Latest / Birthright: Physiological Birth Stories / 16hr freebirth in an Airbnb | discovering freebirth in the 3rd trimester
Transcript
- Taylor: Welcome back to the Birthright Podcast. This is your host, Taylor Gibson, And I am so excited to have you back with me today. And today I will be sharing my fourth birth story and my final birth story for now. And we will get back into having some more guests on. And so before we get started, I do want to go ahead and invite anyone who has had a physiological birth, whether that be an unassisted free birth or an uninterrupted birth With a midwife. So without further ado, let's get into today's show. So with my fourth, let me see. We were living in Finland when I found out I was pregnant. I had a pretty bad first trimester like I normally do. except the good thing was we were in Finland and so you can go outside and have a hat and a coat and be all bundled up and nobody even knows that you're not feeling your best because nobody's feeling great because everybody is in their seasonal funk. and everybody's bundled up. So nobody can tell. So that was kind of nice. Normally you kind of feel lonely when you are in that first trimester going through it because everybody else is living normal life. But in Finland, normal life is being cooped up in your home. So I remember at one point in this pregnancy I was having such bad morning sickness. I could not drink water. on my on the empty stomach so I would like wake up and immediately try to eat something and then I would try to drink water and that would normally help but I remember one morning and I just have to tell the story because it's so funny. But I remember one morning I had made some scrambled eggs for breakfast. why I don't know. it was like the only thing that kinda sound good. So I eat my scrambled eggs and I had not drank any water on an empty stomach. So I hadn't had any water. So I'm basically just eating scrambled eggs on an empty stomach. And shortly after eating, before I could even get any water down, I have to throw up. And so I remember I'm like running I had to run to the bathroom and I'm sitting on the floor. And because I have no fluids on my stomach, I am dry heaving scrambled eggs and they are not coming up. So they are like in my throat. I'm doing everything I can to get them out. And at this point I literally feel like I'm going to die. My husband is at practice and so I have my three kids with me and they're like watching me because they don't know what's happening to to me. They're looking at me like I'm crazy. And I am doing everything I can to get these freaking scrambled eggs unstuck out of my throat. And eventually like I I don't even remember what I did, but I just kept I I was choking. And I literally like I said, I thought I was gonna die. It was pretty intense. And finally I somehow get them out. I should have probably tried to drink some like water to help move them or something, but all I could think about was just trying to get it out because I couldn't breathe. And so that happened. That was a fun thing that happened and so not so fun, but you know what I mean. And so anyways, We're in Finland, and so I know I want to have another home birth, and I know that I need to start searching for midwife soon so that I can start receiving some type of care. And I'm gonna do my best to try to tell the story from my point of view then, like what was going through my mind then. Obviously, I still know. More now that I've been through this pregnancy, but anyways. I try to find care and I find a website again that has all of the midwives in Finland. And this time it wasn't so hard to find it because I actually had found a podcast it was a midwife in Finland, I believe. And she had had a website on her podcast and so I clicked there and it gave me all of the the Finnish midwives. And so I started, you know, reaching out to all of them that I could, letting them know where I was located and my you know, this is my fourth birth, my third home birth, just looking for a midwife, you know, just letting them know why I was reaching out. And I wanna say like Five of them. Most of them were in Helsinki and I was in Kovala again. And so it was I wanna say like an hour or th an hour and thirty minutes, maybe an hour forty, drive. And all of them told me that I was too far, except for one. She was like, Well, I guess since nobody else is gonna take you, I will and I'm like, Okay, well thank you, I really appreciate it, but she still made me feel like I was a major inconvenience to her and I'm like, it's at least it's like a summer. It was a summer I was due in June. So at least in Finland, we're not gonna have to be dealing with like the snow on the ground. I mean, obviously for prenatal appointments and stuff. But I told her, like, I will come to you for everything, or we can do at Zoom. I don't wanna inconvenience you anymore. I'm willing to do what I need to do. And so she was like fine, that's fine. And I just remember I had one prenatal appointment with her and via Zoom. And she just seemed so uninterested in me. and I'm not really a person who thinks that everything has to be about me, me, me, me. But if I'm talking to you and I'm like You know, you're asking me questions but you seem like disengaged or you know, like you don't like me. I kinda don't want you to be there at my birth, you know? And I just