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Why New Youth Pastors FAIL at Youth Ministry! (3 Things You MUST Know!) · Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Youth pastors have a hard time getting started and getting momentum, and when you're new it can feel like everyone knows what they're doing except for you.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: It's just so demoralizing when you or people around you are constantly comparing you to another youth pastor, to another ministry, to another church, to another campus.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Never compare your beginning to someone else's middle, because they're year five, year 10, year 15, and you're year one.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: You're still figuring things out.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: They've been through all those headaches and heartbreaks and everything else that comes in youth ministry.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Do you ever feel like you are failing at youth ministry?
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: We'll stick around, because today we're talking about three reasons why new youth pastors fail and what you can do about it.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Ministry Coach podcast, where every week, we bring you actionable and practical tips to help you and your ministry.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: My name is Jeff Lascola and this is Kristen Lascola.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: And in this episode we're talking about the three main reasons why new youth pastors fail in youth ministry.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, obviously, we don't want anyone to fail, so hopefully we catch you before you quit.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: If you're on the edge, just hold on.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe we have some hope for you.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Youth pastors have a hard time getting started and getting momentum, and when you're new, it can feel like everyone knows what they're doing, except for you, and we want to reassure you that that is 100% not the case.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Most people don't know what they're doing.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: They're trying, just like you are, and so don't give up.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: We got you.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: So, number one, I feel like a reason why new youth pastors fail is because they're under resourced.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: So there are plenty, especially now in 2023.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: There are plenty of resources available that are just there for the taking that people who have been in youth ministry for a long time, who had to do the hard sweat, blood sweat and tears so that you don't have to it's.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: they've created amazing things, so that you can just this entire podcast, 150 something episodes.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: All geared towards helping youth pastors.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah Well, and that is kind of it.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: It's like this is just one of many resources that you can tap into and things that I wish I had had when I first started, because a lot of youth pastors feel like you've got to reinvent the wheel or you've got to create your own, or you've got to build from the ground up when so many people have gone before you and you can still have integrity of finding your own voice and making it your own and all of that, but at least it gives you some kind of paint by numbers to go off of.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: And if you want to change out the colors a little bit to make it your own, go for it, but at least you don't have to draw the picture.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: And so one resource right now that I'm kind of psyched out of my mind about is again what I wish I had had when I was 20 years old.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: And starting is it's from DOIM, and we all know that name because they're such a wealth, treasure trove, if you will, of resources to the point where you could really drown in them.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I don't really know if I've ever reached the end of the DOIM cavern.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: But right now they're doing this super cool thing where, basically, they're just giving it straight to you like some of their best and newest resources, and it's called the Fall Free for All.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: And this is a time sensitive thing.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: So basically, I mean, you don't have to do anything, there's no payment.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Like I can just hear the like 19 year old me going yes, please, you know, like, please, give me, give me, give me.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I like had to search for stuff and this is literally like here is my email Send me all your best stuff, and they will.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: It's like is this too good to be true?
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: $200 worth of material for free.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and all you have to do is click the link in our bio, don't we have it?
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: And it's not our bio.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: It's totally good to be scripted.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: I always feel like I'm on.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Instagram.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: Even that's poor form.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, it's, click the link you tell me.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Click the link in the description below.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Click the link in the description below Whether you're watching on.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: YouTube or, if you're listening on any podcast player, go into the description and you can click the link to access your $200 worth of free material from DYM.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: But what does it include?
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: That's what I want to know.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: So there are so many resources, I'm going to try to like blow through them really quick.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: So buckle up, buttercup.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Hey, that was so on cue.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: So here's just a little bit of what you get for free.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: So you get a premium video driven game.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: So their video games are all different tiers and prices and stuff.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: So you get a premium one.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: We actually just played one today at church.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: It was called nail it or fail it, cat edition, and the kids loved it, like the cat would jump and then the video would pause and then you had to decide if he's going to nail the job.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Oh, I got you, and we did boys versus girls, it was really fun.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: So, like I love doing a DIY game on Sunday mornings.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: Dym game, dym game.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: What did I say?
