. And I remember being like, do
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not cry. Do not cry.
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It is fine. And then I was like, just don't
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get angry either because I either go from really sad to
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really angry really fast. It's it's an unhealthy coping
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mechanism that I am trying to change about myself.
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So, so yeah, I think that it's been, it's been a journey.
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And unfortunately the journey didn't end there.
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I moved away with my husband after we got married and I had
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no friends, no family. I was completely alone.
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And we moved into this neighborhood and I was so lonely
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and desperate for connection with anyone.
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And my husband was at work all the time and I'm home alone as a
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stay at home wife because I was super sick while pregnant.
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And I met some women in the neighborhood and they would
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invite me over to hang out. And these are the kind of
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relationships that I think come in your life for a reason.
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Because we would hang out together and it was so toxic,
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which is not how I am. But I think I was so desperate
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for connection that I overlooked a lot of red flags, a lot of
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things that were just not my personality that I was engaging
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in, that I was participating in. And I would come home sometimes
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from spending time with some of these people and my husband
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would go, I don't know if I like how you act when you come home
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because it's almost like you're angry and it's almost like you
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pick a fight with me for no reason.
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And he wasn't wrong. And I'm realizing it was my
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reaction to having all of that negativity, all of that gossipy
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mean girl energy. That's not my personality.
25:56
It was me coming home and almost trying to rid myself of it.
25:59
But instead I just became mean to him.
26:01
But I knew I could be mean to him because he was still going
26:03
to love me through those moments.
26:07
But that wasn't fair to him because then he's just seeing
26:09
how unhappy I seem and how angry I seem.
26:13
And so I would try to limit how much time I spent with these
26:18
people because I didn't know how.
26:19
Once again, I am alone. I have no friends or family.
26:22
They are my only connections. So I couldn't just completely
26:26
cut it off and have nobody. So I would try to limit my time.
26:30
But I found that when I would spend time with one of them and
26:34
the others weren't around, they would talk so bad about the
26:37
others. And it hit me one day that if
26:42
they are comfortable talking bad about, you know, these other
26:45
friends of ours to me, I wonder how comfortable they feel to
26:50
talk about me to these other friends when I'm not around.
26:55
And that is a red flag. That is not how a friendship
26:58
should be. You shouldn't have to be
26:59
wondering, are they going to talk bad about me when I leave
27:03
this room? If you're at a party in high
27:05
school and you don't want to be the first to leave because you
27:08
think that they're going to talk bad about you, those aren't your
27:11
friends. If you're in a group of women
27:14
from your neighborhood and you worry they're talking about you,
27:19
or if you had told someone something in confidence, you're
27:22
worried that they're going to tell everyone else and that your
27:25
secret was not safe, those aren't your friends.
27:28
Your friends should be people who would metaphorically hide
27:32
the body for you and lie on the stand.
27:35
They should be the people that would have your back in a fight
27:39
that you picked. OK, You picked the fight.
27:41
You're actually in the wrong. Your friends are standing behind
27:45
you, and they're like, yeah, you're right.
27:46
She started this and she's in the wrong.
27:49
This fight's still happening because we're backing her 100%
27:52
right. Like those are the kind of
27:53
friendships you should have, not people who make you feel like
27:57
you need to be smaller in A room, not people that you don't
28:00
feel like you can trust to tell things to.
28:04
Because how, how lonely is that? If you don't feel like you can
28:07
ever vent to someone about something or discuss maybe
28:12
something that is bothering you that you're trying to figure out
28:14
and you want their advice or their opinion and you can't
28:18
trust that it's going to stay confidential.
28:21
That's not a friend. That is not the kind of person
28:24
that you want to be there for you.
28:27
You also don't want to be the friend who shows up for everyone
28:31
all the time and no one shows up for you.
28:35
It's so lonely, even in a room full of friends.
28:41
I'm, err, quoting that, by the way.
28:42
Like these friends that you have that you're in this room with.
28:45
If you feel lonely and you feel like I would stand for any of
28:50
these women, how many of those women would stand for you?
28:54
How many of those women would have your back or show up for
28:58
you in your time of need? And that has unfortunately been
29:02
another situation that I experienced with a friend that I
29:05
had had since I was a teenager. We went through some crazy fun
29:10
experiences together and we always said we were like
29:14
sisters. And I felt like a lot of the
29:20
times I showed up for her and she wouldn't show up for me
29:25
unless it was super, super convenient, right?
29:28
Like if she didn't really have to go out of her way at all to
29:31
show up for me, she was there maybe.