remember she just seemed very off put by me. I don't know if it's because I was, not from there or if it was the distance or maybe she just didn't like me and that's totally fine too. But I just I was not clicking well with her and I was honestly at that point kind of like upset because I'm like, I really don't want her at my birth. I remember thinking this she can't be the midwife that's there. something has to give. She can't be it. And so I ended up having to get an ultrasound in Finland because she was like, Well, I need to know for sure what your due date is and I'm like, Okay, well, it's not not that a ultrasound is always the best, but okay. And so we go get an ultrasound to confirm the due date the woman that did it was a student. And I just remember her saying like, Yeah, I think this is it, but it could be wrong because I'm new and basically she didn't really know what she was doing and I'm like, Okay, well that's great. I just need to give something to my midwife, whatever. At that point dudes didn't really mean anything for me or it wasn't gonna change anything for me. And so I give that to the the midwife and everything was fine. I spend my whole first trimester in Finland and things were just not going well with my husband's job. He was not happy, they honestly were not paying him enough, which we should have known that before we signed the contract, but it's just what happened. And so this is what happened. So my husband was offered a deal in another country where he was basically going to be making double what he was making now. And his team just wasn't doing good. They had promised him that it would be a good a good team. at this point he's a vet and so he's highly skilled, but he's on a team with basically like college kids and they are not professional and they're losing and the coach was like going through his own things and it just it wasn't really good and we know how the basketball world works and he needed to be in a better position. To get into a better job next year. It's always the same thing. Like you have to do good the year that you're in for you to have a good contract the next year. And so they would not let him out of his contract and he was very upset about that. And then another team came around in Israel and at this point my husband was just like, Listen, like this team is not doing well, nothing's going to change. Please let me go so I can support my family in a better way. And basically they finally let him go. And so during my second trimester, we get to Israel. And I'm like so happy because I'm like, yes, my midwife from my third birth will be there. And I love her and it's gonna be so good. And as soon as I step foot on Israeli soil, I message her and let her know I'm pregnant again, here's my due date. would you be my midwife again? And she had told me that she would be out of town for like three or be out of the country for like three months. and during that time that she'd be gone, my due date landed in. And so I asked her about the midwife that was with her, her partner midwife, and she had retired. And so I was really sad, but then she sent me some other midwife's numbers and I reached out to all of them. All of them said that they wouldn't because I was too far or they were already booked. And so I'm like, okay. I find ended up finding one. And she was like, Yeah, of course, I'll take you, I have space, let's meet. And so we go to meet her. And I already gave her like the the whole thing, you know, we're in a foreign country, we have three kids already, you know, this will be my third home birth. I have healthy pregnancies, blah, blah, blah, blah. All that stuff. And so when we get to her office, 'cause she has a office, which this is my first time experiencing a midwife that had a office, but anyway, so I get to her office for my first appointment. And she literally looks at my kids and goes, you brought you they're here. You brought your kids too? And I'm like, yeah. Like you she and I remember she told me she she said that she wanted my husband and I both to be there that so that she could meet both of us and so that both of us would get to meet her. And it's like we're in a foreign country. Where else would our kids be? I'm not trusting anybody here. Like you're insane. And not even that. I want them at my birth. Is that gonna be a problem? If it's a problem that they're in your office, is it gonna be a problem that they're at my birth? And so that was like the first strike. And then the second strike is like we get into her actual office. that was just like in the the waiting room area that she said that. And then so then we get to the actual office and she has like crystals and a bunch of like new age stuff that I'm just not going to I don't personally like. And that was kind of the second strike. I'm like, yeah, I don't know about this. and then the third is like we just you know, I explained everything to her and she asked me all the questions about previous births, previous pregnancies, my husband's health, my health basically all of the regular information that they ask. And so and then another thing was she asked me if I was on any medications and when I told her no, she made me feel like I was lying. She's like, Are you sure you're not? You can tell me if you are and I'm like, I'm literally not you know, and it was just such a strange interaction, I