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Just DIY.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Download youth Game no-transcript.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: You show up, you put it in pro and you're like done, you're ready to go.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: So I don't do that every week because I like the kids to be able to run around, but we just got back from our whitewater rafting summer camp trip.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: A lot of running around and I'm like, yeah, it's time to do a plug and play, so always have one of these in your back pocket a plug and play, ready to go, and the kids love it.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Screen games are fun, especially for the kids who aren't big on running around.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Change it up.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: So then you also get printable follow up cards to help you stay connected to parents and students, so you don't have to create your own and go through the like.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Do I go to Microsoft Word Like?
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: What kind of document do I use?
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: It's done.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Where do I find the clip art for this?
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: I need to know these things.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Google image search, copy paste simple.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: AI blablablabla, just right there.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: And other game offers are included in that, and then you get $20 for free to shop at DYM.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: So it's almost like you get like a gift card, so to speak, for the DIM shop.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Like it's-.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: DYM.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: You've gone from.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: DY.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Now you're going DIM I said why.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, whatever.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Dym, you get a gift card and you can spend it on whatever.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: For how much?
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: $20?
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: 20, yes, 20 bucks for free to shop.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: And then you get a whole event like template and instructions and everything for neon night, like glow night, neon night, whatever.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: It's kind of like an event in a package to help you run a really sweet event.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: If you've never done a glow night it's a youth ministry staple we do one called Put that on the top of your list.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Yes, ours is in January.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: We call it the Glovernighter and Black Lights and Neon and Dance Party and Glow in the Dark, everything.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: It's super fun.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: It's one of those that our students really look forward to.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: So you get all the instructions on how to do that and then you get a Bible study on the book of John for your students.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: It's four-part small group curriculum.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: And here's the thing If you're just starting out in youth ministry, the more resources you get, then you think like oh well, then I'm not creating my own, consider these your teacher.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: So when you get a package of youth ministry like small group curriculum, you can start to learn like oh, how did they put it together and how did they do like the progression of questions.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Just kind of way of structuring it for future reference.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Because a lot of people will be like Kristen, help me, I don't know how to write curriculum.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: And it's like, well, buy some or this, you don't have to buy it, you're gonna get it for free and you can kind of study the format from the expert so that you can then have the skills to write your own.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: You have a template, add to it, take away.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Well, not take away from the Bible, but take away from the template.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like if it doesn't work for you you can switch and change, but without you realizing it, you are learning.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: It's like you're looking at a handbook kind of how to do this stuff.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: You get a parent training on the topic of technology by Sean McDowell, which is a huge win.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, parents have so many questions about technology and I think a lot of youth pastors can answer a lot of those, but again, this kind of gives you to use their term like a roadmap or a guideline of like how can we talk to parents about students?
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: and parents, and if Terrence is a parent, win, win.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Terrence the parent.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: What else you get?
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Volunteer video training, and that's from Doug Fields, josh Griffin and Jessica Sanchez and it's to help you train your volunteers, which is another huge question that youth pastors have of like I feel like I was just a volunteer.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Now I have to train and lead volunteers Like what am I doing so they can like just put you on the right direction there.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: And then a super cool two under page small group handbook from Doug Fields.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: I remember back in the day I had bought all my leaders this book called Help.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: I'm a small group leader or something like that, and it was in your bathroom forever, I remember, and you were like oh, I just read it here and there my bathroom, before we were married, that's yeah, that's how long ago.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: It is now our bathroom.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Our bathroom.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Oh how romantic.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: So it's just still in there, doug, it's still in there, so any guests that come over and could read it.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a handbook on small group, so that could be a cool thing for you then to deliver to your small group leaders, kind of how I gave you one when you were one of my small group leaders and then, lastly, you get one called Sermon in the city.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: It's a small group based experience based on the sermon on the mountain.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: So, I feel like it's just sort of like the gamut is so wide of what you're getting and literally, guys, I'm not joking All you have to do is give up your email.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: So it's sort of like why do you?