29:34
But for me, I am such a loyal, diehard friend.
29:38
And so she actually wasn't here for when my husband and I got
29:42
married. And then we moved away and I got
29:45
pregnant and she was like, you should come visit.
29:49
Like, I want to meet your husband.
29:51
I want to see you. You guys and I.
29:53
This is going to sound crazy because you're going to be like
29:55
what? Girl?
29:56
What? Yeah, I know.
29:57
We drove. I can't even remember now. 1515
30:02
1/2 hours with me, 5 1/2 months pregnant to drive all the way to
30:07
see her so she could meet my husband, see me, you know, to
30:14
see me. I drove all this way to love and
30:18
support her for something she was doing.
30:21
And then I was having my baby shower.
30:26
We drove to Idaho, where I am from, for my baby shower, and it
30:31
was a couple hours from her to come to my baby shower.
30:37
And she was driving through my hometown to drive to another
30:42
town to do something that weekend.
30:46
And she did not stop. This friend who I had driven 15
30:51
1/2 hours for while pregnant couldn't even stop off the
30:56
freeway for two minutes to tell me she loved me, to hug me, to
31:01
drop off a gift, Nothing. There was no, there was no
31:06
reciprocation. I had given so much of myself.
31:11
I had sacrificed so much time and energy and money.
31:15
It's not cheap to drive that far, right?
31:17
Like I had done all this and then we had flown in to be at my
31:22
baby shower and she drove through the town and couldn't
31:26
even stop. And I remember feeling like I
31:31
had lost everybody at that point, Like I have no one in my
31:34
corner. I don't have a village.
31:37
And it was heartbreaking because I thought, what am I doing
31:39
wrong? Why?
31:41
Why don't people love me the way I love them?
31:47
You know, is there something flawed in the way I do things?
31:50
Is am I, am I just too much for everybody?
31:54
Because that is truly how I feel.
31:55
I feel like I am so much personality for everybody that
32:00
no one can handle me, that no one wants to put up with me,
32:04
that no one that I am not worthy of being loved and befriended by
32:08
people. And it's a horrible feeling,
32:11
obviously, but as I've come to love myself and to be OK being
32:19
alone, I realize that there are people who will show up for me
32:25
that I never expected, that I'm like, wow, I didn't think that
32:29
you cared about me at all. And then they're showing up and
32:32
being so supportive. And I'm, I'm honestly so
32:34
grateful for every single little show from people that they
32:41
acknowledge that I'm still alive.
32:43
Honestly, at this point, I'm like, there was no funeral.
32:46
I am still here. Like, thank you.
32:49
But it's so there's no way that this is only me.
32:52
There's no way that I'm the only person who has experienced these
32:55
type of relationships. And and then there's the friends
33:00
who are friends with everyone. And I am not like that, that is
33:09
not my thing because I can only give so much of myself to so
33:13
many people that I will never understand people who are
33:17
friends with everyone. Because I have to wonder, where
33:20
do your loyalties lie, right? Like if you had to pick, could
33:24
you pick a friend to back? Could you pick a couple friends
33:27
to back? Like who do you, who do you
33:30
actually care about? Because if you have 1,000,010
33:34
friends, who is actually important to you?
33:40
Or does it just matter that you people please everyone and
33:43
everyone's your friend? But for me and I don't know
33:46
about anyone else, for me, I feel like I'm just not actually
33:50
your friend. We are more acquaintances, which
33:53
is fine. In the last year or two, I have
33:57
started being so comfortable calling people acquaintances
34:01
because we know each other. We have spent time together,
34:05
whether it's our kids or friends or we've met through certain
34:08
situations. That is great.
34:11
But I think we throw around the word friend, or at least I do
34:14
that. But when I consider someone a
34:16
friend, I expect that loyalty, I expect that commitment and that
34:22
love. And not everyone is able to give
34:27
that. And that's just and that's OK.
34:31
It is OK if you want to be friends with everyone, but I
34:34
have found I need people who will fight for me, who will
34:40
cheer for me and root for me to succeed.
34:44
And it is a very small group of people, OK, It's a very small
34:47
number. Obviously.
34:48
This is probably like seems like a sob story.
34:50
It's not. It's just my reality and it's
34:54
something that I have had to work through.
34:55
It is something that I am still trying to figure out how to move
35:00
forward in making friendships because I don't want to quit.
35:04
I don't want to just live at home with just my husband.
35:07
That poor man's probably like, girl, go get a hobby.