guess. Like she expected me to be on some type of medication. And so that was weird. And then we leave and me and my husband were like, yeah, we don't really like her, but we're in Israel and we have to have either you're gonna have a midwife or you're gonna go to the hospital. So you're just gonna either, you know, be okay with this midwife or you're not. And even though we were not really okay with her, she was the only one. And so we were like, Whoa, it's gonna have to work. And we schedule out our next meeting and it's via Zoom. And mind you, this first one, we had already told her how big our previous babies were, 'cause for whatever reason it's always such a big deal. or at least it seems like it. And so we get to the Zoom meeting and I'm just it's just me and her, my husband's at practice. And so She literally asked me every single question that she asked me at the first one. And she wanted to charge me 300 USD for this appointment. And I'm like, I have already paid you for our very first appointment. And then I'm gonna pay you for this appointment via Zoom. And you literally asked every single question that you asked in my first one. Like I just didn't understand why. and she took notes. So I just felt like, okay, were you not listening at all to anything that me or my husband said? And so we get to the end of the Zoom meeting and she says, well, I just wanna let you know, once you hit forty weeks, we're gonna have to be giving an ultrasound every day, to measure your baby and see how big the baby is. And I'm like That's not necessary because I've had a midwife here before and we didn't have to do any ultrasounds until we hit forty-one weeks. And she goes, Well, yeah, that's that midwife and I am me. So and I'm like, Okay, I understand, but at the same time, it's not like you legally have to. and she told me that if the baby was born or if the baby was measuring over nine pounds that and obviously they're using what do they use? It's like a different metric system. I'm blanking right now, but grams. Yeah, they use grams, I believe. She's like saying it in grams or whatever it is. And obviously I know what the point of nine pounds is. And so basically she's saying at nine pounds, if your baby is over nine pounds, you will have to go get induced in the hospital. And I just told her, I'm like, that's not going to work because my babies are of statistically always been over nine pounds. And so I am imagining that this one will be as well. And so I don't I just don't know if like I kinda need an answer. And she is like, basically like I'll think about it. And I'm like, Okay. Well, I wish I would have known this in the first appointment. I don't know if it would have changed anything, but my husband gets home and I told him tell him what happens. And he's like, no, you need to text her right now and you need to answer. Either she will deliver the baby if it's over nine pounds, or she won't. And so I messaged her and she was like, I guess I will. But for me and my husband, that answer was just not convincing enough for us to stick around, you know, like it was just not. Not what we were going to we were not gonna put our our eggs in her basket, you know. And so Shortly, me and my husband are thinking that we need to figure out something else. And so because I have a June due date. we are thinking that maybe I should just come home early and he will be home after the season because normally his seasons end in May. Depending on how far they go, it could have went to the very end of May. And so we're like, we're just going to we're just go me and the kids are gonna go home and You will just meet us when you're done with the season. And hopefully I don't go into labor before then. But because I've always went into labor after my due date, I figured that we would probably be okay. And so we start planning for me to come home because I just I am not comfortable with this midwife at all. And I just don't trust her. And he doesn't either. We both have a very bad feeling about it. And so we decide to trust that and go home. And so I wanna say in my second trimester, we were in Israel for the rest of my second trimester. actually a couple of weeks into my third trimester and I wanna say Right at the end of my second trimester, I learn about free birth. Well, actually, this is what happened. before we go home, I reach out to my midwife that I had had previously in Wichita. And she is gone. She is out of the country as well. She's in Italy. She will be in Italy during my due date. And so I'm like, okay, both of the midwives that I actually love are out of their countries. And so I learned start learning about free birth. Like free birth things start popping up. Like it was a podcast that popped up because I didn't have Instagram at that point. And so I started listening to the it was a Freebirth Society podcast. And Obviously like I recognize that a lot of these women don't hold the same biblical beliefs as I do, but they're still testimonies to the fact that birth, you know, can work. And I know who I put my faith in my belief in, Yahoo the Most High. And so that trumps everything. And I just started learning about it. I actually ended up buying I think it was some course that the Free Birth Society had, I forget what the the title of the course was, but it was like three hundred bucks or something like that. And I'm