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: have to do this, but specifically, you have to do this between August 1st and 3rd of 2023.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's when the offer is and D-O-I-M.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: I've been using them for years, so you guys have heard me talk about them a million times.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: They are like a lifesaver for the youth pastor.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: So I feel like when youth pastors try to just do all this stuff on their own, I'm gonna make a small group thing and I'm gonna train people and I'm gonna write a sermon and I'm gonna create an event and I'm gonna make graphics for a game and I'm gonna do, and it's just like, oh my gosh, like how can one person and a lot of you come from small churches where-.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: There's no graphics department.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Exactly, it's you on Pixar app on your phone creating some things, or you could just take what is being handed to you.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: And.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I sort of feel like I wish that this stuff had existed when I was you know, because I would spend forever on certain things and develop all my content and my resources over time.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: But nowadays, youth pastors can stick to what they're passionate about and what they're good at, and you know, the other stuff.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: It's just there for the taking, really, nowadays.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: So why do youth pastors fail?
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Because they're not taking advantage of these freebies.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: You know that people are willing to hand out years and years and years in the making for them.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: I feel like I live most of my life where, if somebody's gonna give something to me for free, I'll just take it.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Figure out what I'm gonna do with it.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, is that why you have that weird?
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: cup on our.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: We have, like some realtors, cup on our in our kitchen.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: It was this plastic and it just had said the real.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: I'm like no, just some real estate swag.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: We don't need another random cup, free cup, why?
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: not.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: That's how the cupboards get all cluttered and musty.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Truth be told.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: I used it to drink some lemonade and then I just had it and I didn't wanna throw it away right in front of him.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: So I just I'm like Keeping this sucker, but you know, either way I probably would have kept it for free.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but yeah, make sure you guys sign up for that.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: August 1st through 3rd We'll have the link in the description below, so make sure you take advantage of that.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: $200 and free resources you can sign up for it before August, can you?
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, then there you go, but I think it just is delivered on August 1st, 2nd, 3rd.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Gotcha.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, even better.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: Also, that's $200 of free resources, but that's not including the time it would have taken you to create that stuff yourself.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, so if you're paid hourly, do the math or you know whatever, so I just feel like it's too good to pass up.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: So that's why we wanted to let you guys know, because maybe you didn't know about it.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: So now you do, alright, so number two of the reasons why new youth pastors fail is because new youth pastors often compare themselves to To youth pastors and compare their youth group to youth groups that I've been around for a while.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Why am I not big, as big as the youth group down the street?
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Yes across town or whatever.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: So it can really play mind games on you because you feel like, well, since I'm not them, or since I'm not pulling numbers like they are, and Since I'm not pulling events like they are, and whatever, it can make you feel like you're doing something wrong, when it's just that you need time to gain momentum and confidence and work your system and find your voice and figure out what works for you and the Particular community and youth group that God has like put in your care.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah you know, my Beginnings at in youth ministry was at a really large campus.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: It was our only campus at North Coast Church and it was in Vista.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: And then they launched their first off-site and it was about 15, 20 minutes away and another town, and they said, hey, will you be the junior high pastor for the new one we're launching?
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: And I was like I Don't know.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: After two months of praying and talking to people, I said, okay, I'll do it.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Well, I went from a youth group of like 10 or 15 paid staff just for junior high.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah that's not even the church stuff.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: It was the junior high team.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: There was, I think, between 10 and 15 people on payroll, not even including our volunteers, which was probably another 80 to 100.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: And then our youth group was like 350 students, and so I was just like a little cog and a giant machine, you know.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: And then when I went to fallbrook I was a team of one with a volunteer team of like seven at the most, maybe five or six, and 11 kids, and I remember showing up and just being like this is different, okay, because I had never known anything else and All the kids could do was tell me about the coolest youth group down the street.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, have you ever heard of da-da-da-da?
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: Right that was a name Da-da-da-da da-da-da, it's still so painful, you won't even say the name.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I mean it's just weird to say that we all know that youth group in our town Everyone has one right.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: And they'd be like, and they would always drop the youth pastors name.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Do you know?
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: blah, blah blah, blah, the youth pastor.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: Da-da-da-da-da.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: And I would say, yeah, he's so cool, like he's awesome.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: He's so de-du-da-du Dumb.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: That was dad-ish but I was so insecure because we were the small show in town and they were big and they were popular and they had all the kids and everyone was always comparing me back to the main campus, where I'd come from, and to this other youth group in town.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: So I went from like a youth group of 350 to a youth group of 11 and Everyone's comparing me all the time to oh, this one's better, this one's better, this guy's better, this guy's better.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: And then you yourself were comparing the same thing.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah and and it took us years to really get some momentum going and for me to figure out what the heck am I doing?