35:10
I mean, he did say go get a hobby and that's how I ended up
35:12
here. So you all get to just listen to
35:14
what he's had to listen to for years.
35:17
But it's so eye opening when you have a child that you're looking
35:22
at and in your mind you're like, how do I make her life and her
35:26
experiences better than what I went through?
35:29
How do I help her cultivate that?
35:31
And I want to surround myself with women and friendships who
35:36
love me even at my worst, who if I offend them because I am who I
35:43
am. And I gave my opinion
35:45
unsolicited and if it may have come out wrong, who love me
35:48
enough and who cherish my relationship with them and our
35:51
relationship together that they're just like Hannah,
35:54
listen, shut up. I didn't want that or this came
35:58
out rude. I, I can work with that, right?
36:02
Like I can do communication. I can do acknowledging and
36:06
moving forward and creating boundaries.
36:09
I'm all about boundaries. I'm all about communication.
36:12
If you have someone who loves you enough, they will give that
36:16
to you. They will do that for you.
36:18
You should not be wondering, are they going to support me?
36:23
Do they love me? And I am so grateful because I
36:26
found a best friend in Texas in a very roundabout way, it was I
36:32
honestly kind of forced her to be my friend because I texted
36:35
her and I was like, we will hang out.
36:37
I don't know how to say this, but we will hang out because I
36:39
don't really have many people in Texas, like almost zero.
36:42
We had one who she was a queen and she is the kind of person
36:46
who I want to be like one day. But my age with young kids, I
36:50
didn't have any friends and I met this girl and our life
36:56
stories were very similar. Our spouses, our husbands were
37:00
so similar. She had two kids, I had two
37:03
kids. They were opposite ages but like
37:06
where they correlate? I mean it was meant to be right?
37:09
Like we were meant to be friends.
37:11
And she has been one of the greatest blessings in my life
37:14
because even though we don't live near each other anymore or
37:18
yet still we always talk about we will get back to the same
37:22
state one day. She will tell me every time I
37:26
have the most random idea how amazing I would be at this or
37:31
how wonderful I'm going to be on this, or how I was made to do
37:36
this podcast or own this certain business or whatever dreams I've
37:41
ever told her. It's never been met with making
37:45
fun of or I have to worry she's going to talk about me behind my
37:48
back to someone else. It has always been met with so
37:50
much love and support and that has been that's, that's a new
37:54
thing for me. That was not something that I
37:57
was very aware of as an adult, that if that's how women
38:01
friendships can be, you can build a village.
38:03
You just have to be so picky who's in your village because
38:07
those are going to be the people that your kids grow up seeing
38:11
around. And you want to make sure that
38:15
they want to mirror those relationships.
38:17
They want to have best friends like you have.
38:20
They, they're seeing how healthy of relationships you have and
38:25
they know that is the bar, right?
38:28
That is the level of how I want to be treated by other people
38:32
and I'm so grateful for that. I'm also grateful for the few
38:35
friends from my childhood that show up every now and then.
38:40
I get it. Life is busy and that's OK.
38:42
There are friendships that you have for a lifetime that are
38:44
just very sporadic. Like you might talk once a year,
38:49
but you can pick up where you left off as if nothing had
38:52
happened, right? Like you, you know, these
38:54
friends. And I got a text a couple weeks
38:57
ago from one of those kind of friends.
39:00
And she's like, Hannah, I just heard you're doing a podcast.
39:04
I don't listen to podcasts, but I will be tuning in for this.
39:08
And I was like, girl, that's OK because I don't listen to
39:10
podcasts either. Like this is going to be, it's
39:13
going to be a hot mess and you know, can't wait for it.
39:16
And she's like, there is nothing more Hannah than starting a
39:20
podcast when you don't listen to podcasts and the whole podcast
39:24
is just you giving your opinions to people unsolicited and you
39:28
can't be interrupted. She's like, if there was ever a
39:31
dream, that would be your dream. And I'm so happy for you that
39:35
you're making those dreams a reality.
39:37
Those are the kind of people you should have in your life, the
39:40
people that know those things about you and instead of being
39:43
like, uh, here she goes again. Or oh, she's going to try to be
39:46
someone she's not or oh, she's going to give her opinion again.
39:50
No one cares. Find the people that are like,
39:53
this is for you. This is magical.
39:57
You can do this. And I can't wait to be along for
40:01
the ride to support you and to love you through this.
40:05
OK, those are the friends you need.
40:10
TuneIn next week to would you be invited to sit at their table?
40:13
Part 2.