like, okay, well I'm just going to take this and that was not I won't say that was the end of my education on free birth, but it helped me understand things that could go wrong and further researching into them and then It basically just gave me an outline. I wouldn't say that it is the most informational. It's based off of just like beliefs alone, but at the same time it did lead me to do the necessary research that I needed to do. And it was very, very helpful. Like I felt definitely I definitely felt more confident, and competent going into a planned free birth. And so at that point Right around my third trimester, me and my husband decided, yep, this is what we're gonna do and we're putting our faith in the most High Yahoo and we trust in him. And that's not to say that fear just completely went away because that's not true either. Half the time I was questioning what I was what on earth I was doing, and then the other half the time I was thinking like this is the only thing, you know? And so I'm just being one hundred percent transparent. Because I think that sometimes whenever you do something like this, people just think that you're the most confident person and that you have it all figured out and you know what I'm saying? They just they they look at you like you're not human anymore, like you know, like you're almost like an idol in something that is so untangible or I don't know. I just feel like people are so shocked sometimes and yeah, we who are free birthing, we have fear too and we have a lot that we have to work through. We have a lot of education, like we educate ourselves and we do a lot of research and we are trying to like know a lot but also have a lot of I don't know, it's like trusting your instincts but at the same time Trusting in Yahuwah and I don't know how else to explain it, but it it's a lot that you have to work through and it's not irresponsible. It's probably like the most responsible thing that you can do to be accountable, you're holding yourself accountable instead of other people. Just because you give birth in a hospital does not make you safe. And just because you give birth at home with a midwife doesn't make you safe, because you have a free birth doesn't make you safe. If something's gonna happen, it's going to happen no matter where you're at. And you just have to trust and surrender, honestly, to the whole entire process. But with that being said, we end up getting to Wichital and we're in an Airbnb because we this was like the first thing that we could find. And so I'm there for like A month. And after that, I'm like, these Airbnbs are, you know, super pricey. And just and I think we were there for two months. Mmm. Yeah. Maybe like a month and a half. I don't know. Something like that. But then my grandma offered for us to come and stay with her until Thomas, my husband, gets back. And so we were with her for I think we were there for a month, yeah. So I don't know. My timeline is a little bit shaky. But anyways, we're with her for a while and then my husband gets back and we're with her for another week. And then we decide to go ahead and get another Airbnb and we rent that for like a month. I think we actually were in it for two months. We were trying to find something that wasn't like crazy expensive, but also something that would had availability for us to be there. And so we go ahead and get in that Airbnb. And it turns out the guy that had it like listed it on accident and it was actually not ready for us at all. But he was like stoked that we paid so much money up front and he was like gonna have us be there. And so we get there and I wanna say like a couple of weeks before my due date. And at this point I am like, Okay, I really want to start getting some maybe it was three weeks. Yeah, it was about three weeks that we were there before I gave birth. And I am like trying to clean this place and 'cause it was really not clean and it was like had lots of spiders and stuff. It was it was d kinda gross, honestly. And I was trying to get it clean to my standard and at the same time I wanted to meal prep as much food as humanly possible. before I gave birth to my baby so that I could have a good postpartum. This was like something that I've always wanted, but because we were always in a different country, they don't have like freezers like we do. They're always so small. And so I never had freezer space or really room to ever store any postpartum meals or like just food for my family. And that was a really big deal to me because this is my fourth baby. I just want to, take this postpartum and actually heal. I'm getting older and I know that, you know, I want my body to last me a a lifetime and I don't want to be struggling. And so I know that healing is actually important and it it needs to be done well. And I actually need to let myself do it because I am so Type A, I love my house spotless and it's is really hard to be that way and be postpartum and allow yourself to get the rest that you need. And so I meal prepped as much as I could. I was getting my kids breakfast sandwiches, breakfast burritos, and then like soups and stews for myself. I made muffins for my kids, cookies, like man. I did a lot. I I prepped so much food in that short amount of time. And then I also because I didn't have I only had three weeks to prep this much and I'm very pregnant. I that