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: And I loved it and I loved my students.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: But man, like the insecurity and the Wondering of like, do I just suck like why is everyone else able to grow things and whatever, and then we eventually hit our stride.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: But guys like that could take years, and so where has God placed you and the unique gifts he's given you?
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: It's just so demoralizing when you or people around you are constantly comparing you to another youth pastor, to another ministry, to another church, to another campus.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Well, you're not them and you have a unique set of challenges.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: That might be like hey, we're kind of hitting a plateau right now.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Maybe a growth is in our future and there can be reasons things aren't growing and sometimes there are no reasons.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Things are growing.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: It just takes time and you've got to build a reputation, you've got to build momentum, you've got to build, build, build.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Just because you're not growing doesn't mean it's bad.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: But if you're brand new, you might just need, like, to start creating a reputation for your youth ministry so that parents start talking and inviting people and then the students love it and they invite their friends.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: And you know it just takes time.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: For people to anything brand new is a little like well what is this?
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: Who are you guys and are you reputable and all of that.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: So just please, give yourself time and just stick with the process.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Go through the humbling, humbling experience of being small and, you know, don't give up just because of that.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes they fail because they're like well, I guess I'm not doing a good job peace out and it's like no, you just needed more time.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: It's just not a realistic expectation to go from 11 kids to 100 kids in six months.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Maybe you heard of a one pastor who did it Right the unicorn.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, oh my gosh, they grew it in like six months and now like they have 800 services to accommodate all the people.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: It's like those happen, sure, but I would say the most common story is just very slow calculated, intentional growth.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: They're like trying to do a really good job every single time, time after time, week after week, month after month, year after year, and then the growth happens.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: But it can be toilsome.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and there's definitely ways that you can speed that process up.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: You know the learning process and things like that and that's why we're here to help you guys do that.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: But there's two quotes that I love is one is never compare your beginning to someone else's middle, because they're year five, year 10, year 15, and you're year one.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: You're still figuring things out.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: They've gone through they're way past where you are at currently.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: They've been through all those headaches and heartbreaks and everything else that comes in youth ministry.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: And number two it's a cheesy phrase but it is true your race, your pace, you know where.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: You may not have the resources that another student ministry has in your town or whatever.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: They're a mega church or they're just a really large church and they have a gym and they have so many resources that you just don't have that it might be harder for you to do certain things, but that's no reason to quit and that's no reason to get discouraged.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: It's just, you know, put your head down and run your race and as long as you are doing the best that you can with what God has given you, then that's all it should be asked of you.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: You know you don't become complacent and say, well, I don't have the resources they do, so I'm just gonna sit back and do nothing.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: No, you make it the best you obviously can and you know, as your youth ministry grows, hopefully your church will grow with it and maybe one day you'll be that youth ministry.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: That's like now we have a billion kids and we have a gym and we have, you know, whatever it is.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I feel like it's just painful in the meantime and I just sometimes think of Paul's ministry.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: I'm like he was very successful and very unsuccessful in ministry.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: You know, Like there were really high highs, really low lows.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: And he was killing people, and most of you probably aren't doing that, so that's a win.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Well, that's when he was saw.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: I mean after his conversion.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: But you think of like him trying to spread the gospel, how much opposition he came and so much suffering and he just had to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I mean just the rejection by people and some people totally raving fans and accepting it, and it was just like, come hell or high water, whatever kind of storm came his way, he just kind of put one foot in front of the other.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: It was for the gospel, for the gospel, for the gospel.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: And I think that was the zone I had to get in when I was like, oh my gosh, am I failing Like at this thing is like, but I'm gonna keep preaching the gospel and I'm gonna do my best within my ability at this moment and gospel one foot in front of the other, and so keeping your like I really did, I imagined myself.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just keeping my head down.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not looking around at what anyone else is doing, I'm just gonna be faithful, faithful, faithful, and that's what we can do.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: We can't control the future.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: We don't know what's gonna happen with our youth ministry, but we can be faithful today.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: That's a decision we make every day when we wake up to give our youth ministry, our church, our students, our best.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: We can choose just to be faithful.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and celebrate those wins along the way.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: And even though maybe the church down the street had a hundred conversions and that many people except to Christ, and you had two, well, celebrate the two, because last year you only had one, so you've doubled it.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: So and just celebrate those things along the way and unpause to really reflect and see how much you've grown and continue to grow.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Yes, okay.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: Last third reason why new youth pastors fail is because they fail at having healthy relationships.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: So relationships in youth ministry are really really big deal for health and longevity and I feel like youth pastors have this knack for connecting with students most of the time, but they consider relationships with parents Thank you, volunteers and staff to be definitely secondary and they don't put as much effort into that, and so it's like they just think students, students, students gotta make them laugh, have a good time, come to know the Lord.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Like everything is about the kids, which is sounds good, like of course we should be student focused, but the reality of it is, unless we're fostering healthy relationships with parents, our volunteers and the paid staff we work on, the church staff with, things unravel very quickly, and the reason for that is a couple of things.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Number one students do come and go.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I think youth pastors forget that of.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Eventually these people are going to age out, but hopefully you keep your volunteers for a very long time, like I'd like to think my volunteers are going to last way more than just a class.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: You know, I'd like to have them for years, and so the way that and that's what builds health, because it's hard to build an identity in your ministry when your volunteer turnover is high because, there's no history there.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: So the old leaders teach the new leaders history, so it's like we know who we are.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: So then we get a new 18 year old leader and they're like, whoa, what's going on?
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: This is awesome, but it's like we're teaching you know.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: No, no, this how we do things, this is how we make decisions, this is how we treat students, this is how we talk to parents, this is our safety guidelines.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: But if your turnover is like every nine months, they're just only lasting through a school year.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: There's no history to build on anything, and so you're constantly having to redefine what is our ministry DNA?
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: What's our culture?
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Because you cannot be the keeper of the culture completely.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: You've got to transfer that to your volunteers, and they are the ones who spread that you know.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: So the students will come and go, but try to keep leaders as long as you can.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: Well, if you don't have good relationships with your leaders, I mean, think about this what is keeping a grown adult from coming and hanging out with a junior higher high school, or for free on their time?
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: off.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: They've got to love it, you know, and a big part of them loving it.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: I had a great conversation with my, a handful of my volunteers, at a summer camp this past week.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: We were up late at night, we had dealt with the kids, it was finally quiet.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: We were just sitting in some chairs under the stars and I'm like guys, what is it?
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: Why do you guys stick around?
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying this to brag, but to show you the power that you have.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: And they said for you, kirsten, we love working with you and they love their students, they're excellent small group leaders.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: But they said we love working with you and I was like, but wait, I love working with you and it was like this mutual thing of like.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: They are what I look forward to seeing, like every single one of them is like an incredible rock star and they love working with me.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: And so we've built this relationship where we're each other's biggest fans.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: We look forward to seeing each other.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: We love doing ministry together.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: We can't wait to hang out with each other, and that's what keeps people around and I told them, that's what's kept me in the game is you guys?
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: You know, because you fall in love with this class of students that you get so close with, but then they graduate and you're all of a sudden like, no, don't leave me, I love you.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: You know, I've had moments where, after transition Sundays, I've just gone and cried because I'm like, no, it's never going to be the same.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: But you know, like having a ride or die volunteer team or staff or whoever your people are that help you do ministry, it's like, man, I'm going to miss those kids but I still got my buds, you know, and we do everything like as a team we've got each other's back, we've got support and encouragement and I'm like you guys are the reason kids come and we just like have this moment where we're like, oh, this is so great, we're the best you know.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: So really having to pour into that volunteer team and make those relationships strong, because without it you've got no culture and longevity.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: And then same with your staff, like the senior pastor or the children's pastor, the high school or junior high pastor, whatever you are.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: But you know you've got to have internal health, because that's another reason people fail is because they couldn't play well in the sandbox.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: You know they just had too many internal struggles where it was more behind the scenes, like nobody knew about it, but it was like they like tension with the senior pastor, competitiveness with another ministry or not being able to forgive or move on, but being mature enough to like deal with internal health.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: That keeps you in the game longer too, because ultimately I mean Parents pay or paycheck, so you gotta get along with parents.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I mean we're non-profits, so it's tithes is where they come from.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: So we've gotta pour into the parents.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: We've got to make sure the parents love what we do, that they feel informed, that they feel comfortable, that they feel like we're responding to them and hearing them and listening to them and supporting them and whatever they need.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: We've got to be parent focused, leader focus and staff focused, not just kid focused, because youth ministry is all of those things.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: So youth pastors when they neglect one of those, then the parents rise up and they talk to each other and they start complaining to senior pastors about you and stuff.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: You don't want that.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: And then you're gone.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: That's I was gonna say.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I mean recovering from that, that's tough, isn't that?