this is how I found restorative roots. It was actually mama meals at the time, but it's now restorative roots. And I ordered meals from them because I wasn't able to have my goal was to have like a full 40 days of meals and I wasn't able to do that by myself. And so having them come in and like replace and like do some of that heavy lifting and that work for me was generally so nice. And that is why I share them with you guys on this show because it was such a true game changer to have that postpartum nourishment that I really wanted and desired and needed to, you know, not bounce back. But just heal properly and take care of myself because that was something I've always had a hard time doing. And this postpartum I had like the least hair loss, like postpartum hair loss. I just genuinely felt the best this postpartum and I fully accredited to that postpartum meal prep that I did and then also the restorative roots meals. It was so incredibly helpful. And so yeah, I got all my meal prep done. I remember the last meal that I ended up cooking. Cause we I we had even had to buy like some deep freezers and stuff. I just wanted to be so prepared and I genuinely felt like that. I got all of my like supplies that I needed to have this baby. And I will say that you really don't need too much. I think that society puts, emphasis on the wrong things, and I just don't think it's, you know, so necessary. But I did get all the necessary things and I was ready. I got like my last meal that I wanted to prep done and this is like a day before I went into labor and I wasn't even forty weeks yet. This is my first early baby. She was born thirty nine weeks and four days. So it was a major surprise for me. I was actually not expecting to go on labor until at least after forty weeks and I was actually kind of convinced that she was gonna go later too. And so honestly it was so nice to have a surprise early. I know I don't go off a due date. Like I don't think that due dates are, you know, early or late or whatever. I just think that the baby comes when the baby's ready. But It's just a guide for me. And so to go earlier than what I guess I expected was kind of nice for a change. And the day that I go into labor, it's like eleven PM. I always though I tend to go at eleven PM with my last three. And I'm like just like starting to get into bed. Our kids are already asleep, but I go tell my husband and mind you, we're in different rooms at this point because I am on a full size bed, he's on a twin bed, and then our kids are on a blow up mattress because that's all that this Airbnb had. So he's in the other room and I go tell him, I'm just like, Hey, just letting you know, contractions have started, but I'll let you know if I need you. Like please go to sleep and get some rest. And mind you, when I was at my grandma's house, so about two months before I gave birth, I cracked a rib because I had such a bad cough. I literally cracked one of my ribs and it was so painful in the cough. never went away until after I gave birth. And so I have this crazy rib pain. I can hardly lay it on lay certain ways. When I cough I'm like having to like hold my whole rib cage so that it doesn't hurt as bad. And it was just the most intense thing and there was so much pressure on it for my baby. I don't know. It was just the most intense thing to go through while being pregnant, especially because I get so I feel like I just get so big. And I was kind of nervous that during pushing, you know, like my rib would maybe break even more. I don't know what I thought. I was nervous about my rib. But then whenever labor actually started, that pain took over the rib pain. So I didn't even really think twice about my rib after I started getting contractions. And so silly me, I'm thinking this is my fourth birth. Each birth has gotten shorter each time. I went from fifty-three to thirteen to six. Now this one's gonna be like four hours. Like this is not gonna take long at all. And so I should not have been thinking that way. I should have known better, you know, having like three totally different types of births. I should have known that birth doesn't always go a certain way and that I should not set myself up for such failure. thinking that I would only be in labor for three hours or four hours. And so I go into labor at like eleven and my contractions are probably like eight minutes apart. And they are tough but I can handle them. And they basically stay like that the whole time. they never get any closer. I am able to take mini naps in between contractions and honestly looking back it was not really that bad at at all. But here is where I got myself messed up at. because they were like and I never t actually timed them because I the the only birt the only labor that I ever timed was my first son just because I was the first time mom. I feel like that also messes with the physiological birth is like trying to time everything and I just think that you should just, you know, let it let it go how it's gonna go. And so I would say that they never got closer than like seven, eight minutes because I was fully like being able to nap in between each contraction. And so I was up Probably until nine in the morning. my kids are awake and whatever. And I'm just like, Why am I still in labor? these contractions had not gotten closer at all. They haven't gotten stronger at