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: the three legged stool thing?
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: What is it again?
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: Students, volunteers, parents.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: It's staff, parents, students so you can include volunteers under staff.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: But I mean, there's so much to unpack there that we're not gonna dive into today.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: But our dynamics between our staff staff that we work alongside and our volunteers that just might come on a youth night, both of those are relationships that have got to stay in balance.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: You can't just be like I don't care about you people, I'm here for the kids.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: You have to care about them all.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, Okay, do the rapid fire roundup.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: Three points, give us the breakdown.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Three reasons why new youth pastors fail.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Number one they're under resourced.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: Number two they compare themselves to other youth groups and other youth pastors.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: And number three they fail at relationships with volunteers, staff and parents.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: That's good stuff.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: So you guys need to make sure that you sign up for the DYM Fall Free For All and get your $200 worth of free resources by August 3rd.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Make sure you put that on the top of your list.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: We are gonna go into a question of the day right now.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: This is actually an elimination question, so you can eliminate one of these things from your youth minister.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Hypothetically.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Obviously, you can either eliminate overnight lock-ins Ooh, tempting Cleaning up after any youth event.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: Is there puke?
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, anything, all you can handle, bro, students cheating and or complaining about games.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Ooh, my kids cheat at dodgeball all the time.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Or student and or leader drama.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: Which one of those would you eliminate from youth ministry permanently?
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Probably because I'm just coming off of camp, and when you spend eight days with people eating, sleeping, rafting, swimming, all in each other's business, all the time, drama inevitably happens, and I feel like I'm at my capacity right now, so I would say I'd probably get rid of the drama.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: It's probably gonna be whatever, yeah, whatever.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: most recent thing it would all be one big happy family all the time, and I'll ask you this question again after your next all nighter, I know whatever the most recent one is is probably what I'd get rid of Fresh on the top of your mind.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: I got real mad at them our last overnighters.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: They're still talking about it and I said excuse me.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: Your leaders are your students.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: They made students.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: They made me out to be the bad guy because by 3 am I had had enough and I told them to stop talking and go to bed.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: They're like.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Remember when you yelled at us?
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: And I'm like okay, that's how the story goes.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: I said do you remember when I asked you politely from 11 pm to 3 am to please stop talking, that it was time?
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: to go to bed.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: Do you remember that part?
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: How are you ruining their good time?
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: I know I really was.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, yeah, they kind of were, but we made up, it's all good.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Good, this is our community comment of the day.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: This comes from TurnDal for what, which is an awesome handle.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Turndal Dal.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's his name, I like it.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: He says real practical tips for youth workers.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: Their passion for student ministry is so apparent in how they deliver information and help others who share that passion.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: Thank you for the practical tips and ideas that they offer and how they get straight to the point.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, straight to the point.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: That's why I feel like our episodes, in regards to a typical podcast we're probably a lot shorter than most podcasts I listen to are like 45 minutes an hour.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: Well, they don't even have to listen to this part if they don't want to.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: If they're still listening, hi, Get going.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: We're all this nonsense you know, I don't.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I feel like we're just like let's go, let's talk about it.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: Let's get right to it, and then we'll talk about our stupid stuff later.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: Because our kids can only entertain themselves for so long Hurry, hurry, go, go.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Sometimes they slide things under the door.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Sometimes they come in and we have to cut that out.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Sometimes they peek around the back here.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: I think actually one of them may have even done that during this episode.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: So you'll see, and I'll see when I'm editing this.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: So, anyways, hope you guys enjoyed it.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: Hey, what are you gonna do?
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: Thank you guys so much for watching and listening and we'll see you next time.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about three reasons why you knew, three reasons why new youth pastors fail, three reasons why new youth pastors fail and how you can avoid the pitfalls.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Free fall for all and free fall free, free for all fall, free, free for all fall.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: What's it called?