all. I don't feel like I'm progressing. And so I'm like, I'm just gonna go lay down. at this point my husband's up and he comes in the room and I just I ask him to leave 'cause I'm kinda getting a little bit frustrated with how they just are not I thought I was gonna have a baby in the night and I was still not. And so there gets to one point where I'm like maybe I just need to go outside. And I'm in transition at this point, but I did not know it. And it's in June. It's hot. It's so hot outside and I'm in this heavy robe. Why, I don't know. That's just what I was wearing. And I am outside in the heat in this robe, in this backyard, and I am going through it because I'm in transition. But I don't realize it. I don't realize that I'm in transition. And and at this point it's like, you know, two thirty, three o'clock in the afternoon. So it's hot. And I'm sitting there in this chair and I'm just like I see why women just go to the hospital and get a C section. This sucks and I can't do this anymore. I don't know what I was thinking and this is the worst. And once I finally got over my little pity party, aka transition, I go ahead and make my way inside and I tell my husband, I'm like, I just need to lay down. I'm gonna go take a nap. You and the kids, go lay down and take a nap. And I'll let you know if things progress. But nothing has progressed. They are still so spaced out, these contractions, and they're not getting harder. they they were intense, but not anything I couldn't handle. And because I had such a big gap of time in between each contraction, I genuinely felt they weren't that bad and I could just I was on top of them, you know. And so I go and I lay down. And I go ahead and put pads on the bed and stuff. just in case. And so my husband goes and lays down with our daughter and she goes to sleep because she really needed a nap. And My boys are in the other room and they're in there playing and my husband finally gets her to sleep and because he's in there with her, I'm just I don't know. So let me get to this first. So I just feel like I need to get my water popped and maybe like it'll take some of this pressure off and I'll feel better. And so I go ahead and I push. And as soon as I push, I yell at my boys. I'm like, bring me towels, because I just felt like I needed more towels, even though I really didn't. But I yell at them. I'm like, boys, come bring mom more towels. And my husband is like, What's going on? What's going on? And I'm like, and as soon as I push, like her head is right there, like. The water was just holding in her head. Boom. It like hits, it hits my opening basically. And I thought she was gonna fly out. I genuinely I'm like, my gosh, boys, get the towels. And I yell at my husband. He's like, What's going on? What's going on? I'm like, hurry up, hurry up, she's coming, she's here, she's here. And he was like, Wait, what, wait, how, how, how? You were just saying you were gonna take a nap, and I'm like, get in here. And So he gets in there, I'm like, turn the camera on, turn the camera on. And he turns the camera on and I'm like hoping that I don't get contraction because I know that if I do, like she's going to like be here. And thankfully the contractions were still further apart. And so we had time to get things set up. And so I tell him, I'm like, okay, just be ready because she's right there. And he can see her head and I literally I'm laughing so hard because this is just so crazy. I literally get the next contraction and I yell at my husband, I feel like I'm gonna tear if I push, too hard. And I yell at my husband and I yell I'm like, hold my hold my butthole and he's like like this and he's like trying to like push it in. I'm like, push it in. And so he's like pushing in on my butt and I get her head out. And him pushing literally helped so much. I felt like that's why this for the first time I didn't tear during pushing and and so I push her head out and I'm still like my body is like still bearing down and I just feel like I can't stop pushing. Like I I just keep pushing. I don't know how to describe it. Like my body's still bearing down and I just feel like I need to keep pushing. Meanwhile, my husband is like, just just keep pushing, baby. Like I don't know what's going on. Like you should just gotta keep pushing. Cause he's seeing her head and he's just like he's never been that close to, you know, that area whenever I'm giving birth. And so he was just like, you gotta keep pushing and I'm like, I literally am like I'm pushing but I'm still talking to him at the same time. And so I'm like, Okay, hold on and I basically give like one more big push and she's out. She like literally flies out. He catches her and he puts her on me and he's like, my gosh he just I like I don't know. Him catching her was one of the most amazing things for him and me. I mean all of us personally it was just so amazing that he caught her and he gave her to me and she immediately came out crying and she was a little bit she has a little bit of fluids that I had to get out, but other than that, like she came out so perfectly and it was just the most amazing experience and I just couldn't believe and I'm I will add that While I was in labor, and actually like doing it, I remember having, you know, fear during pregnancy and stuff of what I was doing. But during labor, not once did I ever feel like what I was doing was wrong. It it all felt very right and I never felt any fear. I mean, the only time that I felt like I couldn't do it was during that transition phase. And I honestly didn't even recognize that I didn't have a midwife there. It just felt, normal to me. I just wanted to add that part in there because even though I'm, you know, kinda like, why are these not coming together? Like, I never once felt like I needed to change anything that was happening. Everything just basically happened how it was supposed to. And then I just wanna say like because my husband like was holding my butthole he I ended up pooping on him and so he has poop in his hands this whole time and he's like gagging and I'm like I don't understand why 'cause I'm like in you know I'm going through the whole oxytocin rush and I don't even realize anything besides my baby and my hands. And so I decided go ahead and get off the bed. We have the whole ground covered with shower curtains and pads and towels and everything and so I get off the bed and get onto the floor because I feel like that would be more comfortable for me. And I'm sitting there and my husband is gagging and I'm like, what is wrong with him? I think that I thought he was gagging because of the blood and stuff. But he was gagging because he had poop on his hand. And he's like, my God, go turn on the shower, boys, go turn on the shower. And so I'm like, what is wrong with him? And I didn't actually notice it until after he had like taken a shower and he's like still in the shower gagging, trying to like scrub his hand off. and so basically I get on the ground and I start breastfeeding and he's like, Are you good? 'Cause I'm gonna go get in the shower. And I'm like, I didn't understand why he needed to get in shower, but he just goes in, he gets in the shower and he comes back and I just I had the video like still recording and I when I watched it back, I'm just like, my gosh, like she's so beautiful. Look at how beautiful she is. I can't believe this and I'm talking to my sons and they're so happy 'cause they watched everything. They were right there in the room with us. And they were like, Mom, she's so little and we have a new baby sister. We're so happy. And I'm just talking to them while my husband's in the shower. And then he gets out and I'm still nursing the baby and just looking at her and then my back kind of starts hurting. I probably need to get out this position. And then I'm like, let me just go ahead and push this placenta out. And I just gave it a big push and it came out. And we went ahead and cut the cord. I think it was probably on for like three, four hours. I don't know. a I don't pay any attention to the time to be honest with you, but it was on for a while. And so before I get in the shower, and this was so nice compared to my births with the midwife, just because but I'm not saying that you can't have this if you have a midwife there, but it was not something that I did immediately. I would just take a shower without eating. with the the midwives. I'm sure that if I I would have asked to aid, they would have let me. But I asked my husband, I'm like, Hey, can you go make me one of those freezer meals? And I had one of the restorative roots, I think it was the rice pudding, something like that. So I went ahead and ate that before I got in the shower. And I tell you, it gave me so much more strength To be able to stand in the shower not being rushed or felt like I was on somebody else's time, you know, that was a really good benefit of that. And I felt a lot stronger to get in the shower. I wasn't so shaky or just like felt so you know how you feel when you first give birth. And you just you don't have a lot of strength. And so, I go ahead and eat. I felt so good. I got my baby cleaned up. And then I went and got in the shower and for the first time I did not tear. my goodness. And I used the restroom, like I peed and there was no burning. I just remember with my other three, I was expecting to go pee and it like be hurting 'cause I thought that was just normal for birth, even without tearing. And so I didn't Because I didn't tear, there was like no burning. I could just pee like normal and I'm like, my goodness, this is what this can be like. I could not believe how it did not hurt or burn and I wasn't so scared to go pee after. And so that was a really cool part. So I get out of the shower and then I get ready for bed me and my baby go to sleep and yeah, I mean that was pretty much the story of her birth and I just remember having so much I don't wanna say pride because I don't I don't wanna be I'm not a prideful person, but Just so much happiness and just I couldn't believe that we really just did that. And my husband was the same way. And he just, you know, our faith grew tremendously from that experience. And we knew that Yahoo was with us the whole time. And it was just amazing. probably one of the best, obviously, four experiences in my life. And so Yeah, that was the the story of my fourth baby. And if you have any questions about free birth and maybe you want me to do an episode answering any questions about more how I prepared or things that I had, maybe I'll do a blog post about it. and if I do get that blog post out, I will let you guys know. And that's the end of today's show. I hope that you enjoyed it and we'll see you next time.